The Soundtrack of Your Life

Published by Phil Zarns

Scripture quotations noted NIV are taken from

the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION.

Copyright 1973, 1978, and 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.

All rights reserved.

ISBN 978-0-615-54864-7

© 2012 Phil Zarns

Cover Design: Katja Zarns

Cover Art: istockphoto

Printed in the United States of America

First Edition 2012

visit: http://phundamental.com or Facebook page to download playlists.

Dedicated to my wife, Katja

For your smile, wisdom, and passion.

For being there through thick and thin,

sickness and health, joy and sorrow.

This is dedicated to you as you helped me see...

...that life is better with God.

I Love You.

Endorsements

“Your mind will be stretched and your heart will be touched as you read this book.”

Mark Batterson

author - In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day, Wild Goose Chase, The Circle Maker

pastor - National Community Church - Washington D.C.

"Compelling, thought provoking, entertaining and enlightening. It's nice to know that the right words on a piece of paper can still fill you with such emotions. if you are not sure what i'm talking about, just read the soundtrack of your life and you soon will."

Darren Edwards

writings and photographs for numerous guitar magazines. worked with Alice Cooper, Bob Geldof, Queen, Pink Floyd, Motorhead, Ted Nugent, Dio Pretenders and many more.

How to Read this book

Download the playlist of music from Spotify or iTunes that syncs up each chapter, as this is meant to be a multi-sense experience.

Start at the beginning.

Pick it up, read a chapter. Put it down.

Pick it up again, and read another chapter.

Even if you didn’t like one chapter, you might like another.

Take your time.

Agree, disagree with me.

Pace yourself. Have fun.

Table of Contents

prelude

Chapter 1 - Timing

Chapter 2 - Look at the Sound

rest

Chapter 3 - Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Chapter 4 - Plot Lines

Chapter 5 - Detours

crescendo

Chapter 6 - Love

Chapter 7 - Heart

Chapter 8 - Ex Nihilo

Chapter 9 - Like Father, Like Son

fermata

Chapter 10 - First Impressions

Chapter 11 - Forever

Chapter 12 - To An Unknown God

staccato

Chapter 13 - Random

Chapter 14 - Choose Your Own Adventure

Chapter 15 - The System is Down

Chapter 16 - At the Airport, Waiting

fortissimo

Chapter 17 - The Way, the Truth, and the Life

Chapter 18 - A Different Revolution

Chapter 19 - Before Sleep

coda

The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever!

The Three-Arrow Study Method

A Final Thought.

Song List

prelude

(beginning)

It’s amazing what boredom can do for one’s creativity.

That’s exactly how this book began to take shape; in one of those relatively insignificant moments where crashing on the couch and playing guitar is normally as productive as it gets. For reasons I’m still not entirely sure of, I had an insatiable desire to get some of my thoughts down on paper. So I went with it, and here we are.

Back in 2006, my wife was visiting my in-laws in Sweden with our kids, and I remained in Minnesota for work and a couple of speaking engagements. Our friends Matt and Jill were out of town at the time, so I kicked back at their place in Minneapolis for a couple of weeks.

I remember that aforementioned boredom all too well; always at night after I wrapped up writing or refining the messages I planned to share at churches in the weeks to come.

I had already read the books I brought along before scoping out the titles that Matt and Jill had in their library. Finding nothing that grabbed my interest, I turned my attention to their DVD collection and noticed that they had the first season of LOST. It took four days to rip through Season One, combined with loads of laundry and other mundane tasks. Watching LOST managed to stave off the boredom for only so long. After I watched the season finale, not only was I paranoid that the black smoke would get me, but my boredom had magnified. I was really, really bored. Did I mention I was bored?

I decided to crack open my laptop and start writing something that had direction. I didn’t necessarily know if what I was saying would amount to much, but it felt more like I had something to get off my chest.

Since it was just me and my laptop, there weren’t any distractions while I wrote, which definitely helped productivity. What I was saying really didn't flow at first, but I kept at it. After 45 minutes or so, I felt as though it was a waste of time, and had to step away. I felt like I was chasing my thoughts, forcefully catching them and stapling them to the ground. (to put it delicately). I remembered an event that happened to me as a kid. I think it was a story of... I can’t even remember now. But before long, the typing started to flow once I had some focus.

Surprisingly, my foray into writing wasn’t a passing attraction. Wherever I went, my laptop accompanied me, and I wrote as much as I could—wherever I could. Eventually, I threw away the practice writing. I knew I needed to get better at connecting with the keyboard before I could get my thoughts on paper and have it read better than the celebrity 'zines in the grocery store checkout line.

Quoting Eric Clapton, “I'm trying to get the connection from here (he points at his head) to here (he points to his hands) to work better and better. It's a lifelong pursuit."

Back in my school days, I thought all the good writing was happening at the desks around me, certainly not on my paper. Even in high school, I rarely enjoyed reading. While I wasn’t aware of it, a foundation was slowly being built in my mental plowing.

For whatever reason, that time in my friend’s apartment helped me learn to stick with my writing. ...and write I did. After a couple of seasons of scribbling, editing, and crumpling, I started to see some ideas take shape that I could be proud of.

In the meantime, my wife, Katja, was teaching me to finish what I started—namely, this book.

Does the world need another book? I don't know, to be quite honest. I wanted to write, first for myself, and in the process, I realized I could potentially encourage other people as well.

Within each slice of writing, I started envisioning an element of music—mainstream and Christian alike— that fit with what I was talking about. If people on the fringes of faith had one thing in common with me, maybe it was a mutual love of music.

I’m hoping to build a bridge between myself and you all through songs with poignant lyrics and memorable tones. It would be nice if they actually grooved too, wouldn’t it? I really want to connect to others as a community (on a horizontal plane) and then connect communities of people to God (on a vertical plane). As there are artists, Christian and mainstream, who are looking to share their thoughts and music with others, I am only going to exploit their work. Certainly I hope not to defame them by attaching songs to this book.

Spotify/iTunes/XML playlist

I’m including a playlist that can be found on Spotify and iTunes with a number of songs that you can listen to while reading this book. These songs will help me to share a snapshot from the moments of my life. For Example, every time I listen to Sting, I will remember the fight in downtown Minneapolis. Every time I hear Nirvana and Anthrax (these are bands), I will remember ski trips with my friend, Josh. Every time Pink Floyd plays, I’ll remember the nighttime fires at Boy Scout Camp...Comfortably Numb, in particular. Stevie Ray Vaughn’s music still reminds me of the moment I heard one of his albums, seeing his Fender Stratocaster in the photo in the booklet, and how I wanted to play that guitar...desperately. Small snapshots of my life are in these songs, and that’s why they are on the playlist.

I burned my whole collection of CDs (literally set on fire) earlier in my life, signifying that I would no longer obsess over music as it was a problem for me at the time. I was simply too close to it. What I needed to realize was what really mattered in life; refocusing on my family, friends, and God. Music is just one element of life to add to the richness of our experiences, providing a soundtrack we can live to. I love God, and I love what God created: Music.

Facebook

Another aspect of this book provides a chance for you to share on the official Facebook Page about a song that affected you, along with your story about your experience, and how the song accentuated that memory. After all, a community shares things with each other, so why not include music in the mix as well? And if we’re really fortunate, there's a myriad of people out there like you and me who like music and are searching for meaning in life.

All things in my life have been made new as a result of my relationship with God—a new mind, a new heart, and a new love for sharing his life-giving message.

So thank you for the opportunity to speak to you through these pages. It truly is an honor.

Chapter 1

Timing

One particularly icy afternoon, my kids and I were taking a walk—a very, very long walk. Parents know all too well that kids are traveling twice as fast for the same amount of distance as an adult on a simple Sunday stroll. I had hoped to leverage this to my own advantage. My goal was to tire my two kids out. Ben, then about six, and Matilda, age four were busy finding walking sticks from the frozen, forest floor.

Truth be told, if my kids were a musical genre, they would be speed metal incarnate; fast, loud and with sudden starts and stops. That day, I was determined to run these kids until they collapsed in a well-timed exhaustion, slated to begin exactly as we got home to begin their bedtime routine.

Listen: ‘My Name is Jonas’ Weezer

We pushed farther into the brush that covered the forest, and came across large stacks of pine needles that had fallen the season before. Half dragging my kids, we slowly trudged up the smooth rocky slope to the top. Slumping down on a log, Ben said, "Why are we up here?"

"It’s healthy to get fresh air, isn’t it? I mean, It's beautiful out he—..."

Just then, the air began to ring with the synchronous, sterile beeping of a noise beacon. I had heard this sound many times before. It was a construction sound signaling that an explosive was about to go off! It came not from a mile away, but fifty feet away...

Like a pale shadow of a shoeless Bruce Willis, my kids were suddenly tucked, one under each of my arms, as we ran in the opposite direction as fast as we could, driven by instinct. We ducked behind a rock that looked like it could stop a blast.

The explosion was very, very loud, shaking the ground and my rapidly pounding heart.

My kids were safe, I was safe... and I made sure my kids didn’t tell my wife what happened.

The following week at a birthday party that my son attended, the father of the birthday boy told me what he did for a living. He measured the vibrations from construction blast zones. I told him about our experience that day, and he said with a grim face, "You were much too close. Sometimes, they only give you five-seconds before they blast."

The timing, deadly.

Funny thing is, God made time.

In every ancient religion's account of creation, the sun was lit, the stars were formed, and the universe ordered. Almost every account included a succession of events, all adding up to a neatly packaged creation.

In chapter one of Genesis, God ordered everything. Starting off in verse one, God was creating spaces for the Heavens and the Earth. Verse two shows that heaven was complete, and Earth was "formless and empty," words full of darkness and depth...signs of chaos. There is one ominous phrase that describes the Potter and his untouched mass of clay waiting to be formed and fired:

"The Spirit of God was hovering over the waters."

These steps in creation were spiritual happenings. God's pure will brought things into existence. Verse three begins with, "Let there be Light." The light appeared, and was good.

In Hebrew, good is transliterated tobe (toe-bay). Tobe is an adjective that is in no short measure describing God’s perception of his creation, good. The brevity and simplicity of his perception is what is so powerful here. God’s infamy was summed up in his own opinion. Good. There was darkness already, so God brought light and separated it from the darkness. The light was “day,” and the darkness, “night.” There was evening and then morning.

For a brief time, all that existed was light. It flooded creation for that single moment, and to create the darkness, a clear line of separation had to be drawn. God created the order in which things were not only to exist, but he also created the order in which time could be measured by humans. All of this for the benefit of our understanding, God created a measured moment, perfectly symmetrical. Time was shaped by taking the very first event,

"God created the heavens and the earth"

and separated that event from the next. Light was shaped into being. It was two totally different events, defined by the space between them. God caused these events to happen in time. He had begun a rhythm.

This perfect union of will and life was a strange, new music; both perfect and beautiful. From the first evening, and morning, ending on the noon time of the second day, the world had begun to propel through time. he took another moment to notice that his work was good. Whether each creation day was one 24-hour day or an unbelievably long expanse of years, by our perception, makes no difference. It happened.

