© 2011

by Striving Together Publications. All Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version.

First published in 2011 by Striving Together Publications, a ministry of Lancaster Baptist Church, Lancaster, CA 93535. Striving Together Publications is committed to providing tried, trusted, and proven resources that will further equip local churches to carry out the Great Commission. Your comments and suggestions are valued.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise—without written permission of the publisher, except for brief quotations in printed reviews.

Striving Together Publications

4020 E. Lancaster Blvd.

Lancaster, CA 93535

800.201.7748

Edited by Danielle Mordh and Monica Bass

Cover design by Andrew Jones

Layout by Craig Parker

Special thanks to our proofreaders

ISBN 978-1-59894-166-1

eISBN 978-1-59894-183-8

“This is an essential book for ladies of this generation! In our complex and busy lives, many wrong choices are made. But even worse, some ladies feel they have no choice at all in their life situation. Using clear biblical principles and practical solutions, Terrie leads ladies to make Christ-honoring choices.”

—MRS. MILA NORRIS, pastor’s wife, Franklin Road Baptist Church, Murfreesboro, Tennessee

“A very encouraging and easy to read book about subjects we all deal with every day. It is both convicting and funny in places. This book spoke to my heart in a number of ways!”

—MRS. DENISE FOLGER, pastor’s wife, Cleveland Baptist Church, Brooklyn, Ohio

“How our world would be turned upside down for Christ if all of us would make the godly choices outlined in this tremendous book. No matter what age you are or what season of life you are in, this is a must read for every Christian lady. God truly gave Terrie wisdom and guidance as she put this book together to help every woman of God make the right choices for life’s journey, day by day, year by year.”

—MRS. CHERYL STENSAAS, missionary, Mbarara, Uganda

“Encouraging and convicting! Throughout this book, Terrie uses Scripture to show us what God expects, but she also gives us the tools through relating her own experiences and sharing her insights to help us put wise choices into practice. This is a must read for any woman wanting to grow in the Lord.”

—MRS. MELANIE LEVERSEE, pastor’s wife, Desert Gateway Baptist Church, Gilbert, Arizona

Empowering—The pages are filled with Scriptures that empower us to make excellent choices today that will shape and direct our tomorrows.

Refreshing—The humor and genuineness of the life experiences Terrie shares are a refreshing awareness that each of us face similar crossroads.

Motivating—Terrie’s writing sparks a deep motivation to analyze and align every choice in our day with the Word of God.

—MRS. STEPHANIE TIDD, pastor’s wife, Lighthouse Baptist Church, Indianapolis, Indiana

For more information about Terrie, please visit terriechappell.com.

dedication

To my children and their spouses—Danielle and Peter, Larry and Ashley, Kristine and Jon, and Matthew and Katie

It is a joy to see you choosing to live for God and investing your lives into helping others choose the Lord. I love you all.

And to my grandchildren—Camden and Delanie (and the others to follow!)

I am praying that you will choose early to trust Christ as your Saviour and choose to live for God your entire lives.

acknowledgments

This book is the result of the efforts of many. Some have helped directly as the manuscript took shape, and others have helped by shaping my life.

Thank you, Paul, for being a leader whose choices I can follow. I am honored and thankful to be your wife.

Thank you to the ladies of Lancaster Baptist Church for loving the Lord and encouraging each other to make choices that are pleasing to Him. Your sincere faith is an encouragement to me.

Thank you to the ladies of West Coast Baptist College for your determination to serve the Lord. You are making some of the most important decisions of your lives right now, and it is a joy to see you follow the Lord’s will.

Thank you, Danielle Mordh and Monica Bass, for helping me compile and edit the lessons and seed thoughts that brought this book together.

Thank you, Sarah Michael and the team of volunteer proofreaders, for investing your time in this project.

And finally, thank you to those ladies who read and reviewed the early manuscript of this book. Your comments were insightful, and your encouragement was invaluable. I treasure your friendship.

contents

foreword

the most important choice

introduction

1. excellent choices—discover the importance of a right choice

2. choose to be real—living an authentic Christian life

3. choose to live by faith—learning to demonstrate trust on a daily basis

4. choose to listen to God—craving the spiritual nourishment only God can give

5. choose to talk to God—developing a life of communion with God

6. choose to let go—releasing your past to the God of grace

7. choose to press on—committing your future to the God of love

8. choose to be joyful—living above the circumstances of life

9. choose to be strong—claiming God’s strength in trials

10. choose to succeed—allowing failure to lead to victory

11. choose to serve—ministering from a heart of worship

12. choose to speak wisely—understanding the power of the tongue

13. choose to be filled with the Spirit—experiencing the power of a Spirit-filled life

conclusion

about the author

foreword

I was recently driving in an unfamiliar city where I was speaking, and I mistakenly took several wrong turns. But the next thing I knew, I was right where I had intended to go in the first place! Fortunately for me, the turns I accidentally chose eventually brought me to where I wanted to be. But choosing to live the abundant Christian life doesn’t happen the same way. We must make intentional decisions to go where God leads if we want to end up where God wants us to go.

We face many choices every day. Researchers say that the average human adult makes thousands and thousands of decisions each day. The majority of these choices are simple ones that determine what we do in life. Yet there are other decisions we make—spiritual choices—that will determine the outcome and the value of how each day is lived. Living a Christ-like life does not happen automatically when we are born again. It is a choice we make each day.

This great truth has been modeled by my friend, Terrie Chappell, who has spent her life choosing to pursue God’s path. As a wife, mother, grandmother, and servant of the Lord, she has chosen to follow the Bible and live by its principles. This book is supported by the living testimony of her life. She has learned the secret of choosing to trust and obey God in all areas, in spite of the circumstances, and living a Christ-like life.

In the subsequent pages, Terrie shares principles from God’s Word that help us make the right choices and choose to live the life God intends for us. This insightful book will give you the tools you need to make choices that will change your life—for good!

You can choose to have a life that is happy, blessed, and pleasing to God. These qualities are within your grasp, but you will have to make the choice. It’s up to you—you choose!

Penny Gibbs Moreno Valley, California May 2011

the most important choice

Before we begin this book, I’d like to be sure we are starting on the same page—not this literal page you are reading, but the starting place for every choice we will explore in this book—a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

The choices we are about to make together require God’s grace and strength. Even as I present each choice to you in the coming pages, I am doing so from the assumption that you already know the Lord as your Saviour. After all, if you want to grow your relationship with God, you must first have a relationship!

Some ladies believe a relationship with God is established through birth into a Christian family or through religious affiliations. Some believe you can’t know for sure that you even know God. Others believe you can earn your way to God through kindness, faithfulness, or other good works. The actual truth, as revealed in God’s Word, is far better than any of these ideas.

In Ephesians 2:8–9, God tells us that salvation is not related in any way to our works or to anything that we do. Instead, it is a gift of His grace: “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.”

When I was in the sixth grade, I attended church for the first time. I actually went, looking forward to candy and a fun program, but at church, I found something so much better. I learned how I could know Christ personally and also know for sure that I would spend eternity with Him in Heaven. If you don’t already know this, if you don’t already have a relationship with Christ that is founded on the truth of God’s Word, the Scriptures I am about to share with you are vital. They are not only the starting place for every choice in this book, but they are the starting place for your relationship with God—the most important relationship in life and eternity!

why we need Christ

The Bible is very clear that we all have a huge problem—sin. Romans 3:23 explains, “For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” This verse simply means that none of us are perfect, and even the best of us are sinners. It is our sin that separates us from God.

Sin has a high price tag, too. Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death….” In other words, the price for sin is eternal death apart from God in a lake of fire called Hell. Revelation 21:8 describes this place and those who go there: “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Literally, this is where you and I are headed without the intervention of God.

what Christ did for us

The payment for our sin is death, but in God’s great mercy, Jesus made that payment for us. The rest of Romans 6:23 says, “…but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.” Again in Romans 5:8 God says, “But God commendeth [proved] His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”

Jesus Christ came to earth as God in the flesh, lived a perfect life, and then voluntarily died on a cross because He loves you. On that cross, He literally paid for all of your sins. He took your blame! He punished Himself for your sin. Then, because He is God, He rose from the dead three days later and now offers you the gift of salvation. What a great gift!

John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” God, in His awesome love, came to earth to make a way for you to be forgiven of your sins and given eternal life!

how we receive Christ

Salvation is a gift—purchased by Christ and received by us. Knowing Jesus died to pay for our sins is not enough; we must receive His gift. Romans 10:13 says, “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.” In verse 10 of that same chapter God says, “For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” It’s as simple as believing what God says—choosing to receive His gift!

If you’ve never asked Jesus Christ to be your personal Saviour, you could do that right now. Simply confess to Him that you understand you are a sinner deserving of Hell and that you trust His payment for your forgiveness and salvation. You could sincerely pray something like this:

Lord Jesus, I believe that You are God, that You died for my sin, and that You rose again from the dead. I know that I am a sinner, and I ask You now to be my personal Saviour. I’m placing my full trust in You alone, and I now accept Your gift of eternal life. Thank you for keeping Your promise! In Jesus’ name, Amen.

This simple—but life-changing—decision is the best choice you’ll ever make. It is the foundation of all other spiritual decisions and the starting place for every other choice in this book. (If you have just made this choice to trust Christ, I’d love to hear from you! You can email me at yourchoice@strivingtogether.com.)

Now that you have a relationship with Christ, let’s begin growing that relationship by learning how to make choices that will please Him.

introduction

We live in a culture that caters to our choices. Think about it: Starbucks boasts a slogan, “Create your own drink.” For years, Burger King has encouraged, “Have it your way.” Baskin Robbins offers 31 different flavors of ice cream for us to choose from. I actually read a statistic recently that stated that the most requested flavor of Baskin Robbins 31 is still trusty ol’ vanilla. In spite of all the variety at our fingertips, most of us go for the most plain—and secure—option. But we still love our variety! We like our options, and we enjoy the opportunity to choose our preferences.

The opportunity to choose is one of the special features God created within us. He made us with a free will, and He gives us the freedom to make our own choices. Some choices we make are simple—like which flavor of ice cream to select at Baskin Robbins or what color of shoes we will wear. Other choices, however, are life-changing—like how we will respond to adversity or what importance we will give our walk with God. Choices such as these are the topic of this book.

We can make the minor choices of flavor, style, or taste relying on preference alone. But for the other choices—those that actually impact our lives and the lives of others—we must base our decisions on something far more reliable than personal preference or changing emotions. These choices must be made based on the principles in Scripture, and they must be motivated by a desire to fulfill God’s will for our lives.

God is kind to give us the ability to choose, and He is good to give us His Word to guide us to make wise choices. I pray that this book is a help to you in making choices that honor God and draw you closer to Him. The choice is yours!

CHAPTER 1

excellent choices

discover the importance of a right choice

When our family goes to a restaurant, everyone really appreciates it if I order last. Otherwise, I look like Lucy Ricardo in the I Love Lucy episode at the restaurant. If you haven’t seen this particular episode, Lucy and Ricky go out to dinner with Fred and Ethel. Lucy, who had already placed her order, changed her mind after each other person ordered! The waiter was so frustrated with her that he quit his job! (Thankfully, that hasn’t happened to me yet.) The only reason I haven’t had a similar effect on restaurant staff, is that I watch what everyone else orders first. Then, as I listen to their orders, I can change my mind to my heart’s content before committing to my own order.

I know I’m not alone in this struggle with indecision, because when I am with a group of ladies at a restaurant, we all ask each other, “What are you going to get?” before we order. It’s not that we really care what they are going to eat; we just want to see if it sounds better than what we were planning to order.

I know it’s silly, but I feel a deep sense of personal gratification when a waiter or waitress takes my order and then pays the affirming compliment, “That’s an excellent choice!”

What I choose for a single meal, however, is not the most significant choice of my day. All of us routinely make choices that have a far greater effect on our lives. These choices actually determine our fulfillment and usefulness for Christ.

accumulated choices

Several months after we moved to Lancaster, some dear friends of our family made arrangements for us to move out of our tiny apartment into a real house. Our apartment did not have air conditioning (which makes for rough summers in the desert), and the previous occupants had animals that left the carpets soiled beyond repair. Needless to say, I was excited and thankful to have a home. It wasn’t long before I began decorating it room by room.

Wallpaper was popular at the time, and I found a print that I thought would be beautiful in our bedroom. It was patterned with delicate vines and laced with country blue and mauve flowers and finished with a silky sheen.

I had never wallpapered before, but I didn’t let this deter me. Surely it couldn’t be that difficult. I had watched someone do it once, and she made it look easy. This would be a cinch!

Choosing where in the room to begin was my first decision. I knew the paper needed to hang straight, so I figured the best place to start would be in one of the corners. I was sure that the corners would be perfectly square and straight. (If you have ever wallpapered a room, you know that was a definite misconception!)

I measured my first piece, cut it, and soaked it in warm water to activate the glue. Carefully, using the corner as my guide, I fixed it to the wall. I measured and cut the next piece and hung it. Then I began the next. I was beginning to feel pretty professional at this.

As I reached the end of the first wall, though, I faced a problem. The edge of the wallpaper was not straight with the corner. I stepped back to look from the other end of the room. Sure enough—the paper was definitely crooked.

This is when I learned the importance of a plumb line. It is also when I discovered that wallpaper is far harder to remove than it is to put up! Over the next several hours, I learned that removing wallpaper can rip off part of the drywall behind it, that patching walls is tedious and time-consuming, and that purchasing another roll of wallpaper for one that was needlessly wasted is frustrating.

The crooked wallpaper, torn walls, extra expense, and hours of additional work were nothing like what I had in mind when I started the project. But I really had no one to blame but myself! After all, the result was simply a series of my own choices. I chose to not seek advice but to learn as I worked. I chose to work without a plumb line. I chose to believe that things were as they were not (i.e., the corners of my bedroom being straight). The end result was the accumulated effect of my choices.

Just as my bedroom reflected the sum total of my choices, so our lives will reflect the series of choices we make. Unless we make conscious decisions to choose wisely, we will base our choices simply on what looks best to us at the moment. As a result, our lives will end in a disheveled disarray—not at all the picture we had in mind when we started.

On the other hand, if we daily make well thought out choices, the accumulated result will be beauty and symmetry.

In the coming pages, we will explore together the power of our choices. At the same time, we will examine twelve choices that directly affect our walk with God and every other aspect of our lives.

Before we move further, however, let’s consider how to recognize and select the most excellent choices.

the guides to excellent choices

Have you ever felt so bombarded with choices that you didn’t have the clarity to even think? A few years ago, I had the opportunity to travel with my husband to New Jersey. Some dear friends picked us up from the airport, and we had an enjoyable dinner together, followed by dessert at their home.

When it was time to leave, instead of taking us back to the hotel, they kindly offered to let us use their car. Not knowing our way around New Jersey, we were a little hesitant. We are used to driving in California, where the directional landmarks are easy to spot. This is not so in New Jersey! It seems that the trees hide any directional signage. Our friends assured us they had a gps, and even though there was one built into the car, they gave us a portable Garmin gps to use as well. We were equipped with two navigational systems. How could we possibly get lost?

Appreciative of the kindness extended to us, we waved goodbye and headed to our hotel. When we reached the first intersection, a woman’s voice told us to turn left. At the same time, another woman’s voice told us to turn right! My husband and I looked at each other as if to say, “Did I hear that right?” My poor husband—he now had three women telling him how to drive!

We parked for just a moment to refer to a good old-fashioned paper map, when a car approached us from behind. The driver happened to be the daughter of the couple who had loaned us their car. She gave us clear directions, and before long we were at our hotel.

Thankfully, the most important choices in life are far simpler than navigating through unknown cities with two gps devices! God has given us two infallible guides to direct us—and they perfectly synchronize with one other.

God’s Word

Popular psychology and human reasoning tell us to map our lives by what feels good. They encourage us to “just follow your heart.” The problem is, our hearts are not reliable. Jeremiah 17:9 warns, “The heart is deceitful above all things.…” When we follow our hearts, we may feel good about our choices at the moment, but we usually find ourselves on a road that leads to an unwanted destination. Our hearts are fickle, unstable, and untrustworthy.

God has given us a much better guide in His Word. His Word never changes, and its dependability has been proven through the centuries. When we map our lives by choosing to obey the direction of God’s Word, we will not only be spared the harm of our own ways, but we will be happy. We will enjoy the journey! As we learn to apply God’s wisdom and the truths from His Word, we will see the reality of Proverbs 3:17–18: “Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to them that lay hold upon her: and happy is every one that retaineth her.” The choices God asks us to make are to our benefit—for both today and for our future.

In this book, we examine twelve areas of choice—choices that we all make regularly. If we were to consider these areas through our own reasoning, we would come to very different conclusions—ones that would be both self-serving and self-destructive.

The Scriptures we will look at in these chapters, however, contain the very promises and directions of God for our lives. As we get to know God’s Word and grow in our understanding of His principles, we develop a spiritual discernment for our choices. In Philippians 1:9–10 Paul wrote, “And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ.”

I pray that through this book you will fall more deeply in love with God’s Word as you see how relevant it is to your daily living.

The Holy Spirit

Just hours before Jesus was crucified, He promised to give His disciples an amazing gift—the Holy Spirit (John 16:7). When you trusted Jesus as your Saviour, God Himself—the third Person of the Trinity—took up residence within your spirit (Ephesians 1:13). One of the Holy Spirit’s many ministries is that of guiding us through His Word into paths of truth. Jesus told His disciples, “But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you” (John 14:26).

The indwelling Spirit of God takes the very words which He inspired (2 Peter 1:21) and, as our personal Teacher, explains their truths to us. Not only that, but as we learn to recognize His voice, we will sense His promptings within us to obey and follow the choices He has directed us to make. For instance, I can learn through the pages of Scripture the importance of using kind, encouraging, and edifying words. But in the pressure of daily living, I sometimes forget. Many times, however, as I have opened my mouth to say something I would later regret, the Holy Spirit has gently reminded and warned me to not say it. On other occasions, He has prompted me to give encouraging or uplifting words to another lady—sometimes when no one but God knew that she desperately needed encouragement in that moment.

The best part of it all is that the Holy Spirit becomes our Divine Companion and Friend. Through the very process of listening to and following Him in right choices, our relationship with Him grows and strengthens.

God was good to give us these two guides—His Word and His Spirit. Unlike the gps units we tried to follow in New Jersey, these guides will never contradict one another. In perfect union, they teach us and lead us to make choices that shape our lives for good.

how today affects tomorrow

If you were to plan the perfect day, what would it include? A good hair day? Obedient children? A date with your husband? A shopping spree? A clean house (that stays clean for more than five minutes!)? Lunch with a close friend?

Perhaps you’ve noticed that the perfect day rarely happens.

So often our best laid plans get distorted and even changed. We can plan—and we should. But many days it seems that life is out of our control. Circumstances bigger than us can thwart our carefully ordered schedules. Decisions made by people higher than us supersede our agendas.

Sometimes we believe that our futures are determined by the unfolding circumstances of our lives. We think our tomorrows are dictated by the outcomes of the relationships and agendas of those around us. Our futures, however, are not shaped by others as we often assume. Although many circumstances are out of our control, our futures are not determined by our circumstances. They are determined by the choices we make today. Each of our tomorrows is directly affected by today’s choices.

When we choose obedience to the Word of God and make conscious choices to daily guide our thoughts, words, and actions by God’s truth, we are shaping a future for ourselves of unparalleled blessings. Our most significant blessings come in the form of a relationship—a walk with God. Making excellent choices of truth develops the most satisfying and sustaining relationship possible.

Another blessing is that through making godly choices, we are tying ourselves to the unbreakable promises of God. No force on earth can wrestle from our futures the promises God has made to those who will choose to honor Him. Throughout this book, you will discover many of these promises, and you’ll see how they are tied to the choices you make.

The best planning begins with the end in mind. So if you desire a vibrant relationship with the Lord and a future of joy and fulfillment, plan for it today by making excellent choices.

it starts today

Please don’t miss this truth: If you want a strong walk with God and if you want to claim the incredible promises of God, the journey starts today. The quality of your walk with God and the landscape of your future are determined by the choices you make right now.

I pray that even before you read the twelve areas of choice addressed in this book, you will determine that you want to allow your choices to be guided by God’s Word and the Holy Spirit. We all make many choices daily. We might as well determine to make good ones!

The outcomes we desire are determined as we choose excellence today. The choice is ours.

CHAPTER 2

choose to be real

living an authentic Christian life

Several years ago, my husband and I had the opportunity to go on a missions trip to Korea, where he had lived as a teenager. We had one afternoon free, so we went shopping for souvenirs for the family. My husband took us to a shopping market that is especially known for their good deals and “knock offs.” My kids were in their teen years and were becoming aware of name brands, so I was excited to shop for them.

It wasn’t long before I spotted a particular name brand shirt that I knew my sons would like. I was excited to see the cost for the shirt was just a few dollars. My excitement quickly faded, though, when my husband showed me that the shirts were not authentic. In fact, after a closer look, it was quite obvious that they were fake. The name brand looked great at first glance or to the casual passerby, but after examining it, we noticed it was misspelled! My boys would not have been impressed, and I’m thankful my husband noticed the imitation for what it was.

We chose not to get the shirts and eventually settled on authentic NFL jackets for the boys. I knew we made the right choice when my son saw the jacket, and knowing that imitations were abundant where we had shopped, he asked, “Is it real?”

We like what is real. Sometimes I try to save money by purchasing cheaper substitutes when I am out grocery shopping. But on some items, I have never been able to fool my husband. When it comes to Oreos, Heinz ketchup, and real mayonnaise, he wants the genuine thing, and I’ve learned that his taste buds are keen to detect substitutes. I’m the same way with soda. My favorite is Diet Coke, and the cheaper brands like Shasta or the store brand just don’t do it for me.

It seems that for everything of value, there is a fake substitute. We have fake leather, fake fur, fake jewels, and even fake eyelashes. Of course they are never labeled “fake.” Instead, they are called “faux” or “imitation.” Some advertisements boast of items “decorated with imitation palm leaves” or “made with simulated alligator hide.” My favorite is “real synthetic fur.” (I’d hate to use fake synthetic fur!)

But imitations and façades don’t stop with food items and eyelashes. People often pretend to be something they are not. There are many Christian women who profess to follow Christ and even engage in ministry at church, but their actions are only for the praise of others. Other women claim to be Christians but never spend time in Bible reading or prayer. They do not have hearts that sincerely worship and love God. Their surface profession and actions advertise something different than they really are.

I once heard of a church member who filled in as a substitute teacher for a young Sunday school class in her church. As she began her lesson, she asked, “Why do you think people call me a Christian?” After a pause, one little boy raised his hand timidly and suggested, “Because they don’t know you?”

I know that I will never be perfect this side of Heaven, but I want my heart for God to be genuine. I want who I am on the outside to be a true reflection of what God has done in my heart on the inside.

the label of a real Christian

People label Christians all the time. I once visited a lady who had come to our church the previous Sunday. As we talked, the lady told me about one of our church members who had first invited and encouraged her to come to our church. She described how this member demonstrated genuine care for her, even when she wasn’t “required” to and when no one else saw it. She ended her story by saying, “She’s a real Christian.”

We’ve probably all heard the opposite type of statements: “That sure wasn’t a Christian thing to do!” “I thought she was a Christian.” “What kind of Christian is that?” I never want to settle for labels such as these. I’d rather have a label like “unfeigned faith,” such as Paul gave Timothy (2 Timothy 1:5).

The world is full of non-authentic Christians—people who claim the name of Christ but who don’t live like Him and don’t seek His work of growth in their hearts and lives. We need something so much deeper than “lip service” for the Lord. We need to truly walk in His grace.

The choice of authenticity is foundational for every other choice we will look at in this book. If we want to cultivate lives that reach deeper than the external disciplines or visible evidences of Christianity, then at the core of our decisions must be hearts that are authentically hungry for God.

Is your walk with the Lord real, or are you settling for a cheap substitute?

a clarification

Ladies sometimes confuse “being real” with not caring about appearances or transformation. On a few occasions, I’ve seen a lady lose her temper and shortly thereafter say, “Well, that’s just the way I am. It’s the real me.” It’s almost as if “being real” is an excuse for being wrong! She is implying that holding onto a grudge or struggle is okay as long as you don’t try to hide it.

God does not call us to the kind of realism that unblushingly reveals our flaws while at the same time resists change or growth. Instead, He wants us to ask Him to do a genuine work of grace in our hearts that results in true Christian growth and maturity. He wants us to refuse to settle for mere outer conformity and allow Him to actually change us into His likeness.

marks of a real Christian

Over the years, my husband’s grandmother had acquired an extensive amount of jewelry. Some of it was “the real deal,” and other pieces were very nice cubic zirconium. When Grandma passed away, the sisters didn’t know how to divide the jewelry. So, they decided to put all the jewelry in the center of a table. Then, going around the table, each sister took turns choosing a piece of jewelry until all was spoken for. Some time later, my mother-in-law took the jewelry she had selected to an appraiser. Imagine her surprise when she was told that she had chosen all the cubic zirconium jewelry. She did not come away with one authentic jewel. (It was a good thing her choices were made for the sentimental rather than the monetary value!)

Jewelers, like the one my mother-in-law went to, know what to look for to determine if a jewel is genuine. One simple test for diamonds is that a true diamond can cut glass. The reality of diamonds is seen in the marks that they make. So it is with true Christianity—it is shown in the marks that we make.

Before we look at how to be real, let’s briefly examine some of the marks of real Christians. When we talk about being authentic, to what are we referring? What does a real Christian look like?

Righteous living

As persecution toward the early church in Jerusalem grew, so did the generosity of the early Christians. Acts 4:34–35 records the voluntary giving of all the members of the church toward those who were in need.

One particular couple in the church wanted the recognition and praise of selling their land and giving to the poor. They didn’t, however, want the sacrifice. Their solution? They sold the land and gave a portion of the money, pretending that this was the complete sum.

Acts 5 records their story and the severity with which God dealt with this early hypocrisy in the church:

But a certain man named Ananias, with Sapphira his wife, sold a possession, And kept back part of the price, his wife also being privy to it, and brought a certain part, and laid it at the apostles’ feet. But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost, and to keep back part of the price of the land? Whiles it remained, was it not thine own? and after it was sold, was it not in thine own power? why hast thou conceived this thing in thine heart? thou hast not lied unto men, but unto God. And Ananias hearing these words fell down, and gave up the ghost: and great fear came on all them that heard these things. And the young men arose, wound him up, and carried him out, and buried him. And it was about the space of three hours after, when his wife, not knowing what was done, came in. And Peter answered unto her, Tell me whether ye sold the land for so much? And she said, Yea, for so much. Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out. Then fell she down straightway at his feet, and yielded up the ghost: and the young men came in, and found her dead, and, carrying her forth, buried her by her husband.—Acts 5:1–10

No one was forcing Ananias and Sapphira to sell their land or to give the profit from the sale to the church. They would not have been sinning to keep all of the money. Their sin was in pretending to be something they were not.

A Christian lady may be a zealous church worker, a conscientious parent, a faithful giver, and a talented leader. But none of these actions matter if she does not reflect a genuine heart before God.

