Mixed Messages

When Praise & Slander Collide

By Eric L. Freeman

Endorsements

I have been Eric’s pastor and best friend for ten years.  I am blown away by his ability to teach our church how to worship.  He is a great musician, leader, and team builder.  He is a man of deep integrity, courage, and tenacity.  If you want to learn how to build a worship ministry from the ground up or how to improve your ability to teach your congregation to worship, Eric is your man.

Dr. Allen Holmes

Lead Pastor

Daystar Church

Eric Freeman carries wisdom beyond his years; in his book Mixed Messages, he speaks to the inconsistencies we all experience in our words. Pointing us toward the standard of God-honoring and life-giving speech, he quickly connects us with the grace and power of the Holy Spirit as our source for inner transformation. As we courageously confront our own brokenness, Freeman directs us toward the ultimate aim of a redeemed tongue: the worship of God. Eric, in both words and life, carries a unique grace for communicating powerful messages. It's my pleasure to commend him to you.

Jerome Daley, Leadership Coach & Culture Consultant, author of six books at www.iThrive9.com

I wish Mixed Messages had been written 27 years ago when I started working with churches; it would have saved me a lot of heartache, embarrassment, and pain! Eric's book has given all of us a wonderful road map to one of the greatest problems we face day-to-day: how we position our words! I'm thankful for Eric's authenticity in this book and in his life. The WAVE team and I have been recipients of his efforts to live out the words in Mixed Messages.

Armando Fullwood

Director of WAVE

Mixed Messages is a welcomed resource dealing with the power of the tongue. This small yet commanding member so often conveys both edification and destruction from the same source. In this work, Freeman unpacks the mystery as well as the source of the problem as he directs his readers to the necessary tools for achieving consistency and freedom in this crucial area. His thorough use of Scripture to reinforce his position is both solid and relevant to this subject. This is a greatly needed resource for anyone who is a Christian, and I believe it will make an essential impact in the body of Christ.

Matthew Fallentine

Associate Worship Pastor and Director of the New Life School of Worship

A word to describe Eric Freeman is “consistent.”  In the time that I have known him, Eric’s passion has always been focused on bringing unity to his teams by creating a culture of honor and excellence.  Mixed Messages is a much needed reminder that our tongue has the ability every day to build up or tear down, and that we must recognize that our responsibility given by God… is to speak a message of life.  Laced with truth from God’s Word, I believe this book is a great resource for the body of Christ to grow deeper in their spiritual walk.

Justin Bradshaw

Associate Worship Pastor

Church of the Highlands

Contents

DEDICATION

CHAPTER 1 - THE POWER OF THE TONGUE

CHAPTER 2 - WORD CONCEPTION

CHAPTER 3 - THE HEART SPEAKS

CHAPTER 4 - COLLISION

CHAPTER 5 - CLEAN TO SING

CHAPTER 6 - THE AGENT OF CHANGE

CHAPTER 7 - THE GREAT ASSUMPTION

CHAPTER 8 - WORSHIP FROM WITHIN

CONCLUSION

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

NOTES

© Copyright 2012 Eric Freeman

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means-electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or other-except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior written permission of the author.

All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise noted, are taken from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version®. ESV®. Copyright ©2003 Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. All rights reserved. NLT quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996 Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. NKJV quotations are taken from the New King James Version, copyright ©1982 Thomas Nelson, Inc. All rights reserved. MSG quotations are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright ©1993 Eugene H. Peterson, NavPress Publishing Group.

Dedication

To each person that comprises the Body of Christ at Daystar Church.

Partnering together to do whatever it takes to make Christ followers who Grow, Connect, Serve, and Partner together!

Introduction

Autumn is one of my favorite times of the year. Every view is enhanced by an abundant spectrum of colors which paint beautiful masterpieces in nature. Although it is breathtakingly beautiful, nature is not my favorite element of that time of year…I love the fall college semester.

Each Fall Daystar Church has an abundance of students that flood through our doors, which is something we have come to know as the “fall rush.” Students from every walk of life are in attendance. Different backgrounds, viewpoints, and places of origin all collide in one place…and I love it!

One initial way we have tried to acclimate students to our church in the past is by hosting a college lunch. We feed them a great meal and let them know about our vision and process as a church to help them grow in their relationship with Christ. Then we invite them to take another step in their relationship toward God by joining our family at Daystar. All around, it’s a wonderful time in the life of our church.

Epic Word Failure

One of these lunches in particular stands out in my mind as a major “aha!” moment in my life. My wife and I were attending the annual college luncheon, as is the practice each year. After we finished our meal, we began visiting each table and initiating conversations with the students. A few tables in, we met a couple that was most friendly. The young man, Bo, had moved here from Texas and the young lady, Danielle, had relocated from Michigan. Bo was preparing to enter the medical field and Danielle was working as a social worker within the city. They shared how much they loved the church and already wanted to make Daystar their home.

A few weeks into the semester we had the opportunity of conversing with them again after one of our Sunday services. Now let me first say, I always try to remember names. I pride myself in my ability to remember things because it comes fairly naturally to me. Being the relational person that I am, I learned years ago that people’s faces light up when you remember their name. It just creates an instant connection with them.

Here was my first chance with this new couple to let them know how important their previous conversation was to me. There they stood in the back foyer with a new lady who appeared to be their guest.  As I approached them, the internal list of names began to scroll through my head. I began… “David, isn’t it?” He responded “No, it’s Bo.” as he shook my hand.

Fail! I turned to the young lady and said, “I believe your name was Danielle, correct?” She said, “Yes! That’s so amazing that you remembered my name.” One for two, I thought that can’t be that bad. I jogged my memory once again to see if I could remember any information they had offered about themselves in our previous conversation.

Aha! A pertinent fact entered my mind. I proceeded, “Danielle, I remember that you told me you hated your job and you were looking for another social organization within the city to which you could apply. Did you find another job?” Let me pause and admit that I was rather proud of myself for remembering such a pertinent detail in her life. On with the story. Instantly, her face showed all the visible signs of embarrassment. After a long silence, reluctantly and awkwardly she turned to her left and said, “Eric, I would like for you to meet my boss!”

What?! Who?! Embarrassed I turned as red as a stop sign and frantically walked away. What could I say? What had I done? There is no recovery from such an epic failure. After a few moments I swallowed my pride and went back into the room and began to beg for her forgiveness. She reassured me that everything was okay; all social workers are constantly searching the market for better conditions and organizations. Her boss agreed, they laughed, and tried to caudle my pride because I was still humiliated at the fact I had made such a blunder.

The Mouth Speaks

That moment may seem trivial in the grand scheme of life, perhaps even comical, but God used it as a catalyst in my journey to worship with all my heart, soul, mind, and mouth. Yes, I said mouth. Jesus told His disciples that the first commandment was to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matthew 22:37). All who are followers of Christ would identify that the Holy Spirit is transforming us to love in such a way. However, on this certain day, God also showed me there was something more he desired — my mouth. His prompting captured my attention. This led me to examine an uncharted area of my life, the words I spoke, which changed my life.

Listen to God’s words to us on the subject, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). If He truly has control of our heart, His praise should flow from our tongue. If we love God with all our heart it is inevitable – a sure result – that our mouth will honor Him with its speech as well. In opposition, if the words of slander towards others constantly flood our conversations, one could be led to the following conclusion: a mouth that utters such things does not love God to the best of its ability. It is true; the words we speak encompass the message of the attitude of our heart.

Why is this discrepancy found in our speech?

The incongruities in our messages are found in the power of our tongue. The inconsistency in speech is not a new phenomenon that has evolved with our generation. Jesus’ own earthly brother James commented, “No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers and sisters, these things ought not to be so” (James 3:8-10). James’ words have echoed throughout the history of the church and they challenge the contradiction that prevails in our speech even to this present day.

Out of Control

Thinking back to the previous story, the words of my mouth were intended to connect relationally with this couple. In contrast something else slipped out that could have possibly damaged this lady’s relationship with her boss and could have resulted in her termination. Could I have known that fact? Probably not, but still the realization was present that “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). God graciously led me to where I had to admit that even as hard as I tried, I was not in control of my tongue. The mixed messages that proceeded out of my mouth were the norm rather than the exception. At this point my interest was piqued and I had to know exactly everything that God had said on the subject.  Through much research and reading through Scripture, I discovered that the words mouth and tongue are referenced around 445 times, and most of these references speak of the tongue negatively.

Glaring Inconsistencies

After sharing this information with close friends we came to the realization that almost every follower of Christ at some point felt a uniform contradiction in their soul, which often disabled them to worship God.

How can we sing or declare God’s praise through the same mouth that we slander even the closest people to us? These two ideas are completely juxtaposed to one another and it renders many followers of Christ as ineffective; weighed down beneath the condemnation of the hypocritical nature within them, evidenced in their speech.

It’s not only those who claim the salvation that Jesus offers that notice this contradiction. Many interactions, relationships and conversations are littered with inconsistency. A message of hope is erased by doubtful comments. Opportunities of peace are quickly obliterated by anxiety. A discussion upon love for God is expunged of validity as the next word of slander slips off our tongue.

Death and life are present in our speech. When we leave our speech uncontrolled, unfruitfulness and estrangement from God are the result. Those who do not hold to a belief in Jesus are left confused, embittered and ultimately uninterested in following Christ. The apostle Paul understood the collision that was taking place. He knew that if we didn’t get our speech right we would invalidate our message. He strongly urged, “Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone” (Colossians 4:6 NLT). It is not by chance that Scripture discusses this topic so extensively.

The collision of these two mixed messages is often experienced daily by a majority of people who identify themselves as followers of Christ. Why? Does it have to be this way? It seems cruel that God would grant us the beauty of speech and eloquence of a singing voice, yet call the instrument that produces it evil. After all, if we can’t tame our tongue, why should we even try to bring it into submission to form some type of consistency with our speech?

Restoration

The answers to these questions require an in-depth search of the secret caverns of the heart and God’s word. The answer is, “No, it doesn’t have to be this way.” God desires to control, redeem, and restore our speech. This book will explore all the mixed messages that proceed out of our mouths.

The process of this restoration is not complex, but it will take active participation on your part as a reader. First, there must be a realization that there is indeed power within the words that you speak. Once this realization is acknowledged, we will explore and identify the source of those comments: the heart. Next we will discover the connection between the mouth and the heart. The relationship between the mouth, heart, and the words we speak are enveloped in complexity, but rest assured God’s Word has promised to expose the thoughts and intentions of our heart (Hebrews 4:12).  When the relationship between these two is identified, the collision of our words must be exposed. The collision of words is common to every individual. We see why this is true and what forces we are succumbing to when we use our words for both good and harm.

