Style Your Soul

Get Dressed From The Inside Out!

By Brittany Davis

Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Virtuous Magazine

Copyright © 2012 by Brittany Davis

All Rights Reserved.

Published in the United States by Virtuous Books an imprint of Virtuous Magazine.

www.virtuousmagazine.com

Printed in the United States of America

Book Design and cover by Brittany Davis

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

First Edition

CONNECTING

For everything about this book and extra goodies visit:

www.virtuousmagazine.com

Find me and a whole community of like minded women on Facebook:

Facebook.com/virtuousmagazine

On Twitter @virtuousmag

If pinning is the name of your game follow Virtuous Magazine on Pinterest at

Pinterest.com/virtuousmagazine

Let this book be the beginning of a wonderful friendship; sign up for the FREE weekly email devotionals online, virtuousmagazine.com and get:

Virtuous Magazine- A FREE digital magazine full of devotionals, recipes, fashion tips and more!

A FREE printable Style Your Soul poster.

Video devotionals, resource lists... and many other useful treasures.

To: God, Willie, Mom, Dad and You!

Table of Contents

Part 1: Worship

Chapter 1: What is worship?

Chapter 2: Why Do We worship?

Chapter 3: Vain worship

Part 2: Walking Worthy

Chapter 4: Who Am I?

Chapter 5: Modesty Starts in the Mind

Chapter 6: What About Your Friends?

Part 3: Wardrobe

Chapter 7: Purposefully Adorned

Chapter 8: The 10 Commandments of Shopping

Chapter 9: Someone is Watching You

Introduction

Hello, Hello! I’m so happy that you’re here and that you’ve decided to join me on this journey of styling our souls! So much emphasis today is put on immodesty, but everyone spends their time trying to tell you exactly how long  an item should be. However, leading the charge on hemlines and neck lines only treats the symptoms of immodesty. It’s like taking a cough drop for bronchitis; it won’t heal the illness.

In order for us to get to the heart of the matter we have to do just that, treat women’s hearts. That’s where Style Your Soul comes in. Style Your Soul is a revelation and a revolution. It’s a war cry and a brand new way of thinking about what you’re going to wear and why you’re wearing it. Girls and women who’ve styled their soul know that getting dressed has less to with what’s in their closet and more to do with what’s in their heart and soul.

This book will be your guide to dressing the hidden person of your heart. We’ll start with worship because it’s in worship that we present ourselves as a sacrifice to God. We’ll get really clear on what worship is, how God wants us to worship Him and how to avoid vain worship.

Then we’ll dive straight into transforming ourselves from the inside out by being living sacrifices every day. We’ll check our friends and intentions in the mirror of the Word.

Finally we’ll wrap up our metamorphosis by styling ourselves outwardly. We’re jumping in with both feet to master our closets, learn how to shop like a pro and understand our purpose for getting dressed no matter the occasion.

I’m thrilled to pieces that you’re ready to join the revolution and Style Your Soul! I hope that you learn a lot, take life changing action and encourage even more sisters to join the movement. Thank you so much.

With all my love,

Brittany Davis

Chapter 1

What Is Worship?

When I was a teenager I could tell you all five parts of worship (singing, praying, communion, giving and the lesson). I knew not to talk or pass notes during service and I even took notes during the sermon. Even with doing all of those things I didn’t truly understand the significance of worship. In many ways I treated worship like I treated high school. I made sure to get good grades but school was a time and place to see my friends, talk to the boy I liked and show off my new outfit. These were my same thoughts about worship. When it was time to be quiet I was but the exciting part was my social worship after service. In many ways I  wasn’t worshipping my Lord so much as I was going to church, and learning the difference made all of the difference.

John 4:24 says, “God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” But what does that verse mean? It obviously doesn’t describe what I was doing by simply going to church. So what does it mean to worship in spirit and truth? The word worship is defined by Dictionary.com as, “Reverent honor and homage paid to God.” Okay, but let’s break that definition down even further. Reverent is a form of the word revere and dictionary.com says revere means, “To regard with respect tinged with awe.”  It then says honor means, “High respect.” Lastly, Dictionary.com says homage means, “Something done or given in acknowledgement or consideration of the worth of another.” Phew that was a lot. Alright, let’s reread the definition of worship but let’s add the definitions of the other words as well.

Our complete definition of worship is “Reverent (to regard with respect tinged with awe) honor (high respect) and homage (something done or given in acknowledgement or consideration of the worth of another) paid to God.” This definition is very different than simply going to church. This definition is entirely about God. Worship isn’t about seeing friends; worship is where you and I pay our deepest respect to the Creator of the universe and show honor and awe at His worthiness to be praised. Well, that definition definitely changes things. It changes my outlook, my actions and my desires for going to worship. Hopefully that definition changes you and your mindset when you think about worship.

Now that we’ve defined worship, let’s look back at John 4:24, “God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” The beginning of the verse says God is Spirit. While we can all agree on that what does this fact mean for worship as the end of the verse says that those who worship Him must worship in spirit? In his article “A Coherent Definition of God” Kyle Butt M.A says that a spirit is a, “Non-physical, incorporeal mind.”

That means God is an all knowing, rational thinking Being with no body. John says God is Spirit and we have to worship in spirit too. John is telling us that it’s not enough to show up and go through the motions; we have to worship with our minds. We need to not only sing the songs because we know the words by heart but we also have to think about the lyrics and what they mean. We have to participate in prayer and concentrate on the sermon. We can’t let our minds wander during the Lord’s supper. All of these things have to do with worshipping in spirit. This is not a suggestion, but a command. It’s not going to be easy at first but being conscious of our thoughts and where they’re supposed to be will help you and I worship in spirit.

The last part of the verse says we must worship in truth. Who’s truth? Well God’s of course. We’ve already determined that worship is truly about God from our definition. What does God say about how He wants to be worshipped? Let’s look at the very first time worship takes place in the Bible. Genesis 4:1-7 says, “Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain, saying, “I have gotten a man with the help of the Lord.” And again, she bore his brother Abel. Now Abel was a keeper of sheep, and Cain a worker of the ground. In the course of time Cain brought to the Lord an offering of the fruit of the ground, and Abel also brought of the firstborn of his flock and of their fat portions. And the Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but for Cain and his offering he had no regard. So Cain was very angry, and his face fell. The Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why has your face fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

We know that later Cain is so angry that he kills his brother Abel, but what went wrong? Why was Cain’s sacrifice not accepted? In order to answer that question we must search the scriptures because Genesis doesn’t give an answer. Acts 10:34-35 says, “So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears Him and does what is right is acceptable to Him.”

From this passage we know that God didn’t tell Abel to bring one thing and Cain to bring another. God is fair and just; He wouldn’t only tell Able what was acceptable and set Cain up to fail. 1 John 3:12 says, “Not as Cain who was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother’s righteous.” Cain did not obey God’s words with his offering and that is why he and his offering were not accepted. Abel did what the Lord commanded as it says in Heb. 11:4, “By faith Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous, God testifying of his gifts; and through it he being dead still speaks.”

Even from the very beginning God makes it clear that we must worship Him in truth and that truth comes from His word. Romans 10:17 says, “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” If we say we have faith we have to get it through obeying the Bible. Cain and Abel both offered to God but only Able offered by faith. Faith then is belief with obedience. Heb. 11:6 says, “But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” You have to believe God’s word and then act on it through obedience to be like Abel and the others listed with him in Hebrews 11. Let’s look at each act of worship separately to make absolutely sure we’re worshipping not only in spirit but also in God’s truth.

Singing

In Ephesians 5 Paul is talking to the church at Ephesus about how they should conduct themselves now that they are a part of the body of Christ and no longer living in the world. In Eph. 5:17-19 Paul tells them, “Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord.”  Paul says that the will of the Lord is for us to sing. There is no mention of instruments or choirs or any other worldly inventions. Verse 19 actually says speaking to one another making melody in your heart. Last time I checked my heart couldn’t play anything.

Singing is a vital act of worship because it not only allows us the opportunity to praise God but it is meant to be a teaching tool. Col. 3:16 says, “ Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” Worshipping God in truth means singing only.

Prayer

Luke 19:45-46 finds Jesus angry about the temple of the Lord being used as a marketplace, to buy and sell goods. The verses read, “Then He went into the temple and began to drive out those who bought and sold in it, saying to them, “It is written, ‘My house is a house of prayer,’ but you have made it a ‘den of thieves.” Jesus quotes Isaiah 56:7 which says, “Even them I will bring to My holy mountain, and make them joyful in My house of prayer. Their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be accepted on My altar; For My house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations.” Prayer is an important act of worship because Jesus said His house is a house of prayer. When you worship you should actively participate in the prayer. I say my own prayer from my seat each time we pray. It helps me better focus, whereas your mind can drift if you just close your eyes and listen. In some instance I’ve seen people doze off.

1. Tim. 2:8 tells us that the men are to lead the prayers, “I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting.” Your prayers are to be aligned with God’s will. James 1:3 says, “You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.” Praying in truth means participating silently. Don’t make worship a den of thieves by robbing yourself of the opportunity to speak to God and to ask your spiritual family to speak to Him on your behalf.

Giving

In the O.T, under the Law of Moses, the Jews were required to offer many sacrifices to God throughout the year, each with a different purpose. The book of Leviticus breaks down the offerings, what they were for and how to offer them. But once Jesus died on the cross He brought the new law, (Heb. 8). 2. Cor. 9:6-7 tells us how God wants us to give under that new law. The verse says, “But this I say: He who sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and he who sows bountifully will also reap bountifully. So let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver.” 1. Cor. 16:2 says, “On the first day of the week let each one of you lay something aside, storing up as he may prosper, that there be no collections when I come.”

Giving in truth means giving freely, on the first day of the week and as you’ve prospered. Giving from your spirit means planning what you will give beforehand, not offering what you have left over. Purposing in your heart is deciding from the moment you are paid how much you are going to give happily to the Lord. Giving should be as much a part of your budget as groceries and cable. Remember true worship is done in spirit and in truth.

The Lord’s Supper

1. Cor. 11:23-29 says, “For I received from the Lord that which I also delivered to you: that the Lord Jesus on the same night in which He was betrayed took bread; and when He had given thanks, He broke it and said, “Take, eat; this is My body which is broken for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” In the same manner He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood. This do, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of Me.” For as often as you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death till He comes. Therefore whoever eats this bread or drinks this cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of the body and blood of the Lord. But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of the bread and drink of the cup. For he who eats and drinks in an unworthy manner eats and drinks judgment to himself, not discerning the Lord’s body.”

Partaking of the Lord’s Supper is a privilege and an act of intense respect for the sacrifice Jesus made for us through His death on the cross. Jesus died in your place and saved you from eternal separation and taking the Lord’s Supper is like visiting His grave site every week. You wouldn’t do anything disrespectful at a grave site. You would bring flowers and bow your head, remember His life and His death and thank Him for His sacrifice for your life. Partaking of the Lord’s supper should be no different.

Sermon

The sermon is the part of worship that opens the scriptures and helps us learn more of what God would have us to do. In the book of Acts, when the church began, Paul brought the sermon on the first day of the week. Acts 20:7 says, “Now on the first day of the week, when the disciples came together to break bread, Paul, ready to depart the next day, spoke to them and continued his message until midnight.” While most lessons don’t last until midnight, I mean we do need to eat lunch. This example set by the Apostles is the same one we follow today. We meet on the first day of the week, like the Apostles, we partake of communion and we hear a sermon. Just as the first century church did so do we.

Paul exhorted Timothy in 2 Tim. 4:1-2 to preach the word. He told him to preach when it’s popular and when it’s unpopular, but to preach, “I charge you therefore before God and the Lord Jesus Christ, who will judge the living and the dead at His appearing and His kingdom: Preach the word! Be ready in season and out of season. Convince, rebuke, exhort, with all longsuffering and teaching.”

Listening in truth means paying attention, not talking or texting, or passing notes. If they could listen to Paul speak the word of God until midnight we can pay homage for 30 minutes, learn about the God we are here to worship and study what He’s said to us through the scriptures.

I heard a story at a ladies’ day about worship and it really hit home for me so I’d like to share it with you as well. It went like this: “Pretend you lived in the 1700’s and while you were walking down the street some horses were running uncontrolled with the carriage still attached. And pretend they were coming straight for you and you didn’t have time to get out of the way before they ran you over. But right before they trampled you, someone pushed you out of the way. After the dust settled everyone rushed to help the person that was crushed in your place. When they pulled him from the rubble they saw that the person that saved you was the king!”

Now you’ve never met the king; you’re not even a rich person, but he pushed you out of the way and was killed in your place. Would you attend his funeral to pay homage and respect for his sacrifice that saved your life? Of course you would! But would you go in causing a lot of disturbances or not paying attention to the proceedings? Of course not, you would give all of the honor and thanksgiving that you could. But that’s exactly what Jesus did for us.

He died for us while we were still sinners. He paid the ultimate sacrifice so that we could be saved from sin and one day live with Him in Heaven. And worship is meant to pay honor for His sacrifice and many either don’t go or don’t pay proper reverence.

Questions

1. What’s the complete definition of worship?

2. What does it mean to worship in spirit?

3. What does it mean to worship in truth?

4. What are the five acts of worship?

5. How can you be sure that you are worshipping and not simply going to church?

Chapter 2

Why Do We

Worship?