God caused the order. He made the spaces, He separated the notes, He gave the relief to the Earth between manipulations.

He not only commanded time into existence, but was gracious enough to create the perception that time even exists. Humans have a really difficult time understanding disordered things. How could we understand total chaos? We need systems to have trust and believe. God wanted us to get what he was doing. We need things broken up into understandable events, with spaces between them. As was the oral tradition on Moses' time, the most common form of measurement of time was by the day. To explain the creation account, Moses recorded not only what God told Him to write, but he recorded a story that made sense. His timing, impeccable.

Meanwhile, our lives are deeply affected by the sound of music. For some, country music could be atrocious to listen to. For others, it could be the heavenly sound of slide guitar chords and a twangy voice that lights their fire. How we perceive it is a matter of opinion, to say the least.

Each day in Genesis was a creation of his spirit in time. The spiritual moments were perfect and were perceived by God to be at the very least, good.

"The heavens and the earth were completed in all of their vast array."

His rhythm of creating for six days continued into its seventh day. If the Creation week were written out as a piece of sheet music, it would hold a rest in its seventh measure. Because of his perfect timing, we now have a supportive environment to live in. God gave time its identity by ordering life as events on a path separated by spaces. I’m guessing that he loved every minute of it.

I once heard a great description of the difference between music and noise. Noise is constant, unwavering sound with no spaces. Music, however, offers dynamic movements and spaces separating sounds. It's the space between the notes that makes a song take shape.

In between these spaces, are notes. Long, short, reverberating, ethereal, loud and soft notes defining the feel and actual impact of the song.

As music is defined as: sound in time, our lives are defined as events in time. We are born, we meet friends, we realize who God is, we get married, we have jobs, add in a couple of kids, some ups and downs, and then we die. Each life has a beginning, various movements, crescendos and decrescendos and a coda.

Listen: ‘Chicago’ Sufjan Stevens

The tempo or speed of a song is set by the instructional Italian words written on a piece of sheet music. Adagio denotes a slower, more flowing performance. Allegro encourages a fast and peppy pace.

God alone knows the speed of the account of creation recorded in the Bible. There weren’t eyewitnesses to see if it took seven, twenty-four hour periods, or if it took seven large periods of time. I believe that the intention of the writer, Moses, was to convey that God’s rhythm had created something. The point is that he set the tempo, and accomplished the task. It was done according to his tempo. In His perfect combination of rhythm and timing, His music happened. The spaces between the days were for our benefit to understand what he had done. The same idea of tempo applies to each of our lives as well. God can accomplish an inordinate amount of work in a very short span of time in a person’s life when they live by his rhythm and tempo, instead of their own. As the conductor, God directs the scores of our lives in his timing.

NT Wright believes that being the composer of life is a key role God plays. As the composer, he actively directs the events in the order that they are to appear, and the timing in which they are to be carried out. God’s hands pulled into being the rhythm and the tempo with which we would take in our own first breath at birth. Had this order and timing not been created, our existence would have been a formless chaos without a beginning or an end, and completely purposeless.

There have been moments for each of us where we’ve wished for time to speed up or to slow down. No matter how we try, though, we can’t stop the song that God has started. We are part of his music through the events that happen because his extraordinary will is colliding with our existence.

God is the God of not only heaven and earth, but of time as well. The songs of our lives will only become more artistically deep as we include God's timing in place of our own schedule. This is what makes the lives we lead remarkable. Living the events of our lives by God's rhythm and tempo is a strange and beautiful music. Strange to some, ultimately beautiful to Him.

Chapter 2

Look at the Sound

My son Ben and I were walking along a rocky shoreline one summer day, watching the waves creep over the rocks. About every third or fourth wave, there would be a larger swell that would crash onto the beach. Ben pointed at them, and shouted, "Look at the sound!” He caught himself mid-sentence, finishing with, “I mean...waves!". What a cool perspective! He accidentally spoke out the connection that he saw in the movement of the water and the sounds they made crashing onto the rocks.

Listen: ‘Everlong’ Foo Fighters

Nature visually perplexes us with the beauty it releases around the planet. The sights of the vivid colors of the leaves during a Midwest fall; the frightful, yet grandiose waterfalls of Lake Victoria; even the daily aura of the rising and setting of the sun causes the most hurried of us to take a moment and notice the beauty that surrounds us daily. Accompanying the sights are sounds. The waves we hear give us hints of our surroundings as well.

With closed eyes, we could paint the scenes around us in our mind’s eye. If we heard the waves crashing, we could think that we are near a beach. When our shouts echo four, even five times into the open air, we may imagine that we are standing at the edge of a large canyon...one step from free falling to the bottom. As humans, we respond accordingly to the sounds that we hear, whether it be a fearful or joyous situation. The unbridled freedom of a child's laugh may be a welcoming sound to a person battling depression, bringing a smile to the surface. Hearing bicycle tires screech to a halt after leaving a 10-foot skid mark on the pavement is music to most kids' ears. What about a Gibson Les Paul plugged into an overdriven Marshall Amplifier? Wonderful—thank you, God. Each thing on earth can create a specific sound that only it can make. Even the subtle movements of the wind can be heard in the trees; an intangible force moving a tangible object, as if the wind were calling out to us, proving its existence through the rustling leaves.

Mark 4:23: "If anyone has ears to hear, let him hear."

Webster’s Dictionary defines sound as “vibrations that travel through the air or another medium and can be heard when they reach a person or animal's ear.” It is produced by our voices, by the clapping of our hands, and by the steps we take. A crack of a twig can send an echoing warning of a hunter’s entrance into a forest. The smack of a bat hitting a baseball still makes me reminisce about the Minnesota Twins winning the World Series in their ‘87 and ’91 seasons. I remember the news crews in Minnesota that were inside of the ballpark measuring the noise volume from the fans. Those packed out stands were ridiculously loud! Somehow, the shouting and cheering only gave in to more shouting and cheering!

Having no weight, sound is an invisible force that calls for a response from us. In American high school football games, each team’s crowd usually sits on opposite sides shouting, “We got spirit, yes we do, we got spirit, how ’bout you?” The other side of the stands would shout back the same thing, only louder. Though some people are too cool to shout back, by the third or fourth round, the whole crowd is typically shouting at the top of their lungs! Thank you, mob mentality. Like the sound waves that motivate us to react, people who are listening to the spiritual forces in life also react. Christians would say that God desires that people would be moved by the encouragements he gives them, much like the trees are moved by an unseen force that we call wind.

Silence + Shouting

All over the world, people have laid awake in their beds wondering about God. Some would like to hear Him speak audibly. They simply seek to have validation in their belief in the unseen world, which they are convinced exists. As a teenager, I felt like there was a connection between God and sound without having the training to know anything about it. As a 13-year old boy, I biked past the church building that my family attended on Sundays. Feeling like I was asked to, I stopped outside. Kickstand out, I walked in, gazing into the vast open meeting space, comforted and surprised by the silence. Somewhere, God was in the quiet. I know it was God.

That silence was clarifying to my mind. All the thoughts inside my head started to subside so I could truly take in that moment. During the building of God’s temple in 1 Kings 6:7, King Solomon had his stone cutters find and shape each of the building blocks at the spot they were cut from the ground, rather than at the building site. The chiseling and hammering of iron against rock would ring out far away from the actual building site. King Solomon either had instructions from God to specifically keep iron tools silent during the building process, or he himself decided to make silence a primary element to experiencing God at this special building. Either way, the silence was as valuable to Solomon, as it was for me that day.

Being a part of a community, people share their experiences and material things with each other. The simple act of listening to another person's life story is so much fun, especially when a sincere thought is being shared.

A German friend once told me what it was like to live in Berlin, as the wall came down in 1989. Experiencing a crumbling government and enjoying the birth of a new one, he and his friends welcomed East German teenagers over the border by playing live rock n’ roll to their newly liberated ears. Covers of Bruce Springsteen and Rolling Stones belted out through thick German accents all day and night. The whole city echoed of Rock.

It sounded like freedom, and my friend said that he would never forget it. Sounds burn memories into our minds, helping us to realize that each step through life is not just an image or a place. These sounds or songs add such great depth to our lives. Without them our lives would seem entirely different.

I Didn’t Sign Up For This

In college, my wife and I, along with a few friends, Matt, Randy and Richard, were on our way back to our car after eating at a TGI Friday's in downtown Minneapolis. It was a cold autumn evening, quickly remedied by hanging out and eating hot wings.

As we were walking by a crowded bus stop across the street from our parking garage, we were anticipating how we’d have to lightly brush past some of the people gathered there (who showed no signs of moving), as we moved quickly through in single file.

Passing by a few teenagers, we heard a deep, throaty snort followed by a loud p-touie.

Sensing their spit directed toward us, Katja turned and walked back toward them. Back then as a young college girl, she was not one to shy away from confrontation. She said (and rather loudly), "What did you do?!" What happened next was quite crazy and scary at the same time.

In a matter of seconds, our friends took guard as Katja held me back. I seriously considered pummeling these teenagers for spitting at my wife.

Adding extra drama to an already tense scene, everybody else from the bus stop joined in the shouting match. The teens were swearing and screaming, looking for a fight with us, a group of Bible college students!

Sure, wing night downtown sounded like a good idea earlier that day. At that point, I wasn’t so sure. Trying not to extend our rage beyond the sound of our voices, we ran to the parking garage and pressed the remote control button. The door jerked obediently upward, and we ran inside I looked at my wife’s back and said, "Katja, take off your jacket." We found the large pile of phlegm right in the middle of her back.

With the mob behind us shouting threats, swearing up and down about our mothers and swatting their backsides, we waited just inside the darkness of the garage as they came in after us. Katja slipped back past the scuffle, just outside of the garage and screamed for the police while the rest of us waited for someone to throw the first punch. We finally realized what a mess we were in. We didn't want to fight, but felt that we were driven toward it anyway. Trust me, it was tempting, especially after discovering the spit on Katja’s jacket.

Then a very difficult truth came into view: God loved them as much as he loved us. Cutting our losses, and as suddenly as it began, the conflict ended with the satisfying click of our locked car doors. As we zoomed down the street to the safety of Randy's place, the evening took a turn for the better.

Listen: ‘Fields of Gold’ Sting

We were angry, frustrated, and fighting the question, “Why did they do that?” As we all sat on old couches and pondered what had just happened, Randy made old fashioned popcorn on the stove. The smell of fresh oil-popped corn filled the house, helping us to let go of our rage for a few moments. The dimly lit living room turned peaceful with the finishing touch of Randy turning on his stereo and calming us to the sound of Sting. The shouts from the garage brought out emotions, both primal (rage) and refined (restraint). Then in a matter of 20 minutes, we had been transported from violence to peace—simply from a calming auditory environment.