The next part of the restoration process is to discover how God heals us from these inconsistencies in our speech. Trust me, there is hope! Scripture paints a clear picture that we can indeed restore our speech. As self-reliant Americans, we often want to know the easy steps that we must take to achieve perfection. This process is a little different. There are some practical steps that Scripture outlines for us, but the major impetus for our speech change is the Holy Spirit. We will discover how He, in fact, is the one who brings about change in our lives. Our posture is simply to receive the speech He has already established.

Finally, after we receive all that the Holy Spirit has offered us, we will discover how that affects both others and our worship. He frees us to assume the best in others and worship God with both our heart and words which in return results in praise towards Him and others!

I invite you to explore all that God has for you!

“No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not be so” (James 3: 8-10ESV).

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21ESV).

Chapter 1 - The Power of the Tongue

Throughout our journey through life we have conversations that mark our path. We have the innate ability to remember conversations and emotions that accompany words that were spoken. This ability varies in degree. Many conversations are forgotten with time, not because they were unimportant, but because it is impossible to remember everything. Nevertheless, there are some conversations that you can remember in detail for years and years, as if they had just taken place.

Why is that true? It’s true because God intended words to have an impact on the course of our lives.

Praise

One of those conversations that will always be remembered for me is when I was affirmed by my current pastor. I was attending seminary at the time, trying to figure out God’s calling on my life. Studying ancient biblical text, theology and music of a previous generation seemed to be in direct opposition to the relevant style of our young church. Caught in the middle of two different worlds, I had difficulty finding my own place and style in the body of Christ.

Through struggle and many hard conversations I purposed to honor and submit to the spiritual authority in my life. One day my pastor sat me down and said a few simple words that will be remembered for the rest of my life. He simply stated, “Eric, I think you have what it takes. I believe in you.” The way he used the power of his tongue that day was pivotal to where I am today. His words spoke life to me which invoked hope, passion, and vision.

I am sure if you scan through all the conversations stored in your brain you have some that are similar. Your current position in life has probably been altered by some of them. A simple word of affirmation can be life changing.

Slander

In contrast, I distinctly remember some conversations that have hindered my spiritual development. Years ago my family experienced the destruction that accompanies lies and rumors. This happened within the confines of our church and ultimately ended in my father’s resignation and my mother’s fight with depression and anxiety for a number of years. Many tears were shed and questions left unanswered; all because of some careless words that were spoken.

Just as before, I am positive that you have had a similar experience in your life. Chances are you have not only received it, but have spoken it as well. As you think through those painful memories it’s easy to ask, “What was I thinking? I can’t believe I said _____ [you fill in the blank].”

The fact that we can all see the ramifications of words in our lives leads us to the conclusion that the tongue contains great power. The words we speak can be life changing. God intended words to have an impact in our lives.

Essence

When we look at Scripture we see God speaking from the very beginning. In the creation account alone the phrase “God said…” is used nine times. God intended that we remember the conversation He had with creation because He knew it would have a profound impact on our life. In other words, God spoke life. Let that sink in for a moment.

God had the ability to say whatever He desired, but He chose to speak life! Why? Because the words He spoke are the essence of who He is: Life!

If we fast-forward through history we come to another important conversation that Jesus had with Satan. He reiterates this truth when He stated, “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). In essence, Jesus is simply saying we find life in the words of God.

If we move even further ahead in time we come to the present day. We arrive at your life. Just as there are truths about God and Christ, there are truths that define your existence as well. One major truth that you must accept is that you are created in the image of God. Genesis 1:27 states, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.” If this fact is true, it sequentially leads us to another truth. Just as God spoke from His essence, you speak from the essence of who you are because you are created in His image.

This truth is both scary and exciting. There is tremendous power in the words that we speak. As you have probably already deduced, those words come from that ever-so-small part of our body: the tongue.  Our tongue has the ability to speak life or death. Scripture states, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrust, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18).

If your words are the essence of who you are, how are you using your tongue? I encourage you to pause and ask yourself, “Do my words encourage life or death?”

Contradiction

My guess is that you have come to the same conclusion as everyone else. We speak a hodge-podge of mixed messages. There are times when you encouraged another person and their life was changed by your influence. On the opposite end of the spectrum, perhaps you got really irritated with an individual and said something you should not have and possibly damaged a relationship forever.

You are not alone in your predicament. Ultimately every person experiences this contradiction. To be honest, that’s why I am writing this book. I noticed the mixed messages that came from my mouth and desired to address this issue in my life and then help others understand and control their tongue.

Be on Guard

I invite you to make a resolve for your life that ends with one message rather than a conglomeration of inconsistent messages that often comprise our conversations. The first step in this process is to be aware of the power of your tongue and guard this part of your body. The individual who leaves their tongue unguarded will end in destruction. Scripture states, “Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3). Solomon, the author of the book of Proverbs, again states, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23NIV).

If your tongue is left unguarded, it will ultimately ruin your life and the lives of others around you. In contrast, there’s huge benefit to learning to control the tongue — it can actually protect your life. The importance of this issue is paramount in the development of a life that is fully devoted to following Christ.

The media is filled with people who chose their words poorly which hurts and destroys their life and position. Any person is susceptible to a slip of the tongue or a rash comment. Life and destruction are always on the line.

Divine Conversations

Let’s switch gears for a moment and look at another relationship affected by our tongue. It is easy to see how our words can affect tangible individuals who surround us daily, but it is far more difficult to see the effect of our word selection in relationship to God.

Before we begin this particular aspect of the conversation, the precedent must first be established that our God is a God of forgiveness, grace and second chances (see Hebrews 4:16).  There is forgiveness for the words that we speak, but we must be aware of the influence of our words in our relationship with God.

James, the brother of Jesus, gave some strong words of warning to the early church that still ring true today. “If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless” (James 1:26).

This verse poses an interesting question: “If our words can affect our relationships with other people, can they affect our relationship with God?”

Due to the many negative connotations that religion often invokes, some modern readers would say, “I’m not interested in being religious anyway.” But if we look closer at the word religion we find something interesting. The words religious and religion come from the Greek words threskos and threskeia, which mean to fear or worship God and external acts of worship.

In other words, the Scripture is saying, if we don’t watch the words that come out of our mouth our worship is void and worthless. These are pretty strong words and they should cause us to examine the words that we speak to others and God.

This Scripture also seems to imply that our words have a great impact on our relationship with God. Scripture teaches us that God detests lying lips. “The Lord detests lying lips, but delights in men who are truthful” (Proverbs 12:22NIV). He also tells us that our words should be thought out and not said in haste. “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Proverbs 29:20).

Now, I am not saying that God is going to strike you down with a bolt of lightning if you tell a lie. What I am saying is God is concerned about the words that you and I speak. If they are pure in nature, expressing the essence of Him living within us, then He is pleased. If our words are birthed out of our sin nature [our flesh] then He warns us they distance us from Him and others and ultimately end in our own destruction.

What Are You Eating?

Let’s go back to the verse that begins this chapter. “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (Proverbs 18:21). I would like to look at another Scripture in relationship to this one. “A gentle [or healing] tongue is a tree of life” (Proverbs 15:4).

Just as a tree produces fruit our tongue also produces fruit. The fruit that our tongue produces can be sweet to the taste, bitter and sometimes rotten. Because God has given us a choice we have the control over what comes out. Ultimately, the decision is yours. One thing is true though, you will eat the fruit of what your tongue produces. If your words are kind, encouraging, and loving, you will enjoy that same fruit. Just the opposite is true to those who choose to speak words that are mean, degrading, sarcastic, negative and hateful; their mouth will be full of the bitter taste. Not only will you be forced to eat the words that you produce, but also the individuals that surround you will eat your fruit. They will either taste life in your words that points them to a Savior, or they will walk away with a bitter taste left lingering in their mouth long after you are gone.

Don’t be fooled, the power of life and death reside in your tongue!

Application

As you have read this chapter there is a good chance that the Holy Spirit has brought to mind some inconsistencies in your speech. It is also true that you may have experienced some guilt and condemnation which caused you to question your character. When this happens it is important to differentiate the Holy Spirit’s rebuke and demonic attack. The Holy Spirit always rebukes an action and comes along side of you to change that behavior. Demonic warfare on the other hand, attacks you personally and leaves you with feelings of inadequacy, doubt and condemnation. This ultimately leads to distance from God. You are left feeling it is impossible to change and there is no hope.

I encourage you to discern between the two and pick the side of the Holy Spirit. If God has shown you some inconsistencies of speech that you don’t desire to have in your life, simply pause and pray, “God I am unable to change this behavior and need you to transform my speech in ____________[you name the area]. If it keeps reoccurring in your speech, each time stop and simply say, “God, please forgive me, these words are of my old nature and I claim your new life and identity in this area.” Remember, transformation into the image of Christ is a lifetime journey.

“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” (Proverbs 4:23NLT).

Chapter 2 - Word Conception

Much excitement always surrounds a child’s first word. For such a long time a child’s only ability to communicate with the world is restricted to just a few communication forms: mainly screaming and crying. The only response of the person caring for the child is by guessing. Does that scream mean it’s time to eat or are they just tired? Does that cry communicate a need to be held or cleaned? Let’s face it, until words come of that little mouth the task of comprehending can be a little daunting.

When the first word arrives, parents ecstatically brag of their child’s seemingly monumental feat. They commemorate the experience by recording it or writing it down in some keepsake book in order to mark the date of this accomplishment. A child’s first word is certainly something worth remembering!

But, why? Is it because the parent is finally able to understand the desire of their child, or is it the fact that a word has finally been conceived?

I believe it is a little of both, but it is mainly rooted in the place in which the word is conceived. Now, an analytical view of word conception would be that words are made up of the connection of individual letters that compose our alphabet. Although this is technically true, there is something much more important that is happening beneath the surface: a child is speaking from the heart.

Let me explain. Most children say “mama” or “dada” in some form or fashion of the term as their first word. The reason this is so monumental is that a child has learned to communicate the object of his or her affection. The life of a child revolves around their parents. Their parents feed, clothe, clean and care for their every need. In response, the heart of a child is able to conclude: since they love me, I love them.

That’s right; words are conceived in our heart. This is why when a parent hears “mama” or “dada” for the first time they realize it is not so much about the word itself, but the actual place from which the word was conceived. They have connected with the heart of their child.

Organ or Place?

Before we explore that thought any further let’s first figure out exactly what defines the human heart. Now I think it is safe to say that every person reading this book knows that the heart is a human organ that resides in the left side of the chest beneath our lungs. We would also agree that the heart pumps blood throughout our body, carrying precious oxygen, which in turn allows our body to function and sustain life. This is the physical function of the heart and rest assured every human being has one.

On the other hand, there is another component of the heart that seems a little more ambiguous. The component of which I am speaking is the metaphorical aspect of our heart. You hear people claim, “I love ________ [you fill in the blank] with all my heart” or “I accepted Jesus into my heart.” What do phrases like that mean? Their reference is to the physiological and spiritual side of the human heart.

