BADCHRISTIAN

GREATSAVIOR

By Matt Carter, Toby Morrell, Joey Svendsen

© 2013 BADCHRISTIAN.COM

All rights reserved by Matt Carter, Toby Morrell, and Joey Svendsen.

Learn more: http://badchristian.com

The views and opinions of the authors do not necessarily reflect the beliefs of the churches where they serve.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

PREFACE

CHAPTER 1: Matt, Toby, and Joey - Three Bad Christians

Toby Said What?

Joey Flat-Out Betrayed Us

When I’m Depressed, There Are No Rules

The Last Time I Got Drunk

Oral Sex is Ok

Matt Has No Emotions

Chapter 1 Thoughts

CHAPTER 2: Bad Christians and the Bible

CHAPTER 3: Bad Christians and the Church

CHAPTER 4: Bad Christians and Community

CONCLUSION

ABOUT

PREFACE

DO NOT READ THIS BOOK UNLESS YOU UNDERSTAND THE FOLLOWING 5 THINGS (otherwise you will probably just think we are a-holes)

1.    This book is intense.  It is not soft. It contains real stories about us that are less than flattering. We talk about problems more than solutions. This is not done in order to be divisive, or to grumble.  The aim of this book is to promote honesty for the sake of the Gospel.  It contains strong language and descriptions that WILL be offensive to some.  This book is written this way because…

2.    This is the way we really talk, and this is the kind of stuff that we really talk about.  We want you to know who we are and where we come from.  We are Matt and Toby from the band Emery, and Pastor Joey Svendsen. Certain paragraphs are written from one perspective, but everything in these pages comes from one collective voice. We have spent the last twelve years in a mix of bars, nightclubs, churches, tour buses, church counseling sessions, greenrooms, youth groups, Christian retreats and festivals, wild parties, prayer circles, and circles of people doing hard drugs.  We recommend that you read the articles that we reference.  They are the prequel to this book and will provide you with some experience of our approach.

3.    We believe that the Church is awesome and is carrying out Jesus’ mission.  We fully support the church.  In fact, all three of us work and/or serve at large mega-churches.  We believe that Jesus changes people, frees them from their sin, and makes them more like Him.  We have seen and experienced this first-hand.  We believe that Jesus commands us to make disciples and to teach all that He has commanded, which is why…

4.    We had to write this book.  We feel called and led by God to build BADCHRISTIAN.  Jesus’ victory, as well as the change we see in believers’ lives, is REAL, so we don’t need to pretend that we are better than we are.  We don’t need to be defensive about our institutions or ourselves.  We have to tell the truth and we know that by telling the truth, He is glorified.

5.    This is not a book of Theology.  This is not Christian Inspiration.  This is Matt, Toby, and Joey being themselves.  We know that you will disagree with individual points we make or approaches we take.  We also admit that we may be wrong, and we humbly ask you to stick it out with us as brothers and sisters.  Again, this book is mostly just an assessment of some current problems in Christian culture.  Our next book, THE BADCHRISTIAN MANIFESTO, will roll out our plans and potential solutions.  For now, we have decided to just give you a personal look at who we are and how we think.  Our agenda is the Gospel, and the aim of this book is simply to tell it like we see it: that you are worse than you think you are, and that Jesus is better than you think He is.

CHAPTER 1: Matt, Toby, and Joey - Three Bad Christians

At least we are honest? Kinda…

Toby Said What?

By Joey Svendsen

Walking down the hall of our apartment, I heard muffled talking coming from the kitchen, but no one was in the kitchen.  Was it a ghost?  Was it my imagination?  Was I going insane?  Or was it Toby on the phone, in the kitchen closet, yelling vulgarities at his girlfriend like, “Shut the hell up.  You make me sick.  I can’t stand you.  No, YOU shut up!”

I have to be completely honest: what I was hearing had reached such a bizarre and climactic level of emotion that I was sure he was joking.  Anyone who knows Toby also knows that he would do absolutely anything for a joke.  Like the time he encouraged people to stay for the blooper clips after Saving Private Ryan.  Or the Halloween he went to a frat party as a drunkard and literally brought noodles and beans in a bag which he would occasionally sneak in his mouth only to make a huge spectacle of throwing them up all over the place.  Or the hundreds of times he’d eat a brownie and cover his two front teeth with a chunk of it in order to look toothless.  So hearing this obscenity coming from the closet made me think that he was again doing anything to make his girlfriend laugh; that is, until I opened the door and saw pure sadistic evil in his eyes.  He immediately went outside to continue the verbal tirade, which I’m sure all of our elementary school neighbors could hear.

I was floored.  I had never heard Toby talk that way to anyone before.  Actually, up to this point in my life I had never heard anyone talk to another human being like that.  I remember approaching Toby about his borderline criminal phone activity, but he just downplayed it.  He didn’t want to deal with it.  I’m not sure if we ever talked about this again.  He may not even remember this.  As time went on and I continued to learn more about my friend Toby, I realized just how unpredictable and out of control he could be when he lost his temper.

One time he and our buddy Joel Green (former bassist for Emery) were messing around on the guitar, brainstorming how Toby’s and my band, Joe 747, could transition from the ending of one of our songs into the beginning of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman.”  I came home and they couldn’t contain their excitement.  They played it, then asked me what I thought, and I simply told them the honest truth: I didn’t like it.  Toby immediately lost his temper and began mocking my bass guitar playing skills, as I was a very novice player.  At some point later in our friendship Toby told me that he would literally do or say anything to win an argument.  He’d demoralize someone if that meant getting the upper hand.  He can be one of the most ruthless people you’ll ever meet.

Sometimes, Toby’s closest friends ask themselves, “Why am I even friends with this guy?”  He’s my best friend, and there were times when I thought we’d never be close again, solely because of his overwhelming lack of self-control when he’s angry.  You’ll soon read another story about how his loose cannon attitude affected me when I was in an extremely dark and depressing time of my life.  When Toby is angry, the problem is simple:  He is thinking of himself.  This has been a blind spot for Toby as long as I’ve known him.

I met Toby when we were Resident Assistants (known as “RA’s”) in the same dormitory at college.  I’d always laugh when one of his freshman residents would say hi to him in the cafeteria.  Toby never—and I mean never—even knew their names.  Did he have a hard time remembering people’s names?   Not in the slightest.  He just didn’t give a shit.  He figured, “I get my room for free, I get a paycheck, and I really don’t have to do anything.” As RA’s, we had to organize a monthly community-building program on our hall for the residents.  All we had to do to get credit was simply turn in paperwork that described what you did, how it went, etc.  Toby was awesome at never getting stressed about these, even though they required a great deal of work.  His lack of stress was due to one simple fact: he hardly ever did them.  Toby would fill out the paperwork and basically make up his entire program.  I knew he was a Christian and I remembered thinking, “Damn.”

It just didn’t matter.  His job wasn’t about serving the community and he didn’t care about helping his residents connect with one another.  He got paid and didn’t have to work for it.  Nice one.

Joey Flat-Out Betrayed Us

By Matt Carter

I guess it wasn’t as bad as what Judas did, but it felt like it.  We had hoped to leave everything we had ever known: friends, family, even girlfriends, and move from South Carolina to Seattle and start one of the quintessential screamo bands. Joey almost ruined it. He almost ruined everything.  Emery was Joey’s idea. He saw the talent and potential that Toby and Devin and I had. He called a meeting and convinced us that we should do it—put all our talents together and move away to Seattle and start a band.  It was a crazy idea, but we all instantly agreed right there over our plates of nachos.

It was by far the biggest, scariest, most exciting decision any of us had ever made.  We knew it would be hard, but we all bought into the vision and began preparing.  It’s actually quite hard to describe what it was like. We could all envision how this would go, but everyone we knew and told about it thought we were clowns.  They almost all said the same thing. “Ya’ll won’t end up going.” My girlfriend said, “I’ll believe that when I see it.” My dad was slightly concerned, and he sat me down and said, “Son, I know you are excited about this, but one or more of these guys is going to chicken out, and then the whole thing will fall apart.”  Needless to say, we banded together more than ever, making plans, writing music, and saving money. It was an intense time of high stakes. We were totally unified and completely dependent on each other. We all had one singular focus.  Then, as my dad predicted, it all fell apart…almost.

Not only did Joey bail, he did it in the worst way possible.  While I was out of town Joey sent Toby a letter in the mail vaguely explaining that he would not be going to Seattle.  We didn’t have cell phones in those days so Toby couldn’t reach me to tell me, and he certainly couldn’t reach Joey.  Toby called Joey’s house and his mom answered the phone, clearly upset. “He isn’t here,” she said, and told him the rest of the story in tears. Joey had stayed home from church claiming he wasn’t feeling well. When his parents returned he was gone. They found a note that said that he “went north.” Joey’s brother was in Boston at the time. Joey had gathered a few belongings and headed that way to make a new life. What the hell?!

