© Copyright 2011–Bonnie Rowan

All rights reserved. This book is protected by the copyright laws of the United States of America. This book may not be copied or reprinted for commercial gain or profit. The use of short quotations or occasional page copying for personal or group study is permitted and encouraged. Permission will be granted upon request. Unless otherwise identified, Scripture quotations are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version. Scripture quotations taken from the New American Standard Bible®. Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Please note that Destiny Image’s publishing style capitalizes certain pronouns in Scripture that refer to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, and may differ from some publishers’ styles. Take note that the name satan and related names are not capitalized. We choose not to acknowledge him, even to the point of violating grammatical rules.

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Dedication

This book is dedicated in loving memory to my momma, Rosalee “Kate” Lewis. I honor her for fulfilling her calling by bringing me into this world. By allowing me to walk through my wilderness experiences as a child, she equipped me to find my heavenly Father. I love and honor you, Mom.

I also want to dedicate this book to my four children. You are such a blessing.

Acknowledgments

I want to first of all thank my wonderful husband, Ernie, who gives me roots and wings. I also wish to thank my family, intercessors, and church for their support, love, and prayers. Special thanks to my sister, Pastor Dottie Thorn, who has been like a mother to me and serves as my senior elder and intercessor. Many thanks to my apostles, Doctors John and Rebecca Polis, for their guidance and parenting anointing.

Endorsements

I have known Bonnie since 1989 when I was president of Pinecrest Bible Training Center. I have witnessed her life, and I know that she has walked through many wilderness experiences with integrity and grace. This book is written with a great anointing of revelation of the Bride of Christ, and those reading this book will be changed forever. Written from true experience, Bonnie teaches the reader what it takes to reach a deeper intimacy with the Bridegroom to fulfill his or her God-given destiny.

Wade Taylor

Internationally recognized author

and Bible teacher

Washington, DC

Bonnie is my pastor, mentor, and spiritual mother at Shepherd’s Tent Ministries. She has a strong anointing for training end-time leaders, and it is truly an honor to serve with her in ministry. She has taught me so much, and I am thankful for the revelatory wisdom she has shared in this book. She has been by my side as I have traveled through my own wilderness experiences, and I trust that her guidance is always based on the Word of God. She carries such a prophetic mantle that you cannot help but grow spiritually in her presence. I am honored to be in the process of receiving her mantle and look forward to serving with her for many years to come.

Missy Wilt

Personal assistant, intercessor,

and armor bearer

Shepherd’s Tent Ministries

From the Wilderness to the King’s Table will make you hungry and thirsty to know the Bridegroom! Bonnie has learned how to cultivate intimacy with God, and she freely reveals those secrets in these pages. Her insight and teachings on the Song of Solomon must be imparted to the Body of Christ.

Sharon Johnson, founder and president

He’s Alive Radio Incorporated

Pastor of World Lighthouse Worship Center

Who is this coming up from

the wilderness leaning upon her beloved?

(Song of Solomon 8:5).

Contents

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

Understanding Types and Allegories

Chapter 1   Pursuing His Heart

Chapter 2   Finding Our Identity in Him

Chapter 3   Persecuted for His Glory

Chapter 4   The Overcomer

Chapter 5   He Has Come to Heal the Brokenhearted …

Chapter 6   Bringing His Bride Home

Chapter 7   Wilderness Experience of Moses

Chapter 8   The Enemy That Seeks to Kill Us

Chapter 9   The Potter’s Test

Chapter 10   Don’t Die in the Wilderness

Chapter 11   An Ending Season

References

About Bonnie Rowan

Foreword

B

onnie Rowan asks the question, “What is the heartbeat of Jesus?” She answers the question by telling us that the only heartbeat of Jesus is His Bride, who is being prepared for an eternity together with the Bridegroom Lover. The preparation that takes us through the wilderness to the King’s table is prophetically revealed on every page of this insightful book by someone who has made the journey.

Becoming a mature person in Christ occurs as we are transformed from one degree of glory to another, having entered the third dimension of His Presence. It is truly a journey that is first the blade, then the ear, then the full corn in the ear, as Jesus taught concerning the Kingdom of God. The Church is entering the third dimension represented by the Most Holy Place in the Tabernacle where the glory of God was continually manifested. The end-time Church will manifest the same fullness of glory as the firstborn Son did during His earth walk. The Bride of Christ will be glorious in every aspect and one with her Husband.

After 30 years of ministry as an apostolic leader in God’s Church, I read the manuscript with delight as my heart burned within me for a closer relationship with Jesus. Not everyone will be ready for this book—only those who are ready to run after Him with all their heart. God must have a Bride prepared for Himself, one that shares His passion and vision and is compatible with His character and nature. This book will help all those who read it become part of God’s dream for eternity. Prepare to have your heart turned toward Him as you read From the Wilderness to the King’s Table.

Dr. John Polis, President

Revival Fellowship International

Beaufort, South Carolina

PREFACE

Vision of the King’s Table

A

s I thought about the King’s table (see Luke 22:27-30), I wondered to myself, What is on that table, Lord? I need to see it so I can tell the people what they will be feasting on when they get to the King’s table.

Yielding my spirit into Him, I began to see it. There at the opening of the wilderness was the most beautiful table I had ever seen. It was covered with a glowing white tablecloth, and it was covered with jewels of all colors. They all sparkled as the sun shone upon them. As the rays from the sun bounced off them, it was like beaming rainbows.

The jewels represented the nations that God had promised to Abraham. “And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee” (Gen. 17:6 KJV). Are we not kings coming out of God’s Kingdom in this season? There on the table were promises that Abraham’s seed had not yet received. I believe my vision revealed that it was time for this generation to pick up all of the promises that God has given us.

The next thing I saw were gifts that radiated with light. Then I realized they were the callings, anointing, talents, gifts, and dreams of those who were being groomed in the wilderness. There were many dreams on the table that people thought were lost.

The next thing I saw were mantles from the generations before. The ones who had come out of the wilderness were being fitted for their mantles. The mantles were being dropped from many, many generations to the end-time manifested Sons of God.

Introduction

Dear Reader,

M

y book, From the Wilderness to the King’s Table, will take you on a journey to your destiny. This book is about progressive revelation. It will help you to understand the season you have been walking through and help you to walk in the new. In this book, you will find inner healing and deliverance. You will be able to stand with your beloved Bridegroom as His mature Bride, not having spot, blemish, or wrinkle!

Understanding Types and Allegories

P

roverbs 25:2 says: “It is the glory of God to conceal a thing; but the honour of kings is to search out a matter” (KJV).

God has hidden truths within His Word, and He has given us the honor of searching them out. I have been searching the Scriptures for many years and have found that His Word is alive and gives me an answer for any situation that I find myself in. We, the Body of Christ, are the kings and priests who have been given the honor to search out the treasures that are tucked deep within the pages of God’s living Word. God’s Word is very much alive. It breathes, it talks, and it will never stop growing inside of us.

Definition of Types and Symbols

According to Webster’s Dictionary, the word “symbol” is made up of two Greek words together and denotes an object used to represent something abstract, an emblem, or using one thing to stand for or represent another.

Types are to be viewed as a select group of symbols having prophetic and foreshadowing characteristics. For instance, the tabernacle of David or Solomon’s temple are types of the New Testament Body of Christ. In Revelation we see that the golden lampstands and the seven stars are symbols for the Church.

A symbol is a representation, one thing standing for another. The fig tree represents Israel (see Luke 13:6). A type is a prophetic representation, one thing prefiguring another. The story of the life of Joseph is a type of Christ and the Son’s relationship to His Father. Types are to be viewed as prophetic symbols.

A symbol may represent a thing past, present, or future.

A type is essentially a prefiguring of something future from itself.

There are many types and symbols throughout the Old Testament, as I have written about.

An allegory is a story in which people, things, and surroundings have symbolic meaning. For example, Jesus Himself taught with parables, most of which were allegories. In Matthew 13, He talked about the soil being our heart, tares being the evil ones, and the seed being the Word of the Kingdom. He talked about sleeping virgins; He talked about a tree as a symbol of Israel. Jesus used many illustrations to get His message to penetrate the spirit of His listeners. We must look for the hidden treasures within the tapestry of His Living Word.

All these things spake Jesus unto the multitude in parables; and without a parable spake He not unto them; that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying, I will open My mouth in parables; I will utter things which have been kept secret from the foundation of the world (Matthew 13:34-35 KJV).

CHAPTER 1

Pursuing His Heart

I

n pursuing the heart of God, I have found that unless we are desperately hungry and thirsty for Him and are willing to run after Him with all of our heart, we will never be effective leaders. It is in that pursuit of Him that we become broken and our character is developed. Like the Shulamite maiden in the Song of Solomon, we must come to the place that nothing else matters. Our heart must be so lovesick for our Beloved that we have no use for this world.

I believe that every breath that we breathe and every beat of our heart must be in harmony with His. If you do not have a hunger for Him, you need to begin to cry out and ask Him to enlarge your capacity to hold His glory. He wants to take us behind the veil where we will meet Him in His awesome love and holiness. If you are going through a time in which you don’t even know where God is right now, you are probably being called to the most unfamiliar place you have ever been—death.

What is the heartbeat of Jesus? His only heartbeat is that of His Bride (the Church). His greatest desire is to bring the Church into maturity so that He can come back to get her. He is calling out to her, “Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away” (Song of Sol. 2:10). He is telling her that the season has changed, and it is time to enter into another. That is what His Church is going through right now. Most ministers are having a very hard time finding their way to the next place. We feel like we are coming in and going out at the same time.

It is time to enter into another season.

We are like Elizabeth. She was old and ready to leave the world but was bringing something new into it with the birth of John the Baptist. Elizabeth represents a season that is about to change, yet preparing something for the next generation. In her old age, she birthed John the Baptist, the forerunner of Jesus (see Luke 3:16–17). John was the one who announced the coming of the Lord. His voice came out of the wilderness crying, “Prepare the way of the Lord; make His paths straight” (Matt. 3:3).

For lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone. The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. The fig tree puts forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grapes give a good smell. Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away! (Song of Solomon 2:11–13)

Sometimes we get stuck between two seasons, and it is hard to change. This is when we become old wineskins, and we become the older brother who is jealous of the prodigals God brings in at the time of harvest.

Now his elder son was in the field: and as he came and drew nigh to the house, he heard music and dancing. And he called one of the servants, and asked what these things meant. And he said unto him, Thy brother is come; and thy father hath killed the fatted calf, because he hath received him safe and sound. And he was angry, and would not go in, therefore came his father out, and entreated him. And he answering said to his father, Lo, these many years do I serve thee, neither transgressed I and yet thou never gavest me a kid, that I might make merry with my friends: but as soon as this thy son was come, which hath devoured thy living with harlots, thou hast killed for him the fatted calf. And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found (Luke 15:25–32 KJV).

Yes, God is calling us to another realm, but we must follow Him wherever He goes. There are many who are called to be in the office of fivefold ministries, but are they pursuing the heart of God or the approval of man? Many are filled with pride as satan was, and are equipping the saints with the same. Many are crippled and hiding behind their ministry. God is shaking things up and shaking things off, so that they can come out of hiding. When that happens, we will be healed and come into His presence and receive our inheritance as sons and daughters of God. When we find out who we really are, we won’t hide from Him. We’ll run to Him because that is where our journey is taking us. He is calling us out of the wilderness to sit at the King’s table. In the end, He will say, “Who is this coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?” (Song of Sol. 8:5).

For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works (2 Corinthians 11:13–15 KJV).

God is seeking those He can share His heart with, but many of His sons have perverted His love by stimulating themselves with lust of the flesh, such as pride, false power, and greed. The sons of God will only be conceived and birthed by the true Word. The DNA that Mary was impregnated with was the Word of truth, the Son of God. This is how we should be. He is calling us to come away, away from the business and lies that the world has set for us. He is calling us to die with Him, to be set apart only for Him. When I gave my heart to God it was the most powerful thing I had ever experienced. He called me out of my world of pain and sin and set me free. I now had a father who I been looking for since I was five years old. I heard Him say, “Come out from among them and touch not the unclean thing.” I knew I had to lose my life to find my life.

I knew I had to lose my life to find my life.

It is time to rise up, O sons of God, O Bride of Christ, for the winter has passed. A new season is here, and the prophetic voice is singing in the land: “Come unto Me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. … For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light” (Matt. 11:28,30 KJV). God says that He knows it has been hard for us wandering through the wilderness, but it is time now to enter into the promise that He has set before us. He is seeking those He can share His heart with.

He that has My commandments and keepeth them it is he who loveth Me: and he who loves Me shall be loved by My Father, and I will love him, and will manifest Myself to him (John 14:21 KJV).

Then Jesus said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink His blood, ye have no life in you. … From that time many of His disciples went back, and walked no more with Him (John 6:53,66 KJV).

That they all may be one; as Thou, Father, art in Me, and I in thee, that they also may be one in us … (John 17:21 KJV).

The Song of Solomon is an allegory about the Bride of Christ and the Bridegroom, Jesus. As we study this awesome love story, we find that in it is death to self. As she lays down her life to follow after Him, she finds the secret of the stairs leading her to the intimate relationship that she so desires. Then she can say as Paul did, “I have been crucified with Christ” (Gal. 2:20). This word crucified expresses the fact that “I” have been put to death. You see, in the beginning there was only one will—the will of God.

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me” (Matthew 16:24).

The Lord desires to bring us into the place where our will is merged into His will, where we are no longer working for Him but are joined together to Him, becoming one with Him as in marriage. “Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved?” (Song of Sol. 8:5a KJV). Our greatest desire should be to draw as close as we can to Jesus. We need to lay down our own strength, our own understanding, and lean upon Jesus alone.

We need to lean upon Jesus alone.

The cry of the Bride spirit is a cry for intimacy with her beloved. It is an inward spiritual longing for the Lord Himself, not for anything He can give to her, for only He can satisfy the hunger that lies within her spirit. If dissatisfaction with the ordinary and this pursuit for love’s full end are not burning in the spirit of the believer, then it is utterly impossible to attain any intimate relationship with the Lord.

If you desire a deeper experience in Christ, then you are ready to begin your journey of preparation to take care of the little sister He talks about in the last chapter of Song of Solomon. You are ready to share in His burden for His Bride, that she might be brought into maturity for her Beloved.

Called to Intimacy

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love is better than wine (Song of Solomon 1:2).

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth” speaks of the most intimate relationship you can have with the heavenly Father. She finds His kisses better than wine. It is better than any good feeling, even His blessings, because she knows His blessings will pass away but He will never pass away. Did He not open His mouth and breathe His very own life into Adam and give him the gift of creating life himself? She is asking for a relationship like He had with Adam and Eve before the fall (restoration). But in all of this, she knows that she must first die. Will she be willing to do this?

In order for us to have a relationship with Jesus like the allegory we read about in Song of Solomon, we must have a burning desire to come away from all that is unholy, letting go of the world. We must die to self and only have eyes for Him. There must be a cry coming out of us for Him to come and take us away. If we want to know Him in His fullness, we must drink of the cup that He drank.

Because of the savour of thy good ointments, thy name is ointment poured forth; therefore do the virgins love you. Draw me, we will run after thee … (Song of Solomon 1:3–4 KJV).

The fragrance of His good ointments speaks of the anointing that is upon the sold-out ones. But His name is even greater than the anointing. Because of His great name, we can do even greater things than He did. At His name, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord. Also, when we take our husband’s name, we become the owner of all that he owns. It is a very spiritual thing for a woman to take the name of the man she loves because it means their hearts merge together as one.

His name is even greater than the anointing.

Now that she has been drenched with His precious ointment and He has kissed her with the kisses of His mouth, she will never be satisfied on this level again. She continues to cry, “Draw me away.” And because of her cry for intimacy she begins to see herself as she really is. She says, “I am black” (Song of Sol. 1:5 KJV).

Points to Ponder

1. “It is in that pursuit of Him that we become broken and our character is developed.” Have you pursued God so intensely that you have become broken but better?

2. “Elizabeth represents a season that is about to change, yet preparing something for the next generation.” You also represent a season that is about to change—but are you also actively preparing something for the next generation?

3. “The Lord desires to bring us into the place where our will is merged into His will.” Have you found that place? Are you searching for that place with all your heart?

CHAPTER 2

Finding Our Identity in Him

I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon. Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but my own vineyard have I not kept (Song of Solomon 1:5–6 KJV).