John 4:24 taught us what it means to worship God correctly but why do we worship. Should we worship God? Our definition of worship included the word homage and we said homage means, “Something done or given in acknowledgement or consideration of the worth of another.” What is God’s worth to you? Is He worthy of your worship?

God is the Almighty Creator of the universe (Gen. 1:1) and as we discussed in the last chapter Jesus came from Heaven, lived on this earth and sacrificed Himself on the cross for us. The Holy Spirit provided us with the Holy Scriptures.  Is that enough for your awe and worship? It’s more than enough for mine and I’m sure you agree.

We worship and love God because as 1 John 4:19 says, “We love Him because He first loved us.” God, in His infinite mercy, spared Adam and Eve after they ate of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. He put them out of the garden so that they could not live forever in sin by eating from the tree of life with no way of forgiveness. By putting them out, God set in motion His ultimate plan to redeem us. All throughout the Old Testament God commanded the Israelites to offer sacrifices but the blood of bulls and goats could not forgive sins. What was God doing all throughout the Old Testament? He was using people to bring the Christ. In Ephesians 3 Paul says that God’s work in the Old Testament was a mystery, because no one knew what had to take place for humankind to be redeemed. The mystery is unfolded in the New Testament.

In Acts 7 Stephen, the first martyr, is falsely accused of speaking blasphemies. The chief priests bring him before the courts to ask him if these accusations are true. Stephen, who spends no time on answering lies, instead preaches the mystery of the Old Testament. He preaches and unravels everything God was doing in the Old Testament and how it all unfolds and culminates in Christ. Let’s read Acts 7 together.

“Then the high priest said, “Are these things so?” And he said, “Brethren and fathers, listen: The God of glory appeared to our father Abraham when he was in Mesopotamia, before he dwelt in Haran, and said to him, ‘Get out of your country and from your relatives, and come to a land that I will show you.’ Then he came out of the land of the Chaldeans and dwelt in Haran. And from there, when his father was dead, He moved him to this land in which you now dwell. And God gave him no inheritance in it, not even enough to set his foot on. But even when Abraham had no child, He promised to give it to him for a possession, and to his descendants after him.  But God spoke in this way: that his descendants would dwell in a foreign land, and that they would bring them into bondage and oppress them four hundred years.

‘And the nation to whom they will be in bondage I will judge,’ said God, ‘and after that they shall come out and serve Me in this place.’ Then He gave him the covenant of circumcision; and so Abraham begot Isaac and circumcised him on the eighth day; and Isaac begot Jacob, and Jacob begot the twelve patriarchs.

“And the patriarchs, becoming envious, sold Joseph into Egypt. But God was with him and delivered him out of all his troubles, and gave him favor and wisdom in the presence of Pharaoh, king of Egypt; and he made him governor over Egypt and all his house. Now a famine and great trouble came over all the land of Egypt and Canaan, and our fathers found no sustenance. But when Jacob heard that there was grain in Egypt, he sent out our fathers first. And the second time Joseph was made known to his brothers, and Joseph’s family became known to the Pharaoh.

Then Joseph sent and called his father Jacob and all his relatives to him, seventy-five people. So Jacob went down to Egypt; and he died, he and our fathers. And they were carried back to Shechem and laid in the tomb that Abraham bought for a sum of money from the sons of Hamor, the father of Shechem “But when the time of the promise drew near which God had sworn to Abraham, the people grew and multiplied in Egypt till another king arose who did not know Joseph. This man dealt treacherously with our people, and oppressed our forefathers, making them expose their babies, so that they might not live. At this time Moses was born, and was well pleasing to God; and he was brought up in his father’s house for three months. But when he was set out, Pharaoh’s daughter took him away and brought him up as her own son. And Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and was mighty in words and deeds.

“Now when he was forty years old, it came into his heart to visit his brethren, the children of Israel. And seeing one of them suffer wrong, he defended and avenged him who was oppressed, and struck down the Egyptian. For he supposed that his brethren would have understood that God would deliver them by his hand, but they did not understand. And the next day he appeared to two of them as they were fighting, and tried to reconcile them, saying, ‘Men, you are brethren; why do you wrong one another?’ But he who did his neighbor wrong pushed him away, saying, ‘Who made you a ruler and a judge over us? Do you want to kill me as you did the Egyptian yesterday?’ Then, at this saying, Moses fled and became a dweller in the land of Midian, where he had two sons.

“And when forty years had passed, an Angel of the Lord appeared to him in a flame of fire in a bush, in the wilderness of Mount Sinai. When Moses saw it, he marveled at the sight; and as he drew near to observe, the voice of the Lord came to him, saying, ‘I am the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.’ And Moses trembled and dared not look. ‘Then the Lord said to him, “Take your sandals off your feet, for the place where you stand is holy ground. I have surely seen the oppression of My people who are in Egypt; I have heard their groaning and have come down to deliver them. And now come, I will send you to Egypt.”’

“This Moses whom they rejected, saying, ‘Who made you a ruler and a judge,’ is the one God sent to be a ruler and a deliverer by the hand of the Angel who appeared to him in the bush. He brought them out, after he had shown wonders and signs in the land of Egypt, and in the Red Sea, and in the wilderness forty years. “This is that Moses who said to the children of Israel, ‘The Lord your God will raise up for you a Prophet like me from your brethren. Him you shall hear.’

“This is he who was in the congregation in the wilderness with the Angel who spoke to him on Mount Sinai, and with our fathers, the one who received the living oracles to give to us, whom our fathers would not obey, but rejected. And in their hearts they turned back to Egypt, saying to Aaron, ‘Make us gods to go before us; as for this Moses who brought us out of the land of Egypt, we do not know what has become of him.’ And they made a calf in those days, offered sacrifices to the idol, and rejoiced in the works of their own hands. Then God turned and gave them up to worship the host of heaven, as it is written in the book of the Prophets:

‘Did you offer Me slaughtered animals and sacrifices during forty years in the wilderness, O house of Israel? You also took up the tabernacle of Moloch, And the star of your god Remphan, Images which you made to worship; And I will carry you away beyond Babylon.’

“Our fathers had the tabernacle of witness in the wilderness, as He appointed, instructing Moses to make it according to the pattern that he had seen, which our fathers, having received it in turn, also brought with Joshua into the land possessed by the Gentiles, whom God drove out before the face of our fathers until the days of David, who found favor before God and asked to find a dwelling for the God of Jacob. But Solomon built Him a house. “However, the Most High does not dwell in temples made with hands, as the prophet says: ‘Heaven is My throne, and earth is My footstool. What house will you build for Me says the Lord, or what is the place of My rest? Has My hand not made all these things?’

“You stiff-necked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit; as your fathers did, so do you. Which of the prophets did your fathers not persecute? And they killed those who foretold the coming of the Just One, of whom you now have become the betrayers and murderers, who have received the law by the direction of angels and have not kept it.”

When they heard these things they were cut to the heart, and they gnashed at him with their teeth. But he, being full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God, and said, “Look! I see the heavens opened and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God!”

Then they cried out with a loud voice, stopped their ears, and ran at him with one accord; and they cast him out of the city and stoned him. And the witnesses laid down their clothes at the feet of a young man named Saul. And they stoned Stephen as he was calling on God and saying, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, “Lord, do not charge them with this sin.” And when he had said this, he fell asleep.”

Wow, I know that was a lot, but it was the whole story of the Bible in one chapter. Stephen didn’t sugarcoat anything either. God had been working to redeem us since the garden and Abraham. The promises, the Egyptian bondage, the forty years in the wilderness and Jesus death was to give us a second chance at a home with God in eternity. If that is not reason enough to be at the building every week to help open the doors I don’t know what is.

The church was the eternal purpose of God. Ephesians 1:22-23 says that Jesus is the Head of the church which is His Body, “And He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” Ephesians 4:4-6 says there is only one, “There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in you all.”

The church is not a tent or building or palace, the church is the people who make up the body of Christ. You and I are the church, as Ephesians 4:4 said “…who is above all and in you all.” God created the heavens and the earth and made sure everything was good before creating man on day six. He spared us eternal separation by putting Adam and Eve out of the garden away from the tree of life and then He worked all throughout the Old Testament to bring forth Jesus. Then, He sacrificed His only child to buy us back with His blood. This is why we worship, “Reverent honor and homage paid to God.” We could never pay God back, what would we have to give? But every first day of the week the body can assemble together and offer respect tinged with awe to the God who loved us so much He gave His Son for us when we least deserved it.

We can live for Him as living sacrifices and help others come to know this good news of salvation and redemption. In the O.T. the person who sinned had to bring a sacrifice and kill the animal themselves but God offered Christ for us and now we can live for Him. I heard another story during a gospel meeting, a true story that illustrates exactly why we ought to worship God.

Two boys in the 1960’s were in college at a Christian university and they were throwing a glass Coke bottle down the hall, bouncing it off of the far wall and catching it like a boomerang. They’d been throwing the bottle for a while and having a good time, but on the last throw another boy was coming out of his dorm room going to class and walked across the far hall as the bottle was thrown. The thick glass bottle hit the boy in the head and he collapsed instantly. He was rushed to the hospital, treated and released. A few hours later he complained of having a headache and died.  The boy who threw the bottle was beside himself with grief, he was just having fun not trying to hurt anyone. He apologized profusely to the boy’s parents and was even more distraught when he found out that the boy was their only child.

He then realized that those parents would never be able to watch their son graduate or get married. They would never have any grandchildren to spoil. Then his own parents disowned him as they were not members of the church. He was all alone with his grief and guilt. Awhile later the parents of the boy that was killed asked to speak with the boy who threw the bottle. He was understandably nervous and hesitant but he knew this tongue lashing had been a long time coming and thought that he deserved it. When he entered the office to meet with the boy’s parents the mother and father were already in tears. He immediately began a deep and heartfelt apology and waited for them to let him have it. Finally, the father spoke up and said that he and his wife had been praying about a decision they’d come to and wanted to know if he was interested. He looked up confused wondering what they could possibly want to offer him.

The father said, “As you know that was our only child and since we are both older it’s not likely we’ll have anymore and we recently found out that your parents have disowned you. We wanted to know if you’d like to be adopted by us and become our son?” The boy was astonished, he couldn’t believe his ears. These people wanted to adopt him as their son after he’d been responsible for the death of their only, beloved son. He cried, the parents cried and he accepted. He would go to their home for spring and winter break. He would celebrate holidays at their table; they would come to his sporting events and cheer him on. It was too much to believe.

It is exactly the example that God left for us. We worship Him because we have all sinned (Rom. 3:23) therefore we all have had a part in Jesus needing to die on the cross. There is no way around it and no other way to get forgiveness of sins.

It’s true that we worship because it is a command but we also worship because we love God for adopting us even after we killed His only Son. It is so important to be truly present in worship because we are offering to God and want Him to know how much we appreciate His love for us. We must give God our all because He is the only one who truly knows our hearts. The latter part of 1 Sam. 16:7 says, “…For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

God has adopted us and wants all of us. Imagine if the young man in the story above told the couple that adopted him that he didn’t feel like calling once a week because he was busy or had a lot to do. Or if he did call he only talked for about five minutes and did other things while they were on the phone. We’d say he was ungrateful and unappreciative. It works the same way with God. We must offer all of ourselves to worship in spirit and in truth. Matt. 22:37 says, “Jesus said to him, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.”

We Must Offer All Of Our Heart

Worship is not just something we do once a week, waiting for it to be over. You have to be completely involved emotionally. How do you feel when you get ready for worship? How do you feel when you get to the assembly? You need laser like focus to put all of your emotions on taking an offering to God. When you wake up, pray and ask God to help you focus on His majesty and Jesus’ sacrifice. Sing hymns on the drive to the building and prepare your heart to make sure that when God reads it He sees your love for Him, His Son, and your salvation. Think of how your life would be if Jesus hadn’t died. When Solomon was being instructed to build the temple David said these words to him, “As for you, my son Solomon, know the God of your father, and serve Him with a loyal heart and with a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts and understands all the intent of the thoughts. If you seek Him, He will be found by you; but if you forsake Him, He will cast you off forever.” Is your heart loyal to God?

We Must Offer With All Of Our Mind

Psalm 119:97 says, “Oh, how I love Your law! It is my meditation all the day.” Serving with all of your mind requires you to love God’s word. You have to give God your intellect and attention. At the beginning of service many times the brother who is up to either lead prayer or introduce the Lord’s Supper will ask everyone to clear their minds of worldly distractions. This plea is to help you truly offer God your whole mind. When you give God your mind you follow along in your Bible with the preacher, maybe you read about Jesus’ death during communion and during the week you meditate on the scriptures in preparation to offer on Sunday. Does God’s word fill every corner of your mind?

We Must Offer With All Of Our Soul

When the Israelites were given the law and led into the promised land they were continually instructed to love and serve God with all of their soul. Nine times in the book of Deuteronomy they are told in very similar forms to serve God with all of their soul. For instance Deuteronomy 6:5 says, “You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” When the Bible mentions a thing or command more than once we should pay extra attention to it.

Paul says in Romans 1:9, “For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of His Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers.” Your soul or spirit is your will or intention. It is the basis for your actions and God wants all of it to be for Him and His will. When you offer your worship to God He wants you to offer it willingly. It’s the reason giving is supposed to be done cheerfully. God doesn’t force anyone to serve Him even though everyone should; the blessing of free will and choice is simply yet another reason we ought to worship Him.

