First printing: March 2002

Copyright © 2002 by New Leaf Press. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations in articles and reviews. For information write: New Leaf Press, Inc., P.O. Box 726, Green Forest, AR 72638.

ISBN: 0-89221-515-1

Digital ISBN: 978-1-61458-303-5

Library of Congress Number: 2001098908

Printed in the United States of America.

Please visit our website for other great titles:

www.newleafpress.net

For information regarding author interviews, contact the publicity department at (870) 438-5288.

Acknowledgments

This book is the product of a team effort, whose contributors include Marian Flandrick Bray, Steve Brown, Nathan Corbit, Dan Hickey, Paul Lively, Tim Lubinus, Bethany Mannor, Ron Reagan, and Victoria Springer. Also appreciated are the student members of the Christian Medical Dental Association at the University of Missouri-Kansas City, the youth of Northside Community Church of Harare, Zimbabwe, and the leaders of Liberty Christian Fellowship in Liberty, Missouri. They tested and strengthened many of the ideas presented in this book.

Contents

Part I: Where Do I Go from Here?

Chapter 1: We Must Decide!

Chapter 2: So What’s the Problem?

Part II: Best Leader — Jesus Christ

Chapter 3: Whom Will You Follow?

Chapter 4: How Does God Lead Us?

Part III: Best Mission — To Love Jesus, Others, and Yourself

Chapter 5: The 5 Ps

Chapter 6: Agape — Currency of the Kingdom

Part IV: Best Strategy — Built with Wisdom

Chapter 7: P O P C O R N Decisions

Chapter 8: What’s Your Game Plan?

Chapter 9: Just Do It!

Summing Up

Chapter One

We Must Decide

THE CRISP FALL WEATHER brought many people to the Family Health Center where I worked in Fort Worth, Texas. I’d just finished examining a young pregnant woman who was due any day. Next was a man who had smashed his thumb with a hammer. No broken bones, just a bad bruise. I quickly splinted the thumb, and moved on to the next room.

I opened the door, expecting to encounter another urgent problem. Pete was sitting in a chair; an athletic-looking fellow about 21 years old. “What have you been up to, Pete?” I asked, shaking his hand.

“Doctor Nicholas, I’m about to graduate from college!”

“Oh? This is an exciting time for you!” I replied.

“Well, I’m actually pretty anxious. I need to make some big decisions. I

know you’ve made good ones to get where you are now. I thought maybe you

could help me.”

I looked at Pete with surprise. This was not the type of request I usually heard at the office. “What sort of decisions?”

“First, there’s Heather. She and I have been dating for two years. We are thinking about getting married, but she has another year of school to go.”

“Are you sure she’s the right one?” I asked.

Pete squirmed. “No, not 100 percent. I need more time.”

“So what’s the hurry?”

“For one, I was just offered a chance to teach at Sycamore High School,” ventured Pete. “But that would mean moving 50 miles away from Heather. Teaching jobs are scarce, and I’m really fortunate to have an opportunity.”

“And that would make it hard to be with Heather,” I proposed.

“Exactly. But that’s not all. I’m interested in becoming a veterinarian. . . .” He stood up and began walking around the little room. “But if I’m accepted to vet school, I can’t begin my teaching job because Sycamore wants a three-year commitment.”

“How long do you have to decide?”

“I’ve got just three weeks until the veterinary application deadline. To make things even more complicated, I’m broke. I really can’t afford to go to vet school or get married right now.”

“What about a student loan or scholarship?” I suggested.

“Maybe. But I really don’t want to go into debt. I talked to an Army recruiter yesterday. They would finance my education, but then I would owe them several years.” Pete looked out the window and breathed a sigh. “I really don’t know where to go from here.”

Later in the day I was thinking about Pete. Had I been helpful? My thoughts turned to my own struggles with decision-making. In college, I was interested in working overseas. At that time, I was considering a move to war-torn Angola to work with a medical team. It was a complex decision. So was Pete’s. His career and marriage plans had reached a crossroads. Which way would he turn? What would I say when he and I met the following week? I pulled out a notebook and began to write.

WANTED — A WONDERFUL LIFE

We all want to be successful, to be rewarded, and to feel that our efforts are worthwhile. But each of us must choose how to live. The quality of our lives depends greatly upon these individual decisions.

At various times we’re all in Pete’s position. We ponder what to study, whom to marry, where to live, with whom to be friends, and which interests to develop. These can lead to tough, even philosophical questions. J. Grant Howard, a university professor, puts a realistic spin on decision-making:

If life can be viewed as a battle, then here is the latest and most appropriate communique: We are completely surrounded and totally outnumbered. That is a realistic progress report from the weary foot soldiers on the front lines of life. Surrounded? Outnumbered? By what?

Options! In the battle of life we are up against options. Everywhere we turn there are choices to be made. Obligations that pressure us. Opportunities that entice us. We are bombarded with places to go, overrun with people to meet, pinned down with things to buy, fatigued with mail to read. We are being inundated on all sides by powerful forces that clamor for our time, talents, money, influence, wisdom. There is also a psychological aspect to this campaign: We are infiltrated by feelings of guilt because we cannot possibly respond to all the options.

At times we are so pummeled with options that we contemplate surrender. We look in vain for a white flag to wave. Gradually, we realize that we are under siege and that the siege lasts a lifetime. We can’t surrender. We can’t escape. We just keep on fighting. And the fight is carried on by making decisions. Some decisions involve only a minor skirmish; others are major. When we make the right choice, we win. If it’s the wrong choice, we lose. There are no cease-fires, and tomorrow there will be more skirmishes.[1]

Time is a resource. We have only a limited supply — about 25,000 days in the average person’s life. So how can we best use the time we’re allotted? What will we choose? Now is the time to decide!

BAD DECISIONS

Few people deliberately set out to make trouble for themselves. But in spite of good intentions, many make poor choices and pay a bitter price. Consider some examples.

• One young man who blew it was Amnon, a son of King David in ancient Israel (2 Sam. 13). As a prince, he enjoyed much privilege. But he also had a weakness: Amnon lusted for his half-sister, Tamar. He made himself sick with infatuation over her. So Amnon devised a plan. He stayed in bed, pretending to be ill, and asked her to come and visit him. Once they were alone, Amnon grabbed Tamar and forced her into bed with him. She resisted, but the prince was stronger, and he raped her.

Afterward, Tamar wept long and hard. Then Amnon threw her out of his room. Suddenly, his heart had changed completely. He hated her! It wasn’t long before Tamar’s brother Absalom learned what happened. Furious, he had Amnon executed. Amnon made some bad decisions, and paid for them with his life!

• Phillip had a similar problem. He was 23 and worked in construction. I first met Phillip when he brought his father, Jim, to see me in the clinic. Jim had been a heavy drinker, and was suffering from liver failure. Jim’s skin was deep yellow, and his abdomen was distended with fluid. For weeks I cared for Jim, watching him deteriorate in spite of every therapy. When Jim died, I grieved over him with Phillip and his young wife.

Six months later, Phillip and his wife returned to see me. This time, it was she who brought him. Phillip was drinking! After witnessing the slow, agonizing death of his father, it was hard to believe Phillip would take the same path. We talked about the effect of alcohol on his family, finances, and physical health. I recommended a rehabilitation program, but Phillip was not interested. Again his wife begged him to stop, but to all this Phillip replied, “I can handle my drink.”

A month later Phillip was coming home from a party, drunk. He drove his car into a bridge pillar and was killed — killed by the very thing that he thought he could handle. Like Amnon, Phillip paid for his mistakes with his life. And Phillip’s wife and children are still paying through their grief and loneliness.

• Tommy and Kate came to college with high expectations for their futures. Tommy dreamed of a career in automobile design. Kate’s heart was set on drama and modeling. The two of them met in the first week of fall classes, and it was “love at first sight.” Tommy’s heart pounded whenever Kate took his hand. He’d never experienced a relationship like this before! Kate was smitten by Tommy’s good looks. She never thought someone so handsome could be interested in her.

A few weeks later, Tommy took Kate for a long walk. He took both her hands, looked her straight in the eyes, and said, “Kate, will you marry me?” It took her only a nanosecond to decide. “Yes!” she replied with glee.

Things started moving even faster after this. The following weekend Tommy went to meet Kate’s parents and tell them the news. Wedding plans dominated their relationship for the next two months, and the ceremony was held during Christmas break. After a quick honeymoon, Tommy and Kate were both back in classes.

Things went well enough for a few weeks. But then Kate began to feel doubts. “You know, Tommy, this is really a big adjustment. I want to spend more time with my girlfriends, and go out for the volleyball team. But you want me home every evening. I used to have enough money to buy clothes, but now my parents say that I’m on my own — and you and I don’t have a penny. I want to finish school, but one of us is going to have to get a full time job!”

Tommy was defensive. “Well you’re not the only one who is unhappy! Even working part-time, I can’t study enough to get into my career track, let alone time to see my friends. I don’t think I really know you after all. You’re not the sweet girl I met six months ago. You were just acting that way to catch me!” He paused and sat down on the bed. “And I’m not the strong, shining knight you thought I was. . . .” Tommy took in a long breath. “Maybe we shouldn’t have decided to get married so quickly.”

BETTER DECISIONS

Fortunately, poor decision-making doesn’t need to be a permanent quality. Let’s consider some people who made better choices:

• Matt Condon and I went to high school together, competed on the same sports teams, and often over the same girl’s affections. We usually lost at both of these endeavors, but ended up winning each other’s friendship. As I got to know him, I learned that Matt’s father was an alcoholic, and that Matt’s entire family was involved with a recovery program.

Matt had a little trouble himself with drinking in high school, but he managed to keep it under control. The problem resurfaced after he was married, had children, and was the pastor of a large church near Seattle. Matt went in and out of sobriety, condemning himself, and even considering suicide. The temptation to hide his alcoholism was great, for Matt knew he could lose his family, ministry, and income if the problem was discovered. Yet Matt also knew that without confronting his alcoholism, it would eventually kill him, as it had his father.

One Sunday morning, Matt boldly stood up before his congregation. “You have remarkable trust in me as a spiritual leader. One theme I have emphasized is our need to admit our problems and help one another. Today it’s my turn to act on what I’ve taught. I am an alcoholic, my problem has become uncontrollable, and I am entering a treatment program tomorrow.”

Instead of rejecting Matt, the people of his church surrounded him and his family with support and affection like Matt had never received before. After months of rehabilitation, he returned to his full-time duties. “But if I had not confronted my drinking,” Matt declares, “I’d probably be dead today.”

• Barry Borror is another man whose decisions are right on target. He began early in high school to make plans for life following graduation. Barry requested information from colleges and organizations to help him choose a career tract. Barry was ready when the day arrived for his appointment with the school career counselor.

Mr. Goodwin, the career counselor, was a tall, muscular man who frequently ran his fingers through thinning hair. Barry wondered if kids made him tear his hair out. “Well, Barry,” the counselor inquired, “your time here is almost up. Have you thought about what you might want to do when you graduate?”

Barry spread out his folders of career information on the desk in front of the counselor. “Yes, I have. I’m going to be a professional pilot and aircraft mechanic. After I graduate, I’ll enter Tarrant Junior College for a year to complete the liberal arts requirements before I go to Moody Institute. I’ve already been accepted into Moody’s aviation technology program. That will take three more years to complete.” Barry spoke confidently, and Mr. Goodwin rubbed his forehead in wonderment.

Barry continued. “When I graduate from Moody, I plan to go on staff with Mission Aviation Fellowship. I’ll live in a foreign country and fly pastors, doctors, and relief supplies to impoverished people. I’ve been looking at some pilot requests for Central American. So, I’m currently taking Spanish courses.”

Mr. Goodwin shook his head in awe. “That’s fantastic! You’re the first student I have counseled this year who already has a plan worked out. Most people don’t do that until years after they graduate, if ever!”

Barry not only had a clear plan, he also carried it through. I was one of the doctors he eventually flew to isolated villages in Honduras.

• Kevin and Nancy Dye had a much different dating experience from that of Tommy and Kate above. Kevin was from the

tiny town of Vichy, Missouri, while Nancy was a city girl from

St. Louis. Kevin played banjo, while Nancy enjoyed classical-style piano. What they did have in common was chemistry lab as freshmen at the University of Missouri in Kansas City. The two got to know each other as they jointly fouled up their experiments. After two semesters of this, they also discovered some personal chemistry brewing between themselves.

For the next three years Kevin and Nancy were almost inseparable. But their relationship rarely consisted of fancy dates. Rather, they spent time studying, rescuing needy friends, and working out their sticky philosophical differences. Nancy remarks, “I knew our relationship was really looking secure when we began purchasing one copy of textbooks to share between the two of us.” But even after announcing their engagement, Kevin and Nancy held their wedding off for yet another year.

I frequently perform at weddings. Unlike several fragile unions I witnessed, Kevin and Nancy’s relationship was not only heartfelt, but had been developed and tested over thousands of real-life encounters. It’s no wonder that today their marriage is one of the very best.

THE PRESSURE IS ON!

These stories illustrate just some of the impact decision-making skills can have on our lives. Many of us get so caught up in today’s excitement or pressure that we don’t think much about the future. Our next date, exam, or party is what occupies our thoughts. Others recognize the need to make future plans, but we shrink back for lack of confidence. We’ve been hurt by earlier decisions, so why take another risk? Or we imagine we really have no choices, so we don’t try to change course.

You and I can’t afford being swept along from event to event or crisis to crisis. These won’t take us where we need to go! Nor can we allow ourselves to be timid or paralyzed. Instead, each of us must boldly decide how to live and courageously begin to pursue our goals.