Each person is made up of a mind, heart, soul, and body. God made every individual with these basic components and He desires that each piece be surrendered to Him in order that we will find life. This is why Jesus told his followers, “You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind” (Matthew 22:37 NLT).

The body is the physical organism that we tangibly see when looking at other individuals. It contains our mind, heart, and soul. Our physical body is characterized by its external instincts of sight, sound, smell, taste and touch[i]. Our mind is simply our intellect. The mind is the faculty of our understanding and it is comprised of our thoughts. The soul is regarded as our moral being which is designed for everlasting life[ii]. Its functions are our opinion, emotions, and will[iii].

The word that Jesus uses in this passage when referencing the heart should be familiar to all of us: kardia. Kardia is the Greek root word from where our word cardiac is derived. Our heart is the center and seat of our spiritual life. It actually contains and encompasses our mind and soul. It is defined as the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes, and endeavors of our life[iv]. It is of the upmost importance in our relationship to God. The word heart alone is mentioned 574 times in Scripture.

I like the way Proverbs 4:23 signifies its importance, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Another version addresses the heart as a spring…“Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life” (Proverbs 4:23 NASB). Jesus repeatedly emphasized this theme in his ministry. Remember when Jesus stood out in the crowd and proclaimed, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, ‘Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water’” (John 7:37-38).

Our heart is an essential component to who we are as human beings. If we go back to what was said in the previous chapter we realize that God intended words to have such an impact on us because of the place in which they are conceived.

In other words, Jesus lived off the words of His father because His words contained the essence of His heart. When King David sang about the words of the Lord he declared they were “more to be desired than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb” (Psalm 19:10). The prophet Ezekiel and the apostle John were both commanded to eat scrolls containing the words of God which they both proclaimed were sweet as honey in their mouth which symbolized the life that is supplied in God’s words (Ezekiel 3:3 and Revelation 10:10).

Creativity Creation

When you realize that the words of God communicate His heart, you are confronted with a startling truth. Again, if we are made in the image of God then we operate in similar fashions. So, if God’s words are conceived in His heart, then ours are as well.

Recently I sat down with a local artist who attends our church and we discussed the preparation process of creating a piece of art. He described in detail all the different brushes, techniques and choices of paint which are essential elements to artistic creation. As he illustrated this process he said one thing that piqued my interest, “before I begin the process, I must have a clear concept of what I want to communicate through my art.” There it was…word conception.

As a musical artist and author, I have learned over the years that you must first start with a concept of what you are trying to communicate within your heart before you commence on a new project. Without this forethought the end product seems to be a conglomerate of mixed messages. The meaning would not be clear and it would ultimately leave the listener or reader confused and befuddled with the message they were sent.

Defensive Posture

A thoughtful individual spends many long hours of contemplation allowing an idea to be birthed within their heart before they present it to the surrounding world. When you think of conversations you have had with such individuals in the past, have you ever wondered why they get so defensive when you critique their message?  Why do songwriters get up in arms if you criticize their new song? Why do artists and poets claim that others just don’t understand creativity and the form of art? Why do people argue, “They just don’t get me” or “They can’t hear what I am trying to say?”

It’s because when we as individuals communicate something we are speaking our heart. Many would not be able to verbalize that exactly, but rest assured that is what is taking place.

As we stated earlier our heart is the essence of who we are as human beings. It is central to our core, the epicenter of each person’s being. If you think of it that way, it should be protected above all else. Our heart contains the unique essence of who we are as individuals.

If we are truly communicating our heart, why do we sometimes carelessly throw our words around in conversation? The reason for this negligence comes down to our ignorance of the connection between our heart and the words we speak.

Sharp Words

Jesus desires that we not be ignorant, but fully aware of what takes place when we speak. There is more occurring when a word is conceived than we realize. More than that, he desires that we be familiar with our heart and give Him full authority over it. When we know our heart and understand its connection with the words we speak, we realize that words themselves are a product.

Words are indicators; indicators that give small glimpses into the inward most place of a person.

What is that place? You guessed it. Our heart.

Jesus has always been about that special place within each individual. Matter of fact, Scripture tells us that He searches our hearts constantly. Every day His purpose is to know us in that place. Paul described Him as the One who searches our hearts (see Romans 8:27NIV). The author of Hebrews stated, “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12). That’s right; the words of God are constantly cutting through all the peripheral fluff in our lives and focusing on the intentions of our heart. Later in the book of Revelation, John saw a vision of Jesus in which he had that same two-edged sword protruding from His mouth (Revelation 1:16). Jesus’ words were always meant to have an impact in our lives and connect with us in a supernatural way.

Rummage Through My Heart

When you think of the human heart in this way you are confronted with the fact that a heart encompasses the human essence. Just as God’s words speak His heart, our words communicate that most sacred private place within all of us.

The words of God always contain and sustain life. With that in mind let’s ask a probing question about our words, “Do our words contain life or death?”

If we are honest, we all would admit that we seem to have a mixture of life and death in our speech. If that is the case we must dig even deeper in to our being to ask, “What does that say about the health of my heart?”

King David knew this predicament all too well. The words he wrote echoed this dilemma. He cried, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24NLT). Just like David we have to ask God to search the intentions of our heart. Without this daily inward cleansing we are ultimately left with the inconsistencies of the mouth. The reason contradictory messages are spoken is because there is an epic battle constantly taking place within our core. It is a battle centered on control. Your self (or flesh) is fighting against the Spirit that lives within you for control over your heart. Scripture describes it like this, “For the flesh sets its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things that you please” (Galatians 5:17). The victor of this battle ultimately controls your heart and determines the words you speak. The choice is yours.  Will the words you conceive be birthed in life or death? Choose life!

Application

When a person truly discovers the significance of their heart for the first time, the experience can be a little overwhelming. I encourage you to ask deep probing questions about your heart. If your words are indeed small glimpses into your heart, what do you see? Do you see more self or Spirit being portrayed?

God’s words always speak life over us because they are the essence of His heart. If your words are the essence of your heart, what are you speaking? Again, don’t feel condemnation or guilt if you see mixed messages in your speech. God’s grace is big enough for your sin, but resolve today to let Him have more control of your heart. Invite Him to search the innermost places of your being and once He has, give Him complete authority to govern your heart. Above all else, guard your heart, for it determines the course of your life.

“For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34NIV).

Chapter 3 - The Heart Speaks

Recently America experienced a devastating blow to the environment. Individuals across the country were horrified as they watched black crude oil bubble up from the depths of the Gulf of Mexico. Many emotions were experienced, but anger seemed to overshadow most. Many questioned, “How can the British Petroleum Oil Company be seemingly so flippant about the millions of gallons of oil that are leaking into our clean, clear ocean?” Fish and birds were killed, marshlands were destroyed, and the environment was forever altered due to this seepage of black death.

As I sat and watched video of the oil leak from the broken well at the bottom of the ocean, oddly enough, I saw a perfect illustration of the connection between our heart and mouth.

Before we explore the illustration let’s first recap what we have already discussed.

In the first chapter we identified in Scripture that life and death are found in the words we speak. God has always intended words to have a substantial impact on individuals. In the second chapter, we reasoned that those words are conceived in a very special place: the heart. I have already touched upon the relationship between the mouth and the heart, but in this chapter I desire to fully dissect that connection.

Overflow

Jesus described the connection when He said, “For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34NIV). The word overflow provides a great visual aid in understanding the implications of this verse. Think of a liquid overflowing from its container or water gushing from a fire hydrant. Solidify that picture in your mind. Now think of oil leaking from a broken well in the depths of the ocean.  Can you see the oil escaping, overflowing the confines of the well?

This is what the connection between your heart and mouth looks like. Jesus referenced this connection at other times in His ministry as well. “He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, ‘From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water’” (John 7:38 NIV). Remember, the innermost being is the heart; the place where words are conceived. Just like water from a spring and oil from an underground well, our words flow from our heart. This gushing is an unstoppable force that God has put in motion in the heart of a believer. Without it, speaking would be utterly impossible. Words are not formed in our mouth.  If they were, this invisible current or flow would not be needed to connect the heart and mouth.  Eugene Peterson illustrates this verse as such in his Message translation, “If anyone thirsts, let him come to me and drink. Rivers of living water will brim and spill out of the depths of anyone who believes in me this way, just as the Scripture says” (John 7:38MSG).

Living Water

Notice how both translations of this particular verse use the term living water. We would agree that living water obviously differs greatly from crude oil. The question is, what exactly did Jesus mean by living water? He spoke of this water earlier in His ministry when speaking to the Samaritan woman at a well in the middle of a hot afternoon. To the thirsty woman He said, “Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty forever. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life” (John 4:14).

The water that He is referring to symbolizes the Holy Spirit. In a subsequent verse John clarifies the previous statement of living water when he said, “by this he meant the Spirit” (John 7:39NIV).

In other words, what Jesus is saying is that His Spirit comes and takes up residence in our heart. Earlier we defined the heart as the fountain and seat of the thoughts, passions, desires, appetites, affections, purposes and endeavors of our life. The fountain, or heart, is the essence of who we are as human beings. Jesus offers to replace that fountain and implant His Spirit which provides not just water but, living water to all those who have faith in his salvation. Any other water that we metaphorically drink may quench our thirst, but it is only temporary. His living water rises from within us continually and provides eternal life to us and those with whom we speak.

Rotten Apples

Let’s pause here for a moment and ask a question.

What if we are not experiencing living water bubbling up from within our heart?

Jesus, as always has another illustration to help us understand the absence of living water. ‘“Either make the tree good, and its fruit good,” Jesus said, “or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! [Jewish religious leaders of his day] How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil”’ (Matthew 12:33-35 emphasis added). Jesus reiterated this same truth in Matthew 7:17-18 when He said, “So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit.”

Ouch! Those words cut right to the heart of the matter [pun intended]. In these verses the tree represents the heart and the fruit symbolizes our mouth. Different trees produce different qualities of the fruit. It’s either lush, juicy fruit or rotten apples. “The nature of the tree inevitably determines the kind of fruit. Conversely, when we see the kind of fruit, we know the nature of the tree. The tree is the heart and fruit is the mouth. If the heart is good, the words that come from the mouth will be good. But if the words that come from the mouth are evil, we know that the heart is evil. There is an absolute inescapable connection between the state of the heart and the state of the mouth.”[v]

Litmus Test

Again we see a direct connect portrayed, but this time in a different light. One picture is that of a life giving water flowing from within the depths of the heart and the second is of an evil tree producing rotten fruit. The question that each person must ask is:

Which illustration best represents the connection between my heart and mouth?

We often deceive ourselves regarding the condition of our heart. Believers claim to be mature in their faith, possessing purity and right motives. Many allege to have a good heart, one that loves God and genuinely cares for others. Yet the words that proceed from their mouth do not support their claim at all. We all must realize that we can only disguise the true condition of the heart for a short time. Inevitably, it will speak! Our words form a type of litmus test to let us know the condition of their source.