One indicator of our genuineness toward the Lord is our obedience to Him. As Samuel explained to Saul in 1 Samuel 15:22, “to obey is better than sacrifice.” God is not pleased or honored when we fill our schedules with visible service for Him while ignoring obedience to Him in the private areas of our lives—time in His Word and prayer, loving and serving our families, and with humility and grace serving others in unseen areas.

Also, when our hearts are right with God, we will take our sin as seriously as God does. Our natural tendency is to be content as long as our sin is not exposed. But an authentic Christian woman who desires to live righteously is only content when her sin is confessed to God. Authentic Christians don’t trivialize or excuse sin. They simply confess it to the Lord and then rejoice—not in their self-righteousness—but in His abundant forgiveness (1 John 1:8–9).

There is no higher compliment to a Christian lady than to call her a “righteous person.” When we practice righteous living—even in the unseen areas of our lives—we demonstrate a level of authenticity that reaches deeper than a showy exterior.

Many can boast of their achievements or subtly direct others to notice their sacrifices, but holiness before God is a mark of genuineness. As D.L. Moody said, “A holy life will make the deepest impression. Lighthouses blow no horns; they just shine.”

Heart for souls

Authentic Christians care for that which is important to God—the souls of others. As my husband sometimes says, we must make His last command our first priority. Christ’s last command is found in Mark 16:15: “Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.”

Dr. J. Wilbur Chapman, a famous evangelist of yesteryear, said that the New Testament records give the stories of forty people who were healed by Jesus. Of these, thirty-four were either brought to Jesus by friends or He was petitioned by friends to go to them. In only six cases out of the forty did the sufferers find the way to Jesus by themselves. This speaks to the importance of compassionately bringing the lost to Jesus. Jude 22 says, “And of some have compassion, making a difference.”

D.L. Moody once asked a man if he were saved or lost. The man replied, “It’s none of your business!”

“Oh, yes,” Moody answered, “It is my business!”

“Then you must be D.L. Moody!” the man exclaimed.

Moody so gave his life over to telling others about Christ and urging them to salvation that everyone knew him as a man who was concerned about the souls of others. This characteristic identified him as an authentic Christian.

Abiding walk

As Jesus walked with His disciples to Gethsemane, He gave them some final instructions. He explained the nature of the relationship He wanted them to have with Him after His resurrection. He compared what He wanted for their lives with that of a fruitful vine:

I am the true vine, and my Father is the husbandman. Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. Now ye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing. If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned. If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples. —John 15:1–8

The Christian life at its fullest is much more than activities or appearances; it is a relationship. Christ wants us to cultivate a genuine relationship with Him that penetrates far deeper than a simple prayer before a meal or regular church attendance. He wants us to want Him, to daily share our lives with Him.

Relationships take time to cultivate. We must spend time in His Word and in prayer. We must include Him in every aspect of our lives. John 15 teaches us that as we are growing our relationship with Christ, He wants to work in and through us to produce fruitful lives.

Throughout the New Testament we see that Christian growth is a work of God’s Spirit in us, not a work accomplished by our frail efforts. Galatians 2:20 says, “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.” And Philippians 2:13 encourages, “For it is God that worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.”

The empowerment for an abiding walk with God is Christ! He has made His power available to us. We must simply rely on it and in faith walk in it.

If you are struggling in your Christian walk, take your struggles to the Lord. Be honest with God. Tell Him that you’re finding it hard to be faithful, but that you want to obey Him and that you need His strength. Let Him be your sufficiency.

The story is told of a new missionary who went to the field to relieve an experienced missionary who needed a furlough. The veteran missionary left his car for the new missionary to use. It was parked across the street from the church, and it was pointing down the hill.

The new missionary tried to start the vehicle, but there was no power. He thought to himself, “This must be why the former missionary left the car parked like this, so he can roll the car downhill and jump start it.” So for three months, the new missionary parked the car pointing downhill and rolled it down to start it. There were times when the car died on him and he had to ask the local children to help him push it, using their strength and his.

When the older missionary returned three months later, the younger missionary commented, “You were so smart to leave the car parked downhill. Doing so helped me start it so much easier.”

The older missionary looked puzzled and went out to look at the car. He opened the hood and noticed that the battery cable had become loose. He tightened the cable, and the car started right up.

How many times do we try to use our own strength to accomplish God’s work? This story reminds us that what we really need is to be connected to God’s power through an abiding relationship with Christ.

Loving spirit

The final mark of an authentic Christian that we will consider in this chapter should be one of the most obvious to all who know us—love. Jesus told His disciples, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another” (John 13:35).

Three times, Jesus specifically commanded His disciples to “love one another” (John 13:34, 15:12, 15:17). First John 4:8 makes such a strong connection between authentic Christian living and love that it says, “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” When we are connected to the Lord in a secure relationship of love and abiding in Him, the spontaneous outflow will be love for others.

One of the most famous chapters in Scripture, 1 Corinthians 13, lists fifteen characteristics of Christian love:

1. Love is patient.

2. Love is kind.

3. Love knows no envy.

4. Love is not boastful.

5. Love is not proud.

6. Love is not rude.

7. Love is not self-seeking.

8. Love is not easily angered.

9. Love keeps no record of wrongs.

10. Love does not delight in evil.

11. Love rejoices in the truth.

12. Love always protects.

13. Love always trusts.

14. Love always hopes.

15. Love always perseveres.

How well does this list describe you? Does this kind of love define your relationships? Your motives?

Read this list again. This time, replace the word love with your name. Slowly consider each statement and contemplate whether or not those fifteen phrases can truly be said about you.

None of us can display perfect love all the time. Yet, Christian authenticity is marked by maturing love. Is your love for others stronger today than it was last year?

So far, we’ve examined four marks of an authentic Christian—righteous living, a heart for souls, an abiding walk, and a loving spirit. Although none of us is perfect, these characteristics identify Christians who have chosen authenticity over appearance. Each of these areas remind us to choose to let God work in our lives beyond outward conformity. They define a life that is real with God and growing in His grace. Determine to never settle for less!

Years ago, a young boy heard the circus was coming to town. He saw all the posters announcing the circus around town. So, he faithfully saved his money so that he could attend. Finally, the day of the circus arrived. The boy rushed down to Main Street and saw the parade of clowns, lions, acrobats and the band. When the parade was over, he walked up to the circus master and paid his money and went home. It was not until years later that he learned the circus was held in a large tent at the edge of town.

The young boy settled for the parade and missed the circus. He missed the real thing. I pray that you will take action in your life and not settle for less than God has planned for you.

God has given us clear instructions in His Word on how to be the “real thing”—how to be a genuine Christian. Let’s look at three steps from Scripture that will help us ensure we don’t miss out on the joy of genuine Christianity.

how to be real

One day, over two million people gathered for a special meeting with their leader. The leader was old, and everyone present knew this may be his final public speech.

The people listened closely as this respected statesman recounted their national history in a mere eleven sentences. In this brief overview, he highlighted a significant pattern—the cause and effect sequence of the nation’s spiritual choices. He pointed out the blessings that came as they worshiped God and the judgment that followed when they turned to idols.

At the climax of the speech, the statesman urged his people to consistency and authenticity: “Now therefore fear the LORD, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the LORD” (Joshua 24:14).

The leader was Joshua, and the nation was Israel. Joshua 24 records this speech, and verses 14–27 spell out three steps that Joshua led the nation of Israel to take. We, too, can follow these steps if we want to live authentic Christian lives.

Make a choice

Maybe this sounds like a simple first step. After all, these steps are all about choosing. Yet, we often overlook the significance of making a concrete decision.

In Joshua 24:15, Joshua basically drew a line in the sand and asked the Israelites to choose on which side they would stand: “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.”

In this choice, there could be no divided loyalties—no mixed allegiances. And so it is with us. Authentic Christianity calls for complete consecration to the Lord. We cannot straddle the fence, changing our responses based on whom we are with at the moment. We cannot live one way publicly while feeding pet sins privately. The very nature of authenticity speaks of consistency.

Make a commitment

Making a decision and following through on that decision are two different actions. Joshua challenged the people that it wasn’t enough just to say they would serve the Lord. He told them, “put away…the strange gods which are among you, and incline your heart unto the LORD God of Israel” (Joshua 24:23). They had to follow their stated choice with a commitment to action.

Perhaps as you read the marks of authentic Christians earlier in this chapter, you noticed areas where your life isn’t as genuine as you would like it to be. Make a commitment to act in those areas. List specifically what you need to change, and then set about to make those necessary adjustments.

Make a commemorative memorial

Joshua wanted the people to remember and live out the decision they had just made. Thus he “took a great stone, and set it up there under an oak, that was by the sanctuary of the LORD. And Joshua said unto all the people, Behold, this stone shall be a witness unto us; for it hath heard all the words of the LORD which he spake unto us: it shall be therefore a witness unto you, lest ye deny your God” (Joshua 24:26–27). Every time an Israelite walked past that stone, Joshua wanted them to remember the special commitment they had pledged to the Lord.

Perhaps you could set a “memorial stone” in your life—a physical reminder of your choice to be a real Christian. This may be a record of the decision in your Bible, or it may be something in your home—maybe jewelry or a decorative item—that reminds you of authenticity. Whatever it is, find a way to remind yourself of your commitment to God to develop a relationship with Him that is real and fruitful.

the value of authenticity

Which is more valuable—a diamond or a cubic zirconium? Leather or vinyl? A genuine five-dollar bill or a counterfeit one-hundred-dollar bill?

Imitation and synthetic products may be less expensive and easier to come by, but real is always more valuable. And so it is with real Christians.

Authenticity is a treasure. Choose it. Insist on it. Refuse to settle for half-hearted service or surface success. Determine to genuinely walk with God, and ask Him to, by His grace, work His likeness into your life.

CHAPTER 3

choose to live by faith

learning to demonstrate trust on a daily basis

During the dreadful days of World War II, a small boy clung to his father’s hand as the two ran from a bomb-struck building. The father spotted a shell hole in the yard and jumped inside. He immediately turned and reached for his son. Through the din of explosions, he called for his son to jump to him for safety.

“But I can’t see you, Daddy,” the boy hesitated in fear.

“But I can see you. Jump!”

With nothing but faith in his father’s promise, the boy jumped. He chose to trust his father.

This is the confidence with which God wants us to follow Him. There will be times when we cannot see how obeying God’s Word will help us or work in our lives, yet when we learn to trust the Father, we will be willing to take any step of faith He requires. Women exercise faith on a daily basis and in many ways. For instance, when I eat at a restaurant, I have faith that the cook’s hands were clean while he prepared my food. When I go to the doctor, I have faith that Kaiser Permanente has hired a qualified physician. And when I travel on an airplane, I really place my faith in a whole lot of people—especially the pilot!

Yet, there are times in our lives when we are required to exercise a greater amount of faith. Often trials, circumstances, and situations out of our control call us to a new level of faith in God. If there was ever a person whose life appeared to be spinning out of control, it was Jochebed. A mother with two young children and one on the way, Jochebed’s moments and days were controlled by external powers. She, her husband, and her people were part of Pharaoh’s task force—slaves in a ruthless system.

Life became more difficult for Jochebed and her people when Pharaoh increased their work load. Driven by fear that the Israelites may attempt an escape, the “Egyptians made the children of Israel to serve with rigour: And they made their lives bitter with hard bondage…” (Exodus 1:13–14).

But the more the Egyptians oppressed the Israelites, the more the Israelites multiplied. And the more the Israelites multiplied, the more fearful Pharaoh became that the Israelites would escape or form a military coup. Eventually, Pharaoh did the unthinkable. He commanded the Israelites to murder all their male children upon birth.

How the fear must have gripped Jochebed’s heart! Not only was she powerless to control her own destiny, but now she was helpless to protect her unborn child’s future. If the baby were a boy, she would be required by law to throw him to the crocodiles in the Nile River.

Although every decision for her future was stripped out of Jochebed’s hands, she could, and did, choose to exercise faith. And that one choice defined her destiny.

a life of significance

Take a walk with me through what many have called “the great hall of faith”—Hebrews chapter 11. The men and women listed in this chapter are people whose lives were pivot points in Bible history.

Notice the portraits lining the walls in this hall of faith. Here we find Abel, whose faith to obey God’s command for a blood sacrifice singled him out as the first martyr. Here is Enoch—a man who by faith, walked with God so closely that he was privileged to skip death. Here is Noah, whose faith changed the entire course of human history.

We move on and see Abraham and Sarah, the father and mother of God’s chosen people. The landscape of the Old Testament was shaped through the faith of this couple. Then there are Isaac, Jacob, and Joseph—three more great heroes in Scripture.

Further on we see Moses, Rahab, Gideon, David, Samuel, and others—all people we recognize and admire.

But nestled within these portraits, notice the reference to Jochebed and her husband, Amram: “By faith Moses, when he was born, was hid three months of his parents [Jochebed and Amram], because they saw he was a proper child; and they were not afraid of the king’s commandment” (Hebrews 11:23).

All who are portrayed in this chapter lived lives of great significance, not because they were powerful people who could control others and manipulate their circumstances but because of their extreme faith in God. Most of them were ridiculed, misunderstood, and knew what it was to suffer defeat. Most of them actually started as insignificant and would have been labeled as very unlikely to succeed. They just didn’t have what we think people need to favorably shape their destinies.

So how did they do it? What was the defining factor? The key is faith. These people lived and walked by faith. A life of godly significance is always a life of faith.

the significance of faith

God has designed the Christian life to be navigated by faith from start to finish.

Ephesians 2:8–9 explains that it is only by faith that we can become Christians in the first place: “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast” (emphasis added).

We cannot work our way to Heaven by good deeds or earn our way to Heaven by personal merit. We simply place our faith in the blood of Christ as the complete payment for our sins. We are saved through faith.

But, as A.W. Tozer aptly stated, “Faith is not a conclusion you reach; it is a journey you live.” God never intended for our faith to end with salvation. He calls us to a continuing journey of faith as we grow in our relationship with Him. Hebrews 11:6 reminds us that faith is key to our growth in the Lord: “But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.”

Have you ever considered how God may desire to reward your life as you pursue Him in faith? The simple choice of faith can define your future in a powerful way.

the power of response

The first truth we must understand about defining our future is that we can’t do it by controlling either our circumstances or the people around us. If you’ve ever tried this, you know that it leaves you worried, frustrated, and depleted. God’s plan is that we would instead choose faith. This choice gives us the opportunity to place our destiny in the hands of the One who can shape it best.

Think of it—God is the only one who has the power to control our circumstances. He is the only one who can shape our future. And He is the only one who can change our lives and hearts in the process, preparing us for what He will later do through us.

The key is that regardless of what comes into our lives, we choose to respond in faith—trusting that God is in control and that He will bring good through it (Romans 8:28).

Choosing faith means we have decided that instead of attempting to control our futures, we will control our responses to what God allows into our lives. Jochebed couldn’t have altered Pharaoh’s decree if she had tried. She couldn’t restrain the taskmasters’ whips. She couldn’t change anything externally, and she didn’t waste her time or energy trying. Instead, she responded with faith. Her creative obedience shaped the future for millions of people. It was Jochebed’s faith that made the difference.

Through Jochebed’s story, we discover how we, too, can become women of faith.

nurture faith

From our earliest years we’ve learned to be cautious of trusting those we don’t know. We drill this into our children as soon as they are old enough to walk and wander away from us in public places. Many times this caution explains why we struggle to trust the Lord. We simply don’t know Him!

The connection between relationship and trust was very evident to me through a now-humorous incident that happened a few years ago. It was 4:00 am, and my daughters and I were just leaving our house. Black Friday had arrived, and we wanted to be at Target before anyone else. We were ready to go and thought we would be one of the first in line for the doors to open. We pulled into the Target parking lot and quickly discovered that about five hundred other people had the same idea!

The doors eventually opened. We finally made it inside, found our “can’t live without it” purchases, and headed to the register. I loaded all my great deals onto the conveyor belt and reached into my purse to retrieve my debit card. It seemed like the clerk rang up my purchases in record time, because he was done, and I still couldn’t find my debit card! I felt the stares of everyone behind me in line. My daughters rolled their eyes—giving me that “Mom! How could you do this to us again?” look.

My debit card was nowhere to be found (and I hate to admit, but this was not the first time this had happened to me!). Generally, I don’t ask for loans, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I whispered to Danielle, “Can you please loan me the money and pay for this?” Thankfully, she did! (And I did pay her back later!) My daughters were the only people in line who would have loaned me any money. Why? Because they know me! I’m their mom. Danielle knew that if I said I would pay her back, I would.

How can I choose to have faith in God? I choose to have faith in God because I know Him. He has never failed me. He keeps His Word.

Notice in Psalm 9:10 that the people who trust God are the people who know God: “And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, LORD, hast not forsaken them that seek thee.” We may know in our head that God is absolutely and completely trustworthy, but until we grow in our relationship with Him and know Him personally, we will struggle to trust Him.

In chapter 4, we’ll explore in more depth how to grow in our relationship with the Lord, but for now, here are a few pointers of how our faith grows:

Bible Reading

The simple act of attentively reading God’s Word increases our faith. Romans 10:17 explains, “So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.”

D.L. Moody testified how he learned the truth of this verse: “I prayed for faith and thought that some day faith would come down and strike me like lightning. But faith did not come. One day, I read in the tenth chapter of Romans, ‘So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.’ I had closed my Bible and prayed for faith. I then opened my Bible and began to study, and faith has been growing ever since.”

Faith doesn’t come just because we want it. Faith comes as we read God’s Word and discover who God is. As we grow in our knowledge of Him, we learn that He can be trusted.

Attending Church

Bible preaching and teaching in church provide yet another opportunity to hear the Word of God. Hebrews 13:7 identifies pastors as those “who have spoken unto you the word of God.” Listen attentively as your pastor explains God’s Word, and watch your faith grow.

As a young teenager who rode the bus to church, I remember the incredible impact every service had in my life. I was newly saved, and the Lord used my church in a powerful way to increase my faith. Each service, I eagerly anticipated hearing God’s Word preached. Much of what I heard in church was brand new to me, and I hungrily soaked it up.

In addition to the direct preaching and teaching of God’s Word, there’s another reason our faith grows through our time in church. As the great preacher Dr. Lee Roberson explained, one way to increase your faith is to be around those who have faith. Hebrews 13:7, speaking of pastors, exhorts, “whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation.” As you observe the lives of pastors and other godly men and women, you can increase your faith by following their faith—walking in their footsteps.

When I started attending church, none of my family members were saved. My dad was an alcoholic, and my mother really didn’t understand the changes taking place in my life. (Praise the Lord, both of my parents later trusted Christ!) I closely observed my pastor’s wife (who later became my mother-in-law!) and other godly ladies in the church. As I saw through their lives the blessings of walking with the Lord, I knew I wanted the same for myself. I’m so thankful for the godly examples I had as a young Christian.

You have people like this around you, too. Find them in your church, and observe them. Your life will be enriched for it.

Prayer

There’s nothing like seeing God answer prayer to increase your faith. I’ve found over the years that keeping a prayer journal provides a written record of God’s answers and becomes a great faith-booster. I simply record the date I begin praying for a particular request. Then, when God answers, I record that date and a brief description of how He answered.

Nurturing our faith is really quite simple, and God has already given us a set of incredible resources to do it. But we must take advantage of these resources by spending time in His Word and in prayer. As we do, our understanding of who God is will grow, and we will more freely believe Him enough to choose faith in daily circumstances.

use your faith

True faith moves beyond belief to action. Faith is not simply a feeling, but rather a choice to obey God and trust that He will come through.

Jochebed had enough faith in God to engage in personal action. She entered a plan that brought faith from thought to reality. She built a tiny boat out of large river plants called bulrushes. Many think these bulrushes were the papyrus plant, which was believed to be a deterrent to river crocodiles. Jochebed then plastered the little ark to make it watertight and snuggled her baby inside. She placed the ark, baby and all, in the river near the place that Pharaoh’s daughter frequented. This was faith in action.

James 2:20 emphasizes that action or “works” always accompanies true faith: “But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?” Anyone can say she has faith. But only someone who acts on that faith has faith that makes a difference. Notice again the people listed in Hebrews 11. They all performed incredible wonders, and there was action involved for each of them. Abel made a sacrifice. Enoch spent time with God. Noah built an ark. Abraham prepared to offer Isaac.

Jochebed had enough faith to use what she had to make a difference.

Use your faith though it be small

I’ve been privileged to closely observe a man of great faith—my husband! In the past thirty years of our marriage, I’ve watched him over and over seek God’s vision for our family and our ministry and then by faith move forward into humanly impossible undertakings. And every time, I’ve seen God honor his faith.

I know that my faith often isn’t great. Sometimes when I see the great faith of others, I question if my faith is too small for God to even bless. Matthew 17:20 gives a promise that I have learned to love and claim: “…verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”

Even a small amount of faith can accomplish great things!

The very essence of faith is remembering our great God and trusting Him to do what we cannot. When we place our focus on how little our faith is, we forget to focus on how great our God is. Furthermore, if we wait to use our faith until it is great, we will never do anything by faith. Faith grows through use.

Use your faith though it be ridiculed

I remember the scorn I faced as a teenager when I began exercising my still very young faith. My family didn’t understand what God had done in my life, and they thought I was crazy for the life-altering changes I was making. But I’m so thankful I trusted God rather than listening to those who would have discouraged me from exercising my faith. Since those days, many of my family members have come to know the Lord.

Several years later, the Lord directed my husband and me to move to Lancaster, California, with our two young children so my husband could pastor. My husband was on staff at a growing church several hours away, and we were enjoying the ministry there. In Lancaster, there was no salary and no security. There was just a handful of people who were struggling to keep the church alive.

As we began to tell others that we believed God wanted us to move to the desert city of Lancaster, many laughed and told us we were crazy. And from a logical standpoint, they were right! But I’m so thankful we listened to God. If we had let ridicule deter us from acting in faith, we would have missed so much.

I wonder what derision Jochebed might have faced if she had told others about the plan she was following. If anyone had known of the tiny boat she was weaving or the baby she was hiding, they probably would have told her she was crazy! Did she really expect she could save her baby in spite of the incredible odds against her? Yes, she did. She was using her faith, and it grew.

Faith is like a muscle. It develops as it is stretched and used, and it shrinks as it is neglected. If we want to be women of faith, we must use our faith. If we use our faith when it is small, it will grow. If we use it when it is ridiculed, it will triumph. If we use it when the outcome seems unlikely, God will be glorified.

trust

I can only imagine the thoughts and prayers that must have flooded Jochebed’s mind as she wove the tiny ark for baby Moses. It required faith and courage to dare to attempt the plan she had formulated.

But undoubtedly, Jochebed’s most difficult and daring feat was neither weaving the ark nor hiding Moses for three months. Jochebed’s most faith-testing and faith-building move was to set that ark holding her baby into the river. She had believed in God’s purpose for Moses’ life, and she had exercised her faith by developing this plan, but now it was time to simply trust God.

I’ve found this is the most difficult part of faith in my own life as well. I can plan and act, but it’s a challenge to let go and simply let God work—without worrying or fretting over the outcome.

George Mueller pointed out this incompatibility of faith and worry when he said, “The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of true faith is the end of anxiety.”

Proverbs 3:5–6 has often been a help to me when I’m tempted to turn from faith to worry: “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

There are two areas in particular that will help our faith to grow if we will choose to remember them.

Remember the past

When I’m tempted to doubt God’s purposes or plan for my life in the present, I find it helpful to rehearse how He has helped me in the past.

David understood this secret. This is how he, a teenage shepherd boy, could have the faith to fight Goliath, a military hero and giant. In 1 Samuel 17:37 he explained the foundation for his faith: “David said moreover, The LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine….” David’s remembrance of God giving him the strength to kill a lion and a bear built his faith for the battle ahead.

Several years ago I was speaking to a group of ladies at our church’s annual Spiritual Leadership Conference. To illustrate God’s trustworthiness, I asked the ladies to raise their hand if God had ever failed them. In that group of several hundred ladies, not one lady raised her hand.

None of us can remember a time when God has failed us, because He never does! When you’re tempted to give in to worry, pause to remember all God has done for you in the past. Remember your salvation, the times He has answered your prayers, and the ways in which He has provided for you. And remember that He has never failed you even one time. Surely He will come through again!

Remembering the past gives us not only courage for the present, but also confidence that God will care for the future.

Remember the promises

Infinitely more powerful than our faulty memory is the written record of God’s promises. When you are faced with overwhelming circumstances, open His Word and remember the unchanging promises of God.

Some of God’s promises are so incredible that if they were made by anyone but God, we couldn’t believe them. Abraham and Sarah received such a promise. When Abraham was one hundred years old and Sarah was ninety years old, God promised them a son (Genesis 18:10). Although Abraham could have responded in disbelief, Romans 4:20 tells us, “He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God.” We, too, can claim God’s promises with confidence!

There are two important keys to claiming the promises. First, we must know God’s promises. For many women, the promises of God mean nothing—simply because they don’t know them. As you read your Bible, begin marking the promises that speak to you. Write them down in a journal. Memorize them. Make them accessible for easy reference when you need to claim them.

Second, we must use the promises. Like a check that is only valuable when cashed, God’s promises do not help us unless we trust them. Knowing the promises is not enough; we must use them in our daily living. We must turn the promises of God into our present possessions!

the reward of faith

The story that began in Exodus 2 of a young mother whose life was seemingly spiraling out of control, takes several unexpected turns and climaxes in a surprise ending. Jochebed, the mother who was commanded by the king to throw her baby to the crocodiles, ends up not only keeping her baby, but being paid to do it (Exodus 2:8–9)! (This is especially remarkable when you consider that Jochebed was a slave.)

Through the assignment of nursing baby Moses, Jochebed was able to influence him during the most sensitive years of his life. Although Moses was only with Jochebed for a short period of time, her godly influence made a lasting impact. When Moses came of age, he turned from the fame of the palace and chose instead to identify with his people—the Israelites.

Years later, Moses—the baby who was to have been murdered—led two million Israelites out of the bondage he had been born into. This story ended dramatically different from what Pharaoh could have ever dreamed.

To what can we attribute this change in the storyline? Was it Jochebed’s clever ideas? Was it chance? Was it coincidence? No, none of these could have accomplished the miraculous events of Exodus 2.

The change was a result of faith. Jochebed simply trusted God and obeyed Him. God honored this courageous woman who chose to trust Him and to use the resources she had at her disposal. She chose faith, and He chose blessing.

As ladies, we try so desperately to control our circumstances and change the people around us. In reality, we can do neither. It’s much wiser and far better to instead choose to draw close to our God and trust Him. He is the only one who can change our lives and shape our futures.

Faith honors God, and God honors faith!

CHAPTER 4

choose to listen to God

craving the spiritual nourishment only God can give

Diet. What comes to mind when you read that word? What kind of emotions does it stir within you?

Okay. Maybe we shouldn’t go there! But, if you’re like me, you’ve tried different diets throughout the years in search of that magic plan that will help you lose weight or become healthy—without much work. Often those diets create emotions such as frustration and disappointment!

Recently, my husband and I started another diet. But this time, we made a commitment to change our attitude and approach. We’ve studied and read and have come to the conclusion that healthy living really comes down to making healthy choices. We have determined to eat healthier and have enjoyed the physical results. We have also come to enjoy eating fresh, healthy meals whenever we can.