TAKE ACTION!

- What are some good decisions you have made? What are some bad ones? Make a list of each.

- Who among your friends seems to know with certainty what he or she wants to do in life? Go and talk to that person. Ask your friend how he or she makes such good decisions.

- Do you know someone who you feel often makes bad choices? Discreetly observe this person. Can you determine what he or she may be doing wrong?

Chapter Two

So What’s the Problem?

JUDY SNUGGLED MORE DEEPLY into the covers of her cozy bed. She enjoyed moments just before falling asleep — thinking over what happened during the day. She took in a deep breath, sighed, and closed her eyes. . . .

Suddenly, pounding boomed at the door of her apartment. “Help, Judy! Help me!” yelled a voice from outside. Judy sprang out of bed and searched for a light. Should I call the police? she asked herself. What if someone’s trying to trick me?

Judy slid toward the front window and stealthily peered out. As her eyes adjusted to the light, a figure became clear: a young woman with tattered hair and bright red stains on her torn clothing. Squinting, Judy focused on the visitor’s face.

“Marsha!” Judy gasped. She scrambled for the door, remembering how they’d met at basketball tryouts. Marsha had experienced several tough breaks since then. What could it be now?

With a tug, the door burst open and Marsha fell into Judy’s arms. Her face was purple from bruises. Blood ran from her nose, and she held an injured forearm.

“Marsha, who did this?” pleaded Judy.

“Gilbert!” she admitted with a sob.

Judy was surprised. “But I thought you two were in love. What happened?”

“You don’t know Gilbert very well,” replied Marsha, drying her eyes as they sat down. “Neither did I in the beginning. But he was so handsome, and he had money. I thought I’d finally met the right guy. But then things began to change.” She paused a moment and tears again flooded from her eyes. “I discovered Gilbert had a terrible temper. If a car passed him on the highway, he’d curse and honk. If I was ten minutes late for a date, he’d stomp around and slam the door.

“But tonight was the worst.” Her voice grew tenser. “Gilbert wanted to meet my parents, but when I suggested we weren’t ready for that step, he totally lost control. The creep shoved me down and began throwing things at me — the plates, a chair, pictures off the walls, even the crystal glasses. When he reached for a kitchen knife, I ran for my life!

“But Judy,” she continued, “what hurts even more than the bruises is knowing I denied his problem, when it was obvious all along! I thought it was God’s will for us to be together, but I was dead wrong!”

Judy rocked Marsha in her arms. “Things will be better. You’ll meet another man. This time, the right man.”

Marsha shrugged her shoulders and whispered, “I don’t know. I’ve always had problems selecting the right guys. I don’t trust my judgment any more. Judy, why do I have so much trouble making good choices?”

DECISIVE STRUGGLES

Situations like Marsha’s are both common and very disturbing. But some of us seem to make decisions better than others, avoiding the costly consequences. Let’s investigate three common problems in decision-making:

FOCUSING ON THE WRONG MISSION OR PURPOSE

Marsha wanted a handsome, wealthy man for her husband. She found out the hard way that this was not enough. Likewise, many of us choose objectives we believe will satisfy, only to later discover we were deceived. We find our decisions were based on the wrong mission from the outset.

Jack, one of my best friends, thought life would be wonderful if he could just make $100,000 a year. He started a roofing business, working full-time plus nights, weekends, and holidays. When a big tornado hit, the demand for his repair work soared. In just five years Jack was earning the magical six figures he desired.

But Jack began to feel terribly alone. His wife, ignored for months at a time, had enough of his emotional absence and left him. Jack’s employees, tired of his relentless demands, began to quit. Jack’s brother, whom he never called, finally stopped inviting him over. Jack discovered almost too late that a good salary alone was the wrong mission for his life.

FAILURE TO THINK THROUGH THE CONSEQUENCES

Just as Marsha chose to continue dating Gilbert in spite of his anger problem, we too often look the other way when challenges appear. We take the attitude of “things will work out” and follow what seems easiest at the moment. But in the end, we suffer greatly for lack of foresight.

Maria was interviewed for a job in another state. The position was a career advance, so she took the job and moved away. Soon, however, Maria discovered she missed her family terribly. The people at work were unfriendly and harsh. The boys were nothing like the ones she’d left behind. Maria didn’t think until too late about how her career decision would affect her other relationships.

UNCERTAINTY ABOUT SUPERNATURAL GUIDANCE

When faced with a big decision, even non-religious people often start thinking about God. Marsha believed it was God’s will for her to be with Gilbert, but then reconsidered. Many people believe they have received signs from God indicating they should take a particular action. But later, they begin to doubt and ask, “Was this really God’s will for me?” or “Did I interpret the leading correctly?”

John was a friend of mine who believed it was God’s will that he join the military. So he enlisted with confidence. A year later, he found himself stationed on the other side of the world. John began to miss his friends. He also became frustrated with the regulations. John began to wonder if God had really led him into the military or not. Perhaps God really wanted him to go into business with his father. The uncertainty stole John’s joy and sapped his energy.

CHANGING COURSE

Fortunately, we can escape being caught in decision-making traps. We can learn to recognize the problems in advance, make better choices, and improve the course of our lives.

Chris is a powerful example of changing course like this. Chris was almost clueless about what to do after high school graduation. Nonetheless, he landed a decent job and bought a fast car. But soon the car was wrecked and the job became boring. So Chris bought a motorcycle and hit the road. He worked oil fields for a petroleum company. But when the motorcycle broke down, Chris joined the Job Corps — studying by day, and playing in a rock band by night. It was a hard lifestyle, and Chris had a growing sense of dissatisfaction with it all.

Gradually, he formed a plan to turn his life around. First, Chris decided to drop the band, and with it the drinking, cigarettes, parties, and late nights that had come to characterize his life. He took up running and eating health food. Chris went to college and then started his own business in graphic design. Forever fearful of commitment, Chris bought a home and married the woman he’d dated for years.

By taking stock of his life, learning to improve his decisions, and boldly acting upon them, Chris became one of the happiest, most content and directed persons in my life today. I should know. He is my brother.

YOUR CHALLENGE

You can improve your personal decisions! You can clearly identify your mission in life. You can anticipate the consequences of your plans. And, you don’t have to second-guess about guidance from God.

First, recognize that good decisions usually don’t just happen. Decision-making is a skill to be developed, just like playing basketball or driving a car. Good decisions require an investment of energy and time.

Secondly, realize that how you reach decisions is a complex process. Good choices rarely stand alone. As we’ll see in later chapters, they are built upon trustworthy leadership, a correct mission, and ever-increasing wisdom.

Are you willing to make an investment of energy? Are you ready to build a foundation for your decisions? If so, then you have taken the first steps toward planning a better future!

TAKE ACTION!

- What sort of choices or plans do you need to be making right now? What is motivating you to change the way you approach these decisions?

- Think about your past. What sort of problems have you had with the way you make decisions? Write down some of them.

- What has helped you to make good decisions in the past? Share your secret with a friend.

Chapter Three

Whom Will You Follow?

LAURA WAS A NEW STUDENT on campus. She was pretty and made friends easily. In high school Laura dated several boys, but had special ideas about her sexuality. On the very first day as an undergraduate she met Allen in English class. When he asked her out two weeks later she was thrilled!

That Friday evening, Allen picked Laura up at her dorm. She was sure they would have a great time. First they went to a Chinese restaurant and talked about sports. Allen explained he was trying out for the football team and had a sore back from working out. From there they went to a movie, where Laura saw several friends. Her roommate, Paula, and her date were also there. Laura was happy she had shown up with such a good-looking guy.

While they were driving home, Allen asked Laura if she wanted to see where he lived. She was eager to please, and said yes. But she grew more hesitant. Allen had an apartment off campus. After showing Laura around, he began to complain about his back aching. He laid down on the big couch in the living room. When she was close, Allen pulled her down next to himself, kissing her passionately and unbuttoning her blouse.

Laura resisted. “You can’t do this to me!” She shoved him away with all her strength.

“I just want to show you how much I like you,” said Allen, reassuringly. “Come on. . . .” He began to move toward her again.

“Don’t touch me!” Laura shouted. “I went out to be friends and to have a good time, not to go to bed with you!”

“Oh, come off it,” sneered Allen, becoming incensed. “All of us sleep with our dates. There’s nothing wrong with a little love. If you don’t, no one will ever go out with you.”

“I don’t want that kind of love!” retorted Laura sarcastically. “I’m going to wait and make love with my husband, and he’s going to be a very lucky man!”

Allen laughed. “Where did you get that idea? You should be playing,” he teased. “Instead you’re missing all the fun!”

“I don’t have to take this. I’m going home!” Laura exited the apartment and slammed the door. As she walked back to the dorm, Laura sobbed to herself, “What a creep! Are all the guys here going to be like this?”

It was late when Laura arrived. She wanted to talk to her roommate, Paula. Laura was drying her tears as she entered her room. It was dark but a little candle burned on her desk. She heard stirring from her roommate’s bed.

Then Paula spoke very casually, “Oh, Laura, could you wait outside until Drew leaves?”

Laura’s was stunned. Paula was in bed with her date! She turned and bolted from the room. Alone in the library, Laura sat down to let the shock wear off. “These people are acting like lunatics,” she contemplated. “Allen will probably tell his friends. But they aren’t the type I’d want to go out with anyway. Paula will think I’m a prude. But I won’t be counting the days until my next period like she will!” Laura stopped and swept back her soft hair. “I don’t care what they think. I want the best — not a broken heart, or AIDS, or pregnancy. So where are these people getting their insane values?”

WE’RE SURROUNDED!

You and I are profoundly influenced by those around us. But we get conflicting opinions about how to live. To make good decisions about our sexuality, or about anything else, we need to know whom we can trust. Laura was listening to a far different message than were Allen or Paula. When it comes to navigating through life, to whom are you listening? Some of those with the greatest impact may include:

- Friends

- Professors and teachers

- Parents

- Television, radio, book, and magazine producers

- Advertisers and sales people

- Spiritual leaders

- Employers

Consciously or not, these people influence our choices by promoting their own values. A value is a statement about what is important. People who strongly value human life, for example, often give money to relieve hunger. Others, who highly value their appearance, spend money on clothing and cosmetics. As we experience life, we assign value to almost everything. Our value system then becomes the “eyeglasses” through which we see the world, and the foundation upon which we make decisions.

Values can vary greatly. Some people value high-power careers, physical health, and social stability. Others value freedom from responsibility, liberty to take risks, and time to travel. Society offers us a smorgasbord of potential values — ones that often contradict one another and change over time. Some people promote values leading to vitality and success, while others advocate values with deadly consequences. From whom can we discover the best values?

CHANGING MAJORS

Carl found the answer. He was a bright student who, while still in high school, decided to study geology and one day land a job in oil exploration. Carl was confident he would become wealthy and famous. With this goal in mind, Carl studied diligently.

But in his sophomore year, a remarkable event took place. Carl was never very interested in spiritual ideas — at least not until he met Andrew, another sophomore. They played basketball together, and Andrew invited Carl to a clinic sponsored by the city’s pro basketball team.

During a noon break, the aspiring athletes gathered to eat lunch and listen to Michael, the center for the city’s team. Michael talked about his relationship with Jesus Christ. At first, Carl was a little uncomfortable. But as Michael continued, Carl became inquisitive about what the man was saying. When the session was over, Carl sought out the speaker and explained he wanted to know more about trusting in Jesus. The two of them then took a long walk around the track together.

Carl’s life began to change dramatically after that day. He made more time for people. His face was brighter. He met with the same group of Christian ball players every week. His father noticed the difference when Carl came home for spring break. One day they were talking during breakfast.

“Carl, you seem different; I mean, happier. Have you got a new girlfriend?”

“No, Dad. But I’m a different person now. I made some big decisions this term.”

His father looked at him curiously. “What kind of decisions?”

“Dad, I’ve become a Christian. I’m following Jesus now.”

His father looked puzzled. “But don’t we all, Son?”

“I don’t mean just acting good or going to church — I mean a real allegiance to Jesus. I want to trust Him in everything I do.” His father still had that puzzled look on his face, so Carl continued. “I’ve also decided to change my major.”

His father’s expression turned from curiosity to concern. “To what?”

“I’ve decided to become a social worker.”

“A social worker!” His father’s face became flushed. “Why on earth do you want to do that?”

“The only real reason I wanted to do geology was to make money. Now I realize there are more important things in life.”

“Like what?”

“People, Dad. I want to help people. Social work will give me great tools to do that.”

“But how will you make enough money to enjoy life?”

“Dad, that’s not what really matters,” Carl replied.

The two of them sat quietly together. It seemed like hours to Carl. Finally, his father looked at him and said, “You must be really serious about what you believe!”

Carl’s decision to follow Jesus caused him to change much more than his career track. He, like his father, once had an intellectual understanding of Jesus. Now, however, Carl had gone much further. Jesus Christ became the center of his life, the main source of values to guide him. Why did Carl take this extreme step?

SEARCHING FOR THE TRUTH

Deep within us is the desire for certainty, for truth. But truth is not simply an abstract concept. Truth is a person — Jesus Christ.

Jesus did amazing things while He was on earth. You can read about these in the New Testament portion of the Bible, especially the biographies written by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Jesus healed those who were sick (Matt. 8:1–17), and miraculously fed thousands of hungry people at a time (Matt. 14:13–21). He befriended the outcasts of society, the thieves, prostitutes, and lepers (Matt. 2:15,16). He even brought back to life people who had died (Luke 7:11–17; John 11:1–44). And all the while, Jesus was training ordinary men and women to carry His message throughout the world.

