Forgiveness

God ~ Style

A Biblical Guide

To Totally Forgive

By

B. L. Wade

Copyright © 2012 B. L. Wade

All World Wide Rights Reserved

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Acknowledgements

This Cover Image of a Beautiful Sunset was taken

by Photographer D. Sharon Pruitt.

Her website is www.PinkSherbet.com

Dedication

To Al, my favorite brother-in-law.

You spent countless hours - even when you didn't feel well - to research needed topics. You put me on assignment, took the material I sent you and gave birth to this book. Your labor will be and is a blessing.

To Jan, my faithful cousin and friend.

You unselfishly used your time and energy - even before morning coffee - to listen, read, reread, edit, suggest and compliment these writings. Your skill as a reader has been an invaluable asset.

To Carolyn, my best sister.

You are a prayer warrior. You took the desire of my heart - to get God's word out to people - and prayed this book into existence. You supplied the foundation of confidence and encouragement.

To God, my Heavenly Father.

You opened my mind to see Your point of view. Be glorified because of this book. Thank you for all the tough times, heartaches, rejections and abuses. They taught me about You and made me the person I am today. Father, You are doing such a wonderful job raising this child!

Table of Contents

Acknowledgements              3

Dedication              4

Forward              6

Introduction              7

Chapter 1 Forgive Me?              9

Chapter 2 Believe and Obey              11

Chapter 3  Forgive Me              17

Chapter 4  Unfair!              19

Chapter 5 Forgive?  Me?              24

Chapter 6 Forgiving Others              27

Chapter 7  Forgiveness is Possible              30

When we know who and what we are.              30

Chapter 8 Forgiveness Is Possible              35

When we see our circumstances              35

with God's point of view              35

Chapter 9 Forgiveness Is Possible              42

When we understand who is responsible for our tough times.              42

Chapter 10 Forgiveness Is Possible              49

When we love our enemies              49

Chapter 11 Forgiveness Is Possible              61

When You Pray For Your Enemies              61

Chapter 12 Perfect Peace Forgiveness and Healing at Last!              64

Forward

What an honor to be the instrument of bringing God’s message to His children.

Forgiveness is God’s greatest gift through His Beloved Son, Jesus our Savior. Forgiveness glorifies God and He gives us the privilege in partaking of His divine nature by out extending forgiveness to ourselves and others – friend or foe.

In forgiving ourselves we must release our guilt. Otherwise we dishonor God as Forgiver of Our Guilt (Psalms 32:5).

We are instructed to forgive others because vengeance is a heavy load that God never intended us to carry.  He is Avenging God (Nahum 1:2).  Only He is capable of pronouncing correct judgment at the precise time needed.

Appreciate and practice God’s word.

Introduction

         Just hours away from being aborted

         A child of divorce

         Twice adopted

         Three different last names by the age of 16

         Married the love of my life who – 48 years later – promised me, “Your life will be hell!”

         4 times displaced from my home

         Emotionally abused

         A casualty in the war of divorce

         Left heavily in debt, with little resources and a bad credit rating

Can anything good come from such a life?!?  Absolutely, if God is in it.

When I was 12, I met Jesus. That began a love affair that still continues to grow. Family interference started two years later with restrictions as to when and if I could go to church.  During those disappointing, tough teen years, I found two Scriptures that became my solid foundation:

1 John 3 – reinforced my identity and revealed my characteristics as God’s child.  Sadly, so many people today live in spiritual poverty because they don’t know who they are. But that’s another book.

Philippians 4:11– became my life verse. It taught me that contentment wasn’t dependent on where I was or what I had. It gave me a mindset based on God. He was in control of my life. Wherever He placed me and whatever my circumstances were, I was there for a purpose – a purpose that would glorify Him and benefit me.

So, what then is God’s take on forgiveness? The answer is found in 2 Chronicles 7:14. When we meet His conditions, God promised to forgive our sins and heal our land. To me, ‘land’ means what farmers need to produce their crops. I’m not a farmer. What, then, is my land that God will heal? What are my crops?

Land in the physical brings forth fruit. So it is in the spiritual. My very existence is the land that God heals. When I am forgiven, I am in a position to receive healing from the wounds caused by those sins – whether my sins or other people’s.

As that healing takes place, my capacity to produce spiritual fruit (Galatians 5:22, 23) increases. Unfortunately, people – like my husband – stop at the ‘forgiveness’ step. Never receiving God’s healing leaves the soil of their lives uncultivated.

Journey with me through these pages. Listen to a dialogue between God and his child as He shares insights of His actions.  Visit with biblical characters and learn of their feelings, fears and thoughts on forgiveness. Discover the process to find out who exactly needs forgiving. Read God’s letters explaining His point of view on ‘loving our enemies.’

Come. Take my hand as we walk through the field of Forgiveness, God-Style.

Chapter 1

Forgive Me?

Hearing a familiar voice, I rushed to the door that was ajar.  The voice was that of my father.  Was he talking to himself or another?  I could not tell.  Eaves-dropping was unusual for me, but curiosity nailed my shoes to the floor.

“After all I have done for you, you dare treat me this way!” Father's voice boomed. “I provided you with everything you could ever need - food, clothing, shelter.  I surrounded you with beauty, but you acted as if you were blind.  I protected you from dangers that would have scarred you for life, but you accused me of being cruel.

“I even gave you my most precious possession.  It came from my heart of love, and you looked at it in disgust.  Your attitude was that my gift was unworthy.  You turned your back and walked away.  Your actions and attitude have grieved me.

Father continued, “When you were hurt, I came to your aid with comfort.  When you were distressed, I spoke words of assurance, telling you that everything would be all right.  When you had a task to do, I offered my help, but you refused it.  You wanted to do it by yourself.  So you did, but the finished product left much to be desired.

“I just don't know what more I could have done for you.”

With those words time stopped and silence entered.

Finally, in a childish voice, words pierced the air, “I forgive you.”

“What a curious thing to say! You forgive me?  For what?”

“You let me burn my fingers in the fire on the stove,” childish voice responded angrily.

“And how many times did I tell you not to touch the flame? Every time you thought I wasn’t looking, you were right back there, extending your hand.  You didn't believe me.  You didn't think I knew what I was talking about.  You thought my command to not touch the fire was mean - something good that I was withholding from you.

“So, I finally let you do as you wanted.  Yes, the fire burned.  Yes, you suffered pain.  Yes, you have some scars.  I tried to protect you.  I tried to keep you safe.  But you wouldn't listen.  You were bent on doing what pleased you.

“Now you tell me, I am forgiven?  You were not a prisoner that I should chain you so you wouldn't come near the flame.  You had the freedom to act as you saw fit.  You chose not to obey me.  You acted as if I wanted to keep you from pleasant experiences.

“You should have listened to me.  You should have trusted that I was acting in your best interest.  You should have realized that I knew more than you.

“By the way, I gave you ointment for your burns.  I don't recall any 'Thank you' on your part,” Father finished.

Silence again took over, and my thoughts turned to Kim.

Chapter 2

Believe and Obey

Believing those in authority - be it parent, teacher, government official or God - protects us.  My students found themselves in trouble when they refused to believe what I said.

Kim was in my 3rd grade class.  She and her 1st grade brother, Rodney, were in foster care.  One day their caseworker was to visit them at school and take them out to lunch.  For some reason, she never showed up nor sent word that she wasn't coming. Kim was extremely disappointed which led her to break my “automatic swat” playground rule: No throwing things that shouldn't be thrown.  My students understood which things were legal and which were not.

In her anger, she threw a stone at someone. I understood the feeling that motivated her action. I felt sorry for her, but to not keep my word concerning the consequence of her action would have been harmful to her.

First, she would no longer trust what I said.  Second, she would not believe that adverse actions bring adverse consequences.  Third, she would not understand that she had the power of choice, even at her young age.  Because of my love for her and respect for keeping my word which was given for everyone's protection, Kim received the swat.

The Bible clearly states: adverse actions, unless repentance occurs, will result in adverse consequences (Isaiah 1:15-17). Walking the path of disobedience is much like choking.  At a luncheon I heard coughing and turned to see a woman choking.  Something she had eaten went ‘down the wrong pipe.’

I remembered my 6th grader anxiously walking up to me in the middle of my lesson. “Choking,” Jeff whispered, pointing to his throat.  Just two weeks prior to this, our school nurse taught the teachers how to execute the Heimlich maneuver.  Equipped with this knowledge and a silent prayer for help, I did what was needed.  The thrust under his diaphragm created an artificial cough.  The culprit, a piece of hard candy, came up and easy breathing was restored.

         Two openings in the back of our throat sustain life:

         The esophagus - the pathway for food to get to the stomach;

         The trachea—the pathway for air to reach the lungs.

In swallowing, the trachea is covered by a flap called epiglottis.  This prevents food from entering the lungs.  Improper chewing, swallowing too large an object, laughing or talking while swallowing all can interfere with the epiglottis closing.

Food is meant for nourishment. Traveling the wrong path robs the body of oxygen and death could occur.  Much like obedience.  To obey and trust God's word leads us on the path of life.  Disobedience puts us on the path that leads to heartache, disappointment and bitterness.  The results aren't God's doing, but He often gets blamed and receives the brunt of our anger.

