From Darkness to Light

From Darkness to Light

by

Jeffrey C. Fenholt

Harrison House

Tulsa, Oklahoma

Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken

from the King James Version of the Bible.

From Darkness To Light

ISBN 0-89274-730-7

Copyright © 1994 by Jeffrey C. Fenholt

P. O. Box 5000-301

Upland, California 91786

Published by Harrison House, Inc.

P. O. Box 35035

Tulsa, Oklahoma 74153

Printed in the United States of America.

All rights reserved under International Copyright Law.

Contents and/or cover may not be reproduced in whole or in part

in any form without the expressed written consent of the author.

Contents

A Word From the Author. .......................................................9

1 Childhood and Adolescence. .............................................11

2 On the Road. ........................................................................23

3 Jesus Christ Superstar. ........................................................35

4 Spiritual Warfare. ................................................................47

5 Redeemed, Revived, Restored. ..........................................57

Conclusion. ..............................................................................73

About the Author. ..................................................................75

Acknowledgements. ..............................................................77

Dedication

This book is dedicated to Maureen Hope Marie.

7

A Word From the Author

This book has been written with the hope of reaching

the lost. I am certain that many brothers and sisters in

Christ will also find it an inspiration in their continuing

walk with the Lord.

In order to protect those written about in the book who

are not yet saved, many names have been purposefully

omitted. Also in order to condense this writing, many

events that happened in lengthy chronological order have

been condensed.

It is my desire that you will be uplifted as you read this

book, this testimonial.

9

1

Childhood and Adolescence

1

I grew up tough. My earliest recollection is that of

being beaten as a child. I recall having pillows placed over

my head and being beaten mercilessly. There were times

when I would be thrown down the stairs, kicked, slapped

and scratched deep in my flesh.

Many times I found myself frustrated beyond belief.

One of those instances occurred in the middle of the night

when, without warning, a pitcher of ice water was poured

over me while I was in bed. Needless to say, I was filled

with hatred.

My parents divorced when I was in grade school, and

my father was never there for me in any way, shape or

form.

I hit the streets at an early age and began doing the

usual things that rebellious youngsters do: drinking beer,

smoking cigarettes, cursing, getting into fist fights. Then I

graduated to stealing cars, breaking and entering, etc.

One day, when I was twelve years old, I saw a police

paddy wagon pull up to my house. Two officers dressed

in black uniforms got out and walked up to the door. They

knocked on the door and I began wondering if it was me

they were looking for, and, if so, what I had done to get

into trouble.

When I came down the stairs, one of the police officers

pointed to me and said, "Is that the boy?"

Much to my surprise I heard my mother say, "Yes,

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From Darkness to Light

that's the one."

One of the officers pulled me down the stairs, dragged

me out the door, threw me down in the grass and told me

to lie face down.

"You are under arrest," he said.

I was taken to juvenile detention hall where I quickly

learned that my mother had filed charges against me for

incorrigibility. It was rough being in detention. There were

different cliques, different factions of young men in that

place. Some had long hair, some had greased hair, some

had tattoos and no teeth; and then there was me. I was in

my own space. And, I was scared to death!

Several of the young men began to tell me about how

their mothers were working feverishly with attorneys

trying to get them out of jail. All I could think of was the

fact that my mother was the one who had put me there.

I was taken to see a psychiatrist. After a lengthy

psychoanalysis, the psychiatrist filed this report: "This

young man, Jeffrey Craig Fenholt, is unnatural. There is

absolutely no love in him for anyone or anything." (I can't

imagine why there was no love in me, can you?)

I believe the youth of today are paying for the sins of

their parents. The Word of God tells us that God visits the

generations that follow the sins of the fathers and reaches

out to turn them to repentance. It is only through the

blood of Jesus that the demonic chain of events caused by

sin can be broken.

The Lord is longsuffering, and of great mercy,

forgiving iniquity and transgression, and by no means

clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers

upon the children unto the third and fourth

generation.

Numbers 14:18

12

Childhood and Adolescence

Thou shalt not bow down thyself unto them, nor

serve them: for I the Lord thy God am a jealous God,

visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children

unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate

me.

Deuteronomy 5:9

Then came the day I was to face my accuser and a

judge. When I began hearing what a horrible young man I

was, I started yelling and trying to defend myself. I told

the judge: "I'm a victim of circumstance. I'm a product of

my environment. I'm not the one who's rotten here; it's my

home life that's rotten. I'm beaten and kicked and verbally

abused. I have nowhere to go after school, no place to

sleep at night. There's no place where I am safe. All I want

is to be on the streets. I'm the one who needs to be

protected."

The judge looked me straight in the eye and in a very

hardened manner spoke to me: "Son, if you are a

delinquent, then we need to protect society from you. And

if, in fact, your home life is as terrible as you say it is, then

we need to protect you from it. But, unfortunately, either

way you lose!"

He then sentenced me to juvenile hall and later to what

was known as the boys' industrial school.

That night I cried out, "If there is a God in heaven,

You've got to help me."

The next day when I woke up I was still in jail, the

warden was still alive, my mother had pressed charges

against me and everything was exactly the same as it had

been before I prayed. So I decided there was no God

because He didn't answer my prayer. I had absolutely no

understanding of God, and I definitely had no

understanding of Who Jesus is.

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From Darkness to Light

And I will sow her unto me in the earth; and I will

have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy; and

I will say to them which were not my people, Thou art

my people; and they shall say, Thou art my God.

Hosea 2:23

Later, as I was walking in the halls a very large

middle-aged man came over to me and said, "Son, you

don't belong here. You're not like these other boys."

I was taken to an office with this man. There I was told

that he was a "minister" and that he was willing to sign me

over to his care. I was informed that he would become my

legal guardian in order to see me released from jail. I

figured, Why not?

I got in the car with this man and drove to the rectory

adjoining his church, a part of one of the mainstream

denominations. I soon learned that this man was not

married and that he lived alone in the building.

Later that evening he came to me and in a very

effeminate voice said, "Son, you've been through a

tremendously stressful situation. You're very tense and

uptight. I want to relax you." Then he asked me to strip

down so he could give me a back rub. Need I say more? It

was obvious there was something wrong with the man.

Having a form of godliness, but denying the power

thereof: from such turn away.

2 Timothy 3:5

God's Word says in 1 John 4:19,

We love him, because he first loved us.

In Romans 5:8 we read,

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that,

while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

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Childhood and Adolescence

Christ died on the cross for me while I was still a

sinner. More than that, as I look back on my life, I know

that the Lord was watching over and protecting me, even

during those horrible times when I was a young child. For

example, He saw to it that the man I went to live with was

never successful in molesting me. However, he did make

my life miserable for a while.

Within several weeks of that experience, my mother

signed the papers allowing me to return home to live with

her. At that point she told me, "From now on you are

going to do everything I tell you. When I say jump, you

are going to ask how high. If I have any problem with you,

all I have to do is pick up the telephone and call the police,

and you're back in jail!"

Several times I found myself back in jail by my

mother's hand. What a wonderful and secure way to grow

up. Naturally, bitterness and hatred continued to fill my

heart.

I began noticing other young people, together with

their parents, out having fun, stopping at the Dairy Queen

or relaxing in the park. I would resent these youngsters for

having a good family who loved them and took care of

them.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and

when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

I was trained to be violent, and violence was what I

wanted to express.

I decided to get involved in rock and roll music, so I

organized my first rock group when I was twelve years

old. Immediately we were hired to play at teen dances. We

furnished our group with the best public address system

money could buy. But we didn't buy it; we stole it from a

15

From Darkness to Light

church. You could say that the church gave us our start.

For the next several years I continued to rock, when I

was not in trouble or in jail. By the time I was fifteen years

old, I had made my first hit record with a group called

"The Fifth Order." We hit the Top 40 charts and were the

most popular rock group and had the number one record

throughout the Midwest. The song was called "Goin' Too

Far," which pretty much expressed my feelings about the

people in authority around me. A second hit record

followed entitled "1000 Devils."

I was also singing the blues. However, I wanted

violence to be a part of my music, so I added a heavy rock

beat to the blues vocals and came up with a mixture that

just couldn't miss.

The crowds who came to hear us play grew to as many

as three or four thousand young people a night. I began

touring, playing six or seven nights a week during the

summer and four nights a week during the school year.