But most important is not what Jesus did but who He is. Jesus is God himself — the Light of the World (John 8:12, 12:35–36). Not only has He spoken the truth, He is the truth. Jesus explains, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6) and “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). Jesus proved these profound words not only through performing miracles, but by also returning to physical life after He was brutally executed (Matt. 28:6).

Jesus created the universe and designed our world. Jesus is our best possible guide in life. How can we discover what He has to say? Look in the Bible. Written by people who lived with Jesus (and often died because of His message), the Bible is the standard by which Jesus’ followers live. As we struggle to reach good decisions, we don’t have to give in to other people’s opinions or even our own prejudices. We can instead follow Jesus’ leadership.

What is it about following Jesus that can be so life changing? What is His message?

TRUST JESUS

The first component of Jesus’ message is simply that He loves us. Jesus is not an impersonal force, distant historical figure, or abstract philosopher. Jesus is a person who is passionate about you and me.

But if this is the case, then why don’t more people feel that love? Often the problem is “sin.” Sin is simply the choice we make to ignore God and go our own way. It’s the rejection of His love and His leadership. We’re all familiar with the dangers of physical disease. The Bible explains that sin is a spiritual disease, a disease more dangerous than cancer or AIDS. Sin results in spiritual death — separation from God forever (Rom. 5:12, 6:23; Rev. 20:10-15).

Sin is a tragic ailment, but Jesus offers us a cure. Jesus allowed himself to become infected with the sin of every person on earth. When He was executed, our individual sin was extinguished as well. The good news is that you and I can be free from sin by simply trusting in Jesus. This means believing He is God (1 John 5:1), turning our back on wrongdoing (Acts 3:19), and making Him leader of our lives (Gal. 2:20).

Will you trust Jesus? Will you let Him be the One who guides your life? This alone is the most important decision you’ll ever make. Saying “yes” to Jesus will set the tone for every choice, every relationship, every priority that follows. If you are serious about making good decisions, about a better life, then stop right now. Before you read on, choose for yourself to trust Jesus’ leadership.

JESUS OFFERS HIS FOLLOWERS A SECURE L I F E

If you choose to trust Jesus, you are transformed on the inside. You instantly receive ultimate security that can be summed up with the mnemonic L I F E:

• Jesus’ Love

Each of us has a deep, built-in need for belonging, for love. We need to feel appreciated and respected by someone we admire. Our parents and friends may try to fill this need. But nevertheless, most love is conditional upon our performance, meaning we will be loved if we measure up, appear attractive, or perform well.

But the love of Jesus is very different. He loves us just as we are and not as we should be. His is a love without preconditions, a love that we can’t earn. Paul, one of the first followers of Jesus, put it like this: “He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done, but according to His mercy . . . through Jesus Christ our Savior” (Titus 3:4–6). With the absolute assurance of God’s love we can find energy, hope, and enthusiasm like never before!

• Jesus’ Inspiration

Everyone needs a sense of capability. People with a strong feeling of confidence are much better able to handle life’s demands, and its absence is at the heart of many personal problems.

When we believe in Jesus, we receive more than just a confident feeling. We receive the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 3:16–17; Eph. 1:13–14). Part of God himself comes to live within us, infusing the abilities and energy we need to overcome life’s obstacles. Paul explains: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind” (2 Tim. 1:7). Jesus’ inspiration is not just an emotion. It’s a reality — the reality of God working within us. And this is inspiration in the most potent sense!

• Jesus’ Forgiveness

Offense against God, others, and even ourselves is a sad fact of life, one usually followed by feelings of guilt and shame. We can try to overcome these feelings through denial, distraction, or self-sacrifice. But the offense — the sin — remains a burden most people carry throughout their lives. Why? Because sin is a spiritual problem. No amount of self-improvement can detach it. Only Jesus can lift it off

of us.

When we trust Jesus to forgive us, remarkable changes occur. Spiritually, we’re free from absolutely all guilt before God. Mentally, we have the strongest possible rationale to combat shame. Socially, we receive the foundation to rebuild our relationships. In Paul’s letter to the church at Colossae he describes the depth of Jesus’ forgiveness: “When you were dead in your sins, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross” (Col. 2:13–14). Our account with God is totally and permanently cleared!

• Jesus’ Eternity

It’s natural to want to preserve our own lives. In our teens and twenties, this seems easy. But in our thirties and beyond, a sobering reality sets in — the fact that life will not last forever. Relatives and friends begin to die, education and career dreams become unachievable, our hair becomes gray, our skin wrinkled. For people with no anticipation of life after death, depression and hopelessness become common, and even understandable.

But the expectation is much different for individuals who trust Jesus. Though our bodies decline, we retain a wonderful promise. In 1 Peter 1:3–4, we read, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil, or fade — kept in heaven for you.” No matter what tragedy we encounter on earth, God promises us an incredible life forever in heaven. Grasping hold of this truth can give us remarkable courage in the midst of this life’s challenges. The reality is that eternal life begins not when we die, but the very moment we begin to trust Jesus!

A GREAT PARADOX

The security of Jesus is not just a warm feeling. It’s a fact! Ours is a performance-oriented world. This is a performance-oriented book. But at the core,

performance is not what’s most important. What we do is not what ultimately

spells security.

This is a great paradox. The most essential need in life, the security that comes from Jesus, cannot be achieved by our own effort. Rather, it’s a gift we freely receive. We need only reach out and grasp it.

Jesus’ security is actually the only healthy basis for performance. Most people’s motivation for performance is their fragile attempts to find security, to “become somebody.” In contrast, people who trust Jesus already are somebody. Our motivation for work doesn’t have to be a search for security. Rather, our work can be an expression of security, a response to the L I F E that’s already inside. If there is any reason to sense direction, freedom, and enthusiasm for life, this is it! Learn more about Jesus’ security by reading the book Where Do I Go to Find No Fear?

NEW ON CAMPUS

Being secure in Jesus helped me through an especially tempting situation. My first semester at the University of Missouri in Kansas City was tough. I’d gone from being a popular student leader at Park Hill High School to the huge, impersonal campus where I was just a face in the crowd. I felt lonely for friends, intimidated by the difficult classes, and a huge sense of loss over the esteem I enjoyed in high school.

Just before winter vacation a couple of friends invited me to a New Year’s Eve party. This is my big break, I thought. I’ll meet new people and climb out of this rut. I began counting the days.

When the big night arrived, I was ready. I wore a new shirt and had taken

a good nap before leaving. I wasn’t disappointed. The house was packed, the music rocked, and everybody was energized. I felt great and jumped into a conversation.

“Hey, Nicholas,” a friend called out. “Have you met Jill?”

“Jill?” I replied. “No, who’s she?”

“This is her house. And you know what else? She’s so hot!”

Just then a girl walked up, and my friend introduced me to Jill.

“Hi, Nicholas,” she remarked in a warm voice. “I’m glad you’re here. I think you’re gonna have a good time at my place tonight!” She pinched my arm and walked away.

“You know what,” my friend exclaimed, “I think she likes you! I’d give anything to go out with her!”

The rest of the evening I noticed Jill looking at me occasionally. It would be awesome to be with her, I thought. Midnight came, the lights went low, and everyone kissed his or her date. I felt a soft hand behind me and turned to find Jill’s embrace. She gave me a long sweet kiss. We began to slow dance.

“I really like you,” Jill whispered. I was trembling. “Ever since I first saw you at school, I’ve liked you.” She held me tighter. “When the others leave, I want you to stay. I want to make love with you!”

I felt weak in the knees, but managed to keep dancing. “Jill, I like you, too. I’d really like to get to know you. . . .” I paused a moment. “But I don’t want to sleep with you.”

Jill pulled back, stunned. “You don’t? You’re crazy! You think I’m ugly?”

“No, no. It’s not that. You’re beautiful. I don’t want to because I’m trusting Jesus, because I’m waiting for the love of

my life.”

Jill was quiet and looked confused. We continued to dance. Finally she said, “Nobody has ever said that to me. All the guys just want to get me in bed.” She was quiet again.

I thought for a moment, then suggested, “Some of us are going ice skating Saturday afternoon. Why don’t you come, too?”

Her voice was sweet again. “I’d like that!”

BEST LEADER — JESUS CHRIST

Trusting Jesus isn’t just one, single decision. Rather, it’s a life full of decisions to continue trusting Him day after day, decisions like my choice to say no to Jill. Sure, we continue to be influenced by friends and professors, but we trust the leadership of Jesus.

Jesus is very concerned about our personal choices. He reminds us in Matthew 7:24–27, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

The cost of following Jesus may seem high at times. But there is no one more capable of helping us to navigate through life. Once we commit ourselves to trusting Him, the individual decisions that follow get off to a great start!

TAKE ACTION!

- Who are the people that have most influenced your life? Friends, teachers, parents, movie characters? List them by name.

- What impact has Jesus had on your life before today? How have you followed Him in the past?

- Is Jesus the leader of your life today? If not, what is holding you back? In either case, share with a Christian friend about your situation.

- Stop and talk to Jesus right now. Ask Him to help you to better trust in His security, in His gift of love, inspiration, forgiveness, and eternity.

Chapter Four

How Does God Lead Us?

TRUSTING JESUS TO LEAD our lives is the most important first step in decision-making. Next we must ask how does He lead us? How will we know which way He’s pointing? Many people feel uncertain about this. Consider a couple of examples.

• Tim was a sophomore on a football scholarship, and life was filled with practices and games. With the deadline for declaring his degree major coming up, Tim remained unsure about whether to choose physical education, like his teammates, or major in business. In the final days Tim devised a plan. The Super Bowl was on Sunday, so Tim prayed, “God, if you want me to major in P.E., have the Dallas Cowboys win.” When the Cowboys came up short, Tim signed up for business instead, confident this was God’s leading.

Tim began the next semester with excitement. But the economics classes were boring, and he didn’t fit in with the business students. Worst of all, Tim’s grades declined to barely passing. By the end of the semester, Tim concluded he could not trust the Cowboys or God. Tim switched back to physical education.

• David and Carol met at a party. David was very excited, and immediately asked Carol out for the following Saturday. They rode bikes together and then went for a pizza dinner. David couldn’t seem to keep his eyes off Carol, and repeatedly expressed how pretty she was. As they were sitting together, David announced, “Carol it is God’s will for us to get married.”

Carol nearly choked on her crust! “How do you know that?” she asked with alarm.

“I’ve prayed about it all week,” replied David. “God has given me an intense, peaceful feeling that you’re the one. That’s His sign to us!”

Carol gasped, “If you’re so sure, why hasn’t God given me the same feeling? Besides, we just met last week!” Thereafter, Carol felt uncomfortable around David. She never went out with him again.

SHOW US THE WAY!

We need God’s help to make the best decisions possible. In fact, there may be danger without it. Proverbs 14:12 warns us, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” So Jesus’ followers often talk about the “will of God.” How we understand God’s direction can greatly influence our attitudes (fatalistic, enthusiastic), our decision-making processes (passive, active), and our actions (apathetic, assertive).

For this reason, Paul emphasized, “Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is” (Eph. 5:17), and later, “We have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding” (Col. 1:9). God will help guide us. Let’s examine two important ways.

GOD’S UNIVERSAL GUIDANCE — PRICELESS AND AVAILABLE

God gives us universal guidance — “universal” in that it’s for each and every person. Sometimes the terms “general” or “moral” guidance are also used. The best way to receive God’s universal guidance is to absorb the teachings in the Bible, as 2 Timothy 3:16–17 explains: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

Some of God’s will includes the following:

- Give cheerfully to people in need (2 Cor. 9:7).

- Resolve conflicts between one another (Matt. 5:7-9).

- Be careful with our speech (James 3:9–10).

- Pray for one another’s spiritual growth (Col. 1:9–10).

- Care for people less fortunate than ourselves (James 1:27).

- Remain sexually pure (1 Thess. 4:1–3).

- Meet together and encourage other Christ followers (Heb. 10:25).

- Be thankful to God (1 Thess. 5:18).

God has already provided essential direction to guide us. But we must explore the Bible to discover it, and then reorient our lives.

GOD’S INDIVIDUAL GUIDANCE — PRECIOUS AND RARE

The Bible, however, does not address details of every situation. It doesn’t tell us specifically whom to marry, exactly where to go to school, or with whom to be friends. Neither does it reveal where to go on vacation or whether to go on vacation at all. Will God help us with individual decisions?

The Bible contains reports of God giving people individual instructions via an audible voice, vision, or a dream; telling them whom to marry, where to live, whom to meet, where to travel, and what to say (Matt. 1:20, 2:13, 2:20; Acts 10, 16:9–10, 18:9–11, 22:17–21, 27:23–25). For example, in Acts 9 we read about Jesus appearing to Paul in a vision and telling him to go into Damascus. About the same time, Jesus also appeared to a man named Ananias, telling him exactly where to find Paul. When the two men met, Ananias showed Paul how to become a follower of Christ. Clearly, Jesus organized this event!

Sometimes God guides individual people in very specific ways. Most all accounts described in the Bible, though, were accompanied by some supernatural sign. When God directed, it was in such a way there was no doubt about who was speaking!

HOW SHOULD WE DECIDE?

God may supernaturally communicate with us, and if He does, we should certainly follow through. But individual, supernatural guidance seems to be uncommon. So, what should normally be the basis for our decisions? The universal guidance found in the Bible! Let’s look at how some of the first Christians made specific decisions.

First, we find a problem in the church at Jerusalem (Acts 6:1–6). Not everyone was receiving his or her share of food. The leaders asked the people to choose seven men to resolve the conflict. “This proposal pleased the whole group,” so they chose the men who seemed most qualified.