Something to Sing Along to

New sounds are filling the world constantly. Whether it’s the angry shouting of someone who simply wanted attention, or a victim’s call for the police in wishing for justice, people are actively causing sound. Calm noises like the soft pendulum of a clock and the wind in trees produce something more subtle. Both types of sounds are created by an event. On the opposite side of the spectrum, a common annoyance is the sound of a fly or mosquito’s wings buzzing just near our ears, reminding us of the last time we were bitten. Each sound moves through the air and waits for us to interpret it (whether it’s a good or a bad sound) and then react to it. Mosquitoes get swatted. The crashing of waves relaxes us. We hear fingernails on a chalkboard and react. It's either a pleasant or not-so-pleasant sound.

It's a matter of opinion in how we interpret our perception of life around us. We each prefer certain kinds of food, smells, or climate changes, and, not surprisingly, we don’t exactly share the same musical taste.

Rock music has always been my kind of music. I can appreciate R&B, Rap, Classical, and especially Country music (there are some outstanding Country guitar players). When I was a teenager, albums like Dark Side of the Moon, and artists like Stevie Ray Vaughn, inspired me to play guitar that would sound like theirs. I turned the volume up whenever I was in the car or at home in my bedroom with the door closed. I was immersed in their sound. My attitude could change from a single song. It felt like I had come to life for the first time when I heard the beginning chords of Smells Like Teen Spirit. As Bono described the song when he first heard it, “It sounded nuclear.”

“I know it’s only Rock ‘n’ Roll, but I like it.”

Mick Jagger

What I’m talking about is the inspirational element to sound. There is a barrage of sounds that we can overwhelm us while simply walking down the street. The honk of car horns, the call of street vendors, and the shaking rumble of churning diesel engines creating a less than calming environment. It is about perception, isn’t it? A person growing up in this kind of environment may thrive in the rhythm and tempo of a life accentuated by sounds like these. Respectively, a person accustomed to living in more serene settings surrounded by nature may find this scene horrific, and immediately try find the quickest way out. We want to focus on the inspirational sounds that all humans find interesting and inspiring. We want to find the very thing that touches our very souls and gives our life rhythm. We know music does this, but what is behind the music? What is the power that gives our souls creative energy? Why does it call for our expression and reaction around sound?

This inspiration can become a way that we relate and act towards others. For example, dancing is a medium for the interpretation of music with one or more people. Break dancing, the tango, or even (gasp) line-dancing; each step is dependent on how you move to the sound of the music, free for your physical interpretation.

Listen: ‘Stars’ Switchfoot

Early ‘90s rock concerts that I went to were culminations of all that alternative music had to offer. Lollapalooza was a prime example of Rock, funk, and experimental music taking up a single day’s time...like a mini-woodstock, but with less crime. I remember the concert that closed out the night. The Smashing Pumpkins played a psychedelic light show while plugging through their latest album, Siamese Dream. As the spotlights danced across the crowd, not one person was standing still. Some were pushing back against others, trying to catch their breath, and others were floating above on outstretched hands. We were having fun, and we were experiencing the music with passion. People were searching for something, and their temporary fix was this concert, and soon another concert, and then another, etc.

Hello, Chorus

Humming between classes, and while scrubbing cars clean at my job after school, many songs stuck in my mind. Switching to electric guitar from a four-year-old nylon-stringed classical guitar, I started to practice more and more in my family's basement in the hope of hearing faint shadows of my favorite musical anthems from my own fingers as they clumsily clasped the fret board. The loudness, the silence, and the spaces between notes all took shape and became parts of a vocabulary that words just couldn't express. But my guitar could. In that time, I learned a lot about the blues, and that rock songs began out of the simple structure of blues song.

The anatomy of a rock or blues song is made up of the following: The verse, the chorus and the bridge. The song structure that is most commonly used is this:

Verse

Chorus,

Verse,

Chorus,

Bridge,

Verse,

Chorus,

Chorus.

Take any rock or blues song, and you can usually boil it down to a variation of this formula.

The Verse is usually comprised by telling the beginning of the story in your preferred poetic language. These words help set the feeling for how the rhythm flows.

The Bridge is the part that dramatically breaks in the latter two-thirds of the song. It's meant for just that...a pause or a change of scenery to add to the depth of the song. From there, it returns to the part of the song that people remember the most: the chorus.

The Chorus is interspersed throughout the structure of a song, and is usually the most recalled part of the song. The verse and bridge exist to support the catchy rhythms and crescendo climaxes of the Chorus. Not only is the rhythm memorable, but a good chorus is accentuated by words we all seem to remember—even after one listen.

The songs we hear make us aware of an internal desire to sing along. Maybe this is the first experience that introduces us to our connection between our unseen hearts and an outside force. It can be tough to define why we like one musical style over another. We are bound by the enjoyment and gravitational pull of a song, becoming a part of it ourselves for a minute or two. Do you remember the songs that you’ve sung at the top of your lungs in your car, or in the shower? What part of the song did you probably sing the loudest? Well, the Chorus, of course.

No matter where I listen to live music, whether it be an impromptu band session, a concert, or a church meeting, it’s the choruses of each song that are the most passionately sung by the audience with the band. It holds the most power, volume, and dynamic. What an overwhelming feeling to sing the same lyrics along with other people all at the same time! It’s as if we belong together to something bigger simply by singing...at least for a moment.

Everyone has sung alone in the car. Maybe it is fear of judgment that keeps us behind closed doors with our beloved musical choices. There are other reasons why we might not sing away from home, save for concerts and church. We fear that people are secretly holding a scorecard behind their backs just waiting for us to sing a wrong note, then raise a score above their heads, like a judge during a diving competition. We are scared and fearful of the opinions of others, and that is no way to live. If what you have to say is important, then get it out! Don’t care about what others would think! Create! Create! Create!

When you know that the words to the Chorus of YOUR LIFE sound great, you should let YOUR LIFE sing them as loud as possible. Saint Francis of Assisi said,

"Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary - use words."

Taking it a step further, Saint Francis challenges us with these words,

"It is no use walking anywhere to preach - unless our walking is our preaching."

He would clearly argue that there is a connectedness between our words and lifestyle. When we begin living our lives using sound and action together, other people will want to know what our source of inspiration is. St. Francis had many followers who copied the way he lived because they wanted to be like him in lifestyle. He had found the connection between himself and God, and the way he lived that out was the Chorus of his life. He lived passionately, not halfheartedly, chasing after a relationship with Jesus.

Regrettably, I've heard performances where the song just felt fake, pushed, and... cheesy. Somehow during those three and a half minutes, I felt like I wasn’t really hearing the artist's real voice, or their creativity. To the credit of others, though, there have been concerts and churches Katja and I have visited where songs were sung with the purest of passions. Without all the studio cleanliness of perfect, Pro-Tooled voices, the sounds and songs directed toward God were, strangely, far more joyful and inspiring.

I believe these pure sounds begin in honest, humble hearts; for it's the life we live from our hearts that truly matters. The heart drives us to do things that maybe we haven't done before. It’s like the process of learning to ride a bicycle. First a kid is on a tricycle, then a smaller bike with training wheels. Then, off come the training wheels, creating the opportunity for them to ride in grown-up, two-wheeled freedom. Ultimately, why the church shouts and calls towards God is that they hope and trust that he can hear them. Our hearts make us want to connect with something bigger than us, and that is worth living for.

We are mentally, emotionally, even spiritually moved by the creative medium of sound. Taking that momentum and expressing the inspiration through creativity gives us an outlet and points others towards our motivation.

Photosynthesis

God fuels our ability to affect others by this reaction happening inside of us. Trees pull in carbon dioxide, and emit oxygen via the process of photosynthesis. We breath in the life-giving oxygen, and exhale something that is useful right back to the trees. Like oxygen to carbon dioxide, we are meant to inspire others, offering something life-giving. We should never want to hoard creativity for ourselves. We are to live in a way that we take in inspiration, to create something inspiring and life-giving to others. In searching high and low, I have found hobbies—and the love and support of good people— to help me through difficult times. I have also found total fulfillment when I'm singing a song, praying out loud to God along with someone, or simply sitting in silence and being filled with the awe of God's presence.

Letting go of our own doubt long enough to listen to God whisper back will enable us to create sounds and Choruses to emphasize our love for Him.

By God's perfect love, we can be methodically and spontaneously inspirational in every word and action we express...

Without cheesiness.

rest

(interval of silence)

Chapter 3

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Church: A word that has two drastically opposing opinions attached. Let’s take a look at each, shall we?

Opinion #1. It is a scary, old, cold place that drives most people in the opposite direction by its rigidity and the ensuing boredom found within. Just thinking of the pipe organ machining out music from the late 1800s repels most people who already don’t have a relationship to the church.

Listen: ‘Tatooine’ Jeremy Messersmith

Some believe that they’d become senseless clones following some wacky cult leaders, ending up with shaven heads, and waiting for a ride on a comet. Some are more realistic in their reasoning in why not to attend a church: boundaries. Most people strive to be free from boundaries in their lives. After a full work week, working around the house, or enjoying time with family, the last thing they want to do is to have one more thing to be obligated to do, especially on the weekends. Whether it be financial, moral, or spiritual boundaries, people want freedom in their schedule. For them, part of achieving this freedom means - no church.

Then there’s Opinion #2. Church is a community of people committed to being transformed and revived by God. In Matthew 16:18, the word Church in Greek, is ekklesia. This is a compound word made up of two other Greek words. Ek means ‘out of‘ or ‘by’. The other word is kaleo, which means ‘to call’, or ‘to be called in the name of’. When Jesus says Church in this passage, he was giving shape to how his followers would meet by describing the format in their meetings. Ekklesia was a common way to meet in public, When we place ek and kaleo together, the meaning is a calling out. People who would be a part of the church would do so in public, and with other followers as well. I’m instantly encouraged by others who share in the same beliefs that I have. Whether it be a concert for a certain band that only a choice sliver of the population enjoy, or a worldwide movie release at midnight. There is a larger purpose that those groups of people gather for, and share identity with. Jesus said nothing of losing one’s identity in this group, but actually finding identity in it.

We are each given a choice in how we perceive the church. If you are of the first opinion in this chapter, you are missing out one of the most important experiences of your life. A living, organic community that is dedicated to serving and loving others, is a richly rewarding lifestyle. If only my first-opinion friends realized what an amazing thing it is to be part of a community!

There are small churches built into garages, and large churches that use renovated sports centers as their public meeting place for their 10,000+ person congregations. The point was not the buildings that they inhabit, but the connectedness of the people in each setting. Open doors may be the first step that every church building can take to emulate Jesus Christ’s original idea. The dynamic of relationships will be different in a 30 person church vs. a 10,000 person church. In the former, everybody will have the opportunity to potentially know each person’s name and life story. In larger congregations, most of the electricity of relationships happens in small groups within the whole, creating the same dynamic of the 30 person church many times over. It’s many smaller circles inside of one larger circle that they all identify with. The point is that life happens in these smaller settings. Life gets shared faster with a smaller amount of people in a smaller space, giving them more chances to get to know each other. Some people like to keep to themselves. They cringe at the idea of opening up to others and favor being lost in the numbers of a larger church, enjoying anonymity. That may be exactly how they like it. Man, are they missing out...