Sometimes we learn the hard way - through our own experiences.  Sometimes we learn because we observe and heed the experiences of others.  How much better just to take a holy God at His Word, just to believe that what He said is as it will be.  Jesus' command is “Learn from Me. . .  and you shall find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:29) Such learning leads to obedience without painful consequences.

In fairness, we must consider the other side of this coin called 'Obedience.' In truth, obeying God may result in finding ourselves in hot water.  Or, in Jeremiah's case, it was the mud pit.

Jeremiah, the prophet, predicted the future of the Kingdom of Judah.  He spoke God's words, but they did not meet with the city officials' approval, and his death was demanded.  The king gave his consent, and Jeremiah was lowered into a mud pit to die from starvation.

Ebed-Melech was an Ethiopian eunuch who worked in the royal palace (Jeremiah 38). This man convinced the king that those men acted wickedly.  Upon King Zedekiah's word, Ebed took 30 men to help rescue the prophet.  He stopped along the way to gather old rags and worn-out clothing.

“Put the old cloths and rags under your armpits, to pad the ropes,” the eunuch instructed.  Jeremiah did, preventing any rope burns due to the pressure of being raised from heavy mud.

Because of his kindness, Ebed-Melech put himself in a position to receive God’s blessing. The LORD promised this man that when the Babylonian king invaded the city, God would rescue him. He would not be handed over to the enemy as he had feared.  God would make sure that Ebed would escape with his life because he trusted God and acted righteously (Jeremiah 39:17, 18).

Jeremiah had been completely obedient to God in delivering the prophetic message that the Israelites were to peacefully surrender to the invading army.  It was the king, his advisors and people that would not believe and accept God's truth.  It wasn't God who put Jeremiah in the pit.  It was disobedient men—men who had a choice.

While stuck in the mud, Jeremiah could have shaken his fist at God, blaming Him for his humiliation.  He could have accused God of not protecting him from enduring men's hatred.  He could have expressed his anger that God seemed to forsake him.  But he didn't.  Jeremiah understood God.  God’s actions are always righteous.  God needs no forgiveness.

Perhaps Jeremiah understood that this terrifying experience would be resolved for his own good.  Perhaps he also understood that the mud pit provided God with an opportunity to bless another faithful servant - Ebed-Melech.

Of course, God is God.  He can do anything He wants in any way He wants.  However, God is very orderly.  He works within His laws. ‘You reap what you sow.  You obey and are rewarded, and sometimes others also receive rewards because of your obedience.’

Another catalyst for wanting to blame God is disappointment.  How devastating life can be in its shadow.  Sometimes it makes itself known immediately - like opening a door and there it is.  Somewhere to go, someone to see, something really important that needs to be done. Missions that are never accomplished.

I think about Job. He had it all! (Job 29-31) The lifestyle of the rich and famous! He had – in abundance –wealth, renown, respect, righteousness, health, good deeds. Yet, he lost everything except his life. Worse yet, he tried to understand the ‘why’ of it all, but there were no answers.  No one to tell of Satan's accusation against God for hedging in Job, his household and possessions.

Satan's sarcastic question, “Does Job fear God for nothing?”(Job 1:9), was met with Satan being given permission to attack everything that Job had except his life.  To add to his misery, Job's friends - who must have loved him - reasoned that his situation was his own doing and tried to convince him of that.

No one understood, and Disappointment made its presence known - to Job who couldn't find a reason for the tragedies in his life and to Job's friends who couldn't break down his persistence that his actions were always proper.

More often than not, however, Disappointment is like a cat stalking his prey. Its awareness is made known by the uneasiness and restlessness that goes before it – one small, silent step at a time. One small failure, one shattered dream, one lost goal, one failed relationship, one unfulfilled expectation.  All happen one at a time, and finally Disappointment throws its black cloak of despair over its trophy.

How fortunate that Job's story had a happy ending.  Job proved worthy of the trust that God had in his remaining faithful.  Disappointment left Job's side and knocked on Satan's door.

To my knowledge Job never did discover the reason for his sufferings.  But what we do know is that Job never took out his frustrations on God.  Never did he accuse God of doing wrong by him.  Whatever negative feelings he had were superseded by his confidence in his relationship with his God.  Self-examination yielded him innocent of any actions that might have caused his troubles.

The cesspool of disappointment sends up toxic gases of anger, accusations, bitterness and unforgiveness directed toward God.  But Job did not breathe in the air.  Neither did Daniel.

I think about Daniel in a lion’s den (Daniel 6). As this prophet was lowered into the arena of hungry lions, he could have cried out, “UNFAIR!” Those words - true as they were - never were heard.  Why?  Was he so stunned by the chain of events that he was left speechless?  Was it disbelief that this was actually happening to him that petrified him - keeping him from yelling and kicking as he was lowered into the den?

Daniel was a man of daily prayer.  That's what got him into this trouble.  I wonder.  As this man of God looked into the eyes of the many lions licking their chops, did he then raise his eyes and blurt out, “Why is this happening to me?  I have served You faithfully, and this is how You repay me?  You are an unfair God!”

Again, words never spoken.  Never heard.  Why?

Daniel was a student of God.  He learned who God was, at least as best he could.  Daniel's reaction illustrates his great faith and trust in a God that he personally knew.  He understood that God - not man - was in charge.  This knowledge doesn't negate Daniel's humanness.  The thought of unfairness could have easily crossed his mind, but it found no resting place.  The same for the burden of unforgiveness directed toward his accusers.  No resting place.  No deliberation.  No anger.  Daniel's actions spoke volumes.  Whatever the outcome, God would take care of him.

The next morning found the king taking charge.  Daniel was raised from what should have been his grave.  He was inspected for any injuries from his would-be assailants.  And then the kingly order of justice was issued.  The lions would be rewarded for their patience.  Daniel's enemies and their families became their long-awaited meals.

We might question why the wives and children had to die.  In our thinking, this seems unfair.  But a king's thinking must extend beyond the present.  He understands what could happen in the future.  Left-behind relatives could easily become future insurrectionists.  Besides that, the accusers' evil desires and devious deeds became a poisonous gas that penetrated the atmosphere of their homes.

Grandma had an expression for this: ‘poison the mind.’ Those that have been accused of crimes and later acquitted well understand these words.  Even if they were innocent according to a court of law and in God's eyes, the poison of accusation would always find a corner in the minds of others, raising from time to time the possibility of guilt.

In Daniel's account, vengeance was swift.  That isn't always the case.  But, be assured, retribution does happen.  It's God's law, and it is called “Cause and Effect.”

My thoughts were interrupted by the childish voice.

Chapter 3

Forgive Me

“What about my friends?” asked childish voice.  “You always questioned who I was hanging out with and what we were up to.  Do you know how embarrassing that was?  You just wanted to exert your authority over me.”

Father answered, “I am older than you.  I can see things that you can't.  My experiences make me wiser.  I could see that the characteristics of your friends were not good.  Your association with them would have resulted in your picking up the same values that they had.

“They wanted independence which meant they did not want to be told anything.  They were a law unto themselves.  They were like toddlers running into the street unaware of the danger ahead and not considering the long-term results of their careless actions.”

“Well, what about my clothes?  I wanted to dress like those I looked up to.  I begged you to buy me the latest fashions, the more expensive clothes, but you wouldn't.  We could afford it.  You were just too cheap.  You just didn't care about how I felt!” whined the childish voice.

Father patiently answered, “Yes, your friends pleaded and cried until their parents indulged their every want.  So, what attitudes resulted?  They grew up believing that the world owed them a living.  In the work place they were not content to start at the bottom.  That was not the best, and they were used to receiving only the best.  They grew to be snobbish, selfish and arrogant.  I did not want that for you.  I always tried to instill the value of helping others.  Being considerate and caring are endearing qualities.  Those are positive and worthwhile.”

“Considerate of others?  What about me?” the voice whined. “You certainly didn't show much concern for me when you let me sit in that dirty, noisy jail.  Because of you, my reputation was ruined.”

“No, child,” Father replied sternly. “I didn't shoplift.  You did.  It was your decision, not mine.  I left you in jail overnight so you could reflect on the results of making poor decisions.”

With an attitude, childish voice yelled, “I stole the clothes that you wouldn't buy me.  So, it's your fault, not mine.”

“I am grieved that you never understood my intentions.  I only wanted your best.  What I did was for your good.  Take responsibility for your actions.  Don't blame Me.”

Chapter 4

Unfair!

Circumstances in which we find ourselves are often the results of others’ decisions.  But what about decisions we make on our own?

During her divorce my friend expressed her anger at God.  Her marriage was falling apart, and God did nothing to stop it! How could He be so uncaring?  How could He be so mean?  He was supposed to be a God of love, but He sure wasn't showing love to her.  Or so she thought.

Later confession revealed that she married knowing full well that this man was a bad choice.  So, how could a bad decision result in a good outcome?  If her husband had been so inclined, God could have and would have worked with him.  After all, God didn't design marriages to fail.  But her mate wanted nothing to do with God.  As a result, this marriage that she chose caused her to suffer unnecessary consequences.

