Desires of My Heart

A Devotional on Psalm 37:4

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” - Psalm 37:4

www.DesiresofMyHeart.com

By: Heather Bixler

Contributors:

Christina Fox, Debbie Taylor,

and Rebecca Yaghazarian.

© 2011 Becoming Press, LLC

www.BecomingPress.com

Cover image from: www.istockphoto.com

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© 2011 Becoming Press, LLC All Rights Reserved

Desires of My Heart | www.DesiresofMyHeart.com

Table of Contents

Introduction

My Mind Says Go, My Heart Says Lead

Total Surrender

Pride: A Stumbling Block

Humility: The Opposite of Pride

Through Our Brokenness We Delight in Him

Through Our Delight in Him Comes Peace

Letting Go of Fear, Embracing Faith

- Debbie's Faith Story

Being One With God

Desiring God's Word

Revealing the Desires of Your Heart

- Rebecca's Faith Story

When We Desire Something Our Spouse Doesn't

- Christina's Faith Story

The Breakthrough

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About Our Contributors

About the Author

Introduction

I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, but out of all those mistakes there is one thing I truly regret.

About six years ago my husband and I decided to go the route of sterilization. We just had our third child and I was very overwhelmed with having three children. Still, I was able to put my faith in God to provide for us. I like to call my youngest daughter “God’s Will” or “God’s Plan” because it wasn’t our plan to have more than two children. We had our girl and boy, and we had no intention of having another child. Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad God intervened in our plan. Even though I was willing to trust God for the provision He had over our new family of five, I didn’t trust God for His provision if we were to have more children.

Today the sterilization is something I regret. Now I see how we didn’t trust God completely. Every day I realize the freedom there is in total and complete submission to God and His will for our life. It’s a daily struggle for me to fully submit to Him, but in that submission is true freedom.

I now have this strong conviction about sterilization, especially as a follower of Christ. I also believe in trusting God with your whole life, including how many children He desires you to have.

Even with this lingering regret, I know that God can and will redeem my decision. Through this experience I am learning more to trust Him with my whole life. If God says move, I am more likely to MOVE.

For the past four years my desire to have a fourth child has been strong and growing. For awhile my husband was not on board, but now he is more on board with the idea of having another child.

Often my next move is determined by the desire to be in full submission to God and His will - His divine destiny - for my life. A lot of times these moves do not make any sense to me, and my heart is often torn between what I desire, and choosing to delight in Him.

I’m writing this eBook, because through my regret I can share what I’ve learned. Trusting God completely with your life requires full submission to Him. I’ve realized over the past four years that maybe I didn’t trust Him like I thought I did. Honestly trust is a key component in being a follower of Jesus. FAITH is truly the foundation of being a Christian.

I would like to challenge you today to evaluate your life, and ask yourself “Do I have FAITH in God in every area of my life?” Often we want so much, but yet we are unwilling to surrender, or submit, anything to God.

I pray this eBook is a blessing to you and encourages you to move forward in a life that delights in Him, rather than living a life that relies on your own understanding, doubts, and fears.

“Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.”- Psalm 37:4 (NASB)

My Mind Says Go My Heart Says Lead

by Heather Bixler

My mind says go.

My mind says do,

How I long for you.

My heart says I'm broken.

The tears are rolling.

My heart says peace,

In the stillness there is healing.

My heart says joy,

Overwhelming sweet joy.

My hearts says I can't,

I surrender my life to You.

My heart says love,

Our hearts are finally One.

My heart says pray,

You know what I need to say.

My heart says truth,

You know what I need to do.

My heart says stay,

You will show me the way.

My heart says lead,

Now I can start my day with YOU!

Total Surrender

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4 (NASB)

When I first heard this scripture I thought to myself, “How can I delight myself in the Lord?” Once I asked that question, God began to answer it for me, although it wasn't easy for me to realize the things He was revealing to me. Throughout this process I have felt pain, encountered brokenness, and experienced refinement, and I am excited to share with you in this eBook something that has brought so much freedom to me in the process.

So often we wonder, “What is the true path to delighting in Him?” We get wrapped up in how to find this wonderful peace that brings us JOY. We work diligently to put our priorities in line with God's priorities for our life. God first, spouse second, children third, family fourth, church/ministry fifth, and so on. After several years I had found setting my priorities in this manner to be a bit discouraging.

- I would put God first and....fail.

- I would put my husband second and...fail.

- I would put my children third and...fail.

- My church/ministry would come fourth and...fail.

Do you see the pattern? Do you also see that no where in this equation was I looking toward God?

