What Other Ministers Say about Healing Relationships with Forgiveness

“The book by Dr. Bowers on forgiveness contains practical principles from the Lord Jesus who commands us to “forgive others so that our Father in Heaven may forgive us our sins”. Mark 11:25

The doctrine of forgiveness closely corresponds with that of “binding and loosing.”

It is spiritual and must be dealt with accordingly. Dr. Bowers explains how not forgiving can bind individuals who have bitterness in their heart that can open up a door for demonic activity. Someone can be in bondage to his own resentment and misery while the offending person is totally free from the hidden pain of the one he offended.

Dr. Bowers does not leave us in the dark but leads us step by step through the process of forgiveness. He shows us how to free ourselves by freeing others. This enables us to experience a deeper demonstration of God’s salvation because it is a direct action on the truth of God’s Word. Acting on the truth is what sets us free. Jesus Himself said, “If you hold to my teachings you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free” John 8:31, 32; NIV. Dr. Bowers presents unto us the truth of forgiveness, that we may be free!”

––Dr. R.G. Warlick, Chaplain

Brevard Correctional Institution

Sharpes, Florida

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“There are many books and messages about forgiveness but few that walk you through the, “how to” process of forgiveness, and even fewer that teach us how to experience the results as quickly as I did. Many people, including myself, have used the “mental method” of forgiveness, but the eight step process in this book has changed my life. When my Christian counselor led me through the process, I was instantly released from all hurt and emotional pain.

Five years ago, my beloved husband went to heaven. Shortly after that my son, because of extreme grief and misunderstanding, walked out of my life. He abandoned me. I tried different ways to restore our relationship, to no avail.

Some people may call it coincidence, but I called it an act of God, because within hours after I dealt with my bitterness and wounding, as presented in chapter three, in this book, I saw positive results in our relationship. It was my son who initiated reconciliation, not me. Restoration is in progress.”

––Dr. Ann Marie Toraya

Evangelist

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Why should I forgive? I was only a child. Why would I want to forgive all those I trusted but hurt me? Why would I want to forgive all those in my life who abused me physically, sexually and emotionally? What about all those who shaped me and molded me into a bitter, angry, and defensive soul, why should I forgive them? And, forgive God? Why should I forgive God for letting all the abuse happen? Why would I want to forgive anyone? Well, I didn’t want to forgive anyone and certainly didn’t understand why it was necessary to forgive those who hurt me.

However, after I started counseling with Dr. Robert Bowers a year ago, he explained the necessity and importance of forgiveness. Forgiveness is what sets you free from the pain of your past. Forgiveness is what releases the anger, the bitterness, and hurt you feel. Forgiveness binds the enemy spirits. I had a lifetime of pent up anger, bitterness, and hurts. However, as Dr. Bowers led me through the eight steps of forgiveness contained in this book and I was able to release the anger, bitterness and hurt inside of me, I was able to be free from my past. I was able to truly forgive all those who hurt me, and actually pray for them, with compassion, and bless them!

Forgiveness has now become a part of my lifestyle. I am now able to enjoy the love, joy, peace and all the good that God intended for me to have in my life. You can have it too.

The Lord has truly anointed Dr. Bowers with a powerful healing through forgiveness. If you have any unresolved forgiveness issues, please read this book and know that you can have the same freedom through the forgiveness process. You can live the life that God intended you to live! Choose to have victory over your past through forgiveness. Then make forgiveness a part of your lifestyle. You will also find that forgiveness releases God’s anointing and lots of blessings

I praise the Lord for using Dr. Bowers and this book to help change my life”!

––Linea Applegate,

Grace Rescue Ministry

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“Many people may believe they have forgiven a particular person, or forgiveness did not work when they really tried. However, when confronted by a pastor or a counselor like myself, they realize something was missing, because they did not receive healing; the pain and misery is still there. There are several reasons why this is so. This book will tell you what they are.

I believe that God has given Dr. Bowers a divine insight into what the Fullness of Forgiveness really means. It would benefit us all to learn and use these principles and procedures daily in all our relationships. I have used this process of forgiveness with positive healing results in my own counseling ministry.

A young boy I counseled had a verbally abusive mother, even to the point that his mother called him “Satan’s child”. His acting out was nothing more than what he believed was necessary for his survival. After a couple of visits, I lead him through Dr. Bower’s process of forgiveness for his mother. He received emotional healing instantly and was set free from several demonic influences. His relationship with his mother improved tremendously.

A friend of mine, who I work with in ministry, was estranged from her son for nearly five years after the death of her husband. The relationship is being restored after I lead her through this prayerful process of forgiveness.

In my own life, I received a physical healing after forgiving my oldest daughter for the pain she had caused me. There are many others who have been set free by implementing this process of forgiveness.

I recommend this book for everyone, especially for those who minister to others as a pastor or counselor. No one will be disappointed if they truly forgive those who have offended them.”

––Dr. Pat Lamoreau

Pastoral counselor

Healing Reltionships with Forgiveness

Robert Bowers Ph.D.

Copyright © 2013 by Robert Bowers Ph.D.

Smashwords Edition

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Table of Contents

Preface

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 How to Receive God’s Forgiveness

Chapter 2 How to Receive Forgiveness from Others

Chapter 3 How to Forgive Others Who Have Hurt You

Chapter 4 How to Forgive Yourself

Chapter 5 How to Forgive God

Chapter 6 Important Questions about Forgiveness

Chapter 7 Pam’s Story

Final Words

From the Author

Preface

Have you ever been sick and tired of being sick and tired? I have and so have most other people. Recurring conflicts in relationships make us want to give up and that’s where the pain sets in. Jails are full of people who can’t resolve their issues peaceably, and fighting is not the answer. Psychology and counseling may help some to resolve conflicts. Education doesn’t do the job effectively. Escape into addictions will really mess you up big time. The only lasting solution to resolving conflicts is to follow the instructions that God has given to us which have been outlined in this study. Why not spend some time doing things God’s way.

Do you believe in miracles? I do. The people in this book believe also. They have experienced some quite miraculous healings during their process of forgiveness. They were set free from the bondage of bitterness and pain of not forgiving. Read on and discover what it takes for you to receive your miracle of healing and freedom.

Acknowledgements

I extend my deepest gratitude to all those who have attended my classes on Fullness of Forgiveness, Anger Management, and other subjects on Christian growth and maturity.

I have a special appreciation to the hundreds of clients through the years who have shared their deepest pain and darkest secrets with me. Their obedience to the Lord and their commitment to recovery has been a great source of encouragement to me.

To my family thanks for your patience with me.” I love you.

To my proof readers: Denise, my daughter; Dr. Pat, my counseling colleague; and Linnea, my copy editor. Thanks for making this book readable.

Praise to Jesus who has taught me the power and healing in the Fullness of Forgiveness.

Introduction

The purpose for writing this book is to present some thorough and comprehensive insights, and solutions for the issues that plague us in our relationships with God, with others, and even with ourselves. God’s people need answers.

The message of Hosea the Prophet is just as relevant today as it was when he penned the words: “My people perish for lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6 The reason for the lack of knowledge today is still that same as it was in Hosea’s day when he finished the rest of the verse: “Because they rejected knowledge.” We can’t know the solutions to life’s problems if we reject God’s Word. His knowledge is our solution and He has revealed it all in His Word, the Bible.

This book deals with one of the most important and many times neglected issues in the body of Christ today – forgiveness. Not forgiving affects us in many ways in all our relationships. It influences relationships with God, others and with ourselves. Just think about how powerful the Body of Christ could be if everyone forgave everyone of all offenses.

The bottom line is very simple! Obey and forgive as God commands, or continue to enjoy your misery. The choice is yours. Jesus said, “Except ye repent ye shall likewise perish.” Luke 13:3

The material for this book began while I was developing an anger management seminar. As I began teaching it, I realized that the solutions for anger could be taught in one word –-forgiveness. Something that was missing for me was a process through which I could lead clients to the peace, healing, and joy of the Lord which is found in the fullness of forgiveness. I needed a model; God gave it to me so that we can experience the five ways of forgiveness.

I want to encourage you, and even challenge you to grasp the truth and the reality of the fullness of forgiveness. It will transform your life! As you begin to minister the power of forgiveness to others, it will bring healing to their relationships and yours as well. The peace and joy of the Lord will flood your soul.

Chapter 1

How to Receive and Experience God’s Forgiveness

There are three major truths that separate Christianity from all the religions of the world.

First, Christianity is based on a personal, loving relationship with a God who loves all mankind unconditionally, regardless of our attitude toward him. God loves unbelievers and sinners just as much as He loves believers in Christ. Consider these scriptures that reveal God’s love:

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever shall believe on Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.” John 3:16

“But God commands His love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Second, forgiveness is the heartbeat of Christianity. The only way to receive God’s forgiveness is through faith in Jesus Christ as your personal Savior and Lord, and through trusting the blood of Jesus Christ as payment of personal sin. No religion in the world offers us a savior who died to pay the sin debt of the world. His love and forgiveness will melt the hardest heart.

Third, Christianity is based on the belief and knowledge that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and who is in fact, God himself. Jesus Christ is God, truly God almighty. To deny the Deity of Jesus Christ is to deny God Himself. Jesus Christ is the God over all gods, the Lord over all lords, the King over all kings.

“Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth” Philippians 2:10

There are many other distinctions we could consider, but these three should be adequate for now. I promise not to get too theological, but there are certain truths that must be presented if this study of forgiveness is to be effective.

Two Aspects of Receiving Assurance of God’s Forgiveness

There are two aspects of receiving assurance of forgiveness from God. The first aspect is receiving assurance of forgiveness initially, which happens the moment we accept Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord and experience the reality of His presence in our hearts. We need to realize that Jesus has already forgiven all our sins, past, present and future, once and forever. The greatest problem believers suffer is in not understanding that God’s forgiveness is a done deal.

When we, as born again believers, ask God to forgive us, in reality we are denying what Jesus previously did on the cross. We just don’t believe He did that for us. Wrong theology has hindered believers from enjoying the level of freedom and assurance that God wants us to have in our relationship with Him. Why ask God to do something that has already been done? It doesn’t make sense and is not of faith. God promised in His Word,

"For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." Hebrews 8:12 KJV

The second aspect of God’s forgiveness is that He wants us to have complete assurance of his forgiveness continually. We have to believe that by faith.

When Christ died on the cross, He provided forgiveness both ways, initially and continually. It is covered. It’s a done deal. We don’t need more forgiveness as believers, we need more assurance of His eternal forgiveness and how to receive it by faith. Just learn to thank Him that He has already forgiven your sin, rather than asking Him to forgive you. It takes more faith to thank Him for what He has already done, than to ask Him to do something we don’t believe He has previously completed.

Initial forgiveness took care of the penalty of sin, eternally, at the cross, once and for all.

"For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God.” Romans 6:10 NASB

It was provided for all mankind, but it must be received personally through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

“And you being dead in your sins, and not being circumcised in the flesh, He has made you alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to His cross.” Colossians 2:13, 14 KJV

Continual assurance of God’s forgiveness is provided to strengthen holy fellowship with Father God. Continual assurance of forgiveness greatly facilitates victory over the power of sin, the flesh and the enemy. When we realize the difference between the penalty of sin and the power of sin, it helps us to grow in faith and spiritual maturity more effectively.

The next step is to define forgiveness and then to determine what it really means.

Definition of Forgiveness: To release, to cancel a debt, send away, cast off, to not hold anything against another person, against yourself, God, or a group of people, which could include military, family, company and governments.

Understanding Forgiveness: To release the offender from all guilt, shame, blame, judgments, condemnation, expectations, obligations, revenge, anger, resentment, bitterness, rage, not forgiving, contempt, disgust, murder in the heart, debts and all ill feelings we have held against them. Holding on to any one of these issues dishonors God and destroys us; it would violate forgiveness. We must release others the way Jesus released us: completely, unconditionally and permanently.

Forgiveness means to wipe the slate clean from all offenses eternally.

Forgiveness means to pay the debt regardless of the cost.

As believers, we have been released (forgiven) from the penalty of sin eternally. Our sin has been nailed to the cross once and for all, forevermore.

“When you were dead in your sins and not circumsised of your sinful nature, or your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, cancelled the written code (Law) with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; He took it away, nailing it to the cross.” Colossians 2:13, 14 NIV

Believers don’t have to confess their sins continually to be forgiven. They already are forgiven. 1 John 1:1-10 was written to unbelieving Gnostics, not to believers. Otherwise, it would contradict Colossians 2:13, 14 and Hebrews 8:12 which tell us that our sins were forgiven and nailed to the cross and remembered by God no more. This gives us greater assurance of His Grace.

God’s desire is for us to forgive and release others from anything and everything we hold against them of a vengeful nature. If God has no remembrance of our sin anymore, why should we?

“And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, but put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:30-32 NKJV

We are to forgive and release others the way Jesus forgave and released us: completely, unconditionally and permanently. Praise the Lord for all He provided for us at the cross.

Jesus’ forgiveness has released us from all the following things:

Sin

The penalty and power of sin

“When you were dead in your sins and still in your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins.” II Corinthians 2:13

Shame

The answer to shame is the cleansing blood of Jesus Christ.

“Without the shedding of blood, there is no remission of sin.” Hebrews 9:22

“In Him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to riches of His grace.” Ephesians 1:7

Blame

He made us blameless, holding nothing against us.

“He hath chosen us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love.” Ephesians 1:4

Judgments

As believers, we are not judged as sinners, but as saints.

“Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day.” II Timothy 4:8

Condemnation

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.” Romans 8:1

Expectations

He commands without demands. God does not force His will on us. We are not robots.

Obligations

We are to serve Him out of devotion, not duty.

Joshua gave the Israelites a choice when he spoke to them and said:

"Choose you this day who ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.” Joshua 24:15

Revenge

“He remembers our sin no more.” Hebrews 8:12

Anger

“For God did not appoint us to wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Thessalonians 5:9 NKJV

“But when the kindness and the love of God our Savior toward man appeared, not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.” Titus 3:4, 5

Debts

He paid it all by grace. We do not owe God anything, really. If we owed Jesus anything, what He did for us on the cross was not by grace. He paid our sin debt so we wouldn’t have to pay it. Here’s a little tune for you that will lift your spirit: “He paid a debt He did not owe; I owed a debt I could not pay. I needed someone to wash my sins away.” And now I sing Amazing Grace.”

God’s Pattern of Forgiveness

Jesus forgave from His heart with compassion.

Jesus forgave as an act of His will. He chose to forgive.

Jesus forgave by faith, trusting His Father.

Jesus forgave in obedience to the Father. “Not my will but yours be done.” Luke 22:42

Jesus forgave unconditionally. Romans 5:8

Jesus forgave permanently,

Jesus forgave with “forgetness”. Hebrews 8:12

Jesus forgave with healing and reconciliation. Colossians 1:20

Jesus forgave with His blood and life. Hebrews 9:22; Ephesians 1:7

Jesus forgave your sins eternally, past, present, and future. Colossians 2:13, 14

The Eight Step Process to Receive Assurance of God’s Forgiveness

1. Repentance from sin is a change of mind, heart and attitude about the sin issues that we have in our hearts. It includes renewing the mind. Repentance from the heart produces change in behavior. It includes godly sorrow.

