Contents

Title Page

Preface: A Drunken Cowboy

Chapter 1 - Does Anybody Hear from God Anymore?

Chapter 2 - I am a Pregnant Man!

Chapter 3 - Why do I struggle with just drinking water?

Chapter 4 - The Saint Must Embrace Loneliness

Chapter 5 - Does it really matter?

Chapter 6 - Let My People Doubt

Chapter 7 - The Dark Side of the Church

Chapter 8 - I've decided to never plant a church

Chapter 9 - Shut Up About Love the Sinner & Hate the Sin

Chapter 10 - Who is going to hell?

Chapter 11 - In Need of Some Space?

Chapter 12 - My BullSh*&t Theology Grade

Chapter 13 - Heretics & Horse Placentas (Church & Politics)

Chapter 14 - God Hates 60% of the Church

Chapter 15 - Why does all hell break loose when...

Chapter 16 - Tip toeing through Tips and Tithes!

Chapter 17 - Thrift Shop Theology - Macklemore Style

Chapter 18 - I Jumped out of a Time Machine!

Chapter 19 - Is it weird I want to mail you a lock of my hair?

Chapter 20 - "The Walking Dead" in Your Life

Chapter 21 - I HATE to tell you this...but God doesn't LOVE you!

Chapter 22 - I'm throwing out some GREAT stuff!

Chapter 23 - Breaking Bad: The Walter White Web

Chapter 24 - The Lost Art of Reaching One!

About the Author

One Last Thing…

Endnotes

Wrestling with God

"I will not let you go, unless you bless me."

by Scott Blair

Copyright 2014 Lone Wolf & Cub Publishing

All Rights Reserved

Preface: A Drunken Cowboy

"Human reason is like a drunken man on horseback; set it up on one side, and it tumbles over on the other." - Martin Luther

I used to be a religious zealot. Sincere, but sincerely judgmental. Grace was a word I proclaimed to understand but didn't. I said people with liberal theology used it as an excuse to sin. I warned them that God was still holy, just, and judge.

Then my walk with Christ led to being knocked off my high horse. Sin was exposed in the zealot. And like the drunken man on horseback Luther is referring to, I fell off the other side. I received God's grace, but I also took advantage of it and continued in sin with no regard to the Spirit's leading.

My journey now has me "wrestling with God" to find MY balance. Like Jacob, I will not let go until He blesses me. The idea behind this book is to challenge others to do the same, as well as to share my experiences and encourage others to not be judgmental or take advantage of grace. I am a serious student of the Word. I am sincere in my love for God and my desire to know Him. I am not so much trying to provide answers here, as much as I am attempting to provoke questions for both our spiritual growth.

"Those who change the course of history are usually those who pose a new set of questions rather than those who offer solutions." - Gustavo Gutierrez

Scott Blair

Chapter 1 - Does Anybody Hear from God Anymore?

At our last Grapplers Church gathering, I told everyone I did hear from God. Even at the exact moment I told them, I definitely was hearing "voices". They (the voices) were laughing and grumbling, mostly about how everyone under the sound of my voice was going to think I was crazy....including my wife.

The good news is with much discipline and experience, I had learned to identify the various voices in my spirit, and I knew those "voices" all too well. One was the accuser, and the other was me. There are typically only three you have to distinguish between; yourself, the enemy, and the Holy Spirit. Most people hear themselves quite often and lay credit to one of the latter two.

As my wife sat and listened to me, her frustration built. Not as I had suspected it to, concerning the state of my mental health, but concerning the state of her spiritual well being. She began to wonder, "Why don't I hear from God? Have I ever really tried?" The fear that she might be spiritually, a deaf mute, started to engulf her.

She spent the weekend wrestling, some with God and some with Satan, but mostly with herself. Come Sunday afternoon, she was exhausted, physically, mentally, and spiritually. She was still without her answer.

Neither of us were having the best day. Our conversation was minimal and our kiddies were tugging on our last few nerves when we entered a local restaurant. We were just trying to get through the rest of this day without letting our stress get the best of us. Surely a relaxing meal with someone else doing the cooking and cleaning up was on the menu (neither one of us wanted to be in the kitchen).

Our greeter had on some very thick glasses. Surely they helped him see that two of us in the group were children. But surprisingly enough, he grabbed four adult menus and began to lead the way. Now my wife has never worked as a waitress but her mothering skills had her break away from our greeter led train, as she returned to the hostess station to grab the kids menus and crayons she knew we'd need. Both of us walking in separate directions, shaking our heads and thinking the same thing, "How could he not grab a kids' menu?....Grrrr!"

We didn't have to let our frustrations build over him though. In a matter of moments his job would be done and he would be gone. In comes our server.

Now unlike my wife, I have waited tables. I am sympathetic to servers on bad days and in the weeds. It takes a lot to upset me because in spite of being an incredible server in my day, I did have some really off days. Everyone is entitled to one occasionally. That being said, I cannot even begin to describe the horrific chain of events that was soon unleashed on us from this server, who clearly was doing the work of the enemy. I would have to add several more chapters to this book if it were to hold all of her mistakes, short comings, and attacks on our sanity.

Clearly the enemy knew our marriage, as well as the physical well being of our children's hind ends was at stake; as he clouded her mind repeatedly, making my wife repeat the same order over and over. And oh, how clever he was to trip her and have her crash glasses of water down on top of the table and me. Mostly me. This possible demonic pawn must have had her entire memory erased as she stood before us time after time, committing error after error, with no clue as to how to fix them or even apologize for them correctly.

Midway through her onslaught, I saw "that look" in my wife's eye. You know "that look" guys, the one that said, there was no chance that this Sunday was going to be redeemed. I, who never get angry with servers, was so upset I could not even look up at the poor girl when she returned with the napkins to clean up the mess.

I began to wonder if she would even return with our food. I assumed a manager might. I pictured she might be looking for a place to cry or work up the courage to come back and face us. She must have been extremely embarrassed. And my inability to acknowledge her had to have driven the shame stake in even further,but clearly she deserved it.

In the midst of my frustration I heard a familiar voice. It said something to the tune of "Give her a large tip when she returns with the food (not when you pay the check) and encourage her to turn her day around for the better." My first reaction was to begin to argue. The normal reactions, "She doesn't deserve a tip at all, let alone a big one." & "I'm too angry and wet to smile and encourage while giving my money to someone who doesn't deserve it. Besides she drove the final nail in the coffin for me and my wife to have a relaxing Sunday together."

But what was the point in arguing? I knew it wasn't my voice. The idea was absurd. I never tip early. ;-) I was waiting to calm down enough to speak to a manager about retraining her. I had no guilt about my anger at that point. It's always this same voice that offers these insane, out of character suggestions that I am still learning to obey. Sometimes I do them and wonder if even in Heaven will I know the result.

I began to dig deep into my pocket and pull out a wad of soggy bills when my wife's countenance changed from irritation to.....well, confused maybe. She asked very sternly, "What do you think you are doing?" God was I terrified to answer that question. How nuts would this seem? I'm going to give a lot of money to a girl we both want to strangle. She saw my hesitation and demanded again, "What are you doing?"

As I begin to explain to her I was about to tip this young lady, my wife busted into tears. Before I could tell her why, she recounted what she had heard, the same small still voice, giving the same instructions. She had heard what He was speaking to me(or to us because we are one flesh).

She got an answer to the struggle that had ensued on Friday night and lasted the weekend. She does hear from God. But now a new question is on the horizon for me. Is my wife going to be able to eavesdrop on all of my and God's discussions?.... ;-)

My pastor told me the story of this great evangelist who would stay at their house while ministering at their church. The evangelist would often ask him, "What did God say to you today?" However, the evangelist would usually turn around and leave the room before he had a chance to answer. The evangelist wasn't interested in hearing the answer; she was more interested in challenging the pastor to hear from God often.

Do you hear from God? What did He say to you today?

"My sheep recognize my voice; I know them, and they follow me." - John 10:27 NLT

Chapter 2 - I am a Pregnant Man!

