Ivystream Press

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

ISBN-13: 978-1456350901

ISBN-10: 1456350900

Words

that

Sting

How to handle destructive criticism

like Jesus

Copyright © 2011

John N. Stange IV

Third Edition

All rights reserved.  No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in review, without permission in writing from the author/publisher.

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Foreword

This book is a labor of love that has demanded a fair amount of my attention over the course of the past year and a half.  Initially, I thought it would be a project that I completed in a relatively short period of time.  I was wrong (as I usually am when I think that anything I do is going to be accomplished in a short period of time).

About two years before I finished this work, I had the privilege of being asked to preach for a worship service that would be attended only by pastors and their wives.  As I began the process of preparing a message for that service, I prayed that the Lord would help me to speak a word of encouragement to these men and women who knew the great joys and terrific struggles that are the day to day experience of those in full time ministry.

I was studying the Gospel of Mark at the time and had particularly noticed how quick many people were to criticize Jesus and His ministry, yet He always handled it well (as if that should be a surprise).  In my ministry, I have been blessed with wonderful words of encouragement and at the same time, I have been unfairly criticized more times than I would care to count.  I believed that the Lord was indicating to me that the subject of the Lord's handling of criticism during His earthly ministry would be a fitting topic to share with a group of godly people who also knew what it was like to be criticized unjustly because of their love for Him and their willingness to serve Him with their lives.

After preaching that message, I felt that this would be a subject that others might benefit from meditating on as well, so I took the root thought of that sermon and began expanding on it in book form.

Now that this book is done and I have re-read its chapters many times over, correcting, adding, rephrasing, etc, I feel I should say one or two more things before unleashing it's chapters on you.

Many of the stories that illustrate these pages have come from my personal experiences in pastoral ministry.  I have had, and still have critics who love to make their opinions of me and the way I do things known (sometimes softly, often loudly).

I would like to thank these critics for their unkind words, hurtful insults and brazen selfishness.  (I say this with tongue-in-cheek and an awkward half-smile on my face).  Your words over the years have helped me to understand a side of ministry that I did not anticipate early on.  Your comments could have discouraged me, but the Lord took those words and created a determined motivation instead.                Unbeknownst to you, He made use of what you said, seasoned me and toughened me up so that I might become a more useful foot soldier in His army of advancing grace.

I dedicate this book to you and I look forward to putting its advice into practice the next time we chat.

Introduction

I remember when I was about fifteen years-old and in the 10th grade.  Our science class was studying, among other things, blood types.  Our teacher gave us small cards that would be used to help us determine what kind of blood type we had.  A solution of some sort would be mixed on the card with a drop of our blood and somehow we would be able to decipher the results.

The experiment didn't work for me.  I volunteered, as did most of the students, to have my finger pricked by a little silver instrument that would bring forth the flow of one drop of blood.  I stood in line and watched as my classmates were pricked.  Drops of blood seemed to flow easily from their fingers.

As the teacher took my finger, she asked me, "Are you ready?"  I smiled and said, "Sure."  She stuck my finger and quickly squeezed it.  Nothing happened.  No blood.  Did she do it wrong?  She stuck me again and still there was no blood.  How odd.  She had just jabbed the fingers of 20 other students and their blood dripped like leaky faucets.  She tried yet again.  Still, nothing.

At that point she looked at me and asked with genuine concern, "Are you all right?"  I think she was worried that she was hurting me, but honestly, I barely felt a thing.  At that point, it dawned on her that the skin on my fingers was too thick for this instrument to successfully draw blood.  Eventually, she found a better spot on my other hand, but even still, she was only able to get the tiniest of samples.  Apparently it wasn't enough because we were unable to determine my blood type.

I learned something new about myself that day.  In the physical sense, I have thick skin.  It's especially thick on my fingers because I play guitar.  When I first began playing, my fingers would turn red and swollen.  But in time, my fingertips became thick and able to withstand abrasion, pressure and even a sharp poke.

And such is life, especially lives lived in the public eye.  We need to develop a "thick skin" most specifically as we deal with criticism.  The more time we spend exposed to the abrasions, pressures and pokes of criticism, the more fit we can become to handle them.

Stinging words.  Insult.  Crass commentary.  At one point or another, each of us has had to deal with the harsh words of a critic.  I imagine that it's safe to say that there isn't a grown person who hasn't had to endure the unkind words of another.  Sometimes criticism comes from those we love dearly.  Occasionally it comes from those we do not know.  Frequently it may seem to come from mere acquaintances or associates.  Still, regardless of the source, few, if any of us, enjoy receiving it, especially when we believe it is off-based or delivered in such a way as to inflict personal and emotional harm.

I spend much of my time in the public eye.  Just about everything I do seems to end up as fodder for public discussion.  For most of my adult life, the Lord has blessed me with the privilege of serving Him as a pastor.  While serving Him in this capacity, I have also simultaneously served as the Director of a year-round retreat and camping center in the Pocono Mountains and as the announcer and production director for a well-known Christian radio station in Northeast Pennsylvania.  This being the case, I have learned to treasure private moments and brief seasons when I'm out of the glare of the spotlight.

How frequently are you criticized?  Have you ever wondered?  Most of the criticisms that you and I receive never reach our ears, but those that make their way to us can sting like a wasp.  Unfortunately, we may hold on to those stinging words for a long time, replaying them over and over again in our minds.

Sometimes, we receive criticisms that are borne in love and as we grow mature, we may prayerfully learn to accept them gracefully.  But how should we handle criticism that is unfounded and unkind?  We have a great example of how this is done.  There is someone who has endured more unfounded criticism than you and I will ever experience.

Of course I'm speaking of our Lord Jesus Christ.  He has dealt with more unfounded, illogical, intentionally hurtful and abusive criticism than anyone who has ever walked the face of this earth.  If anyone would know how to deal with the unkind words of a critic, Christ would.

Frequently, just the simple mention of the name of Jesus can illicit a critical comment.  Such was the case during the course of His earthly ministry as well.  Knowing that this criticism was unfounded, how did Jesus handle it?  What did He do in response to its sting?  What did He know about criticism that enabled Him to move beyond it?

Over the next few chapters, I would like to suggest six specific things that Jesus did as He handled a constant barrage of unfounded and undeserved criticism.

I don't know what stage of life you may currently be in.  Maybe you're a young person who feels unjustly criticized by both your peers and your parents.  Maybe you're an adult who feels unfairly criticized by your co-workers, your boss, your friends or even your spouse.  Maybe you're a pastor or a leader who lives in the cross hairs of the public eye, and it feels like someone always has something critical to say about every comment or decision you make.

If you have ever felt the sting of unkind words, this book is for you.  Over the course of the coming chapters we will see that Jesus faced the exact same thing we face. We will learn what He did in response to criticism and how we can respond in a Christ-like fashion to the stinging words spoken against us.

Chapter One

Jesus did not let criticism stop Him

from speaking the truth.

_____

Robert A. Cook, the former president of King's College in New York, told a true story from the early years of his ministry.  He had been receiving some rather pointed criticism, and he sought the counsel of a friend, pastor Harry A. Ironside.

Pouring out his heart, Dr. Cook asked what he should do about the accusations being made against him.  Ironside responded, "Bob, if the criticism about you is true, mend your ways!  If it isn't, forget about it!"

That was good advice given from a man who knew what it was like to be criticized.  If the criticism we receive is well-founded, then we can benefit from it by receiving it with humility and making changes.  If our critics are lambasting us without merit, then it is best if we simply forget what they’ve said.

