Table of Contents

Preface

Introduction

SUDDEN CHANGE

FACING FAMINE

NAOMI’S BLESSING

GOING FORWARD

HOPE THROUGH HEARTBREAK

STILL TRUSTING GOD

ALONE IN MOAB

COALS OF FIRE

THEREFORE HAVE I HOPE

JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW

DOES GOD CARE?

MY LORD AND MY GOD,

HELD IN HIS HAND

JUST CALL ME MARA

THE OPEN DOOR

THOSE FIELDS OF BLESSING

SO NOW WHAT?

NEW LIFE, NEW HOPE, NEW DREAMS

About this book

Acknowledgments

Field of Blessing

Beyond Understanding

Angela Elaine Ellis

ROCKFOUNDATION MINISTRIES

This book is dedicated to those who have experienced life events “Beyond Understanding,” kept their faith, and survived to bring hope to those who are now walking those very real and painful roads of doubt and despair.

Watch for additional releases in the

Field of Blessing series

PREFACE

At the 2005 general conference of the Associated Brotherhood of Christians, Pastor Richard Burks of Mars Hill Church in Philadelphia, Mississippi, brought a soul-stirring message from the book of Ruth. As he began to read from the second chapter, immediately my attention focused on verse 2, which reads, “And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace. And she said unto her, Go, my daughter.” The rest of the chapter gives details of Ruth’s experiences in the field where she was destined to glean.

Ruth’s circumstances were not ideal. She was widowed and had chosen to leave her own homeland to return to the homeland of her mother-in-law who was also a widow. Together they had to find a way to support themselves, having no husbands and no children to help them with their load. So Ruth resolved to go and glean (pick up the wheat the reapers had left behind) in the fields. Pastor Burks called the field where Ruth gleaned her “Field of Blessing.” This message was the inspiration for this book.

Close examination of the lives of Naomi and Ruth show various stages of their lives when they moved beyond the present circumstances to make it to the ultimate victory God had planned all along. Along the way there were chains of events that eventually put Ruth into the direct lineage of the Messiah, and caused Naomi to magnify the Lord for the miracle she received. The Field of Blessing book series will cover the blessings and the heartbreak they went through.

THIS COLLECTION WILL INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING:

Beyond Understanding

Beyond Brokenness

Beyond Limitation

Beyond Myself

Field of Blessing will not only take a deeper look into the lives of Naomi and Ruth, but also the lives of ordinary men and women of today who have been through those times that stretch us to our limit emotionally and spiritually. Hopefully it will help us to recognize that every circumstance could become a field of blessing that brings us into a closer relationship with Jesus Christ.

As I read about Naomi, it occurred to me that there are so many people fighting battles, going through hard times, who may consider themselves ordinary, neither noteworthy nor having much to offer of any value; but I believe if we keep our faith and fight our battles with courage, always rely on God to be our strength and help, then we become all God wants us to be, and we will then help someone on our journey.

Many people have affected my life and stood as a testimony to me that God is still God even in the times beyond understanding. I want to share some of their stories with you, and I hope you can see their faith and trust in God shining through even in devastating times. Since Naomi is the one who inspired this book, I will be referring back to her time after time. My hope is that you can read these stories, feel the pain of the people who lived them, and recognize the faith and trust in God that each person exercised, and allow it to touch your heart and help you to grow in God and prepare your spirit, just in case you find yourself traveling an unexpected road.

INTRODUCTION

Sometime in our lives we will probably find ourselves in the same situation as Naomi, with a heart that is hurting and no answers that satisfy when our emotions cry out with questions that cannot be answered. The emptiness within a heart full of pain can only be filled by the creator of that heart. It is in the midst of such suffering beyond our own understanding that in faith we can say, “God, I don’t understand, but I still trust you.”

CHAPTER 1

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding (Proverbs 3:5).

SUDDEN CHANGE

High in Sequoia National Park, surrounded by the beauty of the California forest and isolated from the noise and distractions of everyday life, I begin to feel a calmness of spirit. As I view the massive trunks of the trees and gaze high above me where it seems the limbs almost touch the sky, I am awed by the miracle of life. I look down near my feet and see tiny saplings just beginning to stretch their arms toward the heavens, and I marvel that something so tiny has such great potential. I can spend hours here soaking up the sound of birds singing and the crunch of the pine needles under my feet. As night comes, I see the sun sliding behind the tallest trees, and once more I glance down at the smaller trees. These tiny saplings hold an attraction for me. They are so small, so fragile, and so defenseless against the elements, but in each of them lies the potential of becoming the giant that looms above my head and almost touches the stars.

To me all of life can be represented by these trees. The fragile and the mighty, the weak and the strong, the small and the great all rub shoulders and occupy the same space. Life is just a vapor that appears for a short time and then is gone. But in that span, that whisper of time, God has such great potential for each of us regardless of our station in life and the circumstances surrounding us. So whether we see ourselves as that giant sequoia standing tall above the chaos of life or that small, fragile sapling struggling to survive, we have the assurance: God is there with us in the midst of it all, and through Him we will reach our full potential. We can touch the stars!

Of course, in reaching for those stars our lives will not be without challenges, discouragement, and heartbreak. Just as the serenity of the giant sequoia forest can turn into a dark and dangerous place when a mountain thunder storm rages through the trees with high winds and flashes of lightning, so our lives can change in an instant to overwhelming chaos. Every news report and newspaper headline, proclaiming devastation and destruction, only scrapes the surface of the pain and heartache suffered by the people involved in the events. “Earthquake in Haiti leaves thousands dead,” “Flash flood kills 17 in Arkansas,” and “Hurricane Katrina leaves hundreds homeless,” These events come in a flash of time, but the aftermath affects lives for years. There are also those who never make headlines, people devastated by a serious terminal disease, an accident, or cruel circumstances that change their lives forever. It is times like these that cause some people to turn toward God and trust in Him and others to turn away and ask the questions, “Why?” and “Where is God now?”

In troublesome times, Proverbs 3:5 reassures us that we can trust God; He will not forsake us in our turmoil. The verse simply says, Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. The power to trust God comes from learning the next verse as well: In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.

When the direction of our lives changes, and we are traveling paths we did not choose for ourselves, it is comforting to know that God is there to direct our footsteps and keep our feet firmly planted on solid ground even when our spirit is weak and wounded. During these times in our lives that go ‘beyond understanding’ we have to learn to trust God. Trust Him with our hearts, our lives, our present and our future, even when we don’t understand. These are not just idle words without meaning. Clinging to this verse through various stages of life provides the strength needed to take us through great adversity. Cherishing this verse and allowing it to become a part of the very fiber of life itself motivates us to look past our circumstances and suffering. We can then continue to hold God in high esteem and acknowledge Him in every area of our lives. In stretching our wounded spirits toward God we open our fragile, hurting hearts to heaven and thereby receive the outpouring of the blessing God wants to provide for those who persevere.

CHAPTER 2

I will go in the strength of the Lord God: I will make mention of thy righteousness, even of thine only (Psalms 71:16).

FACING FAMINE

When we think of people in the Bible who inspire us, a lot of names immediately come to mind; giants of faith, trusting God to deliver or provide in impossible situations. However there are some we don’t consider very often, the ones who did not experience or lay claim to great victorious happenings. They did not face the lions, or walk through a fiery furnace. They did not kill giants or part seas that had to be crossed. They did not lead armies into battle or conquer enemies with unusual weapons. These were ordinary people living their lives who were suddenly thrown into the spotlight by the circumstances they endured. Naomi was such a person. Not much is written directly about her except in connection with the other people in her life. My imagination runs rampant as I picture her at various crossroads battling physical, emotional, and spiritual adversities as she tries to make sense of her world going from wonderful and blessed to spiraling out of control.

We see the beginning of Naomi’s story in Ruth, chapter one. Now it came to pass in the days when the judges ruled, that there was a famine in the land… (Ruth 1:1) The word famine conjures up pictures of dry, cracked earth, dead, sunburned fields, and layers of dust blowing freely, leaving its residue on plants, animals, and homes; but most devastating is the toll it takes on people. With the food and water supply diminishing day by day, the stress level increases, sometimes hour by hour. Children feel the effects of less to eat and unrelenting heat. Parents feel these same pressures, as well as the necessity of trying to stretch what little is available. A time of famine can be compared to other natural disasters, such as hurricanes, tornados, and earthquakes. Families often lose their livelihood, crops are ruined, animals die, and homes are lost. They face the challenge of starting again, sometimes in another place. This is what happened in the life of Naomi. She found herself in a desperate situation, facing overwhelming circumstances. She had few options. The option that seemed the best at the time was to relocate.

While reading the book of Ruth, I realized Naomi was a real person with real feelings, facing the same problems and stress most of us face; but she also had hopes and dreams based on her trust in God. So take a long look at Naomi’s life, learn from the challenges she faced, and take time to admire the courage she showed as she kept her faith alive in God, despite her struggles.

CHAPTER 3

O God, thou hast taught me from my youth: and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works (Psalms 71:17).

NAOMI’S BLESSING

There is no way to know exactly what Naomi felt on the day she left her homeland. She was not just leaving a place, but a special place, the home where she had raised her family, made memories, and shared good times and bad, a place where she was comfortable and content until the famine forced her family to look for an alternate location. The Bible gives us very little information about Naomi, but in my imagination, this is how I picture Naomi the day she packed everything she could to move into her unknown future.

I can see her gazing sadly at the dry, barren field at her feet. Day after day, week after week, and month after month she had looked at her fields with hope and prayed that the famine would end and the fields would flourish once again. But no rain had come, and now she had given up hope. There she stood, knowing that they could no longer put off the inevitable. Her family would have to move in order to survive. As she looked at the wasted and desolate ground, memories of what used to be came flooding back. The sight of beautiful fields of grain glistening in the morning sun had always brought feelings of reassurance that all was well and her family would eat for another year. I see Naomi remembering those golden stalks swaying in the gentle breeze waving their praise back to the creator of all things. Naomi knew that creator well. He was her God.

As far back as she could remember Naomi had heard of the powerful interventions of God on behalf of the Israelite nation, and the memory of these miraculous accounts kept her own faith strong even in difficult times. Because she knew God could control even the forces of nature, it was puzzling to Naomi that he did not open up the heavens and pour out the rain they so desperately needed. Naomi had always felt blessed when she looked at the grain ripe for harvest. These were fields of promise, fields of hopes and dreams. They were the fields that Naomi loved that spoke to her of the promises of God that he would always provide for the needs of herself and her family.