“And be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2.

“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to b repented of, but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10.

2. Confession of sin is acknowledging to God that your sin is not in accord with God’s Word, that it is wrong and that you need to receive assurance of His forgiveness. Realize that sin dishonors God and destroys you.

"He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Proverbs 28:13

3. Renunciation of sin is rejecting the sin and all it offers. It involves speaking against all forms of sin in your life

“But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty (shame) not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God.” 2Corinthians 4:2

4. Renounce all spirits of the enemy that operate behind sin in your life. Take |authority over the power and desire of sin.

“I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” Luke 10:19 NIV

5. Receive assurance of God’s forgiveness by faith, with thanksgiving for what Jesus did on the cross.

6. Take authority over the spirits of unbelief and doubt.”

“And when He had called His twelve disciples to Him, He gave them power (authority) over unclean spirits, to cast them out and to heal all manner of sickness and all manner of disease.” Matthew 10:1

7. Receive forgiveness by faith that Jesus has already provided.

"And you, being dead in your trespasses and not circumsised of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses.” Colossians 2:13

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.” Ephesians 1:7

8. Trust in Jesus.

His Blood:

“And according to the law almost all things are purified with blood, and without shedding of blood there is no remission.” Hebrews 9:22 NKJV

His Word:

“So shall my Word be that goeth forth out of my mouth. It shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing where I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11 NASB

His Spirit:

“The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.” Romans 8:16

His Name:

“There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that has been give among men by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12.NKJV

Prayer for Unbelievers to Receive God’s Forgiveness

Lord Jesus, I need you and I want to receive you as my Lord and Savior. I confess that I am a sinner and need to be saved by your grace. I repent and change my heart, mind and attitude about sin in my life. I choose against all sin in my heart and wrong behavior in my life. I ask you and thank you for coming into my life. I renounce all sin, the world, the flesh and the devil. By faith I am trusting in the blood of Jesus, and I receive full assurance of your love, acceptance and forgiveness.

I choose to love, serve, give honor, obey, praise and worship you all the days of my life and throughout all eternity. Make me the kind of person you want me to be. Thank You, Jesus, for your salvation and new life in the Spirit. Amen!

Prayer for Believers to Receive Assurance of Forgiveness

Lord Jesus, I need your forgiveness for my wrong attitude and sinful behavior in my life. I confess that it is against your Word. I repent of this sin by changing my heart, mind and attitude. I don’t want this in my life anymore. I renounce any need and desire for this sin. I renounce any pleasure or benefit I may have expected to receive from this sin. I take authority over all power of the enemy that operated in this sin. I choose to be free from this sin and the power of the enemy.

Lord Jesus, I do ask and receive total assurance of your forgiveness. Thank you for washing and cleansing me from all of this unrighteousness. Amen!

The important thing to remember is that Jesus has already provided forgiveness for all your sins. Your responsibility is to receive His forgiveness by faith. It takes more faith to thank Jesus for what He has already done than it does to ask Him to do what He has long ago accomplished on the cross.

What Happened To Your Sin?

Forgiven---Nailed to the cross

“And you, being dead in your trespasses and not circumsised of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses." Colossians 2:13

Erased---Eliminated

“Jesus wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.” Colossians 2:14

Drowned---In the depths of the sea

“He will turn again. He will have compassion upon us. He will subdue our iniquities; and Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7-19

Removed---Immeasurably

"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:12

Remembered no more

God has no more consciousness of sin with true believers. “Then He adds, ‘Their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.’" Hebrews 10:17

“For the law, having a shadow of the good things to come, and not the very image of the things, can never with these same sacrifices, which they offer continually year by year, make those who approach perfect. For then they would not have ceased to be offered. For the worshipers, once purified, would have had no more consciousness of sins.” Hebrews 10:1, 2

Not imputed---to believers

“Blessed is the man to whom the Lord will not impute sin.” Romans 4:8

Jesus took our sin. I Peter2: 24

And all believers have died to sin, already.

“who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness--by whose stripes you were healed.”

I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So the life I now live in the body, I live because of the faithfulness of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Believers are free from sin because they have died with Christ on the cross.

“He who has died is freed from sin” Romans 6:7. (RSV

Hindrances to Receiving Assurance of God’s Forgiveness

Unbelief

“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters and all liars shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” Revelations 21:8

Pride

“A man's pride shall bring him low, but honor shall uphold the humble in spirit. Proverbs 29:23

Fear of Relapse

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Self-effort

“Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, by the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Ghost.” Titus 3:5

Ignorance

“My people perish for a lack of knowledge because they rejected knowledge.” Hosea 4:6

Lies we believe about ourselves

“I need to make sure I won’t do the same thing again.”

“I am so bad God would never forgive all my sins.”

“I believe I may have committed the unpardonable sin.

Not forgiving others.

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14, 15

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Remember This

You can receive God’s free gift of forgiveness and you don’t have to live with your guilt and shame forever.

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Discussion Questions

1. How would you explain your personal experience with the two kinds of forgiveness in this chapter?

2. How would you rate your level of assurance of God’s forgiveness for your sins, 1-100?

3. Why does forgiveness require releasing?

4. Identify three (3) of the issues that Jesus has released you from that have helped you the most.

5. Have you received the fullness of assurance of God’s forgiveness? If not, explain.

6. Which of the hindrances to forgiveness have you experienced? Explain.

Chapter 2

How to Receive Forgiveness from Others

Being part of the Body of Christ is such a wonderful experience in our relationship with God! He heals us and His eternal family by enabling us to forgive others when we have been hurt, offended or wounded by someone.

However, you may ask, “What am I to do when I offend or wound someone else?" Maybe you know of someone right now whom you have offended or wounded in the past.

If you follow these instructions properly, you can receive many benefits in your relationships with yourself, others and with God.

Perhaps you have had some relationships in which you feel guilty because of what you have done to that person that hurt them. My encouragement is to be obedient to scriptures and take care of it. Get the healing.

We have a clear-cut commandment from God to make every effort to make amends with others when someone has something against us. I would even suggest that the command in the following verse would apply even when we are not really sure if we have done anything wrong. Our relationships are solidly strengthened when we are sensitive to others’ feelings. It keeps the air clear.

“Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar and remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift before the altar, go; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23, 24 NKJV

God’s Purpose for a Clear Conscience:

1. The apostle Paul had the right attitude when he wrote:

"In view of this, I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience both before God and before men." Acts 24:16 NASB

2. A clear conscience is the freedom from guilt in one’s relationship with God, others, and self.

3. God’s instructions are given to us to build stronger relationships between other people.

“An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.”

4. To build our character and maturity.

“Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good and evil.” Hebrews 5:13, 14 NIV

5. To release God's power in you to have greater faith.

“Fight the good fight… holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith.” I Timothy 1:18, 19 NIV

6. To enable you to build genuine friendships.

“You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who bas believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory.” I Thessalonians 2:10-12 NIV

7. To free us from fear and paranoia of exposure.

This material used with permission.

Principles for Asking to Receive Forgiveness from Others

Several principles, preparations and procedures must be properly understood and properly applied before receiving forgiveness from others can be experienced in a biblically effective manner.

Seeking forgiveness is commanded in scriptures. Matthew 5:23

Seeking forgiveness instills grace and humility in the offender. James 4:6

Seeking forgiveness builds character and integrity in the offender.

Seeking forgiveness requires faith and trust in God. Proverbs 3:5, 6

Seeking forgiveness is necessary to build and restore broken relationships

Seeking forgiveness improves communications in relationships.

Seeking forgiveness requires accountability and responsibility from the offender.

Preparation

After spending time in prayer for cleansing of your attitude, ask the Lord to reveal any and all offenses you may have done to hurt a particular person. You can pray this prayer or pray in your own words.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalms 139:23, 24 NASB

Itemize the hurts and damage done as the Lord reveals them to you. Ask God to show you the sinful condition of your attitude and heart in the offense. Deliver your script with the following format:

Procedure for Asking Forgiveness from Others

The following procedure is just one example of how to ask forgiveness from someone.

1. Name the offense and the attitude behind it. Say something like these statements:

“I have come to realize that what I did by using bad language and vulgarity was very wrong.

It was not a Christ-like attitude to have talked that way to you.”

2. Express regret for how the offense may have hurt the offended or wounded person and how it may have made them feel.

“I know my actions have caused you great resentment and embarrassment.”

3. Show how the offense may have affected the relationship.

“I can see now that what I did helped to destroy your trust and respect in me.”

4. Ask for forgiveness.

“Will you please forgive me?” Look the person straight in the eye and wait for the proper response of forgiveness. Do not accept, “It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” or. “We all make mistakes etc.”

5. Maintain eye contact and ask again if you do not get a positive response.

I know I have hurt you very deeply and do not deserve your forgiveness. Will you please forgive me?”

Be patient. God works on His time, not ours. I have seen this process of asking forgiveness work effectively in many situations.

I will share an experience here to show just how effective it can be.

A man I will call Harry had been divorced well over a year. During the course of counseling, he explained that he was having a problem with his young son who did not want to talk to him since the divorce from his mom. The son was very angry and did not want to visit his dad on the arranged weekends. With desperation in his voice, Harry asked me what he could do to remedy the situation. I explained to him that there was only one answer. He needed to ask his son to forgive him for the divorce and some other things which he had done wrong as a dad.

Harry followed the instructions as they are presented in this chapter and it worked great. There was instant forgiveness and reconciliation between them. Harry continued with more forgiveness by using the process presented in the next chapter. The results were so powerful that Harry’s former wife also responded with forgiveness but not with remarriage.

Harry’s testimony validates the power of obedience to God’s Word. When we obey Him by asking for forgiveness from those we have offended or wounded an entire family can be changed.

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Another example of God’s power and grace in forgiveness can be seen in this next testimony which happened to me. In my business, about eighteen years ago, a customer was very unhappy with a product he had purchased. I explained my no cash refunds policy and offered him an in-store credit, which he refused. He left very disgruntled.

Throughout the years, as the incident would occasionally come to mind, I would dismiss it, believing I had done the right thing. About a year prior to my revelation, God began to speak strongly to me about the issue. I finally came to the conclusion that I had not been altogether truthful in the matter and needed to return the man’s money which amounted to $2,000. I began saving up the money and returned it to him. I asked his forgiveness for what I did wrong, and he graciously forgave me. The relief and peace of a clear conscience is wonderful. Try it! It’ll set you free.

Here is the letter I read to him while I was asking for his forgiveness.

Dear Sir,

Several years ago we did business together and we had some differences about the purchase transaction. I followed the established shop policy of no refunds, and I did offer to provide you with alternate merchandise of equal value. At the time, I considered that was the proper thing to do.

As time went by, I still was sure that I had done the right thing and in a sense that may have been true. However, in recent months, I began to see the weakness in my position. God has been showing me in a greater way that I had stretched my integrity during the sales consultation and that I needed to restore it ASAP. I really don’t remember exactly what I said, but I realize now that I handled the whole deal in the wrong way. In my zeal, I misrepresented the product by overselling it, which I now realize was wrong. My attitude was hard hearted and I caused you much grief, which resulted in alienation between us. I see now that I was wrong. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I would really like to have it if you can find it in your heart to do so. I ask you in all humility, will you please forgive me?

I don’t remember what the amount of the transaction was, but I think it was about $2,000. If there is any additional balance due, I will make arrangements to take care of it promptly.”

He graciously forgave me and blessed me with kindness.

Discussion Questions

1. Is there someone in your life whom you have offended or wounded and whom you need to ask forgiveness? Explain.

2. Do you have a clear conscience about the incident? Explain.

3. Are there some issues from the past that you have already resolved by asking forgiveness from someone? Explain.

4. Have there been any failed attempts at asking forgiveness? If so, how did it affect you? Explain.

Chapter 3

How to Forgive Others

The difference between being offended and being wounded is the degree of trauma to the person.

An offense can be a simple infraction or basic wrongdoing against a person. Examples would be: using bad language, being rude, sarcasm, lying, stealing, irresponsible, being late for an important meeting or being disrespectful. All of these examples would be on a lower level of impact to the emotional psyche of the one being offended, and could be easily resolved and dismissed with a simple choice to forgive and release the offense.

Being wounded has a more intense impact to the victim. Examples would be: sexual abuse, torture, molestation, incest, severe rejection, abandonment and severe emotional deprivation, etc. Of course, the degree of severity and the emotional condition of the victim determines the degree of wounding. Some people have been so wounded they may never recover without qualified Christian counseling and therapy. Even then, there is still a lot of work to be done.

In this ministry, the major needs of the severely abused and wounded are: forgiveness, inner healing, deliverance, and prayer. I consistently use all four of these when I minister to traumatic abuse victims.

Offenses may be described as being only skin deep, but wounds go all the way to the bone.

Whatever the level of wounding, we need to discard the victim identity mentality.

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Remember This

You can easily turn loose of simple offenses but it is much more difficult to turn loose of wounding, and make it turn loose of you.

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How To Forgive

To begin our study on forgiving others, we need to understand the two ways of expressing it to others.

First, we need to forgive from the heart.

Second, we need to forgive in person.

Let me explain. When there is someone we need to forgive from the heart, we do it without the offender knowing anything about it. It happens without their knowledge or consent. The offender may not even want or need our forgiveness. They do not even have to be present. Forgiveness from the heart is between the offender and the victim with the Lord’s empowering presence in the process.

Forgiving from the heart is taught in Matthew 6:14, 15. If we forgive others, God will forgive us. If we don’t, He won’t. It is as simple as that. If there is someone we need to forgive who has died or can’t be contacted, the only answer is to forgive from the heart. It’s powerful healing. I have ministered forgiveness to others many times for someone who has died or who was not accessible. The results were highly effective.

Matthew wrote what God was saying about a servant who would not forgive his fellow servant. His master told him, “Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you? And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses." Matthews18:33

The reason I encourage you do it this way is because when we forgive from the heart it makes it a lot easier to forgive in person when the offender asks for forgiveness.

When we forgive someone, we do not go to the person and tell them we forgive them for all the dirty, rotten things they did to us. Doing this may backfire. We are to forgive them from the heart first. There have been some situations where the wounded person told the offender that they were forgiven without the offender asking for forgiveness. This happened with Corrie Ten Boom when she came face to face with the very German officer who was responsible for the killing of some of her family members. She told him she forgave him and she was set free from the bondage of bitterness. The full story is in her book, “The Hiding Place.”

Forgiving in person takes place when our offenders ask us to forgive them.

“If thy brother trespasses against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.” Luke 17:3

The word “rebuke” means to confront, to admonish and to hold responsible and accountable. We can do that with greater grace if we have first forgiven from the heart.

Anytime someone asks to be forgiven, it should be granted no matter what the offense. Jesus always gives us assurance of His forgiveness when we thank Him that He has already forgiven us. Obedience and faith are the way to go.

I don’t have the final answer to confrontation. I leave the choice to the victim. Confrontation cannot be forced. The offended person must have a lot of spiritual strength and grace to rebuke and confront in a mature way, but most people don’t.

