Not Tonight, I’m Tired

A Guide that Helps you Light the Flame Again

By: Marita L. Kinney

Authored With Demoine Kinney

Dedication

Without God I’m nothing, and I owe everything to Him. I thank God for my loving husband, Demoine Kinney who challenges me to reach my greatest potential. Demoine, you believed in me and encouraged me to share my experience and passion with the world. You truly inspire me. I love you sweetheart! With God anything is possible, and we’re both witness of that. To my children, I pray that God blesses you with an awesome marriage too.

Marita L. Kinney

Contents

Copyright

Foreward

Introduction

Chapter 1

The Issue

Chapter 2

Dry Spells

Chapter 3

Making Time for Him

Chapter 4

Presentation

Chapter 5

The Love Bowl

Chapter 6

Men Want to Feel Desired Too

Chapter 7

No Reneging

Chapter 8

Don’t Go Overboard

Chapter 9

Male Response

Conclusion

About The Authors

Copyright

© 2013 by Marita Kinney.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a

retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior

written permission of the publishers, except by a reviewer who may quote

brief passages in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.

All Scripture quotation, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV.  Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.  Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. Buss, D. M. (1995) “The evolution of Desire”; Strategies of Human Mating, Basic Books.  All rights reserved.

ISBN: 978-1-300-73012-5

Digital 13: 978-1481956222

Printed in the United States of America.

Foreward

This book is done quite well. It gives basic understanding into the way men and women relate in marriage. The concept of ministering to our spouses is a wonderful way for Christian women to truly know the importance of caring for our spouse in all the ways that truly matter. It provides a safe environment so both individuals can experience God's perfect design for marriage. Marita and Demoine provide exemplary insight in the reflection of their own ministry of husband and wife. Their idea of the Love Bowl provides the visual stimulation that men understand and for women to communicate much easier with this awesome playful way of getting the message across in a non-threatening way. Learning what your spouse needs is a compliment to that person as well as an opportunity to love them more.

The book also gives enough information, insight, and practical example, in an easy to read format by keeping the reader’s attention and relating it on a life basis.  Marita and Demoine are perfecting a dance with a life long journey in " Not Tonight...but let's see what we can do to keep our marriage healthy, active, and sexually pure!

Loretta Worley, BCCC

Huber Heights Marriage and Relationship Center

937-757-1303

www.hhmrc.org

Introduction

Okay so you just purchased book, and hope that you’re going to get your monies worth. This will probably be the shortest, yet most powerful book that you’ll read to improve your marriage. There was no need for me to write a three hundred page book and address something that’s so simple. The issue that will be addressed is women being too tired for sex, as you may have assumed by the title. For all of my Christian readers, please don’t be offended by the word sex. So sometimes throughout the book you’ll see me use the term “bedroom ministry” to refer to sexual intimacy between a husband and wife. There are many people who are uncomfortable hearing the word “sex”. So for my more conservative readers, I wanted to tastefully discuss the obvious issue. It’s funny how people pick and choose what they want to honor in the Bible. You may be wondering, what in the world is this writer referring to? What does sex have to do with the Bible? I’ll connect the dots for you in just a minute. I can’t tell you if the methods in this book will work for you, but I will tell you that it’s worth a try. This book was written with the intent to encourage women to look at sex from a different perspective and to use this book as a guide. I wrote this book from a women’s point of view, because of course I’m a woman. For the men reading this book, feel free to flip the words around to make the book appropriate for you. I pray that you read this book with an open mind and willing to change the way you view your husbands desire for you.

Chapter 1

The Issue

Every marriage has issues and often times one of the issue that could arise is, you guessed it.......sex. I know we’re Christians and this is an uncomfortable subject, but it must be addressed. The reality is that, Christian marriages around the world are suffering because the lack of action in the bedroom. It’s not just Christian marriages but marriages in general. I pointed out Christian marriages because chances are if you’re reading this book you’re probably a believer in Christ so I specifically wrote this book with the intention of addressing this issue with a biblical perspective.