I imagine Naomi being suddenly jolted back to the present by the sound of her husband and sons making preparation to leave. Looking at her family, the sadness in Naomi’s heart could have lightened just a little as she realized she still had what was most important to her; the ones she loved. She scurried about to help with the final loading of their goods. She was making this move with those who were most precious to her. With thankfulness in her heart, excitement began to stir in her spirit as she realized how much she was blessed. She had a husband who would make provisions for her, two sons who where her pride and joy, and a chance to start fresh in another place. Her whole future was ahead of her; who knew what God had in store for their lives? Naomi truly felt “full;” she was blessed and complete as she left Bethlehem-Judah with her husband and her two sons going to a new life full of promise and hope.

They were going to a strange place with customs and traditions that would be foreign to Naomi’s family; but she felt confident that as a family they could adjust and even flourish in their new home. Naomi made the final preparations for her journey, but could her excitement at what was to come have been mixed with sadness at what she would leave behind? As she hugged family and friends at their departure, I’m sure joy was mixed with trepidation of what lay ahead. As she took her first steps into the unknown future, Naomi took with her a heritage and a faith that no one could take away. Naomi had no way of knowing for sure what Moab had in store for her, but her heart was hopeful that just maybe the blessings she would find in Moab would somehow be able to erase the memories of the struggle and hardships of Bethlehem-Judah. Naomi did not know that in Moab she would face the greatest struggles of her life. But for today Naomi was blessed and hopeful, surrounded by family and looking to the future.

Blessed

Lord I thank you for my blessings,

For all you’ve done for me.

For the times you’ve brought deliverance

When a way I could not see,

For the miracles you’ve provided

When I feared there was no way.

For the times you protected me

From evil when I prayed.

For when you moved the mountains

And when you calmed the seas,

For making me a conqueror,

For healing my disease.

For the promises you’ve given,

And the power that you’ve shown,

Lord, I thank you for the life I have,

And the blessings that I’ve known.

Remind Me Lord

Lord, help me to remember

As I rush about my day,

That I am blessed abundantly

More than words can say:

A family that loves me,

And friends by my side,

A place that I can call my home,

A place where love abides,

Food to sustain me,

And clothes upon my back,

A loving God who guides me

And keeps my life on track.

So help me to remember, Lord,

As I rush about my day,

I’m truly blessed abundantly

More than words can say.

CHAPTER 4

Thou art my God, and I will praise thee: thou art my God, I will exalt thee (Psalms 118:28).

GOING FORWARD

When we feel we are at the end of our rope with not many options, we have the choice to either take the only options we have or give up before we ever really begin to fight. Although the road we travel is sometimes hard, we never know what amazing experiences we may encounter on our journey or who we may meet that could be blessed and encouraged just because they met us on the same road they were forced to travel.

There is a short chorus that simply says, “I will arise and go forth in the Name of the Lord of Host.” Just a few simple words but if they are put into action there will be amazing results. Miraculous things occur when a determined Christian decides “I will not stay where I am but I will get up and get going for the Lord.” Mountains have been conquered, giants have been slain, rivers have been parted, lions have been tamed, fires have been quenched, and demons have fled because someone chose to believe God and go forth in His Name.

Fear and doubt are constant companions to those who concede that the mountain is too high, the giant is too big, the river is too wide, the lions are too fierce, the fires are too hot, and the demons are too strong. Victory only comes when we have the courage to stand up like Caleb did even in his old age and say, “I want that mountain. I can conquer it and take it for my heritage.” Caleb had experienced the sorrow of being in captivity in Egypt. He had known the hardship of being under the harsh conditions of a ruler who made their lives even worse than necessary because of his own selfish agenda. Caleb had seen the miraculous power of God as the Israelites were set free from their bondage in a way that could only be God intervening for them.

He had gone through the wilderness journey on the way to the land that God had promised and had kept his trust in God alive even when other Israelites thought they could never overcome the opposition of what lay ahead in order to make it to that promised place. Caleb was rewarded for keeping his faith alive in God by not only getting to enter the place of promise, but he also had the privilege of claiming the mountain he wanted for his heritage.

It is always a temptation to look at our own limitations or the size of the problem, but eyes of faith will allow us to see the power of God. Age is not a factor in overcoming the impossible if we remember who is fighting the battle. David was but a youth when he said, “I will go and fight this uncircumcised Philistine.” The Philistine army was waging war against the Israelite nation. The Philistine hero was Goliath, a giant of a man who feared no one and ridiculed God. Other experienced warriors would not step onto the battlefield to confront this giant who loomed above them. Fear kept them rooted to their spot of safety even when Goliath hurled his words of challenge and defied them to send out someone to fight him. David heard the challenge and responded differently than the others who had heard. He wanted to go and fight.

David had the assurance that he would not be alone when he faced the giant; he had God Almighty on his side of the battlefield. The battle was already won before it even began, but it took David’s step of faith to win the victory for the Israelite army. Over and over we can recount instances when men and women of God chose to trust, obey, believe, and acknowledge that God has the final say on the outcome of any situation, the impossible becomes possible when God is in control. In this world today we need men and women who will stand and say, “I will arise and go forth in the Name of the Lord of Hosts.” There are mountains that need to be conquered, maybe not literal mountains like the mountain Caleb wanted, but we are surrounded by mountains of fear, doubt, confusion, divisions, and unbelief.

There are giants that must be destroyed; giants that threaten to destroy our nation, giants of hate, greed, lust, deceit, and corruption. Someone must have the courage to stand up and say, “I will fight for what is right.” But in that fight we have to realize there will be some rivers that get in the way of our progress, rivers way too big for us to get through on our own. That’s when we can hear the voice of God say, “Stand still and see the salvation of God.” We can cross any river with God on our side.

When we decide to go forth in the Lord’s name we will face lions and feel the heat of the fire. When we fight against principalities and powers we will comprehend all the more what it means to be strong in the Lord. Whether we realize it or not, when we go forth in the Lord’s name the demons do have to flee because they are no match for the presence of God. So the question is: do you have the courage to say those simple words, “I will arise and go forth in the name of the Lord of Hosts?”

I Can Make It Through

I have strength to face tomorrow

Through your grace and might,

I have courage for the battle,

Knowing you will help me fight.

I have hope for the future,

For you hold it in your hands.

And you promised that you’re with me,

And will be to the end.

So as I face my problem,

Overwhelmed and feeling low,

Help me Lord to lean on you,

So true peace I may know.

I may not understand it now,

But I can trust in you,

With your mercy and love for me,

I can make it through.

CHAPTER 5

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: but we will remember the name of the Lord our God (Psalms 20:7).

HOPE THROUGH HEARTBREAK

Naomi and her family are not that different than the rest of us. We all encounter circumstances and difficulties that push us to decide what direction we are going to take next. We don’t always know what lies ahead of us on the road we have chosen to travel. Celebrations, joys, triumphs, victories, laughter, and blessings are mixed with obstacles, disappointments, sorrows, disasters, tears, and sadness in this journey of life. Difficult situations mold us and push us to become all God has created us to be, shaping our character and building in us a resolve to look beyond the present to what God has in store for us in our future.

We have the reassurance from God’s word that nothing we encounter in life can separate us from His love. In Romans chapter 8, verses 35, 38, and 39 list some pretty dire circumstances that any of us could face at some point in life. Verse 35 states, Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? Verse 38 continues, For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come. Finally, verse 39 says, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the Love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. None of us wants to suffer, and feel fear or the crushing hand of sorrow in our lives. But the reality of life is that we will feel pain and heartache. We will know what it is like to feel defeated, despondent, and discouraged.

But through it all God wants us to remember there is hope. His love and guiding hand will be with us every step of the way. Romans 8:37 says, Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. On the other side of whatever battle we are facing is victory, even when things don’t turn out like we imagined or hoped and prayed they would. God is still there with us when we have come through the trial, and we rejoice and celebrate that we never gave up. God is right there receiving our praise and our words of thanksgiving, because he brought us through just like he said he would.

CHAPTER 6

I call to remembrance my song in the night: I commune with mine own heart: and my spirit made diligent search (Psalms 77:6).

STILL TRUSTING GOD

This year Herb celebrates his fifteenth year as pastor of a church in a small community in northeast Arkansas. With a population of only 180 people, it is a far cry from where Herb planned to be at this time in his life, but it is exactly where God knew he would be and had prepared him for throughout his life.

Before coming here Herb had lived on the outskirts of Phoenix, one of the fastest growing cities in the United States at that time. Herb and his family had moved there out of necessity for a new job and a new start. It appeared that all was going well. The family found a great church they loved, with a pastor who had a heart of gold, letting the love of God direct his actions. It was under this pastor that Herb rededicated his life to God. He had been running from God for years; not really committing his life fully to him. The pastor in Phoenix practiced what he preached and accepted Herb and his family just as they were and helped them to re-build their relationship with God. The pastor was helping Herb build a strong foundation that would stand the test of time.

There is a parable in Matthew 7:24-27 that tells of two men who both built houses. One man was wise and built his house properly, taking the time to make sure he chose the proper place to build where there would be a firm foundation. From this strong beginning he saw his vision for his house materialize and become the home he had desired. Building on this foundation step by step he went through the process that would ensure his house would stand for a long time, being a home to him and his family for generations.

Then there was the man who was very foolish. He had a vision and a dream of building a home for himself and his family but he wanted it now. He did not want to take the time and go through the painstaking work of finding the proper place to build. He built his house on the sand, very unwise. As you can imagine, both men’s houses faced storms, high winds, and rain. Well, the man who had built properly had a house that stood through the storms; but the man who built unwisely lost his house during the storm because there was no foundation to anchor it and make it strong and able to endure the harsh realities of the surrounding circumstances.

Jesus said if we hear his sayings and do them we are like the wise man. Herb, encouraged by his pastor, had finally decided to be wise and build his life God’s way. None of them knew just how important it would be that they chose to build wisely at this time in their lives, because a storm was coming that no one could predict.

Along with his rededication to God, Herb had a new job that was promising. For the first time his family was able to purchase a brand new home that was gorgeous, in a new subdivision in Phoenix. The home was a beautiful two-story, 1800+ square foot floor plan with four bedrooms, two baths, and a custom kitchen. The family had arrived. They were living the American dream. Maybe modestly in the eyes of some but it was an exciting time in their life. Hard work and dreaming had paid off, and they were seeing the realization of what they had hoped they could achieve.

Once the workday was over they filled their time with plans for their new home and enjoyed all the conveniences the city of Phoenix had to offer. Then came the day when their world began to fall apart. A diagnosis of cancer, a word you never want to hear from your doctor, made them feel like they had all been punched in the stomach and all the breath had been knocked out of them. But they turned to God, trusting Him to intervene and put everything right again. Their renewed dedication to God and their renewed faith gave them assurance in their hearts that God would perform a miracle in their lives. Knowing there is power in prayer, Herb called people he knew who had contact with God and requested they pray for his wife.