I rented an apartment, moved out of my mother's

house and began living my own life, all at age sixteen. I

figured I had it made. I was making up to a thousand

dollars a week, more money than my neighborhood

principal earned! I was able to hang out with any of the

young girls I chose. I was living among the most rebellious

teenagers in the area. We were growing our hair long and

wearing blue jeans, boots and leathers. We were cursing,

spitting, calling people names, pulling dirty pranks,

smoking pot, dropping pills, playing rock and roll music,

drawing large crowds and making "big bucks." I was

completely independent of any higher authority and

influence—at least, so I thought.

If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even

the night shall be light about me.

16

Childhood and Adolescence

Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the

night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are

both alike to thee.

Psalm 139:11, 12

One night while I was "rockin' and rollin'," I looked out

into the audience and saw the most beautiful young lady I

had ever laid eyes on. I asked around and learned that she

lived in the wealthiest part of that city. Her name was

Maureen Hope Marie McFadden. She was an Irish

Catholic girl who went to a private school run by convent

nuns. Apparently she and her girlfriends had decided to

rebel and had come out to view a hard rock concert. I was

immediately smitten by her and wanted to find some way

to meet her and to begin a relationship with her. That

process ended up taking two or three months. Eventually I

was able to call and ask her for a date. Much to my

surprise, she accepted.

The night came for us to go out. However, instead of

showing up at her house as planned, I wound up getting

drunk, so I never made it. I did call her later and

apologized over and over, telling her some "big story." She

agreed to give me one more chance.

The next time we had a date I made sure I showed up.

I met her father, and quite frankly he almost died when I

pulled up in my convertible with my long hair and my

heavy rock look!

Maureen, or Reeni as her friends called her, lived in an

enormous house and was the seventh child of a deeply

religious family. Her father owned his own company and

was one of the most successful businessmen in that area. I

had never seen anything like the McFaddens in my life. I

didn't know that there were such families in existence. I

thought they had gone out with Donna Reed, the Cleavers

and Ozzie and Harriet—as I had been led to believe from

17

From Darkness to Light

my own experience throughout my tormented childhood.

I thought, This is incredible. Not only is Reeni the most

beautiful young lady I have ever seen, but her family is rich

and loving. She's everything I want in a girl.

Isn't it strange how, no matter how rotten a person

may be, deep in his heart he wants the best, not the worst?

I began sharing with Reeni about my horrible life and I

noticed that she seemed to be quite intrigued with me—as

I was with her. Just as I was impressed by her wealth and

good family life, Reeni was concerned about my rotten

family life and personal situation. So we dated on and off

from that point on.

My involvement with drugs, alcohol, sex, rock and roll

music and violence continued throughout high school.

When I was seventeen years old a violent incident

occurred.

I was with two of my friends late one night. We had

been drinking heavily and were looking for trouble. When

we arrived at a pizza hangout, we were told that a very

large teenager had beaten up one of our friends and was

sitting inside the establishment.

This young man was approximately six feet four

inches tall, and I would guess that he weighed well over

two hundred pounds. Obviously he was too large for any

one of us to go after, so we decided to jump him as a

group.

When he left the pizza parlor on foot with a friend, we

followed him by car into the darkness. As he turned down

a rather quiet residential street, the three of us jumped out

and attacked him. When we began beating him, the young

man with him ran off into the night.

While he was on his hands and knees begging for help

18

Childhood and Adolescence

after we had severely beaten him, I ran toward him and

kicked him directly in the face. I was wearing heavy work

boots with steel toes. I heard a crack and saw blood spatter

all over his face as he fell over backwards. As we ran from

the yard of the house in front of which he was lying, we

saw some adults come running out the door to his aid.

The next night I was arrested at a hamburger stand for

curfew violation. While I was arguing with the police

about my arrest, one officer looked at me and said, "We're

doing this for your own good. Last night some punks

attacked a young man, not too far from here, and now he's

in a coma with a brain concussion. It's likely that he will

die."

My friends and I had no regret or guilt for our crime.

We were only concerned with not getting caught.

Thankfully, the young man recovered. Several months

later I ran into him at a department store and was terrified

that he would identify me to the police. He looked right at

me and evidently did not recognize me. I was

tremendously relieved. The only thing I can figure is that

his beating was so severe he had a loss of memory. Still, I

was not sorry, just filled with hate.

After graduation I began to consider my life and

decided that I needed to make some serious decisions

about my future. I realized that entertainers such as heavy

metal rock and rollers are not the people who control the

wealth in the United States of America; it is the

businessmen. Reeni's father, for instance, worked in a nice

office and lived in a manner that I had never seen or

experienced.

I decided that I was going to give up rock and roll long

enough to get through college so I would have something

to fall back on later in life. I was extremely ambitious. I

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From Darkness to Light

wanted wealth, success, a big home and a mega career. In

short, I wanted everything the world had to offer, and I

decided that the way to get it was through education,

perseverance and aggressive behavior.

But rather seek ye the kingdom of God; and all

these things shall be added unto you.

Luke 12:31

I decided to attain a college degree in music and

marketing. When I was finished "rocking out" I would

work for or start my own record company.

Young Jeff

20

Childhood and Adolescence

Reeni

21

2

On the Road

2

I auditioned for and received a voice scholarship to

Ohio State University. There I was placed in the men's glee

club. Talk about trying to fit a square peg into a round

hole!

During my first year of college, I decided to go out

with a friend to a rock and roll concert in a neighboring

town. While we were there, a fight erupted. We were

attacked by a group of about ten young thugs. Apparently

they thought we were flirting with their girlfriends.

However, I seem to recall that it was the other way

around.

My friend wound up in the hospital where he nearly

died. He had a bruise on his brain and internal bleeding. I

was arrested, thrown into the county jail, and charged

with inciting a riot, assault and battery, resisting arrest

and assaulting a police officer. My friends put their money

together to get me out. I skipped bail and never went back.

At this point I realized that I was not going to succeed

in my quest for a decent college life. I was a "headbanger,"

deeply devoted to hardcore music and—as I referred to

myself—"a child of darkness."

Shortly thereafter I left the university for summer

vacation and decided to go on tour with a rock group. My

plan was to tour with them during the summer and earn a

good deal of money so as not to have to rely on a music

scholarship, if and when I decided to complete college.

Shortly after leaving on tour, I was offered a recording

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From Darkness to Light

contract by CBS records. I had written and recorded a few

songs, submitted them to CBS and been immediately

signed. God had given me a tremendous gift for music. I

was convinced that I was the best rock and roll singer in

the world.

During my time on the road I began to meet different

members of satanic groups. I started delving into the

occult and attending parties where satanic rituals such as

the drinking of blood were performed.

When I arrived on the West Coast, I was given one

night off while in San Diego, California. I didn't want to

have anything to do with the other people on the tour. I

wanted to go down to the X-rated part of town, pick up

some rude young lady, get drunk, smoke some pot, drop

some pills and party.

As I was walking down the street, some guy came up

to me. He was probably about nineteen or twenty years

old. He looked me straight in the eye. I looked back at him

and thought, Who is this Bozo?

He was wearing a sport coat, a pair of slacks and

brogue shoes. He had a short "strange" haircut that would

not come into fashion for at least another ten years. He

asked me my name and I said, "It's none of your business."

"I want to know," he persisted. "What's your name?"

"Puddintane." I answered. "Now get out of my face,

and don't follow me."

But he continued following me saying, "I want to talk

to you."

Finally I turned around and asked him, "What have

you got to say?"

His response was: "For God so loved you that He gave

His only begotten Son, Jesus. If you believe in Him, you

24

On the Road

will not perish but will have eternal life."

I looked at him and said, "You're crazy. God didn't

give His Son for me; Jesus died for nobody. Let me tell you

about Jesus. If you want to believe that Jesus is God, well,

that's fine, then Jesus is God. But He came down here to

show us how to live. He posed for a few paintings holding

sheep on His shoulders so everybody would know that He

was real nice and mild. He had long hair and was a

radical. He was so cool that the political leaders hung Him

on a cross and killed Him. Then apparently He went to

Heaven. Now if we live like Him, we can go to Heaven. If

we don't live like Him, we are going to Hell. I'm not going

to be able to live like Him 'cause I'm a headbanger, so I'm

going to hell. But I don't care, man, 'cause that's where my

friends are, and when I get there we're going to party

hearty!"

And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire.

This is the second death.

And whosoever was not found written in the book

of life was cast into the lake of fire.

Revelation 20:14, 15

The guy looked at me and said, "No, you're wrong.

Jesus loves you. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. No

one goes to heaven except through Him. You need to be

born again. You need to receive Jesus as your Lord and

Savior and be filled with His power to overcome; then you

will see eternal life."

