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Abigailism

By

Dag Heward Mills

Smashwords Edition

* * * * *

Copyright 2008 Dag Heward-Mills

Unless otherwise stated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the

King James Version of the Bible.

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Contact Author

Email: info@daghewardmillsbooks.org

evangelist@daghewardmills.org

Find out more about Dag Heward-Mills at:

http://www.daghewardmills.org

http://www.daghewardmills.org/lci/

http://daghewardmills.org/healingjesuscrusade

Unless otherwise stated, Scripture quotations are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Contents

Chapter 1: All About Abigailism

Chapter 2: Six Goals of Abigailism

Chapter 3: Steps to Abigailism

Chapter 1

All about Abigailism

And there was a man in Maon, whose possessions were in Carmel; and the man was very great, and he had three thousand sheep, and a thousand goats: and he was shearing his sheep in Carmel. Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb.

1 Samuel 25:2,3

Abigail was a beautiful woman who was known for her role in curbing her husband’s foolishness. Abigailism is the art of practising what Abigail did in order to prevent tragedy from coming to the family.

Abigail’s husband was a man called Nabal. Nabal comes from the Hebrew word “qasheh”, which means “foolishness or churlishness.”. It is translated into different words in different parts of the Bible.

Some of these are: roughly, hard, cruel, stiff-necked, stubborn, grievous, obstinate, trouble, hard-hearted and impudent.

Many married women have husbands who fit this description. A woman with direction must use wisdom to co-exist peacefully. She must use the art of Abigailism to have a successful marriage and combine it with a good relationship with God.

Abigailism has six goals. A woman without Abigailism usually achieves one or two of these goals. When you develop the art of Abigailism you will be able to achieve all six goals simultaneously.

Chapter 2

Six Goals of Abigailism

1. To prevent your husband from doing wrong or committing sin.

2. To prevent your entire family from being destroyed.

3. To preserve your marriage.

4. To preserve your relationship with God and the church.

5. To preserve your ministry.

6. To prevent a confrontation between your husband and the church.

And David heard in the wilderness that Nabal did shear his sheep. And David sent out ten young men, and David said unto the young men, Get you up to Carmel, and go to Nabal, and greet him in my name: And thus shall ye say to him that liveth in prosperity, Peace be both to thee, and peace be to thine house, and peace be unto all that thou hast. And now I have heard that thou hast shearers: now thy shepherds which were with us, we hurt them not, neither was there ought missing unto them, all the while they were in Carmel. Ask thy young men, and they will shew thee. Wherefore let the young men find favour in thine eyes: for we come in a good day: give, I pray thee, whatsoever cometh to thine hand unto thy servants, and to thy son David.

And when David’s young men came, they spake to Nabal according to all those words in the name of David, and ceased. And Nabal answered David’s servants, and said, Who is David? and who is the son of Jesse? there be many servants now a days that break away every man from his master. Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be?

So David’s young men turned their way, and went again, and came and told him all those sayings. And David said unto his men, Gird ye on every man his sword. And they girded on every man his sword; and David also girded on his sword: and there went up after David about four hundred men; and two hundred abode by the stuff.

But one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal’s wife, saying, Behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to salute our master; and he railed on them. But the men were very good unto us, and we were not hurt, neither missed we any thing, as long as we were conversant with them, when we were in the fields: They were a wall unto us both by night and day, all the while we were with them keeping the sheep. Now therefore know and consider what thou wilt do; for evil is determined against our master, and against all his household: for he is such a son of Belial, that a man cannot speak to him.

Then Abigail made haste, and took two hundred loaves, and two bottles of wine, and five sheep ready dressed, and five measures of parched corn, and an hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and laid them on asses. And she said unto her servants, Go on before me; behold, I come after you. But she told not her husband Nabal.

And it was so, as she rode on the ass, that she came down by the covert of the hill, and, behold, David and his men came down against her; and she met them. Now David had said, Surely in vain have I kept all that this fellow hath in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that pertained unto him: and he hath requited me evil for good. So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.

And when Abigail saw David, she hasted, and lighted off the ass, and fell before David on her face, and bowed herself to the ground, And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid. Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him: but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send.

Now therefore, my lord, as the LORD liveth, and as thy soul liveth, seeing the LORD hath withholden thee from coming to shed blood, and from avenging thyself with thine own hand, now let thine enemies, and they that seek evil to my lord, be as Nabal. And now this blessing which thine handmaid hath brought unto my lord, let it even be given unto the young men that follow my lord. I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid: for the LORD will certainly make my lord a sure house; because my lord fighteth the battles of the LORD, and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days. Yet a man is risen to pursue thee, and to seek thy soul: but the soul of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of life with the LORD thy God; and the souls of thine enemies, them shall he sling out, as out of the middle of a sling.

And it shall come to pass, when the LORD shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel; That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself: but when the LORD shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid. And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me: And blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand.