When you offer with all of your soul you’ll want to be present in the assembly for Bible study, morning and evening services. When you offer with all of your soul you’ll know that God is the audience not you, and your behavior will reflect that knowledge. When you worship with all of your soul your soul will prosper and you will walk in truth. 3 John 2-3 says, “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. For I rejoiced greatly when brethren came and testified of the truth that is in you, just as you walk in the truth.” Is your intention wholly dedicated to glorifying God?

Questions

1. Why do you worship God?

2. What was God working towards throughout the Old Testament?

3. How can you be fully present during worship?

4. List a few ways you can offer God all of your heart, mind and soul.

Chapter 3

Vain Worship

Dictionary.com defines vain as, “Ineffectual or unsuccessful; futile: a vain effort. without real significance, value, or importance; baseless or worthless.” God will not appreciate nor tolerate empty worship offerings. Any offering brought to the Lord that is in direct violation of what He has told us in His word is vain. When we worship we are coming to give thanks and pay homage to our Lord and Savior. Continuing the earlier story of the king who saved you, vain worship would be like showing up to his funeral late, wearing whatever you happened to pick up off of the floor and sleeping in the back. Yes you were present, but you hardly offered any sort of thanksgiving or showed any appreciation for his sacrifice.

Exodus 34:14 reads, “For you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” God does not accept substitutes, excuses or partial obedience when it comes to His word and His worship. He has given us clear instructions on how we are to worship Him and He doesn’t want us coming up with our own ways of doing things. In Exod. 32 Aaron and the children of Israel make and worship a golden calf because they feel that Moses has been gone, talking with God, for too long. They created and bowed down to the idol and then offered the sacrifices that God put in place to the idol. They tried to mix their ideas with God’s commands and God was wrathful because of it.

God was so angry that He was ready to utterly destroy the children of Israel and make another nation from Moses. God doesn’t accept any alternatives to the worship He desires and has set in place; any other worship is vain or useless to Him.

The Lord was so angry because in Exod. 20:1-6 He said these words to the same group of people, “And God spoke all these words, saying: “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. “You shall have no other gods before Me. “You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments.”

In Exodus 24:3,7 they responded with, “Moses came and told the people all the words of the LORD and all the rules. And all the people answered with one voice and said, “All the words that the LORD has spoken we will do.” Then verse 7 says, “Then he took the Book of the Covenant and read it in the hearing of the people. And they said, “All that the LORD has spoken we will do, and we will be obedient.” With one voice they promised to obey God, but at the first sign of perceived trouble decided to go their own way. We should learn from the children of Israel and not be so quick to turn away from God’s word, no matter the situation.

God does not allow deviations to His commands. In Lev. 10 two young priests, sons of Aaron, named Nadab and Abihu learned this lesson the hard way. God commanded them not to offer strange fire to Him but they did. Lev. 10:1-3 says, “Then Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, each took his censer and put fire in it, put incense on it, and offered profane fire before the Lord, which He had not commanded them. So fire went out from the Lord and devoured them, and they died before the Lord. And Moses said to Aaron, “This is what the Lord spoke, saying: ‘By those who come near Me I must be regarded as holy; And before all the people I must be glorified.’” So Aaron held his peace.” Nadab and Abihu had explicit instructions from the Lord; instructions that up until this point they’d followed. But they both acted in direct contradiction to God’s word and paid the ultimate price for their sin.

God said that those that come near to Him must regard Him as holy. The word holy is defined as, “Entitled to worship or veneration as or as if sacred.” We come near to God when we worship and bring our offering like Nadab and Abihu. While God will not consume us in fire on the spot for bringing vain worship we should know that we will have to give an account of our actions on the day of judgement. We should learn from the children of Israel and Nadab and Abihu not to kindle God’s wrath by offering strange things as worship or mixing in our own ideas that go against His prescribed outline.

In Matthew 15 the Pharisees are trying once again to trip Jesus up with their carefully worded questions and barely concealed trickery. The scribes and the Pharisees ask Jesus why His disciples don’t wash their hands before they eat according to the tradition of the elders? Let’s read Jesus’ answer in verses 3-20.

“He answered and said to them, “Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God commanded, saying, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’ But you say, ‘Whoever says to his father or mother, “Whatever profit you might have received from me is a gift to God”— then he need not honor his father or mother.’ Thus you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition.

Hypocrites! Well did Isaiah prophesy about you, saying: ‘These people draw near to Me with their mouth, And honor Me with their lips, But their heart is far from Me. And in vain they worship Me, Teaching as doctrines the commandments of men.’ When He had called the multitude to Himself, He said to them, “Hear and understand: Not what goes into the mouth defiles a man; but what comes out of the mouth, this defiles a man.” Then His disciples came and said to Him, “Do You know that the Pharisees were offended when they heard this saying?” But He answered and said, “Every plant which My heavenly Father has not planted will be uprooted. Let them alone. They are blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind leads the blind, both will fall into a ditch.” Then Peter answered and said to Him, “Explain this parable to us.” So Jesus said, “Are you also still without understanding? Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated? But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man.”

The Pharisees had gotten so caught up in their traditions that they’d completely altered God’s commandments and were still saying that they were worshipping God. Sincerity alone is not enough to worship God if it is not blended with truth. It is very much the case that we can go to church and offer nothing, making our worship in vain. We can attend a congregation where the elders or someone else has decided to add or take away something from worship and participating makes our worship vain. The Pharisees appeared to be the most religious and most devout  of all the Jews, but as we saw in Matthew, Jesus quoting from Isaiah said, they draw near with their mouths and honor with their lips. Anyone can say oh how I love Jesus, but if your spirit is not in it, it’s in vain.

Likewise, we must possess the boldness of Christ to speak out against error. For example if you are in a congregation where someone decides to bring a piano into the worship service only in the evenings, you need to talk to someone. The Bible says, “let us reason together.” Ask lots of questions. Study for yourself. Talk to a minister or an elder. Ask to discuss it, and share scriptures that you’ve studied and Matthew 15. Find out why this is being done and explain that it goes against John 4:24’s command of “in truth.” Don’t be afraid to stand up for Jesus. Throughout the Bible God’s people had to defend His word and stand up for what’s right. Moses had to stand up to Pharaoah, Esther had to stand up to the king and Paul and Silas had to stand up to the Pharisees.

While we’re being bold let me add a note here about women’s role in worship. As we’ve discussed God is clear in His commands, just read the books of Exodus and Leviticus. God is explicit in His law giving. It is the same with us today under the New Testament. God has explained how He wants the worship service conducted and who He wants to conduct it. True worshippers not only believe God’s decrees they obey them because faith is belief with obedience. 1 Tim. 2:11-14 says, “Let a woman learn in silence with all submission. And I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived, fell into transgression.”

Any act of worship that goes against these verses is automatically vain because worship that God has not authorized is useless or empty to Him. These verses don’t lessen the worth of a woman they only explain her role and the verse told us why. Eve was made for and after Adam. God is clear and worshipping in truth is worshipping in obedience.

We must always be vigilant to avoid vain worship. Then we need be sure that we have the courage to stand against error no matter who brings it. Even if, like the Pharisees, they appear to be the most religious person in the congregation.

Questions

1. What’s the definition of vain worship?

2. Why were Nadab and Abihu destroyed in fire from the Lord?

3. How do you determine if an act of worship is in vain?

4. What does the Bible say about women’s roles in the worship service?

Chapter 4

Who Am I?

A popular idea today is to find your true self. Figuring out who you are and why you are on this earth is an important task. Mark Twain said, “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” This is going to sound presumptuous but I am going to answer those questions for you. I know you want to know how I could know who you are, especially considering the fact that some of us have never met. But consider this, 2. Tim. 3:16-17 says, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.” So let’s search the scriptures together and figure out how I know the answers to these questions.

Eccl. 12:13 says, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: fear God and keep His commandments for this is man’s all.” We are on this earth to serve God; that is probably not news to you but let’s also look at Rom. 1:9 which says, “For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of His Son, that without ceasing I make mention of you always in my prayers.”  We’re on this earth to serve God and Paul says that he serves God with his spirit as opposed to serving in the flesh.

You are made in the image of God, (Gen. 1:26). John 4:24 is the verse we used to learn how to worship. Remember it says, “God is Spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.” You are a soul in a body, not a body housing a soul. Your soul is who you are; your soul is your very being. Adam when he was created was not a living being until God breathed into him the breath of life or breathed into him his soul. Once we realize and accept this it’s a very freeing sensation. No longer have we any need to be concerned with the things of this world; it truly epitomizes what is meant when we sing the song this world is not our home. But knowing is only half the battle.

1 Pet. 2:11 says, “Beloved, I beg you as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul.” Stop fighting your true self. Peter says we’re sojourners and pilgrims. We won’t be here forever and giving into fleshly lusts is only hurting us. This is most encouraging since your soul is who you are, your body cannot do anything without you giving into it. Have you ever heard of anything tempting your soul? They are called fleshly lusts for a reason. What on this earth could possibly tempt your soul? Nothing,  temptation is only for the body. Our culture tempts us not so much directly but with ideas. Ideas that we are less than someone else or not good enough. Ideas that who we are is made up of things outside of us; it’s not true, but unfortunately some of us are believing it.

There is a car commercial that takes a professional male or female athlete, shows them in their uniform and then strips them down to their underwear. They then proceed to dress them up in evening clothes, a dress for a woman or business suit for a man. The tagline to the commercial says aggression in its most elegant form. This is the very definition of temptation; it’s the lure of sin in its most elegant form. It’s fornication, lasciviousness and lust wrapped up in a love story, it’s theft and deception wrapped up in an action underdog story and it’s murder wrapped up in a women’s rights movement. If sin showed you its true self your soul, your true self, would immediately be repulsed and reject it, but sin doesn’t immediately show you its true colors. 2. Cor. 11:14-15 says, “And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works.”

You have to take back control of your life. You have to decide today to serve God with your spirit like Paul stated in Rom. 1:9. And the only way to do that is to feed and treat your true self the way you feed and treat the body that houses it.

2. Cor. 4:16-18 says, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” We must expand our minds ladies to see the things which are not seen, to live in that arena. We have to know and accept that our true selves are only here for a short while and we cannot spend the time that we have on insecurity, jealousy and living for this life.

Think about those five wise and five foolish virgins of Matt. 25. The wise virgins prepared themselves for their eternal home. What if, when this life is over,  we’re transformed and given new bodies but the new bodies appear the way our souls were provided for on earth? Would we have malnourished souls while our bodies, which are now dead, were kept in pristine condition, heaven forbid!  Rom. 12:1-2 says, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

These two verses are why you were put on this earth. May we all free our minds from the binds of worldly thinking and living and put our focus on preparing our true selves for our eternal home.

God’s Beauty Standard

Have you ever considered what your soul looks like? Oh we spend countless hours examining what our physical bodies look like but since we now know that our true selves are our souls and that God doesn’t look on the outward appearance; we should make sure that our souls are presentable to the Lord. But you can’t apply physical makeup to your soul, right? How can you make up your soul? You have to first decide whose standard of beauty you’ll follow.

Long lashes, pouty lips, defined eyes and rosy cheeks are where the world would have you believe your beauty is contained. Take a look at any fashion magazine, billboard or television show. Advertisements and articles are telling you that you should aspire to look like girls and women who have been digitally buffed, air brushed and elongated. Not only are you told to try and emulate these computer generated images; you are then told to look like them forever. Age defying, wrinkle and puffiness reducing serums are then brought into the mix so that we can be forever young. Take it from someone who spent most of their teen years studying Allure magazine and personally testing any and all serums, creams and eye enhancing shades; imitation is not possible. You will never be able to look like the Photoshop model du jour; and why try? God only created one of you there is no need for comparisons.

Many of us spend too much time concerned about our perceived inferiority and not enough time glorying in our worth as a creature made in the image of God. Gen. 1:26 says, “And God said, Let us make man in Our image, after Our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.” Psalm 8:3-5 says, “When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained, what is man that You are mindful of him, and the son of man that You visit him? For You have made him a little lower than the angels, and You have crowned him with glory and honor.”

God thought so much of you that He made you in His image and crowned you with glory and honor. There’s no need to desire and try to become Ms. America, fight over an earthly crown and have someone else decide whether or not you’re beautiful enough. You already have an eternal crown given to you by a loving and eternal God.

Have you ever noticed how people assume that the children of celebrities will look like them? Then when the children are born they don’t look anything like their parents. Not so with Christians, our Father is beautiful and has made us in His image. Psalm 27:4 says, “One thing I have desired of the LORD, that will I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to inquire in His temple.” Have you ever considered the fact that God is beautiful? While the Bible is clear that no man has ever seen God, (John 1:18), perhaps His beauty manifests itself in a different way. If we can figure out how God shows His beauty and we are made in His image we ought to be able to show the same kind of beauty.

The word beauty is defined by Webster’s Dictionary as, “The quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest).”

So no one has seen the Lord yet Psalm 27:4 says He is beautiful and Webster’s Dictionary says one definition of beauty is a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest. Aha I say! God has to be the most beautiful Being because He has the highest spiritual qualities. The question now is whose standard of beauty are we attempting to emulate?

The world and mass media would have us believe that only tall, thin, leggy, long haired and tanned women are beautiful, and if you don’t fit into this extra small box then there is something wrong with you.  Au contraire my friend, maybe if we take a step back from the looking glass we could clearly see that it is not we who are striving for the wrong definition of beauty but them. The latter part of 1. Sam. 16:7 says, “For the LORD does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” I. Pet. 3:3-4 says, “Do not let your adornment be merely outward arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”

There it is God’s standard of beauty. The verses say that God’s beauty standard will grant you incorruptible beauty. Webster defines incorruptible as, “That will not dissolve, disintegrate, decay, etc.” This means if we emulate God’s standard of beauty we will be beautiful forever without the use of Botox or other plastic surgeries.