Meanwhile Toby, unable to reach either Joey or me, drove around Greenville that night in his Mercury Sable crying and crying, not knowing what he was doing anymore.  Joey was his best friend, and now that he was gone, the Seattle thing was surely over. What was he supposed to do now?

It’s actually pretty funny to picture emo Toby like this, but I hope you can imagine where that left us.  By the time I got home we still hadn’t heard from Joey, and Toby seemed rattled.  We knew that this was probably our undoing.  Obviously we did move to Seattle without Joey, and we did change the face of heavy music forever, but seriously, “What the eff, Joey?”  How could he sell us out like that? How could he be such a coward? The last time we rehearsed, Joey recounts that he knew then that he wasn’t going to Seattle, but he left rehearsal that night saying, “See ya’ll later,” yet silently told himself, “No, I won’t see you later.” He left not knowing if we would still go, or even when he would see us again. He just left. He drove to Boston, visited his brother, wandered the streets looking for a job, and then decided to drive 24 hours nonstop to Iowa to see an ex-girlfriend.

Joey says that he had heard from God and knew he wasn’t supposed to go to Seattle, and while I can’t deny that happening, Joey handled it completely wrong. To this day Joey still mostly justifies his actions by saying that “God told him to.”  Toby and I somehow are not satisfied with that response.  I also think there were a lot of messed up motives in Joey’s heart.  Maybe God did not want Joey to move to Seattle, but did God want Joey to make one of the biggest decisions in his life without consulting anyone? Did God want Joey to withdraw from his family? Did He call Joey to avoid all community and accountability?  Did He prompt Joey to lie?

Not surprisingly, while Joey was in Boston alone pursuing God and His will for Joey’s future, apart from community, friendship, and accountability, Joey feasted on pornography in his hotel room.   I don’t mean to be too hard on Joey. I do know that God was working in this, even in Joey’s sin.  It not only shaped my and Toby’s life and our band, but through Joey’s nutty vacation from reality God brought about a big change in the woman who was to be Joey’s wife and mother of his four children. I know this worked out the way it was supposed to, but that certainly doesn’t justify all of the mayhem Joey caused. Otherwise, I supposed that the people who condemned and crucified Jesus were blameless as well, right? Because that worked out the way it was supposed to, too.

When I’m Depressed, There Are No Rules

By Joey Svendsen

Sitting on my beat-up couch that I got from Goodwill, Toby asked me why I was staying in my dorm room when everything that “was happening” was happening right now!  It’s Thursday night in Rock Hill and this town’s bumping!  Toby and I had only been friends for a year, so what was about to happen could have been awkward for two normal dudes.  We didn’t have the normal “dude relationship” though.  We literally became best friends within the first three days of meeting each other.  It was like God told us both through our “heavenly headset” (can this be a new Christian-ese phrase for “God speaking”?) that we were assigned to be each other’s best friend.

I couldn’t answer the simple question of, “Why are you in your room?” any other way than by sobbing.  As close as we were, he wasn’t aware of the inner turmoil that I had bottled up inside of me.  Little did I know, I had a major chemical imbalance that caused me to be severely depressed on and off through the course of a week.  As I sipped from my 3-gallon jug of Wal-Mart lemonade that was meant to be poured into 50 Dixie cups at a five year-old’s birthday party, I kept crying.  Toby’s eyes were as big as baseballs.  “What’s wrong? Oh my gosh.” But all I could get out was, “You want a sip of this lemonade?” I was serious.  Not sure why he didn’t accept my offer.

Later on in our friendship, I was diagnosed with depression and communicated this with Toby.  As I shut him and all my friends out of my personal life, spent the majority of my time in voluntary “time out” in my bedroom, and said no to all invitations to hang with the fellas, Toby began to be hurt by my distance.

So here’s when it hit the fan.  I was in the car with Toby and he lectured me on how I was letting this (depression) get to me and how I needed to “snap out of this and just beat it.”  I calmly asked him not to say stuff like that.  I encouraged him to consider his limited perspective of this matter, never having experienced depression at this magnitude.  He apologized before going on another verbal tirade when right in the middle of it he paused, gave an agonizing sigh, and said, “I’m sorry man!  I just have to say this again.  You are letting this get the best of you.  You are letting this beat you. You need to step up and do something about it.”  At that point I seriously thought that our friendship would never be the same.

You have to realize that, as “man-crush” as this sounds, Toby and I ceasing to be best friends would have been similar to a divorce.  That would have been a classic Divorce Court episode.  His words cut deeply, as they came from one whom I thought cared about me, loved me, and had my back no matter what.  But what did I encounter instead?  Someone who only enjoyed me as a friend when it was fun and convenient for him.  Someone who was more concerned with telling me how to “beat this” than he was just “being there” (I totally sound like a woman right now: “Why are you trying to always fix things?  I just want you to be there!”), and someone who was unwilling to choose his words more carefully, knowing how hurtful they were.

I don’t know how I responded, but I literally wanted to punch the hell out of my best friend.  In my mind, I was thinking something along the lines of, “Oh yeah? That’s how it’s going to be?  Well, I don’t need you as a friend anymore.”  I’m pretty sure I just shut down and refused to carry on any more dialogue, like any mature 21 year-old would do.

I couldn’t see it then, but not only was I hurting inside, I was also selfish in my unwillingness to consider how hurtful and difficult this was for Toby.  Sure, I was hurting.  Of course, he could have chosen his words more carefully and practiced more self-control, but why didn’t I offer him the same grace that I expected from him?  I wanted to hurt without anyone else being affected.

As I am now, 13 years older, I’ve matured some.  I still battle with depression occasionally, but it’s not nearly as severe.  When I do struggle, not only do I have more understanding for those who don’t understand, I am also completely content with people knowing about it.  It’s Jesus who gets me through it anyway, so why not talk about how great He is and how weak I am?  Without this approach, Christians’ asses are in trouble; kind of like the Apostle Paul (2 Corinthians 12:10)[1].

The Last Time I Got Drunk

By Matt Carter

“The Last Time I Got Drunk” may sound like a “Christian testimony” in which I tell you that years ago, back in the days before I was saved, I used to get drunk… until the last time, when something miraculous happened, I got saved, and left all that behind.  Sadly, that is not the story I am about to share.

The last time I got drunk was last football season.  It was the evening that Florida State beat Clemson, ending their hope at an undefeated season. As much as I’d like to make a joke about it, let me be clear.  This was sin; it was wrong. It caused harm to me, my reputation, probably to my liver, my family, my ego, and my perception of my relationship with Jesus.  In short, I regret this fully, but it is true nonetheless, and here is what happened.

I was so excited when I found “The Clemson Club” in Seattle.  I was wearing my Clemson hat and visiting some friends who were watching the Husky game at a sports bar when someone asked me if I was with the Clemson people.  As it turns out, there was a whole private room of Clemson alumni who meet every week to watch the Tigers together.  I quickly informed Toby, who was living is Seattle at the time. He was equally excited, and we agreed to meet there to watch the big game.  At the time, Toby was a staff worship leader at a church, and he brought with him two other guys from the church’s leadership. One of these guys was completing his pastoral training, and is now the lead pastor of the church at which I lead worship many Sundays.

Needless to say, I was very anxious about the game, and excited to be surrounded by shouting people wearing orange.  While I can assure you that I didn’t intend to get drunk, I was not at all careful or mindful of my consumption.  I must have had 2 or 3 IPA’s (strong beers) in the first half.  At this point I should have ordered a meal at halftime and started drinking water—duh.  But here is the logic an idiot like me comes up with: “Food here is really expensive, so I won’t eat.  My wife is picking me up so I’m not driving.  This is a big game, and we are winning at halftime! What could go wrong?”

I may have failed to mention that upon a Clemson touchdown in the 2nd quarter, a buddy of mine brought Toby and me a shot he dubbed the “Tiger Bomb.”  My friend is not a Christian, and he was trying to be both generous and fun.  He continued to buy and bring us “Tiger Bombs” as the game wore on, and yes, I drank them.  I honestly do not even remember how many.

Side note:  Toby has developed a good strategy to deal with this problem.  At Emery concerts, fans frequently buy and hand us shots of liquor and all but demand for us to take them together.  It’s very difficult to refuse them because they are so excited; plus, they have already spent the money and almost never take no for an answer.  So, a split second before everyone raises their glasses together, Toby nonchalantly dumps the liquor onto the floor and mimics taking the shot.  The shot buyer never catches on, and everyone wins.

I suppose I feel bad saying no. I also want people like my “Tiger Bomb” friend to think I am fun, that I am tough, and that I can hold my drinks.  I know that is stupid.  Even worse, at some point I knew there was a decision on my part to just go with it.  In other words, I was plunging headlong into it instead of resisting temptation.