1 Samuel 25: 4-33

In this passage, you see Abigail’s attempt to preserve both her husband and her relationship with God’s servant. It was clear that her husband was doing something wrong. You do not have to be very intelligent to see that her husband was hard-hearted and insensitive to the things of God.

Yet, she was married to him and there was no way they were going to break up. It was not the will of God for her to break up!

A daughter of destiny wants to preserve her marriage. A woman with direction also wants to preserve her ministry. Her relationship with God is very important and she is not prepared to give it up for anything. How do you balance these two when you are married to a carnal Christian or an unbeliever?

As you read these few lines please imbibe the wisdom that comes from above and learn the strategy that Abigail adopted for the ministry.

The Bible says that there is nothing new under the sun. The types of husbands that existed in times past are the same types of husbands that you find today.

Churlishness is as prevalent today as it was in Abigail’s time. That is why every woman needs the art of Abigailism today. There is another reason why many women need the art of Abigailism. This is because women are more sensitive to the things of God. They often pick up the move of the Spirit before the men do.

Abigail had heard that Samuel anointed David. She accepted immediately that he was going to be the next king.

And it shall come to pass, when the Lord shall have done to my lord according to all the good that he hath spoken concerning thee, and shall have appointed thee ruler over Israel; That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless, or that my lord hath avenged himself: but when the Lord shall have dealt well with my lord, then remember thine handmaid.

1 Samuel 25:30,31

Perhaps there were many other people who had heard of David’s anointing. Obviously, Nabal did not believe in such absurdities. He had decided to stamp out all foolish young men. He described David as a rebel. He branded him as a young, uneducated, self-appointed pastor who was chasing after people’s wives. He would not allow any members of his family to attend a church that was younger than he. Does this sound familiar to you?

And Nabal answered David’s servants, and said, Who is David? and who is the son of Jesse? there be many servants now a days that break away every man from his master. Shall I then take my bread, and my water, and my flesh that I have killed for my shearers, and give it unto men, whom I know not whence they be? So David’s young men turned their way, and went again, and came and told him all those sayings.

1 Samuel 25:10-12

What exactly did Abigail do? Let us take it step by step.

Chapter 3

Steps to Abigailism

1. The first step to solving many problems is diagnosis.

Even in medical science, when you are able to make out the diagnosis of the disease you are often far advanced in curing it. If you are not able to put your finger on the exact problem, it is often difficult to solve it.

You will ask yourself, “Which of these one thousand different medications should I administer to the patient?” You are still very far from the problem when you have not identified it.

First, Abigail recognized and acknowledged truthfully that she was married to a churlish personality. Acknowledging that your husband has the character and the tendencies of Nabal is the first step in the art of Abigailism.

Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial, even Nabal: for as his name is, so is he; Nabal is his name, and folly is with him: but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send.

1 Samuel 25: 25

2. The second step is to stop pretending that the problem is not there.

Many people practise what we call denial. They pretend that the problem is not there. They say that black is white and white is black. Daughter, pretending that a problem is not there does not make it go away. Calling a white thing black does not make it black.

Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!

Isaiah 5:20

There are many women who want to hide their problems. They feel that they are disgracing their husbands. There is a fine balance between denigrating your marriage, humiliating your husband and talking frankly about a problem that exists. To denigrate your husband means to blacken his reputation. This is wrong and a woman with direction does not do that!

A daughter of destiny is not so secretive that no one can help her. A certain amount of openness allows you to be helped. Dear woman, the problems that you have are not new. Read the Bible and you will realize that the problems you have are not peculiar. Speaking about your problem is not wrong if it is done in the proper context and for the right reason.

3. The third step of Abigailism is to ask for help.

And fell at his feet, and said, Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be: and let thine handmaid, I pray thee, speak in thine audience, and hear the words of thine handmaid.

1 Samuel 25:24

Many people need help but not everybody wants it. My experience in the ministry has taught me to give help to those who ask for it and not just to those who need it. There are many needs everywhere. If you try to help some needy people, they may attack you to show their gratitude. We once experienced this when our church built a facility for a community.

Abigail asked David politely to listen to her and understand what she was going through.

4. The next step is to realize that God is the one who gave you your husband.

When you are conscious of the fact that God is the one who established you in marriage, it will help you to realize that it is God who preserves the marriage.

A woman who is conscious of the fact that God brought her to where she is, never wants to be separated from the Lord. She needs the help of the Lord in everything that she does. It is God who will keep you going.

When you have this conviction, you immediately work from God’s point of view and from God’s side of the fence. A woman practising Abigailism is on the side of the Word of God.

5. The next step is to speak wisely to your husband.

And Abigail came to Nabal; and, behold, he held a feast in his house, like the feast of a king; and Nabal’s heart was merry within him, for he was very drunken: wherefore she told him nothing, less or more, until the morning light.