So decide, do you want to be beautiful forever and follow God’s standard because it doesn’t matter what we look like on the outside everyone can be beautiful like the Lord. With God as our example of beauty we could all walk around with paper bags on our heads and still be beautiful. But any beauty expert worth their salt will tell you that you need the right tools to obtain the look.  What tools do we need to be beautiful like God? Every look starts with a good base.

Foundation

Traditional foundation is used to mask or hide imperfections. If you find the right shade it will work brilliantly and you will have flawless skin; that is until you wash your face at night. Once the foundation is removed you can clearly see your imperfections again. It’s not so with God’s foundation. God’s foundation is healing. It has the ability to remove imperfections permanently. You have no need for concealer with God’s foundation. It isn’t based on oils and powders; God’s foundation is based on love.

The same way expectant parents prepare a nursery before the baby is born. The Godhead prepared the world for us and on the sixth day created man to enjoy it. After man and woman sinned by eating of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, God went back to work to restore us to Him. We read Acts 7 in a previous chapter and saw how God’s plan unfolded. He sent Jesus, His only son, to die for us on the cruel cross of Calvary so that we might be able to have a home with Him in heaven. Rom. 5:8 says, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Before Jesus came there was no way to permanently remove sins. Heb. 10:1-4 says, “For the law, having a shadow of the good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with these same sacrifices, which they offer continually year by year, make those who approach perfect. For then would they not have ceased to be offered? For the worshipers, once purified, would have had no more consciousness of sins. But in those sacrifices there is a reminder of sins every year. For it is not possible that the blood of bulls and goats could take away sins.”

Later in that same chapter verses 12 and 18 say of Christ, “But this Man, after He had offered one sacrifice for sins forever, sat down at the right hand of God.” “Now where there is remission of these, there is no longer an offering for sin.” Jesus walked this very earth teaching and preaching the kingdom of God. He laid down His life so that our souls could be taken up to heaven after death. 2. Pet. 3:9 says, “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.”

Salvation through Jesus has nothing to do with sinner’s prayers or boxes to sit in and make confessions. In order to stand flawless before the Lord you must obey His word. If you want your imperfections and the guilt associated with them removed, faith with obedience is necessary. Sounds exactly like our reason for worshipping. The Bible is all encompassing and has the answers for every aspect of our lives.

The first thing we must do is hear the gospel preached, Rom. 10:17 says, “Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.”  It’s Noah being told in Gen. 6 to build an ark, he heard the word of God. Next you have to believe. Mark 15:16 says, “He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned.”

Back to Noah, he believed the word of God and therefore obeyed it and built the ark. After you believe you must repent of sins, Romans 3:23 says all have sinned and Acts 2:38 says, “Then Peter said to them, “Repent, and let every one of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.” Once you’ve repented you need to confess the name of Jesus, Acts 8:36-37 says, “Now as they went down the road, they came to some water. And the eunuch said, “See, here is water. What hinders me from being baptized?” Then Philip said, “If you believe with all your heart, you may.” And he answered and said, “I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.” As you can see from the last three verses mentioned baptism is an integral part of salvation and so we must all be baptized in order to be saved as it says in John 3:5, “Jesus answered, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.” Once you’re baptized you need only remain faithful and heaven is yours.

This is God’s foundation; loving us so much He gave His only Son to die for us when we least deserved it. His foundation has the power to cleanse you of scars left behind by sins against yourself and others. God’s foundation of love is the base for the rest of your look. You can’t emulate God’s beauty without it. Love makes everyone look and feel beautiful. 1. Pet. 4:8 says, “And above all things have fervent love for one another, for “love will cover a multitude of sins.”

Once we put on God’s foundation we can practice having gentle and quiet spirits by meditating on the word, using our talents in service for the Lord and letting our lights shine. Being kind to yourself and others are also great ways to display your gentle spirit. Take Esther for example. Esther was taken with a large number of women as a candidate to be queen, and was chosen. When you read the second chapter of the book of Esther it says nothing of her physical beauty. We don’t know if she had blue or brown eyes, a large or small nose, long or short hair. What the verses do give us is a glimpse at the spirit of Esther.

Esther 2:15-17 says, “Now when the turn came for Esther the daughter of Abihail the uncle of Mordecai, who had taken her as his daughter, to go in to the king, she requested nothing but what Hegai the king’s eunuch, the custodian of the women, advised. And Esther obtained favor in the sight of all who saw her.  So Esther was taken to King Ahasuerus, into his royal palace, in the tenth month, which is the month of Tebeth, in the seventh year of his reign. The king loved Esther more than all the other women, and she obtained grace and favor in his sight more than all the virgins; so he set the royal crown upon her head and made her queen instead of Vashti.”

Verse 15 shows us that Esther was able to heed instruction and take advice. It also says she found grace and favor in the king’s sight. This doesn’t sound like she was talking loudly about all of the things she would do as queen or acting boisterously on her way to see the king. Remember Esther’s example and use her as a guide as you apply the foundation for a quiet and gentle spirit.

Blush

Jeremiah 6:13-15 says, “Because from the least of them even to the greatest of them, everyone is given to covetousness; and from the prophet even to the priest, everyone deals falsely. They have also healed the hurt of My people slightly, Saying, ‘Peace, peace!’ When there is no peace. Were they ashamed when they had committed abomination? No! They were not at all ashamed; nor did they know how to blush. Therefore they shall fall among those who fall; at the time I punish them, they shall be cast down,” says the LORD.”

Unfortunately this is the state of many girls and women today. They are given to covetousness, commit abominations and have forgotten how to blush. If we were to describe the state of women today based off of what is portrayed in mass media; we’d all need to blush. Women have cast off the idea of being the weaker vessel in their pursuit of equality with men and they have lost all shame.

Girls are on television being wholly disrespectful to their parents while showing off their lavish bedrooms and super sweet sixteen birthday parties. Their mothers are physically and verbally assaulting their so called friends on their own housewives of whatever television show. Women have entire careers based on how many men they’ve slept with; they have no idea what it means to have a quiet and gentle spirit because it’s all about them all of the time. And it’s these women that society deems the most beautiful in the world. Are these displays God’s plan and desire for women? Have we removed God so far from the equation that now anything goes?  If there is no change our looks will be just as effected as our character.

Proverbs 12:4 says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” Gal. 5:19-21 gives us a list of shameful acts that many people today simply overlook. Gal. 5:19-21 says, “Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

All of pop culture is made up of these. No one watches the shows and movies or listens to the music unless someone is having an angry outburst, is full of jealousy, going out partying wildly or practicing selfish ambitions. None of these acts when played out in the media are actually beautiful. But that’s what every woman wants right, to be seen as beautiful?  Yet no one has taken a step back to see that the standard of beauty they’re using isn’t working.

Blush is used to make cheeks rosy and to give a more youthful appearance.  Eccl. 12 says to remember your Creator in the days of youth but many obviously did not. God’s blush comes from a sincere heart to learn and obey His word, to be able to set yourself apart for the Lord. God’s beauty standard is based on love and having a quiet and gentle spirit. The world’s standard is completely opposite. Rom. 1:28-32 gives us yet another list of shameful acts but adds a key piece at the end. Rom. 1:28-32 says, “And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”

I love the Bible for its thoroughness. No one is off the hook. At the end of verse 32 it says that not only the people who do the deeds are worthy of death but also the ones who approve of their deeds. So for people who say that they personally are not homosexual but they don’t see anything wrong with it or for those who say they personally don’t spread gossip but are quick to listen to it; I say beware. Let us not be named among the girls and women who have lost the ability to blush.

Let us practice discernment and be able to see these actions for what they really are, abominations.  Let us not be counted among those who approve of things that the Lord does not.

Eye Liner

We’ll finish off our everyday incorruptible look with a bit of eye opening eyeliner. Did you know that if you have large eyes and you want to make them look smaller you use eyeliner to line the top lid and if you have small eyes you want to appear larger you line the bottom lid? That’s a beauty tip for our physical bodies, but with God’s standard of beauty He opens our eyes in a completely different way.

In Gen. 21 Hagar had just been sent away from the house of Abraham with her son Ishmael. She was tired and thirsty and had hidden her son away from her to perish. But the angel of God came to her and spoke to her and in verses 18-20 He said, “Arise, lift up the lad and hold him with your hand, for I will make him a great nation.” Then God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water. And she went and filled the skin with water, and gave the lad a drink. So God was with the lad; and he grew and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.” The word of God is eye opening. He opened Hagar’s eyes to see that He had not left her and had indeed provided salvation for her and her baby.

In another instance God opened the eyes of Balaam. In Num. 22 Balaam wanted to go with Balak to curse the Israelites after God had expressly told him no. Balak asked again and Balaam said he would see what more God had to say. As we all know God is perfect, He has no more to say once He gives an answer. The second time he asked God told Balaam to go with Balak and Balaam was met by an Angel of the Lord. Num. 22: 31-32 says, “Then the LORD opened Balaam’s eyes, and he saw the Angel of the LORD standing in the way with His drawn sword in His hand; and he bowed his head and fell flat on his face. And the Angel of the LORD said to him, “Why have you struck your donkey these three times? Behold, I have come out to stand against you, because your way is perverse before Me.”

God opened Balaam’s eyes just in time to see the danger before him that his donkey tried to save him from three times. God’s word is also able to open our eyes to His truths and His true standard of beauty. True beauty has nothing to do with using eyeliner to make our eyes larger or smaller but it has to do with having our eyes exercised to discern right from wrong. Heb. 5:14 says, “But solid food belongs to those who are of full age, that is, those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil.”

Let’s make sure we’ve allowed God to open our eyes to the reality of sin. We must exercise our eyes through different experiences and studying to be able to make accurate judgments between what’s right and what’s wrong.

Now that we know how to apply God’s makeup we can have incorruptible beauty. We can have a quiet and gentle spirit, which is precious to God. You can discern between what is good and evil no matter how pop culture tries to spin the actions. Know that no matter if you’re having the worst hair day in the history of bad hair days as long as you keep applying God’s standard of true beauty to your life you will find grace and favor in the eyes of everyone who sees you.

Questions

1. How do you know that you are a soul in a body not a body housing a soul?  Hint: Gen. 2

2. Fleshly lusts war against your soul. What temptations are you constantly battling and how can you overcome them?

3. Where and how does sin hide, so that you don’t immediately see its true nature?

4. Whose standard of beauty have you decided to follow?

5. How is God’s beauty manifest?

6. Has pop culture desensitized you to sin? Can you still blush?

7. What have your eyes been closed to?

Chapter 5

Modesty Starts In The Mind

Women who style their souls know that modesty is more than just what we put on, it’s what we put in. We know that modesty begins way before we get up and walk to our closets; modesty begins in the mind.

Modesty on Dictionary.com is defined as, “Having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, c.; decent: a modest neckline on a dress.” Generally, when we use the word modest we use it the way the dictionary does  to describe the way our clothing fits. However, let’s focus on the way the word is used in 1 Tim. 2:9 and 1 Pet. 3:3-5.

1. Tim. 2:9-10 says, “In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works.”Also, 1 Pet. 3:3-5 says, “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel—rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.”

The word modest used in these verses is the Greek word kosmeeos, which means to be orderly arranged or decorous. The focus in these verses is not so much about women who wear clothes that are tight or low cut. The women in these verses are actually over dressing, and Paul and Peter are telling them that their focus should be on the hidden person of the heart. As we noted in the last chapter true beauty shines from the inside out. In order to focus on our hidden persons, our true selves, we need to guard our minds, renew our minds and change the channel from Me TV to Christ Central.

Guard Your Mind

When focusing on our hearts the first thing we need to do is guard it. Your mind is your spiritual heart. You must guard it because your mind is constantly under attack. Everyone is trying to infiltrate it with their own agendas.

When I was in college I minored in marketing and we spent countless hours discussing the why and how people bought things, why when people enter a store they always go to the right, why they picked one lid over two and so on. The gist of the class was if you can get people to see, desire and think about something; they will buy it. The Bible says it this way in 1 John 2:16, “For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—is not of the Father but is of the world.” It’s how Satan got Eve in the garden. Gen 3:6 says, “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.”

She saw the fruit, desired it and took it. You must guard your mind because once something gets in it’s incredibly hard to get it back out. It’s especially hard when the something that gets in is something that you desire. Sometimes it might not be good for you; it’s my constant battle with chocolate chip cookies!

We looked at Matt. 15:17-18 earlier and the same scriptures apply here as well. In this passage Jesus says, “Do you not yet understand that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and is eliminated? But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man.” Television, movies, books, music and friends are daily implanting things in your mind. I know some of you may be thinking ‘I don’t even watch Desperate Housewives so she’s not talking to me.’ You may not watch it but you might hang out with one, and she is slowly infiltrating your mind to think like her. If she is constantly talking about people in the congregation or her husband; how long before you begin to think and see things her way?

I. Cor. 15:33, says “Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” Did you notice the last part of Genesis 3:6 it said, “She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.” Adam wasn’t the one looking at and desiring the tree but Eve’s bad decision was enough to influence Adam to join her. Girlfriend do not be deceived whatever you put or let in is going to influence you and eventually come out.