I vividly remember Clemson’s defense failing as Florida St. won the football game, but everything after that was foggy.  I have no idea what I may have done or said that made me look like a fool.  I’m sure that my drunkenness was obvious to the folks in the Alumni Club. I stumbled out to the street where my wife picked me up.  She already knew I was drunk just from my phone call telling her when to pick me up. I blabbered about how our season was over the whole way home, and once we got there I just laid on the floor for a few hours.  I am so thankful that my wife is forgiving; she did not shame me or scold me.  She was gracious and took care of me, knowing that anything she said would be wasted breath anyway.  She did insist that I sleep on the couch that night, though.  It was the only night of our marriage when we slept separately while in the same house.  You can guess how I felt the next day.  I spent the next 16 hours in pain, throwing up, and unable to move, but the shame I felt didn’t even really kick in till after the hangover.

A few days later Toby and I were on a living room tour talking about God to believers and non-believers.   A few weeks later on Sunday morning I was on stage at a large church, shoulder-to-shoulder with the pastor leading the congregation in worship, and I was ashamed[2].

Oral Sex is Ok

By Toby Morrell

As a teenager I never dreamed that I would cheat on my wife. I thought that once I got married I would be the noble hero husband who was tough but tender, a hopeless romantic who remembered every birthday, anniversary, and even sent flowers for no reason other than out of a heart filled with love for my wife. In true teen fashion, I didn’t even think about all the baggage I would bring into a marriage and totally swept over the fact that I was most likely addicted to pornography.

Porno, or “pono” as we jokingly refer to it now, overtook the majority of my sex life starting at a fairly early age (12) and grew exponentially to the point that it was a part of my daily life by the time I was in high school. But boy, could I hide it. I was the best at hiding it! I could hide both the content and the masturbation that went along with it. When I was younger it was magazines, video tapes, or DVDs, but when the internet came along…whoa! I had anything at the tip of my fingers.  I spent hours sometimes searching for that new sex scene that would be fulfilling. Sex was unattached, empty, and all about me.

This is what I thought would change when I found her. My wife is very beautiful and sexy.  It sounds cliché but it’s true; she is more than I ever dreamed of or hoped for in a wife. I had never had sex before her and it was amazing the first time we made love.  It would have been the best moment of my life up until that point if we had been married, but that’s another story for a later time. Let’s get back to “Debbie Does Toby” and all the rest.

I had been engaging with porn during our entire relationship leading up to our marriage, and I never even came close to revealing to Jess the amount of porn I viewed.  Watching porn is easy and stimulating, but people knowing that you watch porn, especially regularly, is embarrassing. And it is very embarrassing if you’re a Christian. What kind of Christian looks at porn, anyway? I would guess most. (Look at the dude nearest you and ask about his porn life. It’ll be very uncomfortable, but WWJD, right!) Once again, we’ll save this topic for another day.

After we were married, I did control the amount of pornography I watched more strictly and even thought I was becoming free from it entirely. The problem was, I still had not had a fully revealing conversation with my wife about pornography.  I didn’t want to hurt her or even give her a tiny thought that these porn stars came close to her beauty in my eyes. They didn’t at all, but how do you explain why you watch porn to the love of your life and make her feel loved and beautiful and sexy?  You can’t.

By only sharing partial confessions with her on occasions when I felt really convicted, it made it easy in times of weakness, or when I got that “old fashioned feeling” to slip back into the old routine. I also could justify it by telling myself that I was on the road for weeks or months at a time away from my wife. I was never tempted to cheat on her with another woman, so what was the big deal with watching a video once and a while? I knew that Jesus said lusting after another woman was cheating, but I convinced myself that it was different.  I was managing it.  I also felt guilty and condemned almost every time I watched porn, and I told myself that I was done about a billion times. I was going to man up by myself.  Hey, we’re all sinners saved by the grace of Jesus Christ, right, so I was forgiven!

I revealed some of my sexual sin at different times to the guys in the band, but that was more to just make myself feel better. I knew that they looked at porn too, so we didn’t want to go too far with calling each other out because we were all guilty. Accountability is and was a great word to throw around, but the concept is much harder to put into action.  We were and are all Christians, but it’s hard to reveal your weakness and actually do the work that is required through redemption.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe in God’s sovereignty and that He works in our lives, but we must listen and do as He leads to truly be freed and made new.  We also have to get these weaknesses in the light—fully.  My partial confessions were just a lie[3].

To be totally transparent, I don’t think I fully wanted to stop looking at porn. I enjoyed the power and control I had over my sex life and I knew that if I revealed my sin, it would in fact force me to change and lose my control. I got anything I wanted sexually, so did I really want to quit? Did I truly want to lose my life to gain Jesus and freedom in Him? What was my God?  Maybe that should be an easy answer for a Christian.  God is the creator and Lord of all…except of these little parts of our lives of which we can’t let go or let die.

Matthew 16:25, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.”

Matt Has No Emotions

By Toby Morrell

Everybody in South Carolina is a Christian. It’s something you just do in the south, like breathing or eating, and it might be your whole life or mean nothing at all.  So naturally, when Matt and I met in college we were both Christians.  I truly believe that through Jesus’ death and His grace we were and are Christians, despite the bad or good we do. With that said, Matt and I were Christians by the skin of our teeth.

I don’t mean to belittle Matt when I say this; I say it in love.  At this point in Matt’s life, I don’t think he had emotions.  He could laugh, get annoyed, and understand that a cheesy romantic comedy was supposed to stir up feelings, but nothing actually ever penetrated his uncaring and uninterested heart.  He was unaffected.  For Matt, life was all about him.  Before he would let people into his life, he evaluated them by what they could offer.  If someone made him laugh they could be a close friend.  If a girl was pretty and offered some sexual stimulation, he would pursue her.  But if someone was emotional or struggling, he was not interested and tended to keep his distance.  In fact, he even dated some girls only to break up with them when their personal struggles eventually showed up.  One time Matt dated a girl who was pregnant when they met.  You might think he was noble to date a pregnant girl whose boyfriend had left her, but the truth is that it was just an interesting situation for him.  It was more a problem to fix than a person to love.  This girl eventually struggled with post-partum depression, and Matt couldn’t handle it.  He dumped her.  He just didn’t and couldn’t get deep with anyone, especially God. We were friends then, but nowhere near as close as we are now.

What really drew us close together was—you guessed it—women.  Matt and I started dating two ladies who happened to be best friends, so our four young lives regularly intertwined. I made the point earlier that we were Christians at this time because we were. But our attitudes were not Christ-like at all.  In fact, we hoped to end up in bed with our girlfriends every night.  I should clarify that.  We knew sex outside of marriage was wrong, so we got as close as we could without actually having sex.  We saw every possible thing besides intercourse as completely fine.  We were so honorable.

My relationship, much to my embarrassment now, was much like Joey’s story about me:  volatile. But Matt’s was different.  I won’t bore you with details, but Matt thought he had a good thing going.  He had a girlfriend he really liked and he didn’t have to invest too much emotionally into the relationship. He didn’t know how to care and he didn’t know what he was missing.  None of us realized it then, but he saw his girlfriend as an experiment or math problem which constantly needed to be solved; with the right amount of dialogue, time, and money, he could solve it.  But that didn’t work with this relationship.  For his whole life Matt had been able to resolve most problems or situations with logic. But now, logic wasn’t working.  Since Matt and I were dating girls who were best friends, they were a common topic in our conversations. Matt opened up more, and for the first time in our friendship he was actually asking me questions and needing answers. No longer was he unaffected.  The crazy part about this was that, as Christians, we only cared about ourselves. Our lives were complicated, but we didn’t consider consulting God or asking for His intervention. We were on our own.

Fast forward to the end of college. We formed Emery and decided to move to Seattle. We knew that if we stayed in South Carolina we’d get bogged down with life and would never give music a real chance. Matt tried to make the long-distance relationship work, but it was truly the hardest thing he’d ever gone through. Eventually it fell apart.  This led to the first time I ever saw Matt cry.  They had just broken up for good, and Matt walked into our apartment kitchen. I saw a look I had never seen before, a complete breakdown.  There wasn’t an answer this time.

There’s only one thing you can really do in the face of heartbreak. So I just gave Matt a hug.  At that moment years of him being afraid of or unsure of how to use or trust his emotions came pouring out. I am seriously not a hugger, but I hugged Matt for 7 minutes. I counted. That’s an eternity for someone who doesn’t like hugging. Matt was broken. He was filled with hurt, disbelief, and in need of a savior to carry him through. Matt was at a new place in his life.

I wish I could tell you it brought him closer to God immediately, but it didn’t.  Even after a major emotional breakthrough Matt continued to make old mistakes with new people. This story doesn’t end with full redemption because most don’t. God does an amazing work in our lives and then we’re on to great things, but bad things as well. We need Jesus. He helps us change, and that change takes a lifetime.  We are bad Christians.

Chapter 1 Thoughts

Over the last couple of years we have been reading comments that people have made on our blog posts, and many folks are uncomfortable with letting go of a certain standard and can’t seem to get over this freedom from the law that we are promoting.  Some of you are probably thinking the same thing at this point.