There are times when we may need to confront those who have offended us to let them know how we feel about it and to hold them accountable. This can release the Holy Spirit to bring them to repentance. I believe we need to be very sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit when confronting offenders. Sometimes we need to have compassion and grace in our heart to enable us to carefront rather than to confront.

The process God has revealed to me does not just include confronting before forgiving from the heart. I mention it here because so many counselors use this approach. Sometimes I feel it amounts to “getting their pound of flesh.” This can lead to revenge, which is against God’s Word. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord.” Seeking vengeance on others is like playing God. If you use confrontation, make sure it does not end up in judgments and condemnation for the offender. Remember, Jesus never railed against anyone. He came not to condemn the world, but to save. John 3:17 What a Savior!

If you feel like you must confront, before you do so, I strongly suggest that you go through the process of forgiveness in this chapter. It may save you from a lot more heartaches. If confrontation is needed and the offender has died or is not available, I like to role-play with the client. I play the role of the abuser and have the client express his or her anger and rage toward me as if I was the offender. When all venting is done, I gently lead the client through the process of forgiveness from the heart to receive the gracious healing of Jesus of Nazareth. The peace and joy is awesome.

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Remember This

Holding on to bitterness is like taking poison then waiting for the other person to die.

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Wrong Ways to Deal with Offenses and Wounds

Repression

Repression keeps the offense and wounds buried so deep it is difficult to access the memories. This is deep denial. Remember, denial (De Nile) is not a river in Egypt.

The problem with repression is that it can be buried almost beyond access. This is what happens in Dissociative Identity Disorders, DID, formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorders. Repression may also be caused by severe sexual abuse, torture, heavy trauma and demonic activity. Amnesia affects the repression.

Suppression

Suppression is known as stuffing it. This is the primary cause of some depression and sicknesses. It may be one of the causes of arthritis. There is a mind and body connection between unresolved negative emotions and some autoimmune diseases.

I heard a story about a man who went to see a marriage counselor. As he walked into the office, the counselor noticed that the man had a fried egg sitting on top of his head, a sausage stuck in one ear, a strip of bacon hanging over the other ear, and grits dripping off his nose.

The counselor took one look at him and asked, “What in the world is your problem?”

The man responded, “I don’t have a problem, doc.”

The counselor then asked the man, “If you don’t have a problem, why are you in my office looking like that?”

The man explained, “The truth is, doc, I came to see you about my wife, she has a terrible anger problem you need to fix.”

Expression

This is known as the practice of focusing on the issues and releasing pent-up emotions. It is also known as “ventilation” or “dumping.” Supposedly, it is to be done in a “safe” environment where no one will be hurt. The only one hurt is the person doing the ventilation. Ventilation is like throwing gasoline on a fire and expecting it to go out. There is a short term “feel good” but the old feelings soon return.

Impression

This is trying to gain support by showing off our martyrdom for our hurts and wounds. We try to impress others with our “poor me” and “look at me suffer” attitude. They wear their hurts on their sleeve.

I encourage others to not tell others their personal problems who is not qualified to meet their need or who is not willing to pray with them in their time of need.

None of these four wrong ways to deal with anger has any lasting value. Give them up and you will be blessed.

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Remember This!

Hurt feelings that are buried alive never die; they can access you anytime they choose.

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Twelve "R” Principles When Forgiving Others

Reveal

To reveal an issue in our lives requires that we confess it. The word “confess” simply means “same word.” The Greek word is "homologeo" meaning “to say the same thing.” There are two kinds of confessions:

The first kind is confession of sin. This is when we call something sin that God calls sin. It is anything that goes against His Word.

The second kind is confession of truth. This is when we agree with what God says in His word is true of us and good for us. An example would be when God says, “By grace you are saved through faith.” Then we say (confess) what God has said in His word, “I am now saved by grace through faith.” The more we say what God says about us, the more it becomes a reality to us.

As Christians, we must confess the Word of God for it to become a greater reality in our lives. We are instructed to “hold fast our confession of hope.” Hebrews 10:23 NKJV

When we have a sin issue to deal with we are to confess to God and sometimes to others (a counselor, pastor or trusted friend who knows how to help) the issue we need to forgive and resolve. Get it out of darkness into the light. God doesn’t heal in the darkness.

“He who covers his sin shall not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them shall have mercy.” Proverbs 28.13 NKJV

“Confess your faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” James 5:16

Confessing sin to God, to ourselves and to others breaks denial.

Confessing the truth of God’s Word empowers our lives.

Repentance

Repentance is choosing to deal with the issues. It is a change of mind, heart and attitude. Jesus said, “Repent, or you shall perish (to have a diminished quality of life). No repentance, abundant life no that Jesus offers. John 10:10

True repentance must begin in the heart to be effective in the Christian life. What we choose to believe in the heart affects our behavior. It’s like the country preacher said, “What’s down in the bottom of the well comes up in the bucket.

Renounce

We must renounce our need to hold onto our issues of not forgiving. We must resolve them so victory and healing can be received. It is denying the enemy any right to access our lives through not forgiving others.

Jesus declared, “The prince of this world cometh, and he hath nothing in me.” John 14:30

The Apostle Paul instructs us to, “Have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather reprove them, for it is a shame even to speak of those things which are done of them in secret.” Ephesians 5:11-12 NKJV

Release

When we release, we remove from others all guilt, shame, blame, judgments, condemnation, expectations, obligations, revenge, anger, hate, bitterness, contempt, disgust, not forgiving, rage, debts and even murder in the heart, etc. To release is to turn loose of all these issues and make them turn loose of you. Releasing is the essence of forgiveness.

Remember No More

Forgiveness requires “forgetness.” Forgetness means to drop it and not to hold on to the issue between you and someone else. When you hold ill feelings against others, those same feelings will take hold on you. Forgetness does not mean to haves selective amnesia, it means to refuse to dwell on the memory of the offense. When it comes to mind, instantly choose to dismiss it. True forgiveness cancels the emotional pain even though the memory may come and go.

Relinquishing

To relinquish means to give up something to someone. God wants us to give up our wounds and release them to Jesus in His body on the cross.

He took our sin:

“Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness by whose stripes ye were healed. (I Peter 2:24).

He took our sickness and disease:

“That it might be fulfilled which was spoken by Esaias the prophet, saying, Himself took our infirmities, and bare our sicknesses”. (Matthew 8:17)

“Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin.” Isaiah 53:10

Jesus took our grief, sorrow, hurts and wounds.

“Surely he hath borne our grief, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.” Isaiah 53:4

He paid the price, so give Him what He bought and paid for.

Receiving

Jesus wants you to receive His forgiveness for all your sins as well as cleansing of your soul. He wants you to receive inner healing of traumatized emotions, which resulted from abuse and deprivation.

“Who forgives all your iniquities. Who heals all your diseases.” Psalm 103:3 NKJV

Restitution

This is righting the wrongs done to others and asking for their forgiveness. It is giving back what was wrongfully taken from someone.

Reconciliation

The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is not just healing but reconciliation with our heavenly Father. This reconciliation is what Jesus provided for us on the cross. He wants us to extend it to others by forgiving our offenders of all sin done against us. If we are not reconciled to others, how can we effectively enjoy being reconciled to our heavenly Father in that particular situation? II Corinthians 5:19

Bless those who curse you. Pray for your abuser’s welfare. Let your feelings go from contempt to compassion. Let yourself go from murder in your heart to mercy for your offender. Choose reconciliation in the spirit so you may be effectively reconciled to your heavenly Father in His Spirit.

Restoration

Restoration is healing our intimacy with God and others. The best definition of intimacy I know is, “into-me-see.” Intimacy requires trust, vulnerability and transparency. We must take off our masks. We must pull down the walls that separate us from others and God. True intimacy requires faith and trust in ourselves, others, and God.

Recover Ground

Take back all ground from the enemy. Claim it, sanctify it and set it apart to the Lord Jesus for His exclusive use. Put up a “NO TRESPASSING” sign to keep Satan out of this experience in your life.

Remove the Enemy

This is exercising authority over the enemy behind the issue of not forgiving and expelling his workers.

Jesus instructed his disciples:

“And when He had called His twelve disciples to Him, He gave them power(authority) over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all kinds of sickness and all kinds of disease.” Matthew 10:1.8

“Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Luke 10:19

Many times, after the eight steps to forgive were completed, I have asked people how important the last step of removing the enemy was to their healing. Everyone agreed that without removing the enemy, the forgiveness would not have been nearly as effective.

Excuses why We Don’t Forgive

1. They don’t admit that they have offended me or hurt me. They don’t have to agree, just go ahead and forgive them from your heart.

2. They aren’t truly sorry for what they did to me. Forgiveness from the heart doesn’t wait for sorrow from the offender, go ahead and forgive. You’ll be the winner.

3. They will only do it again.

Forgiving a person does not mean you necessarily have to expose yourself to this person for the same mistreatment again. Of course, there are exceptions to this. In some situations the relationship must be continued, as in marriage or in the workplace but without being a doormat or punching bag for more abuse. Whether the Lord wants you to continue the relationship, and on what basis, is a totally separate issue from forgiveness. It is only when we realize that forgiveness is an act of the will, and not of the emotion, do we become free enough to clear all offenses.

4. If I forgive them, I will have to treat them right.

We so often think that after we ignore or punish an offender, we can forgive them. I was counseling a man and I kept encouraging him to forgive the man who did wrong.to him. Finally, he spoke up and said, “Okay, you’re right, I’ll forgive him.” I was a little suspicious, so I asked him, “Just when do you plan to forgive him?” “Right after I smash him in the face,” he grunted. Wrong!

5. They never asked to be forgiven.

This translates to mean that you are going to withhold this forgiveness until they ask for it. Here’s the question, who’s suffering misery, you or the offender?

6. We want to promote ourselves to be God’s hand of vengeance. It doesn’t work that way.

7. Something just keeps me from forgiving.

Our enemy, the adversary, promotes not forgiving as much or more than any other sin. When you in all honesty attempt to deal with this problem, you may be in for a spiritual battle.

8 Not forgiving gives me power me to cope with my pain. Maybe, but what a price to pay. The best way to deal with the pain is to release the pain through forgiveness.

9. The abuse was deliberate and repeated.

So is our abuse of God’s grace to us. That doesn’t stop Him from His eternal forgiveness for us.

10. Forgiveness is a sign of weakness.

God promises us that His strength is made complete in our weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

11. How can I forgive if they keep doing the same thing every day? This makes it tough but still necessary. Remember 70 x 7

“Then came Peter to him, and said, ‘Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Till seven times?’ Jesus said unto him, ‘I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21, 22 NKJV

12. I really need to know why my abuser did this to me. Give it up! The need to know can hinder forgiveness and healing.

13. The pain just cannot be healed.

This is nothing but unbelief. Jesus promises us what He promised to the disciples. "Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them and you will have them.” Mark 11:24

14. The offense was too great.

Here we believe the effects of pain are just too deep to heal, but God says,

“My grace is sufficient for thee for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”

15. Too much pride.

"God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble." 1 Peter 5:5

It may help you to know that God does not put adversity on believers but He uses adversity as heavenly sandpaper to conform us to the image of Jesus.

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Remember This!

Bitterness is an acid that destroys its container.

Forgiveness is god’s love that heals the container

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Spiritual Roots of Bitterness

One of the most powerful scriptures on bitterness is Hebrews 12:15, where God instructs us to "Let no root of bitterness spring up to trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.” Bitterness causes you much trouble and misery and spills over to contaminate the lives of others. There are three ways that bitterness can contaminate your life: bitterroot vows, bitterroot judgments and bitterroot expectations. A simple explanation of each should suffice for this study. Remember, God is the only one who is worthy to make vows of any kind, because He is the only one who cannot break the vows He makes. Bitterroot vows are oaths made while in an emotional state of anger or rage. They are very destructive and can affect your life consciously or unconsciously until they are broken and nullified. A good example would be “I’ll never trust another man for the rest of my life.” Women who say this can become men haters. Many women make such statements when they have been sexually violated or betrayed by their spouses who have committed adultery or other gross behavior. The same principle applies to men as well. The solution for such vows is, of course, forgiveness and renouncing each vow with a prayer of authority over it to break the power of the vow.

Suggested verbal prayer:

Lord Jesus, I renounce the bitterroot vow I made, and break all assignments against me from the enemy. I realize the vow is wrong and repent of ever having made it. I receive assurance of your forgiveness by faith. Amen.

Bitterroot Judgments

Bitterroot judgments are made much the same way as bitterroot vows. Vows are oaths we make while we are in an attitude of bitterness about what we will do, or never do. Judgments are declarations of our heart about how we see others, their value as a person or their character. We can, and do make these same bitterroot judgments against ourselves, as well as against others. Judgments can be godly or ungodly. The attitude of our heart determines the difference. Of course, bitter-root judgments are not of God and come from the enemy. Judgments get us into trouble real fast. Jesus gave us this warning about judgments in the "Sermon on the Mount.”

“Do not judge others or you too will be judged, for in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the 2’ x 4’ in your own eye? “How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck of sawdust out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a 2’ x 4’ in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the 2’ x 4’ out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck of sawdust from your brother's eye.” Matthew 7:1-5. Paraphrased

He plainly tells us that when we judge others, we will be judged accordingly. He also informed us that when we judge others, we are calling ourselves hypocrites. I explained this verse to a lady who was calling church people hypocrites. I told her that she was identifying herself as a hypocrite. Her response of indignation was, “Well, I’m not as big a hypocrite as they are.” How sad. We make judgments when we criticize others about their character, value, motives or behavior. Christians are to avoid judgmental statements, such as:

1. “My old man is nothing but a bum. He is absolutely worthless and will never amount to anything.”

2. “That woman sleeps with any man she can find. She’s nothing but a tramp.

3. “Those people at that church are just one big clique.”

4. “My pastor must be money hungry, that’s all he ever preaches about.”

These statements, and others like them, are evidence of anger and bitterness in the heart. Remember this, any time you point the finger of judgment at someone else, you have three fingers pointing back at yourself. The Bible teaches us to judge according to righteous judgment, not self-righteous judgment. Bitterroot judgments are curses we place on others and on ourselves. The problem is that they boomerang on us and come back to haunt us. Jesus teaches us about this danger of judgments. Matthew 7:1-5

The only real and lasting solution for bitterroot judgments is to process forgiveness. This will be covered later in this chapter.

Suggested verbal prayer: Lord Jesus, I renounce the bitterroot judgment I made, and break all assignments against me from the enemy. I realize the judgment is wrong and I repent of ever having made it. I receive assurance of your forgiveness by faith.

Bitterroot Expectations

Bitterroot expectations develop primarily from traumatic abuse as we grow up. A typical scenario would be something like this: A girl grows up in a home with an abusive alcoholic father. She has been molested by her father, as well as other men, and has never received any nurture or comfort as she grew up. The girl develops an attitude that this is what all men do to girls and that this is all she ever expects to have in her life. Her expectations of life are formed in her roots of bitterness. I have seen many situations like this in counseling, and I think it is safe to say that much of the expectations operate on the sub-conscious level. Satan continues to push poison on us, and we don’t even realize it. Here is a Suggested verbal prayer:

Lord Jesus, I renounce the bitterroot expectations I made, and break all assignments against me from the enemy. I realize my bitterroot expectation is wrong and repent of ever having made it. I receive your forgiveness by faith. Amen. The only way to effectively deal with all three of these bitterroot issues is found in the process of forgiveness, emotional healing of traumatic memories and sometimes deliverance.

