The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

God’s Pathway to Marriage

A Biblical Approach to Acquiring Your Soul Mate

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Copyright © 2013 L. E. Green

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I lovingly dedicate this book to my Pastors and parents in the Lord, Drs. Thomas H. and Carolyn Vinson. Your tutelage and care have allowed me to grow within an atmosphere charged with the power and presence of God. It is through your continuous preaching and teaching of the unadulterated word of God, that I finally realized that I had to let go of the breast and other childish things, in order to grow up and be a man of God. Thank you so very much for loving me through it all, and for never giving up on me; even after I had given up on myself. I also want to thank you both for modeling the roles of true manhood and real womanhood…within the framework of a biblically based godly marriage. It’s through your examples that I strive to emulate these same virtues within my own life and marriage. Your lives are a living testament to what Christ can do with a life that is submitted to Him.

To my wife Beatriz

You are the epitome of your name, which means: (one who blesses). God truly favored me when He brought you into my life. You are so much more than what I would have asked for myself. It was the day that we were married that I began to believe that God has the best for me. You are the inspiration for this book, because I want others to be blessed as I have been. Even as I share my dreams and aspirations with you, you have never doubted my hope or ability to see them through to fruition. You believe in me to the point that you develop expectation, and I pray that you are never disappointed. You are my soul mate in every sense of the word, and you know I understand what that means. Thank you for being a devoted wife, an engaging lover, and an excellent mother. I love the way you love me.

Te amo siempre, mi esposa!

To my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ

Thank you for the years of struggle, trial, disappointment, discouragement, misunderstanding, tears, and finally revelation, from which this book was birthed. All the years that I thought you were against me, I came to realize that I was affronting you; and against myself as well. Thank you for patiently waiting until I got out of the way. You loved me enough not to bless me in my mess, and you didn’t leave me to my own devices. I am fulfilled; because now I am seeking to know you, instead of just knowing about you. Words can never express how much I appreciate you, or how indebted I am. It is a privilege to be a recipient of your grace and presence. May you always empower me to offer what you have required in return….Myself.

To my sons Jalen, Jordan, and Julian

May I always exemplify manhood before you, and never fail to show you Jesus Christ all the days of my life; that you may enjoy the blessings and the heritage of God’s beloved.

A Special Thanks to

Elder Denise S. Jarrett

For the countless hours you spent assisting me during the editing process of this manuscript.

Table of Contents

Introduction

1: Lost Through Translation

2: The First Marriage

Genesis 2:18

What About the Animals

Equally Yoked

3: Pathways

Genesis 24 – Prologue

Genesis 24 – The Breakdown

The Provision (vs.1-9)

Prayer for Success (vs.10-14)

The First Key

The Second Key

Encounter at the Well (vs. 15-28)

Entreating the Family (vs. 29-49)

The Consent (vs. 50-61)

The Meeting (vs. 62-67)

4: Of Wells and Women

A Tale of Two Women

5: Proverbs

Proverbs 5

Wisdom Speaks

6: A Final Thought

Epilogue

References

Introduction

Marriage….one of the few subjects that the Bible clearly states is a mystery. It is also the only TYPE that God chose to be an earthly representation of the relationship that exists between Christ and His Church. The history of mankind began with a marriage between Adam and Eve, and history will end with the Marriage Supper of the Lamb. Even Christ Himself, during His earthly ministry, performed His very first miracle at a wedding.

Unfortunately, the world in which we live neither understands nor appreciates the state of blessedness that the marriage union is intended to bestow upon those that stand before God and commit their lives in covenant to one another. Hollywood celebrities enter into marriage as easily as they accept their next script...and the relationship usually last about as long as it takes for their latest movie to make its run through the local theaters. Families depicted on television in sitcoms as well as talk shows are overtly dysfunctional. And same-sex relationships are striving to become an acceptable norm.

Is that how Christ relates to His Church? Is that what God was seeking when He ordained marriage? We must remember that it has been labeled “Holy,” seeing that God is intimately acquainted with the event. This institution is so sacred, that God announces Himself as a witness between the two who enjoin themselves in marital bliss. (Malachi 2:14). Look at it as if God signs His name on the dotted line of your marriage certificate as a witness of the vows you commit to your intended. He is your co-signer, and the vows that you give to your loved one, are also vows you give to God, and He fully expects you to keep them…..till death do you part!

Okay, so…..now that we have put a few studs in the ground of your heart to begin to lay a firm foundation, let’s get to what this book is really about. I want you to understand that this is not simply about having a relationship. This book has been written to give revelation on acquiring your soul mate; your life partner. So if you are only looking for someone to cure your loneliness or boredom, then this is not the book for you. I say this not to discourage you from reading, because I believe you will be very blessed for doing so. The truth is that marriage is not a cure all for boredom or loneliness. These emotions would be better served with the purchase of a pet, or by taking up a hobby. Less time, effort, and commitment would be required to make a success of those activities, than what will be required of you to have a successful marriage. I just thought I would throw that in to sober you up a bit, just in case you are a little intoxicated with the idea that you will be able to check the “married” box when filling out applications in the near future.

I must admit, the fact that you are still here lets me know that you are serious about this issue. I would expect that over half of the readers who pick up this book will bail out when they see words like effort and commitment. These are definite deterrents for the “I just want a quick fix” crowd. You must be in this for the long haul.

Because you have persevered beyond the previous paragraphs, let me ask you a question. How many singles events have you attended in the past five years? Twenty-five? Thirty? Fifty or more? If you were like me, your answer would be, “One too many.” Don’t get me wrong, I thank God for Singles Ministry. It’s good to be able to fellowship with those who are sharing the same station in life that you are. There is strength in that. But the time came when I began to feel as if I were destined to travel to distant lands, but I was only getting enough information to get me to the next corner. Let me explain.

During my years as an enlisted member of the prestigious Singles Ministry, I enjoyed many meetings and events. There were barbeques, bowling, skating, and singles conferences, where we would have renowned speakers who would give us reasons as to why we should enjoy our singleness; along with a few pointers on how to do so. Of course, it was always a plus if the ministers were single themselves, just for the sake of association. Even though I would leave these events feeling edified, I also felt somewhat discouraged. I really wasn’t looking for another sermon on how to enjoy my singleness. After all, I was living it. What I needed was instruction on how to proceed from that point. God had given me a desire to be married, and it burned in me like a raging volcano, spewing its effects over every area of my life. Sermons on “God’s Purpose for My Singleness” were like pouring a bucket of water on the Great Chicago Fire….it quickly dissipated.

If ever the subject of marriage was brought forth in a singles meeting, it never really progressed past the infamous question, “How many of you are really trusting God for your mate?” I still remember the blank stares as each of us looked at one another as if the question was asked in a foreign language. One or two hands went up. The rest just sat there looking fearful. Stuck! I suppose some kept their hands down out of fear of being called on and having to give an answer for the reason of their faith and trust. Most, I would image, didn’t want to lie in a church assembly, and rightfully restrained themselves from raising their hands. Either way, it all added up to a lack of knowledge. It was apparent that asking that question was like putting the cart before the horse. How can one truly trust God for something, unless you first know what He has to say about it? Sure we are to trust God for everything in life, but faith is not blind. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. (Romans 10:17). God wants us to have knowledge and an understanding of His Word and what He has given us. We should possess knowledge of Him, even though there may be times when we may not have an understanding of His ways. It’s this knowledge of who He is and His nature that allows us to trust Him. In order to say that I am trusting God for my mate with all honesty, I need to know what God has to say on the subject, so that faith can be born in me, and carry me through to the manifestation of God’s will for my life and marriage.

Now, here is the dilemma. While it appears that I am crucifying singles ministries and its ministers for not readying its members for marriage, in reality, I don’t fault them. My purpose is not to blame, but to edify.

You see, the Bible is very clear on several subjects; one of which, is marriage. Scriptures that define the roles given to each participant in a marriage are very evident. There is also instruction on order, rearing of children, work, guiding the home, and many other issues that will be confronted in marriage. The problem is that these are things that will be addressed once you are married. They can always be discussed before you make your vows, and wisdom would direct you to do so. But it is in the fertile ground of the marriage covenant where these issues will be proven.

So what about before marriage? Wouldn’t the Word of God speak of this also? Since marriage is an institution that God created and loves; the one symbol He chose to typify the relationship between Christ and His Church; surely He must have breathed revelation on how to become fit in order to be joined with the one who is to be your soul mate.

Well, bless God, He did. Our parents should have taught the natural things to us; or at the very least we should have gained some knowledge just through simple observation. A man should have been taught to work a job, provide a home, procure food, and be a spiritual covering over his family. How to cook, keep a home, and rear children was the advised curriculum for a woman. (It’s always welcomed and appreciated if the man possesses these skills as well.) Most of these requirements are easily learned.

On the other hand, the spiritual side, while present, is somewhat veiled. Being a person of prayer, committed to Bible study, and faithfully attending church is about the gamut of what most people would say sums up the spiritual side of preparation. God, however, had much more to say.

If I may, I would like to invite you on a journey with me. You and I, with the help of God’s roadmap, are going to travel to a land called “Holy Matrimony.” It’s really not so far away, although the length of the trip depends on you. Along the way, we are going to put to death many erroneous teachings and misinterpretations. We will sojourn through the land of Genesis, where we will learn what God requires of us in this endeavor, as well as what He has obligated Himself to do. It is here that we find the pathways that are laid out for the male and the female; similar, yet distinct. We will learn some proverbs, and even converse with an Apostle of Christ. Conforming to Christ is the high cost of this journey, but the dividends are priceless. Sound like something you can afford? Good. I’m glad to see that you accept the invitation. Let’s get started!

1

Lost Through Translation

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22

What would you say if I told you that Proverbs 18:22 has absolutely nothing to do with a man searching for a suitable companion? I suppose you would say that the prince of this world, the devil, has obviously blinded my mind to scripture. You might even say that I am retarded, or perhaps can’t read. Maybe I’m dyslexic, and I perceive everything to be backwards or somewhat misconstrued.

Well, I’m glad to inform you that none of the aforementioned conditions are true. Oh I agree with you one hundred percent. That is what it says, right there in black and white. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” But is that really what this scripture is saying? I’ll tell you what; let’s get some clarity on the meaning of two critical words in this scripture, so we can have a better understanding of the truths contained therein.

The first word we need to clarify is findeth, or find. The World Book Dictionary defines this as: to meet with, come upon by chance. 2. To look for and get, discover by searching. Sound right to you? There are several other meanings, but I believe these two will be sufficient for now.

So, let’s look at the next word. Obtaineth, or obtain. The definition of this word is: to get or procure through effort and diligence. Hmmm….that’s rather interesting, don’t you think? Look at the meanings of these words. To look for and get by searching….and….to procure through effort and diligence. How can I, with my right mind, say that this scripture has nothing to do with a man searching for a suitable companion with definitions like that?

Ok, let’s try something else. Let’s substitute these definitions in place of the words, and see if that makes a difference. By doing this, the scripture would read: “Whoso looks for and gets a wife discovers a good thing, and procures through effort and diligence the favour of the Lord.” Wow, that’s even worse. This definitely does not give credence to my theory. But I promise you, I’m really not retarded, dyslexic, or deceived….although I’m sure you may have your doubts by now.

If we take this interpretation by face value, it is obvious that a man must seek out his mate with all effort and diligence. How can we argue against that with such evidence before us? We might as well close this case, and this book for that matter.

However, before we concede and accept this as doctrine, there is one other pivotal rule that we must consider when interpreting the scriptures. That rule of thumb is that we should always interpret words through the original language in which the script was written. Had the Old Testament been written in English, then our current interpretation of Proverbs 18:22 would be correct. But since that scripture was translated into English from the Hebrew language, let’s define the same two words using a Hebrew dictionary, and see if they reveal the same truths.

The Hebrew word for findeth or find is MATSA (maw-tsaw), and it means: to come forth, appear, befall, cause to come, or deliver, among others. Quite different from the English definition. The same holds true for our second word, obtaineth or obtain. The Hebrew version of this word is PUWQ (pook), and it means: to issue, furnish, afford, draw out, and further. Every one of the Hebrew definitions for the words findeth and obtaineth, could be rightly translated, “acquire” - the connotation being, “one who receives an inheritance.”

Interpreting this scripture using the definitions given in the Hebrew dictionary instead of an English version completely changes the thrust of the sentence. It moves the factors from the man searching for a mate, and makes room for divine providence to supply the need. In other words, it takes the focus off of “Whoso,” and directs it toward God.

I am particularly fascinated with the definitions for the word obtaineth, because they begin to reveal the harmony of scripture. When we take Proverbs 18:22, and harmonize it with Genesis 2:21-23, we see that God drew Eve out of Adam to further him in his purpose for which he was created. The Lord furnished Adam with a mate, and afforded him a need he could never supply on his own. The issue was God’s alone. (The word issue here is representative of [spiritual] seed, as in a male’s issue or sperm, since Adam and Eve were God’s creation, and not as in a problem or conflict.)

Please forgive me. Somehow I’ve gotten way ahead of myself and jumped completely into our next chapter. I will try to contain myself so that we don’t miss any vital information on our journey. We should progress just fine taking one step at a time. Let’s get back to Proverbs 18:22.

So, now that we have defined the meanings of findeth and obtaineth using a Hebrew dictionary, let’s substitute these definitions into the scripture like we did before, and see if we get the same interpretation. “Whoso is delivered a wife is befallen by a good thing, and is issued and furnished favour of the Lord.”

Well what do you know about that! A completely different truth was lying just beneath the surface. This view becomes more palpable when we understand that we can only obtain the favor of God by pleasing Him and walking in His will, and not by our own desires or choices. Human effort and diligence cannot secure the favor of God because it does not exist in the physical realm, and it cannot be apprehended by physical strength or exertion. God bestows His favor upon whom He will…and the Bible lets us know that those who have His favor, are those who are obedient to His will, which makes them pleasing in His sight.

I wouldn’t be offended if you said that this alone does not change your mind about the fact that a man should not seek out a wife. Rome wasn’t built in a day. It rose up brick by brick, and I intend on doing the same. I want to build a house of faith and trust in the providence of God, and how intimately He holds, and has provided for, every need in your life. It will be an abode of peace and rest for you, so that you can cease from all of your labors, and allow God to be God.

I particularly believe this revelation, as well as those contained in the remainder of this book, will be a breath of fresh air for every woman who desires a mate. I can’t tell you the number of single women that attend church who believe that they must wait on some man to discover them. They think that they have to wait on “Johnny Do Right” to get it together and start the hunt. For every woman reading this book, here’s encouragement….the ONLY PERSON that holds your destiny is Jesus Christ; and when you are ready, God will bring you together with your intended.

If this truth has made any penetration within your heart and mind at all, you might be asking yourself, “Well, if I’m not supposed to seek a mate, then what am I supposed to be doing?” I have an answer for that. Unfortunately, I am not at liberty to divulge that information until we get a couple of chapters down the road. But I’m sure you will not be disappointed. Trust me; it will be worth the wait. Right now, it’s important that we stay on course. This is but one piece of the puzzle that has been put into place. While it doesn’t look like much now, when we are finished, it will reveal the face of Jesus Christ. Through scripture that is.

It appears that we have done all that we can do here. You may want to tuck Proverbs 18:22 safely away in your backpack. That will serve as our compass, so we may refer back to it from time to time to help us stay focused and headed in the right direction. For the time being, all we have to do is to keep following this pathway of revelation. It should lead us right into a garden called Eden, where you and I have an appointment with a man named Adam.

2

The First Marriage

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

I was formally introduced to the story of Adam and Eve as a child through my “Bible Stories for Children” book. Although our home was blessed to have a King James Version of the Bible at our disposal, it was rarely ever read, or moved for that fact. Our belief system at that time was rooted in Catholicism, but our lifestyles would clearly classify us as sinners. We would attend Christmas Mass every five years or so, and the only lesson that was practiced enough for me to learn to observe faithfully was the giving of thanks before a meal. While we respected the Bible enough not to speak ill of it, we did not reverence it as the Word of God, which should be obeyed. Instead of being the key directive by which we lived our lives, it was reduced to a storage device, used to house family mementos and keepsakes. Things like marriage and funeral programs, the family’s genealogy, and a lock of some great, great ancestor’s hair. Sounds more like an ancient recipe for casting spells. Thank God for Divine Intervention!

Now that I am an adult and have received Christ as my Lord and Savior, some of the things that I believed as a child come flooding back as God reveals more and more of His Word to me. As I receive revelation through the Spirit of God, it unveils the untruths and misconceptions I embraced in my youth. Some of these misconceptions seem so minute, that it would be easy to pass them off as irrelevant. However, the Word of God is truth, and its truth is absolute. There are no gray areas; no such things as half-truths. If it isn’t true, then it’s a lie. It is just that simple.

If you will indulge me for a moment, I will attempt to elucidate this principle, and show you why it is so crucial that we know the truth, even in the most minuscule matters.

When God created Adam, He gave him a command, which embodied God’s purpose for him.

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Genesis 1:28

Hence, we have God’s plan for the first man (and woman) ever created. But do you know that there is actually a doctrine being preached that says that a race of humans existed before Adam? Did you also know that there is a certain version of the Bible that has this teaching in it as if it were true? That is absolute foolishness. All of this came about because of one minute misconception; or should I say misinterpretation; of the word replenish. Because this word is defined in the English dictionary as, “to refill, renew, to fill again,” the doctrine of a Pre-Adamic race was born. This is dangerous not only because it is untrue, but it also gives any wayward madman the tools to discredit the veracity of the Word of God. How can we believe that we have the completed canon of scriptures if the Bible doesn’t contain any information about the people who were here before Adam? And how can Genesis open with, “In the beginning,” because according to that doctrine, the six days of creation could not have been the beginning.

Do you see where I am going with this? I could go on and on and eventually inundate you with so many questions about the validity of God’s Word that you would not know what to believe. This is why it is so important that we study to show ourselves as approved workmen who have the ability to rightly divide the Word of truth...because it only takes one misinterpreted word in a scripture to give birth to a deceptive doctrine.

So, what is the truth about Genesis 1:28? Well, if we remember to use our rule of thumb, to always interpret the scriptures through the language in which they were originally written, we can often escape such deceptions. The Hebrew definitions of replenish are: to fill, be full of, accomplish, satisfy, and furnish. Once again, it’s completely different from the English definition. This, in effect, completely dismantles the doctrine of a Pre-Adamic race, because God was commanding Adam to fill the earth, not to re-fill it.

Please don’t think that I am suggesting that using the proper dictionary will allow you to arrive at all truth. It takes living holy, fasting and prayer, communion with God, worship, growing in grace and godliness, being filled with the Holy Spirit, trials, revelation, and so many other elements to discern truth. There is even an attitude toward truth that God desires His people to possess, so that He may reveal deeper truths to them. That criterion is found in Isaiah 28:9-10.

Whom shall he teach knowledge? And whom shall he make to understand doctrine? them that are weaned from the milk, and drawn from the breast.

For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept; line upon line, line upon line; here a little, and there a little.

Isaiah 28:9-10

God wants us to have a meticulous attitude toward His word. Not passive or indifferent. We should take pains to search the scriptures and seek His face until His Spirit reveals the truth. After all, the only weapon against deception is knowing the TRUTH!

Add to that, the fact that the Bible closes with a warning that if anyone adds to what is written, God will add to him the plagues written in His word. And if anyone takes away what is written, God will blot his name out of the Book of Life, and out of the holy city. That should put enough fear in us to make us realize that no lie or misconception is too minute to be overlooked.

Unfortunately, I have to address this subject here because of the countless books I have read over the years about preparing for marriage that were unbiblical. I have even witnessed advertisements in Christian settings that were not only unscriptural, but also ungodly. Many of these authors have huge followings. Even though I am sure you would like to know who they are, I would be amiss to give their names. I was able to judge what was written only by judging it according to the Word of God, and not by judging the man. As long as we are on this side of heaven, there are things that we will only know in part, as spoken by the Apostle Paul. It is possible for someone to be doctrinally incorrect; and yet, this does not speak of the person’s heart toward God, or the validity of his or her ministry. It only reveals a truth they have yet to understand. Even though some of the writings I have read were not sound doctrine, I didn’t perceive any of the authors to be maliciously intent on trying to deceive the people of God. So wisdom has taught me to judge what I read and see if it is grounded in the Word of God, and leave the judging of the man to God alone.

It is for that very reason that I have chosen the style of writing that I have. To first address some common misconceptions that are known to be among God’s people, and then reveal the truth of the matter, and back it up scripturally. I don’t want you taking my word for it. It is my desire that you study it for yourself as well. I want you to be assured beyond any doubt that it’s in the Word of God.

As I stated at the opening of this chapter, my earliest exposure to the story of Adam and Eve was through a book I had as a child called, “Bible Stories for Children.” It’s been 25 years or more since I’ve had it in my possession, but I can still remember the pictures that accompanied the stories. Illustrations so beautiful, you would have thought that Van Gogh himself was the artist. Nevertheless, it was those beautiful pictures that were the culprits of some of my minute misconceptions.

One such mendacity was a picture of Eve being tempted by the serpent. She’s devouring an apple, and he is a snake beguiling her from the tree. If you read the story in Genesis 3:1-6, the Bible never said that the fruit Eve plucked from the tree was an apple. It only states that it was fruit. I still hear preachers today that say it was an apple. We also still believe that the serpent was in the form of a snake at the time of the temptation. However, it wasn’t until God pronounced the curse upon him that he went down on his belly. Before that, the Bible says that he was more subtle than any beast of the field. While it is not specific about what form of animal it was, it is very probable that it was upright before being cast on its belly.

Some of the other most notables would be Samson and the Wise Men. Samson is always depicted in pictures as a strong, muscular man. But if that were the case, why did Delilah and the Philistines trouble him so by trying to figure out where his strength came from? (See Judges 16). If he were as physically built as we see him in pictures, it would be obvious where his strength came from.

And what about the wise men? Christmas stories and Nativity scenes would have us believe that there were three of these men. That is based on the offerings that they brought to Baby Jesus; Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh. The Bible only says that wise men came; it doesn’t say how many.

It bears repeating that these are minute misconceptions. When I say minute, I mean that they do not change the context or the doctrinal truth within the story. I mentioned them only in hopes of drawing renewed attention and focus on the scriptures. I hope it will light a spark that burns bright enough, that not even the most trivial detail is able to escape your observation.

Genesis 2:18

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

Have you ever wondered what was happening within creation that would cause God to say that it is not good that the man should be alone? After all, the Bible doesn’t record anything going awry with God’s creation since He viewed it and said it was very good. We don’t see anywhere in the scriptures where Adam protested his solitude and began petitioning God for a mate. What we do have, however, is that God said He would make a help meet for Adam. Since mankind was created both male and female, it’s obvious that this was what God had designed from the beginning, and He alone would be the sole initiator in this event. Even so, we are yet left without an explanation as to why He did not create the man and woman separately like He did with the beast and fowl and other creatures? Why was Adam alone in the beginning? Was there something that God wanted him to do first? We know that God is a God of purpose, and He doesn’t do anything outside of purpose. He is not frivolous. So if we want to understand God’s movements, we must acquaint ourselves not only with His purpose, but with His timing as well.

We can see that the intention of God is answered by the fact that mankind was brought into existence as male and female. That would explain His purpose. But if we are to understand the timing of God in relation to His purpose, then we must first figure out why He did not physically form the woman for Adam at the beginning of their creation; and what was different from that time, and the time He chose to bring the woman to Adam.

In order to answer these questions, we have to jump forward a few verses, and look at the procedure God used to bring His objectives for Adam to fruition. But before the scriptures yield to us the method behind God’s timing, they will first challenge us to go deeper within God’s purpose.

What About the Animals

God does something really strange to begin the process of bringing Adam his help meet. First, let’s look at Genesis 2:18.

And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:18

Here, God reveals His purpose and intent of what He is about to do. But look at the following two verses.

And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what He would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

Genesis 2:19

And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

Genesis 2:20

I don’t know about you, but I find this to be rather peculiar. Something isn’t right with the progression of these scriptures above. In verse 18, God is announcing that He is going to make a help meet for Adam. Immediately after the Lord’s proclamation, verse 19 begins to give a reiteration of the creation of the animal species. At first glance, this change in subject matter could give the appearance that one verse has nothing to do with the other. Remembering that God is a God of purpose, this becomes rather confusing on many fronts. First, verse 19 reiterates that God formed the beast of the field and fowl of the air. Understand that this is only a reiteration of what God had already done, and He was not creating them at that time as possible mates for Adam. They were actually created before man. The whales and fowl on the fifth day, and the beast at the beginning of the sixth day, along with man who was created last. (See Genesis 1:20-31). For us to even consider the fact that God brought the animal kingdom before Adam as possible mates is absurd. That would mean that God is an advocate of bestiality, which we know He views as a gross sin and an abomination. It would also undermine the omniscience of God, because He created mankind male and female from the beginning. We must not allow the final sentence of verse 20 to throw us. (But for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.) God did not bring the animals before Adam as possible mates. That still leaves us with the question of why did God bring the animals before Adam, and how does that fit in with the purpose of God in making a help meet for him?