The truth is, an effective diet isn’t so much about learning to eat less as it is learning to retrain your appetite for healthy, nutritious food.

The same is true concerning our spiritual appetites. You can have a close walk with the Lord and enjoy the blessings of a healthy and growing Christian life. In fact, choosing to walk with the Lord daily is the foundation to a fruitful, joyful Christian life. James 4:8 promises all of us, “Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you….”

The choice to walk with God boils down to one word: appetite. Just as we choose physical food based on what we desire, so we choose our spiritual food based on our appetite for the Lord. If we want to be spiritually strong, we must train our spiritual appetites for the Lord.

what do you crave?

Think for a minute about your spiritual and emotional appetites. What do you long for? Acceptance? Friends? Money? Comfort? Happiness?

One of the sweetest promises in the Bible is found in Matthew 5:6: “Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.” This verse assures us that if we develop spiritually healthy appetites, we will experience spiritual fulfillment.

Have you ever noticed that we crave what we eat? If I eat a cookie, I crave another one. And, I don’t know who introduced me to chocolate for the first time, but I have craved it ever since! I have some friends who crave pretty odd food items—food that I have never craved at all! Why don’t I crave them? Because, the foods are so unusual that I haven’t even had a chance to try them!

I once read a story about a little girl named Amy who lived with her parents in Russia. One day, German soldiers came to their home and offered her mother a piece of chocolate. Even though her mom loved chocolate, she selflessly gave it to Amy. But as soon as Amy tried it, she immediately spit it out of her mouth. When her mom saw the chocolate had gone to waste, she began to cry. You see, Amy’s mom had tasted chocolate in her younger and happier days. She enjoyed the taste. Amy, in her young life, had never eaten chocolate. She had not acquired a taste for it and thus, had no craving for it whatsoever.

God made us with the ability to crave so that we would crave Him! Webster defines crave this way, “to long for.” God wants us to long for Him. David writes about his craving for God in Psalm 84:1–2: “How amiable are thy tabernacles, O LORD of hosts! My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth for the courts of the LORD: my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God.”

Perhaps you don’t have the longing for God that David had. The good news about appetites is that they can be retrained. We’ve all worked to retrain our physical appetites through diets (with varying degrees of success!). While we many not have succeeded with past physical diets, we can retrain our spiritual appetites.

Let’s consider three steps to a successful physical diet and learn how these same steps, when applied to our spiritual appetites, can help us develop a true hunger for God.

desire

No diet lasts long without a desire for the right foods. The first element to changing our spiritual appetites is to cultivate a desire for God’s Word.

Recently, my husband and I became grandparents for the first time. What an exciting adventure it has been! We have truly enjoyed every minute.

When Peter and Danielle brought our grandson, Camden, home from the hospital, the fact that he needed to be fed was undeniable. We were reminded again that God gives every baby an incredible gift—hunger. The baby’s desire for food helps ensure that he will receive the nourishment he needs to grow.

Similarly, God has put a hunger for His Word in the hearts of new Christians. First Peter 2:2 instructs, “As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby.”

Throughout the psalms we see examples of a heart that hungers after the Lord with intensity and focus:

With my whole heart have I sought thee: O let me not wander from thy commandments.—Psalm 119:10

One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple.—Psalm 27:4

…my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;—Psalm 63:1

…my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God. —Psalm 84:2

Is this the cry of your heart? Every spiritual hunger you have can be satisfied in the person of Christ. Jesus explained, “…I am the bread of life: he that cometh to me shall never hunger; and he that believeth on me shall never thirst” (John 6:35). This is why it is so important that you learn to walk with the Lord and draw daily nourishment from His Word.

As a mother, I observed my children’s appetites change as they grew. As newborns, they wanted milk. But after several months, I introduced new foods to their diets—oatmeal, fruit, and vegetables. Later, when they began to eat sweets, they developed an immediate appetite for candy and desserts. Then it became a challenge to keep them wanting healthy foods!

Have you experienced a similar shift in your spiritual appetite? Perhaps you used to hunger for the Lord and find great delight in spending time with Him, but now you would prefer to spend your time satisfying other desires. How can you retrain your appetite so that your first and greatest desire is to walk with the Lord?

The answer to this question is found in the next step of adjusting our appetites.

change

Even when I have a desire to diet, I must also make specific changes in my life to ensure that I will adjust my appetite. One of the most significant changes I can make is to avoid crowding out wholesome desires by filling up on harmful foods. For instance, if I eat candy bars and potato chips all morning, I definitely won’t be interested in a salad at lunch time!

Similarly, if we fill our lives with sinful pleasures, we won’t have a hunger for the things of God. In the same chapter that Peter encouraged readers to desire the sincere milk of the Word, he pleaded with believers to avoid sinful pleasures: “Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul” (1 Peter 2:11).

Yielding to sin creates a dangerous conflict in our souls. On the one hand, we want a close relationship with the Lord, but at the same time we are feeding the flesh. When we continually indulge in sin that we know is contrary to God’s will for our lives, we will not have a heart for the Lord or sensitivity to His Spirit. Developing an appetite for the Lord requires that we starve our appetites for sinful pleasures by refusing to feed them.

But there is another and less noticeable way that we crowd out spiritual desires. Sometimes instead of filling our lives with sinful pleasure, we fill it with that which has no sustenance.

Recently, my friend Lori and I, along with some of our daughters, were on our way to meet our husbands for dinner at PF Changs. It was going to be at least an hour and a half drive for us, so we unanimously decided to start our trip at Starbucks. “Coffee keeps us awake while we drive,” we rationalized.

As we went through the drive thru and placed our coffee order, a voice from the backseat called out to the attendant at the window, “Do you have any of those cake pops?” Before the barista could even answer, I immediately and emphatically said, “I cannot have one! My husband and I are making healthy choices.” But before we pulled away from the window, I had a light frappuccino and a cake pop. A balanced diet? I don’t think so!

I told the girls in the car, “Please don’t tell my husband!” (He had been so good at sticking to our new health plan, and I didn’t want to disappoint or discourage him.) No one said a word, but I think it was pretty obvious that something was wrong when I only had a tablespoon of food on my plate just a short time later. (Be sure your sin will find you out!) My husband looked at my plate, then looked at me, and asked, “Aren’t you hungry?” “No!” I replied honestly. But it wasn’t because I was trying to be good; it was that little pre-dinner snack that spoiled my appetite.

There are many things that may not be sinful, but when they are consumed in excess they will spoil our spiritual appetites. Often, the amount of time we spend watching television, reading novels, talking on the phone, connecting through social networks, or pursuing a hobby can rob us of spending time with God. Like candy, these things may be fine in moderation, but they become harmful when they spoil our spiritual appetites!

In Psalm 73:25, the psalmist cried out to the Lord, “Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee.” Is this the sincere cry of your soul as well? If not, perhaps you should consider what current desires you need to wean from your life to increase your hunger for the Lord.

discipline

This third step in retraining appetites is where many fall by the wayside. Wanting to change is easy. Even identifying specific areas of needed change is easy. But to take definite steps to actually incorporate those changes into your life is where the real challenge begins.

This step is also where real success begins! Developing spiritual disciplines adds stability and consistency to your walk with the Lord, helping it to remain steady even during the ups and downs of circumstances and emotions.

This is the step that takes you beyond simply wishing for different appetites to truly possessing different appetites. This is where your appetites actually change as you purposefully turn your heart toward the Lord. Although it takes some work to establish new habits, once you establish the following guidelines in your life, they become routine and incredibly enjoyable as you thrive on the benefits of walking with God.

Clarifying the goal

Successful dieters know exactly what they are aiming for, whether it be in terms of a target weight or a target exercise and meal routine. To start a diet with just a general “I want to be healthier” is a sure recipe for failure.

Likewise, if we are to walk with God and choose Him as our first desire, we must identify clearly what we have in mind. What will success look like?

Scripture provides several examples of people who walked closely with God. Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Moses, and David all specifically and purposefully sought the Lord. While some mentioned in Scripture wanted only the blessings of God, these men wanted to know the Lord personally and intimately. They were thankful for His gifts, but more than the gifts, they wanted to know the Giver.

A common practice in the lives of these Christians was to spend specific, focused time with the Lord in the morning (see Genesis 19:27, 22:3; Exodus 24:4, 34:4; Psalm 57:8, 108:2). Even the Lord Himself rose early to spend time in prayer with the Father: “And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed” (Mark 1:35).

God desires that we would walk with Him all day long, enjoying His fellowship as we perform routine duties. Yet, carving out a time when we can specifically seek His face and draw nourishment from His Word is essential to cultivating a close walk with the Lord.

I have found that when I make time with the Lord the first appointment of my day, this fellowship immediately turns my soul to the Lord and sets the tone for the rest of my day.

Psalm 63:1 underscores the need to put God first in our morning. It is the cry of David, one with an intimate relationship with the Lord: “O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee….” Proverbs 8:17 promises blessing to those who seek the Lord in the morning: “I love them that love me; and those that seek me early shall find me.”

Perhaps you are not a “morning person” or are not able to give as much time as you desire in the morning to cultivating a walk with the Lord. Even so, I encourage you to at least spend a few uninterrupted moments in the morning with the Lord in His Word. You can identify another time later in the day when you can spend more time with the Lord, but you will find that those moments in the morning are crucial to fixing your heart on the Lord and developing a hunger for Him.

To summarize our goals, we want to spend quality time with the Lord every day, nourishing our souls in His Word and communicating with Him in prayer. What then are the disciplines we need in order to make this a reality?

Schedule

When I was learning how to cook, my mom taught me a valuable skill—how to know when to start preparing dinner so it would be ready on time. First, we determined what time dinner should be ready, which was usually 5:30 at our house. Then, we calculated how long each step of preparation would take (washing the potatoes, mixing the seasoning for the meat, etc.). Finally, starting from the time dinner was to begin, we calculated backwards through the preparation steps to determine what time to start making the food.

We can use this same process to schedule what time we need to get up in the morning to be sure we have allotted a portion of time to spend with the Lord. Just taking a few minutes to schedule helps to insure we will be prepared and still able to accomplish all that needs to be done. It doesn’t matter how you determine your schedule, as long as you make one and stick to it.

Menu

In addition to scheduling my meal prep time, my mom taught me how to use a valuable tool for feeding my family—a menu. If you regularly plan and use a menu, you know what a difference it can make! Often, it saves me from standing in the kitchen at 4:30 and wondering, “What should I make for dinner today?” It is a definite time saver.

Applied to walking with the Lord, I think of a Bible reading schedule as a menu. You can find a variety of Bible reading schedules, including reading through the entire Bible in a year or two years, reading through the New Testament in ninety days, or reading through the Old and New Testament simultaneously. I am currently reading the Bible through in chronological order and am enjoying the fresh perspective this offers. The important thing is to select a schedule and then faithfully use it.

A Bible reading schedule helps me plan what I will do during the time I am spending with the Lord, and it provides direction and focus. Instead of randomly opening my Bible each morning and hoping to find a helpful verse, I know that I am systematically reading all of God’s Word. Often the Holy Spirit speaks so directly through my scheduled reading that I am amazed that He would orchestrate my needs and His answers through the simple tool of a Bible reading schedule.

Just as I may occasionally change what I had planned for dinner on my family meal menu, I sometimes veer from my Bible reading schedule. There may be a day when instead of reading what is scheduled, I feel I need to read several Psalms or review the Scriptures used in a recent sermon at church. But for the majority of the time, I follow it, and it helps make my time with the Lord more profitable.

Most of us don’t have trouble with missing our physical meals. Yet many of us neglect time with God far too often. Scheduling an appointment with the Lord each day helps to affirm in our own hearts that this is a vital part of our day. Following through on this commitment helps us develop a hunger for the Lord.

Food journal

Serious dieters keep a log or a food journal, recording everything they put into their mouths. This does a few things for them: It provides a record for them to refer to of what they have eaten so they can find patterns in their food choices. It also provides accountability, as it requires a higher standard of honesty. It’s easy to tell yourself, “I’m pretty much keeping my diet.” But an accurate food journal helps the dieter maintain a greater awareness of what she is eating. Just the act of writing it down helps fix in her own mind what is really taking place.

A spiritual journal can accomplish all of these objectives for the Christian lady who is serious about walking with the Lord. In my journal, I simply write out the verse or passage that God has used to specifically speak to my heart that morning and then summarize how He spoke to me through it.

I greatly treasure my journals, as they record what God has taught me during different seasons of my life. I sometimes look back to them and remember the specific verses the Lord used to bring comfort, conviction, instruction, or growth during particular times in my life.

Using my journal in the morning also helps me throughout the day to remember what the Lord taught me earlier. The very act of writing out Scripture and recording what God is doing in my heart and life in relation to those verses helps fix it in my mind.

And, finally, preserving what God is teaching me in a journal motivates me to want to write something every day. Because I date every entry, if I skip a day, it is much more obvious than without a journal.

Support group

For many of us, dieting choices seem very personal, yet having the support of others who are going the same direction is incredibly helpful. Maybe that’s why Weight Watchers has become so successful! Their weekly meetings provide members with encouragement, support, and accountability.

God has designed the local church as a “support group” with far greater value than any diet group. And He’s instructed us to be at every meeting. Hebrews 10:25 says, “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”

Developing godly relationships within your church family provides opportunities to give and receive encouragement with other ladies who also desire to walk with the Lord. Share with one another how God is leading in your life and helping you grow. Share answers to prayer you have recently seen and what He is teaching you through His Word.

Look for opportunities to fellowship and encourage one another—to nurture these relationships. This may happen in a Sunday school class, a ladies Bible study, or conversation before a church service. You may be able to encourage a young Christian just beginning to walk with the Lord, or you may be that young Christian needing encouragement. In every phase of our walk with the Lord, it’s encouraging and helpful to share with others who are growing with us.

Choosing to begin

Developing spiritual disciplines requires perseverance and work. But it is worth the investment! The tools and skills are simple: Take a few minutes to plan what time you will meet with the Lord. Find a Bible reading schedule that you would like to use. Then, just do it! Begin today.

But remember, walking with God and spending time in His Word is not merely a system. While schedules and methods help us stay on track, they are part of a larger goal—developing a relationship with God.

Every healthy relationship requires time and energy to sustain growth. The same is true in our relationship with the Lord. I look at my Bible reading schedule, my journal, and my quiet time routines as tools—not as the end goal. These simply help me keep on track and enrich my time with the Lord. But ultimately, my desire is to deepen my relationship with the Lord and to receive the spiritual nourishment He gives me through His Word.

CHAPTER 5

choose to talk to God

developing a life of communion with God

Two men were talking together when the first challenged the other, “If you are so religious, let’s hear you quote the Lord’s Prayer. I bet you $10.00 you can’t.” The second responded, “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.” The first man pulled out his wallet and fished out a ten dollar bill muttering, “I didn’t think you could do it!”

Hopefully, you are more familiar with the Lord’s Prayer than to confuse it like that! But far too many Christian women have never discovered the incredible resource available through developing a consistent and meaningful prayer life. As we saw in our previous chapter, we need to regularly nourish our souls in God’s Word. But more than hearing God’s voice as we meet with Him, we need to commune with Him—to share our hearts with Him and seek His resources to meet our needs. All of this—and so much more—is available through the act of prayer.

God’s resources at your disposal

I’ve had a few life verses over the years. When I first trusted Christ as my Saviour, I chose John 3:16, because I loved its simple expression of God’s love. Later I claimed 1 Corinthians 10:31 and then changed to Proverbs 3:5–6. But when we moved to Lancaster, I chose Jeremiah 33:3—“Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”

Because I didn’t grow up in a Christian home, I had very little exposure to the ministry. When I married my husband, I became immersed in the ministry, and even more so when we moved to Lancaster. I knew I needed the Lord’s help, so I chose to focus on a verse that reminded me that God is always listening and all sufficient.

No matter what our roles are—teacher, nurse, secretary, missionary, executive—we all need God’s resources. We need His direction, power, joy, blessing, provision, strength, and help. In short, we need God. We need to be women of prayer.

Prayer is such a valuable resource for the Christian. To think that when I pray, I have all of God’s resources at my disposal is amazing! Prayer should never be our last resort but our first resource.

Becoming a woman of prayer

Statistics say that prayer is the most often talked about and the least practiced discipline in the Christian life. Some say the average daily prayer time for Christians in America is less than five minutes—including praying before meals.

Hannah was a woman in Scripture who didn’t merely talk about prayer—she prayed. Hannah had a petition that she knew only God could fill. With the tender heart of a would-be mother who lived in a culture that believed barrenness was a curse, Hannah desperately longed for a child. First Samuel 1 records her story.

If this chapter were the account of most of us, the story would tell of a woman who wanted something only God could provide. But then it would describe how she talked to her friends and family, sometimes asking them to pray for her and sometimes merely complaining of her unmet desire. It would tell how she wished and dreamed and even cried. But in the case of most of us, the story would never tell of a woman who humbly and sincerely took her need to God.

Hannah did share her burden with others, but they didn’t feel her pain. Elkanah, Hannah’s husband, thought he was certainly better to her than ten sons, and Peninnah mocked her for her barrenness. So Hannah tearfully poured out her heart before the Lord and asked Him to give her a son. When God answered Hannah’s request, she joyfully—and truthfully—said, “For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him” (1 Samuel 1:27, emphasis added).

How can we move beyond mere talk of prayer and become true women of prayer?

commitment

When my son, Matthew, was about nine, he started asking for a puppy of his own. Although we already had a dog, it wasn’t “his own,” and Matt really wanted a personal pet.

Like many moms would say, I told Matt, “I don’t want another dog. I don’t have time to feed it, train it, and do all of the other things that are required of dog owners!”

You can guess Matt’s response. “I promise—I’ll do it all!”

Several weeks before Christmas when Matthew was ten, he shared a dream with my husband and me. “Last night, I dreamed that on Christmas Day a mailman came to our house with a puppy—just for me!” I guess it was the way he said it, because his plan worked. All of a sudden, my husband and I began discussing the possibility of getting him a dog for Christmas.

That Christmas, one of our faithful church members, who was also a mailman, knocked on our door with a package that Matthew had to sign for and open himself—his very own puppy.

Matt loved his new puppy, and he promptly named this yellow Labrador dog Krispy. Their relationship was off to a great start. Any time Krispy whimpered, Matt was there. He fed her, played with her, and occasionally let her sleep in his room. The two were inseparable!

That lasted until about New Year’s Day.

A few days later, the two were still buddies, and Matt still liked Krispy. But he didn’t want to take time to feed her, and he didn’t like to hear her bark. He especially didn’t like to hear my husband and me say in unison, “She’s your dog!” The thrill had worn off, and the responsibility had set in.

Maybe you can relate. When you first got saved, you couldn’t wait to talk to God and read His Word. You would get up early to spend time with Him. Even with your busy schedule, you would make time to pray, and you cherished the answers He gave you in the prayer closet. You lived and breathed for this special relationship between you and your Heavenly Father.

But then, the excitement wore off. Sure, God is still your Friend, and you call on Him when you need Him. But the commitment on your part is lacking.

In any relationship, commitment takes work. It requires personal discipline.

Commit to consistency

We want results immediately, but at the heart of effective prayer is consistency. In Luke 18:1, Jesus said that “men ought always to pray, and not to faint.” First Chronicles 16:11 admonishes, “…seek his face continually.” First Thessalonians 5:17 instructs, “Pray without ceasing.”

One of the best examples of consistent prayer in Scripture is Daniel. Through the many years he spent as a captive in Babylon, he carefully and regularly maintained daily communion with God. Daniel’s testimony of faithful prayer was so reliable that even those who sought Daniel’s harm knew he would never stop praying.

These men tricked the king into signing a decree against prayer that carried a stiff penalty—the lion’s den—for whomever disobeyed. (Of course, they knew Daniel would still keep his daily prayer appointments.) Daniel 6:10 records, “Now when Daniel knew that the writing was signed, he went into his house; and his windows being open in his chamber toward Jerusalem, he kneeled upon his knees three times a day, and prayed, and gave thanks before his God, as he did aforetime.” No threat could keep Daniel from the prayer closet.

What would it take for you to develop this level of consistency in prayer?

Commit to a schedule

Like Bible reading, I’ve learned that the only way to maintain consistency in my prayer life is to schedule a time and place for prayer—an appointment with God. It seems Jesus did something similar, as John 18:2 records, “And Judas also, which betrayed him, knew the place: for Jesus ofttimes resorted thither with his disciples.” When Jesus went to the Garden of Gethsemene to pray, Judas knew where to find Him.

Jesus must have longed for communion with the Father throughout His time on earth. And how His heart must have been reenergized and renewed through prayer! Yet even Jesus didn’t simply wait for these times of communion to present themselves. He had regular times and places where He communed with the Father.

The Bible speaks of many times throughout the day when we can pray. In Psalm 5:3 David wrote, “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.” Jesus also prayed early in the morning. “And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed” (Mark 1:35). Spending time in prayer in the morning helps me establish a pattern of communion with the Lord before I even begin my day.

Then, too, I love closing the day by thanking the Lord for it and reviewing its events with Him as I prepare for sleep. Psalm 4:8 speaks of this comfort and security: “I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.”

As we already saw, Daniel prayed three times each day. David also had this practice. In Psalm 55:17 he wrote, “Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and he shall hear my voice.”

Jesus set the precedent of praying before meals. Luke 24:30 says, “And it came to pass, as he sat at meat with them, he took bread, and blessed it, and brake, and gave to them.” During my years in Bible college, I worked as a waitress in order to pay my school bill. It amazed me how many people came into the restaurant from the large church I attended who, not recognizing me, didn’t pray before eating. Not only is gratefulness for God’s provision good for our own hearts, but it is a testimony of God’s goodness to others as well.

On our honeymoon, my husband and I were at a restaurant and, as usual, prayed before we ate. A Christian gentleman who happened to notice us came over and thanked us. He was so thrilled to see a young couple praying for their meal that he actually paid for our meal!

There are many times we can and should pray. But it is vital that you identify and schedule a specific time when you will regularly take your requests before the Lord. And while you are planning a time, plan a place where you will pray, as well.

I love that I can pray anytime and anywhere. God delights to hear our prayers and actually inclines His ear toward our voices (Psalm 116:2). Throughout Scripture, we learn that we can pray alone (Matthew 6:6), with others, and at church (Matthew 18:19), and even on the housetop (Acts 10:9). Anywhere is good, but don’t neglect private prayer with God.

How is your commitment? Are you serious enough about communing with God that prayer is part of your daily schedule? Perhaps you could pause for a moment right now to determine a time and place when you will pray daily. Ideally, this would be at the same time and in the same place that you identified in our previous chapter that you would read God’s Word.

Becoming a woman of prayer requires commitment, but there’s more. It also requires a clean heart.

confession

Have you ever had someone treat you poorly, and then, without ever making it right, try to strike up a conversation? You may be gracious and chat with them, but it would be hard to develop a very meaningful relationship without ever addressing the earlier issue.

In a similar way, unconfessed sin can seriously hinder our communication with the Lord. Psalm 66:18 plainly says, “If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me.”

Sometimes we wonder why we are not getting our prayers answered when it is our own sin clogging communication with Heaven. Isaiah 59:1–2 describes this problem: “Behold, the LORD’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear: But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear.”

Is there a sin that you refuse to surrender to the Lord? Some of the sins we cling to the most tenaciously are the very ones Scripture specifically names as hindrances to prayer—an unforgiving spirit (Mark 11:25–26) and discord between a husband and wife (1 Peter 3:7).

Isn’t it amazing that we sometimes try to ignore or cover sin rather than confess and forsake it? Think of it—we have a Father willing and ready to forgive and cleanse us, and until we ask Him to do so, we cannot know full communion with Him. Why then would we ever hesitate?

Ask the Lord to search your heart, and then receive His unreserved forgiveness. I often pray two Scriptures to the Lord during this process before I take my petitions before Him:

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.—Psalm 139:23–24

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. —1 John 1:9

The first is an invitation to the Holy Spirit to search every corner of my life, and the second is a reminder of God’s full and guaranteed forgiveness as I confess my sin.

Begin your prayer time by asking the Lord to search your heart. Ask Him to reveal anything in your life that would hinder His answers from reaching you.

A clean heart—with nothing between you and your Lord—gives you the freedom to confide in Him and pour out your requests before Him.

confiding

Aren’t you thankful that God doesn’t have an answering machine? Someone sent me this humorous clip of a possible recording of God’s answering machine.

“Thank you for calling Heaven. All of the angels are busy helping other sinners right now. Please stay on the line, and your call will be answered in the order in which it was received. (The approximate wait time is seventeen minutes.) Or, you may select from one of the following options:

For general requests, press 1

For thanksgiving, press 2

For complaints, press 3

For healing, press 4

For help with the IRS, press 5

For help with weather conditions, press 6

For miracles, press 7

For all other inquiries, or just to say “hi,” press 8

I’m thankful that we cannot call our Heavenly Father too often. We never get a busy signal, and God takes each call personally. Not only that, but He wants us to confide in Him—to share every detail that is on our hearts and minds with Him and to trust Him to meet our needs.

When I call to pay a bill over the phone, I may need to make selections like those above. But when I finally do get to talk to another human being, I never confide in her. The lady at the other end of the line may ask me how I’m doing, but I don’t spill out my life story! Yet, God literally invites us to tell Him everything—to share our hearts with Him. He wants us to share all of our secrets, tell our needs, explain our frustrations, seek His help. He wants to hear it all.

Hannah seemed to understand this. First Samuel 1:10 says, “And she was in bitterness of soul, and prayed unto the LORD, and wept sore.” This was not just a quick “bless my family and help me today, Lord.” As she explained to the priest Eli, “I…have poured out my soul before the LORD” (1 Samuel 1:15).

Pray in secret

I don’t usually share my secrets or special needs in a roomful of people. Perhaps this is partly why Jesus said, “But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly” (Matthew 6:6). God wants us to carve out time when we will meet with Him one-on-one and share our most intimate needs.

Prayer should never be something we do to impress others or to be seen or noticed. Remember, we are praying to an audience of One! When we pray in secret, it is to help us block out distractions in order to focus completely on our time with God.

God hasn’t always answered every request with a “yes.” Sometimes, as any wise father would do, He says “no,” because He has something better in mind. Sometimes He says “wait,” and He gives what I’ve asked for at a better time. But whatever God’s answer, I’ll never get it if I don’t take my requests to Him in prayer. James 4:2 says, “…ye have not, because ye ask not.” I wonder how many blessings and answers we miss because we neglect secret prayer.

Our place of secret prayer provides more than a place to read a list of needs to the Lord. In this place, we can unburden our souls. First Peter 5:7 invites us, “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” Our Heavenly Father wants to carry all of our burdens—the large and the small. But when we neglect private prayer, we condemn ourselves to struggle through the day under pressures God never intended for us to carry.

Find a “prayer closet,” and frequent it daily. God waits to meet you there.

Pray sincerely

I teach a fourth grade girls Sunday school class, and I love to hear my girls pray. As children, they aren’t trying to impress others with their depth or proficiency in prayer. They just talk to the Lord. This is exactly what Jesus tells us to do in Matthew 6:7, “But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.”