Your rationale goes something like this:

“But, if we aren’t good examples to others, we’ll be seen as hypocrites and no one will want to be a Christian because everyone will think we are so pathetic.  This is why the Bible says not to be conformed to the pattern of this world.  We are to look different.”

We should look different by…not sinning[4]? By not involving ourselves in culture[5]?  Granted, most of these stories we’ve shared took place more than a decade ago, with the exception of Matt’s drunken stupor, and God has been continually maturing us through the years.  Not an easy task.  The key issue here is that we were all Christians during the times of these real stories.  I bet there’s a bunch of stories you would not want anyone to know about you, mainly because you were a Christian at the time.  Like Matt said in his story, it’s easy for us to say, “This was in my past,” but this isn’t always the case.

This should make you think about the number of times that you hypocritically write someone off as a Christian because they aren’t acting like one.  You may respond with reciting the scripture that says, “You’ll know a tree by its fruit.”  I’d respond to you by asking, “Doesn’t it take time for fruit to grow?  What about when it is just a little bud and hardly noticeable?”  I’d also caution you to reflect on the sins that we rarely talk about as Christians.  Ones that you perhaps let yourself off the hook from continually.  Do you worry[6]?  God says not to.  Do you gossip?  God says not to.  Do you seek to meet the needs of your neighbor?  God says to.  Do you pray continually?  God says to.

I certainly agree with you that one will know a tree by its fruit, but I’d caution you to remember that we will never stop sinning as long as we have our fleshly body/nature.  Thus, no matter how fruitful one is, there will always be instances where rotten food is mixed in with the good.  I’d also caution you to remember that it’s Jesus who grows the fruit.  This very truth should deter us from keeping our eyes on people and fix our eyes on Jesus.  The word says that He is the “author and perfector of our faith.”  This means that He gives our faith birth, leaving us no room to take credit, and He perfects our faith, so we can’t even take credit for that either.  If we cannot take credit for our spiritual growth and maturity, why are we so hard on other Christians who are struggling with theirs?  If God is perfecting your faith, this doesn’t make you a good person.  You are still a bad person that God is conditioning to be more like him.  Thus, you are absolutely no different from your brother in Christ who is at an earlier stage of development than you.

So, since when were Christians not hypocrites?  Since when were we not pathetic?  Look at Steve Fee, Jim Baker, King David, and Peter.  I’ve never found a Christian that preached against sin and didn’t sin.  Let’s start with me.  I encourage people not to have idols yet I struggle with idol worship: sports, food, buying music, my image, and money, just to name of few.  I counsel men to love their wives and I fall short of being a loving husband.  I talk about the dangers of pride and sometimes I lose the battle myself against this deadly foe.

Let’s just be blunt.  The very definition of hypocrite fits every Christian.  And that’s not a bad thing.  Sinful people being saved by a sinless savior brings glory to Jesus, and last time I checked, we are only supposed to be pointing to His glory anyway.

The only “bad form” of hypocrisy, so to speak, is when someone says, “I don’t struggle,” or, “I am a really awesome person,” or, “Look at my works,” or tries to be seen as holier-than-thou and simultaneously never says things like, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner,” or, “What a wretch I am,” or, “God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness.”

Our stories are real. You have real stories too, but many of you just won’t talk about them.  All three of us, Matt, Toby, and Joey, struggle with pride for sure.  However, we set out to never walk around with the notion that we have our stuff together.  One of our deepest desires is to change our sinful habits.  We try not to take credit when we make positive changes.  We never claim to be without sin.  We apologize, but probably not as often as we should.  We talk about how sinful we are.  We talk a lot about our great savior.  We often verbalize our complete dependence on God.  We have changed and are changing still.

God gives grace to the humble and, for Christians, humility means admitting our utter dependence on Him.  This, I’m sure, is more what God was talking about when He says, “Don’t conform any longer to the pattern of this world.”

CHAPTER 2: Bad Christians and the Bible

“Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest upon me.” —Apostle Paul (2 Corinthians 12:8)

“Let’s just for once, not immediately wrap everything up and make it look good.  Maybe the people around us can begin to see our need for Jesus and see that we are able to actually walk in the light because we trust Him.” —Matt Carter

“I love my kids, I’m a good husband, I am a good person!”  Sounds pretty insecure to me.

“I’m definitely a good person…I mean, nobody is perfect…well, it’s just that…at least deep down I think mostly…I’m…but, since I became a Christian I’ve been…wait, I do the best I can, except…hmmm.  Okay, I give up. I am not a good person.  I want to be a ‘good Christian’, but honestly, I’m still not. I’m actually a Bad Christian. Jesus is a great Savior, but I’m an undeserving sinner, and even now that He has saved me I still don’t have any righteousness of my own.  Thankfully I am counted righteous, because Jesus became my sin. God, please don’t let me mistake his righteousness for my own.”

I believe that one of the most common mistakes humans make is thinking that they are objective. I hope we can all admit that we live a life full of biases, a lot of which we are not aware, and they usually benefit us and allow us to cast ourselves in a better light than we otherwise deserve.  That is how we wind up with the insane notion that we are good people, or even good Christians.  But the facts, our experience, and the Bible all clearly tell us that we are not.  To illustrate, think of the worst person you know.  That person almost certainly thinks he or she is a good person. Again, biases.  When I say we, I really do mean all of us.  The best Christian who ever lived and the worst sinner who ever walked on this big blue marble are pretty much on the same plane when compared to Jesus, who was perfect.  Both Billy Graham and Genghis Khan fall into the same Biblical category of rebellious sinners who have no hope apart from the blood of Jesus (Romans 3:10)[7].

All the religions, non-profits, causes, and movements exist for this reason: we know people are screwed up and need fixing.  The problem is that a lot of these initiatives start with the notion that we are “good” and we know what all the other people need: “To be good, like me!”  At least that’s the assumption about the leadership of these groups.  The leaders typically go to great lengths to protect their image and to appear “good” in hope that people will respect them enough to listen and/or obey[8].

Christianity is perhaps the worst at this.  The general perception of Christianity today is something like this:  “They think they are better than other people, and that their way is the only way, and they try to shove their values on others, but they are really just hypocritical assholes.”  Does this remind you of that dude in Luke 18:11?

It’s a big problem that we try to appear “good” when the core of our beliefs state that we are, by nature and choice, “effed” up, so much so that we require the supernatural God to save us (Romans 8:3-4).  How is anyone supposed to get that when all we do is pretend that we have our shit together?  Many Christians would respond to this by saying that before we became a Christian, admittedly we were a disaster, but now that we are saved we do in fact live righteous lives.  I disagree, and I believe the Bible disagrees.  While it’s true that we are “declared righteous” and seen as “spotless” and “washed, white as snow”, it is clear that when God looks at us He sees Jesus’ righteousness, not ours.  This is why Paul resorted to boast only in Jesus and the cross (Galatians 6:14).

We Christians often mistake His righteousness for our own[9].  We even go so far as to worship righteousness, and worse yet, the appearance of righteousness.  In other words, we think we are “the shit” because of the good works we have done, when Paul the apostle calls all of his works just plain “shit” (Philippians 3:8). It is easy and very common to actively pursue being a “good Christian” instead of pursuing our great Savior himself. This is nothing new; Jesus encountered it in his day.  Luke 18:18-19, “And a ruler asked him, ‘Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’  And Jesus said to him, ‘Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone.’”

Jesus is toying with this guy.  The guy thinks Jesus is “good” and can help him get what he wants.  He does not see Jesus as perfect, or as God.  So Jesus corrects him by telling him (and us) that no one is good except God.  The irony is that the guy is unwittingly correct.  Jesus is good, but this guy is still wrong, just like you or I would be if we called any other teacher or person “good”.  Jesus is clear: no one is good.  This would include people that know and worship Jesus: his disciples, the apostle Paul, King David, Moses, Michael Jordan, Vince Lombardi, Barak Obama, and Joel Osteen. No one.

Therefore, trying to be a “Good Christian” is not only impossible, it’s harmful.  We are to pursue our Great Savior Jesus himself, not the perks of being able to say to others, “Look at me.  Look at what I’ve figured out.  See my good life?”  Matthew 6:33 is one of the most quoted verses in the Bible, and yet we overlook that we are told to specifically seek His righteousness, not just righteousness in general.  As we go after what He wants for us, we can’t filter this pursuit through our own agenda.  Our hearts are deceitful, so this does not bid well for us, ever.  We are Christians, yes. We have the indwelling Holy Spirit, yes. We are sanctified to become more like Jesus, and we are redeemed by his blood, yes. We are Christians indeed, but nonetheless we are Bad Christians.  We are Bad Christians with a Great Savior.

“But certainly there are good Christians in the Bible?”

