“Buried Treasure provides keys to unlock your marriage! Challenging you to look inside yourself and become the woman of your husband's dreams!”

~Misty Leask, Simply Helping Him

“Leslie conveyed her sweet, humble spirit throughout the book as she encourages women to strengthen their marriages from the core.”

~Judith Kowles, Whole-Hearted Home

“Buried Treasure is a great devotional application that is easily related to

and draws out what God laid out for us preserve the 'Buried Treasure' , our husbands.”

~Charla Grimes, Christian Mom.

“I think this book was absolutely fantastic and an invaluable resource

to women - both young and older.”

~Stephanie Stotts, Modern Christian Woman

“I REALLY liked it and it is very thought provoking.”

~ Mindy Bowan, New Equus

“Leslie truly presents complex ideas in a simple way and she addresses our honest emotions that many of us struggle with but don't know how to address.

I know many wives are constantly wishing they could

change their husbands and Leslie has found the secret.”

~Alexandrea J. Wilson, Alexandrea J. Wilson

“Monroe covers each topic with candor – her conversational writing style made me feel like I was sitting down for a discussion with a wise friend. She openly shares how she changed her negative attitude toward her marriage into a positive, godly one.”

~Hilary Bernstein, Accidentally Green

BURIED TREASURE

REVEALING YOUR HUSBAND

AS THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS

BY

LESLIE MONROE

© 2012 Leslie Monroe, Simply Better, Monroe Liberty LLC.

All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in any retrieval system, transmitted or printed in any form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights.

All scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com  The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

For Todd

You are my inspiration and I can do anything with you by my side.

I love you more than words can express.

Special thanks to everyone who helped me edit!

Todd, Karen, Charla, Maggie and Misty.

Thank you so much for the loving support.

BURIED TREASURE

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

ASSUMPTIONS

HOW TO READ THIS BOOK

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP:

THINK WITH EMPATHY

SPEAK WITH RESPECT

ACT WITH SELFLESSNESS

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP:

THINK WITH FORGIVENESS

SPEAK WITH SWEETNESS

ACT WITH KINDNESS

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER:

THINK WITH HAPPINESS

SPEAK WITH LOVE

ACT WITH PASSION

CLOSING THOUGHTS

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

PLEASE REVIEW AND SHARE

STUDY GUIDE

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP:

THINK WITH EMPATHY

SPEAK WITH RESPECT

ACT WITH SELFLESSNESS

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP:

THINK WITH FORGIVENESS

SPEAK WITH SWEETNESS

ACT WITH KINDNESS

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER:

THINK WITH HAPPINESS

SPEAK WITH LOVE

ACT WITH PASSION

INTRODUCTION

Ever wonder what happened to the man of your dreams? Was he tall and handsome?  Did you think he would kiss you senselessly, and tell you every day how much he loved and adored you?  He valued you. He was grateful for you. He told you every day how you made his life better and he would love you always and forever.

I was crazy head over heals in love with the man of my dreams, and one amazing day he asked me to marry him. I said, “Yes!”  If you are anything like me; this is when our love went to a whole new level.  He made sacrifices to give me a beautiful diamond ring, and he was asking to spend his life with ...me.  I was thrilled for our upcoming marriage and the thought of building a future together with the man I loved. The man of my dreams.

Our marriage was going to be perfect, filled with love and respect.  We would spend time together and not take each other for granted.  We would not fight over silly things; we would be an example of what marriage should be.  I prayed for God to use our relationship as an example to show what a loving relationship should look like.  I wanted our marriage to be a beacon of hope, proclaiming to the world, “Yes you too can have wonderful, long lasting, forever love.”

I bet you had hopes and dreams of how your married life was going to be, too.  But then reality crept in and things just weren't how you thought they'd be.  I bet it's hard to look past all the times he's late, the piles of laundry, dirty dishes, and kissless embraces. Is that really the man of my dreams eating a mayo-cheese sandwich in his underwear on the couch watching sports?

A decade ago, my married life began.  During that time, we have faced numerous challenges. We have spent more nights apart than I care to remember; faced losing loved ones; and weathered conflicting schedules, graduate school, buying homes and trying to sell them, miscarriages, having a child, in-laws, job changes, and the list goes on. In all that time, with all those challenges, we never fought about big issues. Instead it's the small daily stuff that creeps up, gets under my skin, and drives me crazy.

Want to know what we fight about most?  Dishes.  Well, we did for the first half of our married years at least.  If it wasn’t for those stupid dishes, we might not know how to fight.  For me everything circled back to those darn dishes.  We were not beacons of anything; we were fighting about dishes.  When I say fight, we never really yelled and shouted about dishes, but we had many heated arguments that led to pent up frustration and resentment.  We have always fought fairly, and never said things we'd regret. Still, arguments would erupt out of the sink, and I would always circle back to him not doing the dishes…the one job he volunteered to do.

What if I told you that you could have your current husband be the man of your dreams?  Impossible?  Have you spent too much time letting problems erode your relationship?  Do you think he will never change, so why bother?  Well, I'm here to tell you it is possible, and that you should bother.  The only tricky part is, in order for him to be the man of your dreams; you have to change first. I did, just that. I have never regretted one minute of making that decision. This book is written by a woman who knows about bitterness toward her husband. I have allowed God's love to cover what I couldn't and I want to give you hope that you can be married to the man of your dreams. I know I am married to the man of my dreams (who still does not do the dishes), and you can be too, as well.

ASSUMPTIONS

First I need to state some rather obvious things. This might sound silly but we need to get some things out in the open.

Men and women are different. I know I’m stating the obvious, but it is the key to having a successful marriage. It is not just our appearances that differentiate us. It is how we think and respond to the same situation. Our emotional needs and what makes us feel connected to our spouse are different. Testosterone and estrogen actually affect the way we think!

I created the following example to show just how different we are: a man and a woman make a turkey sandwich:

A woman thinks about what she would like for lunch. A turkey sandwich, but not just any turkey sandwich, a perfect turkey sandwich. Her mouth is set, and she heads off to get the ingredients. She goes to no less than three stores for all the extras, mango chutney, organic avocados and sprouts, turkey without any additives, and the wholly-of- all-whole wheat bread. She comes home and carefully stacks out her sandwich and has strawberries and ice tea for her sides. Dining alfresco would make this even better, so she heads outside. Once she is out there, she eats. What could she possibly be thinking about while eating this perfect turkey sandwich? How to make it…better. She thinks about what she will improve upon for her next perfect turkey sandwich. When she is done, she heads inside and cleans up the kitchen.

Now is this the end of her thinking about the sandwich? No way. She calls her friends to tell them about it, she will post a picture of it on facebook, pin it on pinterest and might even write a blog post about it. That was one good sandwich and she will even think about it as she falls to sleep.

A man thinks, “I’m hungry, wonder what’s in the fridge?” He heads to the fridge and sees some turkey, mustard, and bread. He assembles and eats it. After the last bite (over the sink) he has moved on and will never think of the sandwich again.