No one wants to admit that their marriage is suffering due to the lack of sexual intimacy. Let’s be honest, no one wants to hear that their sex life sucks. Well, if I could be transparent with you just for one moment, this topic came up within my own marriage. One evening my husband and I were sitting in the basement aka his man cave, and then out of the blue he tells me that our sex life sucks. Wow I can’t believe that I actually just admitted that to the world. Well the secret here is not in what I just revealed, but staying silent does not help other people who have experienced the same or similar issues. Some of you may be familiar with my writing style, those of you who aren’t familiar with my work; I’m very transparent in order to reach my readers to bring hope to their situations through my faith in Jesus Christ. Now that I got that out of the way let’s go back to when my husband revealed to me, that he believed, that our sex life sucked. My initial reaction was a defensive one on the inside but was also very much so speechless. He stood there expecting a rebuttal but literally I had nothing to say. I had to choose my words wisely and could not find the words to express how I felt at that moment. So I then politely excused myself from the room and went off to be alone to ponder on the comment that was shared. My feelings went from anger, to sadness, to confusion, then back to anger. I thought to myself, how in the world could he think that our sex life sucks, when it’s very obvious that we’re compatible in that area and he never has any complaints? Then I had an epiphany. Instead of becoming angry with my husband, I respected that he openly and honestly shared with me how he felt. Now that he opened up to me about how he was feeling I could do something about it. So, in all actuality, this was great. I began to go on a quest to learn how I could change the way that he felt about our sexual intimate time together.

I began to read books and articles on how to improve my sex life. Although some information was helpful, it still seemed to be a little out of focus. I read books suggesting ways on how to spice up the bedroom. However, I was still struggling because I didn’t understand how a book was going to teach me how to please my husband. I had to realize that God created marriage and instead of going to a book for advice, I honestly needed to turn to the word of God. I began to pray and ask God to reveal to me the real issue. Chances are that if you’re reading this book, you may be experiencing the same thing that I was going through. So, may I first suggest that you pray about the issues that you’re having within your own marriage. After praying, I realized that my husband wasn’t referring to how well we connect when we are sexually intimate. He was judging our sex life based on the frequency of us being sexually intimate. I had another epiphany. It was all starting to make sense. Women tend to rate their sexual experience by the pleasure and how well we connect with our spouse in the bedroom. How well we do, what we do, use your imagination......... exactly! On the other hand, men tend to rate their sex life based on how often they’re getting action. All that time I was thinking that I wasn’t pleasing my husband, when that wasn’t at all true. He just simply desired to have it more than I was willing to give it.

Okay so this is the reality in many marriages I’m sure. I had to think to myself, how in the world am I going to give my husband more action when I am always tired at the end of the day? For those of you who have not read my biography yet you t, we have six children, and did I mention that I work, and take care of our home. I needed to do something to resolve this issue; I just wasn’t sure how to do it. I wasn’t sure how to get untired. I’m not quite sure that’s a word, but all of us women would like to get untired for our husbands. During my research period, I did come across the book that suggest giving your husband some beads, having the husband place the bead in a bowl when he was ready to be intimate, and then the wife would fulfill her obligation to him by meeting his sexual need. This was a very interesting read, although I still found flaws in this concept. I could see myself treating my husband like I was given him doggy treats for being good. Then him placing his treat in my bowl when it was time for me to fulfill his desire. I understood the concept, but that brings me to the purpose of why I wrote this book.

A little disturbed, I opened my Bible to find out what the Word says about my duty as a wife. I turned to 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 “3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again away so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” After being reminded of that passage in the Bible, I instantly felt conviction and immediately wanted to change my selfish behavior.

Through God’s word, I discovered that my obligation as a wife was to never deprive my husband of sex, nor should he deprive me. I didn’t feel like I was depriving my husband from being intimate with me, but was guilty of professing to be tired before he could even think about asking me for some action. Let’s face it men don’t like rejection. So if your husband hears you talking about how tired you are, chances are they’re not going to reveal to you that they want some cookies. Of course not, that would be inconsiderate right? So instead they say nothing and become sexually frustrated. And before you know it, they could easily feel the same way my husband felt about his sex life.

Women wear many hats throughout the day, one hat that’s common in most households, is the mommy hat. When women have their mommy hat, you have to remember that they’re being touched all day long. Little hands are constantly touching mommy. So for all the daddies out there, please don’t get offended when you’re wife doesn’t want to be touched at the end of the day. The tap on the shoulder in the middle of the night is quite annoying. It’s not the husband that’s annoying; it’s his gesture and the timing that he’s ready to get down. Key points for the men:

· It’s not what you do, but how you do it.