There is a new life in me. It's not me, but I feel its separate heart beat. It is growing daily, getting huge, pretty soon so big I won't be able to contain it anymore. I actually will find it a relief to give birth to it, not only because I want to see it in person and share in its life, but also because it sometimes is burdensome to carry this extra baggage around, feeling like I could explode at any moment.

It's having the weirdest effects on my life. I desire and crave things I used to never want. I can't stand the smell and taste of other things I used to love. (Philippians 3:7-14)

It makes me emotional and forgetful. I cry more easily now. I get lost in daydreaming about its future, and sometimes miss the conversation that's taking place right in front of me.

I've already named it. I've also begun to make preparations for its arrival in this world. (2 Timothy 2:15, Proverbs 24:27) Where it will live, who will help nurture it, and how I will dress it. Thank God the Father is present, involved, and Awesome!

I can even see what it looks like in the future, at different ages. How great it will be and the lives it will touch and bless.

I felt a kick even as I sit here and write this. I AM SO EXCITED I CAN'T WAIT. But I have to. There is a process to developing a new life. I have to be very particular about what I put in myself because it will affect the baby.(Proverbs 4:23, Matthew 6:22-23) You can't rush the process. There is a natural course designed by God that pregnancy must run. There is a prophetic metamorphosis. From the time Joseph could see he would be a ruler until the time he actually arrived was dictated by God's timing, not Joseph's. Just because you know you are pregnant doesn't mean you determine the birth timing. It has its own natural process.

So I will continue to waddle around, guard the life that is in me, and make preparations. I will read books and talk to other fathers who have been pregnant and given birth, drawing everything I can off their experiences so I may be the best father I can.

I am excited about the days ahead that I can begin to share pictures with you.

I have that "glow" don't I? You can tell.

By the way, her name is "Vision".

Gentleman, the world is in great need of more Pregnant Men! Not men with church planting formulas and strategies. But men impregnated with a vision from the Holy Spirit! I want you to seriously consider, if what you are pursing is a good idea or a God idea? I have done both, so I can tell you from experience, if it doesn't feel as burdensome as being pregnant, it's not from God. If you don't feel like you are going to die if you don't soon give birth, it's not from God. What is your God given Vision?

"Write down the vision;

write it clearly on clay tablets

so whoever reads it can run to tell others.

It is not yet time for the message to come true,

but that time is coming soon;

the message will come true.

It may seem like a long time,

but be patient and wait for it,

because it will surely come;

it will not be delayed." - Habakkuk 2:2-3(NCV)

Chapter 3 - Why do I Struggle with Just Drinking Water?

I know it's the best for me. I know it quenches my thirst better than anything else. Before I ever learned what H2O meant, it was meeting one of my greatest needs.

I remember when my son only used to ask for water. For years he never asked for pop or juice like the other kids. I was so proud. But with time came more exposure to soft drinks and varieties, and he became like the rest of us.

As I get older I am returning to more and more water, but my cravings for sugars and variety still have me looking for alternatives many times. Now that I've been excited about other flavors, water seems boring at times. Even though I know it is exactly what my body needs to be actually satisfied and healthy.

It's always been like this. From time immemorial, men have quenched their thirst with water without knowing anything about its chemical make up. And on the spiritual side of life, we really don't need all these teaching on the mysteries of theology and the unveiling of doctrines. But we do need to receive the Living Water, which Jesus Christ will give us and which alone can satisfy our souls.

Just like after all the exposure my son and I have had, we now crave variety and our mind tells us water is boring. So it has become with many Christians. You have been so caught up in the enticing words of men, the flavor of the month personalities, and with the ever blowing deep doctrines that when challenged to return to the simplicity, which is Christ, we can be tempted to find it boring. (2 Timothy 4:3, 1 Timothy 4:7)

Wrestle with this today. All Scripture reveals Christ. Unless we become like children, unless we realize we are like sheep, and unless we do as Paul and put everything aside except for pursuing Christ, we may very well miss the one and only thing that we truly crave and can truly satisfy us eternally. (Philippians 3:7-11)

"Come, all you who are thirsty,

come to the waters;

and you who have no money,

come, buy and eat!

Come, buy wine and milk

without money and without cost.

Why spend money on what is not bread,

and your labor on what does not satisfy?

Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,

and you will delight in the richest of fare."

( Isaiah 55:1-2)

Chapter 4 - The Saint Must Embrace Loneliness

I just watched Francis Chan's YouTube video devotional "When you are too popular". You need to check it out.

This video got me thinking about some things going on in my life. In turn it started a conversation between my wife and I about why it seems our calling is being taken as "trouble makers". Why people near and dear to us are being pushed away by our ministry and lifestyle. We wonder if it's our time to embrace loneliness. Have you ever felt like neither the church nor the world accepts you? I can relate to the psalmist when he said, "Even my own brothers pretend they don't know me; they treat me like a stranger"

It seems like in the Scriptures we can find that a lot of great people of faith have been lonely. Loneliness seems to be one price a holy person must pay for their holiness. I think of Noah first. Then there was Abraham "whose soul was like a star and dwelt apart." Moses is another. It was in times of being alone God spoke with these men. I think of Joseph and the years alone in pits and jails.

Then there is the incomparable, loneliness of the cross. Not even one person was there to greet Him at the eternity changing resurrection. Crosses are meant to be carried alone. Though Christ is with you and you are in the midst of a great congregation of friends and family, your cross can only be carried by you, and the fact you have one, sets you apart. No one stays with the man that has a cross. If the disciples left Jesus alone with His cross, why should I think I am above that, or have better friends and family then Him? "Then everyone deserted Him and fled." (Mark 14:50)

I recently spoke to a Pastor friend of mine who shared with me the loneliness him and his wife was experiencing. It was heartbreaking. The loneliness in the midst of a wonderful congregation, this lonely walk not only calls us away from a lost world, but also at times away from the company of good believers. You will start to find that even within your circle of friends, there are so few who share your inner experiences, and you are forced to walk alone. There will be the mingling that continues but the numbers of those who understand you will diminish. And you should not expect otherwise.

The truly "connected" (to God) person is in my opinion, a misfit. I can count on one hand how many I've known in my 20 plus years in Christendom. They rarely find anyone as obsessed with their Lord as they are. I have been embarrassed finding others and myself talking all kinds of religious "shop talk" in their presence, only to find them sitting quietly preoccupied with the Truth.

The beauty of the situation I believe is that this loneliness spurs us to throw ourselves on Him. There is pain in loneliness and we desire the companionship of others, so we allow this suffering and solitary confinement to push us into a greater dependence on Him.

These people are not holier than thou or haughty. In fact, the holiest man I ever knew cried and repented not that long ago praying, "God help me, I don't really love you." I remember thinking in terror, "If that man doesn't love God, there is no hope for me!" Their silence is not their desire to avoid intimacy with us as much as their experience has taught them we won't understand them.

They truly are strangers in this world. The problem with too many of us is that we feel to at home here. This gospel of life enhancement saturates the western church and makes the world accept us, not treat us like aliens. You may not be lonely, but then again, you may not be saintly either. Lord, give us the strength to recognize and embrace where you are leading.

Chapter 5 - Does it Really Matter?

Here is a test. Watch this video from the 1961 Oscars. How many people can you truly identify in the video? In the audience?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vuxXhh1AAks

I am sure that was the highlight of many of those peoples life. What a great achievement. Can you imagine the excitement to be invited to the Oscars in any capacity and in any year? That would have to be pretty awesome. That was Hollywood's movers and shakers in that room. Did you see the average age in that room? How many of those on stage and in attendance do you think are still with us 50 years later?

And now to be honest with you, I could only recognize one person in that video. I'm sure my parents would recognize a lot more. Those people reached an incredible level of fame and one generation removed their faces aren't even recognized by many. Now, to bring it even closer to home, how many of you know your great grandparents names? OK, if you passed that test, how about your great, great grandparents names? Not many people I know do at all. So 3 or 4 generations down the line, most of us are even forgotten by our own families.