Was it God's fault that she should be angry with Him?  Or should she have been angry with herself?  Sometimes it's easier to blame others instead of ourselves.  Accepting responsibility for our actions means that change is necessary, and we don't like change!

The Biblical account of Moses' birth and early life is recorded in Exodus 2.  As an adult he killed an Egyptian to avenge the cruel treatment of a Jew, one of his own people.  Because of this he was forced to flee leaving behind his home, family and lifestyle.

Running for his life must have been very disappointing.  The people he wanted to protect turned on him.  What Moses didn't consider was the ramification of his action.  When the Egyptian's body was discovered, no doubt the Jews would be blamed.  His wanting to help, put his people in a vulnerable position.

Finding a new life in far-away Midian suggests yet more disappointment. He was stripped of the prestige of being Pharaoh’s adopted grandson and enjoying the amenities of palace living.  All this was traded for tending sheep in a foreign land.

Was Moses angry at God?  There is no indication of that especially in light of his obedience to return to Egypt to rescue the Jews.

Was he angry because of the Jews' ingratitude?  No indication.

Was he angry at himself for acting in haste?  Again no indication.  However, Moses was a person subject to the same feelings as we are.  He no doubt regretted his impetuous decision.

Did he forgive himself?  Probably, because we have no inkling that he wallowed in pity which often is the result of self-incrimination.  Quite the opposite.  He became a productive citizen.  His attitude of superiority was replaced with humbleness.  In fact Numbers 12:3 states that Moses was the most humble man on earth - a quality that allowed God to use him in a mighty, miraculous way.

What about Samson?  From conception until his death, he was known as a Nazarite (Judges 13:7).  He was consecrated by God to be a judge over Israel.

A characteristic that set this man apart from others was his superhuman strength.  Perhaps because of this, he had the self-confidence to tease others with riddles and challenges.  Even Delilah, his love, was subject to his humor.  Three times she asked - more like pleaded - for Samson to reveal the source of his strength.  And three times he gave his flippant answers.

“If you loved me,” was the constant whining that finally wore down his resistance.  His secret was revealed.

The result?  No longer able to fight, he became the prisoner of his enemy, the Philistines.  Shackled, he was sent to labor in their prison house but not before they put his eyes out.

How long he was there is uncertain, but it was long enough to review his bad decision and its consequences. His impudence was replaced with submissiveness.  His frivolous attitude became serious and calculating.

Accepting the responsibility of his own action is implied in his final prayer.  There was no accusation against God for allowing his downfall.  No accusation against himself for taking God's gift so casually.  He wanted revenge on the Philistines not because they captured him.  That was Samson's doing.  His revenge was only because they caused his blindness.  God granted his request.  (Judges 16)

Consider David.  He committed adultery resulting in Bathsheba getting pregnant.  As King of Israel he used his position to insure her husband's demise.  She then became David's wife, and a son was born.

Nathan, God's prophet, confronted the king concerning his actions and announced that the child would not live.  Why the baby would die we aren't told.  He certainly would have suffered abuse, ridicule and taunts by his siblings and others.  Perhaps it was in His mercy that God took the child.

During the seven days of the child's critical illness, David wept, fasted and slept on the ground.  (2 Samuel 12) His actions following the death would suggest that those seven days were spent in regret and deep sorrow for making such bad decisions.

Once the child died, David resumed his normal activities.  He understood that to hold onto his guilt would not bring the child back to life.

Psalm 51 was written by David after Nathan's visit.  It beautifully lays the steps leading to forgiveness and restoration.  David:

         Recognized his sins of adultery and murder

         Agreed that God was fair in His judgment

         Asked for  forgiveness

         Understood he needed a change of heart

         Asked for deliverance from guilt

         Declared the Lord's praise

David understood to continue feeling guilty would be counter-productive to his life.  More importantly, if God pardoned David, then for him to hold on to his guilt would mean that God’s forgiveness was not sufficient.

Then there was Peter, the Apostle.  For three years this impetuous fisherman lived with, observed, questioned, learned and took part in the ministry of Jesus.  He swore his loyalty even to the point of death (John 13:37).  But hours later found Peter gripped in fear which caused him to deny even knowing Jesus.  Not once.  Not twice.  But three times.

Realizing what he had done, he left the premises - probably going to a solitary place - and wept bitterly for his decisions.

Self-condemnation and guilt must have been resolved because Peter became a powerful force in spreading the good news that the long-awaited Messiah had come (Matthew 26).

We cannot forget Saul who became Paul.  As Saul, he hunted down, threw in prison and killed people who believed that Jesus was the Messiah.  Thinking he was doing God a great service must have contributed to his conceited and pompous attitude.

Then he saw the light - literally.  He understood God's point of view.  The 'hunter' now became the 'hunted' (Acts 8, 9). With the same zeal in which he persecuted Christians, Paul now became a mighty missionary to a large portion of the known world.  During his three journeys, he suffered verbal abuse, severe beatings, imprisonment, rejection and disappointments.  Finally he was beheaded.

Did he regret his actions as Saul?  No doubt.  Did he hold onto any guilt for those actions?  Probably not because guilt is destructive.  It would have interfered with accomplishing his mission as Paul.

Once again my thoughts were interrupted.

Chapter 5

Forgive?  Me?

Again, childish voice spoke to her father.  “What about the time I got in trouble because I broke that bully's nose?  I wanted you - or someone - to understand my pain.  I was terrified every time he moved toward me.  His insults hurled knives at my very being.  His lies crushed me.  The accusing looks and snide comments from those he influenced cut my heart in pieces.  I felt as if there was nothing left of me.

“Did you care?  Did you take me in your arms and tell me you knew how I felt?  No! You knew the bully deserved that punch.  Yet, you took his side - not mine!”

Silence as heavy and dense as the agony expressed occupied the room.

Finally, Father’s soft voice responded to the accusations. “Child, you have always been the apple of my eye. What hurts you hurts me. My love for you has never changed.  If I had approved of how you handled the situation, what message would I have given you?”

“That you cared,” came the angry child’s answer.

“No.  Actually, just the opposite,” Father said.

There was a long pause before he continued. “The intimidation of his words and actions resulted in emotional trauma to you.  I understood that.  Bullies will always surface.  Some will appear pleasant.  They will be very subtle in their attacks.  When you least expect it, they will stab you in the back.”

“Others will be vocal.  Their words will spew out like venom.  Either way, their malice will be designed to make you vulnerable.  Only in bringing others down is their importance elevated - at least in their eyes.

“You punched him out of anger. Because of his actions, you felt belittled, frustrated, fearful and humiliated.  Even though you had the right to defend yourself, it would have been more constructive if you had told someone that was in a position to help you. Instead, in not using self-control, you gave him the idea that his bullying controlled you. ”

Father paused, and then went on. “Bullies aren't always people in the present.  They are also memories of the past.  You thought I didn't care.  That will continue to control your feelings.  Every time something happens that triggers this memory, your feelings - however illogical they are for the situation - take over.”

“I wanted you to see a better way to respond to bullies.

         Recognize what is happening.

         Identify who is responsible for the abuse.

         Understand why you're feeling the way you are.

         Be aware of where the situation could lead you.

         Consider your options in reacting to the bully.”

“Most importantly, don't react in anger.  Otherwise, anger becomes your master.  And the bully wins.”

“Forgive him whether he asks for it or not.  Whether he is aware of your attitude or not, it doesn't matter.  Forgiveness is the channel leading to emotional freedom.”

“That lesson, my child, is what I wanted you to learn.”

Another long pause.

The nagging question of who father was speaking to could no longer be ignored.  The suspense demanded an answer.  Quietly I stepped into the room and saw that the ‘childish voice’ was me.  My heavenly Father was talking to me!

I turned and looked at Him. He smiled. I nodded and returned the smile. I looked at the ‘child’ again, but she was gone. She finally grew up!

Father’s love and truth brought about the maturity that opened a new world to her.  A world where the actions of others and even herself no longer held her in the bondage of unforgiveness.  It was indeed a wonderful world of emotional freedom.

She had achieved her Father's desire, and she was now at peace.

Chapter 6

Forgiving Others

Naaman was a mighty and honorable Syrian captain (2 Kings 5). He also was a leper.  His wife's servant girl indicated that if he would visit the prophet in Israel, he would be healed.  Naaman did.  Following Prophet Elisha's instructions, this warrior was freed from his disease.

Nice story but what does it have to do with forgiveness?  Everything, if we consider who the servant girl was.

She was a spoil of war.  The Syrians invaded her homeland, Israel, and carried her off to live in Syria.  Taken from her home, family, friends and heritage - everything that was familiar and dear to her - she was forced to live as a servant.

Her childhood, that should have been carefree, was left behind. It was replaced with doing the wishes of a stranger, growing up in a place where she didn't belong and living in a culture foreign to her.  How alone she must have felt—all because of other people's actions.

This insignificant child displayed no bitterness, no accusation, no unforgiveness, no anger, no depression, no running away.  In spite of living in an atmosphere of idolatry, she held onto her faith in God, sharing Him with her captor.  Even at her young age, she recognized that the true hostage wasn't herself.  It was Naaman.

Unforgiveness makes a situation all about ‘me.’ Not so with this unnamed child.  She was unselfish.  She did not seek her own gain but placed the needs of others ahead of herself.