Four Requirements to Make Forgiveness and Healing More Effective

You may be asking the common question as to why some people receive help and are set free, and some don’t. This happens even when they go through the same principles and procedures in the process of forgiveness. There are many factors involved here beyond the scope of this book. However, I will share with you the four qualifying questions I like to ask everyone who asks for help:

1. Do you really want help, no matter what it costs you?

Do you want complete release or just temporary relief from your problem?

Are you really desperate for change?

Are you willing to do God’s will for your life, no matter what happens?

2. Are you willing to do what it takes to get what you want from God?

Do you accept personal responsibility for change and not blame others?

Are you willing to face your pain and deal with it?

Are you willing to do your homework?

3. Are you willing to trust Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit for the solution to your problem?

Do you choose to be obedient to the Lord Jesus in this process?

Have you committed your life to God with total assurance and faith?

4. Are you willing to trust me as your counselor?

Will you be totally honest with me as I lead you in the process of forgiveness and healing?

When I receive a solid yes to all four questions, about eight out of ten clients will receive healing and be set free from the misery of not forgiving and bitterness.

How to Process Forgiveness for Others

There are eight choices we must make if we want to be completely healed in our soul. These choices set us free from the pain and wounding of abuse from others. Fullness of forgiveness requires that all eight choices be made in order to complete the process of healing and reconciliation. We cannot pick and choose. We must include all that apply to us individually.

As a Christian counselor and minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I have led hundreds and hundreds of people through this process of forgiveness. The effectiveness rate is about 70-80% for those who went through the process. Some people are not ready, and some are simply not mentally and emotionally capable to deal with their issues at the moment.

We must realize that processing one individual incident does not take care of the rest of the pain in other areas of our life. All offenses must be completely processed individually if we want to be completely free from emotional pain. I have had some clients who would process some of their issues and stop completely without going any further. Processing forgiveness does involve some short-term pain, but there is a long-term gain. The more severe the pain, and the harder it is to deal with, the more you need to forgive. The choice is yours.

I have had many clients who came for counseling who insisted they had forgiven everyone but after a little probing, they agreed that was not true. They had wanted to, and even tried to forgive, but the pain was still there at times. Complete forgiveness leads to inner-peace which facilitates healing of the traumatic memory and ultimately reconciliation with Papa God.

Testimonies

Divorce

I remember one man who came for counseling whose family was coming apart and he was on the edge of divorce. I explained that the first thing he needed to do was to forgive his wife and stepdaughter. With tears streaming down his face he cried, “I know I need to forgive, but I don’t know how.” I asked him if he could choose to forgive them. He responded, "Yes, with all my heart.” I encouraged him to allow me to lead him through the process of forgiveness. He agreed and was set free during that very session.

That is what this process is all about, uncovering the issues that need to be forgiven, then leading people through the healing process. Of course, not everyone is ready to deal with their issues and many do not want to. These are the people who come back to me when they are really desperate for help. A Christian psychologist told me one day, “Robert, if you keep on trying to help someone who does not want help, you need help yourself.” How true.

I have read many wonderful books on forgiveness, been to many seminars, and counseled many people through the years. The Lord has given me much insight on the subject, but there was one thing I saw missing in my own experience and in all of the literature. It was instruction on “how to” forgive. I sought the Lord for the missing piece. His answer to me was that “Forgiveness needs to be processed.” The average time to complete the process for forgiveness for a simple issue is about ten to fifteen minutes. For the more severe issues, it may take a little more time.

Forgiveness

I counseled one pastor of a mainline denomination church who went through the process and was set free from torment of bitterness during his first visit. During his second visit he told me, “I have preached dozens and dozens of sermons on forgiveness in my many years as a pastor but I never really understood forgiveness until my visit with you last week”.

Forgiveness is more of an experience than a theological doctrine as some make it to be. Logical thinking never heals anyone. We need to balance our pursuit of biblical accuracy with biblical effectiveness. We need to heal hurting people, not just talk about healing or speak against it.

To show you how powerful forgiveness really is, I want to share with you some more actual stories about people who chose their way to victory and healing through the fullness of forgiveness process.

Contempt

One lady who worked in a drug rehab center asked me to come to her office. She was having a problem with her former husband who would not leave her alone. He would force his way to see her in her home, against her will. Through the years, she had many restraining orders against him.

As I talked with her, I could see the pain and torment on her face. I told her that the only way to be free from him was to forgive him. She agreed. As we entered into the process of forgiving him, her feelings and emotions erupted into a strong desire to see him dead. She had contempt and murder in her heart and she told me, “If I was not a Christian I would already have killed him, but I was afraid I would die and go to hell.” That was the seriousness of her situation.

I explained to her that she had a choice to make, “You can completely forgive as God commands you to, or you can continue in your misery and torment. What is your choice?” She chose to continue the process. When it was over, she was praying for his welfare. In one visit, she went from murder in her heart to mercy and she went from contempt to compassion.

I saw her six weeks later and asked her how she was doing. She explained that since the first visit, she had nothing but peace and calm in her heart every time he came to mind. She went on to say, “One day, shortly after our visit, I told him it was time for him to pack up his bags and go! Now! I had no fear or anger, just confident authority. He immediately got his stuff and left. He even left the state.” Each time I saw her after she told me her story, she reported she was still doing well. The only way I can explain her story is that it was a God-thing.

Anger

A father of five came to me for counseling. He had a severe anger problem, which resulted in a divorce. As I led him through the process of forgiveness for several situations, including some altercations with his wife, he got healing each time.

Bitterness

My pastor asked me to go see a lady, who was a member of the church, about some problems she was having. As I talked with her, I could see bitterness in her heart. She told me that her husband had divorced her thirty-eight years ago, and left town with her sister. She was bitter at both of them. I encouraged her to forgive them, and she readily agreed. After I led her through forgiveness, she explained that her hands were getting very warm and the skin problem she had been having for many years, was feeling much better. I never saw her again.

Abuse

A woman who was abused as a child by a close relative chose to forgive her abuser. She also was able to receive healing and deliverance during the process. The following Sunday while she was at church, three women came up to her and asked what happened to her that made her look so calm and peaceful.

Resentment

A Christian lady was struggling with resentment toward her daughter who had reneged on a large loan from her. This was a source of anguish between them. When the daughter would visit with her, the relationship was strained.

Since I led the mother through the process of forgiveness, she has had complete peace and calm in her heart about her daughter. The next visit from her daughter was completely different, no conflict, no anguish. The daughter had a much better attitude toward her mother.

Resistance

Another Christian woman in the church, who was separated from her husband, was struggling with bitterness. She felt like she was being mistreated. I encouraged her to go through the process of forgiveness for her husband but she had some strong resistance to the idea. I asked her why she would not forgive him and her resistance got even stronger.

I handed her a list of “Excuses Why We Don’t Forgive” located in this book, then I asked her to read it. She pointed out two of the reasons from the list why she had trouble forgiving him. The first was #5. She believed that if she forgave him, she would have to subject herself to further abuse. The second issue from the list was #10. She believed that forgiving him was a sign of weakness. I explained that it actually took strength and courage to forgive. She realized the fallacy of her thinking and went through the process with me. She was instantly released from her pain and misery. She told me some time later that the result of her forgiveness was that the memory of the offenses against her would come and go, but there was no more pain attached to the memory. Her joy and peace was incredible.

Hate

One of the most powerful testimonies of God’s power and healing is the story of Bobby. I met Bobby in one of my anger management seminars. He stood up in one of the classes and blurted out, “I hate my father; I hate his guts. He was a no good father who made my life miserable.” Bobby ranted on and on about how bad his deceased father had been. After he was through, I gently suggested that we get together, one-on-one, and he agreed.

In our very first counseling session, I learned that Bobby was living in a veteran’s facility, to receive treatment and recovery. He was diagnosed as Bipolar with intense anxiety, bitterness and rage. He was taking twenty-one pills a day for medication. About three weeks before I met him he was found lying on the ground with panic attack disorders. After leaving the hospital, he found someone to help and pray with him to be saved and born again.

As I listened to Bobby’s story in our first session, I encouraged him to forgive his father and receive healing for all his bitterness and misery. We went through the entire eight step process of forgiveness as it is presented in this chapter.

In our second session, he reported that he had visited his mother since we had last met. She was amazed and delighted at the change she saw in his attitude and in his countenance. She took one look at him as he walked through the door and exclaimed, “Bobby, you are not the same person!” He explained to her what happened to him, and then processed forgiveness with his mother, his grandmother, and with his stepfather who he had not spoken with in twenty-one years. He did all that in one visit back to his home across the state.

After Bobby told me this incredible story, I asked him who else he needed to forgive. His answer was, “My three ex-wives.” He proceeded to forgive all three of them.

About three weeks after I met Bobby, he reported that his medication was reduced from twenty-nine to three pills a day. He has had some other medical problems to deal with, but he is still gung-ho for God. His radical transformation has been a great impact in the local church he attends.

Sickness

To give you another example, I want to share with you my personal story of healing through forgiveness. During a men’s prayer meeting, I asked for prayer for arthritis in my back, neck and shoulders, which had gotten so bad I could hardly move. The pain was unbearable.

After the prayer, one of the men told me that he got a word from the Lord. The word was bitterness. I couldn’t understand that and could not see any bitterness in me. While on vacation shortly thereafter, I read a book that included a lot about forgiveness.

I began to think that just maybe I did have a problem with bitterness, even though I did not feel bitter. I got someone to counsel with me and I went through the process of forgiveness. I forgave every person in my life that I could think of. No bitterness came to the surface, and I didn’t feel any different. Usually, the forgiver will experience a great sense of release. However, one thing did happen. As time went on, the pain of arthritis began to subside, and never bothered me as badly as it did the day I asked for prayer. I continued to improve little by little with some relapses. The peace and healing was wonderful. Praise the Lord!

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Remember This!

Pain is inevitable, it comes and goes.

Continual misery is a choice.

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“The spirit of a man will strengthen his weakness, but a wounded spirit who can endure?” Proverbs 18:14 NKJV

Perhaps you have some painful issues in your life and would like some healing. This could be your day. Are you ready for or it? Are you willing to forgive others, the way Jesus has forgiven you: completely, unconditionally and permanently?

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Remember This!

Forgiveness is more caught than taught.

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Eight Steps To Forgive Others

I want to share with you this process in dealing with forgiveness, so ask God to reveal to you someone who has hurt you that you need to forgive. Identify the offense against you and fill in the blanks with each person’s name.

This eight-step process is designed for the more severe offenses that require a more thorough expression of forgiveness. Many people have great difficulty forgiving and releasing when the pain of the abuse and trauma is so overwhelming for them. Minor offenses can sometimes be dismissed with a simple statement, “I forgive.” It is not always easy to determine when to use the simple process of forgiveness or the full eight-step procedure. We must allow the Holy Spirit to lead us.

In cases where rape, abuse, molestation, adultery and other intrusive actions need to be dealt with, I suggest using the eight steps with the help of a pastor, Christian counselor or mature Christian. Regardless of the level of the hurt and pain, God can heal it when you make these eight choices.

I have discovered that the harder it is to forgive, the more we need to do it.

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Remember This!

Until the pain of remaining the same exceeds the pain it takes to change, there will be no change.

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Eight Steps to Experience the Fullness of Forgiveness

Step One---Choose to Forgive

Every act of obedience requires a choice of the will to forgive. If you have experienced abuse, severe deprivation, rejection or other devastating issues you must choose, as an act of your will, to forgive if you want God’s healing. It is imperative. Please realize that forgiving your offenders or abusers is more for your benefit than for theirs. We must forgive others the way Jesus forgave us: completely, unconditionally and permanently.

What that means is that the penalty of all your sin was completely paid for and nailed to the cross with Jesus. No penance needed. Our forgiveness for others is to be the same way, unconditional with no strings attached.

Consider the following Scriptures when you need assurance that all your sin have been forgiven once and forever:

“And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all the trespasses, (sin)”. Colossians 2:13 NKJV

“But God commended his love toward us in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

It is up to us to receive the forgiveness by faith that has already been provided at the cross. We must also forgive permanently the way Jesus does. He never takes back His forgiveness from us. When we declare our forgiveness for others completely, unconditionally and permanently, we need to make sure that our forgiveness is from our new heart that God gave us, as written by Ezekiel the prophet.

"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

"I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes, and you will keep my judgments and do them.” Ezekiel 36:26 NKJV

Step One---Prayer to Forgive. In the blanks below, put the name of the person you are forgiving.

Lord Jesus, I choose to forgive_________________ the way Jesus forgave me: completely, unconditionally and permanently. From the new heart you gave me, contrary to any opposing feelings or desires, by faith, in obedience to your Word, I declare forgiveness done 100% for______________.

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Step Two---Choose to Release.

After we choose to forgive others, we need to release them from all charges the way God does.

“This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, says the LORD: I will put my laws into their hearts, and in their minds I will write them.” Hebrews 10:16

Then He adds, “And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.” Hebrews 10:17." When we declare forgiveness for someone, we need to release him or her from anything we may have been holding against them. There are at least twenty things that we may need to release. Of course, not all of them apply to everyone all the time. Ask God to reveal to you which ones do apply to you personally. To release is the essence of forgiveness.

True forgiveness must include releasing others from anything that that is being held against them. If there is no release, there is no true forgiveness. Choose to release, it’s that simple. Forgiveness is by faith. One difficulty we may experience is when we release a particular issue, but it doesn’t release us. It may require special help from a pastor, counselor or mature Christian.

When God forgives us, He completely releases us from everything against us. This is His promise. God graciously removes the thought of our sin as if it never happened. This is our pattern to forgive others. If we want to follow Jesus, we are to forgive and release others the way He did. We must focus on our righteousness, not on sin.

20 things to release

1. All guilt---when we release guilt, we count our abusers as innocent, as if they had not done anything wrong.

2. All shame---Releasing shame removes all embarrassment from our offender.

3. All blame---Releasing blame counts the offender as faultless.

4. All judgments---Releasing judgments counts the offender as an equal.

5. All condemnation---This releases others from all feelings of being hopeless or doomed about their wrongdoing against you.

6. All unfulfilled expectations that you may have held against them as to what they should ‘a, coulda, woulda done, or not done.

7. All obligations---we cannot hold obligations of any kind against anyone who has offended us. We must quit “shoulding” on others. We are not their Holy Spirit.

8. All thoughts of revenge, payback or getting even.

9. All anger for any reason.

10. All resentment.

11. All bitterness.

12. All hate.

13. All hostility.

14. All rage.

15. All contempt.

16. All disgust.

17. All thoughts of murder in the heart.

18. All debts of any nature.

19. All grudges.

20. All hard feelings.

The next thing to do is to declare verbally that the offenders and abusers are forgiven and released from all of these issues the way Jesus forgave and released you. Please make sure you are doing this in an attitude of prayer. When this is done effectively, it is necessary to understand that whatever you are holding against someone, either consciously or if unconscious, is just as evil and sinful as anything they have done to you. It dishonors God and destroys you.