If he had done anything other than quote Scripture to

me, I guarantee you that I would have made a fool of him.

But no matter what I said or how I tried to counter what

he was presenting to me, I would run out of questions and

answers because it is impossible to strike down God's

Word, as the Lord says:

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From Darkness to Light

So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my

mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall

accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in

the thing whereto I sent it.

Isaiah 55:11

I became so intrigued with Jesus through this young

man's conversation with me that I told him I would get on

a bus and go hear more about Him. We wound up at a

revival approximately twenty miles from town. There

were all kinds of people in that place—drunks, prostitutes,

street people, businessmen, grandmothers and children.

They were dancing, screaming and shouting.

I remember there was one very pretty young lady

down near the front row, so of course I went down and sat

beside her. She looked at me and the next thing I knew,

she started crying and sobbing and raising her hands. I

thought, What's the matter with her? This girl is really shook

up, she's really upset.

So I leaned over and tapped her on the shoulder and

said, "Hey, baby, I don't know what's going on with you,

but whatever it is, chill out. As soon as this thing is over,

I'll take you out, we'll get drunk and party."

I had never heard of anybody crying out to the Lord. I

had never heard of the joy of the Spirit. I didn't know

anything about God.

At the end of the service there was what these people

called an altar call. The leader asked that everybody who

wanted to receive Jesus come forward. Many people got

up and went down to the front. I didn't respond so I

figured: Good, now this thing's over so I can get back on their

bus and leave.

But that wasn't the case. The preacher began looking at

me and yelling that there were others in the audience who

26

On the Road

needed to be saved. Then he walked around and said,

"There are sinners here who have not repented and come

to the Lord." Finally, he pointed to me and said, "Young

man, you are a sinner!"

I looked back at him and answered, "Yeah? What's

your first clue?"

Then he started pretending that he was preaching to

the whole crowd but he kept looking at me all the time.

After fifteen or twenty minutes of his trying to get "others"

to come forward and receive Jesus, I realized that he was

going to keep on pounding away until I did something. So

I decided to go forward and receive Jesus in front of all

those morons because that preacher wasn't going to shut

up until I did. Then I could get on the bus and get out of

there.

So I stood up. When I did, the crowd went crazy.

Everybody started cheering.

There I was in my leathers, my boots, my blue jean

shirt, with ripped off sleeves and patches all over me. Gold

chains and jewelry were hanging all over my body. My

hair was halfway down to my waist and was streaked

blond and white. I stood about five feet eleven inches tall,

weighed about 128 pounds and had black circles under my

eyes from drugs and lack of sleep. I must have been some

kind of sight for those Christians!

They cheered as I walked down the aisle. I remember

looking around and thinking, What a bunch of morons.

When I got to the altar, I made one mistake. I looked

up at the ceiling and said a little prayer. I prayed, "Jesus, if

You're real, show me."

The next thing I knew, a sensation the likes of which I

had never known came over me. I felt what I would later

27

From Darkness to Light

learn to be the power of the Holy Spirit fall on me. I began

to feel my hardened heart melting away.

Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye

shall be clean: from all your filthiness, and from all

your idols, will I cleanse you.

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit

will I put within you: and I will take away the stony

heart out of your flesh, and I will give you a heart of

flesh.

Ezekiel 36:25, 26

A surge of emotions swept over me and I went down

on my knees and struggled to hold back the tears. All at

once it was as if my eyes had been unsealed and I knew

that there is a God and that Jesus is Lord. Under my breath

I said, "Jesus, Jesus, You are real!"

I looked up at that preacher and said, "I'm going to

accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior right now."

The preacher looked at me and replied, "Son, stand

up."

When I stood up, he told me, "If you think that you're

going to receive Jesus in my church looking like that,

you've got another thing coming."

I was shocked.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Look at you," he answered. "I know who you are. I've

spoken to the counselors who came with you on the bus."

Then he yelled to the audience, "This is the lead singer

of that rock group that will be down at the auditorium

tomorrow night leading our young people to hell!"

He turned to me and ordered, "Cut your hair. Put on

some decent clothes. Come back here in a week and

maybe we'll let you receive Jesus."

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On the Road

"What are you talking about, man?" I asked. "What's

wrong with the way I'm dressed?"

"Look at you. You have hair halfway down your back.

You look like a girl."

Suddenly all that feeling about God and Jesus, all the

emotion that had hit me through the power of the Holy

Ghost just moments before, was gone. I was cold. I looked

that preacher right in the eye and told him, "You think I

look like a girl, man? Well, if I look like a girl to you, then

you must be hanging around with some very ugly

women!"

Then I turned to the audience and cussed them out. I

was thrown out of the church. I was forced to hitchhike

back to San Diego.

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the

Lord shall be saved.

Romans 10:13

I spoke to God several times that night. I told Him, "I

don't fit in with Your people. They're running some kind

of country club and I don't belong. I guess Your Church is

just for wealthy people who come from good backgrounds

and dress well. I just don't fit in with that crowd."

I didn't go back to the X-rated part of town. Instead I

returned to my hotel room which overlooked the ocean at

Mission Bay. I left all the lights off, fell to my knees and

cried out, "God, help me. I felt You tonight, but there's no

way I could ever serve You because I don't fit in. There's

nothing I can give You but my talent. You created this

voice in me, and now I give it back to You."

Be ye mindful always of his covenant; the word

which he commanded to a thousand generations.

1 Chronicles 16:15

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From Darkness to Light

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give

thee the desires of thine heart.

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him;

and he shall bring it to pass.

And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the

light, and thy judgment as the noonday.

Psalm 37:4-6

Commit thy works unto the Lord, and thy thoughts

shall be established.

Proverbs 16:3

The next morning when I woke up, I decided not to

tell anybody about my experience. I thought, Ah, you

went to church last night and got kicked out. You thought

you saw God. You got all emotional. Man, just forget it. It

was just some weird thing that happened to you. Don't tell

anybody about it. Everybody will think that you've gone

nuts, so just keep it to yourself.

I called Reeni in Ohio and told her that I missed her so

much and that I needed her to come out on the road with

me. To my surprise, she said, "Yes, I'll fly to San Diego and

meet you."

Several days later, I went out to the airport to meet her.

When she walked down off the plane, she looked

gorgeous. She was wearing a little short skirt and a pair of

high heels. She was all decked out, her hair was beautiful,

she was smiling, she seemed so happy. I thought, I have

never seen her look as happy as she does right now. I figured,

Man, she has really missed me.

She came running to me, threw her arms around me,

gave me a big kiss and then said to me, "Praise the Lord,

Jeff! I've been born again! I've received Jesus as my Lord

and Savior!"

I buried my face in my hands and moaned, "Oh no, not

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On the Road

you."

She then went on to tell me that the only reason she

had agreed to come to San Diego was to inform me that

she had been born again and that she loved me and

wanted to marry me. I immediately realized that she had

not decided to party with me and give up her virtuous

ways, but rather quite the contrary. If anything, she had

gotten "worse." She told me that she was in love with me

but that she wouldn't go on the road with me. She would

not live with me but she, in fact, wanted to marry me, and

be my wife.

I thought, You've got to be kidding! (It was lucky for me

that Reeni hadn't read the Scripture that says Christians

are not to be unequally yoked!)

Be ye not unequally yoked together with

unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness

with unrighteousness? and what communion hath

light with darkness?

2 Corinthians 6:14

I decided to think this thing out logically. I realized

that Reeni was the most gorgeous young lady I had ever

known. She was from a wealthy family and now she had

become a woman of faith. I knew that she would be

faithful to me and not allow herself to become involved in

the type of lifestyle I led. I knew that I needed the kind of

stability that she could bring to my life.

If I told her that I wouldn't marry her, I knew she

would get back on that plane and I would never see her

again. If I told her that I would marry her, it would buy

me some time.

What the heck? I thought. If it doesn't work, there is

always divorce. If I decide I don't want her anymore after a

month or two months, I can just get rid of her. Most of my

31

From Darkness to Light

friends have already been divorced once or twice, so what's

the big deal? So we began to talk marriage.

About this time, I flew up to Los Angeles to meet with

the executive vice-president of CBS records. I wanted to

discuss my next album. When I arrived at his office, I was

told that he had been delayed several hours and that I

would have to come back later.

Outside I noticed that there were thousands of long-

haired heavy metal rock and roll-type people hanging

around the Aquarius Theater. I went over and asked what

was going on. I was told that auditions were being held

for a big upcoming rock tour to be called Jesus Christ

Superstar.