While doing research for this book, I came across a story that illustrates this connection between the heart and mouth well. Derek Prince writes,

“I did educational work for five years in East Africa. One of the tribes I worked with was the Marigoli tribe. I was amazed to discover that the same word in that language meant “heart” and “voice.” I used to wonder how to determine which one the person meant. Does he mean “your heart” or “your voice”? But as I pondered it, I began to see the real insight in the use of that particular language. In reality, the voice indicates the heart. The voice tells with words, the condition of the heart.”[vi]

What a wonderful picture of this invisible relationship. Although the connection lies within each of us, we often can’t articulate the bond between our heart and mouth. It’s so true that our voice is our heart. This is why God is not so concerned about the fruit of our lips or the voice of our songs.  Rather, He cares more about our heart. “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1Samuel 16:7NIV).

It’s from that place that either life is found or death reigns. Because God created this connection, He has always known that if He has our hearts, then He has our words. This is why worship of God is always a heart issue. One psalmist spoke of it when he said, “My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King [Christ]; My tongue is the pen of a ready writer” (Psalm 45:1NASB emphasis added).

Notice the connection? The heart is listed first and then the tongue follows. King David said, “Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord” (Psalm 139:4NIV). Why is that true? It’s true because God is the One who searches hearts. If He searches our hearts then He will always know the words that will be on our tongue before we say them. There is a direct connection between the two.

Your Choice

It is understandable that when an individual is faced with the realization of this relationship it can be a bit overwhelming. Most individuals don’t give the origin of their words much thought. A cloud of confusion engulfs the mind as previous conversations flood into the memory. What was the tone of that conversation I had with __________[you fill in the blank]?

Am I a sarcastic person? If so, what does that say about my heart? I like to tell crude jokes and I am accustomed to let a blasphemous word fly here and there when I get a little frustrated. Does that mean I have an evil heart? Others realize that their love for gossip and slandering other people indicates something is drastically wrong with the innermost part of their soul.  Some come to the realization that they are just mean and choose to cut with their words when they have been crossed or things don’t go their way. This again must be an indicator of a problem deeper within.

To those of you who really desire to allow Christ into every aspect of your life, you have maybe understood for the first time that this is a contradiction in your life. Mixed messages are the norm rather than the exception. Although you desire to speak life, you find that without even knowing it your heart has ratted you out by the words that come from your mouth.

Although these thoughts can be overpowering and seemingly negative, I want you to refer back to the earlier illustration that began the chapter. Picture in your mind the black crude oil escaping from the underground pipe into the clear ocean water that surrounds it. Ok, got the picture? In contrast, draw a picture in your imagination of a natural mountain spring flowing never-touched, unpolluted water. See how it bubbles and flows over the rock. Look at all the green, tender plants that strive to get close to soak up its nutrients. Can you see the two scenes?

Here is the great news:  you get to choose.  That’s right; you get to choose which will symbolize the relationship between your heart and mouth. It was for freedom that God set us free (Galatians 5:1). Those who trust in Christ’s salvation are no longer enslaved to sin, they are free to choose. This is why it was so important when God offered to replace our heart of stone with a heart of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). God knew that without a new heart it was impossible to love God and others. Without a new heart, it is impossible to have words of praise come from our lips. Claim the new heart that God offers and your words will never be the same!

Application

My invitation to you is simple. Picture the words that are escaping from your heart to your mouth. After you have the scene drawn in your imagination, ask yourself: Do you like what you see?

If you do, great! If not, which I believe is the majority of people reading this book, I invite you to choose. Choose to live out a new heart. Make this moment count. Leave the past behind you, and embrace the heart that God has provided for you. When you do, get ready! Bubbles of living water will begin to flow and those around you will see an almost immediate difference in the words you speak.

“Sometimes it [the tongue] praises our God and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring” (James 3:9-12).

Chapter 4 - Collision

I would like to introduce you to an individual. This particular person is quite a risk taker. Each and every day they take their life in to their own hands. They are known for living life on the open road; a bit of a traveler. Speed doesn’t scare this person. “Living life in the fast lane” is their motto. Driving inches away from oncoming traffic is a mere afterthought. The risk is known, but rarely processed because there are bigger and better things to be concerned about. Don’t get me wrong, they understand caution is necessary, but if it is practiced it is done so lackadaisically.

Ok, I am sure I have piqued your interest. Who is this person? It’s you!

Now wait just a minute, many of you are saying to yourselves. This guy doesn’t know me and he is making some pretty broad sweeping accusations about me. Before you write me off, let me explain myself.

At some point in our lives, most of us have gotten into a car and sped down a highway. Our generation travels faster and farther than any other previous generation due to the technological advancements of our society. The road has become a common place for the American. We often commute long distances to work and other events that consume our lives. Rarely, if ever, do we give much regard to the oncoming traffic that passes by us in our caged protected environment. Do we ever stop and think that much of our existence is spent dangerously flirting near a collision? Some do and live life very cautiously. They are the ones that we call “defensive drivers.” Others seemingly throw caution to the wind; their everyday commutes are full of phone calls, loud radios, conversations with others in the car, eating and daydreaming.

It can be avoided, but only for so long and then it happens: the collision. When a collision happens it always catches both parties off guard. How could that happen to me? Didn’t that person see me? It definitely can’t be my fault, officer!

Unfortunately, it can be our fault even on the best of days.

Accident

At the scene of a car accident there are pieces to pick up and wounds to be mended. In the worst case there is a total loss of material possessions and even life. One thing is true, an accident can’t be undone. No person can rewind time or take back the mistake that caused so much destruction.

The same is true with our words. You hear people say, “I put my foot in my mouth” or “I wish I could take that back.” Well, you can’t; the damage has already been done.

Just like a car accident, a collision can be avoided but never undone. The measures that need to be taken to avoid such a collision are common sense: focus on the road and what the other cars are doing around you, don’t drive over the posted speed limit, and avoid distractions. Finally, drivers should acknowledge the responsibility that has been entrusted to them.

Pause there one moment…

Think about the weight of that statement. Acknowledge the responsibility that has been entrusted to them.

Driving is a major responsibility because there is so much is at stake. In the same way, when we speak there is much at stake. I fear that it is easy for individuals to be unaware of the responsibility that has been given to them in their speech. Do we ever stop to think of the amazing reality that God has given humanity a voice? The voice should be respected and treated with diligent care. If proper forethought is not given to our speech many accidents will be experienced when our words collide.

Contradiction

I am sure the idea of a word accident or collision is not a new thing for you. If you are a normal human being, which you are, you have experienced these mishaps all throughout your life. There are all kinds of terms to describe these mishaps. Words like lying, gossiping, cursing, slandering, and betraying might sound familiar. One thing is for sure; there is a seemingly endless amount of ways that we can use our words to mess up a relationship.  Often people quickly say after a word has escaped their mouth, “what I meant to say was _________[you fill in the blank].”

Why is that the case? Why are there so many contradictions in our speech? When I examine my own speech I have come to the conclusion that more often than not I live in a large chaotic ball of mixed messages. It would be easy to dismiss this occurrence as the imperfection of humanity. Although there is some truth to that conclusion, I believe there is more beneath the surface that God would have us to examine.

Blessing and Cursing

The contradiction that must be examined is that of blessing and cursing. James, the brother of Jesus said, “Sometimes it [the tongue] praises our God and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right!” (James 3:9-10). Why does this relationship of blessing and cursing need to be examined? Because James clearly states, it is not right. In other words, it’s wrong or it’s sin.

When we come to a passage such as this in Scripture, it is easy to quickly skim to the next verse or defensively excuse our actions. After all, no person likes to find fault in himself. Nevertheless, this issue must be addressed.  Jesus comments on the severity of our speech when He said, “But I tell you that men will have to give account on the Day of Judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:36-37NIV).

Does that verse grab your attention? If not, it should. Our words are a big deal. The word Jesus uses for careless is argos, which means lazy, shunning the labor that one ought to perform.[vii] But wait a minute…that sounds similar to what we addressed earlier. When we are careless with our words we fail to acknowledge the responsibility that has been given to us in our speech.

Battle for Control

To explain this epic struggle, we must explore a reality that is birthed in every believer of Christ. Before a person places their faith in Christ they operate out of their flesh. Another way of describing our flesh is our original sin nature. Although we are made in the image of God we bear the curse of Adam’s sin. Paul describes this state as such;

“You were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind” (Ephesians 2:1-3).

Another way of saying this is, we were enemies of God because our nature was opposed to God. In essence when a person operates in their flesh, they have considered themselves a god. The desires of the body and mind become an idol that one serves.

On the opposing side of the spectrum lies the Spirit. Scripture says, “God, being rich in mercy, because of his great love with which he loved us, even when were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ” (Ephesians 2:4-5). I love the word alive. The reason why the word alive is so wonderful is it demonstrates that God has exchanged our old heart with a new one! He does not want us to live a mediocre life, but one that is abundant (John 10:10). The individual who is experiencing this life is one who has enthroned God as the ruler and authority over his or her heart. The desires of the flesh submit to the will of the Spirit of God.

Here is where the interesting part comes in to the story. Even though we have a new heart there is still a constant battle for control of this very special place. I am not implying that a person gains and loses his salvation repeatedly, but that we are constantly in the process of shedding or breaking our flesh. We have to choose moment by moment the nature to which we will submit.

Paul describes the battle like this:

“So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions” (Galatians 5:16-17NLT).

There you have it: Mixed Messages.

Our two battling natures produce two totally different outcomes. The Spirit produces praise; the flesh conversely produces slander. The reason why we see mixed messages proceeding from our mouth is because there is a conflict that rages within our being for who will control our heart

The Heart of the Matter

Once again we come back to the heart. God wants complete control of our hearts. It is not right to praise God and curse others because it demonstrates a contradiction within the allegiance of our soul. If God truly controls our heart, our speech should be consistent. We should praise God and praise others. If we claim to love God and yet can’t love others. we are fakes and phonies. John said, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother” (John4:20-21). Consistency can only be achieved when God controls our heart.

Confrontation

Let’s go back to the illustration of driving a car. Do you remember when you were in driver’s education for the first time? I can. I still remember the room and Coach Middleton giving the class driving demonstrations. And those horrifying videos! Blood, guts and crinkled cars malign the scenes.

Why do they show such footage?

It serves two purposes. First, it scares the students. This leads to the second purpose: to acknowledge the responsibility that has been entrusted to them. They are confronted with the reality that they hold life and death in their hands.

Just like these potential drivers are confronted, we are confronted by Scripture. God knows that if mixed messages are not brought to our attention, we will never be forced to deal with these contradictions. If they are not dealt with, inevitably our words will collide leaving maligned carnage wherever we go. The realization of this truth is of the most importance — we are God’s mouthpiece in the world.