Step Two---Prayer to Release

Needless to say, not all of the following issues will apply to everyone. I suggest that you proceed with all of them without taking the time to sort them out. The Holy Spirit will quicken your Spirit when a particular issue applies to you.

God, I choose to release the one who abused me from anything and everything I have been holding onto in my heart.

I choose to release ____________________from all guilt, shame and blame as if nothing was ever done to hurt me.

I choose to wipe the slate clean for ____________ the way Jesus wiped the slate clean for me.

I release __________________________from all judgments and condemnation of any nature.

I release my abuser from all unfulfilled expectations of what I have believed that_______________________could’a, would’a, should’a done, or not done.

I release ______________________from all obligations of any kind that I have imposed for any reason.

I release the one who hurt me from all thoughts of revenge, payback or getting even.

I release the one who did wrong to me from all my anger, resentment and bitterness, hate, hostility and rage I have ever harbored in my heart.

I release _____________________from all contempt, disgust, and even thoughts of murder in my heart.

I release __________________from all debts of any nature. _________________owes me nothing: no explanations, no understanding and no apologies.

Right now, by faith, I declare ________________________forgiven and released from all these issues, the way Jesus forgave and released me.

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Step Three---Choose Forgetness.

This is the step that sometimes gets confusing. How can we forget the abuse when the memory keeps coming back? Others may say, “I can forgive but I can’t forget.”

There are two kinds of memories: those that have emotional pain and those without pain. The secret is that when healing takes place, the memory will come and go but without the pain attached to it. That is the good kind of memories, without pain.

You may ask, “How can that be?” Here’s how it works: the pain we experience when we suffer abuse is not actually caused by the abuse, it is caused by holding onto any of the preceding twenty negative issues against the person. If we refuse to forgive and release, we hold onto the pain of self-imposed misery.

When we forgive and release everything we have been holding against someone, the pain usually disappears instantly. That’s the way God heals when we choose to obey His Word. If the pain does not cease quickly, either there is a weakness in the way the offense was processed, or spiritual warfare may be needed.

Forgetting is not selective amnesia. It is simply to dismiss the issue and not hold onto it.

many times, in sheer frustration, when in an argument, have we told someone, “Justforget it? Forgetting means to drop it. Just get it out of your mind and keep it out. When God forgives, He drops the issues into the depths of the sea. The prophet Micah tells us,

“He will turn again, He will have compassion upon us; He will subdue our iniquities; and Thou wilt cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:19 This promise was fulfilled by Jesus on the cross.

In essence, we can put all the issues into the bottom of the sea of forgetfulness and put up a “NO FISHING” sign and not visit the memory of those offenses anymore. We don’t need to or want to go there after we receive the healing.

Step Three---Prayer of Forgetness

Lord, I realize now that what I have been holding against ___________________is just as evil and sinful as all the things that were done to me. I see now that they dishonor God and destroy me.

I take all these issues and put them in the bottom of the sea, where Jesus put my sin. I choose to not go there anymore. Don’t need to. Don’t want to.

Anytime the memory of the issues comes to mind, I choose to instantly dismiss them and I honor the NO FISHING” sign. There will be no pain attached to them because I am getting healing from Jesus right now.

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Step Four Choose Reconciliation.

"Choose to be reconciled to him? No way! All he did was beat me and the kids for everything that didn't go his way! Now that we are divorced, I never want to see him again.” This is a typical response when someone experiences brutal behavior from his or her spouse. In this situation I don’t recommend her going back in order to reconcile in person. Safety for the family is the utmost priority. Forgiveness doesn’t always require physical reconciliation, but it does require reconciliation in the spirit. Let me explain:

There are two kinds of reconciliation we need to consider: The first is physical reconciliation, and the other is reconciliation in the Spirit. The latter is what God wants for all of us, regardless of the situation. Reconciliation in the Spirit means complete peace in your spirit and not be at odds with the person you have forgiven. Forgiveness requires that you turn the issues into non-issues. Physical reconciliation may be in order when all issues have been resolved as in a marriage or in the family, but extreme caution is in order in more severe situations. Pray for God’s safety, wisdom and leadership. Don't be too hasty. God blesses common sense as well as being led by His Spirit.

Reconciliation with God is not totally complete, experientially, if we are not reconciled in the Spirit with someone else. Lack of reconciliation in the Spirit with others and with God grieves the heart of God. There are times when reconciliation in the spirit may take some time to develop fully.

Step Four---Prayer for Reconciliation in the Spirit.

Father God, from this day forward, I choose to bless and speak well of _____________and no more bad-mouthing.

I choose to honor and respect __________________.

I choose to love, accept and forgive ______________.

I choose to do all these things the way Jesus does.

I choose to be reconciled in the Spirit with________________.

I choose to not hold anything against ____________anymore.

I declare complete reconciliation in the Spirit with _____________in the Name of Jesus.

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Step Five---Choose to Relinquish

Many people carry baggage from the past of hurt feelings, bitterness, shame, blame and many other issues that they need to relinquish to God. The problem is they don't know how to deal with them. They need help.

To relinquish means to give something up or to give over to someone else. If you have something you are holding onto that is not from God, you need to relinquish it to God. The Bible teaches us that we are to cast all our care on Jesus because He cares for us. We need to cast all of our baggage on Jesus before we can receive His healing that He provided by what He did at the Cross. The paradox is that we must give up our hurts and bitterness in order to gain God's healing and wholeness. We have a wonderful Savior who loves us so much that He took all our sin into his body on the cross. As a bonus, He also took everything that sin ushered into this world that was designed to destroy us. It is commonly referred to as baggage. Some of the baggage issues in the forgiveness process we need to relinquish to God would include grief, sorrows, pain, hurts, wounds and many others.

Step Five---Prayer to Relinquish

Lord Jesus, right now, I take all the ill feelings I have toward __________________ and all ill feelings I have about myself as a result of what ____________________did that hurt me and I relinquish them to Jesus on the cross.

Jesus took all my sin, sickness and disease, grief, sorrows, pains, hurts and wounds into His Body on the cross. I am tired of toting them. Lord Jesus, I give them all to you. You bought and paid for all of them by what you did on the cross. Thank you, Jesus.

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Step Six---Choose to Receive Healing and Forgiveness

As believers in Christ, we need to know that we have already been forgiven of all sin: past, present and future. This happened when Jesus died on the Cross. God wants us to have assurance of His healing and forgiveness. We need to receive assurance of His forgiveness for our not forgiving others. It takes more faith to thank Him for something He has already done, than it does to ask Him to do something He has already accomplished.

Our forgiveness from God requires faith in the blood of Jesus and nothing else.

Forgiveness of sin was promised in the Old Testament when God spoke this to the Israelites, "I will forgive their sins, and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." Hebrews 8:12 This promise was fulfilled in Christ.

Step Six---Prayer to Receive Healing and Forgiveness

I really need your healing Jesus and receive it now by faith. I need assurance of your forgiveness and receive it right now by faith. Wash me and cleanse me from all this unrighteousness. I declare it done in Jesus' Name. Thank you, Jesus, for your blood that makes me squeaky-clean.

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Step Seven—Choose to Recover Ground from the Enemy.

Ground is defined as space given to the enemy by allowing him to operate in our life. There are many ways we can give ground: such as: sin, not forgiving, fear, anxiety and many others. Giving ground is giving power to the enemy. The more power the enemy has, the more control he has; and we don't want that, do we? Gaining ground is a military term. In a battle, the one with the most ground and the highest ground is most likely to win the battle. Jesus said, "The prince of this world has come, but has nothing in me." Let's recover the ground so we can enjoy our victory in Christ.

Step Seven---Prayer to Recover Ground from the Enemy.

Lord Jesus, I repent right now of giving ground and power to the enemy of my soul and I take back the ground and cover it with the blood of Jesus Christ. I put up a “NO TRESPASSING” sign. No worker of Satan can go there anymore. The enemy is now defeated in my life. I sanctify and set apart my life to the lordship of my Lord Jesus Christ for his exclusive use. I declare it done.

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8. Step Eight---Choose to Remove the Enemy

Removing the enemy is probably the most neglected teachings in most of the churches today, yet it is one of the most important realities for believers to know and experience. I confess that it may seem a little “spooky” when you are first exposed to taking authority over the enemy. It was for me. Jesus has given authority to all believers and we must learn how to use it. Everyone that I have led through the eight-step process has testified that if this last step had been omitted, the result would not have been nearly as effective.

"God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." II Timothy 1: 7 NKJV

Now is the time for you to be victorious. Take the step of faith to conquer your fears and be the winner.

When you get to the place where you start to command spirits to reveal their presence, you may or may not feel some discomfort, pain, sensation or something different somewhere in your body. Don't worry. They cannot hurt you. They can only make you think they can. They like to bluff, just keeping on taking authority over them.

Step eight---Prayer of Authority to Remove the Enemy.

Repeat these prayer statements with me:

Lord Jesus, thank you for giving me authority over all power of the enemy.

I receive your authority by faith and exercise it right now.

I speak to the enemy spirits of bitterness and not forgiving, and all workers with them. You are defeated and powerless in my life.

I declare you bound with the blood of Jesus.

You have no place in me, no rights and no assignments, no operation, ground or power anymore.

I command you spirits to begin rising up out of me.

I command you to reveal where you are in my body.

I command you to rise up, depart and go where Jesus sends you, to the pit.

You must go quickly, quietly and smoothly.

I renounce you and trust in the blood of my Lord Jesus Christ, my Savior.

Now go, never to return.

At my command, get out of me. Go!

I expel you and cough you out right now.

Now, go!

I keep on coughing them out until all spirits are gone.

Sometimes spirits come out with heavy sighing, belching, retching or vomiting, crying, screaming and blowing to release pressure. However they leave, get them out.

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Now that you are free from the power and presence of the enemy, spend time rejoicing in the Lord and His Word. Allow the Holy Spirit to empower you in all areas of your life. I encourage you to fellowship with other believers for support and dig into God’s Word.

“Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching” Hebrews 10:25

Chapter 4

How To Forgive Yourself

Forgiving yourself is a wonderful experience of healing for your life that God wants you to have. The freedom and joy is wonderful. God wants you to love and forgive yourself the way He loves and forgives you: completely, unconditionally, and permanently. We need to love and forgive God’s way

Although there is no direct scriptural command to forgive yourself, it will bless the heart of God and yours as well.

Let me ask you some questions.

1. Is there anyone whom God loves, that you should not love? Does that include loving yourself?

2. Has God provided forgiveness for all mankind by sending His Son, Jesus Christ to shed His blood and die on the cross for our sins? Does that include you?

3. Is there anyone whom God has forgiven that you should not forgive? Does that include you?

I believe the answer to all of these questions is that you and I should love and forgive ourselves in the same way we are to love and forgive others. Because this is what God wants for us, let us, learn how to love and forgive ourselves.

We need to love and forgive God’s way for everyone, including ourselves.

If we will not or do not forgive ourselves, what we are saying to God is, “God, I know you have forgiven me of all my sins, but my sins are so great that I cannot forgive myself, because my standards of forgiveness for myself are higher than your standards for forgiving me. This is nothing but self-righteousness; and we don’t want that, do we?

The answer is reconciliation with God and with our self through self-forgiveness.

The process for self-forgiveness is essentially the same process as forgiving others.

There are some minor variations under each step.

I have ministered self-forgiveness to a multitude of people, and not one of them has ever complained or regretted doing it. I often check to see if someone is unhappy with the results of self-forgiveness. If they had been, I would have offered to reverse the process and give them back all their pain and misery. I never had any takers.

How to Process Self-Forgiveness

This is an actual process in dealing with self-forgiveness, so commit to forgive yourself, and identify any of the twenty issues you have been holding against yourself.

It may be best to have the assurance of forgiveness from God for all your sins before you start forgiving yourself. The reason for this is that sometimes we have guilt issues with God that we need to process and resolve before we can effectively receive assurance of His forgiveness. Doing this first may help to facilitate the process of self-forgiveness. However, I have seen it work in reverse. I have ministered to some that forgave themselves and later received God’s forgiveness.

As we enter this process of self-forgiveness, allow it to be real and personal to you. It is best if you are in a quiet place without any distractions. Now close your eyes and focus on our Lord Jesus, so you can follow His instructions. Interact with Jesus through each step of the process.

As I lead you in prayer with short statements, repeat each statement aloud with conviction in your heart.

There are eight steps to healing in the process of self-forgiveness. The more thoroughly you work through the process, the greater the healing.

You may be able to process forgiveness for yourself without assistance by using this eight-step model. However, there are some situations in which you may need the help of a mature Christian friend, counselor or pastor. With help from someone else, you are more likely to receive a more effective healing.

Let’s begin:

Choose To Forgive

Please pray with me as I lead you in prayer. Verbally repeat each statement.

Lord Jesus, as I focus on the issues where I need to forgive myself for all my wrongdoing,

I am asking you to bring to the surface all of the specific feelings and emotions of guilt, shame and blame, pain and hurts within me that were caused by what I did wrong and by what I am holding against myself.

As I feel the pain and hurt of the offenses I have held against myself and the memory of all my wrongdoing, sin, weaknesses, and failures.

I want to and choose to forgive myself completely for anything I have ever done to hurt or offend myself or others.

By faith, as an act of my will, against all feelings to the contrary, from the new heart Jesus gave me, in obedience to you Lord Jesus, I choose to forgive myself, the way Jesus forgave me: unconditionally, completely, and permanently.

I declare forgiveness for myself done in the Name of Jesus.

Choose To Release

Whatever negative issues or feelings you have about yourself, in this process you need to choose to release yourself from them all.

Let’s continue:

I now choose to release myself from all guilt, shame and blame I may be holding against myself, as if I had never did anything wrong. I wipe the slate clean.

I release all judgments and condemnation I have placed on myself.

I choose to release myself from all self-imposed expectations, of what I ever thought I could'a, would'a, should’a done, or not done and from all obligations of what I should, ought and must do now, or not do.

By faith, I declare that I am free from all unfulfilled expectations and obligations I have placed upon myself. I choose to quit “shoulding” all over myself.

I choose to release myself from all thoughts and feelings of anger, self-hatred, self-bitterness, resentment, rage, self-contempt, self-disgust and even thoughts in my heart of harming myself.

I choose to release myself from all debts of any nature of what I think I owe God. Jesus paid all my sin debts.

If I owed Jesus anything, what He did would not have been by grace.

Lord, Jesus, I declare myself totally forgiven and released from all of these issues, the way Jesus released me.

Choose Forgetness

“I can forgive, but I will not forget.” I have heard this statement thousands of times. We need to understand that forgetness is the essence, the very core of forgiveness. Aren’t we glad Jesus forgives and forgets? He promises to remember our sins no more. Hebrews 8:12

“He removed our sins from us as far as the East is from the West.”Psalm103:12

He put our sins at the bottom of the sea.” Micah 7:19

He will never mention our sins to us or to others again, not even on Judgment Day. All our sins were nailed to the cross forever.