There is no need for us to craft prayers from the collaborated phrases of others or repeat spiritual-sounding clichés. We can talk to God freely and sincerely. He is our Father, and He wants us to communicate with Him from our hearts.

Pray specifically

About fifteen years ago, the daughter of one of our church families was in a serious car accident and was not expected to live. The doctors told her parents numerous times that she would not live through the night, and for weeks Jessica was on the brink of death. Throughout those long weeks that turned into months, our church family rallied around in prayer, and I remember how specifically we prayed. We prayed that the swelling of her brain would subside; we prayed specifically for her blood pressure, heart rate, and other serious medical issues. Miraculously, we saw the Lord specifically answer these prayers.

Over the years, I’ve noticed that the more specific my prayers are, the more specific the Lord’s answers are. When Danielle was in elementary school, she took piano lessons. We had a small keyboard that she used to practice, but I wanted her to be practicing on a real piano, so I began praying for one. A few weeks later, the Lord provided an inexpensive piano that I was able to refinish for Danielle. It was then that I realized, I had forgotten to pray for a bench! To this day, our piano has no bench. It is a reminder to me to pray specifically!

One of my favorite answers to prayer came just days before a special offering at our church. My husband and I had been praying about what we could give together for this offering, and I was looking forward to it. But besides what we gave as a family, I wanted to give something personally toward this offering. I didn’t have a regular source of personal income, so I didn’t know from where this money would come. I just wanted God to answer a specific and private prayer.

A few days before the offering, I was surprised to receive a piece of mail from our insurance agent, addressed to me. (Both my husband’s name and my name were listed on the account, but this piece of mail had only my name.) It was a check—made out to me—with a letter explaining that we had overpaid our bill. The check was only for about eight dollars, but I didn’t care at all! The amount wasn’t the point. Knowing that God answered a specific prayer was the point.

Once again, I saw the Lord answer my simple request, affirming that He delights to hear the specific desires of my heart.

Keep a list

One of the best ways I know to pray specifically for all the things that are important to me is to make and maintain a prayer list. I have so many things I want to see the Lord do in my life—for my family, in our church, for friends, neighbors, and loved ones. I can’t possibly remember them all, unless I write them down.

For many years, I’ve organized my prayer list into different requests for different days of the week. I have a section that I pray through every day. (This includes my husband, children, and other needs that I want to remember daily.) Then I focus on other specific needs each day of the week. For instance, one day I pray for missionaries, and another day I pray for friends, and another day I pray for those in authority. My prayer list is one of the most helpful tools in my communion with my Heavenly Father.

I’m thankful that my Heavenly Father invites me to confide in Him—to take my needs directly to Him and pour out my specific requests. When I step back to consider the magnitude of His invitation and the incredible resources He has placed at my disposal, I wonder that I don’t pray more.

Through prayer, God invites me to unburden my soul, and He hears and answers my requests. But as He does this, He does something even greater—He changes me.

conformity

A mother sent her fifth grade son up to bed. A few minutes later she went to make sure he was getting in bed, and as she poked her head into his room, she saw him kneeling beside his bed in prayer. Pausing to listen, she heard her son repeating—with great intensity—the words, “Let it be Tokyo! Please, dear God, let it be Tokyo!”

After repeating this several times, he jumped into bed. The mother stepped into the room and asked her son, “What did you mean by, ‘Let it be Tokyo’?”

“Well, we had our geography exam today, and I was praying that God would make Tokyo the capital of France.”

As humorous as this sounds, I can think of times I’ve prayed for things that, in retrospect, are just as silly. Too often, I ask God to conform His will to my desires. But prayer is not a magical means by which we get God to do what we want. In fact, the power of prayer is not that we succeed in changing God at all; it is the means through which God succeeds in changing us.

God does change our circumstances through prayer—He provides for our needs, opens opportunities, and even changes the hearts of others. But in the process, He changes us.

E. Stanley Jones once explained it this way: “Prayer is surrender to the will of God and cooperation with that will. If I throw out a boat hook from a boat and catch hold of the shore and pull, do I pull the shore to me, or do I pull myself to the shore? Prayer is not pulling God to my will, but the aligning of my will to the will of God.”

Prayer is so much more than just getting what we ask for. Through the very process of seeking God through prayer, He reveals His heart to us and changes our lives. As our relationship with Him grows, we learn that more often than we need a change of circumstances, we need a change of character. And at the same time, we learn the heart of our loving Heavenly Father who desires to conform us to the image of Christ.

The greatest fulfillment in my prayer life has not been the list of miraculous answers to prayer I have received, although these have been numerous and wonderful. The greatest thrill is to see the difference prayer makes in my relationship with God.

Accept the invitation

Through the invitation to prayer, God offers us so much—infinitely more than could be described in one chapter…or an entire book. He invites us to fellowship with Him, worship Him, and unburden our souls to Him. He listens and cares and answers. He communes with us and changes us.

None of us would look at an invitation like this and say, “No thanks—I have better things to do with my time.” But every day, sometimes without even realizing it, we make the choice to accept or reject the invitation. Instead of spending time in prayer, we choose to let our minds fret all day. Instead of talking to the Lord, we call a friend. Instead of reaching up to trustingly take the hand of the Father, we try to do it on our own.

Prayer is a gift, an opportunity, a joy. It is also a choice.

I’m still growing in developing my prayer life. But I’ve experienced enough to know that prayer is wonderful! And I’d like to encourage you—choose prayer!

CHAPTER 6

choose to let go

releasing your past to the God of grace

I spent some of my childhood in Santa Cruz, California, and my family lived within walking distance of the Santa Cruz Boardwalk. I was too small for the roller coaster, so I spent most of my time in the “Funhouse.” The one area in the “Funhouse” that kept my attention for a long time was the long row of mirrors. They were not your ordinary mirrors. These mirrors would distort the way you looked. One mirror would make you look tall, another short, and yet another would make you look extremely fat. My friends and I would play and laugh at ourselves for quite awhile before running off to enjoy the other attractions.

Now that I’ve “grown up,” I realize that we can get a distorted view of our lives. Only now, instead of realizing that our view is false and distorted, we begin to accept what we see.

what do you see in the mirror?

We hear a lot about self-acceptance. Definitions of this term vary greatly. Some definitions say you should accept yourself just as you are without any thought of change. They suggest you should defend your right of acceptance to any who would encourage your growth or suggest change. Others use the term to imply that you should focus almost exclusively on yourself to make you acceptable. Both of these approaches are dangerous because they start from a faulty perspective.

In these next two chapters, I would like to approach self-acceptance from a different perspective—the vantage point of unchangeable truth. As we look in the mirror, let’s consider how God sees us. In this chapter, we’ll consider how we view our past and the impact it has on today. In the next chapter, we’ll examine how we view the present and even our aspirations for the future.

As ladies, we so easily allow our circumstances and other people (or even our perception of what others think) to define who we are. A proper perspective only comes when we choose to define ourselves by what God says is true.

a trip to the attic

I have an area in my house where I store keepsakes, seasonal decorations, my children’s school awards, old records, miscellaneous items I think I may someday use, and boxes of assorted junk. This place is my attic.

Although we don’t all have physical attics, we each have an intangible attic where our past is stored. It’s called our memories, and within its recesses are storage bins that represent a virtual timeline of our past. There are bins we like to revisit—memories of joy and fulfillment. But there are also bins of failures, disappointments, rejection, and hurts. These can come back to haunt us to the point that we feel unacceptable and unusable.

Everyone has things in her past that she wishes had never happened. It may be abuse, secret sin, drugs, divorce, rejection, rape—the list could continue.

Think of the attic as the timeline of your life. It’s all there, and there is no changing it—it’s already history.

But have you ever known someone who was controlled by their storage? They cling tightly to everything that comes into their lives and refuse to part with it. Soon their treasures overflow their storage places and pile into the living places of their home, restricting everyday activities.

This is what some of us allow the memories of the past to do in our lives—we let them control us. While it is true we cannot change what has happened in the past, we can lessen the influence and control it has on our lives now.

forgetting

If anyone in Scripture could have felt self-rejection because of his past, it was the Apostle Paul. Paul literally murdered Christians. He tore apart families, hauling men and women off to prison and torture (Acts 8:3; 22:4–5).

That guilt alone would be overwhelming for anyone to deal with, but Paul had an added burden in that his past was public. He had to deal with other people’s rejection of him as well as his own. His past was so openly known that when he came to Christ, other Christians had great difficulty trusting him or allowing him to participate in ministry (Acts 9:26).

Yet, Paul was greatly used of God. He was the human author of much of the New Testament, as well as being an incredibly effective church planting missionary throughout the Roman Empire.

How could one with such a past as Paul’s become one so used by God?

Paul, in Philippians 3:13–14, shared the secret to freeing himself from the grasp of the past as he wrote, “…this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (emphasis added).

Did you catch Paul’s secret? It was to forget the past—to purposefully make a decision to turn his attention from it.

As I’ve had opportunity to share this truth with ladies, many have expressed that the choice to forget is beyond their ability. “How can I forget my past?” they question. “It’s part of who I am! There’s no way.”

When Paul said “forgetting those things which are behind,” he didn’t mean that he completely erased them from his memory. That would have been impossible. In fact, much of Paul’s past is recorded in Scripture for everyone to see. None of us can (or should) forget our past in the sense that we pretend it didn’t happen. It’s part of our lives, and it is unchangeable.

Forgetting in this context isn’t a memory lapse; it is a memory release. It is a deliberate choice to release the past’s grip on our present.

The most helpful illustration to me of how this works is that of childbirth. When I was in labor with each of my four children, I was in a great deal of pain. Each contraction was completely consuming. For someone to try to tell me to forget the pain would have been ridiculous—it was all I could think about!

It’s been twenty-two years now since my youngest was born, and I still remember that pain. But there is a big difference between experiencing the pain and remembering the pain. The pain of childbirth no longer consumes me when I think about it. It has released its grip on me.

This is what God wants us to do with the hurts and pain of our past. We can’t erase them, but we can refuse to allow them to have control over our lives today.

dealing with the accuser

One difficulty with forgetting our past is that Satan insists on bringing it up! He is so intent on this that one of his titles in Scripture is “the accuser” (Revelation 12:10). He continually reminds us of our failures and sins of the past, and he calls our futures into question because of it. “You can’t serve God with a past like this,” he suggests.

Perhaps the facts Satan reminds us of are true, but the conclusions he would lead us to are absolutely false. When Satan brings up a sin in my past, I tell him that, yes, I know it is horrible and, yes, I wish it had never happened, but I am not going to let it influence me today. Then I remind myself of how God has already dealt with my past:

As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.—Psalm 103:12

For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.—Hebrews 8:12

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.—1 John 1:9

Memorize these verses, and others like them, so you have truth to turn to when Satan lies about the claim your past has on your present. However bad our history may be (and all of ours is pretty bad in comparison to Christ’s holiness), we don’t have to cling to its memory. We have enough to deal with in today’s struggles. Let’s commit our past to God’s forgiveness and accept His grace for today.

forgiving

Paul was able to forget, or release, his sinful past because he trusted in the Lord’s forgiveness. But what do we do with pain from the past that is a result, not of our sin, but of others’ infliction? For instance, my dad’s addiction to alcohol brought great pain into my life, but it wasn’t a sin of my own that I could release by asking for God’s forgiveness.

Joseph experienced a past like this, and his example shows that the answer is, once again, to forget.

Joseph was born into a family already at odds because of jealousy and polygamy. His father chose Joseph as his favorite, but that became more of a burden than a blessing to Joseph. Genesis 37:4 records, “And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.” Joseph’s half brothers were so cruel to him that they literally sold him into slavery, thinking they were rid of him forever.

Although Joseph was betrayed, mistreated, and lied about, he made a decision to release his past. As a token of this decision, he named his first son Manasseh, which means “forgetting.” Genesis 41:51 records, “And Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: For God, said he, hath made me forget all my toil, and all my father’s house.”

As Joseph’s story continues to unfold, we learn that his choice to release his past was also a choice to release, or forgive, his brothers from the pain they had caused him.

When Joseph was finally in a position to turn the tables and repay his brothers for their cruelty, he chose instead to provide for and love his family (Genesis 45:10–11). Ultimately, God used Joseph to preserve his entire family and, in so doing, preserve the beginnings of the Hebrew nation.

Joseph’s decision to choose forgiveness allowed him to see his life from God’s perspective. Years later, he was able to say to his brothers, “But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive” (Genesis 50:20). This one decision, undoubtedly made many times over, let Joseph see God’s sovereign hand orchestrating beauty from discord. Think of what Joseph would have missed if he had bitterly held on to the hurts of his past.

amazing grace

God gives us a precious resource to enable us to forgive. It’s called grace. God’s grace gives us the ability to not only leave the sins or pain of the past behind, but to become stronger because of the forgiveness and healing Christ has given us.

My son Larry has always had a hard time around needles and a weak stomach in hospitals. In fact, on one occasion, he made a hospital visit with one of our assistant pastors and passed out shortly after walking into the hospital room. He ended up in the bed next to our church member! Something about the smell and temperature in a hospital causes him to have a weak stomach.

When Larry was diagnosed with cancer in 2009, it was the beginning of many hospital visits, most of which required him to receive shots. Most of the procedures he received were even more uncomfortable than simply drawing blood. Something I noticed, however, was that with every procedure and trip to a hospital, Larry seemed stronger. He didn’t necessarily enjoy the procedures, but they were causing him to become stronger physically.

It was God’s grace that enabled Larry to go through those treatments during his trial with cancer and actually become stronger because of them. In the same way, God’s grace has the power to strengthen and heal our lives—if we will let it. We must turn our past over to the Lord and trust His promises to forgive and mend. Let’s not hold onto a broken past and indulge in bitterness. Let’s allow the Lord to mend our lives and make us stronger by His grace.

trophies of grace

Many of those in the Bible who God used in great ways were men and women with troubled pasts.

Jephthah had a past out of his control. His mother was a harlot, and his brothers refused to include him in his father’s inheritance (Judges 11:2). Of course, Jephthah hadn’t chosen his parents, and his brothers’ grudge was unfair.

Years later, when Jephthah’s brothers needed his skills, they didn’t hesitate to demand his help. Jephthah could have retaliated in kind and refused to help them. Instead, Jephthah agreed to his brothers’ request, and the Lord blessed. Judges 11:32 records, “So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands.” If Jephthah had reacted from the wounds of his past, he would have missed an incredible opportunity to see God use him to bring victory.

Rahab had an undeniably wicked past—she was a harlot. Rahab was not the person that we would have chosen as “most likely to succeed” in the Christian life. She’s not who we would have guessed would be used to help bring the first victory in Israel’s conquest of the Promised Land. Yet God used her in that very way (Joshua 2).

Rahab’s soiled past was so unforgettable that even after she came to the Lord, she is referenced as “the harlot.” Yet she refused to allow her sins of the past to prevent her from present faith. Hebrews 11:31 says, “By faith the harlot Rahab perished not with them that believed not, when she had received the spies with peace.”

Mary Magdalene was another woman with a sinful past, including demon possession. Yet, the very severity of her past intensified the glory of her deliverance. Mary received Christ’s forgiveness, and out of gratitude for His grace, she was early at the tomb after Jesus died. It was to Mary that Christ first appeared after His resurrection (Mark 16:9).

Each of these had baggage from their past that was real and heavy. They could have focused on these elements and lived in the past, continually replaying the hurt or shame of days gone by. But had they done this, they never would have experienced the future God made possible by His grace. Because they put the past behind them, severing the chains of bitterness and guilt, they became triumphant trophies of God’s amazing grace.

all for good

One of the greatest promises in the Bible is found in Romans 8:28, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Only God can make all things—the pain, the guilt, the impossible—work together for good.

When we release our past to the Lord, He does an amazing work. He reaches into the attic storage of our lives, and from the bins we’ve long forgotten, He creates a future wrapped in His amazing grace. Let’s receive the strength of the Lord and choose to move into the future He’s prepared!

CHAPTER 7

choose to press on

committing your future to the God of love

One of my favorite missionary stories is that of Amy Carmichael. For fifty-two years, Amy labored in India, and much of her work was in rescuing children from the most tragic forms of slavery in Hindu temples.

When Amy herself was a little girl, she was deeply disappointed by the color of her eyes. To her, brown eyes seemed much more boring than her mother’s and brother’s brilliant blue eyes. So, Amy made a change in eye color a matter of special prayer.

With the sincere faith of a three-year-old, Amy explained her desire to the Lord and cheerfully went to bed, sure that Jesus would change her eye color by the next morning.

But as Amy stood in front of the mirror early the next day, she was dismayed at her reflection. Her still-brown eyes filled with tears as she assimilated her disappointment. Amy’s mother assured Amy that God had chosen the best color for her eyes, but Amy was unconvinced. It was obvious to her that blue eyes were superior.

About thirty years later, with this incident long forgotten, Amy (now a missionary in India) purposed to visit a Hindu temple. She had heard stray rumors of the plight of young girls sold into human trafficking at the temples. Having great difficulty securing any real answers, Amy decided the only way to know the truth was to visit a temple herself.

Because foreigners were not allowed in the temples, Amy had to creatively disguise her identity. She wore an Indian sari and used coffee to stain her skin to match the color of a typical Indian woman. As she checked her coffee-dying skills in the mirror, she noticed her brown eyes. This time, tears of gratitude filled them as she realized that she could never pull off a disguise such as she was attempting if she had blue eyes. What Amy had, in her childish immaturity, wanted to change, the Lord had specially planned for her life as an enablement in ministry.

Like Amy Carmichael, we don’t truly know how the present fits into the future. The things we would like to change about ourselves or our present circumstances are often the early phases of a masterpiece God is working on in our lives. This is why self-acceptance is only possible when we choose to see our lives from God’s perspective.

In the previous chapter, we identified our need to see our past from God’s perspective. But not only does our past affect our self-acceptance, the present does as well. In this chapter, we’ll explore what God says is true concerning our present and our potential.

our person

Many ladies have a wish list of things they would like to change about their appearance. Have you ever thought any of the following statements?

I wish I was skinny.

I wish I was taller.

I wish I was prettier.

I wish my hair wasn’t so curly.

I wish my skin was a different color.

I wish I looked like her.

The reality is that God specially formed us in the womb to perfectly suit His masterful plan for our lives. Psalm 139 eloquently expresses this truth, especially verses 13–16:

For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.

These verses remind us that God not only specially designed us, but He did it with love and purpose. Many of God’s greatest servants have been those who had what we would consider defects or handicaps, yet it was their “defects” that made them dependent upon God’s grace.

Moses was “slow of speech” and protested that he was thus unqualified to lead the Israelites out of Egypt (Exodus 4:10). But God promised him, “…I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say” (Exodus 4:12). Even with a speech impediment, Moses delivered the now famous message from God to Pharaoh, “Let my people go!”

Zacchaeus was short and seemingly unable to participate in welcoming Christ into his town of Jericho. Luke 19:3 tells us, “And he sought to see Jesus who he was; and could not for the press, because he was little of stature.” Amazingly, it was this very handicap that gave Zacchaeus occasion to put extra effort in seeing Christ. “And he ran before, and climbed up into a sycomore tree to see him…” (Luke 19:4). That day, Zacchaeus was saved, and Christ completely changed his life.

Paul felt frustrated in his ministry by a physical handicap, and he was sure that he could accomplish more for Christ without it (2 Corinthians 12:7). He asked the Lord three times to remove it, but Christ’s loving response realigned Paul’s perspective: “…My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

All of us have things we would change about ourselves if we were given the power, but in so doing, we would miss God’s purpose for our lives. We must choose instead to trust every aspect of the unchangeable features of our lives to the Lord.

our position

It seems that deeply planted in our beliefs is the thought that we become valuable and acceptable based on what we do. We struggle to perform enough to measure up to what we perceive as the standard for acceptance. These efforts, however, leave us frustrated, depleted, or prideful.

Thankfully, God has declared our worth by another standard. When we become His children by salvation, we receive assigned worth—not earned worth. Like children born into a royal family, we are not valuable because of who we are, but because of whose we are.

At the time of this writing, a very exciting event just took place in London, England. In fact, many say it will be the most televised and watched event of the decade. The occasion: a royal wedding! And, I must admit, the women in our family were intrigued by the grandiose details surrounding the wedding. It was fun to see the English hats worn by the special guests and to watch the bride and groom ride in a horse-drawn carriage toward Buckingham Palace. The wedding was special to England because Prince William had found his princess. In finding a bride, he had taken an important step in his role as the future King of England.

From birth, Princes William and Harry of Great Britain have enjoyed a prestige and position in society that they did nothing to earn. It’s simply part of their birthright. As Christians, we also have assigned worth. We, likewise, don’t deserve our position of being children of the King, but we have it because it is part of our birthright. Ephesians 1:1–12 details this position and the love that made it possible. If you struggle with self-acceptance, this is an excellent passage to commit to memory.

As long as we are trying to earn acceptance, we will never measure up, but when we realize that we are “accepted in the beloved” (Ephesians 1:6) because of Christ’s love for us, we are free to enjoy our assigned worth.

our performance

We all carry an unseen, and sometimes even undefined, illusion of what we think “the perfect me” would look like. In your mind, you have a picture of how you should act and what kind of mom, grandma, wife, friend, teacher (or any other hat you wear) you should be.

Perhaps if you were to write a description of your “perfect self” she would look similar to mine:

She is always loving, patient, and understanding.

She is well-organized, maintaining a perfect balance between discipline and flexibility.

Her house is always neat and well-decorated, so she is never embarrassed if friends drop by unexpectedly.

Her children drop whatever they are doing and obey her every request.

She never gets angry with her children, even when they forget.

She is serious yet lighthearted, submissive but not passive.

She is energetic and never tired even after getting up five times during the night to tend to sick children.

She reaches out to her neighbors and takes meals to the sick and needy.

She looks fresh and attractive at all times.

Her hair always does what she wants it to do, and it’s never flat.

Her fingernails are never broken.

She always plans healthy, balanced meals for her family and bakes everything from scratch.

She never gets sick, lonely, or discouraged.

She walks faithfully with God every day and studies and memorizes Scripture.

She prays “without ceasing.”

She is never fearful or inhibited about telling others about Christ and speaking the truth to someone who may be in error.

It was a good day for me when I defined my expectations and realized that I will never be that lady described above. To be sure, I want to grow in all of these areas, but as long as I am carrying the pressure of becoming like this person who does not exist, I’m not free to grow.

You too have probably pictured something so perfect and idyllic that it is completely unattainable. Yet every day we subconsciously judge our performance by our personal expectations and self-imposed standards. Since we cannot match those standards, our self-acceptance suffers.

Second Corinthians 10:12 warns us that when we compare ourselves to “the perfect me” or what others say, we are unwise: “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”

We would be wise to shed “the perfect me” and ask the Lord to continually change us into His likeness.

attained worth

Do you find satisfaction in completing a task? My prize completion is a closet in my house that usually takes about three days for me to thoroughly sort and clean. (Unfortunately, it only takes about three hours for it to return to total disarray!) When I finish this project and get to check it off my to-do list, I have a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction.

The Lord gives us similar opportunities in our Christian walk. Although our acceptance in Him is based on the assigned worth that comes just because we belong to Him, we can increase our value as His servants when we are obedient to Him. This gives us attained worth. As we grow in obedience, we experience the God-given satisfaction of faithfully accomplishing a task and being obedient to the things of God.

We must remember, however, that our acceptance is not based on what we do—ever. It is based on who we are in Christ.

Nothing can change our position in Christ, and nothing can separate us from God’s love: “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:38–39).

warning: a perspective distorter

As we understand that our worth does not come by what we do, but by our position in Christ, there is a balancing truth we must also understand. Sin is a distorter of our perspective. In other words, we are absolutely accepted in Christ, and there is nothing that can change that. But when we sin and refuse to repent and forsake it, we will not enjoy the acceptance of Christ. In fact, we may feel separated from Him.

Continuous sin causes a person to focus on self, even to the point of a false humility. Some may think, “I’m no good, and God can’t use me.” But if we are too focused on self, we won’t be able to reach out and serve others. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to reveal any areas of sin, confess our sin, and then do something for the Lord.

our future potential

One of Satan’s favorite tactics is to make us feel hopeless about the future. He reminds us of our past and suggests that we are unable to change. But even when it seems that there is no hope for change or improvement in sight, with Christ’s help, there is always hope. Luke 1:37 encourages, “For with God nothing shall be impossible.”

With God’s help, each of us can overcome failure—past and present. As we release our past to the Lord and submit our present to His control, the potential for the future is tremendous!

Often we become discouraged when we expect the change to come overnight. Lasting change is rarely instant, so be patient, and continue to seek the Lord. As the Chinese proverb reminds us, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”

So, what’s our first step?

Ask for God’s help

Although nothing is impossible with God (Luke 1:37), no spiritual fruit is possible without God. In John 15:5, Jesus reminded His disciples, “…without me ye can do nothing.”

Too often we attempt change in our own strength, and we fail miserably. How much better it would be to answer the invitation of Jeremiah 33:3: “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not.”

Accurately measure worth by the Bible

We’ve already seen that God says we are valuable because of whose we are and not because of what we do. Yet our tendency is still to measure our worth by what we do. Breaking this pattern boils down to a personal choice. We must choose to believe that what God says about our worth is true.

Luke 13:11–13 tells of a woman who had been physically deformed for eighteen years. She was so crippled that she was “bowed together,” unable to straighten her body for normal activity. When Jesus healed her, He said, “Woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity.” This woman could have doubted Christ and remained “bowed together” for the rest of her life, even though she was healed. But she chose instead to believe what Christ said was true, and “immediately she was made straight.”

We can spend our lives believing the lies that we will never change and that we aren’t acceptable to God. Or we can take God at His Word and claim His promises by faith.

A key step to being able to believe what God says about your worth is actually knowing what He says! Mark verses in your Bible and secure them in your heart through memory. This way, when the devil tries to make you feel unacceptable, you can defeat him with Scripture. (References for some excellent verses to start with are listed at the end of this chapter.)

Apply God’s Word

This final step is the true decision point. To see our potential from God’s perspective, we must be willing to apply His Word to our lives. This is where our steps require the action of obedience.

Someone once said, “The Christian world is suffering from a deficiency in vitamin A—application.” We can know God’s truth, but we must choose to obey God’s truth. Commitment was never meant to be separated from action.

choices

Once again, we see it boils down to a choice. We must choose to apply God’s Word regardless of what our feelings tell us. This is not a one-time decision but a daily commitment to apply truth.

Below are ten statements that were included in my book It’s a Wonderful Life. Each of these affirm the truths we’ve covered in this chapter. Perhaps it would be helpful for you to review them daily until these principles become ingrained in your soul. Reading each statement out loud can help reinforce the choice to believe it in your own mind.

1. God created me, and even before I was born God supervised my total development (Psalm 139).

2. God is presently working in me to make me like Christ (Romans 8:28–30).

3. I will be patient with myself. God has entrusted me with the potential, gifts, talents, and personality to do His perfect will (Philippians 1:6).

4. I will trust that God will continue to equip me to do His will (Philippians 2:13). Whom God calls, He qualifies.

5. I will set out to improve the changeable areas as God gives me insight and power (Philippians 4:13). I will seek to fulfill my potential by setting goals for myself.