Like a Bar

Being the native Minnesotan I am, I like pie. Pie is the staple dessert at the end of a buffet table along with glorious Rice-Krispie Bars. Apple pie, is about as homegrown of a dessert that a person can make, especially when using local fruit for the filling. On a slow Saturday afternoon, I threw together an apple pie out of some fruit someone gave to us from their backyard. Katja was not only impressed, but called our friend Sharon to come over and have some pie with us.

Sharon is a person who we truly consider visionary in pursuing her life’s calling. She was in her early sixties when she went back to school to earn a Master’s degree in Divinity and fulfill her life’s passion. Sharon wanted to share God’s message with the elderly community in America. Where many have overlooked the forgotten souls parked in nursing homes everywhere, Sharon saw hurting and lonely people looking for friendship, and needing relationship. She truly is an inspirational person.

Listen: ‘Gotta Serve Somebody’ Bob Dylan

After each of us cleared off a slice and a half of pie, Sharon told us about her hopes for the church.

“You know what I think it should be like?” Sharon chirped.

“Cheers”, she said. “Do you remember that show? I just really like that. The theme song should be the Church’s theme song, don’t you think?”

“Everybody knows your name...and They’re always glad that you came...”

She went on to quote the rest of the theme song that always played at the opening montage of the popular 80’s television sitcom.

At first, I couldn’t believe my ears. I thought it so odd at first. Perhaps because it made too much sense.

“Norm!” is what the whole bar would call out as, of course, Norm came strolling into the bar. Who wouldn’t want to be known by their first name and have it yelled out at your arrival? Woody, Sam, or one of the others would then ask Norm how his day is going, and Norm would usually describe exactly what was going on in his life. His responses were usually humorous, yet sometimes too close to real life. In Cheers, the people of the popular bar had grown together over time to be an impromptu, but deliberate community. Although very different in personality, size, and shape, a community like this becomes stronger as the people get to know each other better. There’s a closeness that people feel when relationships are deepened over something they all can appreciate together. Maybe that’s why it lasted eleven seasons on TV.

Allow me to ride this analogy into the ground, if you will.

Cheers was centered on something that everybody in the bar could relate to: beer. Church is centered on Jesus Christ. Cheers and Church both are communities of people who recognize that the troubles are all the same in life. The focus of a Church, however, is more than frosty beer. It offers a real, life-giving connection to God that people around the globe have access to. Cheers was a situation comedy, filmed before a live studio audience. There were actors who were hired to play the individual parts of the script, written by writers who are paid to be funny. Cheers is not real life, but our friend Sharon could not have better summed up her view of Church. She wanted the church to be a place “where everybody knows your name,” and I couldn’t agree more.

There was nothing in her model about discipleship, or leadership. The point was that they were living, meeting and were connecting with other people. There was no rank and file, just the bartender that kept track of what you did while you were there. This was a model that was driven by a desire to prevent loneliness.

It’s a scalable model in that there would be many, many different communities discovering God, and living life together. These communities would excel not in vertical numerical height, but in horizontal reach. Not in huge arenas, but in relatable, realistic settings, where people are always glad you came.

This friendliness and closeness from getting to know people over time is the main ingredient in building a healthy community. Sadly, many churches have become known as places where all people coldly face forward, wear assimilated clothing, and always say that they are having a nice day, even if they aren’t. Considering its people within, a community is the sum of all parts. What if each person or family unit continued to hide their internal questions or hurts instead of sharing them? Unexpected breakdowns would occur. When everything isn’t going well, or the kids really are driving you crazy, or you really don’t know what to do to make your marriage work, should we really act like all is well? No way. We were meant to go through life together, we were built for relationships in the framework of a family.

We can share new discoveries and victories together, cheering along with the great times that life brings. Like family, we can also share our defeats and be encouraged by one another. Family can be upset with each other, too. We can shout, cry, laugh, and simply sit in silence together. At the end of the day, just like a family, we put aside our differences and sit around the same dinner table, focusing on Jesus Christ as our reason for living.

Dis-connections

“You wanna be where you can see, the troubles are all the same. You wanna go where everybody knows your name.” This line sums it up. Strangely enough, not admitting that we all have bad days tends to be a large reason why we don’t want to be around other people. It is also true that at times we feel inferior in our seemingly inferior lives and don’t want to go to a public place where it’s perceived that only perfect people can attend. In either case, loneliness can have devastating effects on us as we are meant to live in community. Two striking examples from the animal kingdom come to mind when I think of people who have been left out of the loop of communication.

In the Ant family, all information is sensed through their antennae, using them to smell chemical markers sent by other ants. This creates a crude but highly efficient communication within each ant colony. If one of the antennae accidentally breaks, the injured ant loses the ability to smell the trail back to the nest. It is left to wander by itself, aimlessly looking for its colony, and its home. People also can metaphorically break one of their antenna. They can lose their desire to communicate with a community of people. Sometimes it’s a self-inflicted wound they make, leaving a group for their own reasoning. Those who have lost contact with a community have the potential to live out their existence alone in the unknown.

The other example is the Brown Recluse Spider. This spider lives by itself in dark recessed spaces far away from other spiders, or from any other living creatures for that matter. It is known for its extra strong neuro-venom which leaves victims paralyzed. When humans come too close to the Brown Recluse, it defensively bites and seriously wounds them. Many people separated from communities can have a different poison that has infected their hearts: bitterness. Like the spider’s venom, it causes paralysis, but only to the person who holds the bitterness. It is extremely difficult to reconnect with the lonely person, as they usually are convinced that they cannot change their attitudes. However, bitter people can be surprisingly defensive, barraging people who reach out to them with hurtful, venomous words.

Bringing people who are wandering aimlessly back into relationship is something that God excels at. Jesus never decided to spend time with the chronically well people, or the surprisingly holy members of Judaism, but he went to the lonely, the forgotten, and the hopeless. A lonely person’s behavior will be different from a person with healthy relationships. Some may have gotten upset at the Church and left intentionally, growing bitter as a result of the separation. This is a broken relationship between two separate entities: one group of people, and said person. We are meant to be a part of a community, and to hold to a philosophy of not thinking that we can do everything ourselves. No one should be an island.

If we are meant to live connected to others, how would we best describe the relationship between a lonely person and a community of people? Broken, and in need of repairs.

Whole Again

Sozo is a Greek word which means ‘to be made whole’, or ‘to rescue from disaster’. The phrase, being saved or salvation, is usually understood to mean, avoiding an afterlife spent in hell, defined as ‘separation from God’. This is an important idea in the choice to follow Him, but not entirely the foundational principle in Jesus’ message. He came to earth to deter a fallen creation. Jesus wanted people to be made whole, and to experience fulfillment, beginning the very day that they choose to follow Him. Right now. This wholeness that Sozo hints towards is a central element to the Hebrew mindset that I will cover in chapter 7. Salvation is a spiritual and emotional fullness that we are meant to experience each day that we live, and into the afterlife.

There are a million different books written on what the church should be, and of course, the most important example that we could look at would be from the very book that referenced the first church. Acts 2:42-47 holds the DNA for what a healthy church-start should look like. This is what Jesus wanted his calling out, or Church to look like. People were meeting together, as a new kind of family, where everybody was getting to know the names of others, sharing life and discovering God. People were learning that their troubles were alike as well. In this passage, we find that people weren’t driven away, but were drawn to their group.

Acts 2: 46-47

“Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

People were being made whole again, by focusing on what everyone else had been surprised by: A Relationship with not just other people, but with God Himself.

Chapter 4

Plot Lines

With school work, time has never been particularly forgiving. Time has pushed me reluctantly to complete tasks on a deadline. Students (at least, lazy ones) are always fighting time to get their assignments completed. For me, deadlines usually arrived on Monday morning, leaving me to slave into the wee hours of each Monday to complete those assignments I procrastinated on.

Listen: ‘Eye of the Storm‘ Blindside

Parents also fight time as their children grow up. Maybe they had procrastinated with sharing their love for their children. Maybe they held off from playing catch with their son. Or they chose to lecture their child on something they did wrong, instead of simply laughing with their daughter when she desperately needed a pick-me-up.

What we often forget is that our investments into our children's lives in their early years will help us to relate to them later in life. This is advice I myself can use everyday! The foundation for a lifelong relationship must be set with patience and openness, so when the harder times come (you know, when they’re teenagers), there is something to trust in: family.

In far more dramatic situations, cancer patients and doctors fight time, too. Some people are waiting for a heart transplant or a kidney donor from someone who has just died in an automobile accident. There is a very short timeframe to remove these organs to help those waiting for a transplant.

In the everyday, time drives us to be in certain places at certain times. Like it or not, tension exists with being early or late, all because of our daily schedules. We have things that we like having done on time and places we want to be at on time, based on our values.

Take a trip to the movie theater for example. Nowadays, you can show up about 30 minutes late, and you’ll have just made it through the trailers and the shameless advertisements where dancing popcorn tubs beckon you to indulge in what’s essentially a butter-flavored heart attack waiting to happen. Delicious.

Lately, I’ve found that I don’t want miss the previews before the main feature. I enjoy all the mini sagas neatly packaged into 2-minute wrappers. Sometimes the movie trailers are even better than the movie that I originally paid to see! I've yet to meet someone who does not like an intriguing story, no matter what the length.

A Long Time Ago...

In Genesis, the week of creation was made up of seven periods of time. Seven days each separated by nights in between. From the beginning, God wanted to show us the rhythm of life we are to emulate in order to not burn out. Exhaustion is the result of going, going, going without a break! Yet God is all-powerful, and could have just continued going on and on in work, setting us up with a horrible example for our lives to follow...working with no end, no time to rest. Doesn’t sound like much fun, huh? Thank goodness he had the foresight to bake in a template for balance in our lives.

He also gives us the opportunity to start new relationships with others. God existed with the chaos and could’ve made it work for himself, but he chose to include us into his creation by helping us to understand how life works. We each have a role in God's story.

When I was only two years old, my mom brought me to see Star Wars at our local theater. I asked her how I reacted as a two-year-old, watching Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader duke it out. She told me, "From the opening title to the closing credits, you didn't move a muscle." George Lucas had my attention and would’ve had my vote for president if he hadn’t made the abomination known as Episode I. My small eyes watched the movie’s sudden beginning, a star-field background with a receding explanation of past galactic history, and then...laser blasts! What a beginning!

How amazing would it be to see the beginning of God's creation? We were designed to be captured and pulled into a good story. Storytelling has been the way that traditions, wisdom, ideas, and spiritual teaching have been handed down through generations. From spoken word to written accounts, history was recorded in a more static form on Papyrus, animal hides, paper, and now 1‘s and 0‘s. The medium of information continually weighed less, and got quicker and easier to send.

Our generation (as in our ENTIRE generation of people living on Earth right now) operates with a different set of rules, though. Let's view the the Bible through the timeline of a movie.

I imagine the story of Genesis on the screen of my mind like this…

Picture it:

“In the beginning,

God created the Heavens and the Earth.”