Let’s continue:

I take all offenses I have done to hurt myself and others, and all I held against myself, and put them at the bottom of the sea, where Jesus put my sin.

I put them away from me as far as the East is from the West.

I put up a “NO FISHING” sign.

I can’t go there anymore. Don’t need to. Don’t want to.

When these memories of my issues come to mind,

I choose to instantly dismiss them.

The memories may come and go, but the pain is gone forever.

I choose total forgetness for myself for all sins, in the Name of Jesus. It is done.

Choose Reconciliation

Contrary to popular opinion, the purpose of forgiveness, and even self-forgiveness, is not just peace of mind or even healing. The ultimate purpose of forgiveness is reconciliation to our Heavenly Father in the Spirit. This is accomplished by reconciliation to others and with our self in the Spirit. If there is no reconciliation in the Spirit horizontally, there is no reconciliation vertically to the Father in the Spirit. If there is no reconciliation to the Father, there is no fullness of forgiveness, no matter how hard we try.

Reconciliation requires unity with God, with others, and with yourself, in the Spirit. You must be at peace with yourself. You cannot have peace with God if you do not have peace with yourself. The reverse is also true.

Go for it! Reconcile with others, with yourself, and with God. You’ll love it.

Let’s continue:

I choose to bless, honor and respect myself the way Jesus does.

I love, accept and forgive myself the way Jesus does.

I receive God’s blessings for myself and renounce all curses I have put on myself.

I choose to be kind to myself; and whatever Father God has for me, I pray to receive it right now.

I choose to be reconciled to myself in the Spirit, so that I may be reconciled to my heavenly Father in His Spirit.

I declare reconciliation with myself, and to my Father, done in the Name of Jesus.

Choose To Relinquish

To relinquish means to give something up, or to give over to someone else. If you have something you are embracing that is not from God, you need to relinquish it to Jesus. This includes anything in your life, even your life itself. Jesus said, “He who loves his life shall lose it, but he who loses (gives up, relinquishes) his life for my sake, shall find it unto life eternal.” The paradox is that we must lose to gain. When Adrian Rogers was my pastor, he told us many times, “A man is no fool to give up that which he cannot keep, in order to gain that which he cannot lose.”

When Jesus went to the cross, He took our sin in His body on the cross. I Peter 2: 24 He also took our sickness and disease, our grief and sorrows, pains, hurts, wounds and all negative feelings and emotions.

The pain and misery we experience from not forgiving was included in the package deal. Jesus bought and paid for all our misery. Let’s give Him the merchandise. It belongs to Him.

As you proceed through relinquishing your issues to Jesus, let it be real to you. Receive the peace and healing that comes from total surrender. You need to give up trying to comply with God’s commandments and totally surrender everything to Him. Compliance without submission puts us into a bind, because we are still holding onto what we are supposed to relinquish. Give it up and you’ll be free.

Let’s continue:

Lord Jesus, I pray that you would bring to the surface all my feelings and emotions.

I have experienced that are not pleasing to you.

As they rise to the surface,

I release them into the body of Jesus on the cross.

Jesus, you took my sin, sickness, disease, grief, sorrows, pains, hurts, and wounds into your body on the cross.

You bought and paid for it all; I give you the merchandise.

As I relinquish my emotional burdens to you individually,

Lord Jesus, I release the issues of (name them) into your body on the cross and receive healing from you. Thank you, Jesus.

As each issue is released, I see it going into the body of Jesus on the cross.

Choose to Receive Forgiveness from Jesus

You need to realize that when you do not forgive yourself, you are holding the power of sin against yourself. The solution to this problem is five-fold: Repent, Confess, Renounce, Receive and Rejoice with thanksgiving. We will deal with each solution individually.

Let’s continue:

“Lord Jesus, I confess my sin of not forgiving myself, because not forgiving does not line up with the Spirit of your Word.

I repent of this sin and change my mind, heart, and attitude about it.

I don’t want to offend you anymore.

I renounce this sin of not forgiving myself, and all the demonic powers behind it.

It has no place or operation in my life anymore.

I see now that what I held against myself just as evil and sinful and destructive as the sin I did.

I receive your forgiveness that you provided on the cross.

I declare I have forgiven myself.

Lord I do give thanks for your grace to forgive myself and the freedom I have.

Choose to Recover Ground from the Enemy

Romans 6:12-23 explains the bondage of sin very well. To take care of the sin of not forgiving any issue in your life, you must take back the ground you gave to the enemy through lack of forgiveness and bitterness. This is done by a declaration of faith and authority.

Let’s continue:

Lord Jesus, I take back the ground I gave to the enemy and put up a “NO TRESPASSING” sign.

Satan can’t go there anymore; he is defeated.

I sanctify and set apart this issue in my life to the Lord Jesus Christ for His exclusive use. I renounce all ill feelings of not forgiving myself.

I declare this ground recovered and sanctified in Jesus’ Name.

Choose to Remove the Enemy

Any time we continue in the sin of not forgiving ourselves, we are allowing demonic powers to operate in our lives. The longer they stay, the harder it may be to remove them. Nonetheless, they must depart when we take authority over them that Jesus has given to all believers.

Jesus told his disciples,

“Behold, I give unto you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy and nothing shall by any means hurt you.” Luke 10:19

All believers have authority over the enemy, and over all his forces. Use it or lose it. Do not be concerned about the question of where the enemy is in your life; just get him out of every part of your being. When the enemy is cast out, all arguments disappear. Let us be victorious, not vanquished. In His name, we have the victory.

This last step in dealing with not forgiving myself, involves spiritual warfare and deliverance from the enemy, who operates behind the issues of not forgiving. If you have not experienced spiritual warfare or deliverance before, I strongly recommend getting help from a counselor or pastor who is experienced in these issues.

Let’s continue:

Lord Jesus, I ask you to reveal the specific enemy spirit that operated behind this scenario in my life.

I now speak to the enemy that Jesus designates, the strongman behind the issues in this area of my life, the enemy of my soul who tries to defeat me.

I stand against the one who has been operating to torment me and to destroy my life.

I command this spirit behind resentment, hate, bitterness and not forgiving myself to come to attention and obey my commands.

I announce to you that you are defeated.

You have no place, rights, assignments or operation in my life whatsoever.

You have no ground in which to operate in my life.

You are totally powerless, with no place to hide.

I cut you off from all power of Satan and from all evil spirits that are your superiors.

You stand alone, as the Holy Spirit exposes you.

You must look directly into the glorious light of the Holy Spirit and tremble.

I command you to look at the nail-scarred hands and feet of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the wounded side where His blood was shed for my sin, and tremble. I command these enemy spirits to bow their knee to the name of Jesus of Nazareth, acknowledging Him as the one who defeated the enemy at the cross, where Jesus “spoiled principalities and powers of darkness.” Colossians 2:15

You know you are defeated and powerless.

You know that I love Jesus.

I command the spirits that hear my voice to answer.

I command you to prepare for departure right now.

I command you to confess the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ over you.

I also command you to confess my authority over you that I received from Jesus of Nazareth.

You know you must obey my commands.

I command you in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to rise up from within me, from my thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories, desires and imaginations in my life.

I command you to reveal your presence in my body.

You must depart and go where Jesus sends you to the pit.

In the Name of Jesus, I forbid you to ever return.

I command you to go quickly, quietly and smoothly.

You cannot touch or hurt me in any way.

Every one of these spirits must leave every part of my being.

I bind every spirit in this situation to the strong man, with the blood of Jesus of Nazareth, and I order them to depart at once.

I command these spirits to rise up from within me, reveal their presence depart and go where Jesus sends you, to the pit, at my command. Now, go!

I command you to go and I cough you out right now. GO!

Exhale forcefully with a strong voice as if you swallowed something bad and are expelling it.

Wait for response or manifestation. You may feel a pain, movement or pressure somewhere in your body.

As manifestations appear, take authority over them and cast them out. After first departure of spirits, ask Jesus to designate the next spirit to go. As they manifest, keep casting them out.

Please don’t be disappointed if you don’t feel a presence of the enemy. Sometimes they may have already left quietly.

Allow the Holy Spirit to fill and energize you with His Spirit. Continue to stand against the enemy in your freedom in Christ. Remember! Satan is defeated. Jesus is victorious,

Not every act of forgiveness for you requires this extensive process. Minor, everyday offenses can be resolved with a simple choice of the heart. This complete process is more for the victims of major traumatic abuse, and when bitterness has become deeply rooted. If you think you need to, I suggest that you might use this process for even the minor offenses. It is always recommended for major trauma issues. This makes forgiveness more complete. The key to continued victory over any issue is continual forgiveness all the way around.

No forgiveness, no victory.

Discussion Questions

1. Have you ever had trouble loving and forgiving yourself? Explain.

2. Have you truly been able to love and forgive yourself in a godly way? Explain.

3. How did the eight-step process help you? Explain.

4. Which of the eight steps of self-forgiveness were the most difficult for you? Explain

5. Did you experience a release from within yourself at the end of step eight, removing the enemy? Explain.

6. How would you describe your response to the idea of self-forgiveness?

Chapter 5

How to Forgive God

Forgive God? How can that be? God never did anything wrong. He never sinned. I agree, but please understand. God doesn’t need to be forgiven, but we need to forgive and release Him from anything we are holding against Him. The benefits of forgiveness go to the one who forgives more than to the receiver of forgiveness.

To gain a better understanding of the concept of forgiving God, consider this scenario:

If someone told you I stole some items that you noticed were missing from your house, and you believed them, got angry with me and wanted to wring my neck, you have a problem because you believed a lie. Let’s say you searched for me for six months, and because I had left the state, you had lost all hope of recovering the stolen items. Do you need to forgive me, even though I was completely innocent? You bet. This is the way it works: An offense perceived is just as real. You believed a lie. It makes no difference whether or not the report you received from the other person was true. You still need to forgive me for the perceived offense. Forgiving me is not for my benefit; it is for yours. You are the one suffering, not me. You are living in torment because of your not forgiving me. When you forgive me and release me from all blame and anything else you are holding against me, then, and only then, will you be set free. The real problem in this scenario is not the offense against me, whether it is real or perceived; it is your response to it. The only solution is forgiveness and the sooner, the better.

Forgiving God works the same way as forgiving others. The results are the same: peace, calm and healing in the heart. How about you? Are you holding anything against God? Are you angry with Him? Do you have resentment and bitterness in your heart toward God? If you do, why not forgive and release Him completely? It’ll do you good.

I’ve had the privilege of leading many people in the wonderful joy and healing of forgiving God. Are you tired of toting your misery? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Jesus said, “Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:29-30 Jesus wants you to have rest in your soul.

Are you ready to receive your healing? If not, why? What hinders you from receiving the very things you want and need most in life, which are peace and healing in your heart and reconciliation in the Spirit with God?

A good example of forgiving God is the story of Pam (not her real name). Pam had one of the worst abuse stories I had ever heard. She came from a highly dysfunctional family. Her father sexually abused her, raped her and attempted to kill her. He even tried to put her in a mental institution. The rest of the family totally rejected her. She was severely abused and rejected in her chosen gay lifestyle, and suffered many other traumas. She was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and other psychiatric issues.

Throughout Pam’s life, she believed there was only one person on earth who ever loved and cared for her; it was one of her aunts. This aunt was the only one who made her life worth living, but tragedy struck. Her aunt died when she was eleven years old, and she blamed God for the next forty-two years. Her bitterness towards God was very costly.

What Pam did not know is that God does not take life. He gives life. It is our adversary, the devil, who came to steal, kill and destroy. Pam was guilty of misplaced blame.

After counseling with Pam for some time, she realized the problem and repented, forgave, released God, and received assurance of His forgiveness. She was set free from this particular issue. The last time I heard from her, she was doing better, although she still had more issues that needed healing. You can read her entire story of forgiveness and healing in Chapter 7.

I realize the idea of forgiving God does sound strange, and I am aware that the Bible does not mention it. Are we wrong to forgive God for perceived offenses? I think not. The way to know if what I am teaching here is true or not, consider the results: “By their fruit you shall know them.”

If someone prays with me to forgive God and is freed from the turmoil of not forgiving and continues to love and serve God more effectively, I think I am on the right track and I plan to stay on that track.

Prayer To “Forgive” God

“God, I realize now that what I have been holding against you is wrong, and I confess that believing this lie is sin. It dishonors you and impugns your integrity.

I do repent by changing my mind, heart and attitude about you.

I renounce this lie I believed about you and all demonic powers behind it. I choose to release all guilt, shame, blame, judgments or condemnation I may have placed on you God. I choose to release all unfulfilled expectations and obligations, of what I thought you coulda, shoulda, woulda done, or not done. I release all anger, resentment and bitterness in my heart. I declare all these issues released in the name of Jesus.

I receive your forgiveness for not forgiving you. Amen.

Discussion Questions

1. Did the idea of forgiving God surprise or offend you at first? Explain

2. What ill feelings have you had in your heart against God? Explain

3. Have you been able to forgive and release those feelings effectively? Explain

4. How has forgiving God helped you? Explain

Chapter 6

Important Questions about Forgiveness

1. How do I know I have not committed the unpardonable sin and cannot be forgiven? Because you are asking this question, I am quite sure you have not committed the unpardonable sin. There is no definitive answer to the question of just what the unpardonable sin is. Even the scholars disagree. If your fear persists, see a Bible-believing pastor who is experienced in counseling, deliverance and spiritual warfare. There is no born again Christian who has committed the unpardonable sin because each person’s sins were forgiven when Jesus died on the cross.

2. Do I have to confess my sins to another person, as some denominations do, to receive forgiveness from God?

Yes and no. Anyone can receive forgiveness from God, anywhere and anytime they need to and want to if they know how to process and receive it by themselves. However, there are times when you may need the help of someone else who can lead you into the fullness of assurance of God’s forgiveness. Even then, details are not necessary. The biggest stumbling blocks to confessing sins to someone else are pride and fear. Asking for help requires humility and accountability.

“God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6

3. Where in the Bible does it say that I am supposed to ask God to forgive my sins?

In the New Testament, the only reference for asking God to forgive us is in what is called the Lord’s Prayer, where it says “forgive us our trespasses.” Matthew 6:12 That verse is predicated on forgiving others. However, that was before the cross and does not really apply today. Jesus shed His blood and died for our forgiveness. He completely forgave all our sins and nailed them to His cross. Colossians 2:13, 14

Forgiveness is a done deal. What we need to learn is how to receive what Jesus has already provided. It takes more faith to thank Him for what He has done, than to ask Him to do something He has already accomplished. Learn to receive by faith with thanksgiving.

4. According to Matthew 6:14, 15, it says that God will not forgive me if I do not forgive others. Will I still go to heaven if I don’t forgive someone?

I struggled with the meaning of this verse for a long time before I received what I believe is God’s answer.

