This short story is dedicated to the original author of our relationship, our Lord, Savior and Matchmaker, Jesus Christ.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Chapter 1 Preface

Chapter 2 Before She Met Him

Chapter 3 Initial Meeting

Chapter 4 Beginning Our Courtship

Chapter 5 In the Beginning…

Chapter 6 The Fancy Dinner Date

Chapter 7 The Long Distance Relationship

Chapter 8 The Decision

Chapter 9 Proposal Planning

Chapter 10 Last Moments as Girlfriend and Boyfriend

Chapter 11 Proposal Day

Chapter 12 The Courtship Continues

Chapter 1 Preface

“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’”  Jeremiah 29:11-13 NIV

From the very first book, the Bible says that it is not good for man to be alone.  Throughout the Bible, God provides a woman to a man that has found favor with Him, e.g., Adam had Eve, Abraham had Sarah, Jacob had Rachel, and Boaz had Ruth.  God also refers to the church as His bride.  There must be some importance in life on Earth regarding all this personal relationship business.  Relationships never come easy, but most people want one.  I believe that God gave my girlfriend to me.  She is now my fiancé.  On Tuesday, November 26, 2013, I asked her to be my bride.  She said, “yes.”

In reviewing our history together, I think the story of how our relationship was formed and blossomed is an interesting one.  There was no “love at first sight” or passionate, dramatic looks that have been sensationalized by Hollywood.  This story is about how God, through many different people, brought two people together for a real romance.  Just as God brought the previously mentioned Biblical romances together, God grew our relationship starting from the time that each of us were born.

Our story was highly unlikely to happen, due to the huge geographic separation and cultural barriers that were in place.  Even upon our meeting, we did not give each other a second glance or thought.  However God, being full of grace and mercy, decided to bless us beyond our wildest dreams by forcing us to take that second look.

These words started as a simple letter of my perspective of how I proposed to her.  She told me to do this so that both of us could remember what had happened.  I decided to expand upon the letter and include a rough history of our courtship.  After my draft was complete, I asked her to do the same.  As we both wrote, the memories and emotions turned a simple letter into a short story.  Patterns emerged and the fingerprints of God became clear.  Very personal memories were written of the events and people that brought us together.  There were many challenges that we had to overcome so our relationship could blossom and grow.  Our hope is that these words will bring hope to the single person who desires to be in a relationship and encouragement to those in a long distance relationship.

Our other hope is that this story could possibly generate some money to fund at least part of our pending marriage.  Weddings do cost a lot of money.  We have heard many stories of hard-working people taking out a loan to pay for their wedding.  We are not planning a “dream” wedding, just a simple one.  We know that even simple weddings cost money.  The both of us want to avoid that loan.  In addition, both sets of our parents have no extra money to help with our wedding.  To prepare for this, we decided to turn our letters to each other into something more.  Many months of hard work were poured into the words that you are reading.  Neither of us are writers, but we do want to share our story with the world.

The both of us wrote the initial words, but in the end, I, Noah, edited and put everything together.  Due to the highly religious nature of this endeavor, all names will not be included with this story.  This is so that she and the others in this story can remain anonymous and protected.  If there is any persecution that comes toward our project, only I will bear this burden.

The both of us truly hope that you do enjoy and are encouraged by the story of our relationship.

Chapter 2 Before She Met Him

Life Before We Met

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.’”  Genesis 2:18 NIV

His Story

I have always had a plan for my life.  The plan that was given to me was that if I were to work hard and have at least an average intelligence, I would “succeed” in life.  I always plan and strategize my moves in life.

While growing up in Hawaii, I always knew that I wanted to experience the world.  I studied and worked hard throughout school and received good grades from my teachers.  Upon graduating from high school, I was able to attend Purdue University.  Although I did have some struggles there, I was able to graduate with a degree in computer engineering.  After graduating, I decided to return to Hawaii and begin my career.  I was blessed in being able to secure a job, which provided me with valuable work experience, and the necessary communication skills needed in today’s business environment.  I continue to use what I have learned to help me in my future endeavors.  The one thing that had always eluded me though, was a fulfilling relationship with a good woman.

Before meeting my fiancé, I had been single for a long time – or what felt like a long time.  I had been single from my last romantic relationship for approximately seven years.  One of the big things that happened was that I had become a true Christian.  As a baby Christian, I learned that the desires of a Christian and the desires of an unsaved person are very different, especially regarding relationships.  A Christian man desires a virtuous woman.  In contrast, a worldly man desires, more often than not, beauty.  The Bible says that a virtuous woman is worth far more than rubies.  How much is a beautiful woman worth, and for how long?

Of course, God was also working and changing what my desires were, just as He still is.  I think that this process takes a while when you become a Christian later in life.  All of your desires change, from the focus of your life to how you spend your money.  The one strong desire that does not change, though, is the desire to be with a woman.  The type of woman that I desired did change considerably.

So, why did I not date Christian women in those formative Christian years, right?  Well, I know that this sounds like a cliché, but I was waiting for God to provide someone for me to marry.  I know that some people will say that it is good to date as many people as possible to figure out the type of person you want in life.  Serial dating–Christian or non-Christian–just does not seem natural to me.  I mean, I do not think that we need to date many people to figure out the kind of person that we want to be with or marry.  Everyone wants to date someone nice, happy, selfless, trustworthy and beautiful, not necessarily in that order.  I do not know anyone that would say I hope I get to meet a grouchy, ugly person today.  We do not need to date several people to know what we want.

I guess I am one of the lucky ones because I knew the kind of woman I wanted.  From the moment I knew I would marry, to the end of my seven years of being single, I always used to think about a possible future wife for me.  I kept a running prioritized list of the type of woman I wanted in my head.  I did not start writing this down until I was in college.

The list has evolved over time, as I have changed over the years.  One of the fundamental things that caused the list to change to what it is today was when I gave my life to the Lord.  I believe that God did not allow the woman to enter my life until the list was complete.  Below is my list of the type of woman I want to marry.

1. The woman of my dreams must love God with all of her heart, before meeting me.  I would expect this woman to also choose God before she chooses me.  This will ensure the best type of relationship.

2. The woman of my dreams would be family oriented. She would choose to serve her family before herself.

3. The woman of my dreams would work to move the relationship toward a marriage. I do not want to waste any of the precious time I have on Earth on relationships that do not reach that conclusion.

4. The woman of my dreams will agree to not have sex with me outside of marriage. The woman does not necessarily have to be a virgin.

5. The woman of my dreams does not put much value in material things, such as expensive name brand bags or jewelry. I was not born rich, so I have had to work hard for everything I have. I do not want to needlessly spend money on things that will not help the family or further the kingdom of God.

6. The woman of my dreams would allow me to lead the relationship and family. This is Biblical.

7. The woman of my dreams will be modest in her selection of clothes. Her body should only be for her husband to enjoy.

8. The woman of my dreams would be shorter than me. This needs no further explanation.

9. The woman of my dreams will not have tattoos or piercings. This is just a personal preference.

10. The woman of my dreams does not cake on makeup. She will look gorgeous with very little or no makeup at all.

11. The woman of my dreams is punctual. Further, this means that she is considerate of others.

12. The woman of my dreams does not paint her fingernails or toenails. I prefer the natural look.

13. The woman of my dreams would laugh at my corny jokes just because.

In the months leading up to our initial meeting, I had not been seeking a relationship.  I had been successfully living in paradise on my own for almost ten years.  The deal on the condominium that I had been looking at was going through escrow, and I was ready to move in.  I also had a great job that paid me very well.  Finally, there were many good people involved in my life at the church that I was attending.  I was content with life, and I knew that I could be comfortable with being single a while more.  I purposely kept my life simple and free of drama.  Back at that time, I think I had actually mentioned to some people that I preferred being single to being yoked with someone.  I had my routines set by heart, and I was happy.

Her Story

How I Ended Up In Hawaii

I am originally from Los Angeles, California.  I was born and raised there.  I always wanted to go somewhere else to live, away from my family to be my own person and find my own way in life.  The chance came about while in college.  Just before my sophomore year, I had an opportunity to join an academic exchange program to either Hawaii or New York.  Now, the choice to leave came very easily because I always like to list out the pros and cons.  Here is my list:

1. I have always wanted to leave California on my own.

2. I have always dreamed of leaving my immediate family and my parents because I was not happy at home.

3. I had a desire to explore the world, meet new people and make friends who do not know my history.

4. I got a really low GPA during my freshman year of college and it would be difficult to bring it back up.  Going to a different school would allow me to have a fresh start.

5. I could escape the negative feelings and drama from some high school acquaintances.

6. My godmother and her family were living in Hawaii, so maybe that was the place to go.

The choice came easy.  I could leave my family, but still have someone to fall back on if things went sour.  I was going to Hawaii!

I left on the exchange program during my sophomore year, August 2003 to July 2004 to the University of Hawaii at Manoa.  I began to create my new life and do just about everything I wanted.  I was working out and eating well.  I found a new church that I was able to be a part of and met new people who are still actively involved in my life.  I think my life was good at the time because God had really provided a lot for me.

I also made new friends at the school, outside of church, that I spent most of my days with.  One friend in particular, I spent the most time with, my closest friend.  Although this friend is a boy, we have always had a brother-sister relationship.  He was like my little brother.

After my sophomore year ended, a female friend and I had to face a question, “Should we transfer to this school so that we can all continue this friendship and life in Hawaii?”  My closest friend already decided to stay at the school.  My female friend and I started to fill out the paperwork with the hopes of officially transferring.  A few months later, the University of Hawaii sent word that we were officially transferred.  The three of us could now stay in Hawaii together for an indefinite amount of time.

For the next two and a half years, I continued my perfect life by going to class, working part time, and hanging out with friends experiencing different adventures.  After I graduated, I decided to continue to live in Hawaii and work.  Life was good in many ways.  I was happy being in Hawaii on my own.

During my last job in Hawaii, I worked at a school as a paraprofessional helping children with special needs.  The teacher inspired me, and I knew that I had to remain in this field.  After talking to the teacher about this, I decided to continue my education to teach children with disabilities.  I decided to get my credential and master’s degree in early childhood special education.  This meant that I had to leave Hawaii because this type of education was not available.  In 2010, California State University Los Angeles accepted me into their college.

I still traveled to Hawaii for vacation at least once a year to keep up with the many relationships and relax.  The Pastor of the church that I attended even left a room open for me during my visits.  Life was still good.

My Desires for a Man

While I was living in Hawaii, I started to date a few guys.  The few guys that I did date did not work out.  There were many other guys that pursued me, but I never let it go past a friendship.  Eventually these guys faded away because they were not trying hard enough, were not good enough, or time just faded the friendship.  I have very high standards for the man I want to marry.  I knew that I did not want to date just to find the right person.  I wanted to date for a marriage.  If any of the guys just wanted to date to have fun, I would not have it.  The end-result of any romantic interest needed to be a marriage.

My future husband ideal (no particular after number 3.):

1. 1.He has to be an active Christian man.

2. 2.He needs to be Chinese or part Chinese.

3. 3.He should speak Chinese (Cantonese or Mandarin).  Both would be nice because I want to learn Mandarin.  My family and I speak Cantonese, so it would be nice for him to be able to communicate with my parents.

4. 4.He should be taller than me, at least 5’10.

5. 5.He should be a little athletic.

6. 6.He should be at least four years older than me (I was ok with 5 years older, but no younger men).

7. 7.He should drive a truck (I’ve always wanted a truck, but never got one).

8. 8.He should be handy around the house (I like to fix things, but also I like to learn from someone).

9. 9.He should be able to change a car tire (I used to be into cars and didn’t want the guy to be a wuss).

10. 10.He should know how to cook, clean and take care of himself (I want him to be similar to my father taking care of a family).

11. 11.He should have friends of his own (I know I’m a busy person, so he needs to be able to spend time with other people and have a Christian accountability person or group).

12. 12.He should be a non-smoker.

13. 13.He must want to have children.

14. 14.He should be smart and maybe a nerd.

15. 15.He should be a virgin.

16. 16.He should know how to dress nicely because I am not into fashion.

The list is just a few of the things that I asked God to provide.  God really provided a loving man because Noah tolerates all my fits and moods.  He does not mind me not dressing up, not having make up on, and not fixing up my hair nicely.  I am not materialistic, and I am not that “girly”.