So in some personal time of reflection, I encourage you to weigh the things you are placing such importance on. The goals you have, the stress you are under, the things you are working so hard to build and maintain. I think the two biggest points for me in this meditation are to:

Learn the difference between having concern & being worried. (Luke 12:25)

Focus on eternal things. ( I separate those simply by asking, "Will this matter in a 100 years?") ;-)

Meditate on it. Journal it. Pray about it.

"And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. 17He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.'

"Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." '

"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?'"

Luke 12

Chapter 6 - Let My People Doubt

I was just reading an interview with Drew Dyck on his new book and why so many are currently leaving the church. This question and answer in particular grabbed my attention:

Is there something that ex-Christians in all six categories have in common?

Dyck: "Yes. Almost to the person, the people that I interviewed reported being shut down brutally when they expressed their doubts as young people, whether that is in the church or their home. I remember one young woman reported being literally slapped across the face or else they received some kind of trite answers to their questions. They were sometimes ridiculed in front of peers for asking insolent questions.

So it made me realized that the church hasn't done a very good job, we haven't done a good job of giving people space to let people air their doubts and then giving solid answers to the questions they have. I think the church does a great job in forming programs. We have a program for almost every age group. We have youth ministry, college and career, singles, what have you, even senior ministry. But we have precious little when it comes to actually helping Christians who are struggling with their faith or doubts. So that really opened my eyes to that need."

I'm Scott Blair. I'm an ordained minister and I've doubted my faith. Wow! That felt good ;-) It's hard being in a church, family, ministry, marriage, or job that doesn't allow you to express doubt. I am so proud of Grapplers Church because we are creating a transparent community where it's ok to express doubt and unbelief. We don't encourage it.....lol...but we must admit that we all go through it. We must allow people to wrestle with God and wrestle with faith in order to make it their own. You want to punish your children or your flock because they challenge YOUR beliefs?

Everyone always thinks of doubting Thomas. Not me. Whenever I see a young believer doubting, I refer them to John the Baptist. He was the man who had been the forerunner of our Lord. He was a man who said, "He must increase, but I must decrease." (John 3:30) He was a man who said, "There cometh one mightier than I after me, the latchet of whose shoes I am not worthy to stoop down and unloose." (Mark 1:7) He was the man who said when the religious folk came down and tried to make a show of redemption, "You generation of vipers who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance. Go back to where you were!" (Matthew 3:7) That great man of boldness. That great prophet of God.

The one who leaped in the womb of his mother before he was born because he was so full of the Holy Spirit of God. But then he goes to the dungeon. He gets discouraged. That is always an encouragement, too. The fact that someone like John gets discouraged is an encouragement to me. Don't you always feel better when you find out that there are those who feel as bad as you do?.......lol.

Sitting in that dark lonely cell, he hears that Jesus is meek and lowly. Doesn't sound like what he was expecting Jesus to be. So he sends two disciples to ask Jesus, "Are you the One, or should I be looking our for another?" Friends, John baptized Jesus! He was there when the voice from heaven confirmed, "This is my Son in whom I am well pleased!" Would you doubt after that???? But then again, after all God has done in me and in front of me, I too still struggle with doubt.

Jesus wasn't upset at Johns doubting. He didn't send back a discouraging word or express His disappointment in John. And for the love of God he didn't feel the need to slap or punish him. In fact, Jesus said of John, "There was never a greater man born of a woman." Yes, talking about this doubter. And John, the doubter, pledged his head to heaven.

Allow a boy to doubt and when he makes his faith his own, he will gladly become a martyr for it. Force him to accept your beliefs unconditionally, and he will rebel.

Chapter 7 - The Dark Side of the Church

I'm looking at a picture of the grave of David Folsom, former chief of the Choctaw. It reads : A Christian slave owner who brought missionaries to Indian Territory and supported education efforts. "Christian slave owner" is a concept that is very hard to imagine right now. But there was a time, not that long ago, when men who loved God, prayed, and read the Bible earnestly.... owned slaves.

Seems like every window of time the church exposes something ugly. I think it's God's design to purge what is not like Him. He grows tired of being misrepresented.

It's so easy to look back in history at the crusades, the inquisition, the slave trade, the colonization of North and South America, the Salem witch trials, the civil rights movement, and of course the American churches treatment of women.

I exhale in great relief as I look at how far the church has come. It makes me very proud that though we as the church did participate in these "crimes", it was also some very courageous people within the church that spoke out against these "sins" and helped bring about the revolutions needed.

But it doesn't take long after my deep breath of relief that I gasp at another thought. The millions of fools who in sincere hearts committed these sins and justified them with scripture, could not see their wrong. They even opposed the heroes who started the revolts and died holding on to their positions. It's not until a generation or two later that we look back at the tombstone mentioned above and think how silly Christians must have been to buy into such blatant hypocrisy. This train of thoughts now reaches the station and I begun to wonder "What sin am I ignorantly embracing and backing with the church's support that one generation from now they will laugh at me for holding such values and opposing the change?'

What is it church? What is the Dark Side of the Church in our generation? How important is it for you and I to make this discovery or die holding on to a lie?

Chapter 8 - I've Decided to Never Plant a Church

Some days, I think this whole church planting movement has gotten out of control. Some of my dearest friends are pastors and church planters. They are called to ministry. They have pastor's hearts. But so much of what I see today in church planting is entrepreneurial fluff from some skinny slick guys who aren't called to pastor. They don't have the heart of a true pastor. They don't have the heart of God.

They rent a movie theater or another school gymnasium and mail thousands of postcards. Is this model biblical? (Note: some truly called men do use this model, and they usually start with home core groups, so don't waste energy defending it. I'm speaking of those who are not called and just try to duplicate it).

Biblical churches grow organically. They start with a man or a team of people who are sold out to Christ and desire to serve him and make other disciples. Their faith is contagious. They birth souls into the kingdom not clone sheep for the ministry barn.

A natural organic process begins to take place. As they make more disciples they need more room. And a church begins to form. Todays version is backwards. It teaches build it and they will come (and fill it).

"Give me one hundred preachers who fear nothing but sin, and desire nothing but God, and I care not a straw whether they be clergymen or laymen; such alone will shake the gates of hell and set up the kingdom of heaven on Earth." ― John Wesley

Wesley makes me think hard about what we are doing at Grapplers Church. What if we don't worry about clergy or laymen and just get people infected with Jesus. Then, what if we realize that the 80/20 rule is true. 20% of people do the majority of the giving and work in any church. If that's true, I can take 12 partners who are absolutely sold out to Christ and be about as powerful as a church with 200+ members, minus the overhead.

So Lord, we aren't looking to build no mega-church. Make us a 12 strong with people who are fed up with church as usual; twelve people who want You and not Sunday morning as usual; twelve people who show up to prayer meetings; twelve people who are faithful; twelve people who will work; twelve people who give cheerfully ans sacrificially; twelve people who want Your Spirit and Your will at any cost; and twelve people who have forsaken all for the sake of Your Gospel.

Lord, make me that, connect me with that, and I will never have to plant a church...it will be naturally born.

Chapter 9 - Shut Up About Love the Sinner & Hate the Sin

I apologize in advance if I come across a little "testy" this morning as I sit here and write this, but I'm only two cups of coffee into my day, and someone hit me with the phrase again "Love the sinner; hate the sin." It's one of those catch phrases that make my blood pressure rise like the neighbor you ask to turn their music down over and over on a work night.

Here is the best way to respond to that when used by an inexperienced believers:

Believer: "Well I (or God) hate the sin; but love the sinner"

You: "Well now I understand why Gandhi said 'I like your Christ but I do not like your Christians'."

Believer: "Of course Gandhi don't like us. He was a demon possessed false prophet who is burning in hell right now."

You: "I'm sorry, since you quoted Gandhi, the false prophet burning in hell, I thought I would too. I was only trying to share points of reference. If you wanted to discuss the bible you should have quoted it."