God intends to use the speech of His followers to spread good news to the entire world. If these mixed messages are not dealt with, we leave people confused, embittered and opposed to the message of salvation. Paul instructed us, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person” (Colossians 4:6). I like the way the Message paraphrase communicates this passage; “Use your heads as you live and work among outsiders. Don't miss a trick. Make the most of every opportunity. Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down or cut them out.”

The world deserves one consistent message of truth. Just as God’s words are always the same, our lives and speech should resemble His example. When the world experiences contradiction in our speech they instantly know our heart more resembles theirs rather than that of God. Settle today where the allegiance of your heart lies.

Application

As you read through this chapter many of you have been confronted with the contradiction in your speech. An acknowledgment has taken place within your soul of the responsibility which you possess in the creation of your words. First, I ask you to pause for a moment and thank God that He has entrusted you with the amazing gift of speech. Let this truth of this reality sink deep within you. In response humbly submit your speech to your Creator. Second, ask God to begin to bring consistency in your speech, that you would not only praise Him, but others as well. Remember, the transformation of your speech is a slow process, so don’t get discouraged if you slip here or there. Every time you make a mistake, confess to the Lord and simply ask, “God by Your strength I receive Your consistency in my speech. I am unable to accomplish such a high and lofty goal, but I submit my heart to You and ask that You do it through me. Do so in such a way that demonstrates to me and others Your power and glory!”

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me…O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise” (Psalm 51:10 & 15).

Chapter 5 - Clean to Sing

Whether you are particularly inclined to watch sporting events or not, they surround you every day. Our culture seems to feed off the entertaining value of opposing teams fighting for victory. There is something about the competitive adrenaline that is released when we watch these battles that keeps us coming back for more. Competition can also be witnessed in just about every reality TV show, in the work place, and even in our families.

Why do we love competition?

I believe it is rooted in a most basic human instinct, to triumph. Nobody is interested in the loser. At the end of the game, little interest is given to those who have been beaten. A quick glance is given their way and then all the attention is focused on the victor of the contest.

Although, we rarely focus on those who come up short of victory, there is one circumstance that will outrage a crowd. A poor loser! Our culture expects that those who have been soundly beaten to stand tall, and hold their chin up and admit their defeat. We want them to handle this blow with dignity and character. If they don’t, then they will get all the press coverage they don’t desire. They will be belittled and accused of being a poor sportsman and competitor. Their reputation can be tarnished forever.

Poor Losers

It’s common to see this scenario played out in the sporting arena, but is not so easily identified in the life of a follower of Christ.

In this life we either win or lose. The ultimate goal of a believer is to hear “well done” spoken over them when their earthly life has reached completion (Matthew 25:23). This ensures that salvation has been granted to the person and they are able to live eternally in the presence of God. We refer to this place as heaven. Contrary to what some people believe, salvation is not granted to us based upon our victories. Scripture says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing [or accomplishments]; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9 emphasis added). In essence we are now victors in this life, not based upon our own merit, but because of the victory that has been won over sin and death by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. So now we win because the victory over sin and death has been accomplished (1 Corinthians 15:55-56). Scripture states, “Thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” (1 Corinthians 15:57).

We have established the idea that all who believe by faith in Christ are victors. Next we will identify how this idea connects back to our subject. As followers of Christ we already have victory over our words, but we often exemplify ourselves as poor losers. Our words unknowingly speak that we have lost the battle for our own heart. The sometimes selfish and often slandering nature of our words communicate that we are not living in the freedom that is ours to be had if we would only just grab hold of it.

The question is…why don’t we triumph over our words?

There are a few reasons we lose this fight. First, we are often ignorant to the option of freedom that has been given to us. Second, we simply allow our flesh to defeat the Spirit that lives within our heart. We quench and grieve the Holy Spirit in the inmost place of our heart (1 Thessalonians 5:17 & Ephesians 4:30). When this happens it is similar to the defeated athlete who demonstrates poor sportsmanship. His or her outward display says a lot about his or her personal character and integrity. In the same way, when we lose the battle for our words we demonstrate the true attitude and character of our heart. When we give in to defeat, we declare to those surrounding us that we are poor losers.

As was stated earlier, our society gives little attention to the loser. When they observe that our speech is exactly the same as those who claim to be changed they turn away in disdain. They observe the opposite of authenticity: a fake façade of a life. After all, who could blame them if they aren’t impressed with the mixed messages that pour from our mouth? When this happens we prove all their suspicions are true. We are hypocrites because we praise God and curse those around us out of the same mouth.

Contaminated

Although King David lived thousands of years prior to our generation, he understood the importance of the words that came from his mouth. Before we see how he exemplified this truth, let me first give you a brief history to set the stage for this epic moment in his life.

David was the second king of Israel. He succeeded Saul, the first king that the people had chosen to lead them. Although God was opposed to His people having a king (1 Samuel 8), He gave them their desire. Saul’s reign didn’t end so well. Let’s just say, he failed at the task that was before him. To Saul the prophet Samuel spoke for God when he said, “But now your kingdom must end, for the Lord has sought out a man after his own heart. The Lord has already appointed him to be their leader of his people, because you have not kept the Lord’s command” (1 Samuel 13:14NLT). David was this appointed man and he was a shining star. Not only was he a brilliant warrior, he also loved God with all his heart, and sought to lead all of Israel to worship Him.

Notice where the allegiance of his heart lies.

The story continues. David seemed to gain success in every venture that lay before him. He had wealth, a huge family, and multiple wives, but he got lazy. The allegiance of his heart shifted to satisfy his own desires. His army was away fighting a distant enemy and he rested in his palace. While walking on the roof one day he saw a woman bathing named Bathsheba, and he liked what he saw. Although she was married, he slept with her, which resulted in a pregnancy. Long story short…he wanted to conceal his sin so he murdered Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah.

David passed over the situation and did not recognize the contamination of his own heart. The state of affairs would have been left unaddressed if the prophet Nathan had not confronted the king of the corruption seated deep within the inmost part of his being. Once David was aware of it, he responded the way a follower of Christ would - with true repentance. Here is his plea before God,

“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise” (Psalm 51:1-17NIV emphasis added).

Wow! What a clear picture of true repentance. David realized that the allegiance of his heart was tied more to his own desire rather than God.

Inner Progression

Before we go any further, let me tie this story to our subject of mixed messages. As I stated earlier, it is easy for our speech to demonstrate we are poor losers. Although that is true, there lies an even deeper truth here. While our words are indicators of the attitude of our heart, our emotions, thoughts, and perceptions often go unvoiced.

When we are confronted with passages like James 3:9-10, it is easy to write Scripture off as impossible. Here is another perfect example. James said, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, the person’s religion is worthless” (James 1:26). For the most part we understand this passage and it seems pretty straightforward in its instruction. Everything is fine until we get to the subsequent verse in chapter 3 that states, “No human being can tame the tongue” (James 3:8).

How in the world are we supposed to address our tongue if we can’t even control it?

Glad you asked! I will answer that question in the next chapter.

In all seriousness, it is easy to want to give up, to admit defeat, and accept the reality that we will have to be losers in the area of our speech. Here is where the David story connects to our predicament.

There is hope. There is forgiveness for every misspoken word you have uttered from your mouth.

Amazingly there is an inner progression of cleansing that follows the same path as our words. It flows from our heart to our mouth. If we look back to David’s plea to God we can see this progression clearly painted in words. All we have to do is connect the dots.

Connecting the Dots

·      David starts by acknowledging his sin. Then, he takes it a step further. He realizes the place where it is rooted. He states, “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.” He knows that God wants His truth to be seated in his heart, for the Spirit of God dwells in the inmost place of our being. David recognizes God’s truth has been replaced by his own selfish desires, which we labeled: his flesh.

·      Then he asks God to, create in him a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within him. This is the next step because only God can provide forgiveness and cleansing. Remember, Scripture tells us that our victories don’t ensure our salvation; only Jesus Christ can meet that righteous requirement.

·      Next, David asked for a willing spirit. Here he is asking that God would grant him the ability to submit his heart. In other words, he wants God to change the allegiance of his heart.

·      When that happens, he is then free to teach transgressors God’s ways and sinners then will turn back to God. How do we mainly teach? Through our speech. David is now free to tell others his folly and show them how to not make the same mistake. That sounds a lot like honoring and blessing those that surround him.

·      Finally, David says because God saved him, his tongue will sing of God’s righteousness. He goes on to say, “O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.” God has now opened the lips of his mouth to proclaim the praise of God.

Clean to Sing

There you have it…clean to sing. The way that we bring praise to God is from this progression. When God cleanses our heart, it is then released to spew forth words of praise and blessing towards Him and others. Paul informed the Ephesians that they were to make music to the Lord in their hearts (Ephesians 5:19NLT). The Spirit of God longs to have the full allegiance of your heart so you can live in the victory He has provided for you. If you are willing to surrender your heart to the Spirit, He will even speak on your behalf. Paul’s claims, “The Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God” (Romans 8:26-27).

Don’t live another day in defeat, accept the forgiveness of God and you will be clean to sing!

Application

As you read through this chapter there were probably different aspects that you identified with. My intention was to confront you with the contamination of your heart and then to clearly outline a process for you to receive cleansing. I invite you to read back through David’s prayer. Make it personal to your own experience. Meditate on the impact that those words have on your heart. Next, walk through the progression that has been outlined and receive the forgiveness of God. Determine after today you will not be known as a poor loser. Receive the truth by faith that you are indeed able to be clean in your innermost place. Acknowledge the victory that is yours in this battle for your heart. Finally, open your mouth to praise God and bless those around you. People will quickly and easily see a difference in the messages you speak.

“For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue” (James 3:7).

Chapter 6 - The Agent of Change

American society was formed around a concept that is known throughout the world: freedom. Americans love their freedom, as it defines the very essence of their nation. The idea is seen everywhere from bumper stickers to billboards and heard from small talk to state legislation. After all, they have declared their independence from any form of oppressive tyranny. It is their desire that the whole world recognize their stance. They are free!

This is a good thought, but is it really true?

Sure, we all would acknowledge that the country of America is not ruled by any foreign power. Individual citizens are empowered with free speech and the right to make a life for themselves; however, the person chooses within the confines of the law. So, from that perspective we can submit that yes, we are indeed a society that embraces freedom.

But, think about this:  How can a group of people claim freedom and desire control at the same time?

The answer to this perplexing question is complex, but it is rooted in two simple words: human nature.

Self-Love

Human beings as a whole love one thing more than anything else in the world - themselves. One of the messages that God has been repeating over and over through the history of humanity is denial of self. From the beginning God instructed the Israelites to love the Lord their God with all their hearts (Deuteronomy 6:5). Jesus came on the scene communicating the same message, and reminded His followers to love others as themselves. He was even bold enough to tell them the whole law and every word that had been spoken hinged upon these powerful words:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: you shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and Prophets” (Matthew 22:37 emphasis added).