Eh, are you sure?  One of the most unique things about the Bible is its brutal, non-sugarcoated honesty.  It is not a sales pitch.  It is not marketing or propaganda, and it does not make God’s people look very good at all.  Why do you suppose that is?  Can you imagine if we wrote it today, what approach we might take? If we followed the model of the bulk of Christian writing, it would be carefully worded and be full of humble bragging about our achievements as followers of God.

Today we have reached the pinnacle of clever wording, marketing, and advertising, all driven by our amazing economy and “God’s gift of capitalism” (the way to harness man’s individual greed, for the greater good of the people). As a result, Christian culture has adopted these tactics from our culture.  The funny thing is, we have pretty much maxed out this strategy and are seeing a big change in how people respond to it.  In case you haven’t noticed, people are becomingly increasingly attracted to reality, honesty, and authenticity, even if it is sometimes ugly.  We love celebrities’ real accounts and their meltdowns, and we respect artists like Kanye because he does not hold back.  We embrace real characters even when they make big mistakes.  We have very sensitive bullshit meters. We bristle at a slick sales pitch and conversely love getting a personal look at the imperfections of people we respect.

Praise God for this.  Perhaps if we can more deeply and bravely embrace the Biblical model of honesty and storytelling, then perhaps people will be more attracted to Jesus—people like me, who would otherwise not be interested in the self-righteous, goody two-shoes private church club.  That club reminds me of the portrayal of Heaven full of chubby babies on clouds playing harps for all eternity.  I’m not too interested in going there, either.

So back to the question, “What about the good Christians in the Bible?” Upon some examination, we only find two types of people: Non-Christians and Bad Christians.  The Old Testament is filled with names of individuals and tribes that were not God’s people: Cain, the Edomites, the Egyptians, Sanballat and Tobiah, the Ninevites, the Babylonians, Goliath, and the Philistines.  These people were evil. They worshiped other gods and idols. They were violent.  They lied, cheated on their spouses, took slaves, murdered people, got drunk, deceived and cheated people, laid with prostitutes, were prostitutes, and hated their enemies.

God’s people were much different; they knew Him, and He often spoke directly to them. They were set apart because they lived upright lives of righteousness…hang on, wait a second. Let’s look at that Evil list one more time.  God’s people:  Worshiped other gods and idols (the Israelites in the desert), were violent (David), lied (Abraham, Rahab, David, Jacob), cheated on their spouses (Abraham, David), took slaves (David), murdered people (David), got drunk (Noah), deceived and cheated people (Jacob), laid with prostitutes (Judah, male cult prostitutes), were prostitutes (Rahab, Tamar), and hated their enemies (Jonah, David).

Oops, I’d like to point out here that I have only used examples of people in the Bible who are highly regarded by Christians as heroes of the faith.  In fact, out of the whole Bible, the highest commendation we see of a human is of King David. The Bible goes to great lengths to show God’s favor of him and to credit him much more than other men. In Acts 13:22, God says that he has found, “a man after his own heart who will do all my will.” Yet he appears on the previous naughty list more than anyone. How can that be? It seems that God is most concerned with our hearts, and David had a heart for God[10]. He was also honest and wore his heart on his sleeve.  Maybe that’s what made him great.  Even in his written prayers he was open and honest to an unparalleled degree.  He asked God for the destruction of his enemies; he claimed that God had forsaken him and he was open about his shame and his sin.  Imagine if someone asked to include your written prayers in the Bible. Would you pray this for your enemy? “May his days be few…may his children be fatherless…wander about and beg. May strangers plunder the fruits of his toil.” (Psalm 108)

Believe it or not, David is an example for us, not for his works or righteousness, but for his pure delight and joy in God himself. David nails it—he is as sinful as anyone in the Bible, yet he pursues and loves God.  And God identifies this man as His favorite.

Again, Jesus’ blood and righteousness is what God sees when he looks upon us.  Galatians 3:26-27 metaphorically terms this as being “clothed with Christ.”  The Old Testament Passover symbolizes and foreshadows this.  Judgment was spared from the Israelite households.  They were not spared on account of being better people than the Egyptians, but rather they were spared because of the spilled blood of the Lamb on their doorposts.

Some might argue, “Ok, the OT has all that stuff, but after Jesus came it was different.”  Wrong again.

In the New Testament there was an astonishing amount of grotesque sin in the church, a problem to which Paul directs large portions of his letters. Paul writes to correct the toleration of sexual immorality of the church in Corinth that is “…of a kind not tolerated even among pagans.” He also writes to warn them against their idolatry. Then there’s the apostle John in Revelation, addressing the toleration of adultery in the church at Thyatira.

Let’s look a little closer at some New Testament Christians, as we may find it easier to relate to them.  Here are three types of what we would consider Bad Christians.  You might be able to identify yourself and those you know as one of these types.

The Bad Christian: Paul

The apostle Paul wrote more of the New Testament than anyone else and identifies himself as “foremost” as far as sinners go (1 Timothy 1:15).  This claim is made in the present tense.  Paul, formerly Saul, was a murderer and persecutor of Christians. He is guilty of unimaginable evil, but after he meets Jesus on the road to Damascus his whole life is turned around and everything changes.  He has a great testimony, much like the people who often share at church about how Jesus saved them from a life of sin, addiction, violence, etc.  We love these stories because they are clear displays of God’s power and love for sinners. But we must be careful not to assume that because someone has been saved and is no longer a gang member or porn star, that they have walked away from sin itself, never to return.

You may identify many Christian celebrities like Paul; they lead exemplary lives and are used by God to effectively communicate the Gospel to millions.  I would still argue that these people are not “better” than other Christians, and for people to worship these figures is a real disservice to them.  We are too often like ancient Israel in demanding a king, preferring a man, when God asks us to follow Jesus as King.

The Bad Christian: Peter

Peter is a very interesting guy.  He is one of Jesus’ favorite people and a trusted friend.  He saw most of Jesus’ miracles firsthand and was trained by Him.  Peter was a Christian who knew Jesus was God and served Him in full-time Christian ministry, yet we see him make some unbelievable blunders.  He lacked faith, displayed when he sank in the water (Matt 14:31). He was prideful and thought he belonged with Jesus, Moses, and Elijah (Matt 17:4).  He famously denied Jesus three times (Mark 14:29-31), and even after Jesus was raised and the Holy Spirit had come, and Peter had become a mature leader in the Christian church, he had to be called out by the apostle Paul for refusing to even eat with Gentiles.  That one is particularly interesting because it’s exactly what a great deal of modern Christians do.  They refuse to eat with Gentiles.  Translation: Hang out with Democrats, go to rock concerts, have a beer with their coworkers, go to their neighborhood’s Halloween party.

Peter might be the easiest for most of us to identify with.  He knows and loves God, messes up terribly, is sorry for his shortcomings, and over time grows in his faith to become more and more like Jesus, although the growth is slower than one might hope.  He doesn’t have Paul’s clear-cut testimony where God changed him in an instant and he became a badass.

The Bad Christian: The thief on the cross

It’s easy to see why the thief crucified next to Jesus is a bad Christian. He is a criminal facing execution, a man who had previously not known Jesus, but upon encountering Him he recognizes Jesus as God, the one in whom is salvation, grace and forgiveness.  Moments before his death, Jesus assures this man that he will be “with him in Paradise” that very day.  This man was never able to accumulate any good works, and had he lived longer than that day, we can’t assume he would have had a nice and tidy Christian walk from that day forward.

Many Christians become saved and honestly still have a rough life.  They never get the upper hand on their vices; they never see what looks like “total victory” as some promise.  They are remorseful and repentant, but nonetheless there are many saved Christians who remain alcoholics, sex addicts, bad-tempered, foul-mouthed people, greedy, and just big jerks[11].  If you know anyone like this you’ll agree, and if you don’t know anyone like this, chances are you are too much like a Pharisee (uptight religious person who cares more about how they look than they do about God himself) for these people to want your company. These people will probably not be pastors or teachers, but they are forgiven for their sins just like Peter, Paul, you and I are forgiven for the willful sin that we continue to commit. They were all nailed to the cross.

CHAPTER 3: Bad Christians and the Church

Raise Your Hand If You Have Looked at Pornography, Gossiped, Exceeded the Speed Limit, or Overeaten This Week... Yeah I Thought So

When I was a kid, my family moved around between several small and extremely charismatic churches in the rural south.  If you have no experience with this type of church, just picture an episode of the Maury Povich show crossed with TBN (The Bible Network). My grandfather was a pastor, which explains why we did so much bouncing, but I was in my early teens when he retired. At that time my family essentially retired from church attendance altogether, but even when we did attend, I hardly experienced honesty or real community.

Now don’t get me wrong; we were Christians. We are Christians. I have always answered the question, “Is Jesus your Lord and Savior?” with “Yes,” even if I was afraid to say no or afraid of what that might mean. But other than claiming Jesus as my savior, I couldn’t claim anything else.  I couldn’t tell you what Jesus meant to me or how He had impacted my life. I was just scared to go to Hell.