Delighting in the Lord actually requires us to look inside. So often we think that delighting in the Lord requires us to focus on something outwardly. When we focus on the outward to show our delight in the Lord we move into a pattern of performance based religion.

If I just pray more, serve more, love more, say less, say more, be patient, show more compassion, read the Bible more, if I just do all these things then that will be delighting in the Lord.

Have you ever found yourself running through this same checklist everyday in order to make sure you are putting God first, and you are delighting in Him? How much JOY does it bring you? What about when you do all this and you still fail? What about when you are just too tired to read the Bible, or you don't have one minute available to serve at church?

The moment Jesus died on the cross was a moment of freedom, and so many of us are still living in bondage over what we “should” and “shouldn't” do. Sure we are called to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord, but so many of us have this confused with living a life that is far from God, simply because we do not even realize how close and personal delighting in the Lord really is. When we delight in the Lord we act obediently out of our desire to serve Him.

When our heart is full of delight in Him, we desire to obey; then we find the time and the energy to fully serve Him by reading our Bible, serving at church, etc. Reading the Bible is virtually pointless if your heart isn't open. Your eyes will skim over the words and you will be looking at the clock to see if you've read long enough, all the while being distracted by all the things on your to do list!

Reading the Bible, tithing, going to church, and serving isn't how we delight in the Lord. When we delight in the Lord we read our Bible, tithe, go to church, and serve others.

To delight in the Lord means to look inward. It's digging deep, sweeping out the cobwebs that surrounds the wounds inside our heart. It's finally moving past all those things that cause bitterness, pain, jealousy, resentment, anger, shame, guilt, and worry so that we can finally make way for the Holy Spirit to fully indwell our soul! When we have the Holy Spirit fully dwelling within our soul, our heart is fully open to delighting in the Lord.

If we are still living a life that isn't full of the Fruit of the Spirit, then we aren't delighting in the Lord.

I know it may be contrary to what you are used to hearing, that we need to look inward in order to fully delight our self in the Lord, but when we look outwardly, we are often discouraged and end up right back where we started.

Failure happens when we look outwardly simply because we are focusing on the things we have no control over. You can't control time, your husband, even your children... Each of us has been given a gift of free will by God. You certainly can't control or manipulate God, so what do you have control over? What or whom can you change? That's right, YOU! When we learn to let God show us the truth about our self, we finally have a heart that is delighted in Him.

For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bondslaves of God. Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king. - 1 Peter 2:15-17 (NASB)

Pride: A Stumbling Block

But when he became strong, his heart was so proud that he acted corruptly, and he was unfaithful to the LORD his God, for he entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense. - 2 Chronicles 26:16 (NASB)

When we first decide that we want to live our life delighting in the Lord, the first obstacle we face is our pride. For so long we have been moving along our relationship with God, doing whatever it is we feel we need to do to be worthy. Worthy of His love, His blessings, His calling. Then when we fail, our heart is bruised with another wound telling us we are not good enough.

When we live in a world where actions speak louder than words, our lives begin to be judged by not only the people we surround ourselves with, but by our own worst enemy, ourself! You see, where there is pride, Satan is close by.

The first step in truly delighting our self in the Lord is crying out to God letting Him know that we can't do this on our own. We need to surrender our pride, and the control we desire to have over our life. Both pride and control help us to feel as if we have it all together, but both are deceptive and are sure to let us down eventually.

With God our hearts speak louder than our words or actions. Through our heart comes our words and actions. From a prideful heart comes angry, hurtful words. Through our pride we become independent and rebellious. When we clean out our pride, our humility projects the Holy Spirit that lives in us to the world.

Pride often motivates us to live a life that is pleasing to others or ourself, but not God. Too often when we feel the need to defend our actions, thoughts, or deeds, we are living under the pride that is within our hearts. We do this in order to maintain our status or worth, because if all the bad things about our self were true then we may feel we are not worthy enough to be in the presence of the Lord. If the actions we take are wrong, then we need to confess to God and change those actions.

Sometimes the thought of having to change something in our life is motivation enough for us to work to prove that it's not that bad, or there is nothing wrong with our actions. But the fact is when we do this, it's pride. We hold onto the things we need to let go of because we desire them more than God. In order for us to delight in Him we need to let go of whatever it is we desire more than Him. This may need to happen on a daily basis, and sometimes a deep sense of sadness comes when we let that one thing go, but true joy, peace, and contentment comes when we are truly delighting in Him.

When we hold onto pride we hold onto sin. Sin isn't what keeps us from delighting in the Lord, it's really our pride. When we let go of pride, we are able to honestly face the sin that is deep within our heart. Then we are able to release this sin to God, and He will change our hearts.

“Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. - Philippians 3:17-19 (NASB)

Humility: The Opposite of Pride

When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom. - Proverbs 11:2 (NASB)

Let's clear one thing up about humility. Humility is not self denial. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Humility is self truth. It is knowing what you are truly capable of and who you truly are. Humility cuts deep into our soul, but that's only because pride is so deeply embedded in it.

How can surrender and humility bring us to the joy and contentment that can only be found when we delight ourself in Him?

Surrender and humility brings us to contentment simply because we have finally seen the truth of who we really are. No more believing lies. No more thinking that we can some how prove ourself worthy, or that we have control over our life. Through this surrender our eyes are taken off the outward and turned back inward, looking at our heart and looking back to God. When we look at our heart, we see what God sees.

When we look inward we delight in Him because we finally know we need Him!

Humility is having a heart that knows it's brokenness and realizes its position in the world. When we have a heart of humility we know that in all reality we are no better than the next person. Our heart is not consumed with trying to look or act better than the person next to us. A humble heart is one that lives out the fruit of the spirit.

"For My hand made all these things, Thus all these things came into being," declares the LORD. "But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word. - Isaiah 6:22 (NASB)

Through Our Brokenness We Delight in Him

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. "Blessed are the gentle, for they shall inherit the earth. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. "Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. "Blessed are those who have been persecuted for the sake of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. "Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you, and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of Me. "Rejoice and be glad, for your reward in heaven is great; for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. - Matthew 5:2 – 12 (NASB)

Often before we find our self delighting in the Lord we need to realize our brokenness. Until we are broken, we never fully accept, or receive, the beauty of God's grace.

So many times our efforts in life leave us feeling hopeless, inadequate, or not good enough. It is when we fully come to a place where we stop trying and begin living, that we have truly become broken.

When we are broken, that is when we let go of control, and we begin to trust in God.

“The Lord is near those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.” Psalm 34:18 (NASB)

Contrite: feeling or showing sorrow, remorse for a sin or shortcoming. (merrriam website dictionary.)

When we let go of what we “think” and allow the Holy Spirit to enter our heart through our brokenness, that is when we are free from being a slave to whatever it is that controls our mind and actions.

Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; - Romans 7:20-22 (NIV)

Brokenness is a part of life even though we are made whole through our faith in Jesus. We still struggle with our sin, and still have moments of pain in our life that simply can't be explained. If we ignore the fact that life has it's ups and downs, and the fact that our flesh still lives then we are missing many moments in our life that will grow us up in our faith.

Acknowledging and embracing brokenness means we are willing to welcome the bad with the good. God is good all the time and He will use our brokenness to bring truth and glory into the lives of those who do not know Him.

Through Our Delight in Him Comes Peace

“For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace, because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.” Romans 8:5-8 (NASB)

With our pride comes the desire to control. When we are consumed with our need to protect our sin through pride, we also work to maintain control of our life. You see, control prevents us from totally surrendering our life to Him, and truly recognizing our brokenness.

Our brokenness leads us to the peace of God. Delighting in Him also brings contentment. Through my own journey I was quite surprised at how closely contentment and delighting in Him are related. Through our journey to delight in Him, we find peace and contentment. How?

Well, through our brokenness we learn to give up control. So many times the conflict within our soul comes from our desire to control, or the people or things we desire more than God.

These desires can range anywhere from wanting to be more organized, to the love of money. The efforts we make to control our lives can either be good or bad, but control is never good.

Too often we forget that God is the only One Who controls everything. However this battle to be a god in our own life, or our own little world, has been there since Eve took a bite of the apple. Eve desired more knowledge. She wanted control, and knowledge was how she was going to gain that control. Through that desire, sin entered our world.

It's difficult to give up control, especially if you think you have it all together. That's why brokenness is key to finding true peace, or contentment. As long as we try to control our life we will never move forward in delighting in Him and finding true contentment.

Delighting in the Lord requires total and complete surrender and submission to God. We often think that delighting in the Lord is about our actions, instead it is about reaction to the Holy Spirit living inside.

Letting Go of Fear, Embracing Faith

"Behold, as for the proud one, His soul is not right within him; But the righteous will live by his faith. - Habakkuk 2:4 (NASB)

Delighting in the Lord requires a great amount of faith. Besides our pride and the desire to control, fear is another hindrance in our journey to be fully surrendered to Him. Fear often accompanies control. We fear because we have the weight of the world on our shoulders, and we realize the struggles and trials that we will need to overcome in order to accomplish our mission, to control our life.