Then there’s Ananias, another example of undeviating faith and unselfish compassion for his persecutor. He lived in Damascus and was a disciple of Jesus (Acts 9).  He was also an instrument of God's healing power.

Reports of Saul's unrelenting hostility against Christians had reached him.  Hearing that this zealous Pharisee - acting under the authority of the chief priests - was headed his way, Ananias no doubt braced himself for his impending arrest.

In the midst of all this havoc, God tells him to visit Saul and lay hands on him that his eyesight might be restored.  What might have gone through his mind?

God, do you know what You are asking?  Don't you care about my safety? As soon as Saul’s eyesight is restored, he will see my face and arrest me. I don’t trust him. And if he doesn’t, what about the man who is hosting him? Is he as antagonistic toward Christians as Saul? What about the men that traveled from Jerusalem with Saul? Are they soldiers?  Are they  under  orders  to  weed  out believers so they could be seized? I'll be in harm's way.  God, what are you thinking?

These legitimate questions were never spoken.  Ananias, trusting God, stepped out into the street to find his enemy.  He understood the basis of Saul's persecution.  His wanting to destroy the church was because he had never met its founder.  The shroud of fear, worry and unforgiveness fell.  Ananias stood tall and followed the footsteps of his Savior - Jesus.

Jesus was the embodiment of forgiveness.  He was the Son of God but also the Son of Man.  He suffered physically and emotionally just like us.  Beaten beyond recognition.  Hung on a crude cross.  Rejected by his own people.  Misunderstood by those closest to Him.  Ridiculed by sarcastic onlookers.

Even breathing itself was very difficult, but He made the extreme effort to speak. On two occasions He offered His forgiveness.  Once to the repentant dying thief.  The other time to those who put Him there.  The created had pronounced judgment on the Creator.  They did not ask to be forgiven, but He offered it anyway.  It was what they needed.

In the midst of all the humiliation, unbearable pain and mental anguish, Jesus forgave.  Such unselfish devotion to His heavenly Father fulfilled God's will of providing salvation for His enemies.  Such compassion formed a bridge over the chasm of sin that separated man from God.  Such forgiveness became a bridge to God's heart.

Can we do any less?

Chapter 7

Forgiveness is Possible

When we know who and what we are.

I laid before my church school children a dessert they had never before seen or tasted.  We discussed the difference between created and made.  (God creates - starts with nothing.  Man makes - starts with something already in existence.)

I instructed them - for the sake of my lesson - to pretend that I 'created' the Strawberry Pizza.  The discussion question was, “What does my creation tell you about me, the creator?” The follow up question - the heart of the lesson - was, “So, why did God 'create' us?”

To gain an answer on the individual level, we must study the reason for establishing the nation of Israel.  Simply put:

         If they would obey God by keeping His commands, then He could bless them in so many wonderful ways;

         If they received God's blessings, then other nations would realize that the Hebrew God was better than their idols;

         If other nations became jealous, then they would turn away from their false gods and worship the one and only true God.

Summation?  We don't exist for ourselves.  We live to bring glory, honor, admiration, fame, and praise to God through our relationship with Him.  Sometimes that places us in undesirable situations.  This idea is beautifully illustrated in the following story.

Parable of the Cheesecake

The timer beeped.

The cheesecake was removed from the oven  and  placed on a cooling rack. The baker stepped back and viewed his masterpiece.  Picture-perfect.  Certainly not like an hour ago.  After breaking, scraping, beating, stirring, dumping and pouring out into the shell, the cheesecake was still inedible.

A raw dessert.  Useless.  No value.  No appeal.  It took heat to solidify everything.  Strength and firmness resulted only because of the oven.

To his surprise, the cheesecake spoke,

“Where will I end up?  I hope in a home with an elegant table so my beauty will be complimented by fine china and exquisite crystal.  I want to be cut and eaten with sterling silver utensils.”

“Well,” the baker responded, “you deserve that life-style, but I need you elsewhere.”

“How about on a fancy buffet table in a fine dining restaurant?  I would certainly be appreciated for my appearance and delectable taste.”

“You would fit in beautifully in that type of setting, but I need you somewhere else.  I need you to stand out, to be unique.  You can best represent my creative ability in a more humble setting.”

“Where would that be?” asked the cheesecake.

“The soup kitchen.”

Gasping in surprise, the words slowly came, “Why a soup kitchen?”

The baker  viewed  his  creation. “That is where the people are who know very little or even nothing about me.  I want them to desire to know me.  I want them to also know of my ability to give beauty and blessings that they never dreamed could happen to them.

“You are my special representative.  When they look at you, they will see me, your creator.  They will understand who I am and, that by giving you to them; they will see that I care about them.  Only you can carry my message to those individuals.”

“This is not what I deserve.  It is not what I would have chosen.  This is unfair.  I want better!”

Silence fell like thick fog as the cheesecake cooled.  Finally it whispered, “I understand your message.  I accept that wherever you place me, I am not there to draw attention to myself.  You, the creator, are more important than your creation.  Paper plates and plastic forks won’t change what I am.  I will always be a picture-perfect masterpiece.

You did not create me for myself.  You made me so others could understand what you are capable of doing.  You would be praised, not me.

“I am privileged to put my wants aside in order to fulfill my destiny - the one you, my creator, have chosen.”

To understand who we are is to know what we are not.  Studying the DNA of unforgiveness gives a clear picture of what forgiveness looks like.

Resentment and anger - Cain was a good example of this.  His brother's offering to God was accepted; his was rejected.  Unforgiveness  toward his brother - maybe even himself and God - resulted in the first murder  (Genesis 4).

Jealousy and constant reminder of offenses - The older brother of the prodigal son displayed unforgiveness because his father killed the fatted calf and threw a party when his wayward brother returned home after squandering his inheritance (Luke 15).

Hatred and revenge - Absalom, King David's third son, had a sister, Tamar.  She was raped by their half-brother Amnon.  David was upset but did not discipline this son.  Absalom waited 2 years until the time was right.  The rapist was killed  (2 Samuel 13). It seems that unforgiveness was not only directed toward his brother but also toward his father.  For not addressing the rape issue, years later Absalom organized a plot to take the throne away from his father.  That plan cost him his life (2 Samuel 15-18).

Shame and desire to punish - A servant owed a great deal of money to the king.  When payment for the debt was demanded, the servant pleaded for more time.  Compassion was shown when the king forgave the entire amount owed.  This same servant found a man that owed him a small amount of money.  Payment for the debt was demanded, and the man pleaded for more time.  However, the forgiven servant did not extend forgiveness.  Instead, the man owing the small amount was thrown into jail (Matthew 18).

Malice and retaliation - John the Baptist had spoken against the marriage of Herod and Herodias.  Because of this, she wanted him dead.  Using her daughter and a public promise from her husband, Herodias demanded and received the head of this godly man (Matthew 14).

Arrogance and contemptuousness - The scribes and Pharisees watched Jesus as He healed a shriveled hand.  He had desecrated their rules of Sabbath behavior, and they plotted His destruction (Mark 3).

Pride and violence - Haman had received a high promotion from King Ahasuerus which earned him reverence among the people.

However, the Jew Mordecai refused to bow to him.  Haman's vindictiveness was two-fold: hang Mordecai and slaughter all Jews living in the kingdom.  Unfortunately, it was Haman and his ten sons who were hanged (Esther 5-9).

Rage and retaliation - Wicked Queen Jezebel was going to do to Elijah, God's prophet, exactly what he had done to the prophets of Baal that she supported.  Kill him! (1 Kings 19)

Unforgiveness is a cruel taskmaster and a thief.  It:

         Corrupts our faith

         Suffocates our spiritual growth

         Shames our witness

         Steals our identity

         Hinders my  God-given mission

A dictionary definition of 'commit' is to place in charge or trust; consign; to put officially in custody.  If we are totally committed to fulfilling God's plans for our lives, then the spirit of unforgiveness has no place in our thinking, hearts, emotions or memories.  It is then that we can receive what we have already given out - forgiveness.  And it is then that we can fulfill our purpose - to glorify God.

Chapter 8

Forgiveness Is Possible

When we see our circumstances

with God's point of view

I think about my mother.  She never spoke of it.  I never mentioned it, but two reliable family members told me that I was hours away from being aborted.

God had plans for my life.  So he interrupted my mom's - and maybe even my dad's - intention.  Grandma, Mom's mother, came from a culture that put a lot of stock in dreams.  That was how God spoke to her.

Grandma didn't know Mom was pregnant, but she knew from her dream that her daughter was in danger.  The next morning Grandma confronted her and was told that my abortion was scheduled for that evening.  Grandma’s reaction and influence caused Mom to have a change of heart. The Lord won.  I was born.

Two years later my parents divorced, and Mom and I went to live with her parents.  When I was six years old, she remarried and started another family.  I never felt wanted, so I continued living with my grandparents.

Because of other family issues, communication stopped.  Mom said she always sent me birthday cards.  I don't remember.  To a young child, what is a card?  Put something in it, and then it becomes special.  It says, ‘You are valued.’

Mom's brother died when I was 14.  She stayed with us during the three days of visitation and  funeral.  Mom spent quality time with her sister but not with me, her own flesh and blood.  I saw it as rejection, and that pain stayed with me, hidden.  A silent companion.