I believe that there were at least three things that the Lord wanted to accomplish by bringing the animal kingdom before Adam; the first being very conspicuous. Genesis 2:19 says that the Lord brought the animals to Adam to see what he would call them. That’s simple enough. Adam gave names to the animals. Whatever he called them, that was the name thereof. But there is something that is tied to this act that we cannot let slip away. Knowledge that is imperative if we are to understand the timing as well as the purpose of God in this matter. In order to see this, we have to go back a few verses to the creation of man. Take a look at Genesis 1:27-28.

So God created man in His own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.

Genesis 1:27

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Genesis 1:28

These verses, along with Genesis 2:18-20, reveal the entire purpose and timing of God concerning Adam and Eve. If we take the command given in verse 28, and separate it into individual units, or duties, we come away with five objectives that Adam must fulfill. He must be fruitful, multiply, replenish the earth, subdue it, and have dominion. Since fruitfulness will bring multiplication, which in turn will replenish the earth, we can group these three commands together. The same goes for the last two, as subjugating and dominion are closely related. By doing this, we reduce the aspect of finding God’s timing in relation to His purpose to just one other task - and that is to find where the commands themselves were fulfilled. Let me show you how this unfolds in layman’s terms.

The scriptures have already confirmed that God brought the animals before Adam to see what he would call them. Now, all that we have to do is to look and see if this act fulfills any of the five objectives within the command that God gave to Adam. If it does, then we can begin to find the timeline behind God’s purpose as to why Adam was alone in the beginning, as well as what God wanted him to accomplish in that timeframe.

So, do you see anything? Look closely. Naming the animals and designating classifications may have been the first reason. But as I stated earlier, it is what was tied to this act that gives us the second reason. That’s right; you’ve guessed it….Dominion. Adam naming the animal species speaks of his dominion over them. Whenever we read about someone naming something in scripture, it is often symbolic of that person having dominion over whatever is named. A good example of this is Ephesians 3:14-15.

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named.

Ephesians 3:14-15

Now we know that everyone in heaven and earth is not named Jesus. This scripture is referring to the Lord’s Dominion, or rule, over all of creation, natural and spiritual.

Subduing or subjugating someone or something is the same as having dominion, so this answers two of the five objectives. The only thing that Adam has to do now is to maintain, be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth. Let’s see how the animals relate to the execution of this portion of the command.

Since it was God’s idea and purpose for Adam to have a mate, He needed to communicate His purpose to Adam. I believe that Adam understood God when He told him to be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth, subdue it, and have dominion. However, Adam was incapable of doing any of this on his own. He is utterly dependent upon God to lead him, and to supply what he would need to fulfill the mandate upon his life.

So, the third reason God brought the animals before Adam, was that He wanted Adam to notice that there was no other flesh like his...that while all the beast of the earth, the fowl in the air, and the fish in the waters have a counterpart; he is alone. He is unique in creation, and there is nothing like him. Look at I Corinthians 15:39.

All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.

I Corinthians 15:39

Adam alone possesses flesh of man in all of creation. How can he possibly multiply his kind upon the earth while being alone, or all one?

It is interesting to note that God also told the fish and the fowl to be fruitful and multiply, fill the waters and the earth. Yet, they were created with their opposite sex at once. God could have done the same with Adam. But as we have seen, God had a purpose and an order He wished to follow. He had an agenda concerning Adam, and His timing was key.

Once Adam had completed the prerequisites of naming the animals and asserting his dominion, then he was ready to receive his help. Adam didn’t need the help of Eve to walk in dominion. But he would need her help to be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth. Likewise, there are some things that God wants you to complete in your singleness. As you progress in His purposes, you will come to a time when you can no longer fulfill God’s plan for your life while you are alone (all one), and that’s when your mate will come. God joins people together for the sake of ministry, not simply because they are lonely and want companionship. He or she is placed with you as a help to fulfill ministry duties; which include, but is not limited to, procreation. As a matter of fact, the institution of marriage itself is a ministry.

Now we know that God purposed to bring Adam a mate. He had Adam name the animals, thus asserting his dominion, and subjugating (ruling) creation. He also revealed to Adam that there was no other flesh like his; that he was unique in creation. Adam obviously got the hint, because once Eve is brought to him, he doesn’t simply rejoice in the fact that he has a companion, but he says, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of man. (Genesis 2:23). Notice that he also remembered to classify her with a name. Lesson learned.

Before we move forward, there are a few additional details worth mentioning here. Once Adam had named the animals, and there was not a help meet to be found for him, God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam. That is symbolic of consecration. We will expound on this in the next chapter.

We should also take notice of the fact that God chose to make Eve from a rib that He removed from Adam. When He said, “I will make him an help meet for him,” the word “make” here is translated, “build.” God is going to literally “build” Eve with all of the curves and attractions of a finely hand-crafted piece of artwork. I could spend some time on that, but I will forego my notion to do so. In spite of this, the wisdom of God is made manifest when we know that the rib is the only bone in the human body that is capable of regeneration. That should give you something to think about.

Lastly, I want to direct your attention to Genesis 2:22.

And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.

Genesis 2:22

For the sake of not wanting to bore your patience, I only want to tackle one issue here, and that is the word, “Brought.” This one word has caused many people to misinterpret this scripture, which in turn causes them to lose the purpose of God in joining a male to a female. As I stated earlier, God joins people together for the sake of ministry and procreation, and not merely to satisfy their wants or desires.

The word “brought” in Hebrew is Bow (bo) and means: attain, befall, bring forth, call, cause to enter, be fallen, fetch, grant, and invade. This definition has the same meanings and connotations as findeth and obtaineth have in Proverbs 18:22, “to acquire.”

Eve was not something that Adam was presented with; she was what he acquired through the purpose and provision of God. The animals were created male and female and were separate at creation. The herbs, fruits, and vegetation were created with seed within themselves for reproduction. Eve was in Adam at creation, and she was what God had designed for Adam from the beginning.

The reason I must be adamant about this, is because of the way the two words, “present” and “brought,” are often used interchangeably. It may sound like they are closely related, but the principles behind them couldn’t be further apart. For instance, I’ve heard it said that God merely presents possible mates to you, and you are to make the choice. If the first thing offered to you is not to your liking or satisfaction, then you wait for the next. But where can you find that reasoning in the Word of God? God brought Eve to Adam. If Adam refused her, God was not going to make another woman. It was not about Adam’s desire or wants; it was about God’s purposes. You and I have the same choice. When God reveals His will to us, and brings us what He has desired, we have the choice to accept it, or reject it. But God is not going to change His will to fit our comfort levels or desires. We have to come up to Him.

If someone died and left a will, and you were the recipient, then you would inherit whatever was bequeathed to you. Let’s just say that it was an old, rusty, broke down car. You were hoping to have a new, fully-loaded sedan. You have a right to turn down whatever was willed to you...but the will is not changed in order to give you your desire. You would either do without, or you would go out on your own and get what you want.

The same applies to God’s purposes and promises for our lives. He has a will for each of us. We can agree with His will, or turn it down, and go after our own desires. Choosing the latter, however, would mean that the blessings and favor of God would not be upon those things.

I’m sure that you understand that you have a right to make choices. But you also have a right to the blessings or consequences that those choices bring. God gave us free will. However, our free will does not take preeminence over the sovereignty of God. He will not violate our will, but He knows how to delicately break it, and cause us to submit to Him.

It’s important to develop the right perspective of God, so that you know and understand that He has, and desires, the very best for you. Jesus died for our sins…but He lived to destroy the works of the devil, and to give us abundant life. A life that is above and beyond mere existence. A God- kind of life. He has provided for all of our needs, for He is an excellent Father. He knows us better than we know ourselves. This should assure us that we will be more than satisfied with His provision.

In the matter of choices, I am expressly speaking about the choice of a mate here. If you were purchasing an automobile, it would be foolish of me to advise you to seek God, so that you would know what color it should be. Let’s be realistic. If you like blue, then buy a blue car. Unlike a car however, if your mate decides to go on the fritz, you can’t trade them in for a newer model. So it’s important to be yoked with the right person.

Equally Yoked

Attaining the position (of being equally yoked) is more arduous than simply uniting yourself to another believer in Christ. They have to be a help to you both naturally and spiritually; fitted and suitable to share and deal with your makeup, your ways, habits, shortcomings, traits, ministry, anointing, and the call and purpose of God upon your life. Not everyone in the church is suited or equipped to endure the trials and the ministry that you may face. Not everyone has the same gifts or level of anointing. Neither are we all the same type of vessel. Some are for honor, and some to dishonor. Look at II Timothy 2:20.

But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour.

II Timothy 2:20

I’m sure that I do not need to take the time to explain to you, what would happen should you attach yourself to a vessel of dishonor. I think we all know what the results of that union would be. And yet, there is a strong possibility of that happening, when we only employ our own resources and devices in the choice of a mate. Just like a tare is able to grow among wheat, because it bears the exact characteristics of the wheat; not all vessels of dishonor act or look dishonorable. You would be hard pressed to find the differences between the two. Only God knows what lies within the heart and soul of a person. It would be in your best interest to pray earnestly, and to receive wise counsel from your leaders, (who are God’s delegated authority), before you commit your life to someone. They are there to watch for your soul, as shepherds who are accountable before God, and they should lead you correctly.

On the flip side of this subject, what would happen if you yoke yourself up with someone whom you are absolutely sure is like Jesus Himself, a definite vessel of honor? They are so holy and empowered, that you could sense the devil cringe when they walk into a room. You adore the same things. You’re both driven and goal oriented; on fire for Christ. You love their parents, and their parents love you. They get along beautifully with your relatives. You have the same spending habits, and even desire the same number of children; two boys and a girl. I mean this person is everything on your Christmas list and a Christmas cookie. Nothing is left undone, so they have to be the one, right? ….Wrong!!!!

I hate to burst your bubble, but most married couples that do have the mate that God intended for them do not enjoy that type of amalgamation. Having everything in common with someone does not make him or her a suitable mate. Allow me to explicate this, so you are not so confused. Look again at II Timothy 2:20.

But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and of silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour, and some to dishonour.

II Timothy 2:20

We must consider the fact that there are different types of vessels within the house of God, and God deals with each type of vessel accordingly.

Could you imagine going to a store and purchasing a beautiful gold vase with pieces of wood scattered throughout the vessel? That would be rather unattractive, don’t you think? Well, if you are a vessel of gold, and your mate is a vessel of wood, when you are joined in marriage and become one, that is exactly what you would have.

It goes a little deeper when we consider the fact that God is going to process and purify us through various trials and circumstances. We have to become pure; without wrinkle, spot, or blemish. What do you think would happen when the fiery trials come to temper you? It takes an incredible amount of heat to temper and purify gold. Much more heat than wood or even iron could ever endure. That amount of heat will totally obliterate the wood. Although we are individuals, once we marry, we become one, and must grow as a unit. In this case, one person would not be able to endure the suffering, trials, and purifying process of the other. They are unequally yoked.

Imagine that you were driving in the country, and you came to a field where a farmer was out plowing the ground. You happen to glance at the animals pulling the plow, and lo and behold, you see that the farmer has yoked up an ox with a mule. Could you imagine how awkward that would be? First of all, I don’t even know if that is possible, given the shear mass of weight that the ox has over the mule. I’m sure that they could never make a straight line, because of the different strides of each animal. That ox would pull that poor little mule all over the place. The strength of the mule can in no wise compare to the power of an ox. Not to mention the differences in the stamina and endurance of the two. Talk about unequally yoked! That would be cruelty to animals, punishable by law!

However, if you were to separate these two, each of them would be extremely efficient in plowing the field on their own. They share the same purpose, and they can pull the same plow. But they cannot be harnessed with the same yoke. If they were, the yoke would list heavily to one side. It would be unequal. One animal would bear the brunt of the load, and the other would have to resign itself to being lugged around. (See Deuteronomy 22:10).

Are you beginning to see our absolute need for God in acquiring a real soul mate? We simply do not possess enough information or wisdom about God’s purpose, our future, our potential mate, or even ourselves to make the right choice on our own. If the only things that mattered were having someone who shared our interests and looked really good to us, then acquiring a mate would be easy. But by now, you should understand that this goes far beyond meager compatibility issues.

I trust that you have been able to digest what we have discussed thus far. I know that some of this may be hard to swallow, but I hope you haven’t choked on me just yet. I’m doing my best to serve you small pieces, so that it goes down easy. Nevertheless, I must warn you. The appetizers are over, and we are about to sample the main course. It’s time for a little meat. Don’t worry; I will have a bowl of gravy standing by, just in case things get a little too cut and dry for you.

We are now ready to explore the sources from which this book derived its title…the pathways of preparation to acquiring your soul mate. It is essential that you understand that absolutely everything in the Word of God is significant. In order to expose these pathways, we must learn to interpret factors like: names of cities, mountains, colors, numbers, animals, insects, directions, people, memorials, instruments, instructions, customs, and so forth. These factors, or objects, hold great mysteries which, when understood, have the capacity to open up the very heavens for you. Because of this, we are compelled to give thanks to the Lord who has graciously endorsed His ministers to be stewards of the mysteries of God. (I Corinthians 4:1). The things that are hidden from the world are made bare and laid open before the minds and hearts of the people of God. This makes us both privileged and accountable to communicate these mysteries to all of mankind, that they may be reconciled to, seek after, and glorify the God of heaven. Therefore, I pray that what is revealed through the following scriptures will enlighten as well as empower you to obtain the manifestation of what you are preparing for; namely, marriage. As you travel these pathways, let your walk be brisk, and your stride strong and unhindered. May the Lord of all providence meet you at your journey’s end, and escort you into the land of Holy Matrimony. Be blessed.

3

Pathways

Genesis 24 – Prologue

If I had to select only one chapter in the entire Bible to illustrate what principles and practices one must undertake in order to prepare for marriage, Genesis 24 would be unrivaled. While other chapters throughout the Word of God contain segments on how to ready oneself for matrimony, the entire chapter of Genesis 24 is devoted to this preparation process. The scriptures give us license to peer into the life of the world’s greatest patriarch, as he sets in motion the process that will ultimately fulfill a God-given promise. As we prepare to walk with him during this quest, we must first gather tools of understanding that will help us to profit from our pursuit.

While our chosen chapter centers on four main characters; Abraham, his servant, his son Isaac, and Rebekah; we cannot allow ourselves to lose sight of the greater purpose behind the story. Our scope of concentration is to convey the ethics and instructions that will properly position us to acquire our mate. But we would be at a loss if we were to even attempt to try to understand the significance of what we are about to read, unless we know the story behind the story. Genesis 24 presents a greater challenge than just understanding the ideologies that bring about the union between two people. It encompasses decisions that reach far into the future.

In the 18th chapter of Genesis, we read about the promise that the Lord gave to Abraham and to Sarah, that they would have a son. They named him Isaac (which means laughter), because Sarah laughed within herself when she heard the promise. (See Genesis 18:12). Isaac is indeed a promised heir. However, he is not the sum total of what was promised.

When God made a covenant with Abraham in the 15th chapter of Genesis, He first showed him the stars of the sky, and asked him to number them if he could, for that is how numerous his descendants would be. This served as a confirmation to Abraham, because God first made His intentions known to him in the 12th chapter, when He first called Abraham to leave his country and his kindred. God pledged that He would make a great nation from him. He also promised Abraham that all of the families of the earth would be blessed in him. (See Genesis 12:1-3).

This is very important because it shows us a vital lesson here. Isaac is simply a link in a chain that spreads throughout history. While he is a promise to Abraham, he is but a fragment of a greater whole; for the promise itself transcends generations. That understanding can save us from a lot of disappointment; for many of the promises that God makes may not be fulfilled in our lifetime. His promises are usually bigger than we are, and they span and affect generations and times.

Remember when David wanted to build God a house, and God forbade him because he was a man of war and had blood on his hands? Instead of taking David’s desire away, God told him that his seed, which would be Solomon, would build the temple. David then began to lay up the things that his son would need to complete the task. (See I Chronicles 17 and 22:1-5). That’s a lesson in itself to parents…to lay up for your children. But that’s for another time, and another book.

Even though the Bible doesn’t say that it was a promise given to David to build God a house, it still shows that some of the works that we desire to do for the kingdom of God may not be fulfilled in our lifetime. Our seed should take up the mantle and carry on, because the works of the kingdom, as well as the promises of God, do transcend generations, as I noted before.

Let’s give this a little structure. I’m sure you are wondering why I have taken the time to mention all of this. The reason is that if the promises and the work of God transcends generations, then it is not so much about us, as it is about those who come after us. This includes natural and spiritually born progeny. Conversely, the real power of Genesis 24 is not going to be in the marriage between Isaac and Rebekah, but in what their union will propagate. Their marriage serves a purpose in the fulfillment of the promise that God gave to Abraham; that all the families of the earth would be blessed in him. God was looking down the entire lineage to the advent of Jesus Christ. That is why Ishmael was passed over, even though he came forth from Abraham’s loins. As we are going to see in our story, it took an Isaac and a Rebekah to produce a Jacob. She was appointed for Isaac, just as Isaac was appointed to be Abraham’s promised heir. In this scenario, as with us all, lineage matters.

Ishmael did receive a blessing from God however, (through the promise given to his mother Hagar), because he was Abraham’s firstborn. (Genesis 16:10-12). God promised Hagar that He would bless her seed so that she, like Abraham, would not be able to number them for their multitude. I believe that she received that blessing strictly from her association with Abraham. Nevertheless, the privilege of bearing the promised child belonged to Sarah, not Hagar. Similarly, if we ever plan to see the promises and the purposes of God come to pass in our lives, then we must learn to do what God says; as well as where, when, and with whom He says to do it.

Before I could unveil the pathways that lead to marriage, it was necessary that I should first help you to understand the importance of being joined to the right mate, because your union will have far reaching effects in both the physical and the spiritual world. Malachi 2:15 says that God makes us one with our companion, because He seeks godly offspring. In other words, our children, our marriages, and indeed we ourselves, are part of a chain (whose foundation is anchored in eternity). May we never be coined, “the weakest link.”

Genesis 24 – The Breakdown

I could easily equate the labor that’s involved in dissecting the 24th chapter of Genesis to that of a neurosurgeon who is operating on the nervous system along the spinal cord. A great amount of care and patience, as well as training, is involved in the operation. The objective is to make sure that feeling and proper function is restored to the body. One wrong move and the patient could be paralyzed for life.

It is that same attention to detail, and careful assessment in the needs of the individual, that must be considered here. If we make all the right connections, then everything will work harmoniously. Should we make a mistake and fail to make the necessary attachments, then we run the risk of leaving our patient void of feeling (without sensitivity to the Spirit), paralyzed (through lack of revelation, understanding, or fear), or even dying in certain areas (perishing from lack of knowledge). With maladies that paramount hanging in the balance, let us resign ourselves to the grace of God, and to the unction and instruction of the Holy Spirit. This way, we can be assured of having good success.

Needless to say, one would most certainly think that by doing this, most of the major obstacles that confront a writer would be done away with. Unfortunately, I have found the exact opposite to be true. Having the help of the Holy Spirit does not omit the struggle or the battle behind this venture. It only guarantees us of victory…if we persist. So I often found myself in conflict over how the information here should be presented.

From the moment I first began entertaining the idea of actually writing this book, it was my intention to do an exegesis of the 24th chapter of Genesis, since it is the focal point of our subject of interest. But after giving that approach some considerable thought, I decided that a verse-by-verse exposition really would not be expedient. So, as an alternative, I’ve opted to divide the chapter into six sub-context categories instead. This way, much of the story can be paraphrased, while we still retain the freedom to pause and expound on key points of information.

Since our purpose is to weigh the spiritual implications behind the natural occurrences in our story, then we must also muse over the symbolisms, which the characters themselves personify. Abraham, in this case, is a type of the Godhead. His servant is a type for the Holy Spirit. Isaac, of course, is a type of Christ…and Rebekah typifies the Church. Understanding these underlying representations are crucial if we ever expect to appreciate how the scriptures agree concerning the paths that lead to marriage.

The Provision (vs.1-9)

As we examine the first nine verses of chapter 24, we encounter a conversation between Abraham and his eldest servant, who is most likely Eliezer. Abraham has decided that it is time for Isaac to marry, and he is commissioning Eliezer to return to his country and to his kindred, to acquire a bride for his son. To make sure that everything is done according to his specifications, Abraham seeks to bind his servant with an oath, which would be sealed once the servant places his hand under Abraham’s thigh. Eliezer, however, understands that there is a possibility that the woman may not commit to following him, so he asks if he could take Isaac along on the journey. Abraham absolutely forbids this for several reasons, but he assures his servant that the Lord would send His angel before him. Nevertheless, if the woman is reluctant to follow, then Eliezer would be cleared of the oath. The pledge is then made, and the servant prepares for his journey.

Although this brief synopsis encompasses the events of the first nine verses in its totality, I must encourage you to read the scriptures themselves as we move along, so you can have a complete comprehension of the wording from a biblical standpoint. This will help you to understand how we arrived at the information that we are seeking to share.

Barring your qualifications as a Bible scholar, it doesn’t require much to see that there are several important characteristics mentioned here within these few verses. One thing in particular should have captured your attention immediately, and that is the fact that Abraham - and not Isaac - has made the decision that it is time for a mate to be acquired. Remembering that Abraham is a type of the Godhead, this parallels Genesis 2:18, where God Himself initiates the decision to give Adam a mate. This gives further credibility to the belief that it is God who decides when and with whom a marriage should take place, and not the participants themselves. Isaac, like Adam, is silent during this stage. His duty is to prepare himself, and then wait upon the providence of God. Later in the chapter, we will see exactly what he did to prepare and position himself for the blessing.

But for now, since we are attempting to show the divine pattern behind matrimony, we need to look at the motivation behind Abraham’s movements - the same way we sought to understand God’s timing in relation to His purpose with Adam. What inspired Abraham to determine that the time was right for Isaac to be betrothed?

One of our answers is found in the first verse of Genesis 24.

And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things.

Genesis 24:1

The scripture states that Abraham was old and well stricken in age. He had also been very blessed of the Lord, so he has a great inheritance to leave behind him. However, I do not see the inheritance as being the motivational factor here since Isaac would receive it upon Abraham’s death whether he was married or not. Moreover, if we look ahead to verse 36, we see that Abraham had already given Isaac all of his possessions. So this should cause us to take a closer look at Abraham’s age, to see if it had any influence on his actions.

Fortunately, this really wasn’t too hard to find. The issue with old age affects us all the same way, so Abraham was probably contemplating his mortality. With death approaching, I’m sure he’s concerned about the fulfillment of God’s promise. Just as Adam could not be fruitful, multiply, and replenish the earth without Eve…Isaac could not produce a brood that would grow to be as innumerable as the stars, unless he had a spouse. So Abraham inaugurates the mission, and trusts that God would lead his servant and provide what is necessary for the promise to come to pass. The same principle is in effect here as it was when David set aside the required materials that Solomon would need to build the temple. We should equip our offspring with what’s needed for them to continue on in the works and promises of God.

Abraham’s mortality, however, did more than just affect his decision about the timing of Isaac’s marriage. It also affected the manner in which he went about commissioning his servant. Look at the following verses.

And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh:

Genesis 24:2

And I will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shall not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell:

Genesis 24:3

But thou shall go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.

Genesis 24:4

Abraham would not want Isaac to be joined to a Canaanite, because they were a society given to paganism, and did not know the true and living God. Asking his servant to take an oath that he would not take a wife for Isaac from among those people is a reasonable request. But if we take the time and actually research the mechanics behind how the oath is made, we discover some really interesting customs.

There are two different views that are expressed when one person places their hand under the thigh of another. The first view embraces the belief that the thigh represents privacy, and is associated with procreation. Placing your hand under someone’s thigh was a euphemism for holding their procreative organ. This would solemnize the oath, which was done in the name of God. It symbolized entering into a covenant with that person...much the same way that God had His people circumcised as a sign of their covenant with Him.

The second view holds to the same values and beliefs as the first, but adds another consequence to it. In this arrangement, taking hold of the thigh is also a metaphor for unborn children. The implication is that if the covenant is violated in any way, the offspring (or the yet unborn successors) are the ones who would avenge that violation. This view, however, lacks scriptural support in this case.

Although Abraham would live for another 35 years after this occurrence, we are given proof by his own words that he was apprehensive about his own mortality. The words “Put your hand under my thigh,” were often added to the oath as an additional guarantee – used by individuals who had considerable consternation at the thought of dying prematurely. They would want assurance of the oath’s fulfillment; just in case they met their demise before the oath could be consummated. Abraham is only 140 years old at this time, and Isaac is 40. Granting that most people of that era married by the age of 30, some would say that Isaac was running behind time. Aside from that, the prevailing cause behind Abraham’s timing appears to be his own transience, undoubtedly brought on by introspection after the recent death of his wife Sarah. (See Genesis 23).

Nevertheless, the declaration has been made, and the acquisition is on. Let’s tag along and see what steps the servant takes to fulfill his obligation.

Prayer for Success (vs.10-14)

Having received the commission and sealing it with an oath, the servant gathered 10 of his master’s camels, and departed for Nahor, which is over 500 miles away. Most working camels that were common for that area and time period would cover 25 miles per day. So it’s fair to say that it took the servant 3 weeks to arrive at his destination.