Fear is never a good thing and will often lead us to react in a way that is not beneficial. I often struggle with the fear of rejection or the fear that something will NEVER happen. Sometimes we need to be willing to accept the negative in order to live out a life delighting in the Lord. For me accepting the worst possible outcome has helped me to let go of fear. When we are willing to accept what “may” happen then we are able to release that fear to God. So many times our fears hold us back, and continue to control our actions rather than helping us to move forward.

The other day I actually found a huge hole in the foundation of my house. My first reaction was “WHY?” - why now when we are working so hard as a family to sell our house and move forward in the direction we feel God is leading us.

It seemed like another setback. The fear of what could happen started to consume me. That's when I had to step back and just accept what was happening. I had to just accept that there was a hole in the foundation of our house. Then I told God that if my house crumbles to the ground and we have no place to live I would still serve Him and delight in Him.

Even though I doubt our house will ever crumble to the ground, I still needed to release that fear to Him. Now instead of wishing the hole in the foundation never happened, which is something I have absolutely no control over, I have given it over to God and have resolved in my mind that no matter what, I will delight in Him. No matter what I will continue to have faith in Him and His word:

And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, `Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you. - Matthew 17:20 (NASB)

***

Debbie's Faith Story

One recent summer, we were facing some financial difficulties. Although it has been a challenge to live on one income, things had gotten pretty tight. Worst of all, our only family vehicle needed brakes. Desperately.

We were struggling just to pay our bills and keep our heads above water, and now we had to come up with a few hundred dollars in order to keep our family safe and ensure that my husband could still drive to work and back.

I began praying and asked God for $300. That was the estimate we had been given, and we knew it was going to be a challenge. We couldn't NOT pay utilities, or house payment, or anything else, and we knew it was going to take a miracle to get our van fixed.

One afternoon, I checked the mail and found an envelope with my name on it. There was no return address. Inside it was a note that said the money enclosed was for us to get our brakes fixed. Inside I found three $100 bills! It was the exact amount I prayed for. Although I had mentioned on my blog that we needed prayer and I was praying to get our brakes fixed - I had not told anyone the amount we needed. I hadn't told anyone but God, that is.

Since that day, I have come to understand that God WILL meet our needs. We could not drive to church without our van. We could not take our children to the doctor or go anywhere as a family without our van. And God provided for us when we could not see any other way.

To this day - I still do not know where the money came from. Except that God met our need through the generosity of someone who listened to His voice. He has come through so many times since that day - in so many little ways - but that day He showed Himself to us as Jehovah-Jireh - our Provider. And He still grows my faith every day...

- Debbie Taylor, The Queen Mommy

***

Being One With God

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. - John 14:27 (NIV)

When we are one with God we feel peace. Delighting in God brings us a sense of contentment. Often we are filled with our own desires and motivated on a daily basis by things that will never truly fill us up. But when we delight in the Lord, our hearts become one with God's heart.

When our heart is in alignment with God's, we find the strength and the motivation for the day. We persevere through times that seem impossible. When our heart is aligned with His, our desires become one with His. Amazingly enough our desires become God's desires. Through this oneness we are willing and able to accomplish our goals and see our dreams fulfilled.

This oneness gives us the confidence to move forward with whatever it is God has in store for us. No more pursuing dreams on our own strength, and no more wondering if it is the right dream for us.

Oneness with God requires endurance and faith. Getting into and staying in God's word is the best place to start. So many times we may wonder why life is treating us badly, and in these moments we may question God. But it is in these moments where we need to check our hearts and make sure it is still one with God, and also remember that faith gives us the strength to persevere.

Desiring God's Word

When we learn God's word we know His will. Through God's word we find out what it means to be a wife, mother, believer, and friend. God's word is alive, and through His word we can find the true comfort that comes with knowing who you really are and why you were created. Often we get trapped in the lies of the devil that swirl around in our mind, and without God's word we have no idea who we truly are, or who we are called to be.

The Word fills us up with the truth. The truth of Who God is, who we are, and God's will for our life right now. Living this life isn't about things, it is about character. It's about what's in your heart, and how we are to express what is inside our heart.

Delighting in the Lord is never about what we desire in our heart, or how we are to work to receive that desire. It's always about opening up our heart to the Holy Spirit and allowing God to guide our life fully and completely. When we are motivated by our desires we are prone to discontentment and sin. There is no joy in the desire itself, but there is joy in delighting in Him. In order to delight in Him we need to engage His word.