· It’s not what you say, but how you say it.

· Timing is everything

· Give your wife time to respond

I              know it sounds like a lot, but through all of my research I have collaborated various thoughts and ideas and tweaked some things to honor the word of God and how to apply it in my life and I believe that my book will help you too. If you’re not experiencing the same challenges, look at it this way, there’s nothing wrong with preventive maintenance.

Chapter 2

Dry Spells

We all know that marriage has its up and downs and hitting a dry spell is definitely a down time. Let’s face it, life sometimes causes you to become distance towards each other and you may not even realize that you’re in a sexual desert, until you are. Dry spells are not fun at all and the million dollar question is how to deal with it and how to overcome it?

There are many reasons why a dry spell can occur in your marriage. However, to be honest the reasoning doesn’t matter. What matters is that you would like to know how to deal with it and how to conquer it. In order to overcome dry spells in your marriage, you must first learn to identify the signs that you are indeed experiencing this issue. Here are the signs that could indicate that your marriage is suffering from sex deprivation.

· Feeling disconnected

· Never having time for one another

· Feeling too tired for sex

· You dislike your spouse

· Feeling unattractive

· Easily frustrated

· Have lost interest in sexual intimacy

If you have experienced or currently experiencing some of these signs, a dry spell could be the result. Okay, so you may have just realized that your marriage is suffering from a dry spell, so now what? You cannot change others but you can take responsibility for the things that you do. Often times, working on you, is all that it takes to come out of a dry spell. Try to avoid pointing fingers and simply focus on you and the things that you can change. Think about some areas in your life that you could possibly change to make yourself feel more desirable. A makeover internal and external is a great place to start. You can first makeover your undergarment choices. Believe it or not, when you feel sexy your attitude will change toward sex. Before you know it you’ll be flirting with your spouse all over again because you want your change to be noticed and desired. Don’t worry about talking; instead allow your body language to speak for you.... Flirt, flirt, and flirt. Everyone wants to feel desired by their spouse. Don’t be surprised if your change has your spouse taking a second look at you.

Change the way that you think about yourself. When you feel unattractive, that’s the energy that you put out there. So when you feel that you’re attractive, that you’re desirable and that you’re an awesome person to be around, your spouse will pick up on that and will look at you in the same light. Realize that most people will view you, as you view yourself.

Staying connected is vital in your marriage. Whenever there is an disconnect, it’s easier to focus your attention on other things and before you realize it something else has taken priority over your marriage. Being physically intimate with your spouse is a sure way to keep you two connected. It’s hard to be intimate with your spouse when you just don’t like him anymore. I understand that it’s hard to like someone who is moody and can often times be a jerk. Please do not dismiss the fact that your spouse may be sexually frustrated and can easily become irritated. Chances are that he may not like you either if you’re depriving him of sex. Some of you have heard the saying “what you won’t do for your man, someone else will”. This is a harsh reality and there is some truth to it. The Bible speaks about not leaving any room for the enemy to slip into your marriage.

In 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 “3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again away so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” This goes back to my point of staying connected. When you are connected to your spouse, chances are that you will remember why you fell in love with your spouse in the first place. You’ll be surprised of how quickly things will change in your marriage when you make a choice to end your dry spell. If you focus on your spouse’s flaws you will be too distracted to see the good in them. So, you may be the answer to your marriage getting out of this dry spell. So here are the tips that were discussed in order to change things around and to add more action into your marriage.

· Focus on you first

· change the way that you view sex

· give yourself a makeover internally and externally

· reconnect with your spouse

· value what intimacy offers your marriage

· focus on the positive things about your spouse

· learn to feel sexy

· use your body language and flirt, flirt, flirt

Make a choice to end your dry spell today!