I can only imagine the sheer excitement and uncertainty that must have stirred within the servant’s heart and mind as he approached the city. Remembering the conversation and the oath that he had made with Abraham - he really had no idea what would happen once he got to Nahor. Should he go to the market place and find a woman suitable for Isaac; or should he just ask where the family of Abraham resides, and then find out who would be willing to go with him? Maybe he should just go by his own devices, and find the most beautiful, voluptuous woman in the city, and take her to be Isaac’s wife. After all, he has been around Isaac for most of his life. I’m sure he knows what Isaac would like. So, what do you think he should do?

To our relief, the servant, who is a type of the Holy Spirit, knows exactly what to do. Everything that the Holy Spirit does acknowledges and glorifies God. So the first thing that the servant must do is to make sure that he is in the proper position. Notice that when he arrives at his destination, he camps just outside of the city. It is evening, and the women are coming outside of the gates to where the wells are located to draw water. What the servant does next is truly incredible and full of insight.

After positioning himself by the well, he begins to invoke the Spirit of God through prayer. Look at Genesis 24:12-14.

And he said, O Lord God of my master Abraham, I pray thee, send me good speed this day, and shew kindness unto my master Abraham.

Genesis 24:12

Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:

Genesis 24:13

And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.

Genesis 24:14

These few lines of scripture reveal some very significant lessons for every believer, as well as the wisdom and power of the Holy Spirit’s workings on our behalf. While I won’t go into great detail of what’s presented here, I must draw your attention to the fact that the servant asked God to show kindness unto Abraham - not to him. He understands that he is there as a representative of Abraham; to do business on his behalf. The works that he will do are his master’s works, and they must be carried out in his master’s name. Just as Jesus earned the title of “The Servant,” (by working the works of Him who sent him), we as believers, are to do the works of Him who has called and commissioned us; namely, Jesus. This is relevant because having a servant’s heart not only qualifies you for marriage, (as we will soon see), but it is mandatory if your marriage is to be a successful one.

In addition to this, the servant’s prayer exposes two key elements that will help us to properly position ourselves to acquire our soul mate.

The First Key

First and foremost, you must understand that your mate will be someone whom God has appointed for you. You not only need to believe this, but you must be in agreement with it as well. Many people are single at this very moment because they haven’t resigned themselves to trusting God in this area. Some have blatantly refused what God has revealed to them, and others are not even in a position for God to bless them because they harbor preconceived ideas of their mate based solely on fleshly attributes. While we all want someone who looks good to us, this cannot be a determining factor when it comes to marriage. There is no firm foundation or permanent stability in the physical. Appearances change. Hair and teeth fall out. Coke bottle shapes turn into two- liters. One day you will wake up, and your six foot five Adonis will have transformed into Humpty Dumpty overnight! Yet and still, he will be your Humpty Dumpty…yoke and all. Get it? Humpty Dumpty is an egg. Eggs have yolks. There’s a yoke of bondage, and you will be unequally yoked if you marry the wrong person. Ok, I agree…that really isn’t very funny. But it is true, nonetheless.

The good news is that there is a remedy for this lack of trust…a little something to get us over this “hump,” so to speak. Now, as expected, this remedy tends to alter the mind. But like most medications, you’ll feel much better after it has been digested.

You see, God’s love and care for His creation is so complete, that there is no way that it can be improved upon. Most every God fearing person would say that this is true. The problem is that most people believe this based on the concept of what God is, instead of the reality of who He is. This leaves many of us at a severe disadvantage in our relationship with God, and in the ability to apprehend the promises of God.

Look at it this way. A concept is a general notion or an idea; a thought. The danger here is that God becomes nothing more than an idea to us, which is something impersonal. He becomes someone or something that is limited by what we choose to believe or not to believe. We can believe that God is great, because that is what we have heard about Him, and we create a concept based on that information. But what if that information is incorrect? What if our processes are flawed? What if we don’t develop the proper perspective of God? After all, a concept is a notion or an idea, and they are conceived in the mind. The end result is that since concepts are born in the mind of man, they are flawed, and are therefore untrustworthy. Because there is no interaction with the spirit of man, most people’s beliefs about God are based on their own conceptions, which are really nothing more than mere opinions.

On the other hand, the reality of God is to be understood and grasped by the spirit, through personal interaction, and an intimate relationship. Trusting God comes with knowing Him. Not through a notion, idea, or opinion, but through real experience. God is a Spirit, not an idea. Trust is born from knowledge, and that knowledge from experience. Experience comes from relationship. So the real bottom line is that if you are having problems trusting God, then you need a closer relationship. You have to come closer to know Him - to really know His character. This knowing doesn’t originate in your mind; it is birthed in your spirit. It’s time to remove the concepts of what you think God is, and embrace the intimate relationship that He offers, so He can show you who He is. As you strive for intimacy with God, He will give you revelations about His nature and His love for man that will not only cause you to trust Him, it will show you how concerned He is about your happiness and well-being. Let me give you one such example while we get back to our topic. I think this might surprise you.

Let’s take a look at this word “appointed.” The Hebrew word for this is yakach, pronounced (yaw-kahh), and it means: to be right, correct, decide, and judge. That’s pretty straightforward. God judged and decided that the mate that He has for you is the right and correct one.

Now, if I were the type of person whose relationship with God was based on a concept, my response would probably be, “Well, God judged and decided that this is my mate, so it must be right. After all, God is perfect.” No questions asked. I mean, God is perfect. No problems there. But I don’t know. That would seem rather thoughtless to me. I’m sure God knew what He was doing when He gave me the mate that He did. But that would be like someone giving me a gift, and they just happened to get the thing that I liked. It just doesn’t seem like any consideration was really put into the gesture. It’s kind of shallow.

Luckily, I happen to be one of those inquisitive types, and I stumbled on a few more definitions. The word appointed does mean: to be right, correct, decide, and judge. But it also means: to argue, dispute, plead, and to reason.

Hallelujah, God is a good God! In case you’ve missed it, let me highlight it for you. God judged and decided that His choice of a mate for you was right and correct. He arrived at that decision by giving forethought to any arguments you would have, and any disputes you would have come up with. He then pleaded your case, and reasoned on a choice that you both would be pleased and satisfied with. God made sure that your desires and needs were well represented when your mate was chosen. Now that should allow you to trust in Him, and to rest with great anticipation.

The Second Key

While the first key element in the servant’s prayer shows us the thoughtfulness of God in how He appoints a mate, the second key exposes the attributes and character that the mate themselves must possess in order to qualify for matrimony.

Now you might be asking yourself, “Why should I have to qualify for matrimony, when God Himself has determined that all marriages and consociates are to be appointed by Him?” Well, that’s simple. God does not impute character to an individual based on an appointment. Character is something that must be developed, and this happens as you walk with God. So, before God leads you into your appointed things, He will first lead you into other situations and circumstances, and they will begin to form certain characteristics and attributes within you; things that you must possess before He can trust you with the stewardship and responsibility of His appointed things. Developing the necessary attributes and characteristics during these situations and circumstances that God will lead you through, is what will qualify you to receive the promise. Let’s continue so that you can see this principle in action.

Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:

Genesis 24:13

And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.

Genesis 24:14

The majority of people who have read this scripture believe that Abraham’s servant is asking God for a sign to direct him to the woman whom God has appointed for Isaac. This is true of course, but only to a certain extent. The servant’s request actually allows him to examine the women, to see if they possess the necessary attributes and characteristics that will be needed for them to fulfill their role in marriage. This is a trial that is held before the omniscient eyes of the Holy Spirit, and nothing is hidden. How we respond and react to this trial is what will determine the outcome, so it is up to us not to disqualify ourselves.

Thankfully, there are those who formerly found approval through this evaluation, and we are able to glean from their experiences, so that we too can be approved. One such person, and probably the most notable, is Rebekah, the daughter of Bethuel. By examining the story of her encounter with Abraham’s servant at the well, we are able to trace the steps that she took that lead her to become the wife of Isaac. This, in turn, will also allow us to see a few other critical truths that we must understand before our journey is complete. Truths like the spiritual undertones behind the natural duties that Rebekah performed…and the God-given wisdom and revelation within the servant’s prayer in asking God to have the damsel give him and his camels a drink. What did this prayer really represent? Believe me, it’s not what you think!

We will tackle those spiritual lessons a little later. But for now, I want to make sure that we have a firm grasp of what took place in the natural in our story. As readers, we can sometimes miss major accomplishments, simply because too little time or script was devoted to it. That may be the case here as well. We often praise Rebekah for her hospitality, discernment, and submission to God’s will. But as you are about to see, she should be praised for the spiritual attributes that she possessed as well.

Encounter at the Well (vs. 15-28)

And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.

And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.

And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.

And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.

And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.

And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.

And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not.

And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;

And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father’s house for us to lodge in?

And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor.

She said moreover unto him, we have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.

And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord.

And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master’s brethren.

And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother’s house these things.

Genesis 24:15-28

When I first began to study these verses of scripture, I was somewhat intrigued by the fact that it was the woman’s duty to go to the well and draw water for her household. At the risk of sounding chauvinistic, I just didn’t view this as being woman’s work.

If you have ever visited your local grocery store to buy bottled water, whether it was in a gallon, or the larger 2.5 gallon container, then you know that water can be quite heavy. It goes without saying that the women of that era didn’t enjoy the technological accomplishments that we have today. They didn’t have running water where they could stroll to the sink and turn on the tap. Nor did they have the luxury of jumping into an automobile and cruising to their favorite supermarket, grab a shopping cart, place the already bottled water in the cart, push the cart to the car, (after paying of course), and driving themselves and the goods back to their residence. And all of this is usually done without anyone breaking a sweat; since most cars, homes, and stores are equipped with air conditioning.

Retrieving water in biblical times stands in sharp contrast to the creature comforts that we enjoy nowadays. The women of that period would wait until evening, when the temperatures were cooler. They would leave their homes with a pitcher on their head or shoulder, and walk outside of the city to where the wells were located. We must take into account that these wells were not constructed like the ones that were commonly used in the 17th and 18th centuries, where water would be drawn by lowering a bucket held by a rope into a hole. The wells of the Middle East were often large enough to contain several flights of stairs, and the women would have to descend these stairs before they could even come to a place where they could draw water. For instance, the well at Hazor had five long flights of stairs that the women of that region had to traverse. So when you add the distance that a woman had to travel to and from the wells outside of the city, the stairs she had to descend and ascend, and the sheer weight of the water and the pitcher she used to carry it…those factors turn this simple chore into quite the tedious task.

Keep in mind that the women visited the wells in the evening. As hard a charge as this must have been, it was not the only assignment a woman had. Some cleaned and kept the home, cooked, and washed clothes. Some even worked in the fields during the day. Not to say that every woman did all of these things daily, but I’m sure you have an image of the picture that I am trying to paint here. This was no day in the park!

Now, let’s bring our beloved Rebekah into this illustration. It has been a long day. Maybe she had cleaned the home, washed the clothes, cooked, or spent the day in the fields. Nevertheless, she has traveled from her home to the wells outside of the city. As she approaches the site, she notices the men and the camels sitting by the well. Unbeknownst to her, the leader of this company is praying, and she is the answer to his prayer. Look again at Genesis 24:15

And it came to pass, before he had done speaking, that, behold, Rebekah came out, who was born to Bethuel, son of Milcah, the wife of Nahor, Abraham’s brother, with her pitcher upon her shoulder.

Genesis 24:15

While the servant is yet praying, here comes Rebekah with her pitcher, ready to draw water from the well. With the men and 10 camels accompanying the servant, we can assume that Rebekah sees them. Maybe she flashes a kind, innocent smile as she passes by. What we do know is that the servant definitely sees her. However, he doesn’t approach her just yet. She hasn’t gone down to the well. So at this point, she doesn’t have anything to offer. She cannot be tested without the water. You’ll understand this a little later, but we all must face the water test.

When Jesus’ side was pierced during the crucifixion, water and blood came from His side. We were born again by water and blood. This is spiritual, and gives revelation on water baptism. However, we will be addressing a different application for water when we explain the significance of drawing water from the well, and how it relates to marriage in the next chapter.

So Rebekah goes down to the well to draw water, and the servant waits.

And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither had any man known her: and she went down to the well, and filled her pitcher, and came up.

Genesis 24:16

And the servant ran to meet her, and said, Let me, I pray thee, drink a little water of thy pitcher.

Genesis 24:17

And she said, Drink, my lord: and she hasted, and let down her pitcher upon her hand, and gave him drink.

Genesis 24:18

As Rebekah ascended from the well, the servant (who is a type of the Holy Spirit) runs to meet her, and asks for a drink. Being kind-hearted and hospitable, she obliges. Now I doubt very seriously that she would give him a drink, and not give the men who accompanied him water also. So we can safely say that she gave water to several men. This alone, however, did not qualify her for the blessing. She could have done this, and went her way to return home, and miss out on what God had prepared for her. It is what she does next that is truly astonishing.

And when she had done giving him drink, she said, I will draw water for thy camels also, until they have done drinking.

Genesis 24:19

And she hasted, and emptied her pitcher into the trough, and ran again unto the well to draw water, and drew for all his camels.

Genesis 24:20

Wow!!! I’m sorry, but I have to stop a minute and clap my hands for this woman. This blows my mind. Do you realize what Rebekah volunteered to do here? That’s right, volunteered. The servant never asked her to give his camels water. He asked for water for himself. This was a free-will offering on Rebekah’s behalf. Let’s jump back a few verses and look again at the servant’s prayer.

Behold, I stand here by the well of water; and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water:

Genesis 24:13

And let it come to pass, that the damsel to whom I shall say, Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that I may drink; and she shall say, Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also: let the same be she that thou hast appointed for thy servant Isaac; and thereby shall I know that thou hast shewed kindness unto my master.

Genesis 24:14

Rebekah had to have the right response to secure the blessing. Not only did she have to give the servant a drink which he asked for, but according to the servant’s prayer, she had to offer a drink to the camels as well. Let’s go back into picture mode so you can see the magnitude of this offering.

Remember that we concluded that Rebekah had completed some other type of chores during the day before coming outside of the city during the evening to draw water. Once she draws the water, she is confronted by a stranger who asks her for a drink. She gives him a drink, and she offers to water his camels as well. Since she volunteers to water the camels, we can rest assured that she gave water to the other men who were with the servant. We can also conclude from scripture that she was able to give water to all of the men from that one pitcher, since she emptied the remaining water into the trough before returning to the well to draw more water.

Now, let’s make a few more logical deductions here. If you remember, we stated earlier that the servant’s trip was about 500 miles one way. Camels during that era, and in that region, would normally travel 25 miles a day, even though some camels could travel up to 100 miles a day, if they were saddled and were only carrying a rider. This would mean that the trip from Canaan to Nahor in Mesopotamia took about 3 weeks. Camels can also go for prolonged periods of time without water, so let’s say that they went the last 150 miles of the trip with no water. That would equal 6 days, and is very probable, since many camels have been known to go anywhere from 5 to 7 days without water. Since human beings begin to have serious trouble after 3 to 4 days without water, let’s just say that these men haven’t had anything to drink for the last 3 days. How much water do you think these men would consume before they were satisfied? I would estimate between 1 to 3 gallons. So how much water do you think a woman could carry a considerable distance? My guess is about the same, 1 to 3 gallons. So let’s just say for arguments sake that Rebekah’s pitcher can hold up to 4 gallons of water.

Now, since the men have already been refreshed by the first pitcher of water that Rebekah drew from the well, let’s concentrate on the camels.

Camels need very little water if their diet contains good, moisture rich pasture. This changes, however, if a camel is crossing a desert or any other type of dry terrain. Although camels can withstand severe dehydration, a large animal can drink as much as 100 liters, or 21 gallons, in ten minutes. Such an amount would kill another mammal. But the camel’s unique metabolism enables the animal to store the water in its bloodstream. While the camel can drink up to 21 gallons in 10 minutes, that’s not the limitation of what it can drink in a single session.

Once again, for arguments sake, we will say that each camel will consume 21 gallons. We will remove the 10 minute time frame, since Rebekah will not be drawing the water at that rate. With 10 camels, each drinking 21 gallons of water, that will equal a total of 210 gallons that she will have to draw. Now, if Rebekah’s pitcher was able to carry 4 gallons of water, and she was able to fill it up each time and carry it up the stairs from the well below, she would have to make 52 trips in order to dump 210 gallons of water into the trough. Add one more trip to the well, because she still has to draw water for her household.

Even if the amount of water that the camels consumed doesn’t come anywhere close to what we have projected here, you can see the incredible amount of work that Rebekah volunteered to perform out of the kindness of her heart. Once we reveal the spiritual side to this natural labor of love, you are going to see that this was a great woman. Rebekah had it going on! Let’s carry on.

And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not.

And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;

And said, Whose daughter art thou? tell me, I pray thee: is there room in thy father’s house for us to lodge in?

And she said unto him, I am the daughter of Bethuel the son of Milcah, which she bare unto Nahor.

She said moreover unto him, we have both straw and provender enough, and room to lodge in.

And the man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord.

And he said, Blessed be the Lord God of my master Abraham, who hath not left destitute my master of his mercy and his truth: I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my master’s brethren.

And the damsel ran, and told them of her mother’s house these things.

Genesis 24:21-28

The last article that we need to emphasize from this group of scripture is found in verses 21 and 22.

And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the Lord had made his journey prosperous or not.

Genesis 24:21

And it came to pass, as the camels had done drinking, that the man took a golden earring of half a shekel weight, and two bracelets for her hands of ten shekels weight of gold;

Genesis 24:22

It wasn’t enough that Rebekah gave water to the servant when he asked for a drink. It wasn’t enough that she volunteered to draw water for his camels. It wasn’t even enough that she began to perform what she offered to do willingly. She had to complete the work. The servant didn’t move or speak to her until she completed the work…and the work was not complete until the camels had finished drinking. If Rebekah chose to go home after she gave the servant a drink, or if she never offered to give water to the camels, she would have lost out on the blessing. Even if she offered to give the camels a drink, but then gave up halfway through the process because of tiredness, or simply because the task was too great, she still would have lost out. It would not have mattered how good her intentions were. Thankfully, Rebekah had what it took to complete the task.

Afterward, the servant gave her gifts of an earring and two bracelets. He also asked her whose daughter she was, and if there was room in her father’s house for them to dwell in.

The jewelry is a representation that Rebekah is now spoken for; sealed and engaged. Her parentage further qualifies her for the blessing, since she is of Abraham’s kindred. All that is needed is for her to agree to the deal, and to have enough room in her father’s house for the servant to dwell in. This, of course, prompts us to ask a very critical question.

Have we made room for the Holy Spirit? Not just in our everyday lives, but for this specific matter. This is very important, because it is possible to be open and welcoming in one area, and closed off and unyielding in another. We are not simply speaking about the indwelling of the Holy Spirit here. Instead, we are referring to one’s willingness to follow the promptings and leading of the Holy Spirit. Have we made room for Him by emptying ourselves of our own preconceived ideas and carnal demands that we have manufactured for a potential mate? Have we really resigned ourselves to trusting God; knowing that His will is the best for us? And are we resting in the assurance that He knows what we desire, as well as what we need in a mate?

At this point, Rebekah excitedly runs home to inform her family of the events that have taken place at the well. I wonder if she remembered to take some water back with her.

Entreating the Family (vs. 29-49)

At home, Rebekah began to tell her family about her experience at the well. Her brother Laban noticed that she had an earring and had bracelets on her hands. After Rebekah had finished telling her story, Laban got up and ran to meet this man at the well. As he approached his destination, there was the man, still sitting by the well with his camels. Laban invites him to come to his house where preparations have been made for him and his camels.

Once they arrived back at the house, Laban ungirded the camels and gave them straw and provender. He also gave water to wash the man’s feet, and the feet of those who were with him. Food was set before them, but the servant would not eat until he explained his purpose for coming.

After receiving permission from Laban to “speak on,” the servant introduced himself. Afterward, he spoke about Abraham, and how the Lord had greatly blessed him. He also spoke of the birth of Isaac, and of his commission to find a wife for his master’s son from among his kindred. He told them of his prayer by the well, and how Rebekah’s hospitality and kindness answered the requirements he had laid out before God. He worshipped and blessed the Lord for leading him in the right way, and is now inquiring of Laban as to whether he will deal kindly with his master Abraham or not - by giving his blessing for Rebekah to be wed to Isaac.

According to tradition, it was the responsibility of the father to consider those who came to ask for the hand of his daughter. Here, however, we see this duty performed by Rebekah’s brother Laban. Add to this the fact that Rebekah ran and told those of her mother’s house about the events at the well, and we can surmise that her father must have been deceased by this time. Therefore, the responsibility for providing and caring for the family would be passed down to the eldest male. This would be the logical explanation as to why things were done as they were.

This entire process of reasoning would be acceptable if it were not for one infinitesimal fact. Verse 50 appears to give the allusion that Bethuel, Rebekah’s father, is in compliance with what the servant has offered. We will focus more intently on verse 50 in a moment. Right now, my curiosity is getting the better of me, and it will not allow me to proceed until I address this variance existing in our present text.

If Bethuel, Rebekah’s father, is indeed alive during this quest for his daughters hand in marriage, then why didn’t he go and meet the servant at the well? And why would the scripture state that Rebekah ran and told them of her mother’s house about the encounter at the well, instead of saying she told them of her father’s house?

Because of this apparent departure from what is customary, many have assumed that Rebekah’s father Bethuel was dead, and the person who is called Bethuel in verse 50 was instead a younger brother. This is possible. However, the mother’s house might still be mentioned even if the father were alive. This is due to the fact that in Asiatic countries, the women have apartments entirely separate from those of the men, in which their little children and grown-up daughters reside with them. That may have been the case here, though it is very likely that her father was dead, as the whole engagement business appears to be conducted by Rebekah’s brothers. With that being said, let’s move on from this slight diversion and get back to our principal thought.

Now, many of you may call my next statement into question theologically. Nevertheless, it must be said. The fact is that the Spirit may not be moving on our behalf, simply because we have not invited Him to do so. We may be in agreement with what God is saying to us, and act in obedience to His Word, and yet, there will be times when you will run into situations and circumstances where you have not been given divine instructions on how they are to be handled. We often mull around expecting God to move because He is omniscient and knows what we face on a daily basis. However, the Spirit is parakletos……one who is called alongside.

Without going into the mechanics of spirits being illegal in this world, our dominion in Christ, the power of the Word spoken by us, or our position as ambassadors and co-laborers with God; let’s just look back at our text, so we can bear this out scripturally.

In Genesis 24: 30-32 we read:

And it came to pass, when he saw the earring and bracelets upon his sister’s hands, and when he heard the words of Rebekah his sister, saying, Thus spake the man unto me; that he came unto the man; and, behold, he stood by the camels at the well.

Genesis 24:30

And he said, Come in, thou blessed of the LORD; wherefore standest thou without? for I have prepared the house, and room for the camels.

Genesis 24:31

And the man came into the house: and he ungirded his camels, and gave straw and provender for the camels, and water to wash his feet, and the men’s feet that were with him.

Genesis 24:32

So, let me ask this question again. Have you made room for the Holy Spirit? Have you prepared yourself not only for a visitation from Him, but have you made room for Him to abide? Are you open to direction and instruction? Are you willing to be obedient to whatever He commands you to do? Finally, have you invited Him in, so He doesn’t have to stand without…….waiting?

The fact that Rebekah met all of the requirements in the servant’s prayer was just the beginning. That’s the initial stage. The jewels that the servant placed upon her shows that the servant’s (or in this case, the Spirit’s) desire is upon her. But is her desire for the things of the Spirit?

When the Holy Spirit indwells a person, He brings His gifts with Him. He indwells us in His fullness, although it may take us a lifetime to learn to cooperate with Him in order that His fullness may be manifest and demonstrated through our lives. His gifts are jewels that adorn the lives of every true believer, and they are meant to shine forth into the world in order that they may signify not only who we belong to, but for whom we are being prepared; namely, the Lord Jesus Christ, our bridegroom.

Once again, however, let me reiterate that I am not speaking expressly about the indwelling of the Spirit here. Rather, I am trying to communicate how necessary it is for us to develop constant fellowship, companionship, and intimacy, which are indicative of the lives of those who habitually engage the Holy Spirit.

Look at it this way. What if Laban had never come to the well to invite the servant in? What do you think would have happened? If you said, “nothing,” you would be exactly right! Rebekah would have acquired some nice jewelry, and that would have been the reward for all of her labor.

The servant didn’t unfold his purpose for being there until he was invited into the house and given permission to “speak on” by Laban. If the servant had not been permitted to speak, then Rebekah would know nothing of Isaac, Abraham, or her opportunity at a new life. She would know nothing of the flocks and herds, the silver and gold, menservants and maidservants, livestock, and wealth that was stored up for her as a fellow heir of Abraham through her marriage to Isaac. Furthermore, she would have never even had the chance to answer the call.

Likewise, it is through our communion with the Holy Spirit that we are able to apprehend the things that God has given us, through our union with Jesus Christ. If you haven’t taken the time to invite Him in, I advise you to do so now. Begin by seeking God specifically concerning marriage. Ask Him to prepare and position you, so that when it is time, you will be found in the right place, doing the work of God. Believe in His willingness to guide you. Trust in His wisdom and power in bringing His promises to pass. Ask Him to “speak on” concerning your mate and your future. You may be surprised at how eager He is to answer.