Paul carried on the message when he told the church that true worship only happens when we present our bodies as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1-2). If sacrifice and self-denial are so central to the Christian message why is it so difficult to obtain?

Because humans crave control.

After all, the reason why Satan was thrown from heaven was his desire to have more control and power (Ezekiel 28). His mission, until his pending destruction, is to entrap as many who are foolish enough to listen. His first victims altered the lives of all humanity.  From the moment that Adam and Eve bought the lie that “they could be like God” [control], we have struggled with the same issue.

Self-Help

This idea of control is portrayed in many ways throughout our society, but it can mostly be seen in our self-help obsession.  If you search through titles of books that have been written in the past 10 years you will find a large amount under the heading “self-help.”

One thing is true, Americans believe that we control our destiny and this independent mindset causes us to lean towards reliance upon self rather than upon God. Our society is built upon hard work and looking out for…you guessed it…number one.

Control Crisis

Here is the problem. This issue of control and independence not only pervades American society, it has also seeped into the mindset of Christians. Because we believe we are free to control every aspect of our life, we really struggle with the idea of not being able to manage an outcome. We dislike any situation that renders us dependent on someone or something else. We would rather be known as independent masters of our own fate. In our discussion of mixed messages we have come to such a crossroad.

James says, “For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue” (James 4:7).

When we read this passage it’s difficult to interpret because we want to fix problems ourselves. It’s inconceivable that something is out of our power to control. Isn’t there a self-help book that can address this issue? It’s easy to want a process to make the messages that come from your mouth more consistent. Just work real hard and don’t say ___________[you fill in the blank] and everything will be ok. Then once the problem has been eradicated, you can move on with your life.

I have bad news. You can’t tame your tongue!

This is the point where many of you will want to put this book down, walk away, and say there is no hope. More often than not, we do the same thing with the Bible. It seems too hard and we believe ourselves to be incapable of the strict demands that are placed upon our conduct. I am here to assure that you are not alone if you have had similar feelings. Hang in there, the great news is just a few pages away.

Submission

Before we get to the good news let’s talk about being controlled. Remember, we don’t like the idea of anybody having any form of control over us. As a pastor I get the privilege of officiating weddings from time to time. I have to explain the biblical view of submission to each couple I counsel. Every time the subject comes up, you should see some of the looks I get. It’s even worse during a ceremony for those who are in attendance who do not have faith in the salvation of Christ. The whole idea is foreign to them and the look on their faces communicates they are not interested in what I have to say.

Whether a person likes it not, we are called to submit. We submit to the laws of our government, wives are called to submit to their husbands, Christians are called to submit themselves to the authority of Christ, and children must submit to and honor their parents.

The same is true for our tongues. We are called to submit our tongue to the authority of another: the Spirit of God. Although this is true, Christians willfully choose not to render the control to another. Often their unwillingness to relinquish this control renders mixed messages that flow from their mouth.

When both slander and praise come from our mouth we actually expose the real controlling force in our lives. Leviticus 19:16 says, “Do not go about spreading slander among your people.”  Slander is rooted in a source that many Christians are unfamiliar with…Satan. “The very title of Satan in the New Testament, the word rendered “devil,” means “a slanderer” in Greek. That is its root meaning and the main description of Satan in the Bible. If you gossip or slander others, you are actually doing the devil’s work for him. You are a representative of Satan.”[viii]

Jesus addressed this reality with the religious leaders of his day when he said, “You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44NIV).

Scripture tells us that our tongue has the same destructive potential. “The tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell” (James 3:6). The term here used for hell is the Greek word gehenna which means the “valley of Hinnom,” a deep gorge southwest of Jerusalem, where trash, garbage, and the bodies of dead animals and executed criminals were dumped and continually burned.”[ix] Because fire continually burned and maggots were present, Jesus used this area as an illustration for hell (Mark 9:43-44). Ultimately, that place was reserved for Satan and his demons (Matthew 25:41). When James references that the tongue is set on fire by hell, he indicates the tongue can be Satan’s tool, fulfilling hell’s purposes to pollute, corrupt, and destroy.[x]

When we slander others we become the mouth piece of Satan. This truth is not new; it all started in the garden. “Adam’s first sin after the Fall not only was slander, but slander against God, indirectly blaming his own disobedience on the Lord for having given him Eve, who tempted him to eat of the forbidden fruit (Genesis 3:12).”[xi]    Wow! It seemed to happen oh-so-fast; a paradise full of praise quickly changed to slander influenced by Satan. Be aware, this reality is not just a biblical narrative that should be left unaddressed on a shelf; it has the potential to invade your life daily. You can be controlled by a destructive force.

On the other hand, you also have the potential to allow your words to be influenced by God. Jesus, our perfect example decided to submit His mouth to the will of His Father. Isaiah referenced this submission of Christ when he said, “The Lord God has given me the tongue of those who are taught, that I may know how to sustain with a word him who is weary” (Isaiah 50:4). Jesus admitted His submission when He said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all that he himself is doing” (John 5:19-20).

The question that each of us must answer is: Am I willing to submit my mouth to God? Are you truly willing to give up your illusion of independence in order to be the mouthpiece of God, or are you content to be controlled by Satan?

My prayer is that you would choose the first option. I believe that the reason why you were lead to this book was so that God could bring about healing in this area of your life. It requires one thing: submission. Here’s a secret; we only willfully submit to those we trust. A child truly listens to a parent when they believe that their mom or dad has their best interest at heart. Likewise, as children of God we must trust that God loves us and only desires that which will benefit our lives.

Do you trust God? If so, let’s discuss the agent of change.

Agent of Change

The one who changes your tongue is the Holy Spirit that lives within every believer. Derek Prince writes, “You must accept the fact that you cannot tame or control your own tongue. Only one power can control your tongue for good: the power of God through the Holy Spirit.”[xii]

This idea can be both freeing and frustrating. The freedom lies in the fact that a large part of controlling the words that come out of your mouth is not your job at all. Conversely, the frustration mounts because control has been relinquished to another. This is contrary to our human nature. Paul encouraged us to present control over to God when he said,

“Do not let sin control the way you live; do not give in to sinful desires. Do not let any part of your body become an instrument of evil to serve sin. Instead, give yourselves completely to God, for you were dead, but now you have new life. So use your whole body as an instrument to do what is right for the glory of God. Sin is no longer your master, for you no longer live under the requirements of the law. Instead, you live under freedom of God’s grace” (Romans 6:12-14NLT).

We only find freedom to speak one message when we present our bodies over to God to be used as tools of righteousness. When the Holy Spirit came over the believers at Pentecost, their first reaction was to praise God with their purified tongues, “Speaking of the mighty deeds of God” (Acts 2:11).[xiii] In the same way when the Holy Spirit is in control over our hearts, He purifies our speech. Words of praise and encouragement pour forth because the source of our words is under authority of Truth. When this happens our tongue is brought under submission because it only speaks that attitude of the heart. The Spirit provides self-control over the words that proceed from the mouth (Galatians 5:22-23). He lives within all believers and does not speak His own words, but only what He hears from God (John 16:13).

These words are reassuring. Why? Because they prove that God didn’t just place a standard upon us that we are unable to obtain. He didn’t just walk away and leave us in condemnation and guilt, but instead, he provided a way that we could accomplish the righteous requirements of the law. Change in your own strength is an illusion. Our life’s message can only be altered by the One whose words bring life!

Application

As you were reading these words it is common for people to realize that their heart is in need of healing.  That’s good, because Jesus came to heal the broken. Also, find comfort in the fact that Jesus said He is near the broken- hearted. The sacrifice that He desires is one of a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:17). His desire is that we have a fully alive heart that beats by faith the passions of God. This results in words of praise and encouragement to others. If your heart is in need of healing there are three steps that you need to take to receive cleansing.

First, call your mixed messages exactly what they are: sin. Don’t skirt around your words, make excuses, or try to justify why you said what you said. Second, confess your sin before God. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Simply acknowledge what Christ has done for you in sacrificial death and resurrection from the grave. Admit in your heart that you have allowed mixed messages to flow from your heart and have been ultimately controlled by another force other than God’s Spirit. Then receive the forgiveness and righteousness that has been offered to you (Romans 6:20-23). Finally, submit your heart and ultimately your words to the power of the Holy Spirit.

Remember this is a daily and sometimes moment-by-moment process, but your speech can only be changed one word at a time. Embrace this message and your words will indeed change right before your eyes!

“Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth.” True love always manifests itself. When you have love for someone, that love should be observable by you, him, and an outsider who is watching” (1 John 3:18).

Chapter 7 - The Great Assumption

Every person has experienced assumptions at some point in their life. We encounter them on a daily basis. They actually occur in just about every environment of our existence. They invade every relationship whether we are an active participant or not. We are completely surrounded by them and they are a force which we simply can’t escape. Possessing the ability to destroy or birth optimism in us and others, assumptions change lives.

In itself, an assumption is not a negative thing; it is common to all humanity.  An assumption is neutral in its essence. It only holds moral value when it is coupled with the human heart. As we have discussed earlier the heart can be submitted to one of two masters: the Spirit of God or the flesh controlled by Satan.  When an assumption is coupled with our sinful desires it becomes a decaying cancer, threatening to devour the individual and those surrounding them. Conversely, when it is submitted to the Spirit of God it has the ability to replenish, fill, and nourish those who experience it.

Assumptions are all around you. I am sure you get that, but how does this tie into the idea of mixed messages?

Inconsistency

There is a direct connection to which I would like to draw your attention. A majority of the words we speak are based on assumptions that are made within our hearts. The amount of assumptions that we carry within our person are beyond our ability to count. Some assumptions are based in truth, others in our own prejudices, and many others are rooted in illogical beliefs that seem to change as frequently as the weather.

One thing is true, human beings are inconsistent!

This whole notion really bothers me. I notice inconsistency in my speech daily. Sometimes it is displayed in the same conversation and even worse, in the same sentence. Mixed messages are flowing from the assumptions made in my heart. I often feel powerless to align this flood of predetermined judgments flowing from my mouth. The connection is this: both assumptions and words are formed in the heart and are demonstrated in the words we speak.

I’m sure you have seen inconsistency played out in your own life. You get in a fight with someone and as you are arguing your point, the other person stops you and says, “You just contradicted yourself!” Then you take a defensive posture in order to show how the two ideas tie together. This ultimately ends in failure. Inconsistency is also seen in our likes and dislikes. We are fond of a person, place or thing one day and the next we are on the opposite side of the spectrum.  Let’s face it – we are just fickle!

We could just write it off as human nature, but the inconsistency of our assumptions should be explored further.