Often when I'm going through a difficult time I do one of two things:

→ I find myself in quite a bit of despair, self pity, anger, jealousy. I find myself feeling hopeless and yelling way too much. Patience is no where to be found, and I find myself lying on my bed either crying or sleeping.

or

→ I find myself reading the Bible, looking to God for answers. Praying, writing, journaling, reaching out to friends and family. Sometimes there is a need for quiet alone time for me, but it's usually spent talking with God.

My point here is when we are faced with moments where life gets hard, or even when it's easy, if we aren't focused on Him and delighting in Him then our reaction isn't what it would be if we are living in response to the Holy Spirit in our heart. If our focus isn't on God then our focus is on whatever we desire more than Him. Often our desires end up leaving us feeling not good enough, hopeless, and we feel like giving up. Doubts creep in, and when we aren't looking to Him those doubts have room to grow into something bigger and more frightening.

Desiring God's word needs to be authentic. You will know if it's authentic, or if you are just trying to check it off your “to-do” list. Either way, praying before diving into God's word, and having a heart pulsing to connect with Him is truly all you need before you will have a life changing moment reading your Bible.

Since you have in obedience to the truth purified your souls for a sincere love of the brethren, fervently love one another from the heart, for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God. For, "ALL FLESH IS LIKE GRASS, AND ALL ITS GLORY LIKE THE FLOWER OF GRASS. THE GRASS WITHERS, AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF, BUT THE WORD OF THE LORD ENDURES FOREVER." And this is the word which was preached to you. - 1 Peter 1:22-25 (NASB)

Revealing the Desires of Your Heart

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. - Proverbs 19:21 (NIV)

Often our move towards delighting in the Lord requires us to acknowledge what we desire more than God. Letting go of these desires may be a struggle on a daily basis because we become so consumed with them.

Some desires that compete with God may include: ambition, acceptance, success, food, sex, money, our family, our children, our spouse. Until we recognize the desires that competes with God in our life, we will never be able to move forward in living a life delighting in Him.

Notice how I never said you need to move past them, just acknowledge them, and then submit them to God. He will help you, even carry you, past these desires. But until we are able to acknowledge them, we will continue to live a life of lies.

How can we know what we desire more than God? Look at what motivates your actions, and what drives you through the week. If it's not God then you are not delighting in Him. Whatever does motivate you is in direct competition in your life with God. Whatever brings you a moment of happiness cannot compete with the joy and peace that comes with delighting in the Lord. Often the things we desire more than God leaves us feeling empty, alone, and depressed.

What does it mean to delight in the Lord? Delighting in the Lord is simply having a heart motivated by the Lord.

When our heart is cluttered with desires that compete with God, then our heart is not one with God. When we delight in Him everything we do is for Him, and is encouraged by Him.

When we delight in the Lord, God is our master, and we are His slave. Nothing brings our heart more joy than to simply be in His presence. Fulfillment comes around every corner. When you are feeling down, your relationship with Him is enough...

→When you don't feel accepted, you are content with knowing God accepts you!

→When you are alone, you feel at peace because you know God is with you.

→When the tears are rolling down your face, you find comfort in knowing that God sees your tears, and cares about how you feel.

Delighting in the Lord doesn't mean struggles go away. It doesn't mean that we will never have our selfish desires competing with God. However, when we turn to God in our journey to delight in Him more, He will carry us and healing will come. Eventually we get to a place where we are no longer motivated by our own selfish desires. At least, not on a regular basis anyway.

However before we can get to that place we need to know what motivates us, and if it's not God, then we need to surrender our sin to Him.

“For I delight in loyalty rather than sacrifice, And in the knowledge of God rather than burnt offerings. “ Hosea 6:6 (NASB)

We need to learn to please God, and only God. This truly begins with our heart and clearing away the fear and the pride. Once we do that we are in a place where we can truly examine our heart and submit our sin to God. When we get to the place where our heart is full of humility, then we live out life guided by the Holy Spirit, serving and worshiping God through our daily life and actions, not others and not ourself.

***

Rebecca's Faith Story

“It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.” Psalm 118:8 KJV

Have you ever made a decision, I'm talking a major decision, and placed your child ahead of you in that decision? It seems like such a natural thing when you think about it, doesn't it? It seems that any good parent would put their kid first. Any good parent would make sure the needs of their child were taken care of before their personal, and oh so often selfish, needs.

You’d think that it would be natural for parents to do this, but apparently it can often be seen as a crazy thing...

Last year I was accepted to grad school. This was a huge accomplishment for me. I had fully planned on pursuing my masters degree. I was ready to take out another student loan and take my education to the next level.