T

he maiden is saying, “I have been so busy working in the flesh and tending to religious matters that I have not taken time to seek God for my own spiritual life, and now I don’t know who I am.” Her spiritual ear has not yet been developed to hear from God. She can only hear the outer voice of man.

When we come into His presence, we begin to lose our identity. His Word becomes a mirror to us. As we behold His glory and His beauty, we are changed. Like the Shulamite maiden, we see ourselves as we really are: unrenewed, living in the soul realm, listening to lies, and believing whatever enters into the doorway of our mind.

As you behold His glory and

His beauty, you are changed.

The maiden talks about tending her mother’s vineyard and her mother’s children being very angry with her. How many times have we tried to overcome and go with Him into the most holy place, a place of intimacy, only to find that something inside of us tells us that we are just not good enough, smart enough, or spiritual enough? This is the old nature of our mother and brothers inside of us, things that are birthed in our intellect and emotions. This is our soul that must decrease so that He can increase.

Many abused children have a very hard time entering into an intimate relationship with our heavenly Father, especially if they have been molested. When I was a child I was severely abused, and that caused me not to trust anyone, especially those in authority. It is hard to trust Him because the unhealed place within says He is not safe. These are some of the mother’s angry children. These are things we are born with that we inherit from our ancestors. We must become overcomers in our soul realm.

Eve opened up this realm when she gave up the living Word of God because of the word of satan. God said, “But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die” (Gen. 2:17). Satan said, “Has God indeed said?” (Gen. 3:1). Eve believed satan over God’s Word, and it opened the channel for the soul realm. Now our spirit man must conquer the man of the soul. The Church will crush satan’s head.

Revelation 12 talks about a woman clothed with the sun and the moon under her feet, and upon her head are 12 stars. She is travailing in birth to deliver a man-child, which represents the sons of God. This is speaking of the Church (the Bride of Christ), those who are crying for the manifestation of the sons of God as it says in Romans 8:19,22: “For the earnest expectation of the creature waiteth for the manifestation of the sons of God … For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now” (KJV).

God said that the church would be restored.

The woman being clothed in the sun speaks of God’s glory, and the moon under her feet speaks of the soul that has been conquered and taken back from satan. The moon is only a reflection of the sun, as the soul is only a reflection of the Spirit. God said that the church would be restored and put back under the headship of God.

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon His shoulder: and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6 KJV).

The church is just about to be wrapped in His awesome glory once again. This is why He is calling intercessors to cry out, just as He called John the Baptist, one crying in the wilderness, “Prepare ye the way of the Lord” (Mark 1:3 KJV). He wants to come and put His head on the bride, but He cannot put His head on a baby. The bride must become a mature bride/man-child. This is the message of the bride and Bridegroom in Song of Solomon. He is calling His bride into maturity.

The church is just about to be wrapped

in His awesome glory once again.

Oh, how wonderful that will be, when we are once again clothed in His Shekinah glory, walking with Him as Adam once did. When God’s presence came into the garden after Adam sinned, it caused him to recognize that he was naked and was no longer in God’s glory. This is what happens when His awesome presence envelops us. We see where we are, just as the Shulamite maiden did. As we acknowledge where we are, we are then ready to rise up and go with Him.

Tell me, O thou whom my soul loveth, where thou feedest, where thou makest thy flock to rest at noon: for why should I be as one that turneth aside by the flocks of thy companions? If thou know not, O thou fairest among women, go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock, and feed thy kids beside the shepherds’ tents (Song of Solomon 1:7–8 KJV).

In Song of Solomon, the Shulamite maiden has discovered that she is only following everyone else. She is not getting revelation for herself because, like many of us, she has been distracted by the business of the soul. She is now beginning to seek for a deeper knowledge of her beloved. She is asking Him, “Where can I go to be trained to lead a flock?” She realizes that it’s not all about her anymore; she is starting to be concerned for others.

Fivefold Ministry Training

Back in verse 4, she says, “Draw me, we will run after thee” (Song of Sol. 1:4 KJV). When we run after God, there is always someone who will follow us. God has not called us to follow Him alone. We are all called to be ministers. Although everyone is not called to hold a fivefold ministry office, everyone is called to lead someone. That’s why God said, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18).

When He tells the maiden to go by the way of the shepherd’s tents, He is telling her to go and be trained by the fivefold ministry, which is listed in Ephesians 4:11–12:

And He gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ (KJV).

If we are going to be what God wants us to be for His Kingdom, it is imperative that we are equipped for it. As He leads the Shulamite, He is working on her character, and in this she finds that she must die to self and become an image of the one she is following. She must have His heart for the flock.

We must have His heart for the flock.

Many of us are asking God today, “Why is it taking so long? I know You have called me, but it seems as though You have forgotten me.” No, He has not forgotten us. He knows right where we are, and He is working on our character, so that when we get there, we will be able to stay. Remember, the anointing can take you someplace, but only character can keep you there.

I heard God call me when I was only eight years old, but I experienced so much abuse that I went into the world. I started drinking alcohol when I was about 12 to kill the pain inside me. I was only 15 when I got married. I had four children by the time I was 23. My three-year-old got sick with appendicitis and almost died. That is when I gave my heart to God. I knew He was the only one who could help me. My mind went back to when I was a child. I remembered seeing a picture of Jesus knocking on a door, and I always wondered why no one would open it. Now I knew that the door was my heart, and the only one who could open it was me. Jesus came into my heart that day and I owe my life to Him. My journey has not always been easy, but my wonderful Savior has walked through every bit of it with me. He has truly given me a testimony to share.

I knew that the door was my heart,

and the only one who could open it was me.

Sometimes pride enters in when we begin to see miracles happening in our ministries because of a heavy anointing. I believe many are going to be accountable for the flock of God. The Bible says that pride comes before a fall (see Prov. 16:18). There will always be a fall when we are filled with pride. It might not be right away, but it will happen, even if it is when we stand before God. Every knee will bow and confess that He is Lord.

Rise Up, My Love

Something else we must watch out for if we are going to follow Him is our comfort zone because He will come at times when it is not convenient. I know from experience that it is very easy to get into a comfort zone and not want to move. The Shulamite was asleep and He came to wake her out of her rest.

I sleep, but my heart waketh; it is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled: for my head is filled with dew, and my locks with the drops of the night (Song of Solomon 5:2 KJV).

The Shulamite answers Him:

I have put off my coat; how shall I put it on? I have washed my feet; how shall I defile them? My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. I rose up to open to my beloved, and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. I opened to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself, and was gone: my soul failed when he spake: I sought him, but I could not find him; I called him, but he gave me no answer (Song of Solomon 5:3–6 KJV).

He is now calling her to come with Him to a deeper dimension, one she does not understand with her natural senses. She is comfortable where she is. She has changed her garment and washed her feet. In other words, “I have given You everything. I have put on the garment of salvation.” By walking in her bare feet, she is saying, “I have become a slave for You.” She is familiar with her surroundings; all is well with her soul. She is saved, baptized, and filled with the Holy Ghost. What more is there?

What more is there?

Because of her hesitation, He has had to prove Himself to her by putting His hand in the door and letting her see. But that is not His best for her, just as it was not His best for Thomas when He had to show him His hands before he would believe that it was Jesus.

Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen Me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed (John 20:29 KJV).

How many times does God come to us and we don’t know Him? He says:

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock; if any man hear My voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with Me (Revelation 3:20 KJV).

God’s very best plan for us is to believe what He has already spoken through His written Word.

When He puts His hand on the latch of the door, it causes her to realize that she put a lock on her heart and was not yet ready to be intimate with Him. His hands dripped with myrrh and His fingers with liquid myrrh on the handles of the lock. Will she be able to go with Him to this next level? How can she when she knows that the myrrh represents death?

In John chapter 12 Mary took a pound of spikenard and anointed the feet of Jesus, signifying His death. Myrrh was very bitter yet it had a sweet smell. This represents the bitter cup that Jesus would have to drink, and His sacrificial death. His death was a sweet smelling savour to His Father. Myrrh was used as an embalming oil, which Jesus was wrapped in. Myrrh represents dying to ourselves.

He will not in any way

force Himself upon us.

The Bridegroom is now calling her to die to self—to her will, her desires, her emotions, and her opinions. She knows if she chooses to take this step, her life as she knows it will never be the same. Like the Shulamite maiden, we must make the decision to be intimate with God. He will not in any way force Himself upon us. We must be the one who removes the lock from the door of our heart. Many times we are afraid to be intimate with anyone, let alone God, because of all the hurts that we have experienced.

Points to Ponder

1. “When we come into His presence, we begin to lose our identity.” Does this experience scare you or comfort you?

2. “These are things we are born with that we inherit from our ancestors. We must become overcomers in our soul realm.” Are there issues still remaining in your soul realm that you need to overcome?

3. “He is now calling her to come with Him to a deeper dimension, one she does not understand with her natural senses.” Are you ready to dive into a deeper dimension to meet God Almighty?

CHAPTER 3

Persecuted for His Glory

T

he Shulamite expresses how she had been hurt many times by her mother’s children, by the watchmen who went about the city, and by the keepers of the wall. They struck her, wounded her, and took away her veil. Most of her pain came from those she expected to help her.

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him I am lovesick (Song of Solomon 5:8).

When she is looking for her love because He has withdrawn Himself so she will run after Him, she is told that there is something wrong with her, that her beloved is no different from theirs. But she knows better! She has touched the myrrh that dripped from His fingers, and she has experienced seeing His hand when He put it inside her door.

I did not feel safe at times, even with God.

Some of us were abandoned as children and hurt by those we loved and trusted. As I shared before, that is what happened to me and that is why I did not feel safe at times, even with God. Once we are saved, we find that religious people can be very cruel. The watchmen, the keepers of the wall, and the daughters of Jerusalem are all a type of people who have not yet reached the place of maturity in the fivefold ministry to be able to equip the saints. They are still looking for only their own needs to be met. They crave power and authority and are filled with pride. This comes from the soul that has not yet been crucified with Christ. They do not have the cry of the Bride that says, “Draw me, we will run after thee” (Song of Sol. 1:4 KJV).

However, as we journey with Him, we begin to understand His sufferings and all that He has gone through for us. Like the maiden, His heart will become our heart and His will our will. We will embrace the sufferings of the cross that He endured for us. We will drink of the cup that He drank from and be baptized with the baptism that He was baptized with.

But Jesus answered and said, Ye know not what ye ask. Are ye able to drink of the cup that I shall drink of, and to be baptized with the baptism that I am baptized with? They say unto Him, We are able (Matthew 20:22 KJV).

The Shulamite has been persecuted much, as we will be when we choose to unlock the door and allow the cross to run through our hearts. When I got saved I was reborn with such a hunger in my spirit that I could not get enough of the Word. I was in a church that did not believe in the fullness of God. I was told to just sit down and keep quiet. I was persecuted by the ministers when I would ask about certain Scriptures. There never seemed to be enough of the blood of Christ to forgive all my sins, according to the religious leaders. But I knew there was so much more than what I was being taught by man.

I knew there was so much more.

In all of her persecution, the bride has had her veil torn from her, but only that His glory might be seen. Now she is able to stand in His presence totally exposed and uninhibited. She is now ready for intimacy with her beloved. She is now ready to go to her next level.

No Longer “I” Who Lives

As we have walked with the Shulamite maiden through the journey of her experience with her beloved, we now acknowledge that she was being called to a total laying down of her own life that she might live in the knowledge of His death and resurrection.

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave Himself for me (Galatians 2:20 KJV).

Up until now, the maiden’s love for Him has been tested. He called her out of her bed in the middle of the night while she was sleeping, only for her to find when she finally awoke and went to the door that He was no longer there. Had she been dreaming, or had He really knocked on her door? Now was the test of faith, for all that remained of Him now was the scent of where He had been. It was by faith that she got up and ran into the streets and sought Him for whom her heart was so lovesick.

It was by faith that she got up

and ran into the streets and sought Him.

Oh, how many times have we had to walk only by faith and not by sight? How many times have we heard Him knock on our door and call to us to come, only to find that when we got there, He had withdrawn Himself? How many times are we left with only a blessing, just to cause us to run after Him to another place? There have been times in my life when God has called me to do something and I hesitated. When I was finally convinced that I should at least try, it was too late. Someone else already did it. I always got to share in the blessing, but I didn’t get the credit for it.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good report (Hebrews 11:1–2 KJV).

Like the Shulamite maiden, we must be tested if we are to walk with Him in His Kingdom. The Word says, “flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Cor. 15:50). Only those who are dressed in His robe of righteousness and can sing the song of the Bride will live in this realm. He is preparing a people to live in His Kingdom here on this earth.

Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven (Matthew 6:10 KJV).

We must run after Him, no matter what the cost. He only entices us to run after Him to take us to His glory, where we will become the manifested Sons of God, subduing the land as God has told us to do.

Accepting His Identity

Now that the maiden’s love for Him has been tested, it is time for her to move on to her next place with Him. She has made it through all the persecution and the dark night of her soul. The great revelation she has received while on her journey is that a great relationship with Him is only obtained through dying to self. In looking for her identity, she has realized that true identity can only be obtained through the death of her beloved (a type of Jesus).

He would always stir her with His presence.

Even though there were times when the maiden drew back from Him, she always knew in her heart and spirit that she could only hesitate for a little while because He would always stir her with His presence. There were times when fear overtook her, and she would wonder, If I get up one more time, will He be there? Will I have to run after Him again, hearing the daughters of Jerusalem say, “You must be crazy! After all, if you really had Him, you would have what we have. Look at how lovely we are. We are accepted by everyone”?

As she would hear Him calling her His love, His fair one, and His undefiled, she could no longer allow the weakness of her flesh to stop her. His call caused her to continue to run after Him, even though it meant that she must put her full trust in Him, even when He chose to lead her into the night.

There were times when I

wanted to die only because

I didn’t know how to live.

Oh, do I ever know what it feels like to be called out in the night where the only thing to trust in is His hand. When I went through divorce after 30 years of marriage, I had nothing but faith in God to walk in. I had been with my husband since I was a child. I didn’t know how to live on my own. Everything I did was new to me. My home and everything I had was burned, including my car. There were times when I wanted to die only because I didn’t know how to live. This was a very dark night that I walked through. I had to learn to trust God totally with my life. My vision lost and my faith crushed, I followed someone I loved more than life itself. I cannot see Him because, like the Shulamite maiden, He is teaching me to trust Him wherever He leads, even when I cannot see, touch, or feel Him.

There have been times when I have said to Him, “Why have I had to be rejected and abandoned from the time I have been brought into this world?” only to hear Him say, “I have been working within you a holy authority that you might reign in My Kingdom.” My father died when I was five years old, and my mother and siblings moved in with my grandmother. My mother was told by my grandmother that she could only stay with her if she put me somewhere else. Because I was not allowed to live with them, I was given to a family that severely abused me. That caused a lot of rejection inside of me.

His glory only lives in those who are dead.

True authority comes from being broken, and it doesn’t matter how long it takes. His glory in this end time will only kill those who are not sold out completely to Him, for His glory only lives in those who are dead. His fire will come and burn away all the hay, wood, and stubble, leaving only gold to remain.

A Place of Fruitfulness

My beloved has gone to his garden, to the beds of spices, to feed his flock in the gardens, and to gather lilies. I am my beloved’s, and my beloved’s is mine. He feeds his flock among the lilies (Song of Solomon 6:2–3).

While walking through her nighttime experience, the maiden has received much revelation about her beloved and about herself. In the beginning, she was always looking for Him, only to find in the end that He had always been with her. She can now tell the daughters of Jerusalem with much confidence that she has found her beloved.

She has found that He is in the garden among the lilies. Where else would our Savior be but among His people? The lilies that are in the garden represent the saints. The lily is extremely white—a type of the blood-washed saints (see Rev. 7:13–14; 19:7–8). The lilies were among thorns—the church in a sinful world (see Song of Sol. 2:2; Gen. 3:18). The seven grains inside the lily are gold—Christ the redeemer inside the saints. The lily has a sweet smell—the fragrance of Christ coming from the sold-out ones into the earth. Jesus said, “Consider the lilies of the fields, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin” (Matt. 6:28). The bride who is resting from dead works is now able to put her trust in her Savior who died for her sin. She is now mature enough to help equip the saints and bring them into the same revelation that she has received. She was told in chapter 1 to take her flock by the way of the shepherd’s tent.