I was 23, married, working and attending night school.  I suffered from bouts of “I'm-crying-but-I-don't-know-why.”One evening I sat on the floor and had a talk with the Lord.  My silent companion surfaced, and the hurt from my mother's actions were laid out before me.

For some people that would have been a stopping place with unforgiveness  taking hold.  But that's not the Lord's way.  He helped me put my feelings aside to be able to look objectively at my mother as a woman.

When she eloped, the thought of not being under her parent's rule must have been exhilarating.  Four months later she was pregnant! Dreams of freedom were dashed.  The abortion was not so much of a baby but of the responsibility of parenthood.  Selfish?  Yes.  Personal?  No.

I found myself crying again, but this time I knew why.  I was crying for the young woman.  Her disappointments. Her unfulfilled hopes and dreams.  Her loveless marriages.

Making the choice to bring my pain to the Lord and embracing the truth He showed me about the ‘whys’ of my mother’s actions, helped me view her  with compassion and understanding which cemented the need to offer forgiveness.

There is another step in the forgiveness process that is often overlooked but most important.  My husband's story is a classic illustration.

Glenn contracted polio when he was 18 months old.  He grew up in a time when handicapped people were not treated kindly.  Such was the case for my husband.  He suffered much abuse - physical and emotional.  This resulted in an attitude of disrespect for parental authority, others' possessions and the law.

When he was 20 or 21, he accepted Jesus as his Savior.  Life changed for the better.  So did his attitude.  As the Lord had forgiven him, so Glenn was able to forgive his abusers.

Twenty-seven years later he was laid off permanently.  It was a time when our city experienced an unprecedented 20% unemployment rate.  Life changed but not for the better.

Glenn was starting his own business.  Working for others during the day and doing his own work during the evening was taking a toll on his health.  I saw this lay-off as a blessing.  We didn't suffer monetarily, because I was working.  However, I began seeing a frightening change in his behavior.

As a child Glenn suffered rejection.  His lay-off brought back all those old memories, and once again he felt worthless.  It didn't matter that he had a supportive wife.  It didn't matter that his business was successful.  It didn't matter that God blessed him in so many wonderful ways.  All he could feel was the pain of not being as good as everyone else.

He responded to that pain the same way he did as a child and teenager - with anger! I was devastated when he told our neighbor, “I am angry.  I like being angry.  It makes me feel alive.”

Like a trigger, he reverted back to his lack of respect for others.  He borrowed money with no intention of paying it back.  People worked for him but didn't get paid.  The saying that the abused becomes the abuser is true.  Anger led to violence.  The Lord removed me from my home for my safety.  Upon the advice of attorneys and much prayer, I found myself doing the unthinkable - filing for divorce after 48 years of marriage.

Three years later he died.  While gathering material for a private memorial service, I found a letter that he had written me before we were married.  I had forgotten about this letter, but the Lord knew I needed to read it again 52 years later.  Glenn shared things that happened to him that caused deep wounds.  But he also shared an understanding of why people acted the way they did.  That's why he was able to forgive.

His closing remark was, “I have brought all this back from my memory to write this letter for you.  I will never write another one like it in my life.  When I seal the envelope I will forget all this again. ”

When his behavior became so bizarre, I brought a Christian counselor to our home for help.  Glenn refused.  He was right.  He would never again speak of the past.  He locked himself in a maze of suffering and anguish.  Wounds that never healed.  Wounds that opened and infected his very soul with stagnant pus.  Wounds that blinded him to love's healing.  In the end, the wounds destroyed him.

I wept for the man that I once knew.  My partner.  My companion.  The love of my life.  A man who, by choice, decided to remain ignorant and lived with his demons.

Unforgiveness as well as its wounds are deadly to the one who houses them but also to others.  Choosing to face our pains with God’s help, we gain understanding of other's actions and our own reactions.  More importantly, we place ourselves in a position to receive God's total healing promised to the brokenhearted (Luke 4:18).

Like so many victims of traumatic situations, Glenn stopped at the forgiveness level and assumed the problems were taken care of. The healing for the soul never happened because he held on to the familiar pain. His wounds were never healed.

We read about biblical characters without realizing they were people just like us. For example, look at Saul and David, Israel’s first two kings.

Saul, the first King of Israel, reached the point when he no longer listened to or obeyed completely God's commands.  As a result, he lost his right to pass down to his children the throne and title that he enjoyed (1 Samuel 13).

David, son of Jesse, was singled out by God to replace Saul as king.  The prophet Samuel quietly anointed David to receive that position but not right away (1 Samuel 16).  God first needed to prepare David.  Not necessarily his heart, because three chapters earlier we read that David was a man after God's own heart.

What then?  Perhaps preparation for the palace atmosphere.  Not long after his anointing, David was summoned to the palace.  He was to play music to calm Saul when an evil spirit disturbed the king.  His presence and service to Saul gave him recognition among the household staff.

Saul also made David his armor bearer.  No doubt this gave the young shepherd some insight into war.  Sometime later, David was made a captain over 1000 men.  Again, David needed to gain experience as a warrior in order to be prepared for the many battles a king would need to fight.  Leadership qualities were also being developed.

Not long after, David killed the Philistine giant, Goliath.  This put David in the forefront of Saul and his army.  But, more than that, it gave God glory and His rightful place when David said, “I come to you in the name of the LORD of Hosts, the God of Israel, whom you have defiled.  This day will the LORD deliver you into my hand.” (1 Samuel 17)  David's motivation was that all the earth would know that there was a God in Israel! This reinforced David’s dependence on God.

David's courageous exploits and fame caused Saul to be jealous and fearful.  His solution?  Kill David.  On numerous occasions he tried but failed.  What did David think each time he came close to death at the hand or command of Saul?

“God, You chose me to be the next king.  This is how you treat me?  Unfair!” or “God, I don't think You know what You are doing! Are You blind?  Don’t You see that Saul wants to kill me?  Where are You?”

If David thought these things, he never expressed them.  Perhaps those incidents taught a soon-to-be- king the cleverness to outmaneuver the enemy.  An interesting example of this is recorded in 1 Samuel 21 when David, needing to escape potential danger, pretended to be crazy.  It worked.  It also taught David patience, perseverance and again dependence on God.

David knew God was true to His word.  He was able to look beyond the adverse circumstances of his life to see God's involvement.  He trusted that he would occupy the office of king just as God said, but in God's timing.  David had opportunities to kill Saul, but David respected - not Saul - but the anointing from God that made Saul king in the first place.  Not Saul the man, but Saul the king.

David was human.  He had the same feelings and fears that we experience today.  His trust that God had everything under control allowed David to be lead by God, not his personal feelings.  Those feelings would have caused bitterness, disappointment, anger and unforgiveness.  David viewed his circumstances through the eyes of God.

One important part of forgiving is often left out. The Bible says - in several different books - that God forgives our sins and remembers them no more.  If we are to forgive ourselves and others just as God forgives us, then the wounds of bad circumstances must be healed.  Otherwise, the temporary scabs when triggered by a situation, word, thought, or deed  reopen wounds and cause remembrance of past offenses.  These hurts demand retribution.  If it cannot be taken out on the original offenders, then those closest will be in harm's way.

God's forgiveness is total.  No residue of the sin remains to be yet judged.  (Consequences for our sins are not what we are talking about here.) If there are no remains of a forgiven sin, then God has nothing to hold against us.  Therefore, He remembers them no more - no more to use them against us.

When we forgive, it must also be total and the offense is not to be remembered to the harm of the offender.  In other words, we hold no grudges, retaliations, or resentments.

In God's wisdom, we were designed so we cannot completely forget as expressed in “Forgive and forget.” What makes the difference is how we remember.  For example, we trusted someone with a personal secret and that person used it against us. With God’s help, we are capable of forgiving them completely.  We are capable of asking God to heal the wounds that the incident caused.

The purpose of remembering is healthy in many ways. It helps us recognize the need to reevaluate relationships and situations so we can break wrong patterns.  It helps us as we work with others in similar situations – sharing and teaching them God’s perspective. It also is a testimony to us and others of God’s deliverance.

Seeing people through God's eyes is a release from our hurts and hostilities.  We then are free to exercise forgiveness, God-style.

Chapter 9

Forgiveness Is Possible

When we understand who is responsible for our tough times.

Tough times are like a furnace of affliction.  Understanding where these afflictions come from gives us better insight into who actually needs forgiving.  Take Joseph for example.

Tough Times because of our own actions.

Joseph was 17 and arrogant.  Probably with smugness he related his dreams to his father and brothers.  (Genesis 37).

“Bow down to Joseph.  Never!” his brothers thought.” We will show him, and down the well Joseph went.

Stripped of his special, beautiful coat given to him by a doting father, Joseph was left to die.  His pleading fell on deaf ears.  Tough times came because his cocky “I'm-better-than-you” attitude was addressed.  Joseph needed a lesson in humility.

Who needed forgiveness?  Not his brothers—although that comes later in the story.  They simply reacted to their conceited brother.  It was Joseph, himself, that needed forgiving.

To forgive ourselves is probably the hardest thing to do. It requires us to evaluate our actions in an honest and unbiased way.  That means putting feelings aside.