How are we ever to make a marriage work when we don’t even think about a sandwich the same way? As the sandwich scenario suggests, men compartmentalize and women connect everything.

These differences were part of God’s plan and design. He made us different so we could fit together. Just like puzzle pieces must be opposites to fit. The same-shape pieces can get close and touch, but they can never truly be one. He made us different so we could be good companions; to bring different strengths to the relationship, as well as variety and color. How boring would it be to be married to someone just like you? No surprises and no “I never knew that about you!” No learning anything new, like where the best trout streams are in Michigan, who plays on what football team, or how to ‘think’ like a deer.

I explain this not to discourage you, but to encourage you. There is a code to crack some of their behavior, and to understand them better. God has designed us to be our husbands' helpmates. We can have happy marriages and the men of our dreams. Are you ready to learn how to reveal your husband as the man of your dreams?

Secondly I'm assuming is that the majority of men and the majority of women act the same way. I know there are exceptions to every rule and that everyone is different. But as a whole group, we tend to fall into some generalizations. So I will be writing about men and women in general.

Thirdly you not only want to grow closer to your husband, but to God as well. In my opinion we can not truly love others without communing with the source. God shows us how to love and he is the only example of true love.

Lastly I'm assuming is that your husband is good-willed towards you. He wants what is best for you and is kind. I'm not telling women in an abusive relationship that they need to change their thinking or can fix anything. If your husband intentionally hurts you physically or emotionally, you need to get help. Please contact ncadv.org.

HOW TO READ THIS BOOK

This book is broken up into three aspects of our marriage relationship: a partner, friend, and lover. In each of these three areas we will look at our thoughts, words, and actions.

You can sit down and read the book all at once, or you can break it up by section and read a section a day or week. It would also make for a good women's study as there are lots of questions for each section and an application sections as well. Either way, take the time to answer the questions and reflect how you can apply the lessons in your thoughts, words, and actions towards your husband. In doing so you will see your husband become the man of your dreams.

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP:

THINK WITH EMPATHY

Luke 6:31

Do to others, as you would have them do to you.

Empathy. Wow is this hard, and we are starting with it. Putting yourself in someone else's shoes takes time and effort. When I'm having a bad day, and everyone seems 'mean', are they really? They could just be reacting to me being a rude, self-centered person. If I took a minute to think about what was going on with them, what would I find?

Dale Carnegie said, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Usually when I take a step back, I find that others around me are hurting and just reacting to protect themselves. Most of what I perceive has nothing to do with me.

How does this apply to husbands? Well, at times my husband comes home and greets me with a grunt and literally 'shuts down' before my eyes. How am I to respond to this? Is this a hint that he doesn't want to spend time with me? Should I yell at him (he's hurt me so he deserves some yelling!)? Does he know how much I need a hug and some adult conversation?

But this line of thinking is all me, me, me. What about him? What would I see if I stepped into his shoes? Would I feel the weariness of a long day of constantly having to make decisions? The desire for peace and quiet, the need for stillness? What he really needs is some empathy. This is a key ingredient for any long lasting relationship.

THINK WITH EMPATHY

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

When your husband comes home from work, how do you greet each other?

Do you give him space?

When you think of your husband throughout the day, are your thoughts critical?

Are there chores that he says he will do, but then doesn't?

How does that make you feel? How do you respond?

Does he leave piles of clothes everywhere, and when you see them do you roll your eyes or get angry?

Do you often think of the things he does to annoy you?

Do you speak fondly of him to others, or do you find yourself venting your frustration?

THINK WITH EMPATHY

APPLICATION

When you see a household trigger that would normally send your thoughts into Crazy Mode, can you try to shift your thinking to a Grateful Mode? Examples of Crazy Mode may be "I'm so mad at him, why doesn't he just ...”, or “It would only take two seconds, what does he think, that I'm his maid?”, or “I have a full-time job, too. He thinks he works hard. Well, I do, too, and then I have to come home and clean up his mess."

To help shift to a Grateful Mode, take a minute and ask God to see your husband through His eyes.  Put yourself in your husband's shoes. Can you try to not think of all his shortcomings? Instead be thankful you live with a wonderful, loving husband?  I smile when I see the piles of clothes; it's a reminder that my husband comes home to me everyday and he has provided for our family enough to have them.

We are to fill our minds with God’s word. This is where faith takes over, and we allow God to work in our hearts and minds. Once we accept Jesus as our Savior, the Holy Spirit works on us slowly to become more like Jesus. We have the people in our lives to practice loving.

Proverbs 18:2

Fools find no pleasure in understanding

but delight in airing their own opinions.

Let’s start today with practicing good, kind thoughts about our husbands. Build up the foundations of your marriage with empathy. When you think of him, practice saying, “He is a wonderful man.” That’s it, and the more you think loving thoughts about him, the more you will feel them and show them.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please, help me to see my husband as you do. I don't always stop and reflect on what a wonderful man he is, and I so desperately want to see him through your eyes. My husband is a good, kind man and a wonderful provider. Help me to move past the small everyday things that drive me crazy, and help me to see the bigger picture. Please help me to be sensitive to his point of view and to act accordingly. Thank you. Amen.

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP:

SPEAK WITH RESPECT

Ephesians 5:33

However, each one of you also must love his wife

as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect her husband.

Respect is what is needed in a partnership. Think of any business partnership. What would happen if one partner didn’t respect the other? The partnership would probably dissolve; and yet how many times do we, as wives, disrespect our husbands? How long do you think a marriage can survive without respect?

Withholding respect from a husband is like withholding love from a wife. It should not be done. In the following, I will highlight some ways in which you can show your husband respect every day. He needs it, just like you need love. Give it to him, and you will have a happy, loving husband. By meeting this need of his, he will in turn be able to respond with love.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. You know the song by Aretha Franklin that symbolizes feminist power. Did you know a man wrote it? In 1965 Otis Redding wrote and recorded the song. Yep, Aretha recorded it a few years after it was written by a man. Kinda takes on a whole new meaning doesn't it? Men need respect from the women in their life. It is their core value, and their behavior follows suite.

Respect and honor are linked. Men will go to war for honor. It is the same reason that they work and want to provide for their families. Honor is their mother tongue and dictates how they speak, feel, and respond.

If you are anything like me, you won’t ‘get it.' I fully admit that I don’t understand the language of respect, because, as a woman, I speak the language of love. As such I focus on feelings, meeting needs, and mothering. Men speak the language of respect, and they focus on honor, trust, and dignity.

In Ephesians Paul tells men: “Men love your wives and wives respect your husbands.” From the book Love and Respect the author states that this is to be unconditional respect. Our husbands do not have to earn our respect. Like love, we need to give respect to our husbands with no strings attached. If they are late, forget to call, leave wet towels on the floor, or return your car to you on empty, they still should have your respect.

SPEAK WITH RESPECT

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Is there a but in your marriage? When someone asks how is married life, do you say, “Great, but...” Can you find a way to take the but out? Odds are it is disrespectful to your husband.

What is your tone of voice? Is it respectful?

Can you think of ways you could show your husband more respect?