The months went by and the family fought through medical appointments and treatments and the ups and downs of encouraging diagnosis; then came the disappointments and setbacks. Watching his wife grow physically weaker and weaker month after month was hard for the whole family to deal with emotionally and spiritually. They hoped, they prayed, they trusted. They spoke words of faith and filled their hearts and minds with the promises of God. They agreed together with fellow believers that God would work the miracle they so desperately needed. They refused to give up hope. They refused to quit believing that God would make things right again. After all, in every church service they heard words of encouragement and faith. How could an all-powerful God, full of love for them, not hear and respond to their cry for help?

Finally, with the realization that things were not getting better but progressively worse, the family made the decision to relocate once again. They acknowledged their need for help to finish fighting the battle. They packed all they could of the things they had collected over the years, especially things that had special meaning to them, took one last look at the place they had called home, and drove away. They chose to relocate to Arkansas where Herb’s mom and dad had moved a few years earlier. Herb’s dad pastored a church just a few miles away in Missouri. In this church the family was surrounded by the encouragement and help they needed to have the strength and courage to face the final stage of the battle. The church in Missouri and the family in Arkansas embraced them with their prayers and wrapped arms of love and acceptance around them.

They stood with them with their prayers and friendship. Their tears mingled with those of the family as they all struggled with their own emotional and spiritual battles that raged inside their hearts. They surrounded them with their own testimonies and songs of praise and worship that created the atmosphere where the family’s wounded hearts and spirits could rest for a while before being bombarded all over again with a fresh wave of pain over the trial they could not seem to conquer.

A few months later Herb stood with his two sons at the gravesite of his beloved wife. The question “why” had never been answered. Their hopes and wishes had not been granted. A wonderful wife and mother had fought hard to stay with them but could not, and their hearts were hurting and broken. There was no real answer as to how to go on. They just knew they had to keep living although their emotions cried out for relief. Their church congregation continued to hold them through their hurt and nourished their spirits with words of promise. Herb realized at this point he may not have the answers to a lot of the questions his heart was asking, and that the healing of his broken heart would be a long slow process, but he also knew God had been with them through the fire and he would not forsake them now. He determined in his spirit that he would trust God although he may never understand.

One month after his wife died Herb got a call to assist a church who had suddenly lost their pastor. Herb went that Sunday and was installed as pastor a few months later and has been there ever since. His desire is to create a place for other wounded, hurting hearts to come and find a refuge from their turmoil, if only for a while. He wants people to know there is a place they can come into the presence of God with fellow believers, to bask in God’s love to equip them with the fortitude they need to keep on fighting the good fight of faith, so they can lay hold on eternal life.

When we face adversity and calamity people often ask, “Do you still believe in God? Do you still trust Him? Where is He when these kinds of things happen? Why did God do this to you?” When we don’t have the answers people are looking for, we can turn to God’s word and find solace for our troubled spirit. Psalms 119:113, 114, and 116 says, I hate vain thoughts; but thy law do I love. Thou art my hiding place and my shield; I hope in thy word. Uphold me according unto thy word that I may live; and let me not be ashamed of my hope.

This passage reminds me that no matter what others may say I can rely on God’s word to give true direction and hope. It is through God that my soul finds a place to hide, a shelter during the storm that provides protection for my hurting heart and allows time for his word to renew my spirit. When I don’t understand, he is there providing strength. I can live one day at a time through the pain, knowing the word that is hidden in my heart will give me the courage to face the battle unashamed. Yes, I do still believe in God, I still trust him. He’s right beside me through everything I endure, and although I can’t explain why things happen, I know where my hope is and will remain even in the face of adversity.

Hope in Adversity

Adversity comes my way,

And my hope it tries to steal,

It pulls me down and scars my heart

And almost breaks my will.

Sleepless nights and circumstances

I can’t understand,

Discouragement and adversity

Both go hand in hand.

But I turn to the Word of God,

And through my tears I read,

I have a heavenly Father,

Who knows just what I need.

He provides my soul a hiding place,

Just to rest awhile,

He puts joy in my day,

With friends who help me smile.

His word renews my spirit,

Giving me strength day by day,

Filling me with courage,

To face what comes my way.

And when I am lonely

And tempted to feel blue,

I look to God and whisper,

“Lord, I still trust you.”

It’s then I feel that glimmer

Of that little thing called hope,

Adversity didn’t steal it,

Because it’s God that helps me cope.

CHAPTER 7

Trust in him at all times: ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah (Psalms 62:8)

ALONE IN MOAB

Naomi knew adversity. Her family moved to Moab, leaving the home and place they loved to go to a land that held its own set of challenges but relocation was the least of Naomi’s challenges in Moab. She also lost her partner and provider.

“And Elimelech, Naomi’s husband died; and she was left, and her two sons.” Naomi looked up from the grave where she had just buried her husband. She gazed at the landscape and only felt loneliness and desperation. She and her family had come to Moab to seek refuge from the famine in Bethlehem-Judah. They had found food and shelter, but the heartbreak of losing her husband was more than she felt she could bear. Now in this land far away from her extended family she would have to find a way to provide for herself. Of course she still had her two sons with her, but it just was not the same.

In Moab, Naomi suffered a blow that can only be understood by someone who has lost their life partner through death. It is in times like this that the age old question “why” is asked over and over by thousands of people every day, sometimes screamed out loud for the entire world to hear and sometimes a muffled cry, but often silence is the only response. Naomi could well relate to the feelings of loss and despair felt by so many as her life partner was taken from her. The simple words, “And Elimelech, Naomi’s husband died; and she was left, and her two sons,” carry such a powerful message.

The underlying emotions contained in these words are barely conveyed to the reader unless we take a deeper look into just what it is like to be the one who is left. Naomi knew the agony of long sleepless nights, lonely days, and numbness of her spirit as she tried to make sense of everything and pick up the pieces of her life. She knew how it was to have the tears come unbidden at a memory of what used to be and just how much she wished it could be that way again. She realized things would never be as they were no matter how much she longed for it. Yes, Naomi knew the feelings of pain and sorrow, and she knew the feeling that somehow a part of her had died as she laid her husband to rest.

With all those who are the ones left behind, Naomi realized that life goes on. Through the fears of what the future might hold and the heartache of the present, somehow she did go on. Naomi found herself toiling and laboring in the field “beyond understanding,” surrounded by sorrow, heartbreak, disappointment, and discouragement. Like so many she probably wondered what she could possibly reap from these circumstances, but she finally began to see a glimmer of hope and with hope came the courage to keep going.

Naomi is like thousands of people every day who learn to cope when the happenstances of life bring more sorrow than joy. The broken dreams, hurting hearts, and wounded spirits cry out for comfort, peace, and hope for the future. Jesus lets us know in Luke 4:18-21 there is hope after heartache. He was in the temple teaching when he read from the writings of Isaiah, The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord. And he closed the book, and he gave it again to the minister, and sat down. And the eyes of all them that were in the synagogue were fastened on him. And he began to say unto them, This day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears…

This scripture is full of hope. We realize that Jesus was speaking of himself. He came for the purpose of bringing deliverance and healing even into impossible situations. Jesus came to a broken, messed up world to offer Himself as a solution. He came for the purpose of providing healing for a heart broken by disappointment, discouragement, shattered dreams, terrible illness, and even death. Jesus also has provided a freedom for those whose spirits have been bruised by life to the extent discouragement and depression holds them in a tight grip. These are enemies of our happiness that need to be defeated by the power of God.

As Christians we strive to offer this hurting world what Jesus came to give: healing, deliverance, liberty, and love. When we see one whose heart is broken by the circumstances they face we can reach out to them in love, feel their pain, and point them to the One who is the mender of broken hearts. Because we often feel helpless in the midst of someone else’s brokenness, it is easier to look the other way and ignore their hurt, but Christ looks right into the midst of the brokenness and offers hope. The reality is we live in a world that is not void of sickness and pain. Sometimes a shoulder to lean on and a helping hand is all we can provide, helping someone going through the pain with our presence and prayers.

CHAPTER 8

In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God (Psalms 62:11).

COALS OF FIRE

He thought she looked like an angel in the new, soft, yellow dress he had bought for her birthday. She was beautiful with her bright red hair and her smile that lit up her face, but she did not feel like an angel. She knew all the fear, confusion, and frustration she had been feeling, and she knew how mad she was at God. She was sure angels did not feel the way she felt right now. Yet in his eyes she really was his angel, put into his life by God to stand by him and brighten his days. She brought joy to his life, a smile to his face, and a love to his life that grew more and more each passing year. Over the last few months there had been more tears than laughter. Charles had a brain tumor. Even though they both tried very hard to believe that he would get better, fear overshadowed each day, and sometimes despair filled their hearts.

Charles and Joan Nobles had been married ten short years, but to Joan her wedding day seemed a lifetime ago. That day was filled with laughter and expectation. Joan, dressed in her lovely, white wedding dress purchased by Charles for eleven dollars, looked at her husband to be and thought how handsome he looked, tall and broad-shouldered with a head full of coal black hair. Nervous excitement filled both their hearts as they stood before the minister to say their wedding vows.

“Do you promise to love and honor …in sickness and in health, in adversity and in prosperity, for richer and for poorer …as long as you both shall live?” the minister asked. Charles and Joan both answered, “I do,” but sickness and adversity and death did not seem a reality on this day when they pledged their love one to another.

Charles was a man of quiet strong faith. Even though his father had died when he was two years old and his mother had died when he was eleven, he had the memory of the old hymn written by Thomas Hastings, “Rock of Ages,” that his father used to sing to him when he was an infant. Charles learned to trust in that rock for himself, and he developed an unshakable faith that took him through one of the worst storms imaginable. Charles was dedicated to his church, his God, and his family. Charles loved his family and was a wonderful father. His children and his wife meant the world to him, and he worked hard, long hours to make sure he provided for their needs. After his mother died Charles had lived from place to place with no real place to call home. He wanted better for his children. He wanted to give them a place where they would feel warm and safe and above all loved.

So even after long, hard days at work, Charles made time to play with his children. He also wanted them to learn to trust in that same Rock and cling to it with the same passion he felt. He faithfully took them to the small country church he and Joan had chosen as the place to raise their family. It was at this church Charles told of the dream he felt God had given him that would be the starting point of the trial that would change his and his family’s lives forever. In this dream God gave Charles a glimpse into heaven.

Although most can only imagine the beauty of that place, Charles actually saw it and was in awe at what God had prepared for him. He stood to tell the congregation of what he knew God had shown him. “God showed me a beautiful place,” Charles said, “and he told me I was going to go there someday. I knew it was heaven. But,” Charles continued, “God also showed me a lake of coals of fire, and he told me I was going to have to cross that lake to get to that beautiful city.” There was a silence over the small congregation as they tried to absorb what this all might mean for Charles and his family.