Later, we find two men, Barnabas and Saul, in the church at Antioch. These two men had earlier made a trip during which they started several new churches. One day, Paul said to Barnabas, “Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing” (Acts 15:36). They both thought this was a great idea, so they planned the trip and set off.

Many examples can be found of Christians making individual decisions (Acts 11:27–30, 17:16–17, 20:16; 1 Cor. 6:1–6, 16:1–9; Phil. 2:25–26; 1 Thess. 3:1–2). Their pattern was to apply Jesus’ teachings to each situation, and then make up their minds, often expressing their decisions with phrases such as: “We thought it best,” “I thought it necessary,” “It seemed good,” or simply, “I have decided.”

These examples are helpful for us today. We must develop our decision-making skills so we too can best apply Jesus’ teaching to each situation we face. Such freedom of choice has always been part of God’s plan. In Genesis 2:16–17, for example, we read how God told the original couple, Adam and Eve, to eat fruit from any tree they desired, except for only one. Thousands of blooming fruit trees must have surrounded them. What ample choice they enjoyed!

In another example, the first churches had a question about which foods could be consumed (1 Cor. 8, 10:23–33). Paul told them to decide for themselves, only be thoughtful of one another’s feelings. Paul made it clear that most decisions are simply up to us, and that we are responsible for the outcome (Rom. 14:1–6,10,12). Whom we marry, where we go to college, and what car we buy are our decisions! God gives us tremendous freedom to select for ourselves, within the framework of His guidance.

This realization of freedom was a relief as I wrestled with the choice of whether to work in Angola. Rather than looking for a “sign from God,” I had the privilege of looking at Jesus’ teaching and applying it for myself. With this came a God-intended sense of maturity and self-respect.

Does freedom of choice imply that God doesn’t care about our “small” affairs? No, it’s just the opposite. God loves us and forgives us, and gives us strength and eternal life. He cares about even our “small” decisions. This is why He gives us universal guidance. But God also gives us the privilege and responsibility to choose for ourselves in most situations. God has called us to peace, to love, and to share His message. It is up to us to work out the details.

TAKE ACTION!

- What are some of the attitudes God wants us all to develop? Make a short list for yourself.

- What are some of the actions God wants everyone to take? Add these to your list.

- Has your view of God’s guidance been challenged by what you’ve just read? In what ways? What is a more accurate perspective?

Chapter Five

The Five Ps

MATT WAS A PSYCHOLOGY major who found the spring semester especially exhausting. By mid-term exams all he could think about was the up-coming vacation, though Matt still had no specific plans.

Matt’s friends, however, were full of ideas. His roommate offered the financially strapped Matt a grocery store job. Matt’s best friend was running for class president, and urged him to help make campaign posters. One day at lunch some guys announced, “We’re all going surfing for the week. Come along with us!” To Matt, this sounded like the best offer yet!

A few days before vacation, Matt was reading in his Bible, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” As Matt was finishing, his friend Kristen approached.

“What are you doing on vacation?” she inquired.

“Well, I’m not really sure. Maybe I’ll go to the beach with some buddies.”

“That sounds like fun,” replied Kristen. “I’ve found something I really enjoy, too. I work at a crisis center in my spare time.”

“What’s that?” asked Matt with interest.

“It’s where people can call when they have problems. Some are kids high on drugs. Others are depressed folks, even suicidal. Elderly people call, too, who just need someone to talk with.”

“That sounds fascinating! But isn’t it a lot of responsibility?” inquired Matt.

“Yes, sometimes. But I get a real satisfaction from knowing that I’m helping. With spring break, most of our volunteers are leaving town. I wonder, would you consider helping me during those days? There’s a counselor training course starting Tuesday.”

Matt paused a moment, and then smiled. “Yes. I’ll do it!”

A couple of weeks later, Matt was hanging out with his friends who’d gone to the beach. They were tanned and tired, and poked fun at him for not going along.

Matt just smiled and told a story, “There was this 13-year-old kid named Billy who’d run away from home. He was scared and lost. He called me at the crisis center and cried, ‘I just want my parents! But how can I get back to Chicago?’ I helped Billy line up a bus ticket. Another man called, holding a gun to his head. He was crying and cursing. We talked about his problem. Finally, he put his gun down and went to a hospital.”

Matt’s friends weren’t too impressed, but Matt didn’t waver from his choice. “Look guys, I don’t have a sunburn, but I’ve never had such an awesome time in my life!”

MISSION TO PLANET EARTH

Before we decide what to do today, it’s important to consider what to do this month. Before we decide about this month, we need to think about the year ahead. And before we decide what to do this year, we really need to ask, “What is my mission in life?” Our mission is our foremost objective. It’s the “big picture” of what we intend to accomplish. When people say they want to be “successful in business” or be “rich and famous,” they are describing a mission. When we talk about “helping the poor” or “ending discrimination” we are also making statements of mission.

It’s essential for each individual to understand his or her mission in life. Our mission gives direction for our decisions and efforts. It becomes the basis for creating specific plans. Mission helps prevent us from becoming distracted. It inspires us when we feel uncertain. Mission keeps us thinking about future possibilities and helps take the emphasis off of our past. It gives us a sense of identity and confidence in who we are and where we are going. Mission also helps us socially, giving us unity with those who concur.

When Paul trusted Jesus he acquired a new mission: “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ” (Phil. 3:13–14). His new mission in life was to follow Jesus.

What is your mission? John Boykin, senior editor of Stanford magazine, writes, “By knowing the purpose our Creator has for us, we can make better sense of His Word, His will, and His workings in our lives, and can more intelligently respond by setting our priorities according to that purpose. Knowing our purpose is also the only basis for assessing whether or not we are working right.”[1]

When you read a book, you look for the theme. In the same way, when we examine our lives, we must identify our theme, our mission. We can choose several different missions. They are the five Ps.

POSSESSIONS

One mission is to acquire money and possessions. While popular in western countries like America, the desire for possessions is everywhere. I once spoke with barefoot teenagers in West Africa. They lived in houses made of dried mud blocks and wore tattered clothes. I asked, “What’s the biggest problem among people your age?” I was shocked when they replied, “Materialism. People here live only for what they can get — a new shirt, a radio, a bicycle. No motive is more powerful.”

We all need certain possessions. But there exists enormous pressure to over-stress their importance. Many people feel they don’t amount to much until they own a house, big-screen TV, beautiful wardrobe, three cars in the garage, and a boat on the lake.

Nevertheless, there is far more to life than amassing possessions. In Luke 12:15–21 we find Jesus putting possessions into perspective:

A man’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. . . . The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, “What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.”

Then he said, “This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I’ll say to myself, ‘You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink, and be merry.’ ”

But God said to him, “You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?”

This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God.

Possessions are essential to life. But we’re deluded when we define our mission and success in terms of what we own.

POSITION

Many people seek high positions — allured by the authority and power they bring. Some students desire to be class president, athletic team captains, or valedictorian. After graduating, they work to become elected officials, captains, company presidents, or professors.

Is gaining a powerful position a worthwhile mission? King Herod in Jesus’ time held absolute authority over the people of Israel. He answered only to the emperor of the Roman Empire. Defending his powerful position was essential to Herod. In

Matthew, chapter 2, we read that foreign ambassadors, the Magi, came to honor the baby Jesus. They went to Herod and asked, “Where is the one who is born king of the Jews?”

Herod became very angry. He was king of the Jews! Who was this baby prophesied to replace him? Herod wanted that kid! When the Magi didn’t help, Herod took the situation into his own hands and slaughtered all the young boys in the town where Jesus was born. Retaining power was, to Herod, even worth the lives of innocent children.

Before becoming a follower of Jesus, Paul was a powerful religious leader, the one nominated to lead persecution against the first Christians. But Paul gave it all up when he discovered what’s more important than position: “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ” (Phil. 3:7–8).

We must have talented leaders in positions of authority. Without them, our schools, governments, and businesses would surely fail. Yet, position only for position’s sake is empty at the least, and often a precursor of evil.

PLEASURE

Pleasure is another great force. Everyone at times needs to celebrate, to be comfortable and entertained. So, understandably, we enjoy drama, sports, art, music, beaches, and so forth.

However, pleasure which is uncontrolled can have a dark side. In ancient times King Belshazzar conquered Israel. To mark the event he held a great feast attended by a thousand nobles:

So they brought in the gold goblets that had been taken from the temple of God in Jerusalem, and the king and his nobles, his wives and his concubines drank from them. As they drank the wine, they praised the gods of gold and silver, of bronze, iron, wood and stone.

Suddenly the fingers of a human hand appeared and wrote on the plaster of the wall, near the lamp stand in the royal palace. The king watched the hand as it wrote. His face turned pale and he was so frightened that his knees knocked together and his legs gave way” (Dan. 5:3–6).

The prophet Daniel interpreted the message to the king, which pronounced God’s judgment against him. Later that night the city was captured and the king was executed. What a bad way to end a party!

Life would be difficult and monotonous without periods of relaxation and recreation. But the sole pursuit of personal pleasure is an elusive, even dangerous mission in the long run.

PROJECTS

Some center their lives around projects or tasks, such as building companies, perfecting hobbies, athletic achievements, or writing books. They experience a deep sense of satisfaction from advancing and completing these projects.

Is it worthwhile to build our lives around such work? King Herod reconstructed the ancient temple of Israel to increase his popularity with the people. The project took 46 years and was a marvel of the ancient world. Yet in Matthew 24:2 we read:

Jesus left the temple and was walking away when his disciples came up to him to call his attention to its buildings. “Do you see all these things?” he asked. “I tell you the truth, not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down.”

This great building, erected for the worship of God, didn’t impress Jesus at all. He was focused on a much different mission. We, too, can give ourselves to many undertakings. But Jesus is not primarily interested in our projects.

HAVING IT ALL

Let’s consider a man who had “everything”: possessions, position, pleasure, and projects. King Solomon of Israel was the richest, wisest, and most powerful man of his time. Yet, what did he think of himself? Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 2:3–11:

I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their lives. I undertook great projects: I built houses for myself and planted vineyards. I made gardens and parks and planted all kinds of fruit trees in them. I made reservoirs to water groves of flourishing trees. I bought male and female slaves and had other slaves who were born in my house. I also owned more herds and flocks than anyone in Jerusalem before me. I amassed silver and gold for myself, and the treasure of kings and provinces. I acquired men and women singers, and a harem as well — the delights of the heart of man. I became greater by far than anyone in Jerusalem before me. In all this my wisdom stayed with me. I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.

Look again at his last statement. The man who “had it all” still wasn’t satisfied. Many of us aren’t satisfied, either. We pursue possessions, position, pleasure, and projects and, like him, still feel emptiness deep inside. What are we missing?

PEOPLE

Jesus was speaking to a crowd of people, when someone posed a question about mission:

One of them, an expert in the law, tested Him with this question: “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” Jesus replied,

“ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matt. 22:35–40).

Jesus is stating that our mission is to love God, others, and ourselves. This sums up all the teaching in the Bible. Jesus’ declaration was challenging to the people of that time. They, like us, put their emphasis on the other four Ps (possessions, position, projects, pleasure). But to Jesus Christ, how we relate to God, others, and ourselves is the best measure of our success in life. Matt discovered this truth at the crisis center.

When describing the ultimate judgment, Jesus put the emphasis on people:

“All the nations will be gathered before him [Jesus Christ], and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. Then the king will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you invited me in; I needed clothes and you clothed me; I was sick and you looked after me; I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me’ ” (Matt. 25:32–40).

Jesus goes on to describe as goats those people who didn’t feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, or look after the sick. They are the ones who will be separated from God forever.

You see, how we treat people is the most important aspect of life. It’s an expression of our true nature. It’s a barometer of our relationship with God. The most valuable purpose is to make a positive, lasting impact on the lives of others. If you live for any other mission, you have sold yourself short.

WHAT’S YOUR MISSION?

Consider the options again. We can work to win an exalted position, gain exquisite possessions, complete fantastic projects, experience marvelous pleasures, and/or to build healthy relationships with people. Actually, most individuals work toward some combination of objectives, such as to:

- Become president of the company (position)

- Acquire a nice house and car (possessions)

- Enjoy close family relationships (people)

- Finish a college degree (projects)

- Vacation in the mountains each year (pleasure)

Is there anything wrong with these? Not necessarily. We depend upon skilled leaders in key positions. We need certain possessions to ease life’s workload. There exist many worthy projects. And, we all need to relax and have fun. The prevailing deficiency, however, is the low priority given to people. People, while most important, must compete against stronger, possession-oriented, position-conscious, and pleasure-seeking interests.

It is possible, however, to love people by using our position and possessions, projects, and even our pleasures. I’m fascinated with aviation, and I attended a flight training school just out of college. Soon after finishing, however, I realized that most of my flights were simply for myself. I was seldom using these skills for anyone in need, so I began to look for an opportunity. A short time later, I got to know a fellow named Steve. He had been an avid pilot, but was grounded because of cancer. I called Steve to ask if he’d like to come flying, with me acting as his backup pilot. He was thrilled!

On the appointed day we lined up a Cessna 172 on the runway at Downtown Airport in Kansas City, Missouri. Steve was thin from disease and bald from treatments, but his eyes sparkled. He pushed on the power lever for the first time in two years and we quickly rose into the air, turning west. We flew low along the Missouri River and took in the sights of the bluffs on either side. Steve was skilled at the controls. Soon he tired, though, so we headed back for a landing. As we taxied to tie down the plane, I was convinced this was the most important flight I had ever made.