Throughout the course of Jewish history, God's people have been eagerly awaiting the coming Messiah.  From the earliest chapters in Genesis, God had promised that He would one day send the offspring of the woman who would be stricken, but would crush the serpent's head.  A day would come when the Messiah would experience great pain while he dealt the devil a death blow.

We know that this occurred at the culmination of Christ's earthly ministry as He was beaten and crucified, becoming the perfect sacrifice for the sin of man.  And in being raised from the dead, Jesus defeated the power of sin, Satan and death, once and for all.

Much excitement surrounded the earthly ministry of Jesus.  Many wondered, "Could He be the long-awaited Messiah?  Is He the one God has sent to deliver us from our oppressors?"  Unfortunately, many people were only looking for a political or social messiah, failing to realize that their greatest need was for the true and eternal Messiah to free them from their continual spiritual oppression.

Soon after being baptized by John, Jesus began healing many people.  Some were struggling with debilitating illnesses while others were tortured by demonic possession.  Many of these people had lived for years with little or no hope that they would be delivered from their ailments.  They were downcast and discouraged, living lives plagued by constant sorrow.  What do you suppose your response might have been to the one individual who could actually heal you of a struggle that you believed would be a part of your life until the day you died?  I think the answer is obvious.  You would seek Him out.  You would plead for a touch from His healing hand.

I recently heard of a man who was dealing with serious back pain.  My back isn't in the best of shape, so I sympathized with what he was going through.

He had heard of an exceptionally gifted doctor who practiced hundreds of miles away so he endured the expense and the travel time to reach this doctor with the hope that something could be done for his back.

I was recently watching a television broadcast of a traveling speaker and "healer."  An entire auditorium was filled with hopeful people who were struggling with a variety of medical conditions.  These people had made the effort to come and hear this man speak.  They were following him because they believed he could heal their bodies.

This “healer” promised healing to all those gathered in that large room.  In addition to pushing people over in a sorry attempt to display his “miraculous” power to heal, he made available something that he called "Miracle Spring Water" and they were to use this magic water to essentially get for themselves whatever they wanted, whether it be physical healing or better finances.  As I watched, I felt genuinely sorry for the hundreds that seemed to be falling for this man's charade.

When people believe that there is a chance they will be healed from ailments that cause them constant discomfort, discouragement, and even despair, they are willing to go to great lengths to acquire that healing.

The second chapter of Mark's gospel records one such event for us from the ministry of Jesus.  There we read:

A few days later, when Jesus again entered Capernaum, the people heard that he had come home.  So many gathered that there was no room left, not even outside the door, and he preached the word to them.  Some men came, bringing to him a paralytic, carried by four of them.  Since they could not get him to Jesus because of the crowd, they made an opening in the roof above Jesus and, after digging through it, lowered the mat the paralyzed man was lying on.  When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

Now some teachers of the law were sitting there, thinking to themselves, "Why does this fellow talk like that?  He's blaspheming!  Who can forgive sins but God alone?"

(Mark 2:1-7)

What a telling event from the early part of Christ's earthly ministry.  People were coming from all around to be healed by the Master Healer.  We don't know the exact number of people who showed up to be healed, but we do know that there was enough to completely fill the house as well as the outside area surrounding it.

I am very fond of two particular seasonal sports; golfing and skiing.  When it gets too cold to golf, I ski.  When I can't ski, I golf.  Both sports involve a certain amount of skill, difficulty and danger, but judging from my wife's reaction when I head out to the slopes, skiing is the more dangerous of the two.  She's right.

Not long ago, I drove with a friend to a nearby ski resort in the Poconos for an evening of skiing.  The weather conditions were perfect, not too cold, not too warm.  The slopes were covered with more powder than ice and we had a great time zipping down the mountain.

As the night progressed, we became more confident and daring--hitting some of the jumps that had built up on the more difficult slopes.  After successfully landing one particular jump several times, I tried it again.  Unknown to me, a mound of snow had gathered right where I needed to land.  I landed the jump and then instantly hit the snow mound.  It sent me back up into the air, only this time, I didn't land on my feet, but on my shoulder.  The force of hitting the ground knocked the wind out of me.  So there I laid, breathless and immobile on the edge of a mountain.  For a brief moment, I felt frozen...my body didn't move.  I ended up in an emergency room and spent the next two weeks with my arm in a sling.

I didn't like the feeling of being unable to move.  It was painful and frustrating.  I can't imagine the day to day suffering experienced by those who deal with genuine paralysis.  But Christ knows and understands the pain of paralysis.  He is well acquainted with any struggle or pain we may endure.  The book of Hebrews tells us that:

"For this reason he had to be made like his brothers in every way, in order that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of the people.  Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."                                            (Heb. 2:17-18)

Jesus had compassion on the crowds that were coming to Him for a touch from His healing hand.  His heart went out to them.  He identified with their sorrows and struggles.  Filled with compassion, love and concern, He sought to do something about the pain they were experiencing.

Specifically, we're told of a group of five men that came to see Jesus perform a miracle - four of them carrying one who was paralyzed.  Imagine their initial disappointment when it appeared that they wouldn't even be able to get near to Jesus.  The crowd was so large and everyone was vying for His attention and help.  It would have been easy for them to lose hope, do an about-face, and give up on their attempt to bring their friend to the Healer.  Yet, for the benefit of the paralytic and all those who would one day read this account, I believe the Lord inspired them to get creative.

Clearly, these men were desperate.  So desperate that they did something that I couldn't even imagine doing.  This group of men climbed up on the roof, dug through the roofing materials, and lowered their paralyzed friend into the room.  (If you can't get in the door, create your own entrance!)

These men genuinely and firmly believed that Jesus could heal their friend.  They wouldn't have gone through any of this trouble if they didn't.  Upon seeing their faith, Christ said something very specific.  He uttered a comment certain to raise the eyebrows of the "religious elite."  Jesus said, "Son, your sins are forgiven." (Mark 2:5b)

Jesus could have easily said something else.  He could have said, "Oh, how wonderful!  I am genuinely impressed that you would go to such great lengths to visit me!"  But He didn't.  He called the man "son," and He informed him that his sins would no longer be held against him.  Jesus knew what He was doing.  He knew that He was opening Himself up to criticism and scorn by speaking these words, but He spoke them anyway.  Jesus did not let criticism stop Him from speaking the truth.  The truth of the matter was that the paralyzed man had just been forgiven, so Jesus spoke the truth.

Are you an honest person?  I'm sure that most of us try to be honest.  Have you ever been afraid to speak the truth about a particular topic because you knew in your heart that it would not be received favorably by your listeners?

Pastors face this all the time.  There are so many topics that we tell ourselves we will cover someday in a sermon.  Topics like adultery, financial stewardship, homosexuality, pornography, substance abuse, and immoral entertainment.  We know we need to address these pressing concerns, but we also know the flack we'll receive after doing so.  If we speak about adultery, we may offend so-and-so who is living with her "fiancée."  If we mention tithing, so-and-so will accuse the church of only wanting his money.  If we dare say that most modern movies do nothing but pollute the minds of their audience, we'll risk being labeled as "narrow minded."

So what do we do?  Unfortunately, we often skirt these issues.  We'd rather not "stir up the pot," so we avoid what we believe might invite controversy.  But again, if we are honest, we know that this is not the Lord's desire for us.