My parents, struggling in a failing marriage, gave me a list of don’ts, and I thought I was a Christian based on how many of these rules I didn’t break.  Naturally, I was confused when all the people I liked at school did those bad things, and they seemed unharmed. In fact, it made them cooler—not because of what they did, but because of their authenticity which many churchgoers lacked. They were just themselves.  People at church just felt too sheltered. Our church was all about rules. Women didn’t cut their hair or wear jeans, no one was allowed to wear jewelry (even wedding rings), and you couldn’t go to the movies. I remember my parents taking my brother and me to a movie at the theater on the other side of town so no one would see us sneak in.  This kind of thing just didn’t feel right to me.  It felt like I was being forced to believe a lie. As a result I dismissed the church for a period, and for a few years my faith slid into the background.

My experience of church, with its rules and pressure to appear to be a good Christian, repelled instead of attracted me.  Sure, I was hard-hearted and rebellious, but the legalism that much of Christianity purports instigates one of three things: Rebellion, religious pride, or fear. Whichever of these you naturally lean toward will be accelerated by legalism. For me, it was rebellion. Fortunately, and according to His own mercy, God eventually began to stir my heart.

Titus 3:5 says, “But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to His own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by His grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.”  Still, I admit the uncomfortable truth: This stirring didn’t immediately change my heart entirely.  When Jesus impacted my life and called me to repentance, I quit some of the things on the sins list.  I quit smoking weed, and I strove to save my virginity for marriage. But I had no problem with overeating, telling lies, oral sex, lust, pornography, and having the majority of my life uninvolved with God.  What’s even worse is that all my Christian friends thought I was doing great in my “walk” because I could say I had quit some of my bad habits. I had the look. God had changed me, but despite having a new heart, I still had a great deal of nasty mess inside.

1 Corinthians 12 and Romans 12 tell us that God gives us gifts and even gives us our faith. My faith was 100% real, but it was clouded by the things that I thought were marks of a “good Christian”.  That is exactly what I wanted—to be, and to be seen as, “a good Christian”. I focused on the few rules I could handle and ignored the others because my sins were fun and brought me pleasure. Though I was saved, my heart had not been deeply penetrated by Jesus’ life.

I did attend new churches and met Christians who challenged me to deepen my relationship with Christ. The problem was that everyone pointed only to Sunday morning as the time and place to "get right". I couldn’t afford to miss a Sunday because it was the key to Jesus. I needed to be in the Word, so I read the scriptures from the Sunday morning message. Also, I was supposed to tithe, so naturally that went to the church on Sunday mornings. People told me I needed fellowship, so I went to church on Sunday mornings to surround myself with those who might be a good influence.  My Christian friends strongly suggested that I needed Christian fellowship because my old crowd would bring me back down. God seemed to be about the building I went to and the friends I saw on Sundays. The world was dangerous. I could be led to sin.

To be clear, my church and my Christian friends truly loved me and helped me, but we only focused on symptoms, not the sickness.  I kept filling out a mental checklist of good works, and as long as I could check things off, I was going to be fine.

It looked like this:

1.        Go to church? Check.

2.       Pray at least once? I did that at church. Check.

3.       Read the Bible? I did that at church. Check.

4.      I talked about God? We did that at church and even discussed how the evil homosexuals and atheists are lost!

Obviously, this list wasn’t about God. It was about me, and I was pretty lazy.

If it had been about God, it would have looked like this:

1.        Masturbated while looking at pornography? Check. Lord, I am so weak in this, and I want to control my sex life.

2.       Manipulated my girlfriend to give me a blow job Sunday afternoon after going to church? Check. Father, my sexual pleasure is a god to me. I am helpless, and need you to walk me out of this worship of pleasure and the female body.

3.       Did not control my eating habits? Check. I over-ate and abused my body, which you call my temple. I do it to fill voids that I don’t want to face. I do it for the pleasure my taste buds give me. I do it out of laziness.  God, why can’t I fill myself up with your truth?

4.      I listened and gossiped about someone? Check. I loved hearing how a person I dislike made some mistakes and was paying for them.  I was happy they suffered.  Lord, I want my enemies to suffer, but your word says they are your children and that you are our Father. Help me to love like you do and not to enjoy others’ pain.

5.       I hung out with people and chose not to reveal the truth of my sin? Check. Lord, help me to be honest with others so that my desire to showcase your glory trumps my desire to look good.

See the difference? Both are a good works and sins list, but one is about me and the other is about Jesus.  One is about looking the part, the other is about Jesus being the savior so that my life can be fully changed and fulfilled in Him. One reveals only a third of me while the other shows all of me, even the terrible secrets (total Emery song plug…sorry). Why don’t we as Christians want the second list to be seen daily?  It would actually free us from guilt and self-condemnation, and we could show how God is working through our lives in spite of ourselves.  We could show that we are bad at being Christians but that we truly have a great savior. 2nd Corinthians 13:7-9 says, “But we pray to God that you may not do wrong—not that we may appear to have met the test, but that you may do what is right, though we may seem to have failed. For we cannot do anything against the truth, but only for the truth. For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong.”

I have been lucky enough to meet and hear from so many people, mainly in Christian circles, and I still haven't met a perfect example of a “good Christian”.  That's why we believe in the BadChristian Movement; it’s what we are, and it's what we think you are, too.  We can no longer allow inauthentic living to mar our faith and the way we preach the Gospel.  We are called to preach the Gospel in truth, but Christianity is plagued with preaching through hypocrisy. We do need church on Sunday morning.  We need the structure, the fellowship, the preached word, the call to give, and a sanctuary for us and for a lost world.  But we need that seven days a week.  BadChristian is not a church; it's a movement, a way of thinking that keeps Jesus central.  The Reformation was a movement, although it shouldn't just refer to the church as reformed, but as continually reforming.  We have to look at ourselves and our history and constantly purge the erroneous man-made crap that we incorporate into Christian culture.  That's all we intend to do—not teach as much as share our insights.

What if what we are offering through BadChristian is simply more “erroneous man-made crap that’s incorporated into Christian culture”?  It may be.  We hope that our willingness to only point towards Jesus in spite of our reputations and image will offer something to enhance Jesus’ bride.  However, like our senior Pastor, Greg Surratt, says, “Everyone is good for something.  Even if it’s just to be a bad example.”  Maybe that’s all we’ve got.

We simply love the church[12] and hopefully we can add some perspective. In an attempt to shy away from arrogance, we begin by opening ourselves up.  We hope to earn your respect through openness and relationship, not through marketing, PR, and image control. Yes, we have influence. When we talk or write, people listen and respond.  We are going to use that influence to bring a more honest Christianity to this world.

Christianity can no longer sit around talking about Christianity.  Jesus did not look at Peter, James, and John in the boat and say, “We are going to work on your anxieties, fears, and sins, and then one day maybe you will be fishers of men.”  He said, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” Regardless of us, Jesus is.

That is our biggest goal with Bad Christian.  We want to bring all glory to King Jesus and to be truly honest about who we are in Him.  We are the church and the bride.  We want to be right in the middle of learning how churches can better dialogue with the rest of the world[13].  As Christians we do so much to help others, but we’re missing opportunities to tell people what God is doing in our daily lives and where we’re still lacking.  If we believe that Jesus took our place and that His blood covers our sins, then why are we such a hidden people?  Why are we so surprised when a pastor commits adultery or is addicted to prescription medicine?  Why are we so let down when heroes fall[14]?  When a Christian shoots you the bird in traffic or cheats you on an air conditioning bid, that is wrong, but it is also normal. When leaders fail, we should be the first responders, not the crowd watching the accident scene in shock or hurling blame.

We don’t have it all right, but Jesus does, and people see Him through us.  We prove the reality of Jesus, not in our words or actions but by admitting the truth: Jesus does it all.  He came to earth to save us.  We want to sin, but He calls our bluff in wrath and in love so that we see what we’ve done and what we’re doing.  He compels us to be more like Him. We need Jesus because we are losing the battle. We are making ourselves into big-time hypocrites, and everybody knows it.  Nothing stinks more than people who think they are superior to you, especially when they‘re on exactly the same level. People look at us (the church) and hate Christianity, and consequently, reject Jesus.  Yet legalism says that if a non-Christian sees you drink beer or hears you say "shit", or sees you doing anything else remotely fun or cool, then they will close their hearts to Jesus.

That’s ridiculous. Like they say on Monday Night Football: “C'MON MAN!”   It's time for the church to get real.

CHAPTER 4: Bad Christians and Community

Give me twelve sold-out Christians and I guarantee they will be able to accomplish more than a thousand Christians who just go to church. I should clarify. By “sold-out Christians” I don’t mean people who talk the talk, appear moral, are nice, or hang out at all the church events. It’s about time that people stop painting all professing Christians with the same brush[15].

I mean disciples. People who take discipleship seriously, both discipling and being discipled by others. That’s what the Bible means by “followers of Christ”.