We all love to sing songs of victory and triumph. We rejoice in recounting events where we beat the odds and our faith triumphed over our trials. Daniel in the lion’s den is a story loved by young and old alike, because the power of God closed the mouths of hungry, ferocious lions, and a mere man walked out unharmed with a legacy that would never be forgotten. We really don’t like the reality of facing those lions for ourselves.

There were three Hebrew children who were thrown into a burning fiery furnace because of their faith. They came through the fire without even the smell of smoke on their clothing. These stories give us strength and courage as they help us to realize nothing is impossible with God. Through hearing these accounts we can visualize ourselves standing strong in the face of adversity, but none of us like having to go through that adversity because it hurts, it’s scary, and it tries the very foundation of our faith.

We all like to feel victorious, but none of us like actually fighting the battle. Battles are hard, and they leave us sometimes wounded. They try our spirits and our very relationship with God. We know God can rescue us, but in the midst of the war we sometimes become weak and vulnerable, and we wonder how long before our enemy is defeated. It is in the midst of this kind of war that we realize we must put all our trust in God and know the outcome is in His hands. Charles Nobles knew what it meant to fight such a battle.

Not long after his dream he began to cross that lake of fire, and his beautiful young wife walked by his side going through this horrifying, painful experience with him. Months before Charles ever heard the diagnosis of brain tumor, he felt the terrifying effects of the disease. The horrible headaches, the vomiting, and falling became more and more frequent, and Charles knew something was terribly wrong. Although these first symptoms brought fear and uncertainty, it was only the beginning of seven years of an illness that attacked Charles’s mind as well as his body. Only those who have experienced the trauma of such an illness can understand the mental and physical anguish Charles suffered as he fought with all his might to beat this disease. At this point in their lives Charles and Joan had added children to their union.

They had three living children: Ricky, age 9, Sandra, age 6, and 3-year-old Joel. They had also been through the painful experience of losing a child that was stillborn. The pain and suffering in their lives was evident, but Charles was determined to keep his commitment to his wife and children to take care of them as long as he could.

So even though the challenges were overwhelming, he continued to get up every day and go to work, dealing with the headaches and vomiting and falling as he tried to bring in the finances to support his family. Finally his employer told him not to return. So in addition to his illness Charles now had the worry of how his family was going to survive. It was hard, oh so very hard, but with persistence, creativity, help from family, and sheer determination the family did survive.

Day after day they survived, loving one another, helping one another, dealing with the sickness, and clinging to the promise that God would surely take care of them. Somewhere in the middle of the chaos there was a small glimmer of hope as a diagnosis came and surgery was scheduled. Afraid but hopeful, Charles bravely went in for the surgery that he hoped would put him on the road to recovery. Joan walked into the hospital room after they had taken Charles for surgery.

The room was empty; Joan felt so alone. She looked over to the waste basket and saw Charles’ black hair where they had shaved it for surgery. Joan went to the waste basket and picked up some of the hair and let it fall through her fingers. Then the tears began to flow, and it seemed like they would never stop. She felt so helpless, so vulnerable. She covered her swollen face with a man’s huge white handkerchief that she had picked up somewhere and began to pray for Charles.

Charles came out of the surgery and began to recover. Their life took on a sense of being normal. They had their fourth child, whom Charles named Mark. Charles got another job and Joan got a job at Head Start. They would meet for lunch and talk and laugh and plan. Life was a little easier for a while. Then they began to see signs that the tumor was returning. The doctors had removed a tumor the size of an orange during the first surgery, but they knew they had not gotten it all. Charles opted for a second surgery and radiation to try to rid himself of this terrible debilitating disease. He wanted to live for his children. He loved them so much. He wanted to see them grow up and get married. He wanted to see them have children of their own. But Charles did not get this opportunity. The doctors gave him six to eight months to live, but Charles made it seven years before his body could no longer survive the ravages of the disease. The disease destroyed his mind and his body but it could not take away his faith.

When he was at his lowest point right before he passed away, his brother-in-law went to see him in the nursing home. Charles could no longer speak, and he could only barely move his right hand. His passion for fishing and camping and family outings were all a thing far in the past. His brother-in-law, Sonny, asked him, “Charles do you remember the dream that God gave you about that beautiful place he had for you?” There was not much of a response from Charles, but Sonny could tell he could remember because his eyes were locked on Sonny’s, and he would not turn away. Sonny told him, “Charles, if you still believe that God has that place waiting for you I want you to raise you right hand.” Very, very slowly Charles began to struggle to get his hand up; a tear formed in his eye and spilled down his cheek. Finally, with much effort, he got his hand up. Tears spilled from Sonny’s eyes also. He could not imagine all that Charles had gone through.

He could not even imagine all that Charles must be thinking now. But he knew one thing for sure: Charles had overcome, not because he was strong physically or able to speak powerful words but because his faith had remained intact through it all. Charles walked across those coals of fire that God had shown him and made it safely to the other side.

Oh yes, he was battle-scarred, wounded, and hurting, but as a good soldier he fought to the end and won the war. This was not a path that Charles chose for himself. There is only a small percentage of the population that suffers through what he had to endure. And only a small percentage of spouses have to see the one they love suffer to this degree, but Joan kept true to her promise: “in sickness and in health …‘til death do us part.”

“Rock of Ages cleft for me, let me hide myself in Thee.”

It’s amazing how God equips us with the weapons we are going to need to get us through our storms of life even before we know we are going to need them. Giving Charles the song “Rock of Ages” when he was a very young child planted that seed of faith that helped him to hold on no matter what happened in life. Before he ever had to face the storm, he knew there would be a hiding place in God when life just got way too hard. When our emotions and our minds and our bodies have been bombarded until we can take it no longer, it is comforting to know we can find a hiding place in God.

Psalms 91:1 says, He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. Verse 2, I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Charles found that secret place, his own personal relationship with God, beyond the superficial. He had a daily walk with God that built his faith and helped him to keep on trusting God in the midst of his battle. Abiding under the shadow of the Almighty is a great place to be as we walk through our desert experience.

God planted a seed of hope in the heart of Charles before he ever started the battle, showing him the beautiful place that waited for him at the end of the journey. God, in a very personal way, showed Charles his future, which gave him the courage he needed to face his “fiery trial” with confidence that God would be with him every step of the way.

Joan went through her healing process, remarried, and had another daughter. She still serves God with all her heart and is involved in the prison ministry at her church. She has compassion and love for others because of the things she has endured in life.

There is victory

The battle is raging,

Fear has gripped my heart;

I don’t quite know where to run,

Not even where to start.

All my strength is leaving me,

My hope is almost gone;

The enemy is fighting hard

To steal my joy and song.

But God gives me weapons

That the enemy cannot use,

Like faith and hope and trust and prayer,

Just to name a few.

These weapons are my strength

When I am feeling weak;

They help me keep on fighting,

Not give up in defeat.

Trust in God, step out in faith,

Pray in Jesus name.

Not just words, but weapons

That make me strong again.

When I fear I pray for peace

That only God can give.

A peace not based on circumstance

But assurance that God cares.

And when my hope is fading fast

It’s then I turn to faith,

Knowing that what my eyes can’t see

Is possible anyway.

And always when I don’t understand

And I feel I can’t go on,

I know that if I trust in God

I need never walk alone.

So when the battle is raging

And your strength is almost gone,

There is victory for your inner man;

God will make you strong.

Walk with Him, talk with Him,

In your life give Him a part,

Then no matter what, you always win

Because you’ve given Him your heart.

CHAPTER 9

This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in Him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for Him, to the soul that seeketh Him. It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the Lord (Lamentations 3:21-26).

THEREFORE HAVE I HOPE

The third chapter of Lamentations is filled with the cry of a soul filled with pain, discouragement, and despair. In fact the whole book of Lamentations describes challenges that could utterly defeat any normal person and drain all the strength needed to keep going in the face of opposition. The confusion and frustration expressed as to why and how long the suffering will continue can cause fear that the joy of life has become a thing of the past, but scattered throughout the third chapter are little tidbits of hope that supplies the strength to a weary heart to keep going, keep believing, keep trusting in the promises of the Lord. The book of Lamentations is not really a book we would normally turn to for encouragement when we are feeling down or going through a hard time, because it is filled with so much suffering. When we read just a few choice verses it reminds us that the Lord is our hope even in the hard times.

Hope is what keeps us going when we don’t see the answer to our problem. Hope helps us to believe maybe tomorrow things will be a little better. When things don’t get better, our hope in the Lord remains strong, because we know he is always with us giving us the courage to endure it all.

The Bible lets us know over and over that in this life we will have trouble. Things are going to happen that are hard to go through. We have not yet made it to heaven where all sorrow and pain, sickness and death will be gone forever. Here and now we will go through trying times, face discouragement, and suffer heartbreak. Even so we have the assurance that God’s grace is sufficient to see us through, and his compassion and mercy will never fail.

He loves us, and his ear is always open to our cry. God is faithful, and we have his promise that one day we will dwell with him forever. Then all the tears will be wiped away, and the things we suffer here will not even be remembered. Therefore will I hope in him.

Hope

Hope can keep us going

When our future’s not quite known.

It’s that strength we hold to

When our inner spirit groans.

It’s not just wishful thinking

Or dreaming of what might be.

But it’s looking to the future

With more than eyes can see.

It’s that little glimmer in us

That says, “I know I’ll be okay,

Because God will never leave me

Whatever comes my way.”

So when we’re fighting battles

That we can’t understand.

Hope keeps us trusting God

To hold us in his hand.

He will not fail us;

He will be there through it all.

And with hope burning brightly,

We will stand up tall.

Not to boast or brag

About all the things we’ve done,

But to give God glory,

For victories already won.

And through Jesus Christ we have

The greatest hope of all.

He came to give us grace,

Not just the letter of the law.

Eternal life, his gift to us,

Is a hope beyond today.

And a blessed, calm assurance

God is with us all the way.

CHAPTER 10

Let all those that seek thee rejoice and be glad in thee: and let such as love thy salvation say continually, Let God be magnified, (Psalms 70:4)

JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW

Jesus loves me, this I know,

For the Bible tells me so,

Little ones to him belong,

They are weak but he is strong.

The lyrics of this song, written by William Bradbury many years ago, are so familiar to most of the American population. They are still today often sung to children to reassure them of the unconditional love of God. Trisha Smith was one of those children. She heard the words often sung by her mom as she was rocked to sleep at night. She heard the refrain sung by her dad as he bounced her on his knee and then gave her a tight hug just to emphasize the words. The lyrics were sung over and over by her Sunday School teacher and the congregation at her church, and Trisha grew up knowing without a doubt that Jesus really did love her.