I went backstage and asked if I could audition. The

manager told me, "Take a number, kid. We've got

thousands of people here. We advertised an open audition

in the Los Angeles Times and there are so many people here

that it will take days before we get around to hearing you."

I thought I was the most intense singer on earth, so I

just knew that I was doing these people a favor by even

being there. I looked that man right in the eye and said,

"Look, dude, I'm flying out of here in three hours. If you

want to hear me sing, you're going to have to see me right

now or you won't see me at all!"

The man disappeared into the hall. A couple of

minutes later he returned and said, "All right, kid, you're

on."

I walked out on that stage, picked up a guitar and

started singing a song that I had written called "Hittin' the

Road." When I had finished singing, Robert Stigwood, the

Bee Gee's and Eric Clapton's manager and the former

manager of the Beatles, came up and shook my hand,

telling me, "You have one hell of a voice, kid." His

32

On the Road

assistant took my name and telephone number and I split.

Jeff on the cover of Time Magazine's October 25, 1971 issue. Copyright ®

1971 Time, Inc. reprinted by Permission.

33

3

Jesus Christ Superstar

3

Later I received a call from the people in Los Angeles.

They wanted me to fly to New York and meet with some

of the bigwigs there and do some more singing for them.

When I got to New York, some blond-haired man met me

and spoke to me in a very effeminate manner.

"I like your style, kid," he told me. "I'd like to have you

over for dinner tonight."

Now I may have been born yesterday, but I was born

early and I stayed up late. I immediately knew that this

man was interested in more than just my voice. So I told

him, "Man, I ain't interested in having dinner with you.

Don't get in my face anymore. You understand?"

I went and sang for the executives at a big theater on

Broadway. After my audition was over, everybody

slapped me on the back and said, "Kid, you mean to say

that you're only twenty years old, you sing like that and

you've got all this going for you?"

I just looked at them and answered, "Yeah, yeah, I

know I'm cool."

I went back to my hotel. Later I received a phone call

from the yellow-haired man I had met earlier. In a very

nasty tone of voice he told me, "I'm the one who's in

control of everything here and I have decided that I don't

want you. So you're free to go. Get back on your plane and

get out of here!"

The next day I got up and left. I flew back to the West

35

From Darkness to Light

Coast. I told Reeni that I didn't get the gig, that I wasn't

going to be in the production.

"Yes, you are, Jeff," she told me. "While I was praying

the other night the Lord spoke to me and told me that you

are going to be the lead singer in Jesus Christ Superstar.

Nothing is going to stop you from getting that position."

I looked at her and thought, This girl is crazy. She just

wants to make a lot of money. Right now, I'm making a

couple of thousand a week. She knows if I get mixed in with

the Beatles' manager and those other people, I'm going to be

making tons of bucks. So she's just excited.

Two days later the telephone rang and a man with an

English accent started screaming on the other end of the

line, "Is this Jeffrey Fenholt?"

"Yes, it is," I replied.

"God, lad," he blurted out, "we have been searching all

over the earth for you. Why did you leave New York?"

"Well, some man called me and told me that you didn't

want me there, so I left."

"Well, let me assure you that whoever that man is he

will be fired immediately. We do want you and are asking

that you fly here to New York right away. You are to sing

the lead part of Jesus in our production of Jesus Christ

Superstar."

Reeni and I got on an airplane and flew to New York.

When we arrived, there was a limousine waiting for us at

the airport. We were put up in the St. Moritz Hotel, which

is where the wealthiest of the wealthy stay. I began to

realize that this Jesus Christ Superstar was definitely going

to be a big event.

I began working with Andrew Lloyd Webber, the

composer of Superstar. I liked him very much. I went into

36

Jesus Christ Superstar

rehearsals with the band; a full orchestra was added later.

Peter Brown, former Beatles' manager and President of the

Robert Stigwood Organization, signed me to a personal

management agreement. They renegotiated and greatly

increased the advance on my CBS contract.

The album of Jesus Christ Superstar immediately sold

six million double albums. Then it went to eight million,

and then to twelve million and so on.

We opened in Pittsburgh at the arena and drew a

capacity crowd of some twenty thousand screaming fans.

The tour went on from there. We were performing as a

basic rock group with orchestra. I wore blue jeans, silk

shirts and gold jewelry. I shook my long hair and just

screamed at the audience. I figured, What the heck? I come

out here for two hours a night and sing about this Jesus Christ

Superstar thing, and we bring in three hundred thousand

dollars a night. Man, this is it! We're happening now!

I was scheduled to do a gig in Chattanooga, Tennessee,

so Reeni and I flew on ahead and got married. It was

worth the trip.

Robert Stigwood flew us to New York City. He told me

that management had decided to take the production to

Broadway in several months and that they wanted me to

open as Jesus. I agreed to do it.

Jesus Christ Superstar became so bizarre. We were

performing to bomb threats. There were people trying to

shoot me in different cities, so I had to be constantly

surrounded by security forces. The Beatles' management

said they had not seen anything like it since the Beatles'

tour in the mid-sixties. It was total lunacy. I believed that

everybody around me wanted to shoot me or to save me,

and I wasn't particularly interested in either.

One night at the Boston Gardens I was backstage

37

From Darkness to Light

getting ready to go on and perform. All of a sudden a

presence came on me that I can't explain. I can only say

that it was the most horrible feeling I had ever experienced

in my life. Something supernatural took hold of me, and it

was not the Spirit of the Lord.

I went on stage and when I stood before the crowd

they began cheering and screaming. Their applause

sounded like the roar of a lion. A demonic voice spoke to

me and said, "You are the lion tamer and the audience is

your lion! Crack your whip and they will jump through

the hoop! I will give you wealth and power and fame, but

you must bow down to me."

... the devil taketh him [Jesus] up into an exceeding

high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of

the world, and the glory of them;

And saith unto him, All these things will I give

thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.

Matthew 4:8, 9

After that incident I became so paranoid that I could

barely function. From that point on, I was constantly

hearing voices. I began speaking in strange languages

when I would go into a trance-like state. Satan has a

counterfeit for everything, and, yes, he does have a

counterfeit of the gift of tongues:

For what I do, that I will do, that I may cut off

occasion from them which desire occasion; that

wherein they glory, they may be found even as we.

For such are false apostles, deceitful workers,

transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.

And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed

into an angel of light.

Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also

be transformed as the ministers of righteousness;

whose end shall be according to their works.

38

Jesus Christ Superstar

2 Corinthians 11:12-15

It is impossible to call upon the name of the Lord Jesus

Christ and receive demonic tongues. However, I was not

calling on the name of the Lord, and I had become demon-

possessed.

And there was in their synagogue a man with an

unclean spirit; and he cried out.

Mark 1:23

Many of the big rock and roll people were coming out

on the tour to visit us. I met members of the Rolling

Stones, Led Zeppelin, Bad Company, Pink Floyd, Eric

Clapton and many other rock groups and stars. I was

making television appearances and socializing with such

Hollywood celebrities as Henry "Hank" Fonda, Desi Arnaz

Jr. and Sr., Lauren Bacall, Diana Ross, Liza Minnelli and

others. I was hanging around with the "king pins," the

superstars of the entertainment industry.

When I arrived in New York City to begin rehearsals

for the Broadway opening, pandemonium broke out. We

had the largest advance ticket sales of any show in the

history of Broadway. We were bringing in more money

than any other venture in the music industry.

Every place I went, there were cameras snapping my

picture.

We rehearsed for six weeks and then opened to an

astounding crowd. Everyone, from Jackie Onassis to White

House staff to former Beatle members, was in the

audience. Later that night, we threw a party at Tavern on

the Green. Tennessee Williams, Natalie Wood and some of

the biggest celebrities in the world attended. That evening

John Lennon spoke these words: "Rock and roll finally has

class, mate! We're on Broadway!" That week I was on the

cover of Time Magazine.

39

From Darkness to Light

Reeni began socializing with musicians' wives. Then

she found a fellowship of believers in New York City and

started attending Bible studies. I figured, There she goes

again, totally nuts! Much to my surprise, a lady who was

one of the Vanderbilts was born again and Reeni began

socializing with a very wealthy group of Christians. They

kept inviting me to come to their Bible studies, but I would

say, "No way, no way, get lost."