An Assuming Nature

Before we do literally write these thoughts of our hearts off as human nature, I first would like to point out that they are exactly that: human nature. 1925 Fritz Heider, a professor at the University at Kansas formed what is known today as the attribution theory. “He argued that human beings are wired from birth to question why people behave as they do. And if no clear explanation rises to the surface, we humans will make one up.”[xiv] In essence, we all believe that we know each other’s motives when in reality it’s impossible to know the deep complexities of another’s soul.

So there you have it. It is human nature to try to derive meaning to everything. We like to be in the “know.” If we don’t know the real story about someone or something, we just make one up based upon past experiences or what we see and perceive in the present. This is not inherently evil or even wrong. Remember, an assumption is morally neutral until it is connected with our heart. Our heart determines the nature of the assumption. This connection has such importance it deserves our attention.

Negativity

The biggest problem with our assumptions is that most of them are negative.

When a spirit of negativity is placed upon an assumption you should feel alarmed. With the knowledge that you have now gained about the subject you now know something is wrong. Jess Liar, in his book “I Ain’t Much, Baby-But I’m All I Got” wrote, “Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.”[xv] This is not the attitude of the new God-given heart placed inside all believers.

Someone glances at us the wrong way and we automatically believe they don’t like us. A person has a personality different from ours and we automatically write them and their message off.   Some people degrade others based upon their nationality and color. An individual worships God different than we do so we label them hyper-spiritual or conversely spiritually immature. Others fraudulently claim the spiritual gift of discernment in order to justify their own negative, assuming nature.

Husbands and wives make negative assumptions which culminate in fights based upon words that were never even spoken. Managers label employees based upon small infractions which alter their communication and ultimately determines their compensation. Friends become estranged from one another based upon as little as one negative assumption.

Rather than assuming the best, we often allow our assumptions to create a culture of negativity and skepticism within our relationships. This lays a foundation of distrust, ultimately ending with ineffectiveness. The manner in which we communicate this pessimism is, you guessed it…through our tongue. It is at this point that we arrive at yet another contradiction in our soul. We know we should assume the best about God and people, but we realize we often believe the worst.

We often find it difficult to assume the best in others because we think too highly of ourselves. It’s hard to give someone a compliment when we don’t feel they are worthy of such praise. It’s difficult to humble oneself enough in order to think of another as the greater.

Satan was thrown from heaven because he desired to be greater than God (Ezekiel 28). Adam and Eve believed the lie that they could be as great as God (Genesis 3:4). For sure, Satan and his spirit of slander are rooted in pride and the elevation of self.

On the other hand Jesus’ message was built upon a foundation of service and sacrifice for others. When we place negative assumptions upon others, once again we are being used as a pawn in Satan’s hand. If we choose to assume the best we essentially are the mouthpiece of God. It’s your choice, but you need to be aware that your heart determines the value and attitude of your assuming nature. Christians inherently desire to allow God to rule within their hearts, but they find another force constantly opposing this aspiration. The question is:

How do we consistently operate in a positive life-giving attitude?

Assume the Best

The answer is found in assuming the best in others. When we make positive assumptions it is easy to praise others rather than tear them down. A determination must be made to think of ourselves less and believe others as our superiors in our hearts, then our attitudes and words will change. The positive assumption that is rooted within a submitted human heart enables individuals to speak life rather than criticism.

A perfect story that illustrates this transformation from negative to positive assumptions is displayed in the life of Benjamin Franklin.

Dale Carnegie writes, “Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? “I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “…and speak all the good I know of everybody.” Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. A great person displays greatness in the way in which he speaks of others.[xvi]

Other great individuals have discovered this secret as well. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that I learn from him.”[xvii] Dale Carnegie encouraged his readers to be “hearty in your approbation and lavish your praise,” and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime — repeat them years after you have forgotten them.[xviii]

These quotes are all well and good, you may say. After all, many people have thought these same thoughts, but good intentions are often never fulfilled. Determinations are frequently forgotten returning individuals to the mundane, mediocre and critical spirit they sought so hard to eradicate.

With such comments I would agree wholeheartedly. The key component to any transformation within your speech is rooted in the submission of the human heart to the transforming power of the Holy Spirit. Scripture tells us that as we behold “the glory of the Lord, [we] are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:18). When we fix our gaze upon the Lord and the truth of His Word we are transformed to look more like Him.

The pressure is off you and me.

Our sole responsibility is not to try really hard to assume the best in other people. Only the Holy Spirit can bring about such a change. Your responsibility is rooted in submission and obedience. Only the human heart that is submitted to the authority of the Spirit can assume the best in others. Outside of His influence and power it is humanly impossible to assume the best in others for any prolonged period of time.

Remember, what was said earlier, “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” Where does the character of self-control, understanding and forgiveness come from? The Spirit. His fruits are “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23NIV).

Love Like God, Pour Out Love

If I were to ask you to describe your relationship with God, there are some words that I would expect to hear in your description. Such as: encouragement, second chance, hope, future and so on… The truth is, the reason why we should assume the best in others is because God assumes the best in us. Page after page of the Bible is filled with God showing grace and mercy. Just at the moment he is getting ready to pour down His wrath, a person will fall to their knees and cry out for forgiveness and once again God grants a second, third, and fourth chance.

You see, God assumes the best in you and me because that is the nature of His character, and it keeps us coming back for more. It is beyond our comprehension that He can forget our past mistakes (Micah 7:19), but the truth is, He does. Job commented that he “treasured the words of his mouth more than [his] daily bread” (Job 23:12). The reason why is because life is found in God’s words. His assumptions toward us are positive in nature due to the sacrificial gift of His Son. Let’s just be honest. Who doesn’t want to serve a God like that? He is so good!

When you experience those responses from God personally, you will be more apt to treat others in the same fashion. God always treats us with respect and, not only assumes the best, but searches our hearts to uncover the true motive of all of our actions. The invitation is for you to lead and love others in the same way that God responds to you. It is only from this place that you can assume the best in others.

The assumptions of a submitted heart result in words of praise toward others. We should pour out love through our spoken words. Everybody wants to be in a relationship with a person who communicates in this manner. Think of the lives that could be changed, the relationships that could be birthed, and families that could be mended by such a positive display of love.

Here is a secret — when we make an assumption it not only affects your words; it effects your actions. Scripture instructs us, “Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and truth.” True love always manifests itself. When you have love for someone, that love should be observable by you, the other individual and an outsider who is watching (1 John 3:18). An assumption, whether negative or positive, will eventually result in an action. The invitation for you is not to yield control of your heart to any other than the Spirit of God. When this surrender is determined, the assumptions of your heart will be positive; and this will result in optimistic language, which in return will be displayed in outward acts of love that demonstrates to everyone the love of God.

Assume the best in others and you and every person with whom you speak will be changed!

Application

The words of this chapter are hard to digest because; whether we like it or not, we know they are true. It’s easy to criticize others in our own heart. If we are honest, we are pretty good at it. Take heart, because God is sufficient in grace to meet you in this time of need. “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8).

With that assurance, I invite you to find a quiet place and a block of time when you can allow God to examine your heart. Confess the negative assumptions that you have towards others and ask God to heal your heart of any bitterness or negativity. It might be helpful to write down some names of people who you know you have assumed the worst. Call their names out loud and ask the Spirit of God to give you a positive assuming nature concerning that individual. Ask for the Spirit of God to control your response towards the individual. Determine to give them another chance. Resolve to know the truth rather than be controlled by an assuming nature that is often rooted in fallacy.

Repeat this exercise until you truly feel you can assume the best in them. Finally, ask those you trust to bring to your attention anytime they notice a negative assumption being displayed in your speech. When they do, address it, don’t defend it. Simply admit the mistake and move on to more positive words. This isn’t an easy process. If it were, every Christian would have mastered it. I challenge you to be the elite, the great, and rare individual, who empowered by the Holy Spirit, assumes the best in others!

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8NIV).

Chapter 8 - Worship From Within

Often when my wife and I go shopping, we will venture into a pet store. I am amazed at all the variety and colors of fish while my wife is interested in the birds. As we wander through the store, we are always drawn to one particular animal that causes us to laugh and at the same time feel sorrow for the little guy: the Hamster.

The amount of energy in such a small creature is fascinating to me. You all have seen it, the famous hamster wheel. They run and run and run and still, they go nowhere. First, it always makes me laugh for some reason. Secondly, I begin to ask questions. Doesn’t he know he isn’t going anywhere? Why does he go back to the same wheel everyday of his life? Is it exercise that he enjoys or does he really think he is accomplishing something? One thing is certain; a hamster wastes a large amount of energy and never reaches its intended goal of breaking free from the cage in which he is confined.

Connection

Our relationship with Christ can be similar to the hamster in many ways. Christians have certain routines that they habitually do over and over. They read their Bible, go to worship services, sing and pray just to name a few. If many were honest, they would admit they are not experiencing the fullness of life of which Jesus spoke. There is no abundance of life (John 10:10) found in the practices that they have been told would make them more like Jesus. This leads individuals to a deeply rooted discouragement that permeates through their being. They hear others talk of encountering God in worship services and God speaking to them through the Word. Meanwhile, the bitterness in their hearts grows because their experiences are those of silence. Because of this ongoing silence, many walk away from their faith believing it to be a hoax – full of lifeless practices. Others who have the same experience put on a façade of connection which renders them only actors and actresses in the drama called, Counterfeit Christianity.

These individuals raise their hands the highest, sing the loudest, and pray the most earnest prayers when there is an audience, but there is no connection to God. Outside the assembly, their life is governed upon their own wants and desires rather than God’s Spirit. A majority of individuals that find themselves in this stage show of deception really desire to have a bond, a true relationship, with their Creator, but just like the hamster they are stuck confined in their false reality.

The hamster is not going to get out of the cage running on the wheel. In the same way Christians are not going to connect with God using lifeless practices.

What is the solution to this complex situation?

The words we speak and the attitude of our heart.

Mixed Messages

Before we explore this solution let’s go back to a verse with which we started:

“No human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not be so” (James 3: 8-10).

When we read these verses we are reminded that alone, we are not capable of controlling the messages that come from our mouths. Inconsistency in our speech is a normal occurrence rather than an abnormality. It’s easy to come to a service and praise God in an extravagant fashion and walk from the same service slandering another who was in attendance.

These mixed messages are the reason many Christians do not experience God in the manner which they desire. James is clear in saying, “these things ought not be so.” When our messages are contradictory, it is an indicator that our heart is divided in allegiance. Remember, God desires our full devotion. A heart fully devoted to His Kingdom, rule, and reign rather than our own. When our words are constantly colliding there should be a realization that a battle for control is occurring. Our bodies are meant for the Lord and the Lord for our bodies (1 Corinthians 6:13). For that reason we are supposed to glorify God, even through that ever so small part: the tongue.