In other words, she was told, “Take them to be trained by the fivefold ministry.” Tent and tabernacle are the same. According to Strong’s Concordance, the word tent means “a dwelling place, God’s residence, the body, protection, communion, and habitation.” In Hebrews 8:2 Christ is the Tabernacle among men and the Great Shepherd. Within Jesus are apostle, prophet, evangelist, pastor and teacher (see Eph. 4:11–12). The fivefold ministry has been released out of Him and into His Church to equip the saints. The noon day light is a type of the saints that has grown into the perfect man (see Eph. 4:13). We are to teach and train by revelation, not by man-made doctrines. Song of Solomon chapter 1 verse 7 says to have the sheep rest at noon. Noon speaks of perfect light (maturity).

We are to teach and train by

revelation, not by man-made doctrines.

By this we see that she herself has become a part of the fivefold ministry. She is now giving to Him as well as receiving from Him. She truly has changed from glory to glory. She has come from being selfish to being a giver while walking in the wilderness.

But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass [mirror] the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory even as by the Spirit of the Lord (2 Corinthians 3:18 KJV).

He is feeding His saints in the garden. He is now calling her into this place of fruitfulness with Him, where she will once again gain a deeper revelation of His death.

Now in the place where He was crucified there was a garden, and in the garden a new tomb in which no one had yet been laid (John 19:41).

Calvary was located around a garden where Jesus was crucified. Joseph of Arimathea, the one who gave Jesus His tomb, was a very rich man (see Matt. 27:57–60). I’m sure that the garden around where Jesus was crucified was beautiful, thus signifying that there is beauty and a sweet fragrance that comes from us dying with Christ. The garden is also a place of victory!

The garden is a place of victory!

We can also interpret this as a type of the Lord showing us His blessing upon His people and upon the nation of Israel during the millennium, when He has removed all cause for grief and sorrow. He will be standing in the center of His righteous ones.

Therefore they shall come and sing in the height of Zion, and shall flow together to the goodness of the Lord, for wheat, and for wine, and for oil, and for the young of the flock and of the herd: and their soul shall be as a watered garden; and they shall not sorrow any more at all (Jeremiah 31:12 KJV).

Her beloved is now seeing her as someone He can trust to help Him feed the flock. Even though she was selfish when she started out, she has become broken and has eyes only for Him. He sees her as having dove’s eyes (a single eye for Him). He sees the loveliness of her submission to His call. She has become an overcomer. He sees her as a glorious army with banners; the banners signify total victory.

Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah, comely as Jerusalem, terrible as an army with banners (Song of Solomon 6:4 KJV).

Points to Ponder

1. “Some of us were abandoned as children and hurt by those we loved and trusted.” Can you relate to this scenario? Have you forgiven those who hurt you?

2. “His glory in this end time will only kill those who are not sold out completely to Him, for His glory only lives in those who are dead.” Are you completely dead? Or have you found a way to be just “half-way dead”?

3. “We are to teach and train by revelation, not by man-made doctrines.” How have you been taught? How are you teaching?

CHAPTER 4

The Overcomer

To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with Me in My throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with My Father in His throne (Revelation 3:21 KJV).

T

he Shulamite has become so beautiful due to her sold-out life in Him that He can barely stand to look upon her. This is why He says, “Turn your eyes away from me, for they have overcome me” (Song of Sol. 6:5). This is the kind of love He has been looking for from His bride since the fall of man.

This is a picture of His Bride, the Church in her perfection. He told her that she was as lovely as Jerusalem. He is suggesting that this is the Church without spot, blemish, or wrinkle.

And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband (Revelation 21:2 KJV).

Turn your eyes away from me, for they have overcome me. Your hair is like a flock of goats going down from Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep which have come up from the washing; every one bears twins, and none is barren among them. Like a piece of pomegranate are your temples behind your veil [within thy locks, KJV] (Song of Solomon 6:5–7).

In this statement, He is saying that her hair describes her strength and speaks of her being separated unto Him. The reference to her teeth describes her ability to appropriate spiritual food for the saints or new believers. In reality, we know that our teeth are for chewing food so that we may be able to digest it. Hebrews 5:14 says that meat belongs to those who are of full age—talking about the meat of the Word. We see in Judges that Samson was separated unto the Lord by the sign of his long hair. When his hair was cut, he lost his identity as a Nazarite, and his strength and anointing were gone until he grew his hair back.

The Bridegroom has called her to a place where no one is barren but instead very fruitful, for everyone is birthing twins. The pomegranate in her temples speaks of her mind being washed by the washing of the water of the Word. Now renewed, her thoughts are no longer on foolish things of this world. Her mind is on the things behind the veil, which speaks of the holy of holies, where He dwells.

God is doing the same

thing in and through you.

God is doing the same thing in and through us. He is taking us to a place where we will become fertile and produce spiritual fruit. As we see in the Shulamite, we are on a journey to wherever we need to go, to become a garden enclosed for our beloved.

I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me. Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine flourish, whether the tender grape appear, and the pomegranates bud forth: there will I give thee my love (Song of Solomon 7:10–12 KJV).

Trusting Only in Him

Who is this that cometh up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved? I raised thee up under the apple tree: there thy mother brought thee forth: there she brought thee forth that bare thee (Song of Solomon 8:5 KJV).

The maiden has gone through the fire of testing, as we will, but it has only enabled her to love and trust Him more. We find her now coming up from the wilderness, leaning upon her beloved. She is no longer trusting in herself or things around her. She has learned to put her trust solely in Him. She will only do what she sees Him do and say only what she hears Him say, as Jesus did with His Father.

Then answered Jesus and said unto them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, The Son can do nothing of Himself, but what He seeth the Father do, for what things soever He doeth, these also doeth the Son likewise. For the Father loveth the Son, and showeth Him all things that Himself doeth: and He will shew Him greater works than these, that ye may marvel (John 5:19–20 KJV).

The maiden can now be trusted to care for God’s Kingdom. She represents the Church in the fullness of His glory. New Jerusalem is coming down as a bride adorned for her Husband.

This is why you must be willing

to follow Him wherever He leads.

We are that Church that He is talking about, that glorious Church without spot, blemish, or wrinkle. This is why we must be willing to follow Him wherever He leads. We must be prepared to go through the fire, into the wilderness, or through the valley of the shadow of death. If you are part of His Bride, then your love for Him will be tested with fire until there is nothing left of you. The “I” will be burned up, and only His reflection will be seen in you.

In Song of Solomon chapter 8 verse 6, the maiden has asked Him to set her as a seal upon His heart. She has made covenant with Him; she will not turn to another for love, for she has found that the love they have for each other is as strong as death.

The Shulamite is no longer selfish; she is not running after Him for what she can get but what she can give to make Him happy.

We have a little sister, and she hath no breasts: what shall we do for our sister in the day when she shall be spoken for? If she be a wall, we will build upon her a palace of silver: and if she be a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar (Song of Solomon 8:8–9 KJV).

She has reached maturity and is now ready to care for her little sister with no breasts. This refers to her concern for the young ones who are called to serve but are not yet at a mature level to feed new converts the milk they will need.

The strong ones must help

the weak until they are strong

enough to be used of God.

He then tells her, “If your little sister is unstable like a swinging door, enclose her with boards of cedar.” Boards of cedar speak of strong Christians. So He is saying that the strong ones must help the weak until they are strong enough to be used of God. As she has traveled down the road of life that He has called her to walk on, she has been healed of all the bruised places within her. I realize as I write about the Shulamite maiden that God has given us a destiny, and He wrote our name in the Lamb’s book of life before we were ever born or saved. With every trial we go through, with every mountain we climb, it is only to help us to reach our destiny.

We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves (Romans 15:1 KJV).

Through my 38 years of walking with God, I have watched the seasons change and the church stumble in darkness, trying to find her way. This is why I love to read the Song of Solomon.

The only things standing in the end

are the Bridegroom and His Bride.

It is like watching the Church as He calls her with His love, and how she learns to love Him and lean upon Him. She runs after Him to hear Him say, “You have ravished my heart, my love, my fair one” (see Song of Sol. 4:1). She learns that nothing else in this world matters because the only things that will be standing in the end are the Bridegroom and His Bride.

And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people, and God Himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things are passed away (Revelation 21:1–4 KJV).

No, the bride isn’t always pretty. She is not always willing to get up in the middle of her night and follow after Him. After all, when it is dark and there is no vision, we are unable to see unless someone turns on a light for us, or God sends an angel to take our hand and lead us up the mountain in the dark.

He has done this for me many times. There have been times in my life when I have been in pain from the abuse that I suffered. It seemed as though God did not hear when I cried out to Him. It seemed so dark that I couldn’t find my way to the next place. When I say that God will send an angel, I mean that He will use different situations in our lives to lead us. For instance, after I had gone through divorce I was so afraid because I had never been alone. I did not know what to do with my life. I was in a panic.

I did not know what to do with my life.

Once I was driving through town and all of a sudden a deer jumped right through the window of a van in front of me. The deer fell down on the street and ran up on someone’s porch. That deer was so scared that he was in confusion. Then I heard a voice say to me, “Just like you, this deer has been run out of his habitat and everything is scary to him; because, like you, he has never been here before.” God used that deer to speak to me and it helped me to understand what was happening in my own life. I believe that the deer was an angel sent to teach me something.

One night I had a vision that I was climbing up a cliff. It was pitch dark. I didn’t know how I was ever going to get to the top even though I knew I must, for God wanted me to. All of a sudden, an angel reached down and took my hand and pulled me to the top. God said to me, “I will always dispatch an angel to help you whenever you need it.” When I was living alone, God sent an angel to me. When he would walk into the room, the room would be filled with the most awesome smell I have ever smelled. There have been people in my counseling room who would smell it and begin to cry uncontrollably and receive inner healing from the pain of abuse.

Identifying With the Next Generation

There are times when the maiden draws back because she is so unsure of where she is going. The Church (His bride) has to walk from generation to generation. After a few generations, she often loses her sight, and everything changes again. She doesn’t know what the children of this generation need. They laugh at her or they mock her for her holiness, and they taunt her as she stumbles around in the dark. She ask her beloved, “How can I help the little ones?” only to hear, “If they are unstable, build a wall around them and protect them until they have grown enough to be built upon.”

“What do You want me to do, God?”

She tries to find her way to the door to open it up and to welcome in the new season. She is looking for something that she hasn’t even seen before. But it is hard because it is so new to her, and she doesn’t know the way. This is so like the church today.

I find myself asking God, “What do You want me to do? I don’t even know how to reach this generation, for it is not like the church I pastored in the seventies, eighties, or even the nineties.” I am not familiar with what is happening in the church today. I’m 60 years old. I’m frustrated and tired. Like old Eli, I feel like I’m going blind, and the lights are going out in the temple.

Yes, just like the Shulamite maiden, the Lord tells me to press on, that I will find Him in all of this. The church must learn to walk in the season it is in, find the anointing, and hear the sound. Only after the thunder, the wind, the earthquake, and the fire did Elijah hear the voice of God.

And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah? (1 Kings 19:13 KJV)

We need to wrap our face in our mantle, go out, and stand in the entry of our cave and hear the voice of God. No matter what storm or season we are in, we must lose our identity in the mantle that God has called us to wear. You see it took a lot of noise before Elijah could understand what God was saying. If you read the whole chapter of First Kings 19, you will find that Elijah was so wrapped up in himself that he could not hear God. He was in the flesh. He was running from Jezebel and lost his way to the entering of God’s voice. He had to get out of the flesh and into the spirit. He had to cover his identity, his fears, and his insecurities within his prophetic mantle.

We must be trained to

recognize the voice of God.

I’m sure it was hard for John the revelator too. He was alone on the Island of Patmos when he heard the voice of God sounding like a trumpet (see Rev. 1:10). We must be trained to recognize the voice of God or we only hear the sound of a trumpet or the sound of thunder. We cannot hear God with our natural ear because we were created to walk, talk, and hear Him in the Spirit.

We lost the ability to hear in the natural in the fall of Adam and Eve. He must now train our spirit man to interpret the sound of His voice in the storm (thunder) or the trumpet (the battle). For it is in the midst of storms that our flesh is broken open, and His voice finds entry into our spirit.

In the midst of storms your

flesh is broken open, and

His voice finds entry into your spirit.

When we are walking in the soul realm, we always make excuses for our not being able to hear from God. We plan programs; we invite the best prophets or evangelists; we plead with God to send someone who will help us find our direction. The truth is, we must go through our individual journey to lose ourselves and find Him. He has a plan for each of us, but it requires death to our own identity.

We must find our identity in Him alone, as did Elisha when Elijah put his mantle over him. Elisha burned his plow, killed his oxen, and changed his garment from silk to animal skin (see 1 Kings 19:19–21). All this meant that something was sacrificed. Genesis 3:21 tells us that God made Adam and Eve coats of skins; something had to be sacrificed for them.

When we are willing to walk away from something dear to us for something that is dear to God, we have made a sacrifice. Elisha’s identity was that of a very rich man. However, when he received his call, he was changed. If most of us lost our ministries, our jobs, or our mates, we would lose our identity and wouldn’t know who God was anymore.

Why? It’s because our identity is in material things, in people, or in our works. We really believe that God comes out of things instead of things coming out of God.

The Lord is calling you to rest

in Him and stop fretting

over what you are doing.

The Lord is calling us to rest in Him and stop fretting over what we are doing. God is just calling us to be real. When we stand before God one day, we can be sure that He is not going to reward us for the big buildings we built, or how big our ministries were. He is going to know us by the intimacy we had with Him and what we birthed out of the spirit by spending time with Him. As we all know, if we are to get pregnant, we must spend time in the bedroom with our mate. There must be intimacy.

Notice that when He gets too close to the Shulamite maiden in the Song of Solomon, she begins to make excuses for why she doesn’t have the intimate relationship that she should have with Him. She begins by telling Him all about her mother and her mother’s children and how they all treated her so badly that it caused her to have strongholds in her mind. Aren’t we all familiar with that one? We either hear it when we are in counseling with someone or else we tell God all about our scars and why we are unable to go with Him to the intimate chambers of His heart. We would much rather stay in the living room and watch Him on television.

Hidden Scars

She says, “Don’t look upon me, because I am black.” She draws back from Him at this time because, when He gets too close, it causes her to see herself as being undone. Isaiah expressed the same thing when God’s Presence filled the temple where he was.

Then said I, Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts (Isaiah 6:5).

This is why it has taken so long for the Church to become that mature bride that He so desires us to be. When He gets too close, His holiness causes us to see our scars, and we draw back. We are ashamed, so we cover ourselves with garments of insecurity and hide ourselves from Him. We will not allow Him to be intimate with us; therefore, we do not experience the different levels of His anointing and that end-time revival He so wants to share with us.

We cover ourselves with garments of

insecurity and hide ourselves from Him.

Not long ago I was speaking with a woman who had lost her husband. As we talked, the subject came up about her getting married again one day. She said, “Oh I would love to meet a wonderful man and get married again, but that could never happen.”

When I asked her why not, she replied, “Because I am in my fifties and I have scars on my body. I don’t look like I did when I was young, and I could never allow another man to see my body. If he did, he wouldn’t want me.”

Isn’t that just like us with God? We think if He sees our scars caused by the storms of life, He won’t love us. But how wrong we are! Our scars only cause Him to love us more. He took our scars upon Himself when He allowed man to nail Him to the cross. That’s how much He loves us. When He sees our scars, He sees them as His own.

When He sees our scars,

He sees them as His own.

Just like the Shulamite, for years I had a hard time with intimacy. I served and loved God with all my heart, but I thought I had to work for Him all the time or else He wouldn’t love me. If He got too close, He would see my scars, and He would never invite me to come and sit with Him. After all, I didn’t have too much to offer Him. I was crippled from the abuse I had suffered as a child and I thought that someone as holy as God could not even look upon me. I had spent most of my life in the bars, as I was taught to do. I never had much parenting. I was a hardcore young woman. I was a fighter and it didn’t matter if my opponent was a man or a woman. I had been taught to fight for everything that I needed in life. Nothing was ever handed to me, not even the food and shelter that any child should have. When I came to God I just automatically thought that I would have to do the same thing for God, or else He wouldn’t love me, just like everyone else in my life.