Are your words to your husband a soothing salve or an irritating scrub?

What could you say that could communicate respect?

Can you think of ways your husband treats you with respect?

If your thoughts are of why he is wonderful, don’t you think that will help you respect him more?

SPEAK WITH RESPECT

APPLICATION

Start today. Text him, call him, or email him; let your husband know some reasons why you respect him. Start with just that, and see how he responds. It might take some time for the respectful words to sink in; wait and it will be worth it.

When you are about to say something that will hurt him, stop yourself and ask, “Do I really need to say this to him?” Sometimes the answer is yes, but find a respectful and loving way to say it to him, not out of anger or resentment. Make sure it is a quick conversation. He is not a child, so don't berate the point over and over. Mention it once and move on quickly; he will appreciate the brevity.

Colossians 3:18

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please, help me to show respect to my husband. I know you have placed him as the head of our family and give him a perspective which I lack. He is a man to be respected and I need your help and guidance showing him daily how much I respect him. Please God, come into my home and show me how to be respectful to the man I love. Regardless of the situation, help me to convey respect to him. Amen.

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP:

ACT WITH SELFLESSNESS

1 Peter 3: 8-9

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic,

love one another, be compassionate and humble.

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult.

On the contrary, repay evil with blessing,

because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

Our actions in partnership should be selfless. This goes hand-in-hand with thoughts of kindness and words of respect. If the previous two are in place, then it should be easier to act selfless. God designed us to be our husband's helpmate. We are in their lives to help them become the men God created them to be. We've got to get it in our heads that it is not all about us. No matter what has happened in the past, it is up to us to move forward and be selfless. We need to bless the people in our lives, starting with our husbands.

I’m all for women’s liberation, but somehow we’ve lost our true purpose. As helpmates. I know you are thinking this is messed up, because “It should about me some of the time.” Try shifting that mentally so that your focus is on your husbands. It really all about him. Ultimately by helping him, I help myself. As wives, we not only help them become who they are meant to be, but we get an even better version of our husband. They cannot reach their greatest potential without our support. Want the man of your dreams? Help your husband, and be selfless.

Put your husband's needs before your own, and yours will get met. When he comes home from working a long hard day, it is not always easy for me to fix his supper; but if I don’t, then he would have to. I want to be his helper, not someone he is responsible for and a burden. Most of the people in his life require something from him; he has to give himself to so many. I want to lighten his burden and be selfless. Sure, I would much rather he rushed home, cooked me dinner, and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. But that’s me being selfish, and it’s not a blessing in my marriage if I think I deserve this behavior from him every night.

God made man first and then woman. God knew what he was doing when he placed men as the head of the family. Don't get into a power struggle, or worse yet, take over. He is the head of the family. Let him lead. God has given us our feelings and intuitions, but he gave men insight and understanding. Men set a proper course for the family, and it’s our jobs as Christian wives to help maintain that course.

By helping our husband and putting him first, I gain. As a wife I do not lose myself, or get lost in the shuffle. Quite simply, my husband becomes a better man when I put his needs before my own, I gain through selflessness. In a healthy relationship, each person grows and is encouraged by the other.  It is mutually beneficial.

ACT WITH SELFLESSNESS

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Do you set unreasonable expectations on your husband?

How has that hurt your marriage?

Is there a way for you to show your husband that you are selfless?

How can you give control of your family back to your husband?

What areas of your home life have you been trying to control?

What can you do today to help your husband become the man he is meant to be?

ACT WITH SELFLESSNESS

APPLICATION

Did you feed your husband today? Men need food and prayers. Feed him those things, and in doing so you are being selfless. I make a point to make sure he has breakfast and lunch ready before he starts the day. I make up cold oatmeal and pack his lunch the night before. He has told me often how much this means to him. It takes me five minutes, where it would take him 10 minutes. And in all honesty I know he wouldn't take the time, so he would make bad food choices. I’m helping him make better choices for himself and our family by simply packing a lunch for him. Are there simply ways you can fee your husband?

Pray with him and for him. Everyday I pray for my husband. During prayer I get a glimpse of him through God’s eyes, his burden is heavy and I pray daily that God will help him make wise choices and turn to Him for comfort and guidance. When my husband comes home and tells me of a really bad day, I offer to pray right then and there for God to be with him-yes, I pray out loud.

Philippians 1:4-6

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please, help me to put my selfishness aside and help my husband. I pray that I am able to see and meet both his physical and emotional needs. You have placed me in his life; help me to support him and help him become the man you want him to become. Thank you for my husband. Amen.

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP:

THINK WITH FORGIVENESS

Luke 17:3-4

So watch yourselves.

"If your brother or sister sins against you,

rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them.

Even if they sin against you seven times in a day

and seven times come back to you saying

'I repent,' you must forgive them."

Do you want a happy marriage, but find yourself arguing and never resolving conflict? Something is off; he doesn’t love you the way you want, and you don’t feel toward him like you used to? Want him to spend all his free time with you, and you are angry when he doesn’t?

This is not an easy subject. Forgiveness is hard, and it’s even harder to forget. When we share our lives with others, we open ourselves up to getting hurt. Intimacy can lead to really painful betrayals. They know us so well, and yet still hurt us. Most of the time, my husband is simply careless. He honestly doesn’t know he’s hurting me. How do I forgive and move past when he might not even know to ask for forgiveness?

My thoughts. I can choose to think of him differently. He is a man; I’ve already talked about how different they are from women. When he doesn’t do the dishes, he’s not being mean or even forgetful. The dishes aren’t even on his radar, he does not see them, does not think about them, and certainly does not relate not doing the dishes to how he feels about me.

This is so hard to wrap our brains around because as women we are hard-wired so differently. For me, everything is connected, but for him everything is compartmentalized. Believe me, we think differently, so even something simple like doing the dishes means something completely different to our husbands. This took years of practice for me. When I see dirty dishes, I have to stop my brain from going into Crazy Mode and get myself back into Grateful Mode.

THINK WITH FORGIVENESS

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Is there something your husband does that drives you crazy, but he keeps doing it?

When he does something hurtful, can you tell him why it hurts?

Can you isolate the feelings?

Are they connected to a bunch of other issues, too?

Can you be real with yourself and realize that the behavior might be something you will just need to forgive and move on?

Next time he does it, can you ask God to help you to forgive and not say anything to him?

How much time do you focus on past wrongs?

Do you bring them up every time you fight?

THINK WITH FORGIVENESS

APPLICATION

Leave him alone. Funny advice for a section about forgiveness but it helps. He needs down time. As John Gray explains in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, men need to go to their caves and think. To regroup and recharge, they must be alone. Men think best in quiet. Not during a conversation like women do. Time and space are not always a bad thing; they help to provide much-needed perspective.

Let him go out without you, and don't hold it against him. He needs male companionship. Going out to eat, playing sports, and watching sports with his friends will recharge him and make him a better man. Support him in these activities; he needs to know you aren’t mad at him or that it’s a game where he loses if he doesn’t pick you. Let him go freely, no harsh words as he’s walking out the door or when he comes home. If he is an hour late, don’t berate him when he steps in the door. Smile sweetly and ask him if he had a good time. He will most likely apologize quickly for being late. Forgive him and ask him nicely if he would text or call next time.

Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I know my husband doesn't mean to be hurtful. He is a good man and is good-willed towards me. I need your help to forgive and forget. Help me to move on and not list all the things that drive me crazy. I need to let them go and not dwell on them. I know that living in the past only hurts our marriage. Please, help me to focus on the present. Thank you. Amen.

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP:

SPEAK WITH SWEETNESS

Proverbs 17:24

Gracious words are a honeycomb,

sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Sweet words heal the soul and foster lasting friendships. Through words of encouragement you can build your husband up and help him become the man he was meant to be. Encourage him with sweet words. Our big strong men are not as tough as we think they are. Our words are strong and leave lasting impressions on them. Like sweet honey, our words need to flow softly from our lips to him.

Just as we long for gentle kisses, he longs for our sweet words of encouragement. I think about it like this; what kind of friends do you like to spend the most time with? Critical or sweet? Which kind of friend are you?

Well, I like to spend my time with sweet friends. I don't have time to spend with critical or harsh people. And you know what? I want to be sweet. I want to be a friend to my husband and have him turn to me for support. Encourage him in his endeavors. My loving support will do more for his self-esteem than you can imagine.

It's not just my words, but my tone, too. I know that my tone of voice can change the meaning of my words, no matter what sweet words are streaming from my lips.

SPEAK WITH SWEETNESS

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Do you say sweet things to your husband?

Are your words critical or harsh?

How could you add some honey to what you say to him?

What is your tone when speaking to him?

Is there a way you can vent without being negative or critical?

When you are about to say something unkind to your husband, could you stop and pray for sweet words?

His home is his kingdom and sanctuary; make it a place he would want to be. Would you want to come home to yourself?

SPEAK WITH SWEETNESS

APPLICATION

When you catch yourself saying something to your husband, stop and ask “Would I speak to a friend this way, or how would I feel if a friend spoke to me this way?” Ladies, I'm here to tell you this can be a struggle. I do not always speak sweetly to my sweetie, and he never deserves my harsh words. My harsh words are rough on his soul and damage our relationship.

Remember your husband is good-willed towards you and has your best interest at heart. Tell him how much he means to you, and pray that God will cover your sharp tongue with words of honey. Help strengthen your friendship with your husband by speaking sweet words to him daily. You will be blessed by the results!

Colossians 3:12

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please, give me sweet words to say.  I pray that I can encourage and build others up around me. There are so many times I fail to speak loving sweet words, please help me.  My tongue can be wicked, and only you can help change it.  I am still learning your words and hiding them in my heart, so that they can change my thoughts.  Please, let your words flow from my lips, so that I can show others your love.  Help me to encourage and build others up with sweet words.  Thank you.  Amen.

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP:

ACT WITH KINDNESS

Titus 2:5

...to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind,

and to be subject to their husbands

How do we act like a friend? What defines an act of friendship? Usually that person will go out of their way to show us that we matter to them. By acting with kindness and showing that our happiness is important to them, and that they value our thoughts and opinions. We are valued by our friends and we enjoy spending time with them. We like to share time, thoughts, and secrets with our friends. There are all kinds of friendships, but what about your husband? Are you friends with him?

We need to treat others how we want to be treated. The last thing I want to do after a long day at the office is come home to someone who is unkind. Kindness is an action, but our thoughts ultimately dictate our actions. We need to have kind thoughts toward our husbands. In the depths of our minds, there should be an unshakeable kindness towards our husbands.

I did not have such kindness in my brain during the first few years of marriage. Now, I wasn’t mean all the time, but I would think unkind things about my husband. I would let it bother me how he left piles of clothes around the house, he never did the dishes, or he didn’t call when he was going to be late.

I let these thoughts fester, and they grew into large negative clouds in my mind. Once they were there, it was hard to see past them, and my thoughts of my husband were unkind. I want to help you change your thoughts about your husband. Most likely he does not deserve your unkind thoughts, and he probably doesn’t even know you think about him like that.

Changing our inner dialog is hard, isn’t it? There are times when our minds race and run through paths of negativity. Going down these paths leads to frustration, more negative thoughts, and straight to Crazy Mode. Who we are in private is who we really are.

Proverbs 12:4

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,

but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 12:4 is a good example of this; a wife of noble character, is most likely kind. Her thoughts about her husband are sweet and gentle. When she sees his dirty dishes, what do you think she does? Call her mother or friend and complain? No, I bet she smiles and remembers the pressure her husband is under and takes care of the dishes for him. She also thanks God for a loving husband who lives in her home, and for the privilege of serving him. I bet she was often in Grateful Mode.

I think our husbands deserve our kindness all the time. Being unkind can become a habit and if we are not careful, it can erode the foundation of our relationship and marriage.

ACT WITH KINDNESS

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

What could you do with your husband monthly to strengthen your friendship?

Do you spend time with him just as a friend?

Can you send him a texts or emails of friendship? Jokes, encouragement?

When you see him, do you smile and show him you are happy to see him?

Do you greet him with a hug or a kiss?

Do you welcome him home, or does he meet condemnation and critical vibes when he gets home?

How can you practice being kind to him?

Would you hang out with a friend that acted like you do to your husband?

Would you put up with that in a friendship?

Would you want your son to marry someone like you?

ACT WITH KINDNESS

APPLICATION

Show him kindness every day. Tell him without words, with actions. Men like action, so let’s do something for them. Saying I love you or even I respect you, is nice, but can you show him? When he remembers to take the trash to the curb, how about giving him a big hug and looking him in the eyes. Greet him at the door with a smile and a hug.

Show him you like him, by doing something he likes to do. Fishing, biking, golf...even if you aren't good at it, show him you are interested in him and what he likes. When you were dating I bet you'd volunteer to drive the golf cart around just to hang out with him. Treat him the same way now, remember why you liked hanging out with him in the first place.

Proverbs 31:12

She brings him good, not harm,

all the days of her life.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need your help showing my husband kindness. I know that kindness is an action, one that is selfless in nature, I need you to help me get out of my own way so that I can show my loved ones kindness. If they are not receiving kindness from me, who else will show them? I know you are faithful and want to change my heart. I'm opening it up to you and asking you to change me. Thank you. Amen.

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER:

THINK WITH HAPPINESS

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I like to be happy. Call me selfish, but it's true. I don't watch the evening news, because 9 times out of 10, it's going to be bad news. I prefer to spend my time thinking of things like Philippians 4:8 suggests. When I was dating my husband, I thought of him often and smiled. At some point in our married life, I stopped smiling when I thought of him. This was not a good turning point in our relationship. I became resentful and annoyed-not happy.

I probably would have stayed this way; it is, after all, normal to have your relationship change. God had other plans for me and my marriage. He placed us in a church that had a young married class. In that class I learned that my relationship was not doomed to any fate, except the one I chose. I decided right then and there that our marriage would be different. We were going to experience the marriage blessings that God promises in the Song of Solomon.