Inner Circle

The high school across from our church campus uses our building in the summer to train football players. They go through team operating procedures and they pass out the ever-so-secret play book. One of the coaches told me that the players condition all summer to prepare themselves for the fall football season. Right before the school year starts, they introduce the plays and begin practicing their implementation. Which begs a question:

Do you think the coach would give that play book to just any player that walked in off the street?

No! He only gives the plays and formations to those who have proven themselves loyal to his team and his method of coaching.

In the same way God reveals Himself most to those whose heart is loyal to His Kingdom. The inner circle is reserved for those whose heart is devoted to Him rather than themselves. However, this doesn’t mean that God does not reveal Himself to all people.

“For what can be known about God is plain to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse” (Romans 1:19-20). So, each person knows about God and many know of His gift of salvation, but still lack the connection for which their soul longs. It’s not enough to know of God, they want to know God.

Pure in Heart

An individual will rarely encounter God in real and tangible ways until this issue of allegiance is settled. Worship has always been about our heart. God has always been interested in that place within the human soul because it contains the essence of our being. Where the affection of our heart lies, our worship will be there as well. Therefore, if God can rule over that place He can entrust us with more of Himself. Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8NIV). This is why King David prayed “Create in me a pure heart, O God” (Psalm 51:10NIV). David knew that if he had a heart that was fully devoted to God that he we would see God. Scripture tells us, “For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him” (2 Chronicles 16:9). God is clear that He desires our whole heart, fully devoted to His worship.

Unfocused Energy

It’s for this reason that worship always comes from within. Outward displays of worship are secondary to the primary impetus for worship: the devotion of the heart. This connection has been ill-understood and neglected all throughout the history of humanity. The story of God’s people has been plagued because of a misunderstanding in where worship truly should be focused. To the Israelites, the Prophet Amos spoke for God when he said,

“I hate all your show and pretense – the hypocrisy of your religious festivals and solemn assemblies. I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offerings. I won’t even notice all your choice peace offerings. Away with your noisy hymns of praise! I will not listen to the music of your harps. Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, and endless river of righteous living” (Amos 5:21-24NLT).

God was not interested in their outward displays of worship because their heart was far from Him. The plague didn’t end there; it was around in Jesus’ day as well. The religious leaders asked Him;

‘“Why don’t your disciples live according to the tradition of the elders instead of eating their food with ‘unclean’ hands?” [outward displays of worship] He replied, “Isaiah was right when he prophesied about your hypocrites; as it is written; “These people honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. They worship me in vain”’ (Mark 7:5-7NIV emphasis added).

Many Christians are left frustrated in their relationship with Christ because their lips honor God, but their hearts are far from Him. A person can construct a façade of worship by the words that are spoken, but if they slander those who surround them it is a true indicator that their hearts are far from Him.

If we are honest, we all fall into this category more than we would like to admit. Rather than centering our heart solely on God, we focus on the words of praise and outward displays of our worship. Don’t get me wrong, outward displays are a byproduct of a heart fully alive and should be seen in our worship of God.   These words of praise and acts of worship are only God-honoring when they flow from love rooted deep within the heart. A true heart of worship praises and honors God and speaks well of all those created in His image.

True Worship

One of the secrets to truly knowing God is by loving Him and others equally. If we neglect this fact we will end up like the hamster, wasting a lot of time and energy, but never reaching the goal we desire. Displays of love and devotion are often negated when we display our true amount of love for others in the words we speak. If we want to know God more intimately and tangibly, we must have consistency in our words, which come from a fully devoted heart. Knowing God is a result of the revelation of His character, then allowing it to be displayed in your own life through the power of the Holy Spirit. A good illustration of this was when Paul instructed the believers at Ephesus on how to truly worship. He said,

“…be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, giving thanks always for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:18-21 emphasis added).

Notice how in this passage the believer is instructed to first, be filled with Holy Spirit. That means that the Spirit of God enables and initiates the believer to worship due to His control over the heart. Secondly, this then frees the believer to display outwards acts of worship such as reading psalms and singing hymns and spiritual songs. These presentations of worship are all done in praise and adoration to God the Father. Lastly, there is mutual submission to not only God, but to others as well. There should be consistency in both our response to God and response to others. It is impossible to love, honor, and submit to someone and think negatively about them. People only submit to those they love and trust.

Who doesn’t want to be respected and honored by those around you? Who doesn’t want people to speak words of praise about them?  No one! It is in the environment alone that true worship can be displayed and where God can be encountered. The Spirit of God dwells in unity (Psalm 133 & Colossians 3:14). God also inhabits the praise of His people when consistency is displayed in their speech towards Him and others. Consistent words display a consecrated heart. A heart that is fully devoted to the worship of God.

Don’t waste your time and energy on the outward appearance of worship. These acts rarely connect believers to God. Don’t be like the hamster that hopes for a result, but goes about the wrong way. Instead focus your attention on the heart. Worship always comes from within a person. When God has that place the words you speak toward Him and others will be those of love and praise. Then you will have experienced God’s heart for worship!

Application

Even as I wrote this chapter I was faced with the truth that often my worship is null and void because it is negated by the words that I speak toward others. Often these words of negativity are focused on people that I would say I love. I am sure I am not alone in this realization. Let me comfort you with these words. God desires that you understand that worship comes from within, more than outwardly. Don’t beat yourself up about all the failed attempts of the past. Instead, focus on today and the next day. When you hear yourself begin to slander someone around you, just pause and say, “God, I ask that You give me strength to love that person just like You would love them.” I know it seems impossible, but God promised us that He is continually transforming us in to the image of His son, Jesus Christ.

While you worship God, ask inquisitive questions like, “God, what would it look like for me to love__________[you fill in the blank]?” “God, how do I give You my full devotion and allegiance?” Again, God wants to answer those questions. His desire for you to understand that true worship is where true life is found. Finally, invite the Spirit of God to control your tongue so that your messages toward Him and others will be consistent. Remember, true transformation and sanctification do not happen overnight. Instead, it is a moment by moment surrender. It’s in the momentary that God captures the continuous affection of your heart. God’s invitation to us is to worship from within!

Conclusion

Wow! That was a lot of information! It’s perfectly reasonable to think that each of us will have to revisit the contents of this book occasionally throughout our lives. There were many practical steps and scriptural truths that were outlined in this book. Each of you is responsible to engage these steps and truths yourself. You do play a very important role in this restoration process. Although you play an important role, I hope that you finish this book understanding that the Holy Spirit is the One who brings about this change in your speech.  It is only when this truth is discovered and believed that an individual can restore their speech.

My heart behind this book was not to condemn or accuse anybody of foul speech. I desired only to bring attention to this serious matter that plagues so many people. Therefore, the only way to inform others of this word epidemic is to bring attention to the place that needs to be changed: the heart.

If you will notice this book ends with worship, pure worship from the heart. God created all of humanity in His image. Not only did He create us in His image, He created us to be worshipers. Each and every individual worships something or someone. God’s desire and intent for us is to be sole worshipers of Him alone. If this is going to take place, He must have every aspect of our hearts.

God always intended our worship to flow out of a heart that is fully devoted to Him. When His Spirit controls that place within a follower of Christ amazing things happen. God is honored and people receive life from the words that are spoken, which leads them to emulate that same behavior.

I encourage you to give God all of your heart and you will no longer experience a collision of mixed messages in your speech. Your mouth will speak one message, clear and strong. A message of truth, love, acceptance, respect, and honor! This is the message that the world is desperate to hear. Speak Life!

About The Author

Eric Freeman has a passion to help people encounter and walk with God in every context of their lives. He primarily does this through the tool and expression of music, but also teaches what resonates in the core of his being through writing. He is based out of Greensboro, NC and spends a majority of his time raising up future worship leaders and creating culture within his local church, Daystar Church. He has a strong desire to lead current and future generations into an authentic encounter with God through music, teaching, and relationship. His partner in this journey is his lovely wife Amanda.

Acknowledgements

It is certain that all the ideas presented in the book are not original, but come from a host of research, personal experience, and most importantly relationships within my life.

A special thanks, honor, and respect to my parents for raising me within a home that honored Christ and still to this day, they model the life of a worshipper who can worship in any context.  Lindsey Cox, Chelsea Johnson and Trevor Brock who gave a large amount of time focused on editing to help this book effectively communicate the intended message.  Dr. Allen Holmes, Lead Pastor of Daystar Church has always believed in me and encouraged every endeavor. Thank you for giving me the time and freedom to pursue my dream of equipping others to worship God. Daystar Worship, you truly are my family in so many ways. Each musician is a living example of the material discussed in this book. You have created a culture that honors both God and others with the words you speak! Finally, my loving, beautiful, and selfless Amanda has allowed me to spend many hours away as I have learned to be an author. She respectfully listened and read each line many times in an attempt to help me communicate my heart. Thank you for your love, support, and steadfast resolve to walk this journey with me.

NOTES

Chapter 2 - Word Conception

[i] Watchman Nee, The Release of The Spirit, (New York, NY: Christian Fellowship Publishers, Inc., 2000), 12.

[ii] Goodrick, W. Edward & Kohlenberger R. John III. Strongest NIV Concordance, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1999), 1604.

[iii] Watchman Nee, 12.

[iv] Goodrick, W. Edward & Kohlenberger R. John III, 1561.

Chapter 3 - The Heart Speaks

[v] Derek Prince, Does Your Tongue Need Healing?: (New Kensington, PA. Whitaker House), 17.

[vi] Ibid., 17-18.

Chapter 4 - Collision

[vii] Goodrick, W. Edward & Kohlenberger R. John III. Strongest NIV Concordance, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1999), 690.

Chapter 6 - The Agent of Change

[viii] Derek Prince, Does Your Tongue Need Healing?: (New Kensington, PA. Whitaker House), 49.

[ix] John MacArthur, James: The MacArthur New Testament  Commentary, 157.

[x] Ibid., 157.

[xi] Ibid., 158.

[xii] Derek Prince, 75.

[xiii] John MacArthur, 158.

Chapter 7 - The Great Assumption

[xiv] Bill Robinson, Incarnate Leadership: 5 Leadership lessons from the Life of Jesus, (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2009), 82.

[xv] Jess Lair. I Ain’t Much, Baby-But I’m All I Got (Greenwich, Conn: Fawcett, 1976), 248.

[xvi] Carnegie, Dale, How to Win Friends & Influence People, (New York, NY: Pocket Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, Inc., 1981), 13.

[xvii] Ibid., 28.

[xviii]  Ibid., 29.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Chapter 1 - The Power of the Tongue

Chapter 2 - Word Conception

Chapter 3 - The Heart Speaks

Chapter 4 - Collision

Chapter 5 - Clean to Sing

Chapter 6 - The Agent of Change

Chapter 7 - The Great Assumption

Chapter 8 - Worship From Within

Conclusion

About The Author

Acknowledgements

NOTES