6. I will not use my background or lack of abilities as an excuse for sin or lack of progress in my life (Philippians 3:13–14).

7. I will daily confess and forsake sin and seek cleansing through the Word (1 John 1:9).

8. I will accept myself as a special person created to fulfill a unique purpose (Psalm 139:14–16). I will believe God’s estimate of me. He loved me enough to send His dearest possession, Jesus, to die for me (John 3:16). This act alone is a statement that God believes I’m a worthwhile person.

9. I will reach out to other people, remembering that they, too, are special and worthy of love (Philippians 2:3–4).

10. I will remember it is not who I am but whose I am that determines my value (Ephesians 2:10).

That God would choose to bestow His love on us and that He would create a plan for our lives is a truth beyond comprehension. We can respond to His love by choosing to release our past to Him, accept the unchangeable areas of our present, and yield to His work of transforming us into His image. With His help, we can press on for His glory.

CHAPTER 8

choose to be joyful

living above the circumstances of life

I can’t think of a better description of the Christian life than that found in Deuteronomy 11:11: “But the land…is a land of hills and valleys….” This verse reminds me of the actual landscape where I live. Our city of Lancaster is situated in the Antelope Valley, a high desert region in Southern California. It’s unique to me that we live in a valley and, at the same time, a high desert. How is this possible? We are 2,400 feet above sea level, but we are a valley, surrounded by the San Gabriel and Tehachapi mountains.

Isn’t this a similar picture to our lives? The topography of our circumstances rises and falls in “hills and valleys”: A child does well in school—hill. The car breaks down—valley. Your husband surprises you with a date night—mountain! You learn you have a chronic illness—dark valley.

Up and down, constantly shifting—our circumstantial paths are far from smooth. Sometimes, as in Lancaster, we even have hills and valleys at the same time, as we experience joy in one area and sorrow in another. Other times, we feel completely swallowed up in a storm-swept valley. Divorce, miscarriage, financial crises, wayward children, torn relationships, physical pain—all of these can leave us feeling overwhelmed and helpless.

Thankfully, God is a God of the hills and the valleys (1 Kings 20:28), and He is a very present help in whatever circumstances we face (Psalm 46:1). Because of the Lord’s presence, we can experience constant joy in changing circumstances.

varied terrain, constant joy

Psalm 16:11 promises, “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.” Even in the ups and downs of life, we can know full joy when we are living in the presence of God.

Just before Jesus went to the Cross, He explained to His disciples, “These things have I spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full” (John 15:11). The path ahead for the disciples was steep. In the next several hours, their Master would be crucified, and they would be scattered. Over the next years, they were to face their own torture and persecution as they preached the message of the Gospel. And what did Jesus tell them before any of this took place? Right before the most tragic experiences of their lives would begin to unfold, Jesus told them they could know His constant, remaining joy—full joy.

Everyone who has trusted Christ has the privilege of experiencing full joy. Yet, so few Christians take advantage of this privilege. Why are so many Christians unhappy, disappointed, and miserable, when they could be experiencing Christian joy?

Where is the disconnect between Christ’s promise and our experience?

capturing the culprit

The number one thief of joy is circumstances. It’s the unplanned, unexplainable, and unchangeable things that cross our paths. We’re not ready or willing for them, and they easily steal our joy. Most of us will agree that when things are going “our way” we feel a lot happier, and we are much easier to live with. But our happiness quickly fades when things go wrong.

This is a problem, since very few of the circumstances of life are under our control. We have no control over the weather, the traffic, the price of food, or how people respond to us. We have little or limited control over our finances, accidents, or our family’s health.

If our joy depends upon circumstances, and if we can do little or nothing to control those circumstances, we will be miserable most of the time! We must learn to capture this thief by choosing joy.

happiness happens, joy is a choice

One Sunday, I was going through my typical Sunday morning routine, preparing for church and for my fourth grade girls Sunday school class. I looked at the clock around 8:45 and had a brief moment of panic, “I’m running late! I have to get to church now!” So, I gathered my Bible, purse, and a few of my Sunday school materials and got in the car.

As soon as I got in the car, I remembered, “It’s my turn to bring a snack for Sunday school!” So, I jumped out of the car to run in the house and look for some cookies in the pantry. I found the cookies and ran back into the garage and got in my car. But no sooner had I started the engine when I remembered, “I promised the girls in our class that we would have a party this week—a party consisting of grilled cheese sandwiches and M&M’s.” (The girls were allowed to choose the menu as a part of their reward.)

I ran back into the house and grabbed my electric skillet. Thankfully, again, I had enough bread, cheese, and butter with which to make the sandwiches, and I juggled all the ingredients to my vehicle with the intent of making the sandwiches in class (since I definitely didn’t have time at this point to make them beforehand!). As I loaded up the sandwich ingredients, the Lord brought to mind a box of M&M’s that I just happened to have in my office at the church. A brief sense of relief replaced my extreme sense of stress as I again started the car. Wow! I actually am going to pull this all off! Pretty impressive, Terrie!

Again, as soon as I was preparing to drive out of the garage, I remembered, I forgot to feed the dog! I knew I really needed to feed the dog, so I hopped out of my car and ran back in the house to get the dog food. When I finished feeding the dog, I started getting a bit more frustrated with my morning! Can I forget one more thing today? I thought to myself! Well, apparently, I could. I sat back in my driver’s seat for what seemed like the fifteenth time that morning, only to realize that I didn’t have my keys. I got out of the car again and ran back to the house door. It was then that my morning went from bad to a lot worse. I had locked my keys inside the house!

I have to be honest, any excitement I had about serving the Lord, going to church, and teaching Sunday school was quickly fading. In fact, I started to even tear up a bit. I went back to the car to retrieve my cell phone from my purse so I could call someone to help me. But, I had locked my purse and cell phone in the house along with my keys.

My eyes clouded with tears as I walked around my house checking every door. They were all locked. Well, I’ll just sit in the garage until someone notices I’m not at church, I guess. Maybe then, someone will come looking for me. Not having that much patience, I considered the possibility of walking to church and risking serious embarrassment if church members saw me along the way.

As I sat in the garage, I remembered a conversation I had with my youngest son, Matt, when he still lived at home. I vaguely remembered that he mentioned to me that his bedroom window was broken and never locked. Whenever he forgot his keys and needed to get in the house, he would just climb through his window. Well, I might as well give it a try! I thought.

I walked around to the back of the house, and after a little bit of wiggling and maneuvering, I was able to open the window. I crawled in as gracefully as I could, retrieved my phone, keys, and purse, and finally headed off to church. (When I told my husband that afternoon about my morning break-in, he made sure he got the window fixed!)

While I thank the Lord that everything worked out, I’d have to admit that I’m not looking forward to another Sunday morning like that anytime soon! In the midst of the frustration and delays, I really had to work at maintaining my happiness.

You see, happiness is based on what happens to you, and it depends on external circumstances that are often beyond your control. Joy, on the other hand, is based on what is in your heart, and Jesus promised us that our joy can remain constant regardless of surrounding circumstances.

D.L. Moody wrote, “Happiness is caused by things that happen around me, and circumstances will mar it; but joy flows right on through trouble; joy flows on through the dark; joy flows in the night as well as in the day; joy flows all through persecution and opposition. It is an unceasing fountain bubbling up in the heart; a secret spring the world can’t see and doesn’t know anything about. The Lord gives his people perpetual joy when they walk in obedience to him.”

a secret from prison

If you knew you were receiving a letter from an unjustly incarcerated man, what would you expect to read? Frustration? Anger? Gloom?

The book of Philippians actually is such a letter—a prison epistle. The Apostle Paul penned this letter from the recesses of a Roman prison. While we would expect the letter to be sad and gloomy—or at least mournfully resigned—it’s not. The book of Philippians is even known as “the epistle of joy.” In these four short chapters, Paul mentions joy, rejoicing, or gladness no less than nineteen times!

So what was Paul’s secret? How could he maintain a positive outlook and even mentor others in joyfulness while he was enduring such difficult circumstances? I believe the answer is found in another oft-repeated word in Philippians—mind. Paul used mind, think, and remember at least sixteen times in this epistle.

What do we learn from this? The secret of Christian joy is found in the way the believer thinks—her mindset. You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can always choose how you will shape your mindset.

In the book of Philippians, Paul describes an attitude of mind that will produce joy regardless of surrounding circumstances. This short epistle has much to teach on how we can cultivate the right kind of mind.

the single mind

In Philippians 1, Paul discusses his difficult circumstances and faces them honestly. But he looks at them from a completely different perspective than most of us would. Rather than looking at the circumstances in themselves, he looks at them in relationship to Jesus Christ.

Paul’s greatest passion was to know and serve the Lord. Thus, every circumstance he faced was viewed by how it could be used to accomplish his goal. Prison, hunger, loneliness, unjust treatment, fear, uncertainty—none of these things could rob Paul’s joy, because he was not living to enjoy circumstances. He was living to serve Jesus Christ. When we look at our circumstances through Christ, everything changes.

For instance, Paul referred to the chains he wore, not as heavy restrictions, but as “my bonds in Christ” (verse 13). He did not see himself as facing an unjust civil trial but as being “set for the defense of the gospel” (verse 17). He even went so far as to explain his adverse circumstances as ultimately good in verse 12: “But I would ye should understand, brethren, that the things which happened unto me have fallen out rather unto the furtherance of the gospel.”

Joy is a matter of choice. It is a positive mindset we choose to embrace and express. It does not come from our circumstances; it comes as we choose to see our circumstances in relation to Christ.

Two people can experience the same circumstances, but their emotions can be on opposite spectrums.

One ship sails east; One ship sails west. Regardless of how the winds blow, It is the set of the sail— And not the gale— That determines the way we go!

How did Paul set his sail toward joy? What did he tell us in this prison epistle to choose to think about?

our personal relationship with Christ

The very foundation of our joy is that we know Christ. Paul’s opening words in Philippians affirmed his relationship with Christ as well as reminded his readers in the Philippian church of their relationship with Christ: “Paul and Timotheus, the servants of Jesus Christ, to all the saints in Christ Jesus which are at Philippi….”

Regardless of the ebb and flow of earthly circumstances, we can rejoice in knowing that we have a secure home in Heaven and an eternal future greater than any of us could plan.

And yet, our relationship with Christ gives us so much more than a home in Heaven. It gives us direct access to our Heavenly Father and the privilege of an ongoing and ever-growing relationship with Christ Himself. In fact, Jesus pointed to this as the best part of the eternal life He gave us at salvation: “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (John 17:3).

David enjoyed an intimate relationship with the Lord, so much so that God called him “a man after his own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14). Although David faced a myriad of overwhelming circumstances, he consistently found great joy in God’s salvation. Throughout the psalms, he often came back to this as a cause for rejoicing.

The king shall joy in thy strength, O LORD; and in thy salvation how greatly shall he rejoice!—Psalm 21:1

…I will rejoice in thy salvation.—Psalm 9:14

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.—Psalm 51:12

The prophet Habakkuk also made a choice to rejoice in his relationship with the Lord—even when circumstances were bleak and, humanly speaking, hopeless.

Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.—Habakkuk 3:17–18 (emphasis added)

Sometimes we just need to refocus our attention from our circumstances to the blessing of knowing the Lord. We need to choose to remember the privileges we have in Christ.

our position as servants

At first thought, the position of a servant may not seem to you a very good reason to rejoice! But that would depend on whom you had the opportunity to serve.

Several years ago my husband was traveling, and he happened to be on the same plane—several rows behind—former President Ford. He noticed how eager the airline staff was to serve President Ford. It seemed they were tripping over themselves to bring him anything he may need or enjoy. Others on the plane, too, seemed to look for reasons to walk by his seat. No one thought of his needs as a bother; they were tickled for the opportunity to serve this man whom they respected.

This was how Paul felt about the opportunity to serve the Lord. In Philippians 1:1, he focused on his special position: “Paul and Timotheus, the servants of Jesus Christ….” Serving Jesus was a privilege to Paul!

Paul faced many difficulties through his ministry (including hunger, shipwreck, beatings, and imprisonment), but even these he endured cheerfully, because he chose to remember that serving Christ is an honor. In Acts 20:24, Paul shared his view on the difficulties: “But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God.”

This position, when faithfully fulfilled, also gives us the incredible opportunity to one day experience the joy of hearing the Lord Himself say, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matthew 25:21).

pleasant memories of people

As Paul suffered in prison, he turned his mind and prayers toward those he had previously led to Christ and then discipled. As he purposefully filled his thoughts with the memories of their fellowship, his soul was filled with joy. He wrote, “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy, For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now” (Philippians 1:3–5).

We all have memories. (Even my youngest son, at the mature age of seven, would begin a story with the phrase, “I remember when I was little and….”) We can draw from our memory bank sorrowful memories or joyous ones, and we need to choose to cherish the pleasant, wholesome memories of people we love.

Do you remember the person who led you to Christ? Do you remember someone who has had a positive spiritual influence in your life? Do you remember someone you’ve led to the Lord or been able to disciple and teach?

Take time to remember. And take time to make a memory when you cross the path of another. Develop and cultivate the kind of fellowship Paul enjoyed with the Christians from Philippi. Then, even when adverse circumstances threaten to overwhelm you, you can draw pleasant memories of joy from your memory bank.

perfect confidence in God’s plan for our lives

Choosing to focus our minds on the confidence we can have in God’s plan for our lives is major! So much of our mental and emotional energy is wasted on worry, doubt, and fear.

Paul had every reason to feel concern over his own situation and that of the Christians in Philippi. For himself, Paul did not yet know if he would be freed or condemned to death. Yet, his confidence in God’s ability to perform His will was so great that he dismissed the worry entirely, reminding his readers that Christ would be magnified either way (Philippians 1:20).

Paul could have also felt great concern for the Christians in Philippi. If he were condemned to death, who would fill his place in their lives? Who would love, care for, and instruct them as he would? Instead of worrying, however, Paul chose to put his confidence in God’s work in the lives of those he loved. In Philippians 1:6 he wrote, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

What emotional freedom we give ourselves when we choose to place our confidence in God and remember His promises! One of my favorite promises which settles my spirit during times of unrest is Proverbs 3:5–6: “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” Just reading these words is like pouring a soothing balm on my troubled soul. Joy is a deep, settled confidence that God is in control in every area of my life.

precious friends

I don’t think of a prison cell as the most socially stimulating environment, but even in the loneliness of isolation, Paul rejoiced in the friends God had given him. He wrote, “…I have you in my heart; inasmuch as both in my bonds, and in the defence and confirmation of the gospel, ye all are partakers of my grace. For God is my record, how greatly I long after you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:7–8).

Paul nurtured spiritually enriching friendships everywhere he traveled. In Corinth, the Lord gave him Aquila and Priscilla. In Lystra, he began a mentoring relationship with Timothy. From the outset of his ministry, Paul traveled with Barnabas, and later he took Silas for his traveling companion.

Relationships such as these are treasures. But these types of relationships cannot be developed in the midst of the all-too-common sins of women—sins such as envy, gossip, and criticism. Spiritually enriching relationships thrive only where ladies desire to work together for the cause of Christ. As you share a common heart for the Lord and common goal to see His work accomplished with other ladies, you will find common fellowship.

pioneers of the gospel

More than anything, Paul’s desire was to preach the Gospel in Rome. Rome was the hub of the great Empire and the key city of its day. From Corinth Paul wrote, “So, as much as in me is, I am ready to preach the gospel to you that are at Rome also” (Romans 1:15).

Originally, Paul wanted to go to Rome as a preacher; but instead he went as a prisoner. This was obviously not the plan Paul had in mind. Yet, sitting in a Roman prison, Paul wrote a letter to encourage Christians to rejoice in the Lord. How could this be possible?

In Philippians 1:12, Paul rejoiced in the fact that his circumstances, unplanned and unpleasant as they were, actually furthered the Gospel: “But I would ye should understand, brethren, that the things which happened unto me have fallen out rather unto the furtherance of the gospel.”

The word furtherance in this verse was a Greek military term referring to a “pioneer advance.” It described those who went ahead of the troops to open the way into new territory. We so often allow troublesome circumstances to keep us from advancing in our Christian life, especially in spreading the Gospel. But sometimes God arranges circumstances to allow us to pioneer new areas of ministry.

Turning trouble into a tool

My husband and I recently went out to dinner with my two sons and daughters-in-law. We were driving along the Pacific Coast Highway near my brother-in-law’s church in Oceanside and pulled up to a stop light. At the stop light, a very angry man started yelling at us and threw a rock at our windshield, promptly causing a rather large crack. When my husband pulled the car over, the man started running away.

My sons got into a “catch the bad guy” mode, and before I knew it, they had jumped out of the car and started running after the angry man who threw the rock! They finally caught up with him and asked him why he threw a rock at our car. The following conversation was actually quite humorous, but I’ll spare you the details. The gist of it was that the man was so angry with how fast people were driving along the Pacific Coast Highway, that to teach all drivers a lesson, he randomly picked our car and threw a rock at it. (I don’t quite see the logic there, but I suppose anger can cause all sorts of irrational behavior.) In the end, the man felt badly and gave my husband his insurance information. My husband called him a day later and said that if he promised to attend a church service at his brother’s church in Oceanside, he wouldn’t ask him to pay for the damage.

What started as a troubling and odd situation, turned out to be a tool to witness to someone who needed the Lord.

Paul endeavored to see every difficult situation in this light. From the very beginning, Paul’s ministry in Philippi had been full of unpleasant circumstances—including a public beating and a dungeon imprisonment (Acts 16). And what did Paul and Silas do? They rejoiced—holding a midnight prayer meeting and singing praises to the Lord. As a result, the jailer was saved, and a church was planted in this city.

As Paul wrote the epistle of Philippians years later, he hadn’t lost his “choice to rejoice.” He still viewed the discomfort of his circumstances as special tools in God’s hand to further the Gospel.

The benefits of chains

Have you ever wondered why God put you in a circumstance, place, or position that you would never have chosen for yourself, and then later realized it was so someone could be saved?

When I was in sixth grade we lived in the beautiful city of Calistoga in the Napa Valley of California. My parents owned a restaurant, and I had many friends and everything I wanted. But when my parents told me we were leaving all of that to move to San Jose, I was frustrated and disappointed. I remember asking, “Why?”

Today, I know exactly why. It was in San Jose that the Lord put me in the path of a church bus worker who invited me to church. And it was at that church that I was not only saved, but I also met my future husband for the first time.

While our chains may not be as dramatic or difficult as Paul’s, God can use any difficulty we surrender to Him. The secret is this: you must look upon your circumstances as God-given opportunities for the furtherance of the Gospel. You must choose to rejoice at what God is going to do, instead of complaining about what God did not do.

Through the years, I have seen a recurring pattern. God often takes the difficult circumstances of my life and through them gives me added opportunity to share Christ with others. As I mentioned before, in October 2009, our oldest son Larry was diagnosed with a fast-growing cancer. Through the days in surgery waiting rooms, weeks in the hospital during recovery, and months in chemo treatment centers and doctors’ offices, God gave our family many opportunities to share the Gospel with tender, receptive people. Although we shed many tears during this painful trial, we have found great cause of rejoicing in the people we saw come to Christ as a result of our “chains.”

Luke 15:10 tells us “there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.” How much more should we rejoice in the opportunity to have a part in leading that sinner to Christ, even if that opportunity is made possible by “chains”?

privilege of seeing Christ magnified

Troublesome circumstances provide another opportunity—that of magnifying Christ. For years, I didn’t understand what Paul meant when he expressed his desire to see Christ magnified in his body (Philippians 1:20–21). After all, Christ is already infinitely bigger than we are. How can we magnify Him?

And then I heard an analogy that helped me understand: Our role in magnifying Christ is similar to that of a telescope in helping us see the stars. Although the stars are infinitely larger than the telescope, the telescope magnifies them—not by making them bigger, but by bringing them closer for observation.

This is what we as believers are to do—bring Jesus close to others. Many people think of Jesus as a myth. Others think of Him only as a mere human who lived centuries ago and has no bearing on our lives today. But let an unsaved person watch a believer endure a crisis with joy and hope, and that unsaved person can see Jesus magnified—brought close to their life.

For those of us who know and love the Lord, understanding that trials are an opportunity to magnify Him through our lives transforms adversity into a privilege of joy.

thermometer or thermostat?

In our home, a simple instrument is mounted on the wall in our hallway. It’s called a thermostat. With the ease of pushing a button, we can raise or lower the temperature in our home, and the thermostat regulates it to our comfort.

In another room we have a different instrument. This one is called a thermometer. If we are too hot, we can take a look at the thermometer and know just how hot we are. If we’re not feeling well, we can use another thermometer to help us identify if we have a fever, which indicates infection. But unlike the thermostat, the thermometer does nothing to change the temperature; it merely reports it as it is.

Without the special enabling of God, we are all like the thermometer. Our actions and reactions merely reflect our surrounding circumstances. Our responses rise and fall according to our emotional climate.

By deliberately choosing joy, however, we can be thermostats—literally adjusting our emotions to match the promises of God and the privilege we have to serve Him and pioneer the wonderful news of the Gospel.

Circumstances change and feelings fluctuate, but the mind that is stayed on Christ can know continual joy. To rejoice is a choice!

CHAPTER 9

choose to be strong

claiming God’s strength in trials

It didn’t take me long to realize that the Christian life is not free of trials. Even in the earliest days of my Christian growth, the Lord gave me unique opportunities to learn His strength in difficulties. As I mentioned in a previous chapter, my family and classmates ridiculed my faith. Inadvertently, however, they actually helped me grow as I learned to root my faith more deeply in God’s Word.

A few years later, when I wanted to attend Bible college, I encountered new difficulties. Initially, my dad would not let me enroll in a Christian college. I prayed and felt that God would want me to patiently wait for my dad’s heart to change. It did change eventually, and he reluctantly gave me permission to attend college. My parents, however, did not assist me financially. So, for the first time in my life, I had a school bill. To a young person making $3.50 an hour, it seemed overwhelming. But month by month the Lord provided, and as He did, my faith grew stronger.

After my husband and I were married, we encountered greater financial difficulties. For the first two years of our marriage my husband worked to support our family and pay his school bill on a very small salary. But this time, we had each other, and as we watched the Lord provide, we grew together.

When the Lord directed our family to Lancaster, where my husband became pastor of the Lancaster Baptist Church, we moved into a whole new arena of trials. This tiny, struggling church had no money to pay their mortgage, let alone a pastor’s salary. As we worked to fix up the dilapidated church building, vandals destroyed the office and stole some of our new equipment. We experienced so much in just the first year—loneliness, discouragement, fear, and more. It seemed that the more diligent we were in our efforts to move forward for God, the more intense the difficulties became! We couldn’t always see it, but God actually used those trials in a unique way to mature our faith and give us greater strength in Him.

Since then, we, like everyone else, have continued to experience trials. Some have added up to nothing more than annoyances, while others have felt overwhelming and even debilitating. But in every adversity, we have learned that God can give us victory and growth through the trials. In the midst of a trial, I usually just want relief—I want it to end. But God desires to give us something much greater than relief—He wants to give us victory.

In God’s infinite wisdom and all-sufficient grace, He is able to, through trials, strengthen our faith, purify our lives, and draw us closer to Himself. Looking back, I wouldn’t trade what the Lord has done in my life through trials for anything!

the refiner’s fire

During my senior year of college, I went home during our college spring vacation. At the time, my parents were managers of a Denny’s restaurant, and I helped them throughout my break. One day, my boyfriend, Paul, made a surprise visit to see me! He lived in Northern California as well, and planned (unknowingly to me) to spend his spring vacation in the area.

Well, Paul stopped by Denny’s one morning and asked my dad if he could talk to him “in the office.” This was definitely out of the ordinary, so I kind of had an idea he was asking my dad if he could ask me to marry him. (Why else would they want to talk behind closed doors?) I immediately began to pray. I knew my dad, and he was definitely not a push over. He was still not saved at this time, and he had a stubborn streak. I knew he would only say “yes” if he was convinced in his own way that it was the best thing for me.

I was nervous, but I was also pretty confident. After all, if my dad wasn’t planning to agree to our marriage, he wouldn’t have let us continue to date. But, when an hour went by, I started to wonder. Maybe he wasn’t ready to say yes! When two hours went by, I started to worry. And when we passed the two and a half hour mark, I started to cry. Even my mom was at a loss for words as she sat with me, trying to calm my fears.

Finally, about three hours later, they walked out of the office all smiles. I didn’t want to ask questions, and I assumed the smiles were a positive sign.

A few days later, Paul took me to the Japanese Flower Gardens. He found the perfect spot on the bridge of a pond, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said, “Yes!” But I had to ask a question that I hadn’t had the courage to ask him for the previous few days: “What took so long with my dad in the office?”

“Well, I told your dad how much I love you and that I wanted to marry you,” he said.

“Then what?” I asked impatiently.

“Then, your dad asked me if I loved everything about you, even your big toe!” (My big toe is quite normal, thank you. I have no idea why my dad asked the question in that way!) Paul concluded, “I said, ‘Yes,’ and he said, ‘Okay! Then you can marry her!’”

“Well, that took about ten minutes—max,” I said. “What else happened?”

“Oh,” my future husband said nonchalantly, “we just spent the rest of the time talking about fishing and hunting.”

All those tears and hours of worry were for a conversation about fishing and hunting? I couldn’t believe it. But I was relieved, to say the least. And a greater emotion filled my heart as my fiancé slipped an engagement ring on my finger. I felt a sense of gratitude toward the Lord and love for the man He had placed in my life.

The ring Paul gave me that day is a treasure to me because it represents my husband’s love. But if I had seen the same piece of gold much earlier, I wouldn’t have thought there was much to it. The gold in the ring must have earlier been embedded in the depths of a mine, mingled with dirt, rocks, and other metals. It wasn’t until it was put through the fiery refining process that it could be transformed to a sparkling piece of jewelry.

In the same way, the Lord uses trials as a furnace to refine us. In this furnace, He purifies our faith so we can one day present it to the Lord, untarnished and sparkling with His glory. First Peter 1:6–7 describes the benefits of God’s furnace: “Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.”

But as glorious as the finished product may be, the process is often quite painful. Sometimes we feel as if we won’t make it through. It seems as if the very fires that are meant to consume the impurities in our faith are actually going to consume us.

This is why we need God’s grace.

God’s gift during trials

In God’s infinite grace, He offers us the strength to emerge from the refiner’s fire victorious: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10).

I’ve seen many ladies who are in the midst of a trial tighten their jaw in resolve and, through gritted teeth, say, “I just have to be strong.” Yet, God doesn’t call on us to pull strength from ourselves during trials. Trials themselves, in fact, reveal just how small our reserves of strength actually are.

God offers to give us His strength through the fire. Our hearts melt in the flames, but God’s strength is sustaining. Psalm 73:26 says, “My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”

Yes, trials will come. And yes, we must choose strength if we will emerge from the furnace with purified faith. But choosing strength is simply a matter of choosing to receive the gift of God’s strength.

truths about trials

We’ll see later in this chapter specifically how we choose to receive God’s strength, but first, I’d like to point out a few truths we should keep in mind regarding trials. I’ve seen these truths in my own life and in the lives of many other godly women. But more specifically, I see them in 1 Peter. The book of 1 Peter was written to Christians in the fiery furnace of persecution. Their homes were taken from them; they were beaten, imprisoned, and falsely accused. Some were killed. Peter wrote to this group of suffering believers to encourage them to choose God’s strength.