You must also guard your mind because your thoughts determine your actions. Everything you put on your body and the way you act says something about the way you think and the type of person you are. If I were to wear a trench coat to the fourth of July fireworks display what might that say to onlookers? It might say I am trying to hide or sell them something. What are your intentions when you get dressed for school, work or worship, because whatever you put on, you’re ensemble is speaking to people for you. Your dress might not be as severe as that last example but do you wear things knowing you shouldn’t?

I have spent quite a deal of time in my closet wanting to wear a skirt that I could fit again after losing some weight but all the while knowing it was just a hair too short. I tried and tried to talk myself into it being alright, knowing that when I sat down I’d have to put my Bible over my knees. It was just so cute. I had a hard talk with myself that Sunday morning, yes I talk to myself sometimes, and I ended up giving it away and thereby winning a small victory over temptation.

If you’re occasionally wearing things like my skirt that you know are even just a little indecent hoping that no one notices, trust me they do. Save yourself the worry and constant adjustment. No one enjoys spending all day yanking on their clothes, either pulling a skirt or dress down or a top up. Plus, everyone notices that you can’t talk, walk or sit without adjusting yourself. It’s nerve wracking for everyone involved.

If you are getting dressed for others to notice it might not be the attention you desire. When we were dating, my now husband, took me to a really nice restaurant and I wore a dress that I knew was too low cut, but I pinned it with safety pins and put a little bolero jacket over it. As we were leaving the parking garage and heading to the restaurant, I was walking with my hand over my chest and pulling on my jacket a man walked past me and said, ‘If you are going to cover up you shouldn’t have worn it.’ Huh? No one was talking to him. I did not say one word to him why on earth was he giving me commentary on my outfit? I didn’t want his attention but my dress and actions spoke to him for me and he responded. I’ve said it before and I’ll mention it again God doesn’t see as we see. He doesn’t look on outward appearances but on the heart. So let’s make sure we check our intentions next time we pass a mirror instead of our hair. What are your clothes telling people about you?

Likewise, what are your actions and the way you behave telling people about you? Your behavior reveals your character. Remember our definition of modesty, “Having or showing regard for the decencies of behavior, speech, dress, etc.” Your speech and behavior are as integral to your modesty as your choice in clothing. Our definition says that a modest person has respect or shows regard for decent speech and behavior. Below are some indecent forms of speech or behavior that we can work on avoiding.

• Gossiping- 1 Tim 5:13 says, “And besides they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies, saying things which they ought not.” This verse is talking about young widows but it says of gossiping that it’s saying things that you know you shouldn’t. One of my favorite acronyms is T.H.I.N.K; I don’t know who created it but it stays in my mind whenever I am faced with a dilemma on whether or not I should say something. Write it down and remember it next time you come to a conversational dilemma.

T- Is it true?

H- Is it helpful?

I- Is it inspiring?

N- Is it necessary?

K- Is it kind?

Next time you want to tell something you heard T.H.I.N.K first.

• Filthy Language- Col. 3:8 says, “But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Filthy language can ruin even the most modestly dressed girls’ appearance. I’m sure at some point you’ve seen the vapid vixens on reality television that do nothing but curse, yell and take the Lord’s name in vain; who do you know that would call any of them modest? Women seem to have lost the art of being feminine. They no longer know the meaning of demure let alone have a desire to be it. But that is not so of women who style their soul. Modest women know how to use their inside voices and not bring unnecessary attention to themselves. Not only does the Bible command us to remove it from our mouths; it’s also unattractive for anyone to hear a lady telling dirty jokes or cursing like a sailor.

• Blasphemy- We’ll note Col. 3:8 again because it said to put blasphemy out of your mouth. But blasphemy is not only being irreverent towards God, it’s being irreverent or reviling holy things as well. In Numbers 12:2 Miriam and Aaron speak against Moses saying, “So they said, ‘Has the LORD indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us also?” Then verse 3 says that the Lord heard it. In verses 8-10 God says, “I speak with him face to face, even plainly, and not in dark sayings; and he sees the form of the LORD.      Why then were you not afraid to speak against My servant Moses?” So the anger of the LORD was aroused against them, and He departed. And when the cloud departed from above the tabernacle, suddenly Miriam became leprous, as white as snow. Then Aaron turned toward Miriam, and there she was, a leper.” Oh be careful little mouths what you say. A modest woman knows that to respect the establishments and laws of God is to respect God. Just because the world has shortened taking the Lord’s name in vain to a three letter acronym does not make the use of it acceptable for worship worthy girls. We want to always be in a position of giving honor and respect to God, not disrespecting Him or His name.

• Lying- Rev. 21:8 says, “But the cowardly, unbelieving, abominable, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” God puts liars in the same category with murderers and idolaters because Prov. 6:17 says, that God hates a lying tongue. There are no such things as white lies.

If someone asks you a leading question that you’re uncomfortable answering like, ‘Do I look good in this?’ Don’t answer immediately; just remain silent. Then answer them with a question like, ‘What do you think?’ Or you could tell them the truth in love with a reply like, ‘No, that doesn’t flatter your figure and I am telling you because I’d hope you’d tell me if I didn’t look good in something.’ Whatever the question is be honest with your friends because you may be the only person they ask. Lying is never an option; honesty is not the best policy it’s the only policy.

Renew Your Mind

Because your thoughts determine your actions and your actions reveal your character you need to renew your mind. What have you hidden in your heart? Your heart is your spiritual mind and it needs to be renewed daily to keep it clear of the filth of the world.  One way to renew your mind is to meditate on God’s word. Psalm 1:1-2 is a wonderful example of a person who meditates on God’s word. Psalm 1:1-2 says, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor stands in the path of sinners, nor sits in the seat of the scornful; but his delight is in the law of the LORD. And in His law he meditates day and night.”

When was the last time you meditated on the scriptures? I mean took a big bite and chewed on it all day or even all week long? Mediating is not simply reading; it’s finding out what the scripture you’re reading means, looking up words you don’t understand and figuring out if or how it applies to you. Meditating on the scriptures will help us avoid participating in the works of the flesh, Gal. 5:19-21. It will be much harder to be jealous, have an angry outburst or practice selfish ambitions if you are constantly chewing on the word of God. You can’t gossip or use filthy language with a mouth full of God’s word. James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.”

Likewise the long lasting flavor of the word of God will make it easier to produce fruit of the spirit, Gal. 5:22-26. It’s interesting that they are referred to as works of the flesh and fruit of the spirit. You are not growing anything when you partake in works of the flesh.

Another good practice in renewing your mind is praying. Phil. 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Prayer grants you God’s peace and God’s peace guards your heart and mind.

Reconsider what it is you pray for most often. How much better off would we all be if more of us prayed for wisdom instead of wealth. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” Ask not what God can do for you but what you can do for God.

Renewing your mind means getting rid of worldly thoughts and influences, but you also have to replace them with spiritual thoughts. Just like becoming healthy means cutting out junk food, sodas and fried foods; you must replace them with fruits and vegetables. Phil. 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—think on these things.” Thinking on these things listed will not only help you to renew your own mind it will benefit those you interact with daily.

The big problem that the women in 1. Tim. 2:9 were having is the same problem many women who we would deem immodest today are having and that is they need to change the channel from Me TV to Christ Central. When we spend all of our time on Me TV we can’t focus on anyone or anything else. People who watch Me TV generally use words like “I, me and my” a lot. Have you ever considered what others may think or feel about your behavior or choice of clothing? Matthew 5:28 stresses the importance of changing the channel. It says that if a man looks at a woman to lust after her he has committed adultery in his heart. And this verse is not just for Christian men or only when we are in worship. This scripture is for all men even when we’re are at the job or the gym. What responsibility does that put on us as women?

We’re supposed to be professing godliness with good works. You may not  know it but not dressing and behaving provocatively, or in a way to draw attention to yourself, could be considered a good work. If you come to worship wearing what my husband calls a Mr. T starter set around your neck, don’t you think it might draw some attention away from Christ? Or if you go to school with a skirt so mini that you can’t bend down when you drop your pencil, don’t you think that will draw attention away from the lesson? Or if you go to work and are constantly flirting with all of the male employees, don’t you think that will draw attention away from the company’s mission? Some ladies simply are not thinking about others when they leave their homes for school, work or worship; they haven’t changed the channel. Think of your Heavenly Father, your spiritual family, your physical family and yourself before you get dressed, speak or act because if it is done immodestly you will be professing someone, but it won’t be Christ.

In the movie “The Little Mermaid” the main character, Ariel, asks the villain, Ursula, how she will get the prince to notice her without her voice and Ursula answers ‘Don’t underestimate the importance of body language.’ Sometimes it’s the villains that lay down the wisdom. We must never underestimate our body language. It’s a scientific fact that women are attracted to what they hear and men to what they see. It’s the reason guys practice pick up lines and we take hours to get dressed. We’ve already discussed the importance of our speech in regard to our modest outlook, but body language is actually a form of speech. The way you sit, stand, walk and lean all convey a message to the person you’re “talking to” and others that observe you. If you sit with your legs spread I can guarantee that the opposite sex has noticed and is now thinking about your open legs. These are not the types of thoughts you want your brothers to have as you are supposed to be helping to keep their hearts pure.

Women are blessed by God with natural curves and figures not given to men but if you’re walking exaggerates your natural curves to the point of distraction how is that helping your brothers? Body language speaks for your character the same way your clothes do. What does your body language tell other people when they see you? It could say you’re bored by having your head thrown back and your arms crossed, it could say you’re sleepy if your head keeps falling forward or it could say you’re available if you “smile with your eyes as they say in modeling, and you put an extra sway in your hips and you flip your hair a lot. Our body language can quickly take us from professing godliness with good works to professing a willingness to do impure things. Even if you aren’t willing, your body language will relay that message and men will respond and treat you according to that message.

1 Cor. 9:27 says, “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.” Self control is one of the fruit of the spirit we mentioned earlier in Gal. 5. It’s difficult but it must be done; practice makes perfect. Prov. 22:1 says, “A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, Loving favor rather than silver and gold.”

Your character and reputation is your most precious commodity; you do not want anyone else to run it through the mud and you certainly don’t want to ruin your own reputation because you couldn’t control your body. Even though the Bible says in Matt. 7:1-2, “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you,” people are quick to do it. While the Bible does teach righteous judging, sometimes you only get one chance with some people. Listen to Ursula, just not the way she meant it, and don’t underestimate the influence of your body language on the opposite sex.

Modesty like anything else comes with practice. While we cannot throw out everything in our closets and go and buy completely new wardrobes today we can make a decision today to get rid of the tight, short, low, showy, pompous and otherwise ill fitting items in our closets. We can make a decision to actively work on not gossiping, lying or using filthy language. We can work on not attempting to attract the attention of the opposite sex by acting seductively.

A modest mind will not only affect the way you dress; it will effect your speech, thoughts, actions and outlook on life. Everything about you starts from within. As a Christian and a woman professing godliness with good works, you have to constantly be aware that you represent God. You are the light of the world and the last thing you want is for your clothing or actions to dim your light.

Questions

1. What’s the definition of modesty?

2. How can you guard your mind?

3. How does Jesus say a person is defiled? Matt. 15:17-18

4. What does it mean to renew your mind?

5. Is there ever a time or occasion when immodesty is alright?

Chapter 6

What About Your Friends?

Christian women are all about authenticity. We worship in truth and we want to walk with true friends. I love this quote by R. Carr, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future,” because it’s so very true. How many of your friends have you seen go down a dark path and get drawn away into things they shouldn’t? It happens so often and so easily because of powerful, worldly influences. We have to make absolutely sure that the friends we have are going in the same direction as us and that we can be positive influences in their lives.

Signs Of A True Friend

As a preacher’s child I moved around a lot and found myself constantly having to make new friends. On one such occasion in eighth grade I started school at Clemons Middle. Being the new girl is not really any fun because everyone is sizing you up and staring, you don’t know anyone and have no one to talk to but the teachers; they have to be nice to you. So imagine my surprise when a girl came up to me, introduced herself and welcomed me to the school. Yay, no more only talking to teachers! We were in the library after she introduced herself, talking, when three girls approached us. I thought yay more friends but I was sadly mistaken.

The leader of this group promptly declared that if she were me she wouldn’t talk to my new friend. She gave me the chance to hang with her instead. No introductions, she wanted me to look out for my budding popularity. Apparently my new friend was not winning any votes for most popular. A line had been drawn right in the middle of the library, what should I do? Everyone wants to be accepted and sit at the popular table, right?

Do I ditch the girl, who thirty seconds ago was a friendly angel or do I risk being shunned by the self-proclaimed cool girls because of a social hierarchy I was too new to know about? Decisions, decisions. Luckily for me I’ve never been one to take things at face value. Plus, I have extensive knowledge of what it feels like to be left out so I’ve never been one for leaving others out. So, I very matter of factly told the friend thieving threesome that I was perfectly capable of choosing my own friends. I then took my new friend by the hand and walked off with my Christianity intact.

Now, for arguments sake, let’s imagine if I had ditched my new friend for the self proclaimed cool girls. How long do you think it would’ve been before I was acting like them in order to remain in their good graces? How would my ex friend have felt after she’d taken the chance to welcome me and I’d left her at the first sign of something that seemed better? You want to make sure your friends are the type of people you wouldn’t mind emulating. True friends back you up and raise you up.