But we’ve made another category: Just Plain Christian. “You know, I go to church and stuff, but I’m not like all super-religious or anything.” Unfortunately, it’s so easy to be an actual church member with that exact mentality.  How is this possible?  The Bible commands us to make disciples, but we do a better job of making “the person who goes to church.” What’s the difference? Real community, openness, investment of time, and accountability.

At the end of Acts chapter 2 (New Testament book which gives a historical summary of the church’s beginning), we read the following:

“They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.  Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles.  All the believers were together and had everything in common.  They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need.  Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.”

This church was amazing! Does your church look like this? I doubt it. But it does have something in common with the early church: it’s comprised of weak, sinful humans, and Jesus died to take away those sins.  There is no perfect church because only flawed people attend.  This is the apostles’ teaching:  Jesus won.  Jesus is the hero.  The church was born because of and in order to reflect this truth. If we see the church as just a place to meet our spiritual needs and do not see ourselves as the church, our hearts won’t be completely for Jesus and for each other.  Besides seeing the amazing aspects of church, we also see its failings.  Christians get a lot wrong, and if you don’t have a relationship with Christ and each other, you will hop to the next building hoping they do it better.  We won’t reach this “greater vision” that the church speaks of when the church is apparently filled with people that are just as scarred, crooked, and hypocritical as the world.  That said, how do you trust and share your life with strangers?  Do you place the need for love higher than your need to prove your point?  Even in regards to the topic of homosexuality[16]?

The first church I (Toby) ever went to that looked like a New Testament church was in a fifteen passenger van with five band dudes. We started a band, but we functioned as a community group, which is basically six to twelve people that desire to live openly with one another through fellowship.  Touring in a band means you spend about forty-five minutes to an hour performing on stage, and then you are in a van, restaurant, or hotel for the other twenty-three hours with five to ten dudes. We couldn’t help but get real with each other. Everybody knew everybody else’s business: Finances, love life, sexual life, family life, annoying traits, off-the-wall thoughts, bad breath, and laughter. Usually this was unavoidable rather than intentional.

We shared about God too. That just came naturally. My most spiritually active and eye-opening moments occurred on tour. We prayed with each other and asked for God’s will when we didn’t know where we were headed or where our next meal would come from. And like the boat scene in Forrest Gump, God showed up. We have held many Bible studies and streamed sermons as we drove.  Conversely, we have gone months without praying together.  We’ve all seen each other involved in horrible fights with families, wives and girlfriends; sexual sin including pornography, emotional and physical contact that was way out of line, relational infidelity, drunkenness, ridiculous selfishness and greed, and just about anything else you can imagine a rock band doing.  And that is just Emery.  If it didn’t fall squarely into the biblical category of gossip, I could write a whole book about what we’ve seen from other bands, particularly those in the “Christian scene”.  It would probably be a bestseller[17].

The point is, we lived life together and in the open mainly because we had no other choice.  Most of the good and bad were unintentional, but nonetheless real.  We didn’t have an agenda to get through on the long rides from Sacramento to Portland.  But we had our voices, and we had the time. We talked for hours. I grew more than I ever have in my life, and I had attended church since birth.  The difference was that these dudes had my back, knew my shit, loved me, and helped me change.  They also couldn’t help but confront what they didn’t like about me. That is what a small group is all about: making time for other people and being vulnerable[18].  It’s hard. You definitely don’t always see eye to eye, and people can really piss you off. But with it comes joy, love, and people who share your burdens.  This is summed up in one word. Authenticity[19].

Fast forward several years. By this point I (Matt) have been in other small groups and have seen what it’s like to be authentic with people I don’t work with. It’s the same:  Draining yet life-giving. It’s no surprise though; we were built for this.  What do you think the whole God-creating-people-to-pour-out-His-love-upon-them thing was about? God Himself is a fan of community and interaction, as the Godhead (Father, Son, Spirit) experience this amongst themselves.

Romans 5 says, “…and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

God created humans to love and to teach and to watch us grow. Just like any good dad, He disciplines us and helps us discern between right and wrong. He also made more of us because He wanted us to have family.  He wanted us to have relationship, not only with Him, but with each other. We learn about Him that way. When we share life we actually get a glimpse of why we were created and what we were created for. It actually helps us fulfill our potential.  We become fully human.  So why are we so bad at it?  Many people press us to admit our error in being self-proclaimed “Bad Christians”.  They’re concerned that we are dismissing the importance of living a righteous life, and that we are actually letting ourselves off the hook and encouraging others to sin.  This couldn’t be further from the truth[20].  The three of us all want to sin less.  We try not to sin, but when we isolate one area, we just find another.  We’ve learned that “trying not to sin” is futile.  We can’t just stop.

Now, here’s where people get the wrong idea of BadChristian.  They think we’re saying, “Who gives a shit.  We can’t stop, so why would we even try?”  On the contrary, we “try to stop sinning” by drawing closer to Jesus.  Get a load of this:

“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.  For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.”

It doesn’t say, “Stop sinning and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”  It says, “Walk by the Spirit.” We won’t stop sinning by putting all our effort into eradicating sinful actions.

“But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law,” means that if we are drawing closer to God, we won’t have to try so hard to stop sinning.  It means: A) We won’t have such a compelling desire for it, and B) It won’t be about the law and rules anymore, so even when we mess up, we can fix our eyes on Jesus, His grace, and how He is changing us. It’s no longer about us trying harder.  We miss this completely.  We sin and our answer is to try harder.

What if our problem was not a lack of effort in will power, but a lack of effort in just living life the way God asked us to in the first place?  How does He want us to format our lives?  That topic could fill a book, but one major way is to simply live in community.  Most Christians place a lot of importance on prayer, but it’s ironic that we don’t place the same emphasis on community with fellow Christians.  Let’s face it, there are many huge churches which focus too much on the Sunday morning product, but they often don’t encourage members to be in community.  They can’t really challenge others to be in community either, because challenging someone could potentially “turn people off” and compel them to find another church.  I have failed in this way as a church leader. Maybe you have, too.

Being in a relationship takes time. It’s not a sitcom with laughs and tears, where everything is solved in thirty minutes with a few Budweiser commercials thrown in the mix. It’s hard. It requires that we listen. It asks us to accept others’ faults and yet challenge them to grow. And others get to do the same thing with us.  Life is so busy, and adding another item to our schedule can be overwhelming. It can seem draining, not life-giving. It seems like another thing the church is pushing, and in some ways the church has gotten us into this mess.  As the church—the people and bride of Christ—we want to have it our way. Give me coffee, some good music, a dynamic speaker, and a few feel-good causes, and I’m there. But ask me to meet with men and women outside of those walls and reveal my joys and weaknesses, and I’ll just slip out the back and find a place with a little less commitment.  That sounds so gross, but is so true at the same time.  We send money and love to see pictures about how we helped the less fortunate in a foreign country, but we don’t want to share life with the people in the same pew.  Why is that?

Many “spiritual people,” not necessarily those that claim Christianity, share a common sentiment: “Religions, faiths and even Jesus are personal matters, so stay out of my business and I will stay out of yours.”  Christians are not supposed to, nor can they afford to share this sentiment.  God became a man and got all up in our business.  He didn’t have a weekly meeting in Heaven with pastries and have us come to him. Why would we only have people come to us? Maybe because it’s easier, it’s less ugly, and it’s a million times less intrusive on our lives.  The Church is losing because we gave up what Jesus taught us to do best.  I cannot say I live enough of my life in community, or that I don’t often prefer to be “off the grid” and unaccountable to others. Often I don’t want to get real in smaller groups.

On the other hand, I (Joey) love Sunday mornings. I’ll gladly talk about how awesome our church is, about how the sermons are “right on” or “convicting” and how the music is “Spirit-filled”, but I find it harder to discuss the relational and community aspect. The preaching of God’s word on a Sunday morning is necessary and fruitful, but so far it hasn’t effectively fostered a widespread level of community.  Sunday morning services, by themselves, do not make disciples.

Could it be that small groups aren’t the answer either?

WTF did he just say?  You heard me and I said it. We often SUCK at “doing small groups” too[21]!  We tend to organize them like a mini Sunday. We want people to come back, so we don’t challenge people; we don’t want to step on toes.  It’s hard to be challenged, but we need it, even if someone goes about it the wrong way.  We can’t expect people to challenge us perfectly, but by practicing grace, forgiveness, wisdom, and joy in community, we can truly change how we are the church to the world.

Church attendance is going up, but are our churches simply gaining more people who are consumers, who idolize their pastor, who enjoy being entertained? And why wouldn’t they do this, if the church gives them permission? It’s easy. It doesn’t require too much commitment.  I love, as some call it, my “Sunday morning experience”, partly because I love hearing from my leaders, but mostly because I’m celebrating God with people from my smaller community.  I’m enjoying the service with people that I hang out with, people who challenge me, and people who know crappy things about me and have also humbled themselves with transparency.

