WHEN THE CHURCH FORGETS TO BLUSH

BY EMILY NELSON

ALSO BY EMILY NELSON

The Locket

Reflections: A Collection Of Poems & Short Stories

Available now at amazon.com

DEDICATIONS

To God,

And to the faithful Christians I have known,

Who taught me how to blush

&

To KJ,

My Husband,

My Heart

With Special Thanks To Emily Hatfield,

My BFF & Editor Extraordinaire

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. LEARNING TO BLUSH

2. STANDARD OF MORALITY

3. HOMOSEXUALITY

4. ENTERTAINMENT

5. MODESTY

6. SPEECH

7. DOCTRINE

8. STEWARDSHIP

9. TEACHING OTHERS TO BLUSH

FOREWORD

This book is designed to be a tool for growth and spiritual self-evaluation. I am a fallen sinner saved by the grace of god and I realize that I too need these words. My prayer is that this book will both challenge us to change and help us to draw closer to one another as Christians standing for what is right.

May all the glory be to God.

JAMES 2:23-25

“For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. for he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. but the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets, but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.” (ESV, Emphasis Mine)

LEARNING TO BLUSH

We live in a world that has forgotten how to blush. The society of American culture has made this beyond easy; it has made it almost natural. Almost everywhere you go, even when not looking for it or even when trying not to see it, sin screams out for your attention.

You turn on the TV, even just a local news station, and before you know it there are people on the screen in sexual positions during the commercials, trying to feed you the idea that this teeth whitener, this razor, even this yogurt will somehow make you more sexually appealing.

You drive down any given interstate and there are half-naked (or usually more than half-naked) women on billboards with a promise that by drinking this brand of beer you will attract such a woman. You go to the theater after checking a movie on screenit.com, yet still have to turn your head during previews to avoid seeing vulgar sexual activity!

The ethical and spiritual morale of our country has fallen far and continues to worsen. This is not the first time this has ever happened. Scripture records for us in Jeremiah 6:15: “Were they ashamed when they committed abomination? No, they were not at all ashamed; they did not know how to blush.” In Judges 21:25b we are told “everyone did what was right in his own eyes.” Can the same not be said of America today? Does not the majority of our population simply do “what is right in their own eyes”?

As Christians, our society makes it very hard to be faithful and to truly live out the commandment given in 1 Peter 1:16: “You shall be holy, for I am holy” (ESV). All commands can at times be hard to follow, but this does not excuse us from our duty of being obedient.

Romans 6:16 reminds us of our responsibility: “Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness?”

In life, we are all slaves. Even those who choose to ignore that fact cannot change it. As this verse clearly depicts, we are either slaves to sin or slaves to righteousness. As imitators of Christ, we must be slaves to righteousness. Despite how hard the world may make it (and the world does make it very hard), we must be set apart. We must be holy and influence the world by that holiness.

Yet it seems that things have gone increasingly awry. More and more we see the church being influenced by the world rather than the opposite. This is not how God intended for it to be. Matthew 5:16 instructs us: “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” In Mark 16:15 Christians are commanded to: “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.”

How can our light shine if we are in darkness? How can the church proclaim Christ to the world when it is living like the world? The answer is that it cannot be done. The church cannot live as the world and truly be the church of the first century that was established by Christ.

It is time to stop molding God’s Word to fit our lives and start molding our lives to fit God’s Word! We must stop allowing sin to creep into the church while remaining quiet. We must return to God’s plan for morality, for our very souls depend on it! In essence, we must learn how to blush.

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Allow God’s Word to be your mirror for morality, not other people’s expectations.

- Doing the right thing is usually not easy or without criticism, sometimes even from those within the church. Pray and read Scriptures about persecution to prepare your heart for the testing it may endure.

- Recognize that, just like physical growth, spiritual growth hurts at times.

- Strive to be set apart, even among the holy.

- Do an annual self-measurement against the ruler of the Scriptures. Is your doctrine sound? Is your wardrobe pure? Are you wavering on God’s truth because of someone else’s opinion or possibly a new sinful condition among a family member? Is your light shining? Are you changing the world or is it changing you?

- Check on your brothers and sisters. Pray for them. Find a mentor. Be accountable.

MIRROR TIME

1. Is there any area of doctrine where you have compromised what God’s truth says? If yes, why have you done this and how can you begin to correct it? If not, why not? What keeps you firmly holding to the truth?

2. Why is another person’s opinion or even your own opinion never a reliable or safe foundation on which to base doctrine? Where can a firm foundation be found? Read Psalm 119:89 & 2 Timothy 3:16 and record your thoughts.

3. How could an accountability partner benefit your spiritual walk? Discuss key reasons it should never be someone of the opposite sex or someone who is weak in the same areas that you struggle.

4. Set a date for your annual spiritual checkup. Write down key areas on which to evaluate yourself. Start a spiritual growth journal where you can document your struggles and triumphs in your walk, as well as your results from the evaluation. Periodically read through the journal and see how God has impacted your life and answered your prayers. Check to make sure you are growing each year based on your results. Examine your strengths and weaknesses.

STANDARD OF MORALITY

As Christians, by what standard do we live our lives? Several automatic answers come to mind: by Scripture, by Christ’s example, or by the truth. But for a moment, really examine yourself as an individual. In truth (not in word or the way others perceive you), what is really your standard? If you are unsure what the true answer is, one good place to begin is in your decision making process. How do you make day-to-day decisions?

If you have a question on whether or not to do something, do you automatically go to Scripture for your answer? Or do you call your best friend and ask her opinion and the two of you talk it out to a ‘rational’ choice of what would be the right thing to do? When choosing an outfit, do you look for what is in fashion and what is ‘cute’ or do you look for something modest (which can still be cute!)? Do you lie in certain situations because it seems so ‘small’ that you have fooled yourself into believing God will not care?

Many in the world today claim that there is no absolute truth and therefore, no standard on which to base one’s life. They loudly proclaim from every media outlet imaginable, “Do what feels right!”, “to each his own!”, “there isn’t always right and wrong; it’s more just your opinion!” Sadly, it seems that this worldly view of truth has crept into the church. Members of the church can sometimes be heard saying “well, it might be okay to do that (referring to a sin) in _______ situation.” Yet the Bible is clear: God does not believe in situational ethics.

As Christians, we have to realize the truth that there is a reliable, foolproof, ironclad standard and that is the Word of God. Hebrews 4:12 announces: “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” God’s Word is not dead! It is living and active! It is the one standard we can build our lives on confidently. It is also the answer to every moral dilemma and situation. It will show us if what we are considering is right or wrong.

There are three categories which moral issues fall into: right, wrong, and opinion. An example of right would be telling the truth; an example of wrong would be lying to protect a coworker. An example of opinion would be whether to wear a blue or red shirt to work that day. As long as it is modest, God does not care what color your shirt is. It is a personal decision and is neither right nor wrong.

Let’s take it one step further. Maybe you have strong standards of morality. But are they consistent? Do they change based on who is standing next to you?  Do you support wrongdoing by your silence? How about what you really think and feel, but only say when you are not around your ‘church’ friends? Do you openly support homosexuality when around your friends who choose to live that way? Do you talk about the evils of drinking on Sunday morning, while knowing when you open your refrigerator that afternoon you will find a half-empty bottle of wine there?

In order for our standard of living to be pleasing to God, it must be based on the truth of God’s Word and it must be consistent at all times. We cannot live by God’s Word during worship services, but then change as soon as we step outside of the doors and be pleasing to God. We also cannot consistently live by any standard other than what God has laid out in Scripture and be pleasing to Him. We must be Biblically consistent in our living.

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Write out a standard for living, based on specific Scriptures, and place it on your mirror, car dashboard, or any other place you will be sure to see it daily. Use it as a constant reminder of Whose servant you are and how you should be living.

- Take a class or ask your Bible teacher to prepare one on situational ethics. Take time to study in-depth the topic of absolute truth so you will “always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you” (1 Peter 3:15).

- Resist the temptation to seek approval from other people. Learn to spend time in the Scriptures and in prayer instead of using the time to seek human affirmation. Let God be your very best friend.

MIRROR TIME

1. Why can it sometimes feel easier to talk to man than to God? Is this a reflection of your spiritual condition? How can spending time with God before others become a more natural part of your life?

2. List five Scriptures below that prove God’s word is still alive and active today and that it can be trusted to be the most reliable standard for our everyday lives and decisions.

3. Why does a Christian’s standard of living sometimes offend other people? Does this mean we should not live this way? Why or why not?