Daniel is a person in the Bible who was a true friend and had the right kind of friends. Let’s read the first chapter of Daniel together and check out what made him a good friend and exactly what kinds of friends he had.

“In the third year of the reign of Jehoiakim king of Judah, Nebuchadnezzar king of Babylon came to Jerusalem and besieged it.  And the Lord gave Jehoiakim king of Judah into his hand, with some of the articles of the house of God, which he carried into the land of Shinar to the house of his god; and he brought the articles into the treasure house of his god. Then the king instructed Ashpenaz, the master of his eunuchs, to bring some of the children of Israel and some of the king’s descendants and some of the nobles, young men in whom there was no blemish, but good-looking, gifted in all wisdom, possessing knowledge and quick to understand, who had ability to serve in the king’s palace, and whom they might teach the language and literature of the Chaldeans. And the king appointed for them a daily provision of the king’s delicacies and of the wine which he drank, and three years of training for them, so that at the end of that time they might serve before the king.

Now from among those of the sons of Judah were Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. To them the chief of the eunuchs gave names: he gave Daniel the name Belteshazzar; to Hananiah, Shadrach; to Mishael, Meshach; and to Azariah, Abed-Nego. But Daniel purposed in his heart that he would not defile himself with the portion of the king’s delicacies, nor with the wine which he drank; therefore he requested of the chief of the eunuchs that he might not defile himself. Now God had brought Daniel into the favor and goodwill of the chief of the eunuchs. And the chief of the eunuchs said to Daniel, “I fear my lord the king, who has appointed your food and drink. For why should he see your faces looking worse than the young men who are your age? Then you would endanger my head before the king.”

So Daniel said to the steward whom the chief of the eunuchs had set over Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah, “Please test your servants for ten days, and let them give us vegetables to eat and water to drink. Then let our appearance be examined before you, and the appearance of the young men who eat the portion of the king’s delicacies; and as you see fit, so deal with your servants.” So he consented with them in this matter, and tested them ten days. And at the end of ten days their features appeared better and fatter in flesh than all the young men who ate the portion of the king’s delicacies.

Thus the steward took away their portion of delicacies and the wine that they were to drink, and gave them vegetables. As for these four young men, God gave them knowledge and skill in all literature and wisdom; and Daniel had understanding in all visions and dreams. Now at the end of the days, when the king had said that they should be brought in, the chief of the eunuchs brought them in before Nebuchadnezzar. Then the king interviewed them, and among them all none was found like Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah; therefore they served before the king. And in all matters of wisdom and understanding about which the king examined them, he found them ten times better than all the magicians and astrologers who were in all his realm. Thus Daniel continued until the first year of King Cyrus.”

As you read in verse 8 Daniel purposed in his heart not to defile himself. He made up his mind and decided before the situation arose that he would remain pure and free from sin. Jews under the old law couldn’t eat certain meats so when Daniel was presented with them they were a non issue for him. Daniel could’ve remained quiet had he not already decided to remain pure or he could’ve just asked for himself to be excused from the king’s delicacies and told his friends they were on their own. But we see in verse 12 that Daniel wasn’t that kind of guy. He asked for all of his friends to be able to remain pure like he’d planned for himself. He was a good friend and helped them rise to the occasion through his good example.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego were good friends to Daniel because they had his back. When he made his proposal they didn’t take three steps back and tell him he was on his own. They trusted his judgment, quietly accepted the challenge and didn’t sin against God. Then in verses 15-16 we see that the experiment worked in their favor and God blessed them all. Go back and read verses 8 and 12 again. The first chapter of Daniel is a perfect example of the kind of friend we want to be and the kind of friends we want to have around us.

Friends Don’t Let Friends Sin

In Daniel 3 we get another insight into their friendship. Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego have been put into positions of power through God’s blessings, (Dan. 2:49) and they ruled over provinces because Daniel petitioned the king on their behalf; they also stayed true to God. They weren’t too old to band together, trust each other and stand by one another. Their earlier test only served to cement their friendship and faith. They were more than ready for the next obstacle.

Let’s read Dan. 3 to find out how they overcame, “Nebuchadnezzar the king made an image of gold, whose height was sixty cubits and its width six cubits. He set it up in the plain of Dura, in the province of Babylon. And King Nebuchadnezzar sent word to gather together the satraps, the administrators, the governors, the counselors, the treasurers, the judges, the magistrates, and all the officials of the provinces, to come to the dedication of the image which King Nebuchadnezzar had set up. So the satraps, the administrators, the governors, the counselors, the treasurers, the judges, the magistrates, and all the officials of the provinces gathered together for the dedication of the image that King Nebuchadnezzar had set up; and they stood before the image that Nebuchadnezzar had set up.

Then a herald cried aloud: “To you it is commanded, O peoples, nations, and languages, that at the time you hear the sound of the horn, flute, harp, lyre, and psaltery, in symphony with all kinds of music, you shall fall down and worship the gold image that King Nebuchadnezzar has set up; and whoever does not fall down and worship shall be cast immediately into the midst of a burning fiery furnace.” So at that time, when all the people heard the sound of the horn, flute, harp, and lyre, in symphony with all kinds of music, all the people, nations, and languages fell down and worshiped the gold image which King Nebuchadnezzar had set up.

Therefore at that time certain Chaldeans came forward and accused the Jews. They spoke and said to King Nebuchadnezzar, “O king, live forever! You, O king, have made a decree that everyone who hears the sound of the horn, flute, harp, lyre, and psaltery, in symphony with all kinds of music, shall fall down and worship the gold image; and whoever does not fall down and worship shall be cast into the midst of a burning fiery furnace. There are certain Jews whom you have set over the affairs of the province of Babylon: Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego; these men, O king, have not paid due regard to you.

They do not serve your gods or worship the gold image which you have set up.” Then Nebuchadnezzar, in rage and fury, gave the command to bring Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego. So they brought these men before the king. Nebuchadnezzar spoke, saying to them, “Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the gold image which I have set up? Now if you are ready at the time you hear the sound of the horn, flute, harp, lyre, and psaltery, in symphony with all kinds of music, and you fall down and worship the image which I have made, good! But if you do not worship, you shall be cast immediately into the midst of a burning fiery furnace. And who is the god who will deliver you from my hands?” Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego answered and said to the king, “O Nebuchadnezzar, we have no need to answer you in this matter. If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”

Then Nebuchadnezzar was full of fury, and the expression on his face changed toward Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego. He spoke and commanded that they heat the furnace seven times more than it was usually heated. And he commanded certain mighty men of valor who were in his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, and cast them into the burning fiery furnace. Then these men were bound in their coats, their trousers, their turbans, and their other garments, and were cast into the midst of the burning fiery furnace.

Therefore, because the king’s command was urgent, and the furnace exceedingly hot, the flame of the fire killed those men who took up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego. And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, fell down bound into the midst of the burning fiery furnace. Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished; and he rose in haste and spoke, saying to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the midst of the fire?” They answered and said to the king, “True, O king.” “Look!” he answered, “I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire; and they are not hurt, and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.”

Then Nebuchadnezzar went near the mouth of the burning fiery furnace and spoke, saying, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, servants of the Most High God, come out, and come here.” Then Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego came from the midst of the fire. And the satraps, administrators, governors, and the king’s counselors gathered together, and they saw these men on whose bodies the fire had no power; the hair of their head was not singed nor were their garments affected, and the smell of fire was not on them. Nebuchadnezzar spoke, saying, “Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego, who sent His Angel and delivered His servants who trusted in Him, and they have frustrated the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they should not serve nor worship any god except their own God! Therefore I make a decree that any people, nation, or language which speaks anything amiss against the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego shall be cut in pieces, and their houses shall be made an ash heap; because there is no other God who can deliver like this.” Then the king promoted Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-Nego in the province of Babylon.”

The only reason three young men would willingly walk into an oven so hot that the men charged with opening the doors were burned up is their shared belief and trust in the Almighty. If it came to a point in our country where Christians could be openly persecuted, would your current friends stand by you like Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego? Would you stand by Christ? Think of how frightened these guys must’ve been. I’m sure they knew it was only a matter of time before someone noticed they weren’t bowing down. Do you think any of them thought about just giving in and bowing down?

Eccl. 4:9-10, 12 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
for he has no one to help him up. Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.
And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.” The Bible says there is strength in numbers and each of them kept the other confident and faithful.

You need friends that will help you when you’re weak not ones that will say I thought you were a Christian, when you stumble. Those young men faced death head on. They’d just seen what happened to the ones opening the oven and still persevered together. And you know what happened, you just read it, God brought them through their trial together.

Life is the same for girls and women who are walking worthy to worship their King. You’ll encounter so many situations that will try and tempt you to waver and stray from God. You must decide for yourself how much your relationship with God means to you. Will you be like Daniel and decide in your heart that no matter the situation you’re in or the people you’re around, you’ll not defile yourself? Can you make a commitment to protect yourself from the deceptions of the world by trusting that God knows what’s best for you in all areas of life?

I’m sure the king’s delicacies and meats were beautifully arrayed, buffet style and on gorgeous table cloths and gold platters. Unfortunately that is how sin is displayed. It looks good from afar, it’s displayed beautifully and everyone partaking looks like they’re having so much fun. Until you get close and see that behind that love story is fornication; inside that under dog triumph is deception.   Once you get close you’ll see that all that glitters isn’t gold and if you partake of it all that happens is you become defiled.

1. Cor. 15:33-34 says, “Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.” Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.” And 1. Cor. 5:11 says, “But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person.”

It is vital that you surround yourself with people who will build you up, encourage you in your walk and stand by you when difficult situations come. You want friends who will tell you the truth in love, sometimes even give a little tough love. Daniel pulled his friends along with him and you should try to keep your friends from giving into their lusts, just like you want them to steer you away from yours. James 1:13-15 says, “Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.”  And James 5:16 says, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”

Of course now we all have friends who have not yet come to Christ for forgiveness of sins. I’m not telling you to shun them. Perhaps by your good example they’ll be won to Christ. You just want to make sure that your closest friends, the ones with the highest potential for influence, are people like Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego. As we quoted at the beginning of this chapter, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.” Does your future look bright?

Questions

1. What does Daniel teach you about being a friend?

2. What do you learn about the type of friends you should have from Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-Nego?

3. Paying close attention to your current friends how does your future look?

4. What difficult situation have you overcome with the help of your friends?

Chapter 7

Purposefully Adorned

What’s your purpose when you get dressed? You could say that it depends on where you’re going and what you’re going to do. And while you wouldn’t wear a fur coat to the beach or red to a funeral, the place or activity does not determine your purpose. We’ve discussed modesty in a previous chapter and how it begins in your mind, your purpose is no different. Eccl. 3:1 says, “To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.” Remember this, write it on your mirror if need be, your purpose when getting dressed is to respect God, yourself and others. 1. Tim 2:10 says to dress in such a way as to profess Godliness. That is your purpose when getting dressed no matter where you are going or what you’re going to do.

Everyone’s style is different. I myself am girly and laid back. As my husband says I like anything with a ruffle. But I also like to dress comfortably and those style parameters are the basis for my wardrobe. But being purposefully adorned doesn’t have anything to do with your personal style it has more to do with your style intentions.

Some get dressed solely for the purpose of getting men to look their way. So they have no reservations about baring their belly, wearing dresses that should be shirts or skirts that are in fact meant to be belts. But getting dressed for men to look at you doesn’t respect God (1. Pet. 3:3-5), it doesn’t respect you (Prov. 11:22) and it doesn’t respect the guys you’re trying to attract (Prov. 7:10-27).

Queen Vashti, in the book of Esther, was asked to come to the king’s feast full of drunken men and show her beauty. Let’s read what happened in Esther 1:10-12, “On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, seven eunuchs who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus, to bring Queen Vashti before the king, wearing her royal crown, in order to show her beauty to the people and the officials, for she was beautiful to behold. But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king’s command brought by his eunuchs; therefore the king was furious, and his anger burned within him.” The Bible doesn’t say exactly how the king wanted Vashti dressed to show her beauty, but she deserves immense respect for standing up for herself and not parading around for a group of drunken men.

Well, what about getting dressed to look good? The fact that girls and women want to look their best is not a secret; we were made that way. Desiring to look your best is never an issue. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. The problems arise when looking your best becomes everything to you. How many celebrities are only famous because of how they look? You know it, I know it and they know it. They bring no special talents to the table and they haven’t invented anything; they just look good. Prov. 31:30 says, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing but a woman that fears the Lord she shall be praised.” Unfortunately for many celebrities their life, work, money and worth is tied to their passing looks. It’s fading and while they’ll use any cream necessary the Bible says it won’t last.

I believe that everyone should try and look their best and feel good about themselves. Vincent Van Gough said, “There is no such thing as an ugly woman.” Just be mindful so that looking good doesn’t become your sole purpose when getting dressed.

Remembering your true purpose of respecting God, yourself and others when getting dressed will help you in all clothing related aspects of your life. When you go shopping, remembering your purpose will help in deciding what to buy and what to leave. It’ll help you as you face your closet in the morning and wonder what to wear and it’ll help you on Sunday morning as you look in the mirror and wonder is this outfit worthy to be in the presence of the Almighty God?

Going to worship has become a perilous adventure for young men. They are constantly told to keep their minds pure, so they come to the place that’s supposed to help them with that task. But their very sisters become their enemies. How can a young man keep his mind clean when he can, not only see ample cleavage, but legs for days. There are bra straps peeking at him from every angle and sheer fabric to entice him to consider what’s underneath. How can he effectively keep his eyes and thoughts on the cross when he is being tempted by teen girls and their moms?