Each of us must identify our life’s mission. Once selected, it establishes the pattern for the decisions that follow. But we must choose carefully. Our positions will one day be vacated. Our possessions will deteriorate or be passed on to others. Our pleasurable experiences will fade from memory. Our projects will ultimately malfunction or be surpassed.

Only people will last forever. Unless our highest aim in life is to love them, we’re deceiving ourselves. James Dobson, psychologist and president of Focus on the Family, poetically phrased this fact:

I have concluded that the accumulation of wealth, even if I could achieve it, is an insufficient reason for living. When I reach the end of my days, a moment or two from now, I must look backward on something more meaningful than the pursuit of houses and land and machines and stocks and bonds. Nor is fame of any lasting benefit. I will consider my earthly existence to have been wasted unless I can recall a loving family, a consistent investment in the lives of people, and an earnest attempt to serve the God who made me. Nothing else makes much sense.[2]

TAKE ACTION!

- What is your mission in life? Put it into your own words and write it down. Then, describe your mission to a trusted friend.

- Think of a way you can use one of your possessions to help someone. Create a plan and carry it through.

- Name a pastime you enjoy. How can someone else benefit from this privilege? Choose a person and invite him or her to join you.

Chapter Six

Agape — Currency of the Kingdom

MOST PEOPLE HAVE DIFFICULTY loving God, others, or themselves. Though it’s our mission, love seldom comes naturally. We must continually develop the art of love. Without this expertise, some will find themselves in situations like the following couple.

TRUE LOVE?

Kyle and Sarah were starry-eyed over one another, and as graduation approached, they became engaged. Kyle took a job in a clothing store, and used his discount to buy classy outfits for Sarah. She labored over her thesis, and in her spare time, wrote love letters to Kyle.

The couple bought a house to fix up before their wedding; a sound investment and a place they could call home. Kyle and Sarah set about painting walls and hanging blinds. The work was more difficult and time-consuming than either expected. The basement leaked. The roof leaked. The kitchen cabinets had rotted. Building materials ate up all their extra cash. The more Kyle and Sarah repaired, the more they found left to do.

Their relationship became strained. Sarah felt it in particular. Kyle used to talk with her for hours, but now he just ate and ran. He didn’t show her the affection he used to, or bring her new clothes. She began to feel lonely. Only the house and job seemed important to Kyle now.

One night, Sarah was driving home in the snow. Her car hit a slick spot, skidded off the highway, and slammed into a telephone pole. Rescue workers had to cut the car open to extract Sarah. Her face was dripping with blood, but she was able to walk. At the hospital, the doctor discovered her nose, cheek, and jaw were broken. Soon, she underwent corrective surgery, followed by several more days in the hospital.

Kyle came to visit. He even brought her flowers once. They argued over how to pay the medical bills. When the bandages were removed, Sarah gasped at her bruised and deformed face. Kyle was present, but quickly left the room.

Sarah didn’t hear from Kyle for a few days. How could he abandon me at a time like this? she wondered. Finally, Sarah called him on the telephone. “Kyle, where have you been?” she asked in frustration.

“Oh, I’ve been working lots. What’s up with you?” replied Kyle flippantly.

“My jaw’s still wired closed. But the doctor says that I can leave tomorrow. Will you come take me home?”

A long pause intervened. Finally Kyle sighed. “No, Sarah. It’s over.”

“What do you mean ‘it’s over’?” She began to tremble.

“I don’t love you any more. Our marriage is off. I’ve sold the house, and I’m moving to Arizona.”

“But you promised you would always love me!” pleaded Sarah.

“I changed my mind. You’re not my type, after all.”

“But you committed yourself to me. You vowed nothing would ever come between us,” she sobbed.

There was no reply. He’d hung up.

AGAPE LOVE

Kyle promised to cherish Sarah. Yet his was not the kind of love that could kiss an injured face. Like many of us today, Kyle needed to learn the art of true love. Paul expressed this need when he wrote, “And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ” (Phil. 1:9–10).

Love is essential. But the term has several meanings in our culture:

- A strong affection for or attachment to another person, such as someone’s love for their friends or family

- A strong enjoyment of or interest in something, for example, one’s love of acting or skiing

- An intense, usually passionate fondness for a person of the opposite sex[1]

In this chapter we’re not talking about the sensual love felt between couples, nor the closeness shared between friends, or even the powerful affection of parents for their children. When Jesus speaks in Matthew 22:35–40 of loving God, others, and ourselves, he was talking about a unique kind of love — agape love. Agape is commitment love. An individual with agape love works for the welfare of another, in spite of the costs.

Yet agape love is more than just “taking care of” someone, which can be demeaning and create unhealthy dependency. Agape love also involves the encouragement to develop inner strengths so that a person is better able to care for himself. First Corinthians 13:4–7 gives us a clear picture of agape love. It can be paraphrased like this:

People with love in their hearts are patient and kind toward others, never acting jealous, boastful, or arrogantly. They don’t behave poorly or selfishly, and don’t hold grudges. People who truly love never wish evil upon anyone, but instead always work for the well-being of others.

Jesus expresses agape love toward you and me, and has called us to do the same for those in our world. Whatever our interaction, we aim to include agape love, just as Curt did in the following tragedy.

TRUE FRIENDS

Phil, Kevin, and Curt were friends since high school. They attended college together, and were part of the campus Bible group.

One cold morning, the three of them were running toward class. A new library was under construction, surrounded by earth-moving machines and deep trenches where the foundation was being laid. As the three trotted by, Kevin’s eye caught something as it fell. He came to a stop and looked down into a huge hole in the ground. There, 20 feet below, was an elderly man lying face down, motionless. The others had continued running. But Kevin’s yell brought them right back.

“What happened?” Phil asked anxiously.

“He fell in,” replied Curt. “Look. There’s a break in the fence.”

“Well, let’s get him out!” shouted Kevin. With one bound he was over the fence. Curt was right behind him. As they knelt down, the odor of natural gas became overwhelming.

“We can’t go down there,” shouted Kevin. “The gas could kill us! Let’s call the fire department.”

“That man might die first,” Curt retorted. “Phil, go call for help!”

Kevin and Curt found a rope lying nearby, and anchored one end to a fence post. By now a crowd was gathering. The two lowered themselves downward, through the nauseating gas.

“Look, it’s professor Reynolds,” gasped Kevin, “the philosophy teacher!”

The man was heavier than either of them estimated, and the walls of the trench were vertical. They eyed each other and made a plan. Curt tied the rope around the man’s chest. Kevin carried the rope to the surface, and with the help of bystanders, began to pull. Curt pushed from below.

Slowly they hoisted the man upward. Once topside, someone started CPR. Kevin immediately turned, and found Curt lying unconscious in the pit! He scurried down the rope again. Sirens were now audible. Kevin tied Curt’s limp body to the rope, and he was hoisted to the surface. The firemen arrived and immediately began administering oxygen to the two victims. The elderly man began to breathe. Curt, however, never started. He died later that morning.

The next campus newspaper edition ran a front-page story on the incident. Inside were several editorials. One declared Curt was foolish to try and save the man; he should have realized the danger. Another wrote that the professor’s life was not as valuable as Curt’s because he was elderly. The predominant sentiment on campus was this: Curt should have looked out for himself!

Kevin and Phil went to their Bible group that week with heavy hearts. How surprised they were to see Professor Reynolds! After the meeting was opened, he stood up and addressed the crowd. “I know you will miss Curt very much.” Some students began to weep. He continued, “Curt was your friend. Good friends are hard to come by.” He had tears in his own eyes. “But he was also a friend to me — perhaps more of a friend than I have ever had. Though I never knew Curt, he exchanged his life for mine!”

CURRENCY EXCHANGE

Agape love can be likened to money. It’s the currency of the kingdom of God, the precious element we give and receive through relationships. But it’s a huge world. On which people should we invest agape love? The simple mnemonic J O Y sums them up:

J — Jesus

O — Others

Y — Yourself

A follower of Jesus places Him at the center. Our relationship with Jesus is not only first priority, but central to everything we are and do.

We’re also surrounded by many people, who can be grouped like this:

- Family (Eph. 5:22–33, 6:1–4)

- Believers (Eph. 4:1–16)

- Nonbelievers (1 Pet. 3:15–16)

- Work (Eph. 6:5–9)

- Nation/Government (Rom. 13:1–7)

Some of these groups can overlap, but the distinction is still useful. The depiction on the following page is how J. Grant Howard illustrates our relationship world.[2]

We live in a culture that stresses personal freedom, rights, mobility, wealth, and happiness. Yet Jesus emphasizes that how we get along with people is most vital. What do relationships based on agape love look like? Consider the life of the first church:

They devoted themselves to the disciples’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. Everyday they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved (Acts 2:42–47).

Note their remarkable care for each other. No wonder they felt a “sense of awe.” Agape love was overflowing from within their hearts! When you and I trust Jesus, we too are filled with agape love. Let’s consider some ways we can give

it away.

LOVING JESUS

Loving Jesus is the first part of our mission. Peter, another of Jesus’ disciples, encourages us: “Like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, that by it you may grow in respect to salvation” (1 Pet. 2:2–3). The Bible, the Word, is filled with ways to love Jesus. Some of them include the following.

- Learn what He’s like. It’s difficult to love a person whom you do not know well. We can know Jesus better by reading the Bible to discover what He’s said and done (2 Tim. 3:16–17).

- Talk with Him. True friends share their thoughts and feelings. Similarly, Jesus encourages us to pray about everything on our hearts (Matt. 6:5–7).

- Follow what He says. Jesus’ way is best, and is ultimately for our own good. When we obey Him, we demonstrate that our trust in Him is real (John 14:15, 21).

- Be thankful! Paul reminds us to “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thess. 5:16–18). As we express thankfulness to Jesus, something wonderful usually follows: we begin to enjoy life like never before!

- Love those around us. Jesus wants us to love Him through serving others (1 John 4:7–8). Our degree of love for Jesus is reflected in how we treat people.

LOVING OTHERS

Loving people in spite of the cost runs counter to human nature. Yet it’s one of Jesus’ main themes, and the quality for which Curt is remembered. Let’s examine some ways to better love others.

- Love your family. Little reveals our character as clearly as the way we treat our parents, brothers, and sisters. We can demonstrate love to them by making time to be together, enjoying their company, and helping out in practical ways. While we’re gone, a thoughtful letter or phone call can also be encouraging to those left at home.

- Love your believing friends. Our interaction with those who trust Jesus is meant to be so good that onlookers will want to follow Him, too. The first step is to become part of a Christ-following, Bible-believing church. Make friends. Share your talents. Add your ideas. Help one another to trust Jesus even more. The experience can be one of the most exciting parts of your life (John 13:34–35)!

- Love your non-believing friends. We are Jesus’ ambassadors on earth. Each of us has friends who don’t follow Him: neighbors, classmates, and colleagues at work. We may be the only Christians they know. Through caring, helping, and sharing our faith we can effectively point them toward Jesus (1 Pet. 3:15–16).

- Love people through your work. Most of us spend the best days of our lives on the job. Excellence in attitude and performance provides a service that helps others, and also wins us respect. Opportunities to speak for Jesus can spring naturally from our work when it’s done with remarkable quality (Col. 3:17).

- Love your nation/government. Each follower of Jesus is also part of a nation, and must interact with its government. Obeying the laws, praying for leaders, and working for social justice are just a few of the healthy ways we can demonstrate love for our nation (Rom. 13:1–4; 1 Tim. 2:1–3).

Discovering strategies to love others is a life-long process, with room for unlimited creativity. Though we may spend years in formal education, learning to love people is far greater in importance, and holds limitless power for positive impact on our world.

IS IT OKAY TO LOVE YOURSELF?

We live in a self-centered world. Jesus’ followers, by contrast, are called to be radically different; people who care for others above themselves. So where do our personal needs fit in?

Matthew 22:39 quotes Jesus: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Notice Jesus isn’t saying to “Love your neighbor ‘in place of’ yourself.” I’m convinced that Jesus says to love our neighbors as ourselves because He is aware that self-love, in proper perspective, is essential. If you have healthy self-love you can better serve God, welcome other people, exercise responsibility, and be emotionally expressive. You also can better accept criticism and correction. Healthy self-love helps one to perform at maximum ability.

In his book Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions, the noted Christian psychologist quotes a letter addressed to him: “You are strongly in favor of building self-esteem in children, but I have some theological problems with that objective. The Bible condemns ‘pride’ from Genesis to Revelation, and speaks of humans as no better than worms. How do you defend your position in the light of Scripture?”

Dr. Dobson replied:

It is my opinion that great confusion has prevailed among followers of Christ on the distinction between pride and self-esteem. You are apparently among the people who actually believe that Christians should maintain an attitude of inferiority in order to avoid the pitfalls of self-sufficiency and haughtiness. I don’t believe it.

After speaking to a sizable audience in Boston a few years ago, I was approached by an elderly lady who questioned my views. I had discussed the importance of self-confidence in children, and my comments had contradicted her theology. In fact, she even made reference to the same Scripture in Psalm 22:6.

She said, “God wants me to think of myself as being no better than a worm. I would like to respect myself,” she continued, “but God could not approve of that kind of pride, could He?”

I was touched as this sincere little lady spoke. She told me she had been a missionary for forty years, even refusing to marry in order to serve God more completely. While on a foreign field, she had become ill with an exotic disease which now reduced her frail body to ninety-five pounds. As she spoke, I could sense the great love of the Heavenly Father for this faithful servant. She had literally given her life in His work, yet she did not even feel entitled to reflect on a job well done during her closing years on earth.