4. Our ultimate example and goal is to be like Christ. List twenty character qualities that Jesus had that we should strive to emulate every day. How will these qualities help and enable us to be more godly?

HOMOSEXUALITY

The Beatles said “all you need is love” and now many denominations are adopting that stance in their assemblies. In recent years, there have been numerous press releases about ‘gay pastors’ being accepted, because in the world’s opinion it is ‘judgmental’ and ‘unloving’ not to open your arms to such practices. Even among the ‘Christian music’ industry, a female singer ‘came out’ for the world as a lesbian yet still claimed a strong relationship with God. In the church Christ established, the homosexual lifestyle is not being openly accepted or promoted in leadership. However, there is a trend among some members to become comfortable with the idea of it not being wrong and not taking any sort of stand against it. This is a slippery slope to false teaching. So let’s examine what the Scriptures have to say.

How does God feel about homosexuality? 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 is clear: “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” God does not accept homosexuality in His church and neither should we as His people.

However, we should genuinely love the person just as God does and care for his or her soul. Romans 12:9 tells us the attitude that we are to display: “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good.” We must hate the sin, but love the sinner. Some of the nicest and most genuine people in the world choose to live a homosexual lifestyle. This is a very sad thing, for if not repented from, it will cost them their very soul. Yet it doesn’t mean we don’t continue to love them, while also being careful not to condone their behavior.

This is where the world tends to get confused: loving someone is not synonymous with accepting his or her unrepented of sinfulness. Recently, a friend told me that two people who were living in the sin of homosexuality were fine because “they really are so happy together.” We must realize that true love expresses itself through caring so much for someone’s soul that you cannot accept his or her unrepented of sin. God is our perfect example of this exact principle! Nails didn’t hold Jesus to the cross; love did!  His love is beyond our comprehension.

Yet despite this perfect love and the acceptance of an imperfect sinner, He still did not accept unrepented of sin! 2 Peter 4:4-10 makes this clear:

“For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but cast them into hell and committed them to chains of gloomy darkness to be kept until the judgment; if he did not spare the ancient world, but preserved Noah, a herald of righteousness, with seven others, when he brought a flood upon the world of the ungodly; if by turning the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah to ashes he condemned them to extinction, making them an example of what is going to happen to the ungodly; and if he rescued righteous Lot, greatly distressed by the sensual conduct of the wicked (for as that righteous man lived among them day after day, he was tormenting his righteous soul over their lawless deeds that he saw and heard); then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials, and to keep the unrighteous under punishment until the day of judgment, and especially those who indulge in the lust of defiling passion and despise authority.”

Our attitude about every matter in life should be reflective of the attitude God displays through Scripture. We are to love all men and to do our best to bring them to a saving knowledge of Christ, but we can’t accept unrepented sin and say, “God doesn’t mind if you keep living this way.” It is a lie and one that puts their soul in grave jeopardy. We must love what God loves and hate what God hates in order to be like Him and pleasing to Him. Though we should always be kind and loving in our approach, we cannot change the hard truths in order to appease anyone. Would you rather help spare someone’s feelings or their soul? Jesus chose the soul.

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Think of kind and loving ways to approach a friend or family member who may be currently living in sin. Find supporting Scriptures and ask them if they would be interested in an honest discussion and study with you. Pray for them daily.

- Read through the Scriptures and find examples of where Jesus repeatedly forgave men of their sin once they had repented. Think through your initial reaction to a convert who was formerly living a homosexual life. How would you react? Is it how you should?

- Remember that you represent Christ. Using slurs and other unfit comments to berate people is not appropriate in helping to save their soul. Practice the genuine love we are to show to all men. Love the sinner! Hate the sin!

MIRROR TIME

1.        Which is more of a personal struggle: loving homosexual people as Jesus did or not silently (or verbally) supporting their sinful lifestyle? Why do you think this is?

2.       Discuss instances of homosexuality that are recorded in the Bible. Why did God call these relations “unnatural” (Jude 7)? If homosexuality is unnatural, can people truly be born ‘gay’? Explain your answer.

3.       How can you take a stand against the sin of homosexuality? Think of ways to stand strong in God’s truth on this subject in a nation that continues to legalize and promote homosexual unions as God-ordained marriages. What political bill can you vote against? What person of power in our country could you call or write to opposing this?

4.       Since people are not born gay, discuss the reasons (the media, social pressures, etc) that might make a man or woman choose this lifestyle.

ENTERTAINMENT

“Be careful little eyes what you see, be careful little eyes what you see, for the Father up above is looking down with love, so be careful little eyes what you see.”

What a cute song this is that we teach our children as it goes through the ears (what you hear), the eyes (what you see), the mouth (what you say), the hands (what you do), and the feet (where you go). The message is to be careful, because God is watching, and it is one we should most definitely teach and instill in our children when they are young. But what about when these little eyes, ears, mouths, hands, and feet grow up? Do we still take the time to be careful with them then?

Ephesians 5:3 exhorts us, “But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints”. It’s important to note the phrase “all impurity” in this verse. ALL impurity. Not some, not a tiny bit, not most, but all. God is serious about sin and impurity. He is so serious that in this verse He tells us that it is not even proper to be named among the saints. Yet in the world we find ourselves a part of, impurity runs completely rampant. Teens are told having sex before marriage is not only normal, but expected, in almost every American TV sitcom. We are bombarded with messages to save the trees and kill the babies. Commercials tell us that being green is more valuable than being clean (in heart). Is something backwards here?

The entertainment that the world offers is many times not cute, funny, or beneficial. It is sinful and does more to desensitize our hearts and our minds than we can even comprehend. Have you ever thought a bad word (not meaning to) and wondered, “where did that come from?” It is a result of desensitization. What we put in directly affects what comes out (thoughts, words, and actions).

I am certainly not anti-TV or movies by any means. We don’t have to live in a glass bubble and I wouldn’t recommend that, but I would suggest that we also don’t have to live like the world. We don’t have to make excuses and exceptions for sinfulness that God Himself doesn’t. We don’t have to laugh at dirty jokes. We have the ability to turn the TV off when we should. We can train our hearts not to love and support trash. We can and should choose purity.

You might be wondering, “Well, exactly what is entertainment?” Entertainment is anything that we find pleasurable or worthy of our focus as a pastime. Some people today look at worship this way. They want coffee shops and bands and praise teams so they can be entertained. They find this pleasurable, it makes them feel good about themselves, and so they excuse the sin behind it. Many of us would never say this is right, but we must be careful not to do this same thing with our entertainment choices in daily life.

Consider for a moment this scenario: what if it was announced at worship on Sunday you would have to stand before your entire congregation and share everything you did, watched, sang, etc. for entertainment the entire week before? What if you not only had to list the song titles, but sing the lyrics? Not only tell the movie names, but also play the worst clip from each? What if your elders were going to come to your house and go through your DVD collection, look at your Netflix record, or Internet browsing history?

Does the very thought make you sick at your stomach? Does the illustration alone make you want to start rummaging through your collections to make sure they would pass the test? This is only an illustration, but consider the implications. We have a much greater test coming. We have God watching us. God hears every word of that song we sang. He knows what is in the movies we watch. He’s seen our DVD collection. He knows what movies we go to on the weekends and what songs are on our iPod. There are no secrets with the creator of the universe and we will be held accountable.

If we really, really believed this, how much would it change our lives? How much would it change our hearts? Would we be moved to repentance for our sin? Would we clean out the playlist on our iPod? Get rid of half of our channels on cable? Throw the DVD’s away and never look back? Would we stop going to R rated movies? Watching affairs, nudity, or fornication in our homes? Would we fix our eyes on Jesus instead of the trash of this world?

Maybe you don’t have a problem with what you watch on TV, but are there other ways we dishonor God by our entertainment choices? What about football? If it is Super Bowl Sunday, are we at home watching the game or in the assembly worshipping the Savior? Do we sign our children up for activities such as sporting events or plays and then choose to take them to practice instead of Bible studies on Wednesday nights? How do these actions affect their character? Not only do we hurt God when we make such choices, but when these children get to college and the homework piles up or the social club has an outing, you can rest assured where they will most likely be on that Wednesday night. In most cases, it will not be at worship.

Another point to consider is this: are our actions contradicting our prayers? Do we pray for purity and then watch porn? Just because we call it a movie that does not change what it is at its core. Do we sing “purer in heart, O God, help me to be” and then get into our cars after the service and fill our hearts with cursing through the songs we listen to? We must be careful because the world we live in makes it so, so easy. And Satan loves it!