Points to Ponder

1. “He is taking us to a place where we will become fertile and produce spiritual fruit.” Have you reached the place with God where you have become fertile and are producing spiritual fruit?

2. “When I say that God will send an angel, I mean that He will use different situations in our lives to lead us.” Has God sent an angel to you to lead you?

3. “Why? It’s because our identity is in material things, in people, or in our works.” Is your identity founded on stuff and your career or is your identity grounded in God?

CHAPTER 5

He Has Come to Heal the Brokenhearted

I

am reminded of a man in Second Samuel named Mephibosheth (see 2 Sam. 9). He was lame in his feet, and he was hiding in LoDebar. In the Hebrew, the word Lo means “no.” Debar means pasture, nothing, so LoDebar meant a place of nothing or nowhere. But Mephibosheth had an inheritance coming to him that he didn’t even know about, and someone was looking for him. It didn’t matter that he was not perfect; his father, Jonathan, was of the house of King Saul. King David was looking for the rightful inheritor, just as God is doing with His sons and daughters. If we are sons and daughters in the house, we have an inheritance coming to us.

The Holy Spirit is searching us out, no matter how crippled we are or where we are hiding. Don’t forget, He is looking for you; He wants to give you your inheritance.

And David said, Is there yet any that is left of the house of Saul, that I may shew him kindness for Jonathan’s sake? And there was of the house of Saul a servant whose name was Ziba. And when they had called him unto David, the king said unto him, Art thou Ziba? And he said, Thy servant is he. And the king said, Is there not yet any of the house of Saul, that I may shew the kindness of God unto him? And Ziba said unto the king, Jonathan hath yet a son, which is lame on his feet. And the king said onto him, Where is he? And Ziba said unto the king, Behold, he is in the house of Machir the son of Ammiel, in Lo-debar” (2 Samuel 9:1–4 KJV).

When Mephibosheth was five years old, there was a great battle going on in his house where he was being taken care of by his nurse. In the process of trying to save him, she dropped him, and he became crippled in his feet. He also became an orphan that day.

That is how he ended up in LoDebar with Machir. Machir took him and cared for him but never told him who he was. You see, the enemy will hide your inheritance from you. He doesn’t want you to know who you are, for as long as you don’t know who you are, you will be his servant. When David found him, Mepibosheth thought of himself as a crippled nobody, and he was afraid of David.

Usually when the new dynasties came in, they killed the children of the former rulers to prevent them from trying to regain the throne. But as we can see, David, like Christ, was not there to hurt him. He intended to give him his rightful inheritance. Mephibosheth was still fighting a battle that took place when he was just a child, when he had become an orphan, and LoDebar (a place of nowhere) became his wilderness.

And he bowed himself, and said, What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am? (1 Samuel 9:8 KJV)

You see, Mephibosheth was not only crippled in his feet. He was an orphan and he had an orphan spirit. An orphan spirit will cause us to have a spirit of abuse upon us. Since he did not know who he was, he believed whatever they told him, just as we do when we have been taken into captivity and have been lied to by the enemy about who we are.

I can just imagine what this little five-year-old boy went through that night. His feet were broken, so you know he was in pain. He didn’t know where his parents were. He probably cried for days. But someone remembered him and was looking for him, just as God never forgets us.

God never forgets us.

Due to the covenant relationship that David had with Jonathan, he could not rest until he found his heirs. The day that David went to LoDebar was the day that Mephibosheth’s life changed. After all those years of not knowing who he was, thinking of himself as a dirty dog, in one day he came from the wilderness to the king’s table.

Thou therefore, and thy sons, and thy servants, shall till the land for him, and thou shalt bring in the fruits, that thy master’s son may have food to eat: but Mephibosheth thy master’s son shall eat bread always at my table. Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants (2 Samuel 9:10 KJV).

His Bride Has Crippled Feet

This sounds like the church today—crippled in her feet, unable to go forward, not really knowing who we are in Christ and hiding in the wilderness. However, the King is coming with healing in His wings! We will sit at the King’s table, eat the bread of forgiveness, and drink the wine of joy.

You will sit at the King’s table,

eat the bread of forgiveness,

and drink the wine of joy.

All of us have some sort of handicap we are hiding in the wilderness with. But Jesus made a covenant with His Father that He would come find us in the wilderness and give us our inheritance.

For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: and if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with Him, that we may be also glorified together (Romans 8:15–17 KJV).

We all have crippled feet, but that is why God is looking for us. He is coming to set us free from the fall that made us lame. You notice that Mephibosheth didn’t get his feet healed; he got his heart and the low self-esteem that made him feel like a dead dog healed. He was given back his heritage, just as we are when Jesus comes to where we are living. It doesn’t matter to Jesus where we are, what we are doing, or if we are an orphan. He has come to invite us to eat at His table continually. He doesn’t care about our crippled feet. He wants to heal our crippled hearts.

So Mephibosheth dwelt in Jerusalem: for he did eat continually at the king’s table; and was lame on both his feet (2 Samuel 9:13 KJV).

The story of Mephibosheth is an allegory of Jesus coming to us while we are still in bondage and crippled because He loves us, and He will never forget where we are.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn (Isaiah 61:1–2 KJV).

I used to think He had forgotten me when I was a child because of the things that I had to go through after my dad died. But He had not forgotten me, nor did He misplace me. He knew right where I was all the time. He hid me in the wilderness, where I would be safe until the appointed time.

He hid me in the wilderness,

where I would be safe.

Many of us have been hidden in the wilderness for a long time, but that’s all right. He will come. David was in the wilderness until Zadok let him know it was safe to come out of hiding. Sometimes God protects us by keeping the spotlight off us so that the enemy can’t destroy us, but it is only for a season.

See, I will tarry in the plain of the wilderness, until there come word from you to certify me (2 Samuel 15:28 KJV).

We become kings in the wilderness. It is in the wilderness that we learn who our enemies are. Then, when God brings us out, we won’t be deceived, and our discernment will be sharp for our mission. If we do not stay in the wilderness long enough, our character will not be developed, and the pride of our flesh will eat us up, like the snake eating dust as God said he would (see Gen. 3:14). Our flesh was made from the dust of the earth, so when we walk in the flesh, this gives the enemy power over our flesh.

I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh (Galatians 5:16).

The Father is calling His Bride to come behind the veil, where all things are exposed. When God came into the garden after Adam disobeyed Him, He found them hiding from His presence, and they were ashamed. They covered themselves with fig leaves, or things of the earth, as many do today. They exchanged God’s cover of glory for a covering of the earth. Sometimes we hide the fact that we are crippled so that no one will know, not even God. We say, like Adam said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was naked; and I hid myself” (see Gen. 3:10). Instead of getting close enough to God to change and be healed, we hide from Him.

Instead of getting close enough

to God to change and be healed,

we hide from Him.

Oh, how we need to allow the Holy Spirit to speak truth into our inner man and not be afraid of His holiness! The Father sends the Holy Spirit to call His Bride into His presence. He woos her with His gifts, but she must be willing to go further. If all she does is take His gifts and does not commit to following Him wherever He leads, she is no more than a harlot. The Father has sent the Holy Spirit to bring the future bride of Jesus to His Kingdom, where she will receive her inheritance and be presented to the world in all her beauty and His glory.

Points to Ponder

1. “The Holy Spirit is searching us out, no matter how crippled we are or where we are hiding.” Has the Holy Spirit found you in your hiding place? Do you feel crippled in some way?

2. “We will sit at the King’s table, eat the bread of forgiveness, and drink the wine of joy.” Search your mind’s eye and describe in detail what you see as you are sitting with the King of kings at His table.

3. “He woos her with His gifts, but she must be willing to go further.” Are you a beloved and obedient Bride or a selfish harlot?

CHAPTER 6

Bringing His Bride Home

T

here is another wonderful story in the Bible about a woman who was called on a journey to her bridegroom. The journey that she was called to take was not an easy one, for she was called to trust a man she had never seen before. He came to her with orders from the bridegroom’s father to bring her to her future husband. His job was to find the right woman and cause her to fall deeply in love with her husband-to-be before she arrived at her destination. He had to be very careful not to lift himself up to her. He was not to draw any attention to himself; he was only to lift up the one who sent him.

The woman I am referring to is Rebekah, the wife of Isaac, the son of Abraham (see Gen. 24). Abraham’s heart was heavy, for he knew that he must find a bride for his son. He needed to prepare for his passing and hand down the inheritance to his son and grandsons. God had made a covenant with Abraham to bless his seed. He was referring to the generations after Abraham. God made seven promises, and one of them was, “In thee shall all families of the earth be blessed” (Gen. 12:3 KJV).

You can come out of your

wilderness experiences leaning

upon Him, putting all

of your trust in Him and not

leaning on your own understanding.

This love story can also be an allegory of Jesus, the Bridegroom, and His Bride, the Church. It is similar to the Shulamite maiden and her beloved in Song of Solomon, for it was on her journey that she learned to love Him and trust Him enough to lean upon Him while coming out of her wilderness. This is what God is seeking within us—that we can come out of our wilderness experiences leaning upon Him, putting all of our trust in Him and not leaning on our own understanding.

Abraham was preparing to hand down the mantle God Himself had put upon him. That is what God is preparing the Bride for today, that He might present to His Son a Bride without spot, blemish, or wrinkle. He is calling the Church into holiness and out of the world system. This is what our journey is all about. Just like Rebekah, we must be willing to leave the place we are familiar with and follow the Holy Spirit to our Bridegroom.

You must be willing to leave

the place you are familiar

with and follow the

Holy Spirit to our Bridegroom.

This is the story of Rebekah, Isaac, Abraham, and Abraham’s elder servant, who was a type of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Like the Shulamite maiden, Rebekah was called on a journey where she would be tested and developed. There were certain things that Eliezer was looking for in a bride for his master’s son. Likewise, there are things that the Holy Spirit is looking for in us because He is responsible to get the Church ready for that great day of the wedding feast, where the Bridegroom will take His Bride to His side on His throne.

To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with Me in My throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with My Father in His throne (Revelation 3:21 KJV).

Eliezer was looking for a pure, virgin bride for his master’s son, one who had not given herself to another man. The Holy Spirit is also looking for a pure bride for the Son of God. He is looking for those who cannot be enticed by the world system. How many times has the church played the part of a harlot by running after false gods? But God continues to buy His bride back and cleanse her with His precious blood.

Not only was she willing

to give him water, but she also

offered to water his camels.

All the signs that Eliezer asked for were in Rebekah. First of all, he required that she have a servant’s heart. He saw this in her when she was willing to let down her pitcher and give him a drink. Not only was she willing to give him water, but she also offered to water his camels. This was a very hard job, and it took hours because of the large amount of water that camels drink. Then, of course, she came from a godly family, being raised to honor God’s servants. But all of this was not enough. There was still a test to come.

You must be willing to leave

all and follow Him.

Would she be willing to leave her family and go with Eliezer? After all, she didn’t know this man, and she didn’t know the man he was asking her to marry. This would be the final test while still in her parents’ home. She must be willing to leave all and follow him.

He that loveth father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after Me, is not worthy of Me (Matthew 10:37–38 KJV).

“Yes!” she answered very quickly when her parents asked her if she wanted to go with him (see Gen. 24:58). She did not hesitate. Her mind was made up, and she was willing to go, willing to leave everything she had ever known and loved, for a man she had never seen. Eliezer was very mindful and respectful of her parents, knowing that she needed permission from them first or else her future would not be blessed. Eliezer, a type of the Holy Spirit, waited for the response of her parents, just as the Holy Spirit does when we have a calling to be part of fivefold ministry.

The Bible says there are many

instructors but not many fathers.

He will never push against the spiritual leaders of your church. Please don’t misunderstand, I’m not talking about leaders who do not love you or who only want to control you. The Bible says there are many instructors but not many fathers (see 1 Cor. 4:15). I’m not talking about the false prophets and teachers we read about in Second Peter 2:1–3. I’m not talking about shepherds who slaughter the sheep. I’m talking about our spiritual parents who only want what is best for us. Rebekah’s brother even played a part in her leaving her household, and he and her parents gave her a blessing before she left (see Gen. 24:60).

The Holy Spirit will show our leaders signs that it is God’s will for us to go to another land, for even when we are called out, there are still many tests we must go through. Paul watched over Timothy and called him his son. Timothy was trained and then sent. “This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you fight the good fight” (1 Tim. 1:18 NASB). God has given our leaders the responsibility to equip the saints so they will be able to do warfare when they are sent out.

A good parent would never give car keys to a teenager without first teaching him to drive. There are tests that he must take to prove that he is ready to go on the highway and drive by himself. If he is not ready, he could be killed or kill someone else. If we are not yet mature enough to go to the next level, we will be swallowed up by snakes in the wilderness.

Jesus Himself had to go

into the wilderness and stand

face to face with that great serpent.

Many times we hear, “A new level, a new devil.” The snake in the wilderness represents the tempter (see Gen. 3:1). Let’s not forget that the first Adam flunked the test. Jesus Himself had to go into the wilderness and stand face to face with that great serpent, the devil. Then Jesus stood in the synagogue and proclaimed:

The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me, because He hath anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He hath sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised (Luke 4:18 KJV).

I will be speaking more on snakes in the wilderness later on. Dr. Ron Cottle, author of Training for Reigning, says, “We must be trained in Bethlehem before we are ready for Zion.” We must stay in the house until we are trained, as we know Abraham trained his men in the house.

And when Abram heard that his brother was taken captive, he armed his trained servants, born in his own house, three hundred and eighteen, and pursued them unto Dan (Genesis 14:14 KJV).

Rebekah was prepared in the home of her father first. He taught her to be a pure, virtuous woman, as we can see by the way she treated the man of God. Eliezer could tell she had been trained well. It wasn’t the hard work she could do but the servant’s heart he had seen in her that caused him to know that she was the one. She had the attributes of the Father’s heart, and this is what God is looking for in all of us.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:10–12 KJV).

Notice that when they released her to go, they did not send her without a blessing. This is the way we should leave our household. Our leaders should always give us blessings when we leave.

And they blessed Rebekah, and said unto her, Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them (Genesis 24:60 KJV).

It was time for Rebekah to leave her place of comfort, and she would still be tested, for the journey would be hard. The desert was hot and dry, and there were wild beasts that could devour her. She had to put her trust in Eliezer, just as we must put our trust in the Holy Spirit. They had to travel about 600 miles before she would be able to see the one her heart was longing for. Eliezer had to prepare her to be ready to commit to Isaac for the rest of her life.

We must put our faith

and trust in the Holy Spirit.

There was no turning back now. Have you ever felt like that? You’ve come too far to turn back, but you still can’t see the other side. You know there is a great reward waiting, if you can just reach the mark

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:13–14 KJV).

Sometimes we have to spend a long time in the wilderness, but when we come out on the other side, we will be ready to meet our beloved Bridegroom. Everyone has a different wilderness experience. But whatever it is, He promises that He will never leave us or forsake us, even to the end of the world. Whatever we have to walk through, we must keep our faith in His Word.

Remember when Rebekah’s brother gave her that blessing before she left? Well, I think that she kept that in her faith box for a long time. He prophesied that she would be the mother of thousands upon thousands (see Gen. 24:60). However, she couldn’t seem to have even one baby. Isaac was 60 years old before Rebekah gave birth to twins (see Gen. 25:26). I’m sure that being barren was even a worse wilderness than when she journeyed through the desert to get to Isaac.

There are things that need

to be developed within you

during this time of waiting.

She probably never thought in a million years that she would be barren after the blessing she had received from her family.

Have you ever gotten a word from a prophet and you have been waiting for 20 years and it still hasn’t come to pass? I have. But there are things that need to be developed within us during this time of waiting. I remember in 1989 at Pinecrest Bible Training Center, I was taking a walk, and I asked God why I had to go through so much pain even when I was a child. He said, “Because I have been working holy authority in you since you were born, and it was only your flesh that was touched by it. No one can hurt your spirit man; he belongs to Me, and I just have to get through the things that were imparted into your soul realm.” It is in the wilderness that giants are exposed. We cannot kill what we can’t see. One thing I do know for sure is that if we keep pressing through our wilderness experiences, we will one day sit at the King’s table.

You must keep your focus

on Him, not on the desert.