It was not only the song that made Trisha know she was loved, but also the wonderful story of the miracle of the breath of life she was given at birth. She never got tired of hearing the story, and her parents never got tired of telling it. A breath and a cry that should naturally accompany the birth of a child did not happen when Trisha was born. After a difficult delivery, mom and dad were horrified as they watched the doctor work with their precious baby girl. The doctor tried everything he knew to no avail.

When no breath came after a few minutes, the doctor laid the baby, who was blue from the lack of oxygen, to the side and shook his head. He had given up. But Trisha’s mom and dad could not give up. They had something that the doctor had not tried: it was the desperate prayer of the grieving hearts of parents who knew this was their only hope. “God save our baby girl,” they prayed, “give her back her life”. Baby Trisha caught her breath and began to cry. What a wonderful sound, the sound of the cry of a newborn infant, but doubly precious to the ears of Trisha’s parents.

The sound seemed to light up the stark surroundings of the delivery room, and joy bounced off every wall as the cries continued to ring out. Mingled with the cries of the baby were the shouts of joy and relief from the parents. And finally above all the noise could be heard the words from the doctor as he told the nurse, “Put her in warm water,” he said, “she will be fine.” And fine she was. No surgeries, no long hospital stay, no complications, just an ordinary little girl with an extraordinary beginning.

It seems that Trisha’s life is full of miracles. While still an infant Trisha was overcome with carbon monoxide poisoning along with the rest of her family. Almost home from a long journey to a church revival, Trisha’s mom, Connie, suddenly noticed something was wrong with the baby. This was a time long before mandatory car seat laws so Connie held Trisha in her arms. “Trisha is not breathing,” Connie yelled at her husband as she began to shake the baby and hold her up to try to wake her. Connie also turned to the back seat where the other children slept. She began to call their names and shake them, but there was no response. Panic filled her voice as she screamed, “Something is wrong with the other children too. I can’t get them to wake up.” Panicked, but almost home, Elzie pushed the pedal to the floor and was home in a matter of seconds. The adults jumped out staggering and began to pull out the children.

Elzie ran in the house with Trisha to get her in the light so he could see what he could do to help. After taking a long look at Trisha and feeling for a pulse, a heartbeat, a breath of life, and finding none, Elzie rolled back Trisha’s eyelids and saw only the whites of her eyes. It was in this instant that Elzie knew the pain of losing a child. Slowly he laid Trisha on the couch and went out to where his wife was still working with the other three children. Connie had begun to get them all started toward the house. Elzie stopped her and told her, “Connie, we have lost Patricia.” Connie stopped dead in her tracks, then she started to run. “Oh no we have not,” she screamed. “We have not lost her.” Thinking she was hysterical Elzie tried to stop her, but she continued to run. Elzie brought the other children into the front room, and the sight that met their eyes was heartbreaking to see. Connie was down on her knees by the couch crying out to God, “God, save my baby girl. God, give her back her life.” Elzie knelt beside his wife and added his cries to hers. God saw the heartbreak; God saw the tears; God saw the hope still burning in a mother’s heart. Trisha caught her breath and began to cry. What a wonderful sound to the ears of those parents one more time.

Time after time God came through for Trisha in her young childhood. When she was five-years-old she had to wear very thick glasses to correct her eyesight. One day Trisha told her dad, “I don’t want to have to wear these glasses.” With compassion in his heart her dad reached down, took off her glasses, and prayed to God that her eyes would be normal. From that day Trisha did not have to wear glasses.

When she was eight years old Trisha broke her arm at school. The nurse told her parents, “Take her to the doctor, her arm is broken.” After driving 15 miles to the emergency room Elzie took Trisha by the hand to take her into the hospital. Trisha began to tug on his hand, “Dad, if you would pray for my arm, I know that God would heal it and I won’t even have to go in to the doctor,” she said. In the face of such childlike faith what was a father to do but kneel down right there and pray for his little girl’s arm? Seeing His child so faithfully calling out to him, God touched Trisha’s arm, and she never had any pain from it thereafter. So what some people might call coincidences or just plain good luck, Trisha knew were miracles, and she would sing the words to one of her favorite songs with a little more gusto than some might think necessary.

Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me,

The Bible tells me so.

Because of all the situations she had been through, when Trisha became an adult it was not a new thing to call out to God when situations and circumstances became too big to handle. Trisha married Leon Smith in February of 1987 carrying into the marriage her faith and trust in God. After three years of marriage and still no child, something both Trisha and Leon wanted very much, Trisha decided it was time to trust God for another miracle, so she began to pray. Her prayer was soon answered. She was pregnant! Trisha and Leon were totally overjoyed and praised God for His goodness.

Trisha followed the doctor’s recommendations totally. No sacrifice was too great to give this little life the very best chance in every way. All their hopes and dreams were wrapped up in this tiny promise. They spent hours talking about all the things they would do together, places they would take their child, and things they would teach him. All the nursery items were purchased, and with joyful hearts they waited for the birth of their child. Then on April 11, 1991, Trisha went into premature labor. At seven months along Trisha new she needed another miracle. She began to pray, “God, take care of my baby. God, don’t let anything happen to my baby.” “Pray,” she began to instruct everyone; “Just pray.” At the hospital, attempts to stop the labor failed, and the tiny 3 lb.-15 oz. baby came into the world fighting for his life. They named him Derrick. He was beautiful and perfect in every way. The doctor said, “A few days in the hospital and he will be fine. He just needs to gain weight.” Trisha listened to the cry of her small son and breathed a sigh of relief. Trisha and her whole family began to thank God one more time for this miracle of life so like her own beginning. The family all knew this fragile and oh so tiny being was their special gift from God. The celebrations started, and the hearts of the family expanded just a little more to make room to love and nourish this new addition to the family.

Everyone went home thanking God that all was okay. Even Leon went home to shower and get a few moments of rest. Trisha and her mom were left alone at the hospital. Trisha was too excited to rest, and besides, she was ready to celebrate after all the months and years of waiting for this moment. She and her mom talked quietly of how relieved they were that all was okay. They talked about how they would have to get everything ready for Derrick to come home. They whispered and laughed and planned and laughed some more. Suddenly the doctor stepped into the room. They could tell by the look on his face that something was wrong. “The baby is not going to make it,” he said. “Would you like to hold him for a few moments to say goodbye?” In an instant they began to feel shock, panic, fear, disbelief, then an overwhelming feeling of dread. Frantically Trisha called Leon, “Come back,” she cried. “Derrick is dying.” Then she called her dad. “Dad, they said Derrick is dying, you have to pray. He does not have to die; just pray, Dad, pray.” Slowly Trisha hung up the phone. She looked up and saw the doctor still waiting for her to come with him to hold her baby for the first and possibly the last time. Leon and Trisha and her mom all went into the tiny nursery to hold Derrick, to try to will him to live. They would say goodbye if they had to, but first he had to know how much they loved him. The doctors handed the baby to Trisha, and with her heart breaking and tears streaming down her face, she began to pour all of her heart into her tiny son. “Oh Derrick, I love you so much. I wish I could tell you just how much I really do love you.” In that moment Trisha realized all the things she had planned for Derrick, all she was going to teach him, and all she was going to do for him would never be. Her heart broke. She knew that the most important thing she wanted to teach him was that God loved him, so she began to sing,

Jesus loves me, this I know,

For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to him belong,

They are weak, but he is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me,

The Bible tells me so…

While she held him, Derrick breathed his last tiny feeble breath. Derrick returned to God and took with him a part of Trisha and Leon’s heart.

While many well-meaning people tried to reason and explain, Trisha and Leon both knew that this was just one of those situations that is beyond explanation or reasoning; it was absolutely beyond understanding. At Derrick’s funeral Pastor Bo Webb told the family, “Today I have a word for you from the Lord.” The whole family seemed to hold their breath waiting for what they were afraid might just be mere words that would add more pain to their already wounded spirits. Then Pastor Webb continued, “In this time of sorrow and heartache and suffering, all God says is, ‘Trust me.’”

The words held hope and peace, strength and comfort, and they felt like healing ointment on an open wound. Trisha and Leon knew that today they really learned the true meaning of trusting in God. True trust comes when human reasoning fails and we willingly put ourselves and our loved ones into the hands of a loving God. Twenty one years have come and gone, and in the small part of their heart that still hurts because of Derrick, Trisha and Leon keep reminding themselves to trust in the Lord with all their heart and lean not to their own understanding.

In January of 2001, Trisha’s fragile heart asked God for another miracle. “This year,” she told everyone, “God will give me the child that my heart longs for.” Her pastor, his wife, her family, and her friends all listened and hoped and said the right words, but in their hearts they wondered, would she really get her miracle?”

Four months later, in May, her newborn son was placed into her arms. It felt so good; it felt so right. He was her miracle from God. The adoption agency where she was registered had called her just two months earlier and told her a baby was due on April 29th. If she was ready he would be hers at birth. Trisha named him Jacob, the one God loved. Today Trisha’s life is full to overflowing with the normal everyday task of being a mom, and her heart and home is filled with life and laughter and love all wrapped up in a little boy named Jacob. And the one thing she wants to teach him for sure is: Yes, Jesus Loves Me.

Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me,

Yes, Jesus loves me,

The Bible tells me so.

When our heart has been broken and our spirit has been crushed, it is hard to push forward and wrap our minds around anything except the pain we are feeling. Patricia and Leon were in that place. Nothing made sense, and nothing could have prepared their emotions for their devastating loss, but instead of turning away from God, they turned toward God in their confusion and chose to believe that even though they would never know why this pain had to be, they still had the assurance God loved them. In these times there is no choice except to go through the process of pain and healing. Sometimes nothing at all seems to help, and at other times we can draw strength and courage from others who have been in similar circumstances, but the greatest source of strength is our unshakable trust in God that he truly does love us and care about us. Psalms 31 is a chapter full of encouragement to keep trusting, and believing God even when the situation is desperate. The Psalmist David was facing different problems, but the message is still the same for any wounded heart. Verse 1 says, In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust; let me never be ashamed: deliver me in thy righteousness. Verses 3 and 5 say, For thou art my rock and my fortress; therefore for thy name’s sake lead me and guide me, Into thy hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O Lord God of truth. Verse 24 says, Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord.

Trisha is no longer that little girl with the innocence of a child singing, “Jesus Loves Me.” She is now an adult who has seen adversity and heartbreak. She has been through the depths of despair and to the place where human reasoning has failed her. But still she sings, “Jesus loves me” with more understanding than ever before. The words mean so much more now because she knows: when she is happy he is there, when she cries he is there, and when life is almost too difficult to endure she feels the love of Jesus, surrounding her, soothing her spirit, giving her strength and courage, and healing her heart one day at a time.