Talking in abstracts is easy and saying “we need to be pure” is simple, but how can we do this in everyday life? How can we put these principles into action? Here are a few tools that have helped me in my journey, that I hope can also strengthen you in yours.

1) As a general rule, if you wouldn’t do it, don’t watch it. I understand that even in the best movies there might be someone getting beat up, or a murder, or the like. But what I am specifically referring to is things where the storyline is built on affairs, lies, and deception (soap operas or reality TV, perhaps?) We should avoid this type of entertainment. We also should make it a point to never watch nudity or sex. Period. It is not appropriate in any way for a Christian. If a movie has that in it, then it just isn’t worth going to see.

2) Don’t make excuses for sin. The world has gotten into our minds so much at times that even with wonderful Christian people we might have to find ourselves standing against them for what is right. We might have to get up and walk out of a room if the channel is not changed. We might have to deny an invitation with a group we love, to go see a movie that is not appropriate. We might have to stand alone in the crowd, even among the holy. But God stands with us always when we side with righteousness.

3) Avoid desensitization! We do not sin when we walk through Wal-Mart and someone around us curses. A person can certainly hear more than he or she would ever want to just being out in public at times. But that is an effect of living in a fallen world. It does not reflect who we are. What does reflect who we are is what we choose to fill our minds with, the things we make a conscious choice to bring into our homes and for which we set aside time. Do we invite our Christian friends over to sin with us? We really need to consider this. Watching movies with people is one of my favorite pastimes, but we have to make sure they are quality! We all know what it feels like to be desnsitized. Skipping that Sunday night service might really bother you the first time, but what about the tenth? Hearing those curse words or God’s name in vain might really make you cringe when you first get cable, but what about after you have had it for six months? Sometimes we tend to get used to things, even despicable things. Natural doesn’t mean right. Let us choose to do what is right and be sensitive to sin.

4) Learn to be that little child again. Remember the song we talked about at the beginning of this chapter? Sometimes, even as adults, especially as adults, we need to learn to cover our ears, close our eyes, guard our mouths, wash our hands, and lead our feet to walk away. We still need to be careful!

When it comes to entertainment, we need to learn to look away. What if David had looked away as soon as he saw Bathsheba? His sin was not in seeing her, but in lingering. Do we linger over sin at times when we could see it and choose to look away? Think of all the sins in the Bible, all the heartache and destruction, that could have been saved, if people had simply chosen to look away. What if Eve had not lingered over the temptation of the apple? What if Cain had not lingered over his anger toward Abel? What if Judas had not lingered over his greed and desire to betray Jesus? How greatly just these three examples could have impacted humanity for the better!

This still applies to us today. So many times we make the choice to linger, to sin, to lust, to fall, when we could make the choice to bounce our eyes, to look away, to resist sinning, to be pure, and to stand for God. Let us have repentant hearts for any sins we have committed with our choices in entertainment and be renewed in the blood of Jesus again. It is time for us to stop “doing better” and start being better.

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Utilize the tools available to keep the sinful things out of your home. TV Guardian is available for television shows and Clearplay is available for use with DVDs. Both have the ability to block curse words, delete improper scenes, take out the use of the Lord’s name in vain, etc.

- Do not take the opinions of others, even friends or fellow Christians, as the approval that something is appropriate to watch. Check screenit.com or kidsinmind.com for play-by-play reviews of the content found in a given movie or series. It is well worth the time it takes.

- Set your standards before you are ever given an opportunity to stumble. Make it a priority to not see movies beyond a certain rating, period.

- Never go see a movie in theatres without first waiting for a content review online. Previews and ratings often do not give an accurate picture of what is really in the film.

- If it causes you to sin, get rid of it! Matthew 5:29-30 shares this principle with us: “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” If your cell phone, Facebook, iPod, TV, computer, etc. causes you to sin, get rid of it...and save your soul!

MIRROR TIME

1. Why is it important to set your entertainment standards based on God’s Word and not on the opinions of what others feel is right (even those within the church)?

2. Set a time aside this week to go through your DVD or movie collection. Are there items you own that make you stumble? Ones that encourage you to look at sin as acceptable? Commit to throw them away; don’t give them to Goodwill so they can cause another to falter. Write the names of the CDs or DVDs below that you destroyed. Discuss why this process is necessary, even though it is hard.

3. Write three or more new “rules” you will commit to live by concerning your entertainment choices. How does this choice being made ahead of time help you not to give in to temptation later?

4. Describe how the wrong entertainment choices can harden your heart into believing that sin is okay.

MODESTY

When was the last time you wore fig leaves? In Genesis 3, shortly after creation and the fall of humanity, we find Adam and Eve cowering in the garden, hiding from God. When God inquires where they are, Adam answers in verse 10: “And he said, ‘I heard the sound of you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself.”

In Genesis 3:11a, God asks Adam, “Who told you that you were naked?” Both parties see and agree upon the fact that Adam and Eve are naked. Yet in Genesis 3:7 we find that the pair attempted to cover themselves before this encounter. “Then the eyes of both were opened and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” If you look carefully, the text says that Adam and Eve were “naked” in 3:7 (when they truly were completely naked), then (even after making and covering themselves with loincloths) it reiterates that they are still naked in verses 10-11.

In fact, this nakedness is so prevalent that God Himself makes them more appropriate coverings and for the first time in Scripture it refers to Adam and Eve as being clothed. Genesis 3:21 says, “And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them.” By power of simple deduction, we can see that God did not consider them clothed with simply the loincloths! They were still naked! This displeased God and therefore He made them more sufficient coverings. Many concordances agree that these coverings covered from the waist to the thigh fully. Dictionary.com defines the thigh as “the part of the lower limb in humans between the hip and the knee.”

We can see this same description in the Word of God. Exodus 20:26 says about the priests, “And you shall not go up by steps to my altar, that your nakedness be not exposed on it.” If the priests walked up steps, their thighs would have been exposed to those beneath them and God saw this as nakedness! Exodus 28:42 also reiterates this point: “You shall make for them linen undergarments to cover their naked flesh. They shall reach from the hips to the thighs (emphasis mine).”Additionally, in Isaiah 47:2-3 we see that the stripping off of one’s robe and  “uncovering [your] legs” would result in one’s “nakedness [being] uncovered.”

What a difference you can see if you just bring up that mental picture in your mind. Leaves versus full coverings! Adam and Eve thought that just by covering their most private areas they were fully dressed, but God showed them they had to cover much more in order to be pleasing to Him.

There is a great lesson to be learned from this that still applies today. Isaiah 55:8 tells us: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

Do some within the church still commit this same sin of being improperly covered today? We all know the answer is yes. Sadly, you can log on to Facebook and before you know it (and without even looking for it), you will see a picture of a Christian in extremely short shorts or a bikini, if not multiple pictures from multiple Christians in this situation. How discouraging and disappointing this is!

We have really missed the mark on this one if we truly believe God accepts that as holiness. Just covering our most private areas will not cut it, just like it did not in the time of Adam and Eve! We serve the same God that they did, and He has the same expectations for modesty today that He did then! We should not fool ourselves into believing any differently. As we consider modesty, there are three key areas we should focus on: our master, our motivation, and our mission.

1) Our Master

This should be our first and foremost consideration in every area and aspect of our lives! The number one reason we choose modesty (or to be pure in any other area we have discussed in this book, for that matter!) is because we love God! As my sister (or brother), I care about your soul and want to help encourage you towards holiness as we are told in the Scriptures. Titus 2:4-5 reminds, “Older women likewise...so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure...”

I’m only twenty six so I know most people wouldn’t consider me “older”, but there are girls younger than me that are looking to my example! I am to teach them! We all are. The reason we act in modesty and teach modesty is not because it is easy or fun (it really isn’t with the world we live in), but rather because we love the Lord so much! Let us honor Him with our choices and realize that purity, modesty, and holiness go hand in hand.

2) Our Motivation

“I don’t really think that crosses the line...” Have you ever heard this phrase used when talking about clothing? We have to be very careful about our motivations in everything in life and this includes dress! What are our motives behind dressing? If we are looking for a line, we are not looking for God’s will. Why would we want to get as close to the line as we can, only to trip and fall over it (and into temptation and possibly sin)?

Sisters, we should strive to be more modest than necessary, not less! We should have two key motivations in dressing and that should be to honor Christ and to protect our brothers. We are either helping the church with our dress or hindering a brother from worshipping properly, serving on the table, etc. Do we want to be a stumbling block to a Christian seeking to worship as he should? Of course not!