Listen to what Joseph may have been thinking in the well. “God gave me those dreams.  I didn't make them up.” This was factual, but facts aren't always truth.  Listen to what God's answer may have been.

“I gave you those dreams not so you could be elevated in pride and show yourself to be better than your family.  I gave you the dreams so you could be encouraged during your years of imprisonment in Egypt.  You will need something to hold onto.  Something to give you hope in a future outside of prison walls.”(Psalm 105)

This was the truth of giving Joseph the dreams.  Somewhere along the way Joseph understood.  It wasn't all about him.  It was about God.

I don't know when he was able to lay his pride and arrogant attitude before the Lord and say, “I'm sorry.  I needed a lesson in humility because now I can be of use to You.  I can accomplish Your will as an obedient servant.”

When this happened we aren't told, but the evidence that there was this change of attitude is shown in Joseph's ability to forgive his brothers.  His understanding that God directed everything that happened to him also shows that he held no grudge, no accusation, no unforgiveness toward God.  (Genesis 45)

We know this because, when Pharaoh asked Joseph to interpret his dreams, Joseph gave full credit to God for answering the ruler's questions  (Genesis 41).

Tough Times because we obey God

The Ishmaelite caravan was passing by.  The brothers saw their opportunity to make some money.  Joseph was raised from the waterless well and sold to the merchants.  He was on his way to Egypt and “Good riddance,” his siblings no doubt thought.

Joseph honored God's teaching on fidelity.  Potiphar, an official of Pharaoh, bought the slave Joseph.  God allowed Joseph to find favor in his new master's eyes.  Soon Joseph was entrusted with everything Potiphar owned.

Unfortunately Potiphar's wife entered the picture.  She tried to seduce him.  When her beguiling efforts met with his rejection, she turned to lies.  Her embarrassment would only be quieted by Joseph's absence.  So, once again Joseph was removed from his home and position of importance.  Once again he was a prisoner (Genesis  39).

Two years in prison because Joseph chose to honor God.  What could have filled his thoughts?  “I am here because I honored Your word by not touching another man's wife.  You have let me down.  You are not a God who cares about me.  Otherwise you would have exposed the lies told about me.”

And what about Joseph's thoughts about Potiphar?  “I worked my hardest.  I was most loyal and honest.  The trust that Potiphar had in me was well founded.  Then he believed his wife.  His actions accused me of betrayal.  He chose to think the worst of me.  I don't understand how he could have acted that way in spite of everything I did for him.”

So, who needed forgiveness?  Potiphar and his wife because it was their actions that put Joseph in prison.

Tough Times for the good of others

Joseph left his father's home as a favored, coddled child.  Prison and hard lessons produced a man that God could use.

A world-wide famine hit.  His brothers went to Egypt, bowed to Joseph (like in his dream) and asked to buy grain.  For three days the 10 were under house arrest as possible spies.  (Actually, Joseph was testing them.) No doubt they discussed their future and reasoned that these tough times were the result of their actions against young Joseph some 20 years before.

Simeon, Joseph’s older brother, was held in prison until the others returned with their youngest brother, Benjamin.  Their trip back to Egypt took twice as long because of Jacob's reluctance to part with his son.  I wonder what Simeon thought of while waiting to be rescued.

Finally the brothers arrived, and Joseph revealed himself to them.  They were terrified, as they should have been.  Fortunate for them Joseph had a forgiving spirit.  He understood God's plan for the survival of his family.

Unfortunately, because of their earlier discussions, it doesn't sound like the men were able to forgive themselves.  After their father died they feared retaliation.  So they made up lies that their father wanted Joseph to forgive them (Genesis  50).

Who needed forgiveness?  The brothers needed to forgive themselves.  Unfortunately they didn't.  We know this because the account of what they did was always on their minds.  They were fearful.  They expected payback for their hateful deed.  They never asked Joseph to forgive them even when he displayed a forgiving attitude toward them.

They never asked their father to forgive them because of their deception in letting him think that Joseph had suffered death from a wild animal.  How hard that must have been for a parent to replay the scene of sharp claws and teeth sinking into his son's body.

There seems to be a correlation between being able to forgive ourselves and seeking forgiveness from others.  The extent of forgiveness we offer ourselves is in proportion to our asking forgiveness from those we have wronged.

Tough Times because of others' actions

When Moses and Aaron first approached the leader of Egypt to let the Hebrew slaves go into the wilderness to celebrate a feast unto God, Pharaoh was irate (Exodus 5).

His interpretation of the request was that the people didn't have enough work to do.  That's why they thought they had time to take off and worship their God.

Pharaoh's order to the taskmasters made life extremely hard.  They were not to reduce the daily quota of finished bricks.  They also were not to supply the necessary straw.  That requirement was given to the slaves.

So, not only were the Hebrews expected to continue making the same amount of bricks, they now had the added responsibility of gathering the straw that would hold the mud together in order to form the bricks.

So, who needed forgiveness?  Their oppression resulted in complaints against Moses and Aaron.  Because they didn't recognize this was God-directed,  they were not in a position to extend forgiveness to these two men or to Pharaoh.

Tough Times for our own good

Because of Pharaoh's imposed hardship against the Hebrews, God heard and respected Moses' intervening for them (Exodus 5).  One disastrous plague after another followed until Pharaoh finally ordered Moses and Aaron to take all the Israelites out of Egypt.

Of the ten plagues, the Hebrews experienced the first three: water became undrinkable; frogs were everywhere; lice attacked both man and beast.

Possible viewpoint of the Hebrews could have been, “Who is this God that is supposed to free us?  All He has done is make life more miserable—if that's possible.  Before interference from Moses and Aaron, we at least knew what to expect.  No mysteries.  No false hopes.  Just generation after generation of servanthood.”

Possible viewpoint of God could have been, “My people have been in bondage so long that they have no concept of freedom.  Because of that, they aren't anxious to leave Egypt yet.  But soon they will be.”

Who needed forgiveness?

God?  He was acting in their behalf - regardless of their accepting His help or not.

Pharaoh?  He was acting in behalf of his country.  The Israelites were so numerous that he feared they would overtake Egypt.  That probably would have meant death to himself and his family.  Self-preservation was the motive for putting the Hebrews under bondage.  This gave Pharaoh the comfort and security of controlling possible enemies.  Besides that, the Hebrew God was foreign to him.  So, why should he honor their God's request?

Moses and Aaron?  They were simply the spokespersons for proclaiming God's message and the instruments for executing His judgments (plagues).

Taskmasters?  Their unreasonable demands were the result of following orders.  To disobey Pharaoh could have produced disastrous results.

The Israelites?  Probably.  Understanding the need for self-forgiveness sometimes requires a span of time.  In their present state, they could not see the big picture.  Certainly after crossing the Red Sea in such a miraculous way, it should have given them a better understanding of the need to wait for God's perfect timing.  It should have given them an appreciation of how mighty God was.  It also should have given them a clear picture of God's love for them.  It should have taught them to believe in and trust unequivocally His motives.

Tough Times to reveal God's glory

Born blind, the stigma attached to this man was voiced by Jesus' disciples. “Who caused this blindness - his parent's sins or his own sins?”(John 9)

Such thinking takes us back to Job's time.  Prosperity was linked to righteous living; losing it was caused by sinning - or so Job's comforters reasoned.  Jesus corrected their faulty thinking.  No one sinned.  This man would be a channel to reveal God's magnificent work in his life.

However old he was, his world was full of troubled times.  The false cause of his blindness, the hardships of living in a sighted society, the ridicule of being a beggar and the hopelessness of his future weighed heavily on him.

What release he must have felt when his obedience to the Master Restorer gave him his sight! Indeed, it was to God's glory.  No one else could have accomplished this miracle.

Today's world gives us similar examples.  A baker is challenged when his cake sinks.  His skillful use of frosting covers it up.  A seamstress takes a ripped dress and mends it with such ability that no one sees the damage.  A surgeon removes a tumor with such precision that the body continues to function as if the invader were never there.  A dent is restored by a trained worker so that the fender looks new.

These people were able to display their creative ability and win recognition for their work because they were successful in restoring something that was faulty.

When we go through troubled times, it is easy to play the “blame game.” It is unproductive and leads to unnecessary forgiving.  Instead, our thinking should voice the desire that in and through such imperfect situations God would be seen, His will would be accomplished and His splendor would be displayed.

As in the case of the blind man, when God is glorified in our lives we reap the benefits.

Chapter 10

Forgiveness Is Possible

When we love our enemies

Dear God,

To forgive is difficult enough when it involves my family and friends.  But enemies?  That is almost impossible.

You tell me to love those who have hurt me, abused me, betrayed me, lied about me, rejected me, abandoned me or tried to destroy me?  To provide for those who would rob me of everything I have?  To use my resources to make their lives easier?

Why?  I just don't understand!

Love,

Confused

Dear Confused Child,

I love you very much. I hear your frustration and feel your pain. I can understand your confusion.  Viewing your enemies from your perspective is different than Mine.

When your enemy has attacked you, come to Me. I am your Comforter (Isaiah 51:12).  I will help you understand what has happened and how I can use that to bless you.  What the enemy meant for your harm, I can use for your good.