My mother always told me a man worth marrying is one that:

1. 1.Loves God.

2. 2.Loves People.

3. 3.Loves Me.

I agree with her because a man of God has a strong head on his shoulders.  He knows what his purpose in life is and is walking according to the Lord’s will, not his own.  It is important for him to love others because God called us to love other people.  If he is generous with other people then it should be easier to love me, one to call his own.  His love for me is necessary because if God put me in his life and he does not love me, I do not want to be rejected and neglected.

Chapter 3 Initial Meeting

July 6, 2011

“He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”  Proverbs 18:22 NIV

She Came to My Bible Study

Following God requires much diligence.  I have learned that one of the fundamental ways to follow God is to be meditating upon His word, the Bible, constantly.  I used to study the Bible in the fellowship of one of my friends from the church that I attend.  He is my best friend in Hawaii.  This friend and I would meet up on random nights to study the Bible at Kahala Mall, a local mall in Honolulu.  While we would study the Bible, we would see other people at the mall studying their Bibles as well.  The mall is a great place to study because of the abundance of tables, chairs, food and air conditioning.  A person could lounge at this mall all day; it is that comfortable.

One day while the friend and I were studying the Bible and hanging out, he mentioned that on another night, he had been invited to a Bible study that just so happened to occur while he was there for something else.  He decided to attend at the time since he had no other pressing meetings.  He told me that he had a good time with the other Christians.  He also suggested that I make the time to attend the following week.

The following week rolls around and I decide to join my friend at the new Bible study.  The first person I meet is the Pastor that leads the study.  The Pastor seemed to have a passion and excitement about learning and teaching the things of God that seems to fizzle out in most people as time passes.

The pastor organized the Bible study that consisted mostly of single men and a few women.  The meeting for the study was scheduled for each Wednesday night and it was supposed to start at 8:00 PM.  Again, the meeting place was at Kahala Mall.  Most people would show up later due to getting dinner and settling into their claimed chair.  Around 8 to 10 people would attend each of the Bible study sessions.  On some nights, the Pastor’s wife and his three children would also make an appearance.  His family would stop by just to greet everyone, and then they would leave.  I suspect the children could not stay up so late.  The session would consist of about an hour for the actual study, and then have an indefinite fellowship period.  The Pastor clearly put so much effort into making each of the lessons meaningful and relevant to everyone.  I enjoyed those nights immensely.

On one of our random Bible study nights, the Pastor asked about my age and my relationship status.  I answered that I was about to turn thirty-one and that I was very single.  He mentioned that he might have someone in mind for me.  That was the last I heard of this for a while.  My mind raced with possibilities, but only for that night.

A few weeks pass by and I still attended the Bible study on a consistent basis.  I was still having fun living a routine filled, comfortable life.

Then, when I least expected it, she appeared in my life.

On July 6, 2011, I was patiently waiting at the mall for the Bible study to start, minding my own business.  The time was probably around 7:30 PM.  I remember a female walking up to the table that I had chosen as my Bible study spot, with a child in her arms that slept so soundly that the child could have been a sack of rice.  The woman was very quiet and somewhat distant; she made no eye contact with me.  I kept wondering who this woman was and why she was sitting at my table.  I finally decided that the girl was mostly harmless, and she was probably going to attend the Bible study.

I introduced myself to her, and she told me her name.  I learned that she shared the same last name as the Pastor and his family, but they were not related.  I continued to engage her with surface level questions with the hopes of making her feel more comfortable and not act so distant.  She told me that she was staying with the Pastor’s family.  I know I may have said something witty or even tried to tell a joke, but she did not have any reaction.

To describe the condition of this situation a little more in depth, this young woman decided to wear a SPAM t-shirt with no make-up on her face.  Her hair was neatly tied back, but no care was put into dressing it or styling it a little.  Shorts covered her legs with slippers, or flip-flops, on her feet.  The choice of clothes and the way she acted made me think she was very young, too young for me.  In all honesty, I did not think much of her on first glance.

During the course of our brief encounter, she mentioned that she volunteered her time while she was in Hawaii, which caught my attention.  She volunteered to clean an old person’s home and helped children with disabilities at a school.  I thought could this be the Asian version of Mother Theresa?  This is not a normal thing for a young person to do, especially when they are on vacation.  I simply admired this trait about her.  This admiration is something that stayed with me for a very long while.

Unfortunately, the woman did not stay for the entire Bible study.  When she left, I just assumed that she was some type of baby sitter or nanny and the little child that had clung to her had to be put down to bed.  Really, I did want to know more about her.  I mean, what kind of person gives of themselves during a time that should be used to be selfish?  As she said her goodbyes to everyone, the rest of the group continued with the Bible study.

A few days had passed and I happened to be talking to the Pastor.  He asked me what I thought about that intriguing young woman.  I told him that I did not think anything of her, except that I found it odd that she volunteered so much.  He proceeded to tell me that she was single and approximately four years younger than I.  Then I finally got it; that was the girl that he had been referring to when he said that he knew someone.

I had a head slap moment!

When the Pastor announced this, I was a little disappointed.  I was expecting someone grander; at least someone that did not wear a SPAM t-shirt in their late twenties.  I tried to convince myself that I was not interested in her due to her appearance, but the selfless thing stuck in my brain.  I started to dwell on the possibilities of being with her based solely on this trait about her.  She was cute too, but she just did not put any effort into bringing it out.  Why was that?  A woman that gives so much time to others and does not spend it on herself is so rare in this world.

I needed to learn more about her.  Besides, the woman being a do-gooder type, the Pastor obviously put a lot of time into arranging our meeting.  I did not want to let this go just yet.  The next weekend, I decided to visit the Pastor’s church.  As an excuse, I told the Pastor that I wanted to know more about the teachings of his church, but the unknown reason was that I wanted to get to see that girl again.  I am sure he knew the reason.  There was some truth with my desire to visit his church though.  He carried a thick Bible and spoke the words of truth.  I did want to know more about his thoughts on God and the Bible.

I met Him at a Bible Study

During the summer of July 2011, I decided that I was going to live in Honolulu, Hawaii for about a month.  I worked hard studying for the past few quarters, and I felt burnt out and needed a break from school.  I figured that I could spend time with friends and family.  I lived with some church friends that I met a while back, the Pastor and his family whom I have known for about eight years at the time.  I love them and their kids.  I feel like I am part of their family.  They have met all the guys that I have dated and know most of my history.

One night I was talking to the Pastor and his wife about my past relationships and how things were going in my personal life.  The Pastor then mentions that he knows a guy who is about my age; young, very single, and might be a good match.  The Pastor’s wife also had a different guy in mind for me, but this guy was much older.  Both of them insisted that their candidate would be a better match for me.  The two of them discussed the two guys at length, presenting each one to me.  I told them I was not interested in either eligible bachelor.  I was a little intrigued though.

The Pastor led a Bible study on Wednesday nights at Kahala Mall that started around 9:00 PM.  He invited me to go with him, but I did not want to go.  I really got scared that a chance to meet someone would be real.  The Pastor’s wife very generously offered to take me, with a big smile on her face.  I kept declining.  When the evening came, the Pastor’s wife, the kids, and I had dinner at home.  Then she asked if I wanted to go down to meet the Pastor’s match.  I was still running on Pacific Standard Time and jet lag was still affecting me, so I somewhat did not want to go.  I rather wished that the Pastor did not say anything.  This summer was supposed to be about me relaxing.  Now there was a potential mate that I had to entertain.  Although I make this seem like this was terrible, I was very curious about the guy they were describing to me.  The Pastor’s wife had not met him either, so she wanted to be in on this match making.

I really debated what to wear, but also knew that my wardrobe was limited.  Before I came to Hawaii, I had calculated the amount of clothes to bring.  I did not want to get all dressed up to see a guy because I am not one of those girls that gets all pretty to meet a guy I don’t even know for the first time.  I also did not want to show interest in him.  I just wanted him to take the initiative and be interested in me, not just my looks.  I had decided to put on my hard-to-get mode where I act as if I do not care.  I was not going to do anything special and just answer the questions with facts.  I decided I was going to wear my SPAM t-shirt and shorts I was planning to sleep in.  Also going into this, I did not know how much Noah knows about this meet-up.  I did not know how much the Pastor said to him.  I felt like I had the upper hand in this meeting because the Pastor told me so much; at least it felt like a lot.

The Pastor’s wife, the three kids, and I went to Kahala Mall to meet up with Noah.  The youngest one fell asleep, I am somewhat glad that she did.  The Pastor’s wife carried her sleeping one in to the mall while the other two and I walked.  We entered the mall through Jamba Juice.  When I saw a guy in a white shirt with a red collar sitting near the Pastor; I knew it was him.

I looked at him, but did not make eye contact.  I got really nervous.  I knew that he did not see me yet so I stayed out of his line of sight.  I entered the common area with the kids and the wife.  I greeted the people I knew and sat down at the end of the table, opposite from Noah; the furthest possible point.  The Pastor’s wife decided to go back to Jamba Juice to buy some drinks for the family.  I offered to keep the youngest in my lap, so that she could sleep.  This would be my buffer and protection from Noah.  I wanted an excuse to entertain the kids instead of being a part of adult conversation.

Noah was nice.  He looked okay.  I tried not to take too much interest in him and I was not attracted to him.  I lied to myself.  In my mind, I really did not want anything to happen because I knew this would be a long distance relationship, and I did not want to start one.

Why did I feel so pressured about this situation?

On the other hand, I wanted someone to love me and be with me.  It would be cool to date someone from Hawaii and eventually move back.  I have always wanted to leave California for good.  This might have been the answer I was looking for.

Noah asked general questions of who I was, how long I was going to be in town, what I have been doing, and gathering information on me.  I was a bit nervous and tired.  I told him my background about living in Hawaii, then moving back to California for graduate school, and coming back every year to visit.  I also told him that I was volunteering on my vacation while visiting friends.  It took a lot of energy to interact with him.  The Pastor’s wife asked if I wanted to stay, but I declined.  I was glad to leave when they started their Bible Study.  I was so tired and just wanted the anxiety to leave me.

Seeing Her at Church

When I arrived at the church, I noticed that she was playing and supervising some of the children that attended.  Throughout the service, she stayed with the kids to help teach.

After the church service, she mingled with everyone, including the group I was in for a period.

I will always remember one of the discussions that we had.  The circumstances of this conference consisted of three men, including myself, and her.  Three of us would present a pick-up line with the hopes of having some kind of positive effect on her.  I do not remember what the other two said, but I think mine was the best.  When my turn came, I confidently looked directly into her eyes and said, "Pardon me miss, but would you happen to know how much a polar bear weighs?"

"No, I don't." she replied.

"Enough to break the ice!  My name is Noah."  I then offered to shake her hand.

She gave me absolutely no reaction, but she should have.  I just had to laugh because it sounded so ridiculous.

Just as a side thought - thinking back to that moment, the pick-up line must have worked because I am the one with the girl.  Anyway, back to the story.

For the next two or three weeks after that encounter, I did not think much about her.  I just got too involved in my own personal life with work and moving from a rented condominium to an owned condominium.

The Pastor had encouraged me to see her again, before she went back home to California.  I did not make time.  I used my being-busy-story as the excuse.  Moreover, I was still stuck in the fantasy that I wanted to be with a super model and not someone that was selfless.  I was a bonehead for not making a move at the time.  The realization that time has been wasted always sucks.

She went back home to California and I was mostly unaffected, at least for now.

He came to my Church

During my trip, I saw Noah around three other times.  I did go down to visit the Wednesday Bible Study one other time, but did not stay.  I remember having ice cream that evening.

Noah and Noah’s best friend came to church one Sunday.  I remember hitting or touching Noah roughly on the arm and jokingly saying, “Welcome to church.”  He only laughed.  I really did not know what was going through his mind.  I did not want him to be there, but I was also glad he showed up to church.

This was also the Sunday that another one of the Pastors, invited me to sit with him and three other guys.  Noah was one of the guys.  During that time, I was walking around and not wanting to join them, but eventually did.  I remember declining or stopping by and not staying long.  The other Pastor asked me to listen to some pick-up lines from the guys.  I thought to myself, that I am going to try to counter their pick-up lines.  I remember Noah using some lame pickup line and I had no reaction to it, it just was not funny.