1 Samuel 25:36

The Bible says here that she told him “nothing, less or more”. She did two things. First of all, she said nothing to him. It is not wise to say some things. If she had told of her donations to King David, she may have been executed that very night. Secondly, “less or more” means in other words, she did not say anything unusual to him. Her conversation with him did not centre on the controversial issues. She told him only what he needed to know.

A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.

Proverbs 29:11

If you learn how to speak wisely, you will be successful at Abigailism. Some women quarrel with their husbands constantly. They fight about every issue and argue about every point. Men do not like arguments. Men do not like to be shouted at. Men do not like to feel they have lost an argument. No man likes to be put down. Be wise when dealing with men. Abigailism is the key you need. Abigailism means that you speak wisely to your husband.

6. The next step is to give soft answers.

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Proverbs 15:1

A woman practising Abigailism employs the weapon of soft answers. A man gravitates towards a woman with soft answers. A man yields unknowingly to a woman with soft answers. Be a woman with soft answers and you will successfully combine your marriage with your ministry.

7. The final step is to act wisely.

In a hopelessly difficult marriage, Abigailism prevails. A woman with direction is able to act so wisely that she preserves her marriage and her ministry.

In the Book of Ecclesiastes, God reveals the master plan for winning in hopeless situations.

A fool also is full of words: a man cannot tell what shall be; and what shall be after him, who can tell him? The labour of the foolish wearieth every one of them, because he knoweth not how to go to the city. Woe to thee, O land, when thy king is a child, and thy princes eat in the morning!

Ecclesiastes 10:14-16

This story applies to any circumstance. It applies to a hopeless marriage, business or church. It applies to your case, in which your husband is unyielding and insensitive to the things of God. You will win in this fight because God’s wisdom is the master key to overcoming impossible situations.

A wise wife does not stir up controversy with her husband. As you provide your husband with his daily requirements he will be at peace with you. If he feels that he is deprived in any way he will look for the culprit. Many Christian women unknowingly cause the church to look like the destroyer of their marriages. Their husbands see the church and its pastors as rivals. They perceive the ministry as their enemy. Soon, the only feeling that he has for the pastor is resentment. It is sad that many husbands hate the church.

It is the duty of a woman with direction to act wisely. Do not deprive your husband of food, sex or peace at home. In fact, load it on him until he is suffocating with your love. He will be charmed by your sweetness and will have nothing to complain about.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (behaviour) of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

1 Peter 3:1,2

Are you married to Nabal or Apostle Peter?

Coming to church must be done with great wisdom and circumspection. If you are married to someone like Nabal, you cannot afford to behave like someone who is married to Apostle Peter. Your circumstances are entirely different!

What is the result of Abigailism? When the art of Abigailism is practised, there is peace at home and peace in the Kingdom of God. Abigail prevented David’s men from killing and destroying her entire household.

Many women do not realize that when their husband is destroyed they will be destroyed as well. The mystery of marriage is such that if your husband goes down, you go with him. The entire family of Abigail and Nabal would have been destroyed by David’s army. Abigail would have died with her husband and children. Abigailism saved their lives. Abigailism also preserved Abigail’s relationship with the Man of God. She was connected to the move of God that was taking place through David.

You will recall that Abigail believed in the prophecy that David was to be the next king. She was flowing with the things of the Spirit and nothing would cut her off. Abigailism is the key you need.

Notice David’s response to Abigail. It was peaceful and there were no curses or proclamations made against her family.

And David said to Abigail, Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, which sent thee this day to meet me: And blessed be thy advice, and blessed be thou, which hast kept me this day from coming to shed blood, and from avenging myself with mine own hand.

1 Samuel 25:32,33

Nabal, on the other hand, continued in his life of foolishness and drank himself to death a few days later. You will see from the Scripture below that Abigail did not do anything to make him angry. In fact, he was so happy that he had a party. Abigailism does not bring about confusion and quarrels. It makes the husband so happy that he has parties!

And Abigail came to Nabal; and, behold, he held a feast in his house, like the feast of a king; and Nabal’s heart was merry within him, for he was very drunken: wherefore she told him nothing, less or more, until the morning light.

1 Samuel 25:36

Apply the wisdom of God to your life and you will effectively combine your love for God with the love for your dear husband!

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Other Best-Selling Books by Dag Heward-Mills:

Loyalty and Disloyalty

Leaders and Loyalty

Transform Your Pastoral Ministry

The Art of Leadership

Model Marriage

Church Planting

The Megachurch

Lay People and the Ministry

These titles are also available in Spanish and/or French. Information about other foreign translations of some of the titles above may be obtained by writing to our email address.

Table of Contents

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Contents

Chapter 1 - All about Abigailism

Chapter 2 - Six Goals of Abigailism

Chapter 3 - Steps to Abigailism