Chapter 3

Making Time for Him

Although we have tons of things in today's age like modern day technology, that make our lives busier than normal and sometimes thought of as more convenient. Even with everything that makes life easier, everyone seems to have less time. I use to feel like there just wasn’t enough time in a day. The truth of the matter is, that everyone is given the same amount of time, which is 24 hours. It’s what you do with that time that matters. Think back to a time when you kept yourself busy doing something that really didn’t matter. Can you think of a time when you neglected your spouse by giving something time that didn’t matter but had your undivided attention? I’ve been guilty of this, I’m sure that you may have been too. You could have been giving your attention to your computer, your cell phone, your job tasks, your favorite TV show, or even your children. It’s all about prioritizing your day. Making time for him and making him feel important. Remember that your spouse is a vital piece of your life and how would you feel if one day you realized that he was gone. Your spouse doesn’t have to be physically gone or file for a divorce. Some people mentally check out and begin to live a separate life. It’s not a good feeling to love someone but they put you at the bottom of their list. Make your marriage a priority and keep God first. I’m not convinced that you watching your favorite Reality TV show is more important than connecting with your spouse. I’m also not convinced that the dishes are that important that you cannot escape with your husband for a moment. Oh I’m sorry telling the world all of your business on a social network may be the reason that you have no time to connect with your husband. Don’t give social networking the illusion of you and your spouse are having a great marriage, but make that a reality and prioritize your time. Focus on what really matters.

Chapter 4

Presentation

I would like to just clear up one thing, it’s not that women dislike sex. Sometimes women are turned off by how the opportunity is presented to them. It’s all about presentation. It may sound very narrow but it’s very true for most women. Women have the need to feel desired, but at the same time not feel like a piece of meat that her husband is about to devour. I’m just trying to be all the way real right now. If the woman is approached the right way, she will respond to her husband in a way that he doesn’t feel rejected. A lot of men don’t know how to do this. It’s also not fair to the man, because he may have no idea that he’s offending his wife with the way he’s approaching her when it comes to wanting sexual intimacy from her. That’s why what I’m about to share with you will eliminate a lot of this confusion. The confusion that I’m referring to is the miscommunication between a man and a woman. Instead of trying to find the right way to tell your spouse that you’re ready for the “bedroom ministry”, I believe that symbolically letting the other person know is a more effective way to initiate the sexual intimacy that’s vital in keeping a couple connected.

Most women have to mentally prepare themselves for sex. The last thing a woman wants, is to be intimate with her husband but have 1 million things running through her mind. I mean really, “the bedroom ministry” deserves to have the couple’s undivided attention at all times. One of the reasons why a woman would have 1 million things running through her mind is because the timing may be off. Usually this happens when the woman isn't able to have time to mentally prepare herself for sexual intimacy. If a woman is given enough time to mentally prepare herself for her husband, the connection and the passion is worth the wait. If husbands are not giving their wives this time to properly prepare, they could be depriving themselves from the full intimate experience with her. The tips that I’m going to share in this book will help with all of these issues.

Chapter 5

The Love Bowl

I call it the Love Bowl because if you adopt this method for your marriage, believe me, you’ll be feeling a lot of love coming from the bowl. This is very simple, and this book is probably the shortest book you’ll ever read that will help transform your marriage. Place a small bowl in a mutual place like your bedroom or bathroom. I would suggest a dresser or bathroom countertop, somewhere where the ball can be easily displayed and free of any clutter surrounding it. You want this bowl to be very visible. I prefer a clear glass bowl, this is to help you identify if there something in the bowl from across the room. Your bowl should look something like this:

What could possibly be in the bowl? Marbles, marbles, marbles! Explain to your spouse how you would like to honor God’s word by practicing 1 Corinthians 7:3-5. If you follow God’s word, you shouldn’t pick and choose what you’re going to honor. Divide an equal amount of marbles between you and your spouse. I suggest 25 marbles for each person. Bags of marbles typically come with about 50 in it. After you disburse the marbles, store the marbles in a bag that is easily accessible. I recommend finding a bag that looks similar to this:

By using these simple items, you can symbolically let your partner know when you desire them intimately. No words need to be spoken, just simply place the marble in the Love Bowl. Can you imagine that throughout your day, you happen to be in your normal routine, and then suddenly you go in your bedroom and notice a marble in your Love Bowl? How would you feel? Let’s say that you also just saw your husband and had no idea that he was thinking about you because no words were spoken. Suddenly out of nowhere you noticed this marble sitting in your Love Bowl waiting on you to honor it. You walk out of the bedroom feeling desired and not like a piece of meat. The excitement of not knowing when your spouse is thinking of you is amazing. I have been caught by surprise many of times by noticing a marble in my Love Bowl. There were times when I had absolutely no idea that my husband was yearning for me, and then later approached him with a smirk, innocently letting him know that I noticed his marble. I have no idea, but it’s a very playful gesture even in front of our children. They have no idea what’s going through our minds, and now no one has to try to hint around them.