Unfortunately, this fragile missionary (and thousands of others Christians) had been taught that she was worthless. But that teaching did not come from the Scriptures. Jesus did not leave His throne in heaven to die for the “worms” of the world. His sacrifice was intended for that little woman, and for me, and all of His followers, whom He is not embarrassed to call brothers. What a concept! If Jesus in now my brother, then that puts me in the family of God, and guarantees that I will outlive the universe itself. And that, friends, is what I call genuine self-esteem![3]

The third part of our mission in life is to love ourselves. Certainly self-indulgence is a problem for some. But others need to stop neglecting their personal needs. Loving ourselves does not equal selfishness. Rather, it’s an essential part of loving God and loving others, both of whom we can best serve if we are healthy to start with.

Each of us must discover how to meet our personal needs in the context of the needs of others. The self/others tension is one faced by every follower of Jesus. I believe Paul had this tension in mind when he wrote, “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you” (Rom. 12:3).

WHAT ARE YOUR LEGITIMATE NEEDS?

God created humans with essential needs. In fact, we’re very needy creatures, requiring at a minimum food, shelter, companionship, and rest. Lacking these resources, we risk fatigue, depression, and illness; conditions in which it’s almost impossible to serve someone else.

We can gain a healthy perspective on personal needs from the early life of Jesus. Luke 2:52 explains: “Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.” This statement refers to mental, physical, spiritual, and social qualities. Corresponding to each of these qualities are the following legitimate personal needs.

- Mental/emotional needs — We naturally respond to experiences with a range of emotions, which add flavor to our lives. Jesus encourages us to take control of our feelings. Why? Because some inspire and energize us, while others emotions can be very destructive (Phil. 4:8).

- Physical needs — Paul reminds everyone to “honor God with your body” (1 Cor. 6:20). When we exercise, eat right, practice safety, get check-ups, and refuse addictive drugs, we both show respect to God and prevent our own suffering.

- Spiritual needs — As we trust in the security of Jesus — in His love, inspiration, forgiveness, and eternity — our spiritual needs become filled. A healthy spiritual life then adds fuel for greater social, mental, and physical development.

- Social needs — All of us need companionship. As we demonstrate love toward others, people will often respond with the nurturing we ourselves require. This is an exchange, but we must take the initiative!

Many commodities are traded between individuals in our world: cash, merchandise, knowledge, status. But the most important commodity is also the most rare: agape love, the currency of the God’s kingdom. Our mission is to freely distribute this treasure.

TAKE ACTION!

- What can you do to show Jesus you love Him? Think of three ways.

- What action can you take today to show appreciation toward your parents? Decide and act on it!

- Are you committed to a church? If so, how can you get more involved with these people? If not, start searching for a church to call your own.

- Whom do you know that does not follow Jesus? Look for an opportunity to share what you believe with this person.

- What is necessary for you to perform better at work or school? Choose a goal and follow through.

- How can you better care for yourself? Develop a plan and describe it to a friend.

Chapter Seven

POPCORN Decisions

BY MAKING JESUS OUR leader and loving our mission, we create a solid foundation upon which to make excellent, specific decisions. Yet these fundamentals are omitted in most discussions of personal life management. It is no wonder, then, why so many people carefully choose the entirely wrong objectives!

MAJOR EARTHQUAKES

Some decisions have major consequences, involving greater responsibility or resources. Ambivalence will not do. The more important the implications, the more careful we must be. Some major decisions may include:

Relating to JESUS:

How can I learn to control my temper?

Will I continue to trust Jesus even though rejected by friends?

Relating to OTHERS:

Family:

Whom shall I marry?

Shall I live near my parents?

Believers:

What church will I join?

Which close friends should I choose?

Nonbelievers:

What kind of outreach to nonbelievers would be best for me?

How can I show Jesus’ love to my roommate?

Work:

What shall I study in college?

Where should I work?

Nation/Government:

Should I join the military?

With what political party will I align?

Relating to YOURSELF:

Where will I live?

Shall I take out a loan or work more hours to pay my bills?

MINOR TREMORS

Minor decisions involve less commitment and have fewer consequences. But minor decisions are still important, because our major choices can usually only be accomplished through the minor ones which follow. For example, one makes a big decision to attend college. Next he or she must choose where to go, what to study, how to pay the tuition, where to live, and so on. Often it’s the seemingly less important steps that determine whether we’ll be successful or not.

Relating to JESUS:

When will I make time to pray today?

How can I trust God with the anxiety I feel right now?

Relating to OTHERS:

Family:

Should I visit my parents this weekend?

Shall I go on this trip with my brother?

Believers:

Shall I join the young adults group at my church?

Whom should I ask out for this Friday night?

Nonbelievers:

Shall I get to know this new person in my chemistry class?

How can I explain my faith to my coworker?

Work:

Can I afford to arrive late today?

What theme shall I choose for my research paper?

Nation/Government:

Should I risk parking in this loading zone?

Whom will I vote for governor?

Relating to YOURSELF:

Shall I take on a new hobby?

Where will I go on vacation?

WHAT WE NEED IS . . .

Within Jesus’ universal guidelines, we enjoy enormous freedom of choice. But even then we’re not alone. God offers us wisdom. By wisdom I mean, “The power to see and the inclination to choose the best and highest goal, together with the surest means of attaining it.”[1]

Wisdom is a precious attribute more valuable than money or prestige. Proverbs 3:13–14 tells us, “Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than gold.”

Where can we find wisdom? By going to God, the Creator of wisdom! He wants to give it, but first we must ask. The Bible records this promise: “If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding” (Prov. 2:3–6).

King Solomon was known for his great wisdom. As a young man, he became ruler of ancient Israel, an awesome responsibility for which he was unprepared. So Solomon asked God for wisdom, rather than for possessions, health, or political victories. God responded by granting Solomon more wisdom than any person of his time, and Solomon’s leadership in Israel was unsurpassed (1 Kings 3).

Like Solomon, we too need wisdom (Eph. 5:15–16; Col. 4:5). Much of the Bible’s advice about wise decision-making can be summed up in the mnemonic P O P C O R N:

P O P C O R N GUIDELINES FOR DECISION MAKING

P — Pray for wisdom

O — List the Options

P — Weigh the Pros

C — Weigh the Cons

O — Open your Bible

R — Get Recommendations

N — No hurry!

First, be certain you understand the question. What exactly needs to be decided? Write out the question if necessary. Sometimes more than one issue is actually being considered. For example, decisions about career choice and college selection are often lumped together. One might do better by dealing with them separately.

PRAY FOR WISDOM — P O P C O R N

The first step in making any good decision is to pray for wisdom. Share with God your feelings and thoughts about the issue. Then simply ask Him to help you, for God promises to do so (James 1:5–6).

Peace is just one benefit that will result. Philippians 4:6–7 assures us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” We can relax when we trust Him with our concerns.

LIST THE OPTIONS — P O P C O R N

Next, write down all options, answers, or alternatives that come to mind. Have a brain-storming session and open up your imagination. When possible, ask others to join you. Solutions often come to us after we eliminate preconceived notions, and imagine creative ideas.

WEIGH THE PROS AND CONS — P O P C O R N

Every option has advantages and disadvantages. The sooner we recognize them, the sooner we’ll choose the best alternative. Spencer Johnson, author of The One Minute Manager, put it like this: “Our poor decisions were based on illusions we believed at the time, and our better decisions on realities we recognized in time.”[2]

Gather all the information about your options. Then examine each option and visualize yourself in that situation. Write a list of corresponding pros and cons for each.

Be sure to consider your resources. Each of us has certain skills, interests, time, and money. Do you have the resources necessary for each option? Be honest with yourself.

Also consider your relationships. How will each alternative affect your interaction with Jesus, your family, believers, nonbelievers, and work? Very few decisions can be made in a vacuum.

Jesus stresses the importance of knowing the pros and cons: “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, ‘This fellow began to build and was not able to finish’ ” (Luke 14:28-30). It takes effort to envision the implications of each option. But when you do so, your ultimate choice will be superior.

OPEN YOUR BIBLE — P O P C O R N

Next, check the Bible for information about your decision. You might, for example, be considering whether or not to join a church. Hebrews 10:24–25 has some good advice. Or, you could be dealing with sexual temptation. First Corinthians 6:18–20 gives some important counsel.

If there are no specific instructions, look for a principle that applies. You might, for example, be choosing what to do with a free weekend. The Bible does not directly address this situation. But Philippians 2:3-4 advises us to put the welfare of others before ourselves, and Mark 6:31 points out the importance of personal rest. These principles may help you decide what is best.

GET RECOMMENDATIONS — P O P C O R N

Asking for advice isn’t a sign of weakness, but rather evidence of wisdom. Proverbs 15:22 tells us, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 19:20 urges, “Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise.” Time and humility are required to seek out guidance from experts. But the investment usually pays off handsomely.

It’s especially important to get recommendations from people to whom we are responsible, like our friends, professors, employer, and pastor. Don’t forget to ask your parents for their input (Prov. 6:20). While you may be well beyond their legal authority, they probably know your needs better than anyone else.

Additionally, asking for advice is a way of honoring people. It communicates, “You are important and I can learn from you.” It also aids in enlisting their support, which can be essential if you later need their assistance.

NO HURRY! — P O P C O R N

Good decisions demand concentration and time. Generally, the more energy we invest, the better the outcome will be. Proverbs 21:5 agrees: “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty.” Emotionally charged choices, like those surrounding romance or major purchases, particularly call for unhurried evaluation. When you are rushed, it is impossible to consider all the factors and implications.

Instead, take time to test and probe the options. Begin early and proceed slowly. Major decisions should only be made when you feel rested and can focus your attention. Ideally, take several days off to clear your mind, and then work through your decision. When we allow sufficient time, confusion tends to dissipate and our choices become more straightforward.

DECISION TIME

We must employ multiple guidelines to succeed in making wise decisions. When an airplane is flying, the pilot doesn’t rely upon any single method of navigation — it may be faulty. Instead, he or she prefers to use several simultaneous techniques: the compass and clock, radio beacons, landmarks, and others. The captain checks them against one another to assure the plane is on course. Similarly, we do well to apply all available wisdom in making our decisions.

Some people fail to make choices because they are looking for a perfect option, one that is entirely good. But even with the best decisions, there will often be some negative outcome. Most decisions are not absolute right or wrong. Instead, we are more often confronted with gray areas that have numerous pros and cons. In these situations, make the selection that leads to maximum good and minimum problems.

Ours is a God of peace (1 Cor. 14:33), and peace is one result of Jesus’ influence in our lives (Gal. 5:22). Our decisions should bring us a sense of contentment. Peace is often an inner signal that we have come to a genuine resolution. While some anxiety surrounding big decisions is normal (one’s wedding, for example), persistent overall contentment about a choice is an important end-point.

The opposite of peace is doubt. Decisions should be acts of faith and confidence, not symptoms of confusion. If you are unsettled, don’t commit yourself yet. Wait. Keep the options open, and continue to carefully evaluate before making a commitment.

Don’t make decisions simply to please others. Be fully convinced in your own mind. Yes, listen to their counsel. But you must ultimately choose for yourself. Otherwise, you may eventually feel manipulated or suppressed, missing out on the self-respect which should result from taking responsibility for your own life.

WHICH CAREER?

Choosing a career was one of my first big decisions. I found it hard to think about this, however. I preferred to simply do my homework, run track, and play my trombone. But I forced myself to put aside some activities and contemplate the future. High school was not going to last forever.

First, I prayed for insight. I was part of a group of Christian students at school, and many of us were faced with similar decisions. When we met on Tuesday mornings, we prayed for insight into our future occupations. The support of Jesus and my friends was a terrific boost in my career-selection journey.

I listed several career options. As the weeks went by, the list grew longer, for my interests were broad. I considered becoming a classical musician, an airline pilot, an aeronautical engineer, or joining my father’s business. Then I began to weigh the pros and cons of each: educational requirements, job security, personal interests, salary potential, and the free time each would allow. My list looked something like this:

Next I looked in the Bible for advice. I needed a career that would support my future family (2 Thess. 3:10). I also wanted a job that I could perform very well (Col. 3:23–24). But beyond this, I found no instructions about what career to choose. I felt undecided, and the deadlines for college application were quickly approaching. What helped at that point was some good advice. I talked with teachers about my options. I even interviewed professional musicians, airline pilots, and engineers. But what helped most was talking with my parents. They were the first to recommend I go into medicine. I had never thought seriously of that option. As I considered medicine further, I experienced a growing conviction that it would be the best. Though I’ve faced challenges in my career since that time, I’ve never regretted my choice.

WHAT IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE?

Despite great care, you may later think you made a wrong choice. This can lead to anger, depression, and even feelings of anguish and hopelessness. What can you do in these situations?

On the positive side, remember that making mistakes is part of being human; no one is immune. Errors can help us be less judgmental toward others, and increase our reliance upon God. They can also make us realize the power of forgiveness, and of Jesus’ peace that surpasses all external circumstances.

Some commitments aren’t absolute. If you find yourself going down the wrong road, then turn around! Don’t let your pride or fear of what others think keep you from correcting the problem. Don’t simply ignore the problem and divert your attention to another activity. Pray about the matter, get some advice, and find an option of escape.

If you can’t change course, remember that God can even make positive use of our mistakes (Rom. 8:28). Don’t let an error cripple your outlook on life! Remember the situation of Paul (formerly called Saul). He had bitterly opposed the followers of Jesus and killed their leaders (Acts 8:1–8:3). When Paul met Jesus, he turned around completely. Paul was deeply sorry for his former life as a persecutor. But Paul didn’t allow his past to stand in the way of his new mission.