Jesus did not shy away from speaking the truth even though He knew the criticism He would receive would be severe.  Look again at what the teachers of the law actually said about him.  We are told that they accused Him of blasphemy!  Blasphemy was a capitol offense, deserving of death.  By stating that the paralytic's sins were now forgiven, wasn't Jesus equating Himself with God?  Of course He was!  He is God, but that didn't compute with them.  In their minds, He had crossed the line, and they would someday hold Him accountable for what He said.  Someday, they would figure out a way to get back at Him.  In short order, we know that they actually began plotting how they might be able to kill Him.

Sometimes, we face consequences for speaking the truth, don't we?  We may bear the brunt of unkind words, or even worse.  But our Lord is faithful to look after us and protect us.  No event will ever occur in our lives that He cannot ultimately use to benefit us as well as others.  We need to remember that even though we know we may be criticized for speaking the truth, impending criticism must never become such a dominant force in our lives that it gains the power to silence us.

Knowing what He would face, Jesus still spoke the truth.  In the face of certain criticism, He did not cower from honesty, and neither should you and I.  Ever.  Speaking the truth in the face of criticism is one way that Jesus diffused the power of criticism.

Chapter Two

Jesus did not let criticism deter Him from fulfilling the Father's will.

_____

Criticism is easy.  It takes no special talent to criticize.  Special insight isn't required to speak critically.  The IQ of a genius is not a prerequisite to devise a scathing word to say against another.

In my college years, I served as a youth pastor at a church near Philadelphia.  During that time, the Lord revealed to me that He was calling me to serve Him in full-time pastoral ministry and just one month after I graduated, I began serving the Lord at a small, rural church in Western, Pennsylvania.

It was the first week of June and the weather was miserable the day we moved.  It rained most of the afternoon, and we had a very short period of time to get the moving truck unloaded and get to the church where I would be leading the mid-week prayer service that night.

I arrived at the church early and made myself acquainted with the people.  Halfway through the service, while we were praying, a neighbor walked into the sanctuary to tell us that a tornado was about to touch ground nearby.  I was twenty-one-years-old and all eyes turned to me.  Someone asked, "Pastor, what should we do?"  Now, keep in mind that I was the youngest person in the room and had been in full-time pastoral ministry for all of 20 minutes at this point, but I did my best to appear on top of the situation and I wisely suggested, "I think we should all go home and prepare for the worst."  Everyone nodded and agreed and we headed out to our cars and drove home.  The tornado touched ground a few towns away, causing a fair amount of damage, but none of us were affected by it.  (Some would say that I should have taken this as a sign that more storms were up ahead.)

Several days later, I led my first Sunday worship service at the church.  Overall, it went pretty well and as the morning concluded, I was both pleased to have preached a good sermon and relieved to have that first Sunday morning behind me.

As I walked to my car with my wife, one of the women in the church walked up to me.  I could tell she had something to say, so I paused to speak with her for just a moment.

Privately, I wondered if she would tell me that she appreciated the message that morning or that she looked forward to the future of the church's ministry.  But that's not what she said at all.  Her exact comment was this, "Well, you've been here four days now.  I thought you were going to come and start a youth ministry, but I don't see one yet.  People are waiting!"

How could I respond to a comment like that?  I'm usually pretty quick with a response, but I honestly didn't know what to say.  Did this woman really believe that a youth ministry would be up and running at the church within 96 hours of our arrival?  I was still digging through piles of boxes trying to find blue ink pens, let alone start a brand new ministry from scratch!

I assured her that very soon we would indeed be starting a ministry for teens.  I told her that I had a plan that I believed would work and over the coming months it would be carried out.  This seemed to pacify her for the moment, but over the coming weeks she kept the pressure up, and made sure to comment from time to time that things weren't happening quickly enough to satisfy her.

It was June and in just a few weeks, we were going to host our annual Vacation Bible School.  We took a group of volunteers throughout the town and passed out fliers, inviting people of all ages to come join us for VBS.  I volunteered to teach the teen class figuring that this would be a good chance to introduce myself to the teens in our area as well as get to know them a little.  I also planned to use the contacts I made through that class to start a youth ministry at the church when school began in September.

Having worked in youth ministry for the previous four years, I believed that this would be a wise approach, one with strong potential to work, and I believed that it was the Lord's will.  Still, throughout that Summer, I had to handle the pressure from my newest critic.

I taught VBS and made sure to promote the upcoming youth ministry that would begin in September.  I asked for my students’ addresses and phone numbers and when school began, my wife and I called them.  We encouraged them to come to the meetings and bring friends.  Five teens came the first night.  Then seven, then some more.  Before we knew it, most of the teens in that small rural town were regular participants in our youth ministry.  The approach that the Lord had laid upon my heart to try had worked and to a certain degree, I felt vindicated.  I stuck to my guns and carried out the plan.  For certain this would silence my critic, right?

Not long after the youth ministry began, I was at a meeting with some of the leaders of the church.  One of the men whose daughters were now a part of the youth ministry commented, "Pastor, I really appreciate what you're doing with the teens.  It seems to be having a good impact on my daughters.  Thank you."

I barely had enough time to digest this man's encouraging words before my critic spoke up and said, "Pastor, every church has a ministry to teens.  When are you going to start something for the younger children?"  An awkward silence fell over the meeting.  Hoping to diffuse the moment, I politely responded, "At times, I'm sure that a subtle prodding can be a good thing,........ but patience is a good thing too."  Nothing more was said about it that night and from then on, thankfully, she stopped criticizing my approach to youth ministry.

Be aware, many serious critics are control freaks.  We'll discuss this more later, but for now, there is something you must remember. Never let critics set your agenda.  Never let them set the agenda of your ministry.  Never let them set your family's agenda.  Never let critics determine the direction you take with your life or even how you feel about yourself.  Critics are selfish and they do not have your best interests at heart.  Critics aren't builders.  They aren't workers.  They are commentators.

Critics don't see the big picture.  Most often, their core desire is not to follow the Father's will, but to tear down those who are.  Please keep in mind that I’m not referring to constructive criticism, but unfounded criticism.  Such critics do not build.  They destroy.  I’m talking about the kind of people who barely participate in a church’s ministry (or even attend regularly) yet they feel justified in speaking all manner of evil against those who are active and do participate.  I’m talking about the kind of people who can spend four years griping about how much they hate the president, but don’t bother to vote on Election Day.  Consider the message of this poem, penned by an unknown author.

A Builder or a Wrecker

As I watched them tear a building down

A gang of men in a busy town

With a ho-heave-ho, and a lusty yell

They swung a beam and the side wall fell.

I asked the foreman, "Are these men skilled,

And the men you'd hire if you wanted to build?"

He gave a laugh and said, "No, indeed,

Just common labor is all I need."

"I can easily wreck in a day or two,

What builders have taken years to do."

And I thought to myself, as I went my way

Which of these roles have I tried to play?

Am I a builder who works with care,

Measuring life by rule and square?

Am I shaping my work to a well-made plan

Patiently doing the best I can?

Or am I a wrecker who walks to town

Content with the labor of tearing down?

"O Lord let my life and labors be

That which will build for eternity!"

What were the critics that Jesus faced attempting to do?  What was their agenda?  Were their hearts moved at the thought of fulfilling the Father's will?  Were they active participants in building the kingdom of God or did they have a sinister agenda?