The Love Bowl has many benefits. The first benefit is that no words have to be spoken and it provides a symbolic way to let your partner know when you desire them sexually. It also stimulates the couple’s mentally, preparing both of them for the “bedroom ministry”. This playful nature adds anticipation and allows for the couple to become more spontaneous. The reason it adds anticipation, is because the person honoring the request, does so in their own timing within that very same day. Of course life happens, and the marble may not be able to be redeemed or honored that very same day because of unpredictable circumstances. However, try to honor the request within 48 hours maximum. It’s exciting knowing that when you place a marble in the Love Bowl, which you never know, exactly when throughout the day your spouse is going to honor your request. It’s common in a lot of marriages for someone to be lying in bed and their spouse taps them on the shoulder trying to let them know they’re yearning for them sexually. That method offers no anticipation, doesn’t allow the other person to prepare mentally in the event that they have a lot on their mind, and most women don’t find this method to be sexy at all. The Love Bowl provides a solution to the tap. When a marble is placed in the Love Bowl by the husband, it gives the wife the opportunity to initiate

So here’s a recap about the Love Bowl

· You and your spouse get equal amount of marbles

· Place the marbles in a small bag somewhere safe and easily accessible

· Get a small clear glass bowl

· Place it in a neutral location somewhere in the bedroom

· Drop a marble in the bowl to let your spouse know that you desire to be intimate

· The other spouse should redeem the marble/honor the request for sexual intimacy the same day or worst case scenario, within 36 hours maximum.

· After the desire has been fulfilled, the person who honored the request should remove the marble and place it in their own stash of marbles.

I was amazed how this method made me feel. Instead of feeling like a piece of meat, I suddenly had a strong desire to know when my husband was yearning for me. I started to look forward to it. There was something about walking into my room and sees that our Love Bowl was empty. I would think to myself, he’s not yearning for me right now? He has no desire to be intimate with me today? Hmmmm I guess I’ll put one of my marbles and the Love Bowl. It’s all about the presentation. I wanted to visually see that my husband thinking of me. I know that this may sound crazy, but this method changed the way that I viewed intimacy. 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 is now one of my favorite verses of the Bible.

Chapter 6

Men Want to Feel Desired Too

It’s not uncommon for the man to be the initiator when it comes to sex. I’m sure a lot of women think that their husbands don’t mind being the initiator, but please keep in mind that they may hate it and never tell you. The fact is that men want to feel desired by their wife. It’s going to make a huge difference when a husband feels that his wife actually wants to have sex with him and yearns for him like he does for her. It’s crazy when a married man has to beg his wife for sex, that doesn’t even sound right. Some women look at their husbands like they’re perverts just because they want to be intimate. I wonder how men feel when they are rejected by their wife and receive body language from her as if he’s disgusting. Let’s be honest, that’s humiliating. No one likes rejection especially from their spouse. If you want to make your husband feel special, drop a marble in the Love Bowl. The feeling that he’s going to get from knowing that his wife desires him is priceless. The Love Bowl is perfect for initiation. By using this method the husband and the wife become initiators. Look at it this way. Whoever drops the marble in the bowl is initiating, by symbolically displaying their desire to connect with their spouse. The other person redeeming the marble or honoring their spouse’s request, now becomes the initiator too. This happens because the other person will then approach their spouse when they’re ready to honor their request to be intimate. If you’re one of those wives who feels that your husband rarely helps you with housework, don’t be surprised if that changes once you drop a marble in the Love Bowl. Seeing a marble in the Love Bowl will add motivation to many husbands who normally wouldn’t help with housework. If you want to make your husband’s day, say nothing and place a marble in the bowl.

Chapter 7

No Reneging

Nothing is perfect and sometimes we can get upset with our spouse. If you have placed a marble in the Love Bowl, do not remove it because you’re angry. I know sometimes we can get caught up in our emotions, but don’t go back on your initial feeling when you placed the marble in the Love Bowl in the first place. By you keeping that in mind, you and your spouse will both benefit from keeping your end of the bargain. This now offers the perfect opportunity to make up with each other. After arguments it’s hard to make the first step towards making up, but someone has to do it. It’s hard to find the right words to say, but what if you didn’t have to say anything? The Love Bowl offers a great way to avoid the awkward moment of breaking the ice after a disagreement. Just drop a marble in the bowl or maybe your spouse will beat you to it.