Trust

I do not understand it,

I cannot tell you why,

It seems that there’s a river

Of tears that I have cried.

It’s not what I asked for,

It’s was never in my plan.

And the valley that I’ve been through

I hope I never see again.

So what can I do?

Through all this hurt and pain?

Where can I run to?

When grief falls like the rain?

I know there is a shelter,

A calming for my soul.

It’s the trust I have in God

When the way I do not know.

I know for sure he loves me,

He will always hold my hand;

My strength when I am weak

He will help me stand.

He’s the peace in the valley,

He’s the shelter in the storm,

He’s the cleft in the rock

That keeps my soul from harm.

So I know I can trust Him

When I don’t understand.

Through all the pain, the fear, and doubt,

He’ll hold me in His hand.

And when I’m through the valley,

And when the storm has gone,

In Him I’ll have a special peace

That others may not know;

All because I choose to trust

My Lord, my strength, my friend,

Who holds my heart, and heals my pain,

And makes me smile again.

CHAPTER 11

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble (Psalms 46:1).

DOES GOD CARE?

Naomi knew the heartbreak of enduring the death of her children. Ruth 1:5 reads, And Mahlon and Chilion died also both of them; and the woman was left of her two sons and her husband. Naomi’s heart was broken. So many emotions warred within her. She felt empty and very alone. Her husband was gone, and now the two sons whom she loved and nurtured were gone also. With the death of her sons went her hopes and dreams for the future. Her thoughts of grandchildren to brighten her days as she grew older died with her sons. All the things she held dear were gone. Naomi felt emptiness within her heart and she knew nothing could ever fill the void.

When bad things happen, people so often ask, “Where is God?” and “Does he really care about me and my pain?” Well, I know for sure that he cares. The Bible tells us so in that before the world ever was God had a solution for the problem. Before man was ever created, God knew He would give them freedom of choice, and because of this freedom wrong choices would be made. Before the first man, Adam, ever breathed his first breath of life, God knew that at some point Adam would choose evil over good. When Adam made his choice to listen to the serpent who tempted him instead of God, that decision alone opened the floodgates of sorrow. Instead of knowing only the peace and tranquility of the beautiful paradise God had prepared for them, Adam and Eve suddenly knew guilt. With guilt came pain and suffering, discouragement and heartbreak, not only for Adam and Eve, but for every generation to follow until the end of time.

But that is not the end of the story. Because God loves us all so much he had a plan before the foundation of the world. He would send his only Son into this world to pay the price for the wrong choices we make, for all the times we choose to do evil instead of listen to the voice of God. When we are suffering the consequences of either our own choices or the choices of others, God has provided for us the opportunity to receive from Him the strength we need to cope with the circumstances of our lives. Even though he is perfect and all his creation is so very imperfect, he loves us so much that he gives us himself to ensure we can cope with whatever life throws us. He is our help, our comfort, our deliverer, our rock, our healer, our savior, everything we need. This does not come without a price, and the price was paid in full because God loves us.

CHAPTER 12

And whence is this to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For, lo, as soon as the voice of thy salutation sounded in mine ears, the babe leaped in my womb for joy (Luke 1:43-44).

MY LORD AND MY GOD,

BECAUSE HE PROMISED

Almost since the beginning of time, men have looked and waited in anticipation for the prophecy to be fulfilled that one would come who would bruise the head of Satan. The word was passed from generation to generation, “Someday, maybe in our life time, the Messiah will come.” Oh the longing in the hearts of the men and women who were truly dedicated to God. The prophets foretold his coming, even where he would be born, but they didn’t tell when it would happen. Anxiously the people waited, prayed, and wondered, “How long must we wait for our Deliverer?”

AND THEN HE CAME

In a common stable a baby’s small cry is heard. In a field nearby the darkness of night is shattered by light as a choir of angels sings, “Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace, good will toward men.” The announcement was made. The Savior is born! With haste the shepherds hurried to Bethlehem. He was alive! The Deliverer had come! The shepherds worshipped, the wise men came, Simeon thanked God, and Anna rejoiced. But then again the people of God waited as the Child grew – in wisdom, in stature, and in the knowledge of God.

AND WHEN HE WAS GROWN

“Behold the Lamb of God which taketh away the sins of the world.” What an announcement John the Baptist made. The waiting was over. The Redeemer was among them! But wait. There is a stirring among the people. Many miracles were performed: the deaf heard, the dumb spoke, blind eyes were opened, the lame walked, demons had to flee, the dead were raised, even nature bowed to His command. Yet there is a cry of discontent. Some do not believe that this is the true Son of God. They call him a blasphemer. Some even say he has a devil. The Lord of the universe is being condemned by His own creation. There is a trial, a mockery of a trial. Sentenced to death by crucifixion our Savior takes the guilt of the world upon his shoulders. Forsaken by his disciples, beaten, spit upon, and mocked, Christ took the journey to Calvary, laying down his life, so even the jeering crowd could be redeemed. Hanging between heaven and earth, love and forgiveness were portrayed. “Father, forgive them,” he prayed, “for they know not what they do.”

AND THEN HE DIED

Oh the anguish felt by his followers! Is this how it was to end? To have the one they had waited for so long, the one they loved so much, die such a cruel death? How could this have happened? Maybe, maybe they were wrong. Maybe another would come. But no, in their hearts they believed this was the Son of God. Yet things were not as they thought they should be. Alone, afraid, and heartbroken, the believers began to wait again. Yet for what did they wait?

AND THEN HE AROSE

Women’s voices can be heard in the morning stillness as the sun begins to break the darkness of night. It is the third day, and they have come to anoint the body of the one they loved. But wait! The soldiers are gone. The stone is rolled away, and Jesus is not here! What could have happened? Where was the body of Jesus? Then two men in white proclaimed the good news. “He is not here, but he has risen!” What rejoicing there was in the hearts of the women, and in the hearts of the disciples, when they heard the news and saw him face to face. Only one disciple, Thomas, had not seen the Lord. “I want to see him,” he declared. “I want to touch him; only then will I believe.” Finally, Thomas came face to face with his Lord. He uttered simple words as he bowed his heart in adoration to Christ, yet his proclamation is echoed over and over even in our generation as we pay tribute to the Savior of our souls. In our generation we can raise our voices together and proclaim along with Thomas the words that he spoke in praise, in worship, and in honor of the King of kings and Lord of lords. Truly, the words Thomas spoke came from his heart as he exclaimed, “MY LORD AND MY GOD!”

So the plan of God before the foundation of the world included expectation and hope, blessings and fulfillment, betrayal, pain, and suffering, to finally celebrating the greatness of God. So it seems the cycle of life is not always in any particular order, but God cares and he loves us. With that reassurance we make it through the tough times knowing God has a purpose and plan for our life that only he knows, and there will come a time when our tears and pain will become joy and celebration.

CHAPTER 13

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress: have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer (Psalms 4:1).

HELD IN HIS HAND

Just the mention of Easter most of the time brings happy thoughts of celebration, time with family, thoughts of children running and laughing, their faces lit up with anticipation of egg hunts and Easter bunnies. Every Easter Sunday Christians everywhere celebrate the awesomeness of all that Jesus came to do for us. It is impossible to sum up in a few short words the full explanation of why it was necessary for Jesus to come and walk side by side with man: feeling the emotions and pain we feel, facing temptations and trials just like we do, and finally feeling the cruelty of just how unjust this world can be, knowing firsthand how evil in the hearts of a few men can seek to destroy what is right and good. It was in God’s plan that good must triumph over evil by providing the only payment acceptable for those who find themselves in the position of needing forgiveness. The Bible tells us that the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life. What a gift! The greatest gift of all time is the gift that provides us with the opportunity to have our sins forgiven and forgotten by God.

The ministry of Jesus did not end on the cross. That was just the beginning of an opportunity for a whole new relationship between God and mankind. The payment was made once and for all, for all our sins that would keep us out of fellowship with God. Celebrating the resurrection of Jesus gives us time to reflect on the price that was paid for our salvation as well as our healing physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Jesus provides for us grace and mercy, two things so essential to make it through this life and into life eternal. That’s why Easter is such a huge day for celebration. It reminds us that there is more to this life than what we see here and now. The eternity of our souls is at stake. With his death on the cross Jesus paid the price for our own shortcomings, and with his resurrection he insured that all who choose him will one day resurrect to a brand new body and a brand new life for all eternity.

Easter Sunday, March 26, 1978 was a day that saw Bonnie’s life changed forever. During the course of a day there are things that can happen to change our plans for a moment or even the day or a few weeks. Then there are those horrific catastrophes that change the course of our plans for a lifetime. That Easter Morning started out rather routinely. Rushing about, feeding the family, getting the boys dressed, making sure everything was together, they prepared for the family gathering that was to take place after Easter church service. Of course Wesley, her oldest son, would not let them forget the eggs he had help color for the egg hunt that was to take place later that afternoon. Anticipation filled their hearts as Bonnie, her husband, Earl, and their two boys climbed into their truck to begin this special day.

The church service that glorious morning was truly a wonderful celebration of God’s love. The pastor let everyone out early so his congregation would have a little extra time to spend in celebration with their families. With excitement in their hearts Bonnie’s family began the short journey to Earl’s parent house. Wesley, age 7, had his colored Easter eggs. He was excited and filled the truck with nothing but talk about finding them in the soon upcoming family hunt. Jason, just 5 months old, was not yet aware of the excitement of Easter egg hunts. “Just wait until next year,” Bonnie thought, “then he will be right in the middle of all this fun.”

The family had only traveled a few miles down the road when suddenly one of the cars traveling toward them swerved into their lane to pass another vehicle. Apparently the driver had not seen the truck Bonnie and her family were in. Everything happened so quickly. A few seconds later, instead of driving down the road, their truck was upside down in the ditch; a huge ball of black smoke billowed upward from the accident site. When Bonnie came to herself she was laying in the ditch under the hood of the upside down truck. Dazed and disoriented, she was trying to make sense of what was happening. She knew that the car in their lane had been going way to fast and the driver had seen their truck way too late. Earl had jerked his wheel to the right to avoid the oncoming car, but the other driver panicked, slowed down, and jumped in front of the car he was passing. He cut it too close, clipping the front bumper of the other car, throwing him back directly into the path of the family’s truck.

As confused as Bonnie was, she had the presence of mind to know that something had caught fire. Her own clothes and hair had been singed, and in her mind she was thinking she needed to roll to put out the fire. In the middle of all this chaos she heard a voice tell her that she had to get out. As she climbed out from under the wreckage she began to look around, looking to find her family. Suddenly she felt someone’s arm come around her, and she heard a woman’s voice asking her if she would like to go somewhere to pray. Bonnie looked at the lady and said “No, I need a touch right here.” So the lady turned her around so she could no longer look at the mangled vehicles or see the bodies of her family lying there, and she began to pray with her. Bonnie felt the presence of the Lord and began praying in the Spirit. Bonnie knew then and there that God was with her and that he would give her the strength necessary to make it through this. But at the time little did she really know just how much strength she would need.