Yes, the quote originated with Gandhi and is not biblical. It just makes me laugh how many fundamentalist preachers who damn Gandhi go around quoting him ignorantly.

What scripture do you use to judge another? What scripture do you use to "hate sin"? I know there are certain sins in which God says He hates, but where does he tell you to hate them? And where do you see God destroy sin and not the sinner? Where does he separate the two? Would you prayerfully consider these as well.

There is only one teacher and judge. He is able to save or destroy you. So who are you to judge your neighbor? - James 4:12

Whenever you speak, or whatever you do, remember that the law of love, the law that sets you free, will judge you. For there will be no mercy for you if you have not been merciful to others. But if you have been merciful, then God's mercy toward you will win out over his judgment against you. - James 2:12-13

Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. - Matthew 7:1 (Words of JESUS).

You have heard the law that says, 'Love your neighbor' and hate your enemy. But I say, love your enemies! - Matthew 5:43 (Words of Jesus)

Prayerfully meditate on who is your enemy. For most the Christians I know (including myself at times) the enemies are common: gay community, Muslims, pedophiles, pornographers, Hollywood, democrats, scientists, liberals, pro-choicers, atheists, televangelists, or even any denomination outside of ours.

Have your enemy defined? Now prayerfully meditate on "are you truly loving them?" What does that look like? Do you know any? Do you spend time with them? Do you pray for them? Do you bless them?

Most people I know who tell me concerning gays or Muslims for example, that they "hate the sin; but love the sinner".....don't have a relationship with even one person of that community. How can you "love the sinner" that you have never spent anytime with? Do you really love them? In a way Jesus would be proud of?

Ahhhh...coffee kicked in, feeling all lovey again ;-)

Chapter 10 - Who is Going to Hell?

So much talk about hell lately, mostly instigated by Rob Bell's crossover book sensation "Love Wins". I admit I got sucked in too. I've been reading and having conversations with others a lot more about hell than normal. I literally sat one day with Love Wins on my left thigh, and Erasing Hell on my right. I have no desire to debate any of the issues (if it exist, is it eternal, who goes there, who is exempt) in this book but I wanted to share some of the things that I've read that brought something to the surface for me. About who scriptures put in hell? My online acquaintance John Jensen told a story in his blog (reverendjohn.blogspot.com) that I've since adopted and modified to make my own. Basically when asked if I believe in hell, I've started responding, "Of course I do, it's the place the bible says religious leaders and rich people go!"

One thing that is for certain, is people get very emotional about this topic as they do with a lot of theological debates. But I've noticed people wanting to attack my friends or me because we are wrestling with traditional interpretations and wanting to come to our own truth and not just that handed to us by a denomination or parent. I never even said that I would not come to the same conclusions as them, just wanted to arrive at the truth on my own. I think we need to be more careful on how we talk about people who are not in agreement with us. Consider the following excerpt from Francis Chan's book, "Erasing Hell":

"Jesus threatens hell to those who curse their brother (Matt. 5:22). He's not warning drinkers or smokers or murderers. Jesus preaches hellfire against those who have the audacity to attack a fellow human being with harsh words. It's ironic--frightening, actually--that some people have written books, preached sermons, or written blog posts about hell and missed this point completely. In fact, some people have slammed their Christian brothers and sisters in the process, simply because they have a different view of hell, missing the purpose of Matthew 5: Whoever calls his brother a fool may find himself guilty of hell.

Have you called your brother a fool lately? On a blog? On Facebook? Have you tweeted anything of the sort?

So often, these hell passages become fodder for debate, and people miss the point of the warning. Jesus didn't speak of hell so that we could study, debate, and write books about it. He gave us these passages so that we would live holy lives. Stop slandering one another, and live in peace and brotherly unity. Jesus evidently hates it when we tear into our brothers or sisters with demeaning words, words that fail to honor the people around us as the beautiful image-bearing creatures that they are."

You would think those so bound to scripture and their certainty of hell would be a little slower to get emotional and name calling with other believers who are trying to work it out for themselves. Thousands of denominations in this country and at least 900+ versions of the Bible in the English language and yet some are so certain that they possess the unadulterated truth and everyone else is a "fool".

Well, Matt 5:22 puts that person in scary position:

And anyone who says, 'You fool!' will be in danger of the fire of hell.

Who else is in danger you ask?

Well, Jesus longest teaching on "judgment" comes in Matthew 25 when he discusses the Final Judgment. I am in no way advocating salvation by works, but you must agree that the only difference here between, those going to inherit punishment and those going to inherit eternal life, are what they did and did not do for the poor!

This is very challenging in our country and especially at this time of year (Christmas). Our supposed celebration of Christ birth includes camping out in front of Best Buy, running up debt, spoiling children, and making a wish list. Even our churches host lavish plays and dinners under the guise of "church growth". So the question becomes, does this type of behavior, further damn us to hell? Is the way we celebrate Christmas as families and churches the best use of our money? After reading Matthew 25, should we not be a little worried that we are in danger of judgment for ignoring the poor all around us, why we pretend to honor Jesus by courting mammon?

I remember my first prayer when I knew I was called to ministry. It sounded like this, "Lord, I accept this calling, my only request is please don't make me a missionary. - Amen". The Lord overlooked my ignorance as a young believer, and of course sent me to the mission field. But I prayed that way cause I knew most missionaries were poor and they lived a lot like those they went to serve. I dreaded that thought. I still talk to so many believers who think poverty is a sin, that they are above it, or would just flat refuse to accept it...even for their calling. They would rather be comfortable, than do His will.

It's nearly impossible for the rich to make it to heaven. The comfortable are in danger of hell fire for not serving the poor, along with the self righteous religious people mentioned first.

The last group that I really think needs to be worried about hell....those preaching about it. The New Testament is full of warnings to those who would be leaders. I think we can let scripture itself speak for portion.

So many people want to be leaders now a days because we have built churches like Fortune 500 companies. And who doesn't want to be CEO or Managing Partner? Jesus said we should not Lord over one another like the world does. Also, church planting conferences are so chic now. Everyone wants to have his or her own pulpit. But being in the pulpit should be a terrifying thing!

Jesus said "but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea." (Matthew 18:6 ESV)

"Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness." (James 3:1 ESV)

These two scriptures should be the opening lines at church planters conference. "Most of you should not be here. You are not called. You are only going to deceive other people and bring worse judgment upon yourself. You have no idea what you are getting into P.S. No refunds."

We know the stories, they preach gain is Godliness, they use enticing words, but their fruit is bad. Most of them scream about Muslims, homosexuals, and democrats while it seems James was a little more concerned with the "tongue' of a teacher that was ignited by hell.

(Matthew 7 is a great additional read)

Chapter 11 - In Need of Some Space?

In need of some space? I am. Things have gotten difficult the last few months. I've actually been hiding. I know, its silly. I've only made things feel "smaller".

During my Theology class a couple weeks ago though I read something that really resonated with me. We were studying about "Salvation" and it said in our textbook that the Greek word soteria (for salvation) means deliverance, preservation, salvation, and safety. It is the word used in the Septuagint, the Greek translation of the Hebrew Bible, for yasha, the basic meaning of which is "spaciousness". I like that. I like that a lot. I want my spirituality to add space to my life; to expand and broaden everything. Didn't Jesus say that He came to provide us with freedom and liberty? Didn't He say His burden was easy and His yoke was light?

More so though I have found a lot of my religion "restricting" and heavy for that matter. Was Jesus wrong? Or am I not doing this right? It seems like every time I want to add some "spaciousness" to my spiritual life I'm told I can't. There is this dominating group with a collective mindset that encourage me not to think outside the box. They have assured me they've already tried it all and they know what works and what doesn't. I have to trust them they say. It's dangerous to leave their boundaries they warn. But that feels small and not like liberty.

I guess I just believe churches and Christians need to do a better job in providing a safe place for doubting Thomas who doesn't see every thing just like they do. Or for the person who is struggling to have faith and trust in a God they can't see. Is that so unquestionable? How about being more "spacious" even for members who have serious questions. They are afraid to ask so instead they just sneak out the back door.