Song of Solomon 7:11

Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside,

let us spend the night in the villages.

Even after years of marriage this woman is wanting to spend time with her husband, and go on a “sex-cation.” I don't know about you, but I want to feel that way about my husband when we get older. I plan on keeping the love alive, and do you know how I'm going to do it? I'm going to choose to think happy thoughts about the man I love.

When we think happy thoughts about someone, we ourselves start to become happy. That happiness spills over into our relationship with them and into our other thoughts. Philippians 4:8 gives us a great list of what we should be thinking about. Solomon shows us that to keep love alive in a long marriage we must have happy thoughts about our spouse.

No one can be as wonderful as Solomon, not even he was as great as he appears in his own book!  Yet this book is part of the Bible to be our example and guide us as our marriage goes through courting, newlyweds, fighting, married with children, empty nesting, and as an old married couple.  It teaches us how to be a loving, supportive couple, and how to work through issues and still have passion in a marriage.

Another thing Dale Carnegie said is, “Happiness doesn't depend on any external conditions, it is governed by our mental attitude.” Train your mind to think about uplifting, happy things, because basically we are what we think. Whatever we choose to think about, that is who we really are.

THINK WITH HAPPINESS

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Have you thought about how what you think dictates your contentment and happiness in your marriage?

When you think of your husband, is it how happy he makes you or are you disgruntled?

Can you recall some happy times when you were dating?

Is there a way for you to recreate them now?

What are some happy thoughts you can remember to think about your husband, daily?

Can you make a list of things you like most about him?

How does your husband make you happy?

Let the negative thoughts fade to the background and enjoy your husband. Can you focus on what makes you happy about your marriage?

THINK WITH HAPPINESS

APPLICATION

When your thoughts go to a negative place, try to remember a few things about your spouse that makes you happy. Life is long and hard, and can be even harder if we choose to be unhappy in our marriage. I encourage you to be happy. Choose to think happy thoughts about your husband, and let that color your relationship.

Proverbs 15:13

A happy heart makes the face cheerful,

but heartache crushes the spirit.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that you cover my mind with thoughts of happiness toward my husband. He is a loving wonderful man, and I pray that my mind will focus on that and not negatives. You have blessed me with a great man, I am so honored that you chose me to love him. He makes me laugh and is my best friend. Please, be present in our daily lives and help me see the fun and excitement in our marriage. Amen.

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER:

SPEAK WITH LOVE

Proverbs 7:18

Come, let's drink deeply of love till morning;

let's enjoy ourselves with love!

How do lovers speak? They whisper sweet nothings, and talk for hours on end. They tell their lover why they are so wonderful, they build them up with loving words. Why? Because they are in love! Love lets us see all the good in someone, and we become consumed with love for them. We have to tell them and the world just how wonderful they are. We want to shower them with loving affirmations.

Who has time for that in a marriage? We can't recount the ways, everyday. It's exhausting, and at some point we have to face reality. We develop new habits of nit-picking and mothering our lovers. Our husbands become a burden and just someone else we have to fit into our schedule.

In the Song of Solomon, after years of marriage, his wife still speaks to him as she did when they were first married. The closing words are these:

Song of Solomon 8:14

Come away, my beloved,

and be like a gazelle

or like a young stag

on the spice-laden mountains.

She is being frisky! Isn't this a great loving way to speak to our husbands? In these four short lines, she is communicating a lot of love to her husband. He is her beloved, she loves him and he is precious to her. She still sees him as a young man and desires him sexually. All men want to be full of vigor and to be desired. She tells him how sexy he is and then tells him what she wants him to do to her. I don't know if you've picked up on this, but men like sex. They think about it often, and like to talk about it. As wives we should not shy away from talking about sex, but embrace it! This is how lovers talk!

SPEAK WITH LOVE

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

How often do you tell your husband you love him?

Do you speak lovingly to him, or are your words critical?

When was the last time you told your husband he was sexy?

Does he excite you? Tell him! He will love to hear about it, I promise.

Do you remember how much you told him how great he was when you were dating? Try to recapture the love talk, and share with him why you love him.

SPEAK WITH LOVE

APPLICATION

Words of love, don't just have to be spoken. Text or email him, and tell him why you love him so much. Remind him that you find him desirable and crave his intimacy.

Try a new habit. Tell him every morning and night you love him. Think of some creative ways in which you could say it. A note in his lunch box, a text, mail him a card to his office, tell him why you married him, or how grateful you are to be his wife.

Take the time from your busy day to tell your husband how much you love him. It will be well worth the effort, and you will both be rewarded. Your home should be a place where loving words flow from your lips often.

Song of Solomon 2:16-17

My beloved is mine and I am his;

he browses among the lilies.

Until the day breaks

and the shadows flee,

turn, my beloved,

and be like a gazelle

or like a young stag

on the rugged hills.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I know I do not always express my sexual desires to my husband. My days are busy and sex is not always a priority for me. I know my husband needs me, and I ask that you help me focus on his needs. Help me to speak up and tell him just how much I do desire him, and how attractive he is to me. I love him and want to show him love in a way that is meaningful to him. Amen.

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER:

ACT WITH PASSION

Song of Solomon 4:6

Until the day breaks

and the shadows flee,

I will go to the mountain of myrrh

and to the hill of incense.

Meet his physical needs. As I said, men and women are different. What we think of as a ‘fun’ day is extremely different. My husband went mountain biking with a buddy of his. His buddy bikes regularly while my husband does not. When hubby got home he was covered in scrapes and bruises and couldn’t walk the next day. He said, “It was so much fun.” Humm, not my first thought!

Men like action and need to be physical. Let him exercise and get some of that excess energy out. Give him some time out of his busy day to take care of himself. He will be grateful and you will be glad you did.

Another need men have is for food. That’s right, cook for your man. Love him with nourishing foods for his body. Pack lunches for him, or learn how to cook one of his favorites from when he was a kid. Men need their physical needs met before they can meet our emotional needs. Some of the best conversations with my husband are over a meal or dessert. He opens up after his tummy is full. After all, the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Okay, one more main physical need married women must meet. Sex. Your husband needs you to be there for him. Men desire this physical comfort from their wives. It relaxes them and eases their stress. He feels connected to you. Sex to him is like a long conversation about important matters of the heart. He delights in you responding to him, and it makes him feel strong and manly. Sex is a ‘mini-vacation’ that you take together.

ACT WITH PASSION

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

Do you put him off, and tell him no?

Do you respond to his advances?

Do you realize his need for physical intimacy is the same as your need for emotional intimacy?

Have you withheld sex to get intimacy?

How did that work out?

Do you get mad when he asks? Tell him what you need to have him 'set-the-mood.'

ACT WITH PASSION

APPLICATION

Make some 'dates.' It's okay to put it on the calendar and schedule some alone time. Be willing when he asks or make the move yourself. I'm sure he has enough on his mind from work and other responsibilities; he will love that you took the initiative.