God gave us some wonderful promises from Isaiah 58 to stand on. There are times when we walk through very dry places, and we must walk totally by faith to do what God has called us to do. It is in these places that we will learn to trust Him. The wilderness only lasts for a season, and during that time, we will learn how to lean upon Him whom our soul loves. We must keep our focus on Him, not on the desert, for if you look at the desert, it can get scary. His promises will stand firm, for God cannot lie.

One day, we were praying for our missionaries in Africa. Dr. John Polis, my apostle, sent a couple from our fellowship to Africa as missionaries. I came under a real burden for their sake because they had to leave their church and family behind. They are middle-aged and have lived in a very small town for many years. In my heart I knew it was going to be hard on them. Then God showed me His promises, not only for them but for all who will receive them.

And the Lord shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not. And they that shall be of thee shall build the old waste places; thou shalt raise up the foundations of many generations; and thou shalt be called, The repairer of the breach, The restorer of paths to dwell in (Isaiah 58:11–12 KJV).

Points to Ponder

1. “This is what God is seeking within us—that we can come out of our wilderness experiences leaning upon Him, putting all of our trust in Him and not leaning on our own understanding.” Do you come out of wilderness experiences leaning on Him or kicking and screaming?

2. “She had the attributes of the Father’s heart, and this is what God is looking for in all of us.” How would you describe a “servant’s heart”? Do you have one?

3. “There was no turning back now. Have you ever felt like that? You’ve come too far to turn back, but you still can’t see the other side.” How do you feel about being in this type of situation?

CHAPTER 7

Wilderness Experience of Moses

T

he wilderness Moses journeyed through could also be used as an allegory of the progression of the Church (see 1 Cor. 10:1–11). As we read about his life and about the things he went through to answer the call of God, we soon realize that we are part of that picture as the Church, or the spiritual progression of the soul of man, from the beginning of salvation to the mature man (the Sons of God).

Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ (Ephesians 4:13 KJV).

This journey through the wilderness or desert was orchestrated by God. We find in Genesis 15 that God foretold to Abraham that his seed would be strangers in a land that was not theirs.

And He said unto Abram, Know of a surety that thy seed shall be a stranger in a land that is not theirs, and shall serve them; and they shall afflict them four hundred years (Genesis 15:13 KJV).

If we look at this picture as being the Church, we find that we must once again go back to the garden where it all began. We are all strangers in this world. We were never intended to live in the world as we know it today. God created a perfect place for us to dwell, but Adam sold us out, just as Joseph’s brothers sold him out to Egypt (see Gen. 37:28). This is truly a story of redemption. Adam sold us out, but God has made provision for us through His Son, Jesus Christ, our redeemer.

Moses was called by God to redeem a people out of bondage (see Exod. 3:7–11). This call would cause Moses much pain from his birth to his death. I see this as a story of the Church, with God training us to see the enemy and all his tricks. When we stand as Adam did, we won’t sell out what God has given us. We are in the process of going to our homeland, where we will sit at the King’s table.

God has planned your wilderness.

He knows everything you

will encounter and has given

you everything you need.

As we travel through the wilderness with Moses, we can apply most of the things that happened to him and the children of Israel to our own lives. We also are traveling to our promised land. What we must keep in mind is that God has planned our wilderness. He knows everything we will encounter along the way and has given us everything we need to make it through. As the Church travels through the wilderness, there will be things that we must leave behind. The whole purpose of the journey is to teach us how to pursue the heart of God and to follow after Him no matter what the cost.

The Beginning of Moses’ Journey

From the very beginning, we see that Moses’ life was not going to be an easy one. He was divinely called by God before he was even born. But to accomplish what God had called him to do would mean that he must be tested throughout his life. Moses was called to be a deliverer, to bring God’s people out of bondage. We are also called in this day to bring restoration to His Church. If we are called to a fivefold ministry office, we are called to equip the saints for His coming. But just like Moses, we must be prepared and equipped for the generations God has called us for.

During our journey through the wilderness, every weakness buried within us will be exposed if we are determined to get to the other side. Now we all have a choice; we can stop at any time. The purpose for this journey is to find out where He can use us in His Kingdom.

Many can only go to the first level simply because they are not willing to look at truth within themselves. We must let the past go and take responsibility for our future. Like Moses, our call is not just for today, or just for us. It is for future generations.

Your call is not just for today

—it is for future generations.

God does not allow things to be exposed to shame us. He allows it so that we can see the truth about ourselves and give Him permission to deliver us. As I said earlier, many times we hide from Him because we are ashamed of our sores and our scars. But the truth is that we all have crippled feet, and our hearts are unreliable. We are all born with a sinful nature, and we all have every sin under the sun within us. This is why we must be born again.

When Jesus gave His life for us, the work was finished at the cross. But now there are things in our soul realm that must be cut off. This is what we know as circumcision of the heart. This is what happens as we are tested in the wilderness. Layer by layer, revelation by revelation, glory to glory, we are changed. No one can change us, and we can’t change ourselves, but we are changed by the dealings of the Lord. As we fall more and more in love with Jesus, we will come into a perfect man; and we, the Bride, will sit with Him on His throne.

And be found in Him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith: that I may know Him, and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being made conformable unto His death; if by any means I might attain unto the resurrection of the dead. Not as though I had already attained, either were already perfect: but I follow after, if that I may apprehend that for which also I am apprehended of Christ Jesus. Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in anything ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you (Philippians 3:9–15 KJV).

If we will study the life and journey of Moses, we will begin to understand what is happening in our own life as God prepares us for this end-time Kingdom ministry. When we have a divine calling from God as Moses did, we will be in training all of our lives. Only those who are willing to go through the training will reign as kings, for where there is no training, there is no reigning.

God is seeking a pure seed from a generation who is willing to separate itself from the world system and stop compromising His Word. There must be a pure seed that is conceived by the Word of God just as Jesus was.

When we have a divine calling from

God, we will be in training all of our lives.

Mary was impregnated by the Word of God, and she brought forth a son. God is preparing us in the wilderness to become a holy seed.

Just like when Moses was born, it was a day similar to what we are living in today. God’s people were in bondage to Pharaoh. They were afflicted, bitter, and hard and had become slaves in Egypt. As we can see, Moses was in just about the same situation we are today. He was called by God but born right into that same captivity that the children were in.

Today, we see a generation in bondage to satan and his demons. They have become slaves to drugs, alcohol, sexual addictions, and anything else the devil can throw at them. Satan’s plan is to kill the Sons of God, just as he did in Moses’ day. But God is preparing a Moses. I like to say, “But God,” because God will always come and rescue His people out of the hands of satan. This is why He is calling intercessors to the front lines, just as He called the mother of Moses. She was willing by faith to put him into a basket and put him into the river, knowing that her prayers of faith would save him.

The first test Moses had to go through was put upon him before he was even weaned. By faith his mother put him into a basket and put him into the Nile River. Would it sustain him? Would God send someone to rescue him? You see, right from the start Moses was being groomed by God. He was separated from his parents and raised by Pharaoh’s daughter, but he nursed from the breast of faith from his own mother (see Exod. 2:5–9). God had a strategic plan going on behind the scenes that old Pharaoh didn’t know about. He also has a plan for us today. He knows how to raise up people for the rescue of this generation.

You see, everything that happened with Moses was birthed out of faith. His parents were godly and full of faith, and they did not fear the king. They knew their God would rescue Moses!

By faith Moses, when he was born, was hid three months of his parents, because they saw he was a proper child; and they were not afraid of the king’s commandment (Hebrews 11:23 KJV).

Weaned From the Familiar

When God is training us for ministry, our first wilderness will be the feeling of loneliness, separation, and crying to be fed by our mother (who signifies what we are familiar with). Crying was what Moses was doing when he was found. God separates us from the familiar. The thing that nurtures us in one season will not feed us in another. When a baby is born, there is no longer a need for the placenta. If it is not disconnected, it becomes an enemy and toxic to the baby. But at one time it was life-giving.

It is the same when we go from one stage to another; whatever no longer feeds us becomes waste. We find in Exodus 2:5–10 that Moses was nourished by Pharaoh’s daughter, but in the end, she would become his enemy because her assignment was finished. His call from God was to deliver His people out of Egypt, and that meant to overthrow the Egyptians.

The Call of Moses—Preparation

- He was separated from the familiar.

- He learned all the wisdom of the Egyptians.

- He refused the pleasures of Egypt.

- He learned that he could not elevate himself.

- He learned to be a shepherd on the back side of Midian so he could lead God’s people.

Moses’ first experience of being trained was separation from his mother. Usually our first ministry is like that basket in the Nile River. We don’t have a whole lot of direction, and we can feel pretty helpless at times. I know I have been in that basket before, and all I wanted was for someone to come along and tell me that everything was going to be all right. We all have our basket experience, but God always knows where we are. We might be crying, but Abba Father hears us. The basket experience makes us feel like orphans, and we know that we need our Father’s embrace.

Trained in Pharaoh’s Court

The next part of Moses’ training would be for his education. Some think that education is not important for ministry, and thus it becomes a wilderness for them. But as we can read in the Book of Acts, God had a plan for Moses to get his education in Pharaoh’s court. He would need it in dealing with not only God’s people but also a nation. He had to be trained to stand before kings and dignitaries. Also, while in the palace, he learned their strategies for battle. This would give him an advantage when it came time to deliver his people out of Egypt. Many times our training comes from the people we have to work for in the world.

God puts us in places we may think are a waste of our time. Nothing is ever a waste when we are being prepared for the Kingdom. As pastors and parents, we should always encourage the young ones to take their time and get whatever education is needed for whatever their vision is, just as God made sure Moses was exactly where he needed to be for his preparation. “And Moses was learned in all the wisdom of the Egyptians, and was mighty in words and deeds” (Acts 7:22).

Take the time and get the

education for whatever your vision is.

If we are going to stand before the King of kings and serve Him to the highest degree, we must go through His training. I think the most important thing we need as leaders is wisdom because without wisdom we make some pretty stupid mistakes. I have suffered greatly in my life the lack of education and training. Sometimes we are deprived of all this when we are children, and we can’t help that.

As adults, there are things we can do about it. We must spend the time in the wilderness to be trained, no matter how long it takes. If we submit to wherever God places us, we will find ourselves sitting at the King’s table one day. “A man’s gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men” (Prov. 18:16 KJV).

In Exodus 2, we start seeing a nature rising up in Moses, and this would be the beginning of his next training. He must learn the difference between God’s will and his own emotions. He knew he was called by God to deliver the children of Israel out of Egypt, but he hadn’t learned God’s timing yet. He was still not mature enough to know his strength from God’s strength, his will from God’s will, or his anger from God’s anger, but he would as he went through his wilderness and continued to pursue the heart of God. Even though he was making a lot of mistakes on this level, he loved God and wanted more than anything to do what God had called him to do, as most of us do.

Even though he was making

mistakes, he loved God

and wanted to do what

God had called him to do.

One day when Moses was going out just to see what his Hebrew brothers were doing, he saw an Egyptian beating one of them. He took the matter into his own hands and killed the Egyptian.

And it came to pass in those days, when Moses was grown, that he went out unto his brethren, and looked on their burdens: and he spied an Egyptian smiting a Hebrew, one of his brethren. And he looked this way and that way, and when he saw that there was no man, he slew the Egyptian, and hid him in the sand (Exodus 2:11–12 KJV).

I know just how he felt. I grew up taking matters into my own hands. If I thought someone was not being treated fairly, the fight was on. And just like Moses, when God called me into ministry, what do you think He had to burn out of me? It was the same spirit of relying on my own strength to take care of things. When I was a child, I had no one to protect me, so I learned early in life how to fight, and it didn’t stop just because I got saved. God has had to teach me that it is not my job to protect the underdog; that is His job. My job is to preach the Word of God.

It is God’s job to protect the underdog.

Sometimes when we think people need our help, God is doing something in their lives that we cannot see; therefore, He does not need our help. We must learn to trust God and lean upon His strength. “[It’s] ‘not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the Lord of hosts” (Zech. 4:6). Moses thought he was doing his brother a favor, but his brother turned on him and said, “Who made thee a prince and a judge over us? intendest thou to kill me, as thou killedst the Egyptian?” (Exod. 2:14 KJV). Isn’t that just like some people? You really try with all your heart to help them, only to find they didn’t really want your help, and they attack you.

Moses was in trouble with old Pharaoh now. Pharaoh knew he couldn’t trust Moses, even though he had raised him in his court. He had killed one of his men. It is just like us when we begin to realize who we are. The devil hates us, and he will come after us. When we are not mature enough to know when to kill or when to keep our mouths shut, we get into trouble with the enemy. But it is God the Father bringing out the nature that is so deep within us. It will one day bring a reproach against the Kingdom if not dealt with while we are still young. Sometimes God just allows our nature to act out so we can see it and be willing to turn from it and do it God’s way.

The devil hates you, and

he will come after you.

I’m sure Moses could have talked his way out of this with Pharaoh if he had really wanted to. He could have lied. He could have called Pharaoh’s daughter to help him out. But the Bible says in Hebrews 11 that by faith Moses refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter:

By faith Moses, when he was come to years, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter; choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season (Hebrews 11:24–25 KJV).

Moses knew he was called to deliver a people; it was just that his timing was wrong. In it all, Moses was seeking to know the heart of God.

Midian, a Place to Cool Off

Now Moses would have to run to the back side of Midian, where he would become a shepherd. How many times do we have to go through that when we are called to ministry? Just when we think we have arrived, here we go again, back to the desert. I know it’s crazy, but in all that we must go through, it causes us to fall deeply in love with God. When we get to our destiny, we are so in love with Him that nothing else matters except to be with Him.

As we come to the place where He says, “It’s time to go now,” we find that we don’t ask for ministry anymore; we are the ministry. We learn that the greater the leader, the greater the servant. All of this is just to make us servants. Upon arrival to the city of Midian, Moses is once again faced with the same issue that caused him to have to come to Midian in the first place—taking things into his own hands.

This time it was different. The seven daughters of the priest of Midian came down to draw water for their father’s flock. Evil shepherds came to drive them away, but Moses stood up, helped them, and watered their flock (see Exod. 2:15–17). You see, Moses’ call to be a servant was in operation. He didn’t have to kill anyone this time to show how great he was. He now had nothing to prove; his tribulation had knocked that out of him. He no longer felt like a great deliverer. He felt like a failure. I’m sure he thought he would never fulfill his call, as we all do when we feel we have failed God. The act of kindness that Moses showed to the girls opened a door for him to be cared for while in Midian. You see, no matter where we run, God always makes provision for us, even at times when we appear to be out of His will.

I can only imagine the loneliness Moses must have felt after being raised all his life in a palace where everything was handed to him. Now he was a stranger in the land, and he knew no one.

God would keep him there 40 years, and in that time he would learn to be a good shepherd (see Exod. 3:1). This would teach him how to be a good shepherd for God’s people. If we are going to be a leader of God’s Kingdom, we must be taught by our experiences just how His people feel when they are going through hard times.

He will bring you out

of the wilderness when His

work within you is completed.

During this time in the wilderness, Moses learned humility, just as we will when we feel like we are on the back side of Midian. We learn that we can trust God in every situation. He will bring us out when His work within us has been completed. As I said earlier, God chooses us according to how well we go through the furnace of affliction. If we are going to be a great leader for God and reach the destination He has called us to, we must pass our test in the wilderness.

If we don’t come out with more love for Him than we went into the furnace with, we are not ready to serve in the King’s palace. It is to the overcomers He has granted to rule in His Kingdom and to sit with Him on His throne. When we are a generation called as leaders for a kingdom, we must be fired until there is nothing left but gold and others can see His reflection in us.

“For many are called, but few are chosen” (Matt. 22:14). It depends on how well we go through our wilderness as to whether or not we will be chosen for leadership. We can be elected by man, but there will be no power or anointing. The anointing comes from obedience to God and how willing we are to serve. God also measures us by the compassion we have for those who are less fortunate than us. Moses passed that test with flying colors when he was willing to leave Pharaoh’s court and suffer the afflictions with God’s people.

My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with respect of persons. For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment; and ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool: are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts? (James 2:1–4 KJV)

The Burning Bush

Now we come to the experience of the burning bush. Moses had been in Midian for 40 years tending his father-in-law’s flock. Just when Moses thought he would have to live there the rest of his life, something amazing happened. As Moses was leading the flock of Jethro, his father-in-law, an angel appeared in a flame of fire out of the midst of a bush. When Moses saw the burning bush, he turned to look at it.