I Tried to make time for Him

The last Wednesday that I was in town, I decided that I was going to stay for Bible study; however, Noah’s dad came into town to help Noah move to a condominium that he just purchased.  The following Sunday, he did not show up to church, and I was a bit disappointed.  The other Pastor did invite me to help Noah move that afternoon, but I declined.  I was fearful of being around Noah knowing that some people were trying to push us together.  I was grateful they were trying, but I was fearful in moving towards the plan.  I did not want any outside persuasion because then Noah’s feelings for me might not be real.  I did not want us to date because out of obligation to the work of others in setting us up.

When I left to go back to California, nothing happened.  I thought to myself that this was good.  I did not get to know him and I would not be dating him.  Now I get to focus on my studies and ace all of my classes.  I was also busy with working part time.  I also started helping and serving at a new church plant.  So there was a lot on my plate and I needed no extra distractions and no emotional difficulties in my life.  No man in my life to worry about checking in, asking permission, and I can do whatever I wanted without getting in trouble with someone.  This was good.

How the heck is this a Love Story?!?

Hey, hold on!  What happened to all the being together and relationship stuff?  I know what you are thinking, this sounds just like two complete strangers that showed little to no interest in each other and didn’t even take the time to part ways.  When we parted ways, we both did not expect to end up with each other.  There was no initial spark, no looks of desire or passion.  She wanted someone taller and he wanted someone that did not wear a SPAM t-shirt.

Not to add another cliché into this story, but the Lord works in mysterious ways, indeed.  The rest of our story will show just how He was able to change our hearts and bring us back together.  As we write this, the both of us could not see how God worked in our lives until everything was down on paper – or a computer screen – in our words.

Chapter 4 Beginning Our Courtship

September 2011 to November 2011

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”  Proverbs 15:22 NIV

Encouragement from the Church to Him

For the next month, I was persistently encouraged to email her.  Initially, I was against this.  I saw two problems in starting an email correspondence, which will be described below.

The first problem was that I felt that there was no spark between us.  She was quiet and did not dress her age, and she did not seem appealing to my eyes.  I was looking for, what men refer to as, “the wow factor,” but still adhere to my list.

The second problem was that I was living in Hawaii and she was in California.  I have heard how difficult long distance relationships are, and I did not want to start one.  If I was going to have a romantic relationship, I wanted to have one within a drivable geographic location.

The Pastor, his wife, and some other friends from church would continue to encourage me to get in contact with her.  They would describe her as a very, very good woman.  They would say that she is loyal, strong, funny, smart, honest, etc.  They even told me that she cleans up really nice if I were to get her in a dress and have her spruce herself up a bit.  After hearing this repeatedly, the woman that they were encouraging me to consider as mine sounded better and better.  The qualities and traits that they said she had would match with the person that she presented herself to be.  Moreover, these qualities and traits seemed to be in line with what I wanted.  I really did want those qualities in my girlfriend or even my wife.

They also let me know that other men in the church probably liked her too.  None of these men were confirmed to have liked her, but I liked the idea that she was desirable.  They told me that she rejected them either based on the level of their faith or they were still acting like children; they were either too shy to ask her out or had no ambition to get a good job.

I started to think that I wanted to marry her just from hearing what others thought of her, and how highly valued her reputation was.  Could I have found my diamond in the rough?  I could imagine myself with a woman like her, even with the imperfect initial meeting.

Advice from His Friends

I talked to my best friend from college regarding what to do about this possible relationship.  With only knowing my description of her to him, he encouraged me to pursue the relationship, even though this would be a long distance relationship.  This guy is a medical doctor, among other things, and he reminded me about the biological and physiological benefits of being with someone.  These were not just feelings, but sound science telling me that I should pair up with this girl.  He also reminded me that he trusts my judgment of the character of most people.  This might be why he encouraged me to pursue something that he knew would take a lot of work.  His advice was good.

I also discussed my thoughts briefly with my best friend in Hawaii.  He had an intimate knowledge of the entire situation and how I felt.  He also knew all the characters that were involved that brought us together and the circumstances of everything.  His only word of advice was for me to do what the Lord has guided me to do.  This did not really help me out too much because I am not one of those people who are always able to recognize the voice of the Lord.  Sometimes the Lord’s will is not that clear, even with a Christian heart.  I needed more advice and guidance on what to do.

Advice from His Boss

I was thinking about her more and more, but I still did not know what to do.  I needed some fresh perspective on this topic.  One of the most logical people I know is my boss.  Not only is he logical, but also he contains no trivial amount of common sense; he is bursting with it.  He has an uncanny ability to break a situation down to its simplest terms so that anyone can understand it.

One day, over a beer, he asks me how my personal life was going.  I described everything to him - what happened and where I was with making a decision.  He knew that I had been single for a while.  He also knew what was important in his life and had a good idea of what I valued too.

I told him that she looked very plain and does not dress well, but she was cute.  I also told him that she volunteered during her vacation.  He reminded me that looks are not everything.  He said that what is important to him is trust.  He posed the scenario that if his wife goes out shopping, he can trust her to bring home groceries and not some expensive accessory to her wardrobe.  I was surprised that some women would consider purchasing worthless things instead of feeding their families.  He also reminded me that if I do not pursue anything, nothing would happen.  It did not take long after that talk until I decided to make something happen.  After that long conversation, I knew what I had to do.

My First Email to Her

After much discussion, thought, consideration, and prayer, I decided to send an email to the woman on my brain.  The email was dated September 7, 2011.  I spent an hour writing the email to her.  I tried to come up with different questions and topics to discuss through email with her.  I purposely asked questions to make it easier for her to write back to me.  When I wrote the email I wondered how those eHarmony or match.com people did it.  It is so difficult and strange to write to a complete stranger when there is an expectation of a relationship in the background.

The next day, she responded!  I was so excited to see an email from her in my inbox.  From previous dealings with other women, I know that most would not respond so soon.  The next thing I noticed was that she addressed each of the topics and questions that I had asked her.  This is truly a rare trait in a person.  Most people do not read things so thoroughly, much less respond coherently.  A woman after my own heart, indeed.

From the first time that I emailed her, we consistently corresponded through email every day and night.  I would spend hours constructing the perfect email.  We would ask each other endless questions about life and what we thought and felt about different topics.  In those months, we learned so much about each other.  This was where I started to really like her, through random thoughts and writings.  I was so excited to write those emails and I was just as excited to hear back from her.

Reviewing this time in our relationship, I think emailing with no physical time together is a great way to get to know who someone is.  If the correspondence is written honestly and sincerely, a person could quickly learn a lot about the other person.  This method may be even faster than traditional dating.  This could also prevent many hurt feelings and strong emotions if the relationship does not work out.  The key that added trust to this was that we had met each other, physically, first.  I think that this added to our trust in each other.

My First Email to Him

During the time between July 2011 and September 2011, I was not really looking for anyone nor was I actively waiting.  I wanted to focus on my studies in becoming a teacher.  However, my cousin and a friend were also single and the three of us individually talked about signing up for match.com or eHarmony.  With my cousin, I signed up for eHarmony.  With my friend, I signed up for match.com.  I cannot remember the timeline of signing up, but I do remember going out on dates with two, Chinese Christian guys.  One guy was a teacher and I feel bad for ruining the date by answering my phone when we were together.  I had two dates with the other guy.  Neither of the relationships worked out.  About the same time, Noah popped up into my radar.

At least a month went by with no contact from Noah.  One of my friends was talking to me and telling me he is encouraging Noah to get to know me.  I did not push it nor did I tell him to stop.  I was fine with Noah not making a move.  September came around and I was not doing anything but waiting for my classes to start again.

Then on September 7, 2011, unexpectedly, I get an email from Noah Taber.  I had to double-check the sender because I almost deleted his email without even opening it up.  I was excited and read through his first email.  I kept reading it repeatedly to make sure this was a real email.  I even texted the Pastor’s wife telling her I just got an email from Noah.  I responded right away by emailing him back a relatively long email, but I did not press the send button until I looked it over, rewrote some of it and checked it again.  The entire response probably took me a few hours.  Good thing I had a lot of time on my hands.  I focused on fixing all my grammar, and making every word clear and direct.

My thought was that studying is stressful enough, and I wanted to be focused with no distractions.  However, here is Noah emailing me.  We started emailing back and forth every single day with really, long emails.  By the second or third email, Noah somewhat made it a competition to see who would write the longest email.  I thought that was funny because he was playing with me.  No one usually initiates play with me, especially not through email in pursuing a relationship.  I would wait for his email and get anxious when one did not come before I went to bed.  I was pretty open and truthful about my responses.  I was also blunt in some of my responses and in questioning him.  There were a few times we were emailing back at the same moment in time.  It was exciting to get replies quickly.  We literally emailed each other over two months without any formal face time or voice besides the few times, we met in July.

Courting Her

From the very beginning of our email relationship, I was very clear in that I pursued the relationship to see if it could end in marriage.  I told her that we were courting and not dating.  Lessons from other good Christian men have always taught me to be very clear with women.  Women like to know the definition of the relationship and not be guessing.

Now, I know some of you do not understand the difference between dating and courting.  A wise man once defined it like this; dating is selfish and courting is selfless.

Courting is a romantic relationship that has been defined even before the romance has started.  With courting, the end result needs to be a marriage.  There are extreme circumstances where a courtship would not end in a marriage, but this is far from what should be considered normal.  A courtship is also kept pure by being free of sexual immorality.

In contrast, dating is a relationship of a man and a woman being together merely for personal pleasure.  Someone could say, “I’m with this person because they make me happy.”  There could be no progression to a stronger relationship.  A man and woman could stay at the dating stage for a lifetime.  There could be no lifelong commitment to each other; no legal or spiritual bond.  Some people choose this kind of life, and that is fine.  This is not for me.

Just dating was not an option for either of us.  With our relationship defined as a courtship, we both had an understanding of what the other wanted.  I was direct and clear in my intentions.  If it were revealed to us that there were too many incompatibilities, either she or I would end the pursuit.  We could then decide if we wanted to remain as friends, or not.  In my thinking, life is too short to waste on relationships that do not go anywhere.

We emailed each other every day for a couple of months.  I felt that I had a good picture of the person she presented herself to be.  The next progression would be to meet again in person, but when would this be?

Chapter 5 In the Beginning…

November 23, 2011 to November 29, 2011

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.  Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.  But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 NIV

Preparing to See Him

I had my yearly trip planned for Thanksgiving in November.  The week before, Noah tried to convince me that he was going to pick me up.  I told him that the other Pastor would pick me up.  It took a lot of convincing to let Noah pick me up because I felt bad for not spending the time with the other Pastor.  I really did not want Noah to pick me up because I did not want to be alone with him in the car.  This would be the first time I would not have a buffer to protect me or let me escape.

My First Call with Him

A few weeks before my visit to Hawaii, we still had not talked on the phone.  He was trying to get me to give my phone number to him.  I was scared to give him my number because I was still unsure of him and his intentions and where we would end up.  I did not want to get hurt again.  I actually gave my number to him a few times jokingly, but he did not get the hint.  Finally, when he said he gave up and actually thought about ending the pursuit, I gave it to him to call me.  I felt really bad for playing with him because he told me he felt defeated and said that he would give up.

During our first phone conversation, I was downstairs, kicked out of my room, in the cold night hiding my secret, potential relationship.  I gave Noah my number and he called.  I was nervous about it because I was tired and did not think I was thinking clearly.  He called me and I answered the phone.  I was excited to hear his voice.  His voice sounded very nice.  His phone voice and his actual voice sound different.  We actually talked for a very long time.  It was already past midnight when he called.  I felt bad for making him stay up so late.  At the time, I was going to sleep between 2:00 AM to 4:00 AM and waking up between 9:00 AM and 11:00 AM.  I think after this initial phone call, he did call me again a few times before I flew to Hawaii.

Preparing to See Her

During one of our email sessions, her words indicated that she would be visiting Hawaii for Thanksgiving of 2011.  This was not anything out of the ordinary, mind you.  She would normally visit Hawaii during Thanksgiving and stayed with the Pastor and his family again.

I became very excited at her announcement, but I think she was just nervous.  I did not understand why she was nervous because we had already met.  We had been corresponding for a couple of months, and I had confessed that I liked her.  I was optimistic to have the relationship progress.  I wanted to spend time with her; all of her time because I knew it was limited.  I had also considered the dangers of being physically present in front of someone that I want to make the object of my affection.  This relationship was becoming very real to the both of us.  We knew we had to set some ground rules before every meeting, just to be safe.  During our emails, she and I agreed that if we were going to have a relationship, we would not have sex until marriage.

Her trip meant more than just spending time with each other.  This would also determine if we would pursue or end the relationship.  As I stated above, I hoped that the relationship would progress toward a marriage.  I also cautiously considered other scenarios of the relationship possibly ending.  I knew I needed to be prepared.

I remember getting on my knees and praying a lot more than usual.  I also consulted with the Pastor and his wife once or twice too.

I clearly remember one of the talks that I had with the Pastor to prepare me for the start of the physical relationship.  The Pastor said that two people that decide to be together could get through any situation, if they work hard at it.  He also explained that if the people in a relationship could catch a deal-breaker early enough, then it might be easier and better to not see each other anymore.  He wanted me to be mindful of these deal-breakers.  With that, the Pastor further explained that it is not good to bring up deal-breakers to a woman because the woman gets anxious and overly critical of herself.  This could drive anyone crazy, I thought.  I did not want our relationship to be one where one of us would hold all of the power and the other forced to walk on eggshells.

Remembering the events, I am grateful that I had someone guiding and coaching me at the beginning of the relationship.

The days leading up to seeing each other again, I remember asking her how she would be getting from the airport to the place that she would be staying.  I told her that, if she needed a ride, I wanted to be the one to provide that for her.  I wanted to be the first to see and greet her.  The only problem was that her nervousness overcame her desire to see me again.  She was so nervous that I think she may have been willing to call off our meeting even before we started physically seeing each other.  She just said that she would have to get back to me on that.

For her normal trips to Hawaii, the routine would be for one of the other Pastors to give her a ride from the airport to where she would be staying.  Repeating this process over many years established this routine.  In knowing this, I asked her friend to relinquish his responsibility and place it on me.  The friend agreed with a smile.  He knew that for our relationship to solidify, I would have to be the one to provide the ride.

So, I kept on asking.  I suggested that it would be no problem for me to take her to where she had to go.  I told her that I had a nice vehicle and that it would be clean.  She started refusing my offers because she was so nervous.  I do not think she could comprehend a man pursuing her so strongly.  She allowed me to give her the initial ride after learning that I was her only option.

My First Outing with Her

Then came the day that we were to meet in November.  I was very anxious as I headed out to the airport.  Upon picking her up from the airport, I knew she would be nervous.  I noticed that she would keep looking through my truck.  I knew that our initial date would be quick because she needed to be at the place she would be sleeping by 6:00 PM.  I decided to take her out for ice cream at Dairy Queen.  We talked for a good long while about many topics.  I remember that she was playful, probably because she was probably as nervous, as I was.

Meeting with her for the first time, again, felt familiar.  This was the first time that we had physically seen each other while courting.  We spent countless hours sharing email after email with each other.  We did know something of each other’s thoughts.  Now we had to learn to deal with each other as flesh and bone as well.  When I looked at her, I realized that this could be the woman that I would be married to.  Even with all those thoughts flowing through my mind, I did not feel comfortable enough to share everything on my mind with her; that would still take some time.

Preparing to See Him

Getting on the plane, I was nervous.  I had a layover in Maui.  So, when I got to Maui, I had to call the Pastor’s wife first for some sort of support.  Unfortunately, she did not pick up, so I panicked a bit.  I gathered my thoughts and texted Noah that I arrived to my first stop safely.  Then I was just waiting at this point.  While I was waiting, he actually called me.  I was so surprised that he did because he was at work.  He also told me that he would leave work early just to pick me up.  Talking on the phone with him made me nervous and I just wanted to avoid that at all cost.  Every time we talked on the phone during that trip made me excited and nervous because I did not know where this relationship was heading.  I did not want this to be just a phone call, a weekend fling and another broken heart.

My First Outing with Him

As I had written earlier, I was so nervous to have him pick me up.  It was very awkward for him to pick me up because when he drove up, I did not know what to do.  I was sitting outside waiting for him and not really looking for him.  I knew he drove a truck.  I kept thinking how I should greet him.  Should I hug him?  Should I just say hi?  I did not know.  I think we just hugged.  I also did not know if I should have loaded my bags into his truck or act weak and let him take it for me.  He ended up taking my stuff and putting it in his truck.  He also opened the door for me to get in, such a gentleman.  I tried not to be too quiet so I decided that I was going to be nice and play a bit, be sociable.  I looked around his truck to see if it was clean and what kind of stuff he kept in his vehicle.  I have always wanted a truck, but never able to buy one.  He asked where I wanted to go.  I did not know.  We had a few hours to kill before I had to go over to my grandma’s place for dinner.  He took me to Dairy Queen and walked around Ward Center, another mall.  He offered to pay for my chocolate dipped ice cream cone.  I did not even like the chocolate.  It was bland and gross.  I finished it because I did not want to make him feel bad for paying.  He shared his blizzard with me.  This was a good sign because I remembered he mentioned that he does not like to share food.  After we finished our ice cream, we did some window-shopping before sitting at a bench to talk.  Time flew by.  I knew that we were going to be late to my grandma’s place.  I kept delaying the time to leave; I did not want it to end.  Finally, just after 6:00 PM, he dropped me off.  I was so relieved.  I could relax now; at least for tonight.  We continued to send text messages that night.

The Remainder of Her Trip

From that initial meeting, I was hooked.  I wanted to spend every day with that woman.  I am sure that all the people who saw us thought we were high school kids.  I remember playing and laughing, even in public.  I would blush every time she would reach over to hold my hand.  Everything felt right, good and pure.

The only day that we did not spend together was Thanksgiving.  I remember hoping she would call me to rescue her from a boring family Thanksgiving, but it did not happen.  She was having fun and I was fine with that.  I really got to like her and could see our future together a little more clearly.

We did many, many activities together that couples who do not go through a long distance relationship do.  During our first week together, we hiked, cooked, watched movies and, of course, dated.  I just loved being around her and talking with her; getting her view on how the world is supposed to work.  We also talked a lot about God and our view on Christianity.

Our relationship quickly blossomed during that week.  I think that the Pastor knew we had a good chance of making it to marriage.  He took the opportunity to encourage me to get a promissory ring.  He told me that this would speak clearly to her that our relationship would continue; more than words.  When the Pastor presented the idea to me, I thought this step was too sudden.  I mean would she take it as me smothering her?  Breaking things down into simpler terms, I had physically known her for about a week and I would be promising myself to her already?  I dismissed the idea as quickly as it came.

The Remainder of My Trip

On Thanksgiving Day, I was with the Pastor and his wife’s family.  I loved spending time with them, especially the kids.  I did not really want Noah to spend too much time with me.  I also did not want to be too connected to him.  If we were going to spend the rest of our lives together, I thought that I should get some time with the Pastor’s family first.  There would be time for us later.

On November 26, 2011, we went on an easy hike at the Makapu’u Trail.  The day was both nice and not nice.  When we started the hike, it was very sunny.  About half way through the hike, the weather changed from sunny to windy and rainy.  Noah brought an umbrella on the hike, but it did not help.  The wind was too strong.  I held on to his elbow throughout the hike just to touch him.  He never responded or took my hand throughout the whole hike.  What is wrong with him?  Afterwards, we were debating what to do for dinner.  I think he had something in mind, but I changed it up and said we should go back to his place to have pizza and watch a movie.  I did not want him to be spending too much money on my first trip, first weekend dating.  Moreover, I am a cheap date, financially speaking.

On November 27, 2011, we went to church, but we acted as if we did not know each other.  After church, I went home with the Pastor’s family to rest and change.  Noah came over afterwards to hang out a little bit before we left to go out to dinner.  I think we hung out around Waikiki and stopped at Kapiolani Park to chat.  Before he dropped me off, he prayed for us.

Chapter 6 The Fancy Dinner Date

November 28, 2011

“That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.”  Ecclesiastes 3:13 NIV

I Want Her and I Know It

That first week we spent together felt like it came to its conclusion far too quickly.  Before she went home, I wanted to make our last night together something special, something for her to remember.  I also wanted to take the opportunity that night to tell her that I wanted to continue the relationship.  The night that she left was also special because the next day would be her birthday.  She would leave the day before her birthday.

The Pastor’s wife helped me with choosing a fancy place for dinner in Waikiki.  She had a connection with the head chef of the restaurant, who also knew my date.  The Pastor’s wife indicated that the restaurant would set up a special birthday table for two and provide some special dishes for us to taste.

For this occasion, I even purchased a special dress shirt so that I could look good for her.

The night was planned and almost perfect.  We had a fancy table reserved just for us, with good food being prepared.  I just wanted to go that extra mile for her, but what could I do?  The thought of the promissory ring entered my mind.  I continually pondered, considered and prayed about the situation.  Could presenting her the ring end our relationship?  Would she take it as me smothering her?  I was so anxious and nervous I did not know what to do.  I did not sleep very well that night either.

The next morning, as I pulled into my parking stall at work and killed the engine to my vehicle, I had a moment of clarity.  For some reason the saying, “You miss a hundred percent of the shots, you don’t take...” echoed in my mind.  I had to get the ring.  All I knew was that I wanted to be with her more than ever.  I did not want her to have the opportunity to think of another man while in California.

I skipped lunch that day to get a ring for her.  There was no time to plan this, so I had to choose and purchase it quickly.  I decided to visit a jeweler from church.  The jeweler guided me in selecting a ring and gave me a good price.  The ring contained a single red ruby on a yellow gold band.  I chose this ring because I knew that red is her favorite color.  The jeweler even gave me a nice wooden box to present the ring.  I just had to choose a good time to present the ring and everything would be good.

Preparing for His Fancy Dinner

On November 28, 2011, Noah planned a dinner for us.  The dinner was the night before my birthday.  I was actually leaving early the next morning, so we celebrated the night before.  The dinner was supposed to be some fancy thing in which I was required to wear a dress and put on heels.  Luckily, I had my dress and some nice shoes for the occasion.  I was just so nervous.  The Pastor’s family was home.  When I went upstairs to shower and get ready, they left.  I felt even more scared.  I would be alone when Noah came to pick me up.  I texted the Pastor’s wife, “You left.”  I braced myself and mentally got ready to walk out the door.

My Promise to Her

After work, I went home and swiftly got ready for my date.  I was hungry and anxious.  I tried every strategy I knew to calm myself down because when I get anxious, I tend to perspire.  I reminded myself that this could be the woman I had been waiting for to enter into my life.  I wanted the evening to be great.  I prayed for guidance before I left.

I packed the ring in a secret compartment in my truck before leaving.  I also brought a jacket because I had a feeling that my date may get cold if we were to go walking after the dinner.  Upon arriving at the Pastor’s house, I called her to tell her that I had arrived.  I exited my truck.  As I started walking to the front door of the house, she walked out.  Everything turned to slow motion and my jaw dropped when I saw her.  She was wearing a very nice black dress.  Her hair flowed over her shoulders nicely.  This primped young woman was a stark contrast from the young girl I met back in July.  We hugged and greeted each other.  Then I opened the door to my truck for her and offered a hand to help her in.  Finally, we were off to make our magical date happen.

I picked her up early because I knew that driving into Waikiki could be a disaster.  Traffic was exceptionally lighter than usual and we got to the restaurant safely.  We decided to walk around Waikiki a little because our table was not yet ready.  After approximately 10 minutes had passed, we got the signal that our table was ready.  The hostess guided us to the table and seated us.  A special birthday hat was waiting on the table.  She put the hat on and I took a picture of her.

When the waiter came by, he informed us that the restaurant would be providing an appetizer and dessert.  I ordered an extra appetizer and two entrees for us.  The meal arrived and looked so delicious.  I was starving.  I told her that I would serve her, and so I did.  The meal was excellent.  We talked a little, but I think both of us were just too nervous because of the expectations we put on it.

After the meal, I decided that we should go for a walk.  My hope was that the walk would calm us both down so that we could both get over our anxiety.  The night was cold.  I drove to the nearest park, but she did not feel like walking.  I drove a little further to another park.  I asked her again to walk, and she agreed this time.