Look around you on Sunday morning, maybe while in the lobby, and pretend you’re a guy and notice how many girls and women are wearing distracting clothing. You’ll gain a greater appreciation for a guy’s plight. In Gen 4:9 Cain asks God is he his brother’s keeper? What do you think? Are we our brother’s keepers? 1. Cor. 8:13 talks about not causing a brother to stumble. Have you, like Cain, been killing your brother’s conscience, wondering what his problem is and then asking God if you’re his keeper?

At the beginning of this book we talked about worship, true worship and vain worship. When we worship we bring God a sacrifice, the sacrifice of ourselves and our obedience. We must be sure to bring our sacrifices in a package worthy to offer to God. We wouldn’t take a present to the President and First Lady in a garbage bag. We wouldn’t go on an interview and hand the potential employer a crumpled, soda stained or ripped up resume. Remember where you are and why you’re there. Your purpose when getting dressed is especially important when going before God.

Rom. 12:1 says, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.” It’s reasonable or rational for us to serve and dedicate our lives to God based on what He has done for us. He’s not asking too much. Micah 6:8 says, “He has shown you, o man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justly,
to love mercy,
and to walk humbly with your God?”

On Sundays we bring our living sacrifice to God, but we don’t live in the building. Being purposefully adorned is for the rest of the week as well. Paul says you’re a living sacrifice and you should not conform to the world and their ideas or standards. Basically not every trend is for you, and you need to live everyday worthy of your calling (Eph. 4:1). Being purposefully adorned everyday means going to the gym wearing appropriate clothes for the activity and for your purpose. You go to school wearing clothes that reflect your style and purpose. No matter where you go as long as your purpose is in the front of your mind you won’t go wrong.

Closet Confidential

A closet can be many things, a welcoming retreat a relaxing oasis or a chaotic catastrophe. Mine is currently the latter. There are clothes everywhere and that fact could be a red flag to two scenarios. I either have too many clothes or I’m a slob; I’m going to choose the first. I’ve heard it said that we can only use 80% of our closets and out of that 80% we only wear 20% regularly. Armed with that knowledge I want to introduce you to the closet catharsis. A catharsis is “The purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, especially through certain kinds of art (Dictionary.com).” Basically we, yes you and I, are going to rid our lives of things that we can no longer fit, clothes we haven’t worn in the last year and anything we’ve moved on from and relieve the tension and emotional baggage of clutter and confusion.

Cleaning and organizing your closet is the gateway to organizing your life and having more time for more important tasks. Imagine how much time you could save by simply knowing where key pieces are located? Also, cleansing your closet allows you to see what basic items you’re missing. Finally, once your closet is cleansed you can actually use what you have rather than stand around asking the question dreaded by women all around the world, “What am I going to wear today?”

What To Toss

Pretend your closet is a fabulous boutique designed just for you. Now go inside and look around. Some items can be tossed just by looking at them, especially anything outdated or things you simply no longer like. For everything else try it on. Have fun with it. Invite a friend over to take photos of you in various outfits, because we all know pictures don’t lie. Then go and do the same for her in her closet. Once you start trying things on see how they feel. Is the item too big or small, tight or short? Walk around in it, sit in it and evaluate it. Would you consider yourself purposefully adorned in it? Remember our clothes should show our respect for God, ourselves and others.

You have to be brutally honest here; make sure the friend you choose to help you evaluate has your best interests at heart. Tell your family what you’re up to and put on a fashion show for the outfits you and your friend can’t decide on. Don’t get sad about tossing certain items. They are just taking up space, if we’re not using them, and could be a blessing for someone else. Plus, you can always get new clothes; what you can’t get back is a bad impression left by wearing inappropriate clothing.

Proverbs 22:1 says a good name is to be valued more than gold or silver. Once you’ve removed all of the clothes that are too big, too small, too tight, too short or too out of style go back through your closet one more time. I know, I know, but make sure you’re not holding onto anything unnecessarily.

Now, that your closet has been cleansed, it’s time to put away what’s left. You can choose any system you like, but choose one. Your closet can be arranged by color, article of clothing or by season. I bet you’re still left with a pretty decent wardrobe. Bag up the items you’ve decided to toss and take them to your congregation’s clothing donation room, donate them to the Goodwill or find out if a missionary is in need of clothing. Don’t forget to hang up accessories and make a place for everything in your closet.

What To Add

We’ve noted that everyone’s personal style is different but there are some pieces that everyone needs in their wardrobe no matter personal style. These are a few key and basic pieces that will help you maintain your purpose. These are pieces anyone who truly wants to style their soul is going to need in their closet to save them from embarrassment.

• Tank Tops- You want quality so think J. Crew, New York & Co. and Ann Taylor, but shop stores like T.J. Maxx, Ross and Marshalls for them at a discount. These tanks are made of high quality material that stretch and retain their shape after many wears and washes. Also, the necklines tend to be higher and they are generally not sheer.

• Bolero- Many dresses today are sleeveless and sometimes it’s not a problem because the straps are wide enough but other times you need a cover up. These half jackets usually have short or ¾ length sleeves and come in cotton and denim for more casual wear or satin for more formal events. They look great on almost all body shapes and are a wonderful alternative to a full jacket.

• Cardigan- Another amazing option for covering shoulders and arms. I love cardigans because they come in so many fun prints and work extremely well to fight off the chill without being bulky.

• Plain White T-shirt- They’re not just for guys and they fit under and over almost anything. I personally don’t wear spaghetti strapped items, but plain white tees are great for going under shirts or dresses with thin straps.

• Slips- Everyone needs a full slip and a half slip. The popular designers  today are not designing for soul stylists like us and sometimes you put on a dress and when the sun hits it you can see straight through it. Even dresses that have ‘built-in- slips’ still occasionally need extra help. Slips also help to hide panty lines, which are unseemly.

• Black And White Undies- While not as popular as the ruffled or neon green pair, everyone needs solid colored bras and panties. The last thing you want is to have your hot pink bra showing through your shirt.

These are just everyday pieces to add to ensure that whatever you wear can be decent and modest. How many times have you seen some part of a girl and wished you hadn’t? Maybe she didn’t put on a slip and you could see straight through her dress or maybe she decided to wear hot pink underwear with white pants. Whatever it was, being out and indecent is uncomfortable and embarrassing for the one who wore it and the people who saw it. And be honest many times when you leave the house unprepared you are just stuck. You can’t go back home to change and you certainly don’t have a change of clothes with you. This is why it is so important to triple check yourself before you leave the house.

• Check One- Put your hands inside the garment, in a well lit room, to see if you can see your fingers through it and adjust accordingly.

• Check Two- After taking the necessary precautions look at yourself again in a well-lit room. Don’t get dressed in the dark no matter how early it is, and look at yourself in a full-length mirror, front and back.

• Check Three- Ask a family member’s opinion before you dash out of the house. Just have someone give you a once over to ensure you’re safe from embarrassment and embarrassing others.

Save yourself and make time for this three point style inspection. Always put something on that reflects your purpose for getting dressed. Get rid of items that are holding you and your closet back from truly representing God. Add items that truly show your respect for God, yourself and others. By doing all of these things you can actually present yourself to God as a living sacrifice.

Questions

1. What is your purpose when getting dressed?

2. How can you become your brother’s keeper?

3. What does God require of you? Micah 6:8

4. Have you committed to your closet catharsis? When will you start?

5. Write and remember the three point inspection to avoid wardrobe malfunctions.

Chapter 8

The Ten Commandments of Shopping

As a Christian, shopping can be tough work. The world’s standard of modesty, decency and dress are hardly aligned with our standard. It’s difficult sometimes to find pretty and trendy pieces that also fit our purpose for getting dressed. That’s why I’ve created these ten shopping commandments to help you navigate the retail waters and make purchases you won’t regret.

#1 You Shall Buy In Bulk

When I was a teen I had a cap sleeved, scoop neck, ankle length, blue flowered dress. You see how well I am still able to describe it even though I haven’t had that dress in over ten years; basically I loved that dress. I felt beautiful in it. But one Sunday morning my friend’s younger sister asked me if I owned any other dresses. She said, “You wear that dress almost every Sunday. Do you not have any others to wear?” Well embarrassing doesn’t really seem to do my feelings justice. Of course I had other dresses but why couldn’t she see how fantastic this one was? Needless to say in my youthful ignorance I’d made the chief rookie shopper mistake; I only bought one.

When you find something that you love, a dress in my case, the number one commandment is to buy in bulk. Don’t think Costco, I mean we just cleansed our closets. But if you happen to find an essential piece like an A-line skirt, a great pair of pants or a terrific tank buy more than one and if possible in a few colors. Perfect pieces are few and far so when you stumble upon a perfect for you item, get more than one.

#2 You Shall Always Try Things On

I don’t know the words to accurately describe the level of hatred I have for trying on clothes; I loathe it. That being said just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it if it’s helpful. For instance trying on clothes will save you from my most current dilemma. I have in my possession a pair of jeans that need to be returned to one store and a dress that needs to be returned to another. One item now has a stain on it and the other’s receipt is missing. Pay attention to the nonsense and wasted time that occurs when you don’t try on items in the store, and avoid my mistakes.

Trying on things also helps you to know what shapes, patterns and colors look best on you. Pick a store whose aesthetic you admire and just go in and try on a few items. Either choose them based on the way their styled on mannequins or ask a salesperson to choose some pieces that will look best on you based on your body shape. You don’t have to buy anything on this trip just get an idea of what types of cuts and styles you like and which ones look great on you. Take some photos with your phone’s camera for reference. Even if you can’t afford the outfits you now have a handy look book of styles you know you look good in.

#3 You Shall Shop Where You Think You Can’t Afford To Shop

I know how it sounds, calm down. I’m not telling you to go into debt over clothes, but shopping at the stores that you think you can’t afford is truly the best advice you can receive. On one such shopping excursion my friend and I were shopping in Lenox Mall in Atlanta; in case you’ve never been there they have a Louis Vuitton, Fendi, Bulgari and Cartier store inside. It’s full of high end specialty stores in addition to stores like Macy’s. So when my friend went into one such specialty clothing boutique I just kind of hung out near the entrance because I knew there was nothing in that store I could afford. I mean I’ve been to Lenox several times and had never even graced this store’s entrance.

Well, my friend walked straight to the back of the store, looked around and found a gorgeous, mustard colored trench coat for about $20! I was floored and now frantically searching for one for myself. Trench coats never go out of style; they are the ultimate classic in classic pieces and since this store was a high end boutique the quality of the coat was amazing. I learned my lesson that day, everyone has a clearance rack. While the pieces that you find might not be in season, if it’s a classic like a trench you’ll never have to worry about whether or not you made a good purchase.

#4 You Shall Shop For Quality Not Quantity

Since our closets are now clean and free of useless, to us, items we want to complete our wardrobes with long lasting, high quality and easily mixable pieces. The key to successful shopping is making your money create value. You want to be aware of what you have already, make a list of what you need and then find accessories to finish the look. For instance you could spend $100 on ten pieces of low quality and craftsmanship that will maybe last you three months. Or you could spend that same $100 on five key, high quality pieces that can mix with the current items in your closet and will last you many years.

In the previous chapter we talked about pieces that needed to be added to your wardrobe, find the best of those items so that you won’t have to continue purchasing them. When you buy lower quality items you end up spending more money because you have to replace them so frequently. When considering quality pieces think of the cost versus how many times you’ll wear it and divide accordingly.

That calculation will give you the cost of the item in value and worth. Obviously something you’ll only wear once will have less value, especially if it’s pricey versus something you can wear many times.

#5 You Shall Consider Shopping Less Often

At a lectureship I met a woman who told me that she shops twice a year, spring and fall. At first my inner shopaholic was appalled. How could any woman only go shopping twice a year? Then she explained that she saves her money for two major shopping trips instead of tiny shopping adventures every weekend. As I thought more about it, it made perfect sense. The new fashions come out in September and March, so if you have a good chunk of change you could buy almost whatever you wanted for that season.

Now of course she couldn’t find everything in one day so in actuality she shopped more than two times but what a radical idea. Not only will this mentality allow you to buy quality pieces but you can really have fun and create your look for the entire season knowing that you’ve saved up and aren’t just out throwing away money every weekend.

#6 You Shall Know That You Never Have To Pay Full Price

For me personally one of the thrills of shopping is the joy of the hunt. I love to find high quality things at amazingly low prices. Bargain shopping in some areas is an Olympic sport. There are the professionals who can find leather Coach bags for $40 and those who can get jeans for free. Then there are the semi-pros who talk to the sales people to find out when things go on sale. Last but not least the rookies scope out the goods and wait patiently by visiting the stores a few times to see if the piece has gone on sale.

It doesn’t matter where you rank as long as you know that the quoted price never has to be the selling price. Never be afraid to ask the sales person for a coupon while checking out at the register. Talk to them and find out when certain specials run and when new merchandise is displayed. Sign up for e-newsletters and mailing lists for coupons and discounts.

You can also shop at discount stores. They offer many of the same name brands and styles as department stores and for much less. While you won’t be able to use coupons or get percentages off at these stores the savings in price will likely be equal or greater. Never feel like something is out of your grasp forever. Nothing stays in any store forever and eventually it will need to be discounted and sold; and now you’ll be ready to score your beautiful piece at a great discount.