I recently heard an interesting comment.  J.C. Watts, a former member of the United States House of Representatives mentioned that his father had once said to him, "Dogs don't bark at parked cars."  What does that mean?  His point was this - most often, people won't criticize you if you spend your time standing still, never trying new things, not moving toward a goal.  The kind of people who bear the most criticism are motivated people.  Those who are aggressively seeking to fulfill their calling and greater purpose are those who are going to be barked at.

The teachers of the law were seeking to stop Jesus from doing all that He had been doing.  They were uncomfortable with His miraculous activity because it was unlike anything they had ever seen.  It was something that was unfamiliar to them, and they felt threatened.  His miracles threatened to debunk their pre-conceived notions of God and the Messiah.  The demonstration of His power threatened their authority, and they wanted Christ to quit and step off the scene.

Did Jesus allow pressure from His critics to stop Him from fulfilling the Father's will?  No, He didn’t.  Look again at the second chapter of Mark.

"Which is easier:  to say to the paralytic, 'Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, 'Get up, take your mat and walk’?  But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins....”  He said to the paralytic, "I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.”  He got up, took his mat and walked out in full view of them all.  This amazed everyone and they praised God, saying, "We have never seen anything like this!”

(Mark 2:8-12)

Knowing full well that the teachers of the law wanted Him to back-peddle, retract His words, and fade away....Jesus pressed on.  He spoke the truth and then backed up that truth with action:  Jesus healed the paralyzed man, told him to get up and go home.

This put the teachers of the law in an awkward position.  Feeling threatened by this miracle worker, they wanted Him off the scene quickly.  But the more He healed and the more He spoke, the more the people flocked to Him.  In fact, we know that people were "amazed" by Christ's actions.  Never before had they witnessed such miraculous activity.  At this point, if the religious leaders openly denounced Jesus, they would risk upsetting the crowds who were giving praise to God for the work Jesus was doing.

What could they say?  Certainly there was no criticism they could have offered that would have been justified.  Jesus went ahead and fulfilled the Father's will, even though His critics attempted to stop Him.

What is the Father's will for you and me?  Certainly His desire is that we come to a saving relationship with His Son, Jesus Christ.  In addition to that, He wants us to grow mature as believers through the daily application of the teachings and principles found in His Word, the Bible.  The Lord also desires that we make the message of the Gospel known to people who presently walk in darkness.  God wants this for you, your family, your friends, your community and your church.  His will is good.  His will is perfect.  His will is beneficial.

I believe it is God's will for parents to do everything in their power to raise their children in godliness, with the goal of eventually shaping them into spiritually mature adults.  At present, my wife and I have four young children that we love deeply.  I can't think of anything I would rather do than spend time with my wife and kids.  And I'm not just saying that because it sounds good.  I truly mean that.  It has been one of the great dreams of my life to one day raise children, side by side, with a godly wife.

Our children aren't perfect (they get that from my side), but they are pleasant to be around.  They  have a great sense of humor, and they fill our days with joy.  Under our instruction they have learned to address adults as Mr. or Mrs.  They say please and thank you.  When they make a mistake or disobey, they say "I'm sorry."  When they deliberately disobey, they are spanked, spoken to and forced to sit in place for a period of time.  When they make a mess of their toys, they are instructed to put them away at the end of play.  Our children are young, but they are required to follow certain rules.

We teach our children to pray and we instruct them in the teachings of Scripture.  Children are a stewardship - lives entrusted to parents for a period of time.  It is our responsibility to lead them in the paths of righteousness so that they may grow to be faithful servants of the Lord in all areas of life.

This sounds reasonable, right?  We believe this to be a pattern of child-rearing that the Lord has given us that is fully in line with His will.  Still, you might be surprised to see the ways that my wife and I have occasionally received subtle criticism for following this pattern.

We have been accused of expecting too much from our children.  Often we hear this line, or something similar to it, "Kids are kids.  Let them have their fun now.  They'll grow up soon enough."  I can see why people may say that and to a certain degree, I agree.  At no point do my wife and I become over-bearing with our expectations.  And everything we expect of our children is age-appropriate and well within their ability to perform.  We are very careful with that.

Most often, the criticism we have received in this area has come from parents who have allowed their children to become disobedient or disrespectful, frequently absent of biblical instruction and church fellowship.

So we press on and seek to fulfill the Father's will for us as parents, knowing that our children have already and will continue to benefit greatly from such loving instruction.  Our children are young, but we are so proud of them.  Even at their young ages they honor us, and they serve as living testimonies to the wisdom of following God's ways and His will.

We are seeking to build godly lives.  Critics have no interest in doing any such thing.  Out of their insecurities and ignorance (and sometimes laziness), they simply seek to tear down those involved in godly pursuits.  But those who trust the Lord must remember how Jesus approached this very same problem.  He never allowed criticism to deter Him from following the Father's will.

When we allow our critics to set the agenda for our lives and ministries, we are in essence saying, "I care more about the opinions of man than the wisdom of God."  When we allow our critics to steer our reigns, we give them a higher standing in our lives and in our conscience than we give to God Himself.

I know a pastor who is currently serving at a very difficult church.  His church has a history of chewing up pastors and spitting them out after a short period of time.  There are so many godly people who currently take an active part in that ministry, but counteracting their effectiveness is a smaller group of critics who far too often seem to get their way.  For years, pastors have crumbled under this pressure.

The current pastor has been active in creating or rebuilding ministries to youth, adults, seniors and the community at large.  For the first time in years, visitors are coming to the church.  But the group of trouble-makers continues to serve as a giant thorn in their pastor's flesh.

They criticize his approach to ministry.  They criticize his family.  They criticize his attire.  They criticize his sermons and his approach to community outreach (even though they never lift a finger to help him).  I'm convinced they would criticize the brand of shaving cream he used if he didn't have a beard.

How has this godly man responded to their stinging words?  I'm certain that he has been hurt by their comments as well as their attempts to thwart his efforts.  His response to their criticism has been to continue to fulfill the mission the Lord has given him.  He hasn't allowed the comments of a few ungodly people stop him from working toward the goals the Lord has laid upon his heart.

I know another pastor who, years ago, came to the point of a nervous breakdown after enduring years of criticism from his congregation.  He eventually locked himself in the parsonage and refused to come out for any reason.  His feelings were hurt.  His energy was sapped.  His heart was broken as he allowed his critics to get the best of him.

Critics will pull out every trick in their book to force you to stop doing what God has called you to do.  They will attempt to make you feel like everyone is on their side, fully aligned against you.  But take heart.  You are never alone in your struggles.  The One who has endured them all before you, stands right beside you.

Knowing this to be true, move forward.  Fulfill God's will and render the verbal barbs of your opponents powerless.  Jesus did not allow unfounded criticism to deter Him from fulfilling the Father’s will, and neither should we.

Chapter Three

Jesus confronted criticism

gracefully and thoughtfully.

_____

Several years ago, a woman asked me to pray for her husband.  He was dealing with some very serious health concerns, and she seemed quite troubled over his condition.  As we spoke about his medical problems, she asked me to do her a favor and not mention his health issues in a public forum.  Specifically, she was referring to a segment during our Sunday morning worship services that I set aside to publicly give thanks to God for His blessings as well as pray for the continued needs and concerns of our congregation.

Honoring her request, I agreed not to make his health problems public, and the following Sunday, I prayed in a general way for “a man who was dealing with health problems.”