The Barna Group did a study from 2007 to 2011 about why people are leaving the church. Here are the top 6 reasons why. To me they all say "restriction" not "spaciousness".

Reason #1 – Churches seem overprotective.

Reason #2 – Teens' and twenty-somethings' experience of Christianity is shallow.

Reason #3 – Churches come across as antagonistic to science.

Reason #4 – Young Christians' church experiences related to sexuality is often simplistic, judgmental.

Reason #5 – They wrestle with the exclusive nature of Christianity.

Reason #6 – The church feels unfriendly to those who doubt.

God has promised us "spaciousness" and "freedom". We have been pulpit peddling "narrowness" and "restriction". So many people have made it clear they don't want to permit me the freedom to wander. Made it clear they won't go with me. I've realized now that I will move from certainty, through doubt, to faith. For me, it's not about the answers I have but more about the questions I'm asking. I have the courage to ask. I will continue on my journey to spaciousness.

Chapter 12 - My BullSh*&t Theology Grade

I am so stressed out lately. I've recently turned in 2 papers a day late for my theology course. I should be a straight A student, especially when it comes to theology. I read approximately 25 books a year on theology outside of my required school reading. I have several hundred old theology books in my library that make my basement smell like a used bookstore. It's a passion of mine so to speak. These late papers brought my grade down significantly. No problem. I worked so hard this last week on my last paper and assignments that I was able to bring it up to a 91%. One more week and I will be back at an A grade. That will be a relief. I was worried. It's funny how stress affects you that way, if you let it.

This stress is affecting me in other ways too. This past Sunday morning was the culmination of that stressful week. My son was making us late to church. It's a new church and I wanted to make a good impression. My wife kept calling and was giving me fits on the phone. I kept finding my son with a toy in his hand totally ignoring what I've told him to do a thousand times that morning. My bottom eyelid began to twitch, an indicator I inherited from my father that signifies when a man in our family is about to blow a gasket. School is bad, finances are bad, love is bad, family is bad, and most things are bad.

My son starts whining about being hungry 10 minutes from the church. He won't stop. I try negotiating with him. If he can only hold out for 2 more hours, I will take him to his favorite spot. I am a salesman so I paint an irresistible picture of the feast to come, but to no avail, the whining increases. It's so dramatic. He not only cannot be negotiated with but he is actually adding in a fetal type position to emphasize the hunger pains. It's his fault we are late and now he expects me to stop. How wonderful can one appear to a new pastor rolling in 15 minutes late? We missed two weeks ago because he was sick. I'm really getting angry with him. Well, not with him, with my wife. Well, not her either, with my life. But his hunger and whining are present so it becomes my focus. I yell at him in an unusual way. It was louder than normal, as well as louder than necessary. It was out of character. I also yell at her on the phone. Blood pressure is rising. Red splotches, a veiny forehead, and that eye twitch begin to dominate my face.

Though I think I am a threatening force, intimidating my son with my 6 foot 220 pound frame and Barry White booming low voice, I lose. Reluctantly, I find myself behind 9 other cars in line at the restaurant drive thru. And the lady in front of me has 3 separate orders. Then while we are waiting, I'm trying to find a gospel song that will possibly block my oncoming stroke. Who will be my David and harp away the evil spirits? I'm interrupted when a homeless guy asked me for some change. I snapped at him "No". I am from the streets and there is a side of me that is still uptight about strangers approaching me, especially in bad neighborhoods. I still sometimes have a defensive instinct. I'm sure my demeanor showed hostility. Even if it didn't the aforementioned veins, blotches, and twitches probably made me look half crazy. As I drove away, I realized God was displeased with me. I had an opportunity to build a relationship there. I had an opportunity to be a blessing, to represent Jesus. I had an opportunity to teach my son that people down on their luck aren't bad or charity, but people we should love just like anyone else. But come on God, I'm really stressed out today!

My son decides to put legs on his argument. Like his daddy, he is a tenacious salesman. He starts puking in my new car. The one I am still enjoying that new car smell in. Well, was enjoying that new car smell in. The chunky stew of vomit is all over his jacket and jeans. It's even on the seat belt. Not wanting anymore to get on my precious new vehicle, I tell him to puke in the bag. There went the $6 dollars I just spent on that food. My wife hangs up on me, again. Church is out of the question now. The aromatic mix of vomit, fast food, and new car smell are nauseating. There has to be a lesson in here somewhere.

I go to the smoke shop to get a cigar. Oh how I am anticipating choosing the fine smelling, tightly wrapped, torpedo shaped vice that will whisk away the horrible odor stuck in my nostrils. In order to redeem this day, I plan on getting my "Spurgeon" on, as I like to call it. I call it that because Charles Spurgeon, the Prince of Preachers, was known for constantly smoking cigars. Smoking a cigar while reading outdoors has been a great source of tranquility for me over the years. I only get to do it a couple times a year. Some people frown on it. Those same people usually are addicted to caffeine or buffets after church so their stones don't really sting much. There might be a bit of my non-conformist pride that enjoys how it upsets fundamentalist. But I really enjoy it outside that as well. It is true relaxation to me.

At the smoke shop, God's grace is extended to me, and I am offered a second chance. Another homeless guy approaches my son and me in our car. This time I'm on the phone, but under some conviction. I put the phone down, and gave him $2. He was only asking for a $1.80 for the bus. I went above and beyond my duty. But it finally hits me after I get off the phone, another missed opportunity.

I finally arrive at the park. This is going to be where I can relax. The sun is bright enough that it warms my back and I have to wear my shades to read. But the breeze keeps me cool and makes it hard to light that cigar. I let my son play on the playground while I read. He amazingly is not sick anymore. Not sure what happened there. I mean, I believe he was being dramatic but he isn't that good of an actor that he can vomit on cue.

Smoking my cigar and becoming so deep theologically, this is what I needed. The Holy Spirit nudges me and speaks a word. Something about it doesn't matter what I read or learn that day in that book. It doesn't matter how relaxed I feel. It doesn't matter that if in one week I can turn my Theology grade around to a 100%. I can never take back the hurtful words I've said to the ones I love. And I will never get the opportunity to show the love of Jesus to those two men who approached me again. So it dawns on me and I close the book. All my theology grades are bullsh%&* if I can't walk out the love of Jesus in my personal life.

So your church is growing, your grades are good, and everything looks great on the outside...but are you walking out the LOVE of Jesus?

Chapter 13 - Heretics & Horse Placentas (Church & Politics)

It's election season at the time of this writing and I'd rather eat a horse placenta with no ketchup than see another political rant on Facebook. I'm seriously considering deactivating my account until Feb or something.

Any of you who know me know I could care less but I just need to vent. Some have recently said that I have left God. I am crazy. I am liberal. I am lost. Even that I don't believe in God. My response is this to my right wing republican conservative Christians who cast judgment on me.... "I do not believe in the God of the democrat, nor the republican but our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ." When one gets into office from the other party...are you mad at God? Is it not He who allows this or even designs this? Will He not use both good and bad governments/leaders to bring about His purpose?

"By me king's reign, and princes decree justice. By me princes rule, and nobles, even all the judges of the earth - Pro. 8:15-16 KJV

"For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him."- Col. 1:16 NIV

You should participate in the political process. You should vote. But please keep in mind...YOU CAN NOT LEGISLATE MORALITY OR THE KINGDOM GOD!!!!

Everyone in the bible was waiting on this "political" King Jesus who was going to take over and kick butt! But that is not the Kingdom that was to come. Jesus responds to Pontius Pilate about the nature of his kingdom: "My kingdom is not of this world. If my kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But now (or 'as it is') my kingdom is not from the world" (John 18:36) Christ's teachings were separate from earthly political activity. Religious people are still missing it. My dear friends, God is not American, God is not white, and God sure isn't Republican.