The church as an institution has done amazing things. We have actually changed the world for the better. We’ve helped the less fortunate, proclaimed the Gospel, and helped change lives for eternity.  But now we have to take responsibility for the fact that we’ve led our congregations into consumerism. We tell the average churchgoer what to do and how to do it, and even when they don’t, we let them come back and sit through it again because we need their noses and nickels. (Butts in the seat and money if they’ll give it.)

To be fair, most churches truly desire hearts to be changed, but actually calling and holding people to the truth of Jesus has gotten a little murky. It’s a new sermon every Sunday and an extremely poor follow-up for the rest of the week.

To prove my point, answer this question: What was the sermon about 6 weeks ago?  11 weeks ago? One year ago?  If it’s so crucial, why can’t you recall it immediately?  I bet it was a great sermon, but that’s not my point. We just keep feeding the machine instead of taking a moment to get smaller. Slow down.  Think about one sermon, and then talk about it so you know where you stand before moving on to another fast-paced hour and a half church service.  I could go on. In our next book, tentatively titled The BadChristian Manifesto, we will propose our plan for helping people and churches grow communities centered on Jesus and which spawn authentic change and create disciples.

But let me finish by throwing down the gauntlet:  If what every Christian on earth claims is true, that Jesus Christ is the Lord of all, that He died for us to bring us back to Him, and that He uses us to draw others near, then what are we doing?  If the crux of life is based upon Him and the cross, can we just sit in an air-conditioned room once a week and then live the rest of our lives separate from each other in our own tiny kingdom?  How long until we put our voices together to proclaim the truth?

CONCLUSION

We love the church. And when we have a hard time loving the church, we remember that Jesus loved it so much that He died for it. Remember that, next time you have issue with Jesus' people. But the church is not above criticism because it is not immune to sin. If we refrain from critiquing ourselves and our churches, we have forgotten that our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and that there is no one righteous (Romans 3). If we criticize the church with no redeeming purpose, encouragement, or solutions, we are un-loving, simply white noise. Let's remember that even the most jacked up, sin-filled, hypocritical, selfish, “bent towards evil” church, if it’s indeed truly a group of people who’ve been saved by Jesus, is a beautiful thing that Jesus died for, owns, and lives in. He’s constantly redeeming it and has made it white as snow. What a beautiful mystery.

It’s our hope that this book has stretched you to truly see the church—including us—as not all that good, and Jesus as a Savior who is greater than you could possibly imagine.  If we can grasp this truth, we’re guaranteed to live as a community that centers on Jesus as Lord.  He saved not just “you” or “me,” but a group of people that He loves, called the “church.” We want Jesus to change the church and that includes us. We are the church. We are the bride, and we are going to change inevitably. Will we change to grow closer to Jesus and become more equipped for His mission on the earth?  Or will we change to just “do church” better? Your answer is required. Let’s open up to one another. Let’s be real. We are sinners. He is making us better. Given the fact that we are solely dependent on Him for growth and maturity, we are BadChristians who need a Great Savior. This truth needs to spread and be exposed everywhere. Will you join us?

ABOUT

BADCHRISTIAN

You are a lot worse than you think you are.

Jesus is a lot better than you think he is.

BadChristian exists to be open and honest about who we are and to encourage you to do the same in your communities.

We (you and I) seem a bit too concerned with managing our images and trying to be "good Christians", whereas the Bible is honest and transparent about how messed up we really are. It is more accurate to call ourselves bad Christians that have a great Savior.

We do not like, justify, or "get away with" our sin because of grace, rather we feel called to expose our own sin and expose the fact that Christians everywhere are hiding their sin and giving modern Christianity a bad name, turning many away who label us as hypocrites and liars.

Website: http://badchristian.com

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/badchristians

Twitter: http://twitter.com/xbadchristianx

MATTCARTER

@ZodCarter

Matt was born in Greer, SC. He attended Clemson University and ultimately graduated from Winthrop University with a degree in music. He and Toby moved to Seattle in 2001 to start the band Emery. Matt met his wife Bridget in Seattle and they live there today. They are members of Mars Hill Church Ballard where Matt is a band leader and leads in redemption groups when not on tour.

TOBYMORRELL

@TobyTobyJoyJoy

Toby Morrell was born in Florence, South Carolina. He attended Winthrop University (Rock Hill, S.C.) where he helped to start the band Emery with Joey, Matt, and Devin. After graduation, the band moved to Seattle in order to focus solely on music in hopes to gain some notoriety. Success came quickly and Emery has been touring the world for over ten years. Toby is married to Jessica and they have a two little girls and a little boy. Outside of his involvement in the bands Emery and Matt & Toby, he is also the Small Group Director at Seacoast James Island Church. He loves long walks on the beach, beautiful sunsets, his adorable friends, S’mores, and watching The Walking Dead while listening to classic Deathcore music while holding his hand over a lit candle.

JOEYSVENDSEN

@JoeySvendsen

Joey Svendsen grew up and still lives in Charleston SC.  He’s been married to his “Iowa Sweetheart” for 11 years and they have 4 kids (Rosa, Gwenny, William, and Waylon).  After graduating from Winthrop University in 1999, he taught math and science to middle school hell<http://www.un-learning.org/church-felt-hell/>-raisers for 5 years.  In 2005, he was hired on staff at Seacoast Church as a youth leader and now currently serves as the campus pastor of the Seacoast James Island location.  Spending time with his family, watching Packer and Clemson Tiger football, studying theology (has a Masters in Divinity), collecting music and jogging are Joey’s favorite things in life.  You’ll find him listening to all kinds of music, but he usually sticks to trendy “indie” music and hip-hop.

[1] I’ve reflected more on my depression from the perspective of me being a pastor on our blog. See http://www.un-learning.org/depressed-pastor

[2] It would be a shame if you’ve found yourself in a similar situation, but had nobody to talk to. Read about that here: http://www.un-learning.org/cant-tell-my-pastor-that/

[3] This whole topic of purity and faithfulness is partly why I have a different take on the definition of marriage. See http://www.un-learning.org/lets-cut-something-off-if-you-commit-adultery/

[4] See http://www.un-learning.org/stop-sinning

[5] This reminds me of what I was taught in youth group about Kurt Cobain from Nirvana. See http://www.un-learning.org/youth-group-days

[6] Toby has written about his struggles with worry. See http://www.un-learning.org/tobys-worry

[7] Or what about comparing a flourishing worship leader to the hip-hop star, Kanye West. See  http://www.un-learning.org/kanye-west-vs-worship-leader

[8] It sucks being honest, especially when you care about your image. See  http://www.un-learning.org/it-sucks-being-honest/

[9] The perfect example of how Jesus’ righteousness wasn’t earned by us: See http://www.un-learning.org/a-rod-grandma/

[10] See http://www.un-learning.org/wait-people-christian/

[11] I was fortunate enough to know a married couple that was seeking God and yet, she was a sex addict and he was a pushover husband. See http://www.un-learning.org/sex-addict-wife/

[12] See http://www.un-learning.org/pro-church-damn-proud/

[13] We’ve tried this on our first BadChristian mini tour. See  http://www.un-learning.org/god-suicide-community/

[14] One of our heroes is Brett Favre and we reflected on his downfall. See http://www.un-learning.org/tag/brett-favre/

[15] We rarely do this with other groups. See http://www.un-learning.org/p-i-t-a-punk-rawk-christians-navy-germans-atheists/

[16] See http://www.un-learning.org/gay-is-worse

[17] This partly played into why we think God called us away from playing in churches. See http://www.un-learning.org/church-felt-hell/

[18] The key is making time. See http://www.un-learning.org/suffering/

[19] This is what we are aiming for: See  http://www.un-learning.org/test-tour/

[20] See http://www.un-learning.org/cold-bro/

[21] See http://www.un-learning.org/thisblogsucks/

Table of Contents

PREFACE

CHAPTER 1: Matt, Toby, and Joey - Three Bad Christians

Toby Said What?

Joey Flat-Out Betrayed Us

When I’m Depressed, There Are No Rules

The Last Time I Got Drunk

Oral Sex is Ok

Matt Has No Emotions

Chapter 1 Thoughts

CHAPTER 2: Bad Christians and the Bible

CHAPTER 3: Bad Christians and the Church

CHAPTER 4: Bad Christians and Community

CONCLUSION

ABOUT

Table of Contents

PREFACE

CHAPTER 1: Matt, Toby, and Joey - Three Bad Christians

Toby Said What?

Joey Flat-Out Betrayed Us

When I’m Depressed, There Are No Rules

The Last Time I Got Drunk

Oral Sex is Ok

Matt Has No Emotions

Chapter 1 Thoughts

CHAPTER 2: Bad Christians and the Bible

CHAPTER 3: Bad Christians and the Church

CHAPTER 4: Bad Christians and Community

CONCLUSION

ABOUT