The Consent (vs. 50-61)

Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the Lord: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.

Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master’s son’s wife, as the Lord has spoken.

And it came to pass, that, when Abraham’s servant heard their words, he worshipped the Lord, bowing himself to the earth.

And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.

And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.

And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.

And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the Lord hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.

And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.

And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.

And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham’s servant, and his men.

And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.

And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.

Genesis 24:50-61

As we progress through the next 11 verses, I want to take a moment to solidify the reasons as to why I believe the Bethuel mentioned here in verse 50 is Rebekah’s brother, and not her father. In addition to the evidence that we presented several paragraphs ago, there are a number of ancillary instances that would suggest that a sibling, instead of a parent, is being addressed here.

In verse 53, we see where the servant, who has just been given approval to take Rebekah to be Isaac’s wife, begins to lavish gifts upon Rebekah. Precious things are also given to her mother and to her brother. The gifts to Rebekah are a type of dowry, or love gifts, as some read. In the manner of custom, she is rightfully due this offering. However, had Rebekah’s father been alive, the precious things would have been given to him and his wife, instead of her brother. This would be the case even if Laban were conducting this meeting due to his father being ill or incapacitated.

Barring even this, the most pertinent fact to substantiate our belief is found in verse 60.

And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.

Genesis 24:60

“And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister.” Who do you suppose is praying this blessing upon Rebekah? As a rule, it was the father’s duty to pronounce his blessing upon his daughters before marriage; or upon all of his children before his death. If Rebekah’s father or mother had been the ones who were praying the blessings upon her in order to release her for marriage, then the scripture would have read, “Thou art our daughter,” and not “Thou art our sister.” So we can be certain that they are not represented here.

We can also be certain that Laban is not the only one who is involved in bestowing this blessing, because the scripture states, “Thou art our sister.” Now, since Rebekah is the recipient of the blessing, we can discount her from being the grantor of it. And it is doubtful that her mother or the servant would address her as being their sister. This leaves only Laban and Bethuel as the ones who are declaring the blessing. Even if other family members are present, it becomes clear that the use of “our sister,” in the speech of those pronouncing the blessing speaks directly toward siblings. (See: Bethuel still mentioned a generation later in Genesis 28:1-5.)

The irony is that even though we have just taken the time to explain about Bethuel, none of that is really relevant to our purpose, which is to prepare and position ourselves for matrimony. So let’s digress a bit and start back at the beginning of this section.

Then Laban and Bethuel answered and said, The thing proceedeth from the Lord: we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.

Genesis 24:50

Behold, Rebekah is before thee, take her, and go, and let her be thy master’s son’s wife, as the Lord has spoken.

Genesis 24:51

Do you remember the compass that we packed away in the first chapter? It is where we defined the words “findeth” and “obtaineth” from Proverbs 18:22. The description of those words clearly determined that it was God who delivered, issued, and furnished a wife, and man was simply “befallen,” or apprehended by the blessing. Well, here in verse 50, we see the same principle, put in a more defining and direct term. THE THING PROCEEDETH FROM THE LORD! In other words, this entire undertaking has its origin, determination, boundary, process, performance, and purpose rooted in God, who is completely responsible for bringing the desired results to completion.

This is further demonstrated by the wording used in this verse. Even though the King James Version of the Bible reads like a Shakespearian play with its ancient English, we can still gather something from the translation itself.

Anytime you see the letters “ETH” at the end of a word, it meant more than just the type of vernacular used during that time period - or what dialect was specific to that region. Adding those letters to a word signified a continuance, or a carrying through. In this case, the word “proceedeth” means that it will begin with God, and it will end with God.

There are two scriptures that relay this principle exactly as it should be.

Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Hebrews 12:2

Jesus is the “author” and the “finisher” of our faith. The Alpha and the Omega. He is the beginning and the end. According to Habakkuk 2:4, the just shall live by faith. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. (Romans 10:17). So if we are to live, then we must have faith. In order to have faith, we must have the Word. If we are going to have the Word, then we must learn how to be dependent on the things that proceed from God.

But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

Matthew 4:4

There is that word again; proceedeth. Now what we must understand is how this whole process plays itself out. God speaks and issues a word from eternity. Eternal things are true reality. However, they are invisible. So the issue is how to get that eternal reality, which is invisible, to be perceived in our reality, which is visible, and that in turn, alters our reality. So, what God actually does is, He speaks a word to the believer about what exists for him or her in eternity, but it is not yet seen in our present sphere of existence. That’s where faith planted in the Word comes in.

Genuine faith does not simply believe that something is real. It is the actual substance (like an ethereal fluid) that carries the promise from the unseen eternal sphere, and enables it to manifest into this present world, to be seen and experienced.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

You see, when God speaks to you about a promise that He is going to perform for you, immediately, you develop faith. What you don’t realize is that the faith that you receive from that word is not merely a mental agreement (or a simple belief) that one day God will bring the promise. To be more precise, faith is the actual substance of the promise itself. It is what the promise is made of. Truly, it is the promise in seed form. So in essence, faith shows that you already have what was promised, and it is soon to be realized.

Here’s a good analogy. Faith is like a pregnant woman. Eternity is fat and pregnant with promises and inheritances for the believer. But before delivery happens, a woman’s water must break. It is a sign that what she has hoped for is about to be manifest. Well, faith is just like that water. It is substance. An ethereal fluid that is evidence that something, which has previously been unseen, is about to be manifest into this world, to be experienced. In pregnancy, the amniotic fluid (or substance) is part of the actual birthing process, and it surrounds or contains the baby in the womb. Faith is the substance that contains the thing promised, and it is evidence that the promised thing is about to be birthed from eternity into our present reality.

That is why all of the heroes of faith are mentioned in Hebrews 11. Faith allowed them to have various kinds of triumphs, encounters, and experiences that were all brought about by words that proceeded to them from God. It is by this same faith that we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God. So that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. (See Hebrews 11:3).

When we look around at our environment, and all of the things that physically exist in this world, we need to understand that none of it was made from things that previously existed. It all has its roots in the invisible, and it is only through the proceeding Word of God that they exist and continue still today. That’s why II Peter 1:3 states that God has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness, according to His divine power. It is all by His power.

Each of the persons listed in Hebrew 11 as heroes of faith all came to the same conclusion; that they themselves were totally incapable of performing anything that God Himself had spoken. Their lot was to rely on God completely, and to be in agreement with Him and His purposes. They were to rejoice with much thanksgiving when He, Himself, performed what He had promised. And our lot is to do the same. Do we obey? Of course. Do we co-labor with God? Absolutely. But in the area of promise, it is by faith that we live. Our second scripture that conveys this principle says it best.

For he performeth the thing that is appointed for me: and many such things are with him.

Job 23:14

We can also add Psalms 57:2 to this:

I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me.

Psalms 57:2

In light of this, Laban’s response in verses 50 and 51 is most excellent. In other words, he says, “This is the working of God, and we really don’t have an opinion. Whatever He says and does is fine with us. Since this seems to be the case, here is Rebekah, take her and go. Let her be the wife of your master’s son, as God has spoken.” How wonderful and easy our lives would be if we could live by this one standard.

It’s important for us to emphasize here that all things proceed from God. So even though we are discussing marriage in this instance, where the “thing” spoken of by Laban is referring to the choice of a mate, the statement is actually all encompassing.

You see, there isn’t anything in existence that could not be referred to as a “thing.” If I were trying to describe something to you, I could define the object as “this thing” or “that thing,” and be totally correct, since I never placed the object into a certain classification or state. Failing to address the object by name in no way diminishes it. Instead, it groups them all into a single category, as if all things are common. And yet, each has significance on account of their individual characteristics. It doesn’t matter whether the “thing” is a planet like Mars, or a tiny fragment of space dust. Each has purpose and significance, and neither of them escapes the eye nor the heart of the Creator who gave matter (life – existence) to them both.

So, how does this affect us? Well, let’s skip our rule of thumb, and actually define the word “thing” from a regular dictionary. Merriam – Webster describes “thing” as: 1. a matter of concern. 2. state of affairs in general, or within a specified or implied sphere. In a nutshell, if it matters to you, it matters to God. If it concerns you, then it’s important to Him. He cares about you and about the affairs of your life. He is just as attentive about the general things of your life, as He is about the specific events and concerns in your life.

For instance, let’s use our current subject of acquiring a mate. I believe that even if you were not reading this book, or even desiring to live a life pleasing to God, that you would give a lot of time and considerable thought as to whether you should marry a certain individual or not. Why? Because that is a life-altering decision. It carries a lot of weight. The effects on a life from that choice will be significant.

Now, what about brushing your hair? How much thought do you give to that? Granted, some of you have long hair, and you may have to consider what hairstyle you will wear in the morning. Most of us, however, simply have to get out of the shower, rub in a little moisturizer, and brush. It is so simple, that we could practically do it in our sleep.

The point here is the contrast between the two. Marriage is a specific event, and will be one of the most important decisions we make in this life. Brushing our hair? Well, let’s just say that we won’t get nearly as much drama from a bad hair day, as we will if we end up with a bad mate.

In our eyes, and according to what we value, these two events don’t even compare with one another. One is specific, and the other is general. One is momentous, and one is trivial. One will affect generations, and the other is day to day. One requires substantial consideration, while the other is nearly an afterthought. In this sphere of existence, that is the proper view to have. But God’s view is somewhat different.

In God’s eyes, both of these events are equal. They both matter, and they both get the same level of attentiveness. One is not more significant than the other. It’s not about what is general or specific….it’s about you. You are significant to God, which makes everything that has to do with you significant.

Throughout this book, we have studied how God has made provision for marriage. We saw the care and consideration that He employed when He selected your companion. But do you know that God gives just as much thought and attention to your hair as he does your marriage? They both carry the same weight with God because you carry weight, and nothing about you escapes His eye or heart.

Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?

Luke 12: 6

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

Luke 12:7

All of your hairs are numbered. Wow, how attentive is that? You may marry once, or even twice. (We are speaking of the unfortunate event where your mate passes away before you do, freeing you to marry again.) But how often do you think the number of your hairs changes during the day?

It is actually reported that the average person loses 50 to 100 hairs every day. Each hair lives approximately three to seven years. Ninety percent of your hair is growing, and ten percent are at rest. After a few months of just hanging around and doing nothing at all, the ten percent that are at rest will fall out. Not to mention how many we leave in the brush every morning; or how many may fall out from stress or old age. The number of hairs on our head changes several times a day. Nevertheless, God is so intimately acquainted with us, that He never loses count. Even more amazing is the fact that He never loses interest! That’s how much He loves us. Why don’t you take a few minutes to meditate on that before we get back to our text.

And it came to pass, that, when Abraham’s servant heard their words, he worshipped the Lord, bowing himself to the earth.

And the servant brought forth jewels of silver, and jewels of gold, and raiment, and gave them to Rebekah: he gave also to her brother and to her mother precious things.

And they did eat and drink, he and the men that were with him, and tarried all night; and they rose up in the morning, and he said, Send me away unto my master.

And her brother and her mother said, Let the damsel abide with us a few days, at the least ten; after that she shall go.

And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the Lord hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.

And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.

And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.

And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham’s servant, and his men.

And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.

And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.

Genesis 24:52-61

After receiving the blessing from Laban, the servant bows himself to the earth, and begins to worship the Lord for making his journey prosperous. He lavishes Rebekah with jewels of silver and gold, and gives her fine raiment. He also bestows precious things on her mother and brother, which is a type of dowry, as we mentioned earlier. Food and drink are brought in before the servant and his men, in order that they may refresh themselves, and rejoice in the Lord’s goodness. Afterward, they rest and begin to ready themselves for the long journey home by tarrying all night at Laban’s house. When morning comes, the servant rises and thanks his kind host for his hospitality, and asks that he now permit them to depart.

Laban and his mother, however, are not in such a hurry to release Rebekah. They ask that she stay with them for ten more days, after which, they will allow her to leave. The servant, on the other hand, is not at all in agreement with their request. And his reply shows his singleness of heart, vision, and purpose.

And he said unto them, Hinder me not, seeing the Lord hath prospered my way; send me away that I may go to my master.

Genesis 24:56

Hinder me not! Since it has already been established that this thing proceeds from the Lord - and the family has already given its blessing - why should anything delay this marriage? Those three words, “Hinder me not,” are so profound when we look at it in its context. When we do this, it forces us to ask, “Why wouldn’t the servant want to be hindered?”

Yes, I know. Initially, this sounds really foolish. Who in their right mind would want to be hindered or held up from anything? Most of us are trying to get ahead in life. We are battling for breakthroughs. And here I am asking why someone wouldn’t want to be hindered? DUH!

Don’t go off on a tangent just yet. I apologize, but my curious nature just will not allow me to be dismissive by assuming the obvious. Of course no one wants to be hindered. Especially in this instance, where the Lord has already spoken, and the familial blessing has already been given. But I am under the impression (or should I say the Spirit is impressing upon me) that if those were the reasons that the servant is insistent on not being hindered, then that is what he would have said. Instead he says, “Hinder me not, seeing the Lord has prospered my way.” So, here is my question. What does it mean to have the Lord prosper your way? If we can answer this, then we will find the real reason as to why the servant did not want to be hindered.

The word “prospered” in Hebrew is tsaleach, pronounced (tsaw-lay-akh), and it means: 1. to push forward. 2. to breakout 3. to come (mightily). All of these definitions imply something that is done with “force.” The word “force” can be broken down into two factors. It is something that is powerful, and it is also immediate. So if we apply this to our text, we are able to get a real understanding as to why the servant was against anyone hindering his return to his master.

Simply put, God has not prospered your way until you stand in the place where what was prayed for and promised is actually fulfilled. It is not in the fact that it proceeded from God, because God can speak something over your life…and that thing can be years away from being realized. That is a proclamation or a declaration. It is not in the waiting period that happens between the time that God speaks something to you, and the time when what was spoken is fulfilled. That is the process; although it can be said that you are prospering. To say that you have prospered in God is to say that you have procured (or acquired) what was promised. You are not waiting to prosper. You are not prospering. You have prospered. You have received the answer to your prayer. The time for your promise is now. It is immediate.

So, the servant does not want to be delayed, because he understands the urgency of his task. Likewise, the Holy Spirit is completely aware of what time and what season you are in. And when it is your time, when God has prospered your way, He will in no wise be hindered from manifesting the promise of God concerning you. He will not be a day late, or a day too soon. He will not be delayed by loss of a job, or car repossession. When He comes with your mate, remember that He also comes bearing gifts. As long as you walk in obedience and in agreement with God, He will NOT BE HINDERED!

In reality, that is good to know. In our story, however, we seem to be at an impasse. Laban doesn’t want Rebekah to leave for another ten days, and the servant is ready for an immediate departure, and he refuses to be hindered. What is one to do? Laban comes up with a brilliant idea.

And they said, We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth

Genesis 24:57

They finally decide to call Rebekah and ask her what she thinks about all of this. Wow! Imagine them asking for her input. I mean, why should she have an opinion? She is just the bride to be. (Please excuse my facetious remarks.)

Even though this entire narrative has all the characteristics of a typical Middle Eastern arranged marriage, it does bring to light and confirm a very important element that we mentioned previously in the area of choosing a mate. Rebekah still has to be in agreement with what is happening here concerning her. She didn’t go looking for Isaac, and he didn’t go looking for her. She didn’t ask her family to find her someone to marry, and Isaac never petitioned Abraham for a mate. Abraham initiated the acquisition of a bride the same way God initiated making a mate for Adam. Despite what anyone tells you (or what you may find in other books that you read), God does have a specific mate for you. Be that as it may, you can negate His choice, should you decide to make the decision on your own. I believe that we have presented enough truth so far to bear this out scripturally.

However, people have come up with a million and one reasons as to why they believe that God just could not possibly have one person for you out of the billions on this earth. Things like, “Well, what if the person that God chose for you decides that they don’t want to be saved, and they don’t follow God?” or, “What if you are not attracted to your God–appointed companion?” Some have even said, “I just believe that God gave that choice to me. I know what I like.” That’s true. God does give you free will and free choice. Nevertheless, you also get the luxury of suffering the consequences of those choices. We all know what we like, but we very rarely really know what we need. We are creatures…driven by lust and passion. And these attributes tend to influence our decisions ninety percent of the time, if we are not led by God.

What I find interesting is that in all of the excuses that people have come up with as to why they don’t believe that God could have a particular person for you…they all have the common thread of being rooted in our own thinking, and not in God’s wisdom. For example, the excuse we just mentioned. “What if the person that God chose for you decides that they don’t want to be saved, and they don’t follow God?” Don’t you think that God in His foreknowledge knew this? The truth is that every question that we use to try to show that God could not possibly have a particular person for us - should be the catalyst that causes us to trust Him for our mate; instead of us trying to make that decision based on our finite mind and senses. We don’t know if the person we would choose would die in 6 months. However, God does. We don’t know if our choice of a mate is in the church shamming and playing the role just to get a mate. We don’t know if they have a history of being abusive or promiscuous. We don’t know any of these things. But God does. We may know what we like, but so does God. Do we really know Him enough to trust Him? We have to question whether we really know Him at all, if we think that we can make better decisions than He can…about anything! For us to even think in that manner is deceitful and dangerous. It is also prideful and very foolish.

At any rate, Rebekah makes a wise decision, and agrees to go with the servant.

And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.

Genesis 24:58

Upon hearing Rebekah’s consent, her family permits the servant to take Rebekah and return unto his master. The family then releases Rebekah by pronouncing a blessing upon her. Afterward, Rebekah, her nurse, and her damsels are mounted upon camels, and they follow the servant back to Canaan, where she will be united with Isaac in holy matrimony.

And they sent away Rebekah their sister, and her nurse, and Abraham’s servant, and his men.

Genesis 24:59

And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them.

Genesis 24:60

And Rebekah arose, and her damsels, and they rode upon the camels, and followed the man: and the servant took Rebekah, and went his way.

Genesis 24:61

The Meeting (vs. 62-67)

Then Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.

And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.

And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel.

For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master: therefore she took a vail, and covered herself.

And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done.

And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

Genesis 24: 62 – 67

These final six verses in the 24th chapter of Genesis are a literal gold mine of information when it comes to the subject of how we are to position ourselves for marriage. Not only do they hold the center stones that mark the pathway that leads to marriage, but if time permitted, we could also extract almost as much information from these few verses as what we have shared throughout this book thus far. However, I am keenly aware that there are concerns that exist outside of my scope of authority to facilitate. Because of this, there are some things that I will not even attempt to address.

For example, one major concern that most singles have is when and how God will bring their mate. Well, I doubt very seriously that you will wake up tomorrow morning and find the love of your life sitting on a camel in your front yard. Unfortunately, that is something that I cannot answer. When and how God chooses to unite you with your mate is something that is completely up to Him. My job, and the purpose of this book, is to help you to prepare and position yourself, so that when God does move, you are in a place where you will be ready to receive the blessing.

I can, however, add this as a comforting note. God never withholds anything from those who walk upright before Him. It has been my experience that the only thing that hinders God from moving is when we are not in a place to move with Him. If we are not in place, then we cannot receive what He has. So instead of God moving and bestowing a blessing upon us, He has to goad and prompt us until we get into the place where we are ready to receive. That is what we are attempting to do here. To get you to the place where you can lift your eyes and behold the blessing.

If that isn’t comforting enough, I’ll tell you a little secret. You will never really wait on God for a blessing. I know that we have the saying, “wait on God,” and it does have its proper application. But I am talking about in a conventional sense. Anytime we haven’t received a blessing, it’s because it isn’t time for it. And it usually isn’t time because we have not matured to the point of being able to handle what God has for us, and we are still undergoing some trial or move of God that is perfecting us. We will never be in the place where we can say that God is holding us up, and we are waiting for him to catch up to us. That will never happen.

From God’s viewpoint, the blessing is already in place. And when we step into that place, the blessing is instantaneous. If we can learn to get into a constant move and continuous agreement with God, we will see blessings occurring rapidly. When you get into the place that God wants you in concerning your mate, they will already be there. Why? Because that is where God has commanded the blessing!

From the scriptures that we have just read, we can see that Isaac is in a place where he is ready to receive his bride. Rebekah, who is being led by the servant, is also ready to receive her husband. We have already taken a look at the natural events that qualified Rebekah for marriage. And in the next chapter, we will focus on the spiritual symbolism behind her behavior. Right now, it is necessary for us to see what steps Isaac took that qualified, or positioned him, for the blessing.

It is important to remember that these steps apply to both male and female. Initially, it would appear that there are two separate paths. However, the portion of scripture dedicated to Isaac is an elaboration of what we found in the segment regarding Rebekah. In the end, you will see how it all ties together.

And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.

Genesis 24: 62

And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.

Genesis 24:63

One strategic tendency that we can adopt from Isaac’s experience that will benefit us here, and in life in general, is the practice of meditation. Now it is extremely important that you understand that I am not talking about meditation in the traditional sense. For most people, meditation consists solely of setting one’s mind upon some thing, or some situation, and to think thereon. Some also believe that it means to mutter a passage or phrase over and over again until it becomes rooted in the mind. While these definitions can apply to what it means to meditate, they by themselves are completely inaccurate when we understand what meditation is supposed to produce.

Meditation in the biblical sense is not only a mind thing, but it is also a matter of the heart. Both the heart and the mind reside in the realm of the soul, and they are inextricably connected when mediation is used to bring about a desired effect.

You can ask most scientists, psychologists, biologists, or any other type of ologist, and they will all agree that we, as humans, really see with our minds, and not our eyes. Now that may sound silly to some, because a blind person has a mind, and they cannot see if the eye is blind. However, it is the mind that perceives and gives structure to what the eye has seen. That is why someone who is brain dead can have their eyes open, and yet be totally oblivious to their surroundings. It is also why we have scriptures like II Corinthians 4:4, where Paul states that the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is hid from unbelievers. That’s because the god of this world has blinded their minds from perceiving the truth. Of course there are other scriptures that corroborate this fact, but I’m sure you get the point.

Nevertheless, most people are unacquainted with the reality that in the realm of the spirit, the heart has the capacity to see as well. And if we are going to truly benefit from the practice of meditation, then we need to know what all is involved to make sure that we are doing it correctly.

First, the mouth has a place in mediation. Look at Joshua 1:8.

This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.

Joshua 1:8

Here, meditation is linked with the directive that the law shall not depart out of your mouth. In other words, consistently and persistently speaking the Word of God is a form of meditation. But there are other facets that we must add to this if our interpretation is to be complete.

Part B of Joshua 1: 8 admonishes us to observe all that is written...and that, in turn, will make our way prosperous, and ensure us of good success. In this particular verse, “observe” is the operative word. While it has several meanings, the most basic implication of “observe” is “to see.” And not to see only, but to pay special attention to something, with the inclination of doing or becoming what you behold. Real meditation actually produces characteristics (where you become what you are meditating upon; by doing what you were told to observe). Consider the following verses.

My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings.

Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart.

For they are life unto those that find them, and health to all their flesh.

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

Proverbs 4: 20 – 23

The verses above essentially show the process of mediation and its results. Verse 20 commands us to attend to the Word the same way that Joshua 1:8 admonishes us to keep the Word in our mouth. We are to incline our ear to the Word continually, just as we are to speak the Word continually. This process brings the Word before our eyes. Not just our physical eyes, but the eyes of our heart and mind as well. Verse 21 equates the keeping of the Word before our eyes, and keeping the Word in the midst of our heart, as the same thing. We know that we could not do life if we were to walk around daily with our face in a book. That just would not work. So, verse 21 is, in actuality, referring to the eyes of our heart. Verse 23 then commands us to guard our heart, because all of the issues of life flow from it.

The heart is a womb, and whatever we have intercourse with is what we will produce. That is why it is of the utmost importance that we guard our heart. Hence, meditation starts with speaking and hearing the Word. This, in turn, trains the heart and the mind to see. As we guard that Word by “observing” it continually, (both seeing and doing), the heart begins to produce what it is now intimate with. Biblical meditation is predominantly a work of the heart. Unlike worldly meditation, which deals primarily with the mind alone.

So we can see that Isaac is accustomed to meditating. On this particular night, he goes out to a field to meditate and pray before the Lord. Suddenly, he happens to lift up his eyes, and behold, he sees the camels approaching. Rebekah also lifts her eyes as she dismounts the camel. She asks the servant about the man in the field, to which he replies, “That is my master.” She then covers herself with a veil. At that point, the servant tells Isaac all the things that he had done. Isaac then takes Rebekah into his tent, and he is comforted after his mother Sarah’s death.

One of the similarities that we see between Isaac and Rebekah in this portion of scripture is in the lifting of the eyes. Since this is not dealing directly with the pathway that we are seeking, I am simply going to sidestep this subject. It’s not that it isn’t relevant or important, but it’s time that we begin to cap things off, instead of laying too many foundations that we really don’t intend to build upon. I do, however, encourage you to do a little research on your own about this, because there is an incredible amount of knowledge to be gained from it. A few of the representations that the lifting of the eyes speaks to are: Help, Acceptance, Attentiveness, Expectation, Purity, Esteem, and Equality (as in not looking down upon someone). That should be enough information to point you in the right direction, should you decide to focus on that specific topic at a later time.