Remember when Jesus was politically cornered and asked about paying taxes. He said something like "what do I have to do with politics? Give back to Ceaser what is Ceaser's." Then he followed up with "But if you really want to usher in the righteous kingdom, vote for my man Peter. Upon him I will build the government that will outlaw sin. Man that Jesus was sure ahead of His time." (John Jensen quote)

And lastly, I spent at least 10 years in training by evangelical-non-denominational-Baptist-Pentecostal apologetic college and Sunday school courses about how Mormonism is heretical (and of the devil) and how to counter it. Now you exact same people I went to those churches and classes with are giving me hell, and doubting my salvation if I decide I'm not voting for that "MORMON" conservative candidate.

If that is you, then I am sorry but you are POLITICAL, CONSERVATIVE, REPUBLICANS,...before you are Christians.

I believe all of us need to be politically engaged as Americans and as Christians. But be careful "how" you engage that process. Be careful how you USE God's name in that process. Be careful that you aren't so gullible as to believe God is on either side. You can no more believe He stands with your party than you can that He helps your NFL team.

Chapter 14 - God Hates 60% of the Church

That's the message I sometimes get. I'm part of that 60%. The more than half of us, who attend church regularly, that has been divorced. Some of us have multiple divorces. I wonder if that kindles Gods anger even more.

Some recent conversations I have had about it have left me with my jaw on the floor. A couple of young ladies who were ostracized by their congregations, not just frowned upon but literally, because of their divorces.

Another Pastor friend of mine had grown up in church and married young. His wife divorced him. He is happily remarried now a days but I know of at least one denomination that would not accept him because of his previous divorce. He is one of the cleanest living young men I know. He has never been drunk, rowdy, and was celibate until his marriage. This same denomination would accept former pimps, drug addicts, whore-mongers, and murderers as pastors...as long as "divorced" wasn't on their resume. I guess the Blood isn't strong enough for divorce.

Scripture is clear; I'm not here to argue that point. In the book of Malachi, God says that He hates divorce" (Malachi 2:16). If you have ever been through it, felt the pain of it, and seen what it does to children, you can see clearly why God would hate it. It's not God's plan or design for us. It is sin.

Those Christians who have never been divorced act like it is so simple, black and white. I'm sorry, but we aren't the first generation to wrestle with this. Sounds to me like Moses was passing out divorce decrees like traffic cop passes out speeding tickets at the end of the month. Jesus did rebuttal what Moses did in Matthew 19:

"Jesus replied, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."

But Paul turned right around after Jesus says this and gave out what some call the "Pauline Privilege" for letting certain spouses go. So to me this seems to always have been an issue for the church, from Moses, to Paul, to us.

So for those of you who think it is so black and white and crystal clear, what do we do with Jesus' words? Those of us who are remarried? What about those in the church who have been married 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 times???? Does one, for example, tell a three-times-divorced man to go back to his previous mate? What if the previous mate is now remarried? Is it right to ask the remarried couple to make a second divorce and break up a second home? During my separation one Pastor told my wife she should divorce me and go back to her 1st husband (I was her 3rd). So I guess he is claiming God would not hate our divorce? He only hates the first divorce? I'm so confused.

Now you ask, "So you are justifying divorce?" I don't. As I said scripture is clear. God hates it. Remarriage is adultery. But in return, I need to ask you, "Do you really believe I am ostracized by God now eternally? Trapped in a sin His blood, mercy, and grace can't overcome?" Do you believe that for up to more than half of most congregations?

This book was written for us to wrestle with these questions not provide perfect answers. I do know these things. Marriage is hard and should never be walked away from lightly. I'm broken. I'm a sinner. I know a lot of you in the church will try and pressure me to justify my divorce. I won't.

It's happened to more than half of us...and I guess all we can do is throw ourselves once again at upon His mercy, which I am in, very confident in, and willing to do.

So I said all of that to say this: "GOD LOVES YOU, DIVORCED PEOPLE!"

Are you suffering from the shame of it? Are you judgmental of those who have suffered from it?

Chapter 15 - Why Does All Hell Break Loose When...

Why is it the moment...

- I want to diet, someone bakes me a cake

- I want to work out, I get injured

- I want to fast, there is a family cook out

- I want to save money, my car breaks down

- I want to be positive, a negative person calls me screaming

- I want to love someone, they hurt me

- I want to improve at work, my manager writes me up

- I want to spend more time with my kid, I have to work longer hours

- I try to do good, evil is present

Whenever you have an "intention" to make progress or change there is a spiritual law that takes effect in the universe. Whenever you say, "I intend to do this ________." The universe responds with "But are you committed to do ____________?"

The universe will test you. The reward is only for the committed. It is the universes spiritual law to separate those who are just wishers and talkers from those who are committed and deserving. Keep that in mind the next time you say, "I am going to do this or that positive thing". The test will surely come right after that. DO NOT BE SURPRISED! EXPECT IT! WELCOME IT! Say to it, "Ha, I knew you were coming. I am not caught off guard. I will persevere and no matter how you try to deter me for I am committed to this goal and you can not stop me from my reward!"

Do not look with your eyes, but walk by faith. Believe you will arrive at your goal. It is a key to happiness and health. Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Let me translate that into my language for ya...lol "Hoping for change but feeling like it has been delayed or is out of reach makes people sad, but hitting a Goal produces a happy abundant fruitful LIFE!"

So go into the next year my friends expecting the greatest year of your life, and be ready for the test. Your commitment will yield you that healthy body, that loving relationship, those abundant finances, the spiritual growth, the family bonds, and the recognition you deserve and hope for!

Chapter 16 - Tip Toeing Through Tips and Tithes!

Did you see in the news the reports about the Pastor who left the nasty note to the Applebee's waitress? She posted a picture of the note and got fired for it. If you aren't familiar with it yet, check out the picture. It says

'I give God 10%. Why do you get 18?'

It's sad that we really should talk about this but I think it is a reflection of the "better than thou" attitude a lot of the church still has. I can't put the blame on this "one bad apple" because frankly, Christians are notorious for this kind of attitude, especially in restaurants.

I can tell you from experience and a decade of serving tables I did not want to work on Sundays at the restaurants because it meant dealing with the "church folk"; the ones who tipped horribly, if at all; the ones who sat and occupied a section for an additional hour talking after they ate (so I couldn't get seated and make more money). The ones who often left me a "gospel tract" instead of money and REALLY thought it had more value to me a sinner. The fact that the stigma has endured and been mostly true for at least the last 30 years tells me the church still needs an attitude adjustment.

I'm not going to bash this Pastor, I've made my fair share of embarrassing mistakes while claiming to be a minister and I'm sure she is dealing with enough shame amidst this media frenzy. As always, I would like to just give us a few things to wrestle with and work out for ourselves. It's not my objective to ever provide that for you.

1. This brings about one of the issues I have with tithing. She was proud of the fact she gives 10%, her religious duty. But when I read scripture ALL of my finances and self-belong to God.

2. Matthew 6 "bragging" and public display of our religious duties. Are we guilty? Especially right after a really good church service? Feeling all fired up and eady to win the lost with our newly fanned zeal.

3. Most importantly, how can we change this Sunday restaurant stereotype? Can we build real relationships? Can we "bless" even those who don't agree with us?

I hope it serves as a reminder that we need to be open to God's leading and not go by what we "think" someone else deserves. Thank God He didn't give me what I "deserved".

Now go leave a big fat tip on Sunday for your server, with no agenda, except to redeem the reputation of the Church.

Chapter 17 - Thrift Shop Theology - Macklemore Style

So I heard a song by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis the other day. It's called "Neon Cathedral". Many Christians will see the blasphemy of it. I understand.

The man, though very talented, has some real life experience with addictions and religion. At least that would be my guess by the intelligence of the song.

I did find some of the lyrics challenging from a critical standpoint. Rather than getting upset, sometimes we can listen to our critics, and discover they often have a leg to stand on. Sometimes if the church can hear what their generation, their community, their world is saying, it can learn something about itself.