Consider these times as trials that I allow you to go through. They strengthen your character, fortify your faith, increase your understanding of how I work, and glorify Me through them.

I allow them to teach you valuable life-giving lessons.  I use them to reveal the true friends that will stand by you.  I counter their negative actions by having people pray for you.

All this I do so you can enjoy My peace, have a victorious attitude and enlarge your vision of Me.

Let me help you see your enemies as I do.

Love,

Your Redeemer

(Isaiah 43:14)

Dear Child,

Love your enemy.  It is a healthy attitude.

A person once said, “I destroy my enemies by making them my friends.” The wisdom behind this statement is not so much about forming new relationships. It is about a healthy mind set.

Look at your enemies in a different light. Look for similarities in your background, value system, ethics and vulnerability. Those could be keys to explain what motivates them.

Look for and assess positive  characteristics. It could minimize your hurts caused by their actions. Analyze their point of view. This will give you more realistic expectations. Look at their negative behavior. That will validate the boundaries you set.

I told you in My Word that if your enemy is hungry or thirsty, give him food and water (Proverbs 25:21, 22).  This causes two positive results. Your kindness puts you in a position for My blessing.  It also disarms your enemy.

Love,

Wisdom

(1 Corinthians 1:24)

Dear Child,

Love your enemies.  I want them to be My children, too.

You enjoy an intimate relationship with Me.  Your enemies are witnesses to the blessings I give you.  They see that you do not walk in fear.

Displaying an attitude of love and good works toward them act as a magnet.  It causes them to desire a similar life-style.  This puts them in a position to seek and receive My forgiveness.  That will lead to their salvation, and My family will increase.

This pleases Me.  Remember, you were never meant to live for yourself

Love,

LORD God Who Loves and Befriends the Stranger

(Deuteronomy 10:18)

Dear Child,

Love your enemies.  It's My Command.

I have many reasons for telling you to love those who hate you.  Not many take the time to understand My motives.  You did.  You took my words about turning the other cheek when your enemy hits you (Matthew 5:39).

Remember how you stood in front of the mirror?  You looked at yourself as if you were looking at an enemy.  You slapped your right cheek causing your face to turn away from your reflection.

Following my instruction, you turned from the left to the right-180 degrees.  In so doing, you once again saw your 'enemy' in the mirror.  However, I did not want you to stop there.  That is why I said, “Turn the other cheek.”

I also instructed you to pray, “Lead me not into temptation” (Matthew 6:13).  If you did not turn the other cheek to your enemy, you would have been face-to-face with your attacker.  You might have been tempted to strike back physically, speak hateful words, or entertain retaliatory thoughts.

Turning the other cheek allowed you to look past your enemy to see Me.  I send common blessings, like sun and rain, on everyone.  It pleases Me when you respect My love for all people.

Love,

Director of (Your) Way

(1 Thessalonians 3:11)

Dear Child,

Love your enemies.  They teach you about yourself.

Remember your piano teacher?  He was constantly telling you to “Feel your music.  Feel what you are playing.” Technically you executed the notes flawlessly but without the excitement that stirred the emotions.

Finally, there was breakthrough.  The music you played came alive.  It came from your heart, not just your head.

Because of this experience, you are aware of how others play.  You have something in common.  Your evaluation of their talent and ability as a pianist is based on what is found in you.

Your selection of friends reflects your values.  What you esteem in them is common in you.

The same is true of your enemies.  I told you in My word that what you condemn in others is also found in you (Romans 2:1).  That is your common ground.

When the thought to criticize someone first comes, check yourself. If that offense is found in you, repent.  If you have already dealt with that offense, you are aware of what your enemy is feeling.  That puts you in a position to specifically pray for them, because you understand.

That kind of attitude pleases Me.

Love,

Giver of a Wise and Understanding Heart

(1 Kings 3:12)

Dear Child,

Love your enemies.  You imitate My heart.

People delight when their children resemble them in looks and in actions.  Children are a reflection of their parents.

I am your heavenly Father.  I want you to be a true reflection of Me, not in looks but in your desires and deeds.  The work I do, you do.  The attitudes I display, you display.  When people look at you, I want them to see Me.  What delights Me should delight you.  Act with kindness, justice, impartiality and righteousness (Jeremiah 9:24).

I am patient.  I want everyone to repent (2 Peter 3:9).  I want them to see My love demonstrated through you.  Love will draw them to receive My salvation.  But if you don't reflect the love I have shown you, how then can others understand My feelings toward them?

I send my blessings on both - friend and enemy (Matthew 5:45).

Don't be like the brother of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32).  He never understood his father's heart.  He never accepted the father's love shown for the wayward brother.  He never respected his father's feelings of happiness when his love and patience were finally rewarded.

Love your enemies, My child.  Someday you may find out they are your siblings when they return to Me.

Love,

Father of All

(Malachi 2:10)

Dear Child,

Love your enemies.  They were created in My image.

When you look at a painting and praise it, your accolades are really directed toward the one responsible for the picture—the painter.  When you see a beautifully landscaped yard where the height and colors of various plants complement one another, your admiration is directed to the one who made the selections - the gardener.

The same is true about how you view your enemies.  It becomes an accusation on the one ultimately responsible for that life—Me!

You are instructed to love for a good reason.  To be indifferent is very hard.  So, if you do not love, you put yourself in the position to 'hate'. Those who 'hate' are murderers (1 John 3:15).  You murder a reputation, a relationship, a future, ambitions and hopes.  Hate affects three ways: the one who hates, the receiver of that attitude and those aware of the situation.

Please understand.  To love doesn't mean to like.  They are different.  Love people; dislike their actions.  Hate evil; cling to what is good (Romans 12:9).  In other words, look for the good in your enemies.  You may be surprised by what you find.

Word of caution.  When you believe hatred has been directed toward you, take note.  Constructive criticism is judgment meant to bring about positive results.  When criticized, pick apart the comments.  Bring them to Me.  Together we will analyze them to see if there is any truth.  If not, toss the words over your shoulder and move on.  If there is truth in the criticism, make it a learning experience to improve yourself. Truth should never be treated as a stumbling block.  It is a stepping stone to betterment.

Love,

Creator

(Genesis 1:1)

Dear Child,

Love your enemy.  It might even be you!

Sometimes people overlook what I say. For example, when I summed up the Ten Commandments into two. The first command to “Love Me with all your heart, soul, mind and strength” means to love Me completely. Love Me in every possible aspect (Deuteronomy 6:5; Matthew 22:39). Love Me in your innermost being, emotions, thoughts, efforts and energy. Love Me with utmost sincerity. In other words, love me in the same way and extent that I love you (1 John 4:19).

The phrase connecting the two commands is most important but often neglected. “The second is like it.” The love to be expressed in the second command must carry the same intensity and honesty as the first command.

The second command is, “Love your neighbor (friend or enemy) as yourself.”  The phrase ‘as yourself'’ is usually ignored.  This explains how you love your neighbor.  The degree of love you show for yourself will be the same extent of love you can offer others. If there is a deficiency in loving yourself, that carries over in the love you are able to show others and sometimes even Me.

You are to love yourself in the very same way that I love you. Child, self-love is not ‘conceit.’ It simply means that you desire to be the best individual possible in all areas of life. That is how I love you. When you speak or think negatively about yourself or your situation, you become your own enemy.  Don’t do that. Put yourself in My hands. Follow My paths. Look for My point of view. Then you will find a good friend in yourself.

Love,

Your (best) Friend

(John 15:15)

Dear Child,

Love your enemies.  I use them to accomplish My purpose.

The Red Sea stood as an enemy for Israel.  Pharaoh's army, another enemy, was in hot pursuit.  Crossing the sea was unsafe.  Divine intervention was needed.  I parted the waters, the Israelites crossed in safety on dry ground (Exodus 14:22), and their enemy who followed them was destroyed when I released the waters again (Exodus 15:5).

In the midst of their uncertainty and frustration, I parted the waters to reveal the path that would move them to the other side.

Not getting the job you wanted, or the home you thought would be ideal or spending the rest of your life with your spouse are enemies.  All are part of living.  Sometimes I use them as a dam to reveal characteristics that need changing - your impatience, your not seeking My best for you, and taking for granted My blessings.

My actions could seem like punishment.  You could respond with jealousy for the one promoted ahead of you, depression for living in a lesser-valued home, or anger for having changes in your life-style.

View your enemies - both people and situations –  as My tools to teach you. See them as opportunities to seek My answers for your troubles. Then I can turn what seems to be punishment into blessings, and you receive the benefits.

Love,

God Who Holds in His Hand all Your Ways

(Daniel 5:23)

Dear Child,

Love your enemies.  I use them to bless you.

Fear gripped the heart of Balak, king of Moab, when the Israelites camped next to his country.  They were too numerous for his people to defeat.  He believed that pronouncing a curse on the foreigners would enable him to drive them out of the land and insure Moab’s safety.

The well-known heathen soothsayer, Balaam, was called to do such a service.  However, in My usual creative way - a talking donkey - , I captured Balaam's attention.  I informed him that he would only speak My words.  Even though he told this to the king, Balak insisted that Balaam make his pronouncement.