But life happens and it happened to me. When I had children I was given a responsibility far greater than any classroom could ever provide. I was given personal responsibility for the well being and raising up of two precious souls.

When my son was diagnosed with Autism I was given a world in which my selfish nature was thrust out of my body at an alarming rate. Suddenly life was not so much about me.

I have spent the last seven years being a mom. It is what I do. And for five of those seven years I have known my son has Autism. I have given my life over to the cause of making sure his life is better. It is exhausting and when you add my daughter and her own needs on top of it, yes, it gets overwhelming at times.

When my son started public school at the beginning of the year I thought hey, this is it, I can do something for me - so I applied to grad school and I got in. Yep, I was pretty stoked - I was happy!

But when it became painfully obvious that my son needed to be pulled out of public school and brought back to homeschooling I did what I should think any good parent would do - I deferred my masters program and I began homeschooling again.

I did what I did because I love my son. And I love my daughter and she also needs extra help as she has her own set of issues.

And people have said things to me like "you have thrown away your life" and "you are giving up everything important to you".

But that’s not true - in fact, that is the enemy speaking through them!

Everything IMPORTANT to me is right here in this house! My entire life is what God has blessed me with and every single part of that life lives and breathes under this roof.

Some may not understand it, but I did what I did because I LOVE MY KIDS!!!

My son needs someone to be with him 24/7. It is just how it is. And if he does better at home then at home is where he will be.

My daughter needs extra attention to help with her own set of special needs that is not being properly given to her in the public school system - so if she needs me to be there for her then there I will be.

And there I am - there... here... at home.

And I’m ok with it.

I homeschool because I love my kids and it is what THEY need! Not everyone has to agree with it and not everyone has to like it. And that is OK. I have learned a valuable lesson through all of this - People may think I am wasting life. People may think I "could do so much more" - but I know... Yes, I absolutely KNOW, that my life is being lived just the way it needs to be lived at this very moment to be the best mother I can be. I’m answering God’s very clear call on my life and I’m not trying to overstep His authority any longer.

Be it homeschooling, a job offer, caring for a special child, or anything else - When you hear God’s call you listen. There is no other choice. And when you listen He will reward you. It is better to trust in the Lord than to put your confidence in man - and that includes yourself.

- By Rebecca Yaghazarian, www.Mommastime.com

***

When We Desire Something Our Spouse Doesn't

Often times when our heart becomes one with God we face setbacks, or many obstacles. There will be moments where God's will for your life will not be what your spouse wants. This is a very difficult struggle that I'm sure we have all faced at one point in time.

When I first brought the idea of having a fourth child to my husband, he was against it from day one. His heart and mind did not change for quite some time. It took years actually. During that time I prayed a lot, but it was one prayer that I think helped us move closer in the direction of growing our family.

A couple of years ago when I started a church Bible Study group they asked us to pray to God and ask Him for one thing we would like for Him to accomplish through the Bible Study. Well my prayer had to do with having another child. Up to that point I felt like I had prayed every prayer I could from “God change my heart.” to “God change my husband's heart.” But He did not answer neither one of those prayers and I think it's because I was praying for the wrong thing.

Finally I asked “God align our (my husband and I) hearts with yours. Lord I pray for your will to be our desire.” That was the prayer that I felt changed everything. Now I think we are both at a place where we desire God's will, and it took a prayer and God's intervention to change our heart's, and show us His will.

Typically when your spouse is not on board with something you feel God is calling you to, it can be incredibly discouraging. However know that this is a perfect opportunity for you to grow your relationship. Before my desire to have a fourth child came into being, I didn't pray for my husband very often. But once this desire came into my life, and I had no control over making it happen, I prayed. I prayed for myself, my husband, and most importantly our marriage.

My main hope for this eBook has always been that I could pass along what I have learned in this journey to delight in the Lord. It is through the many heartaches of not being able to fulfill a desire I had in my heart, one I had received from God, to birth this eBook. It also took that desire to move me to become more of the wife God had called me to be.

You see the desire is not what's important. It's how you respond to that desire. I believe that one day God will fulfill this desire to have another child, simply because I know in my heart that it is His will. But through the time of waiting, my patience, and my faith has truly been tested. I've had to renew my commitment to God, and my husband many times through this journey. But with each renewal I have moved closer to the life God has planned for me. I have also moved closer in relationship with Him, and my husband.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned through all of this is while you are waiting for the desire to be fulfilled, practice a life of obedience now. Through this journey I have been changing how I live my life. If you are a wife and mother then you already know God's will for your life, right now. Be the wife you know God wants you to be, right now. Be the mom you know God wants you to be, right now. Delight in Him. Submit your pride, anger, hurt, jealousy, to HIM. Submit your desires to Him, RIGHT NOW!