"Critics are our friends, they show us our faults." ― Benjamin Franklin

The following lyrics from the song really struck a nerve in me:

"I read the Bible, but I forgot the verses

The liquor store is open later than the church is"

And

"And I'm sinking and that's why I keep on drinking

I need a refill, far more than once every weekend"

I hear a man that is saying that life gets really hard between Sundays. For an addict, trying to endure a week of hell from what he stored up on in a Sunday service is nearly impossible. It was never designed to be that way, but a lot of us have been taught that.

I think it brings up a perspective that a lot of the Church is starting to realize today. When we make "church" a building that we congregate in on Sundays, we fail. The "Missional" movement is challenging us in this department. We don't attend the church; we are the church. We don't have once a week services but we build communities where we share our lives. This is what the Gospel calls us to.

Chapter 18 - I Jumped out of a Time Machine!

I started to do a writing exercise where I wrote a letter to myself 10 years ago. It was a personal exercise and not a writing I thought I would publish. My first thought was to warn myself of the impending pitfalls:

• The people that would hurt me

• The time wasted on frivolous pursuits

• Wrong career choices

• Quitting to early

• Wrong relationship choices

• Bad investments

• Immature decisions

• The places I clearly missed God and opportunity

• The instruction to buy Google stock

The list was quite lengthy. Sweet Baby Jesus! It's no secret the insurmountable list of mistakes I've made over the last 10 years. This was going to be no short letter...it would probably look more like a copy of War & Peace. But that wasn't the real deterrent. The real deterrent was while considering this list; I realized the list was what made me who I am today. If I could really warn myself of those traps that lay ahead, would I listen to the future me and avoid them? And secondly, would I be who I am today?

The experiences were horrible, but I learned so much:

• I have family and friends who are faithful in supporting me no matter what

• I discovered who those people really were through my failures

• Wisdom that is only acquired by experience

• Things I thought could destroy me... DIDN'T! I am a survivor!

• How to be happy when I am down or up

• There are no losses just lessons

• God is FAITHFUL

• Man makes plans for his life but God orders the steps

• How not to repeat certain mistakes

This list also was so extensive, probably not the size of the aforementioned novel, but longer than I could put in a mere note to myself.

I thought, "What if Joseph from the future wrote Joseph from the past a letter?" What if he told him "Hey, when you tell your brothers about your future, they will attack you and sell you into slavery.? After years in prison you will rise to a leadership position in a foreign country." Joseph might think, "prison? Slavery?" and be tempted to not tell his brothers about his dream. But without slavery and prison, Joseph could not have become the leader God intended.

Upon considering all of this, I jumped out of the letter writing time machine. I thank God for every trial, loss, heartache, and failure. You should too.

Chapter 19 - Is it Weird I Want to Mail You a Lock of my Hair?

Well? Would you find it weird if I mailed you a lock of my hair? I have really nice hair.

What if I placed a birch tree decorated with crepe paper in your front yard? Would that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Or might you find both of these a little strange? Either, nowadays, might warrant a call to the police ;-)

Do you realize in other cultures these are very passionate ways of stating your love for someone? Some women would cry tears of joy to receive these gifts from the boy of their desires.

I know a dad who is workaholic. It is the only way he knows to show his family he loves them by providing for them and buying them stuff. They aren't getting the message. They want to hear it. They want to feel it. They want time with him.

You probably wouldn't get the message either if you woke up to some hair in your mailbox or a tree on the lawn. So the point is, maybe it's not enough to just "love" someone. Maybe it's not enough to show them we love them our way. Maybe, just maybe, we need to express our love for them in ways they understand.

So as a Christian, a church, a minister, a representative of God in your community, you might be voicing" God loves you" to the world at large, but is it in a way they can understand it and receive it?

I've been reviewing a lot of things I have done in ministry over the last 20 plus years in ministry. I've been contemplating what the core message unbelievers would have received from our actions. I have to admit these are some of the messages that I participated in communicating to the world:

God does not approve of you

God will judge and punish you

If you become like us, God will love you

If you do not conform to our moral standards we will boycott you

We are better than you

If you attend our meetings we can help meet some of your needs

Our church has the only truth

God is American

God is political

Is there a way we can do ministry better? Is there a way we can demonstrate to the world that God truly loves them? In a way they can receive the message loud and clear?

Chapter 20 - "The Walking Dead" in Your Life

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." - Jim Rohn

I've been a huge Jim Rohn fan the last few years. Last night, while listening to a podcast, I heard Tim Ferris use this quote again and it got me thinking. My first thought was, "Wow, I am just like a 10 year old, beautiful, loving, hard headed, tenacious, tattooed, pit bull!" (Those I spend the most time with will have to figure out which word applies to them ;-)

But in all seriousness, Zombies are real. I once was infected. But unlike the AMC TV show, I believe there is a cure. I've actually been infected and cured a few times. So trust me on this one.

In everyday life, I am surrounded by the "Walking Dead". They are people who lack a core focus and purpose for their life. Their lives revolve around a lifeless routine, forty plus years of crawling out of their shelter and stumbling to a lifeless job with other "Walkers". Living week to week off the scraps they happen upon with the herd. No real community. No deep connections. Eating and sleeping, which should be natural necessities to keep life's energy up; turn into their only actually pleasures.

Occasionally they start to become aware they are "dead" but instead of recklessly seeking out a cure in their moment of clarity they instead drink, party, and entertain in an attempt to suppress the reality of their stinking and rotting existence.

Can you imagine, lying on your deathbed, realizing you have wasted something like 80 years of your life not much different than the "Walkers" on the TV show? No purpose, no life, no direction. Just movement and feeding that only mimic real life. (Ephesians 2:1)

Take a look at the five people you spend the most time with. Take a look around your church, your family, your work, and your neighborhood and ask yourself, "Are they alive? Am I alive? Do I know my purpose? Am I just in a herd?"

People say, "Time is money." I disagree. I've lost lots of money and I've always been able to get some more. All of the time I've lost wandering with the "Walkers", I'll never get back. Stop wasting time in the herd, find your purpose, and live your life...to its fullest potential!

"But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved)," - Apostle Paul

"I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." – Jesus

Chapter 21 - I HATE to Tell You This...but God Doesn't LOVE You!

Well, not in the way we love. O.k. So that is a bit of word play. But you know what? It still rings true. God does not love like us. We think love is something one person does and another person, place, or thing is the recipient. It's mostly reciprocated or performance based. It is a pretty narrow view. God does love you but it goes beyond that. It is something I think in our finite understanding we cannot fully grasp. The Bible not only declares Gods love for us but also goes so far as to say God is Love. He doesn't just love us, HE IS LOVE! (1 John 4:8)

This topic is so grand it could take dozens if not hundreds of chapters to dive into. I don't want to start a book on it (yet); I just want to offer you a simple challenge. To start mediating on that thought,. Look look for examples of love in life and scripture. Look for God in those examples.

For example, if "God is love" than in 1 Corinthians famous chapter about "Love is"...we can say, "God is".

"If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love God, I gain nothing.

Love God is patient,

Love God is kind.

Love God does not envy, Love God does not boast, Love God is not proud.

Love God does not dishonor others; Love God is not self-seeking,

Love God is not easily angered; Love God keeps no record of wrongs.

Love God does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Love God always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Love God never fails."

Wow! Who would not want to know a God like that? Who does not want to be loved with an unfailing love?

Chapter 22 - I'm Throwing out some GREAT Stuff!

"Minimalism is, in its essence, about getting rid of the negative and non-essential, so that you may focus more on the positive and important." - The Minimalist Way: Stress Less, Live More by Thomas Hilmersen

I read that this morning while sipping my black gold. Reminded me of chapter 11, "In Need of Some Space?", which I first wrote at the beginning of 2012. At that moment, I was really looking to de-clutter my spiritual beliefs and find some breathing room. I gained some space but I find this is now bleeding over into all of my life.