The way I understand this is that Jesus has already forgiven all our sin eternally for all sin, past, present, and future. This took care of the penalty of sin, and secures our eternal destiny in heaven. Colossians 2:13, 14

I believe Matthew 6:14, 15 is teaching about continual forgiveness, which deals with the power of sin on a continual basis rather than initial forgiveness. If I don’t forgive someone for a particular offense, not forgiving will cause me pain and misery and begin to harden my heart toward spiritual things of God. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean I will miss heaven. God will not forgive and release me from that pain and misery until I forgive and release that person from everything I am holding against him or her. God’s forgiveness and release from the pain and misery of not forgiving is dependent on you forgiving and releasing the person who hurt you.

What is really happening is you are the one who must release yourself from your pain and misery of bitterness. If you don’t, God won’t. You are the one who must choose to be healed and set free.

This issue deals with daily forgiveness, not eternal forgiveness.

5. How can I have complete assurance that all my sins have been forgiven by God?

For you to have assurance for any of God’s promises, it requires several things:

1. Trust in His faithfulness and promises. Proverbs 3:5, 6

2. Trust in Jesus’ blood that provides forgiveness. I John 1:7-10; Hebrews 9:22

3. Faith to receive what Jesus has provided. I John 5:14

4. Confession of sin, and repentance (change of mind, heart, and attitude) about the sin. Proverbs 28:13 I John 1:7-9

5. Renounce the pleasure or benefit of the sin and break demonic powers behind it.

6. Receive forgiveness with thanksgiving.

7. Have faith in God and His Word. Proverbs 3:5, 6

8. If you go through this process and do not have assurance of forgiveness, you may need help from your pastor or Christian counselor who understands forgiveness and deliverance.

6. If someone has abused me, and that person has died, do I still need to forgive him or her?

Yes, by all means. To forgive someone who has died requires forgiveness from the heart. This is for the benefit of the forgiver rather than the abuser.

What you need to do is process forgiveness for the abuser the same way as with other offenders. (See Chapter 3)

7. Is the process of forgiving a dead person different from someone who is living?

The process is essentially the same, but with some minor variations. It would be in order to eliminate some of the fourth step on reconciliation.

8. If I have done something wrong against my local church, and I need to ask forgiveness, what should I do?

First, go to God to confess, repent, renounce and receive assurance of forgiveness and cleansing. I John 1:9

The next step is to go to your pastor and submit to his instructions. The objective here is to get right with God, then with man and the church.

9. Will I still go to heaven if I have not forgiven someone before I die?

Receiving eternal life and going to heaven are both predicated on receiving Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord, and nothing else. I John 5:11-13. Going to heaven is based on receiving eternal forgiveness from the penalty of sin. This penalty was paid by Jesus Christ and nailed to His cross. Colossian 2:13, 14. Believe it. It’s real.

10. If God has forgiven me, why do I need to forgive myself?

This was explained in Chapter 4. It eliminates any self-imposed misery. When we receive God’s forgiveness, He removes the misery and pain from you, but He cannot remove any pain from you of the self-imposed misery of not forgiving others. Why not forgive yourself the way God has forgiven you: completely, unconditionally and permanently? It’ll do you good.

11. If a person committed a crime against me and I was able to forgive the offense, from my heart, should I still press charges?

In some cases, you would have no choice. The police would determine the situation and maybe give you an option. If so, it would be your call. The more serious cases would require prosecution, whether you forgave or not. Even though the state filed charges, you would be responsible to forgive. Just because you forgive, does not release anyone from the consequences of their decisions and actions.

12. Can we ever forgive too soon?

That depends on how soon you want to be obedient to God. Instant forgiveness brings instant healing. Delayed forgiveness brings delayed healing. How long do you want to hang on to your hurts and pains in your heart? Aren’t we glad Jesus forgives and heals us instantly when we repent and ask to receive His forgiveness? When we forgive from our heart, forgiveness will be instantly released no waiting around. When we forgive in person, it may be a good idea to first, kindly recount the offender’s offenses against you so it may have a greater impact, tell them you forgive them and offer to embrace them with a big hug.

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Remember This

To err is human to forgive divine

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Chapter 7

Pam’s Story

Pam Forgives Her Dad

This entire chapter is an actual counseling session, conducted in a recording studio. I did this so you could better understand how a counseling session might go when processing forgiveness. The transcript has been slightly edited for easier readability.

As you read the message, focus on the miraculous healing power that God worked in Pam’s life. At this time, we want to make a live presentation of the process in dealing with hurts and wounds and with healing through the eight-step process of forgiveness.

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Let’s begin:

I have with me this morning someone who I have counseled several times before, and she has received some healing. She has many issues in her life of not forgiving, and bitterness,

I have been working with Pam through a church in Cocoa, Florida and with the Associate Pastor who is with us now. Also, we are in submission to the Senior Pastor. The whole thing is in complete accord with his desires and wishes for her life, and God’s will. She is a committed member of her church. She has been faithful, continuing to make the choices necessary for her to be free from any bitterness, hurts and wounds. She wants total healing. She is hungry and thirsty for righteousness. What I like about Pam is she is trusting God to meet her needs each day.

I just want to submit again in prayer to the Lord Jesus Christ. I pray that all that happens would be submitted to Him. I pray that she would receive healing and wholeness in her being to a greater degree this morning. I announce to the enemy that he is defeated. He has no place, no rights and no assignments. We command that he be silent in this operation and to speak only when spoken to. We trust in Jesus for everything that happens this morning, and we do that in the name of Jesus.

Amen.

The session begins:

Dr. Bowers: Well Pam, we have talked a few times in our sessions and we have had some pretty dramatic healings, haven’t we?

Pam: Yes, we have.

Dr. Bowers: We had one just a couple of nights ago over the phone that was pretty exciting didn’t we?

Pam: Yes.

Dr. Bowers: Give me a brief understanding of what took place then. Can you do that? This also goes along with what we are doing here today. So, you had some pain?

Pam: Yes, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and when you called, I was lying in bed because I was hurting so badly. As I started to talk with you, you asked me what you could pray for, and I said, “The pain.” You started praying and rebuking it, and binding it, and the pain instantly left my legs. While you were praying, even though you couldn’t see me, I couldn’t sit still and I was down on the floor on my knees. I was also walking around and it was like I couldn’t sit still while the pain was coming out. That is what it felt like to me. When it left instantly, I was praising God and commanding it to leave. You know when the evil spirits leave me, I do the belching. I have to sit there for a while and it just has to come out of me.

Dr. Bowers: Then you got weary didn’t you?

Pam: Yes. Usually after a deliverance session, I am totally drained. When I told you that, you prayed over that weariness. That left too.

Dr. Bowers: And you haven’t been weary since?

Pam: Right, that tired and weary spirit left me too. You prayed for God to energize me through the Holy Spirit. The mood stayed up until about 1:00 in the morning.

(Pam’s pain of fibromyalgia left completely and instantly that night. I saw her some time later and she reported that the pain was gone for about six weeks and later some of it came back, but not nearly as bad as it was).

Dr. Bowers: In some previous sessions we have dealt with some forgiveness issues, haven’t we?

Pam: Yes.

Dr. Bowers: And we have previously used the process of forgiveness that we will use here today. This is what the Lord has given me to deal with today, no forgiveness, and bitterness. It has been pretty dramatic, but we do not have the time to go through them all. But, I am convinced that God is doing a major overhaul in your life.

Pam: Yes.

Dr. Bowers: That he is continuing to do it and He will keep on doing it. He promises to do that in His Word. So, what we want to do is to go to the Lord in prayer. We want to seek Him in everything we do in Spirit and in Truth.

Will you agree with me and affirm that we have not rehearsed anything for this session and we haven’t discussed what we need to talk about? In other words, we completely trust the Holy Spirit and nothing is thought out or planned ahead.

Pam: I don’t even know, I just tell the Father whatever it is that you want to deal with because I don’t even know.

Dr. Bowers: So, we just want to go to the Lord in prayer and start the process. Fair enough?

Dr. Bowers: Father, as we pray now for Pam, we trust the Holy Spirit, and we are trusting in Jesus. We need to honor Him and be led by the Spirit in this process today. The Word of God teaches us in many places that we must forgive others in order to be forgiven. We want to obey that command to forgive and we want to do it in a thorough and complete way. I don’t know what God wants to do but we want to ask Him. Do you know what? He is going to tell us, just like He’s been doing. So, Holy Spirit we submit to you right now. I trust that you are with Pam and me right now. Let the Holy Spirit descend upon her and saturate her with your power and presence, to enter into the very depths of her soul and spirit, and in her thoughts, desires, feelings, emotions, memories and imagination; and that every part of her being would be inundated with the presence of the Holy Spirit in her life. We are asking you to take charge, to have control, with Jesus Christ on the throne. Jesus Christ is the Commander-in-Chief here. He is the one leading this session. We ask to be empowered to receive and process what the Holy Spirit tells us. So, right this very moment, I’m asking the Holy Spirit to show Pam, or to us both, exactly what He wants to deal with in Pam’s life this morning. We’ve been talking about processing forgiveness, so, I am suggesting that the Holy Spirit wants to deal with a forgiveness issue. That’s what I have in mind, but I defer my thoughts and feelings to the Holy Spirit, so He can do the leading, and bring to her mind any feeling or emotion that’s within her being and her memory. I pray that the Holy Spirit would bring to the surface any feeling, emotion or person that she needs to forgive, someone who has hurt her. Pam has had a lot of deep wounding in her soul so we want to process it and deal with another forgiveness issue in her life. So speak to her now and show her what it is, or who it is that we need to process forgiveness with here this morning.

(silence)

As we wait a few moments, let her speak when she has the answer.

Pam: I feel such a sadness coming up within me. I can think of many things. You know he tried to rape me. He died last month, and I hardly cried over him. I felt relief in one sense that he was gone finally. I spent all my life trying to win his love and approval, and I never got it. My sisters are having a hard time with his death, but I am not having a hard time with it at all.

Dr. Bowers: Hurts, doesn’t it?

Pam: It hurts to think that I forgave (she thought she had) a man who raped me, a man who had a contract out on my life to have me murdered, a man who tried to get my family to put me into a mental institution. What hurts most is that I forgave him, but as far as I know, he never accepted God.

Dr. Bowers: I understand, but that’s not the issue we are dealing with now. What I need to ask you is, have you fully and completely forgiven him, or do you think there may be something missing somewhere in the forgiveness process?

Pam Yes: I think there is something missing because I feel like I forgave him, but the hurt and anger will kick up again. I wouldn’t call him in the nursing home for a long time.

Dr. Bowers: Okay. Now Pam, you are typical of a lot of people who come to me for counseling. They say, “Well, I have forgiven them. It’s just not a thing anymore. I have forgiven them and taken care of it.” Then I suggest they go through the process of forgiveness with a fine-tooth comb, and we always come up with something that they haven’t forgiven and released. I am sensing this may be true in your case, is that right? Do you want to deal with it and be totally set free? Do you want to be obedient to Jesus and wipe the slate clean and not have these recurrent feelings? Is that right?

Pam: Yes, but he died, so how does he get set free?

Dr. Bowers: God is going to set you free, not him. You see, when you hold things against someone, in essence you are holding yourself in bondage. There are some things that you are holding against him that you are not aware of. When you release him from those things, the healing comes. Follow that?

Pam: Yeah, uh huh.

Dr. Bowers: There are several things we will process that you are holding against him; and we are going to break that connection. We are going to cancel what you are holding against him. The power of it will be broken, and you will be set free. Forgiveness is to set you free, not him. But you must choose to set him free, even though he is dead, in order for you to be set free. A lot of people don’t know this but he can control your life from his grave if you do not fully forgive him. That’s spooky isn’t it?

Pam: Yeah! But it’s true.

Dr. Bowers: You don’t want that in your life, do you?

Pam: No, I don’t.

Dr. Bowers: Is there anything in your heart of hearts that you are not willing to forgive and release your dad from?

Pam: I don’t know if it is forgiving him or not, but he ruined my life. I don’t have a family. I don’t have any children.

Dr. Bowers: I understand that, but do you want to forgive him?

Pam: Yeah, I want to forgive him, but I don’t ever want to call him father. You know we went through this before.

Dr. Bowers: That’s another issue. So, we’ll just call him dad. Again, is there anything you are not willing to release your dad from. Do you want to forgive and release him the way Jesus forgave and released you: completely, unconditionally and permanently?

Pam: Yes! Yes!

Dr. Bowers: Are you absolutely sure that’s what you want to do? No reservations?

Pam: None at all. I have carried this too long. I want to be free.

Dr. Bowers: There are some deep hurts there, Pam, aren’t there? You have some deep wounding? You have a wounded spirit from your dad, but we are going to begin the process of healing right now. Are you ready?

Pam: Yes.

Dr. Bowers: You are doing very well, Pam. We are tracking right on schedule. What I want to do now is to lead you in the process. I am going to say some words, so please repeat them after me if they are what you desire in your heart. Okay?

Let’s pray

Pam Chooses to Forgive

Dr. Bowers: Lord Jesus, I come to you now by faith, choosing to forgive my dad for all the things he has done to hurt me.

Pam: Lord Jesus, I come to you now by faith, choosing to forgive my dad for all the things he has done to hurt me.

Dr. Bowers: I forgive the rape, the sexual abuse, the rejection and threats of institutionalizing me because I told people what he did. He gave everybody in the family something to remember him by, except me.

Pam: I forgive the rape, the sexual abuse, the rejection and threats of institutionalizing me because I told people what he did. He gave everybody in the family something to remember him by, except me.

Dr. Bowers: I forgive him for all the misery he brought into my life and for all the sin he did against me.

Pam: I forgive him for all the misery he brought into my life, and for all the sin he did against me.

Dr. Bowers: from the heart Jesus gave me, as an act of my will, by faith

Pam: from the heart Jesus gave me, as an act of my will, by faith

Dr. Bowers: in obedience to you, Lord Jesus, I’m choosing to forgive my dad. I choose to do that right now: unconditionally, completely, and permanently.

Pam: in obedience to You, Lord Jesus I’m choosing to forgive my dad; I choose to do that right now: unconditionally, completely, and permanently.

Dr. Bowers: I declare it done in the Name of Jesus.

Pam: I declare it done in the Name of Jesus.

Pam Chooses To Release

Dr. Bowers: Now, Lord Jesus, I also release him from all the things I have been holding against him because of what he did to me.

Pam: Now, Lord Jesus, I also release him from all the things I have been holding against him because of what he did to me.

Dr. Bowers: These things I am holding against him, are holding me in bondage.

Pam: These things I am holding against him, are holding me in bondage.

Dr. Bowers: I choose to be free, and I release him.

Pam: I choose to be free, and I release him.

Dr. Bowers: I release him from all guilt, shame and blame I have been holding against him.

Pam: I release him from all guilt, shame and blame I have been holding against him.

Dr. Bowers: I release him from all bitterroot judgments and condemnation I have placed on him.

Pam: I release him from all bitterroot judgments and condemnation I have placed on him.

Dr. Bowers: I release him from all bitterroot vows I have spoken against him.

Pam: I release him from all bitterroot vows I have spoken against him.

Dr. Bowers: I release him from all bitterroot expectations I have had against him.

Pam: I release him from all bitterroot expectations I have had against him.

Dr. Bowers: I release him from all thoughts of what he could’ a, would’ a, should’ a done, or not done.