Chapter 8

Don’t Go Overboard

When he first introduced the Love Bowl to your marriage, believe me there will be a lot of excitement on both ends. After I realized that the Love Bowl improved my love life, I introduced the method to close friends. All of my close friends were excited to get started, and their husbands were even more excited. Although there really aren’t any set rules for the Love Bowl, it’s a good idea to only place one marble in the bowl at a time. This is supposed to be fun not intimidating. Let’s be honest, if your spouse walks in the room and sees 15 marbles in the bowl at the same time, which can be quite intimidating. If someone in the marriage feels intimidated by this concept, the Love Bowl method is not going work for you very long. So don’t be greedy, take your time, you have the rest of your life to exchange marbles. I recommend using one marble at a time.

Chapter 9

Male Response

The Love Bowl concept is a great way for couples to rekindle the flame in their bedroom ministry/intimate life.  Many men would like and love this concept if they would be willing to try it but it starts with the willingness to try it out.  For the women out there who never understood men, let me help you understand something and for the men who don’t really understand themselves yet let me help you out too.   For some men it is very difficult to discuss the bedroom ministry with your spouse so some men never talk about it.  Men are afraid of the response they may receive from their wife if they say “Babe I think we should do more stuff in bed”.  Some women fly off the handle and just shut down and men don’t want that so they settle for whatever they can get and after a while they get tired of the same ole same ole and they cheat.  It is very important that couples realize how important it is to talk to each other about sex and intimacy because if you are afraid or shy to talk about it you’ll never know how things are going in that area.  It is especially important for men to talk about this with their spouse because men, we wear certain things on us and the things we wear the most is unhappiness, stress and fear.  This is a dangerous place to be in if you either work around a lot of women or if you have casual conversations with women on a daily basis.  Women can pick up on a man’s unhappiness faster than a dog can smell fear.  The first question that can and will be asked is “What’s wrong?”  Many men don’t know what to do in these types of situations so they start talking about what is really bothering them and in their mind they are thinking “I am just being honest about my situation” not realizing they are feeding the devil everything he wants to set up a trap.  Many times men don’t see the red flags that are being thrown up so they end up in situations that are either uncomfortable or just plain stupid.  The same things can be the case for women if you are not careful, so it’s very important for couples to discuss your bedroom ministry as well as everything else in your relationship.  Personally, I believe that if my wife is my best friend and she is, I should be able to talk to her about the things that bother me in our relationship. So when I initially brought the bedroom ministry conversation to my wife I felt like she would understand what I was saying.  Well, let me tell you I was wrong because she was upset in the beginning but she came back to me later and thanked me for being honest.  Men this is one of the toughest things I have ever had to do because I didn’t want to hurt my wife but I knew the danger of not telling her.  For some of you the dangers are in front of you right now and you may not even know it so I’ll list them for you.

1. Pornography (Internet, Magazines, Telephone)

2. Other women who don’t care that you are married because they want to prove to themselves that they can take someone else’s man.

3. Social networking sites that provide an opportunity to chat with other women and can lead to inappropriate conversations and could lead up to physically meeting.

Women studies have shown that 40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships and the sad thing about it is that the numbers haven’t changed since the 1950’s.  According to Psychology Professor David Buss at the University of Texas and author of “The evolution of Desire”; Strategies of Human Mating the number 1 reason why men cheat is because men crave sexual variety so if this is true it is very important that you understand how important it is for you to discuss what you and your husband enjoy the most and live out your fantasies together.  Now let me personally say this I was raised in a very strict church and was always taught that the conservative way was the best way but I have learned that I must not have the same type of mind set as other people because I realize a lot of them are now divorced and alone.  Being a minister and counselor now, I realize that a lot of marriages not only fail because men aren’t happy in the bedroom ministry but some women are in the same situation.  With this being said, I will list a few things for the women so you all realize the tools and traps the devil has set for you too.