The other parallel that we see between Isaac and Rebekah is that they both had appointments at a well. While we are not certain which well Rebekah visited, we are aware of what happened there, which is what is important. On the other hand, we are actually given the name of the well that Isaac encountered.

And Isaac came from the way of the well Lahairoi; for he dwelt in the south country.

Genesis 24:62

Lahairoi literally means, “the One Who Lives and sees me.” It is one of the middle stones on our pathway, and is representative of God. More specifically, it represents Jesus Christ Himself.

But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

John 4: 14

We are going to go a lot deeper on the issue of the well (and the importance of it as it relates to marriage) in the next chapter. Just know that from this point on, we will not be speaking of natural, physical wells; but spiritual ones. Particularly, the well that is Jesus Christ our Lord.

Verse 62 also states that Isaac dwelt in the south country. He didn’t visit there or pass by it on his way to some other location. He dwelt there. This is significant, because the direction “south,” signifies “a refreshing.” This is the other center stone that lies within the path. Now, we must find the entrance and exit points, which will make the pathway capable of being navigated.

The interesting thing is that the other stones are not located within the portion of scripture where we have found the nucleus of our marriage content. This leaves us with the task of searching to find out what leads us to the well, and what awaits us after the place of refreshing.

Thankfully, we didn’t have to venture too far to find our answers. They are contained in Genesis 16: 13-14.

And she called the name of the Lord that spake unto her, Thou God seest me: for she said, Have I also here looked after him that seeth me?

Genesis 16:13

Wherefore the well was called Beerlahairoi; behold, it is between Kadesh and Bered.

Genesis 16:14

These two verses are referring to a woman named Hagar. She has fled from before her mistress Sarah, who had dealt very ruthlessly with her after she found out that Hagar had conceived a child by her husband Abraham. All of this was done at Sarah’s request, mind you. During her journey in the wilderness, on the way to Shur, Hagar stops by a fountain of water, and the Lord begins to speak to her. He tells her to return to her mistress and to submit to her. He also tells her that she is with child, and she will have a son. He then tells her of her child’s destiny.

Hagar is so impressed by the fact that God sees her that she names the well Beerlahairoi; the well of the Living One Who sees me. She is also in awe that He came after her, instead of her having to seek Him out. Here is a good time for a sneak peek. Look at the correlation between Hagar’s encounter at the well, and that of the Samaritan woman who meets Jesus at the well. There, that’s all you get until the next chapter.

Hagar understood that there were no dissimilarities between the location of her encounter, and the person whom she encountered there. In the Old Testament, people who encountered God at various places always named that place after the encounter that they experienced, and not after the location of the encounter. Hagar called the name of the Lord that spoke to her, “Thou God seest me.” In other words, she called the well, which was the place of the encounter, by the same name that she called the Lord. She couldn’t call Him by the name that Abraham and Sarah knew Him by, because she was not in covenant.

Jacob did the same thing after his encounter with God in the 28th chapter of Genesis. That is where he had the vision of the ladder. He called that place “Bethel,” which means “House of God,” for he said, “This place is the house of God.” The Bible specifically states that the name of the place beforehand was called Luz.

So, what is the name of our Lord? Unlike Hagar, we know His name. How, and in what place, have we encountered God? His name is Jesus. Just to add a little more validity to the fact that Jesus is our well, and so much more.

Now we know how the well got the name Beerlahairoi. In verse 14, we see that this well was located between Kadesh and Bered. These are the two stones that complete the path that positions us as candidates for matrimony.

Kadesh literally means “separation” and “consecration.” This is the starting place for every blessing, including marriage. As we consecrate ourselves to the Lord, Jesus becomes a well inside of us that springs up into everlasting life. As we guard this well and keep it free flowing, we are able to draw from it, so that we may live and dwell in a place of constant refreshing. This is the “south” country. As we dwell in the place of refreshing, when it is time, we move on to Bered, which means “to hail” or “to greet.”

So, here is the actual pathway as laid out in scripture:

Kadesh = our consecration to the Lord, separation from the world; and unto God.

Beerlahairoi = our consecration causes Christ to become a well of living water within us that springs up into everlasting life.

South = as we consecrate our lives, and Christ becomes a well within us, we are to draw from this well at all times, being constantly refreshed by the Spirit of the Lord.

Bered = as we consecrate our lives unto God, Christ becomes a living well within us; which is springing up into everlasting life. We are then able to consistently draw from this well, so that our lives are constantly refreshed. As we maintain this lifestyle, this places us in the proper position, so that when the time is right, the Lord will cause us to “greet” our mate.

That is the pathway that prepares and positions us for marriage. As we prepare to step over into the next chapter and explore the reasons why the well is so instrumental in marriage, (and in our life in general), I want to leave you with a couple of thoughts.

I want to give you an advanced warning. Because of what you are learning here, and what you will learn concerning wells, the enemy is already preparing an attack to prevent you from practicing any of the disciplines that we have just discussed.

You see, in the Old Testament, one of the major ploys that the enemies of Israel would use against them in warfare was to go and fill their wells with a bunch of dirt and debris. A thirsty person cannot fight. How long would you be able to fight physically without water? Well, that same principle applies in the spirit. I promise you; even the strongest of us wouldn’t last any more than a few hours. The more heated the battle, the faster we would become fatigued.

Lack of water not only dehydrates the body, but it also debilitates the mind. At some point, you begin to see hallucinations. In that state, it would be very easy for the enemy to deceive you, because you wouldn’t be in your right mind, which makes you incapable of exercising discernment. The enemy would love to have you in a position where he hardly has to do anything at all to defeat you. Do not let him come with a lot of dirt to clog up your well once you begin to put these steps into practice. I assure you, that if you do what has been written here, he will make an attempt. In fact, he will make several attempts.

He will send people to you with all kinds of issues and problems. He will do everything he can to get you off track. He will even use disingenuous individuals…those who fraudulently portray themselves as potential companions. But you wait until you hear from God. If the well is clean and flowing, you will not have any problem hearing His voice. But if you allow mess to clog your spirit, then you may be in for some trouble.

Another problem is being a dry well, which will make you desirable as a habitation for unclean spirits. They are lured by such places. Matthew 12:43 and Luke 11:24 both state that when an unclean spirit has gone out of a man, he walks through dry places, seeking rest. Dry wells are nothing more than deep tombs. Unclean spirits are attracted to dryness, death, and decay. Jesus is not just a well…He is a well that is springing up. His waters are not stagnate or sedentary. They not only permeate life, but they spring all the way up into everlasting life. No demon or unclean spirit can rest in that type of atmosphere or environment.

Lastly, being a dry well means that neither you, nor anyone else, will be able to draw from what is within you. You have no water to draw from. No life to administer. You are unable to refresh the spirits of men. You cannot plant, because the ground within your heart is too parched to receive seed. God gives seed to the sower. So if you cannot receive righteous seed, then you cannot disperse seed. Therefore, since you have no water or seed, you will not be able to plant or water in the kingdom. Being unable to plant or water means that you are incapable of co – laboring with God in order that He may bring increase. Anyone who attempts to draw from you will get the only thing that a dry well can produce…dirt. Live long enough in that condition and you’ll risk experiencing spiritual death; because in the end, dry wells are always abandoned.

It’s time to journey on now. We have to make up for lost time. I hear that Jesus is going to Samaria to meet a woman at a well. We need to be there when He arrives, because I believe that most of us are facing some of the same issues as this Samaritan woman. Jesus said He “must need” to go. It’s a must for Him because someone is in need. And if Jesus is going there, then help is on the way. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to miss that.

We have come a considerable way from where we first started. By now, you should have developed a thirst (for the things in our discussion). Let’s go to the Living Well and get refreshed. We will drink until we overflow. Come on, let’s go!

4

Of Wells and Women

Have you ever given any real thought as to how important water is to all things that exist? As an exercise, try to think of something that pertains to life where water has not, or is not, directly involved…either in the process of its creation, or part of the sustaining force behind its subsistence. Take your time and ponder things for a moment. Don’t worry, I’ll wait. If, for some odd reason, you are able to come up with a few possibilities, then I challenge you to deduce those prospects all the way back to their point of origin. Eventually, you should discover that no corporealities are incapable of holding water. Pun intended.

The reason for this is that water is the basis of all physical life. Consider Genesis 1: 1-2

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth.

Genesis 1: 1

And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

Genesis 1:2

From the account of creation given in Genesis 1, we see that the earth is without form and void. Yet, God is moving upon something. And that something is water. Water was the only physically creative factor involved in creation. Let’s look at this a little closer so you don’t misinterpret what I am saying.

Let’s start at the beginning. When we see the order of creation, we see God and water, which is the earth, without form and void. The first command from God is, “Let there be light.” Now, while we know that God Himself has created all things, this particular act was carried out by Him alone, through the agency of His Spirit. Let me remind you that this light is not the Sun or the Moon. They actually come later. So God separates this light from the darkness that was already upon the face of the deep, and He calls that light “Day,” and the darkness He calls “Night.” So ends the first day.

The next command is also ushered into creation by God Himself, in which He places a firmament in the midst of the waters, to divide the waters from the waters. This firmament, which God calls Heaven, divides the waters that are beneath it, from the waters that are above it. (The complexity of this can be understood by looking at the story of the flood during the days of Noah. Water came from both the sky above the firmament, and from the fountains of the great deep beneath it. See Genesis 7: 11). So ends the second day.

On the third day, God gathers all the waters together unto one place, and then commands the dry land to appear. In essence, He calls the dry land forth from the water. He calls this land “earth,” and the gathering of the waters “seas.” He then closes out the third day by having the earth bring forth grass and herbs yielding seed, along with trees yielding fruit.

The fourth day was the placement of the Sun to rule the day, and the Moon to rule the night. God also sprinkled in a few stars to add a little flavor. But it is the fifth day and the sixth day that are of particular interest to me. Here, God commands the waters and the earth to bring forth the living creatures that will populate them. Whales, fish, every winged fowl, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth in abundance on the fifth day; and all beast, cattle, and creeping things were brought forth on the earth on the sixth day, along with man.

Now, if we were to reverse this process, it would all lead back to God moving upon the face of the waters. Everything in the physical realm that is earthbound has its origin in those waters, because the earth came forth from them; and those waters are still sustaining those things that came forth from them. Evolutionists were partially right when they said that life began in the waters. They were just mistaken on how things themselves evolved…or should I say, came into being. (Note: In order to avoid any controversy, please note that we are aware of Hebrews 11:3, which states that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that things which are seen were not made of things which do appear. However, Hebrews 11:3 speaks of the origin of things after the “Order of Existence,” whereas Genesis Chapter 1 is giving an account of the origin of things after the “Order of Creation.”)

As important as water is in the natural, it is even weightier in the realm of the spirit, simply because of what it represents. Throughout scripture, water is mentioned over 700 times, and is used as a symbol for some of the most authoritative, influential, and reverential spiritual realities.

In the Old Testament, water is used as a metaphor or simile for such things as: fear (Joshua 7:5), death (2 Samuel 14:14), sin (Job 15:16), God’s presence (Psalms 72:6), marital fidelity (Proverbs 5:15-16), the knowledge of God (Isaiah 11:9), salvation (Isaiah 12:3), the Spirit (Isaiah 44:3-4), God’s blessings (Isaiah 58:11), God’s voice (Ezekiel 43:2), God’s wrath (Hosea 5:10), and justice (Amos 5:24). Some of the metaphorical uses of water in the New Testament are birth (John 3:5), the Spirit (John 4:10), spiritual training (1 Corinthians 3:6), Word of God (Ephesians 5:26), and life (Revelation 7:17).

Other scriptures that fit into this category may use the word “water,” but then an additional term is tied to it in order to place the emphasis on the source or purpose of the water, instead of the simile itself. These types of scriptures are more revelatory by nature. For instance, references to water may include, or be followed by, the words seas, rivers, floods, etc. Some of these refer to nations or peoples. Nevertheless, by using these words, the scriptures cause us to focus on what the water is doing, in addition to what it represents.

Let’s take a look at an example of this.

And the serpent cast out of his mouth water as a flood after the woman, that he might cause her to be carried away of the flood.

Revelations 12:15

In this scripture, the serpent, which is the devil, cast water out of his mouth. The “water” here represents heretical, unsound doctrine, carried by unrighteous men. The woman that the flood is after is the church. Although water is mentioned here, it is not the main focus. In other words, the point of this scripture is not to emphasize the fact that unrighteous men appear as water, cast forth from the serpent’s mouth. The focal point is that the water comes as a “flood.” And why does it come as a flood? Because its purpose is to “carry away.”

A flood is destructive. It’s violent. It sweeps in swiftly. Most of its victims are those who get caught unaware. Even if you are strong enough to resist the current, you still stand a chance of dying from the debris that it carries. So this heretical, unsound doctrine that these ungodly men teach will come as a “flood,” sweeping in everyone that’s not rooted and grounded, and carry them off into certain destruction. That is why the word “flood” is used. It describes the activity of the water (unrighteous men). It also aptly defines the characteristics of their doctrine. It is swift, violent, deadly, and destructive. It will claim those who are unstable and unaware, and leave them drowning in error.

Now, some of you may be asking yourselves, “What does this have to do with marriage?” Well, I’ll tell you. If you can remember, some time ago, we mentioned that everyone eventually faces the water test. Anyone who professes Christ will have to come to terms with the fact that they will be tried at least once in this area. And if you want to be married, have a ministry, be a great witness, or you just have a desire to be used by God, then you may be tried more than once.

Furthermore, this water test addresses several areas, and we must learn how to maintain them all if we are to be successful. Not only are you tested to see if you contain water (Spirit, Life, Word), but you need to know how those waters are to be used. What are its purposes? You will also be tested on what type of vessel you are. Is your vessel cracked or leaky? What kind of water are you issuing? Is it pure, tainted, or bitter? What are the depths of the water? Can you give water, or have someone draw from you, without you yourself running dry? Are your waters stagnate or flowing? These are the types of questions that will be answered once you are put to the test.

The beautiful thing is that this evaluation is more of a self-assessment, rather than an actual test. Its purpose is to allow us to see where we stand. God already knows, but He wants us to know too. Regardless of the outcome, whether we pass or fail, there is always an invitation at the end. We will either receive an appeal to rectify those areas that are amiss, or a summons to accept a greater measure of anointing, calling, or responsibility. One thing is for sure, and that is that you will not emerge from this encounter unchanged.

A Tale of Two Women

By now, it should be relatively clear how excellent of a woman Rebekah must have been. If we correlate what she did in the physical, and match that with what we know about the water test in the spiritual, then we know that this was one bad lady.

Not only did she have enough spirit (water) to minister to the needs of the servant, but she was also able to pour herself into the lives of the men and the livestock that accompanied him. And she didn’t do this until she was satisfied. She kept pouring until they were satisfied. She poured until each and every one of them was completely refreshed. She didn’t shrink back from the task because she knew exactly what she was carrying, and she knew how to use it. She was a willing vessel that offered and issued pure waters, which brought life to everyone she encountered. The well within her was deep; so deep, that it flowed into eternity, and enabled her to be enjoined within the lineage that would eventually produce the well of our salvation: the Lord Jesus Christ.

Since we now know what it was that Rebekah possessed that qualified her for espousal, then it also becomes necessary for us to show why those particular characteristics are of such a major importance to your future mate. However, before we do that, we need to take a look at another example of “the water test.” Even though this one does not have the same outcome as what we saw with Rebekah, our candidate was still able to reap certain benefits through the grace that was given to her by the one whom she encountered.

In John the 4th chapter, we see Jesus departing Judea to go to Galilee. This was due to the fact that the Pharisees had heard that Jesus had made and baptized more disciples than John. However, Jesus Himself didn’t actually baptize anyone. His disciples were the ones who were baptizing. As He sojourns to Galilee, Jesus takes it upon Himself, out of necessity, to go through a city of Samaria called Sychar, where Jacob’s well was located. Being wearied from his journey, Jesus decides to take a rest, and He sits on Jacob’s well.

Now, at the sixth hour of the day, a woman from Samaria comes to the well to draw water. When Jesus sees her, he asks her for a drink. To this, the woman quickly replies, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.

John 4: 9

During this time, there was a dissension between the Jews and the Samaritans that stemmed from the Assyrian conquest of the Northern Kingdom of Israel in 722 B.C. After the conquest, the Assyrians deported many of the Israelites, and then replaced them with people from Babylon, Avva, Hamath, Sepharvaim, and Cuth. Once this mixture of people was established in the Northern Kingdom, the Jews of the South refused to accept the Samaritans as true Jews. They forbid the Samaritans from offering sacrifices at the temple in Jerusalem, and they would not allow any Samaritan to intermarry with a Jew from the Southern Kingdoms.

When the Jews returned from the Babylonian exile and began to rebuild the Temple, the Samaritans offered to help, but their offer was quickly refused. Offended, they protested to the authorities that this constituted an act of rebellion, and work was delayed on the temple until the advent of Nehemiah. Even then, the hostile attitudes and actions of the Samaritans can be seen through the attacks that were thrust upon Nehemiah and the Israelites as they fought to complete the reconstruction of the temple. While their opposition was unsuccessful, the schism between the two peoples was complete.

The Samaritans maintained their claim that their worship was the true religion of the ancient Israelites prior to the Babylonian exile. As such, they only accepted the first five books of the Bible (the Pentateuch), while rejecting the rest as an altered and amended religion brought back by those who had previously been exiled. To this, they even built their own temple at Mount Gerizim, which they believed was the original Holy Place of the Israelites since the time that Joshua conquered Canaan.

In essence, each side seemed to embrace the belief that the other had somehow been tainted and was no longer practicing pure religion as handed down by the traditions of their forefathers. The Jews accused the Samaritans of mixture through the people who were transplanted into the Northern Kingdom by the Assyrians; and the Samaritans accused the Jews of the Southern Kingdom of mixture through the belief that they had been indoctrinated by a foreign religion during the exile. This is the setting that Jesus has just entered into.

Despite the Samaritan woman’s riposte at Jesus’ request for water, He continues His discourse with her. Only now He attempts to draw her from the natural into the spiritual.

Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.

John 4:10

Anytime the Lord approaches us with a question, or asks anything of us, it is always to draw us closer in right relationship. If He were to ask you to give up your present relationship, it is only because that person is not right for you, and God wants you free so that He can bring you your real mate. The issue is always about right relationship…with God, and with one another.

As thirsty as Jesus was, He never really expected the Samaritan woman to give Him water. His intentions were to make her aware of her own lack, in order that He could begin to draw her toward true fulfillment. Unfortunately, she was so carnal-minded and attached to the physical that she didn’t even perceive who she was speaking to; or what was available to her. She was spiritually impoverished.

Nevertheless, Jesus is loving and patient enough to destroy one barrier at a time. The schism that exists between the Jews and the Samaritans no longer exists between Him and this woman. His words, and His offer of living water, have lit a desirous fire in her soul. And she, who wanted nothing to do with a Jew, suddenly finds herself dealing with Jesus.

The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?

John 4: 11

Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle?

John 4:12

This woman may not understand who Jesus is, or what He is actually saying to her, but she is still intrigued. It is clear to her that Jesus does not have anything that he can use to draw water from the well, which is very deep. And yet, while questioning Him, she believes that He is already in possession of this so-called living water. “From whence then hast thou that living water?” She is not asking where this water will come from; she is asking where did it come from. We can paraphrase her question like this: “Ok, you don’t have anything to draw with, and this well is deep, so I know you didn’t get any water from here. So where did you get your water from?”

This is very significant, because it is evidence that she believes this man to be in possession of something, even though she cannot see the natural means by which He got it. In other words, she is beginning to believe on Jesus, and this alone will open up options that were previously unavailable to her.

Jesus’ next statement to the Samaritan woman expands the gap between what is natural and what is spiritual, thus drawing her closer to the edge of revelation.

Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:

John 4: 13

But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.

John 4:14

Just as Jesus stooped and began to draw in the sand when the woman who was caught in adultery was brought before Him to be stoned, He stoops here (in the spirit), and begins to draw lines of distinction that will help this woman find the grace that she so desperately needs. These lines, however, will do much more than just assist her in discerning the natural from the spiritual. Eventually, they become guides that lead her right into the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ. And it is that revelation that changes her entire lifestyle and alters her worship.

Allow me to take a little time to show you how this works. This will be a little odd, because while we are moving forward, we will be glancing back at the same time. We will be branching out in both directions, so to speak. That way, once we have completed our portion of scripture, we will have a clear understanding of how this woman’s conversion really came about. It will also subtly reveal how powerful and effective the prophetic is in the area of spiritual warfare.

To begin, let me give you Green’s (that’s me) Translation of what Jesus just said in verses 13 and 14, which is in response to the Samaritan woman’s question of where this living water comes from. It goes something like this:

I’m glad that you hold Jacob in such high esteem, and that he has given you this well. But when you drink the water that comes from his well, it will only be a matter of time before you are thirsty again, and you will have to come running back to the well to quench your thirst.

But as for me, I am greater than Jacob; and instead of giving you a well, I am offering to make you, yourself, a well. And the water that I will fill you with will satiate your (spiritual) thirst completely. It will be so refreshing and fulfilling, that you will never thirst again…because these waters will spring up into everlasting life.

It is with this comment that Christ lays out new guidelines and options for the Samaritan woman. She had been to Jacob’s well countless times, and had only had the option of drawing the same lifeless waters, time and time again. This time, because of the presence of Jesus, she is given a choice. She can keep doing the same-old thing; drawing from the same well, and partaking from the same waters that her forefathers drank. Or, she can transcend tradition and forsake the deep wells of familial issue, and choose instead to partake of the well that is Jesus Christ; whose waters offer real life.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, this whole subject about wells is referring to the condition of the human soul. Will we keep trying to draw fulfillment from the wells of bad relationships, family traditions, and past childhood issues? Or will we drink from Christ, and be truly satisfied and fulfilled? This is what’s actually being presented to the Samaritan woman. Unfortunately, because she is still rather myopic and ruled by carnality, she makes the right decision for the wrong reason.

The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw.

John 4: 15

She accepts Jesus’ offer for living water, but she believes that it is a natural substance…something common. I like this verse, because it really shows the pervasive indifference in today’s culture toward the salvation of our souls. She asks for the water so that she will never thirst again - which means that she will never have to come back to the well. She is actually looking in the opposite direction of where Jesus is trying to draw her.

As we stated before, thirst is the most demanding of all appetites, and it could also be argued that it is the greatest necessity of all mankind. The average person would die in a matter of days without water. And just as water is clearly our greatest earthly need, salvation is our greatest spiritual need.

So Jesus has been working to draw the Samaritan woman into an awareness of her spiritual insolvency, and she is trying to shake the hook. Give me this water that I thirst not. Well, that is what Jesus offered. But to ask for such a gift, and then make it applicable only in the natural, will result in escapism, which is all that the fleshly, carnal mind will do with such liberty. In essence, the flesh will have been given a license to do what it intended to do anyway. “Wow, I will not thirst. I won’t have to worry about my greatest need. I can be indifferent and unconcerned. I won’t have to come to the well anymore. I won’t have to labor. I don’t have to be responsible. I can be comfortable!”

That is the attitude of the flesh. If it were to receive this gift from Jesus, the carnal mind would be geared toward what it wouldn’t have to do. It could be lazy and unconcerned about its condition. That applies in the natural and the spiritual for those who walk in the flesh.

The spiritual person, however, receives the Lord’s gifts with responsibility, knowing that they are accountable to be a faithful steward over what they have received. Instead of thinking about how indifferent or how comfortable they could be, they appreciate the cost of such a privilege, and seek to pour themselves into the lives of others.

Up until this point, Jesus has been patiently and compassionately wooing this woman. He wants to bless her as much as she wants and needs to be blessed. Nevertheless, He cannot bestow such a gift on her in her present condition. She is still unaware of her flaws and deficiencies. Until she realizes this, and steps over into the spiritual through revelation and repentance, she is not suited to receive what the Lord has to offer. It’s time for Jesus to drop the bomb.

Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither.

The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband:

For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.

John 4:16-18

“Go, call thy husband.” With this simple phrase, Jesus cuts right into the heart of the matter. His words, like a two-edged sword, have just cut though the carnal and the superficial, completely exposing this woman’s lifestyle. Yet, in spite of this delicate stroke of truth, the Samaritan woman makes a sad attempt to cover herself through innocence (or self-righteousness) by stating that she doesn’t have a husband. To this, Jesus adds that not only does she not have a husband…she has had 5 husbands. And the one that she is with now isn’t hers either.

Because of the ingenuousness of the Lord’s words, it would be easy for us to assume that He is passing judgment upon this woman because of her immoral and promiscuous lifestyle. But if we understand His dexterity in how gracefully He is drawing her from the natural into the spiritual, then we would be trivializing the true intent behind this encounter if we were to apply His statement only toward the natural realm. Even the scriptural context gives the allusion that something deeper is being addressed here. Look at how the Samaritan woman responds.

The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet.

Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.

Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father.

Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews.

But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.

God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things.

Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am he.