We, too, must remember that Jesus forgives us when we err. In this regard, words from Things That Matter Most are very encouraging:

It is the very gospel of Jesus’ grace that He can repair the things that are broken. He can restore the joints of the bruised reed. He can restore the broken heart. He can deal with the broken vow. And if Jesus can do all this, can He not deal with our mistakes? If unknowingly we went astray and took the wrong turn, will not Jesus’ infinite love correct our mistakes, and make the crooked straight?[3]

God can transform terrible situations, making them beautiful. And finally, sometimes it’s best not to judge too soon. A good decision doesn’t mean everything will be rosy from that point forward. Often, there will come trouble, accompanied by temptation to turn back. But what you first thought was a disaster may turn out to be excellent, after all!

TAKE ACTION!

Think of a decision you’re faced with. Apply the P O P C O R N decision-making guidelines, and write down the results of each step as you consider it:

P — Pray for wisdom

O — List the Options

P — Weigh the Pros

C — Weigh the Cons

O — Open your Bible

R — Get Recommendations

N — No hurry!

Chapter Eight

What’s Your Game Plan?

TOM AND STEVE HAD SEVERAL classes together and were members of the same fraternity. The two were talking over lunch in the student union after their return from summer break.

“How does your schedule look this semester?” asked Tom.

“It’s pretty heavy. I’m taking 12 hours again.” Steve looked tired as he spoke. “I’m supposed to finish my degree this year. But I don’t know whether I’ll make it. Football practice is taking up lots of time.”

Tom took a bite from his burger. “What do you plan to do after graduation, Steve?”

“I don’t really know,” Steve replied with a sigh. “I’m hoping to make a pro team.”

“Do you think you stand a chance?” Tom asked with interest.

“No, not really,” answered Steve. “It’s a shot in the dark.”

Tom was concerned. “What is your plan if you don’t make it?”

“Well, I haven’t thought much about that. I can keep my apartment. I hear that the car plant might be hiring soon. Maybe I can get a line job.” Steve reached for a cracker.

Tom noticed a Bible among Steve’s books. “How are things at your church?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I might look around elsewhere.” He paused. “What about you, Tom? What are your plans?”

“I just signed a contract with a finance company. I’ll be working as a loan officer. It does not pay much, but there’s room to advance.”

Steve reached for another cracker. “And what about Anne? Are you still serious?”

“Haven’t you heard? We’re going for the gold! Our wedding will be around Christmas. Anne got a teaching job, and we’re looking for a house in Baker Estates. Oh, there’s some other news. Our pastor asked me to help organize a student group.”

Steve looked envious. “Tom, it sounds like you have a good plan. I wish I had a better idea what I’m going to do!”

Four years later, Tom was having lunch in a fast food restaurant. He was looking over the menu when the server came up. Tom recognized him, and said brightly, “Steve! Wow, I haven’t seen you in ages!”

Steve looked a little sheepish. “I thought it might be you when you came in.”

“Can you sit and talk a minute?” urged Tom. Steve looked around and then slid into the booth next to him.

“What have you been up to, Tom?”

“Busy as usual. Anne is a terrific mate, and we have a little girl now. I’m a partner with the finance firm.”

Steve was intrigued. “What else are you up to?”

“I still work with the student group on campus. They really lead it themselves, but I go to help where I can. It’s one of the most fun things I’ve done since we graduated.”

Steve was embarrassed. “I wish I could give a report like yours. I’m still living in the same apartment and playing a little ball. I’ve been working odd jobs and haven’t been to church in two years.” He paused and tilted his head back. “I just never had much direction.”

After a moment, Steve’s eyes began to light up. “You know, I never win at football without some kind of game plan. Maybe what I need a better plan for my life. Any chance you could help me with this, Tom?”

Tom was delighted with the invitation. “Sure, Steve. I’ll do anything I can. How about coming to my house tomorrow evening. We can toss a ball, have some dinner, and create a strategy together.”

Steve felt enthused. “That’s a deal!”

PLANNING IS ESSENTIAL

In order to win, sports teams make heavy use of game plans. Governments, schools, and militaries also succeed or fail by the plans they develop. To win at life, we too need a plan. It will help us focus our energy, keep us from becoming distracted, and inspire us when we feel disappointed.

“There are a thousand good causes. But if one divides himself between them all he accomplishes nothing. If you can focus on one and pursue it with all you have, perhaps you can make an impact.” This truth was declared by a man whose life project was to collect and classify squash seeds. Our mission is to love Jesus, others, and ourselves. How much more do we need to plan our own efforts!

God is concerned about our plans. Proverbs 16:3 reminds us to “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Building plans upon our faith demonstrates that we truly trust Jesus. James 4:13–17, on the other hand, describes the plight of those who plan without reference to Him.

GAME PLANNING 101

A plan is a comprehensive statement of the goals we have chosen. Ideally, each goal is the result of wise decision-making. Be sure to apply the P O P C O R N guidelines to each one. What do good plans look like? They are:

- Realistic — Ask yourself how much time and energy is demanded, and whether you have the necessary resources. All of us have certain limitations to consider — emotional, physical, and financial, to name a few. Some people repeatedly fail because they choose formidable tasks with little chance of success. The object is not necessarily to make bigger plans, but ones that are reasonably attainable.

- Specific— Aim at clear targets so you’ll know when you’ve hit them. Instead of setting a goal to “make better grades,” change it to “make at least a B average next semester.” Rather than make a plan to be friendlier, identify some particular person to get to know. The best plans are the ones that can be written down, measured, and given a deadline.

- Flexible — Occasionally, our situation will shift. A personal, corporate, or national crisis can arise without warning and suddenly alter our priorities. Flexibility means we can continue to fulfill our mission in spite of these changing circumstances. The Bible describes two concepts of time. The first is hora or chronos, meaning the days and hours by which we schedule our activities. The second is kairos — referring to events or opportunities that may abruptly appear. Awareness of the latter is essential, for ultimately we are not following a schedule, but a Person, Jesus Christ.

- Comprehensive — The best plans take into account all our important relationships. Many people mistakenly become preoccupied with one aspect of life — often work or romance — and neglect all others. A comprehensive plan can be a tool to help focus attention on everyone who’s significant.

PRIORITIES PLEASE

Shauna was under pressure. It was eight o’clock at night and she still had a speech to prepare for class the next day. Her books were spread out over the table. Shauna was pondering the introduction when her eyes fell upon her calendar. “Oh no!” she sighed, “I promised to help Maria with her Spanish. She’ll be here in 30 minutes. I’ll just have to work faster!” Shauna concentrated on the books and quickly scribbled with her pen.

Suddenly, Shauna heard pounding on the door. Five of her friends were out front. “We’re all going out to a movie!” they called in unison. “Please come with us!”

Now, Shauna was really in a fix. She wanted some fun so badly! But there was her speech, and the Spanish lesson, too. “I’d really like to come,” she confessed, “but I’m swamped. I don’t know what to do!”

Like Shauna, we sometimes feel overwhelmed by all the opportunities and choices we must make. Elimination is the only alternative. We have to decide which are most important, and to focus our energy on these. Only then can we avoid the inevitable fatigue, inefficiency, frustration, and failure that result from attempting too much.

Some of Jesus’ followers try to resolve this tension by ranking their relationships, by saying that Jesus should come first, family second, believers third, and so forth. Then when a conflict comes up between Jesus and work, for example, the former automatically wins out.

But this approach raises hard questions. What does it mean to put Jesus first? Does it mean we pray four hours a day? Should we do anything that would put Jesus second? Does it mean that when we study, Jesus is out of the picture and work is now first? If talking with our friends about Jesus’ message is more important than our work, should we even go to work? And, if our personal needs are in last place, how can we justify eight hours of sleep and two hours of eating each day? If the time we allocate is the measure, then we ourselves are certainly priority number one!

There is a better way to approach priorities. In chapter 5, we looked at Jesus’ great commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and the prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matt. 22:37–40).

Look closely at this quote. How does Jesus position the second command? He says it is like the first one. The word “like,” or homoios in the original Greek language, is an important one. It means “similar to this.” Jesus is indicating that the second command mentioned (to love others as yourself) is also “great and foremost” because it is “like” the first commandment. It’s just as important. “Second” in the context of this quote does not indicate second in rank, for the two commands are not being ranked, but listed.

Victor Paul Furnish, in The Love Command in the New Testament, explains: “In effect, then, the scribe is being told that no one command can be marked as ‘first,’ but that these two together . . . constitute the essence of the law.”[1]

When we love God, others, and ourselves, there are tremendous overlapping effects, for no relationship is exclusive. J. Grant Howard elaborates on this truth:

There are three priorities in life. My responsibility to God, to others, and to myself. They are closely related to each other. Let’s make that a stronger statement. They are inextricably tied together.

When you pray, you are loving God. That’s putting God first, but it is also putting yourself first, because you benefit from praying. When you memorize Scripture, you are loving God and in so doing putting Him first. At the same time, you are profiting from the Word and that means you are meeting your own needs, too. When you worship and praise God, He is pleased because of your response to Him. Those very same activities are also having an impact on your personal growth.

In the same way, when we fulfill a biblical obligation to a neighbor, we put our neighbor first. But the good deed also has numerous positive effects on us. In carrying out our biblical responsibilities to God and neighbors, we are always in some way involved. We are always in some way both contributor and receiver.[2]

When we set priorities, our intention is to be true to each of our important relationships, while staying within the bounds of our time and energy. This is not such a foreign idea. When we live on a budget, we have a certain amount of money to spend on necessities without overdrawing our account. The surest way to deal with conflicting priorities is to choose those which strengthen our important relationships. Say no to the other invitations!

JUST HOW MUCH IS ENOUGH?

Most of us live under constant pressure to perform — to earn more money, make better grades, see more friends, serve more people. Temporary stress, of course, can be lifesaving. But the negative effects of long-term stress are profound: physical illness, depression, poor school or job performance, disturbed family or intimate relationships, and so on.

Richard Swenson endured enormous stress. As a physician, he was constantly busy with “saving lives” and reaching out to needy people. But Richard also felt profound frustration and exhaustion. He was living on the edge of burnout.

In a moment of inspiration, Richard realized he must take back control over his life. Richard painstakingly re-examined all of his “good” activities, paying close attention to his own emotional, spiritual, and financial resources. As he cut back his commitments, 90 percent of the psychological pain disappeared. Dr. Swenson also made a startling discovery:

With more time on my hands I began to examine the forces that were so chaotically propelling not only my schedule but our culture, too. Where was all the stress coming from? Why was there so much anxiety, frustration, and depression? Why were so many people so unhappy even though they had so much?. . .

It was the pathological absence of what I call “margin” — the gap between rest and exhaustion, the space between breathing freely and suffocating. Margin, the leeway between our reserves and our limits, was missing. . . . Overload is clearly a common American experience and, naturally, margin is in epidemic short supply. From activity overload to debt overload to work overload, we are a society running on empty. . . . I discovered that the vast majority of people are better off if they draw the line somewhere short of overload, if they preserve some margin.[3]

Just how much is enough? If you love God, cherish your mate and family, care for those in your church, share Jesus with non-believing friends, do your work well, and take care of your personal needs, this is exceptional! Before setting out to better the rest of the world, assure that your private life is first in order; that you have the resources to match your personal commitments, with a little extra in reserve.

WHAT’S YOUR GAME PLAN?

In football, the competition is divided into halves and quarters. This gives the teams a chance to rest, reevaluate, and plan for the next period of play. Our lives can also be divided into segments for similar reasons. Parallel with halves and quarters might be school semesters, the time between holidays, or the term of a contract. In each segment of life, we can form a comprehensive plan that addresses each of our relationships.

A loose-leaf notebook is a useful tool in which to keep your plans organized. First, choose a time segment, such as three months between now and your next vacation or break. What do you most want to accomplish during this time period? Write this list in your notebook. Remember, your intention is not necessarily to do more activities. Rather, it’s to do the best ones! Your list might look similar to the following one:

COMPREHENSIVE PERSONAL PLAN (First Three Months)

Relating to Jesus:

Learn about spiritual gifts,

Read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

Relating to others:

Family:

Travel to see Mom and Dad this spring.

Believers:

Visit three potential churches each month.

Have Breakfast with my best friend every Tuesday.

Nonbelievers:

Talk with Luke about how I became a follower of Jesus.

Tell Warren about my faith in Jesus.

Work:

Ace the final exam in Spanish.

Be on time for work every day.

Nation/Government:

Examine the presidential candidate's platforms.

Write my senator about U.S. foreign aid.

Relating to yourself:

Jog every other day.

Plan my ski trip for December.

Life is interconnected, and we simply cannot afford to concentrate on one area alone. For this reason, your plan must address all your important relationships. Look at your plan as freeing — freeing you to do what is most essential. It’s to serve you, not vice versa!

When you reach your deadline, look at your list and write “Done!” beside each accomplishment. Congratulate yourself. Take time to celebrate! Then, create a plan for the next time segment. It might look like this:

COMPREHENSIVE PERSONAL PLAN (Second Three Months)

Relating to Jesus:

Learn about Jesus' second coming.

Read Acts, Romans, and Corinthians.

Relating to others:

Family:

Go to the family reunion this summer.

Call my cuosins each month.

Believers:

Attend the new members meeting at Southside Church.

Play basketball with Tom on Saturdays.

Nonbelievers:

Invite Luke to our next church picnic.

Give Warren a copy of More Than a Carpenter.

Work:

Register for the summer term.

Develop a new accounting system for the office.

Nation/Government:

Vote in the upcoming election.