Three times My people received blessings, not curses.  I used enemies to emphasize My protection (Numbers 22-24).

Consider the Jordan River.  If flowing in a straight line, it would cover about 65 miles.  But I created it with a winding course.  That allows the river to water two times more land.

Similarly, I use enemies to throw curve balls in your life so My blessings can cover more territory.

Love,

Controller of Enemies

(Proverbs 16:7 implied)

Dear LORD Who Values Your Name (Ezekiel 20:14),

Thank you for Your patient explanations of why I am to love my enemies.  I finally understand.

You gave instructions for Aaron, the priest, to bless Israel.  The blessing was to link Your name with the people, and then You would bring about those general blessings in Your own specific ways (Numbers 6:24-27).

What You do for the nation of Israel—Your people called by Your name - You also will do for individuals.  When I, who believe in and follow Your word, speak blessings over friend or foe, I am connecting Your precious name with them.  Then You will bless them with what they need:

         Your salvation;

         Physical provisions;

         Emotional healing.

         Whatever they need, You will provide.

You also bless me, the one who blesses, with discernment to recognize the enemies.  You instill Your love for them in my heart.  You enlarge my vision to see beyond hurtful words and actions and see Your desire to be involved in my enemies' lives.

I freely give time and energy to pray blessings over those most unlovable and unlikely people.

Love,

A Cheerful Giver

Chapter 11

Forgiveness Is Possible

When You Pray For Your Enemies

God's will: To know who Jesus is (Matthew 16:16, 17)

Lord, Giver of Light (Psalm 27:1 implied), please send a witness to ___ so that his/her eyes would be opened to his/her lost condition.  Let ___ understand that the darkness in which he/she lives can turn to light.  Separate ___ from the power and influence of Satan that he/she might see Jesus.  Show ___ how to receive forgiveness of sins that he/she might be found among those sanctified by faith in You.

God's will: to have a positive attitude (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

In good times and especially in bad times, may I live before all people with contentment that men may recognize that such an attitude can only be based on a personal relationship with You.  You are my Oil of Gladness (Psalm 45:7).  You are my Strength (Psalm 27:1) and Stay (2 Samuel 22:19).  Through their criticisms and sneers, laughter and cruel words, let me act toward them with dignity that represents Your love.  Let me not act in a manner that would allow my enemies to ridicule You.  Instead, let them turn from their wicked ways and seek Your face.

God's will: to depend on God (Psalm 147:11).

Father (Deuteronomy 32:6), let Your enemies not prosper in their daily living that they would boast in themselves and their false gods of money, business strategies and social privileges.  Strip away those strongholds that they believe happened because of their own hands.  Cause them, in their misery and fear, to consider where blessings come from - not idols of the hands, mind and heart - for only You are Blesser of Our Enterprises (Deuteronomy 14:29 implied).

God's will: to pursue righteousness (Proverbs 15:9); to be humble, not haughty (2 Samuel 22:28).

Lord, You said that You spread a table for me in full view of my enemies.  That makes me the guest of honor among them.  My enemies are witnesses to Your blessings and honor bestowed upon me.  Let me act with humility because I am not so great or worthy that I deserve such treatment.  Let them see that all good things that I experience and enjoy come from my total obedience to You.  May these cause them to hunger and thirst after righteousness - not for earthly gain but for right spiritual standing.  You are Giver of Good Gifts (Matthew 7:11).

God's will: to fear (revere) God (Proverbs 14:27)

Mary anointed the feet of Jesus and wiped them with her hair (John 12:3). The perfume filled the air and her hair as well.  May I live so close to you that the fragrance of our relationship captures the attention of non-believers and encourage them to enter into worshipping You with reverential fear.  You are Blesser of Those Who Fear the LORD (Psalm 115:13).

God's will: that the wicked turn from his evil ways and live (Ezekiel 33:11)

You are LORD Who Sets before Me this Day Life and Good, Death and Evil (Deuteronomy 30:15).  I choose to walk the path of life.  Give me opportunities to come in contact with those walking on a destructive path.  May my witness through my demeanor, words and deeds be so enticing that they will choose to change directions and follow You.

God's will: that people take knowledge that we have been with Jesus (Acts 4:13)

Remind me that sometimes I go through unwanted troubled times only for the sake of witnessing to others.  May their eyes be opened to recognize that as You act as my Purger and Purifier (Malachi 3:3)  You are also my Constant Companion (Deuteronomy 31:6 implied).

God's will: to bless my persecutors (Romans 12:14)

I remember that You are Good to All.  (Psalm 145:9). When vengeful words and vindictive deeds are directed against me, give me discernment to know how to return them as acts of love for the benefit of my enemy.

God's will: that our actions praise God (Matthew 5:16)

You are Gracious (Psalm 103:8) to obscure the details of the worthless when I concentrate on the valuable.  Help me to see the enemy of my situation in light of Your wisdom for You are God Who Turns Curses into Blessings (Nehemiah 13:2).

God's will: to love one another (1 Thessalonians 3:12).

You are Zealous (Isaiah 37:32). May I follow Your example in showing my love for You regardless of my circumstances.  May my adversary recognize Your glory because of my enthusiasm in performing good works and seeking the best for others.

Chapter 12

Perfect Peace

Forgiveness and Healing at Last!

Imitation is one of the highest compliments we can pay an individual. A little girl dresses in her mother’s clothing and jewelry. She talks to her doll the same way Mother speaks to her. A young boy walks next to his father. He tries to copy Father’s stride even though the long steps are awkward for his short legs.

The dictionary definitions of ‘imitate’ are, “to try to be the same as; follow the example of; to be like in appearance; resemble.”

God stipulated five conditions to be met before He would forgive. “Seek My favor” (2 Chronicles 7:14) was one of them. The word ‘favor’ has several meanings including “to look like; resemble.”

Might God be telling us to follow His example? If He linked forgiveness and healing (2 Chronicles 7:14), it must be important. We are to do the same.

Words are fascinating. So is the order of words. God put ‘heal’ after ‘forgive.’ If we want to imitate our heavenly Father, then we cannot stop at the ‘forgiveness’ step. We must move to the next level – the healing stage.

Wounds to our feelings caused by:

         Innocent words spoken in jest but taken the wrong way

         Deliberate words spoken with the motive to degrade and humiliate

         Innocent actions taken by people who were indifferent as to how we would be affected

Deliberate actions by mean-spirited people to attack our very existence—must be confronted and dealt with.

Unfortunately, some wounds are not easily recognized. They give the appearance of being healed because a scab covers these hurts. Scabs are only temporary. They are part of the healing process. They are not the end result.

On the other hand, it is the scar that becomes proof that total healing has taken place. The forgiveness process is complete.

To forgive is our choice. If the offender asks for forgiveness, then two lands/two people can receive healing. But if the offender never asks – for whatever reason – we still forgive so we can receive the promised healing.

We spend quiet time with Jehovah-Rapha (The LORD My Healer). We spread out before Him our injured feelings and seek the healing that only He can give. When this happens the weeds of our wounds are plucked out. Anger, anxiety, bitterness, fear, resentment, worthlessness, dissatisfaction all disappear. Our sincere desire for freedom is met with God’s inexhaustible love for us, and the last phase of forgiveness is complete. LORD Who Heals You (Exodus 15:26) accomplishes His will, and we are the better for it.

Healed wounds give space and freedom for God’s Holy Spirit. The soil of our soul now can produce a crop fit for harvesting. And what might that look like? It is the fruit of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:22, 23).

         It is the fruit of:

         complete love for God, ourselves and others

         joy which comes from a right relationship with our Father

         peace because turbulent emotions are now tranquil. As Jesus put it, “Peace. Be Still” (Mark 4:39)

         patience knowing that after we have followed God’s example, we will receive His promise (Hebrews 10:36)

         kindness that we are now capable to extend to our ‘enemies’ because we seek God’s point of view

         goodness because harmful grudges have turned into helpful generosity, imitating LORD God Abundant in Goodness (Exodus 34:6)

         faithfulness to finish the work we began, to fulfill the instruction to forgive (Ephesians 4:32), God style (1 John 1:9)

         gentleness which results when we are set free from the malignancy of unforgiveness

         self-control which moves us from ‘victim’ to ‘victor’

Prayer: God, You are Forgiver of Sins (2 Chronicles 7:14) and Forgiver of Our Guilt (Psalm 32:5). When I follow Your instructions to forgive and receive healing, You become LORD , Who Sets Prisoners Free (Psalm 146:7).

Thank You.

Table of Contents

Copyright

Acknowledgements

Dedication

Forward

Introduction

Chapter 1 Forgive Me?

Chapter 2 Believe and Obey

Chapter 3 Forgive Me

Chapter 4 Unfair!

Chapter 5 Forgive? Me?

Chapter 6 Forgiving Others

Chapter 7 Forgiveness is Possible

When we know who and what we are.

Chapter 8 Forgiveness Is Possible

When we see our circumstances with God's point of view

Chapter 9 Forgiveness Is Possible

When we understand who is responsible for our tough times.

Chapter 10 Forgiveness Is Possible

When we love our enemies

Chapter 11 Forgiveness Is Possible

When You Pray For Your Enemies

Chapter 12 Perfect Peace Forgiveness and Healing at Last!