#7 You Shall Mix High With Low

I know I keep saying it but I really can’t stress it enough quality is king. That being said there are some pieces that can be lower quality to add variety to your wardrobe. Those pieces are going to be trendy and seasonal items. Fashion changes all of the time so you don’t want to constantly add every new trend to your wardrobe, but there will be some fun pieces you want to mix in.

When buying those pieces you want them to be nice but you don’t have to spend a chunk of change on them because you may or may not wear it next season. Shop at trendier stores for brightly colored, bold and odd pieces and even swap trendy pieces with friends. The key here is to have fun with the latest fashions and not break the bank.

#8 You Shall Accessorize

Much like the last commandment accessories can come from a variety of places. Accessories are there to complete your look; they finalize an outfit like icing on a cake.  You can have lots of fun with all kinds of accessories. They can be as inexpensive as $0.99 earrings or as expensive as a $1,000 handbag. What you choose is up to you and your money. But no matter what you spend accessories are the finishing touch to any ensemble.

BAGS

From clutches to tote bags, satchels to wristlets, doctor bags to carryalls there is a bag for everyone. Your bag of choice is going to depend on where you’re going and what you need with you. For purses I would encourage you to stick to the quality route. Find a well-made day bag that goes with everything. You’ll reference this bag often so you’ll want something in black or tan and large enough for at least your wallet, phone and keys. For special purpose bags like sequined clutches or beach bags you can go the cheaper, trendier route. In all honesty if you have two or three high quality all-purpose bags you are good to go for years. You can then add  lower quality but trendier purses as you see fit.

SHOES

Unlike bags where you can mix in some high and low quality you want all of your shoes to be well made. Shoes have much more wear on them than bags and unlike bags they are wrapped around your foot. If you buy cheaper shoes they can shrink and squeeze your foot, the heel won’t be durable enough for long wear and can snap under you.

A good test for shoes, especially heels, is to stand them up and gently push them. Just give them a slight nudge. If they remain standing they are probably good quality if they fall over put them back on the shelf and run. O.k. you don’t have to run but leave them in the store. The comfort of your feet is vital to making it through an entire day so from tennis shoes to heels to flip flops buy the best quality you can. Shoes can lift an entire outfit. They are one of the best places for investment accessories.

JEWELRY

Here’s where accessorizing gets fun. From Claire’s to Dillard’s everyone sells jewelry and now many discount stores like Target sell beautiful pieces. For me jewelry is just fun. It can be large and make a statement or small pearl studs to help you look polished. No matter where you get your jewelry have fun with it and try lots of styles. This is really the area to try any trend because you’ll always be able to find an inexpensive version of it. I personally love to pair solid color ensembles with bright bold necklaces and earrings. Above all else I must have earrings on every time I go out. For one of my sisters it’s bags and for my youngest sister and aunt it’s rings. They love them and the bigger the better. Whatever it is that you love go all out with it.

HATS/ GLOVES/ SCARVES

Not too many people wear hats everyday but they can be a fun addition to any wardrobe because they’ll be unexpected. Gloves are the same; while in times past ladies would never leave the house without their gloves, I doubt any of us have a pair outside of winter gloves. Try out a short leather or lace pair just for fun and variety with an outfit. Scarves are much more popular today and come in all colors, patterns and fabrics. They can go a long way in jazzing up a boring outfit or hiding that lunch time mustard stain on your white shirt. Grab a few of these accessories to add some spice and panache to a few of your looks and to stand out from the crowd.

#9 You Shall Have A Style Signature

Do you have a favorite color or perfume? Does wearing that item make you smile? If so incorporate that color or fragrance into every outfit. Maybe you love blue so no matter what you’re wearing there will be something blue on you, even if it’s a hair bow. Do you love headbands? Build up your collection and wear one every day. It doesn’t have to be anything major just something that makes you smile and makes you feel good. A big part of feeling good for women is looking good.

My signature would be earrings. I just love them and need a pair to feel that I look put together. Find your signature and rock it. You don’t have to tell anyone as long as it makes you happy and feel good about starting your day.

#10 You Shall Maintain Your Clothes

Like anything else clothes need maintenance and proper care. Read the labels on your clothes. Some fabrics like silk, wool and suede should only be dry cleaned. Others like cotton, nylon and blended fabrics can simply be washed at home on the gentle cycle. Pay extra attention to underwear, slips, dresses and blouses. Delicate items may even need to be hand washed depending on the fabric and durability of the piece. Put all of your underwear in one load, on the gentle cycle; it will help them avoid fraying and keep their shape. Wash like colors together, lights, whites and darks. Denim should be turned inside out and washed alone with other denim items so they don’t bleed.

This command is what separates the amateurs from the pros. You want your clothes to retain their color, shape and fit. Let your clothes hang to dry if you have time because the dryer will shrink certain items. I hang my blouses, jeans, dresses and pants. T-shirts, shorts and underwear can go into the dryer.                       Once in the dryer use the delicate cycle to avoid shrinkage. Finally hang up everything or put it away neatly to lessen the time needed for ironing in the morning and you’ll be on your way to the wardrobe of your dreams.

Bonus Commandment #11 You Shall Shine Your Light

Fashion and shopping are fun and they can serve a variety of purposes. This chapter has been all about completing your wardrobe to match your purpose for getting dressed, but fashion and shopping can also serve other purposes such as fellowship. Take out a new sister or younger sister in Christ and get to know her. Use shopping as a way to break the ice and welcome or encourage her.

Also, fashion is a great way to learn about your own style preferences. I did an experiment where I wore a dress everyday for 31 days. Of course I had some repeat looks but it was exciting and fun. I posted my looks to Facebook each day and had people follow my progress. It was an eye opening experience and has resulted in me wearing dresses a few times a week now. Go to the Facebook page, www.facebook.com/virtuousmagazine, and check out day 14; I am wearing it as I type this.

Dresses make you feel feminine, pretty and ladylike. The whole experiment came from a desire to search bygone style eras, but it’s simple things that playing with fashion can teach you. Maybe you feel like Sunday is the only time you really get dressed up; if that’s the case try out the 31 days of dresses experiment and dress up every day. See what transformations you experience.

My ultimate desire for you is to create a wardrobe that’s welcoming and respectful of your purpose. I want you to shine your Christian light as brightly as possible and be a reflection of Christ. You don’t want your outfit to dim your light. I truly believe that when you look good, you feel good and those good feelings result in you doing good for God and others.

Questions

1. List the ten commandments of shopping.

2. Why is quality king over quantity?

3. Do you have a style signature? What is it?

4. How can you use shopping to shine your light?

Chapter 9

Someone Is Watching You

I am the eldest of three sisters. Growing up they wanted to do everything that I did and go everywhere I went. If you have younger siblings then you probably understand. Since I am the oldest and I know that they will do what I do, I have to be an example to my younger sisters. The same is true for younger sisters in Christ. We have to show them God’s will through our actions, speech and dress.

One sister in Christ told me one day that she’d told her daughter to watch me and to act like me. Well, she enlightened me a few years after she’d told her daughter and I was shocked. Not that I‘d done anything obscene but I had no idea someone was literally walking in my footsteps and taking notes.

Being a Christian example is so important because you may be the only one some girls see. You have to let your light shine everywhere because you never know who may be watching you, from your best friend to the eight year old who  hugs you every Sunday morning. You don’t want someone else’s light dimmed because you turned yours off for a second to do something, say something or wear something worldly.

Some congregations already have a big sister/little sister program and you can join in that work. On the other hand your little sister may be your biological sister.  No matter how your mentor/mentee relationship begins you want to be extra mindful of them and your behavior. Here are five things you can do to be a role model any young Christian sister would be thrilled to have.

Remember Daniel

Daniel purposed in his heart not to sin against God before any situation ever arose. You have to do the same in regards to being a good role model. You have to decide that no matter what happens you will demonstrate a Godly example to your “little sister.” Every time you talk to her you must reflect Christ and give Bible advice to her everyday life situations. Decide today that even if you don’t yet have a little sister that you will walk worthy for a little sister you might not know is watching.

Think About What You Want For Her

What kind of person do you want your little sister to become? How do you want her to act and dress? If you want her to be a good person, a Christian light and modest dresser then you have to be all of those things as an example for her. The Bible shows us through people’s lives how we are to behave. Christ led a sinless life forgiving those that plotted murder against Him, being kind to everyone He met and quoting scripture when Satan tempted Him. It’s easy to forget what someone says; it’s much more difficult to forget what they did and how they lived.

In Proverbs 31 we are shown an example of a virtuous woman. Throughout the entire chapter she never says one word, but her actions speak so loudly that all of us today attempt to emulate her example. The woman of Proverbs 31 was first a savvy and resourceful business woman. She not only made clothes and sold them to regular customers; she also made belts and sold them to other merchants, (Prov.31:24). She kept her business expenses low by making her own thread, (Prov. 31:19). Once she’d made a profit she didn’t go out and celebrate by splurging on things for herself, she reinvested it in another business opportunity, a vineyard, (Prov. 31:16). While you may have no desire to run a business, good business sense will go a long way in helping you and your little sister. Making and teaching budgeting and doing or making things yourself are all great ways to be virtuous. Her money management skills may have been the chief reason why Prov. 31:11 says, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain.”

Another reason she was virtuous was because she took care of others and she also took care of herself. Prov. 31:20 says, “She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.” In our world of people pretending to be poor and false causes it is prudent to be cautious of every person you and your sister meet with a sign, but that doesn’t excuse your responsibility to help those in need. The verse says that the woman of Proverbs 31 is extending her hand and reaching out to others not waiting for someone to ask help of her. Let us be mindful to seek opportunities to show our little sisters how to be kind to the plight of others and to offer help when we can.

Prov. 31:22 says, “She makes tapestry for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.” This does not sound like a woman who has let herself go. You both should take care of yourselves so that you’ll be fit to take care of others. Prov. 31:17 says she strengthens her arms. Eating right, exercising and dressing well will not only make you feel and look your best it will give you the strength to help others achieve their best. Little sisters want to be like their big sisters and this is a great area to encourage her to copy you. May we all learn from the example of the Virtuous woman and find ways to emulate her in our lives.

Help Her Avoid Mistakes You’ve Made

When you notice your little sister going down a path that you’ve already been down and you know that path leads to nothing but despair, try and turn her around. Tell her about your experiences in that area, show her any consequences you had to deal with and give her scripture to help her avoid the pitfall. If she has already fallen, encourage and comfort her. Now is not the time to point fingers and ridicule. Give her a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Help her deal with whatever the fallout is and remind her that God still loves her.

The consequences could result from anything like being punished for lying to her parents, spreading gossip or viewing inappropriate material. No matter what it is be a friend, sister and guide and show her a better way of handling temptation. Set up a system so that anytime she feels tempted to do something she can call you or help her memorize a scripture she can repeat to help in difficult situations. I personally love 1. Cor. 10:13, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”

Share

Like I mentioned earlier my younger sisters wanted to do everything I did, that included wearing my clothes and jewelry. Your little sister looks up to you for a variety of reasons and I am certain that one of those reasons is because she likes your style. So share a necklace or pair of boots with her; make her feel wanted and treat her like a friend not just someone to give advice to all of the time. You could invite her to a sleep over,  play in your closet and with your makeup. Take pictures and have fun. You never know how far a small act of kindness can go and how long it will be remembered. Your ultimate goal with your little sister is to help her remain close to Christ and in so doing you’ll get closer to Christ yourself.

As you can see styling your soul has way more to it than just the clothes you wear; it’s about a life committed to Christ, body and soul. But don’t let your journey end here come on over to www.virtuousmagazine.com and let’s continue our journey together encouraging and building one another up in love and friendship. God bless.

Questions

1. Will you commit to being a big sister?

2. Name one thing you’ve learned from the Virtuous woman’s example that you can apply to your life.

3. How can you share your life experiences with a younger sister to help her remain close to Christ?

“When you learn, teach, when you get, give.” Maya Angelou

Spread The Love

If you’ve been inspired, motivated, encouraged or fired up for the Lord here are some easy and loving ways to do as Maya Angelou said and give to others; any of which I will be exceedingly grateful.

1. Share the website or a photo of the book on Facebook and tag Virtuous Magazine in the post. Write reviews and share quotes.

2. Tweet your thoughts or a quote from the book with @virtuousmag in your message.

3. Send me an email with your testimonial, virtuousmag@yahoo.com.

4. Review the book on Amazon.com or on your own site.

5. Read it with friends or use it in your book club.

6. Every article on virtuousmagazine.com is free to use. Re-publish and share as you see fit as long as credit and a link  back to the site is given.

7. Remind your sisters that styling their soul goes way beyond fashion, then use this book as a beacon (hint, hint) to light the way!

Can a Magazine change the World?

YES IT CAN! Virtuous Magazine is love in action. It’s a magazine for women who love the Lord and want to live lives that reflect His word! Get your FREE subscription today by signing up with your email online.

www.virtuousmagazine.com

Special Thanks To:

Breania Owens

Bethany Owens

Lucile Allen

Greg Dismuke

Jonathan Jenkins

Arletha Hutchison

Neadie Dismuke

Alovanni Garrett

Ruby Carr

Kiki Carr

Rodney Carr

Angela Spraggins

Renita Mathis

Rosa Watson

Descygna Webb

Anna Winters

Allen Webster

Brad Harrub

Lynn Manning

and all of the wonderful contributors to Virtuous Magazine!

Thank you!

Table of Contents

Copyright

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1

Questions

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Acknowledgements