After a long day at work this might be the last thing you’d want to do. Respond and initiate to fulfill his physical needs. Men feel like they have just had a vacation after sex. He needs this to help him cope with the stress of life, and what a wonderful gift only you can give him. I challenge you to say yes to him anytime he asks, and see how much your marriage changes. Really it doesn’t have to take that much time, and it’s good for you both. Delight in your marriage bed and experience the blessings awaiting you there!

1 Corinthians 7:4

The wife does not have authority over her own body

but yields it to her husband. In the same way,

the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

We are designed to share our bodies with our husbands. We, as wives, need to show our husbands our love with action. Don't sit about and expect him to woo you; get up and make it happen. Think thoughts of love, speak words of love, and show him through actions of love!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me to show my husband love. Let my actions communicate to him how precious and desirable he is to me. Help us deepen our intimacy and draw closer to each other. Fill me with desire for my husband. Thank you. Amen.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

You want a better marriage. It starts with you and your inner dialog. We are what we think. If you want the man of your dreams, then you must think about him as if he is!

How we think about our husbands is how we will be in our marriage. If we think of them critically, with condescension, without love, disrespectfully, harshly, with annoyance, or angrily, then these traits will reflect in our marriage.

However, if we change our inner dialog to be loving, kind, thoughtful, generous, smiling, grateful, respectful, and happy thoughts, then that is the marriage we will get! It is really that simple.

We are what we think. If you want a happy marriage, the next time you feel like rolling your eyes and saying how stupid or wrong your husband is, stop and think about it.

Is this the behavior of a friend? Of someone who loves the other person or cares? Probably not. Change the voice in your head to say kind and loving things about your husband. It is possible, I did!

Give him and yourself some time to change. This is not an overnight fix. Be patient with him and yourself. Good things come to those who wait.

Men are not usually flighty and quick. They are slow and steady. They need to go to their caves and process information. We flit from subject to subject and can develop strong feelings rather quickly, where men are usually more thoughtful and need time to adjust. A book I read, advised mentioning something you want your husband to change, and then DON'T bring it for twelve weeks! They need time to readjust and we need to have patience to let God work on their hearts and minds.

This is where prayer and patience comes in handy. Give him up to God and continue to show him God’s love. Don't let bitterness grow in your heart towards your husband. Is he worth waiting for? Then give him the time he needs. You will both benefit.

When a husband's need for respect is met, he is able to respond to his wife lovingly. He will be able to be the man you want him to be. He will open up and meet your emotional needs. I find that after I offer encouragement, he responds with loving words and actions.

What I want you to know and believe is that you will reap far more than what you sow. Your husband will be more open, loving, and thoughtful when you start meeting his need for respect. You will have the man of your dreams!

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that every person reading this book is blessed and finds ways to improve their marriage. These lessons are hard, and changing is even harder. I know that through the power of Christ all things are possible. I pray that we take action and take these lessons to heart. Marriage is precious in your eyes. Help us to protect and improve our relationships in honor of you. May our lives bring glory to you and your Son.

In Jesus' precious name, Amen.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

I am not affiliated with these sites or authors, however, I have found the information to be helpful to my marriage.

Blogs:

The Unveild Wife, The Generous Wife, Women Living Well, Time-Warp Wife,

The Alabaster Jar, To Love, Honor and Vacuum, Whole-Hearted Home, Simply Helping Him

Books:

Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs

by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts: Seven Questions to Ask Before and After You Marry

by Les and Leslie Parrott

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts

by Gary D. Chapman

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex

by John Gray

Kiss Me Like You Mean It: Solomon's Crazy in Love How-To Manual

by Dr. David Clarke

We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage And Ten Things You Can

by Elaine W. Miller

He Said, She Said: A Devotional Guide to Cultivating a Life of Passion: How Newlyweds, Couples and Singles Can Draw Closer to God and Their Mate Through Daily Devotions (Volume 1)

by Eddie Jones and Cindy Sproles

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships

by John Gray

Finding the Hero in Your Husband: Surrendering the Way God Intended

by Julianna Slattery

For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men

by Shaunti Feldhahn

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I am Midwestern stay-at-home mom. I like to start my days with coffee and end them with chocolate and pretzels. The rest of my time is spent at toddler play dates and writing. My wonderful provider of a husband has allowed me to stay home with our daughter, and this has been a blessing to our family and our home. My type A personality requires goals and objectives, so writing has become an outlet for the need to meet deadlines and contribute to the world at-large. I know my greatest impact on the world is through the man of my dreams and my daughter. Through my writing I wish to capture moments of time and God's grace.

You can find me writing most days at Simply Better. It is a blog about my Christian walk, married life, and homemaking. It is simply a mix of positive, uplifting ideas. I want to focus on what really matters and help to make the world a simply better place to live. Please stop by and check out what is happening in my corner of the world.

Blog: http://www.besimplybetter.com

Facebook: Simply Better

Twitter: @BeSimplyBetter

Pinterest: Leslie (Simply Better)

Goodreads: Leslie Monroe

PLEASE REVIEW AND SHARE

I really hope you enjoyed reading this book and take the time to share your honest thoughts through a review on Amazon.com. Your willingness to take the time and share means more to me than I can express. In doing so, you help spread the message of this book, and will be encouraging other women in their marriages. You are wonderful and I can't thank you enough.

If you were challenged by or enjoyed reading this book, please leave me a comment, send out a Tweet or Facebook post. I would be blessed and honored for your comments.

May God pour His Blessings on you!

BURIED TREASURE

REVEALING YOUR HUSBAND

AS THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS

STUDY GUIDE

BY

LESLIE MONROE

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP:

THINK WITH EMPATHY

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

Luke 6:31

Do to others, as you would have them do to you.

Proverbs 18:2

Fools find no pleasure in understanding

but delight in airing their own opinions.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         When your husband comes home from work, how do you greet each other? Do you give him space?

o         List a few things you would like to change.

o         Be sure to ask him what he would like to change.

         When you think of your husband throughout the day, are your thoughts critical?

o         Write out some things you appreciate about him.

o         When your thoughts turn critical focus try to focus on those.

         Are there chores that he says he will do, but then doesn't? How does that make you feel? How do you respond?

o         Ask him how he wants you to communicate chores to him. Does he need it in writing, or on his calendar?

o         Find away to ask him that doesn't end with you yelling.

         Does he leave piles of clothes (insert quarky behavior here) everywhere, and when you see them do you roll your eyes or get angry?

o         Can you retrain your brain to think happy things when you see the quarky behavior?

         Do you often think of the things he does to annoy you?

o         Daily life builds up over time and starts to wear on your relationship, how can you make some changes, and become a wife who thinks well of her husband?

         Do you speak fondly of him to others, or do you find yourself venting your frustration?

o         This is huge, how you speak of him to others dictates how you view your marriage.

o         Take sometime and pray about how you've been talking about your husband to others.