The pressure of doing Broadway was amazingly

intense. Night after night I felt the spiritual weight of

performing the role of Jesus, and I got to the place where I

didn't even want to hear His name mentioned. I didn't

want to know what anybody thought of Him. I didn't

want to know whether He was God or a prophet. I didn't

want to know anything about Him. I just wanted to be left

completely alone. I wanted to be stoned, to be drunk. I

wanted to hang out with young ladies and rock and

rollers. That was my life: drugs, sex and rock music.

Reeni and I spent weekends in a sixteen-bedroom

South Hampton home. I bought my first new car, a

Mercedes limousine. Needless to say, our lifestyle had

changed dramatically.

I continued to perform on Broadway, eight shows a

week, for approximately two years. One night backstage I

felt as though I had the flu. I began to get sick and vomit. I

was shocked to see that I was vomiting bright red blood. It

was coming out my nose and mouth. I called Reeni and

told her what was happening. She phoned my physician

who was aware of my drug and drinking problem. He told

me that I needed to get in a cab, not wait for an

ambulance, and get to the New York University Hospital

immediately.

When I arrived at the hospital, the medical staff stuck

40

Jesus Christ Superstar

needles in my arms and began administering blood

transfusions. They discovered that I had only two pints of

blood in my entire body. Dr. Lindner stated at the time

that he had never seen anyone alive with only two pints of

blood in his body, let alone walking into a hospital under

his own power.

I spent several weeks in the hospital and when I was

released I refused to go back to the show. The

management had trouble finding someone who could sing

the part of Jesus night after night. Eventually the show

was closed.

I moved out to Long Island and bought a huge estate

in Belle Terre, New York. We kept our place in New York

City and I frequently lived in Salvador Dali's castle in

Spain, which had been built in 1054 A.D. Dali and his

wife, Gala, were our closest friends at the time. I decided

that I had been working on the road and performing so

long it was time for a rest.

I left CBS and signed with Capitol Records. I went

from the Robert Stigwood organization to Joe Greenburg

of Alive Entertainment, who managed rock star Alice

Cooper. Then I went from their management to Bruce

Payne, who managed Deep Purple, and I signed with

Polygram Records.

During this period of time I was recording albums off

and on, but was not really very interested in my career. I

was more interested in living the fast life of a wealthy

young rock star. I drove fast cars and lived in the so-called

fast lane. I learned that if you are going to live in the fast

lane, you had better check the exit signs!

For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the

whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a

man give in exchange for his soul?

41

From Darkness to Light

Matthew 16:26

Reeni began noticing that I was getting deeper and

deeper into drugs and more and more involved in the

occult. I was going to parties with satanists and hanging

out with people who conjured demons. Many people will

still challenge the fact that there is satanism in the heavy

rock scene. I'm here to tell you that satanism runs long,

hard and deep and is the basic undergirding of all rock

music.

Many successful musicians, rock groups, and

management organizations that I encountered were

involved in satanism, the occult or the so-called New Age

Movement. This is not a coincidence!

I don't believe that music is itself demonic simply

because of its sound, but I do believe that when the hearts

of the people playing the music belong to the devil, then

the music is going to belong to the devil also.

He [Jesus] saith unto them, But whom say ye that I

am?

And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the

Christ, the Son of the living God.

And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art

thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not

revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in

heaven.

And I say also unto thee, That thou art Peter, and

upon this rock I will build my church; and the gates of

hell shall not prevail against it.

Matthew 16:15-18

In this passage Jesus said, "Upon this rock I will build

My Church."

Having been into the occult and knowing the devil as I

did, I believe that Satan has a counterfeit for everything. I

42

Jesus Christ Superstar

believe that somewhere in hell Satan held a meeting with

his demons and made the statement: "Upon this rock

(referring to music), I will build my church!"

43

From Darkness to Light

Jeff overslept Nixon!

Jeff in front of the Broadway stage door for the rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar

44

Jesus Christ Superstar

Jeff in front of his Van Gelderan painting and decapitated Jesus.

Jeff rocks in concert.

45

From Darkness to Light

All dressed up and going to Hell.

The castle of Jeff's best friend—the famous artist Salvador Dali. Jeff lived here

in Spain several months out of the year for 10 years.

46

4

Spiritual Warfare

4

Reeni began witnessing to me more and more, and

eventually I got to the place where I couldn't stand

listening to her talk about God.

One night I attacked her in the entrance foyer of our

mansion. I beat her the way a man would go after another

man if he were trying to kill him. I left her lying

unconscious on the dining room floor. I took all the

flowers out of the vase in the foyer and dumped the water

in her face, but she still didn't move. I realized that she

was very badly hurt, but I was too drunk and demonic to

care. I climbed the stairs and went to bed.

The next day I woke up and Reeni was gone. I began

calling around to her friends asking them if they were

hiding her out. I knew that many of the people around

her, especially the Christians, were concerned about her

living with someone as violent and full of hatred as I was.

I phoned one of her girlfriends and asked, "Is Reeni

there with you?"

"No, you fool, " she answered, "Reeni is in the hospital.

She could die, and we are seeing if we can get you charged

with assault and attempted murder."

I immediately hung up the receiver and freaked!

I had beaten Reeni so badly on her back that I had

bruised her kidneys. Her fever was 105 degrees and there

was a good chance that she would not survive.

I rushed to the airport, caught a plane and flew to

47

From Darkness to Light

Barcelona, Spain. I then disappeared by staying in the

castle in the countryside of Gerona.

Two or three weeks later I learned that Reeni had, in

fact, survived my savage attack. I then flew back to New

York and occupied my mansion.

I was served with papers and told that I had to appear

in court, that my wife had filed for a legal separation. She

wanted the house and a substantial amount of my estate

and was seeking an order of protection.

The day of the court hearing arrived. I looked at Reeni

in the hallway before we went into court and I was

physically attracted to her. I thought, This woman is

gorgeous. She is so pretty all dressed up in that beautiful silk

dress. Man, I need this woman back.

No, I didn't love her the way a man is supposed to love

a woman. I loved her physically. I looked upon her in a

very fleshly, worldly way. But nevertheless I decided that

I was going to try to win her over before we went into the

courtroom.

So I walked over to her and said, "Hey, baby, I'm your

man and I know you still love me 'cause if you didn't you

would be filing for divorce."

She looked at me and said, "Wait a minute, I would

love to divorce you. I'm not going to take a beating from

you or anybody else. God has not called me to be a

punching bag. I would love nothing better than to divorce

you and leave you completely, but I have been praying for

you and God has spoken to me. He has told me that you

are going to be saved and filled with the Holy Spirit, so I

am not permitted to divorce you."

Now that blew my mind. Reeni's attorney leaned over

and spoke to me as well. He said, "I'm praying for you

too." I looked at them and asked, "What are you two, a

48

Spiritual Warfare

team?"

My attorney, who was a Jewish friend of mine, went

over to Reeni and said, "I hope you like that Gucci coat

you're wearing because it's the last one you're ever going

to have. I hope you enjoyed your charge accounts and

your Mercedes convertibles because you won't be driving

those cars or using those charge accounts anymore.

Everything stops. Your money flow ends today."

Reeni's attorney told my lawyer, "Stop threatening my

client." And then the two attorneys got into an argument.

I got more and more nervous and went over to the

drinking fountain and took a couple more Valium

capsules and a Percodan. My attorney said to me, "Keep

your mouth shut. When we enter the courtroom, don't say

a word. I'm going to question Maureen. I'm going to level

the charge of mental cruelty. I'm going to make her out to

be the fanatic and lunatic that she is. I'm going to ask her

about that strange language she prays in. I'm going to ask

her about her Bible groups. I'm going to ask her about the

times that she has done so-called spiritual warfare in your

house and all the other stuff. Don't worry. I'm going to

make a fool out of that girl. She's a religious fanatic. I'm

going to show that to the judge who, by the way, also

happens to be Jewish."

When we got into the courtroom, I was so ripped out

of my mind I don't remember what happened. All I do

know is that for some reason I decided that I was going to

yell at the judge.

Let me explain something to you. If you are ever facing

a judge, take my advice, don't yell at him!

The judge immediately ruled in Reeni's favor. Then he

explained to me what the term "community property"

means. In my case it meant that Reeni got all the property

49

From Darkness to Light

and I had to get out of the community.

Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore

will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he

hath known my name.

Psalm 91:14

Deliver me, O Lord, from the evil man: preserve

me from the violent man.

Psalm 140:1

No weapon that is formed against thee shall

prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee

in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage

of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is

of me, saith the Lord.