And Moses said, I will now turn aside, and see this great sight, why the bush is not burnt. And when the Lord saw that he turned aside to see, God called unto him out of the midst of the bush, and said, Moses, Moses. And he said, Here am I (Exodus 3:3–4 KJV).

This day was a very special day for Moses, as this was the day that God would meet with him to commission him for his great task. We can have a call of God upon us, but until God commissions us to go forth, we are not equipped with authority and power to do the job. We are born with everything we need to complete the task we are called to, but it is in our wilderness that we are developed.

Only God can tell you when

you are ready to go before a nation.

Only God can tell us when we are ready to go before a nation and rescue a people. A nation does not have to be overseas; it can be right where we are. Moses was now ready to turn, as we must be when God comes to us in that burning bush. Our burning bush experience can be different things in our lives that cause us to hear God and turn from where we are to where He is.

I first saw the burning bush when God called me to salvation at 8 years old, but then I wandered in darkness until I was 24 years old. God kept dealing with my heart, and I kept running like Moses, but one day my wake-up call came when my baby got sick and almost died. I called out to God with all my heart to save my baby, and it allowed me to see what I really needed. That’s the day I gave my heart to Jesus, and yes, He healed my baby.

No matter how long it

takes, you must wait until

God commissions you to go.

No matter how long it takes, we must wait until God commissions us to go, for unless we are sent, we will fail. Those of us who are already in leadership have been going through some very dry times. We are waiting for the burning bush, for the new season that is about to break out. The problem is that some are not yet willing to turn from what they are familiar with to what God is saying for this new season. Some of you are saying, “Oh, I’m doing fine. I haven’t had to go through anything. I just started and my ministry is rocking.”

Well, I have news for you. If you are called by God and not by man, you will go through the wilderness, and you will meet with the burning bush.

Walking on Holy Ground

After such a visitation from God, Moses was ready to go to his next level. God told Moses to take off his shoes, for where he was walking was holy ground. Now Moses would truly walk as a servant. To walk barefoot signifies being a slave in the presence of his master, and also his sensitivity to the Spirit of God. Our bare feet are very sensitive to anything that is sharp. So it is in life, as we walk the path that God puts us on we become more sensitive to His Spirit. Because of Moses’ willingness to turn aside, the next door opened to him. Now God was saying to Moses, “You will now walk as a servant in My presence.” The holy ground signifies separation from Moses’ will to God’s will. Moses passed the test of submission. He was no longer walking in his own strength but was totally relying on God. Moses learned that he could do nothing without God working through him.

You can do nothing without

God working through you.

God told Moses that it was time to go. But notice, Moses went to Jethro, his father-in-law, and asked his permission to leave (see Exod. 4:18). Even though God had told him to go, he was in submission to his father-in-law, the one who had cared for him while hiding from Pharaoh. When God calls us out, He will always expect us to go to our leader and be released.

If we don’t think we owe them anything, then we are still not ready to go. God only gives a staff of authority to those who have learned submission and respect. When we have learned that, then God will trust us.

When the Enemy Says No

The next thing we will encounter on our walk is that satan will not obey us when we go after him like God told us to. That’s what happened to Moses after God told him to go to Pharaoh and tell him to let His people go. Pharaoh said, “No way.” Then he began to treat the people even worse.

And Moses returned unto the Lord, and said, Lord, wherefore hast Thou so evil entreated this people? why is it that Thou hast sent me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in Thy name, he hath done evil to this people; neither hast Thou delivered Thy people at all (Exodus 5:22–23 KJV).

This is what happens when we bring war on satan. He fights back and makes things harder on us. This is why some back up when they are commissioned by God to go. When satan resists and pushes them back, they think they must not be called or that God has surely made some kind of mistake.

When God sends us to a region, there are spirits that must be overthrown before we can have victory. When God told my husband and me to sell our home and move onto the property of the church, I thought it would be wonderful. I thought that because when I would go there and stay in the minister’s quarters for a week to fast and pray, it was awesome. I felt nothing but God’s presence. But when we moved there, all hell was awakened. I sat down one morning and began to cry. I just could not understand.

But when we moved there,

all hell was awakened.

I said to God, “I thought You told us to move here, and we were obedient, but the warfare is so bad that I just want to go back home. What is wrong?” He said to me, “I did tell you to move. But it is your job to get rid of the enemy. That’s why I sent you there.” After that, I begin to press against hell, and I took my stand. I said, “Devil! This is where God has placed me, and I won’t move until God tells me to.” At times it is not easy to do what God calls us to do. This is why we must know that we have heard from God or else we will doubt our call and ourselves.

Another thing we need to be aware of as we journey through the wilderness is not expecting something from others that we cannot live ourselves. God was on His way to kill Moses because he had not circumcised his sons.

And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the Lord met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me (Exodus 4:24–25 KJV).

The reason circumcision was so important to God was because He had promised Abraham’s seed would inherit Canaan, but they were to be circumcised. Circumcision was a token of the covenant between God and Abraham. Moses was called to fulfill the promise God had made to His people. We, too, are called to minister the covenant that God gave to us.

God promised that a Savior would come and save His people from their sin. But many are not being an example of what God has established. We are only saved by the blood of Jesus that He shed on the cross. This is the Gospel of Christ. We must not compromise the Word of God, not even for our children. Thank God Zipporah, Moses’ wife, was willing to circumcise their son. Let’s read about the covenant promises that God has given to us for all the generations.

And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call His name JESUS: for He shall save His people from their sins. Now all this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Behold, a virgin shall be with child, and shall bring forth a son, and they shall call His name Emmanuel, which being interpreted is, God with us (Matthew 1:21–23 KJV).

There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe. He was not that Light, but was sent to bear witness of that Light. That was the true Light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world (John 1:6–9 KJV).

As we have studied just a bit about the wilderness that Moses encountered, I’m sure that we can all relate to it in some way. Moses learned a lot about himself while traveling through the desert, just as we will. If we will allow God, we will be changed when we come out on the other side.

Points to Ponder

1. “What we must keep in mind is that God has planned our wilderness. He knows everything we will encounter along the way and has given us everything we need to make it through.” How hard is it for you to remember this truth when you are in the middle of a crisis?

2. “Our burning bush experience can be different things in our lives that cause us to hear God and turn from where we are to where He is.” What burning bush encounter have you experienced? What was the outcome?

3. “At times it is not easy to do what God calls us to do. This is why we must know that we have heard from God or else we will doubt our call and ourselves.” Are you doubting right now your call or yourself? Have you turned totally to Him for the answer?

CHAPTER 8

The Enemy That Seeks to Kill Us

T

he things that are on the outside are not enemies that seek to kill us while we are in the wilderness. The things inside of us are what seek to kill us. In this part of my book, I talk about the inner healings and deliverance that we all need. Some will say, “All we need is to be saved,” but I find that there are places in our soul realm that need help. Yes, all was done at the cross when Jesus gave His life at Calvary for us. But have you ever seen anyone who was just perfect after he or she got saved?

I have worked as a social worker, a pastor, and a counselor for quite a few years, and I have never met anyone who didn’t need help with deliverance and inner healing.

I have never met anyone

who didn’t need help with

deliverance and inner healing.

It is like saying that a pregnant woman doesn’t need to deliver. We are all impregnated with the world and the things that are in it. Our minds are very corrupt and must be cleansed by the water of the Word. Jesus didn’t come to just save us—He came to set the captives free.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me; because the Lord hath anointed Me to preach good tidings unto the meek; He hath sent Me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; to proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; to appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified (Isaiah 61:1–3 KJV).

We all come in with unrenewed minds. All we have is what we have been taught by the people who have been in our lives. We are born in the flesh. No one is born saved. Therefore, as soon as we come into this world, we are like a blank piece of paper. Whatever is written on it is what we become, good or bad. This is the most dangerous enemy we have in our life, the mind or soul. It is like being raised in communism: you believe whatever they tell you. You become whatever they teach you. After we get saved, we still think like we have been taught to think. We are all broken and bruised, even if we came from a very good home, because we have more people in our lives then just our parents.

No one is born saved.

Even if we only had our parents in our lives, it still would not keep us from having strongholds in our soul realm. Only Jesus can set us free from our sinful nature that causes us to be crippled. After I went through a divorce, my self-esteem was very low, and I thought it was all my fault. Even though I had been abused for years, the negative words that had been spoken to me all my life became my leader. One night, I was going through a very hard time.

I beat myself up because I thought I was a bad mother since my grown children didn’t turn out to be perfect. God began to speak to me. He said, “Bonnie, what kind of Father do you think I am?” I said, “You are a perfect Father.” He said, “If you will read the Book of Genesis, you will find that My first two children broke My heart too. Being the Father that I am, I gave My children the right to make their own choice, right or wrong.”

“If you could make them complete,

there would be no need for Me.”

Then He said, “If you could make them complete, there would be no need for Me. I have deliberately hollowed out a place in all of mankind that only I can fill. But it must be their choice to allow Me to do that.” I was set free from a spirit of guilt that night. I have learned since then that there is guilt and there is conviction. Guilt will not give you a way out. It causes depression, fear, anxiety, and hopelessness, and we can become suicidal. Before I realized the difference between guilt and conviction, I just wanted to end my life. I did not see a way out of my pain until God spoke to me about it. I believe that is why Judas killed himself. He could not live with the guilt of his sin (see Matt. 27:4–5). On the other hand, conviction will always give us a way out. All we must do is repent, and the Bible says:

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

These are the kinds of things we find within ourselves while in the wilderness. As the negative things come to the surface, we are then able to deal with them. When we are on the mountaintop, we can’t see the things that are hindering us from going forward. It’s similar to someone being on drugs. It numbs the pain. This is why God is allowing us to walk by faith and not by feelings. This is a season of testing and trusting, and like soldiers, we are being trained for battle. We must get to the place where we hear only the voice of God because His is the only voice we can trust while walking in darkness by faith.

An Enemy to Kill Our Dreams

God is doing a work in those who are called to be apostolic leaders in this season. He is making kings to work in a kingdom dominion, just as He prepared Joseph to become prime minister of Egypt. God worked on Joseph for years before he was ready to feed a nation. It started out that morning just like any other one, but Joseph made the mistake of telling his brothers about his dream.

And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more (Genesis 37:5 KJV).

Joseph’s brothers hated him because they were jealous of him and their father. He thought they would be very happy for him. Joseph was about to start his training class in God’s school, called, “Preparation of a Leader.” The first lesson Joseph learned was “the law of keeping your mouth shut until you are mature enough to have wisdom.” His brothers were already angry at him because it appeared that he was his father’s favorite son. Jacob, Joseph’s father, had made Joseph a coat of many colors.

This made the brothers very jealous, as I think it would anyone. In addition to this, Joseph seemed to flaunt the dream of his dominion over his brothers before his family, making himself look superior to all the others, including his father.

I know from experience that if you brag about your destiny before you have grown into it, all the brothers in the household will rise up against you. I want to draw a picture of the brothers in Joseph’s house. Let’s look at the brothers as a type of all the negative things inside us instead of looking at people. The Bible says:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places (Ephesians 6:12 KJV).

Wickedness in Heavenly Places

If we are to win the battle over our destiny, we must learn now that the battle is not a ground battle. It is a battle that must be won in the heavenly atmosphere. There is a demonic council set up against our destiny before we are born. The enemy hates us as much as he hated Jesus. But Jesus has made the battle garments for us to wear so that we are guaranteed to win.

Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil (Ephesians 6:11 KJV).

Because we are born of the flesh, painful things happen to us as soon as we are conceived. It would have to be painful to come through the birth canal, even though we don’t remember it. So our pain starts in the womb. It is similar to Revelation 12 when the devil came to make war against the woman and her offspring. The dragon stood before the woman to devour her child as soon as it was born. Our enemy, the devil, hasn’t changed; he is still trying to destroy the offspring of Jesus.

The devil is still trying

to destroy the offspring of Jesus.

Joseph awakened one morning with a revelation from God that he would one day be a great leader of a nation, and even his father and brothers would bow down to him. Like anyone who is called to stand in the gap for a nation or a generation, Joseph came under great warfare. The persecution from his natural brothers was not his main problem. What was inside of Joseph that the brothers stirred up was the problem. There will always be brothers who hurt us; we can’t stop that. But what we can stop is giving them permission to damage us and keep us from our destiny. We are what we hear and what we believe we are. As we read about the journey of Joseph, we find that in the end he gets victory over his brothers inside himself.

Fighting for Our Destiny

I believe that a lot of the things Joseph went through were due to what his brothers did to him. Joseph was away from his brothers, but his brothers were not away from him. He needed to be healed from the trauma his brothers had caused him. Let’s look at some of the things he went through. All Joseph was doing was trying to do what his father told him to do. He was to check on his brothers to see if they were safe.

Isn’t that just like us when God tells us to do something? We always have an encounter with the enemy who tries to destroy us. Joseph obeyed his father, and he was being a servant to his brothers. He had no idea that his brothers were about to destroy his identity. The evil spirits were plotting against him.

And when they saw him afar off, even before he came near unto them, they conspired against him to slay him (Genesis 37:18 KJV).

The brothers decided not to kill him. In the same way, the devil cannot kill us, but he sure can make our life miserable when he is messing with our destiny. What they didn’t know was that they were really helping him to reach his destiny.

Everything that happens in

your life has to do with your destiny.

God had told Abraham that his descendants would be strangers in a land that was not theirs but they would come out with great possessions (see Gen. 15:13–14). Joseph was the one called by God to go into Egypt to fulfill that prophecy. Everything that happens in our lives has to do with getting us to our destiny. God will even allow the enemy to think he won, just like he did when he thought he killed Jesus. But all the enemy can do is help get us to where we are supposed to go. Like Joseph, his brothers helped to bring his dream to pass.

Joseph’s brothers put him into a pit with no water, thinking that he would die and they would not have to shed his blood. Many times I have felt that same feeling of being put into a pit. As a child, I had a dream that was much bigger than the pit of poverty I was raised in. You see, our mentality can very well be the pit that we live in. Satan works very hard when we are children to put us into pits where there is no water (words that give life).

When God created us before the foundation of the earth, He put within us our destiny. The only direction that came with it was the Word of God. The only way that we can understand it is through the Spirit, and the only way we can have the Spirit is to be born again.

But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned (1 Corinthians 2:14 KJV).

Our destiny is in the heart of the Father for us. If you are old enough to read this book, you have already found out that you also have an adversary who hates you and wants to stop you from reaching your destiny. Of course, this is all up to us whether we make it or not, since God has given us all that we need to make it to the end. It won’t be an easy journey because the flesh wars against the spirit. This is what spiritual warfare is all about—the spirit man killing the man of the flesh. We must put on the whole armor of God to win the battle.

Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God (Ephesians 6:13–17 KJV).

Destiny’s Call

Joseph’s brothers put him into a pit, but the call of his destiny didn’t allow him to stay there. The brothers’ idea to sell Joseph to the Ishmaelites was actually God’s idea. Most of the time satan takes credit for what God is doing in our lives to move us toward our destiny. In other words, God never allows us to go through anything that is not moving us toward our destiny in Him. I know there are times when we think, “This can’t be God.” Jesus Himself said, “My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?” (Matt. 27:46 KJV). I know that whatever the enemy has in mind to do to us, God has a greater plan to help us.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end (Jeremiah 29:11 KJV).

If we can look through all our rubbish and find the plan of God for our life, it will keep us from getting angry with God. As I have counseled people throughout the years, I find that usually they are mad at God because things didn’t turn out for them like they expected. They feel that they have not been treated fairly. Don’t we all feel that at times? But of course, we won’t confess that we are angry with God because we may think that He will love us less, so we mask it by being angry with people. This is why it is hard for some of God’s children to forgive their offender, because they are really angry at God for allowing them to be hurt. They really need to forgive God.

As we study the life of Joseph, we find that he went through a lot of tribulation, and it was all because of the dream God gave him. If we have a dream, it will not stop breathing down our neck. No matter where we go, it is there. If we are in a pit, it is there.

No matter where we go, God is there.

If we are in jail, it is there. Even if our brothers hate us and want to see us fail, our dream is there. Wherever Joseph was, his dream was always close by. Even when he was thrown into a pit, lost his coat of many colors, was accused of rape, and was put into jail, the word of God sustained him.