3) Our Mission

Do others know that you are a Christian before you ever open your mouth? 1 Timothy 2:9-10 exhorts: “Likewise also, that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control...with what is proper for a woman who professes godliness with good works.” Our dress should profess godliness before we ever speak! In fact, there will be many people in our lifetime that we see only once and may not get the chance to speak to. How will that person you see on the subway or in the supermarket remember you? Our influence matters!

I love how verse ten of 1 Timothy says “with modesty and self-control”. Do we ever consider self-control as we buy clothes? Sometimes there is going to be that great sale. You may even have a really good coupon or a gift card. Many times something is going to be so cute! So stylish! So in fashion! And so immodest. We have to learn self-control in our choices.

Now let me pause here to say that I am a huge believer in fashion. I wouldn’t want you to be frumpy! I love cute accessories and how you can express yourself through them. One of my best friends always has the cutest shoes you will ever see and I love it! But we have to make the decision of what comes first in our lives: Christianity or culture? Loving God must also come before comfort. If this article of clothing does not reflect my mission in life (to go to Heaven and bring as many people with me as possible!) then I need to say no! Souls must be our top priority! Many Christians today claim they would give God their life, but they won’t even give Him their wardrobe! We must choose to make this a priority so that we can be with our Lord forever. In Ephesians 5:25-27, we read that Christ died for the church... can’t we dress for it?

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Buy a full-length mirror and use it daily. Before leaving the house, check your outfit. Bend over, sit down, and check every possible angle you might find yourself in. Make sure as you change positions, your outfit does not become immodest.

- Buy a small, lightweight sweater that is versatile. I recommend buying one in black, white, gray, and brown so you can match virtually anything. Make sure it stays on your shoulders well and doesn’t fall off. Adding this to any outfit where your shoulders aren’t completely covered (even if it is modest) will save you a lot of time and energy spent making sure your bra straps stays in place.

- Think ahead for the most awkward of situations (40mph gusting winds and the like). These things do happen. Are you prepared? Wear cut off leggings underneath dresses to make sure that in the uncomfortable situation where your dress tries to fly above your head, the only thing that will be shown is how modest you are!

- Start young! As stated in an excellent DVD produced by World Video Bible School on modesty, “little girls turn into little women.” This is so true! What we teach them now will be what impacts them for the rest of their lives!

- News alert to women! Your worth is not in the size you wear! Go up one or two if you need it (and so you can breathe and be modest). Don’t get caught up in the numbers!

- Layer pieces that would otherwise be immodest to create a modest outfit. You can add tights under sports uniforms or put a short-sleeved shirt under a spaghetti strap shirt or dress to make it cute and modest. Be creative!

- Consider your “web influence”. Go through each picture, video, tagged photo, etc. on Facebook, Twitter, and blogs to make sure it is befitting a Christian. If not, untag it, remove it, and save it in a file marked “hubby only”! We need to aim for holiness, not being sexy and seductive.

- When you go anywhere with water (ex: beach), wear your bathing suit underneath modest clothing. This is what my husband and I do when we go. We wear t-shirts and knee length shorts and trust me, the world knows you are different (and stares awkwardly) because of it. Also, we avoid going to water parks or anywhere that a lot of “naked” people will be. Going to the beach on the off-season is great or even private beaches for a small fee. It is worth the $10!

- Recognize that modesty is not event dependent. What does this mean? It means that God does not expect modesty just at worship. He expects it everywhere. This includes weddings or formals, water (pools, oceans, lakes), malls, sporting events, and yes, even when you are baking in the Texas heat! Jesus went through much more discomfort for us than we are likely to ever suffer for Him.

- Pieces that are not appropriate for Christians to wear (some things can be modified to be worn correctly while others cannot):

1) Modern day swimwear (bikinis, one pieces, tankinis, etc). All these options fully expose the legs and some expose a lot more. In the Old Testament, uncovered thighs were considered nakedness!

2) Sporting uniforms/cheerleading uniforms (sporting uniforms can sometimes be modified with tights/leggings underneath)

3) Anything above the knees (shorts, dresses, skirts). We need to try to layer underneath or buy extra long for when we sit down as well. Think ahead!

4) Anything with no straps, spaghetti straps (straps that are too thin), halters (exposing full back), etc. Men are very visual and even too much back can cause a man to lust! Shirts underneath or sleeves added can serve as good modifications here.

5) Anything “too” = too tight, too low, too thin, too revealing, too short, too much attention drawn to the body’s curves, etc.

6) Deep v-necks without a proper undershirt (one that doesn’t constantly fall down or “barely cover”)

7) Anything that shows cleavage of any kind

8) Outfits that show your underwear or are “see through” in bright lighting (trust me, go to the Denver airport enough and you will see it all without wanting to!)

- God’s laws of modesty apply to both women and men. Men should have shirts on, not wear shirts unbuttoned without a proper undershirt, and have shorts long enough as well. These guidelines are general (if you can find a sporting uniform with shorts that go past the knees, great!), but should hold up pretty well as a guide for the majority of today’s clothing options.

- Take every opportunity to train! We all share a responsibility in this. Parents, elders, church members, teachers, preachers, etc. If your child leaves the house immodestly, as the parent it is your responsibility. We should also take the opportunity to be helpful. Sometimes bra straps do accidently slip out or shirts fall down a bit (even with very modest people), so when we see it we should help another sister by gently and privately letting her know in love. Let us help one another!

MIRROR TIME

1. What items in your closet do you need to clean out today? Discuss why throwing them out despite the money they may have cost will be worth it.

2. Write down five things to consider every time you get dressed (ex: how will this help or hurt my Christian brothers today?) Place this list by your mirror and read it daily. Take joy in being modest. The kind of man you will want in your life will love a classy woman!

3. Are you sometimes tempted to wear things you should not? Openly admit the pressure this worldly society places on dress and fashion, as well as one’s body. List four Scriptures below that you can commit to memory for the times you feel pressure to buy something that doesn’t reflect well on Christ.

4. Don’t rush to shop! It can lead to bad choices. Make a commitment starting today not to shop in stores that primarily carry immodest pieces of clothing. How can this help you on your journey to be holy? Write down three stores below that carry modest clothing (or pieces that can be layered together to be modest) and make it a point to shop there.

5. Is your dress outweighing your words? I was at a devotional once (all women in a private home setting with windows closed!) where a teen wore a bikini while giving a talk on modesty. It really got the point across because all you could look at was what she wasn’t wearing while presenting it. After making the point for a minute, she dressed fully and it was a lesson I never forgot. How can we make sure our words match our actions?

6. Read Exodus 28:42. How far did a garment have to extend to in order to “cover their naked flesh”? By this standard, would modern swimwear or shorts be appropriate?

SPEECH

“Oh my God, in you I trust...”(Psalm 25:2 )In this Psalm we see David talking to God by saying “oh my God”. He is calling upon the Lord in respect and with confidence, saying “in you I trust.” Is this the same way that our culture uses this phrase today? Unfortunately, we know it is not. If you turned on almost any TV show (maybe not History or Discovery, but certainly mainstream TV), you would hear this phrase hundreds of times a day if you watched for long enough. Not only would you hear it hundreds of times, but it is also very likely that none of these instances would be reflective of someone actually calling out to God in prayer or for help. You certainly don’t see the world saying “Oh my God, in you I trust!” as David did.

What you do see is this exclamation being used when someone loses a lot of weight, when a person is surprised, when a gift of great worth is given, when a person sees a cute pair of jeans, or when they are frustrated from dropping their keys. It truly can be almost anything! The world uses this phrase all the time in blatant disrespect, not knowing or not caring what it truly means. It seems that this phrase has replaced “wow”, “how exciting”, “that is wonderful”, etc. Nowadays, most people (especially teenagers) seem happy to simply say or text His name vainly in the place of these phrases. How truly sad and sinful we have become.

As Christians we know better! It makes me cringe when I hear it casually slip from a member of the church. Although we can, in most cases, rightly know that the person “didn’t mean it that way”, it simply does not make it okay. The Lord finds this displeasing and we should too! In Exodus 20:7 God instructs, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.” We should not be using God or Jesus’ names as vain exclamations.

In Old Testament times, people revered God’s name so much that they wouldn’t even speak it aloud. Instead, they would say “Jehovah” in the place of “Yahweh” because they felt so much respect for the Lord and His name. While it is true that we are not under the Old Testament law anymore, the principle still applies to us today. The people of Old Testament times held the Lord’s name in such high esteem! May we have pure hearts to do the same.