With the iconic Star Wars font, the scene bursts to life. It's a sudden, jarring symphony of movement and sound that flows into existence out of nothing. Separated and sculpted, God breathes creation. It is the perfect beginning, with darkness and chaos, as God summons all into order by God. The cinematography is spot-on, and the colors vibrant. Each frame of landscape has depth and is composed exactly how God wanted.

This is the ultimate environment for God's creation to live with a setting, place, and time supporting the characters of the story.

A movie is a series of events within a plot line framed by the setting. A classic outline involves an antagonist and protagonist with conflicting interests, both struggling against a foreign environment and all the difficulties that the setting offers. And in two hours, the situation in the movie is resolved (unless there will be a sequel), and you are left with an opinion: was it good or not?

The literary work of the Bible was written by various authors throughout time. There are unique yet relatable qualities of God and Man that each author featured. Situations and life lessons make up the Bible’s plot line as Man navigates his horizontal relationships towards fellow humans, and vertically towards God.

As it is in a movie, the characters are introduced at the beginning of the Bible. God is there, the spirit of God is there, and God's Hope for his creation is there. All three characters are representing the protagonist, or hero, of the story. Animals and fish are pulled into focus in the fields and waves of water. Finally, Man enters stage right. God finishes his creation and places the man, Adam, into the garden to tend to it. He gives Adam responsibility and a moral dilemma:

"Eat from every tree in the garden, but not from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, or you will die."

Given a will of his own, and the choice to follow God's instructions (or his own whim). Two different scenes split off now: Adam starts giving names to the animals and landscape, and God sees yet another opportunity to create, as he notices Adam is incomplete.

After a brief nap, Adam wakes and discovers Eve.

They begin walking, learning, and living in God's perfect environment. The stage is set for absolute bliss for our heroes. The Creator is satisfied with the creation, and the Created are walking in obedience.

Enter: the Dragon.

Slithering across the ground from his dark home, the snake poses a sneaky, seemingly innocent question to Eve. "Did God actually say, 'You shouldn't eat from any tree in the garden?'" The dialogue takes a downwards turn as Eve clarifies which trees give them life and which bring them knowledge.

The snake writhed in excitement while twisting Adam and Eve's perception of God's words. "You will not die. God knows that if you eat the fruit, you will be like God, knowing good and evil." Eve took some of the fruit and gave it to her husband who was by her side. Just like God promised, their eyes were opened to good and evil.

The situation had begun.

The plot eventually hit a low point in Genesis with the introduction of sin. Before things had a chance to get better, they only got worse when Adam and Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden. Paradise, no more.

The setting had expanded from the Garden of Eden to the entire earth. Shakespeare touches on this idea as he wrote of human’s journey through life in As You Like It:

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players;”

The protagonist: God. The Antagonist: whoever inhabited the snake to change the course of perfection. Every move that God has ever made was with the intention that his people, Adam and Eve and their children will return to a life of paradise in close relationship with God.

Every move made by the antagonist, known in name as Satan or the Devil, would be to make God's people knowingly to separate themselves from Him. Each move cutting humans off, all the while convincing them that they can only live in broken relationship to God.

While not all the characters in the Jewish Scriptures will trust God and his direction, God continually asks them to follow Him.

In the 400 years where there was no recorded Biblical history of the Spirit's reviving power, the time was marked by political changes and uprising. This inter-testamental period was the time where people went about whatever they thought was more important than listening to God.

The Holy Spirit built the plot to the climax of seeing Jesus Christ, Immanuel (Hebrew for “God with us”), walking here on earth.

All of the foreshadowing of the prophets and kings had pointed towards the excitement of his entrance. The promised Savior, Jesus, was born. During his 33 years of life, the tension of good vs. evil, protagonist vs. antagonist, had come to a boiling point. No spectators mattered, simply the question of Jesus’ obedience to his heavenly Father would make or break his mission to bring the earth back to Paradisos (Greek for “paradise,” translated from the Hebrew, also used to define the Garden of Eden).

Obedience had become the vehicle of relationship between humankind and God since the first bite of the fruit. For the Hebrew people, following God’s will throughout the Old Testament (Jewish Scriptures) would be a challenge time and time again. So it was the same with Jesus. God asked Him to die in place of the population of earth for their wrong doing. It would not be easy, as it usually is not when facing a question of obedience vs. comfort. Whenever someone was obedient to God, blessing and joy filled their lives and the relationships of each Biblical character. Jesus was taking on not just a territorial problem, but the global problem of wrong doing. His obedience would bring blessing to all those affected.

Jesus obeyed, and after he did what he came to Earth to do, dying in the place of those who deserved to die, he came to life again! Instead of declining, the plot takes an entirely different turn and keeps escalating in excitement and hope.

It doesn’t stop there either!

There are historical figures from the Bible that we can learn from through the lessons of their lives. Each event of their lives inevitably became a scene or musical movement in God's screenplay. Even with all the changing circumstances and settings, one thing is clear throughout time: God is in control and is involved in our lives today, even if we haven’t recognized it yet!

It’s a beautiful music; the movements of God in time.

Chapter 5

Detours

When I was a teenager, my friends and I used to do stupid things. We would steal people's birdbaths and place them in their neighbor's yard. We would throw snowballs at passing cars. We would shoot potato guns. We would steal parking cones (sense a theme here?) and place them on top of our cars with the words “student driver” written on them. We would then drive around the city while screaming out the window, "Uh Oh! Student Driver!" We played hackysack, sometimes throwing it at each other as hard as humanly possible. One time, I shot my friend Noah in the neck with a BB gun, and locked myself in my car, fearing for my life. This was the beginning of the list of stupid things we did as teenagers.

Listen: ‘Airbag‘ Radiohead

I eventually learned that a friend of mine, Darren, who grew up in Australia, had a similar teen-hood. He and his friends took neighbor's lawn furniture and arranged it in the bottom of their pool. Teens are the same all around the world, and find unique ways of getting into trouble sometimes. I’m convinced that I know their problem: boredom.

The practical jokes and other things we did around town soon got a little out of hand and crossed over from annoyance, to just plain mean. Although most situations like this began as fun, a car full of bored teenagers can end in all kinds of wrong. From exhibitionist driving, to destruction of property, the possibilities were endless. Light hearted fun at night had turned to stark reality in the daytime as neighborhoods would call around the city about the toilet paper in their trees, or their missing lawn ornaments. We were tip-toeing towards theft. No one got sent to juvenile prison, but we weren’t saints either. At some point, our wrongs would catch up with us, at least in the form of a guilty heart.

Pulled Over

Adding to my already illustrious track record, I have been pulled over by the police nine times. I'm not proud of that, but hey, “I guess there was a fire, officer.” The tally so far: one rolling stop ticket, four five warnings (two of them more sternly given than the others), one speeding ticket while taking Katja to babysit during our college years, and one speeding ticket from a highway patrol officer while accelerating way too fast out of a small town.

My family and I were pulled over by the police once, too. It was not a happy moment. That day we had gotten some directions from a website hoping the maps were correct. Google was wrong.

Even though we felt prepared for anything the open road could throw our way, we soon figured out that we had taken a wrong turn. Missing the road, we traveled about seven miles past where we should have turned. In the grand scheme of life, seven miles isn’t really that far on a freeway, given that the terrain is so predictable and the speed so great. But these were country roads...

It’s the country roads that have been known to have the truly dangerous curves. The local civil engineers had to plan winding roads to find the cheapest way through the rock and heavily wooded countryside. So we were trying to reclaim the lost time to arrive, at best, five minutes later. This was the kind of situation where I felt justified in pressing the accelerator down. Then speeding back towards the right road, there was a large, gently sloping hill placed in the middle of the stretch of highway. Now driving directly into the setting sun, the oncoming horizon showed two small bumps rising into view, and soon the bumps were attached to a larger shape. Then the bumps on top of the car had turned red. 75 in a 55. I pulled over...Mr. Officer had us.

The dull pain I felt in my stomach was the panic of getting into trouble. It was the feeling of writing checks with my mouth that my body couldn't cash. It is that polarizing pain of overdraft hitting your checking account, or seeing a failing grade on your report card in that one class you hated. It’s the feeling we get when we go to sleep angry and frustrated instead of resolving with the other person. That sinking feeling.

The police officer was a graying 55-year-old man with wire-rimmed glasses and an authority in his step. As he sauntered towards our car, I tried looking innocent. Just then I thought, "Be yourself." My macro situation easily overshadowed my micro apologies. I was to blame, yet I was the underdog.

He said everything that everyone who has been pulled over expects to hear, and every rookie police officer says almost gleefully: "Do you know how fast you were going?" It felt like a variation of what I ask my kids when they've been caught in the act of something bad, "Do you know what you did?"

Taking the stature of my kids being caught with their hand in the cookie jar, I fessed up. "I was going 75," I said. Then everyone in the car started to explain that we were looking for a local church, and noticing that we had overshot the turn, we were trying to make it back on time for the service to begin.

Shedding no new light on the subject, he said that we had missed the turn way back there. I already knew that, of course. Then he offered, "I bet you can figure out a better way to spend $200." In reply, Katja leaned across me lap and said, "Yes officer, we can." Placing his pen back in his pocket, he said, “Well, Have a nice day then!”

Once we arrived at the church and told the local pastors the story, they said they knew who that officer was, and that we got off easy.

Experiencing that grace and forgiveness was awesome. Knowing that I’d done wrong and having the horrible anticipation of getting a ticket made the reality of his forgiveness so much more powerful. In essence, time had brought me through a series of events so that I could understand what I was being forgiven for. Time gives us breaks between events in order so that we can understand and then learn from what happened.

In life, we are presented with countless instances in which time is a constant element. When is the next paycheck? When is dinner? When are we leaving?

Time gives us variations of intensity in our lives as well. If I was driving closer to 30 mph, I wouldn’t have had as intense of a realization that I was forgiven. Going 75 MPH caused a heightened understanding of forgiveness. It was shown to me again by my disobedience to the law.

Realizing that I had done something wrong made me want to go back and change what had just happened. Regardless, we can get caught in wrong doing at any time of the day. In hurting others, ourselves, even offending God; wrong doing takes its shape throughout the timeline of our lives. It's when someone understands that they've been forgiven a gravity happens and people finally understand what life is truly all about. As wrongdoing/sin happens in time, hopefully, forgiveness happens soon after. In our relationships with one another, this forgiveness is essential to continuing and deepening our relationship.

Even though each instance of a human’s wrongs are equal in the eyes of God, there are sins here on earth that are stronger and more harmful towards our present physical bodies and other people. If someone stole your bike today, and tomorrow, asked for forgiveness for doing so, it's a relatively harmless problem that’s easy to forgive.

What if someone caused you great harm? What if someone murdered a family member of yours and then, after getting caught, asked for forgiveness? It's a little bit different, isn't it? The weight of the hurt is much heavier, after all, as one can buy another bike in an afternoon, while a person lost is irreplaceable for a lifetime. The repercussions in your life would echo through years and years to come. How much more of a sign it would be to forgive someone who had done this to your family? What an enormous amount of mercy and understanding it would be for you to forgive them!