***

Christina's Faith Story

Have you ever noticed that God doesn’t work in our life in the way in which we expect Him?

It seems like many of the things in life that are “good” things, things we assume will happen, are not always part of His plan for us. There have been times in my life where I’ve wondered, “why do I have these desires in my heart for “good” things, but God has not provided them?”

God’s ways are not our ways. His plan for changing us and making us more like Christ will often take us down roads we never expected. For many, we have to become broken and humbled to truly see and delight in Him. When we come before Him broken with nothing in our hands, and our hearts empty of all our idols, we will see Him for who He really is. It is in that humbled state where we truly find our delight in Him. And then He gives us the desires of our heart.

He’s done this work in my own life. Breaking me, molding me, and chiseling away at the hardness of my heart. Even though the things I desire may seem “good” on the outside, they were all things I placed as more important than God. There are many idols that don’t immediately show themselves as such. The desire for marriage and motherhood can both be good desires that quickly become idols.

Even the work we do for God can replace Him as foremost in our heart. I always wanted to work in the helping field. I worked hard through undergraduate and then graduate school to become a psychotherapist. I believed it was my calling to provide counseling to the broken and wounded. After a number of stressful years in the field, I realized that my desire to succeed professionally was more important than my relationship with God. When he did the work in my heart to convict me and break me so that I could see that idol in my heart, I found that desire to for my work had changed.

In more recent years, I’ve struggled with waiting for God’s timing. When my son was about eighteen months old, I became interested in homeschooling. This idea had never been on my radar before. The more I studied and researched, the more I felt led to teach my son at home. It was an idea with which my husband disagreed. I however believed in my heart I was called to home school. I figured that since it was a “good” thing to do, God would make a way for it to happen.

The day I dropped my son off for his first day of kindergarten at our neighborhood school was a heart-wrenching day for me. God didn’t come through for me as I had expected. I cried most mornings as I dropped him off to be taught and influenced by a stranger. Why did God give me this conviction to home school and then not allow it to happen? As my son went to kindergarten each day, I wrestled with God over the desires of my heart.

This process of being refined, of having the idols surgically removed, is a painful one. But the more that are removed, the more that God takes preeminence in my heart. When I can delight in Him without anything else distracting me, I find true joy and peace. The more I experience true delight in Him, the more my desires change. The more I learn about Him, the closer I become to Him, the more I realize that my desires don’t match up with His will.

The year that my son spent in public school was difficult for all of us. I realized that I was trusting in my own will, rather than the Father’s. It was a time of intense prayer, reflection and learning more about what God is desiring to change in me. I had to let go of this desire and say in my heart, “Your will, not mine, O Lord.”

As I submitted to my husband and to my Father and let God rule my mind and heart, things changed in my husband’s heart. By the end of the school year, it became evident that homeschooling was the best educational choice for him for first grade. When my desire changed from pursuing my will, in my timing, to pursuing and delighting in God, He worked things out-- in His time.

As the saying goes, God works in mysterious ways. Even though the things we want in life may in fact be “good” things, it may not be what is best for us. When all we seek is Him, nothing else will matter. Everything else will pale in comparison to the joy we find in Him. For He Himself said:

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.” (Matthew 6:33)

-By, Christina Fox, www.toshowthemjesus.com

***

The Breakthrough

The greatest breakthrough for me personally was realizing that life is not about what I do, it's about having a heart living for God. It's truly amazing what will happen when you simply realize the pride that is shrouding the Holy Spirit living inside of you.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22 (NASB)

So often we look at this verse and think about all the things we are NOT...and then we work towards changing that, then we fail because we can't control God.

We can't fake living a life guided by the Holy Spirit.

An authentic delight in the Lord requires us to do some real work, but really all we need to be willing to do is submit, surrender, and confess. When we do this the Holy Spirit begins to be revealed in our life.

As we end this eBook think on this:

→ Do you feel that your actions are better, or make you better, than the next person?

→Do you strive to be a certain type of person because you feel being that person will make you worthy, or good enough?

→Do you consider someone esle's sin worse than yours?

→Do you hold grudges when someone sins against you?

→Do you defend your actions even when you know they were not motivated by the best intentions?

→Are you willing to commit a sin in order to achieve a desire you have in your heart?

→What do you desire? Do you desire these things more than God?

→What motivates you, your desires or God?