Let’s start today with practicing good, kind thoughts about our husbands. Build up the foundations of your marriage with empathy. When you think of him, practice saying, “He is a wonderful man.” That’s it, and the more you think loving thoughts about him, the more you will feel them and show them.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please, help me to see my husband as you do. I don't always stop and reflect on what a wonderful man he is, and I so desperately want to see him through your eyes. My husband is a good, kind man and a wonderful provider. Help me to move past the small everyday things that drive me crazy, and help me to see the bigger picture. Please help me to be sensitive to his point of view and to act accordingly. Thank you. Amen.

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP:

SPEAK WITH RESPECT

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

Ephesians 5:33

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself,

and the wife must respect her husband.

Colossians 3:18

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         Is there a but in your marriage? When someone asks how is married life, do you say, “Great, but...” Can you find a way to take the but out? Odds are it is disrespectful to your husband.

o         When speaking of your husband talk as if he is in the room.

o         Be sure what you say is something he would be happy to hear.

         What is your tone of voice? Is it respectful?

o         Tone of voice can radically affect the way our words are perceived.

o         If you notice a harsh tone, be quick to say you are sorry.

         Can you think of ways you could show your husband more respect?

o         List off things that you find honorable in you husband.

         Are your words to your husband a soothing salve or an irritating scrub?

o         Is there something you've said recently that you need to apologize for?

o         Stop and think before you speak.

         What could you say that could communicate respect?

o         Can you speak to him like an adult and not a child?

- How can you express to him why you find him honorable?

         Can you think of ways your husband treats you with respect?

o         Remember respect is not exactly love, what does he do that honors you?

         If your thoughts are of why he is wonderful, don’t you think that will help you respect him more?

o         When we change our inner dialog, we start to change our words and actions.

o         List why he is a wonderful husband.

Start today. Text him, call him, or email him; let your husband know some reasons why you respect him. Start with just that, and see how he responds. It might take some time for the respectful words to sink in; wait and it will be worth it.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please, help me to show respect to my husband. I know you have placed him as the head of our family and give him a perspective which I lack. He is a man to be respected and I need your help and guidance showing him daily how much I respect him. Please God, come into my home and show me how to be respectful to the man I love. Regardless of the situation, help me to convey respect to him. Amen.

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP:

ACT WITH SELFLESSNESS

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

1 Peter 3: 8-9

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

Philippians 1:4-6

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         Do you set unreasonable expectations on your husband?

         How has that hurt your marriage?

o         List some things you could let go, and not hold over your husband.

         Is there a way for you to show your husband that you are selfless?

o         Are there things God has impressed upon your heart to start doing for your husband?

         How can you give control of your family back to your husband?

o         Can you accept his decisions and fully support him?

         What areas of your home life have you been trying to control?

o         Can you see the benefit of letting go and allowing your husband to lead?

         What can you do today to help your husband become the man he is meant to be?

o         What action can you take to help him grow?

Pray with him and for him. Everyday I pray for my husband. During prayer I get a glimpse of him through God’s eyes, his burden is heavy and I pray daily that God will help him make wise choices and turn to Him for comfort and guidance. When my husband comes home and tells me of a really bad day, I offer to pray right then and there for God to be with him-yes, I pray out loud.

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please, help me to put my selfishness aside and help my husband. I pray that I am able to see and meet both his physical and emotional needs. You have placed me in his life; help me to support him and help him become the man you want him to become. Thank you for my husband. Amen.

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP:

THINK WITH FORGIVENESS

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

Luke 17:3-4

So watch yourselves. "If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying 'I repent,' you must forgive them."

Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         Is there something your husband does that drives you crazy, but he keeps doing it?

o         Can you give it to God, and let it go?

         When he does something hurtful, can you tell him why it hurts?

o         Try to clearly identify your feelings, before expressing them to your husband. He doesn't mean to hurt you.

         Can you isolate the feelings? Is it connected to a bunch of other issues, too?

o         For me everything is connected, for him not so much. Can you identify a few major issues that you need to talk with him about?

         Can you be real with yourself and realize that the behavior might be something you will just need to forgive and move on?

- Again, he doesn't mean to hurt you, can you practice some empathy and see that some behaviors just are and shouldn't be criticized?

         Next time he does it, can you ask God to help you to forgive and not say anything to him?

o         Pray! God wants to hear from you. Tell him about your husband; God will help you see your husband more clearly.

         How much time do you focus on past wrongs?

o         Write some of the wrongs down. Do they seem not so bad now? What good does it do to re-live them often?

         Do you bring them up every time you fight?

o         Practice fighting fair. Never say something you will regret.

o         In a fight, only work on resolving the issue at hand, not every issue you've ever had!

Leave him alone. Funny advice for a section about forgiveness but it helps. He needs down time. As John Gray explains in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, men need to go to their caves and think. To regroup and recharge, they must be alone. Men think best in quiet. Not during a conversation like women do. Time and space are not always a bad thing; they help to provide much-needed perspective.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I know my husband doesn't mean to be hurtful. He is a good man and is good-willed towards me. I need your help to forgive and forget. Help me to move on and not list all the things that drive me crazy. I need to let them go and not dwell on them. I know that living in the past only hurts our marriage. Please, help me to focus on the present. Thank you. Amen.

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP:

SPEAK WITH SWEETNESS

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

Proverbs 17:24

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Colossians 3:12

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         Do you say sweet things to your husband?

o         List sweet things to say to him today.

         Are your words critical or harsh?

         How could you add some honey to what you say to him?

         What is your tone when speaking to him?

o         Are you mothering him? Critical? Try speaking to him like you did when you were dating.

         Is there a way you can vent without being negative or critical?

o         Look at how you approach him for discussion. Try to build up to a conflict with kindness.

         When you are about to say something unkind to your husband, could you stop and pray for sweet words?

o         Write out your prayer here:

         His home is his kingdom and sanctuary; make it a place he would want to be.

o         Would you want to come home to yourself?

o         Would you talk to a friend the way you speak to your husband?

Remember your husband is good-willed towards you and has your best interest at heart. Tell him how much he means to you, and pray that God will cover your sharp tongue with words of honey. Help strengthen your friendship with your husband by speaking sweet words to him daily. You will be blessed by the results!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Please, give me sweet words to say.  I pray that I can encourage and build others up around me. There are so many times I fail to speak loving sweet words, please help me.  My tongue can be wicked, and only you can help change it.  I am still learning your words and hiding them in my heart, so that they can change my thoughts.  Please, let your words flow from my lips, so that I can show others your love.  Help me to encourage and build others up with sweet words.  Thank you.  Amen.

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP:

ACT WITH KINDNESS

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

Titus 2:5

...to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind,

and to be subject to their husbands

Proverbs 12:4

A wife of noble character is her husband's crown,

but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.

Proverbs 31:12

She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         What could you do with your husband monthly to strengthen your friendship?

o         List off dates you know he would enjoy.

         Do you spend time with him just as a friend?

o         What did you do when you were dating that you both enjoyed?

         Can you send him a texts or emails of friendship? Jokes, encouragement?

o         Try to find funny things to throughout the day to tell him.

         When you see him, do you smile and show him you are happy to see him?

o         The most beautiful woman in the world, is one who smiles. Put on a happy face for the man you love!

         Do you greet him with a hug or a kiss?

o         The love of your life just walked through the door, how to do greet him?