What if it was us who committed the crime against someone, and that someone was God?

Listen: ‘Skeleton of Something More’ Sleeping at Last

God offered his most prized possession, his only son, to die for us all because we needed forgiveness from the darkness in our own hearts. It takes time for that to sink in— that a blameless person did something so extreme for the whole world's wrongs. In time, people will find out that he loved them, but it would be way better to hear about this forgiveness now. It can set us on a path that would be far better.

Type A

God’s plans and timing overrides any of humankind’s plans and timing. One of the most famous scenes in the Bible is where Thomas doubts Jesus’ resurrection. Thomas had a point of contention with God’s son, the living Jesus Christ, who stood before him.

In John 20:24-27 we read:

Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it."

Do you have a literalist in your life? Jesus sure did. A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus suddenly stood with them and said, "Peace be with you!" Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."

Thomas said to him, "My Lord and My God!" Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."

Logically, Thomas was on the right track. It didn't make sense that anyone could come back to life after dying. Jesus convinced him by challenging Thomas with evidence. When Jesus fulfilled his part of the challenge, Thomas finally got it.

It was as if Thomas was working on a math problem for days and days, and deemed it unsolvable. He even set up a challenge. "I won't believe this problem is solvable until someone shows me the answer!"

For some people, they are not ready to begin trusting God. There is much more distance between their logic and belief in an unseen being. Using humankind’s logic, this equals more work for others to help them to trust God. Maybe it may take more time for God's Holy Spirit to soften their hearts. This would result in more work as well than the average person who begins a faith journey with Jesus Christ. Using logic to describe the plans and timing of God is useless, as Thomas showed us, because God can move and do what he wants, when he wants. He won’t ask if we are busy or if our schedule is full, he’ll show up and give us a choice. Is he real or not? An analytical mind can be surprised by God at any moment. Even the logic of Thomas, one of Jesus’ close-knit group of disciples, was pleasantly defied for his benefit.

The step into a life long walk with God begins with believing.

crescendo

(a gradual increase in loudness)

Chapter 6:

Love

I used to have to say to myself, "Try to like other people.” Getting along with others didn't feel like a privilege, much more like an obligation, instead. No one my age likes obligations, and least of which that we have to love other people. I remember someone explaining to me that I had to love everybody, but didn't have to like him or her. It was a default idea that I had to love everybody, even the mean kids. Even now, his feels so empty to do sometimes, but I understand why we have to. Chemistry between personalities just doesn't click sometimes, and it leaves us wanting a stronger relationship with someone that we do connect with. I didn't want to try to like people that I didn't click with or that I didn't like first because of who they were.

Listen: ‘Message in a Bottle’ The Police

Jesus had a good handle on the idea of love (understatement of the year). He addressed the idea throughout his time on earth with not only words, but actual living, breathing action. The Greek words for love accentuate certain relationships, and give us a framework for a plethora of ways to love others. Yes...a plethora.

Found in the writings of Biblical authors, Jesus Christ embodied the concept of love. John 15:13 says this:

"Greater love has no one than this that He lay down his life for his friends."

This instance of love was translated from the true and pure word, agape, (Greek for sacrifice). Agape gave people hope to begin living passionately for others close to them. The Swedish words that explain the word Passion are att brinna för. Roughly translated: to burn for. Jesus burned in his heart for his friends. Agape was defined by Jesus’ as he died for the wrong doing of the world, giving Himself as the sacrifice.

Helloooo, Eros.

Hypothetical situation: A couple has been spending their separate lives waiting to find that special someone. They had been anticipating each other for minutes, hours, days. Finally, they met. It started with walking quietly past each other and wondering if the other noticed them. One of them got up the courage to ask the other out for coffee, and suddenly they were spending all of their time together. Increasingly, God gave each of their hearts a burning fire for the other. Excitement consumed them. They make plans to walk down the aisle together to seal the deal, to know that they are committed to each other. God promises such a reward of love for their devotion. They thought of each other constantly, and deep into the night they would talk on the phone, wondering what the other was thinking. They fantasized about the other, about what their wedding night would be like.

Listen: ‘My First, My Last, My Everything’ Barry White

This love is so special, reserved to be shared only between them. They've got tickets waiting for them to fly out to a secluded place during their honeymoon to be together. Maybe they aren't necessarily on vacation yet, but they know and burn for each other. They plan, circle dates on calendars, and fall into love together while walking through the steps to and through these days.

Eros would be this hot love. Like ‘yee-haw’ kind of love. Not just during the act, but leading up to, and in anticipation of each following moment of devoted passion. I'm talking about love as documented in a certain love letter, found in The Song of Solomon, between two lovers. Love like this must be remembered for its intended value. Eros is to begin as and continue to be a sustainable romanticism.

On to another kind of love in contrast to Eros, we discover Philea, or brotherly love. This is the kind of love that exists between people who share common interests, and lifestyles. Brothers, particularly stereotypical Irish brothers, fight for each other, enjoy each other’s company, and (again, stereotypically) pummel each other's faces when one is particularly out of line. Here we see a range of the manifestation of love.

Not only is it shown with a hug and the knowledge that someone has your back in difficult situations, but it also has a shepherding kind of mentality. Philea provides a closeness in relationship where two people can share in times of confession and care for one another's spiritual needs. Confession with communicating our wrongs to a trusted person can be an amazing outlet to our frustration with our humanness. At the same time it is a confidence-builder between people.

Confession helps us to know that there is an importance to accountability in our lives. Our actions are meant to be answered for. Life therefore is to be shared through action as well. The sooner, the better.

When Jesus spoke of laying down one's life for another person, He wanted us to know that we are capable of just that. He shows us that he backs up what he said with action. Jesus was our ultimate example of Agape.

Keep in mind that all three kinds of love point towards the philosophy that we must act in love towards one another. Then, love is manifested and transferred with increased meaning and importance leading to a further deepening of the relationship. It’s interesting that in Marriage there is the combination of all three kinds of love. Husbands are to lay down their lives for their wives, and vice versa: Agape. They get to share intimacy with one another: Eros. Spending time together with someone who is or at least will become your best friend: Philea.

Brighten the Corners

There is an inspiring contrast in my own life when I either choose to love someone and when I choose not to love someone else.

Contrast is a common feature in television, art, journalism, color printing and many other visual mediums. It reveals a difference between dark and light and then gives you the choice of which contrast ratio you enjoy the best as the viewer or listener.

Turning the contrast dial on a television adjusts how bright or solemn you desire the image or experience to be.

With light and dark, we are in the position to tell the difference with our own eyes. There is a noticeable contrast in how love is shared and shown in our lives. It's as if we, in our hearts and minds, have a contrast dial above each person that we know and decide how much we will decide to love them or not love them. We are discovering how to display and show love to others. We are not questioning if we do love others. We have the ability and the responsibility to flex this gift. People will feel and notice the contrast that we display towards them. People are smart: they will notice love and the absence of it, as well. Love is something that people wait for and can recognize.

The evidence of love is unmistakable. It results in overwhelming feelings and thoughts. I feel so unworthy to bear such a wonderful gift sometimes, especially when my wife tells me she loves me.

Some parents have a difficult time expressing their love to their children. They have the intention of love all the time, to their credit. Yet how often and in what intensity they show this love results in how they would be known in their child’s eyes in the years to come.

Once I was taking care of our kids while Katja was at an early evening meeting. During our feast of fish sticks and partially hydrogenated fries, my attention had turned toward the sink-full of dishes awaiting me. Confession: I'm one of those dish-doing people who find the chore somewhat relaxing and therapeutic. Weird, I know.

While scrubbing the fish stick pan, I was trying to get the black gunk off of the bottom while my back was to the kids. Every minute or so, I'd turn to make sure that they had eaten a little more. I would hear giggles, and laughs and then turn around and I'd in return remind them that they will "never grow up to be big and strong if they don't eat." For effect, I would emphasize NEVER.

Lost in what I was doing, I noticed it was about time to turn around and exercise authority over the kiddos. When I saw that the empty table, I wondered, "Where are they?" So I ran around the inside of our home ending up at the entrance to my kids' room. From here I could also see into two different rooms, each with their own challenging mess to clean up. It was quite a sight, and quite a mess.

About an hour later, with a squeaky clean finish, the adventure I had intended to be “dinner” was over.

Romans 8:15-17 has a pretty amazing promise for situations like these:

"For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship.” By him we say out loud, Abba, Father. The Spirit himself testifies with our own spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

In that passage, Paul referred to God using the Hebrew word Abba, which means ‘Dad’. In Jewish Synagogues, Priests usually addressed God as Father using the word abinu which was to address God in a formal, and distant way. As a Rabbi, Jesus used this new word, abba, to show this new relationship people are to view themselves as having with God when they pray. It’s found in Matthew 6:9:

Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,

This prayer was meant to be spoken every day as a reminder of our relationship to God. We need to be reminded of the personal love that God the Father holds for his children. This love moves us out of a cold and generic relationship with God and replaces it with a very real love that God calls us sons and daughters by.

As a Father, I picked up one kid, cleaned them up, and encouraged my other kid. I helped them. They certainly couldn't clean up themselves, that's for sure. A three-year-old kid does not know how to get from smelling disgusting to squeaky clean, and I don't know any five year old boys who can wield the power of the plunger or manage a clog without one. Nor could I as their father simply suggest from the doorway what they should do by saying, "Hey, could you please levitate so that you don't get any of that on the carpet? That would be great, thanks."

A father must help his kids to get out of the difficult situations and filthy messes that they sometimes get themselves into.

Love is also relatable idea via the good ol’ family relationship. Since everyone in the world came from or is joining a family, it seems fitting that God used the love between a man and woman as the foundation for a family (Eros + Agape + Philea). God adds another dimension to brotherly love, by giving them a care enough to die for each other (Philea + Agape). To display the true love that a Father has for his children, God gave his son to die for the world (Pure Agape).

Some fathers leave their kids to fend for themselves without helping their defenseless children, but not God. He draws us into relationship with Him because we need help, and he loves us.

I'm reminded of a comment that a friend offered me once, "Why, if God exists, would he let 9/11 happen?" I'm sure many pastors and churches were trying to answer that question on 9/16/2001, I know I did. The question came from curiosity in the unknown. A curiosity to understand how Love could allow a hurt like this.

The fact remains that God can do anything he wants, and he would not want such a horrible thing like 9/11 to happen. He does not want people to die tragically whether it is by the hand of man or nature. This is the world that was made to show incredible colors in the skies during dusk and dawn, crafted for the eyes of Adam and Eve.

God didn’t want this to happen. He’s about life, not death.

The entrance of sin and Satan would deconstruct the love that God had in store for the human race. Satan's works are blatantly against God's plan and are founded in lying, death and destruction. God demanded that Adam and Eve not return to the scene of the crime, where the first bites of fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil were taken.