While I opened the door to get out of my truck, I knew that this would be the best time to give her the ring.  I put on the jacket and slipped the ring box into the inner compartment of my jacket.  The park that we went to was so dark.  This was good because she would not notice the extra bulge in my jacket.  I then walked around to the passenger door and let my date out.

As we started walking, I noticed that she was shivering.  I had a head slap moment.  The jacket was supposed to be for her!  I took her back to my truck and sat her in the passenger seat.  I stood in front of her with the door open.  This plan might have been better anyway.  This second park was so dark that she might not have been able to see the ring.

I looked into her eyes for a moment.  I then started to say a lame speech that I had prepared in my head, but it came out wrong.

I told her that I wanted to know her better and that I wanted our relationship to continue.  I then presented the ring to her and she was speechless.  She did not know what to do.  I told her that I wanted to promise myself to her with the ring.  I reminded her that I wanted to see if this relationship could make it to marriage.

She told me that she would accept the ring.  She held out her left hand and asked me if the left hand was where the ring was supposed to go.  I laughed because I did not know.  I placed the ring on her finger and said I would look it up on the Internet when I got home.  We shared a moment of laughter.

I will always remember her asking, "Are you my boyfriend now?"

I stupidly answered with a no.  I just want to clarify that I was not prepared for that question at the time.  To this day, I am not sure why I answered that question the way that I did.  I did clear up the mess that I created the next day.  She was my girlfriend from the point that I gave her a promissory ring.

After that, I gave my girlfriend my jacket because she still seemed a little cold.

Anyway, I got back into the driver’s seat, but we did not leave right away.  We talked for a good long while.  I held her hand and she would list out all of the people that she was going to tell.  She asked me if she had to wear the ring everywhere she went.  I told her that she could wear it whenever she would like.

My girlfriend was leaving tomorrow morning, and she was securely mine (again, cleared up the next morning).  While we were still in the truck we decided that I would take her to the airport, early the next morning, before I started work.  I drove her home.  Before I escorted her to the door, we prayed again.  When I escorted her to the door, the Pastor’s family was still awake.  I knew that they would have much to discuss.  I left so that I could get some sleep with the remainder of the night.

My Fancy Dinner with Him

Noah looked really handsome when he came to pick me up.  I did not feel too comfortable because my shoes were new and it was uncomfortable.  It scratched the back of my heels.  Noah took us to Waikiki for my birthday.  I did not know we were going to Roy’s Restaurant.  Noah and the Pastor’s wife planned the dinner.  It was crazy, awesome because of the free appetizers.  Noah was so good to me.  He held my hand to pray for the food.  He served me dinner.  He made sure I ate.  It was a really good night except for my stupid heels.  I knew I should have got heel cushions.

After dinner, he did not take me home right away.  We drove towards Kapiolani Park.  He wanted to stop there as we did the night before where we sat on the beach and talked.  I did not want to, so I suggested Makapu’u Light house.  He said OK.  I liked the drive out there.  I enjoy night drives.  When we got there, he suggested we take a walk.  I did not want to because my shoes were ruining my date, but we did go out to walk.  We walked towards the wall, but it was freezing out, and I did not have my jacket.  I remember that I was just freezing because it was so cold.  I think Noah had his jacket on.  I cannot remember if he gave me the jacket.  We walked back to the truck to the passenger side.  I got in the truck, but he just stood there.  He started talking and tripping over his words.  Somehow, he pulled out a box.  I was so shocked.  I knew that there would be a ring in the box.  I kind of did not want it because, who gives a ring on the first date?  He opened the box and it was a red ruby with a gold ring.  I am not a jewelry person.  I do not like jewelry, I do not wear jewelry and I do not know how to appreciate it.  I received it.  Noah said something along the lines of, “I am committing myself to you.  I won’t see other girls.”  He never said that I could not see other guys though.  It sounded like it was one sided.  He never said that I was his girlfriend, so that night, I was somewhat confused.  It is as if I could be dating other guys if I wanted to.

I got home and the Pastor’s wife was still up because she felt bad for leaving me when I thought she would see me off.  I told her what we did that night.  She was so happy for me.  I am so glad she was there to support me.

The next morning the Pastor was up and I showed him the ring.  He did not look surprised.  He laughed and acted as if he did not know anything about it.  Ironically, the night before (November 27) I actually cried because I did not know where this relationship was going.  Noah was not making any moves, and I was scared to have a long distance relationship.  During our Saturday Makapu’u hike, I held him by the elbow, but he did not reach for my hand.  I tried to help him out when we went to Safeway, but when he tried to grab my hand, I pulled back because it was awkward.

So, our journey was secured with a promise (the ring) and separating at the airport.  I knew that it was going to work because he kept pushing to meet my parents in December.  I was very hesitant to let him.  Finally, he bought his ticket to come visit.

From the night he gave me the promise ring, I was still wondering if we were boyfriend and girlfriend.  He said no at the time.  I took this as he promised to commit himself to me, but he did not ask me to commit to him.  I was thinking, "Was I still allowed to date other people?”  I mean, he promised to commit to me, but at the time, I did not promise to commit to him even though I took the ring.  Days after I went back to California, I needed him to confirm where we stood in the relationship.  I did have guys pursuing me from the online dating sites.  Once Noah confirmed, I stopped contact with all guys and stopped using the online dating sites.

My Last Moments With Her, For Now

The next morning came far too quickly.  I was tired, but I felt good about everything.  I picked my girlfriend up from the Pastor’s house.  When I saw her, I noticed that she was wearing the ring and glowing with a smile.  I also knew that this would be one of the last times I would see her until one of us traveled to see the other.  I did not want those last moments to end.  This was such a cruel thing, to be given a taste of love, then to have it snatched away so quickly.

The Pastor and his wife prayed for our relationship before we left.  After helping my girlfriend load her luggage into my truck, we were off to the airport.

Instead of dropping her off at the curb, I decided to park and walk her to the first security checkpoint.  Before she left, we reminded each other that we would be together again soon.  Then she left for her plane and I left for work.

We both felt sad about the whole thing.  The next text messages we received from each other expressed how much we missed each other.

Chapter 7 The Long Distance Relationship

November 2011 to July 2013

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”  Mark 10:9 NIV

My Relationship with Her

My girlfriend and I got together many, many more times, either in California or in Hawaii.  So much money was invested in airplane tickets to jump across the Pacific Ocean.

Each time we got together, we were so happy.  I felt so young and alive again.  We would spend almost the entire time together; to make up for time that most couples take for granted.  When she would visit me, I would give her my spare key, and she would use my place as her “base camp” in Hawaii.  For her sleep accommodations, she spent nights with some of her friends or family.  I would drop her off super late at night to maximize the time we spent together.  During the day when I was at work, she would make her way to my place by either walking or taking the bus.  If I had a chance, I would pick her up to save time and effort.  We would plan meals together, do general chores around my place, and watch an endless amount of movies or television shows.  We would also go around the island doing different things; just real “couple” stuff.

In my travels to California, I would stay with her family.  She shared a bedroom upstairs, with her brother.  My sleeping area was downstairs.  We would have less privacy because of her family, but it did not matter, as we did not really need any truly private time together.  When I visited California, we were almost inseparable.

I love spending a lot of time with my girlfriend, but do not think that we have that “happily ever after” type of relationship.  With the great times also came arguments and tears for random, stupid, selfish reasons.  Our arguments would be huge, at times, during each visit.  For all of these arguments we always made up before parting ways.  There were also times when things were not always resolved, but we were always on speaking terms.  Even if we did not completely agree on some topics, both of us would try to understand each other, forgive each other and move on with the relationship.  I hope that God continues to guide us through the arguments, as well as the great times.

Toward the end of each time spent together, the inevitable ending would always show its ugly head.  Every time we parted ways, it was terrible.  In the days leading up to our parting, each of us would take turns saying I do not want to leave or something similar.  We both hated leaving each other.

When we were not together, we would use the Internet, cell phone calls and text messages to stay in contact.  We would attempt to reach each other each night, and some mornings, for some contact and interaction with each other.  Of course there were technological issues with this as hearing someone’s voice, seeing someone’s face on a screen or reading something they wrote is never a good replacement for a physical presence.  Frustrations would run high if the Internet in California or Hawaii was slow for some reason.  We both longed to be with each other during those times, but we remained patient and ever vigilant.

At the beginning of 2013, I remember we were chatting and she told me she that wanted to live in Hawaii for a few months.  I instantly loved this idea, but thought about all of the consequences of doing this.  I knew she had just gotten a job at a school.  I also knew she liked working.  I asked what she would do about her job and future, and she told me she had the summer off.  She also said she wanted to really get to know me.  As a benefit, she also wanted some time away from her family.  I agreed to this plan and told her to come as soon as she could.

Thinking back, I know that our relationship needed this.  If either of us did not take a leap of faith to be in the same geographic location for a length of time, longer than a month, our long distance relationship would have stalled.  I could not wait for my girlfriend to come.

Relationship at a Distance with Him

Communicating at a distance in the beginning of our long distance relationship was very difficult for me.  We would video chat a lot.  Around this time, I was still in school, so I had a lot of time in front of the computer.  I was able to see and pray with Noah before he left for work in the morning and hang out online after he was done with work in the evening.  This gave us a lot of time together, but not without a cost.

I live in a small condominium with my family and this caused problems with our communication.  My parents and my brother would always be home.  My brother would be in my room on his computer and my parents would occupy other rooms in the condominium.  The only private place I could go to was the bathroom.  For a while, I would try to use some ear buds, but this would cause headaches and irritation because they did not fit well.

I would chat with Noah downstairs only if the rest of my family was upstairs, which rarely happened.  The problem with being downstairs is that it gets freezing, cold at night.  I could spend hours chatting with Noah at night, but if I spent the time downstairs, my health would suffer.

Having to rely on the Internet for communication was extremely frustrating for me.  Bad connections tested my patience.  Some days, I would just give up.

Eventually, I changed how we chatted on the Internet.  My brother started to use his headphones so that I could stay in my room, chat with Noah and not get headaches.  Chatting on-line became so commonplace that my parents would just come in and start talking to Noah.

When no one is around though, this would be the best time.  I would be happy and enjoy spending hours with Noah online.  I can play with him, talk to him, watch shows with him without the earphones, and just be with him without having anxiety or being an inconvenience to him.  We would watch countless movies or random shows and even play games across the Internet.

Chapter 8 The Decision

July 2013 to September 2013

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…”  Ecclesiastes 3:1 NIV

I Choose Her

The longest period of time that we were together was during the summer of 2013.  She stayed in Hawaii for a few months.  We saw each other at least once a day, every day during that trip.  That summer we learned so much about each other and had a small glimpse of what our marriage would be like.  I would have my normal job and she would work as a nanny for her friend who would provide her with housing.  This setup could not be better because the place that she worked and slept at was a 5-minute drive away.

I realized that it was time to actually ask my girlfriend to be my bride during that trip.  I always knew that I would marry her, but each day of her vacation, her beauty and quality of character captured my mind and my heart, even after knowing her for two years.  Even with the trials of the relationship, I wanted more.  I also realized, during her trip, that she is the personification of my required list of the perfect woman for me.

Marriage Counseling

Now, people have told me that marriage counseling is supposed to happen after the engagement, but I do not necessarily agree to that.  Even committing myself to courting my girlfriend, I would want to find out anything that should end the relationship as early as possible.  This could save potentially hurt feelings or time in the end.

I decided to go through the marriage counseling before my proposal for two reasons.  The first reason was that I wanted to see if there was anything that I had not considered before asking my girlfriend to be my wife.  The second reason was because I had a specific person in mind that I wanted counsel from.  I did not know the next opportunity I would have with him and my girlfriend being in the same geographic location, so the counseling had to occur during her long visit.

We had our marriage counseling during her long stay in Hawaii with people that we both trusted, the associate pastor and his wife.  For clarity, the associate pastor is not either of the previously mentioned pastors in the story.  The pastor, his wife, my girlfriend and I met four times and discussed a myriad of topics from spending idle time together to finances and even daily chores.  The pastor and his wife were great because they would even give us homework to do during the week.  We learned even more about each other because we could see how the other would react in different scenarios and situations.