Just a few verses into this epistle, Peter penned the words, “Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations: That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6–7).

From these verses, we notice a few specific truths we should embrace when we consider trials.

Remember it won’t last forever

I love the phrase in 1 Peter 1:6, “for a season.” Trials don’t last forever. They have limits imposed by God and will eventually end. When God permits His children to go through the furnace, He keeps His eye on the clock and His hand on the thermostat. Psalm 30:5 reminds us, “…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.”

For some of the Christians receiving Peter’s letter, their season of trial didn’t end until they were martyred. Yet, even for them, the trial was only for a season. When it ended, they were ushered into the brilliant glory of Christ’s presence.

At the longest, a trial can only last until the end of our lives, which, in comparison to eternity, is almost nothing. Second Corinthians 4:17–18 reminds and admonishes, “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Acknowledge the pain to God

Peter didn’t hesitate to describe the “heaviness through manifold temptations” his readers were facing. He didn’t trivialize it either, as he likened it to the process of gold in a fiery furnace.

In our own false impression of the strength we think God wants us to have in trials, we sometimes fear to acknowledge the pain we are going through. It’s okay to hurt when you are going through a trial. And it’s important to take that hurt to the Lord.

David didn’t sugar-coat his pleas for God’s help when he was going through difficulties. The Psalms are full of raw expressions of emotion as David cried out to God in pain.

How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?—Psalm 13:1–2a

Unto thee will I cry, O LORD my rock; be not silent to me: lest, if thou be silent to me, I become like them that go down into the pit. Hear the voice of my supplications, when I cry unto thee, when I lift up my hands toward thy holy oracle.—Psalm 28:1–2

Save me, O God; for the waters are come in unto my soul. I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing: I am come into deep waters, where the floods overflow me. I am weary of my crying: my throat is dried: mine eyes fail while I wait for my God.—Psalm 69:1–3

Yes, when trials come, we want to choose strength, but we will never find that strength within ourselves. The purpose of trials is not to toughen us, but to make us tender to the Lord. We want to choose God’s strength, and that comes by acknowledging our pain, calling out to God for help, and trusting in His faithfulness. Psalm 46:1 says, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Trust the Father’s filter

One of my favorite statements concerning trials is, “Every trial is Father-filtered.” This doesn’t mean that God originates every trial in our lives, but that He filters them, allowing only that which, as a loving Father, He will sustain us through. For instance, God did not create my father to be an alcoholic when I was a young girl, and God did not cause him to abuse his family. My dad chose the addiction of alcohol, and we paid many of the consequences. Yet even that pain in my life God has used for good.

I truly believe there is nothing in my life that God did not allow. Reading Job 1 makes it very clear that anything that comes our way must first pass through the permission of God. Every trial in our lives is examined by God, and He never allows more than He gives us the strength to bear.

First Peter 1:6 indicates that there are times when God knows we actually need to go through trials, as it says, “…if need be ye are in heaviness….” We never think we need a trial, but neither did my children think they needed to go to school or struggle through grueling sports practices. We must trust that our Father knows best.

Many years ago, a woman was traveling with her baby across Western Montana in a stage coach. The weather was bitter cold, and, in spite of all the driver could do to protect her, he saw that the mother was becoming unconscious from the cold. He stopped the coach, took the baby, and wrapping it warmly, put it under the seat. He then seized the mother by the arm, and dragged her out upon the ground and drove away, leaving her in the road. As she saw him drive away, she ran after him, crying for her baby. When he felt sure that she had run long enough to raise her body temperature, he allowed her to overtake the coach and resume her place by her baby.

Although the driver’s actions must have seemed cruel to the woman at that moment, he actually saved her life. Similarly, God sometimes knows we need a trial to protect us from spiritual lifelessness and apathy and to stir our hearts into vibrancy.

I don’t know what trial you may be going through. In fact, I hope you’re not going through one at all—unless you need one. And in that case, I hope you are. I don’t like trials any more than the next person, but I’ve learned that they help me in ways I could never accomplish on my own.

what God does through trials

When we are in the midst of a trial, it is comforting to remember that God is doing far more in our lives than we can see. Let’s look at just a few ways God works through trials.

He draws us back to Himself

We all have times when our love for the Lord cools and our zeal for Him wanes. Psalm 119:67 says, “Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word.” Trials have a way of turning our hearts toward the Lord as we cry out to Him in simple dependence.

He prepares us for spiritual growth

Like the April showers that bring May flowers, stormy situations in our lives prepare us for spiritual growth. As much as we’d like to skip the storms and still have the roses, it just isn’t possible.

I once read of a place in Northern Chile where it almost never rains. Author Franklin Elmer, Jr. described, “Morning after morning the sun rises brilliantly over the tall mountains to the east; each noon it shines brightly down from overhead; evening brings a picturesque sunset. Although storms are often seen raging high in the mountains, as heavy fog banks are observed far out over the sea, the sun continues to shine on this favored and protected strip of land. One would imagine this area to be an earthly paradise; but it is not. Instead, it is a sterile and desolate desert! There are no streams of water, and nothing grows there.”

I actually have first-hand experience in seeing the effects of drought, as we live in the Mojave Desert. We do get a little rain, but not enough to sustain growth under the hot sun. By early summer, everything that is not watered or irrigated is brown and dying.

Just as the soil needs rain to support growth, so we need storms in our lives to help us grow in the Lord. Without question, the greatest times of growth in my life have been during trials.

He purifies us

Proverbs 25:4 speaks of the refining process of silver: “Take away the dross from the silver, and there shall come forth a vessel for the finer.” Even so, the Lord uses the difficult times in our lives to purify our hearts. Malachi 3:3 gives us a glimpse of the Lord carefully monitoring the furnace during the trials: “And he shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver: and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and purge them as gold and silver, that they may offer unto the LORD an offering in righteousness.”

In the furnace of trials, selfish motives and hidden agendas surface in our lives. The strain of the trial has a way of bringing out all that is self-centered and self-seeking. Although this process is humbling, it is truly a blessing in disguise, for it allows us to see ourselves as we really are. We can then seek God’s forgiveness and help.

Some trials we encounter are actually caused by the Lord’s chastening hand of correction in our lives. But even this is evidence of God’s love for us. Hebrews 12:10–11 explains that God chastens us “for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby.”

He gives us the opportunity to comfort others

Have you ever been going through a trial and wished for a listening ear of someone who could understand what you were going through? When we go through trials, God gives us the opportunity to become that someone for others. As we receive God’s comfort, we are made better comforters.

In 2 Corinthians 1:4, Paul reminded the Corinthian church that the difficulties they were enduring and the comfort from God they were receiving would enhance their ministry as comforters. “Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.”

He lets us point others to Him

The classic “furnace story” in the Bible is that of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Daniel 3 tells the story of these three Hebrew young men who were put in a literal fiery furnace because they refused to worship a false Babylonian idol. God miraculously protected them in the fire with His very presence, and, as a result, the pagan king who had ordered their execution was pointed to God. He even made a decree, “That every people, nation, and language, which speak any thing amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, shall be cut in pieces, and their houses shall be made a dunghill: because there is no other God that can deliver after this sort” (Daniel 3:29).

Only God can take something difficult and use it to accomplish such good in our lives and, through us, in the lives of others!

choosing God’s strength

What God desires to do in our lives through trials doesn’t “just happen.” It requires a choice on our part to receive His strength. Without God strengthening our faith through the trials, we will melt in self-pity and emerge from the furnace with our emotions charred by bitterness.

Paul ministered for years with a “thorn in the flesh,” which was likely a physical infirmity. After he asked the Lord three times to remove it, the Lord told him that the thorn provided a special opportunity for Paul to know God’s strength: “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness…” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Paul then had a choice. He could spend his energy wishing for a healing that God had decided not to give, or he could embrace what God allowed and rejoice in the strength God provided. He chose strength: “…Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9–10).

How should we respond when a trial comes into our lives? We should choose strength! But, from a practical standpoint, just how do we choose victory through God’s strength?

Don’t resist

One of the easiest—and worst—responses to a trial is to expend our energy trying to escape. But if we could escape, we would miss what God is doing in our lives.

Ruth 1 tells the tragic story of Elimelech and Naomi’s escape from the trial they were in. Israel was held by a famine, and this couple decided to head to the country of Moab, where there was food. The only problem was that they didn’t seek the Lord’s will before making their decision. In Moab, they may have found bread, but they lost their walk with God. Both of their sons married heathen women, and then all three of the men in the family died. Naomi was left as a widow in a foreign country.

I wonder what blessings of provision God may have given Elimelech and Naomi had they simply remained in Israel. Surely He could have provided for them! The famine would have passed eventually, and their sons would have been strengthened in their faith.

The book of Ruth tells the beautiful story of God’s care and provision even in the aftermath of wrong choices. Yet, when we make running from a difficulty a greater focus than asking God what He wants to teach us through it, we cause ourselves more harm than we could have imagined.

Read God’s Word

Perhaps nothing becomes more precious to us in times of trial than God’s Word. As we are being purified in the furnace, we can draw strength, hope, and comfort from the pages of Scripture. Psalm 12:6 says, “The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times.”

Please understand that it is impossible to “choose strength” apart from the Bible. The decision to choose strength is often simply the decision to spend time with God daily. It is through His Word that hope is ignited and faith is strengthened.

Rejoice

As we saw in our previous chapter, to rejoice is a choice! James 1:2 specifically instructs, “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations.”

How can we rejoice in pain? We don’t rejoice in the pain itself, but in what God will work in our lives through the suffering. James 1:3–4 goes on to say, “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”

God uses times of trial to bring spiritual maturity and completion to our lives. None of us enjoys the pain, but when we focus on what God will do through it, we can rejoice. We can either slump in pouting apathy, or we can lean forward, straining to learn all God wants to teach us.

Wait on the Lord

Only God can bring “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness” (Isaiah 61:3). And it only comes in His time.

Often, I would like to rush the work of God when I am in the furnace. (I want Him to teach me patience…but quickly!) Yet, if we could rush God’s timing, we would have an incomplete product. Psalm 27:14 encourages us instead to choose strength and courage while we wait on the Lord: “Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.”

The best way I know to face difficulties with courage and trust is to remember God’s promises. These are a few of my favorites:

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.—Romans 8:28

Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.—1 Peter 5:7

Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator.—1 Peter 4:19

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.—Isaiah 26:3

the treasure of the furnace

One day, we will see our Lord face to face. And in that moment, our suffering will pale in significance to the joy of presenting Him something of great value. It’s not gold or silver or even accolades of service. It is simple faith—faith that has been tried and purified. And 1 Peter 1:7 tells us that this faith is exceedingly precious to Christ: “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ.”

Are you in the furnace today? Choose strength—God’s strength. It enables you to walk with your Heavenly Father through the flames, enveloped in His grace. And it enables you to give the Lord the precious treasure of pure faith when you stand before Him.

CHAPTER 10

choose to succeed

allowing failure to lead to victory

When I was a teenager, our school participated in the presidential fitness test program. We did sit-ups and pull-ups, ran the fifty-yard dash, stretched our fingers past our toes, and accomplished a whole list of other exercises.

The long jump, however, is the event that will be forever impressed on my memory. The first time I jumped, I actually fell backward—one inch. I tried again, and again I fell. But this time I fell forward, and the lady measured the jump from where my feet were—zero inches!

I may not have been a star jumper, but I sure would rather fall forward than to fall backward.

In our Christian walk, we each fall. I wish we didn’t. I wish I could give you a chapter on how to never fail. That would, however, present some challenges, the first being that I’m not in the least qualified to write it. The second challenge is that no one else is, either.

But, since we all fail (repeatedly), wouldn’t it be great if each time, we could fall forward—learning from our mistakes and gaining ground even by failure? Believe it or not, there is a way to fail successfully.

Have you ever struggled with failure? Maybe you have failed in…

making a dish from a recipe

following a traffic signal

keeping a diet (Why do all magazines at the counter have some sort of weight loss program on the front? Because we keep failing at our diet and hoping the next one will work!)

exercising consistently

reading the Bible faithfully

being a witness

holding your temper

keeping quiet

keeping a promise

being faithful to pray for prayer requests you’ve been given

trusting God rather than worrying

being a supportive friend

being submissive

being thoughtful, sensitive, or loving

We could write an entire chapter on the ways we fail. But instead, let’s look at how we can “fail forward.”

a professional failure

The Bible records many failures, because it records life as it is. The biographies in Scripture are about real people who suffered real defeats. One such person is Peter.

As one of Jesus’ disciples, Peter seemed to be eagerly involved in every aspect of ministry taking place around him. He was a hands-on type person who liked to be “in on it.” He was somewhat outspoken and had an opinion about everything. But he was wholehearted in his enthusiasm.

Later in life, Peter would preach the sermon at Pentecost when three thousand people trusted Christ (Acts 2:14–41). He would provide energy and leadership to the early church, and he would sacrificially give of himself to preach the Gospel. He would write the epistles of 1 and 2 Peter. And, ultimately, he would give his life as a martyr for the Gospel of Christ.

But in between Peter’s early eager involvement and later mature leadership, he failed miserably. He denied His Lord three times. As Christ was enduring the horrors of crucifixion, Peter pretended he didn’t even know Him.

Peter’s failure was actually a series of failures. First, as Christ warned him of the coming test, Peter pridefully boasted, “Though all men shall be offended because of thee, yet will I never be offended” (Matthew 26:33).

Then, the evening Jesus was arrested, Peter failed to stay awake and pray for just one hour, even though Christ asked him three times to do so (Matthew 26:40). During Christ’s arrest, Peter followed from afar (Matthew 26:58) and kept company with those who were leading in the evil plot (John 18:18). Soon, Peter openly denied the Lord and even blasphemed His name (John 18:25, Mark 14:70–71).

Invariably, we wind up experiencing similar failures in our own lives. We start out well and have the best of intentions. We are excited, and we want to succeed in the faith. We have a desire to be a soulwinner, to be faithful in our devotions, to love our husbands and care for our children. Yet, so often, we become distracted from the Lord. We make wrong choices, and as a result, we experience failure.

But remember, the season of failure in Peter’s life was temporary. What is encouraging about Peter’s failure is that he learned from it. Less than two months later, he was preaching the sermon at Pentecost.

failing successfully

Several years ago, my husband’s uncle tried to teach my husband to water ski. One of the first lessons Uncle Steve taught my husband was concerning falling, “You will definitely fall while you are learning.” That was an encouraging start! Then, he continued, “But how you fall makes all the difference.” As it turned out, my husband learned how not to fall, and he severely injured his finger in the process.

Just as in water skiing, how you respond to falling in life affects both the extent of the damage of the fall, as well as your chances for future success. When we fail, we can either allow the failure to set us back, or we can determine to use the failure to actually propel us forward.

Not everyone will learn or profit from failure. Failure comes naturally; learning from failure requires a personal choice. We must choose victory if we are to fall forward.

For many ladies, failure actually keeps them from trying again. We allow it to turn our thinking into believing that we can’t succeed, or we generate excuses for not trying. Success, on the other hand, is the result of learning from failure.

Mary Lou Retton was America’s golden girl gymnast at the 1984 summer Olympics. When commenting on her victory, she explained, “Success comes from setting a goal and then being willing to achieve it. Achieving that goal is a good feeling, but to get there you have to also get through the failures. You have got to be able to pick yourself up and continue.”

the facts of failure

We already noted the fact that everyone fails—no exceptions. Romans 3:23 confirms this: “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God.” This is a fact.

It is not a fact, however, that the experience of failure makes you a failure as a person.

If I were to ask you to name a great baseball player, who would you name? Many people would think of Babe Ruth. Most know Babe Ruth as the guy who hit 714 home runs—the home run king. But did you know that he also struck out 1,330 times? Each of those times he failed, but he was not a failure!

If I were to ask you to name a great football player, an NFL quarterback, you might think of Terry Bradshaw. Terry Bradshaw led his team to four Super Bowls. But, did you know that Terry Bradshaw threw more incomplete passes than 99.9 percent of the players who ever played the game? Each of those times he failed, but he was not a failure!

If I were to ask you to name a great President, you might think of Abraham Lincoln. President Lincoln, affectionately called Honest Abe, led our nation through one of its most difficult periods and worked tirelessly to give freedom to all Americans. Yet, did you know that Abraham Lincoln lost eight elections? Before that, he failed twice in business, and he had a nervous breakdown. Abraham Lincoln failed, but he was not a failure!

Each of these men learned from his mistakes and fell forward. Proverbs 24:16 says, “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.”

How can we turn our failures into assets on the path of victory? Let’s look again to the life of Peter to see what turned his failure around. If we apply these truths to our lives, we, too, can slant our failures forward and choose victory.

the foundation of forgiveness

The starting point for victory is forgiveness. We, of course, want to succeed—that’s what this chapter is all about! But we need to remember that we don’t earn God’s love by our success, and we don’t earn His forgiveness by our penance. He loves and forgives us because of who He is, not because of our performance.

Even after Peter denied the Lord, the Lord wanted to restore him to fellowship. The angel at the empty tomb took care to emphasize the forgiveness available to Peter. As the angel told the women visiting the tomb that Jesus was risen, he said, “But go your way, tell his disciples and Peter that he goeth before you into Galilee…” (Mark 16:7, emphasis added). Peter being singled out for special notice is proof of the kindness and mercy of the Lord. Although Peter had denied Christ and forsaken Him in His greatest hour of need, Christ was still Peter’s Lord and Redeemer.

No matter how we have failed, we can experience God’s love and forgiveness. But “failing forward” never happens when we refuse to admit our failure. Proverbs 28:13 explains, “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”

Peter grieved deeply over his sin of denying Christ. Luke 22:60–62 records the story: “…And immediately, while he yet spake, the cock crew. And the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And Peter went out, and wept bitterly.”

The Lord had only to look at Peter, and as Peter met Christ’s pained gaze, his heart broke. When you fail, look to Jesus. Grieve over your failure before Him. Confess your sin honestly and simply. Don’t try to shift blame or pretend sin is less than it is. First John 1:9 promises, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

grow from failure

Failure is too costly to waste! After you seek the Lord’s forgiveness, learn all you can from the experience.

Although Peter committed a terrible sin, he grew through it. After Peter’s failure, he was a far more mature Christian than before. (Can you imagine the outspoken Peter we read about early in the Gospels writing two books of the Bible?) Even bitter experiences can teach us if we will be attentive students.

Here are a few ways you can make failure a learning experience:

Learn to ask the right question

One of the greatest assets to learning is a wisely-worded question. Too often, we ask ourselves the wrong questions when we fail, and in so doing, we are distracted from discovering the correct answers.

Our typical question is, “Why did I do that?” But this question (and the self-condemnation with which we ask it) rarely leads us to a profitable conclusion. What if instead we asked, “What lessons can I learn from this failure?” The very nature of this question leads to growth, rather than to continuing defeat.

Change your expectations

Why is it that when we fail once we automatically assume we will fail again? Sometimes we even go so far as to tell ourselves that we will never succeed!

We must choose a different line of thinking. Most of us naturally default to an assumption such as “I’m a failure, and I’ll never be good at anything.” This, however, is pure assumption. The problem is that we usually get what we expect.

When I enrolled as a freshman in college, I was discouraged to learn that Speech 101 was a required class for every major. Right from the start, I knew I couldn’t give a speech—and my negative attitude soon validated itself. When my turn came to give my speech in class, I got no further than my first line before I sat down in defeat. Over and over I had told myself, “I can’t do this.” I convinced myself so thoroughly that I really couldn’t do it.

Sooner or later, we’re going to get what we expect. If you assume you will fail, you will. But if you expect to succeed, you will have the freedom to learn from your failure and use it as an asset on the road to success.

Adjust your vocabulary

Two of the saddest words in our language are if only. Peter could have repeated this phrase to himself a thousand times, “If only I hadn’t denied Christ….If only I hadn’t followed afar off….If only I hadn’t cursed the Lord….If only I could control my tongue….”

Perhaps you’ve repeated a similar phrase. “If only I hadn’t said that.” “If only I wouldn’t have lost my temper.” “If only I had kept my promise.”

How do you think it would impact our future success if we replaced the words “if only” with the phrase “next time I will”? “Next time my preschooler soaks the dishcloth in the toilet, I’ll lovingly train him, rather than lose my temper.” “Next time my teenager is frustrated with his homework, I’ll listen.” “Next time I will think before I speak.”

Dwelling on “if only” subverts your attention from the present, causing you to miss today’s opportunities for success. “Next time I will” positions you for growth.

Appreciate the value of failure

Failure may be costly, but it is also precious when it drives us to the Lord. Some failures, such as Peter’s, are the result of sin. When this is the case, thank the Lord for intervening in your life through allowing you to feel the consequences of your sin and thus bringing you back to Himself. Truly, it is far better to fail by sinning and then return to the Lord than to succeed in wrong-doing and spend a longer time away from Christ.

Some failures are simply the result of poor judgment, undeveloped skill, or undeveloped methods. In these cases, remember that each failure brings you that much closer to success.

It is said that as Thomas Edison was working to discover a filament for the incandescent light bulb, he failed thousands of times before he succeeded. When asked by a reporter if he thought he was a failure, he replied, “Young man, why would I feel like a failure? And why would I ever give up? I now know definitively over nine thousand ways that an electric light bulb will not work. Success is almost in my grasp.” Failure is costly, but it is also valuable.

It’s a fact—we all fail. But failure isn’t fatal, if we choose to learn and grow from our failures.

the road to success

English author, Oliver Goldsmith, wrote, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising each time we fall.” Indeed, any person who has arrived at the destination of success has arrived by the road of failure. We must never use failure as an excuse for not trying again. As we saw earlier, Proverbs 24:16 encourages, “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again.”

Once you have recognized your failure and decided to grow from it, what steps can you take to press forward to success?

Develop selective hearing

Several years ago, my family had the opportunity of spending some time with my husband’s grandparents in Colorado. (These godly Christians have had a significant impact on our family, and on my husband in particular.) One night, we were enjoying our fellowship and conversation around a home cooked meal. Throughout the conversation, my husband’s grandmother would talk to her husband. Often, Granddad would not seem to hear her and would sometimes not even acknowledge her. Grandmother would continue talking patiently. Finally, though, Grandmother became slightly exasperated that Granddad didn’t seem to be acknowledging her. She walked away and somewhat playfully said, “He can’t hear a thing anymore.” Then, Granddad leaned over to the rest of us at the table, winked, and said, “It’s called ‘selective hearing’!” We all broke into laughter.

Granddad is now in heaven, and we are thankful that his godly legacy lives on. But, it seems that my children had this same unique ability for hearing only what they wanted. If I called them for dinner, for instance, they would immediately show up. But if, with the same volume, I called for someone to take out the trash, it seemed no one could hear me.

Wouldn’t it be helpful if we could develop this skill to hear only that which will encourage us in our growth? While some criticism helps us grow (and we need to be willing to learn from it), the criticism that concludes, “You’ll never succeed,” is neither building nor helpful. We should turn on our selective hearing and tune out this defeating criticism.

Many whom we consider to have reached pinnacles of success were told early on that they should give up. For instance, Louisa May Alcott’s family was glad when she found work as a maid or seamstress, because they felt she couldn’t write. Beethoven’s music teacher said he was hopeless as a composer, and Thomas Edison’s teacher said he wasn’t very bright. Walt Disney was once fired by a newspaper editor because “he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.”

What if these people had listened to those remarks and believed them? They would never have succeeded.

Who are you listening to? Is there someone in your life who always tells you that you can’t succeed? Choose to turn on your selective hearing—tune out the naysayers, and tune your ears to the Lord. What does He want to empower you to accomplish or become?

Make failure a gauge for growth

My sister is a runner. She trains, works, and diligently prepares. I remember the day she called excitedly to tell me that she came in twenty-sixth place in the Boston Marathon. I congratulated her, but I was having a hard time understanding what was so wonderful about being in twenty-sixth place! Carol must have sensed what I was thinking, because she explained, “Last year I came in fifty-third, and the time before I came in two hundredth!”

We may not yet be at the point of success that we want to be. But if we are doing better than yesterday or last year, our failures have helped us grow.

Maintain a finish-line perspective

Our tendency is to get so wrapped up in the success or failure of the present that we forget we still have a long marathon in front of us. Even when we fail, we should get up and press toward the finish line.

Paul wrote to the church at Philippi, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13–14).

Hebrews 12:1–2 admonishes us to “run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking unto Jesus.…” You might fall here or there, but keep looking to Jesus, and keep the big picture of finishing the race in mind.

Remember, we have the privilege of serving a God who never fails. His love and compassion for you are constant, and He will pick you up when you fall.

Our greatest failures can become our greatest assets—if we will learn from them. Every time we fail, we get a little closer to our goal—if we will fall forward.

No one goes through life without failing. But victory requires a choice. Choose to make your failures your friends.

CHAPTER 11

choose to serve

ministering from a heart of worship

A couple of years ago, our family had the opportunity of visiting the Holy Land. The entire trip was an unforgettable experience that added a helpful and visual perspective to our understanding of Bible stories. It was a special trip during which the Lord worked deeply in my heart.

One location, however, was less than what I envisioned. I’m not sure what you would expect to find at the Dead Sea, but I can tell you it’s name is accurate. There isn’t much of anything there, except salty water and salty rocks and salty sand. Everything near the shore is salty! And nothing in the water is alive (except for a few bacteria).

Many tourists enjoy the high salinity of the water, which acts as a buoyant and makes it possible to literally float with no aid. Some treat this location as a natural spa resort, enjoying the minerals and pollen-free air.

But as relaxing as this place may be, it is also deadly. In fact, the title “Dead Sea” is actually a gentler translation from the Hebrew term Yam ha-Mavet, which means “Sea of Death.” There are no fish or animal life living in these waters. A fish that might accidentally find his way in through the Jordan River is immediately killed by the salt.

What causes this life-quenching level of salt? The Dead Sea is the recipient of water from the Jordan River. Here, however, the water stops, for it has no outlet. The only way water leaves the Dead Sea is through evaporation. As salt does not evaporate with the water, the Dead Sea has a salt content of 33.7 percent. The Dead Sea is continually receiving, but it is never giving.

Eighty-one miles upstream from the Dead Sea is the Sea of Galilee, another body of water fed by the Jordan River. In obvious contrast to the Dead Sea, the Sea of Galilee flourishes with life. It supports commercial fishing and is also the principle freshwater source for the nation of Israel and supplies the national water system.

What is the difference between the two? The Sea of Galilee is continually receiving and giving, while the Dead Sea only receives.

One of the most important choices we can make as growing Christian women is to give to others what God has given to us. Jesus instructed His disciples in Matthew 10:8, “…freely ye have received, freely give.”

Many Christians have a pattern of receiving without giving, similar to that of the Dead Sea. We enjoy the blessings of our own walk with God, but we fail to give them to others. As the blessings sit in our lives without any outlets of service, we lose our ability to nurture spiritual growth. If, however, we freely give to others what God has given to us, we will not only enjoy spiritual vibrancy in our own lives, but we will be able to encourage others’ spiritual growth as well.