God, the good Father, gives us all a second chance. We are born into a "second chance" situation, where we simply acknowledge the role that has been dealt us from the get-go, that we are fallen people living in a fallen world. Earth was supposed to stay pure and untouched, exactly as he made it initially. This is an amazing contrast to the hurting, dying planet we live on now. God shows us through the phrase found in Isaiah 65:25, "The lion and the lamb will feed together", we get a promise that things will be put back to order when he has control of his creation again at the closing of time.

The truth is this, that God loves us, he does exist, and he patiently waits for us to love him back. We can start loving Him, quietly right now. A warning: Love crescendos.

Chapter 7:

Heart

Listen: ‘Time’ Pink Floyd

If I don't pick up my guitar and create music, I get a feeling that I'm missing something inside. Like a piece of my heart is not being used. This feeling has a time, as everything does.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.”

There is an opposite to every action written in this passage, and rightly so. Without times of ebbing and flowing, everything begins to feel monotonous, and our experiences feel “cheaper.” God separates each event with a space so that not only we will enjoy each thing that we do more, but that we will appreciate the time spent at each event when we are away from it for awhile.

When I am away from my family, I miss them very much. This adds to the value of the time that I will spend with them. Maybe I'll realize things about my kids or wife that I didn't recognize while I was with them, and can appreciate and look forward to their smiles as I came back home even more.

Rests help us to appreciate the music,

Guitar is a hobby that has ebbed and flowed in my life. I like to play, even though I’m a hack. Considering each season of life I have lived in, I have been able to devote more or less time to it. Sometimes after hitting a plateau of practicing, playing the same things repeatedly, it’s good to lay it down and just listen to music for a while. Practice sessions, separated by rests, are super effective. Super long practice sessions can only tire out a musician who is trying to get through a plateau in playing.

Through my time invested into guitar, I have learned major and minor scales up and down the neck, modes, pentehoovian scales (not a real scale), and most importantly, how to play along with a group of other people to make a song. Playing in a band is exciting and much work, no joke.

I’ve also tried to tweak my equipment hoping to make it sound better, too. This could also be called the pursuit of tone (you guitar players know what I'm talking about). Chasing the perfect guitar tones has been a pastime not only for me but for my friends too. I even have a buddy named Jacob who made me a fuzz pedal, named ‘The Swedish Squealer’ that makes some of the strangest-yet-wonderful sounds I have ever heard.

Not only the guitar matters in the pursuit of tone. The warmth of preamp and power tubes in guitar amplifiers are other parts to consider. Stompboxes hold sweet tones that help a player’s sound even more. Even the kind of speakers used in a cabinet makes a difference in the sound that an amp makes.

In my quest to find "the" tone, I dove a little deeper than I should have into making an amp feel like the "wall of sound" that Eric Clapton spoke of in his youth. I used to have a Marshall 50-watt amplifier that sounded good. Its tone was crunchy with plenty of power left in the knobs if I ever needed to play louder.

I spent one day learning how to "bias" my amplifier. You see, there's a small knob on the inside of the amp that when turned while the power switch is ON, the sound would become more full. It was a cheap and easy enhancement to the sweet spot of my amp. It seemed to be no problem at all to do. Dialing up the most knowledgeable authority on the job, I called Bob, the owner of the tube store. Bob really knows his stuff, and was coaching me through the process via my speakerphone.

First, I had to remove the actual circuitry from the Black wooden casing labeled "Marshall". The amp itself is a considerably heavy piece of bent sheet metal fastened with green circuit boards, tubes and wires. The bias knob was sitting clear as day waiting for me to turn it, exactly where Bob told me it would be at. I was to turn the knob “clockwise,” and armed with my metallic screwdriver, I was ready. The amp was plugged into the wall, and powered "ON"; all according to his instructions.

I don't entirely remember what happened next. I heard a loud buzz between my ears, and felt my arms seize to the amp. Exhaling a brief scream, I freed myself from the amp and ran away. Five-seconds later, I stood looking through the corridor at the screwdriver lying on the floor in the other room. I clumsily ran back to the phone, picked it up and said, "I don't know what happened! I guess the screwdriver slipped!" Bob laughed while taking joy in my pain while asking, "So how far up your arm did it get?"

While the charge was coming into my body, I felt a grip of electricity travel almost to my shoulder. Bob told me that, "What you don't want, Phil, is for it to reach your heart, because it can throw your heartbeat off..." Wise words, from a wise man. Another saying I remember comes from Proverbs 4:23.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."

So...that's what Solomon meant.

The quality of a guitar amp is important to the setup of a guitar player. Listening to the great players from the past and present, it takes only a few seconds to hear the importance of strong, beefy gear. One Christmas, my wife bought me a Jimi Hendrix illustrated experience book with a CD. On the CD, there was an interview where Jimi said, "We don't know how many amps we've gone through, a lot I guess. We're having some special ones made for us. For a heavier sound." You see the sound they wanted wasn't necessarily loud, it was heavy. The loudness was a byproduct. When Jimi played, he wanted the silence and dynamics in his playing to come through. They ran their amps at full throttle to get the sound that his group wanted to be known for.

Moving to Sweden, I needed to do another surgery on a different guitar amp so that the new voltage wouldn’t fry it. We had just completed a two-year experience of being prepared to begin ministry in Stockholm. After God compelled us to serve in Sweden, we knew that this move was for us.

Our short ministry career started with six years of youth ministry, then our family attended a one-year internship with a university group in Duluth, Minnesota, and another year of sharing with churches about our assignment. The miles we spent in our car traveling with our family had taken a toll on us mentally and physically. Man, were we were excited when we had the green light to go ahead and order the tickets to move. It felt like an eternity between our beginning the internship and our final move overseas. The truth is this however: We needed to go through the process of refinement before we arrived, and we knew it.

Inside of the case of the my THD amp, I found a couple of green circuit boards. Fearing another brush with death, I put on my winter gloves before fiddling around. I guess unplugging the power cord helped out, too.

I puzzled through the inscriptions on the inside the chassis of the amp, finding the date when it was made, some numbers that I didn't understand ( 4 8 15 16 23 42), and something else. Into one of the green circuit boards was printed a curious quote:

"A lie can travel halfway round the world while the truth is putting on its shoes." -—Mark Twain

Immense. The limits measured in the quote were time and distance, and I took comfort in that moment. The refinement in our work ethic combined with God's timing and leading helped me to conclude that we were on the truth side of that quote. What I felt was a far more welcoming electricity than from my old Marshall. This shock left my heart feeling complete, because I knew that the timing of my life was in synchronicity with God's will.

Listen: ‘Say It Ain’t So’ Weezer

Meanwhile, we are trying to introduce our kids to the world of music. Ben wants to learn drums and created rhythms with almost anything that he can bang together. Unfittingly, he now plays violin! Matilda wants to play guitar, yet we are pushing the piano on her for now. Max wanted to play git-fiddle, too. All three love to sing. There will always be time for guitar in our home. As music has been such a large part of our married life together, Katja and I wanted our kids to become well-rounded listeners of music. We both loved to listen to early 90's grunge rock, and it seemed right that our kids at least learn about that music history as well. Parents also are supposed to guard the ears, eyes and hearts of their children. So with that in mind, we would explain music as we came across it in the car, at home, at church and on the street.

Driving to a grocery store in Stockholm in the afternoon on a frigid winter day, my daughter and I had walked through the parking lot towards the front entrance. In one of the parking spots on our way we saw a car about a three-year-old girl and her baby brother, both buckled in car seats without a parent in sight. No matter what the weather, I would never leave my kids in the car. I quickly swung around to see if the mom or dad was on their way.

Not a soul in sight.

I stood with my daughter, holding her hand even tighter while I waited as a self-appointed parent of the kids in the car. About a minute later, the mother walked directly to the car out of the front entrance to the store. Opening the already unlocked rear door, she greeted her kids with high-pitched baby talk. I was irate. While stifling my rage, I asked calmly yet purposefully out loud in English...

"Excuse me, in Sweden is it okay for parents to leave their children outside in their cars while they go inside the store?"

Without missing a beat, she replied, "I guess that depends on the parent."

I had just experienced a healthy dose of relative truth. Whatever I believed about her philosophy of parenting or not didn't make a difference to her because she had already made her mind up. I needn’t be offended because she was doing with her kids what she thought to be okay. They weren't my kids, and while the thought of how powerless I was at that moment overwhelmed me, I continued into the store with an increased sense of watchfulness over my children.

Different Tracks

The best intended people may do things differently from others who have the best of intentions as well. Accordingly, there are different kinds of thought found in each of the languages that the Bible was written in. "Hebrew" and "Greek" words were both used in the Bible to communicate God's character using different descriptions and approaches to teaching.

Greek thought communicates in a linear fashion with each piece of logic leading into the next. The Book of Luke was written to communicate the linear, chronological story of Jesus to Greeks.

Hebrew thought emphasizes the wholeness and interactivity between their mind, body and soul; Undivided. Hebrews taught their children using parables (stories) as Jesus told. These ideas were taught many times over using various illustrations. The "Kingdom of God" Parables, found largely in the Gospel of Matthew, were written primarily to Hebrews. Repeated many times to allow all to access and understand the concept, Jesus taught other Hebrews in this frame of mind.

In Hebrew, the word for heart is pronounced "lev" and includes the will, emotions or intellect of a person; binding feelings to thought, the center of one’s self as a whole concept. In Greek thought however, heart is translated to mean the home for feelings or emotions. The brain is separate altogether and is totally dedicated to thinking. This view separates thought and feeling. Western civilization in Europe and in the United states has defined the heart to be the collection of our feelings originating from the oneness of our beings...very Hebrew.

Hebrew thought, does Greek thought one better in this regard. It emphasizes a combined center, the whole truth that one believes in and reacts with both emotion and thought together.

Regarding my kid-in-car incident: my heart knows what is good for my children; trying to do and decide what’s best for them while I still have them under my roof.

This individual felt her opinion of raising her children to be correct and acted. I felt my opinion to be correct and acted. The question wasn’t if she loved her children. Clearly, she did. What was in question was the safety of the children in the car. If one were choking or hurt, who would save the other? A 9-month-old baby could not sweep the mouth of its three-year-old sibling to clear their airway. If the mother came back to the car and someone had simply opened the backseat car door and taken her children, this woman would have had to deal with. Is her truth correct? Is her perception, reality?

The Greek idea of time can be summed up in two words. Chronos and kairos. Chronos was used to describe periods of time: minutes, months, years. Kairos was a word used to describe a ‘destined’, or ‘preordained’ moment. Where these two Greek words intersect in our lives is where God's timing takes shape.

It's at certain points in our lifespan that we have encounters with destiny. Jesus often referred to the time where he would be crucified as his kairos. This moment of destiny would come crashing into chronos creating an impact in time that would change the world. These events can be absolutely awe-inspiring if we’re awake enough in our hearts to realize what's happened around us. I believe that my meeting with the parent in the parking lot was meant to be a point of destiny meeting my everyday calendar helping me to understand human nature. My perception isn’t reality, but I’m working on colliding it intentionally with real-life situation to refine my view of the world. That way, I can serve others better with truth. In this way, my heart is learning. If anything, I learned that not all people share the same concern for safety. It is the moments that we are a part of that we can learn from everyday.