As the worship service concluded and I shook hands with the congregation in the back of the church, this woman approached me.  I told her that I would continue to keep her husband in prayer.  She took me off guard with her response, speaking in a voice that everyone nearby could hear, “Well you didn’t do so today!”  “Why did she say that?” I wondered.  Without going into great detail I replied, “I did pray for your husband this morning.”  “No you didn’t,” she snapped back.  Again I assured her that I had, but she wasn’t satisfied and she continued to argue the point.  I didn’t argue back, left the matter alone for the moment, wished her good-bye, and then greeted the rest of the congregation.

I’m sure you wouldn’t be surprised to know that her reaction that morning really bothered me.  I kept asking myself, “Why did she do that?  What made her say that?”  I wondered what my response should be.  Should I let the matter go or did I need to address it with her again at some other point?

I have learned that issues like this are best dealt with quickly and privately, so I made plans to call her early that afternoon.  I wanted to make certain I addressed this matter before it mushroomed into a much bigger problem.

What should I say?  I wanted to make certain that I handled the matter correctly, and I knew that I needed to choose my words carefully.  Instead of fumbling over the right thing to say when she answered my call, I decided it would be best to write my words down and then read it to her over the phone.  I didn’t want her to know that I was reading, so I practiced my response several times until it felt natural.  Then I dialed her number............

Is it easy to gracefully and thoughtfully confront those who criticize us?  Of course it isn’t.  I have witnessed many interactions between critics and their targets that resulted in the accused becoming noticeably upset.  When we’re upset, our natural reaction is often to fly off the handle and respond rashly.  Maybe you’re apt to angrily, loudly and immediately defend yourself or maybe you become quiet and keep the hurt to yourself, silently letting it boil within you.  Both are natural reactions, but our Lord wants us to follow His lead and respond with supernatural wisdom.  His response should become our response.  Jesus confronted criticism directly, but with grace and careful thought.

In Mark 2:9, Jesus made this comment to His critics:              “Which is easier:  to say to the paralytic, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’?”  Jesus knew that a good way to get your critics to quiet down for a moment is to pose a question.  While they formulated their responses, by necessity, their mouths would likely take a break.

In some ways, it is easier to say “Your sins are forgiven,” because it would be difficult for someone to prove whether that statement was true or not.  Anyone, if they are brazen enough to do so, can make that declaration to someone else.  But Jesus took the matter a step further.  Not only did He make this declaration of forgiveness, He backed it up with action.  The more difficult thing to say, in my estimation, was “Get up, take your mat and walk,” because that command demanded a visible response.

Jesus chose His words carefully.  He thought before He spoke, and He exercised great wisdom.  How could His words be disputed when they were validated in full view of everyone present?

Let’s return back to my phone conversation with the disgruntled woman from my church.  I called her later that day and admittedly, I was a little nervous when she first picked up the phone.  As is the case with most normal people, I don’t particularly enjoy confrontation.  But failing to confront an obvious problem can quickly invite larger problems so I carried through with it.

I began with a warm hello and immediately stated, “I think we had a misunderstanding this morning that I’d really like to clarify.”  I then explained to her that I was doing my best to honor her request for privacy.  I made a few more brief comments, without getting overly defensive, and then waited for her reply.

To my surprise, she responded favorably and admitted that she was just upset about her husband’s condition and the fact that few people seemed to be aware of what he was going through.  She thanked me for calling and assured me that there were no hard feelings between us.

As you can imagine, I was quite pleased with her reaction.  I didn’t know what kind of response I would receive when I called and confronted her.  I imagine that if I let this matter go and didn’t choose to take the steps to confront her gracefully and thoughtfully, this problem may have simmered below the surface for quite some time.  Problems like these have a funny way of coming back to haunt you when you least expect it.  They also have a funny way of growing way out of proportion.

Years ago, a teacher once said to me, “The difference between a mature person and an immature person is this:  A mature person thinks before he speaks and an immature person speaks before he thinks.”  I have learned that statement to be true, many times over.

When Jesus was facing His critics, He didn’t turn from them and run.  On the contrary, when criticized, He confronted them calmly, gracefully and thoughtfully.

Depending on your personality, your natural tendency will be to respond to your critics in one of two ways.  Either you will be tempted to run from them or you will be tempted to fight them.  Our Lord teaches us to take the balanced approach.  We don’t need to run, nor do we need to fight.  Using His wisdom, we can approach our critics and give a thoughtful response, seasoned with grace.

Chapter Four

Jesus considered the source of His criticism.

_____

Not long ago, my wife and I were shopping at a home furnishing store, searching for new curtains.  We had tried a few different styles, but nothing seemed to work well in our living room.  I thought it would be wise to ask the advice of someone who worked in that department and arranged curtains for a living, so I quickly glanced through the store in search of an attendant.

I spotted someone not far away who was assisting another customer so I waited patiently until they were finished.  As I waited, I overheard their conversation.  They were talking about politics (a subject of great interest to me).  It soon became clear that the attendant was not too fond of one particular political leader, someone that I had voted for and thought highly of.  I wondered why she felt the way she did, and since she spoke her opinion loudly and proudly, I soon found out.

She continued to criticize this leader and began sharing facts that she was “certain” to be true.  Some of the things she said were pure speculation.  Most of what she said, she made up completely.  It soon became clear to me that this woman just wanted to be listened to.  Apparently, her reasons for disliking this leader weren’t very good, so she invented some new reasons and she seemed eager to share her “insights” with anyone that would pay attention to her for a few moments.

After several minutes of witnessing this interchange, I quietly disappeared and found a more level-headed employee to help me with my curtain selection.

If the political leader that the attendant so freely spoke about was privy to her conversation, how should he have responded?  Hopefully, he would have quickly come to the realization that she was not an authority on the subject of politics and would not have responded to her under the impression that she was.  If that leader is wise (and I believe he is), he would have first considered the source of the criticism he was receiving and then went about his business undisturbed and undeterred.

When Jesus healed the paralytic man in Mark’s gospel, an audience was present.  As we have already seen, the “teachers of the law” witnessed this miracle.  They were beside themselves after hearing the claims Jesus made about Himself.  They were thoroughly disturbed by His claim to be able to forgive sin.  “Who can forgive sins but God alone?” they asked rhetorically.  While others rejoiced at this miracle, they stewed in their bitterness and scorn.

Mark 2:8 tells us, “Immediately Jesus knew in his spirit that this was what they were thinking in their hearts, and he said to them, “Why are you thinking these things?”

Jesus knew that the hearts of many of the religious leaders of the day were stubborn and unbelieving.  When they were confronted with truth, even in some of the most obvious ways, they would fight against any suggestion or insight that seemed to contradict their pre-conceived notions.

The religious leaders of the time intentionally hardened their hearts against receiving any truth that stood in the face of what they had been teaching.  They refused to believe that their interpretation of God’s Word, specifically, the Law the Lord had revealed in the writings of Moses, might be limited or faulty.  In many ways, they were superimposing what they believed the Law should say over what the Law actually said.  But that was only a problem people struggled with centuries ago, right?  The church today doesn’t face that same problem, does it?

Believe it or not, this is a problem that has persisted among “religious people”  in all centuries.  Even in our day and age, countless people, even people who consider themselves mature, spiritual Christians, find themselves stubbornly imposing their thoughts or preferences over what the Word of God actually states.  No one benefits from such behavior.