A Character Test

Joseph was tested to the brink. In Genesis 39, we see that Joseph once again lost his covering. Joseph was very prosperous because he had favor with the Lord. He was working for Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh, the captain of the guard, an Egyptian. The Word says that God blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. But, while Joseph was basking in his prosperity and his favor with God and man, guess what happened? That’s right, Joseph’s integrity and character were being tested again.

Some do well in the wilderness with no prosperity, but when they get to the place of prestige, they fail the test because pride fills their heart. If we are going to sit at the King’s table, we must be tested until there is nothing loose in us that can be shaken when a storm comes. What do we do when a Jezebel (in this case Potiphar’s wife) comes into the room naked as a jaybird? That’s what happened to Joseph. Will you be able to run from her, or will you say, “Just once won’t hurt”? Joseph reached his place of prestige and had a good cover, but God wanted to see if he would be willing to give it up and run from Potiphar’s wife. Joseph was willing; he jumped out of his covering and ran.

And she caught him by his garment, saying, Lie with me: and he left his garment in her hand, and fled, and got him out (Genesis 39:12 KJV).

I have been saved for 38 years and I have experienced many would-have-been, could-have-been, and should-have-been preachers fall because of this problem. They reach a place of fame and recognition, and when God gives them the big test, they fail. Most of the time there’s too much money coming in to give it up and go on to the end of the journey with God. Most think that they have arrived because they have favor with God and man, just as Joseph did.

The big test concerns your

character and integrity.

But there is still another test before we are able to sit at the King’s table. Will we compromise just to keep a good paying job, or will we be willing to give it all up for God? The big test concerns our character and integrity. Many times we are just one step away from our destiny when we give it all up. Joseph’s accuser caused him to have to go to jail, but while he was there, his dream began calling him. His gifts got stirred up, and God orchestrated a plan to take him to his destiny.

Joseph’s life seems so unfair, but God was preparing him to become the prime minister of Egypt. There his dream would be fulfilled. His brothers bowed down to him, he fed a nation, and he was able to forgive them for all the abuse they put him through. While in his wilderness, he learned that it had all been God’s plan to get him to his destiny.

Joseph had a lot of anger in his heart because of what his brothers did to him, and he wanted to punish them. But when he looked at his brothers, love began to move in his heart, and it caused him to embrace them.

And Joseph said unto his brethren, Come near to me, I pray you. And they came near. And he said I am Joseph your brother, whom ye sold into Egypt. Now therefore be not grieved, nor angry with yourselves, that ye sold me hither: for God did send me before you to preserve life. For these two years hath the famine been in the land: and yet there are five years, in the which there shall neither be earing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So now it was not you that sent me hither, but God: and He hath made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house, and a ruler throughout all the land of Egypt (Genesis 45:4–8 KJV).

A Seed From Other Generations

At the end of Joseph’s story, we find that all is well with his soul. He realizes that whatever bad came into his life, God turned it around for His glory, as He will do for all of us if we will allow Him to. As I read about the things that Joseph had to endure, I too realized the call to the King’s table is a journey from birth. We are no accident. God knows whose womb He will be using to put us in, just as He chose the womb of Mary for His Son. If we have a fivefold ministry call on our life, God will start on us generations before we are even heard of. We start from a seed out of other generations. Joseph was a seed that came out of Abraham three generations before him. You see, the dream that Joseph had started with was the word that God gave to Abraham years before:

And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing: and I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed (Genesis 12:2–3 KJV).

Because of the prophecy given to Abraham that all his family would be blessed, Joseph’s family became greatly blessed in Egypt.

And take your father and your households, and come unto me: and I will give you the good of the land of Egypt, and ye shall eat the fat of the land (Genesis 45:18 KJV).

God’s promises never fail; it’s just that sometimes it takes a while because it is coming from a word spoken to one of our ancestors before us.

Our life and our callings were being framed long before the foundation of the world was formed. We will go through hard times as well as good times, but we must not give up because our next test might just be the one that breaks us through.

My dad sowed the seed of God in me.

I believe that my calling came from the call that God put upon my dad, who died when he was only 32 years of age. My dad never fulfilled the call of God that was on his life, but he sowed the seed of God in me. I remember lying on Dad’s sickbed with him and singing the old hymns and him telling me about Jesus. I believe it was a plan of God that the first five years of my life would be spent with my father. I learned a father’s love and am able to receive love from my heavenly Father because of it. I am convinced that we receive mantles from people who have gone on before us. I don’t think I could have ever made it through the things I have had to go through if my father had not wrapped me in his love before he left.

As far back as I can remember, my dad was my lifeline until he died. Then all of hell opened its mouth to swallow me up. After my dad died, I had no one to protect me. I was on my own, and it was kill or be killed. At five years old, I was lost in a world where no one cared. I am so thankful that my father told me about God before he left. The day my dad died, I was put on a journey to find my destiny just as Joseph was when God gave him a dream. We haven’t lived until we have a dream worth dying for. That’s how Joseph made it through to the end. No matter what he had to go through, he had a dream and his dream would take him to the king’s table.

The Greatest Test of All

There was one more test that Joseph had to pass even though he had made it to his destiny. No matter how far we go, there is one test that wraps it all up, and that is forgiveness. If we are not able to forgive everything in the past that hurt us, as Joseph did, the tormentors will eat up all that we have obtained on our journey to the King.

Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses (Matthew 18:33–35 KJV).

I have seen the damage that unforgiveness can cause in a person’s life, and I don’t want to go there. I was counseling a lady who had terminal cancer when Holy Spirit spoke to me and said, “Her problem is not the cancer in her flesh but the cancer in her soul caused by unforgiveness.” I have also seen others never have any prosperity because of not forgiving their offenders. Unforgiveness causes anger and bitterness in our soul realm and therefore causes us to be tormented.

Unforgiveness causes anger

and bitterness in your soul realm.

Joseph was able to forgive his brothers, and maybe he even had to forgive God for what was done to him; therefore, he experienced restoration for his whole family. Joseph had passed his final test to complete his dream. He would now be with his father and his brothers, and just as God had promised, he fed them while the nation was in great famine (see Gen. 47:13–31).

I think we can all find ourselves someplace in the story of Joseph. His dream from God took him on a journey to his destiny. Joseph’s journey was not an easy one, as ours will not be, but as we can see in the story of Joseph, God did not fail him, as He will not fail any of us. I know there have been times when I have wondered if God made a mistake when He called me to stand in the gap for my family, and even nations of this world. I realize that I am not capable of doing that, as Esther wasn’t (see Esther 5:1–9). Who in their right mind would ever expect a nobody like me or Esther to stand before a king for our people? Would God really call an orphan to help set others free?

Would God really call an

orphan to help set others free?

The answer to that is yes, He would. God calls those He knows cannot do the job, so they will need Him. But just like a fine piece of ceramic, we must be developed. There is a process we all must go through. If we do not go through the right preparation, we will end up in the potter’s field. Vessels that had a flaw were thrown out into the potter’s field, along with all the other “could have been’s.”

The word which came to Jeremiah from the Lord, saying, Arise, and go down to the potter’s house, and there I will cause thee to hear My words. Then I went down to the potter’s house, and, behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it (Jeremiah 18:1–4 KJV).

Points to Ponder

1. “Our minds are very corrupt and must be cleansed by the water of the Word.” Do you have particular thoughts that you know are not honorable? Have you saturated your mind lately with God’s Word?

2. “Some do well in the wilderness with no prosperity, but when they get to the place of prestige, they fail because pride fills their heart.” Are you struggling with pride? If so, again, have you saturated your mind lately with God’s Word?

3. “We haven’t lived until we have a dream worth dying for.” Are you living God’s dream for your life?

CHAPTER 9

The Potter’s Test

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od, like the potter, puts us on the wheel to mold us, then into the fire to purify us, and then sets us aside to dry. God applies pressure to us so that any flaws we might have will be exposed before we get to His table. Much work goes into a piece of ceramic before its beauty can be appreciated. My sister makes ceramics, and by watching her, I know there is a lot that goes into making them.

Clay must:

- Be dug from the earth.

- Be soaked in water to make it pliable.

- Be shaped by the potter’s hands.

- Have air bubbles squeezed out of it.

- Be turned over and over on the wheel.

- Have all the seams rubbed out.

- Be put on a shelf to dry for as long as it takes.

- Be fired in the kiln to make it have a high gloss.

As we can see from this illustration, God is very particular when it comes to making leaders out of us. He wants us to have such inner beauty that people want to drink from our vessel, and this only comes from being fired.

I’m sure that we can all relate to the potter and the clay. I remember one time in my early days I had been hurt, and I felt justified to leave the church that I was attending. After all, it was not my fault.

The Lord spoke to me and said, “If you leave this church, I will have to tear you down and put you back on the potter’s wheel and start the work over that I have been doing in you.” That stopped the idea I had really quickly.

A Call to Royalty

Esther was a young girl who was destined for royalty (see Esther 2). In this wonderful story God called an orphan girl and orchestrated the redemption of her people. But Esther was undone; she would have to be made ready to stand before a king. Esther had a mighty call of God on her life. Her destiny was to sit on a throne with a king. But all Esther had ever known most of her life was that she was an orphan. I’m sure she must have felt rejection because she had no parents. Do you think she ever thought of herself as a queen? Oh, she may have fantasized, as all little girls do, but I don’t think she actually believed she would one day be a queen, let alone be recorded in biblical history.

As we read about Esther and how she became queen, we find that she had someone in her life who had been working on her destiny all the time. Even though God is not mentioned in the story of Esther, we can see that the hand of God orchestrated everything that was needed to get Esther to the throne.

First of all, we see that Mordecai was placed in Esther’s life when she was just a child. Mordecai was her father’s nephew who so willingly adopted Esther after the death of her parents. Mordecai became Esther’s intercessor and her mentor, just as the Holy Spirit is our Intercessor and cries out for us continually.

The Holy Spirit is our Intercessor

and cries out for you and I continually.

Esther’s life did not start out very well at all. Imagine how she must have felt when she lost her parents. Even though Mordecai loved her and raised her as best he could, she still did not have a mother to nurture her and to teach her the feminine ways of a woman. I’m sure that Esther’s time of preparation in the bathing house was good for her.

Esther was placed in the custody of Hegai, the king’s eunuch, to prepare her to stand in the presence of the king. Esther was in this place for one year, which I’m sure seemed like an eternity. Once again, Esther was separated from her parent, Mordecai. It had to be a bit fearful for her to be all alone with strangers, yet Esther was willing to do whatever she had to do in obedience to Mordecai. Esther trusted Mordecai with her life because she knew he would never hurt her. This is how we should trust the Holy Spirit to lead us. Wherever we need to go or whatever we need to do, we need to trust that it is a plan of God.

Trust that God has a plan for your life.

Each one of us has our own wilderness experience. Some would love to lay in a hot tub all day and do nothing but bathe and meditate, but for Esther, I think it was hard for her not to be where she could see what was going on. She knew Mordecai was working on a plan to get the Jews set free. This is why he told her to hide her identity and not to allow anyone know she was Jewish (see Esther 2:10).

Though Esther was separated from Mordecai, he never stopped interceding for her. He knew that, unless she found favor with the king, not only would all the Jews be killed, but she would be killed as well. He walked the floor in front of Esther’s door every day and prayed for her. Like Mordecai, God is calling intercessors to pray for the church and Israel.

And Mordecai walked every day before the court of the women’s house, to know how Esther did, and what should become of her (Esther 2:11 KJV).

Many times God wakes intercessors up in the middle of the night to go into the wilderness with prayer to set someone free or even to save someone’s life. Sometimes we walk the floor all night and pray in obedience to the Holy Spirit, for it’s God’s burden for His people.

Death to Self Brings Favor

During the first six months of Esther’s preparation, myrrh was used for her purification. As we learned in our discussion of the Song of Solomon, myrrh was used for embalming purposes. Myrrh signifies death (see John 12). As God calls us to separate ourselves from the world, we will experience death to our self life. Our will and our opinion will no longer be on the menu. When we are dead in Christ, we just want what makes Him happy.

After Esther was soaked in all the oils and was purified, her sufferings had turned into total submission, for all that mattered now was that she be favored by the king. Esther was allowed to dress in anything she chose on the day that she would go before the king. But because of Esther’s submission to the preparation that she went through, she could now stand before the king without having on man-made garments. Esther’s inner beauty caused her to find favor with the king, and that day she went from being an orphan to being the queen. Again, we might say she came from her wilderness to the king’s table.

As we can see from reading the Book of Esther, she went through a lot to reach her destiny. Esther’s mentality had to be changed from being an orphan to becoming a queen. You see, if Esther would not have submitted to Mordecai and gone through the preparation that was chosen for her, all her people, including herself, would have been killed.

Esther’s mentality had to be changed from being an orphan to becoming a queen.

God is calling us as He called Esther to lay down our own wants and desires in order to take a people out of captivity. There could not be any worse time than we are living in today. Satan has put out a decree to all the demons in hell to destroy this generation. Esther’s statement was, “I will go to the king, which is against the law; and if I perish, I perish!” (Esther 4:16).

If we will be obedient to God and allow Him to prepare us, He will hang the Haman in our lives who is trying to kill our destiny. The Haman within us is our soul nature. He will try to stop anything we are called to do for God. This is why we must allow the Holy Spirit to bathe us in the precious oils of God, as Esther did. Yes, it means times of separation from the ones we love and the things we love to do.

We must allow the Holy Spirit

to bathe us in the precious oils of God.

But in the end, we will come out with the heavenly fragrance of brokenness, and we will be able to stand in His presence. God is preparing us to step into our destiny. He makes sure we are prepared for it. This is where I see the Church, the Bride of Christ, today. I believe she is being prepared for the coming of her Bridegroom. God is making His Bride ready by taking her through the wilderness to strip off any spots or wrinkles that might be on her garment.

When I speak about spots and wrinkles, I am referring to things that are in our unregenerate soul-man, such as pride, stubbornness, self-centeredness, and domineering and egotistical ways. Esther’s preparation started when she was born. God prepared her while she was in exile to become what He knew she could be. This is what is happening in our lives when we wonder if God is even with us at times.

Trouble in the Palace

It seemed as though the situation got worse after God allowed Mordecai to find out about the conspiracy that Haman set against the Jews. King Ahasuerus promoted Haman to the highest degree in the palace. It seemed as though he was winning, but God had a plan. He had been working something through Mordecai in the palace that had not yet been revealed. When you feel as though the enemy is winning, just remember that God is working behind the scenes.

If you think the enemy is winning, remember

that God is working behind the scenes.

Esther reminds me of Moses in the sense that God had called her to set her people free. She had to hide her identity, as Moses did, because of Haman, who would have killed her along with the other Jews. That is also part of the process that God takes us through, and if we are not careful, we can get in a hurry and let the enemy know who we are before it’s time. During this time, you may see others being promoted ahead of you, just like old Haman was.

But remember, Esther was called for such a time as this. There is a perfect timing in the Kingdom of God, and it usually is not the timing that our flesh prefers.

Seek first the Kingdom of God.

I have learned throughout the years that when things are going on in my spiritual life, and there is an enemy trying to kill my destiny, I need to prepare a banquet for the King and invite Him to come.

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (Matthew 6:33 KJV).

You will find that everyone in the palace does not love you or want you to succeed. There is always an evil force working against you. But the only one who can keep you from your destiny is you. Do you think Esther was not intimidated by Haman? Oh yes, she was, but she took Mordecai’s instruction no matter how afraid she was. She trusted Mordecai, a type of the Holy Spirit, as we must do if we are going to be an overcomer and take this world for the Kingdom as we are called to do.

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth (Genesis 1:28 KJV).

Points to Ponder

1. “Wherever we need to go or whatever we need to do, we need to trust that it is a plan of God.” Fully trusting God’s plan is critical for your success in all areas of your life.

2. “As God calls us to separate ourselves from the world, we will experience death to our self life.” How dead to self are you?

3. “There is a perfect timing in the Kingdom of God, and it usually is not the timing that our flesh prefers.” There is no need to hurry up or slow down when you are in God’s will—His timing is perfect.

CHAPTER 10

Don’t Die in the Wilderness

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here is danger in the wilderness as there was when Jesus encountered the forces of evil face to face. The wilderness was also a place of testing for Jesus. He could have said, “Why should I have to go through this? After all, I am the Son of God.” It is not about how good we are or where we came from; it is about how obedient we are to God’s Word. That’s what the battle was all about. Every time satan spoke to Him, Jesus answered with the Word of God, the truth.