John 4:19-26

Did you notice how the conversation turned toward worship immediately after Jesus had stated that this woman has had 5 husbands? Don’t you think that is strange? It reminds me of how the Lord brought the animals before Adam…right after He declared that He was going to make a helpmeet for him. It just seems as if one thought has nothing to do with the other, even though they are both mentioned in the same context. But just as a deeper revelation revealed how the animals fit into God’s plan of making a mate for Adam, a deeper revelation is needed here as well.

Sadly, this woman was more than just an adulterous female who was used to sleeping around. She is a picture of Samaria as a whole. She is a symbol of Samaritan worship, just as Rebekah symbolized the Old Testament church.

When you put these women side by side, the differences are staggering. One knew how to worship, and the other did not. One knew whom she was worshipping, and the other had no clue. One possessed enough of the spirit to be able to pour herself into the lives of all whom she encountered, and the other was desolate and dry. One was espoused to one man, who was her true soul mate, and the other had 6 husbands total, and none of them were hers. The list goes on and on.

As a side note, I need to mention that the 5 husbands of the Samaritan woman that Jesus was referring to are actually the 5 societies that the Assyrians planted in the Northern Kingdom after the conquest. In case you forgot, they are Babylon, Avva, Hamath, Sepharvaim, and Cuth.

The Samaritan people courted the gods from each of these cultures; and in doing so, committed spiritual adultery. That is why Jesus likened them to husbands. Even the religion that they were practicing at that time was not correct, which prompted Jesus to say, “the one you have now is not yours.” I’m not sure what religion or culture this present husband, (or Husband #6) represents. My guess would be that it was a culmination of all of the other core beliefs drawn into one new doctrine.

Nevertheless, Jesus has come to draw the Samaritans back into true worship…through full restoration and fellowship with their first love. He shows them that they have been benighted concerning worship - and that true worship is centered in the spirit and in truth, and not on a physical location like Jerusalem or Mt. Gerizim.

Spiritually speaking, this is really sad. The Samaritans partook of so many tables (religions), that they had no idea what they were worshipping. It’s like running from church to church, meeting to meeting, and conference to conference. One day you turn around, and you cannot remember what you were supposed to be seeking in the first place. You’ve become spiritually sick and confused from all of the garbage that you were exposed to. You linked up, yoked up, and got in bed with ministries and beliefs that were not your own, and now you are dry and desolate inside. Only an encounter with Jesus can restore true worship and relationship.

However, the real beauty of this story is seen in how delicately and how powerfully Jesus deals with humanity. Here, He takes this adulterous, idolatrous woman, and methodically dismantles her prejudices and other misbeliefs. He then opens her eyes to realms and possibilities that were totally foreign to her. Once her appetite for truth had been aroused, He moves prophetically, and discerns (or reveals) her situation (both past and present), and then seals the deal by offering her a Word of Knowledge and a Word of Wisdom about true worship. His last words to her were, “I that speak unto thee am he.”

Once the prophetic began to flow, Jesus could finally reveal Himself as the Messiah. Of course, that is what the prophetic does. It reveals and ushers one toward Christ. It is a spiritual manifestation in which we are able to encounter Christ and receive enlightenment from Him, which in turn, becomes our testimony (or witness) of Him. “The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.” (Revelations 19:10).

This story is also an excellent example of prophetic warfare. Through the agency of the Spirit, and by the aforementioned giftings, (Discernment, Word of Knowledge, Word of Wisdom), Jesus is able to take an immoral, promiscuous, godless woman, and turn her into Samaria’s first Evangelist. And all of this was done within the span of one conversation.

As soon as Jesus said, “I that speak unto thee am he,” everything that was amiss and out of order in this woman’s life was suddenly brought into alignment. Grace rushes in and fills every void. It removes every condemning accusation, and covers all wounds and nakedness with imputed righteousness, unconditional love, and acceptance. It is a dangerous thing when Jesus says, “I am.” Whenever he utters those words, everything in opposition is immediately knocked on its backside.

At this point, the woman is completely overwhelmed and enthused. She leaves her water pot, runs into the city, and begins to tell everybody about her experience. John 4:39 says that the Samaritans of that city believed on Jesus because of this woman who testified that, “He told me all that ever I did.” Notice that it was her testimony about Jesus that caused the people to believe. (The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy.) That is prophecy and evangelism at its best.

So, why am I addressing the prophetic, when this book is supposed to be about marriage?” Well, the truth is, for those of you who are sincere about seeking God concerning your mate, somewhere along the way, you will encounter the prophetic. I’m sure most of you already have. But for the few questionables, I want you to understand what prophecy is supposed to do. What it is and what it is not.

Consequently, and as an indicator of our times, there is a resurgence of the prophetic sweeping the world nowadays; and Satan, being true to his character, is trying to get a jump on things. Knowing that the true prophetic spirit is on the rise, he has sent a barrage of false prophets into the world to seduce, beguile, and confuse humanity. His intention is to seduce people away from the truth by offering them lies through divination, soothsaying, sorcery, and witchcraft…all of which will cater to your senses. I’m sure that you have already seen these people in operation. They are the ones who are asking you to send them money for a vial of holy water, or some type of anointed prayer cloth. They are asking you to write to them for your free written prophecy, or that you send them a thousand dollars as a seed offering for your miracle, as if Christ could be bought. Even if they initially offer you something for free, eventually, you will pay a price. You will either receive follow-up letters requesting that you send them a monetary gift, or you will end up in spiritual bondage through your obedience to their ungodly council.

The danger is that while these people’s prophecies are sensual and misleading, they contain enough truth to get your allegiance, before they turn the tide, and lead you into error and ruin. They are driven by psychic (soulish, not spiritual) power and familiar spirits. They will tell you truths about your family, business, endeavors, and the like, in order to get you hooked. You may even appear to prosper for a time. But just like Satan’s kingdom, it won’t last. And just like his kingdom, you too, will be set for certain destruction. That will be your end.

So, how do we judge the prophetic so that we are not deceived? Well, that can actually get complicated for those of us who are used prophetically, and I don’t want to go into the mechanics of it all. That is one subject that really exposes the goodness and the severity of the Lord.

In order to make it simple, let’s apply our rule of thumb. You know me. When all else fails, or when things have the propensity of getting too deep, the rule of thumb will save you every time.

Basically, a rule of thumb is an order, process, or performance (function) that yields the same desired results every time it’s used. No matter what the scenario, or how varied the circumstances may be, the rule of thumb will work every time. It never changes; like your thumbprint.

In the case of prophecy, that thumbprint is this. The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy. If you receive prophecy that doesn’t glorify, testify, draw, direct, point to, or reveal Jesus, then you have a right to question it. Of course, prophecy should exhort, comfort, and edify the believer. But the end result is always Jesus. Always.

With that being said, let me offer a couple of guidelines that you can use for additional safety against deception as you seek the Lord about a mate.

First and foremost, and of the most importance is: Hear God first. Since you are taking the time to seek Him, expect Him to honor you by speaking directly to you. Stay attentive, and ask God to help you, so that you don’t overlook Him. The Lord’s very nature is discerning, and He knows how to get your attention. He is your Father, and He is delighted when His children acknowledge Him in all their ways. When you seek God for guidance with a sincere, obedient heart, He will surely respond in spectacular and definitive ways.

The second guideline is this: Once God has spoken to you, don’t tell a single soul. Don’t tell your closest friend or your parents. Don’t even tell the person that God may have said is your mate. There are two reasons that you need to be silent during this period.

The first reason is that this will help you to decipher when God is sending you confirmation through the prophetic, as opposed to those who are false and operating in the flesh. When the Lord does confirm His word to you, you will know it, because you haven’t shared it with anyone. If a prophet does approach you, they should tell you exactly what God Himself has already spoken to you. This way, you are being confirmed, and not blindly directed. Even if God should use a prophet to initially enlighten you concerning your mate, hold that word to see if it prospers or not. Don’t speak it to anyone. If it is God, He will confirm that word through the mouth of two or three different vessels. If He does confirm it, then He will carry it through to fruition. You can be assured of His guidance throughout the entire process.

The second reason can actually be found within the context of our current story. Look at John 4:27. As soon as Jesus had revealed Himself as the Messiah to the Samaritan woman, the disciples come upon the situation, and each one marveled that He was even speaking to this woman. They may have kept their attitudes to themselves, but they felt contempt nonetheless. And more often than not, the reaction of the disciples is a clear-cut illustration of what we can expect from those who comprise our own inner circles.

Believe it or not, when you are faced with the possibility of matrimony, or any substantial blessing from the Lord, most of your opposition will come from those who are closest to you. Your family and your best friends tend to be your worst enemies during these times. It’s sad to say, but it is also true.

Family will think that they are protecting you by offering all kinds of logical explanations as to why God didn’t speak to you, or how you need to keep praying. All the while they are murdering your confidence in your ability to hear God, which will cause you to feel fearful and apprehensive.

Some of your friends may be jealous, envious, or insecure. And they, like your family, may also question your ability to hear God for yourself. Those who are most familiar to you will tend to judge you by your past. For the most part, they may not even deem you worthy or responsible enough to handle this type of transition.

Of course, this means that you will have to give extra attention toward guarding your spirit. Holding your peace is a great defense in protecting yourself from the discouraging words of naysayers. But you must also be careful that you don’t become so unyielding that you forget to heed wise council when it is given. If you sincerely feel that you need additional assurance after all of this has been applied, then just be prayerful about the people that you approach and expose yourself to. My recommendations would be your Pastor or your Care Group Leader, if you have one. If these options are not available to you, then please take care that you choose someone who has a good reputation in keeping such matters private, and that they are adept at offering sound, scriptural, and wise council.

Speaking of wisdom, we have an opportunity to receive council from one of the wisest men who has ever lived. Actually, this will be more like a christening. We are nearing our journey’s end, and we need the wisdom and the encouragement of a fatherly blessing to release us to go forth and procure the promises of God. This should be very enlightening.

5

Proverbs

The Book of Proverbs is often referred to as “The Book of Wisdom,” as it very well should be. Its credited writer, King Solomon, was a man in whom God Himself had bestowed the wisdom of the ages. People of notoriety would travel for hundreds of miles just to hear him speak, and to behold his works. His judgments were so notable, that we still speak of them today. Solomon actually possessed so much wisdom, that he set himself to experience, and to understand, everything that exists “under the sun.” In doing so, he came upon one immutable conclusion, and that is:

Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

Ecclesiastes: 12:13b

Eventually, Solomon discovered that man’s only legitimate purpose for living is to serve God, with all of our faculties, and all of our possessions. Everything else that we do outside of that purpose tends only to vanity. All of our successes, degrees, accomplishments, and acquisitions are all in vain if they are not directly connected to His will for our lives. Ultimately, those things become worthless, useless, unsuccessful, and unfulfilling…if they are not serviceable to God. That is the conclusion of the whole matter.

What I find comical about Solomon’s life is that despite his prolific gift of wisdom, it never seemed to serve him well when it came to women. Solomon loved women. He had 300 wives and 700 concubines. And these were not ordinary women. Most of them were strange women. These were women with strange practices and strange beliefs; who served strange gods. They were so alluring and enticing, that they had Solomon building altars to their gods in the high places. This type of conduct almost caused Solomon to lose out with the real God. I guess it goes to show that you can have all the wisdom in the world, but a woman can still dethrone you if your passions are not subdued. The manipulative power of a strange woman is venomous, and very deadly.

Yet, thankfully, Solomon did come to his senses. That’s where all of those great verses about steering clear of strange, adulterous women came from when we read his writings. He had first-hand knowledge…and like we have already shown, he knows the end of a thing. I mean, who else could say things like:

Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them.

Proverbs 5:6

…and yet have the real world experience and authority to back it up? I guess we can say that in the end, wisdom did serve him well, because it was wisdom that actually allowed him to escape the snares of these women.

If something has ways that are so moveable that it cannot be known, then how do you escape it? You don’t know enough to escape it, because every time you think that you have it figured out, that thing would shift on you. Any average man would be systematically ensnared. That’s it. Game over. If it had you in its clutches, you were finished.

We used to have this saying back in the day, whenever we encountered one of our friends who was after a girl that we all knew was no good. We knew that she slept around, and that she just used people. So when we would try to give our fellow man a little wisdom about the wiles of this female, and he wouldn’t listen, we would just back off and resign ourselves from the situation by saying, “He’s just not knowing.” Of course, it wouldn’t be long before he found out that what we had said was true. But by that time he had already been duped. It goes without saying that when he returned, he was just a shell of his former self. He had been gutted, and all of his insides had been displayed for the entire world to see. Whatever game he thought he had was immediately put on the shelf. None of the other ladies in the neighborhood had any interest in him, because he had been emasculated in front of them. Everybody knows that once you have been played…it’s game over.

But as we have said, thankfully, Solomon knew how to rebound. The wisdom that he slighted became the wisdom that rescued him from a situation where any ordinary man would have perished. This same wisdom has been penned in scripture, and it can keep us from entertaining the temptation of entering into strange relationships that could ultimately become the catalyst of our undoing.

It would be very unwise for us to neglect the experiences of our ancestors when they have the ability to teach us life lessons without us having to duplicate their mistakes. They have the power to keep us from irreparable hardship and loss. Wisdom itself cries out, and directs us toward easier paths that are filled with more excellent things. (See Proverbs 8).

The purpose of Wisdom, as a spirit, is not to accentuate the negative. At times, it may give a clarion call at negative issues, but it is always as a warning against traveling in the paths where those things that it is crying out against will be encountered. In other words, wisdom’s revelation of the negative is always avoidance, while its revelation of the positive is always entreating. It is a directive, and it should always be obeyed.

Seeing that this is the case, it would make some of us wonder how Solomon (who is considered the wisest man who ever lived, other than Jesus) could get caught up in the things that he did. Well, we could be resourceful and defending, and say that his experiences were intended for our admonition, which is true of most of the failures mentioned in the Bible. But it is also true that Solomon was still a man. And as a man, he still had limitations.

Be that as it may, not all of his limitations were of a negative influence. There were things of a positive nature that still eluded Solomon, because their ways were past finding out.

There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not:

Proverbs 30: 18

The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid.

Proverbs 30:19

Solomon said these things were too wonderful for him. Not in the fact that they exist, but it was their ways that were past finding out. He may have possessed wisdom, but the ways of wisdom are reserved for God Himself; for wisdom was beside Him even before the beginning. The Lord possessed it in the beginning of His way, and it was set up from everlasting. (See Proverbs 8: 22 – 30).

Just as the strange woman has a way that is moveable, these four things also have a way, and they have movements as well. The way an eagle moves on the air; the way a serpent moves upon a rock; the way a ship moves upon the sea; and the way a man moves with a woman. All of these have operations and intricacies that are rooted in wisdom, and they are past finding out. So if this is the case, then we know that there are just some things that we will never be able to explain.

However, since we are dealing with marriage, let’s continue to search out how a man is supposed to interact with his woman. We may not be able to uncover everything, but let’s just go as far as we can.

So, in getting back to our subject, why don’t we get Solomon’s view on the water test. I’m sure that he would have some insight on its necessity. And who knows, he may even be able to give us the answer as to why its particular characteristics are of such a major importance to your future mate.

Proverbs 5

The fifth chapter of Proverbs is an extremely profound group of scriptures as far as relationships are concerned. Such subject matter could not have come to light through an ordinary revelation, or by some effortless enlightenment. Essentially, the writer had to endure a course of life where the truths that he desired to communicate could only be substantiated by actual experience.

Any real follower of Christ will tell you that they believe that the Bible is God inspired. And yet, we can trivialize the Word of God when we forget that these were actual life experiences of the men and the women that we are reading about. None of them belonged to a secret society of monks who were holed up in the top of a mountain, to serve the Lord solely as His ghostwriter. God may have inspired the words, but the revelation was lived out among the vessels that He spoke through.

And so it was with Solomon. When we take the time and glance over this chapter, we can see that the scope of scripture is dealing primarily with adulterous relationships...and how a man should avoid the seductive nature of strange women. Knowing something of Solomon’s history, I would say that he is well qualified to instruct the latter generations on this subject.

But there is something else about this chapter that grabs my attention. One of those little “triggers” that tells you to take a closer look. It’s actually found in Solomon’s opening address. It is something so common, that I almost overlooked it.

In verse one, we read the statement, “My son, attend unto my wisdom, and bow thine ear to my understanding.” You know, I can’t tell you how many times I have seen these verses, but I’ve always read right past this one. I think it was because I had already equated wisdom with Solomon, so it was just a given for him to use that type of terminology in his writings. It wasn’t until I looked at the word “understanding,” that my spark of curiosity was lit. The Wisdom of Solomon was obvious to me because of what I had read in scripture. What I missed was how his wisdom came about. This is important to know, because it underscores a principle in how God bestows certain blessings.

Most people, including myself, have taken it for granted that Solomon received all the wisdom he needed when God Himself said, “wisdom and knowledge is granted unto thee.” (See II Chronicles 1:12). That’s really not a bad assumption, when we consider the fact that God appeared to Solomon, and said, “Ask what I shall give thee.” (II Chronicles 1:7). Who wouldn’t expect an instantaneous blessing with that kind of an offer?

Nevertheless, there is a problem. According to Job 11:6, wisdom has two sides. Actually, other translations render it more correctly, and more in line with Ephesians 3:10, which reveals that the wisdom of God is manifold, or many-sided. In a literal sense, wisdom can be expressed and made known through several avenues when God is involved.

When we look at some of the definitions for the word “wisdom,” we can see how these avenues differ from a human standpoint. For instance, the Easton’s Bible Dictionary says that wisdom is a moral rather than an intellectual quality. This is true, albeit, a person’s morality will influence their decisions. But the Noah Webster’s New International Dictionary of the English Language broadens the scope a bit. A few of its definitions are: the results of wise judgments; discernment; skill; dexterity; an acquired knowledge.

These definitions can be aptly applied to Solomon’s life, because the wisdom of God was seen in the skill and dexterity used in the construction of Solomon’s Temple. (See 1 Kings / II Chronicles). The discernment and judgment aspects of wisdom were manifest when Solomon made a ruling in the case of the two women who were both claiming to be the mother of a surviving child. (1 Kings 3: 16- 28).

These manifestations of wisdom can be immediate. Solomon could have come away from his encounter with the Lord with the ability to make sound decisions, and the skill and instruction to build the most magnificent temple. But acquired wisdom? That is something that requires more than basic instruction and judgment - because wisdom itself is a virtue, and virtues don’t come easily in the kingdom.

If you have ever asked God for a particular characteristic that has virtue at its root, then you know that it can be very challenging to pursue that type of request. Let’s just say that you have asked God for patience. If it were up to us, we would have God zap us with a divine lightning bolt, and we would be infused with patience.

Well, God’s way is a little different. Instead of God zapping you with a lightning bolt, He zaps everything around you, and causes it to go haywire. All of a sudden your boss goes crazy. Your spouse loses their natural mind. Extra bills are created. Kids get sick. Expected finances, promotions, and blessings all get delayed. Pressure situations arise all around you. And then, in the midst of all of that, you hear God speak, “BE PATIENT.”

That’s what happens when things are acquired. Anytime you set yourself to apprehend virtuous attributes like love, patience, and wisdom, then you are setting yourself up for change from the inside out. The main definition for virtue says it best: conformity to a standard of right. The key word is conform. You can shorten that and just say form, as in Christ being formed within you.

Anything that God begins to form, or transform, has its place on His potter’s wheel. And like a potter, He will put his thumbs in you and press, and fold, and press again. He will spin your world until you are so disoriented, that you have no idea if the concept of “center” ever existed. It can be very uncomfortable. But when you come out, you will have acquired the virtue that you’ve asked for. And the rewards that accompany that new acquisition will greatly outweigh the cost that it took to get it.

So, this is the type of wisdom that Solomon is asking us to attend to. It is an acquired knowledge. It is something that is gained over time, with effort and great personal cost. The rest of the verse stays in agreement with this thought, when we consider that he also asks us to bow our ear to his understanding.

So, what is real understanding? To keep it simple and correct, understanding is an experience. Actually, you have to have a revelation first. This is more than just reading and memorizing scripture. It is what happens when the Holy Spirit quickens your spirit with a particular word. Jesus, who is the Word, reveals Himself through a scripture, and that particular scripture is now alive within you. It is a call for you to experience Jesus through the revelation that you have just received. Once you have experienced Him within that revelation, then the experience itself will have given you true biblical understanding.

Okay, try this. Imagine that you are in church, and you have just given your life to Christ. You have searched out and memorized every scripture on being born again. Do you think that you could tell me what it is like to be born again just because you’ve memorized the scriptures? No, not truthfully. You couldn’t tell me what it is like to be born again until you actually get born again. It is the experience that gives you the understanding.

That is what Paul meant when he wrote: “And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.” (Ephesians 3:19). When he says, “to know,” that means to experience the love of God that is beyond comprehending. You cannot know the love of God from reading about it. It just doesn’t work that way. What would the Christian life be if all we have is good theology, but we never experience any of it? What benefit would we have in knowing that Jesus gave us His peace, if we never experience it? What kind of victory is that?

What Solomon is about to share in this chapter is not something that he just heard from God. This is his experience. He is not writing this as someone who is divorced from his own words. These are not the simple memoirs of a man who has lived long and lives to tell. What he is sharing is tried, tested, and approved wisdom from God above. Therefore, it is more than mere instruction. It is armor for your soul.

Before we continue, I have a little riddle for you to solve. Remember now, Wisdom is a spirit, and real biblical understanding is an experience. So, here is the riddle. Did Solomon gain wisdom because of his experiences? Or did he have those experiences because he had wisdom, and wisdom set the course?

Here is a hint:

Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.

Proverbs 4:7

A: Both are correct. Wisdom is manifold. Imparted and acquired.

Wisdom Speaks

In the early 1980’s, First Lady Nancy Reagan launched an advertising campaign against recreational drug use called, “Just Say No.” What began as an answer to an elementary schoolgirls question, eventually blossomed into a slogan that spawned several clubs and organizations. Mrs. Reagan appeared on dozens of TV shows, and several sitcoms jumped on the bandwagon as scripts were written to address drug use among our nation’s youth. The “First Ladies Conference on Drug Abuse” saw 30 First Ladies of various nations convene on the White House as the campaign trekked its way abroad. The United Kingdom even had a Top 10 song dedicated to the cause. Thousands of billboards touted the most memorable three words to come along since “I Love You.” Before all was said and done, “Just Say No” also became the motto against other ills, such as gang violence, and premarital sex.

Aside from its apparent success, there really is no surefire way to tell if the program truly curbed recreational drug use. Most people, who use drugs recreationally, do so secretly. They would never expose themselves and reveal their vice in order to be polled. While a few would credit the campaign as their cause for getting clean or staying clean, statistically, the numbers would never justify the means.

Those who were opposed to the program drew their criticisms from this same train of thought. Some said that the campaign was just too expensive. Others said that drug use in America is underestimated, and that it is improper to use the terms drug use and drug abuse synonymously. Still, others labeled the program as being simplistic, arguing that its solution was nothing more than a catchphrase. Regardless of whether you were an advocate or an opponent, one thing was certain…it got your attention.

On a personal level, I would have considered myself to be neutral concerning the whole campaign. I do remember opening up packages of 25 cent Red Hots, and seeing “Just Say No” in big, black, bold letters on the inner flap. But being a teenager in the early 80’s, I guess it’s fair to say that I wasn’t really concerned about too much of anything. Especially something that was telling me to say, “NO,” when I was seeking liberation from every known boundary. Pushing the limits is a teenager’s rite of passage. At least that’s what we believe at the time. Thank God that there is a method to the madness. The Lord is very merciful to teenagers.

Now that I am an adult who has matured through various experiences, I am able to look back at those times with a little bit of wisdom. While I am certainly not opposed to what Mrs. Reagan attempted to do through the “Just Say No” campaign, I do recognize one major flaw, which was more of an issue than the other factors that may have thwarted the program’s effectiveness. Beyond the cost issue, or the failure to determine the right terminology to use in describing those that they sought to help, lay this one overlooked aspect. The best way to get someone to say “NO” to something, is by giving them something to say “Yes” to. While I can commend the program for teaching people how to say no, and for encouraging them to stay in school, in my estimation, it just didn’t go far enough.

That’s one of the reasons why the Bible is so beautiful. It gives the reader a complete set of instructions and experiences, which enables them to recognize definite conclusions. While being the infallible Word of God, it can be tested, tried, and proven to be just as it says. The choices and subsequent consequences are clear in their definitions, and precise in their outcomes. We are shown the blessings of obedience, and the curses that accompany disobedience. We have the rewards of a righteous life, and the varied destructions that come from living sinfully. We read of great testimonies and valiant victories, as well as lamentable lives and heart wrenching defeats. The principles behind all of these experiences are applicable to every human life, and they will yield the same results as they did thousands of years ago. In short, it works!

That’s the way of Wisdom. It gives one the ability to make right decisions, which foster blessings that bring about a godly lifestyle. It knows the conclusion of all things, and decisions are made from that focal point. Instead of being rash, hurried, fearful or intrusive; it is stayed, calm, and discerning. It knows every factor, so that when a decision is made, it will bless everything and everyone affected by said decision. A course of action is navigated not only by what is deemed to be correct, but also by considering what is incorrect and detrimental to the necessary outcome.