Pam: I release him from all thoughts of what he could’ a, would’ a, should’ a, done, or not done.

Dr. Bowers: I release him from all thoughts and desires for revenge.

Pam: I release him from all thoughts and desires for revenge.

Dr. Bowers: I release him from all feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, hate, contempt, rage, and even murder in my heart.

Pam: I release him from all feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, hate, contempt, rage, and even murder in my heart.

Dr. Bowers: Lastly, I choose to release him from all debts.

Pam: I choose to release him from all debts.

Dr. Bowers: He owes me nothing; and I owe him nothing.

Pam: He owes me nothing; and I owe him nothing.

Dr. Bowers: No explanation, understanding or apologies,

Pam: No explanation, understanding or apologies,

Dr. Bowers: no debts,

Pam: no debts,

Dr. Bowers: and I release him from all of these things,

Pam: and I release him from all of these things,

Dr. Bowers: just as you did for me, Jesus.

Pam: just as you did for me, Jesus.

Dr. Bowers: I declare it done in the name of Jesus.

Pam: I declare it done in the name of Jesus.

Dr. Bowers: It’s a done deal.

Pam: It’s a done deal.

Dr. Bowers: I declare my Dad forgiven completely.

Pam: I declare my Dad forgiven completely.

Pam Chooses Forgetness

Dr. Bowers: I see now that what I have been holding against my dad is just as evil and sinful as what he did to me.

Pam: I see now that what I have been holding against my dad is just as evil and sinful as what he did to me.

Dr. Bowers: I take all these issues and put them in the bottom of the sea, where Jesus put my sins.

Pam: I take all these issues and put them in the bottom of the sea, where Jesus put my sins.

Dr. Bowers: I put up a “NO FISHING” sign.

Pam: I put up a “NO FISHING” sign.

Dr. Bowers: Now, Lord Jesus, I choose forgetness of my dad’s offenses.

Pam: Now, Lord Jesus, I choose forgetness of my dad’s offenses.

Dr. Bowers: I’ve chosen forgiveness and I am choosing forgetness.

Pam: I’ve chosen forgiveness and I am choosing forgetness.

Dr. Bowers: I can’t go there anymore.

Pam: I can’t go there anymore.

Dr. Bowers: Don’t want to. Don’t need to.

Pam: Don’t want to. Don’t need to.

Dr. Bowers: Anytime the memory of his offenses against me comes to mind,

Pam: Anytime the memory of his offenses against me comes to mind,

Dr. Bowers: I instantly choose to dismiss them.

Pam: I instantly choose to dismiss them.

Dr. Bowers: They have no place, no power and no pain anymore.

Pam: They have no place, no power and no pain anymore.

Dr. Bowers: I am free from the pain of these memories.

Pam: I am free from the pain of these memories.

Dr. Bowers: I declare total forgetness done in the Name of Jesus.

Pam: I declare total forgetness done in the Name of Jesus.

Pam Chooses To Relinquish Hurts and Wounds to Jesus

Dr. Bowers: Now, Lord Jesus I have buried much pain,

Pam: Now, Lord Jesus I have buried much pain,

Dr. Bowers: and stuffed a lot of hurts and misery,

Pam: and stuffed a lot of hurts and misery

Dr. Bowers: in regards to my dad.

Pam: In regards to my dad.

Dr. Bowers: I am asking you now, Lord Jesus, to let these feelings come up to the surface.

Pam: I am asking you now, Lord Jesus, to let these feelings come up to the surface.

Dr. Bowers: All these feelings of pain, shame, blame and all of this stuff I have stuffed for years.

Pam: All these feelings of pain, shame, blame and all of this stuff I have stuffed for years.

Dr. Bowers: I am asking the Holy Spirit

Pam: I am asking the Holy Spirit

Dr. Bowers: to release it. I am tired of toting it

Pam: to release it. I am tired of toting it

Dr. Bowers: and I don’t want it anymore.

Pam: and I don’t want it anymore.

Dr. Bowers: So, right now I am letting it rise up within me and I am asking the Holy Spirit to lift it up.

Pam: So, right now I am letting it rise up within me and I am asking the Holy Spirit to lift it up. Lord, please lift it up, because that other side of me (a demon) doesn’t want to forgive and release.

Dr. Bowers: I know, but that other side is bound. It has no rights or assignments, no operation in your life, Pam.

Pam: It keeps bugging me.

Dr. Bowers: It has no ground. We give it no space. It is defeated. Jesus whipped this spirit at the cross. We want to proceed in the power of Jesus’ name, not in what the enemy wants to do, okay? Now you have stuffed these pains and hurts that have affected your life adversely. Just let them come up. I want you to embrace this pain, and own this pain. I want you to be in charge of this pain, not suppress it and put it down to hide from it like you have been doing.

I want you to look me in the face, and I command this pain to come up. Do you feel it intensifying and getting stronger? I see you nodding yes, so let it rise on up. As it rises up let it begin to come out of you. I want you to see the pain and hurt that you have carried going into the body of the Lord Jesus on the cross.

He took your sin in His body on the cross, is that right? He took your sickness and disease, your grief and sorrow, your pains, hurts and wounds. He took it all in Himself, is that right? He bought and paid for all that, Pam, with His life and His blood. Give Him the merchandise. Pray with me.

Lord Jesus, You bought and paid for all my hurts and pains, including all my sins, into your body on the cross. As they rise up in me, I release them to you. When you feel like all this inner pain is gone, let me know.

Pam: Yeah, but. You know... (A demonic spirit was trying to interrupt)

Dr. Bowers: No! We can’t go there. We must focus. We can’t listen to this interference from the enemy. Now focus on the pain, and let it rise up and go into the body of Jesus. Can you choose to do that?

Pam: Yeah, I’ll try.

Dr. Bowers: I am not asking you to try. You must choose with all your heart.

Pam: But I’m angry about something.

Dr. Bowers: I understand, but I want you to release this anger, okay? Can you let that anger come up and go to Jesus? Can you choose to do that? This is when the healing begins Pam. (Short silence) Is the pain being released, Pam? Let it keep coming up, and let me know when it is gone. I command every enemy voice to silence.

Dr. Bowers: I know it hurts, and I don’t want to put you through this pain just to be mean. You must understand something; that pain has been hurting you for years. It has been running your life for years. You will have a short term pain, but a long term gain for all eternity. So, release that pain. Is it releasing now?

Pam: Yes, it is.

Dr. Bowers: We have some more to go, okay? Let it keep coming out. I command these hurts and pains to rise up in the name of Jesus and be released.

(Short silence)

Done?

Pam: Yes. I went back through the years, and it is released, gone.

Dr. Bowers: Where is that pain now, Pam?

Pam: With Jesus in His body on cross. I don’t have it any more. It’s gone!

Dr. Bowers: That’s good. That’s the healing power of the name of Jesus. That’s the healing work of Jesus on the cross. He didn’t die just for our sins. He died for the whole enchilada. He took it all, not just a little bit. Okay? He wants your whole spirit, soul and body to be sanctified unto the Lord and be healed. You have a lot more to go, don’t you, Pam?

Pam: Oh Yes, a lot more.

Dr. Bowers: Now that you have released this pain and hurt to Jesus in this scenario, it’s gone. Is that right?

Dr. Bowers: Pray with me to receive your healing that Jesus provided on the cross.

Pam: Lord Jesus I receive your healing that you provided on the cross.

Dr. Bowers: I have your love and I have your eternal life.

Pam: I have your love and I have your eternal life.

Dr. Bowers: I have everything Jesus provided for me at the cross,

Pam: I have everything Jesus provided for me at the cross,

Dr. Bowers: and it’s mine right now by faith.

Pam: and it’s mine right now by faith.

Pam Chooses Reconciliation

Dr. Bowers: Lord Jesus, I know that the ultimate purpose of forgiveness

Pam: Lord Jesus, I know that the ultimate purpose of forgiveness

Dr. Robert: is reconciliation to Father God.

Pam: is reconciliation to Father God.

Dr. Bowers: and I want this scenario in my life sanctified and released to the Father to be reconciled to Him.

Pam: and I want this scenario in my life sanctified and released to the Father to be reconciled to Him.

Dr. Bowers: I declare reconciliation with my dad a done deal in the name of Jesus.

Pam: I declare reconciliation with my dad a done deal in the name of Jesus.

Dr. Bowers: I choose no ill feelings against my dad anymore.

Pam: I choose no ill feelings against my dad anymore.

Dr. Bowers: We declare this done by faith. Amen.

Pam Chooses To Receive Forgiveness

Dr. Bowers: I receive your forgiveness

Pam: I receive your forgiveness

Dr. Bowers: for the things that I held against my dad.

Pam: for the things that I held against my dad.

Dr. Bowers: I receive your washing and cleansing

Pam: I receive your washing and cleansing

Dr. Bowers: and renewing by the Holy Spirit.

Pam: and renewing by the Holy Spirit.

Dr. Bowers: Thank you Jesus that I have your healing, and forgiveness.

Pam: Thank You Jesus that I have your healing, and forgiveness.

Dr. Bowers: I have your love and I have your eternal life.

Pam: I have your love and I have your eternal life.

Dr. Bowers: I have everything Jesus provided for me at the cross,

Pam: I have everything Jesus provided for me at the cross,

Dr. Bowers: and it’s mine right now by faith.

Pam: and it’s mine right now by faith.

Dr. Bowers: I choose no ill will against my dad anymore.

Pam: I choose no ill will against my dad anymore.

Dr. Bowers: I’m releasing that to you, Jesus, to declare it done.

Pam: I’m releasing that to you, Jesus, to declare it done.

Pam Chooses to Recover the Ground from the Enemy

Let’s continue:

Dr. Bowers: Lord Jesus, I choose to take back the ground that I gave to the enemy

Pam: Lord Jesus, I choose to take back the ground that I gave to the enemy

Dr. Bowers: by not forgiving my dad and for not releasing him from all the issues I held against him.

Pam: by not forgiving my dad and for not releasing him from all the issues I held against him.

Dr. Bowers: I cover this ground with the blood of Jesus, and put up a “NO TRESPASSING “sign.

Pam: I cover this ground with the blood of Jesus, and put up a “NO TRESPASSING” sign.

Dr. Bowers: Satan can’t go there anymore. What’s his is his, and what’s mine is mine. I have no part in him, and he has no part in me.

Pam: Satan can’t go there anymore. What’s his is his, and what’s mine is mine. I have no part in him, and he has no part in me.

Dr. Bowers: I declare this done in the name of Jesus.

Pam: I declare this done in the name of Jesus.

Pam Chooses to Remove the Enemy

Dr. Bowers: Pam I’m asking you to look me straight in the eye, and I am speaking with the authority that Jesus has given me and I am asking you to join in as well with the authority Jesus has given you. Our mutual authority we have in Jesus Christ stands against the enemy. I announce to the enemy he is defeated. He has no place, no rights, no assignments, no operation, no ground, and no power in Pam’s life anymore.

I’m speaking to this enemy spirit operating behind this scenario in Pam’s life. I announce that it is defeated in Pam’s life. This spirit is nothing. It is broken, and has no authority, never had it, never will. It has no power any more. It is cancelled. I speak all this to the strong man spirit, not to Pam. You know you are defeated, don’t you? You got to go now!

Demon spirit: No, and you know what, I don’t like this, I don’t like this at all, and the whole time you were talking to her, I was mad because there are things I don’t think she should forget.

Dr. Bowers: Demon spirit, what you think is not important. It’s what God has commanded, and what Pam is obeying, that’s important. So I command you to be quiet and answer my questions, and no more. Do you understand that? I see you nodding in agreement. Now that we have that settled, you know you have to leave her. You cannot stay.

I command you to tell me what ground do you have to stay in Pam’s life?

Demon spirit: None, because she chose to not let me stay.

Dr. Bowers: By your own confession, you are defeated, weakened, zapped and devoid of any power. You got to go now!

In the Name of Jesus, Pam’s authority in Christ displaces you. Is that right?

Demon spirit: Yes.

Dr. Bowers: So, Pam and I are joining our authority with the authority of Jesus. We stand against this principality and all his workers which are operating behind this whole scenario. We command these spirits to rise up and out of Pam right now. Depart and go where Jesus sends you, right now. Go!

(Long silence)

Pam: (Breathes a big sigh of release. The demon spirit just left her.)

Dr. Bowers: I sever all connections and attachments and forbid you to ever return.

We declared protection by the blood of Jesus, and we were filled with the power if the Holy Spirit.

The victorious release was wonderful. We rejoiced in the Lord for quite some time.

This concludes the recording of Pam’s story. We followed up with specific instructions to stay in the Word of God and continue to resist the enemy in every way.

Pam’s story was recorded about eight years ago when this process of forgiveness was first being developed. The important thing to remember is that she forgave and released her dad, and was set free from the pain and misery of all the hate and bitterness she had against him. Later on, we dealt with some other issues.

Final Word

I heard an intriguing story one time about an interesting man who had a commendable pursuit in life. Everywhere he went, he wanted to make people conscious about eternity. He carried a stack of blank white cards with only one word printed on them. You guessed it, the word was eternity. Anyone who got close enough to him would get a card. He would leave a card at, park benches, on car windshields and any other conspicuous place he could find. He even put cards in the envelopes when he paid his bills. Practically anywhere you went, you were likely to come across one of his cards just where it could be easily found. Before his death at a ripe old age, the man had handed out so many cards for so many years that he became well known to many of the local churches, and even to the city officials. A group of them got together to pay a fitting tribute to his family in his honor and decided to provide a large headstone for his grave with the inscription, “Mr. Eternity.”

If someone ever puts an inscription on my head stone, I pray that it would be “Mr. Forgiveness.”

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I hope you enjoyed reading this book as much as I did writing it. If so, please tell your friends so they can receive forgiveness and healing also. Maybe you could buy it for them. It’s only .99 cents.

From the Author

I have been a Christian minister for over 40 years as a: teacher, counselor, author, preacher, and personal evangelist. I have helped many people, to know the ways of God in different areas of their lives. This ministry originated from the heart of God and I give Him all the glory and praise. I pray that you will be richly blessed. My heart’s desire is that you would love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind and that you would love your neighbor as yourself.

For additional information: Go to email cagetherages@yahoo.com or 321-704-6671

Other Short Studies By The author are available at no cost by Email: cagetherages@yahoo.com

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This Forgiveness Manual is a companion book to “Healing Relationships by Caging the Rage.” available for $1.99. Both books make up the twelve hour Anger Management Seminar.

This Faith-based seminar is being accepted by the courts, Probation Officers, and Diversion Officers in Brevard County, Florida. Copies of the material are available to court Personnel on request for their evaluation.

This Anger Seminar has been taught twenty-five times in several institutions, also in many one-on-one counseling sessions and small groups.

Table of Contents

Preface

Acknowledgements

Introduction

Chapter 1 How to Receive God’s Forgiveness

Chapter 2 How to Receive Forgiveness from Others

Chapter 3 How to Forgive Others Who Have Hurt You

Chapter 4 How to Forgive Yourself

Chapter 5 How to Forgive God

Chapter 6 Important Questions about Forgiveness

Chapter 7 Pam’s Story

Final Words

From the Author