I feel more creative than ever. The ideas, goals, purposes, projects, moments, are all coming faster than I can keep up with. I no sooner get started into one project and others start popping up in my mind. All things I would find great joy in doing. I am not complaining. There were many years I found joy in nothing I was doing and couldn't even stir up a good idea or the energy to carry it out if I worked with Tony Robbins and Richard Simmons at the same time.

The problem is I want to make room and time for these ideas but I want to keep balance as well. As a believer, I am always avoiding and looking for ways to get rid of the "negative" like Hilmersen suggests. With maturity I am even learning to do away with some non-essentials but here is where the hammer dropped this morning. Some of the non-essentials are not negative and can even be great stuff.

A pastor once told me, "Sometimes you have to give up something good to get something better. Then, you have to let go of better to get the best." It got me weighing what good things could I give up to have less clutter in my mind and in my life. To give that space to things that would really bring me true fulfillment and joy.

Sure everyone wants to give up smoking, bad relationships and eating junk food daily. But how many of us go through our lives and clear out even good things that just are really non-essential? How many of us can even identify those things? I'm looking. So the next few weeks might be a good time to rummage through my trash, because I'm going to throw out some really good stuff.

"Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ" Philippians 3:8 NLT

Chapter 23 - Breaking Bad: The Walter White Web

Breaking Bad had a great run. Even people who didn't watch the original series are now discovering it on Netflix. The show is clearly well written and has attracted a huge following. It has become a water cooler and happy hour conversation piece with a split audience. Some like Heisenberg the bad guy, and others want Walter White to come to his senses. Doesn't matter what team you sit on, it's pretty dramatic.

In the beginning it was easy to root for Walt. He was dying of cancer. He wanted to provide for his family and not be a burden. Any husband or father watching that can relate. The writers made it almost heroic in a sense that he would go to such great lengths to spend his last days on earth securing a future for them. He was fighting the evil system that many of us fear in health care cost.

What they didn't sensationalize, and still don't, is the toll that meth has on its users, their families, and the community; the toll that the "hero" of our story is very directly contributing to. It's strange how the way the story line is written you may find yourself yelling at the TV in hopes Walt will hear you and get out of yet another pickle he is in, all the while forgetting he is "the bad guy", destroying others' lives for selfish gain.

The story line does reveal one truth that I don't think many people really take to heart in their personal lives. As my pastor used to say, "Sin takes you further than you want to go, and keeps you longer than you want to stay." Walter has went much further, stayed much longer, and become someone totally different than our "hero" originally set out to do. That is the way it happens in all our lives.

We start down a path that is wrong but we justify it by some romantic notion that we are in control.

"I need this money for my kids" - "They have so much they won't miss it" - "Just this once so I can get out of debt" - "I'm going to secretly have lunch with them because they need my advice and they are hurting" - "It won't affect me like others, my mind isn't weak" - "Soon as I get what I need, I will walk away from it" - "There is nothing wrong with just chatting"

These are the inner conversations of most adulterers, liars, thieves, and drug abusers. I speak from experience. No one ever wakes up and says something like:

"Today would be an incredible day to have an affair and devastate my family."

Or

"I think this morning I would like to steal money from my grandmother and go try some meth for the first time"

You and I know what lying, cheating, and stealing are. The problem is we actually try to convince ourselves it's for a good cause. We try and convince ourselves we are in control. The root of it all, truth be told, is merely selfishness and pride. We are trying to build something to cater to our ego,to fulfill our desires. Not the "heroic" version we tell ourselves it is. We too, are in "the empire business".

If you hear those conversations in your head, shoot those little foxes now, or you may find yourself caught up in a web like Walter White. Waking up one morning, several months down the road, not recognizing yourself and your life. Totally out of control.

Chapter 24 - The Lost Art of Reaching One!

There is a lot of talk about church growth and church planting these days.

I just finished another course on evangelism.

These courses, conversations and books rarely touch on one important part: Really deep, intimate connections with individual people.

My online buddy Pastor Nar recently posted this on his Facebook. It rang true to so much that I see going on in Christianity today:

"When religious people lose interest in you after multiple attempts to win you over to their point of view and fail, you can rest assured they were more interest in your conversion than they were in you."

Jesus showed great concern for just one person often. Consider the Samaritan woman. The whole story shows that He deliberately set out to win one woman. Matthew records 16 private interviews and John records 17. Compare that to how many times it records he spoke to large gatherings in those same books? Pastors and ministers, what is your ratio of going after individuals versus addressing large crowds? Have you fallen into the trap of only Sunday mornings? In Luke 15 Jesus speaks of ONE "lost sheep", ONE "lost coin", and ONE "lost son". He stressed the tremendous value of just one soul (See Mark 8:36-37).

He often went out of his way for the ONE person. "Now He had to go through Samaria". Jews and Samaritans did not associate. Once again, Jesus put himself in a position to be frowned upon by the religious community by making a special trip into "defiled" territory. Where would you go and what would you risk to show one person you cared for them? Or is it more important that you "live above reproach"? Too often we are so preoccupied with our own affairs and our own churches that we pass by those to whom God is giving us a glorious opportunity of loving. Remember the account of "The Good Samaritan; the religious people passed by on the other side (See Luke 10:25-37). [Watch this short video for additional challenges on the Good Samaritan. Grapplerschurch.tv/good-samaritan/ ]

So many times, especially in our American culture, people become numbers. It reminds me of the famous "Trolley Problem" philosophy:

There is a runaway trolley barreling down the railway tracks. Ahead, on the tracks, there are five people tied up and unable to move. The trolley is headed straight for them. You are standing some distance off in the train yard, next to a lever. If you pull this lever, the trolley will switch to a different set of tracks. Unfortunately, you notice that there is one person on the sidetrack. You have two options: (1) Do nothing, and the trolley kills the five people on the main track. (2) Pull the lever, diverting the trolley onto the sidetrack where it will kill one person. Which is the correct choice?

Research shows that most people choose to pull the lever that equals one death versus five. Seems justified and logical. But then we add a twist:

As before, a trolley is hurtling down a track towards five people. You are on a bridge under which it will pass, and you can stop it by dropping a heavy weight in front of it. As it happens, there is a very fat man next to you – your only way to stop the trolley is to actually push him over the bridge and onto the track, killing him to save five. Should you proceed?

Research shows that most people claim they would not personally push the man on the tracks.

The difference is at a distance all they see is numbers, but up close the life is a person. I think sometimes with all of our church growth and speaking to congregations we make decisions that seem moral and logical because there is an unconscious distance between them and us. In ministry, business, politics, and so on... we look at charts and figures and people really become numbers. But when you get up close and personal with individuals it becomes messier.

I think Jesus chooses messy. I think a pastor should stink of sheep. Jesus never forgot to go for that one person, that is what is most important, people. Individuals. I pray I learn to develop a passion for some really deep-rooted relationships in my ministry over a desire to build some really large congregations.

About the Author

Scott is a missionary, podcaster, and international best selling author.

He was not brought up in church. He first encountered Jesus through a vision in 1989. Around 3 months later, on Feb. 11th 1990, he surrendered his life to Christ and was born again.

*Graduated from a Southern Baptist high school

*Biblical Studies Degree from a Churches of Christ in Christian Union bible college

*Birthed into the kingdom with a Pentecostal experience

*Attending a non-denominational church

*Pastoral Staff at a Mega-Church

*Missionary to persecuted countries

*Planted two orphanages overseas

*Founder of a simple church

All of these experiences have given Scott a broad perspective on theology and how it's practiced in ministry.

For the last 2 decades he has been wrestling with God and man in search of what it really means to be a follower of Jesus.

To learn more, please join Scott and 10,000 plus listeners from more than 80 countries on The "Wrestling with God" podcast, which can be found on Stitcher Radio or iTunes with any device (laptop, tablet, smart phone).

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/wrestling-with-god-podcast/id643511551

One Last Thing...

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If it turns out to challenge them spiritually to grow and become more like Christ, they'll be forever grateful to you - as will I.

Scott Blair

Endnotes