Let’s look again at how Proverbs 5 begins. However, this time, let’s use the Amplified version of the Bible.

My son, be attentive to my Wisdom [godly Wisdom learned by actual and costly experience], and incline your ear to my understanding [of what is becoming and prudent for you],

That you may exercise proper discrimination and discretion and your lips may guard and keep knowledge and the wise answer [to temptation].

Proverbs 5:1-2

Here, we can clearly see that Solomon is about to reveal godly wisdom, which he acquired from his own life’s experiences. And just like every other virtue in the kingdom, it exacted a great personal price from its recipient. But the dividend is that he is now empowered to exercise proper discrimination and discretion, which in turn, gives him the ability to harbor knowledge, and to always have not just an answer, but the wise answer; which in this case, is to temptation.

Now, some might consider it to be sacrilegious for godly wisdom and discrimination to be mentioned together in an attempt to illuminate truth. But just like the word “lust,” discrimination doesn’t always have an evil undertone.

It’s a sad reality that whenever we do encounter the word “discrimination,” it is most often being used to describe some type of prejudice, intolerance, or racial inequity. But discrimination at its core speaks more of discernment, perception, insight, and judgment. To discriminate is to make a distinction, which then leads to a judgment or a decision. Nevertheless, those judgments or decisions should be based upon the condition that they are unbiased and ethical. However, pride, arrogance, hatred, and ignorance seem to govern our thoughts about the differences within the human race…and that often leads to errors in judgment and understanding. That is how we have come to define “discrimination,” which is unfortunate and unwise.

Thankfully, in the area of relationships, Solomon was able to exercise “proper discrimination” based upon his knowledge. (The condition of knowing something with familiarity, gained through experience or association.) Because of this, his writings are not arbitrary, but definitive in their explanation of the subject. He refuses to simply state that, “this way is wrong,” and “that way is right.” Instead, he exposes the very nature of a thing, so that it is clearly evident to all why one course of action is wrong, and why the other is right.

Notwithstanding the great wisdom for which Solomon was known, his familiarity of strange woman would most likely surpass that of any other man who has ever walked the face of this earth. Since that is the case, let us resign ourselves to his wisdom, and open our ears to his understanding, that we too may be able to keep knowledge, and regard discretion. (Especially in the area where relationships are concerned.)

With that being said, let’s get back to our text. We need to understand why wisdom’s first instruction prohibits us from even conversing with strange women.

For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:

Proverbs 5:3

Most people are well versed about the different symbolisms that oil represents in scripture. But honey is a very interesting, albeit overlooked, subject as well. Nearly every culture and every religion will have either a direct or indirect reference to honey, and most of them are very significant.

In Hinduism, honey is listed as one of the five elixirs of immortality, and it is poured over their deities in the temples during their festivals. In Jewish tradition, it is a symbol for the New Year. Buddhists give honey to monks during the festival of Madhu Purnima. Even the biblical references to honey are used with great imagery; the ultimate being the Promised Land, flowing with milk and honey, which denotes the utter delight and well-being of the one who would dwell there.

However, I was more intrigued with the properties of honey, instead of its spiritual symbolisms, when considering our subject matter. For one, most micro–organisms do not grow in honey, because of its low water activity. (If you remember our conversation about the water test, you can see a beautiful illustration here.) Furthermore, honey can sometimes contain endospores of the bacterium Clostridium Botulinum, which can be dangerous to infants. The endospores can transform into toxin-producing bacteria in an infant’s immature intestinal tract, leading to illness, and even death. To dig a little deeper, let’s look at what an endospore is, and how it operates.

An endospore is a dormant, tough, and temporarily non-reproductive structure, produced by certain bacteria from the Firmicute phylum. The name “endospore” is suggestive of a spore, or seed like form (endo means within), but it is not a true spore (not an offspring). It’s a kind of stripped-down, dormancy form that the bacterium can reduce itself to. The endospore becomes important when the bacterium is experiencing an environment that is deleterious to the usual vegetative state of the bacterium; most notably, when the bacterium is getting dried out (desiccated). Endospores enable the survival of a bacterium through periods of environmental stress, which may last millions of years. When the environment becomes favorable, the endospore can reactivate itself to the vegetative state. Not all, nor even most, types of bacteria can change to the endospore form. Examples of those that can include: Bacillus and Clostridium.

The endospore consists of the bacterium’s DNA, and part of its cytoplasm, surrounded by a very tough outer coating.

Endospores can survive without nutrients. They are resistant to ultraviolet radiation, desiccation, high temperatures, extreme freezing, and chemical disinfectants. Common anti-bacterial agents that work by destroying vegetative cell walls don’t work on endospores. Endospores are commonly found in soil and water, where they may survive for long periods of time. Add to this, the following statement on Clostridium Botulinum.

Clostridium Botulinum is a Gram-positive, rod-shaped, bacterium that produces neurotoxins known as Botulinum neurotoxins types A-G, which causes the flaccid muscular paralysis seen in botulism, and is also the main paralytic agent in Botox. It is an anaerobic spore-former, which produces oval, sub-terminal endospores, and is commonly found in soil.

Now, if we take this information that we’ve just discussed, and structure it within a process, we can see what happens, in a very real sense, to the spirit of a man when he is involved with a strange woman. Please remember that this example is without gender. Even though it is taken from the male’s perspective, it is also applicable to a woman, when she is involved in a relationship with a strange man. The gist is being in a relationship with someone other than your true mate, no matter what gender you are.

In the beginning, words from an immoral woman are like honey from a honeycomb. They are sweet and fragrant. They are also colorful and alluring. To the eye, she is desirable; offering a cure for whatever ails the heart...even as honey and oil have medicinal properties for external and internal ailments. But just as honey has extremely low water activity, she is a dry well, incapable of administering any real spiritual encouragement that upholds quality of life. In actuality, she is the complete opposite. She is a poison that is draped in deception. Once you partake of her, the defilement, depravity, and deception of her spirit is transferred to you like endospores invading a new host.

Once inside, the endospore takes root within the soil of your heart, where it releases the DNA and cytoplasm of the bacterium that it carries. This is dangerous, because now the heart begins to withstand the light of God’s Word and wise council…much the same way that endospores are resistant to ultraviolet radiation, desiccation, high temperatures, extreme freezing, chemical disinfectants, and anti-bacterial agents. The heart becomes rigid as it takes on the same hard outer coating that the endospore has. Its nature is changed, even as the endospore transforms into a bacterium, and it begins to release neurotoxins. The heart becomes paralyzed; insensitive. The individual is unable to resist any of the evils that now assail his soul.

Soon after, the neurotoxins begin to work their way throughout the entire system of its host. They traverse through the stomach, where it is now realized that what was once regarded as sweet, is in reality, as bitter as wormwood. (See Proverbs 5:4).

Finally, the bacterium finds its way into the intestines, which are the lowest of things. This is where refuse gathers. At this point, all that was salvageable has been removed. This can be a place of death for the infantile and immature; to those who have never developed much of a spiritual life. (To the point where they are able to partake of the meat of God’s Word.) It would take a sovereign move of a forgiving, merciful God to redeem a soul in this state.

All of this chaos could exist in a drop of honey. And this entire spiritual process could be set in motion by one inappropriate conversation with a strange, immoral woman with an agenda.

Bearing that in mind, let’s look at Solomon’s warning in its entirety. I think that you may see it in a new light now.

For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:

But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a twoedged sword.

Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell.

Lest thou shouldest ponder the path of life, her ways are moveable, that thou canst not know them.

Hear me now therefore, O ye children, and depart not from the words of my mouth.

Remove thy way far from her, and come not nigh the door of her house:

Lest thou give thine honour unto others, and thy years unto the cruel:

Lest strangers be filled with thy wealth; and thy labours be in the house of a stranger;

And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed,

And say, How have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof;

And have not obeyed the voice of my teachers, nor inclined mine ear to them that instructed me!

I was almost in all evil in the midst of the congregation and assembly.

Proverbs 5: 3 – 14

Now, imagine with me for a moment. Let’s pretend that you own a dating service called “Match Made in Heaven.” A gentleman walks into your establishment, and he requests your services. He would like for you to help him find his soul mate. You present him with an application that asks about his likes, dislikes, hobbies, financial status, so on and so forth. At the bottom of the page, he is asked to list the traits and features of the type of woman that he would like to meet. What would you do if he gave you the following answer?

“Ethnicity is not important, but I would like for her to be well-built. She should be approximately 5’4”, with a Coca-Cola bottle shape. She should have long black hair and fair skin. Oh, and she must have nice feet. That’s important. I’m not concerned about her education or her financial status. I don’t care about her cooking or cleaning habits either. It doesn’t matter if she’s been divorced, widowed, has kids, whatever. I really don’t care about her background at all. However, she should know how to indulge me. That is a must. I want her to arouse me, and stroke my ego; even if she has to lie to me. She should also be very sexy….a sensual little she–devil. She has to be aimless and dishonorable. I want her to have the ability to squander all of my wealth and well-being. I want someone who will bring me into utter ruin, while keeping me oblivious to it the entire time. I don’t care where I end up. I just want the ride to be worth it.”

The likelihood of this situation happening in this exact fashion is relatively impossible. Who in their right mind would desire such a thing from any type of relationship? Yet and still, we run a risk of this happening to us when we make choices based solely on our cognitive skills. Have an extramarital affair, and the spiritual forces at work will most assuredly usher you toward that end. Spiritual and universal laws make it a certainty, no matter how much we may want to disagree.

So, what do we do? What steps can we take to safeguard ourselves from being involved in such a dangerous relationship? It would be easy to say “Just Say No,” but that would be ineffective due to the deceptive nature of the experience. The relationship never presents itself as something that leads toward destruction. Instead, it is desirable and seductive. It is as smooth as oil, and as sweet and tasty as honey. The reality of its venom is not known until it has been partaken of. So what do we do?

Well, as we mentioned earlier, the best way to say “no” to something, is by saying “yes” to something else. We can overcome the negative simply by accentuating the positive. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “the best defense is to have a great offense.” This is very true. But in the area of relationships, what is the best practice that will protect us from being victimized by damaging interactions…especially within the marriage bond? Consider our next verse in Proverbs 5.

Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.

Proverbs 5:15

The language in this verse is actually referring to marital intercourse, and all that it entails. Your mate (your cistern, your well) is a God given resource that you are to drink from freely. They are a source of protection, provision, and nourishment for your mental, emotional, sexual, and in many cases, even your spiritual needs. This is the reason why the water test is so important where your future mate is concerned. You must be able to tap into the running waters of the Holy Spirit that reside within your mate, which is actually the well of all life, Jesus Christ. Only He can meet all of our needs; which will keep us content and satisfied with our mate and ourselves within the sacred bond of matrimony.

And there is more:

Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets.

Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee.

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breast satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Proverbs 5: 16 – 19

Some scholars believe verse 16 should be read as: “Should your children be dispersed abroad as rivers in the streets?” They issue it as a question, in order to warn the reader against infidelity, which would produce multiple children by multiple women. I agree with that completely. However, the emphasis of these scriptures speaks more about the fruitfulness of fidelity, than it does about the consequences of adultery. The writer’s warning is not against having an abundance of children, but against producing those children through strange or adulterous relationships. As long as they are your own, or legitimate offspring, born within the confines of covenantal matrimony, then we are encouraged to let our fountains be blessed, and to rejoice with the wife of our youth. In other words, be as fruitful as possible.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.

As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth.

Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.

Psalms 127: 3 – 5

Be that as it may, the predominant theme of Proverbs 5 is still about avoiding strange women. With that being the case, verse 19 becomes the crème-de-la-crème of instruction on how we are to walk victoriously over such affairs.

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breast satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Proverbs 5:19

The commands mentioned in the scripture above are both ingenious and urbane. Of course, this really shouldn’t surprise us, since we are reading text that was penned under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, by one of the wisest men who ever lived. Not to mention that Solomon, almost without question, had more women than any other man who has ever lived.

Add to this, the fact that Solomon literally sought out the purpose and meaning of everything under the sun, and we can be assured that his wisdom and experiences allowed him to peruse the complexities of a woman until he was able to identify their most refined qualities; which when utilized correctly, would provide an indispensable benefit to a man.

In spite of this, as I have stated back toward the beginning of this book, it is often the small, minute things that we overlook, that have the propensity to lead us into the most beautiful revelations. This scripture is a prime example of that principle.

In looking at this sentence in Proverbs 5:19, we see that it begins with the words, “Let her.” This phrase is also mentioned twice in this one sentence, causing the subject to take on a particular importance. Anytime you see something referenced twice within one scripture, it is not only revealing truth, but that truth will reveal a covenantal right.

The easiest way to understand this is to decipher the language by dissecting the sentence. The words “Let her,” hold two different meanings for us. First, the expression is permissible. It is simply giving someone permission to do, or to be something to you. In this case, you let her be as the loving hind and the pleasant roe. You must allow it. You simply permit her to be these things to you.

The second meaning, however, adds some depth to the first. Here, we must realize that the command is not just an endorsement, but “Let her” is also a directive, meaning that it is intended to guide, govern, or influence. “Guide, govern, or influence what?” you may ask. The simple answer is that it is intended to guide, govern, and influence your response to what you gave permission to, and to what you are allowed to have your mate be to you.

This is rather difficult to explain. You see, the reason you must be guided, governed, and influenced concerning your response to what your mate is to be to you, is owing to the fact that it cannot be solicited simply because you give her permission to be those things. What you are now being given access to, is what was previously impermissible, prohibited, banned, and forbidden for you to even approach. God, in His Infinite love, wisdom, and mercy, is allowing you to partake of something that was reserved for Him alone; the love and the heart of your mate.

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

I Corinthians 7:32 – 33

This is the same principle that is presented in Romans 12 verse 1, where Paul admonishes us to present our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable unto God. That is our reasonable service, or our right response, to what Jesus did with his life and death on our behalf.

In Proverbs 5:19, Solomon’s directive of, “Let her,” is intended to guide, govern, and influence us to produce the right response to what God has allowed us to have access to through interrelations with our mate.

So, if “Let her” is the directive that is to guide, govern, and influence us to give the correct response, then it must also hold the secret of what it is that we are supposed to be responding to. Thankfully, we don’t have to search for that answer at all. We just have to read the verse.

Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breast satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

Proverbs 5:19

Ok, so we are to be satisfied at all times with her breast, and we should always be ravished with her love. That is our response. However, are we to respond to her in this way because she is as a loving hind and a pleasant roe? I mean, come on. All I can conjure up when I think on those words is Bambi...a cute little deer that is kind and gentle…existing in a serene atmosphere.

Whoa!!!! I just heard someone say, “That doesn’t sound like the person I am interested in!” Well, we will just have to pray for you if that is the case. As for me, I can definitely see these qualities in my wife. She is good-natured and very approachable. I absolutely love being around her. Nevertheless, as much of a joy as that is for me, it still doesn’t solicit the response that I see in this scripture.

Of course, a closer observation revealed the gold nuggets that I was looking for...and it was a mother lode. It expounded beautifully upon the thoughts that we have already established concerning the sentence structure, and what it was alluding to. While the picture of little Bambi was quite pleasant and calming, it held nothing to the mental and emotional fortitude that I gained from the real prescience in this scripture.

Solomon actually hand delivers the wealth of this scripture to us, by telling us plainly not just how to respond, but what it is that we are supposed to be responding to. He says that we are to be satisfied at all times with her “breast,” and to always be “ravished” with her love. So, the essential questions we need to answer are: “How can her breast satisfy us at all times?” And, “What is it about her love, that we should always be ravished by it?”

First, this word “ravished.” Originally, I wasn’t too thrilled when I began to study this word. The Merriam – Webster dictionary defined it as: 1a. to seize and take away by violence. b. to overcome with emotion (as joy or delight) <ravished by the scenic beauty> c. Rape. 2. Plunder, Rob. These definitions did nothing at all to inspire me. Why would I want to respond to my wife’s love in this manner? To be overcome with joy or delight, yes. But to seize her love, or take it away by violence, rape and plunder? I really couldn’t see God in that.

Thankfully, I always remember my rule of thumb, which is to interpret scripture through its original language. In Hebrew, the word for “ravished” is hgX, transliterated Shagah (Shaw-gaw). It means: to go astray, err, be intoxicated, to commit sin of ignorance or inadvertence…and a few others. The general idea, however, goes along the same lines of what we mentioned a few paragraphs ago; that God allows our heart and mind to go astray from Him, in order that we may give our time, attention, resource, and love to our mate. This is the only scenario in the entire Bible where God permits this kind of behavior. Not only does He permit it, but by us doing so, we actually honor and glorify Him. The reason why we should always be ravished with our mates love is because God loves them that way. He has given them to us. Or should I say, He has gifted them to us. And like any good father who gives his child away at the altar, He expects us to love them like He loves them, and to maintain the same lifestyle that He Himself has afforded them. He will cause you to love them with His love. The best gift that you can give your mate is to allow God to love them through you. Now that’s a love that is ravished at all times….because God, who is love, is constant.

Now, we still have the issue of the “breast” to tackle. This study was a little more intense and detailed. Being commanded to be ravished with our mates love is one thing. On the other hand, being commanded to be satisfied at all times with her breast is quite another. So, before we delve into the explanation of the breast, we need to understand a little something about satisfaction.

Unfortunately, as a consequence of our humanity, there is a thirst that exists within the soul, and it is driven by the need to be considered, understood, accepted, satisfied, and gratified to the full. The danger lies in the fact that many of us do not understand that satisfaction can be approached, or sought after, from two different perspectives. We can seek this in a form of “emptying,” or “pouring out,” and we can also seek it through a “drawing in.” Regardless of the approach, without God, we all become dependent on some type of stimuli for our satisfaction, gratification, or our deluded illusion of fulfillment.

Most of us are familiar with the emptying out process. Drug addicts, alcoholics, and work-aholics all fall into this category. They all seek satisfaction by pouring themselves into something, to try to compensate for the insecurity, inactivity, fear, lack, or failure in some aspect of their lives. The crisis is found in the fact that these types of people are often “running from” something; mainly reality.

On the flip side, we have those who are still seeking satisfaction, but their need of it is slightly different. They are not “running from” something, but rather “running to.” These kinds of people are always involved in some type of relationship, and most of them are sexual. They will attempt to “draw” from others, those things that they themselves lack. Unlike the drug addict and the alcoholic, they are not looking for a means of escape. Instead, they seek love and acceptance, which usually limits them to dealing with other people, and not just a bottle, or some type of pharmaceutical…although these may be involved as well.

Even so, this does not make our pursuit of satisfaction an either – or situation. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Many of us actually “empty out” in one area of our lives; while simultaneously “drawing in” in another. It’s a process that’s leveled in the human experience; to help us achieve feelings of relevance, significance, and progression.

However, the lower aspects of our nature fight vehemently to resist change of any type, thus causing us to be in a constant conflict with ourselves. It is a delicate and complex operation for a person to bring their triune nature into alignment with itself, and with its purpose for being. Because we rarely, if ever, really know what we need, we often grasp at straws, while hoping that somehow we might stumble upon the thing that brings us true fulfillment and pleasure.

The problem with this approach to satisfaction is that even if the desired result is found, it is fleeting, and ends up leaving the person unfulfilled; and in most cases, even more desperate. That is because no one individual or thing can give you self-worth, self-respect, or soul satisfaction. It may pacify you for the moment, but it will not have any real worth or lasting results. True satisfaction and fulfillment are only found in Christ.

Look at Strong’s definition for the word, “satisfy.” In Hebrew, “satisfy,” in Proverbs 5:19 is “hwr,” transliterated “Ravah” (raw-vaw). It means: to be satiated or saturated, have or drink one’s fill, to be drunk, be intoxicated, to drench, water abundantly, to cause to drink.

Almost immediately, your mind should have drifted back to the lessons we have learned about Rebekah and Abraham’s servant - about the water test - and about Jesus being the well whose waters spring up into everlasting life. Solomon harmonizes true satisfaction with everything that we have discussed thus far. It is yet another lesson on how important it is to be united with a vessel that is filled…instead of being yoked up with a dry well. Your being satisfied within the bonds of matrimony depends on it.

However, we must not be so naïve that we forget to address exactly what it is that we are supposed to be drinking in order to be satisfied. Aside from the varying types of vessels, a person can drink and become intoxicated by many things. Money, power, sexuality, and notoriety are just a few of the things that entice us to imbibe until we are awash in a deceptive stupor. Of course, these things often end in destruction. So it really is imperative that we understand the “breast,” and what it is that the breast is supposed to issue.

To begin with, let me be clear that the explanation of the function of the breast is relevant to both males and females alike. That’s because the roles and duties in the spiritual realm have similarities, even though they are distinctly separate. However, when these roles are carried out in the physical realm, the function of the male in the marriage is likened more to a “breastplate,” or a covering of protection, than a breast. Because of this, along with the fact that we are stressing the spiritual (function) above the physical (role), our explanations will lean heavily toward a feminine aspect.

With that being said, the function of the breast is the equivalent, (or the vehicle) of the attributes that are ascertained by the water test. It signifies life and nourishment. It is that which sustains and refreshes. It is the ability to be a conduit, whereby one can pour their life (naturally and spiritually) into another, with the intent of building up and promoting growth. It also represents that which has complete sufficiency within itself, lacking nothing.

This is so significant, that even God has revealed Himself as “the breasted one,” through the name El Shaddai. This is due to the fact that even though the correct interpretation of El Shaddai is “God Almighty,” the root word in the word “Shaddai,” is the Hebrew word “Shad,” which means breast. It reveals God as the One mighty enough to nourish, satisfy, and supply. He is the one who “sheds forth,” and “pours out,” sustenance and blessings. He is all-sufficient and all-bountiful.

Another function of the breast is that of milk production. Particularly, the production of the liquid “colostrum.” This is a form of milk that is produced by mammals during late pregnancy stages.

Mothers who decide to breastfeed can trust in the fact that their bodies have produced the safest and most nutritious form of milk available for their newborns. That’s because colostrum is very high in proteins, but low in fats. It also has a laxative effect on the newborns very small digestive system, which helps the child deliver its first stool. This allows the baby to rid itself of bilirubin, which is an excess of deceased red blood cells that could cause the newborn to become jaundice.

However, the real beauty and benefit of colostrum is that it contains all of the factors to protect, regulate, and support life. It protects through antibodies, like the various types of Immunoglobulins, Leukocytes, Lactoferrin, and Lysozyme. It also contains components like Proline-rich Polypeptides, Cytokines, Interleukin-10, and Lymphokines, to help regulate the body, and keep everything in balance. Lastly, it supports life through various growth factors, like IGF-1, Nucleotides, Amino Acids, Vitamins, and Minerals.

In actuality, there is so much more to this than I have mentioned here. If you really want to be amazed, I encourage you to look up every one of these terms in detail. It is truly astonishing. More details are below. However, even this is not an exhaustive list.

Colostrum Contains the Following Protecting,

Regulating, and Support Factors

Protection

Immunoglobulins

Immunoglobulins fight against bacteria, viruses, and yeast. Colostrum contains immunoglobulins IgA, IgD, IgE, IgG, and IgM.

Leukocytes

Leukocytes stimulate the production of interferon, which slows viral production.

Lactoferrin

Lactoferrin defends against infection and cancerous tumors. It is also anti-inflammatory.

Lysozyme

Lysozyme destroys bacteria and viruses.

Regulation

Proline-rich Polypeptides

Proline-rich Polypeptides both initiate and suppress the immune response. Suppressing the Immune system is required to prevent the immune system from attacking the body itself, as occurs with autoimmune diseases.

Cytokines

Cytokines are interleukins that regulate the intensity and duration of the immune responses. They are highly antiviral and anti-tumorous.

Interleukin-10

Interleukin-10 reduces inflammation caused by arthritis, infection, or injury; whether from surgery, or trauma.

Lymphokines

Lymphokines regulate the immune response.

Support

Growth Factors

Insulin-like growth factor-1 (IGF-1).

Prolactin.

Epithelial growth.

Transforming growth factors A and B.

Fibroblast growth factor.

Gonadotropin releasing hormone.

Associated peptide and growth hormone.

While young, the human body produces maximum amounts of growth factors. With increasing age, less and less of these growth factors are produced. This is one of the reasons that the physical body and the mind age, and why the supplementation of growth factors can slow or reverse aging.

Function of Growth Factors:

Promote wound healing and tissue repair.

Stimulate growth and regeneration of cartilage, nerve, bone, and muscle.

Balance blood sugars.

Increase the breakdown of fat.

Serotonin uptake.

It is believed that IgF-1 crosses the blood - brain barrier, with the result of increased mental acuity, and increased serotonin uptake.

Nucleotides

Facilitate cellular energy transfer.

Amino Acids

Lysine, Arginine, Isoleucine, Threonine, Methionine, Tryptophan, Leucine, Valine, Cysteine, Histidine, Phenylalanine

Vitamins

A, B1 (Thiamine), B2 (Riboflavin), B3 (Niacin), B5 (Pantothenic Acid), B6 (Pyridoxine), B12 (Cobalamin), B13 (Orotic Acid), C, D, E, Biotin, Folic Acid

Minerals

Calcium, Sodium, Iron, Manganese, Phosphorous, Potassium, Copper, Iodine, Magnesium, Choline, Cobalt, Chromium

In like fashion, God has placed “spiritual colostrum” into the mate that He has for you. This is not to say that that person will be all things to you. Only God can be that. But they will possess varying degrees of all things that pertain to, protect, regulate, and support, life and godliness. God intends for them to be an indispensable source of health, strength, and vitality. A conduit of what He is.