Call my congressman about the new gun control legislation.

Relating to yourself:

Try out for the basketball team.

Save $50 each month for my ski trip in December.

The segment of time your plan covers can vary, depending on your needs. You may create a plan for a month, a year, or even five years. Notice how smaller plans can build upon each other to achieve a larger ones, like the individual steps that lead us toward a mountain’s summit.

It’s not always easy to be relationship-oriented, nor does harnessing the power of planning come without effort. Relationship-oriented people often resist planning, and planners often overlook relationships. But if we make wise decisions and adjust our plans around our relationships, we’ll be much more likely to fulfill our mission in life!

TAKE ACTION!

• Select a segment of time, between one and six months. Now, consider what you want to accomplish in each of the following relationships. Write down your plan below:

Relating to Jesus:

Relating to others:

Family:

Believers:

Nonbelievers:

Work:

Nation/Government:

Relating to yourself:

Chapter Nine

Just Do It!

OUR LIVES ARE MEANT TO BE characterized by love in action. Jesus tells us, “If you love me, you will obey what I command. . . . Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. . . . If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching . . .” (John 14:15, 21, 23). Jesus is emphasizing that genuine love can’t be separated from outward behavior.

You can distinguish those who love God by the way they live. True agape is love in motion. James, another of Jesus’ disciples, explains, “Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead” (James 2:15–17).

Children are designed to grow. Ships are built to go to sea. Muscles are created to be flexed. Likewise, Christians are intended to exercise agape love. In Dropping Your Guard, Charles Swindoll writes:

When we describe love as a demonstration, it’s because there is action, involvement, movement, expression. “Love is . . . love does. Love is not . . . love does not.” Love doesn’t sit back and snooze. It is not apathetic. It is ready and willing. It is neither passive nor indifferent. It refuses to yawn its way through life. Authentic love is demonstrative, not sterile and dull.

I distinctly remember reading about a very interesting case that came before the courts in the state of Massachusetts back in the late 1920s. It concerned a man who had been walking along a pier when suddenly he tripped over a rope and fell into the cold, deep waters of that ocean bay. He came up sputtering, screaming for help, then sank beneath the surface. For some reason he was unable to swim or stay afloat. His friends heard his faint cries in the distance, but they were too far away to rescue him. But within only a few yards was a young man lounging on a deck chair, sunbathing. Not only could the sunbather hear the drowning man plead, “Help, I can’t swim,” he also was an excellent swimmer. But the tragedy is that he did nothing. He only turned his head to watch indifferently as the man finally sank and drowned. . . .

The opposite of love is apathy, not hatred. Love, sweet love, is a demonstration, not merely an inclination.[1]

Action is the final step to realization. Our allegiance to Jesus, mission to love, and specific decisions and plans don’t amount to much unless we put them into practice. And as we act, a wonderful outcome often results: Our allegiance to Jesus, our sense of mission, and our decision-making skills all improve. Confidence in our ability to handle life begins to blossom, and we’re even more likely to carry through with action in the future. This positive-feedback cycle can be visualized in the following illustration:

STRENGTH FOR THE WORKOUT

We want to see our decisions through to completion. But often opposition, disappointment, or doubt hold us back or trip us up. Eventually our inner resources become depleted. Where can we possibly get the strength to carry on?

- Strength from God — When Jesus left the earth, He gave us a commission to share His message with the entire world. But Jesus didn’t stop there. He also reassured us, “And I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matt. 28:20). Jesus encourages us today through the work of His Spirit in our lives, reminding us of His ever-present security: His love, inspiration, forgiveness, and eternity. Paul reminds us of this wonderful resource: “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being” (Eph. 3:16).

- Strength from others — Jesus teaches us the importance of being in a network with believers (1 Cor. 12:12–13). When we live like this, we have access to a tremendous source of strength. When we’re emotionally down, someone can encourage us (Heb. 10:25). When confronted with a problem, we can jointly find a solution

(Acts 6:1–7). When we err, another can gently correct us (James 5:19–20). By living in the midst of relationships with other believers, we can respond to challenges with remarkable energy!

- Strength from inner conviction — We can also find encouragement from deep within ourselves, if we know what we’re attempting is truly right. Paul referred to this fact when he wrote, “Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God” (2 Cor. 1:12).

Inner conviction can be especially helpful in the times when others don’t understand or support us. Even if we seem to have failed, we can still find joy in the conviction of fighting for the right cause. After all, our security is already assured. It can’t be earned through our performance. It is simply a gift we receive by trusting Jesus. In this truth we can find peace, assurance, and incredible strength when life gets tough.

READY, SET, GO!

In high school, I read the books of Tom Dooley, a navy physician from St. Louis, Missouri. He ran a refugee camp in Vietnam for those escaping the Communist-controlled part of their country. A dedicated Christian, Dooley was moved by the tremendous suffering he witnessed. He also found remarkable joy and inspiration through helping them, and spent the remainder of his life working among the poor in Southeast Asia.

As I read of Dooley’s adventures, I was moved to follow his example. After I finished the years of medical training, I found an organization eager to support me. Still, I felt as if something was lacking. One evening I shared my hesitation with my mother. She listened intently and then took my hand. “Honey,” she said, “you’re ready. Now just do it!”

One afternoon, a few months later, I was on my way from my new home to the hospital in Kalukembe, Angola. As I drove up in the land rover, a nurse from the emergency room stopped me. It was Anthony. “Come quickly! We have a man whose leg was blown off by a land mine.”

The man was unconscious, having lost much blood. He was very old. I looked at his chart and noted his name: John the Baptist. His right leg was wrapped in a gunny sack, stained dark red. I dreaded removing the sack. We began to give the man intravenous fluids and blood, and hurried him to the operating room.

I suspected that John might have suffered brain damage from the blood loss. When we unwrapped the leg, fragments of his bare tibial bone, stripped of muscle and skin, were jabbing out where the lower leg had been. John’s foot was completely gone. The shredded muscles close to the knee draped over the upper leg in an ugly mass. The flesh stank horribly, for the wound was two days old. I turned my head away to fight off my nausea.

“How did he get here?” I inquired.

“By a homemade stretcher,” Anthony replied. “Outside are the men who carried him.”

“How long did it take them?”

“Only about six hours. But you see, this man was not discovered until morning when someone stumbled across him.”

I shook my head. “Let’s pray for him,” I suggested.

The nurses paused, and I put my hand on John’s elderly head. “Jesus,” I said, “we’re shaken over what happened to John. We know that You love him. Please help him recover. Please help us to do our part. And give us the strength we need to carry on.”

As I finished speaking, Anthony handed me a soapy sponge. I scrubbed the leg and drew a line where I would amputate it. Next, I wrapped the mangled lower leg in a sterile sheet to keep it from contaminating everything. As I worked, I kept an eye on the blood transfusion dripping into John’s vein. It was what John needed most, but it seemed to flow so slowly! After half an hour I was finished, and we moved John to the intensive care ward. Before I left, I stopped at his bed again. John had not opened his eyes or moved at all. I imagined he’d probably die, and all we had done was in vain.

Approaching home I found Elizabeth, my daughter, shouting and running toward me. I was emotionally and physically drained, but she energized me with her excitement. I told Elizabeth about my long afternoon as she played with her pet monkey. We had just finished eating when there was a knock at the door; it was Anthony again. A child was having an asthma attack. Moments later, I examined the girl in the intensive care ward. She was wheezing badly. We gave her some adrenaline, and after a few minutes she was breathing comfortably.

As I was leaving, I asked the nurse about the old man. He replied, “Why don’t you go and talk with him yourself?” I was startled!

At the bedside, John the Baptist looked deep into my eyes. “You must be the doctor,” he exclaimed. “You helped save my life!”

“I am so glad to see you awake. I was really worried,” I replied, almost in disbelief at his recovery.

“I was pretty worried, too. I was walking with a sack of seed corn, and the next thing I knew, I was blasted into the air. When I hit the ground, I was afraid to look. The blood was flowing out of my leg in torrents. I was so scared, I could hardly move. But I knew that I had to do something.” His voice was feeble, but I could understand his words. “I took off my shirt and tied it tight around my leg. I cried out for help, but no one came. As the shock wore off, the pain became excruciating. Then when night fell, I was sure that I would never see the morning again. But when I awoke, I was here!”

As the weeks wore on, John gradually became stronger. His leg was healing, he was gaining weight, and learning to walk with crutches. After two months John went back to his village and his plot of land.

Several months later, I had almost forgotten about the entire episode. One day I was looking through the mail. A letter was posted to me from within the country. This is strange, I thought. I usually only get mail from America. I opened the envelope. It was from John the Baptist:

I know the work of a doctor is difficult. You see so many people and do not have much time for yourself. You do not receive much thanks for your service. But this is the greatest appreciation I can show you, to thank you for helping save my life, to thank you for coming to Angola.

I was so overcome with joy, I dropped the letter. At that moment I knew in my heart that all the struggle to decide what to do with my life, and to carry through with those plans, had been worthwhile. I, too, was glad I chose to come.

TAKE ACTION!

- Think of an important project you decided to do, but have never actually accomplished. What is necessary to complete it?

- Think of a situation in which you received strength to finish a difficult commitment. How did this come about? How might you find the strength you need in the future?

Summing Up

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE?

Each of us must decide how to live, including choices of marriage, career, church, friends, and hobbies. The quality of our lives depends much upon these choices. But good decisions usually don’t just happen. They require energy and skill. What can we do to make better decisions?

BEST LEADER — JESUS CHRIST

We must begin by realizing that many different people may influence our choices: friends, parents, professors, and the media, among others. But the best influence is Jesus Christ. He promises, “I have come that they might have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). Our greatest need is for the security and leadership He offers. Our greatest decision is to trust Him (John 11:26). It’s not simply a one-time choice. Rather, it’s a lifestyle in which we continue to follow Jesus day after day.

What does Jesus want us to do? Though He may supernaturally reveal some guidance, God usually gives us the privilege and responsibility to choose for ourselves, using the principles and instructions found in the Bible.

BEST MISSION — TO LOVE JESUS, OTHERS, AND SELF

Our mission is our highest objective. People choose many different missions or purposes for which to live, including position, possessions, pleasure, and projects. But Jesus declares that the primary mission of His followers is to love people with agape — that tough, enduring, committed love (Matt. 22:35–40).

You agape love through building relationships with Jesus, Others (including family, believers, nonbelievers, work, and our nation), and Yourself. But this is often not easy. We must continue developing our skills to love people better (Phil. 1:9–10).

BEST STRATEGY — BUILT WITH WISDOM

Once we identify our mission, we must make individual choices concerning how we’ll fulfill it (Eph. 5:15–16). But even in this, we’re not alone. God offers us wisdom — the ability to assess a situation and determine the best course of action.

The Bible contains much teaching on how to make wise decisions. Many of these points can be summed up in the mnemonic P O P C O R N:

P — Pray for wisdom

O — List the Options

P — Weigh the Pros

C — Weigh the Cons

O — Open your Bible

R — Get Recommendations

N — No hurry!

In every stage of life, we can formulate a comprehensive plan for what we want to accomplish in each of our important relationships. And finally, we want to follow through with action and fulfill our mission (2 Tim. 4:7).

Endnotes

Chapter One

1. J. Grant Howard, Balancing Life’s Demands (Portland, OR: Multnomah Press, 1983).

Chapter Five

1. John Boykin, The Gospel of Circumstance (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1991).

2. James Dobson, What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew about Women (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 1975).

Chapter Six

1. Webster’s New World Dictionary of the American Language (Nashville, TN: The Southwestern Company, 1971).

2. Howard. Balancing Life’s Demands.

3. James Dobson, Dr. Dobson Answers Your Questions (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 1984).

Chapter Seven

1. J.I. Packer, Knowing God (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1973).

2. Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson, The One-Minute Manager (New York, NY: HarperCollins, 1983).

3. John Henry Jowett, Things That Matter Most (New York, NY: F.H. Revell, 1913).

Chapter Eight

1. Victor Paul Furnish, The Love Command in the New Testament (Nashville, TN: Abingdon Press, 1972).

2. Howard. Balancing Life’s Demands.

3. Richard Swenson, “Overcoming Overload,” Physician, Focus on the Family, Jan/Feb 1994: p. 20.

Chapter Nine

1. Charles Swindoll, Dropping Your Guard (Waco, TX: Word Publishers, 1983).

About the Author

Dr. Nicholas Comninellis teaches public health and family medicine at the University of Missouri-Kansas City and Trinity Lutheran Hospital.

He has authored two other books, Shanghai Doctor and Creative Defense and co-authored Darwin’s Demise with Joe White of Kanakuk Kamps in Branson, Missouri. Nicholas’ credits include numerous medical publications in the journals Family Medicine and Tropical Doctor, among others. He is especially passionate about outreach to neglected people, and spent several years working in Africa and China. Nicholas’ home base is in Liberty, Missouri, where he is part of Shoal Creek Community Church.

Dr. Comninellis operating in Angola (far right).

Table of Contents

Part I: Where Do I Go from Here?

Chapter 1: We Must Decide!

Chapter 2: So What's the Problem?

Part II: Best Leader — Jesus Christ

Chapter 3: Whom Will You Follow?

Chapter 4: How Does God Lead Us?

Part III: Best Mission — To Love Jesus, Others, and Yourself

Chapter 5: The 5 Ps

Chapter 6: Agape — Currency of the Kingdom

Part IV: Best Strategy — Built with Wisdom

Chapter 7: POPCORN Decisions

Chapter 8: What's Your Game Plan?

Chapter 9: Just Do It!

Summing Up