Dr. Wilbur M. Smith recalls a perfect example.  Years ago, Smith told this story:

"During the afternoon, I asked Dr. Klausner (professor in the Hebrew University in Jerusalem) if he would sign my autograph album to which he replied, ‘No, I am sorry; but it is the Sabbath.’  I did not know until I made inquiry that night that the Talmud asserts that writing two words in succession is work, and if a man even signs his name on the Sabbath he has broken the Law.

As those of us gathered in his study discussing one subject after another, Dr. Klausner would climb a little stepladder and bring down some heavy tome from his shelves, open it, point to some relevant passage, then return the book and soon take down another.  The Talmud says nothing about bringing down books from shelves as work - to write two words would be labor, but to develop a perspiration by reaching up for volumes and vigorously discussing them is not work!”

Man has a tendency to impose his preferences and opinions over what Scripture actually states.  Mankind is prone to value the theories, philosophies and practices of other men over what the Word of God actually tells us.  There is a term for such behavior.  It is called “legalism.”  Legalism shows up in many ways and in many different places.  I wish it wasn’t so, but the church of our day is notorious for giving legalists a platform from which to operate.

The teachers of the law and other religious leaders during the time of Christ were “legalists.”  The bulk of their religious faith was centered around man-made regulations that originated from the personal preferences and interpretations of influential people.

Every church or organization is comprised of a variety of personality styles.  Within each group, there are some people who seem to have a funny way of wielding their influence (good and bad) over others.  In a congregational setting, over time, certain outspoken people can become rather used to getting their way in most matters.  Their preferences some how end up becoming church law and their ideas may begin to trump the ideas of others or even the teaching of God’s Word.

I have been a pastor for a fair amount of years and I have enjoyed serving in nearly every context the Lord has called me to.  I honestly could not imagine doing anything else.  The churches I have served have been comprised of some of the most wonderful and godly people I have ever met.  I have genuinely come to the point where I feel just as close to some church members as I do to members of my own biological family.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t had my struggles as the shepherd of my brothers and sisters in Christ.  Even people we love can be stubborn and unjustly critical.  Take for example an experience I had a while back while serving in a rather "old-school" or traditional church context.

I am a firm believer in the fact that the evangelical church is currently going through a form of reformation.  Not a reformation of message, mind you,  but a reformation of method.  As evangelical Christians, we are beginning to wake up to the necessity of attempting new ways to minister to believers as well as  reach out to non-believers.

The church I was serving at was progressing in this area as well, and was seeking to attempt new methods of ministry and outreach.  While serving as their pastor, I prayerfully decided that it was time to make some adjustments to the format of the Sunday morning worship service.  For the bulk of their 135-year existence as a local congregation, their worship services have followed a more traditional format which has included the singing of hymns only, responsive readings, prayers spoken in unison, etc.  Over time, I became convicted that not only was this format failing in many ways to minister to our congregation, but it was also hindering the church from connecting with the very people we were trying to reach out to in our community.

So I made some changes.  I removed the responsive readings and repeated prayers.  I kept the hymns and added worship choruses as well.  There were other changes that I wanted to make, but this was where I started our process of transition.

One Sunday, about two years into this change, a woman approached me prior to the start of the Sunday worship service.  She stepped up to me and boldly stated, “I don’t like your songs!,” (as if I had composed the new songs we were singing).  I politely replied, “I’m very sorry that you feel that way, but I hope you understand that there was a purpose for adding new music to our worship service.”

I wasn’t surprised by her reply when she said, “I don’t care about the purpose!  I don’t like them, and neither does my husband!”

The more I thought about her response, the more I realized just how fitting her comment was to the state of her heart.  Since we had made changes to the format of our services, new people had been visiting our church. We were seeing more souls reached for Jesus than before.  Both our attendance and our membership had increased several years in a row following years of slow, but steady decline.  Instead of rejoicing in the positive results of making some changes, she was upset that she couldn’t have her way.  She cared little about our renewed sense of purpose as a congregation.  All she cared about was getting her way, and since I was the one who made the changes, I received a face-full of criticism to go with it.

Years ago, if I had received that kind of criticism just before the start of a worship service, it would have ushered me into a slump that I would find difficult to shake for the remainder of the day. It would affect my singing, leading and my preaching.  But by God’s grace, her words didn’t have that affect on me that Sunday morning.  The Lord enabled me to consider the source of the unkind words I was receiving and I was then able to press on and conduct our worship services without distraction.

If you are in a position of leadership, there is something else that I believe you need to be aware of as you face your critics.  I believe that Scripture makes it clear that many critics are what we call, “control-freaks.”  That’s a title that describes someone who insists on having their own way in almost all matters.  A control-freak is someone who only feels comfortable when they are in charge of others.  Better said, they are happiest when they are the one barking out the orders and bossing others around.

When Jesus healed the paralytic, the teachers of the law were irritated by more than the fact that He claimed to forgive the man’s sin.  They were also upset by what Jesus did.  They weren’t used to seeing men healed before their very eyes.  And if anyone was doing the healing, they certainly weren’t comfortable with the Healer being Jesus.  They considered Him a radical and an unwelcomed revolutionary.  They found Him impossible to “control” and that wasn’t something they were used to.  Because Jesus didn’t fall in line with their wishes, they hardened their hearts against Him.  But Jesus hadn’t come to please men.  His goal was to please the Father and fulfill His will.

According to Our Daily Bread;

"English evangelist George Whitefield (1714-1770) learned that it was more important to please God than to please men.  Knowing that he was doing what was honoring to the Lord kept him from discouragement when he was falsely accused by his enemies.  At one point in his ministry, Whitefield received a vicious letter accusing him of wrongdoing.

His reply was brief and courteous, ‘I thank you heartily for your letter.  As for what you and my other enemies are saying against me, I know far worse things about myself than you will ever say about me.  With love in Christ, George Whitefield’”

Such stubborn behavior has been common to critics in all centuries.  Should it surprise us to witness such behavior in our day?  No it shouldn’t.  Just as Jesus found it difficult to communicate truth to the hardened and stubborn hearts of the teachers of the law, and just as George Whitfield and other godly leaders have found the same to be difficult as well, so too may we find that very task a trying exercise.

Consider the prophecy the Apostle Paul shared with Timothy.  Timothy was a young pastor serving the church at Ephesus, and Paul penned these words just before he himself was executed and martyred for his faith.

"Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction.  For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine.  Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.  They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.  But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.”

(2 Timothy 4:2-5)

I believe we are very close to the day when Jesus will return.  Hearts were stubborn when He first came, and as this Scripture confirms, hearts will be stubborn when He returns again.

Timothy was admonished in this passage to be well aware of the “heart condition” of those that he ministered to.  As a young pastor, I’m sure he received countless words of criticism.  Even as an older pastor, I’m sure the same would have been true because people have always enjoyed taking swipes at their leaders, regardless of their age.

Paul, Timothy, you and I need to remain mindful of an insightful practice that Jesus exemplified as He dealt with His critics.  Knowing their hearts, Jesus considered the source of His criticism.  There Jesus stood, sinless and faultless, yet He was boldly criticized by sinful men.  Something just doesn’t add up there.  How can sinners justify insulting perfection?  Of course there is no justification for such behavior, but that’s the way it was and that’s the way it will be until the Lord brings restoration to all things.

When your next season of criticism comes about, ask yourself, “Who is it that criticizes me?”  Consider the source and you may discover one of two things.  Either your critic may be a godly person who is seeking to build you up in love, or he may be a worldly man consumed with a stubborn heart.  Once you answer the question of who your critic is, you will find it much easier to determine how the Lord would have you respond to such a person.