         Do you welcome him home, or does he meet condemnation and critical vibes when he gets home?

o         Aren't you glad your husband came home to you? Tell him, show him. All the frustration of the day can wait for later. Give him time to unwind before asking why the dishes aren't done.

         How can you practice being kind to him?

o         As Christians we are to practice being kind to one another. What kindness can you show your husband today?

         Would you hang out with a friend that acted like you do to your husband?

         Would you put up with that in a friendship?

o         List 3 things you will change, so that you can foster a closer friendship with your husband.

         Would you want your son to marry someone like you?

o         Love your husband how they should be loved.

Show him kindness every day. Tell him without words, with actions. Men like action, so let’s do something for them. Saying I love you or even I respect you, is nice, but can you show him? When he remembers to take the trash to the curb, how about giving him a big hug and looking him in the eyes. Greet him at the door with a smile and a hug.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I need your help showing my husband kindness. I know that kindness is an action, one that is selfless in nature, I need you to help me get out of my own way so that I can show my loved ones kindness. If they are not receiving kindness from me, who else will show them? I know you are faithful and want to change my heart. I'm opening it up to you and asking you to change me. Thank you. Amen.

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER:

THINK WITH HAPPINESS

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Song of Solomon 7:11

Come, my beloved, let us go to the countryside, let us spend the night in the villages.

Proverbs 15:13

A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         Have you thought about how what you think dictates your contentment and happiness in your marriage?

o         List why you are content in your marriage.

         When you think of your husband, is it how happy he makes you or are you disgruntled?

o         What about your husband makes you happy?

         Can you recall some happy times when you were dating?

o         Is there a way for you to recreate them now?

         What are some happy thoughts you can remember to think about your husband, daily?

o         List 3 things about your husband that bring a smile to your face, and remember to think about them daily.

         Can you make a list of things you like most about him?

         How does your husband make you happy?

         Let the negative thoughts fade to the background and enjoy your husband. Can you focus on what makes you happy about your marriage?

o         What makes your marriage special?

When your thoughts go to a negative place, try to remember a few things about your spouse that makes you happy. Life is long and hard, and can be even harder if we choose to be unhappy in our marriage. I encourage you to be happy. Choose to think happy thoughts about your husband, and let that color your relationship.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I pray that you cover my mind with thoughts of happiness toward my husband. He is a loving wonderful man, and I pray that my mind will focus on that and not negatives. You have blessed me with a great man, I am so honored that you chose me to love him. He makes me laugh and is my best friend. Please, be present in our daily lives and help me see the fun and excitement in our marriage. Amen.

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER:

SPEAK WITH LOVE

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

Proverbs 7:18

Come, let's drink deeply of love till morning; let's enjoy ourselves with love!

Song of Solomon 8:14

Come away, my beloved, and be like a gazelle

or like a young stag on the spice-laden mountains.

Song of Solomon 2:16-17

My beloved is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies.

Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my beloved, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         How often do you tell your husband you love him?

o         When would be natural times throughout the day for you to tell him? For me it's when we leave the house, come home and go to bed.

         Do you speak lovingly to him, or are your words critical?

o         What can you say to him to communicate love?

         When was the last time you told your husband he was sexy?

o         Men want to be desired. Think of ways to tell him!

         Does he excite you? Tell him! He will love to hear about it, I promise.

o         This can be hard, but work on sexy talk, and ways to communicate how you want him physically.

         Do you remember how much you told him how great he was when you were dating? Try to recapture the love talk, and share with him why you love him.

o         List 3 things you used to do when dating but have stopped doing over the years. Try to find a way to do all 3 this week.

Try a new habit. Tell him every morning and night you love him. Think of some creative ways in which you could say it. A note in his lunch box, a text, mail him a card to his office, tell him why you married him, or how grateful you are to be his wife.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I know I do not always express my sexual desires to my husband. My days are busy and sex is not always a priority for me. I know my husband needs me, and I ask that you help me focus on his needs. Help me to speak up and tell him just how much I do desire him, and how attractive he is to me. I love him and want to show him love in a way that is meaningful to him. Amen.

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER:

ACT WITH PASSION

STUDY GUIDE

REFLECTION VERSES

Song of Solomon 4:6

Until the day breaks and the shadows flee,

I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense.

1 Corinthians 7:4

The wife does not have authority over her own body

but yields it to her husband. In the same way,

the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS

         Do you put him off, and tell him no?

o         How does he respond? Do you think it's good for him to be turned down by his wife? What do you think that does to his self esteem?

         Do you respond to his advances?

o         Make a commitment, every time he asks say yes, or offer a follow up time in less than 24 hours.

         Do you realize his need for physical intimacy is the same as your need for emotional intimacy?

o         What would you think if your husband didn't say I love you back? That's mean and hurtful. It's the same thing when we aren't physical with them. God made him this way, and we don't have to understand completely. Just know that he needs it.

         Have you withheld sex to get intimacy? How did that work out?

o         I'm guessing it didn't work out! Men need to be physically close before they can be emotionally close.

         Do you get mad when he asks? Tell him what you need to have him 'set-the-mood.'

o         I have some requirements before we are intimate, I know he is serious about getting busy after he 'sets-the-mood!'

o         List somethings you need from your husband to help get you in the mood.

We are designed to share our bodies with our husbands. We, as wives, need to show our husbands our love with action. Don't sit about and expect him to woo you; get up and make it happen. Think thoughts of love, speak words of love, and show him through actions of love!

Dear Heavenly Father,

Help me to show my husband love. Let my actions communicate to him how precious and desirable he is to me. Help us deepen our intimacy and draw closer to each other. Fill me with desire for my husband. Thank you. Amen.

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Table of Contents

Copyright

Dedication

INTRODUCTION

ASSUMPTIONS

HOW TO READ THIS BOOK

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP: THINK WITH EMPATHY

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP: SPEAK WITH RESPECT

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP: ACT WITH SELFLESSNESS

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP: THINK WITH FORGIVENESS

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP: SPEAK WITH SWEETNESS

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP: ACT WITH KINDNESS

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER: THINK WITH HAPPINESS

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER: SPEAK WITH LOVE

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER: ACT WITH PASSION

CLOSING THOUGHTS

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

BURIED TREASURE REVEALING YOUR HUSBAND AS THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS STUDY GUIDE

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP: THINK WITH EMPATHY STUDY GUIDE

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP: SPEAK WITH RESPECT STUDY GUIDE

BUILD A SOLID PARTNERSHIP: ACT WITH SELFLESSNESS STUDY GUIDE

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP: THINK WITH FORGIVENESS STUDY GUIDE

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP: SPEAK WITH SWEETNESS STUDY GUIDE

STRENGTHEN A LASTING FRIENDSHIP: ACT WITH KINDNESS STUDY GUIDE

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER: THINK WITH HAPPINESS STUDY GUIDE

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER: SPEAK WITH LOVE STUDY GUIDE

INDULGE A PASSIONATE LOVER: ACT WITH PASSION STUDY GUIDE