These marriage-counseling sessions gave the both of us a lot of wisdom and insight into our relationship.  The associate pastor and his wife gave us confirmation that we had a good relationship and that we were ready for marriage.  Of course, there were things that we had to work on, but whose relationship is perfect?  The counseling gave us methods to work through the bad stuff and encourage God’s best for us.  We were blessed and knew that we were ready.

Confirmation

Even after the marriage counseling, I still wanted her.  She is very devoted to God and serving Him.  She loves her family very much.  She does want to be married, one day, and have with children.  She is not materialistic at all.  She is shorter than I am.  She has no tattoos or piercings.  She does not even have pierced ears!  She still wears no makeup at all, which is fine by me.  She is very punctual.  She does not paint her fingernails or her toenails.  She laughs at my dry humor from time to time.  She even allows me to lead the relationship.  I did not know that I wanted this at time, but I am glad that she does not resist me in leading the relationship.  I think this is important to most men.

For most of the list, I knew that my girlfriend matched my list.  For other parts of the list, only the test of time would tell if she turns out to be the woman I described as being perfect for me.  An example of the test of time would be determining if she is materialistic or not.  I mean, she does not have a lot, but then she would always hold people that pay for dinner in large groups in high regard.  I later learned that her culture encourages people to be the one to pay for the bill for dinner to an extreme point.  I did not understand this until I witnessed two Chinese men fight and scream to pay for the bill when we were at dinner.  Although alcohol did play a factor in the Chinese men’s behavior, I am sure the sober version is not too far off from what I observed.

To summarize, I wanted to keep her in my life.  She and I were ready to be together.  I wanted to be the one to provide for her, to protect her, to encourage her to follow God more.  Perhaps this is selfish, but I also do not want any other man to do this.  I want to be her man.

A part of me always wished that our time together never ended.  With all good things though, to have progress, things need to end or change.  Our goal was for me to move to California.  There are a few reasons that we decided that it would be best if I would be the one to move to California:

1. She is very involved with her church, much more than I am.  We both did not want to break the connections that she had.

2. I am still young enough to be marketable to companies in California.  I still have the energy that will be required if I have to take a position with lower pay and responsibility.

3. She lives with her parents and I live away from my parents.  If we have children, we will need help.  Who better to help than a set of parents?

4. The Bible also states that a man shall leave his parents and be united to his wife…  What better way to honor God than to take His Word literally?

With our reasons and plans in place, I knew that she could not stay in Hawaii forever.  I felt that the right thing to do was for her to head back to California and start her career.  If that were the only reason to send her back to California, I would have kept her in Hawaii.  I kept my other reason for sending her back unknown to her.  I secretly wanted to show her that our relationship needed to progress.  What better way to do this than to propose?

Little did she know that this would be her last trip to Hawaii as my girlfriend.

My Long Stay In Hawaii

In the April of 2013, I had just finished all my courses and graduated with no job lined up.  After sending my resume to many different people and websites, I accepted a position as a substitute teacher, which gave me some good experience in a school district.  During this point in my life, I felt like I had to take the opportunity to spend more time with Noah, hang out in Hawaii, and be lazy.  I also considered just moving over and getting married since I had no job lined up and serving at church was on a break.  There was nothing holding me back.

I happened to be talking to a friend in Hawaii, who just had a baby.  She mentioned that she was looking for help with the baby since she wanted to go back to work.  I asked my friend if she would consider me for this job.  My friend said that that would be perfect.  We agreed that I would be the nanny to her baby and stay at her place.  This was a great opportunity for me to relax, have a place to stay, and spend a lot of time with Noah.

The main reason for this stay in Hawaii was to spend as much time with Noah as possible and be a normal couple.  I wanted to get to know him better, practice taking care of him, and really see if our relationship could work if we lived in the same area.  I wanted to continue to work on our relationship without technical difficulties, miscommunications, and all the negative factors from my home and family that irritated me while dating at a distance.  I wanted to be physically near him and be normal.

I have to say that it was the best decision to put this relationship in a trial run.  We both worked during the day and made plans for dinner at night.  Sometimes we went out to a restaurant with other couples and people.  During the weekend, we would stay in to hang out, clean, and relax.  Sometimes we would even go to the beach.  Going to church was important too because we needed to be able to worship together.  One of the pastors at the church gave us pre-marriage counseling before we were engaged.  The counseling was good in the sense that it reinforced previous discussions that we had.

Many nights, I did not want to go home because it would have been easier to stay over at his place.  However, this temptation did not last because of our early commitment not to have sex before marriage.  In addition, my position at the church in Los Angeles and my reputation as a Christian were at stake.  I did not want other people to even think of a scenario in which we committed fornication or adultery.  The only time that I stayed over was when I got really sick and could not get up.  Noah did take care of me and he respectfully slept in the living room, on the couch, while I slept in his bed.  I texted some people to make sure that I was accountable.

I Choose Him

Noah and I started the relationship with the purpose of getting married.  In one of our early emails before meeting face to face with emotional attachments, we made this choice.  I have high standards, which Noah met, except for speaking Chinese.  People will think some of my requirements are weird, but oddly enough, God really proved himself to me.

I learned a lot about Noah during the summer of 2013 in Hawaii.  This was when I discovered that I wanted to be his wife.

In reviewing my list of what I want in a man, Noah is a strong Christian, is part Chinese, is taller than me, is four years older than me, owns and drives a truck and he even takes good care of himself and me.  He has his own friends.  I have not even met them all because some of them are still in the 48 contiguous states.  Noah is also handy around the house with fixing different things or changing things to make it better.  He is also pretty good with money, as he does not waste it.  He was one of the original cable cord cutters back in 2009.  He is also smart when it comes to technology.  He can program computers and make his own websites and other nerdy stuff.

I also have a list of the deeper qualities that I appreciate about who Noah is.

He tells me that I am beautiful when I do not like him telling me.

He encourages me in all things and all aspects of my life.

He calms me down when I am anxious or mad.  I cannot even hide it when I am mad at him.  He reads me too well.

He cooks for me most of the time.  He really is good at it and he enjoys it.  Sometimes he will try new recipes, and I will be his assistant.

He cleans for me some of the time, although I am better at this than he is.

He does things for me when he does not enjoy it.  If that is not love, I do not know what is.

He tolerates my various moods and indecisiveness.  This goes back to him calming me down.

He puts in a lot, a lot, a lot of effort in this relationship compared to the other people.  He really puts in his time.

He is willing to tell me when I am wrong in a loving and truthful way.

He allows me to do what I want sometimes.

He makes me talk out my feelings when I am frustrated.  I hate doing this, but he gets me to do it.

He usually is the one to initiate making up after a fight.

He prays for me, prays with me, and makes me pray.

He has an engineer’s mind and thinks very logically.

Many times, we would jokingly have random conversations about our future together and marriage.  I just wanted to include some of the conversations in this write up.  I loved having these simple conversations with him because it showed me that he really did want to be my husband.

We would have this dialog many times:

He would ask, “Would you want to marry me?”

Of course, I would have to say, “Maybe….”

Then other times I just liked to imagine our future other.  I would ask him about our married life:

I would say, “When we are married…..”

He would say, “Is that your proposal?”

I would just smile.

Then other times:

I would ask, “How many kids do you want?”

He would say, “Not until you put a ring on this finger?”  He would then show the ring finger on his left hand while smiling.

I do want to spend the rest of my life with him.  I want him to take me away from my parents and brother.  I want to take care of him even though he does a better job in taking care of me.  I decided that I want to stick with him as long as he wants me.  I am not going to quit this relationship when it gets hard or difficult.  I have made my promise too, when he gave me his promissory ring to commit myself only to him.

Chapter 9 Proposal Planning

September 2013 to November 2013

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6 NIV

She’s Back Home.  Now I Can Plan.

With my girlfriend back in California after her summer 2013 trip, I could spend more time with my thoughts to plan how to propose to her.  I did not know when she would be coming back to Hawaii, so I decided that I would travel to her and propose in California.  I coordinated the trip to take place over Thanksgiving week 2013.

This would be the perfect time because most of the big steps in our relationship have revolved around Thanksgiving week.  This makes it easy to remember on my end.  As a bonus, I could also budget for the rest of the year to make sure that I could get good gifts for her during our “relationship week.”

With the geographic location and approximate week chosen, I could get to work on the hardest, most expensive part, getting the ring.

The Perfect Ring for Her

My girlfriend does not know this, but I did some engagement ring research during her last trip in Hawaii.  This happened very sporadically because we spent so much time together.  If the ring was to be just any old ring, I would have just gone down to the nearest jewelry shop and purchased any old thing and presented it with a smile.  This was an engagement ring for the woman that I wanted as my wife; I wanted it to be special.

The Internet became my best friend as I started my engagement ring research campaign.  I read that I could get a good deal on eBay or other online jewelers that do not have a storefront.  One of the articles that I read stated that a person could save up to 20% by going this route.  The article also mentioned that the buyer is required to perform much more research on price comparisons and reputable sellers.  I asked some friends that had experience getting married for some advice, and they gave me some helpful pointers on different ring designs and prices.  I wanted something that was not overly expensive, and allow her to show it off to her friends.  I wanted her to be proud to be my fiancé.

I decided to start talking to my girlfriend about the type of ring that she may want if someone were to pop the question to her.  I am still uncertain of how the ring selection should be in a perfect engagement.  How do most men choose the perfect ring for the engagement and keep it a surprise from the woman they are asking?  I was clueless on this.  I know someone that actually purchased a temporary ring initially, then got the actual ring that the woman wanted later.  I felt this was a waste of money.

I know that I had a very brief talk about a type of engagement ring with her.  At first, she told me to surprise her, not to go over $500 and that an onion ring would suffice.  I laughed at this.  I really wanted to get her something nice to wear on her hand.  She was my woman and everyone knows this.  What she wears on her finger is a reflection upon the type of man that I am.

Then she got down to business and started browsing through pictures on the Internet of possible engagement rings.

She is not a person that wears a lot of jewelry; she does not wear any jewelry.  This was one of the difficulties in the ring selection process.  I do love this fact about her, but it does cause difficulty in situations such as this.

After much discussion and a few hours of browsing the Internet with her, I had a general idea of what she wanted.  She did not want something traditional like one of those rings from Tiffany.  She did not want something that was too big or too expensive.  She wanted something that would not scratch people, with the diamond sticking out too much.  She did not want something that would break down.  She wanted a type of swirl or twist at the top to add character to her ring.

I then started to do my own research to find the very best ring with a twist for my girlfriend.  I was motivated to find a “diamond in the rough” kind of deal.  I started to see that prices varied a lot from dealer to dealer.  I could not discern how the dealers priced out their rings, because it seemed random.  After many hours of browsing on the Internet, I realized that I needed guidance.  There was just so many options out there and I was not educated enough on the topic.  I was willing to forgo the 20% savings to get the process done.  I went back to the jeweler that helped me with the promissory ring.

About a month before I would travel to propose to my girlfriend, I paid a visit to my jeweler’s store.  I explained the situation to her; that I wanted to get an engagement ring for my girlfriend and I needed the ring to be ready before I left.  She told me that she could work within the parameters I gave to her.

We spent the next few hours browsing through pictures of different rings; this felt all too familiar.  We selected a few that we thought my girlfriend would like.  She was great because she worked within my budget, including taxes.  When she and I found a ring that we thought my girlfriend would like, I would take a picture of the computer screen using my camera.  I would make sure that she could not see the fine details of the ring, such as price.  I think the pictures also distorted the ring a little so that she did not get a good idea of the ring that I would get for her.  The element of surprise and mystery was back in!

That night, I presented the pictures of the selected rings to my girlfriend.  I think there were around four good rings that the jeweler and I selected.  My girlfriend narrowed the rings down to two good choices.  The rings were similar with a sort of twist around the main diamond.  Both of them had a matching wedding band too.  One had a bit of yellow gold and the other was completely white gold.  After discussing the two best rings a little more, my girlfriend wanted to know about a different ring from a different company.  I was a little irritated because I knew that my jeweler had to do more research, and I did not know when that would end, but I wanted to get her what she wanted.  Happy future wife, happy future life?

I immediately sent the information to my jeweler so that she could start the search again.  She told me that she would get back to me the next morning.  I thanked her for her help and patience.

The next day came and left with no response from my jeweler.  Two days later, I decided to check on her.  She indicated that she was still looking.  She also said she had gone through around 50 rings, but nothing matched exactly what my girlfriend wanted.