A more common issue within the church today than outright vocalization of the Lord’s name in vain is euphemisms. Dictionary.com defines euphemisms as: “the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be less offensive, harsh, or blunt.” Common uses of these would include abbreviating the Lord’s name into a slang format, substituting a “less offensive” word for another curse word, or saying shortened phrases with the same meaning in place of Christ’s name in vain. We have to be careful not to use these terms! Changing a few letters and telling ourselves it “doesn’t sound so bad” does not make it right. Why would we want to even come close to those phrases? Why would we want the world or other Christians to have to wonder where our respect for the Lord’s name is?

The truth is that sometimes we talk too much. Women tend to have more of a problem with it than the men do at times. We have to be careful that concern does not turn into gossip, that constructive criticism does not turn into crushing criticism, and that we take the time to learn how to really listen. This is an important trait for us ladies (and every Christian) to have! Proverbs 18:13 reminds us, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.”

Yet in our modern day technology era, sometimes it isn’t that we are talking too much, rather, we are texting too much, Facebooking too much, or emailing too much. There is something easy about typing or texting words. When you don’t speak them out loud, at times they come more freely. There is less accountability when you aren’t face to face.

I love technology and use it all the time. There is nothing sinful about using technology, unless we choose to sin while using it. For example, we can use computers to write devotional books or to look at pornography. We can use TV’s to watch sinfulness or to broadcast programs that spread the Gospel. Technology is neither good nor evil; the way that we use it determines that. We all need to take heed to be careful and to consider the path we are walking (or speaking, texting, typing, or facebooking) down with our words.

Words are wonderful when we use them as God intended. There is a reason He created us with the ability to speak, communicate, and interact with one another and with Him! God created words that we might pray, edify, encourage, thank, counsel, comfort, and bless. Words, much like technology, are neither good nor evil. It is all about the way we use them!

Words can hurt or heal, crush or challenge, insult or inspire, excuse or excite, burden or bless. Words can be used to speak with pride or with purpose, to gossip or glorify, to envy or encourage, to give lashings or love, to spread hatred or hope, and for cursing or comforting. There are so many examples of this in the Bible. When Jesus was on the cross, some used words to mock Him, but He used words to glorify God!

Think of the two personality extremes that most people can find in their lives: extremely positive and extremely negative. Focus on that one person you know who is always chipper, smiling, encouraging, and kind. Don’t you just love to be around that person? You always leave their presence feeling encouraged and built up. You usually leave with about five genuine compliments as well. We all need people like this in our lives. We all need to be people like this! Here are a few things we can all do to accomplish this more easily:

- Make an effort to smile everywhere you go. People remember a big, friendly smile even if you don’t say a word.

- Find one thing you can complement in every person you talk to each day. We should never be fake or artificial; however, even with more difficult people, there will be something to compliment. A nice dress, hairstyle, jewelry, shoes, or smile are places to start. Try to compliment people on both how they look (this builds their self-esteem) and who they are (this encourages their character). Examples of character compliments might be on how well they do something (example: teach, sing, write, mother, encourage, how funny they are, etc). I am a person who loves to encourage. It makes me feel good inside to help others feel good about who they are and I am sure you will find this same result. You are blessed when blessing others!

- Thumper had it right! “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” But way before Thumper, the Bible said it best: “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 3:6).

- Make the choice to be positive. We are all going to have bad days and that is fine. But overall, we should seek to be positive people. As Christians we have a purpose and a passion in life that most people only dream of having! We should be thankful and cheerful for the life with which God has blessed us! This world is as bad as we are ever going to have it!

Now that we have reviewed the positive person, let’s consider the person with a negatively inclined disposition. Over the course of a lifetime, I think it is safe to say we have all known at least one person like this (whether a member of the church or not). This person seems to never be happy. The weather is either too hot or too cold. The sermon is too short or too long. Their children visit too often or too little. It can be almost anything or everything. Life is always a burden and the glass is half empty. Constant complaining, grumbling, bitterness, grudges, bickering, pettiness, gossip, and discouragement mark this person.

In all honesty, these types of people can be difficult to be around. Moods are contagious and if you spend enough time with a negative person, you can find yourself becoming negative right along with them. As mentioned before, we are not talking about a season of frustration or discouragement (as we all experience these from time to time), but rather a lifestyle of discontentment. This is not healthy for the person with this attitude or anyone around them. So how can we help those dealing with this struggle and guard ourselves from becoming jaded?  We can:

- Remember to be patient and loving, even with people who are not patient and loving with you. This person might be lonely (a new widow, for example) and learning to cope, or going through struggles she feels are too personal to share. As discussed earlier, attitudes and moods are contagious so we should give special attention to these people and try to “rub off” on them with our positive energy. We might find out they just needed a little encouragement and empathy!

- If you find yourself about to say something negative, or to add to gossip, close your mouth. If necessary, walk away. It is always right to keep yourself from saying something you shouldn’t. Remember you are going to give an account to the Lord for every word you ever speak. Every word.

- Surround yourself with positive things. Read the Scriptures daily, spend time with positive friends and Christians, get involved in church activities, and stay away from things that cause you to feel drained and empty inside. Sometimes you just need physical or emotional rest. Don’t be afraid to decline an invitation from time to time. You can’t give your best if you are not being your best.

- Consider the long lasting effect and implication of your words. What you say can make or break someone’s day (or week, month, etc). I never liked my hair very much, but in one month I had at least four women come up to me and tell me how pretty and shiny my hair was. That made me feel good and now I like it a little more than I used to. They made my day! This is a simple example, but we have all experienced this. Someone can give you a compliment when you’re feeling really crummy and it just makes the rest of the day go so much better. When harsh words are spoken, friendships end quickly. Hearts are hurt and though apologies are accepted, that person is likely to always remember the hurtful thing that was said. Our words should add joy to others’ lives, not pain. May we speak carefully!

In order to not come across as this negative person, there are some additional behaviors we should avoid. Nonverbal language, passive aggressiveness, and backhanded compliments are some of the things that can be the most hurtful and frustrating with which to deal.

Nonverbal language can say more than we sometimes think it does. If we roll our eyes, look away the entire time someone is speaking with us, or cross our arms constantly and frown, we might be giving off a message we don’t want to. We should watch our body language and make sure it matches up with our feelings and attitudes.

Passive aggressiveness can also be a deterrent to being happy and productive. Sometimes people don’t exert themselves due to fear of judgment and end up miserable. I am not a good public speaker. I have taken multiple classes on it, tried time and time again to do well at it, and at the end of the day it is simply not my talent and I don’t enjoy it at all. I love to write, encourage people, do things behind the scenes, etc. but public speaking is just not a talent I have. For a long time, I was afraid to tell people that I wasn’t good at it. I felt inadequate. However, I did put myself out there and at least give it a try many times (despite it being my biggest fear!) and eventually learned that I don’t have to be a good public speaker. God gave me my own set of talents that I strive to use for him.

The reason that I share this is because I once heard a story of a woman who was petrified of public speaking (much like myself) and was unhappy for years in the ministry that she was a part of because she was afraid to tell anyone. She would rather suffer silently and be passive aggressive about the situation. Finally, she told a new congregation she was working with how she really felt and they were able to use her talents and she started a full time outreach program for women through this that went on to be very successful. She was finally happy and fulfilled, using her talents from God for His glory and the church benefited greatly as well. She didn’t let timidity or a passive aggressive (“I don’t really want to do this or have a talent for it, but am doing it because I am being forced to”) attitude hold her back. I am a big believer in stretching out of your comfort zone and learning and continually growing, but I firmly believe God expects us to use the talents He gave us first. He gave us these talents for a reason, after all! When we all work together with the talents we have been given, the church grows and functions completely.

Lastly, I would suggest that we should be careful not to give backhanded compliments. I have had friends personally who have been told, “you have such a pretty face” or “you really have potential; someday you will be a good ______”. I don’t believe these comments are beneficial or most often truly said in a spirit of love. Let us endeavor to look for the positive things in each other. If you think someone has a pretty face, then tell him or her they are pretty. If you think someone has room to improve, but is still doing a good job, then point out some way they do excel currently. We should strive to cultivate the positive in others around us! In my experience, doing this helps to build a person up and encourage them to grow more than any insulting “compliment” ever will.

To wrap up, let us look at some instructions from the most important manual we will ever have, the Bible, on how we should be speaking to one another and about one another as well as general principles on words.

“...Be worthy of the Gospel of Christ.”