Chapter Five

Jesus examined the motives of His critics.

_____

Several years ago, I attended a pastor's retreat that included an interesting survey that you may have participated in at one point or another.  We were each given a series of questions and a card on which we could record our answers.  The questions centered around ways in which we typically respond to daily occurrences as well as our views of certain personal habits.

When  the survey was completed, we tallied our responses and categorized our answers in accordance with the survey's format.  This was all done to help us determine what our style of leadership was and what kind of leader we were, including perceived strengths and weaknesses of our leadership styles.

As we revealed our leadership styles and personal tendencies to each other, an interesting pattern emerged.  More than two thirds of the men in that room admitted they had a great degree of difficulty adapting to “change.”  Many of the pastors confessed that they strongly disliked and forcefully resisted  change in their personal and professional lives, as well as in their church ministries.

As the discussion continued, the man who administered the survey shared that resistance to change is one of the most common personality traits found in all people.

Why is that?  Why do we resist change, even when we may be fully aware that the change we are resisting may benefit us and others in a variety of ways?

First of all, “change” is the unknown, and the unknown is scary.  Why are we cautious when we walk into a dark room?  Because we can't see what's in front of us.  Why, at night, do we drive with our headlights on?  Because we want to be fully aware of the hazards that may lie ahead of us.  Until something becomes familiar to us, we tend to fear it.

Second, change interrupts our well established routines.  In the spiritual sense, most people are often more concerned with maintaining their current level of comfort  than they are about fulfilling God's mission for their lives.

Third, change may upset those we care about.  Courteous people value the opinions and feelings of others.  Frankly, even selfish people tend to value the responses of others, at least as far it will benefit them personally.

Lastly, change takes concentration, focus and a determined will.  Maintaining a steadfast gate toward any desired objective becomes very difficult over an extended period of time.  Lasting change is only accomplished as the Spirit of the Lord gives us the desire to stay the course and the ability to see the goal through to the end.

I would say that each of these “hesitancies” factored into the behavior that was exhibited by the critics of Jesus.  These men liked what they were used to and they didn't want to be confronted with something (or Someone) they were unfamiliar with.

Christ's critics enjoyed their routine lifestyle, including the perception that they (not Jesus) were the godliest men around.  They welcomed the favorable treatment they received at the hands of a trusting public.

Those who criticized Jesus were also fearful of gaining the displeasure of their peers as well as those they were subordinate to.  In their minds, they rose or fell based on the way they were viewed by others.

It can also be said of our Lord's critics, that they possessed a stubborn will that refused to submit to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.  When confronted with the absolute truth of Christ's divinity and Lordship they set their hearts against Him, even attributing His miraculous works to the disdainful activity of Satan.

As is widely known about many of the teachers of the law during the time of Christ's earthly ministry, these men were highly driven by rules and regulation.  In their minds, they believed that their strict adherence to a code or list of do's and don'ts earned them the favor of God.  These men became so steeped in their complex (and unsubstantiated) regulations, they entirely forgot about grace and godliness.

This is shown to be a major motivation of the critics of Jesus as Mark's gospel states:

One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, they began to pick some heads of grain.  The Pharisees said to him, “Look, why are they doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?”

He answered, “Have you never read what David did when he and his companions were hungry and in need?  In the days of Abiathar the high priest, he entered the house of God and ate the consecrated bread, which is lawful only for priests to eat.  And he also gave some to his companions.”                              Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.  So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.”

(Mark 2:23-28)

Jesus' critics weren't motivated by compassion or a heartfelt desire to be helpful.  Jesus made it clear that even though they thought they were experts at living out the Scriptures, they were selective in their understanding and application of the Scriptures they professed to obey.

Jesus purposely reminded these men of David's life and activity.  David was a hero to these men and if you were to ask them what kind of king they would choose to rule over them, I am confident they would have told you, “A king like David.”  Yet, instead of taking to heart the godly, soft-hearted, example of David, they chose to ridicule and nit-pick the disciples of Christ because they dared to pick and eat grain while walking through a grainfield on the Sabbath.

But Jesus got to the heart of the matter and illustrated their hypocrisy with this lesson from their own history.  I think it is safe to guess that His correction wasn't received well by these self-righteous men, especially having been delivered by the One who was robbing them of their popularity and esteem by clearly displaying the truly godless attitudes of their hearts.

Every Pharisee wants to be the top dog.  Pharisee's are the type of people who covet position and prestige.  Their blood boils when their ego feels threatened or their standing seems usurped.  In fact, Pharisee's only feel secure or good about themselves if they are putting others down.

Both you and I know people like this.  We all have our critics, and they love to make us feel miserable.  But keep in mind that they are probably doing that because deep down in their insecure hearts, they feel threatened.

Maybe you're trying to facilitate healthy change in their lives.  Maybe you have confronted them with truth that they weren't eager to hear.  Maybe your lifestyle stands in stark contrast to theirs, and they feel irritated by your example of true grace and godliness.

Because their hearts are hard, they mock and criticize you instead of gleaning the benefit of your wisdom or concern.  How do we respond to that?  Should we allow ourselves to repeat their unkind words in our minds like a skipping record?  Should we stop pressing on toward the goal of our faith, just because someone with impure motives is seeking to de-rail us?

It's difficult to correctly assess the motive of a critic in a moment of heightened emotion when their hurtful words are still ringing in your ears.  So whisper a prayer to the Lord and ask Him to give you godly insight into their behavior.  Then, as the occasion presents itself, you will be more apt to respond appropriately.  You will also find yourself correctly understanding that there are times when, instead of deepening a rift or encouraging an argument, you can simply walk away and let your critic stew in their own miserable attitude.  All this while praying that the Lord will give your critic a better understanding of the motives that provoke his or her behavior.

Chapter Six

Jesus did the opposite of what His critics wished.

_____

The Lord has blessed me with many wonderful friends in this world.  Friends who encourage me greatly.  Friends who are very honest with me.  Friends who I know I can say anything to and they won't think less of me because of what I said or confessed.

My wife often laughs at how different many of my friends are from me.  I tend to be an excessively neat person.  Most of my close friends could care less about tidiness.  I tend to be ambitious (sometimes to my detriment), with many “important” projects going on at once.  Most of my buddies just take life a day at a time, responding to the crises that occasionally arise, but not going out of their way to make great strides or big changes.

I feel very comfortable with my friends.  They know my faults and I know theirs.  As I grow in my faith in Christ and learn to love as He loves, I have stopped expecting them to meet my flawed standard of perfection every last second of the day.  They can be who they are and I can love them, differences and all.

In all honesty, I believe that we need to choose our friends well.  As a maturing believer, I try to apply the same “friend standard” Jesus applied when He chose His associates.  It's the same standard I want others to apply to me.

Once again Jesus went out beside the lake.  A large crowd came to him, and he began to teach them.  As he walked along, he saw Levi son of Alphaeus sitting at the tax collector's booth.  “Follow me,” Jesus told him, and Levi got up and followed him.

While Jesus was having dinner at Levi's house, many tax collectors and “sinners” were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.  When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the “sinners” and tax collectors, they asked his disciples:  “Why does he eat with tax collectors and 'sinners'?”

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick.  I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

(Mark 2:13-17)

Look at whom Jesus was going out of His way to spend time with.  Tax collectors and sinners!  These were the lowest of the low.  Jesus was enjoying the company of people that were viewed with disdain and often disgust in ancient Jewish culture.  How could any man who wanted to be respected in that culture be so careless!  And not only was Jesus speaking to such people, He spent time in the home of Levi, a tax collector.  To make things worse (in the eyes of His critics), not only did He spend time in Levi's home, He shared a meal with him and others who were like him.