Isaiah 54:17

God delivered and protected Reeni. I was out of the

house for approximately eight months. During that time I

stayed on a continuous drunken, drugged-out binge.

I began calling Reeni and asking her if she would get

together with me. She told me that the only way she

would see me was in a public place, such as a restaurant or

park, someplace where there were lots of people. She was

afraid of me and she didn't want me getting violent with

her anymore. I convinced her, over a period of time, that I

had changed. I told her that if she would let me come back

to the house I would live as her husband and would

change my ways. Reeni was in love with me. And, of

course, you can't blame her. I was such a wonderful

person and had always treated her so well! Eventually,

despite my violent nature and past faults, she agreed to let

me come home.

Two days after I had come home I cornered Reeni

upstairs in the library. I was drunk and had taken some

cocaine and was full of the devil. I looked at her with

50

Spiritual Warfare

hatred and I yelled, "I am going to kill you, woman! Yeah,

you've got an order of protection. Maybe I'm going to jail,

but you're going to be dead!"

Then a very strange thing happened. Reeni turned her

little 5'6", 105-pound frame toward me, pointed her tiny

finger in my face and screamed at the top of her lungs, "I

bind you, Satan, in the name of Jesus!"

All of a sudden my mind became clear, perfectly clear.

I looked at her and said, "You what?"

"I bind you, Satan, in the name of Jesus. Get thee

behind me, Satan, for it is written, thou shalt worship the

Lord thy God and serve Him only. Every knee shall bow

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. Greater

is He Who is in me than he who is in the world. Jesus Who

is with me is greater than the devil who is with you, and I

bind you, Satan, in the name of Jesus. The Lord rebuke

you. Depart from me now."

I was stunned.

"You what?" I asked. "You bind Satan? You're pointing

at me and binding Satan? Maureen, you're hallucinating.

You think I'm Satan? What do you see, horns? Baby, what

do I have, a pointed tail all of a sudden? You are nuts. You

are emotionally and mentally disturbed. You are a sick

woman, Maureen, and I ain't going to beat up no sick

woman!"

And I left.

That was all Reeni needed to hear and see. From that

point on, she made my life miserable. She bound every

spirit from here to Burma! Every time I came in the house

she was binding demons, binding the devil, binding this,

binding that. I kept thinking, This woman is sick. Every time

she would bind a demon, I would feel as if I was going to

51

From Darkness to Light

throw up and I would have to leave the room.

One day I came home with a bass player from a large

rock group, a buddy of mine. We had been out drinking

together. When we came in the house Reeni was having a

Bible study group. I yelled through the French doors into

the living room, "Hey, pretty ladies, you want to party

with the bad boys?"

Reeni stood up in the middle of that group and

screamed out, "I bind you.. !" And I yelled back, "We're

leaving!"

When we got outside, my buddy said to me, "My God,

Jeff, you almost ran over me getting out of the house.

What's the matter with you? It made me nervous too, but

you almost knocked me down."

“Well, let me explain something to you," I told him. "I

have had to think about this. I have noticed that every

time my wife yells at me, I do leave. You see, my wife's

emotionally disturbed. She's sick. She's mentally ill. I beat

her up sometimes and I think I must have knocked

something loose. Something's totally wrong with this

woman. I can be with her at home or out in public, you

know, going to a movie or out to dinner, and everything is

fine. But every once in a while she starts to hallucinate.

She thinks I'm Satan. And when she does that, this feeling

comes over me like I'm going to throw up because I can't

stand to be around mentally ill people. So I just have to

run. That's what it is."

I would go to sleep at night and wake up the next

morning with grease all over my head. I keep thinking,

What is this? Why does this woman keep pouring oil on me in

the middle of the night? I would ask her, "Is this another

symptom of your disease, woman? What's with you? Are

you cooking in bed? Why do you keep pouring oil on my

52

Spiritual Warfare

head while I'm asleep? It's a good thing you're so

gorgeous, because you're crazy—and ugly and crazy I

could never deal with!"

Then Reeni started throwing out all of my rude

magazines. She even threw away some of my gold jewelry

that had certain "symbols" on it. She continued doing what

she called "spiritual cleaning" in the house, inviting her

girlfriends to come help her. They would go through the

house doing "spiritual warfare." They would actually be

raising their hands in the air!

I asked Reeni, "What are you women doing? You look

like you've got a little train going through here or

something. What is this?"

"Oh, we're doing a spiritual cleaning, honey," she told

me, "don't worry."

"What are you spiritually cleaning? Have you got a

spiritual broom?" Then I concluded, "You ladies are nuts!"

She even started bringing grandmothers into the house

to help her. I used to curse Reeni's girlfriends, but how can

you cuss out a little white-haired grandmotherly type who

tells you she loves you and that Jesus loves you too?

I remember one day when my accountant freaked out.

He came to me and asked, "Are you aware that your wife

is writing checks for thousands upon thousands of dollars

to Christian organizations?"

"Look, man, I spend my money on good stuff; you

know: cars, booze and women," I told him. "If my wife

wants to waste her fun money on those Christians, that's

her business. She's crazy, but let her do it."

So everybody around me started realizing that my wife

was nuts.

53

From Darkness to Light

A gift from Salvador and Gala Dali to daughter Shaye—a 100 lb. chocolate

Easter Egg with a jeweled Faberge egg inside.

Reeni in front of our 1800's historical, colonial weekend home.

54

Spiritual Warfare

Reeni usually wore sunglasses indoors to hide the bruises.

Shaye with her dog Jeff beat to death.

55

5

Redeemed, Revived, Restored

5

One day I came home from Europe. As I was pulling

down the long driveway in my limousine, my driver,

whom I used to refer to as "The Grump, " pointed at the

back of the driveway servants' entrance and started

laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Remember how your wife was saying that she wanted

to remodel a wing of this estate?"

"Yeah."

"Well, look at the pickup trucks over there; they've got

Jesus stickers all over them. Reeni's having a revival!"

And he laughed uproariously. I thought, Man, in the

eight years he has been my driver, I've never heard The

Grump laugh once, and now he's absolutely howling.

So I got out of the car and went into the house

thinking, I'm going to tell this bunch of sissies off. I walked

in, pushed open the door and started yelling at Reeni.

"We need to get rid of these guys!" I shouted.

"If you want to get rid of them, go right ahead," she

answered.

For some reason, I was afraid to enter the part of the

house where the men were working. So I went and got

drunk and stayed away the rest of the day.

The next morning I woke up at "the crack of noon,"

and went downstairs to face those guys.

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From Darkness to Light

Now, at that time, there was a preacher on television

who was based somewhere in the Northeast and who

looked like a cue ball with a rug on top. He spoke like the

Munchkins from the Wizard of Oz. He sounded like a

sissy on "acid." I can remember him saying, "If you'll just

send in your money, we'll have Miss Lucy pray for you

and we'll just believe that everything is going to be fine in

your life."

I thought, All these guys are after is money. They're all

just a bunch of sissies. I don't want to have anything to do

with them.

I imagined that these Christian carpenters Reeni had

brought in were probably all wearing darling little elf

outfits and sweetly tapping away with their little hammers

like the Seven Dwarfs. So I figured I would walk through

the door and they would look up at me with their dainty

little eyes sparkling, and in some effeminate manner say

something like, "O joyous day! How art thou, friend?"

Instead I pushed open the door and there before my

astonished eyes were ten bulky men in ripped-off T- shirts

with tatoos all over their arms. Some of them had long

hair. One had a beard hanging down his chest. Another

had his hair greased back. One sported a butch hairdo.

"My God," I blurted out. "You guys aren't Christians!

You're too ugly to be Christians! You look like "roadies"!"

"Yeah, we are, we're Christians. Some of us have only

been saved a few weeks, but we love the Lord Jesus Christ.

We were drug addicts, living on the streets of New York.

Then Nick DiSipio came down with some men and

witnessed to us, laid hands on us in Jesus' name and

delivered us from drugs. Now we're working for his

construction company. We're earning money to pay for a

big ranch so all us guys who have been delivered from

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Redeemed, Revived, Restored

drugs will have a place to live till we hit the streets again

for the glory of God."

I thought, Man, these guys are nuts. Are you kidding me?

You mean these roughneck dudes are allowed to be into Jesus? I

had never heard of such a thing. So I decided I wouldn't

talk to them. I said, "I want to talk to Nick DiSipio, the

chief contractor."