She was rushed by ambulance to a nearby emergency room. Later that night lying in a hospital bed, this horrible, tragic scene played over and over in her mind. The moment of the wreck and the details of this horrific day just kept repeating again and again in her mind. She was very distraught. She had been told her husband and her two little boys had died in the wreck. Over and over and over she talked about what had happened, her mind and her emotions overcome with her loss. Someone on the hospital staff told her to “hush,” maybe because they were tired of hearing of her pain or maybe they were hoping she could clear her mind and get some much needed rest. But Bonnie took it to mean they were just tired of hearing it, so she tried to hold it inside, but it was too much. When Bonnie finally came back to reality she had no idea how long she had been there, out of it, but there was a nurse sitting on the edge of her bed, holding her and crying with her. This kind nurse stayed with Bonnie for a long time. She was not able to take away any of Bonnie’s pain, but just sat there sharing her grief.

Bonnie knows God was with her through this whole experience. From the moment of the wreck, through the hospital stay, through the funeral of her husband and her two sons, God was there. He did not leave her.

Sometimes we suffer a loss so great that our hearts and our emotions cannot handle the painful reality. The anguish of the sudden loss of a spouse – the one who has shared our laughter and tears, our good times and bad, our dreams and hopes, and knows us better than anyone else – is undeniably one of the greatest pains we will ever feel. Add to that in Bonnie’s case the loss of both of her children and there are no words to describe the feeling of loss and heartbreak she felt. There is no heartbreak comparable to losing a child.

In a moment of time our lives can change from laughter and joy to chaos and confusion; from quite conversation to the horrible sounds of breaking glass and crushing metal; from hope and expectation to feeling totally stripped with no idea how to face the future. The ebb and flow of life remind me of a scripture in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 which talks about the times and seasons of our lives. Some we embrace with great excitement and enthusiasm. On the other side of the picture are the times that we weep and mourn and especially the times of death so final and painful, times that make our spirit cringe and our heart break, and we wonder if we will ever truly live again. But we can read the promise in Psalms 9:9-10, The Lord will also be a refuge for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. And they that know thy name will put their trust in thee: for thou, Lord, hast not forsaken them that seek thee. In our pain and devastation God will not forsake us. We will not escape the pain of our circumstances, but God’s presence will surround us, comfort us, and help us make it through the darkest moments of our life.

For Bonnie the healing process took a long time. The trauma her emotions suffered affected her mental health so severely that she was admitted into a mental health hospital for some time to help her cope with her unbearable loss. During this time, in the midst of great sorrow, she began to share her story with others also in the facility. God used her to help them realize that they still had something to live for, that they could look forward to better days in the future.

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress: have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer (Psalms 4:1).

Bonnie continues to share her story today with those she meets who have suffered a great loss, because she knows how it feels to lose someone you love. She understands how these feelings can strip you of hope and leave you empty and feeling that you are alone. So she tells of how God’s mercy surrounded her, giving her the necessary time to heal and absorb the enormity of her loss. Now, many years later, the exact details and the clear recollection of that awful day’s events are no longer the primary focus in her life, but rather the comforting knowledge that God is faithful and a very present help in time of trouble. This is what Bonnie shares with others going through difficult times. Her life is a testimony that we can go through horrific circumstances and still keep our trust and faith in God.

To this day Bonnie still lives a life dedicated to God. She went beyond understanding and came back with her faith and trust in God intact. With the help of her pastor, the church congregation, and her family, she slowly began to embrace life once again without those she loved so dearly. Although she may never get the answer to the question of why, she continues to love God and serve him, not allowing the bitterness of loss to hold her spirit captive, but rather celebrating the mercy of God that brought her through it.

Bonnie has since remarried. She and her husband, James, serve God together. He is a talented musician who loves to sing and play music for God’s glory. Bonnie has written several songs over the years, one of which in particular is an acknowledgement of the necessity of putting our lives in the hand of God, to allow him to shelter us, hold us, and keep us during the low times, to be with us until we reach our eternal home in heaven.

It should be the cry of all our hearts unto God, a prayer that we can pray daily because we never know what the next moment may hold for us.

LORD KEEP ME IN THE HOLLOW OF YOUR HAND

Vs. 1) Lord, keep me in the shelter of the hollow of your hand, the way is so rough seems I can hardly stand.

Lord, wrap your arms about me,

lead me to the promised land,

Lord, keep me in the hollow of your hand.

Vs. 2) Now, keep me in the hollow of your mighty hand,

When I’m down at my lowest, it’s like I’m on sinking sand.

Give me grace so I can make it, in this world I’m living in,

Keep me in the hollow of your mighty hand.

Chorus) Lord, keep me in the hollow of your mighty hand,

I can’t make it on my own Lord; it’s so hard for me to stand.

Carry me through this valley, like the footprints in the sand.

Lord, keep me in the hollow, in the hollow of your hand.

Tag) Lord, keep me in the hollow, in the hollow of your hand.

© Written by Bonnie Lowe, Music by James Lowe.

July 18, 2011 – Used by permission.

CHAPTER 14

Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress: have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer (Psalms 4:1).

JUST CALL ME MARA

After the death of her sons, Naomi in her anguish decided there was nothing left for her in Moab. She heard that the famine in Bethlehem-Judah was over. Once again the fields were flourishing, and the shortage of food was a thing of the past. She felt that the emptiness and sorrow she carried in her spirit would never leave, but in Bethlehem-Judah she would at least be surrounded by family and friends whom she loved.

Naomi called her two daughters-in-law to her and told them the news that she was going back to her own country, her own people. Together they all packed their belongings and made preparation to leave. Naomi looked at her daughters-in-law and knew she could not ask them to leave their country. She knew how it felt to have to relocate and move to a different culture and be surrounded by strangers. She would not ask Ruth and Orpah to go through the same kinds of challenges she herself had faced just a few short years earlier. So she turned to her two daughters-in-law and told them, “You do not have to go with me. Stay here with your families, return to the homes where you grew up. I pray that God will bless you and give you good things. You have been good to me and to my sons.”

Naomi’s desire for Ruth and Orpah was that God would give them peace and bless them once again with a husband and children, and she knew there was no way she could provide them with that opportunity. She was telling them good bye. But Ruth would not let her go alone. She decided to go with her. Although Naomi pointed out the reasons Ruth should not go, Ruth was firm in her decision. “Your people will be my people and your God will be my God,” she declared. So both Naomi and Ruth returned to Bethlehem-Judah. Ruth made the decision to step into the unknown. Naomi saw her friends and family. They, in turn, were so glad to see her once again. But she was quick to tell them, “I am not the person I once was. I left here full and blessed, but I have returned empty and sorrowful. Just call me ‘Mara.’”

There is another time the word Mara is used in the Bible. It is in reference to a place so named because the water was bitter and unusable. All that Naomi had she lost in Moab. She had tasted the bitterness of life and felt she had nothing of value left. What did she have that could benefit herself or anyone else? But once again God had plans for Naomi’s life that she just did not know about yet. She still had plenty to offer and blessings to receive.

From Broken to Blessed

My heart had been broken,

I was in so much pain.

And deep inside was emptiness,

I felt I may never smile again.

I felt there was no future,

No reason I should go on;

I was sad, depressed, and lonely;

I felt so all alone.

I felt I had no value,

Nothing I could give.

But then God showed me

There’s a life for me to live.

There is hope for tomorrow;

There are blessings on the way;

There is hope for the future;

There is a brighter day.

Don’t look at just what you have,

But at what God can give.

Blessings without measure,

An Abundant life to live.

We never know what tomorrow holds,

But we know it’s in His hands,

And when I can’t see the future,

I trust God – He can.

CHAPTER 15

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him (Psalms 34:8).

THE OPEN DOOR

I have always been told during hard times, “When one door closes, another one opens.” I’ve heard it over and over, and I truly believe it. But when we stand staring at that closed door, it takes a while to absorb the knowledge that the future behind that door will never be ours. We have to take time to mourn the loss of those hopes and dreams to feel the pain of losing what we will never have. Then we can turn and walk through that open door into a future that is unfamiliar and unpredictable with hope and excitement and trust in God that He will be there to guide our footsteps in this unfamiliar territory.

That is why every Mother’s Day I cry. I always tell myself that this year I will not. It is crazy to cry, it does no good, there is no reason, it will not help, people will think I am crazy, and the list goes on and on. But ultimately my emotions win out over my mind. Once again I find myself with those silent tears trailing down my cheeks as I mourn for my two children who were and then were not. Gone almost before I even knew they were, but in that brief time that I had, they both became a part of me, loved and cherished and claiming a part of my heart that will always belong to them. They were gone before they were born, before they drew their first breath of life; gone before I could hold them and tell them I love them; gone before I ever had a chance to be their mother. I cry because I will never know that awesome feeling of holding my child. But it is only a moment that I feel the pain of what never was meant to be. Then I turn my heart to the thankfulness I feel that God answers the cry of our hearts in ways that we never imagined.

So I am in awe that I had the opportunity to be standing in the corner of a delivery room filled with excitement accompanied by a bundle of nerves. Never having been in a delivery room before, I really didn’t know what to expect. With no experience to rely on and no knowledge of how to be of any help to the mother, I was not there to participate in any way. That I was asked to share this special moment was an amazing feeling. My sole purpose for being in the room was to share in the joy of the birth of my second granddaughter. For me it was the chance of a lifetime and an awesome experience.

This was only one of my four grandchildren, who all are blessings on the other side of an unexpected open door. This was made possible because of two young men who opened the door for me to make memories, share love, and enjoy the opportunity to experience the joys of being a grandma. So every Mother’s Day I feel extremely blessed and humbled when I open the cards from my grandchildren and my husband and two sons that make it all possible. To me, step-sons represent love, acceptance, and a joy that comes with being connected to a family. So while some may be tempted to focus on what is not, I choose to focus on what is and ask God to give me the courage to fully embrace and celebrate what He has provided. I have had to learn to let go of some things I don’t understand and move forward into new things I don’t understand in order to live life to the fullest.

To fully enjoy every day and get the full benefits of the experience of the day, we must embrace and look forward to what God is doing now. We cannot live in the triumphs or failures of the past. We celebrate past victories, embrace memories, mourn our losses and defeats, then open our hearts and see what God has for us now. I’m still learning to step through my open doors, but with God’s grace I will continue to enjoy the blessings He gives me daily and learn more and more how to embrace them. Look for your open door; step through it and see what God can do.