-Philippians 1:27

“Do all things without grumbling or questioning...”

-Philippians 2:14

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice...by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

-Philippians 4:4-6

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

-Philippians 4:8

“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good...for out of the abundance of his heart the mouth speaks.”

-Luke 6:45

“And in their mouth no lie was found, for they are blameless.”

-Revelation 14:5

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.”

-Proverbs 18:21

“But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.”

-Matthew 15:18

“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

-Proverbs 12:18

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

-Ephesians 4:29

“I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned.”

-Matthew 12:36-37

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”

-Proverbs 16:24

”But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. Do not lie to one another...”

-Colossians 3:8-9a

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin.”

-Proverbs 13:3

“Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.”

-Proverbs 21:23

“If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.”

-James 1:26

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

-Proverbs 15:1

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

-Psalm 19:14

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Avoid falling into the patterns of what the world is saying at the moment. Using God’s name in vain as the world means it is never a worthy way to talk to or about the true God. Let us show respect for who He is despite what the culture is doing.

- Think before you speak. This is simple, but oftentimes a hard thing to practice daily. Consider if your words are going to help or hurt the person before you speak them. If you have to say something somewhat hurtful (example: correcting a brother or sister in sin), do so in gentleness and with a spirit of love (and lots of prayer!)

- Practice being positive. Try for one full month to daily dedicate yourself to praying positive prayers, giving positive compliments, having an upbeat attitude, and reading Scriptures that encourage you in this feat. Write them on your walls (Scriptures or wall quotes you can buy online are great for this!) or tape them to your mirror to keep your focus on the goal.

MIRROR TIME

1. Record an experience you have had where words have been hurtful to you. How could this person have shown more gentleness or consideration?

2. Write down a time in which words have been helpful to you.  How did this build your spirit up?

3. Are there times in life when it might be necessary to say something that might be hurtful to another person? When? How can we accomplish this while also being loving?

4.  Write down three ways in which you can better use your words and influence of speech to build others up for the cause of Christ. Find a few supporting Scriptures and add them below.

DOCTRINE

“Liberal or conservative?” I am sure you have been asked this question as many times as I have! You might have even asked it of someone else yourself. Why do we ask this question of others when we don’t find the early church asking it in the Scriptures? It seems that some today have decided there is a moral scale as well as a doctrinal scale. If you lie about speeding, that’s just a little lie right? A white lie, as some like to call it? In the church, if you use a piano you are considered by some to be way “liberal” while these “liberals” think those who don’t use instruments are way “conservative”.

When and why did we get so wrapped up in these terms? The truth is that a lie is a lie and all lies are equal. Some have bigger ramifications and consequences, but they are all equally wrong. Doctrinally, a matter is either right or wrong. It is either Biblical or nonBiblical (truth found in the Scriptures or false doctrine formed by men). The basis for this determination is simple: can I find it (or a principle or example for it) in the New Testament under which we live as Christians? If so, it is Biblical by this association. If not, it is therefore unbiblical. God did not not create a scale of how “liberal” or “conservative” a person can be to still be “right”. We are either Christians in His word or we are wrong.

There is a trend within the church today where people try to “decide” for God. By doing this, some people put themselves in the place of the creator of the universe and say about an issue: “I just really don’t think God would mind” or “I know God won’t send a person to hell for that!” When did we become God? The answer is that we are not! We need to remember such. Isaiah 55:8 tells us that we do not think in the same way that God does. We do not come to the same conclusions or make the same judgments. Something that might seem wonderful to us might be horrible and sinful to Him.

God made us emotional beings and it is wonderful. He designed us perfectly, but we need to be careful as to not let our emotions run us over. If something “feels” right, emotional, spiritual, connected, warm and fuzzy and every other good feeling in the world put together, it does not mean it is automatically pleasing to God. Some people get a “spiritual high” when they offer vain worship with instruments. Some people feel this from taking drugs or having an extramarital affair. As sick as it is, some people even feel this way when they murder or abuse another person. It gives them a high they can’t get anywhere else. Clearly our feelings about something are subjective and not a moral compass for life or godliness!

So what is wrong with following our emotions and deciding what is right and wrong doctrinally based on feelings and not the Bible? The fact of the matter is that when we do this we are putting ourselves in the place of God and taking authority from Him. We are saying “I don’t really care what Your Word says; I can make better decisions than You.” The implications of this are lasting and devastating. We must realize our place in relation to God and approach His Word with humility and a willingness to allow it to mold and change our lives.

There are many wonderful, admirable things about the Lord’s body and we could talk about them for days. But the purpose of this short book is to help us dive into ways we can improve and truly be the first century church of the New Testament. What are some common doctrinal errors and false teachings creeping into the Lord’s church that we need to fight? The following are a few that are prevalent in many congregations, and experiencing growth in others.

1) Valuing statistics over souls

Membership and attendance records are important and having a growing church is beneficial and a true blessing. However, some churches have gotten so obsessed with the attendance going up that they haven’t noticed the spiritual condition of their members going down. When we compromise the truth or allow those living in sin and unwilling to repent (for example, those who are in unscriptural marriages) to place membership at our congregation, we are making a serious error in judgment.

The church is social, but it is not a social club. Sometimes we treat it too much as one. We need to encourage growth, but not at the cost of the truth of God’s word. The first century church preached Jesus and the church’s growth was exponential because of it! It is better to have five members who are pleasing to God than 5,000 who worship Him vainly.

2) Christians that won’t stand firmly for the truth

Sadly sometimes you may find Christians who won’t really hold a firm position on anything Biblical. Everything is “debatable” or “situation dependent” and God’s word is not rightly upheld as it should be. As members of the Lord’s body, we need to take a firm stand for the truth and search the Scriptures daily to know how to live (just as the Bereans did in the first century). We must stand for truth, even when no one else is willing to do so.

3) False teachings on marriage, divorce, and remarriage

Matthew 19:9 is very clear on the one and only reason for Scriptural marriage, divorce, and remarriage. It is fornication alone. Fornication is an umbrella term that would include adultery, homosexuality, incest, lesbianism, bestiality, sodomy, etc. Yet so, so many times you hear within the church people saying how their situation is different, how their situation doesn’t fall under the authority of the Scriptures.

We have to be careful to not justify something that God will not. We cannot support unscriptural marriages (by attending weddings, encouraging the relationship, fellowshipping socially with one who will not repent, etc.) with a clear conscience. We must try to bring others back to the truth in love and gentleness that may be caught up in this sin.

4) The permitting of instrumental music and/or handclapping/beat boxing/etc.

If you attend most (not all) modern day youth rallies, there will be instrumental bands performing and lots and lots of handclapping if not flat out musical accompaniment during worship. When and why did we “decide” something is permissible that God did not? It strikes me odd that many will cite the Scriptural reasons for not using instruments, but then will handclap as if it is no big deal. There is little difference between hitting palm to palm and making (adding) noise and hitting palm to tambourine and making (adding) noise. The correlation is clear to see. It may seem innocent and harmless, but it is an addition to worship that we are not permitted and leads to the thinking of “if handclapping, why not instruments?”

In the Old Testament, we find Nadab and Abihu deviating from God’s plan and the Lord’s reaction to it. Leviticus 10:1 tells us, “Now Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, each took his censer and put fire in it and laid incense on it and offered unauthorized fire before the Lord, which He had not commanded them. And fire came out from before the Lord and consumed them, and they died before the Lord.”

God was so displeased with their addition to worship that He killed them on the spot! They were in a worship setting, focusing on God and offering sacrifices to Him, but their addition was strange (literally “unauthorized or unrecognized”). This made the worship vain and greatly angered God.

We must learn from their example and only worship in the way God has authorized! Nadab and Abihu did not treat God as holy; they did not respect Him enough to do exactly what He had prescribed. They did everything right, except for one minor variation! God is saying, “It’s a big deal to me!” It does not matter that it is not a big deal to man! It is about what He wants, not what we want. This example clearly shows us that there are two types of worship that can be offered to God: authorized or unauthorized. Which we will choose?

5) Progressivism

We really do need to be careful about the slippery slope principle. I once knew a man who was in a prominent a capella group (within the church) that did completely a cappella music. Then, they decided beat boxing wasn’t so bad so they would make an entire CD this way and add in some handclapping. After that, they began to use instruments. The last I heard this same man (who once was against anything but a cappella singing) had turned an entire large (thousands of members) church of Christ congregation into full time users and supporters of instrumental music and it all began with a little beat boxing.