1)              Sexually explicit novels, movies or magazines

2)              Men showing you a lot of attention while working out at the gym and you may not be getting that kind of attention at home.  Big trap from the devil

3)              Inappropriate conversations (Talking about things you wouldn’t talk about if your spouse was standing there)

I have just listed a few things that are very important for all of us to recognize and think about when we try to deny our spouses of the bed room ministry.  There is nothing wrong at all with trying new things with your spouse because at the end of the day “THAT’S YOUR SPOUSE”.  If swinging off the ceiling fan is your thing then do that because if you don’t explore and try new things with your mate someone else will be more than happy to do it.

God bless you all and I pray that whatever your situation is in your marriage good or bad happy or sad I pray that God blesses you and teaches you how to love each other more and more every day.

God bless,

Demoine Kinney

Conclusion

There are many things that couples can do to improve their love life and this guide may or may not offer a method that works for you but it’s important that you try to find a method that you and your spouse agree on. Whatever you do, stay connected with your spouse and don’t allow the hustle and bustle of everyday life to come between you. Always keep I Corinthians 7:3-5 in mind when you feel that you’re too tired and are thinking about telling your husband “Not Tonight.”

About The Authors

Marita L Kinney is woman of many talents. A published author, life coach and motivational speaker, Marita has inspired hundreds of people to overcome adversity with triumph through faith and perseverance. While facing several life changing challenges herself, Marita had enough faith to conquer tribulations, coming out victorious. Loving God with her whole heart, she has vowed to live a life of transparency winning souls to Christ with the realness of her journey and the relate ability of her testimony. In March of 2009 Marita published her very first book entitled “The Unspoken Walk”. Capturing the true essence of what it means to turn “lemons into lemonade”, she has taken the harsh lessons of life and developed a plan for successfully living. The Unspoken Walk has afforded Marita the opportunity to travel all over the country spreading the wonderful joys of her faith with anyone willing to hear it. Since then she has written magazine articles, hosted Joy Falls Radio, and continues to publish more heartfelt books such as “The Snow’s Meltdown.” Marita proved to be destined to spread God's word like her father, the late Bishop Westley C Robinson. Marita is also wife of Comedian, Saxophonist, and Actor Demoine Kinney. They are the proud parents of six children. She's also a successful business woman. Putting herself through college, Marita is now a graduate of Ashworth University, obtaining two degrees, Business Administration and Human Resources Management. She has established herself as a source of inspiration, influence, and encouragement to many women young and old. She is also an Advocate for The National Bone Marrow Donor Program, helping to educate minorities on the lack of minority donors and how it affects the community.

Marita has been selected by the National Association Of Professional Women as the 2010/2011 "Woman of the Year". There young women were able to connect, form strong relational bonds, and develop a support system helping them reach their full potentials. With a heart to serve, she humbly allows God to direct her ministry going wherever the spirit of God leads her.

DemoineKinney,is an awesome man of integrity and a firm believer in God. He has been noted in interviews stating "My goal is to be a blessing to as many people as possible before I leave this Earth". He was cast in the Blockbuster Hit Movie "The Avenger's" as a Shield Agent and it is one of America's top selling movies of all time grossing $683.1 million the first weekend.

Demoine is primarily known for his Standup comedy and acting. He has a passion to bring a positive message to all audiences young and old with his unique style of sharing his testimony through his saxophone and humor. He realized early in his career that there are some people who need to be reached through music. Although he's a hilarious Christian comedian and actor as well, his first love was music. Which today he is known to be an amazing saxophonist, and receives request to perform all over the country. After losing his father at the age of six, he was given the gift of music and carries his sax everywhere he goes. He tried to separate his giftings at one point, but soon realized that they were not given to exchange one for another but used together in ministry. This anointed man of God now utilizes all the giftings to minister to the world.

www.MaritaKinney.com

www.DemoineKinney.com

Books by Marita:

The Unspoken Walk

The Snow’s Meltdown

When Joy Falls

Don’t Rescue Me

Who Will Hold My Bags?

Table of Contents

Dedication

Copyright

Foreward

Introduction

Chapter 1 The Issue

Chapter 2 Dry Spells

Chapter 3 Making Time for Him

Chapter 4 Presentation

Chapter 5 The Love Bowl

Chapter 6 Men Want to Feel Desired Too

Chapter 7 No Reneging

Chapter 8 Don’t Go Overboard

Chapter 9 Male Response

Conclusion

About The Authors

Books by Marita: