RELEASE THE PAIN OF YOUR PAST

AND EMBRACE YOUR PURPOSE.

A GUIDE TO…

LET GO AND LET GOD

—The Path to Freedom

RENEE E. JONES

New Edition

Unless otherwise noted all “Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987, 1973, 1975 by The Lockman Foundation Used by permission.”

ISBN 978-0-9881796-0-8

Copyright © 2012 by Renee E. Jones

All Rights Reserved

Published by REJ Enterprises, LLC

Email: info@iamreneejones.com

Website: www.iamreneejones.com

Cover Design by: thatsladymillz@gmail.com

Editing by: Drucilla McKinney

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written consent of the author or publisher.

To protect the privacy of others, some names have been changed.

Printed in the United States of America

MY MISSION

For every person, my prayer for you is that you will make a conscious decision to give your heart to God and allow him to transform your life.

Oftentimes, we spend so much time attempting to find fault in God and discounting His being that we fail to see His presence in our lives. But, I encourage you to take a moment and connect with God. The path He has for you was not promised to be easy or free from pain, but it is a path full of comfort, grace, mercy, and freedom.

DEDICATIONS

Since the first release of Let Go and Let God in 2011, I have experienced the many highs and lows of life. A day after the release of the book my nineteen-year-old son was a victim of a drive-by shooting. Two years later, my twenty-six-year-old stepson committed suicide. I dedicate the new edition of this book in loving memory of my sons, Trevin D. Reddick and Pernell P. Jones.

I also dedicate this book in loving memory of my mother, Bertha Mae Reddick (a.k.a. Ma Bert). Although she is no longer with us on earth, I can feel the proud look on her face just knowing her labor was not in vain. I love and miss her deeply.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

To my husband, family, and friends: Thank you for believing in me and holding me up through the tough times. I praise God for your existence, loyalty, and dedication.

Last but not least, my readers: For far too long, I have allowed my fears, insecurities, the cares of this world and even myself to rob me of God’s plan for my life. No more! The time has come for me to walk in my calling and do what God has called me to do. My struggles are not over, but my defeats are. My prayer is that by the time you are finished reading this book you would have latched hold of every dream and vision our heavenly Father has given to you. Fight the good fight of faith; step out in faith and make things happen for yourself.

Table of Contents

I N T R O D U C T I O N

C H A P T E R 1: I Had It All Wrong

C H A P T E R 2: I Kicked Him To The Curb

C H A P T E R 3: Wandering In The Wilderness

C H A P T E R 4: Chasing Butterflies

C H A P T E R 5: Do You Know Who You Are?

C H A P T E R 6: Let Go and Let God

C H A P T E R 7: Walking In Victory

I N T R O D U C T I O N

What was I thinking? I had the opportunity to do better things in my life because all the right influences were around me, but somehow I chose not to. Mama always taught us the importance of education. To be honest, she really gave us a good talking about it. After all, she was a single mother of ten children and wanted the best for us. She wanted us to have what she never had: an education, money, and to make sure we did not simply become young mothers and fathers. Now that I know better, I fully understand her desire for us to take a different path from hers. As a child growing up in a three-bedroom public housing unit, on welfare, and one of ten children, I was living up to the stigma that many had placed on such individuals. So many people had negatively labeled individuals living in public housing. We were considered unworthy, unproductive, inadequate members of society. However, even under those circumstances, to this day, my siblings and I knew we had the best mother in this world. She held her ground with us; Ma Bert, as others called her, did not play.

During that time, I did not make all the right decisions that I should have made. I started thinking I was grown-up before my time and thinking I could make my own decisions and so I began messing up in school. I started using drugs, fighting, and everything else that went along with my environment. Yeah, I saw that I was heading down the wrong path, but I was not thinking about my future because I did not know I had one. All I knew was that I wanted to do my own thing and that is what I did. As I told you, Ma Bert did not play with us, so she made it clear that if I did not get a high school diploma I had to get out of her house. When she told me those words, I had already missed my scheduled graduation date of June 1982. I had major decisions to make.

This was too much for a young girl to handle. I hated who I was and as far as I was concerned no matter what good others saw in me, I couldn’t see it for myself. I was able to put on a façade, pretending that things were fine, when they were not. I had lots of family and friends around me, but something was missing. With all the family I had that loved me and all my friends around me, no one ever knew I was feeling lonely and crying from a pain deep within. I could not understand; why could no one love me the way I needed to be? Why was I always sad behind my smiles? Is that why I joked around all the time? Why was God punishing me for my life? I wish someone had told me God had a plan and purpose for me, and that He had to take me on a journey of rejection in order for me to find my peace within.

Although I have decided to obey God and write this book, I can assure you it did not come easy. It is safe to say that I almost gave up. Those who know me on a personal level know without any doubt that I am extremely private. I wrestled with the fact that others will now see my struggles in and out of Christ. Nevertheless, as a dear friend of mine said, “This is not about you so don’t give up. God’s purpose for having you write this book is far greater than your struggles or your embarrassment. It’s all about His glory.” Therefore, here is my story. It is time for me to tell it because the people God has chosen to be blessed through it are waiting. They are the ones who have felt lost, confused and unloved. I am sure you have a story as well and even if you do not get the chance or do not want to share it in a book, I know your story needs to be told. Our lives are not our own. We have been bought with a price and for a purpose. John 10:10 states, “The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy.” Jesus says, “I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it overflows).”

Sometimes this life requires wiping the slate clean or getting it all out in the open. One thing is certain in life; it is harder to move forward when you are carrying dead weight.

We often say, we are waiting on God before making a move, but God is saying, it is your time to act. However, we are stuck on “Fear Avenue” or “Insecurity Boulevard.” If you have not already heard, those locations were shut down over two thousand years ago and they are now known as “Dead End Street!”

This is not a tell all book, but it is designed to give you tools to encourage, strengthen, and empower you to live a fulfilled life as you let go and let God lead you on your path to freedom.

C H A P T E R 1

I HAD IT ALL WRONG

(WHAT WAS I THINKING?)

Growing up in a household of ten children, eight girls and two boys, was not easy for me. Although there was lots of love, music, and laughter in our home, my struggle was for mom’s attention. I remembered constantly asking her, “Mom, do you love me?” She would say, “Yes, I love all my children.” Well, that was not enough for me. We were a close-knit bunch, born pretty much a year behind one another. We shared everything: attention, clothes, shoes, food, beds, and anything else we had. Additionally, funds were limited and resources were maximized, so items were passed down from one child to the next child. In elementary school, I use to come home and at times would tell mom, “The kids at school are picking on me, saying that they saw my sister wearing the same dress.” She sat me down and explained to me that she was doing the best she could under the circumstances. Although I understood, it still did not help the fact that I was being picked on. She had no idea I was called names such as “Skinny Minnie”, “Po Joe” or “Olive Oil”, and those names were beginning to deeply cut in me. But, I took it all with a smile on my face. When I told my sisters about the kids’ taunting, they dealt with the bullies; however, that did not solve my problems. The words of others started to cut deeply and left scars. Things were becoming so bad for me, I started to tell everyone, “My mom is dead and I have no one to take care of me, so I had to wear other people’s clothes.” They knew I was lying of course, but I figured that if they felt sorry for me, they would not have picked on me. They would always remind me of the fact that we lived in the projects (a low-income apartment block) and they lived in nice homes. As much as it hurt me then, I now realize this was the beginning of my search for unconditional love. At such a young, tender age in elementary school, I was feeling lost and insecure.

As I became older, I started misbehaving in high school and hanging around with the wrong crowd. I started fighting, skipping school in the park, and disrespecting my teachers. I figured, if I could not beat them, I would become them. As a result, I began to pick on others before they could pick on me. I became the bully. I knew how to take care of myself and on top of that, I had many sisters to back me up. This attitude did not make things any better for mom. I noticed that whenever I misbehaved in school, she would make time to knock me on the head and give me a good lecture. So I decided to continue being bad to get some one-on-one time with her. Although I thought the attention given was due to my bad behavior, I did not care. I was just glad to get it. By this time, mom was also dealing with her own personal issues, drinking heavily, and having emotional breakdowns. She no longer had time to figure out what was going on with me. Here I was a high school student and still trying to figure out who I was.

At sixteen, I started smoking cigarettes and using drugs. Surely, this was going to complicate things for me. Since I was not applying myself in school, my grades suffered tremendously, earning C’s or below average. Mom begged and pleaded with me to do better, but at that time, it was not an option for me. Every now and then, she would send my eldest sister after me and it would hold me for a minute, but there were too many of us for my sister to focus just on me. At school for some crazy reason, my teachers were advancing me to the next grade level. I am sure one reason was that they wanted a break from the headaches I caused. My younger sister, who was always on the straight path, was on target to graduate from high school in June of 1983. On the other hand, I had already failed a year in school, so I missed my scheduled graduation of June 1982. My younger sister was going to get her high school diploma and I was off somewhere fooling around and getting high on drugs. I remembered mom sitting me down one day with tears in her eyes. She told me how hurt she was with the way I had chosen to live my life. I remember thinking to myself, how I never knew I meant that much to her. I was devastated to learn I had caused her so much pain. It was at that point, just for her, I decided to graduate from high school. When I told her I would do better, I remember her saying, “It would make my heart happy if you would graduate with your sister.” Therefore, I began to study hard. I went to night school, summer school and took on extra credit classes in order to graduate a year late and sit on stage with my baby sister.

After graduating from high school in June of 1983, I still felt lost. I had no direction in my life. Therefore, I did what the average young girl did when looking for love I had a baby. Well, it made sense to me at the time. I thought that by having a baby, she would love me and need me. The responsibility of having a child never crossed my mind. The only thing that I thought about was what I wanted and needed. Although mom was not happy about my pregnancy, she supported me.

In August of 1984, my daughter was born. I didn’t use drugs during my pregnancy, but with the pressures of being a new mother, and my mom telling me to get a job so that I could support my daughter, I became frustrated with my situation and I started back using drugs.

After two months of pounding the pavement, filling out applications, and basically begging anyone I knew if their job was hiring, I got a call from a friend. She heard about a job opening at our local Immigration office. Now, I can tell you, after months and months of having to hear my mama’s mouth telling me every day that I had to find a job and get my own place, I didn’t hesitate to head down there to submit my application. Two days later, I received a call to go in for an interview for the secretarial position. I was nervous. I knew I didn’t have enough skills to qualify for the position. I took a few typing classes in High school, but that was about it. So, I did what I had been doing for most of my life, making it seemed like I had it all together by smiling and faking it. Thank God, they saw pass all of that and hired me on the spot. Along the way, I had a few coworkers who saw past my façade and helped me sharpen my skills. Eventually, I began to get it together, even getting promoted a few times. I started making good money and was well on my way to a brighter future.

Things were looking up for me and I was finally able to move out of my mom’s home and get my own apartment. I thought that I had reached a point where things were manageable. Here I was moving on up, being a responsible mother, finally feeling a sense of need. It was too good to be true. Wouldn’t you know it, without any warning that it was coming, the baby’s father-moved on with his life without us. How could he do this to us? I was not ready for this and felt despair! We had been abandoned! I had a child, responsibilities and now had to face life all by myself.

A few years passed by, and I was still young and still looking for love in all the wrong places, people, and things. I was a 23-year-old single mother with a high school diploma and a cocaine addiction. I felt lost and tired, like I had nothing to live for. Because I was a mental and emotional wreck, and I felt my daughter would be better off raised by one of her aunts. After all, that was where she spent eighty percent of her time. During one of my downbeat mental moments, I hatched out a plan to commit suicide. I thought to myself, overdosing on cocaine would be the best way. My life insurance was paid and current up so my daughter would be fine. At the time, I didn’t know much about God, but I had heard a lot about Him. I thought of telling Him of my suicide plans; however, I felt I was too far gone, that there was nothing He could do about it anyway. I packed my daughter’s bags, sent her to her aunt, and kicked my suicide plan into action. I had enough cocaine to send me on my merry way. I knew what cocaine would do to me if I snorted too much. So sticking to the plan, I decided to do just that. But before I went, I wanted to have a little talk with God:

“God, I hate my life and I feel like I will be better off dead. Please take care of my daughter. I don’t know you in the same way as others do, but I hear you love us. So if you really love me when I open my eyes, I want to be on the other side with you without the cares of this world.”

After my talk with God, I remember my heart beating really fast! It felt like it was pounding faster than I could ever have thought possible for one’s heart to beat. I was afraid, but I closed my eyes and went to journey to the other side. When I opened my eyes I was still in my familiar surroundings. I don’t know what went wrong. I thought to myself, “This place could not be where the streets are paved with gold.” As I looked down, I could see the cocaine still left on the plate. By this time, I was yelling at God for not granting my request to die and also thinking He didn’t love me. The tears were flowing down my face as I asked Him why was I still here! Things were not going according to the plan. And then I heard Him say so soft and calming, as if He had a smile on His face:

“You are not going to die, but you are going to live. Go to sleep and when you wake up in the morning, take a shower, wash your face, and go get your daughter. I have plans for your life and I am going to show you my love.”

That’s it I thought to myself. This cocaine has made me delusional and now I’m hearing things! Surely, He could not have been talking to me. He is a God of love and up until then, I’d felt that I had never received love from Him. Yep, it had to be the cocaine playing tricks with my mind. I fought what I was feeling with every ounce of strength that I had left, snorting more cocaine, and my nose was running and burning. I was a mess! I remembered falling asleep again, but surprisingly I didn’t die! When I woke up the next morning, lo and behold, I remembered the conversation from the night before. I was crying, confused, sad, and felt like I was such a failure. I couldn’t even properly commit suicide! I figured since He wouldn’t let me die, I better do what He said. What did I have to lose? For what seem like hours, I took a shower and washed my face. Then I dressed, and slowly pulled the cocaine plate from under my secret hiding place and flushed the cocaine down the toilet. When I went to pick up my daughter, her aunt pleaded with me to let her stay, but I knew I couldn’t. I needed to have her with me. I had to be ready for God’s plan. For years, I thought I would never be able to overcome that addiction, and here it was, God delivered me overnight. God had other plans for me, and in order for me to get started, He had to move quickly. So I waited to hear from Him, but I didn’t, or so I thought.

A few weeks later, I got a call from my daughter’s Granny asking if I wanted to go to church with her. For some reason, I felt like I had to say yes. I wondered was that God speaking to me again. I wasn’t sure, but for some reason, I just couldn’t say no. After church, I felt this sense of relief, love, and freedom. Instantly, my life didn’t feel so cluttered and depressed.

After that first visit, I started attending church on a regular basis, and six months later the mother and missionaries of the church started referring to me as, “Missionary” and/or “Mother Reddick.” At the time, first I was bothered by those names, but now I know they meant well and saw something in me that was to come. Nevertheless, I hung in there and everyone was telling me to do what I already felt I had to do and that was to get saved - whatever that meant. I went to church and while the preacher was preaching, I kept feeling this urge to get up when he called for anyone to come to the front of the congregation and surrender their life to Christ, but I was so nervous and embarrassed. Yet, I believed in my heart God was calling me! So I gathered up courage, slowly walked to the front and made a public confession to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I did it! I got saved! I was told that because God cares for me and I now had a new life, I must learn more about God and get to personally know Him. Wow, I thought to myself, God of all creation loves me; little miss insecure and insignificant. I remember feeling excited, special and loved. Wow, what a feeling!

As the weeks went by, something started happening. I could not stop talking about God and I found myself telling everyone I knew that I had been saved. Whenever I would talk about Him, I felt like I was having an out of body experience. It was a feeling I had never felt before. It was like He was speaking through me. I mean, wow, I felt God’s love.

One day I was witnessing to a co-worker and telling her that I had been saved. I told her how God would change her life if she would just turn it over to Him, and become saved. She seemed to be very receptive to what I was saying, but then she said to me, “Renee, you are telling me about how God has changed your life, but you are sitting here blowing cigarette smoke in my face.” Boy did she stop me right in my tracks! Please keep in mind, I was new to my salvation and didn’t know that, “I was a work in progress.” I wanted to defend myself, but somehow I knew that it was not the right thing to do. I remember during my drive home from work that day thinking to myself, why would God allow me to embarrass myself like that? I went home and had a talk with Him. I told Him that I had been humiliated by that experience and felt like I had let Him down and misrepresented Him. So, at that point, I told Him if my smoking cigarettes hindered my witnessing for Him, then please take the desire away from me. He didn’t do it instantly like He did with the cocaine habit, but weeks later I realized my craving for cigarettes were not as strong and eventually, I lost the desire to have one. You know, because I wanted her to notice herself, I never told her that I quit smoking. However, I did thank her for being honest with me and telling me how she felt about how I was representing my newly found salvation. I believe it was at that point in my walk with God that I realized people didn’t want hype or drama. They wanted something real. So I spoke with God again and I told Him that if I wasn’t going to be fully dedicated to Him, then I didn’t want Him.

Finally, I was happy! Here I was growing in the things of God, growing in the word of God and learning how to trust Him. My conversations started to change. I was no longer hanging around the same places or the same people. I was on my way to wherever God was taking me.

I had only been saved for a year or so, and I was feeling good about life and trying my best to do things God’s way, I decided to save myself for marriage and work towards becoming a better person. So I figured since I’m saved now, my life is going to be perfect with no more mistakes, no more struggles, or users and abusers. I was good, or so I thought. I was naïve to think everyone who confessed God had the same intentions that I had. Don’t get me wrong, I knew then, and still know to this day, there are many Christians who stand true in their salvation and do not have any hidden agenda. However, there will always be those who profess the word of God, yet they have ulterior motives. I was an adult. So yes, I should have known better. Embarrassingly so, I let my guard down and began to make major mistakes and went contrary to God’s word. I found myself in a forbidden relationship. I engaged in a relationship with a married man. Not only was he married, he was a leader in the church. At the time, I was young and naïve to the ways of the world, and of the church. I can tell you, in hind sight; those were some of the darkest days of my life. Not only did I deal with the guilt of sleeping with a married man, I had to deal with mental abuse along with losing my connection with God. I can remember a time telling him that I could no longer be in the relationship. It was wrong, and the weight of the guilt was weighing heavy on me. I stopped answering his calls. I stopped going to church. One night, he showed up at my house around 2:00 a.m. He was banging on my door, and yelling through the window. Since I had been trying to keep what was going on a secret, I didn’t want him to cause a scene, so I opened the door. He asked why I stopped answering his calls and I told him I wanted the relationship to end. To my shock, he pulled out a gun and put it to my head. He told me he wasn’t going to let me leave him. I was terrified! Somehow, I gathered the strength to distract him and I ran to my bedroom where my daughter was sleeping. She knew who he was, and if anything was going to happen to me, she would be able to identify him. I grab her from the bed and woke her from her sleep. I yelled, “Ramona, look! If anything happens to me, he did it.” My daughter’s sleepy eyes immediately looked at him. I felt a slight release; I knew he would not hurt me in front of her. At that point, he got nervous because she saw him standing there. He pulled the clip out from the gun to show me it was empty. He started repeating out loud, “I only wanted to scare you to get your attention.” Afterwards, I was finally able to convince him to leave. Of course, I felt guilty for placing my daughter in the line of danger. I’m thankful to this day that God kept us safe that night. It would be three more years of mental and emotional abuse before I was able to escape. I was confused and I wanted to tell someone that things were not going right. Unfortunately, the enemy had me believing if I told what I was experiencing, that would do more damage and so I kept quiet. I was now tangled so deep in a web, that all the street smarts I had could not help me. Although I was caught up in a bad and dangerous situation, I had to continuously act as if everything was okay. It’s not like God didn’t warn me of what was coming. But I guess that’s what happens when we take our eyes off of Him and give into our own carnal desires. Needless to say, things got really bad. Nonetheless, because of my relationship with God, He assured me I would be okay. That didn’t, however, change the fact that I had to suffer the consequences of my actions.

I tell you if I had just opened my eyes and not been so naïve, things would have gone a lot different. Don’t get me wrong, as I stated, I had different choices that I could have made. Nevertheless, I made the wrong decisions and it was clear I had to live with the end results. Three years into that relationship I found out I was pregnant, at the time I was devastated. Not only was I in this relationship with a married man but fairly early into our relationship I began to get abused mentally, emotionally and sometimes even physically. I found myself sick all the time from the stress of the abuse and although it was not a good situation I loved my unborn son and I feared I may lose him, there were many nights I prayed that God would save me from this man. I endured so much during that relationship. I was raped constantly, had guns put to my head, and degraded, I was miserable. In April 1992 a silver lining appeared, my son Trevin was born. I was now a mother of two, in an abusive relationship with a married man and I was lost. I endured that relationship for five long spirit draining years. I would hatch a plan of escape then lose my courage. I prayed every day for a way out. In March of 1996, once again, I heard the voice of God.

I remember waking up one morning and knowing immediately, this was going to be my day of deliverance. As I dressed for work, I told God that I had reached the end. Either He was going to rescue me, or I was going to die! I was on edge the whole day and wondering what would the end result be for me. My workday was just about ending, and I knew he would be downstairs waiting. I got in the car with an attitude. There I was, tired, angry, frustrated, and I still wasn’t clear on how that day was going to end. When we got home, I checked my mail and noticed a check had arrived in my name. Immediately, somehow I knew this was going to be an avenue for me to escape. He was cooking dinner and I knew I had to get to the store before they closed to cash the check, so right away, I began to pray within myself - “God, what should I do?” My thoughts seemed to coming quicker than I could process them. I grabbed my daughter and told her to get her brother and go outside, wait for me on the porch and don’t ask questions. I picked up his house keys and hid them from him. I wanted to make sure he could not rush behind me once I made out the door. I took a deep breath, picked up my keys and headed for the door. “Renee”, he yelled! Where are you going?” With attitude, I responded, “To cash my check, I’ll be back!” He gave me a look as if he knew something else was going on. I got to the other side of the door, locked it and made my escape. I told my kids to hurry to the car, we jumped in and I took off let my life was depended on it. Hell, it was! My knees were shaking so badly, I thought they were going to shake themselves of my legs. I thoughts were racing and I was terrified! I headed to mom’s house, which was two minutes down the street from me. Once I got there, I confirmed what she already knew. I was in an abusive relationship and I needed to get out. She immediately dispatched family members on the scene, who came around and supported me with love. Later that day, things got really crazy once he discovered what was happening. He went to every one of my family member’s house that he knew of until he tracked me down. My family hid me in the house while they faced him head on. Funny, when he had someone in his face and not backing down, I discovered that he wasn’t so bad after all. It wasn’t easy getting away from him, but after a restraining order and a made up mind, I made it out. Although I had to go through that, I walked away with valuable pearls of wisdom. Through it all, I’ve learned to value myself rather than degrade, respect others and their relationship, and to recognize moments in which I am most vulnerable.

The embarrassment of that relationship caused me to leave the church for quite a while. Because of my disobedience to Him, I felt lost in my walk with God, and I was ashamed because I hurt so many people by being selfish. I figured that I would run and hide. However, you see, I had it all wrong! God still loved me and all I had to do was repent, renew my mind, and keep moving forward in faith. But that’s what sin does to us; it makes us feel lonely, lost, unloved, unwanted, and confused. I was mad at God because I thought He could have made it all go away a lot sooner. It amazes me to see that when we have been sinning for years, and because we want a way out, we want God to make things right quick, fast and in a hurry. We cannot go against what God’s word says and then expect Him to bless our mess or rescue us when we are ready to be rescued. It is important for us to search within ourselves daily and put the spotlight on all the areas where we are falling short according to His word. At that point, we are to repent and give those things to Him.

God is good and He is always ready to hear our cries and rescue us. There is nothing too big for Him to handle, but we have to build ourselves up in our faith, so that we can believe, trust, and take God at His word. Without faith in God, we cannot walk this walk. I tell you there will be times in our Christian walk that we will struggle, stumble, fall, and fail. Those are the times we have to trust Him even more and let go and let God. We have to have what we call, “Now Faith.” Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. It’s the type of faith which holds us together when it seems like all hell is breaking loose in our lives. This type of faith helps us stand still in the midst of our troubles, trials, and tribulations. Just as sure as you are reading this book, life’s issues will come, but say, “Yes” to God, even when the crowd says no. Having faith, which says I trust you God in all things big or small even if I cannot trace You, is all you need to go onward with God. I once heard a well-known preacher say he was having a conversation with his sister and she asked him to pray for something to go on sale so that she would be able to afford it. However, his response to her was, “Why not have faith for God, to bless you with the money to pay the regular price?” That point stuck with me and made me realize that I had put God in a box, that I was limiting the bounty of His blessings. Our God is a big God and He is, and has always been a present help for us, but we must exercise our faith and follow His plan. I double dare you to step out in faith and watch God work for you. Psalm 34:8 says, “O taste and see that the Lord [our God] is good! Blessed (happy, fortunate, to be envied) is the man who trusts and takes refuge in Him.” Regardless of the ups and downs of life, God will always be there if we are open to his presence. He is there, waiting for us to acknowledge Him. As long as we are trying to live life without God, we will continue to live without hope and peace.

POINT TO PONDER:

There are times in life when we find ourselves in situations and dilemmas that require us to exercise change. Unfortunately, sometimes we have our minds made up and our hearts fixed on doing things our way. Proverbs 14:12 says, “There is a way which seems right to a man and appears straight before him, but at the end of it is the way of death.” No matter how many times we hit our head against the wall, there are times that we fail to realize the necessity to change. For example, let us say you are going on a road trip. You print the directions and fill the car with gas. Half way through your trip the area appears familiar, but in reality, it is not, yet you decide to discard the directions and make your own route. Big mistake! After about two hours or so, you finally realize that you are further away from your destination. Why? Because you had it all wrong.

C H A P T E R 2

I KICKED HIM TO THE CURB

Oh, it feels so good to be free! Free from bondage and pain. I mean just free! I remember when the song, “Shackles (Praise You)” came out, I danced for months and in my own little way, I’m still dancing. After being held down and controlled by others for so long, did you really think I wasn’t going to let loose and enjoy life the way I wanted? It felt so good to be free that I no longer wanted to do what God said to do, even though He was the One who delivered me out of my mess. I did what a lot of us do when God rescues us from danger - I kicked Him to the curb. I’m sure that when He freed me, He wanted me to spend more time with Him, but I had my own agenda.

My first love, Leroy, stepped back into my life just in time. Now was the moment to begin building my future with him. I gave Leroy everything, especially my time and made sure that I was available for him anytime of the day or night. I lived and breathed this man. I first met him at the tender age of fifteen while living in Larchmont Garden Project. I fell in love on my sixteenth birthday, if you get my drift. I will never forget the day when I first laid eyes on him. I looked up towards heaven and I said, “God, I don’t know who this man is, but all I know is he has to be a part of my life.” To this day, he does not believe that is what I said, but it is the truth. Therefore, now that Leroy was back in my life after all those years, surely God did not mind me giving him the best that I had to give. You know how it is in the beginning of a relationship and we feel those butterflies all over; that is how it was with Mr. Jones and me. My baby and I had a thing going on - God was no longer my number one priority.

Man how time flies when you are having fun. Leroy and I had been reunited together for maybe five years when those old familiar feelings started to resurface. The feelings of loneliness and never feeling fully satisfied, as if something was missing. I had a dream one night in which God spoke to me, saying that I had neglected Him as soon as He rescued me from my ghastly situation and it was very hurtful to Him. He did not tell me what to do; He just told me how He felt. I remembered the dream when I woke up the next morning. After pondering on it all day, I had to agree with Him. It had been a few years since I last attended church because after all, it was the church that messed me up. I had made up my mind that some people in the church were users, had hidden agendas, and could not be trusted.

All was well on the surface, but I was beginning to feel that nagging emotions of overwhelming sadness and emptiness and I could not escape. I found myself searching for the One I longed for; the One I had abandoned. Once again, I was empty behind my smiles. I was empty behind sex. I was empty behind shopping. I was just empty! God spoke to me again and I started to feel the urge to go back to church, but I had a dilemma. I did not have a church home. When I went to work the next day, there we had a summer intern who was a young minister. At the time, I did not know he was a minister. I only knew he was a respectable young man and spiritually gifted. He told me of how he admired me. Because I used to be an encouragement to him, he could not believe that I was not regularly attending church. I told him I was a backslider, so he gave me some encouraging words and invited me out to his church for a special service. After the third visit, I wanted to join, but I noticed a member there who had cost my family a great deal of pain and I was not sure if my family would have a problem with me becoming a member. Nonetheless, I knew God was prompting me to be a part of this group, so once again I prayed, “Lord, if You want me to join then You would have to make things right with my family.” I spoke with my sister who was directly affected by what this person had done, and I asked if she would have a problem with me joining the church. She was at peace with me joining the congregation.

I joined the church and was becoming more and more active in ministry, but my sin was hindering my walk with Christ. Leroy and I were not married at the time, but we were living together. You know how it is; shacking up is what we call it. As I began to grow more in the word and my relationship with Him, I knew God had a different plan for me. He started tugging at me to put Him back in the proper place in my life where He belonged. Do you remember my prayer in the last chapter? Lord, if anything is going to hinder my witnessing then please remove it. Well, Leroy and I had already been together for about five years and there was still no ring. I knew we loved each other, but once again, I had big choices to make. God was pulling at me to trust Him, however, Leroy meant so much to me and I did not want to lose him. I was torn! I loved them both! Even so, I knew I had to choose one over the other. God’s word says in Joshua 24:15 to choose this day who we will serve. God is not taking the back seat to anyone. I knew it was imperative that I answer the calling on my life. Therefore, I decided to be obedient to my calling.

I broke up with Leroy on my thirty-seventh birthday; I was devastated! Because I could not believe that after having him back in my life, after all those years, he would have to leave again. God told me not to worry myself and Leroy would be back. However, He needed to see that I really loved Him and would be willing to give up everything to be obedient to Him. As much as it hurt, I knew I was doing the right thing. I blocked out the pain and sadness that went along with not being with my Leroy. I decided to dedicate my time running on for the Lord. So I ran! I ran for my life! I ran for my sanity! I was on fire for God! I was teaching Sunday school, I spoke at the detention centers, I did the weekly devotion at the women and children’s shelter, and I spoke at women conferences. I was so caught up in God that I no longer dwelt on the pain of Leroy not being there.

One day, Leroy called and told me he was seeing someone else. I acted as if it did not bother me and I even told him I was happy for him, but I knew I was not. After I hung up the phone, I remember running into the bathroom, and falling on the floor and crying like a baby. I had no doubt he was my soul mate and we were spiritually connected. I remember reminding God, that I had given Leroy up out of obedience to Him and I felt I did what He required me to do. I remember Him giving me a sense of peace. Now, you know that the flesh is weak right? I rushed over to Leroy’s place to remind him that he did not want to lose me and he could have me, but only as his wife. After all, I had earned the title and most importantly, I deserved it.

I was fighting a losing battle, so once again I decided to let go and let God. I focused on the things of God and I told Him to send me to do His work, and I would go - and that is exactly what I did. I went wherever God wanted me to go. I told God I was leaving my life in His hands and He would have to fix whatever was missing. About a year had passed since Leroy and I had broken up and was surprised when I came home from work one day and my daughter said, “Mom, Mr. Leroy is in the living room, he is here to see you.” When I went into the living room, he had a sweet smile on his face. He took my hand and told me he knew what he had to do to have me back. I asked, what is it and he said, “I want to marry you.” I was skeptical at this point because I had heard this from him at least twice before. We even had set two dates: one date was called off the day of my bridal shower. Can you believe that! Ladies, you know that perhaps the number one reason why some men say they are not ready to take that step right? You got it, “I feel like you are pressuring me.” What? After five years, of course I was pressuring him! Before I knew it, he was on the phone talking to his mother telling her we were going to get married. This never happened before, so I saw that move as a little progress. At that point, I knew I could let the wedding planning begin and most importantly, I felt God smiling!

Why is it so important that I share this with you? Because I know, there is a young woman or a young man somewhere, who is torn just as I once was. Wanting to do the right thing to please God, but afraid of losing what they feel is important in their lives. I am not going to tell you your situation will turn out the same as mine. Altogether, I will assure you, whatever God has asked you to give up in order to have a closer walk with Him, will never compare to what He has in store for you. For your obedience alone, there is a crown of righteousness laid up for you. Walk away and stay with Him in prayer. I know it is not easy, but neither was it easy for Jesus to endure the cross, but He did it, and He did it for you and me! Please take it from me and avoid the unnecessary delays. God knows what we stand in need of, so there is no need for us to worry or fret ourselves. I have no doubt that had I not done things God’s way; there would not have been any Mr. and Mrs. Leroy Jones. I do not believe we would have been able to weather our storms had it not been for my obedience to God in this area. No, we do not have a perfect marriage. However, we do have a peaceful marriage; the kind of peace that comes from God and says the storms of life may rage, but God’s grace is sufficient. God is our keeper.

POINT TO PONDER:

He is my first love! He is my one and only! I only desire him! There is not another that can suffice for me, or so I thought. The word of God tells us in Joshua 24:15 to choose this day whom we will serve. Oh, how I loved Leroy and yearned for him. He was the love of my life; he meant everything to me! When we make the decision to put God first, it requires some major shifting of people, places, and things in our lives. Making this shift at most times is extremely difficult and challenging, but possible. It is all about priorities. I had to make God my number one priority, so as a result, until God became my first love, I had to kick Leroy to the curb.

C H A P T E R 3

WANDERING IN THE WILDERNESS

Wilderness represents a heart of brokenness, lack and bareness. What is the purpose of a wilderness experience? Without a wilderness experience, it would be difficult for us to appreciate our better days. God also knows the wilderness is a perfect place to test our faith and endurance. The children of Israel wandered in the wilderness for forty years. The sad thing about that is it was supposed to be a three-day journey for them. Instead of the children of Israel appreciating where they were for the moment, they decided to murmur and complain. Some of our life experiences are no doubt tough getting through; however, having the wrong attitude while going through our valley experiences only delays our deliverance. God’s grace is sufficient for whatever we go through. Therefore, if we trust God while in the midst of the storm and allow those times to help build our character, trust, and faith in Him, we will be able to dance and shout the victory.

Well, God took me again through a wilderness experience. Mom’s health was starting to decline and at one point, she spent more time in the hospital than at home. We were afraid and concerned that the next trip might be her last trip to the hospital. Because after all, she was our family rock and everything we did revolved around her. Having raised ten children all by herself, as well as some grandkids was not an easy accomplishment. She had it rough! She fought hard to keep us on the straight and narrow path and although some of us strayed, but with the help of the Lord, she always knew how to reel us back in. Since she sacrificed so much for us when we were able to do so, we made sure she wanted for nothing.

Mom had just been released from the hospital a few weeks before my wedding day. I was nervous because it was very important to mom and me, that she attend the wedding, so I prayed that God would grant my request. Mom was not feeling her best that day, but praise God; she made it to my wedding. At the dinner table during the reception, I asked her if she was feeling all right and having a nice time. She started to cry. My mom told us she was crying because she was happy for me. Finally, things were lining up in my life, mom was still with us, she was able to attend my wedding, and my family was intact. Whew, I made it through the wilderness.

A few years later, I was at work when my siblings called to tell me that mom was on her way back to the hospital, and I had to quickly get there. When I arrived, the doctors told us that because of the condition of her heart, she no longer had the strength to go up and down the stairs of her apartment. If she did not make changes regarding her living location, she would not be with us much longer. She could have stayed with any one of us, but Ma Bert was Miss Independent and she was not going to live with anyone. I was telling my husband about what the doctors said to us when he suggested she move in one of our empty houses that we had just renovated. Of course, I could not see the bigger picture and told him she would not be able to afford the mortgage. He pointed out we had already been paying the mortgage for the past six months on a vacant house, so we would not be losing anything by renting to her. The next day, I went to visit her on my lunch break and asked her if she wanted to move into the house rent-free. Fueling her independence, we agreed that instead of me paying for her utilities, she could pay her own and my husband and I would cover the mortgage. She called the rest of my siblings to get their feelings on the matter. My siblings agreed and we moved mom in. After she moved in the house, she blessed my heart when she shared with me that she prayed to God to one day own her own house and thanked me with her tears. In return, I thanked her for allowing me to be the answer to her prayers.

A few months passed and mom was complaining about me not having enough time to visit. She would say, “It seems like you have abandoned me since I moved into this house. You are always on the run. You need to slow down and spend more time with your family.” I was going to slow down, but I had already made so many commitments. Now, take my word for this, regardless of your commitments, there is always something that will slow you down even if you are not ready to slow down. I started having trouble in my marriage and needed to be around mom for a little comfort. Of course, she wanted to know what was going on with me, but I did not want to talk. I just needed to be in her presence. She knew something was going on, but without asking, she began to share some motherly wisdom. She asked if I thought my marriage was worth fighting for and she reminded me, life is not Fantasy Island and there will be up times and down time, that I had to fight for what was worth fighting for and let go of what was dead weight. Dead Weight! Surely, my marriage was not dead weight and therefore, I decided to fight for my marriage.

A few months later, I kept having what seemed like the same dream every night for about a week. I would be sitting in a chair, in a dark room and God would appear from out of nowhere. He would repeat the same thing night after night. Prepare yourself; I am getting ready to call your mother home with me. While He was talking, I cried and pleaded with Him to change His mind. The dream seemed so real, that I would wake up in tears. It puzzled me because I was not sure if I was crying about the dream or, if I was crying about my marital situation! By the third night of the dream, it became clear to me, I was crying because God had showed me that He was calling mom home. I begged and pleaded with Him to give us more time with her, but I knew from experience He would have His way and follow His plan. I remember going to work and telling my co-worker it was not going to be much longer before mom left us. God had showed it to me in a dream. My co-worker tried to be encouraging, but I knew He was not going to let her stay.

Leroy and I were getting ready to put a fumigation tent on her house and for some reason, it bothered mom a great deal. When I got off work, I went by the house and although my siblings were there with her, she seemed sad. We were all telling her it was going to be okay and she would only have to leave the house for a day or two. I remember getting in my care to leave and as I was starting to pull off, she gave me the saddest look I had ever seen. I guess she knew when she left the house it would be her last time. The next morning I stopped by her house on the way to work to make sure she was going to be there when the people came to put the tent on the house. To my surprise, my two sisters met me there and told me mom had to be rushed to the hospital the night before. They had been calling me all night, but could not reach me. Therefore, I figured we would go ahead and wait for the people to put the tent on the house, and then we would all go to the hospital to see her.

Between our waiting and me fussing about my stepdaughter, not clicking over to the other line the night before, my mom’s phone rang. When I answered, it was the doctor from the hospital asking what seemed to be dumb questions. Did your mom fall? Was your mom hit in the head? I mean, what was he talking about? I was upset and told my older sister to take the phone because I was bothered by the questions and so I started praying and hoping that I was not hearing the doctor correctly as it would mean something was seriously wrong. I waited for her reaction to the call, which was not good. She dropped the phone and we all ran out of the house screaming, yelling, falling on the ground and crying as the neighbors came out to check on us. We took a minute to pull ourselves together, then jumped in the car and headed to the hospital. Because I was driving so fast, I could not hear my sister yelling for me to slow down. All I could think about was mom needed us! When I got to her bedside, I broke down. My heart was so heavy! I felt a pain that I have never felt before! The nurse asking my younger sister why was I crying. They had no knowledge of my dreams. Who would have known that her sad goodbye wave she gave me the day before would be her last one to me?

Once again, I felt lost and did not know which way to turn. Here I was in the middle of a marital problem and now, had to deal with the loss of my mother. I believe the last time I felt that much pain in my life was the day I saw my dad killed in front of me. This was different. She was my rock! My life! I felt numb at the time and nothing seemed to matter anymore! Once again, I blamed God and felt why should I continue to serve Him when He would not even spare us from the pain of losing her? I shutdown to everything and everyone and at that point, everything became, “Whatever.” Someone could have told me the sky was falling and my response would have been, “Whatever.”

Four long years passed by, and I was still completely numb on the inside from losing my mother. My anguish blocked out anything emotional. I was barely healing on my own. Again, I felt God speaking to me. Nevertheless, I was still angry with Him. Yes, four years later and I was still angry with God. I knew that eventually I would have to speak with Him because after all He was the only one who could heal me from that pain. I decided to compromise. I did not want to speak with Him, so I did the next best thing I could think of – I wrote a letter to Him:

Father, there are strongholds in my life and Your

Word tells me the salvation of the righteous is

of the Lord, and You are my refuge in my

time of trouble. So Lord, because You dwell

in me, let Your stronghold take over every

stronghold I have in my life. You are my

answer to all things.

A preacher once told me, “Don’t embrace your discouragements. Sometimes we do not see what God sees, and we do not always know what God is doing. As a result, we fall by the wayside. But it is in those times, that we must seek God’s face.” That preacher was right. To this day, I still experience the pain. One that will never go away, but with God’s help it does get a little easier to bear. I knew in order for me to get through the pain I needed to go to a higher level with God in my praise, prayer and worship. I told God I needed Him to get me through my valley experience and as always, He did.

If you ever find yourself going through the wilderness, please remember you are not alone. God said He would never leave us nor forsake us. Your wilderness may be an addiction, unhealthy relationship, dealing with the death of a love one, lack of finance, but whatever it is God can and will see you through. Take a moment to think about every valley experience thus far in your life. Has He not always brought you through? You may be scarred or even have a limp, but you made it through every twist and turn in the wilderness. So do not give up on God and do not give up on yourself. There is strength available as you go through the wilderness. You can and you will make it. Psalm 23 says, “THE LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack. He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters. He refreshes and restores my life (my self); He leads me in the paths of righteousness [uprightness and right standing with Him--not for my earning it, but] for His name’s sake. Yes, though I walk through the [deep, sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I will fear or dread no evil, for You are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my [brimming] cup runs over. Surely or only goodness, mercy, and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and through the length of my days the house of the Lord [and His presence] shall be my dwelling place.”

I do not know or understand why from time to time, we have to endure heartaches. However, I do know God will see us through and in the end; all things will work out for our good. Someone once sent an e-mail to me that made a lot of sense. It read:

“A daughter is telling her mother how everything is going wrong; she’s failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away. Meanwhile, her mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack. The daughter says, “Absolutely mom, I love your cake.” “Here, have some cooking oil,” her mother offers. “Yuck,” says her daughter. “How about a couple raw eggs?” “Oh gross, mom!” squeals the daughter. “Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?” “Mom, those are all yucky!” To which the mother replies, “Yes all those things seem bad by themselves, but mixed together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake!”

God works the same way. Many times, we wonder why He would allow us to go through such bad and difficult times. However, God knows that when He put these things together in His order, and in His timing, they will work out for our good! We just have to trust Him and eventually, they will all make something wonderful!

POINT TO PONDER:

Round and round and round we go, where we stop nobody knows. That was our childhood saying, but on the contrary, God always knows the location of our destiny. Remember, He preordained it. He always knows where we are going to stop! As children of God, we do not have to wander or fret about the unknown. God has given us His spirit, the Holy Spirit, to lead and guide us into all truth. We do not have to rely only on our abilities! Let us not be like the children of Israel, aimlessly wandering in the wilderness for forty years, when the journey to the Promised Land was only a three-day trip.

C H A P T E R 4

CHASING BUTTERFLIES

Chasing butterflies is like trying to make a withdrawal from the bank without any money in the account. It is like making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich minus the jelly. It is like claiming to know God without acknowledging His Son, Jesus Christ. It is like trying to live a life devoid of the will of God. If we are going to be chasing anything in life, it needs to be the will of God.

At some point in my life, I began to feel numb in my relationship with God. Although I knew who He was, and that He was real in my life, something just did not feel right. I just could not put my finger on it. Somewhere along the way, the connection with God had been breached. I felt lost! I was doing everything I thought was helping me to grow in my relationship with Him, but something was wrong.

Have you ever wrestled with God? Well, I have and can tell you now do not waste your time. You will not win! Because God had done so much for me during the years, I felt I had to make things right on my part. I noticed I had been chasing everything except for the will of God for my life and in doing so, I stopped spending quality time with Him. As a result, I felt lost, empty and prideful.

While attending a church service my pastor was preaching on the love that David had for God. I was astounding that after all David had done He still loved God and wanted to live a life that was pleasing to Him. Do you know the bible story of David? To sum David up, he was a man after God’s own heart (read the entire chapter of 1 Samuel). He was a King, he was royalty, people bowed before him; furthermore, with a motion of his hand or a simple gesture, commands would be carried out. Despite this fact, even in his broken state, he knew that he needed God.

Since He knows what we require, He supplies our needs. However, we take our minds off God that leads us to living a life of discontentment. God gives us daily the things we need; but we are so caught up in looking at what others have, we fail to appreciate what God has given to us. When we learn to appreciate the things God has already given us, we open ourselves up to receiving even more from Him. What He has for you is for you and what He has for the, “Joneses” is for the Joneses. Besides, trying to keep up with the, “Joneses” only brings more drama to our lives. Two questions should come to mind when we watch the, “Joneses”. The first question should be am I willing to do what the, “Joneses” did in order to get what they have. Secondly, am I equipped to handle what they have? I cannot tell you the number of times I asked my family or friends for something they had; after-receiving it, I probably used it a few times if at all. Here is where I learned a very important lesson in life: what satisfies someone else may not necessarily suite me. This is why it is so important for us to become God chasers. Because He knows how to satisfy us, He knows what we need even before we do.

Our wants and desires run deeper than what this world could ever offer us and until we understand that, we will continuously look for temporary fixes to satisfy us. Yes, there are worldly things that can temporarily satisfy us - sex, money, power, wealth, and success – they are all good and worth having. However, from a spiritual standpoint, these things cannot appease us. This is why it is important for us to get into studying the word of God, find out who God says we are and allow Him to supply our needs.

When we have a problem with our cable service, we do not contact a caterer, do we? No, so why do we turn to the worldly things to solve a spiritual need? The word of God proclaims that the things of God are foolishness to the world. If we tell someone we are thirsty, they will tell us to drink water; but God will tell us to thirst after Him. It is time for us to do things God’s way. It is time for us to renew our mind by reading, meditating, and speaking the word of God to ourselves, over our lives and every situation we encounter so that we can have the victory in every area of our life.

The world’s system takes us from the elevator of greed to the cell of discontentment. On the other hand, by doing things God’s way, we move from the pit to the palace. The choice is yours.

There was a time in my life when things did not go well for me. Instead of facing my problems head on, I ran away from my problems and turned to drugs only to realize I was running to a temporary fix. A friend once told me he saw greatness in me and whenever I took on a task, I was solid as a rock. However, his concern for me was he feared I would not stick around for the long haul. It takes a lot to hold my attention and once boredom sets in, you have lost me. He was right because not long after he said that to me, I was out of there. I did not feel satisfied where I was. I did not feel appreciated. I felt like my kindness was coming across as a form of weakness, so I did what I normally do and took off. Of course, I found myself searching again for something new, something different. Whatever it was, I soon discovered running was not the answer. Once I settled down, I realized that no matter where you go things are the same, the common denominator is people. I noticed the grass was greener on the other side, but I did not realize the price was much more expensive to maintain it.

It is important for us to get to the point where we accept only the things God have in store for us. Additionally, we should know that His obligation to us is to prosper when we walk upright and according to His word and will for our lives. God has given us all hidden desire that rests deep within our souls. It is a hunger and a thirst that only He can fill.

If you acknowledge Christ, He will show you the way to live a prosperous life here on earth. Others mean well for us and may try to help. Inasmuch as that they are not aware of the plans and purpose God has preordained for our lives, sometimes they end up doing more harm than good. For instance, here is a story that I once read about a butterfly:

“A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.

One day a small opening appeared.

He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours

as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.

Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.

He took a pair of scissors and

snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.

The butterfly emerged easily, but

it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,

expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge

and expand enough to support the body.

Neither happened!

In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life

crawling around.

It was never able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness

and haste, didn’t understand was that

the restricting cocoon and the struggle

required by the butterfly to get through the opening

was nature’s way of forcing the fluid from the body

into the wings, so that it would be ready

for flight once that was achieved.”

Author Unknown

Sometimes, we need to emerge from our cocoon. For a spell, we may wrestle within ourselves and endeavor to seek escape from cocoons, utilizing other means that may appear to be the path to chase. Just as the snipping of the cocoon was an easy way out, likewise, we saw that it was not the way to exit the shell. While God lovingly monitors our battle, He stands by with arms open wide ready to embrace and arm us with the tools necessary to endure the struggle. We only have to reach out and accept His plan. He is only a prayer away. Oftentimes struggles and conflicts are exactly what we need. Experiencing hardship and suffering not only builds character, it also strengthens you. Have you ever heard the saying, “No pain, no gain?” Sometimes, things have to worsen before they can get better. Going through the same trial repeatedly, with each round intensifying, we continue to overcome the trial by applying the same worldly advice only to finally come to the realization that it is simply not working. With the passing of time comes much more pain. At this point, we need God to get us out of that rut. Once we accept His help, His way, all is forgotten and we can now move forward. It reminds me of a woman going through childbirth. Before the precious life comes forth, she has to endure indescribable pain. Yet at the climax of her agony, once she gives birth, she immediately forgets about all the pain she endured and centers all her attention on her child.

Let us become God centered by focusing on His word and will for our lives. We need to have the right attitude and ask God to strengthen us while going through our test and trials. Be mindful, we do not stay there; we only go, “Through” them. With God’s help, it is a shorter journey. Trials and tests come to strengthen and take us from one level to the next. If we never experience any trials, how would we ever know God as a deliverer, provider, healer, or protector? If we never have to overcome difficulties, how would we know that we are more than conquerors? Conquerors do not quit, cave in, and run; we overcome. Our faith has to be tried in the fire, is our by tests and trials in order for it to come out as pure gold. Troubles in life are inevitable; however, as human beings we are there for each other. Although we are there for one another, as helpers, we need to remember God is our deliverer. As with the story of the butterfly when we try to do God’s work we end up crippling one another in life. The next time we offer to help someone or someone offers to help us, let us stop and ask, “Will this be a quick fix or a permanent problem?”

I read a book by a well-known author in which she said her grandfather taught her that if she could not change a situation, then she needed to change her feelings about the situation. I latched hold of that nugget of wisdom and I tell you it has been a tremendous help to me. Those words of wisdom gave me a better understanding when it came to dealing with life’s issues. The word of God tells us in Proverbs 3:5-6, “Lean on, Trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all of your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight and understanding. In all of your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.”

I received a call from a friend who had asked me for some advice. She kept getting this feeling that she should be doing something else with her life, but she was not sure what she should do. She had been asking and seeking God to reveal it to her, but she was not sure if she was hearing from Him. I know we have our own journey in life, so I gave her the advice I had learned from my own situations - trust God. He knows how to position us in the right place at the right time to make sure His will for our lives is accomplished. Our todays are preparation for tomorrow’s purpose. Let us help ourselves and stay routed and grounded in the word of God and the things of God so that we may be prepared always.

A great way to help us to stay on a spiritual path is to do not forsake ourselves among other believers and attend church on a regular basis. I know views on attending can get rough at times but it is important for us to reposition our focus and mindset regarding the purpose of church. It is not only about giving tithes, praise, worship, and receiving the word because we can do all these things at home or anywhere for that matter. We have forgotten the urgency of fellowship with one another. I hear some people say that attending church is sometimes like attending a club. However, what that tells me is that they may not be where God has led them. Yes, I know there is chaos and confusion occurring in our churches, but did you really think that church was for perfect people? Instead of focusing on the foolishness that goes on in our churches let us pray and ask God to intervene. Remember, we were not where we should be and no one is perfect. It is time to let our light shine so bright that it brings shame to those who are not walking upright according to the example of our Lord and Savior. When we shift from a position of judge and jury, take a stand, and pray about these situations, God has to honor His word and eventually bring deliverance in the house of God. Take a stand. Be careful not to be caught up in the state of affairs of the church, rather be a part of the solution.

Remember, we all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. Anybody can change and when people change things change. For every one person in the church causing disarray, there are many others honoring the house of God. As an example, there may be a lot of confusion on our jobs, but we keep going back.

I have come to the realization that keeping our eyes on God is the key. As long as we keep our focus on Him, He will keep us in perfect peace. Joshua 1:8 says, “This Book of the Law shall not depart out of your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may observe and do according to all that is written in it. For then you shall make your way prosperous, and then you shall deal wisely and have good success.”

POINT TO PONDER:

Do the plans for your life line up with God’s plans for you? We desire to accomplish much in life, but we must remember that God has the master plan. Most of us want a steady dependable income, nice homes, nice cars, and a few more luxury items when possible. God wants us to have these things and more. Sometimes we find ourselves chasing butterflies or material things instead of seeking God. Instead of chasing that next promotion, try seeking God for guidance and allow Him to promote and elevate you. Instead of chasing the latest model luxury car, try seeking God for wisdom to show you the car He desires for you. Instead of chasing material things that can rot and decay, try chasing God to learn how to store up treasures in heaven. Let us stop chasing butterflies and become God-chasers. I guarantee the rewards are well worth the effort.

C H A P T E R 5

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

God is love. When He creates us, it is with a purpose.

Here I was teaching others to be true to themselves, yet I was not sure of whom I was. I knew there was something greater in me, yet I always felt like something was missing from my message to me. I was taking on so much in life, I got lost along the way. I remember being in constant prayer asking God to reveal to me who was I, what is my purpose, as well as, was I doing His will? Despite the fact that I attended church regularly, soaking up the message like a sponge, as it was given, I still felt incomplete. I thought of how I served a God who owns cattle on a thousand hills – He knew that I was struggling, that I was grappling to know who I was. He knew I was fighting with my emotions. Consequently, I was questioning every aspect of my life! Since I knew that God was not the author of confusion, I began to cry out for his help!

Sometime later, my pastor conducted a teaching series on the subject of a “purpose driven life.” It was then I received the answers I had been internally searching. I learned why God created me, and what I was called to do. Moreover, I was pleased to discover that God was interested in every aspect of my life. For a while, I thought He only loved me when I was reading the Bible, praying or attending church – what we consider spiritual things. It was such a relief to discover that He loved me just the same when I was watching television, washing dishes, cleaning house, or spending quality time with my family and friends.

As I began to study His word more on the subject, I came across 1 Peter 2:9, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” Wow, how awesome is that! We do not have to settle for average; we are royalty! We need to stop settling for whatever is thrown our way and not accept anything less than what God wants for us. We are blessed and highly favored, not because of what we possess, but because of whom we serve. I believe one of the reasons we cannot grasp who God says we are is because we have too much going on. We cannot see the forest from the trees, too much clutter blocking our view, too much envy, jealousy, strife. Furthermore, do not forget about the big whammy, FORGIVENSS.

We power over forgiveness. We choose with whom we will bury the hatchet. If we do not rein in forgiveness, it will defeat us every time. It robs us of our joy, peace, happiness, and it hinders our prayer life. Unforgiving takes no prisoners; therefore, we must be sure to control it immediately.

How can we be so bold as to hold on to things, when we ourselves stand in need of forgiveness? Mama use to tell me, “Never ask someone for something you are not willing to give to someone else.” Yes, this is a great challenge, but it can be done. It is easy for someone to tell you to forgive a person for molesting you when they have never been molested. It is easy for someone to tell you to forgive a person for killing your loved one and they have never experienced such tragedy. I also know what not forgiving does to the one who is holding it in their heart; it is a monster and it will torment you day and night. To make matters worse, the offender has moved on with their life, while you are out of sight and out of mind. In the meantime, you are walking around sick, mad, having sleepless nights, mean, and unable to get your prayers through to God. This is why we must make a conscious decision to forgive others, regardless of what they have done. It will lead us to an inner peace and free us to move past the pain they have caused. In God’s timing, He will justly deal with them.

When I was sixteen years of age, I witnessed my father’s murder. One minute he was standing there with us, and the next, he had a bullet in his heart, lying on the ground, gasping for his last breath. For years, I tormented myself; because I hated the person who murdered him and the very thought of him ran up my blood pressure. I hated the ground he walked on. I cursed the air that he breathed. I held his very being in contempt! It angered me for many years until one day, I realized he was doing just fine with his life and had done his time according to the law. Most importantly, my hating him was not changing the course of his life, but it was destroying mine!

One day while praying and asking God to forgive me for some things, God dropped in my spirit that I had to let go of a burden that I was carrying. At first, I had no idea what He was talking about, but I soon realized. He told me it was hypocritical to ask for forgiveness and yet, I was not willing to forgive. Then it hit me; of course, I knew immediately what he was referring to. Afterwards, my prayer went from Lord forgive me to Lord, give me a forgiving heart. Did it happen overnight? No. I had to seek His face in that area; eventually, He gave me a forgiving heart in that area.

Now, every time I struggle with forgiveness, I remind myself that I sin against Him every day and some times more than once in a day. This lesson enables me to rise to a level where I can forgive. Please know that none of us in unaffected by hurt and pain, but that should not give us permission to give anyone else power to control our emotions. We must remind ourselves, for our sake, and for the sake of others, forgiveness in not based on our feelings. Forgiveness is making a conscious decision, an act of our self-control to wipe the slate clean. It does not matter what someone has done to us or how much it hurts, we must forgive because God has forgiven us repeatedly. He is still forgiving us every time we go before Him with a repenting heart. Because hatred will eventually become our hindrance, a stumbling block, it is time for us to get the hate out our hearts. In order for us to achieve this, we must stay in the presence of the Lord. Psalm 16:11 says, “You will show me the path of life; in Your presence is the fullness of joy, at Your right hand there are pleasures forevermore.” Let us take back our power, turn our pain into joy by spending quality and personal time with God, and allow Him to transform our lives.

Outside of God’s will and purpose for our lives, who we are is far greater, than whom anyone wants us to be. We are whole in Him, based on our righteousness in Him. Second Corinthians 6:7 tells us, “By [speaking] the word of truth, in the power of God, with the weapons of righteousness for the right hand [to attack] and for the hand [to defend].” It is time for us to take back everything the enemy has stolen from us. However, in order to do this, we have to put on the full armor of God. We must become knowledgeable in the word of God, so we may learn to guard our mind, heat, and follow peace with all. It is necessary that we are spiritually dressed for success by putting on the full armor of God.

Ephesians 6:11-17 says, “Put on God’s whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able to successfully stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil. For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere. Therefore put on God’s complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]. Stand therefore [hold your ground], having tightened the belt of truth around your loins and having put on the breastplate of integrity and of moral rectitude and right standing with God, and having shod your feet in preparation [to face the enemy with the firm-footed stability, the promptness, and the readiness produced by the good news] of the Gospel of peace. Lift up over all the [covering] shield of saving faith, upon which you can quench all the flaming missiles of the wicked [one]. And take the helmet of salvation and the sword that the Spirit wields, which is the Word of God.”

Do you honestly think God would call you, but not arm you? No. We are ready and outfitted for the fight so that we may stand firmly in place. We are equipped! The problem is that we have allowed sin, fears, and insecurities rob us of the very person God says that we are. Some of us are so far behind that we are still praying for things we already possess such as, love, peace, joy and wisdom. The precious assets came with our salvation. Since given that already acquired all we can ever ask for or think of, we must begin to embrace what we have. We have to get to the point where we confess the word of God over every situation in our lives. We must deny these fickle emotions of ours, which cannot be trusted, and confess and possess the word over our lives.

Galatians 2:20 says, “I have been crucified with Christ [in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ (the Messiah) lives in me; and the life I now live in the body I live by faith in (by adherence to and reliance on and complete trust in) the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”

Once we surrender our lives to God, we are called to change our way of thinking, our way of speaking, and our way of living. Old things have passed away and behold, all things become new.

POINT TO PONDER:

Do you see what I see? God is asking that question us. God sees us as His beloved children made in His image and likeness. We are God’s temples housing His mighty spirit. God’s spirit is wisdom, knowledge, power, might, and the ability to accomplish every goal and conquer every obstacle we will ever encounter in life. We are sons and daughters of the Most High God. This tile from God classifies us as conquerors and over-achievers. We are more than conquerors, over comers, warriors, rulers, and ambassadors. Stop allowing the enemy and others to tell you who you are. Let us stop seeing ourselves as mere grasshoppers! Let us rise up, and proclaim our position as the giants we are and take a stand. Let us start seeing ourselves as God sees us.

C H A P T E R 6

LET GO AND LET GOD

God is our source. When God gets involved with whatever concerns His children, know that He is going to make resolve our issue and make it work out for our good. He can do for us more than our imaginations can comprehend! He can expand our territories beyond our greatest expectations. God knows, we are always trying to do what only He can do in our lives. Therefore, He sits back and waits until we have beat ourselves up trying to do His job. He waits until we are worn out and have used everything within us to fix our marriages, children, health, finances, and jobs until the moment we give up and give in to Him. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts and plans that I have for you, says the Lord, thoughts and plans for welfare and peace and not for evil, to give you hope in your final out-come.”

In 2009, I started the Women of Destiny Community Outreach (WD), formerly known as the Women of Destiny Social Club, Inc. WD is a non-profit women’s organization designed to impact communities and inspire women worldwide. When I became impressed to start this organization, I was careful not to allow my fears and insecurities to rob me of what God had for me and for others through me. Instead of letting my fear of failure consume me, I made a conscious decision to trust Him. I simply said to Him, “If you want me to carry out this mission, it will be your responsibility to bless the organization and provide guidance with establishing the requirements.” About a month after God gave me the vision, He spoke to me again through my spirit and communicated to me the name, Women of Destiny. I asked Him to show me who should I approach with my vision and to choose the time I should make contact. I asked Him for the group and once I got His direction, I put His plan into action. When I met with the women God chose to be a part of the group, to help me launch the program, they were all ready to jump on board and make an impact. I was ecstatic! I knew it was God’s doing! It has now been over three years and we continue to grow in God’s mission for our lives as well as others.

Here it was, I had a newly found passion and I was on a rollercoaster ride, non-stop. I was finally doing everything I desired to do. I was teaching Sunday school and on top of that, I was out in my community serving others. Now, you know the devil is not going to lie down and just let the Lord elevate us without trying to thwart progress. One day, I started to notice my energy level was not as high as usual and I could not figure out what was going on. When I went to the doctor for my regular physical exam, everything looked fine. My Sunday school class was located on the second floor of the church and I started struggling to climb the stairs. I remember telling my husband about it, but he suggested I was doing too much. One day, my sister and I were hanging out doing some shopping. She kept noticing I was not feeling well. Not wanting to concern her, I downplayed how I was really feeling. While waiting in the checkout line, I began to sway a little. She noticed and pleaded with me to go the doctor. Of course, I said I would go later that day, but I honestly did not think much of it. I had to cut our time together short because of the way I was feeling, so I went home and collapsed in bed and called my husband to tell him how I was feeling, I couldn’t catch my breath.

Sleeping through the night was a struggle, so the next morning my husband insisted we go to the hospital to find out what was going on with my breathing. The nurse took my vital signs and immediately brought to me a wheelchair and took me to a room. Immediately, I was admitted. The next day, the doctor came in my room and told me they had diagnosed with Hypersensitivity Pneumonitis, which is a chronic lung disease. Of course, that was a crushing blow to me. Yes, my first emotions were mixed with shock and fear. I called my husband and sisters right away and told them what the doctor had said. Later that day, the doctors released from the hospital with a bag jam-packed of medicine.

After recovering for a couple of weeks at home, my doctor released me to return to work. I was only there a few days before I became ill again and ended up back in the hospital. This time around, I did not recover so quickly. I ended up taking a two-month leave of absence from work. Afterwards, I just could not understand what was going on with me. I returned to work for the second time against the advice of the doctors and my husband, only to take ill after one week trying to work. At this point, I did not know if I was operating in faith or just being foolish, but I was starting to get the feeling it was not going to be as easy as I thought to beat this disease. I had no choice at this point but to prepare the necessary documents for short-term disability. I was forced to take a leave of absence for a period of one year. My employers made it clear that the request was going to be my last approval. Because the cause of my illness was pointing too issues of working in a defective building, I had become a high-risk liability. This added to my stress levels because I had been a loyal and outstanding employee for over fifteen years. Do not get me wrong, they were supportive of me, but it was a business decision that had to be made on my employment status.

That seemed to be one of the longest years of my life. There were days when I did not know if I was going to be able to get out of bed from one hour to the next. Major depression had set in and I did not want to see or speak with anyone. My husband, who is one of the hardest workers in the community, would come home and check on me between his meetings during the day and other times my daughter would come and sit with me. I was going to one doctor after doctor and no one seemed to have a positive report for me. The only report my husband and I would get was to enjoy the time I had left, whatever that meant. I got tired of hearing the same old story over and over, so I decided to jump off the pity party train and talk to the one that could help me. I was too low in spirit to worry about sounding religious, so again, I said my best prayer to date, which was, “Jesus, help me!” While waiting on my healing, I decided to add works to my faith. I started doing research on my condition to find out what worked with it and what worked against it. I started taking my vitamins and iron. I started commanding my body to get up. All of my movements were slow and if I ventured from the house, I had to use a wheelchair. Because of this condition, I could not go anywhere by myself. I was no longer able to participate in the walkathons that I enjoyed so much. This was an overwhelming problem, but I could not give up! I held on to my faith and confessions.

While I was out on leave, my employment benefits were cancelled and I ended up on my husband’s health insurance. I appreciated my husband’s insurance; however, none of my doctors accepted it, which posed an even bigger problem for me. I ended up in the hospital again with pneumonia, my condition was seemingly getting worse. My pulmonologist saw me while I was in the hospital and told me he could no longer see me in his office because of the insurance change, but he was recommending another doctor. When I got out of the hospital, I was to do my follow-up visit with the new pulmonologist. By this time, I had made up my mind that I was not going to see the new doctor. I would just take my chances on my own and with God of course.

I did not accept that God would leave me hopeless. I needed Him, I trusted Him and I believed in Him to manifest my healing. I decided that if I was not going to make it then I was going to go out in faith. I started saying every day, “My body is healed and I’m feeling great.” I changed my thinking and confession. I started reminding myself of how I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. I started meditating on Isaiah 53:5, “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities; the chastisement [needful to obtain] peace and wellbeing for us was upon Him, and with the stripes [that wounded] Him we are healed and made whole.” In the end, I decided to keep my appointment with the new doctor because, as my husband said, it was not going to hurt me to go and see what his report would be.

Let me share something with you, our Lord knows how to bring His will and purpose to pass and one thing we must remember is that His will is good, acceptable, and perfect and no devil in hell can stop it. We do not know why He allows what He allows in our lives, but we just have to remember it is a part of His plan. Let me share with you that when I went to my appointment, God was there and my healing had started to manifest immediately. After the third visit with the new doctor, I went from seven medications a day to three medications. I begin to do things on my own and I started feeling better and walking a little faster. Things were looking good. Now you know the enemy did not like that. Therefore, when I went in for my next appointment, the doctor told me they had found a problem with my heart and it would require surgery. He told me I had a hole in my heart, which had not closed properly after birth and because of the lung condition; it had become a contributing factor.

Rather than having the operation, again I decided to trust God. My doctor was amazed at my progress. I said okay, if the doctors said to enjoy my remaining quality of life - which is what I should have been doing regardless of any condition - then that is what I will do. I celebrated my forty-seventh birthday in April of 2011 and I had a funky good time at my Luau Party. I believe I danced every song, I not only heard the music but felt each beat as well. The rain started coming down, but we gathered under the tent and kept it moving. I made the decision not to go on disability and I have returned to work on full duty. I have restrictions and complications with my breathing from time to time, but it is not going to stop me from walking in my purpose. All I am saying is, God is good and God is faithful.

The Bible lets us know God inhabits the praises of His people. There is no way we would call on the name of God and He would not show up on our behalf. We must learn to call Him in every area of our lives. We need to call Him when the going is good and when the going gets tough. This is a faith walk and Hebrews 11:1 says, “NOW FAITH is the assurance (the confirmation, the title deed) of the things [we] hope for, being the proof of things [we] do not see and the conviction of their reality [faith perceiving as real fact what is not revealed to the senses].” I will continue to speak healing and if I have to have the surgery, I am sure God will be there also. Until then, God says, His grace is sufficient. Without faith in God, it is impossible to please Him. It is time for us to let go and let God be who He is in our lives. He has a plan for us and it is far better than our plan. Problems come and go and so do people, but God will never leave nor forsake us. So please, if you have not already done so, make a decision to let go and let God.

POINT TO PONDER:

Have you ever heard someone say, “I let this situation go and I give it to God?” People say it all the time, but is it the initial consent to our situations? I do not believe so. We have a role as well as God when handling our situations. Yes, God can do all things, but some things God has given us to do. For example, if an issue arises and we do not have a clue how to handle it, the least resistant thing to do is simply to let go and let God. However, that is not the proper way of dealing with it. Perhaps we should acknowledge the situation first, then pray, and ask God to give us wisdom on how to handle it. Follow the direction and guidance God has given us. Give God thanks for the solution being resolved. After we have done all we know to do, then we can let go and let God. After you have done all you know to do, stand.

C H A P T E R 7

WALKING IN VICTORY

If you want to discover how to walk in victory, you must first understand your identity in life.

For many of us who we have become is different from who we are. What do I mean by that? We have allowed the things we have been through to define who we are. However, God reminds us that He will give us beauty in place of our ashes. In other words, God will take all that we have been through and He will wash us up and make us clean again. He will take our shame, disease, insecurities, brokenness, pain and whatever else that have robbed us of our joy and make us whole in Him. Pause here for a moment and allow that to sink into your spirit. It is important for us to meditate on that thought because in order for us to know our identity, we must agree with who God says we are. Who are we? Well according to 1 Peter 2:9 reads, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a dedicated nation, [God’s] own [a]purchased, special people, that you may set forth the wonderful deeds and display the virtues and perfections of Him Who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.”

I do not know about you, but it took me a while before I allowed myself to come into agreement with God on this. Not because I did not believe the word of God, but because I did not believe I deserved it. I figured, why should God bless me when I had done so much to dishonor Him? Well here is the truth, God does not see about us based on what we have and have not done, but because He loves us unconditionally. Yes, He wants us to live our lives according to His word, but just in case we mess up as we often do, He still loves us.

Some time ago in my quiet time with God, I remembered Him giving me a spiritual nudge and He shared with me that I was serving Him out of legalism. Yes I loved Him, but if I didn’t read my bible every day, or if I didn’t pray for at least one hour I felt like He didn’t love me or He was not pleased with me. This was particularly hard for me because when I looked at other people who were serving God they would always appear to floating on cloud nine. I was comparing my relationship with Him based on how others appeared to me. That is when I got it, seeking brownie points with God gets us nowhere. God is more concerned about our obedience to Him and our love towards one another than He is with how long we pray or read our bibles. However, if we are not being changed from the inside out then what is the use. You probably thought I was going to tell you that walking in victory is when we drive and live in the best, but oh no, it is all about growing into who God says we are and living in the plan of God for our lives.

Psalm 1:1-3 says, “1 Blessed (happy, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable) is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly [following their advice, their plans and purposes], nor stands [submissive and inactive] in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down [to relax and rest] where the scornful [and the mockers] gather. 2 But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night. 3 And he shall be like a tree firmly planted [and tended] by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper [and come to maturity].” Are you ready to allow God to transform your life and live your best life ever? I’m talking an inner transformation because this is where victory resides, on the inside. Victory in knowing you do not have to walk alone in this life and knowing that no matter what comes your way, you can win. You can win after a failed marriage; after surviving a violent relationship; after filing bankruptcy; or even after the death of a loved one. You can win no matter what comes your way you just have to know and trust the one who holds the power.

A victorious life is a happy life. Do you know what it takes you to be happy? I ask that because many of us really do not know. What is it that you want? What are you willing to do to make it happen? How badly do you want it? God loves us and He cares about our quality of life. It is okay to want more, but that takes time, work and dedication. I will share a secret with you the safest way to live a happy and victorious life is to put God first in all things. That is right; seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all things according to the will of God for your life will be added to you. He will bless your home, family, business and everything you lay your hands to do.

God loves us with an unconditional love and it is everlasting. There is nothing outside of God’s reach. We are dear to Him and He is on the other end of our prayer waiting to respond. If you have never felt God smile on you, just line up with His will and purpose for your life, walk in victory, and indeed He will smile.

Here are seven keys that I have used over the years that have helped me through life:

1. Put God first.

2. Give your time, talent and treasure to help others.

3. Love God, yourself and others.

4. Study God’s word.

5. Forgive quickly.

6. Maintain a steady prayer life.

7. Spend quiet time with God.

POINT TO PONDER

“Victory, victory shall be mine if I hold my peace and let the Lord fight my battle, I know victory shall be mine.” Most of heard, but very few believe. God has already given us the victory over every issue, situation, and circumstance that will arise in our lives. Sadly, we do not approach most things in a victorious way. To the contrary, our initial approach is one of fear and confusion. Most often, our initial response is, “Oh Lord, what am I going to do?” It is time to change our confession to one of victory and not defeat. The next time a situation arises in your life, let your initial response be, “God has given me the power to be more than a conqueror and I am an over comer. Therefore, I am walking in victory.” So, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord because you are not waiting for the victory; you already have it.

READERS GROUP GUIDE QUESTIONS

1. How important is our upbringing when it comes to reaching our destiny?

2. Many people turn to drugs and alcohol when they are experiencing hard times. What are more positive and productive ways people can deal with their unhappiness?

3. In the book the author briefly touches on, “God’s babies.” What can seasoned Christians do to help and support the new walk of, “God’s babies?”

4. What are wilderness experiences and how are we as Christians expected to deal with them?

5. In what ways do holding on to past pain and disappointments hurt or affect us?

6. Holding on to hurt and pain not only affects us spiritually, it affects us physically, as well as emotionally. What are practical ways to deal with offenses and the release of negative emotions to move on?

7. What is your view on letting go and letting God?

THE ROAD TO SALVATION

Do you know God loves you, and is waiting to receive you as His own? First John 1:9 says, “If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action].”

PRAYER FOR SALVATION

Father in the name of Jesus, I stand before You and I repent of my sins. I open my heart and ask You to cleanse me, wash me, and live in me. I believe in my heart, and I confess with my mouth that You have raised Your Son, Jesus, from the dead and He now sits at Your right hand. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Thank you for saving me. Amen.

As you continue on this journey equip yourself with the Word of God, and grow in the things of God.

Here are a few scriptures to help you along the way:

• John 3:16 – “For God so greatly loved and dearly prized the world that He [even] gave up His only begotten unique) Son, so that whoever believes in (trusts in, clings to, relies on) Him shall not perish (come to destruction, be lost) but have eternal (everlasting) life.”

• Ephesians 2:8-9 – “For it is by free grace (God’s unmerited favor) that you are saved (delivered from judgment and made partakers of Christ’s salvation) through [your] faith. And this [salvation] is not of your selves [of your own doing, it came not through your own striving], but it is the gift of God: Not because of works [not the fulfillment of the Law’s demands], lest any man should boast. [It is not the result of what anyone can possibly do, so no one can pride himself in it or take glory to himself.]”

• 1 John 1:9 – “If we [freely] admit that we have sinned and confess our sins, He is faithful and just (true to His own nature and promises) and will forgive our sins [dismiss our lawlessness] and [continuously] cleanse us from all unrighteousness [everything not in conformity to His will in purpose, thought, and action].”

• 1 John 5:12-13 – “He who possesses the Son has that life; he who does not possess the Son of God does not have that life. I write this to you who believe in (adhere to, trust in, and rely on) the name of the Son of God [in the peculiar services and blessings conferred by Him on men], so that you may know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that you [already] have life, yes, eternal life.”

• Psalm 91:1-2 – “HE WHO dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty [Whose power no foe can withstand]. I will say of the Lord, He is my Refuge and my Fortress, my God; on Him I lean and rely, and in Him I [confidently] trust!”

• James 1:2-5 – “Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience. But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be [people] perfectly and fully developed [with no defects], lacking in nothing. If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him.”

• Romans 2:1 – “THEREFORE YOU have no excuse or defense or justification, O man, whoever you are who judges and condemns another. For in posing as judge and passing sentence on another, you condemn yourself, because you who judge are habitually practicing the very same things [that you censure and denounce].”

• Romans 3:23-24 – “Since all have sinned and are falling short of the honor and glory [a] which God bestows and receives. [All] are justified and made upright and in right standing with God, freely and gratuitously by His grace (His unmerited favor and mercy), through the redemption which is [provided] in Christ Jesus,”

• Romans 8:1-2 – “THEREFORE, [there is] now no condemnation (no adjudging guilty of wrong) for those who are in Christ Jesus, who live [and] walk not after the dictates of the flesh, but after the dictates of the Spirit. For the law of the Spirit of life [which is] in Christ Jesus [the law of our new being] has freed me from the law of sin and of death.”

- Philippians 2:5 – “Let this same attitude and purpose and [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus: [Let Him be your example in humility:]”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Born in Miami, Florida, on April 29, 1964, Renee spent her childhood living in an inner-city public housing development known as Larchmont Garden projects. Although Renee was raised in subsidized housing, she allocates those years in her life as some of the most meaningful. It was at this location that Renee learned unforgettable valuables from her loving mother.

Renee discovered the freedom to live victoriously by applying God’s word to her life and in return desires to help others do the same. From her battle with a chronic lung disease and a heart issue, to the struggles of everyday life, she speaks openly and practically about her experiences, so others can be inspired and encouraged to apply what she has learned to their lives.

Renee is the proud wife of Leroy I. Jones. She is an uplifting and caring mother and she is known as, “Nana” to her grandkids. Renee enjoys spending time with her family including a host of brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and extended friends.

In 2009, Renee became the founder and president of Women of Destiny Community Outreach (WD). WD’s mission is to impact communities and inspire women worldwide. The organization’s goal is accomplished via encouraging, educating, and expanding the consciousness of women through community service activities, social outings, and knowledge based workshops.

In 2011, Renee’s son was murdered in a drive-by shooting. As a result of this tragedy, she has become an advocate against gun violence and is in the process of writing her second novel titled, “And the Beat Goes On.

After encouraging and sharing her milestones and victories with so many women, Renee decided to author her struggles to continue sharing her testimony and the life-changing message of the Gospel. She believes and teaches the message centered on God’s ability to heal, deliver, and set anyone free regardless of background or history.

Renee Jones would love to hear from you.

Please share how this book has helped you.

You may contact her at:

info@iamreneejones.com

P. O. Box 681734

Miami, FL 33168

If you would like to book Renee E. Jones

to speak with your group, please send your request to:

ramonaebony@gmail.com

Join her on Social Media:

www.facebook.com/I Am Renee Jones

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Additional copies of this book are available online:

www.iamreneejones.com

“They pulled back the curtain and there was my baby, lying there unresponsive on a bed that was way too short for his 6'2” frame. His body, the same body I bathed and held in my arms when he was a child, was covered in goose bumps. He shook regularly from seizures and small amounts of foam escaped the sides of his mouth. As I touched his arm as only a mother can and assured him that everything would be alright, a single tear slid down his cheek. I felt like I could not handle the scene any longer and could not bear to look at him. This could not possibly be my baby lying there unresponsive with a bullet lodged in his brain.”

AND THE BEAT GOES ON…

Coming Soon!