I decided to check back a week later to see how my jeweler was doing.  This was approximately three weeks until I fly up to see my girlfriend.  She still had nothing.  I decided to give her another week to either get the perfect ring or go to a fall back ring.  This would not be too difficult though because she indicated previously that she was able to get the material for the rings quickly through air freighting parts from the mainland.

The week passed with no response from my jeweler.  I went back to my girlfriend to make the final decision on the two fallback rings.  She emphatically chooses the all-white gold ring and wedding band through a text message.  I was surprised because I did not expect her to be that decisive about a ring.  That night, I told my jeweler which ring to go for.  I also reminded her of the date that I was leaving.  She said she would make it happen and I was relieved.  At this point, my jeweler had approximately two weeks to get everything together.

A few days later, my jeweler asked me what kind of quality I wanted regarding the diamonds.  Of course, any man would want to get flawless diamonds for the woman he loves, but that was not within my budget.  She emailed me the cost of the different options I could get for diamonds.  The price of the engagement ring and wedding band were defined and could not be modified.  Both of the bands took approximately 100 small diamonds.  The engagement ring also took a little bigger diamond that would be worth more than the smaller diamonds.  I input everything in a spreadsheet that I created and the total of everything, excluding the big diamond, came in under my budget.  This would leave a lot of money for the big diamond, or so I thought.  I sent the numbers to my jeweler for her review so that I could have a proper understanding of everything.  I told her that if the price is set for the bands and smaller diamonds, shipping, taxes, etc. then the bigger diamond could take up the rest of the budget.  She reminded me that I did not account for her labor costs.  I just told her that I would trust her decision on the ring to keep it within my budget.  The next day, she confirmed that she would keep it within my budget.  She also said that she would have the ring ready before I would be leaving, that Friday.  I trusted her because we both go to church together and I had known her for a few years.  She had helped me out in the past with the promissory ring and a pendant for my mother.

When Wednesday came around, I decided to check on the status of the ring.  I had hoped that the ring would be ready for pick up before Friday because the day was already filling up with meetings and I was not sure if I had enough time to finish everything before leaving on my vacation.  My jeweler assured me that the ring would be ready on Friday at 5:00 PM.  I did not like that answer because I knew the traffic would be very bad heading out to her store.  I accepted the answer and started planning for Friday.

On Thursday, I decided to check in early and print out my plane ticket.  Upon printing it out, I noticed that the flight now left 1 hour earlier than previously quoted.  I started to feel anxious because my appointments were squeezing together with no time for travel.  This was not good.  I immediately sent an email to my jeweler telling her about the situation and asked her, if it were at all possible, to change the pick-up time of the ring to an earlier time in the day.

She responded to me the next morning, in the later part of the morning.  She indicated that everything would be ready 1:30 PM.  She also told me that the value of the ring was also much higher than the price that I was paying, for which I was very thankful.

The day that I had to pick up the rings was the same day that I left for California.  Even with all my meetings, I was still able to pull everything off.  To make a long, boring story shorter, both of the rings were beautiful, much more than I ever expected.  The diamonds just seemed to shimmer and reflect light so much.  My jeweler reminded me that there were small inclusions in the diamonds, but she handpicked the best ones that would give a little more sparkle to the whole thing.  I told her that I was very pleased with the way that everything turned out.  I knew my girlfriend would be very, very happy with how they turned out.

My Engagement Ring

I knew we were going to get married one day; I just did not know when.  After my summer trip in July-Sept 2013, Noah started asking me to look at engagement rings.  I was irritated at this.  Why could he not just pick out a ring like other guys and present it with a surprise.  I did not want to look at engagement rings because I do not like jewelry, do not wear jewelry and did not know what was good.  I really wanted him to propose to me with an onion ring.  I always joked around about it.  I wanted him to spend the money on our future home.  However, he insisted that I choose a ring because I would be the person that had to wear it.  He also wanted me to show it off for his pride.  I really did not care, but it was for his ego.  So, I started searching with his help.  By the time he narrowed it down to two, I saw another one.  I still felt like I did not want the ring.  This was so expensive and so impractical.  I am so cheap.  I suggested a wedding ring set so it is easier and he does not have to buy another wedding band for me.  I kept telling him no more than $500.  Then he said he wanted to get me something nice, but not too expensive.  In my mind, anything that cost money and I may not use a lot is too expensive.  Finally, I made my decision on the ring.

We did talk about tattoo rings.  However, Noah loves me for not wearing make-up, no piercing, and no tattoos.  So besides my body being clean, he knew that I would not be able to take the pain of a tattoo.  I agreed with him.  I really did not want anything permanent on my body.

I wanted my ring NOT to look like my other girlfriends’ rings.  Most of them have the single big rock and a silver band.  Mine has diamonds on the band with a twist towards the top single diamond.  The wedding band also has diamonds.  It looks really nice and simple.  Mostly unique cause I have not seen it on other girls I know.

I asked him when he was going to get the ring.  I did hope that he would propose in November, but he said he was going to pick up the ring in December.  I thought that would be good because then we can have privacy.  So I was a bit relieved thinking he would propose in December.  I did not think he would talk to my parents either because of the language barrier.  I also did not think he would talk to my brother or have the courage to ask my family.  So, December would be the best time to do it.

Chapter 10 Last Moments as Girlfriend and Boyfriend

November 23, 2013

“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”  Colossians 3:14 NIV

Frantically Awaiting the Boyfriend

I knew that Noah was coming in for Thanksgiving.  I know it was his vacation, but I was busy with my own stuff.  Technically, I was on vacation too, but I still had to prepare my classroom for the arrival of some students.  I was so busy I did not even get the chance to plan anything for Noah’s trip.  Up until the Saturday that Noah came, his bed was not even ready.

Of course, I was going to be the person to pick him up from the airport.  Noah had to wait an hour before I went to pick him up.  I wanted to see him right away because I missed him so much.  Before I picked him up, I had to give one of the church kids a ride somewhere.

Planning to Pop the Question to Her

Upon exiting the plane in California, the one task that entered my mind was that I had to ask one of her parents for permission to be married to their daughter.  This was always something that I wanted to do, ever since I became a Christian.  Asking for permission just feels right.  I thought that if a man cannot ask permission to marry a woman, then he lacks enough courage to be married; and he is still a boy.  I think my challenge was greater because the father speaks no English, only Cantonese.  The mother speaks a little more English than the father, but is not very proficient at it.  I decided to ask the mother.  I just needed time alone with her.

Opportunity presented itself on the day that I arrived; that night actually.  Her mother had arrived home very late, after cleaning the church after Sunday worship.  My girlfriend had decided to go to sleep early because she had to prepare for her best friend's wedding the next day.  I had been up since 5:00 AM that morning and I was tired.  What are a few more minutes to ask permission from her mom, right?  Her mother arrives home around 11:30 PM and I know that she is tired and hungry.  She immediately goes to the kitchen to eat some dinner before going to sleep.  She starts to talk to me from the kitchen.  I decide to join her while she eats.  We exchange some small talk regarding our day and the next day (my girlfriend’s best friend's wedding).  I then say that one of the things I wanted to do on this trip was to ask her daughter to marry me.  So, I ask the question and her mom immediately answers yes.  I did not take too much time to analyze the answer, but I probably should have.  We then start to discuss her mother and father that are in Hong Kong for the next hour.  The story was interesting, but I was tired.  I could not hide my tiredness any longer.  Her mother then went to bed and I was alone with my thoughts.

I contemplated upon the perfect time to ask my girlfriend to marry me.  I first thought of proposing at her best friend's wedding.  Then I thought that she could be embarrassed in front of everyone else at the wedding.  I wanted her to enjoy the proposal process and not be embarrassed.  I also thought that I did not want to take anything away from the wedding.  The focus should be on the bride and groom and not my girlfriend.  Sunday was out.

I then considered Monday.  There was nothing planned for that day, but I thought that we might both be too tired from the wedding.  She needed time to relax and rest too.  Monday was out.  I would probably use this day to plan my moves to woo her.

I then thought about Tuesday.  Tuesday would be the day that she would set up her classroom.  This should not take too long because it is just setting up some furniture and stuff for the kids.  Tuesday was a possibility; I just had to find a good time to pop the question.  Timing would be critical.  I had to choose a time when she would not be stressed and have enough energy to enjoy the event.

I considered Wednesday as well.  We were supposed to get together with her friends on Wednesday.  Again, I did not want to embarrass my girlfriend, so Wednesday was out.

Thursday and Friday were out because this was Thanksgiving and our anniversary of getting together and Friday was my girlfriend’s birthday.  I did not want to take anything away from those days.

Saturday was out because we might be getting together with some of her friends or her family.

I leave the next Sunday, and I did not want to just pop the question and leave.  I knew that there would be some kind of celebration with her family or friends.  I wanted to give her the chance to show me off to everyone.  I know how important it is to a woman that a man somewhere on earth wants to marry her.  Even if plans changed later in the week, Tuesday would be the very best day.

That night, I knew I had two days to wait until I was to ask the question.  So many scenarios flowed through my brain.  Should I do it during the day or at night?  Should this be in front of the janitor or where we could be alone?  At least I would have Monday to ponder on this issue.

As predicted, the wedding on Sunday was hectic.  I did not have a chance to think of how to ask the question.  I had to help setup the wedding.  I just worked as I received instructions and everything worked out fine.  I was so tired at the end of the day.  Alone in my bed at the end of the day, I did think about the process of popping the question.  I thought back to Sunday and how I probably should have presented the ring to her mother when I asked for permission.  There was a possibility that her mother did not understand what I had asked.  I just told myself to press on and fix it later if she did not understand, as there would be no other opportunity to get her mother alone again.

Chapter 11 Proposal Day

November 26, 2013

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love.”  1 Corinthians 13:13 NIV

Will You Marry Me?

Waking up when you feel good is very, very difficult.  Tuesday started as a cold morning.  The air had a crisp sense about it and I was still comfortably bundled beneath my warm blanket.  I could stay like that forever.

My girlfriend woke me up that morning because she needed to run some errands to prepare for her job.  I begrudgingly got out of bed because we were leaving in fifteen minutes.  I decided that showering would be the best way to get the blood flowing.

I cleaned myself up and got dressed quickly.  When I got back to my base camp, I felt relieved because my girlfriend was busy getting herself ready.  I said a quick prayer and packed the ring away in my left jacket pocket.  I kept the ring in a box that felt enormous.  That would never work because she would know that something was up from that.  I remembered that my jacket also contained a pocket on the inside.  I packed the ring in the inner pocket.  The bulge from the box felt massive, but, somehow, she did not notice.

Then we were off to her workplace, the classroom.  The trip took approximately 30 minutes, which was not bad.

We were one of the first people to arrive at the school.  Upon arriving at the school, we noticed that the doors to the classroom were locked, but the head custodian was nearby using a leaf blower.  My girlfriend asked the custodian to open the door to her classroom, which he did.  The classroom was full of used classroom equipment.  She then indicated that the entire room needed emptying for the new desks, chairs, toys and books.  I knew this was going to be a long day.  I carefully placed my jacket in a corner so that no one would touch it.  Then the long day started.  First, we removed everything from the classroom.  Half way through emptying the classroom, the custodian went and started getting all the new stuff.  Upon receiving the desks, we found out that they needed assembling.  We had no tools, so the day just got longer.

After a few hours of packing, cleaning and assembling by hand, I became hungry.  I also thought that that might be a good time to propose.  I convinced her that we should take a break for lunch.  I put on my jacket and we left the classroom.  She drove to the nearest mall, and I decided that proposing in a mall was tacky.  I also did not want to embarrass her.  We enjoyed a quick lunch together.  When we were walking toward the car, she wanted to walk next to me.  She took my hand and felt my chest!  Her hand touched the box and I cringed!  She asked what it was.  I told her that it was a charger to my phone.  I was not convinced that she believed me because she had this weird look on her face.  My stomach fluttered with anxiety.  My girlfriend just shrugged it off and I was relieved.  We traveled back to the classroom to finish up.  Before heading back to her place, we ran a few errands.

During the trip home I did not think too much about proposing anymore because I was tired.  I knew that I could easily pick a time to ask the question at anytime.  Getting alone time with my girlfriend now would not be difficult.  I would just take her out to dinner, then go somewhere secluded so that I could propose.  This could not be easier now that the hard stuff was out of the way.