In this chapter, we will look at three characteristics of healthy service, and we’ll see what it means to choose to be a giver of what we have received.

surrendered service

I once heard someone say that most people desire to serve God, but only in an advisory capacity! How easy it can be for us to serve God in our way and on our own terms without any regard to what is truly important to Him. Yet, the first characteristic of life-giving service is that it is surrendered, operating according to the direction and heart of the Lord.

One of the most familiar passages on service is found in Luke 10:38–42. Notice the actions and responses of the two contrasting characters in this story—Mary and Martha.

Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus’ feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

Martha was cumbered about with “much serving,” and I would imagine that if we were at her house that day, we would have been right there in the kitchen with her—helping her prepare the meal, set the table, light the candles, and wash the dishes. Furthermore, we would have been proud of ourselves for our much serving! Yet Jesus was pleased with Mary as she sat at His feet. He said that she made the right choice by spending time with Him first.

God calls us to serve from a heart and life that have been first filled with time at Jesus’ feet. We aren’t fit to serve God until we have chosen to take the time to know His heart, understand His will, and follow His guidance.

So often, our “Martha hearts” wake up, ready to charge the day—ready to impress God and others with our “much serving.” Yet, in remembering to choose service, we must also remember to choose surrender. Godly, Christ-pleasing service starts with a heart that relinquishes any expectations, impure motives, or selfish desires and lays them at Jesus’ feet. Sometimes ladies are willing to serve—but only if they get to teach a certain grade. They are excited to help with a ladies event—until they realize they won’t be in the spotlight. Surrendered service, however, means that we will serve God in any way He allows. It means we will be sensitive to His leading, and this sensitivity and surrender can only come from spending time in His presence.

While it might seem contradictory to begin a chapter on service with a reminder to be still, the quiet time we spend with Jesus is what prepares our hearts to serve Him! Moses, for example, spent much time in solitude in the backside of a desert, shepherding sheep and preparing for a great opportunity of service—leading God’s people out of Egypt. Although we cannot physically sit at the feet of our Lord as Mary did, we can choose to spend time with Him on a regular basis, surrendering our expectations of service and determining to serve Him in whatever capacity He chooses for us.

Motivations matter

One of the blessings of a surrendered heart is that it removes the greatest obstacle of serving—impure motives. The story is told of a circus that had come to town with exceptionally entertaining clowns. On one particular day, the clown act was especially exciting, and toward the end of the show, a little clown wearing a very high hat bowed elaborately to a dignified woman sitting near the front. As he bowed, however, the hat fell off, and an elephant sat right on it.

The clown did everything he could to get the elephant to stand so he could retrieve his hat, but to no avail. He waved and shouted to the elephant, but the elephant was not impressed. Angrily, he got a running start and then kicked the elephant with all of his might. Still, the elephant would not budge.

Then, frantic with anger, the little clown turned back to the elephant and tried to lift him off the hat. Defeated and in complete despair, the clown sat down and started to eat peanuts. It was then that the elephant saw the peanuts, got up, walked to the clown and begged for the peanuts.

When I heard this story, it reminded me of how many women tend to respond when asked to serve. It seems that no matter how they are asked or what opportunities come their way, they just can’t get motivated. Occasionally though, an opportunity does arise that meets their criteria and piques their unique interests, and they jump at the opportunity because it caters to their desires and agendas.

God does not call us to serve Him only when others are watching or only when it’s convenient for our schedules. Some of the most needed areas of ministry are unseen and even uncomfortable. Working in the nursery is not the most glorious job. Visiting the shut-ins doesn’t get much recognition by others. Cleaning the church doesn’t usually mean that your name will be engraved on the plaques in its halls. Our motivation must be Jesus Christ and Him alone. If anyone or anything other than love for Him serves as our motivation, it will only be a matter of time before our excitement fades and our commitment diminishes. Why we serve the Lord is just as important as how we serve Him.

Spending time with God, as Mary did, helps us remember that our service should be for Him. If He is our motivation, we will be willing to do whatever He requires. God desires that we serve Him, “Not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart” (Ephesians 6:6).

Serving from a surrendered heart helps us maintain our proper focus. Sometimes, like Martha, we see only the dirty dishes, the mountain of laundry, the soiled diapers, the cranky babies, and the unexpected guests. Yet, God sees the value in our service to Him. He sees the importance of the small things, and so should we. Surrendered hearts see the child in need of love, the husband and family dependent on our help, and the visitors in need of encouragement. A heart of surrender sees the value in any opportunity to serve God—big or small.

If you’re cumbered about with much serving, pause. Take time to surrender—to sit at Jesus’ feet, to glean from His heart. Then, and only then, set out on the task He has given you, motivated by Him and His love for you!

From intention to action

Serving from a heart of surrender not only clarifies our motives, it prevents procrastination. We can procrastinate in two important areas: our time with the Lord and also our time spent in service to Him.

I’m sure Martha planned to sit at Jesus’ feet, too, just like Mary. But, she had to finish what she wanted to do first. In this case, we see good intentions to spend time with the Lord, but she was distracted by her serving.

On the other hand, while service that pleases the Lord begins by sitting at His feet, we must be compelled to action rather than content with simply good intentions of ministering.

We may have every intention of spending time with the Lord and serving Him, but oftentimes intentions are as far as it gets. So, how do we move past intentions to actual surrender and service? Well, my husband always says that we make time for what is important to us. So, perhaps the answer lies in prioritizing your time with the Lord and service to Him.

As women, we are excellent planners. We are great at scheduling and implementing what we want to accomplish. We plan weddings, baby showers, bridal showers, birthday parties, and graduation parties. We schedule doctors appointments, dentist appointments, lunch appointments, and spa appointments. We make a plan and we work that plan. If I have a scheduling conflict with my hair appointment, I will probably make the necessary adjustments to keep my hair appointment. But, if something interrupts my time with God or service to Him, I notice it’s easier to let that slide.

When was the last time you planned time to spend with God? Has He made it on your appointment calendar lately? When was the last time you kept your appointment with God? On the other hand, when was the last time you scheduled to bake a pie, fold a bulletin, or do something special for your family? Ask God to help you move from intention and procrastination to action as you serve Him from a surrendered heart.

Wholly yielded

Have you made the commitment to serve the Lord with complete surrender? With no reservations? With no requirements? If so, the Lord will direct you and give you opportunities to live out your commitment. For one lady, it may mean serving in the nursery, while for another, this surrender may lead to a mission field. Whatever the case, we can rest assured that, as Andrew Murray said, “God is ready to assume full responsibility for the life wholly yielded to Him.”

Betty Stam was a young missionary wife and mother who served in China during the Chinese Civil War. Eventually martyred with her husband for their service to the Lord and the Chinese people, Betty is an example of complete surrender. Each time I read this prayer from her diary, I’m challenged to surrender more wholly to the Lord. I hope it is also an encouragement to you as you embark on a new level of service for Christ: “Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my time, my all, utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever.”

Anything done in our flesh is bound to fail miserably or to succeed even more miserably! Don’t serve Jesus from impure motives or from the fear of man. Don’t put off good intentions. Choose to be filled with the Spirit and to serve Him with a surrendered heart. A woman seeking to make right choices will choose to empty herself for others by putting more of Jesus in her life. Spend time at His feet. Surrender to His purposes. And choose to serve Him wholeheartedly.

selfless service

A surrendered heart leads to selfless service. A surrendered heart is not concerned about preference, and selfless service is not concerned about position.

The Bible gives us a wonderful example of selfless service and sincere encouragement through the example of a man in the New Testament. If I gave you his name originally given to him by his parents, you probably would not recognize him. Yet he is the epitome of someone who possessed this gift of exhortation. His name was first Joses, but we know him as Barnabas.

Barnabas was such a helper and encourager of people that he was given this new name by the apostles. In fact, every time he appears in Scripture he is encouraging someone. He helped needy saints and endorsed an unwelcome convert named Paul. He accepted alien believers, the Gentiles, and enlisted a very promising teacher—again, the Apostle Paul. Time and again, Barnabas demonstrated selfless and encouraging service.

Preferring others

In the book of Acts, it is easy to notice that when Barnabas and Paul are mentioned together, Barnabas is named first and Paul second. This indicates that as Paul’s mentor and friend, Barnabas led the relationship spiritually. He encouraged Paul as a new convert to the faith. In fact, if Barnabas had not used his gift of encouragement, we might be missing half of the New Testament books, which were written by Paul!

Further into the book, in Acts 13, the roles seem to change, and Paul is mentioned before Barnabas. Often in Scripture, the name listed first in a group of names indicates the leadership or importance of an individual. So we learn that Barnabas was willing to serve in a leadership role, but later, he was willing to serve by following Paul’s leadership. Without envy on his part, Barnabas recognized the God-given authority of Paul. The senior member was willing to let the junior member take over top slot. A Christian has gone far in Christian grace when she can become the assistant to her assistant!

“It takes more grace than I can tell,

To play the second fiddle well.”

Restoring others

Selfless service requires giving of yourself to another. In the case of Barnabas, we see how he invested in the life of Mark, especially after Paul decided not to take Mark on one of his missionary journeys. Notice what the Scripture says:

And some days after Paul said unto Barnabas, Let us go again and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord, and see how they do. And Barnabas determined to take with them John, whose surname was Mark. But Paul thought not good to take him with them, who departed from them from Pamphylia, and went not with them to the work. And the contention was so sharp between them, that they departed asunder one from the other: and so Barnabas took Mark, and sailed unto Cyprus;—Acts 15:36–39

Barnabas could have left Mark, since he had not gone with Paul on one of his previous missionary endeavors. Yet, he chose to restore the young deserter, to train and mentor him despite the contention that had arisen between Paul and him. Often as women, we get sidetracked by disagreements and contention rather than choosing to serve the Lord graciously in spite of them. What an example Barnabas sets for us in serving God while maintaining good relationships with those whom he served.

May we be like Barnabas, lavishing encouragement, looking for the good in others, and encouraging others to serve with us. Is there a young Paul in your life? Someone who wants to serve, but needs a little encouragement? Is there someone in whose life you can selflessly invest? Barnabas didn't know it, but when he encouraged Paul, he was encouraging the human writer of thirteen New Testament epistles.

Is there an impressionable “Mark” under the sphere of your influence? Perhaps you can identify potential in a young lady in your church that she doesn’t see in herself. Can you serve God by helping her and involving her in service to others? Mark probably didn't see himself as being used by the Holy Spirit to write the second Gospel! You never know what a little selfless and encouraging service can do for another person.

The author of Hebrews challenges us to exhort one another “so much the more” as we see the day of Christ’s return approaching (Hebrews 10:25). Quite often, we may not feel like selflessly serving others. However, if we remember to surrender our lives to Christ’s control and empty ourselves so we can be filled with Him, then through His Spirit, we can find the strength to encourage, involve, and serve others in the way that Barnabas so effectively did.

No exceptions

I’ve heard women say over the years, “Well, encouragement is just not my spiritual gift. I don’t serve in that capacity.” But, serving and encouraging others from a heart of sacrificial love is not reserved for the select people who possess the gift of encouragement! God desires that all of us selflessly give of ourselves in the service of others. My husband often says, “You can’t serve God without serving others.” Serving and encouraging others is the essence of serving God. Throughout Scripture, the Lord emphasizes the ministry of encouragement.

He encouraged Isaac: “And the LORD appeared unto him the same night, and said, I am the God of Abraham thy father: fear not, for I am with thee, and will bless thee, and multiply thy seed for my servant Abraham’s sake” (Genesis 26:24).

He used Isaiah to comfort His people: “Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10).

He met His disciples in the midst of a storm: “But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid” (Matthew 14:27).

He identifies Himself as “the God of all comfort,” and He encourages us when we need comfort: “Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).

Jesus was the ultimate example in selfless service. He came “not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45). He literally gave His life for us! And, He calls us to follow in His steps (1 Peter 2:21).

Practically speaking

So, you’ve surrendered to serve Christ in any capacity. You’re willing to selflessly expend yourself for the cause of Christ. How does that translate into daily living? We don’t have to over complicate it! We can serve others by an encouraging note, a kind word, a small gift, a loving gesture, or a heartfelt prayer. We can serve others through our church by serving in the nursery, cleaning the buildings, assisting in the office—the possibilities are limitless.

I love to watch the ladies of our church as they serve the Lord faithfully. Many offer to serve meals for our Bible college students. They go door to door inviting others to church. So many serve the Lord by writing encouraging letters and baking for the elderly. One elderly lady in our church crochets a blanket for each newborn on their first Sunday at church. If you’re not sure what to do, ask the Lord to give you some ideas. But, don’t neglect to serve.

joyful service

I hope that at this point, you are excited to serve the Lord! My prayer is God has already laid ideas on your heart—ways in which you can express your love for Him and others. But, I want to give you one warning: you will be subject to discouragement at some point. If it hasn’t happened already, you will be disappointed by a teenager who rejects your love. You will have a really rough Sunday school class with the four-year-old boys. You will undoubtedly feel like a failure in your attempts to serve God effectively. To assume that all your efforts of service will work perfectly is to set yourself up for great disappointment.

I try to remember the following equation when it comes to maintaining joy in Christian service:

Accepting difficulty

+ Expecting victory

Biblical optimism

Yes, I am surrendered and committed to serving the Lord selflessly. I accept, however, that difficultly will come in my Christian life. And through that difficulty, I expect that God will give the victory. Remembering these truths enables me to maintain a true heart of joy in my service to Christ.

Our third biblical example in service is the Apostle Paul. We studied his life in a previous chapter, but Paul was one of the greatest servants in our Bible. Through the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he wrote the book of Philippians which gives great insight on how to possess joy in serving. But, just four years before Paul wrote this book, he endured two years of imprisonment. He was shipped to Rome to face Nero, who was known for burning Christians alive. He was shipwrecked during the winter, stranded on an island where he was bitten by a poisonous snake, and then sent to Nero for another two years! While in prison at Rome, Paul was chained to a prison guard twenty-four hours a day.

Paul could have had a serious pity party. (Sometimes we have a pity party just because no one said “thank you” after a long night in the nursery.) But, in spite of the hardships Paul faced, he wrote, “I…rejoice, yea, and will rejoice” (Philippians 1:18). How can we maintain joy in service?

Look for God’s hand in everything

Paul chose to look for God’s hand in every situation. In Philippians 4:22, Paul said, “All the saints salute you, chiefly they that are of Caesar’s household.”

The palace guard consisted of an elite group of prison guards (not just soldiers) who were training to become the future leaders of Rome. To gain understanding on how Caesar and his household operated, these up-and-coming rulers were assigned to VIP prisoners for six hours at a time. Sounds like a pretty strategic group for Paul to win to Christ. Imagine how these future leaders would have watched Paul’s service to Christ as he wrote much of the New Testament, prayed for new converts, and told them personally about the love of Christ. And, every six hours, Paul had a new captive audience.

By the time Paul wrote Philippians 4, those in Caesar’s household were greeting the saints to whom the letter was addressed. Paul saw God’s guiding hand in his life and chose to serve Him wherever He led.

Live expectantly

At the time of writing this book, my daughter, Kristine, is expecting our second grandchild. At thirty-nine weeks into her pregnancy, she is eagerly anticipating the arrival of her little girl. She has set up her nursery, prepared her bag for the hospital, installed the car seat, washed the clothes, and generally prepared her home. She is expecting to bring her daughter home soon!

What are you expecting? Perhaps not a baby. But, are you expecting to be used of God? Are you living in a way that believes God will use you? Do you wake up expecting to be a vessel fit for the Master’s use?

Paul wrote, “According to my earnest expectation and my hope, that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but that with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ shall be magnified in my body, whether it be by life, or by death” (Philippians 1:20). He had an earnest, sincere expectation that God would be glorified in his life (and death). He hoped and believed that God would use him. I pray you have that same expectation.

Let the past go

When you choose to serve Christ with total commitment and surrender, your flesh and the devil will fight that decision. One of the major methods of distraction is memories of a disappointing past. I’m thankful that Paul said, “forgetting those things which are behind” (Philippians 3:13). Maybe you’ve failed in previous attempts to serve Christ. Maybe you’ve lapsed in your level of dedication to service. Maybe you’ve made mistakes or faced rejection when attempting to do something for God.

Some of the unhappiest people on earth are those who dwell in their past—living the same offense and mistake over and over again. I love to watch sports bloopers. I haven’t done it much, but with two sons and two sons-in-law, I occasionally see a hilarious clip or two. Sadly though, I think some women have a mental video reel, like those sports bloopers, that plays over and over again in their minds. They rehearse their sins, mistakes, and blunders in their Christian life, and it hinders them from future service. Choose to forget the past, and reach for the future God has for you. Say with Paul, “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14).

Lean on God’s power

We can make the initial choice to serve the Lord, but if we try to do it in our own strength, we won’t last long. We must rely on God’s strength. Paul recognized this when he wrote, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13). Sometimes we think we can do all things. We’re excited, motivated and ready to serve. But, we forget the second part of that verse. Christ must work through us and give us the supernatural strength needed for divine service.

I pray that you will commit to serving your husband, children, church family, neighbors, and those who still need to meet our Saviour. But, remember to always refill. If you don’t fill up on God’s power, there won’t be anything left for you to give.

a valuable vessel

My aunt had a set of very expensive china. It was beautiful and ornate. She would never use it, in fact, because it was so valuable! I also happen to have a set of china. It cost very little, actually. But, I am firmly convinced that mine is more valuable. Why? Because it gets used. I choose to take it off of the shelf and use it for meals with my family. We enjoy time together around those meals, and my china serves a wonderful purpose by being used.

You, too, can serve a wonderful purpose—God’s purpose—if you choose to be used by Him. Don’t sit on a shelf waiting for those special opportunities that may never come. Be willing to be used on a daily basis. Second Timothy 2:21 says, “If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and meet for the master’s use, and prepared unto every good work.” Give of yourself, and become a vessel that is valuable, fit for the Master’s use.

CHAPTER 12

choose to speak wisely

understanding the power of the tongue

Do you think women or men talk the most? Well, proverbs and sayings in many languages throughout history have portrayed women as the talkers:

Women’s tongues are like lamb’s tails. They are never still. (English)

The North Sea will sooner be found wanting in water than a woman at a loss for words. (Jutlandic)

The woman with active hands and feet, marry her. But, the woman with overactive mouth, leave well alone. (Maori)

Nothing is so unnatural as a talkative man or a quiet woman. (Scottish)

Where there are women and geese, there is noise. (Japanese)

I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but women have taken the brunt of many jokes on the subject of their excessive speech! I read of a study, however, conducted a few years ago that concluded that men and women both speak about the same amount—roughly sixteen thousand words per day.

a significant influence

Sixteen thousand words! We speak enough words in one week to fill a five hundred page book. I don’t often read books of that size, but I remember them as being very thick. And, with just the words we use in everyday conversation, we could fill over fifty huge volumes each year!

Our words are a significant part of our lives—and the lives of those to whom we speak. No wonder David prayed, “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer” (Psalm 19:14).

Sometimes our words can be misunderstood. Several years ago, I was standing in the checkout line at a local grocery store. I was about four people away from the register, but the cashier’s voice carried far, and something about it sounded familiar. As the line progressed toward the counter, I strained to see the cashier. Yes, it was Ursula—the realtor who had sold us our first house in Lancaster. My husband had led her to the Lord, and her adult daughter had been saved and baptized soon after. Several months later, my husband performed the ceremony for her daughter’s wedding.

When it was my turn to be checked out, I greeted her, “Ursula! It’s good to see you again.”

Ursula looked surprised to hear me greet her by name and confused because she didn’t recognize me. Trying to nudge her memory, I said, “I’m Terrie Chappell, and, remember, my husband married your daughter.”

There was a few second pause as Ursula collected her thoughts. Then, in a voice everyone could hear, she responded with a solid glare, “I’ll have you know, my daughter has only been married once, and she is still married!”

It took me an embarrassed minute to process this conversation. And then I understood. She thought I said my husband had married—as in been the husband of—her daughter! “No! I mean, my husband performed your daughter’s wedding ceremony!”

Ursula softened and then did recognize me. I was thankful that her “oh, I remember now” carried just as far as her earlier statement!

The focus of this chapter is on what we say and on how we say it. Words are not just letters strung together. Words are the manifestation and stimulation of emotion. A word can be a balm or a bomb. A positive word makes you feel good. A negative word leaves you feeling depressed and defeated. Words can make us laugh. They can make us cry. Words can make us happy or angry. Words have the power to affect our thoughts, feelings, images, memories, fears, anxieties, and actions. Words lay a foundation on which we build our worth, character, values, and attitudes. A good word will build up, strengthen, and encourage. But a careless word can tear down homes, break hearts, and wreck reputations as they wound, hurt, and destroy. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” Words affect us more than we realize.

James 3:5 says, “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!” I live in California, and we annually experience wildfires that wreak havoc in our state during the dry months of the year. The residents of our state have seen the power and devastation just a little spark can cause. Often these large wildfires are caused by one little match left unattended, and the destruction is massive. Even so, our words have a huge impact.

As you might expect, a topic of this significance is a substantial theme in the pages of Scripture. The book of Proverbs, especially, has many verses about words and the tongue. I’ve compiled many of these into lists for this chapter that I hope will be helpful reference points for you as you strive to choose gracious speech.

a positive influence

Some of the most positive experiences of my life have rested on words of encouragement or help. Each time I benefit from the positive words of others, I’m more motivated than ever before to use my words in an uplifting way.

One of the best encouragers I know is my daughter, Kristine. She is constantly writing notes of encouragement—letting people know specific ways they have blessed her life, or just sharing a word that will lift someone’s spirit. Anyone who has received a card from Kristine (and there have been many), has experienced Proverbs 15:23 first hand: “A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!”

Notice these verses that tell us some of the positive influence our words can have:

Positive words give instruction and wisdom

My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:—Proverbs 1:8

The mouth of the just bringeth forth wisdom: but the froward tongue shall be cut out.—Proverbs 10:31

The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.—Proverbs 15:2

The heart of the wise teacheth his mouth, and addeth learning to his lips.—Proverbs 16:23

Positive words give direction

Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.—Proverbs 19:20

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.—Proverbs 27:9

Positive words praise the Lord

I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.—Psalm 34:1

O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.—Psalm 51:15

Positive words encourage others

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.—Proverbs 25:11

A man hath joy by the answer of his mouth: and a word spoken in due season, how good is it!—Proverbs 15:23

The Lord GOD hath given me the tongue of the learned, that I should know how to speak a word in season to him that is weary…—Isaiah 50:4

Positive words are pleasant and appropriate

The lips of the righteous know what is acceptable: but the mouth of the wicked speaketh frowardness.—Proverbs 10:32

The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD: but the words of the pure are pleasant words.—Proverbs 15:26

Pleasant words are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.—Proverbs 16:24

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.—Proverbs 31:26

Positive words facilitate healing

The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life: but violence covereth the mouth of the wicked.—Proverbs 10:11

A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.—Proverbs 15:4

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.—Proverbs 12:18

Positive words bring security and truth

Have not I written to thee excellent things in counsels and knowledge, That I might make thee know the certainty of the words of truth; that thou mightest answer the words of truth to them that send unto thee?—Proverbs 22:20–21

This is the power of our tongue! If we will learn to choose our words carefully and wisely, we can positively invest in the lives of others—just with simple words.

Something this powerful is able to be used for harm as well. Before we learn how to control our tongues, let’s look at the kind of words we naturally say—the words we use if we don’t purposefully choose gracious speech.

a destructive influence

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” Remember this little chant from the school playground? How long did it take you to realize, however, that this little saying is completely untrue? I’m guessing not very long at all! We just said the catchy phrase to cover up the very real hurt we felt in our hearts when someone spoke negatively to us.

I once heard a preacher say, “Some of the most encouraging words I ever heard came from Christian people.” But then he went on to say, “Some of the most hurtful words ever spoken against me also came from Christian people.” Just as our words have the potential for positive influence, they have the potential to be destructive. Proverbs 13:3 reminds us, “He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction.”

What kind of words destroy?

Idle words

It’s interesting to me that the word idle in Greek means “lazy, free from work.” This tells me that every word that I speak that doesn’t produce some good, is an idle word. And God will hold us accountable for even the idle words we say.

But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.—Matthew 12:36

Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth.—Proverbs 26:20

Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge. —Proverbs 14:7

Angry words

When our oldest daughter, Danielle, was about three years old, we had another family over for dinner one evening. Danielle and their son, who was a year or two older, were playing in her room upstairs when all of a sudden, the young boy frantically ran down the stairs to his mother. “Danielle just said a four letter word!” he exclaimed. I was instantly and completely mortified. All the color drained from my face. I was shocked. Stunned. Embarrassed. How did my sweet little girl hear a bad word and know to repeat it?

I ran up the stairs, grabbed her by the hand, looked right into her eyes, and asked sternly, “Danielle, did you say a four letter word?” She hung her head and quietly admitted, “Uh huh.” She did? I thought. Danielle, how could you! I began to tear up and then mentally prepared for how I would discipline and train this young, and obviously very impressionable life. As we began to exit the room, the boy’s mom called out, “Danielle, what did you say?” What? How could you ever THINK of asking her to repeat such a thing? I thought. But, before I could get a word out of my mouth, Danielle opened hers and said, “Stupid.”

That’s what you said? That was the four letter word? That’s all? Before I knew it I was hugging and holding Danielle, as if I were proud of her for calling the sweet boy “stupid.” I had to regroup and remember to discipline her for her angry words. But, I must admit, I was incredibly relieved.

The word anger is just one letter away from the word danger. Once spoken, angry words cannot be taken back.

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.—Proverbs 15:1

The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.—Proverbs 17:14

It is an honour for a man to cease from strife: but every fool will be meddling.—Proverbs 20:3

Insincere words

Words of praise and encouragement are helpful, but insincere words of flattery are hurtful. They feed pride in others and are usually used by the speaker as a tool of manipulation. Be very careful to give genuine praise rather than flattery. And be cautious of those who attempt to flatter you.

A lying tongue hateth those that are afflicted by it; and a flattering mouth worketh ruin.—Proverbs 26:28

And through covetousness shall they with feigned words make merchandise of you: whose judgment now of a long time lingereth not, and their damnation slumbereth not.—2 Peter 2:3

The words of his mouth were smoother than butter, but war was in his heart: his words were softer than oil, yet were they drawn swords.—Psalm 55:21

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.—Proverbs 12:18

Gossip

A man in a small village had been found guilty of starting a malicious rumor about another man. This rumor was not only untrue, but it had seriously damaged the other man’s reputation and family. As is often the custom in a small village, the accused was taken before the chief of the village who served as a judge. The chief would hear the case and decide his punishment, if found guilty.

After hearing the facts of the case, the chief found the accused to be guilty and prepared a unique sentence. The old, wise chief handed the man a large bag of feathers and told him to place a feather on the doorstep of every person to whom he had told the rumor. The man was relieved at such a light punishment and quickly took the bag of feathers and set about his task. Four hours later, the man returned to the chief with the empty bag and said, “I completed your task, sir. Is there anything else?”

“Yes,” the wise chief replied. “Report to me in the morning, and I’ll give you the second half of your punishment.”

Early the next morning, the man found his way to the chief for the final part of his punishment. “Gather all the feathers you put out last afternoon, and return them to the bag,” the chief instructed.