The problem with the progressive attitude is that we are saying that the Bible doesn’t apply to us today. God’s word isn’t “good enough” to tell us how we should live our lives. God surely didn’t mean to leave out instruments, praise teams, denominatialism, etc...did He? Those who practice such things feel it isn’t that big of a deal to add to God’s word and “improve upon” His design for worship. This is a rapidly growing problem within the church. Many want to make worship “better”, more emotional, more spiritual, and in truth, more entertaining for them. They like the way a piano sounds so they use it. They enjoy praise teams so they permit them.

Fellowshipping with denominations (and equating themselves as one with them) is fun and allows them to have more “spiritual” friends. It’s not really “so bad”, is it? When we start buying into these ideals, we start to value worldly wisdom over God’s word and His instructions. Progressivism isn’t needed nor is it beneficial within the church. God’s word has always been the ultimate guide and compass and it continues to be so today.

The truth is that modern day thinking leads one to believe they are smarter than God. With all our technology and inventions and scholars, the world often thinks they are above God. Does man not find himself “smarter” than God in his determination of evolution over creation? Do we some-times in the church not place ourselves in this same position when we veer from the Bible God gave us and start living by the bible of self? How far we have fallen! We must return to the original pattern and principles we find in Scripture and let God be Lord and Master of our lives and His church. Only then can our doctrine and our worship be acceptable to God.

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Always be ready! 1 Peter 3:15 instructs us to be prepared to give an answer for our hope and our beliefs. The world is confused on what God deems as acceptable. Let His Word guide you in truth and be prepared to teach others the same!

- Don’t live life by your feelings alone. Feelings change and are situationally sensitive, and they can get us into a lot of trouble if we let them. Make the choice to do what is right over what feels right.

- Choose to be brave in your faith. Often Jesus had to be brave enough to teach, instruct, and correct a world that did not understand. We must show this same courage in our convictions today!

- Use the Bible as your only compass in determining sin verses righteousness. It has every answer to life’s most aching and difficult questions and will always lead us Heavenward.

MIRROR TIME

1. Are there any areas of doctrine in which you have let your convictions slip? How can you correct these today? If not, write down why you feel so convicted with supporting Scriptures.

2. Do you believe in things being right or wrong conclusively or have you bought into the “moral scale” of the world? Be honest with yourself on this. According to Ephesians 2:1, what made us “once dead”?

3. Have you ever considered yourself “smarter than God” by your words or actions? How can you commit to avoiding this sin in the future?

4. What lessons can be learned from the account of Nadab and Abihu?

5. Where can we find our basis for doctrine? Why is the Word of God more trustworthy than friends, family, or feelings ever could be?

STEWARDSHIP

The way we feel about money is usually a direct reflection of the way that we handle it. Do you view money as a blessing or a burden in your life? Do you find yourself grumbling when the bills come in or thankful that God gave you a way to pay them? Is giving on Sunday a joy and a privilege or a burden and something you do grudgingly? It has been said that if you want to know someone’s character, just take a look at his or her checkbook (or in our day and age his or her online bank account).

This is definitely an accurate picture to some extent, because it shows what is important and valued in the person’s life. What if the only way a person could ever know you is through your receipts and bank records? What would they see? Would there be giving to the Lord’s body, charity, helping others in need, and providing for your own family? Or would there be overdraft charges, late payments, maxed out credit cards, and little left over to give or share due to self-indulgence? We are all in differing places financially and that is fine. Some have much more in terms of money to give while others may have less money, but the ability to give more time and energy. Our blessings, talents, time, and abilities are all from God and are valuable in His eyes.

This chapter is certainly not designed to hurt anyone who may have less or be struggling (as I have been there myself and had fellow Christians help me at times). There is no shame in being poor, but there is shame in misusing what God gives us and in effect causing ourselves to live in a constant state of stress and uncertainty. This hurts our ability to give and share.

The money God has entrusted us with should be handled with perspective, purpose, and planning. Handling our money with perspective means we continue to refocus on Whose money it truly is. It is because of God’s love for us that we are able to have jobs to make a living, bodies that work to perform these jobs, and the talents needed to carry them out successfully. We almost all work with our hands in one way or another. I write books and I may handwrite or type. But did I create my hands? Did I make my mind creative? No, God did these things and as His steward it is my job to use them for His glory in the best way I can. Money is a gift from God that belongs to God and should be used for His glory.

Secondly, money should be used with purpose. Why did God give us money? The Bible gives us the answer. We are to provide for those of our own family, and to do good to all, especially those of the household of faith (Galatians 6:10). We are to use our money to help the church’s work be accomplished and to prosper. We are also to be generous and help those in need. Knowing the purpose behind our money helps us to direct our minds in the ways it should be spent and to avoid greed.

Planning is also a key part of being an effective steward of money. An old saying points out: “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” This is very true. Have you ever gotten a paycheck and before you blinked it seemed as if it was gone? You may have paid a few bills and then the rest seemed to evaporate into thin air. How does this happen? It is a result of not being organized stewards of our financial matters. Dave Ramsey (who gives wonderful financial advice) says that when you budget and use your money correctly, it feels like you got a raise! This is absolutely right. Try it for a month and see the difference. Those impulse buys fade into the background and the money stays in your pockets longer.

Often we face the modern idol of materialism. Instead of wooden carvings, we bow down to MasterCard, Mercedes, and Mac. We want the newest, coolest, fastest, most expensive everything! The problem is that as soon as you get that new amazing phone, before you have even had a chance to program in your contact list, a newer, more amazing, cooler, faster, more expensive phone will be out. If you buy a brand new Corvette in 2012, guess how you will feel in 2013. It won’t be the newest, coolest, fastest, best car anymore and you will still have an $80,000 loan. Something to consider! Materialism is an endless hole that we can chase forever that will leave us empty, broken, and unfulfilled.

There is nothing wrong with having money or nice things or enjoying riding in a nice car. Who doesn’t? The problem comes when we put these items in the place that God should be. We tell God, “I know you gave me this money and blessed me, and I know I should really help that struggling sister, but instead I’m going to join a country club.”

What does this attitude reflect? It shows a lack of understanding of Whose money it is and reflects selfishness. Now imagine instead that you had given the money to the struggling Christian sister. You had given it to her freely and all you asked was that she use it for good. You knew she was in need of groceries and had a light bill to pay. Now imagine the next day you saw her at the mall with a brand new $300 outfit? Or saw her driving a new sports car? How would you feel?

The natural inclination is to feel angry and used. You gave freely when you could have easily withheld and she completely abused your gift. The example makes us frustrated to consider, but don’t we do this so often to God? We say, “I’ll give more later God. What you have given me isn’t enough. I’m going to spoil myself and I’ll get to You later.” Where else could that money be going? Could we help support mission work that would save many souls?

When we say “yes” to a purchase, we are in effect saying “no” to something else. Dave Ramsey calls it “opportunity cost”. By doing or spending this, of what other opportunity can I now not be a part? What am I not able to do because of this? It is a question worth considering.

Proverbs 22:7 tells us that “ the borrower is servant to the lender”. Have you ever felt this way? “If I didn’t have this $600 car payment, I would support that work... If I didn’t have so many credit cards, I could have some financial stretch in my budget every month and breathe...If I didn’t buy so many things I don’t need, I could cut back on my hours and spend some much needed time with my family.” It is hard to get anywhere financially when someone else’s name is on your money before your check is even in your hand. Any of us who have had a car payment, student loan debt, or a large mortgage can tell you what it feels like.

I would like to suggest a few ideas about money that will improve your life dramatically if you follow them:

1) Get out of debt. Cut up every credit card, save for at least a $1,000 emergency, stop adding to the debt you already have, and vow to never go down that road again. The interest rates, card fees, late dues, and ability to spend money without really feeling the “pain of spending” should be deterrents enough! This won’t happen overnight (I am still working through this process myself), but it will be worth it! Imagine getting a check and having free reign of it and no debt or monthly payments! If all you had to pay for were the groceries, gas for the car, and other basics of life, how would it change your world completely? How could you help those around you?

2) Find a financial advisor with a proven tract record (think Dave Ramsey or Suzie Orman here, not your uncle Billy Joe) and follow their plans and recommendations. We all might need to make minor adjustments to fit our family’s needs in particular, but they have great principles!

3) Don’t look for “get rich quick” schemes. If it seems to be too good to be true, it almost always is. Keep it old fashioned. Budget down to your last penny, make smart investments (think diversified mutual funds), buy life insurance (term, never whole), and realize that change takes time. It would be wonderful if all my student loans disappeared, but it just isn’t going to happen. I chose to take them on and when I signed that paper, I chose to pay them off. Be honest! Stick to your word.