Upon arriving home, I learned that the entire family would be going out for dinner at a nice restaurant.  I became frustrated because I thought that she would not want to have her proposal to take place in front of her family.  I put the jacket back on anyway; I just might have an opportunity sometime during the night.  The night seemed a bit cold anyway.

The restaurant was crowded.  Since there were five of us, the waitress took us to a table that was a little bigger.  The family told me to sit at the head of the table, with my girlfriend just to my left.  When we sat down, I still had my jacket on.  I started to feel warm.  I attempted to take my jacket off and she tried to help.  I quickly winced and pulled my jacket back on.  She looked at me as if I was crazy.  I just shook my head and indicated that I might still be cold.  The next moment, her mother distracted her with some questions.  I went for another go at removing my jacket, and it worked.  I knew I could not ask her to marry me at the restaurant because it was so crowded.  We just had a normal dinner with no notable events.  As a family, we made a stop at the grocery store before heading home.  I began to feel anxious again because my chances were dwindling to ask her to marry me.

When we got home, I decided that I had to ask her to marry me tonight.  The air outside was very cold, but this was now or never; put up or shut up.  I had to get her out of that house, away from her family.  I begged her to go out again, just for a quick walk at the park.  She stubbornly agreed, grabbed her jacket and we left.  She complained about being tired all the way to the park.  When I got out of the car, she complained.  When I walked over to open her door, so that we could walk together, she complained some more.  She complained as we started walking too.  This was going to be harder than I thought.  I was looking for a place where I could sit her down and we could be alone for a few minutes.

I lead us to a set of bleachers nearby.  No one was around.  I sat her down.  I tried to calm her down by asking her to remember our relationship.  I told her that I did not appreciate that she complained so much.  I further explained to her that even though she does complain a lot that I still wanted to be with her.  I told her that I loved her.

“Remember that time with the fancy dinner in Hawaii when we first met?  Do you remember how cold it was… just like this night?”

“Yes.”

She then knew where I was going, but still acted mad.

Then almost on cue, the lights near the bleachers went dark.  I checked my phone and saw that it was 9:00 PM.  There were other lights in the park, just not where we were sitting.  I then thought, great, now she will not be able to see the ring.  Oh well, push forward anyway.

I then asked her, "If I were to produce a ring, right now, would you wear it?"

She told me that she did not know.  She then hid her face with her hands.

I then got down on a knee.  I asked if she saw what I was doing.  She said yes.  I finally revealed the box, and said this is it.

She looked at me and called me a liar.  She now knew that I was not carrying a phone charger in my jacket pocket.  I smiled.

I opened the box and revealed the engagement ring and the wedding band to her for the first time.

I gave her a few moments to think about what was happening before I asked, "Will you marry me?"

My girlfriend replied with a quiet, "Yes."

I removed the engagement ring from the box and showed it to her.  She was breathless as she stared at the shimmering diamonds.

“Will you wear this engagement ring?”

She said nothing, but presented her hand with her fingers sticking out.

I then slipped the ring on her finger.  A perfect fit.  Success!  With that, my girlfriend had made the transition to my fiancé.

We hugged and I knew that she was happy.  I was happy too.  Within the first few days of the trip, the primary purpose had been completed.  I could now relax and have a good vacation!

I carried my fiancé on my back from where we were to half of the way back to the car.  I was tired too.

I was also overjoyed to know that I had secured her as my betrothed.  The entire process just felt like it was supposed to be this way, as I had done what I was supposed to do.  My proposal just felt right and natural.

Her family congratulated us on our decision.  To celebrate our engagement, the family allowed me to take them out for a meal.

Yes, I will Marry You

I wanted Noah’s trip to be relaxing for the both of us, but this did not seem like it was going to happen.  I found out that my classroom had not been set up yet.  All of the original teacher’s things were still in the classroom and none of my things was in the classroom.  Worst of all, my things were still packed and not sorted.  I felt so irritated that I had to go in to work on my break.  The principal suggested paying me for coming in, but of course, I knew it would not happen.  I worked every day Noah was in town.  He even helped me move into my classroom, such a great boyfriend.

This morning, I was schedule to go into school to set up my classroom.  I woke up extra early to get ready.  I wanted Noah to get as much sleep as possible.  I went downstairs to wake him up about 15 minutes before we left.  I went back upstairs to get ready.  He was quick to get ready and we were able to leave around 6:50 AM – I wanted to leave at 7:00 AM, but we were able to get the early start – and got to school around 7:30 AM.  Once we got there, the custodian was blowing leaves off of the basketball court.  I asked him to open the doors for me.  When I went into my classroom, all of the first teacher’s stuff was still there; with nothing moved or boxed up.  I was a bit upset, but not surprised.  The custodian, Noah, and I had to get started.  The three of us moved everything out of my classroom to an adjacent room.  Once the classroom was empty, we waited for the custodian to move in all the boxes of new furniture and classroom stuff.  Noah was great.  Noah put all of the furniture together by himself.  I tried setting up as much of the classroom as possible.  A friend from church came by with cloths for the possibility of using it as curtains.  She left after that so she could get her work done.  This friend works at the school and helped me get the job there.

Noah and I worked until about 12:30 PM, just before lunch.  My friend from church came by again to see what we were doing for lunch.  She brought her own lunch.  I told her that we were going out somewhere, and she wanted to eat her home lunch.  We parted ways and she left and we left.

Noah and I went to the Galleria for lunch at Tokyo Grill.  For some reason, Noah was wearing his jacket.  I did not even have to wear my jacket because it was so warm already.  On the walk back to the car, I gave Noah a hug.  I noticed that there was something in his front left chest pocket.  I asked him what it was.  He told me it was his phone charger.  I wondered why he did not charge his phone in the classroom.  I did not think anything of it.

We got back to the classroom and tried to work until 3:00 PM.  Noah was good at keeping me accountable in leaving on time.  Before we left the campus, I asked the main office about the keys to my classroom, but they were not ready yet.  Right when we were leaving for home, I forgot I had to go to the district office.  We went to district office to get some teaching material and drop off some paperwork.

Traffic was so bad that it took us over an hour to get home.  The whole day put so much stress on me with trying to set up and just finish as much as possible.  There was still so much that I still did not do or get finished.  One day was not enough.  I was so worried that I would not be ready for students that I would have to teach.

When we got home, we rested for a bit before going out to dinner with my family to La Grande Orange.  My brother drove because I was so tired.  I slept most of the way to dinner.  We had to wait a while before the hostess brought us to our table.  When we were in the restaurant, Noah sat to the right of me.  When he tried to take off his jacket, I tried to help him, but he flinched away and put it back on.  I thought it was rude of him.  Then my mom was talking to me so I talked to her about the menu.  For some reason, Noah took off his jacket when I was talking to my mom.  After dinner, we went to a grocery store for mom to buy chicken and other stuff for mom to make jook–Chinese rice disk–for the next day.  I did not want to get out of the car, but Noah did, so I did too.

When we came home I was super tired and did not want to go out, but Noah wanted to go out.  He said he wanted to go to the park and burn some calories.  I thought it was way too cold to go walking.  I could not resist what Noah wanted, so we drove to the park.  I thought we would sit in the car and talk like we usually do.  When Noah got out of the car, I had no choice but to get out.  At least he opened my door.  When we started walking around, Noah suggested we sit on the bleachers.  I thought it was too cold to sit and I was tired and upset already.  He told me to sit.  I was making it difficult for him.  I did think he might propose but I knew that the ring was not going to come in until December.  He instructed me to sit down, and I listened.  He sat down to my left side and started talking.

I cannot really remember everything from that night.  Here is what I do remember though.

Noah asked me, “Do you remember our date when I gave you the promissory ring?”

I remembered everything from that night, from the fancy dinner to the cold weather.  I also remember how I felt when he gave the promissory ring to me and how surprised I was.

He then tells me, “I'm not good at this.”

From that point, I knew something was up.  Was this it?  Was he actually going to propose to marry me?

So, then he said, “I love you.”

He continues with “I got you a gift” and he handed a Chinese red jewelry bag to me.

The bag was somewhat deformed and clearly cheap.  I did not say anything.  I started to think, I am upset and now you want to give me a junky red bag.  Then I realized what he was doing and stopped myself.  Could this be the ring?  The presentation rather sucked, but I was ok with that.  I mean he did work hard for me.

I opened the bag, but there was nothing in it.  Was I going crazy?  I mean who gives someone else a cheap bag and calls it a gift?

Noah then told me, “Look, I’m on my knee.  Can you see?”

He was down on his knee now.  I was breathless.  He pulls out this huge box from his jacket and opens it.  What happened to the phone charger?

When he opens the box, I barely see a ring in it because it is so dark.  I was breathless.

Then he asks, “Will you marry me?”

There were more things said, but the most important thing that I said was, “Yes.”

I did wonder what would happen if I said no.  Would he have waited for me?  Would he ask again?  Good thing I did not play around with him.  I was already in a bad mood from before and now I was happy.

There were things that I should have paid more attention to during that day.  These were just odd things that I did not pay much attention to at the time.

Noah kept wearing his jacket all day.  Noah is never cold, even when it’s freezing outside.  I should have paid attention.

Throughout the trip he kept asking, "Are you ready to get embarrassed?"  I did not understand why he kept saying this.  If anything, it got irritating and made me anxious like he was going to ruin me.  He knows I do not like to be embarrassed or scared.

When I hugged him and felt something hard on his chest, he lied and said it was a phone charger.  I thought that this was so odd because I thought why did he not charge his phone in the classroom.  Then afterwards, I saw his phone charger and it was small.  He could have left it in the car.

During dinner with my family, he pulled away when I tried to help him take off his jacket.

He then made me go for a walk after dinner when I was super tired with his line, "I want to burn off some calories” I was wondering why he wanted to go out when he knew I was exhausted already.  We could be laying down watching a movie and being comfortable.

The day started out stressful with a great reward at the end.  It seemed like Noah worked for my love and earned it.

So, the ring that I chose before, he actually got it.  The ring looked amazing, and it actually fit my finger without the need for resizing.

Chapter 12 The Courtship Continues

The Present

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”  Genesis 2:24 NIV

I Want to be Her Man

The Lord works in mysterious ways and not according to what we have planned.  When I met that SPAM t-shirt wearing girl, I did not think she was ideal for me.  In the beginning, I did judge her by what she appeared to be and not who she actually is.  I was wrong.  For the past two years of getting to know her, I am grateful for not being able to pass her up.  My fiancé is exactly the right person that God made for me.

The conclusion of our story should be that we end up getting married.  Just one step remains - my move to California.  I need to be able to provide for her and protect her.  When we are married, I want to give her a good home in a nice area, where she will be safe.  I want to be able to clothe and feed her.  If possible, I want her to be a stay at home mother when we have children.  I know in this present day, this seems farfetched, but I am hopeful that we can make this happen.  Our story is not over as it is just beginning.  I just need a job or a way to bring in a steady income, and then I can move to begin our life together.

I Just Want to be With Him

Through these two years of long distance dating, I can see how Noah and I were brought together.  I know that I wanted to be with Noah when he keeps coming back to me even with my temper and my faults.  I was able to be myself more with him than I was with anyone else.  He will always come after me when I try to leave, and he is the one that works harder at this relationship than me.  It feels like how the Lord loves his people.  He will wait and reach out when we are down, when we fall away, and especially when we are hurt.  He will take care of us no matter what happens and will forgive with unconditional love.

I feel like I take advantage of him because of the amount of things he does for me.  This is also my love language in which I highly value spending time and having things done for me.  I have not yet perfected my words of affirmation for him, but now I have a lifetime to practice.  I want to continue to learn more about Noah and love him the way God wants.  God has brought us together and Noah is a strong godly man that wants to do God's will.  I will support him as he leads this relationship and as he follows the Lord's guidance.

As we now know that we do want to be married to each other, there are still many uncertainties.  The question of when, where, how, and who to invite are in the air.  I have been telling people that there are no guarantees for an invitation to a wedding I have no information on.  One of the things we ask people to do is to pray for us to know God's will and his plan in bringing us physically together.  As of right now, we will be in two states crossing the ocean, calling, texting, emailing, and trusting God to pursue marriage further.