Around the corner came this fat Italian man, standing

about five-eight and weighing about 250 pounds. He had

his hair greased back and was holding a hammer in his

pudgy hands. As it turns out, Nick DiSipio had been saved

out of the Mafia. He had grown up in Italy and spoke with

a very strong Italian accent.

I looked at him and asked, "You're Nick DiSipio?"

"That's a'right."

"Well, I want to talk to you, man."

He walked toward me, jabbed his finger right in my

face and said, "No, I wanna talk'a to you. You're some'a

big'a rock star; you played the part of Jesus a'Christ

Superstar. Now, are you ready to meet the real Jesus

a'Christ?"

"No," I said. "You've got a lot of nerve coming in here

trying to talk to me, Bozo. Nobody asked you nothin'

about Jesus a'Christ. Get out of my face."

Then Nick DiSipio motioned to his crew and said,

"Come here, men. We're a'gonna pray for this a'man."

I said, "Don't pray for me. Pray for your mama. You

know what your mama is? Your mama's a whore!"

Nick was obviously wearing the full armor of God

because he did not flinch.

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in

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From Darkness to Light

the power of his might.

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be

able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but

against principalities, against powers, against the

rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual

wickedness in high places.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of

God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day,

and having done all, to stand.

Ephesians 6:10-13

You have to know that there was a heavy demonic

activity going on in my life. For a skinny little 128-pound,

long-haired rock and roller to yell in the face of an ex-

Mafia Italian construction worker, telling him that his

mother was a whore, is a sure sign that something was

going on that was not right.

I even spit at Nick DiSipio. I told him that I had a

limousine driver outside waiting for me who was packing

a .38-caliber revolver and that if anybody touched me I

would have him killed. I warned the crew that they were

on my property and that I had a right to have them shot.

Nick DiSipio yelled at the top of his lungs, "You go

get'a your limousine driver!"

"Yeah?" I asked. "You want to see Uncle a'Knuckles

and his'a .38, do you?"

"Yes," said Nick. "Go get him and tell'a him to come in

here. If he can get'a past the blood of Jesus a'Christ, you

tell Uncle a'Knuckles to be my guest. Bring him in. We'll

pray for him'a, too."

Nick had no fear.

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome

them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that

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is in the world.

They are of the world: therefore speak they of the

world, and the world heareth them.

We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us;

he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we

the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.

1 John 4:4-6

I realized then that nothing intimidated these guys. I

turned around, ran out of room and rushed upstairs where

I locked myself in the master bedroom. I got down on my

knees and started shaking. I thought, Man, I need some

drugs. I got up and went into the bathroom. As I was

taking the drugs out of the medicine cabinet, a voice spoke

to me. At that point I knew that I was right in the heat of

spiritual warfare. I thought then that it was the Lord Who

was speaking to me saying, "Go ahead, you do need

drugs." It startled me. I put the drugs back, even though I

thought that was what I needed.

I look back now and I see that the voice was that of an

evil spirit who was trying to finish me off. I was so

confused and in such panic, I didn't know who was

talking to me. I didn't know which voice was Satan's and

which was God's. All I knew was that I was desperate.

... When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the

spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him.

Isaiah 59:19

For God is not the author of confusion, but of

peace....

1 Corinthians 14:33

But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your

hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.

This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is

earthly, sensual, devilish.

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From Darkness to Light

For where envying and strife is, there is confusion

and every evil work.

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure,

then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of

mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without

hypocrisy.

And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of

them that make peace.

James 3:14-18

Then I thought, I need some whiskey. I've got to go

downstairs to get some liquor. I need something bad. I'm

hearing voices. I'm paranoid. I'm having panic attacks

continuously. I always have to be drunk or stoned or in bed with

some girl, constantly doing something in order to occupy my

mind. If I ever let down for even a minute, I'll start to freak out.

Even if I got on a rocket ship and went to the moon, I would still

be paranoid. There's no place to run, nowhere to hide. I'm in for

the ride.

And then I began to silently scream from the depths of

my soul, "I need something!"

In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus

stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come

unto me, and drink.

He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said,

out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.

John 7:37, 38

After three hours of wrestling with what I now know

to be the Holy Spirit, I finally decided that I was going to

go downstairs and have those men pray for me. As soon as

I made the decision, a voice spoke to me from the depths

of hell. A familiar spirit that had been tormenting me for

years spoke up and said, "Those are not Christians. You've

been in the occult, and the devil knows you are getting

ready to reach out to God, so Satan has sent his men here. I

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Redeemed, Revived, Restored

am God and I am giving you a warning. Those men have

been sent from the satanic church. Nobody here knows

where they're from. Your wife doesn't know who they

really are. Do they look like Christians to you? They have

been ordered to ask you if you want to receive Jesus as

Lord, and if you say yes, they have been ordered to kill

you on the spot. Because you played the part of Jesus, the

devil does not want to let you go."

Now, you talk about being paranoid! All I knew was

that I had come to the end of my rope. I could see that I

had been following a long, wide road and that now it had

split, with one branch going to the right and the other to

the left. One way led to heaven, one way led to hell. It was

time to make a decision.

(For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted,

and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee:

behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the

day of salvation.)

2 Corinthians 6:2

I knelt down. Even though I didn't know how to pray,

I cried out, "God, Whoever You are, true God, I'm

speaking to You now. If those men are satanists and I go

downstairs and they kill me today, then when I come

before You, I want You to remember that I died trying to

find You."

I stood up, unlocked the door of my bedroom and

started walking down the hall. I then proceeded down the

back staircase. As I moved along I felt every muscle in my

body become tight and rigid. I felt as if I needed a

Quaalude or some kind of a drink to take the edge off my

nerves. But I refused to give in; I just kept walking.

When I got to the back wing of the house and

approached the door, I took a deep breath. I thought, On

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From Darkness to Light

the other side of this door is either life or death. I then opened

the door.

All the men stopped their work and stood staring at

me. Nick DiSipio walked up close to me and said, "Praise

a'God!" I looked at him and thought to myself, I'm going to

outsmart these guys. I remembered what that voice had told

me about their being satanists, so I told Nick DiSipio, "I'm

not into Jesus and I don't want to be. But if you guys want

to pray for me, go ahead and pray. Let's see Who your

God is." In my heart, I silently spoke these words: Jesus, if

You are real, help me.

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man

hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to

him, and will sup with him, and he with me.

Revelation 3:20

Those men came running at me like a herd of

stampeding buffaloes. They laid hands on me and began

to pray. I heard these words: "I bind you, Satan, in the

name of Jesus." As they spoke, a feeling of terror came

over my entire being. I started to scream and I tried to run.

As I turned, this big dude grabbed me, put his arm around

my neck, got me in a stronghold, and said, "You ain't

going nowhere, fella! Praise the Lord Jesus Christ!"

That's the last thing I remember.

The next thing I knew I was down on my knees. I went

down full of hell, but within a few moments I stood up

clear-minded, washed in the blood of Jesus. I looked at

those men and said, "My God, something has left me,

something has happened."

Nick DiSipio spoke up and asked me, "How do you

feel'a now?"

I said, "I feel like my back opened up and an anvil was

lifted out of the inside of my spine."

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Redeemed, Revived, Restored

Grace be to you and peace from God the Father,

and from our Lord Jesus Christ,

Who gave himself for our sins, that he might

deliver us from this present evil world, according to

the will of God and our Father.

Galatians 1:3, 4

I looked out the window and I could actually focus on

the leaves of the trees. This might sound like a small thing,

but to me it was amazing; I had been blurry-eyed for ten

years. I stared at those men and I started to jump up and

down, leaping for joy. I began, not laughing, but giggling,

like a schoolgirl. I yelled at Nick DiSipio, "What has

happened? What did you do?"

"We prayed'a for you in the name of Jesus a'Christ," he

answered, "and He has a'delivered you by His precious

blood. He has a'delivered you out of all that'a garbage

you've been into."

"If this is Jesus," I said, "I want Him right now. What

do I do? I want Jesus. I want more. What do I do?"

For whosoever shall call upon the name of the

Lord shall be saved.

Romans 10:13

"Pray with us," the men said, "and receive Jesus now as

your personal Savior and Lord."

I got on my knees and prayed the sinner's prayer:

"Father, I come to You in the name of Jesus. I'm a

sinner.

"Dear Jesus, thank You for delivering me. Thank You

for setting me free. Wash me in Your precious blood. Heal

me and clean me up. Make me a new person.

"Lord, I'll serve You for ever and ever. I belong to the

Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost now and for-

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From Darkness to Light

evermore.