Open up my heart Lord

Open up my heart, Lord,

And help me to see

The blessings behind the open door

You have given me.

Help me to embrace fully

The joys placed in my heart,

The opportunities given me

Of a fresh and brand new start.

Help me to love fully,

No reservations and no fear,

So I can enjoy the life you give me

All throughout the year.

Help me to celebrate this moment

And celebrate my life;

To embrace each day

With my family by my side.

Help me to see, Lord,

Behind that open door

Is love, laughter, a brand new life.

Who could ask for more?

CHAPTER 16

I will praise the name of God with a song, and will magnify him with thanksgiving (Psalms 69:30).

THOSE FIELDS OF BLESSING

Since I was very young I learned the stories from the Bible of the miracles of both the Old and New Testaments. It was never hard for me to believe these accounts, because I was also introduced to the God of these miracles: a God who loves his creation so much that he is always instructing, guiding, leading, and counseling them to listen to his ways, his laws and his direction for their lives; a God who intervenes time after time in miraculous ways to deliver and rescue those who will call out to him with a sincere heart. I cannot be convinced that these miracles are not still for us today, because I have been a witness to many healings of diseases and various afflictions, financial interventions, and even prayers being answered when they were for vehicles and family pets. Some people like to call it circumstantial or coincidental or even imagination, but I know because I was there. It was the power of God’s hand gently reaching down and fixing the impossible.

There were certain people in the time when Jesus walked this earth that followed Him only for the miracles that he imparted to them. They sought after him because they loved the parables he shared and the words of hope and truth he taught. But most of all they longed for the miracles: the healing of all kinds of diseases, the opening of blinded eyes, and the restoring of lame feet. And occasionally the dead even came back to life. When following Jesus you never knew what miraculous event you would witness. There was the time the bread and fish were multiplied to feed thousands in a day. What an event to be a part of and share with your children and grandchildren. But many never saw past the miracles and never embraced the eternal truths he longed to instill in their hearts. So when the miracles were gone and times were hard, often they fell away.

The same is true today. We love the miraculous and victorious days in our lives when we “walk on water” and “soar with the eagles.” We need these days of sunshine that warm our souls and make our hearts sing. These are the days that renew our strength and make joy and hope reverberate through our very being. I love the times when people share their testimonies of God’s intervention in their lives. As we celebrate with them it builds our faith and gives us assurance that God can change any circumstance or situation and can overcome any obstacle. Rejoice in the miracles, hold fast to your faith, and bask in the love of God surrounding you with his power. True faith and trust go deeper than the miracles. It embraces the eternal truths that God wants us to understand and sees beyond today. That is what will keep us through the hard times, when for some unknown reason we do not receive our miracle.

In our finite minds we need a definite reason for all that happens or does not happen. So when we do not have a reason, and we do not get an answer, that is when our faith is really put to the test. When our faith in God is built on him alone and not only what he can do for us, we will have the fortitude to stand the test of time. When we feel weak, he will make us strong. He will make us able to stand in the face of adversity and uncertainty. If our faith is truly in God, we can say along with the Hebrew children as they faced the possibility of the burning fiery furnace, “Our God is able to deliver us, but whether he does or whether he does not, I will trust him with the outcome.”

We must hold fast to his promises even when we can’t make sense of our world at the present time. In Hebrews 11, the faith chapter, we are reminded over and over of the times God intervened in miraculous ways. We are reminded that there were those who did not receive their deliverance. They were included to show their faith in God was just as strong as all those who were mentioned before them, yet they did not receive their miracle. So there are some things we cannot understand and explain, like why Stephen had to be stoned to death and why Paul had to be beheaded, according to history, and why most of the disciples had to die martyrs’ deaths. We do not understand why, but one thing we know: their faith and trust in God was strong enough to carry them through. They did not give up or turn away in the hard times. They saw the miracles; they witnessed the healings; their own ministries were even scattered with the miraculous. But their faith was not based on miracles, but on the God of the universe. Nothing could shake them from their foundation, and nothing could separate them from the love of God. They faced opposition, persecution, principalities, and powers that they could not understand or control, but they stood strong in their faith and were more than conquerors through it all.

Sometimes we have to look just a little harder for the blessings in our lives. When we don’t receive the miraculous, we are still thankful for the hope that burns bright in our hearts.

Maybe the blessing is the personalized promise God has given us, or a song he puts in our hearts that keeps ringing through impossible times. Maybe it is a hand placed in ours to share strength for another day or a word from God that gently reminds us, “Just trust in me.”

There will be times in our lives when we cannot see the blessing, and we feel empty and question why. But God will be our refuge and our strength and will carry us until we are able to stand once again in the place that we can look back and say, “I did not realize it then, but now I know when I was weak, when I didn’t understand, when I felt scared and alone, right there I was in the field that God would eventually turn into the place where I would receive the outpouring of the blessing he wants for my life.”

Always remember the words that Jesus read from Isaiah. He came to heal the broken hearted. There is no denying there is heartbreak, but where there is, God gives that healing touch.

CHAPTER 17

I will bless the Lord at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make her boast in the Lord: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad. O magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears (Psalms 34:1-4).

SO NOW WHAT?

When we have been through a hard time, we finally come to the point when we have exhausted all our efforts. We have cried until it seems no more tears will come; then we cry some more. We have asked the same questions over and over getting the same answers every time or no answers at all. We have become angry and agitated, frustrated and despondent. We finally come to the point that we realize we will never get the answers that satisfy. No matter what, things are as they are.

So then in our exhausted spirits we get a glimmer of hope that perhaps we can go on. Perhaps we can truly live again and laugh and love. With that glimmer of hope we began to do normal things again and go about our daily task and plan for the future once more. I believe this is the place that Naomi came to. She and Ruth both realized they had to provide for themselves, so Ruth looked at Naomi and said, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I will find grace. And Naomi replied, Go my daughter. (Ruth 2:2)

This simple plan caused a chain of events that placed Ruth in the field God intended for her so she could experience the blessings he would pour out on both her and Naomi. Ruth followed Naomi’s guidance and ended up in the field of the one who would soon become her husband, and from this union a baby was born. A plan that neither had made, yet brought to pass by God to bring blessings back into Naomi’s life where she once again felt full and blessed of God. They were blessings above their wildest expectations and all they were seeking was food for the day. Little did Naomi know that this blessing would stand as a testimony of her and Ruth for generations to follow as Ruth was then in the lineage of the Messiah who was to come to save the people from their sins.

CHAPTER 18

Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord (Psalms 31:24).

NEW LIFE, NEW HOPE, NEW DREAMS

Holding a newborn baby is one of the most awesome experiences imaginable. It is celebrating the miracle of life. Seeing how fragile the infant seems to be, yet how very resilient. Looking into the face of the baby we see the likeness to the parents which points us to the generations that passed before. But we also see the newness of life, a new beginning for the infant and also for the parents and grandparents. Somehow hopes come flooding back. A newborn baby brings smiles to our faces and makes us dream once again and begin looking to the future. Naomi had given up on having the opportunity to feel that rush of pure joy, of holding an infant that she knew would be connected with her name forever. Then God brought together Ruth and Boaz, and a baby was born. Although they did not know it then, this baby was in the lineage linked to a promise from the beginning of time.

As Naomi held the newborn infant placed into her arms, she felt blessed of God. She knew what a baby represented. It meant a legacy and a future. God opened a door where there seemed to be no possible way. God specializes in the impossible. The women gathered around her and rejoiced with Naomi that she had been blessed with this special gift from God that would restore life to her again, make her look forward to each day with joy, and be there in her old age to bring joy and blessing. (Ruth 4:15)

Through Naomi’s journey, from blessing to despair and back to blessing again, her faith in God remained. As we see what Naomi gleaned through it all, we realize that we too can reap rewards of joy even after we feel sorrow has robbed us of it forever.

In the beginning of this book I talked about the tiny trees that stand surrounded by the giant sequoia forest. We can’t see into the future and know which saplings will endure and which will be crushed by storms and circumstances. So it is with our lives. We cannot see into the future and know what lies in store, but of one thing we can be confident. Whether we are enjoying blessings and abundance or facing storms and crisis, God will be with us. We don’t know what God is working out for our good even as we are just struggling to survive. So through it all, if we keep our faith alive and our trust secured in God, we will be blessed above our wildest expectations with things that are eternal. Who knows whose lives we will effect with our testimony, maybe even in generations to come, who are going through tough times and need the assurance that others have made it through the fire and came out right into the place God had prepared for them all along.

You never know what God has in store for your life even after you have gone through the times beyond understanding. The next place you find yourself in may not be what you planned or hoped for. It may not be a place you chose for yourself, but God can take the circumstance we are in, bring us through it, and have something planned beyond our wildest expectation. So keep your eyes open and your heart in tune because the next place you find yourself could be what Pastor Burks called “your field of blessing.”

ABOUT THIS BOOK

This book took me a very long time to write, in fact several years. Part of the problem was the emotional content which affected me each time I talked with someone who shared their story with me. I knew that for all the emotions and details shared, there were hundreds of emotions connected to that instance that could never be put into words. Each person who shared had a desire to help someone else face the unspeakable, and their hope was that by sharing, maybe someone could be given a beacon of hope that they too could endure the pain.

Another problem was I wanted to take shortcuts and do it my way instead of the way God spoke to my heart at that conference so long ago. Finally I decided if I was going to accomplish my purpose for this book, it had to be the way it was given to me by God. So here is the completion of the first book in the series God put on my heart.

My desire is that you can be uplifted and encouraged in whatever stage of life you are in. Whether you are walking through the pain, or have come through and are now enjoying the next stage of life God has blessed you with, my prayer is that you can draw the strength you need to make it through and help someone else on your journey.

If you are one of those rare people who has not known the depths of despair, be thankful and embrace each day reaching out to those around you who may need an encouraging word, a shoulder to lean on, or a hand to hold to while they cry.

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Field of Blessing, Beyond Understanding – Elaine Ellis

Copyright © 2013

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher.

All scripture referenced is from the King James Version.

All poems are copyrighted © works of the author.

Lord keep me in the Hollow of your hand – used by permission.

First edition published 2013

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I want to thank God first and foremost for giving me these words to share, to Rev. Richard L. Burks for the inspiration given through his message, and to all those who have worked so hard helping me put this dream in print. It doesn’t matter if you helped lay it out, helped edit and rewrite, or encouraged me to keep going; without you I would have never finished.

Special thanks go out to my parents, Rev. Elzie and Connie Quinn, and to my husband, Herb Ellis, for the countless hours of help on this project.

Of course special thanks to everyone who has allowed me to share their story… May God continue to bless you everyone.