The Pharisees looked at this genuine display of affection for the lost with absolute vitriol.  Christ's actions turned their sour faces even more sour.  They were appalled that such a man like Jesus, who was gaining in popularity and building quite a following would allow Himself to be anywhere near “sinners” in such a lowly state.

But Jesus didn't disguise His purpose.  He took the time to reply to their snide comments by revealing that He had come, not to heal the healthy, but to save the sick and despondent.  Jesus didn't come to earth to hang out with self-centered perfectionists, but to cleanse the hearts and transform the minds of lost sinners who were dead in sin.

Most Pharisees didn't understand this.  They spent so much of their time trying to look good in their own eyes and the eyes of others that they couldn't fathom jeopardizing their reputation by sharing a time of fellowship with people who admittedly lacked righteousness.

As I picture Levi opening his home and sharing a meal with Jesus, I imagine he was quite grateful, even overjoyed, that a man of Christ's stature and nature would grace him with His presence.  This was one of the high points of Levi's life.  How hurt and defensive do you suppose Levi felt as it became clear to him that the Pharisees sneered at this joyous feast?  What might he have done if Jesus actually heeded the critical comments of the Pharisees and left the meal?

Let's look at ourselves at this point.  What might we have done if posed with the same dilemma?  Which character in that story do we portray? It's a shame to admit how quickly we can go from being a grateful sinner having supper with the Savior, to a smug Pharisee standing on the fringe of a true ministry opportunity with nothing constructive to say.

When I was a new believer, I truly struggled with legalism (even though I didn't realize it and had never heard of such a term).  For quite some time I had been witnessing to a close friend.  I was concerned for his soul.  I wanted him to experience the newness in life and the freedom from sin that I had received in Christ.  Jesus had given me genuine freedom from sin's slavery, and I now had the desire to put my old destructive habits behind me, while encouraging those I loved to do the same.

One of those nasty habits was the misuse of alcohol.  Even though I was still very young, I had found plenty of opportunities to consume alcohol.  I'm convinced that if the Lord had not intervened, that would have become an extremely destructive force in my life.

One afternoon while at my friend's home I discovered something that upset me.  Hidden under his bed was a small pile of empty beer cans.  I was still too much of an  “infant” in my faith to understand why he didn't share my newfound convictions regarding the consumption of alcohol.  I remember feeling so indignant.  Instead of understanding that he did not share my faith or my convictions, I left his home and refused to speak with him for weeks.  I should have been compassionate and understanding toward my friend, but I acted like a legalistic, self-righteous critic.  Instead of using this moment to display the love and compassion of Christ, I snubbed one of my best friends.

I imagine that buried in the history of the lives of every Christian we all have a story like this.  Still, the moment we fail to acknowledge our own sin and continual need for the Savior, we wade chin deep in the same smug water the Pharisees loved to swim in.

Several weeks later I reconciled with my friend, and I learned a valuable lesson in the process.

If you are someone who is serious about reaching the lost with the transforming message of the Gospel, you will naturally need to spend time with those who do not know Christ.  Sometimes they will visit your church.  If so, welcome them eagerly.  Invite them to sit next to you.  Share a meal with them after the service.

Sometimes, you will be given the opportunity to interact with those who have no faith in Christ during your everyday routine.  If so, share a word of encouragement with them.  Make yourself available to be a blessing to them.  If you both golf, invite them to go golfing with you (even though they might light a cigar or drink something you disapprove on while on the course).  If you both garden, offer to help weed their garden or even share some of the vegetables you grew.  If your unbelieving friend needs a ride to the doctor or the store, offer them one.

Show the love of Christ to the lost even if you incur the wrath of a modern-day Pharisee.  A critic will insult the way your unbelieving friend dressed when you invited him or her to church.  So what.  A critic will sneer at you because your unbelieving friend still uses foul language.  Let them sneer.  A critic will speak ill of you for inviting a lost family to your house for a barbecue.  Big deal.

Critics are annoying and often wrong.  Do the opposite of what they wish (in love, of course).  Jesus didn't alter his mission to suit critics who didn't share His vision.  He did the opposite of what His critics wanted Him to because His way was correct, His mission was righteous, and His heart was pure.  Such could not be said of those who spoke out against His efforts and cursed Him under their breath.

If you believe that the Lord has made known to you His specific will for your life at this particular time and you have held that vision up to the light of Scripture, the counsel of the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of godly people,......press on! Take joy in knowing that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.  Get excited about becoming a useful co-laborer in the important work of building God's kingdom.  Do not allow yourself to be deterred by the negative barbs and jabs that will be thrown at you by people who do not have your best interest, or the Lord's will at heart.  Do the exact opposite of what your destructive critics wish, and don't allow yourself to feel bad about it.

I love the Lord Jesus Christ.  I love what He has done in my life.  I love the fact that though I once wandered aimlessly, unsure of my mission and uncertain of my purpose for living, He has made that clear to me and has given me great joy in serving Him.  Though serving Him can be tiring, costly and  draining, both emotionally and physically, I have come to the realization that there is nothing more I would rather do.

If you love Jesus Christ and have received Him as the Savior of your soul through faith, He has a calling for your life.  In the book of Romans we are told,

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.  For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.  And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

(Romans 8:28-30)

The Lord's desire is that every believer conform to the likeness of Jesus Christ.  We have been called to live our lives in such a way that every action and decision we make is done with the forethought of Christ's response in the same situation.

The Second Chapter of Mark's Gospel offers us a beautiful and beneficial record of how Jesus handled mean-spirited and unfounded criticism.  If you love Jesus and seek to “conform to His likeness,” you too will receive the same kind of treatment at the hands of those who possess a critical spirit.  What should you say when that season comes?  How should you handle yourself when your feelings are hurt and your spirit feels defeated?  Conform to the likeness of Christ.  Do just what Jesus did.

1.  Jesus did not let criticism stop Him from speaking the truth.

2.  Jesus did not let criticism deter Him from fulfilling the Father's will.

3.  Jesus confronted criticism gracefully and thoughtfully.

4.  Jesus considered the source of His criticism.

5.  Jesus examined the motives of His critics.

6.  Jesus did the opposite of what His critics wished.

Bibliography

Bible:  New International Version,                               Colorado:  International Bible Society,               1983.

Bible.org.

Our Daily Bread, Grand Rapids:  RBC

Ministries, August 18, 1992.

Our Daily Bread,  Grand Rapids:  RBC Ministries, July 16, 1997.

The Increase, 35th Anniversary Issue, 1993.

Transitioning, Dan Southerland, Grand

Rapids:  Zondervan Pub, 1999.

About the Author

_____

John and his wife Andrea live in Langhorne, Pennsylvania where John serves as the the Lead Pastor of  Core Creek Community Church.

In recent years, John has become actively involved in church planting - having planted two churches since 2008.

The Stanges have four children; whom they love dearly and pray for daily.  They consider their children their greatest ministry, and they are filled with great joy as they watch the grace, mercy and love of Jesus bear fruit in their young lives.

Contact the Author

_____

To contact the author or order additional copies of this book as well as some of the other titles John has written, please visit www.JohnStange.com.

Table of Contents

Copyright

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Bibliography

About the Author