→What do you feel God is calling you to do? Are you willing to move forward obediently? What's holding you back?

Now that this eBook is almost finished I feel God impressing another eBook on my heart. As I sit here thinking about all the “time” I will have to myself when this eBook is published I really don't “feel” like diving right into writing another eBook. However I am reminded how easy it is for my desires to get in the way of The Holy Spirit working in me.

Delighting in the Lord requires daily submission, surrender, and confession. Delighting in the Lord takes a reaction, and typically our reaction is the motivation to continue on with living life obediently to the Lord.

So even though I desire to take the next month off to relax and do absolutely nothing, I will choose to move forward with putting the words that God has put on my heart onto the computer screen. I will take hours out of my day to share God with the world.

You see the breakthrough is this, it's not about what we want, it's about what God wants. It's about what God desires. Through our delight in Him, He is glorified. And that is all that truly matters in this life.

Send Us Your Feedback!

We would love to hear your thoughts on this eBook. Please feel free to submit your reviews or comments to Amazon or on our website!

You can also visit us on Facebook:

Desires of My Heart on Facebook

Or Follow Heather on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/hbixler03

More Books by Heather Bixler

Breaking Pride

Faith – A Four Week Mini Bible Study

Rejected - A Four Week Mini Bible Study

My Scripture Journal: Fearing the Lord

My Scripture Journal: Gratitude

Family Bible Study Time: Being a Good Helper

Christian Stay at Home Moms

Bible Study for Her

Devotions for Moms

If you would like for Heather to speak at your church, retreat, or conference, regarding the topic of delighting in the Lord, or another topic, please visit the following link for more information:

http://heatherbixler.com/speaking/

A Special Thank You

I would like to say a special thank you to our contributors! Your stories have been such an amazing blessing to this eBook. I have personally been encouraged in my walk with the Lord by your faith and true delight in HIM!

About Our Contributors:

Christina Fox - Christina Fox is a stay at home mom, licensed mental health counselor, blogger, reader, and aspiring writer. You can find her writing about her struggles with depression, parenting and the journey of God's work in healing her brokenness at www.toshowthemjesus.com

Debbie Taylor - Debbie is a full time wife & mom at home. When she is not washing dishes or laundry she might be found painting fingernails or playing tea party with her daughters or playing peek-a-boo with her son. Her favorite activities include blogging, journaling, and reading. Her spontaneous nature challenges her desire for organization, but she takes it all in stride with a calendar & pen, alongside a large cup of coffee. She delights in the relevant, living Word of God and appreciates God's endless application of grace in her life. Her blog, Visit with The Queen Mommy, is a written journey of faith as a wife, mother, and woman pursuing God's Heart. - Debbie's website, www.TheQueenMommy.com

Rebecca Yaghazarian - Rebecca Yaghazarian is a married, Christian, stay-at-home mom to two wonderful kids, one of whom just happens to have Autism, and believes it is God's call on her life to homeschool and be the best advocate for her kids that a mom can be. She and her Husband enjoy spending family time together, sharing experiences through words and pictures, and just living the life that God has blessed them to live. When the going gets tough, Rebecca finds these to be her words to live by, "As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him." Psalm 18:30 NIV

- Rebecca's website, www.MommasTime.com

About the Author

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. - Philippians 3:12-16 (NIV)

I would be the first person to tell you that I am the LAST person who should be writing this eBook. I still struggle with pride, control, and fear. But even though I struggle, when I turn to God He offers provision and encouragement in theses areas of my life.

I truly feel we need to embrace our brokenness because it turns us towards God...because where we are weak He is strong.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)

I encourage you to look towards God to guide you in every area of your life, especially where you are weak.

Author Bio: Heather is a Christian Stay at home homeschooling mom of three, married to a firefighter, and a writer. She is founder of www.CSAHM.com among other websites for Christian mothers, and women. Heather is passionate about sharing God's word in a practical and loving way. You can read Heather's personal blog at www.HeatherBixler.com.

Table of Contents

Introduction

My Mind Says Go, My Heart Says Lead

Total Surrender

Pride: A Stumbling Block

Humility: The Opposite of Pride

Through Our Brokenness We Delight in Him

Through Our Delight in Him Comes Peace

Letting Go of Fear, Embracing Faith

- Debbie's Faith Story

Being One With God

Desiring God's Word

Revealing the Desires of Your Heart

- Rebecca's Faith Story

When We Desire Something Our Spouse Doesn't

- Christina's Faith Story

The Breakthrough

Send Us Your Feedback & Share YOUR Faith Story!

A Special Thank You

About Our Contributors

About the Author