4) Watch your financial (or sometimes “virtual”/online) reputation. Are you representing Christlike behavior in the way you handle your money? It is a lie to sign for something and promise to pay it when you know you can’t afford it! Don’t do it. We never want to be known for our bad credit scores, overdrawn bank accounts, and maxed out credit cards. Most of the things Americans buy are luxuries. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it! Add in that interest and by the time you are done, you could buy two cars, boats, etc just by saving the cash back instead. Using your money in the right way (the exact same amount of money!) will make it seem as though it has doubled.

5) Don’t forget that small purchases add up! A $5 Starbucks coffee (one a day) for one year is $1,825! That is a lot of money! More than most spend on vacations in one year. If you drink one per day over ten years, that is $18, 250! You could buy a new car in ten years just by giving up your daily coffee!

We have talked much about money and that is a big part of stewardship, but certainly not all of it. What else has God made us stewards over?

Our Time

We need to balance our time correctly. All of our time shouldn’t be spent sleeping, watching TV, and resting (Revelation 14:13 tells us we will  have our time to rest in Heaven!), but we shouldn’t run ourselves into the ground either. Balance is the key. We should strive to be busy with God’s work, but also take care of ourselves in the process.

Our Bodies

It isn’t wrong to eat a cheeseburger, but I certainly wouldn’t advise eating three a day. We should avoid nicotine, tobacco, alcohol, and the like. Addictions of any kind are never good. Our bodies can be sensitive and easily affected by certain triggers. We need to be in tune with them and take care of them. We only get one body here on earth and we have to live our entire lives in it! Every person needs rest, relaxation, sleep, quiet time, exercise, and the like. Taking time to take care of yourself isn’t selfish; it is actually selfless. You will become the best you, and have more to offer in the current moments and those around you are sure to benefit from it!

Our Families

God’s design for family is beautiful. He made the man to serve as the provider and the head of the family while the woman is to keep the home and raise the children (though there is teamwork in this as well!) We must strive to spend enough time with our families, teach them God’s words, and help mold them into Christians, as they grow older. Our families are our responsibilities and we can’t expect anyone else to do the job that God has created us to fulfill!

Stewardship is a huge responsibility, gift, and privilege. May we treat it as such!

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Sit down with your spouse or an accountability partner and look at how you are treating your stewardship responsibility. Write down two key verses from Scripture that encourage you in this feat and commit to memorizing them this month to help you in your journey of being a good steward.

- Always put God at the top of your list! When the paycheck comes in, immediately set aside God’s portion and be joyful in this blessing of giving abundantly.

- Every month, budget your money by the weekly envelope system. Put only what you need for that specific week in envelops labeled giving, food, entertainment, mortgage/rent, etc and only spend that amount. It really helps you to focus on the amount you are spending and spending cash feels much different than swiping a card.

MIRROR TIME

1. Have you been a good steward of what God has blessed you with? If so, how? If not, how can you change this today?

2. How can handling what you have been given more correctly help you to give more generously to others?

3. List an example from your own life of how another Christian has blessed you with their generosity. Were they known for being a good steward?

4. What area of stewardship are you strongest in currently? In what area could you use some improvement?

5. Make a list of ten ways a person becomes a “servant to the lender” and how this negatively affects one’s quality of life and ability to give. Then, note next to each item a specific way to avoid each pitfall.

TEACHING OTHERS TO BLUSH

One of my favorite pastimes is going to the movies. I love the popcorn smells, the excitement of seeing something brand new, the whole experience. One of my all time favorite male actors is Ryan Gosling. Another one that I really, really like is George Clooney. So you can imagine my extreme excitement when I saw a preview for a movie coming out that had not one, but both of them as lead actors in it.

From the preview, it appeared to be some type of political film where George Clooney was running for president and Ryan Gosling was his campaign man-ager (from what I gathered). I thought it had a PG or PG13 rating and immediately began counting the days until it came out. I told my husband KJ, “we have to go see that...the day it comes out.” I definitely wasn’t kidding either. The day it came out I was all excited and ready to walk out the door to the theatre. Then (as is my habit) I said, “We better check screen it (.com) before we go.” So I logged onto my computer, put in the movie name, and the next thing I knew I found out that it was R rated and had sixty-seven “f” words in it. Sixty-seven! In an hour and a half movie! That is roughly 1.3 per minute!

Obviously I knew I wouldn’t want to go as a Christian and would have to wait to run it through a Clear-play when it came out on DVD (if it was even worth it then!). But I was really, really disappointed because I had been down every single day until the moment when I could go, only to find out that it was filled with trash and clearly not worth watching.

The moral of the story is that I really had to fight myself that day. It is easy to justify something like this (“Well I’m not the one saying the words...I didn’t write the movie script!...It’s just a movie...) I wanted to go to the theatre and see my two favorite actors together, but my ultimate focus is on something higher. It wasn’t pleasing to God. That day, I had to reteach myself to blush again. I had to say no to what I wanted to do and do what I knew was right. This can be hard. Even after we have become sensitive to sin and learned to blush, we have to continue to reteach ourselves to do this. Just because you have beaten a struggle once doesn’t mean that you won’t have to commit to beating it again. We have to continually learn to be sensitive to sin and guard ourselves from the viewpoints and immorality rampant in this world. Convictions must come before culture. Christ must come before culture!

We often live life with open eyes and an open heart. In many cases this can be good, though sometimes we need to close our eyes and guard our hearts. Not from love, but from sin. We need to let the good in and focus on it, but turn our eyes away from sinful things that defile our hearts. People are looking in or around for approval when they should be looking up. We have to seek God’s will through His word and not look to other people to determine what is sinful or not. This is a dangerous path to go down!

Now that we have examined why the church needs to blush and have learned how to blush ourselves, how can we help others with this same endeavor? The first step is to realize that this is a blessing and not a burden to be able to teach these principles!

Many look at these issues and feel a weight in teaching them. It is easier to teach on love, friendship, or comfort than on how we can examine and improve ourselves. It is a blessing to teach these spiritual matters and to help one another grow! I believe we can teach others how to blush by the following:

Our Example

Can others see the love of Christ in the way we present ourselves? Does our wardrobe cancel out our words? Does what we are saying on Sunday match with what we are doing on Saturday? At times getting up and walking away from a sinful situation can say more than words ever could. Sometimes a soft whisper is needed more than a storm.

Our Teaching

Are we teaching what is found in the Bible? Are we adding to or taking away from His commands or are we upholding them as did the 1st century church? Are we balanced in love and truth? Do we care about souls? Do we teach others because we love them or to be ‘right’? We can’t be so afraid of hurting a person’s feelings that we don’t tell them the truth, especially when it affects the condition of their soul. We must show love, gentleness, and discretion, but we must tell the truth of God’s Word!

Our Attitude

Do we treat reading God’s word and following it as the privilege that it is or as a thing to check off our to do list? Do we attend services because people are watching or because we love God? Are we thankful? Our attitude toward sin (and our sensitivity about it) tells other Christians and the world one of two things: it either says “I’m fine being like the world” or it says “I love God so much that I am willing to make the sacrifice and submit.” What does your attitude say to those who know you best?

There is value in blushing. It is a good thing to have a sense of shame and to know right versus wrong. In fact, it is necessary to being a Christian. When we hate sin as much as God does, we become more like Him. When we flinch when we hear His name in vain, He is pleased. We are honoring Him by being set apart and holy. He’s already won the war; let’s not get discouraged in the battles against sin. Let us encourage one another as we strive to be the sermon that Jesus preached. Let us blush.

PRACTICAL POINTERS

- Commit each of the areas covered in this book to prayer. Ask God to show you where you are strong, and where you can grow.

- Review the practical pointers and question sections from previous chapters. Have you implemented the changes you committed to completing in earlier chapters? If not, how can you do this today?

- Make it a priority to stay in God’s Word every single day. There is no greater standard by which to live our lives and no greater mirror for who we really are.

- Don’t be afraid to let others see you blush. Maybe they need to blush too. Be the example.

MIRROR TIME

1. Were you struggling to blush when you started this book? Have you now learned how to blush?

2. Is there anyone you can think of that you can be a blessing to and help to learn these principles?

3. List several things that as a Christian it is good to feel a sense of shame over. Add supporting Scriptures beside each item.

4. How do you plan to evaluate your life regularly and see if you are living (and blushing) as you should?