And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost returned from Jordan, and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness (Luke 4:1 KJV).

If you will read this whole chapter in Luke, you will find how Jesus was tempted by satan (the snake) while in the wilderness. Nothing that satan could say persuaded Jesus to give up. What was happening in the wilderness between Jesus and satan was the same battle that was in the Garden of Eden between Eve and satan. The Word of God said to Adam and Eve:

And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat: but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die (Genesis 2:16–17 KJV).

Now in Genesis chapter 3 we find Eve behind a bush with the serpent. What do you think he was after? No, not sex, as I have heard some preachers claim. He was there to twist and pervert God’s Word. He slithered up beside Eve and said, “Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” (Gen. 3:1 KJV).

Look how satan perverted the Word. God did say in Genesis 2:16, “Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat.” In Genesis 3:4, satan said, “Ye shall not surely die.” That day Eve was impregnated with lies, and that was all she could birth, until Mary was impregnated with the truth. Now the choice is given back to us to receive the truth or a lie.

Can you see the parallel? Jesus went into the wilderness to take back the Living Word of God that Adam and Eve gave away. If He had failed, there would be no salvation for any of us. Now, the same Word that was given to Adam and Eve is given back to us in the New Testament. Jesus won the battle over the Word, and He was the Word that came into the world. But just as God gave a free will to Eve, Father has given us a free will to say yes or no to satan. Our will is being tested while we are in the wilderness.

Our will is being tested

while we are in the wilderness.

Satan came to pervert the Word of God. This is why he is still coming to us, saying, “Did God really say …?” We only have power against satan according to the Word we know. The words to know do not mean only an intellectual knowledge. They also mean a woman and man coming together in an intimate relationship with each other. The Bible says that Adam knew Eve, and she conceived and bare Cain. To know the Word means to become impregnated with the living seed of God. Mary became pregnant with the Word of God and conceived a son. We are to have such an intimate relationship with God that we birth the prophetic word, and out of that will come the Sons of God on the earth.

Be on guard because in the

wilderness you will encounter snakes.

As we go through the wilderness, we must be on guard because it is there that we will encounter the snakes I talked about earlier. We could die there like the children of Israel if we do not allow God to deliver us from the things inside of us that came from Egypt (our old nature). As I said, satan comes to pervert the Word of God. If the Word is perverted, our minds become perverted. This is where the spirit of Jezebel comes from, and it hates truth. Therefore, it hates God’s Word.

The Jezebel spirit is a diabolical spiritual voice that seeks to deceive, defile, and destroy God’s authority. This spirit intimidates God’s prophets to stop their prophetic voice, just as she did with Elijah. When Jezebel threatened Elijah’s life, he ran from her after he had just killed 450 of her prophets (see 1 Kings 19:1–3). In Revelation 2:20 we see that Jesus is speaking to the church of Thyatira about Jezebel. He says she calls herself a prophetess, she seduces the servants of God, she causes saints to eat things that are sacrificed to idols, and He is not pleased with her.

When we are disobedient, we lose our ability to be fruitful and birth the things of God.

In whom the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them which believe not, lest the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them (2 Corinthians 4:4 KJV).

God calls us into a season of wilderness because there we will find what is in our own hearts.

Howbeit in the business of the ambassadors of the princes of Babylon, who sent unto him to enquire of the wonder that was done in the land, God left him, to try him, that He might know all that was in his heart (2 Chronicles 32:31 KJV).

Hidden Snakebites

God knows what is in our heart, but we don’t. This is why we must be tested before we reach our destiny. We have things inside of us that can only be recognized through tribulation. The snakebites are hidden things within us that we don’t even know are there. For instance, if we have a spirit of rejection, it will raise its ugly head and bite us just at the time when we think all is well. Just when you think you have a good relationship with someone you really care about, watch out!

If you have a spirit of rejection,

it will raise its ugly head and bite you.

That snake that was in the garden with Eve is the same lying serpent that will try to pervert the truth about who we are in the Kingdom. We are everything God says we are, but the serpent will lie to us and tell us that we are nothing and that no one loves us and that we will never make it to our destiny. If we are not careful, those snakebites (lies) can poison us until there is absolutely no life left in us. There are times when we sedate ourselves with things that make our flesh feel good, and we are unaware that the snakes are biting us. God wants to wake us out of our sleep so that we can bring forth a wonderful garden for Him on this earth: “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, as in heaven, so in earth” (Luke 11:2 KJV).

Another parable put he forth unto them, saying, The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field: but while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way. But when the blade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also (Matthew 13:24–26 KJV).

I am referring to the pain we have buried deep within ourselves. It can appear to be dead, like the snake that is in hibernation. When it gets cold, a snake will go to sleep. During this time, it does not eat or move; it just simply lies dormant. But what causes the snake to come out? That’s right, the heat. This is why God applies the heat to us. It brings out things that are hidden beneath the surface so that we can see them and deal with them. We can only deal with things that we can see.

Revealing and Healing the Bites

In Acts, we see the picture of Paul putting sticks into the fire, and when it got hot, snakes began coming out of it (see Acts 28:1–6). There was a nest of snakes sleeping under the rubbish until a man of God threw in the sticks and caused the fire to ignite. Don’t get mad at the prophets for revealing what is causing your pain. Sometimes we get angry when the truth is revealed to us, but we will never be healed until we are able to see what is hurting us.

If cancer is not detected and taken out, it will continue to eat until there is no more life, and even then, it eats away at our corpse until all the flesh is gone.

We are buried in lies

that must be exposed.

While in the wilderness, we will experience meeting ourselves. We just have to get in under all the rubbish that has been dumped on us throughout our life, and even from our ancestors, and find the Word of God that satan has stolen from us. We are buried in lies that must be exposed so the lying serpent won’t have any power over us any longer.

We read in Second Kings 22 and 23 about Josiah, a man of God who became king when he was only eight years old. The Bible says that Josiah did that which was right in the sight of the Lord and did not turn to the right or the left. When he became a man, he sought the Lord and found the truth. Josiah stood up for what he believed in, although false gods and every evil thing had taken the place of the laws of God. Like Josiah, we are called to clean out all the things that are contrary to God’s Word. If we will seek the Lord as Josiah did, He will show us the things within us that keep us from our destiny.

Don’t give up; your next

step may get you there.

God loves us so much, and He wants us to come to His table and eat with Him. But just like the Shulamite maiden, and all of the other men and women I have been talking about, we must follow God through the wilderness if we want to reach our destiny. We can’t give up; it might just be our next step that gets us there. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to allow God to show you where the old serpent has planted lies in your soul realm. No matter how long you have been in the Lord, don’t hide with shame like Eve did and cover yourself with a façade. It’s time that we take back what belongs to us and stop hiding in LoDebar (the land of nowhere) like Mephibosheth. It’s time to pull up a chair and sit with the King.

I believe that one of the greatest awakenings the world has ever seen is right around the corner. I also believe that we are truly living in our very last days. During these last two years, I have felt like Holy Spirit has been scraping out my bones with a pick.

I have felt like Holy Spirit has

been scraping out my bones with a pick.

I discovered things in myself that I thought disappeared 20 years ago. Like I said earlier, there is nothing like fire to bring out the snakes from hibernation, and there is nothing like a good fig leaf to hide them. I sure can relate to the Shulamite when she could not find her beloved and she was running through the streets asking everyone if they had seen Him. I believe this has been a season that God has been training us to walk by faith. This is the time that we may be called, but to be chosen depends on whether or not we continue on the journey and allow Him to do the work within us that needs to be done.

Points to Ponder

1. “Nothing that satan could say persuaded Jesus to give up.” Can satan persuade you into giving up?

2. “Satan comes to pervert the Word of God. If the Word is perverted, our minds become perverted.” How perverted or perfected is your mind?

3. “If we will seek the Lord as Josiah did, He will show us the things within us that keep us from our destiny.” How many things are holding you back from your destiny?

CHAPTER 11

An Ending Season

D

uring this season, God has given me some visions. I will share one with you. About two years ago, I was walking down the road to our church when I began to have a vision. I saw a big tractor plowing under all the produce that did not develop in this season. I saw little tomatoes and potatoes and things that didn’t have enough time to develop so they could be harvested. I felt sadness, as I knew it could have meant that my season was over and a lot of my dreams didn’t make it. Maybe I didn’t start soon enough, or maybe I wasn’t obedient enough, or maybe, or maybe, or maybe. Then the Father spoke to me and said, “It’s all right, there are always vegetables left in the garden at the end of a season. That’s good, for the stuff that is plowed under becomes fertilizer for the next season and causes the garden to bring forth a greater crop the next time around.”

Many times I have been crushed

with the pain of betrayal.

We must not give up just because some who started with us dropped out. I have had people whom I have loved with all my heart turn away and go after false gods. Many times I have been crushed with the pain of betrayal, but I still must go on. It’s at these times when I hear God say, “Are you able to drink of the cup that I drank of and be baptized with the baptism that I was baptized with?” His cup was full of death, and His baptism was the baptism of fire. This is why it is crucial that we get the Word in us. If we don’t, when we encounter the serpents, we will listen to their lies and lose our destiny.

We can be encouraged that we will make it to our destiny if we don’t give up. I have learned that nothing leaves my life that God doesn’t know about, and He has made provision for my next step. God will put the right people in our lives to do what He has called us to do. It may seem as though satan won, but that is just one of his lies. Satan can only win if we allow him to. If we are willing to deal with the things inside our own selves, no lie can live within us. Remember, God is on our side, and it is not His will that any should perish. If we don’t make it to our destiny, it’s because we made the choice not to.

A New Season

I believe we are all about to come out of the wilderness of the past season we have been living in. It has been a struggle for many of us baby boomers in this season. That is because it is like we are starting all over again. We are like an old season going out and another coming in. It feels like we are in two seasons colliding, and a lot of noise is going on but not much direction. I am convinced that this is the year we are going into a new season and we are going to see great things like no other generation has ever seen.

This is the harvest of the pouring of the wine. His wine vats are ready to be emptied out. This is the harvest of the Lord and the one I believe to be the last one and the greatest one. It is going to be worth it all. Anything we have had to go through will seem small compared to what God is going to be doing in this season.

Train your spiritual ear to hear

what the Father is saying to you.

We must train our spiritual ear to hear what the Father is saying today. Although His Word never changes, the revelation of how great He is becomes clearer as we become more mature. Paul says:

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known (1 Corinthians 13:9–12 KJV).

With each generation, we receive more and more of His knowledge. We become more like Him as we become the perfect man (the Sons of God). I believe this is the day; the wine is mature and ready to pour as it was at the marriage in Cana (see John 2:1–11). It was the third day (three means the fullness of God, divine perfection, or completion). The water pots have been filled with water (the Word). It was mature, and it was ready to be poured out. Jesus said, “Fill up the water pots of stone.” Six water pots signify man-made pots from clay that have been purified. The wine is the end-time Kingdom anointing, and His glory that will be poured out of the vessels that have overcome the wilderness of preparation and testing.

With each generation, we receive

more and more of His knowledge.

As I was meditating on the Lord, I heard Him say, “Like the clouds that draw the water from the earth, so are My people who have been drinking up My Word and My Spirit while in this season. You are My water pots that I will pour the wine out of in this season. You are the gates that I will open wide to let My glory come in. You are the travailing woman who will birth the sons of God who have been conceived by My Word. You are My Elijah anointing that I will pour out and will turn the heart of the fathers to the children and the heart of the children to their fathers.” God is not calling us to read the Word; He is calling us to become the Word.

Journey of My Life

One season has passed and another has come. It’s been very hard for me at times, but it’s been prosperous for some.

As I look back and see where I’ve come from, I can now see where I will go.

I know that God will lead the way, though at times it may be slow.

I have been traveling through the wilderness, and I thought He didn’t see the times that the enemy would take a bite of me.

I didn’t know that at the end, I would find how much He cared—for He had been with me all the time—and how much of His love He shared.

It was in this wilderness that I learned that most of my identity was not me, and there was pain so deep inside that only He could see.

Things I held so dear that I thought I’d never lose now have become just a memory of things that I did choose.

I have learned while on my journey that only one thing is for sure—His love will never vanish. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Door.

Now I want to share with you the journey of my life and how my Beloved spoke to me like a Husband to His wife.

First of all, He took my hand and led me to a door. It seemed to be an unfamiliar place that I had never been before.

As I walked in, I could only see in part, but one thing I did realize was that it was the corridor of His heart.

He took me to another room, where I looked to see that there on the wall was a life-size mirror, and a reflection of someone who looked a lot like me.

I watched as my life was revealed.

I watched as my life was revealed, and then He said, “You must be healed.”

As I watched in the mirror, I could clearly see there was a little girl about two years old, and to my surprise, this little girl was me.

She looked up as though looking into someone’s eyes. She held out her hand, and she cried.

“Go away,” someone said. “I have no time for you. You’re a problem to our family. Go away, shoo!”

She walked away and looked for a place to hide, for the pain of her rejection was going down deep inside.

There was a lock and key lying on the floor. She picked it up and locked up her heart’s door.

She looked for a place where she could hide the key; then, she put it inside of an old trunk where no one could see.

She thought, One day I’ll come back and get it and open up my heart, but through the passing years, the key was lost, and the old trunk fell apart.

The angels came and took her daddy …

Then the scene changed, and she was with her dad. She was only five years old, but she seemed to be so sad.

The angels came and took her daddy on that day, and once again, she felt all alone and she ran away.

From that time on, she had pain day after day, and she spent her life hiding all her feelings away.

Her dad was gone, and her mother was so wounded and bruised that she couldn’t care for her and allowed her to be abused.

Someone came to the door that day. They said, “We’ve come to take your little girl away.”

They touched her little body with hands that were not pure, but this was just another thing she would have to learn to endure.

A man came along when she was only 14; she married him and had four children. He treated her so meanly.

… then one day she heard a knock

that came upon her heart.

Through the years as she suffered, her life had fallen apart, and then one day she heard a knock that came upon her heart.

The One standing outside the door was knocking very gently, not like the ones before.

His voice as sweet as a turtledove; it was the voice of Jesus, with His pure love.

He was calling her to a higher realm where she could see His face. He cleansed her from all impurities, and He washed her with His grace.

Then He took her through the wilderness where she could face her pain. There she would meet many others who were also very lame.

Some had lost their vision and couldn’t find their way, so they lay down in their affliction. That’s where they thought they had to stay.

As I watched this in the mirror, I began to see everything that was in the wilderness was just His school set up for me.

My life was the trunk that had fallen apart, and Jesus was the Key that unlocked my heart.

Points to Ponder

1. “God will put the right people in our lives to do what He has called us to do.” Do you welcome new acquaintances? They may be on assignment from God on your behalf.

2. “I thought He didn’t see the times that the enemy would take a bite of me.” How many bites have been taken out of you? Have you allowed God to heal those wounds?

3. “The One standing outside the door was knocking very gently. …” Are you ready to open the door and allow Jesus to come in?

References

Conner, Kevin J. Interpreting the Symbols and Types, 2nd ed. City Christian Publishing, 1996.

Strong, James. Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance to the Bible—Updated Edition. Hendrickson Publishers, 2009.

Wilson, Walter A. A Dictionary of Bible Types, Hendrickson Publishers, 1999.

About Bonnie Rowan

Bonnie Rowan Ministries: www.stmtc.net

shepherdstentministries@yahoo.com

60 Shepherds Street

Kingwood, WV 26537

Additional Resources by Bonnie Rowan

The Bondwoman and Her Son

Pursuing the Heart of the Father

Vessels in the House

Mending Your Nets

Giants in the Land

Missed Opportunities

A Dance Drama—All the Children’s Prayers

Additional resources are available

at our Website: www.stmtc.net.

Table of Contents

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

Understanding Types and Allegories

Chapter 1   Pursuing His Heart

Chapter 2   Finding Our Identity in Him

Chapter 3   Persecuted for His Glory

Chapter 4   The Overcomer

Chapter 5   He Has Come to Heal the Brokenhearted …

Chapter 6   Bringing His Bride Home

Chapter 7   Wilderness Experience of Moses

Chapter 8   The Enemy That Seeks to Kill Us

Chapter 9   The Potter’s Test

Chapter 10   Don’t Die in the Wilderness

Chapter 11   An Ending Season

References

About Bonnie Rowan