"Jesus, I praise You! Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!"

And then I said, "Amen." And all of us said, "Amen."

At that point Reeni came into the room and saw me on

my knees receiving Jesus as Savior and Lord. Immediately

she fell over and collapsed on the floor. I looked at her and

asked, "What's the matter with Reeni?"

"Aw, it's a'nothin'," said Nick DiSipio, "she's been

a'slain in the Spirit."

"Slain?"

I didn't know that the expression "slain in the Spirit"

meant that the presence of God was so strong in the room

that Reeni had fallen under the power of the Lord. I

thought Nick meant that she was dead. I said, "Get away

from her! What are you doing?"

I leaned over to Reeni and I noticed that she was

mumbling in tongues. Then suddenly I realized that I too

was speaking in those same tongues. I started jumping

around and found myself speaking in a whole new

language, the language of the Holy Spirit.

And they were all filled with the Holy Ghost, and

began to speak with other tongues, as the Spirit gave

them utterance.

Acts 2:4

It was bringing me joy and peace and power. My mind

felt so strong and so clear. I knew that I knew that I knew

that I would never need drugs or alcohol again as long as I

serve the Lord Jesus Christ. I was free! I was free indeed!

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of

power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7

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Redeemed, Revived, Restored

Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new

creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things

are become new.

2 Corinthians 5:17

Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with

him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that

henceforth we should not serve sin.

For he that is dead is freed from sin.

Romans 6:6, 7

The next day when I woke up, all the carpenters were

there. "Let's do a Bible study," I said.

"We can't," they said. "We've got to work and earn

some money to support the ranch."

"Don't worry about it," I told them. "I'll pay all you

guys' salary, but you don't have to work. Just show up

here from 9 A.M. till 5 P.M. We're going to sit out on my

six acres of land by the ocean and we're going to study the

Word of God. I want to learn about Jesus. I want to know

about Heaven. I want to read the Bible and learn God's

Word." So, we began holding Bible studies all day long.

The men told me that I needed to be baptized with

water. I figured, Well, I've gone this far, why not? So the

very next day they began walking me down to the beach

where I was going to be baptized in the Long Island

Sound.

When we got to the water, there was a naked girl lying

on a towel on my private beach. I thought, Give me a break!

Have I got to go out there and get baptized in front of a naked

girl? But Nick DiSipio and his men walked over to her and

began praying for her. She jumped up and took off.

As I stepped into the water, much to my surprise that

same familiar spirit, the voice of that demon, spoke to me

again.

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From Darkness to Light

"Remember," it said, "I told you they were going to kill

you? Well, this is it. They are going to get you under water

and hold you there until you die. Then they will say that

you drowned by accident, that you took your own life in

the ocean!"

At first, I started to become paranoid. But then I

remembered what Jesus had done for me. So silently I

turned to God and prayed, Lord, I've gone this far, and I'm

going all the way.

I walked farther into the water and as I stepped out I

looked at the muscles on those big men. They waded out

waist deep and then took hold of me, saying, "Hold your

nose, we're going to dunk you under the water."

They put their hands on my head and started to lean

me over backwards. It was then that I realized that if they

tried to hold me down bent back in that position, they

could easily drown me.

"Stop! Wait a minute!" I cried. "I ain't going down

backwards!"

I figured that if I was going to go down in the water

with those guys, I was at least going to try to keep my legs

under me so I would have a fighting chance.

They dunked me under the water. I expected them to

hold me down, so I shot up with my legs. I must have

jumped a foot out of the water. I came up like a nuclear

missile. I am probably the only guy in the history of the

Gospel of Jesus Christ who was baptized forward.

All of a sudden a feeling of total joy and peace swept

over me. God then spoke to me and said, "Yes, son,

something did die today. The devil died in you, and now

you are born of the Spirit of the Living God."

Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead

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indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus

Christ our Lord.

Romans 6:11

Receiving Jesus as my Savior and Lord is the most

wonderful experience in my whole life. Praise be to the

name of the Lord, the true Messiah, Jesus!

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From Darkness to Light

Jeff— now doing Christian Concerts.

Jeff dedicating a church for David Wilkerson in New York City at Mark Hellinger

Theater— the same theater Jeff played the lead roll of Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar and

blasphemed God. It is still Time Square Church today.

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Redeemed, Revived, Restored

Jeff and Reeni's Belle Terre home where Jeff was “born again.”

The Fenholt California home where Jeff, Reeni and their children still reside today.

71

Conclusion

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as

some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-

ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all

should come to repentance.

2 Peter 3:9

The Bible says that God does not want anyone to die,

but that people perish ... because they received not the

love of the truth, that they might be saved (2 Thess. 2:10).

In Matthew 11:28 Jesus says, Come unto me, all ye

that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you

rest.

For you to be saved, you must receive Jesus as Your

Lord and Savior. The Word of God says that anyone who

calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. (Rom. 10:13.)

To receive Jesus as your personal Savior and the Lord of

your life, you need only to pray this prayer:

Dear God, Creator of the heavens and the earth, I pray to

You now, and I seek Your face. I repent of my sins and turn

away from wickedness.

Jesus, I receive You now as my Lord and Savior. Save my

soul. Wash me in Your blood that was shed for me on the cross.

Holy Spirit, I welcome you now into my life.

I am saved. I am born again of the Spirit of the Living God.

I will worship the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost

forever and ever.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

I believe it is important for you to find and join a

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From Darkness to Light

strong Bible-believing church in your local area. If you

know someone who is a born-again Christian, I would

recommend that you call him or her now and tell them

what has happened in your life. I am certain they will be

overjoyed.

God bless you as you continue in His love.

74

About the Author

Jeff Fenholt starred as the original Jesus in the

production Jesus Christ Superstar. He toured the United

States and Canada appearing before crowds of up to 135

thousand people per performance. He then went on to

recreate the role of Jesus opening on Broadway. Jeff

recorded the lead vocal of Jesus on the original cast

recording. Jesus Christ Superstar has sold approximately 15

million double albums in the United States. International

sales have been even greater. Jesus Christ Superstar is the

most successful rock opera in history.

Jeff's picture has appeared on the cover of Time

Magazine, as well as other major publications. Jeff has

recorded for and released albums and singles on various

labels such as CBS, MCA, DECCA, Polygram, Phonogram,

Capital and others.

Jeff achieved wealth and fame, yet he felt a deep

emptiness inside. He made Jesus Christ his Lord and

Savior, and as he will speak forth, that is the best decision

he has ever made. In December of 1984, Jeff joined the rock

group "Black Sabbath," he subsequently left the group in

May of 1985. Jeff was no longer interested in performing in

the secular world and being unequally yoked.

Since that time, Jeff has been performing as a Christian

all over the world. He has performed on five-continents, in

stadiums and arenas, as well as prisons and concert halls.

Jeff appears nationally on his weekly television show

listed in TV Guide under the title "Jeff Fenholt." His show

is available to over 100 million homes in the United States,

as well as via satellite throughout the world.

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From Darkness to Light

For concert bookings, order forms or

to contact the author, write:

Jeffrey Fenholt Outreach

P. O. Box 5000-301

Upland, California 91786

76

Acknowledgements

To Diana L. Windmiller, for helping me with this

composition.

To Barbara Gronbach, for persevering through time-

consuming research and contacting many of the people

from my past, who had knowledge of or participated in

the events listed in this book.

To Christopher Leeper, for his relentless support.

77

The Harrison House Vision

Proclaiming the truth and the power

Of the Gospel of Jesus Christ

With Excellence;

Challenging Christians to

Live victoriously,

Grow spiritually,

Know God intimately.

Document Outline

- From Darkness to Light

- Contents

- A Word From the Author

- 1 Childhood and Adolescence

- 2 On the Road

- 3 Jesus Christ Superstar

- 4 Spiritual Warfare

- 5 Redeemed, Revived, Restored

- Conclusion

- About the Author

- Acknowledgements

Table of Contents

A Word From the Author.

1 Childhood and Adolescence.

2 On the Road.

3 Jesus Christ Superstar.

4 Spiritual Warfare.

5 Redeemed, Revived, Restored.

Conclusion.

About the Author.

Acknowledgements.

From Darkness to Light

Contents

Table of Contents

A Word From the Author.

1 Childhood and Adolescence.

2 On the Road.

3 Jesus Christ Superstar.

4 Spiritual Warfare.

5 Redeemed, Revived, Restored.

Conclusion.

About the Author.

Acknowledgements.

From Darkness to Light

Contents