“But, sir,” the man replied, “didn’t you hear the storm that raged through our village last night? Didn’t you feel the force of the winds that blew? It would be impossible to know where those feathers are now.”

The wise old chief raised his index finger and pointed knowingly at the man. “Now you see, my child, the damage that you have done to another. For although you told only a few lies here and there, the storm of gossip took hold of those lies and spread them far beyond your grasp to undo them. You can regret what you said, but you can never fully undo what you’ve done.”

As much as we hate to admit it, most women do struggle with gossip. This deadly sin of the tongue destroys relationships and damages reputations. We would do well to memorize these verses about gossip…and maybe even to place them close to our telephones or computers.

A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.—Proverbs 11:13

The heart of the righteous studieth to answer: but the mouth of the wicked poureth out evil things.—Proverbs 15:28

An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire. A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.—Proverbs 16:27–28

The words of a talebearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly.—Proverbs 18:8

Lying words

We live in a society that excuses lying as acceptable, and sometimes even necessary. We are taught to lie so we won’t hurt someone’s feelings. Sometimes we lie in order to protect ourselves or to get ahead. We might even lie just to try to get others to like us more.

But no matter how much we rationalize it, a lie is a lie. And God detests it.

These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.—Proverbs 6:16–19

Murmuring and complaining

It seems that some days I’m prone to complain every time I open my mouth! Complaining comes so easily. We complain about the weather, our schedules, lost opportunities, what we don’t have, and anything else we can think of. Yet, God plainly tells us that complaining is dishonoring and displeasing to Him.

And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD…—Numbers 11:1

Do all things without murmurings and disputings:—Philippians 2:14

The power of our words—for good or for bad—is great. We must choose to obey Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Let us determine that no corrupt or unwholesome words will be part of our vocabulary any more.

an honest exposure

The Bible refers to our tongue as a “little member” of the body (James 3:5). But, it is still very important. Have you ever had a sore on your tongue? Have you burned your tongue when taking a sip of hot coffee? What about when you bite your tongue? The pain on our tongue at these moments can affect our entire body. Even when you go to the doctor, he tells you to stick out your tongue.

Just as your tongue can reveal your physical condition, it can reveal your spiritual condition as well. Sometimes we need to place a spiritual thermometer under our tongue to check our spiritual temperature.

Your speech is a reflection of your true character. Your words will reveal the real you. Luke 6:45 says, “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh” (emphasis added).

So, think honestly for a moment: how does your speech identify you? Are you known as a gossip or complainer? Does your speech reveal your divisive spirit? Do your words encourage or uplift? Are you honest? Now, you may not characterize yourself as a gossip or complainer. But, what do other people hear? Whether we like it or not, people hear what we say and identify us by it. Matthew 12:37 says, “For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”

James 1:26 explains that even though we appear to be a good Christian, our tongue will reveal whether or not that is really the case: “If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man’s religion is vain.”

Our heart is the storehouse for our tongue. Everything we allow in our hearts comes out of our mouths. Just as a tea bag set into hot water reveals what was in the tea bag all along, so the words we say simply draw out what is already in our hearts.

a makeover for your mouth

So, how can you transform your speech? If you feel convicted (as do I!) that the words of your mouth are not always acceptable to your Redeemer (Psalm 19:14), how can you change that? Here are a few ways to have a complete makeover:

Examine your heart

We’ve already seen that the mouth is simply the exit point for the feelings of our heart. If we want to change our speech, then we have to ask God to change our hearts. Psalm 139:23–24 are verses that I often use as a prayer to the Lord: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Ask God to do a thorough heart examination. Are you hurting? Often, hurting people hurt people. Are you angry? Are you harboring any bitterness? These emotions are bound to result in distasteful speech. Proverbs 4:23 admonishes, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

Inevitably, when God examines your heart, and when you see yourself as He sees you, you will be painfully aware of some heart sins that need to be confessed and forsaken. Bring those to the Lord, and ask for His forgiveness (1 John 1:9).

Rely on the Holy Spirit

James 3:8 points out a grave observation: “But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.” Even with our best intentions, we simply are not able to control such a powerful force as our own tongues.

This is not to say, however, that the tongue is uncontrollable. For the Holy Spirit is willing to control our tongues if we will but surrender them to Him. Just as we use a bit to control a horse, we should allow the Holy Spirit to control our mouth (James 3:3). And just as a soldier stands guard to protect something valuable, so we should ask the Holy Spirit, “Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips” (Psalm 141:3).

Ephesians 4:29–30 notes that the words we speak are very important to the Holy Spirit and that when we ignore His promptings to use our tongues as He directs, we actually grieve Him: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.”

If we are to have controlled and gracious speech, we must yield our tongues to the Holy Spirit’s direction.

Renew your mind

Have you ever noticed that you say what you’ve been thinking about? We must be careful, then, to censor our thoughts. We’ve all heard the saying, “Garbage in. Garbage out.” If we are allowing our minds to dwell on that which is negative toward others, we will speak hurtful words.

This is why God instructs us to renew our minds—to fill our thinking with His Word and His truth. Romans 12:2 says, “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

In Philippians 4:8, God gives us the perfect filter to determine what we will allow to fill our minds: “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

Choose your words carefully

Every morning we stand in front of our closet and pick our outfit for the day. Some of us take great care in making sure that we have just the right outfit. Others of us may not take as long, but we still don’t just stand in front of our closet with our eyes closed and reach for the first thing we touch! How would our speech improve if we took as much care choosing our words as we choose our clothes?

Our problem is that we often speak before we think! Proverbs 29:20 says, “Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.” Sometimes we just need to slow down and think!

I like this acrostic that helps us think through what we say before we say it. Before you speak, ask yourself the following questions:

T Is it true?

H Is it helpful?

I Is it inspiring (encouraging and building)?

N Is it necessary? (Do I need to say anything at all?)

K Is it kind? (Are these words based on a desire to help?)

Listen more

There are times when it’s best just to remain silent. James 1:19 says, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” As you rely on the Holy Spirit, He will prompt you to know when to not say anything at all. Calvin Coolidge once said, “I have never been hurt by anything I did not say.”

Sometimes, it’s good to remain quiet during times of grief, anger, or uncertainty. Verses in Proverbs suggest some of these times to remain silent:

When you don’t thoroughly understand the situation: Proverbs 18:13, He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.

When there is nothing helpful or constructive to say: Proverbs 10:19, In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise.

When it is not necessary to speak: Proverbs 17:28, Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise: and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding.

By taking time to listen, we learn. We learn about the needs of others. We hear what is on their hearts. We give the Holy Spirit an opportunity to speak to us as to how we can offer help and encouragement. As the old proverb says, “Talking comes by nature, silence by wisdom.”

a choice of significance

One of the most significant choices in our daily lives is the choice of our words. Not only does this choice affect us, but it also affects all with whom we speak. The following poem (by an anonymous author) reminds me of the power of our words:

I stood on the streets of a busy town,

Watching men tear a building down:

With a “Ho, heave, ho,” and a lusty yell,

They swung a beam and a sidewall fell.

I asked the foreman of the crew,

“Are those men as skilled as those you’d hire if you wanted to build?”

“Ah, no,” he said, “no indeed.

Just common labor is all I need.

“I can tear down as much in a day or two,

As would take skilled men a year to do.”

And then I thought as I went on my way,

Just which of these two roles am I trying to play?

Have I walked life’s road with care,

Measuring each deed with rule and square?

Or am I one of those who roam the town,

Content with the labor of tearing down?

I want to be a builder and encourager with my words. I want to use words that will nurture life and growth. “Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man” (Colossians 4:6). Let’s choose gracious speech!

CHAPTER 13

choose to be filled with the Spirit

experiencing the power of a Spirit-filled life

Could I make a confession? I didn’t want to write this book. My husband wanted me to write it, and he launched a sort of campaign to make it happen, including sending one of the editors from our publications ministry to help me brainstorm and plan!

I’m afraid I wasn’t very cooperative during that meeting. I offered every excuse I could think of, and more, as to why I should not write another book. Trying to encourage me to think of the opportunity and compel me to want to write, our editor asked, “Mrs. Chappell, if you could say one thing to a wide audience of Christian women, what would it be?”

I loved this question, because I had the perfect answer. “I would tell them to walk in the Spirit—to choose Spirit-filled living. If we would all do that, all of our other problems would be solved.” (And in my mind, I added, and we wouldn’t need to write books about more!)

But that question started me thinking. A minute later I added another thought. “I would also tell them that our lives are a result of the choices that we make—that we need to learn to make wise choices today to enjoy a walk with God and live the plans He has for us tomorrow.” Against my will, I saw the two thoughts weaving together. “I would tell them,” I continued, “that if we are filled with the Spirit, all the other choices will be so much simpler. If we let the Holy Spirit control our choices, we will have a life shaped with joy and His blessings.”

As you can see, I lost the book-writing argument. Here I am with the book on choices almost finished. But in this book that I didn’t want to write, I really believe that this last chapter is the most important. It’s the only one I initially wanted to write!

Every choice we have examined so far is important. Each of those choices, and especially as they are made and practiced daily, has the power to transform your walk with God and to shape your future into something magnificent. But this final choice is more than important; it is essential. The choice to walk in the Spirit has the power to shape every other choice that you make.

our great need—His great power

When our family took a trip to the Holy Land, we enjoyed seeing so many historical Bible locations, but were surprised that many of them looked different than we expected. Some sites had elaborate buildings “preserving” them, and other sites were outright distorted. While many of the locations we visited had modernized or changed over time, there was one place that was special for all of us: the Sea of Galilee.

The Sea of Galilee remains unaltered by man and was a beautiful and peaceful setting for a special time of Scripture reading and singing with our family. We enjoyed our boat ride so much that we took another ride to watch the sun set over the hills that were a backdrop.

The Sea of Galilee was much smaller than we thought it would be, but it touched me in a very significant way. It reminded me of how small we are—how dependent we are on God. The Sea of Galilee, as the central point of Jesus’ miracles, helped life fall into perspective for me. It drew my attention to the unlimited greatness of God.

We tend to enlarge ourselves in our own imaginations. We think we are big and capable. But the greatness and majesty of God’s creation reminds us of just how small we really are. If we are to have the wisdom to make choices that honor God and then the strength to carry out those choices, we must have the power of God in our lives.

Thankfully, God has made His power available to us personally. He Himself indwells us, and He wants us to daily experience “what is the exceeding greatness of his power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power” (Ephesians 1:19).

When you trusted Christ as your Saviour, the Holy Spirit took up permanent residence in your spirit (Ephesians 1:13–14). He indwells you and will remain with you until you see the Lord face to face (Ephesians 4:30).

Yet, so many Christian women live as if they didn’t have the Holy Spirit. We stumble through life trying to make decisions and accomplish actions on our own. We live according to what feels good to us, and we make choices on the faulty authority of our own wisdom.

How is this possible? How can it be that we have God Himself within us, yet we live as if life and success rested on our own shoulders?

Perhaps it’s because we’ve relegated the influence of the Holy Spirit to small sections of our lives. Sure, He indwells us, but we’ve never learned to listen to His voice for direction or wisdom, much less heed what He prompts us to do.

If we want to live life as God intended, something must change. We must give the Holy Spirit entrance into every area of our lives. This is what Scripture calls being “filled with the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18). And whether or not we experience this filling is our choice.

the command

Have you ever felt that living the Christian life—living as Christ—is impossible? Actually, it is. This is because God never intended for us to live in the power of the flesh. Without Him, we truly can do nothing (John 15:5). But with Him, all things are possible (Mark 10:27).

Let’s look at two verses that hold the secret to daily experiencing the power of God:

And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;—Ephesians 5:18

This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.—Galatians 5:16

Notice that both of these express a command. “Be filled with the Spirit” and “Walk in the Spirit.”

These do not give a suggestion, a hint, a proposition, or a good idea. They deliver a command. In other words, Spirit-filled living is non-optional if we are to walk in obedience to our Heavenly Father.

The word filled in Ephesians 5:18 refers to control. In a comparable way to a person being filled with, or controlled by, alcohol, so we are to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. We are to let Him fill us—our minds, thoughts, wills, and actions—so that we are governed by His control.

The very fact that God commands us to be filled with the Spirit indicates that it is quite possible to not be filled with the Spirit. Too often, we give control of our lives to other sources. We let our own selfishness control our decisions. We let our friends, our desire for acceptance, or our quest for monetary success govern our lives. What a loss is ours when we settle for anything less than Holy Spirit control!

Most of us have come to the place where we don’t anticipate being filled with the Spirit or expect it as the standard of normal Christian living. We’ve become willing to settle for good-looking mediocrity (even the flesh has a “good side”) that makes minimal attempts at pleasing God, yet is governed by a love for what feels good at the moment.

Please understand, this is not how God designed for you to live the Christian life. He has made His power available to you, and He instructs you to take advantage of it—to be filled with the Spirit.

the choice

Like every other command or principle we have studied in this book, this one boils down to a choice. The best part about this choice, however, is that it makes every other choice simpler and clearer. For if you are filled with the Spirit, you will choose to spend time nurturing your relationship with Him. If you are filled with the Spirit, you will have His strength to help you choose joy regardless of your circumstances. If you are filled with the Spirit, you will choose to serve others. In short, being filled with the Spirit means you have given your will to Him.

So, just how do we make this most important choice?

Desire

Have you ever known a young lady who was so desperate to get married that she did everything within her power to make it happen? Her desire for marriage dictated her daily choices. Even so, when we desire to be filled of God, we will make daily choices that validate our desire.

God wants us to desire His filling with intensity. The psalmist expressed his deep hunger for God: “O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is” (Psalm 63:1). When we desire the filling of the Spirit, we will gladly surrender to His control.

Surrender

Every family needs a pet, or so we thought. We had just settled into our apartment in Santa Clara, California, when my husband suggested we get a pet. We were still fairly newly married, with just one little girl, and honestly, not much more than a few pieces of furniture.

According to our lease agreement, the only pet we could get without having to pay another monthly fee was—a bird! I preferred not to have a pet if it meant getting a bird. I am not really the bird type of person. My aunt had a bird that was annoying and messy, and it left a bad impression on me. Plus, what can you do with a bird. I would be afraid to let Danielle play with it. You can’t take it for a walk. It won’t play catch. Bottom line: I did not want a bird.

The next day my husband came home with our new family pet. You guessed it—a bird! Apparently, the look on my face prompted my husband to say, “You won’t have to do a thing; I will take care of it!” So, I decided to hold him to his word. I did nothing for that bird. I didn’t feed it or give it water, and I definitely didn’t talk to it. But, after a while my husband wasn’t doing those things either.

I began to feel guilty for my rebellious attitude, and I kind of felt sorry for the bird. So, one day, I decided to surrender my will. I told my husband I was sorry and that I would gladly take care of the bird, and I meant it. The next day, I cleaned the bird cage, refilled the water bowl, and gave it more food. I even gave the bird a change of scenery and moved his cage to stand in front of a beautiful window setting.

The next day, I went in to check on the bird. It was dead! To this day, I don’t know why the bird died. But I do know that when I finally surrendered to my husband, God took care of the bird!

In Romans 12:1, the Bible gives vivid imagery of what it means to surrender to Him: “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”

The picture in this verse would have reminded first-century Christians of animal sacrifices—an illustration of complete surrender. An animal could not be “partially sacrificed” or even “mostly sacrificed.” It was all or nothing. Even so, we must wholly and completely surrender ourselves to God.

There is a great distinction, however, between the animal sacrifices mentioned here and the sacrifice God calls us to make. We make a living sacrifice. Laying our will on the altar does not call for a physical death, but a death to self. It is the deliberate decision to offer our will to God—without reservation or stipulation—and then live in surrender to His will. It is to be a “no strings attached” transaction.

One person expressed this surrender with the following prayer: “Lord, I am willing to receive what You give, to lack what You withhold, to relinquish what You take, to suffer what You inflict, to be what You require. And, Lord, if others are to be Your messengers to me, I am willing to hear and heed what they have to say.”

To so completely surrender ourselves to a person would be extreme, unhealthy, and unwise. But when considering the sacrificial mercies of God, a complete sacrifice of the will to Him is the only reasonable course of action. Second Corinthians 5:15 says, “And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.”

If we want God to use our lives, we must give Him full control. We must let go of ourselves and continually give ourselves to Him.

Obey

When we surrender to God, He begins to direct our lives in an incredible way. Through His Word and through His inner promptings (which are always consistent with His Word), He gives us instruction and guidance. This is the point of opportunity for us to live out the choice we made to surrender. It’s not enough to say we surrender, we must actually obey the Lord. Being filled with the Spirit starts with a decision of complete surrender, but it still requires daily choices to yield to His control.

Resisting or ignoring the promptings of the Holy Spirit damages your relationship with Him. Ephesians 4:30 instructs, “And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.” When we reject the Holy Spirit’s control, we grieve Him and demonstrate that we believe our own way is better than His.

Each time the Holy Spirit reminds you of His will, convicts you of error, or prompts you to reach out to someone else, obey Him. It’s the only right choice.

Desire the Holy Spirit’s filling. Ask Him to give you a complete dissatisfaction with mediocrity. Surrender your will to Him, every day and in every way. And then obey Him completely.

the characteristics

You can tell a lot about a person by how she walks. Often, just by a person’s step, you can tell if she is bored, sad, hurried, sick, happy, excited, or has an attitude. Similarly, we can tell a lot about Christians by the way they walk. Our actions, responses, and attitudes reveal if we are walking in the flesh or walking in the Spirit.

I still smile to myself when I remember an incident that took place in front of me at the checkout of a RiteAid pharmacy. The man in front of me seemed as if he had experienced a rough day. He was hurried and a bit short with the cashier. When it was time to pay, he pulled a card out of his wallet and quickly slid it through the card reader in front of him.

“I’m sorry, sir,” the cashier said courteously, “your card was declined.”

“Can’t be,” the man grumbled. He slid his card again, this time with a stroke of determination.

I could see the cashier wanted the card to work. (It’s never fun to tell someone bad news that is making them angrier.) “Hmm…it didn’t work this time either,” she said regretfully.

“Of course it works!” the man stormed. He jerked his card through one more time.

The cashier looked at her screen. “I’m sorry,” she began. “Here, why don’t you let me try swiping the card directly into the register?”

The man handed his card over with a huff. “It had better work. I know that card works.”

As the cashier took the card, she glanced at it. I couldn’t tell if she was more humored or relieved as she handed it back to the customer without swiping it. “Sir, the card is a Montgomery Wards card. It won’t work here at RiteAid.”

With a final exclamation of frustration, the man replaced the card in his wallet and pulled out another. He paid for his items and stomped out of the store.

If that customer would have paused long enough to take one good look at the card he was trying to use, he would have seen that it wasn’t what he needed. The differences between the cards in his wallet were obvious—he just wasn’t looking.

And so it is with the differences between walking in the flesh or walking in the Spirit. There are obvious characteristics of both. Sometimes we just need to pause briefly to examine the characteristics of our own lives. Is there visible evidence that reveals the work God is doing in our hearts and souls? Galatians 5:22–23 lists the evidences: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance….”

So what does walking in the Spirit look like? What are the characteristics of a life filled with—or given to the control of—the Holy Spirit?

Ephesians 5:19–22, 25, 28 gives us a picture of the Spirit-filled life:

Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord; Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ; Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. …Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it… So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

Grateful speech

Just walk up to a group of ladies involved in a conversation, and, simply through their words, you can hear what is on their hearts and minds. Sometimes you’ll hear negativity, ingratitude, or harshness. But around those who are walking in the Spirit, you’ll hear hope, gratefulness, and encouragement. Our speech is so revealing of our hearts! As Matthew 12:34 says, “…out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.”

In Ephesians 5:20, the Bible describes the speech of one who is filled with the Spirit as expressing constant gratefulness and praise to the Lord: “Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Psalm 34:1 reinforces this truth: “I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth.”

Joyful song

Perhaps you have heard the story of Chippie the parakeet, first told in a newspaper in Galveston, Texas. Chippie belonged to a loving, albeit distracted, housewife who tried to be diligent in her care for him. One day, while vacuuming her living room, she decided to vacuum out the bottom of Chippie’s cage. The phone next to the cage rang, and without turning off the vacuum, she answered it. As she turned from the cage, her hand holding the vacuum nozzle shifted, and Chippie was sucked through the tube and into the canister of the vacuum.

The lady was devastated. She quickly excused herself from the call and opened the vacuum canister. There was Chippie—covered in dust, but still alive.

The lady ran Chippie into the bathroom and held him under the running faucet to clean him. Then she spotted the hair dryer and blasted Chippie dry. He was now washed and dried, but terribly stunned.

After the newspaper reporter heard this story, he called the lady the next day to see how Chippie was doing. “Well,” the lady explained, “Chippie is still alive, but he doesn’t sing any more. He sits and stares.”

There are times in all of our lives when we feel as if we’ve been through Chippie’s misery. It seems we’ve been sucked into the dirt bag of life, stuck under running water, and hit with a blast of hot air! But, unlike Chippie, we have the Holy Spirit. And if we choose to walk with Him, we can keep a song in our hearts even in the midst of trials.

This was the choice that Paul and Silas made when they were unjustly beaten and imprisoned. Acts 16:25 records, “And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them.” Their joyful song not only strengthened their own hearts, but it was a testimony to the other prisoners as well.

A dear friend of our family told me once that she sings a hymn every morning during her time of devotions with the Lord. Since her suggestion, I often sing in my devotions as well, and I have found it helps me not only in the morning, but all throughout the day to speak to myself in “psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in [my] heart to the Lord.”

Loving relationships

Ephesians 5–6 has a lot to say about relationships. The verses in these chapters speak of the relationship between a husband and wife, and they describe the submission, sensitivity, and love that should govern that union. Chapter 6 speaks of the relationships between parents and children, as well as those between employers and employees.

When we walk in the Spirit, our relationships with others will be filled with love, understanding, and forbearance. The fruit of the Spirit is not something we keep to ourselves; it is something we offer to others through sacrificial relationships. Romans 12:10 describes the love we give to others when we are filled with the Spirit: “Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another.”

There is a story of a woman who went to great trouble and expense to have electricity installed in her home shortly after electricity became available in remote rural areas. A few months after the power was turned on, the power company noticed that the home didn’t use very much power. Fearing that there was a problem, they sent a meter reader to check on the matter.

The meter reader saw that the power was indeed working properly and then asked the woman, “Do you use your electricity?” “Of course, we do,” she answered. “We turn it on every night when it gets dark so we can see to light our lamps, and then we turn it back off.”

Doesn’t it sound ridiculous to have all of the power you need and the ability to tap into it any time you wish, but to only use it to see to light candles? Would we ever do anything that made so little sense? Yes, we do, when we apply that same reasoning to the power and presence of God in our lives. We have full access to the power of God, yet we fail to avail ourselves of it.

The Spirit-filled life is not a mystical privilege reserved for a few; it is the daily reality that God makes available to each of His children. He commands us to walk in the Spirit, and as we yield ourselves to His control through surrender of our wills and obedience in our choices, He leads us to the best future imaginable!

Choosing the Spirit-filled life will transform your walk with God. Surrendering to the Holy Spirit is just the beginning of an unforgettable journey better than any trip you could ever imagine, and it will lead you to a destination beyond any you could dream for yourself. Are you ready to begin? The choice is yours!

conclusion

I love to play games. To me, few things in life are more fun than sitting around a table with family or friends and playing a board game. It draws you closer to people as you learn how they act under different circumstances. It provides comic relief. And it’s generally a relaxing time of good-natured fun.

The majority of my family does not share this love of games. My two older children don’t enjoy playing board games at all. My younger two children have indulged me periodically over the years, but I think it’s primarily out of sympathy and duty. God did bless me, however, with two great daughters-in-law who, in addition to many other wonderful qualities, love to play games! So, in recent days, when everyone else bails out on the organized “game time” during the holidays, Ashley and Katie are right there with me—trying to figure out how to play a four-person game with only three people.

Of all the people in my family who most dislike playing games, my husband is probably at the top of the list. It’s usually the very last thing he’d like to do. He has been such a great sport over the years, though. Even recently, when the family comes together, he’ll try to rally the troops for a quick game of Catch Phrase for my benefit. (Of course, we hardly get started before all the men start to crack jokes. It seems the Catch Phrase buzzer never even makes it completely around the circle of participants before the game somehow ends.)

Even when we were dating, my husband would try to indulge my love for games. When our schedule allowed, he would sit with me and willingly play a quick board game or two. One day, I asked him if he would teach me to play the game of chess. I had never played before and wanted to learn.

Chess must be a more sophisticated game, a game someone like my husband would sort of enjoy playing, because he was glad to teach me. (Or maybe it was just because we were dating?) At any rate, as we started to play, he pointed out each of the pieces and explained what they were allowed to do and where they were allowed to move. I listened carefully and moved each piece according to its capabilities.

What my husband didn’t explain up front, however, was the implication my choices for each move would have on the rest of the game. I quickly learned that one seemingly innocent and insignificant choice at the beginning of the game brought a series of consequences that affected every other choice I could make. As my game pieces were captured one by one, my choices of available moves became more limited, and I learned that I had to now live with the results of my choices.

Sometimes, I think our lives can be compared to that game of chess. So often, as we make choices, we are oblivious (as I was when learning to play) to the fact that the choices we make have significant consequences on the rest of our lives and on the lives of others. Our daily choices affect our future, and they greatly impact those in our circle of influence—our coworkers, our friends, those to whom we minister, and, especially, our husbands, children, and grandchildren. A lot is at stake! And we must choose wisely!

Thankfully, we have the Holy Spirit. He lovingly waits to guide us in our decision making, and He promises to direct our paths as we acknowledge Him (Proverbs 3:6). I pray that this book has encouraged you to consider the implications of even small choices. I pray it has emphasized in your heart the importance of choosing daily patterns of growth in the Lord. But mostly, I pray that it has directed you to seek the Holy Spirit’s guidance and filling as you encounter each choice.

Through several chapters in Deuteronomy, God listed conditions for blessing and cursing to the Israelite people. If they followed God’s ways, they would be blessed. If they chose to go their own way, they would suffer the consequences. In Deuteronomy 30:19, God summed it up: “I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life…” (emphasis added).

God truly gives you the choice; He tells you He gives you the choice; and He tells you that to choose His way is to choose life. The choice is yours—trust God and choose life every time!

about the author

Terrie Chappell has served joyfully and faithfully by her husband’s side for thirty years. For twenty-five of those years, she has supported her husband, Paul Chappell, as he has pastored the Lancaster Baptist Church in Lancaster, California. God has given them four children who are all married and serving the Lord in Christian ministry. They also have two grandchildren. Terrie is a meek-spirited woman of God who truly serves from the heart and gives herself first to her God, then to her husband, her children, and her church family.

For more information about Terrie, please visit terriechappell.com.

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Table of Contents

foreword

the most important choice

introduction

1. excellent choices

2. choose to be real

3. choose to live by faith

4. choose to listen to God

5. choose to talk to God

6. choose to let go

7. choose to press on

8. choose to be joyful

9. choose to be strong

10. choose to succeed

11. choose to serve

12. choose to speak wisely

13. choose to be filled with the Spirit

conclusion

about the author