In the book of Judges, there is a very interesting story in the 4th chapter that gives us an illustration of what it looks like when someone functions in the capacity of “a breast.”

The children of Israel had begun to be disobedient, and did evil in the sight of the Lord. Therefore, the Lord sold them into bondage under the hand of Jabin, King of Canaan. Under his rule, the children of Israel suffered through 20 years of oppression. This, of course, caused them to cry out to the Lord for deliverance. In response to the cry of His people, the Lord sent word to Deborah, the Judge of Israel, who sat under the palm tree of Deborah in mount Ephraim. As the children of Israel came up to her for judgment, she sent word to Barak, the son of Abinoam, out of Kedeshnaphtali, that the Lord was commanding him to go to mount Tabor; along with ten thousand men of the children of Naphtali, and of the children of Zebulun. There, the Lord would draw out Sisera, the captain of Jabin’s army, with his chariots, and his multitudes.

Barak agreed to this, but only if Deborah would travel with him. She in turn agrees. Then she delivers a word that had never come forth from the mouth of a prophet during times of warfare. She informs Barak that his journey will not result in any honor or glory for himself, because the Lord is going to sell Sisera into the hand of a woman!

That statement by itself is incredible to me for so many reasons. But it gets better. Eventually, Sisera gathers his chariots and his men at the river Kishon. Barak and his men come down from mount Tabor, and the battle ensues. Sisera and his men are taking quite a beating from Barak and his men. Then, in the midst of the fighting, Sisera abandons his chariot, and makes his escape on foot. Barak, of course, continued his onslaught of the ones who stayed with their chariots, along with the rest of the host, until none of them remained.

Meanwhile, as Sisera was running for his very life, he was met by a woman named Jael, who convinced him to take refuge in her tent. I’m sure Sisera was thanking his gods that he had found safety from the sword of Barak, because there was peace between the house of Heber the Kenite, who was Jael’s husband, and Jabin, King of Canaan.

Notwithstanding, Sisera could have benefited from a history and genealogy lesson. Heber withdrew his tent from the camp of the Kenites. He was also a descendant of Hobab, Moses’ father-in-law. Remembering how Moses had abandoned Egypt after he murdered the Egyptian, and chose instead to be numbered among God’s people, would have shown Sisera where this household’s allegiance truly rested.

At any rate, Sisera enters Jael’s tent. He is weary from the battle, and very parched. He asks her for some water, but she gives him milk instead. He then asks her to stand at the door, and if any man should come asking, “Is any man here?” she should say, “No.” Afterward, once Sisera had fallen asleep, Jael grabbed a tent stake and a hammer, and drove the tent stake through Sisera’s head, fastening it to the ground, and killing him.

Now that is a rather cruel way to die. But the brilliance in this story is seen in how Jael ministered to Sisera once he was in her tent. Verse 19 says she covered him, and gave him milk. This is a perfect picture of how a breast should function. At least up until the point of Sisera’s murder.

When a man, as a breastplate, takes the blows of life, to protect and produce for his family, he takes damage. He has been at war in the spiritual and the physical realms, and the battles have been hot. He’s been running for his very life. There are times when he needs to be repaired and ministered to. This comes from his mate functioning as a breast. As he covers her, shielding her from harm, she in turn should cover him, by nourishing and replenishing him with encouraging words. She can pour into him the milk of God’s word, and remind him that he is victorious. She needs to remind him that he is loved, honored, and appreciated. When the world has beaten him down, she can counter the blows and heal the wounds with the antibodies in her touch, speech, and presence.

I don’t care what a man may encounter, if he can just get home, under the ministry of a woman who can stroke his temple and listen to his complaint without chiding him - and then softly speak living words back into his spirit - that man will leave the next morning ready to conquer the world. He will be revived, refreshed, healed, and full of strength and vitality...simply because his mate believes in him, and he has found a place to rest and be restored; lying between her breasts.

Another characteristic of the life of Jael that makes her worthy of praise is found in the 5th chapter of Judges, in what we commonly refer to as “The Song of Deborah.” Look at verses 24 and 25.

Blessed above women shall Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite be, blessed shall she be above women in the tent.

He asked water, and she gave him milk; she brought forth butter in a lordly dish.

Judges 5:24-25

Verse 25 states that he asked for water, but she gave him milk. She went above and beyond what he felt he needed from her. She excelled even his expectations of her. Not only did she give him milk instead of water, but the milk that she gave him was so thick, that some interpretations say that it was butter. Others called it curdled milk. In other words, her ministry to him was fat. It had sustenance. It was weighty in the spiritual realm.

As good as all of that is, what impresses me the most, is how verse 25 ends. She served him the milk from a “lordly dish.” The vessel she used was for royalty. Of course by now, I’m sure you know that the vessel refers to Jael herself. She is a lordly vessel, and a godly woman. She is royalty. She is a godly helpmeet in every sense of the word…worthy of praise.

Verse 27 says that Sisera bowed at her feet. He bowed in death. But we should bow in reverence for the gift of life that God gives through the blessing of a mate. Honor and cherish them, for they are royalty indeed.

There is one final thing that I want to mention about the breast. It’s kind of amusing, seeing how Sisera died from a stake through the head. Without elaborating through an extensive explanation, the mammary gland is the organ responsible for producing milk to feed young offspring. However, the mammary gland is also a particular type of apocrine gland. These types of glands secrete a milky, viscous, odorless fluid, which only develops a strong odor when it comes in contact with bacteria on the skins surface. Apocrine glands secrete this fluid by a method called decapitation secretion. This is where the apical portion of the secretory cell of the gland pinches off and enters the lumen of the gland.

I really find it rather ironic that Sisera was basically decapitated by a woman who knew how to function as a breast; and that there is actually a real function, or process within a physical breast called “decapitation secretion.” I guess I will use that revelation to close out this chapter, and warn my brothers. If you ever have the opportunity to become involved with a woman who really knows how to function as a breast, then you better make sure that God is saying that she is your mate. Otherwise, you just might end up losing your head (mind).

6

A Final Thought

As I begin to bring this work to a close, I feel that it is necessary to remind you that this book is in no way a comprehensive manuscript on the issue of marriage preparation. As the Apostle Paul so eloquently states in 1 Corinthians 13, we know in part, and we see in part, as if looking through a dark glass. So I am very aware that the Holy Spirit may enlighten you concerning several truths that have not been presented here.

Once again, the purpose of this script is not to tell you exactly how God will unite you with your mate. Instead, the revealed truths expressed here are penned so that they may help you to get into the proper position to receive your companion. Blessings occur rapidly for those who align themselves with God and His purposes.

In Ecclesiastes 9:11, we read that time and chance happens to us all. The issue has always been that many of us have missed opportunities because we were not prepared for them when they came. I’m sure you have heard the tagline, “If you build it, they will come.” Believe it or not, that is very true. We really don’t have to beg God for anything, because He has already given us all things freely for our enjoyment...and that includes a mate. If you desire something from God, find out what He has to say about it, and then look at what you have to do to get into the place where you can receive what you have asked for. But be forewarned. You cannot ask for worldly or fleshly things that are based on lusts. Your requests must come from pure motives, and from things that God is pleased to give to you. They must be in His will, and for the benefit of yourself, and those around you. In other words, it must contain the nature of a true blessing, and not be an object or a vice that leads one into bondage and backsliding from God.

Another little piece of wisdom that is very pertinent to our conversation is that we should always be aware of what we are asking for. By this, I mean that we should try, to the best of our ability, to count up the cost of what it will take for God to grant our petitions.

Let’s use our current topic as an example. To us, all that we can see is that we are asking for a mate; and asking God to position and prepare us to receive that blessing. What God sees, however, is something different.

You see, in God’s Economy, the joining of two people in matrimony is multiplication. Not only because two souls are joined, becoming one; [but] God also sees and considers the offspring that could be birthed from that union. So, in effect, while you may be “asking” for a mate, God is “hearing” increase.

Now here is the kicker. Because this particular blessing is relational, or should I say involves “relationship,” it is scalable. That means that it has the propensity to grow. This usually happens when a decision is made to have children. Of course, even if you don’t, you have still married into another family, which means that you have in-laws, and they may have kids, and so on. Regardless, families tend to grow at a faster rate than they decrease. Uncle Luther may have died last spring; but since then, Bessie Sue got married, and has a child on the way. And Joey is getting married next month. You get the idea. Only in cataclysmic events, where multiple family members die in a plane crash, car accident, or fire, is the opposite true.

Nevertheless, our God is about life, and He is always about increase. In His eyes, even death is gain. So, this event, meaning marriage, is met by Him with one response. ENLARGEMENT!

The problem with this is that most people think that increase and enlargement are the same, and they are not.

Let’s say that you are in bed one Saturday morning, and you hear a knock on your door. You get up to answer it, and to your surprise, you have just been informed that you have won $100,000 dollars in the form of a new car, new furniture, and a year’s supply of groceries. You would be ecstatic, as well you should. You have just experienced “increase.”

Now let’s take the same scenario in the case of “enlargement.” Again, it’s Saturday morning, and you hear a knock on your door. This time, when you open the door, you are surprised as well. Except this time, nobody has come bearing gifts. There, right in your smiling face, is God’s Construction Crew. You have the Lead Foreman, the Carpenters, Framers, Electricians, Plumbers, Masons, and various trucks and bulldozers, all on your front lawn at 7:00 a.m.; ousting you from your sweet slumber, and bed of comfort. They gleefully inform you that you have won a new home. One that is much larger. So now, you have to vacate your premises. What’s worse is that you cannot take anything with you, because you are not coming back to any former possessions. Say goodbye to all of those selfish, single-hood concerns. A new regimen will be handed out once the work is complete. By the way, here is your construction hat and your tools. Your hand is needed in this.

Can you imagine! I can almost hear you saying, “How dare they come in on a Saturday and disrupt my life this way. I was getting some of the best sleep I ever had. And my bed…Lord it never felt so comfortable. Why did this have to happen to me right now?”

“Well, I am not trying to insinuate anything, but I do believe that you have asked God for a mate.” Now, while all of this may seem rather comical, in reality, it’s not very funny at all. Lamentably, many individuals (who have petitioned God for a mate) react in this manner. Howbeit, they only do so because they do not perceive how He answers prayer to a blessing of that magnitude.

Needless to say, we have no problem accepting blessings that increase us. When God knocks on the door of our heart and human condition, and He brings finance or position, cars, clothes, furniture, or food - we can simply bring those things into our present way of life, and accommodate them in our current living conditions. Thus, increase does not necessarily require us to change, even though it may greatly enhance us.

Enlargement, on the other hand, doesn’t just require us to change...it involves us directly in the process. We are working in cooperation with God, and being worked on at the same time.

However, we are not amused when God shows up and begins to tear our lives apart. We complain when He starts knocking the walls down, uprooting the plumbing, and ripping the wires out. We rebel and manifest attitudes when He takes the jackhammer of His Spirit and breaks up the hardened ground of our hearts. We even question His love for us when He finally plows away all of our creature comforts; leaving us ill and uneasy.

Unfortunately, all that we can see is the demolition aspect of the construction process, instead of the blueprint of the new building that God plans to erect in place of the old us.

So, in short, we have seen that while the experience of increase has its responsibilities, it is fairly easy to accommodate, it may be spontaneous, and it doesn’t necessarily require or effect a dramatic change in us. Conversely, enlargement has a greater level of responsibility and involvement, is not easily accommodated, is more time consuming, and it alters everything about us from the foundation upwards. In spite of this, enlargement is a vastly superior blessing in scope and experience; above increase.

With that being the case, it is important that we understand that as God increases and enlarges us, He is broadening our sphere of influence and authority. In the case of marriage, we are being entrusted with the stewardship of another person…another soul. This does not mean, however, that we make all of our mate’s decisions, or that we should demand their obedience to us as if they were a child. What is does mean is that we should always consider the fact that our mate will be directly affected by the decisions that we make. Our motives must be pure, and every decision must be based upon what is best suited for the marriage. We cannot be selfish or self-serving. God has committed the care of another person into our hands, and our lot is to make sure that they are pleased.

But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

I Corinthians 7:32 – 33

Of course, we must always operate within the boundaries of the Word. Our endeavor to please our mate should never come at the expense of us displeasing God. The giving and receiving of pleasure must flow from a pure love - within the framework of a mutual submission. If we are not careful, we will find ourselves seeking our own pleasure, even at the expense of us abusing our mate; sexually, emotionally, mentally, or in some cases, physically.

Now, I’m sure most of us would agree that we would never lay our hands on our mate. But sexual, mental, and emotional abuses have real effects in the physical realm. You may never see the scars on a physical body, but the scars upon the psyche, affections, heart, and soul of an individual don’t simply heal with time. Those types of wounds, left unattended, will most assuredly cause a slow death in your marriage.

This particular subject is of the utmost importance, because of the privileges that come with marriage. Our lower nature is given to pleasure. It is all about serving self. If you couple the desires of our lower nature with authority, you get one thing…abuse.

There is a saying that is credited to John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton. “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Humanity, without the government of God, is given only to self. The more power and authority that we are given, the more resources we will have to use for our pleasure. We are self-willed, self-governing, self-absorbed, and just all out self-ish.

So why is this even worth mentioning? Well, for one thing, “self” has no place in the Christian life. Self has to die if we are ever going to serve the Lord effectively. But since we are focusing on marriage, being “in self” will have its greatest consequence in the marriage bed…your bedroom. This is important, because there is no other arena where we will be tempted to be more self-serving than here. And it is here where we weld some of our greatest authority where our mate is concerned.

Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

I Corinthians 7:1-5

Now look specifically at verse 4:

The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.

I Corinthians 7:4

The context of this set of scriptures is the sexual union between a man and a woman. And the word “power” in verse 4 is the same as “authority.” In effect, verse 4 is saying that you have complete authority over your mate’s body in the marriage bed. However, verse 3 administers a warning, to make sure that we don’t abuse that privilege of “absolute power.” It says that we should render due benevolence. That means that we should have kindness, generosity, compassion, goodwill, and the like toward our mate during sexual activity; and in life in general.

Unfortunately, the Apostle Paul’s warning often goes unheeded in today’s overly-sexual society. With ever increasing regularity, the command of “rendering due benevolence” routinely takes a back seat to “whatever feels good.” Even our churches, and many of our preachers, refuse to address the issue of questionable sexual practices within the marriage bed. They use excuses like, “The Bible is silent on this issue.” Or, “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed is undefiled.” (Hebrews 13:4a). Those who use these quotes often use them as a scapegoat, in order to do any and everything in the bedroom…even if their desire violates the unction of the Holy Spirit, and the consciousness of their companion. Some practices are just downright damnable and rooted in lust. They are in no way honorable, even within the bonds of marriage.

Now, I realize that I may sound like a scolding parent who is chiding his child about the dangers that they may face in their post pubertal life. However, that is a blow that I am willing to take if it will help you to avoid some of the pitfalls that can be associated with marriage; because there are many. It would be very hypocritical of me to act as if I have never fallen into any of them by refusing to warn those who are following in the paths that I, and others, have already trod. While it is Jesus who orders your steps, it is the responsibility of those who have gained testimonies in certain areas to assist those that come behind them, by helping them to navigate their untested territories.

So, here is the million dollar question. How do I actually assist you in avoiding the issues and pitfalls of marriage that are so varied, that every possible scenario could not be cultivated and proven within one’s lifetime? Well, the truth is, I can’t. Even if I attempted to, I’m sure that it would span volumes, like the Encyclopedia Britannica. Even then it would only be speculation, because I haven’t lived it all experientially.

But thank God for Jesus. Not only does He, as the omniscient God, have all the answers, but He has also given us the experiences of multitudes of people within the Bible to help guide us. Nevertheless, there may be times when it seems like the Bible is just not enough.

Oh my God! Did you just say that the Bible is not enough? That’s blasphemous. The Lord should strike you down. Well, no. I said that it seems like there are times when the Bible is not enough.

Come on, let’s be real. Almost all of us can say that there has been a time when we have faced issues, and it seems like we haven’t heard from God for a year from yesterday. We’ve searched the scriptures. We have even memorized and quoted them. And we still didn’t see victory. This would cause us to get frustrated, because we would have a word of knowledge from the scriptures, but we would lack the wisdom to apply it to our situation.

That’s when it is good to know someone who holds a testimony of victory in the area where we need to see breakthrough. We can incorporate their past experiences into our present battles, and ride their coattails to victory. And this approach happens to be biblical.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

Whom resist steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.

1 Peter 5: 8-9

The context of 1 Peter 5 is about the eldership taking oversight of the flock of God. They are to feed and protect them. In verse 9, we see the word afflictions. These are sufferings, misfortunes, and calamities. We also see the word accomplished in verse 9. This speaks of bringing things to an end...to accomplish, execute, and perfect. When understood in the milieu of Chapter 5, these struggles, misfortunes, and calamities that we face have already been brought to an end, executed, and perfected by our brethren in the world. So we can go to them (those who have already been victorious over our specified battle), and learn how to wage war and overcome.

Even though the word “elder” in verse 1 of 1Peter 5 comes from the word “Presbuteros,” which is where we get the word presbytery, it is not necessarily talking about the office of Elder. That is why it is not capitalized. It is simply referring to someone of age, who is more experienced and advanced in life. (See 1 Peter 5).

So then, seeing that I have biblical grounds to give my input on what will best assist you in overcoming the obstacles of marriage, what should my contribution be? Well, my response to that question is one word. CONSIDER!

At the time of this writing, I am approaching my 11th year of marriage. Even so, I have just discovered; or should I say that I now have a complete understanding; that this one word is the gateway for every answer that you will ever need to have a successful marriage. That is the reason why I opened this chapter by marginally touching on the subject matter that I did. We should always “consider” what it is that we are really asking God for, as in the case of enlargement. And we should definitely “consider” our mates desires before our own within the marriage bed. If we can learn to do this one thing, we can be on our way to marital bliss.

If you were to go out right now and ask a marriage counselor what the top two reasons for divorce are, you would most likely get the answer of finances and irreconcilable differences. In truth, that really just amounts to a lack of consideration. One person didn’t consider or appreciate the feelings and opinions of the other. Or they didn’t consider their spending habits, or how the lack of saving would affect their future. All of this brings stress and discontentment, resentment, and lack of commitment into the marriage, and it suffers.

So, what does it really mean to “consider?” Let’s just forget our rule of thumb here, and look this up in a regular dictionary. The word “consider” means: 1. to think about carefully. a. to think of especially with regard to taking some action. b. to take into account. 2. To regard or treat in an attentive or kindly way. 3. to gaze on steadily or reflectively. 4. to come to judge or classify. Some of the deeper, more spiritual definitions are: to discern, distinguish, perceive, and be prudent.

The bottom line is that when we take the time to consider things, we guard ourselves from acting frivolously and presumptuously. We should consider not only the course of action, but the outcome of said action as well. This will allow us to see if we are in line with the word of God and acting in wisdom, or just in the spur of the moment, acting impetuously.

Please understand that I am not simply asking you to consider the major issues of a marriage, like whether to have kids or not. I want this practice to encompass how you do life from now on. I want you to go overboard with it. Consider everything. What job to take; what car to buy; what types of food to eat; even what type of tissue to buy. Yes, that’s right. I want you to consider the brand of tissue that you use. Your brand may be fine for you. But when you get married, that may need to change.

Now, before you draw the wrong conclusion, let me reassure you. Espousals do not automatically necessitate change at that level. Nevertheless, most couples can attest to the fact that arguments in marriage often start over the most unconscionable issues. Things like, “Who left the top off of the toothpaste?” Or, “Stop squeezing the tube from the top!” If you buy the wrong brand of tissue, and your mate has hemorrhoids, they are not going to be very pleasant to be around. Come to think of it, no one with hemorrhoids is nice to be around. At any rate, you could find yourself becoming the innocent victim of a grumpy companion who claims that you have only irritated an already uncomfortable situation. “How could you be so inconsiderate as to purchase this industrialized tissue paper that’s not even fit for a gas station restroom?” And unless you are gifted enough to diffuse the situation, you may end up taking the blame for everything else that’s wrong in their world.

Now I realize that this scenario may be a little over the top. But the case that I am making here is that arguments in marriage often start from the most insignificant matters. And yet, no issue in marriage is so trivial that it should be ignored, or taken lightly. Always bear in mind the fact that you have an enemy who is devoted to the destruction of your union.

In Song of Solomon 2:15, the scripture says that it is the little foxes that spoil the vines. That scripture is never as true as it is in the case of marriage. There is a reason why it is quoted in the most romantic, poetic, love infused book of the Bible. Being considerate about your marriage, your mate, and life in general, is literally like living within a hedge that those little foxes cannot penetrate. It will keep everything that’s beautiful safe and secure within, while simultaneously guarding you from the malicious, destructive influences without. It is a sentry for those who truly desire a marriage that is made in heaven, but lived here on earth. After all, that is what God envisioned for the crown of His creation.

Epilogue

Congratulations, my friend. It appears that our time of journeying together has come to an end. I must say, I have never had a more pleasant traveling companion; other than my wife that is. You are to be commended. Your endurance and commitment to see this thing through to the end is impressive. That kind of tenacity should serve you well. It is the lock in the word wedlock. I have no doubt that your marriage will be a successful one.

I also want you to know that I am very proud of you. I esteem the institution of marriage very highly, so I admire those who have the heart to go against the status quo, valuing themselves and their love enough to confine and protect it within the bonds of a holy covenant. The pursuit of a godly marriage is a formidable undertaking. Anyone courageous enough to honor that standard should be acknowledged and celebrated.

Unfortunately, we live in a society that is almost completely devoid of any type of righteous standard. One look at our cultures value system and you can see how far removed we are from the foundational principles that make any civilization great. Statistics now show that the divorce rate is the highest that it has ever been in our modernized world. On an ever-increasing level, people are deciding against marriage; opting to live together instead. What’s worse is that a quarter of the earth’s population now believes that marriage is irrelevant in our day and time. It is owing to the “progressive mindset” that these folks believe that we have evolved beyond the things that brought us into prominence in the first place. That is ignorance defined.

The good thing about all of this is that you are not a statistic. You are a person; an individual; a being. As such, you have a right to stand on what you believe. You also have a God given right to pursue life, love, liberty, and happiness. Nevertheless, you can expect attacks against your marriage, because it is a testimony and a sign against the paltry ethics of an immoral society. However, because of Jesus, you fight from victory, and not for it. You only have to stand to remain triumphant.

So when the enemy comes and tries to get you to step down, step out, or walk out on your marriage, just remember…STAND. Even then, he will seek to isolate you, by telling you that you are not part of the norm…as a way of attacking your confidence and significance. And when he does, just dig your heels into the floor, square your shoulders, and in a loud voice say, “I am not isolated; I am separated. And you’re right; I am not part of the norm. I am the exception. And because of that, I am exceptional.” And you are my friend. You truly are!

Righteous Eternal God, we thank you for the institution of marriage, and for the relationship that it typifies. Lord, I lift up before you, every person that has taken the time to read this book. I ask that you would guide them to their appointed mate. Bring them into the fullness of what you created marriage to be, both naturally and spiritually. Remove every hindrance. Wage war against those things that make war against them. Frustrate and defeat every device of the enemy on their behalf. Let them be spiritually sagacious to discern your movements in their midst. Let the vessel that you have chosen for them be revealed with crystal clarity. Block every counterfeit that would come to capture their affections through falsehood. Supply whatever they lack in the way of finances, shelter, transportation, and employment. Above all, we ask that a spirit of grace be upon their marriage, so that their union will glorify you. We ask these things in the blessed name of our Lord Jesus, the Christ. Amen.

Now go, and be blessed!

References

“Amplified Bible.” (AMP) BibleGateway.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 2012.

“Easton’s Bible Dictionary.” Crosswalk.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 2011.

“Find and Obtain.” The World Book Dictionary. Chicago: World Book, 2003. N. pag. Print.

“John Dalberg-Acton, 1st Baron Acton.” Wikipedia. Wikipedia.org - Sebastian789, 14 Apr. 2006. Web. 2012.

“King James Bible.” (KJV) Crosswalk.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 2011.

Merriam-Webster. Merriam-Webster, 2012. Web. 2012.

“Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance - Hebrew Dictionary.” Crosswalk.com. N.p., n.d. Web. 2012. <http://www.crosswalk.com/>.

Webster, Noah. “Wisdom.” (Noah) Webster’s New International Dictionary of the English Language. Springfield, MA: Merriam, 1960. N. pag. Print.

GOD’S PATHWAY TO MARRIAGE

Contact & Booking Information

Visit us at: www.godspathwaytomarriage.com

Email us at: godspathwaytomarriage@yahoo.com

-Or-

Contact us at: 404-421-3348

-Or through the church office at-

Highpoint Christian Tabernacle Church

3269 Old Concord Rd

Smyrna, Georgia

30082

Ph: 770-438-8587

www.highpointlive.org