Although we do things by our internal convictions and feelings (from our heart), our hearts can also be affected by external conditions, mimicking our interaction with everyday life. When joyous circumstances erupt around us, our hearts leap from good news. When a loved one dies, we mourn and reminisce of the past, celebrating their lives. For days, weeks, and years however, our hearts can also imitate our lives in negative ways; taking the stature of staring, glossy eyed into a TV screen, without a feeling or care for anything but consumption. In short: Apathy. Accepting what it is fed without having a reaction or opinion. For hearts like this, it is very difficult to have a real conversation with them because they can be so engaged in the distractions offered to them by the world. Their perception has overtaken reality. Yet rather than becoming recluses, we are called by Jesus to go into the world, bravely, shedding cowardice in every situation.

Where God’s understanding meets our hearts, compassion soon follows. Jesus has challenged us to never shy away from a conversation. Engage passionately with your heart into the life you've been given. These moments of Kairos and Chronos are not empty of excitement or meaning! Our hearts were made to feel, and to love unconditionally. Our hearts are to mimic Jesus' heart. When we live in love, and interact with our surroundings, the result is nothing less than shocking.

Chapter 8:

Ex Nihilo

Legos are the building blocks of choice for children all over the world. Transcending time, they continue to inspire people to pick them up and put them together. They are an easy-to-use artistic medium that can interpret an idea, sculpting thought into existence. Kids don't think of Legos like that though. They just play with them.

Listen: ‘In the Presence of the Lord’ Blind Faith

I had a growing interest in science fiction with the release of the Star Wars trilogy as a child. After my mom took me to Return of the Jedi, I started building as soon as I got home. When I got my first batch of Legos, I made spaceships, and recreated the movies as best as I could. In tribute to this interest, my wife suggested that we give our son, the middle name Skywalker. Thank You God for Katja.

Twenty-five years after I played with Legos for the first time, our kids had begun to make their own cars, houses and other original creations that they could crash or play Godzilla with! From their own imagination, new toys and buildings come from their experimentation with Legos. Their concept cars don’t just have four wheels, but 10 of them, something that may revolutionize the auto industry someday. We love to make and crash these new creations together.

After my kids would be done building something, they would come to us and say with pride, "Look what I made!"

We usually replied with a smile, "Awesome! Great job on that..."

If we can't even tell what it is, we’d say, "What is it?"

Innocently and proudly they’d say, "It's a car!", or "It's a robot holding a flower!"

Creativity out of broken pieces is such a beautiful thing.

It's interesting to me, now in my adulthood, to see the blatant marketing of toys to kids. Companies promise the next best thing with more exciting features in each successive iteration of toys. From my own experience as a kid, I fell for their temptation of the biggest, loudest, brightest toy, which is also a common formula for the best-selling toys.

Listen: ‘Beautiful Things’ Gungor

In the school of thought of Postmodernity, one of its key traits is the tearing down of principles that have long stood worshiped, yet unquestioned. As is the process with Legos. We have the option to take the structures of life apart to see what they are made of.

Modernity, in contrast, would be building a complex design out of simpler things to achieve a goal or understanding. Like a really big Lego tower. God's people had an idea of modernity in building the Tower of Babel, hoping to achieve something amazing.

Genesis 11:1-4 says,

”Now the whole world had one language and a common speech. As men moved eastward, they found a plain in Shinar and settled there. They said to each other, "Come, let's make bricks and bake them thoroughly."

They used brick instead of stone, and tar for mortar. Then they said,

"Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reached to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth."

Their goal was to build a structure that they could behold and that would herald their own achievements as humankind combined. Their modern structure would be the beginning of many things that this group of humans with one common language would accomplish.

Note: Humankind is resourceful... MacGyver-like resourceful. The Tower of Babel from Genesis 11 would be built in the middle of the desert out of available materials. Temporary materials took the place of permanent materials. Standards were sacrificed for the sake of convenience, and out of fear for being scattered across the earth.

And the LORD said, "Behold, they are one people, and they have all one language, and this is only the beginning of what they will do. And nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them.

Question: Was God afraid of what Humankind could do? Was the omnipotent (all powerful), omnipresent (everywhere), omniscient (all knowing) creator-of-all afraid of what man might do? The answer: no.

Genesis 11:7

Come, let us go down and there confuse their language, so that they may not understand one another’s speech."

God confused them. One of the first documented efforts of God to gently shepherd his people back towards his original directive to help them live from Genesis 1:28.

And God blessed them (Adam and Eve). And God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

On a smaller scale, a human pyramid is made by people climbing on top of each others backs resulting in a tensioned, shaking structure. We usually take a picture of human pyramids, especially the large ones, because most of them don't last very long. They’re usually just a few moments of joy, creativity and pain! A side note: We should never argue that postmodernity or modernity is more important than the other, but that the conflicting relationship between the two must exist to better evaluate and refine our life processes.

Listen: ‘Show Me How to Live’ Audioslave

The concept of Ex Nihilo was first introduced to me by a professor at North Central University, Dr. Tracy Paino. I remember two things that I learned from the class: 1. How ill equipped I was to do any form of youth ministry and 2. That God created everything "Ex Nihilo," – which means “out of nothing.”

This creative power that God possessed gave Him the ability to make what he wanted for his enjoyment. As Paino gave illustrations, and told stories about Ex Nihilo, it made more and more sense to me. God had willed everything into existence. This gave me hope for future ministry that I could put my hand to, as I was part of God's creativity. God would truly be working with someone who needed help and who knew very little about pastoral work: me. I learned a lesson from John 1:3.

"Through him all things were made;

without him nothing was made that has been made.”

God drew me to consider new ideas that I could only guess had been placed in my mind by Him. Within the framework of his biblical story, he gave many people some incredibly creative ideas. I learned that for God to accomplish something that others would understand, he liked to use the conduit of his followers who would listen to Him. Through this transference of inspiration, his will happened. At his initial whim, he made all things. A great display of his power and creativity is that he chose to include humans in his plan, when he could exist completely fulfilled...without us.

All things are created to complete a purpose in God's plan. Things were great. Adam and Eve were naked without shame, how cool is that? They were given food, shelter and a job description: Take care of everything in the garden and have kids. God made this environment for them out of nothing so that their lives were to be sustained.

When did Adam and Eve arrive into the story? After God has set up the environment to be able to sustain them, THEN he places them into it, gives them the rights over it, and shows his love for them through it.

The originality that God has shared can propel us to seek out new environments and positions of responsibility in life. Thankfully, God has his timing in how his given originality and the right "situation" intersect. These intersections take time; after all, as sometimes we are not ready for the next step (because of our own immaturity). The next step may have not been developed enough to sustain us. Adam and Eve would not have lasted long if they were created on the second, third, or fourth day.

Regarding our move overseas: if Katja and I had moved two years before we actually did, we would have truly missed the full development of the relationships and the environment that God was setting up to sustain our lives.

Digging rather shallowly into the story of David and Goliath, we see David and God in a relationship that gives hope to us today.

1 Samuel 17:34-37 says,

"But David said to Saul, "Your servant (he was talking of himself) has been keeping his father's sheep. When lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant (again, speaking of himself) has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine (Goliath) will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."

David had guarded sheep with a sling, killing lions, no tigers, yet bears, oh my. With the responsibility and the small talents that he had, God used his shepherding skills to complete a greater task with the same sling, Goliath. The bear and Goliath each posed a strangely similar situation as each separately threatened David with death. David's gifting developed as he trusted God, and he grew far more experienced than the threat of an animal or man could pose.

To be equipped for God's calling on our lives, we must be thankful for what he has already given to us. Your communication, mobility and attitude give you a certain originality to your life. The absence of talent also would help guide us towards our true identities and positions in life.

The Garden of Eden had another inhabitant. The devil, or the infamous Satan had already twisted an element of God's creation, he lied to Adam and Eve. He had bent God's creation to serve his own desires of power. The devil must have felt a pathetic, smug sense of accomplishment in his humiliating form as a serpent, crawling along to complete its mission.

Keep in mind also, Satan was disguised as a talking snake. I'm guessing that this is not the communication relationship that Adam and Eve had with the other animals, yet possibly so. Not so much is written of the speech capabilities of animals from Eden. Yet the devil knew that if he was going to relate to the humans, he must use a method of communication that they understood. In the same way that God spoke to them, the Devil twisted the mouth of a snake to open a lowly line of discussion with Eve.

A parallel exists throughout the ideas of the Bible. God creates while the Devil has only the ability to twist.

Consider Van Gogh's "Starry Night" painting for a moment. When examining the relief of the strokes, the brilliance of color and his care to detailing light, I’m amazed that a person was as gifted as he was. How beautiful are the residual effects of God's creation through the generations. Creativity is passed on, copied with the individually given talents that God deems fit for each of us. Sometimes, entire families share a musical gift, artistic talent or business savvy.

Now think of a cheap copy of the "Starry Night" hanging in a poster shop at the mall. A glossy poster. What if one of the sales people claimed to be the original artist and sold this poster as the real painting? Anyone with uncommon sense would understand that the salesperson did not create this painting. “Uncommon sense” is a phrase coined by my wife, by the way. After all, if it were that common, wouldn't everyone have it? We can figure out and know that this glossy poster of Van Gogh's “Starry Night” is definitely not the real thing. We know that the real painting exists even if we haven't seen it before, trusting more reputable sources of information than the poster-shop-guy.

It's the difference between Coca Cola and a can of generic cola. There's nothing like the taste of Coca Cola. It has its characteristic fizzy burn as it passes down our throats and is great with pizza. A cheap, generic cola tastes like nothing more than a plastic rendition of the original.

After experiencing a real Finnish sauna in the middle of Finland, I don't think I've ever felt cleaner. It was so refreshing! Extreme heat doesn't sound like it would be cleansing, but it is! Furthermore, jumping into the still, deep, frigid water of a lake releases us from our stale skin after months in winter clothes.

To jump into a standing pool of water in a crusted, man-made hole in the back of a rundown turquoise motel, is a robbery of a truly refreshing experience.

God’s Ex Nihilo creation was exciting, while the twisted replica left in its place holds the residue of his wonder. In Genesis chapter 11, after figuring out the creativity that they possessed, the human race schemed to build the tower of Babel, of which the residual word "babble" is evidence. Humans did what they weren't supposed to. People wanted to get closer to God. This was not what God had in mind for them to accomplish together. The command in the Garden of Eden was to enjoy the earth, and to reproduce, not to make a ladder and climb. This vertical direction was the humans' twisted goal of being like God. A further attempt to grasp the knowledge of good and evil.

It is with desirous hearts that these men wanted to accomplish their own goals, and with that in mind, we can examine the Kingdoms of our own hearts. Rather than to live for our own plans, we are to live within the God-given creativity embedded in our hearts. God goes even further on our behalf; He enables us to want to live for Him. Our desires must not be tied only to the negative desires of humankind. The Holy Spirit helps us to desire the things of God.

Some of the sick experiments of warfare and chemical testing that people have performed on each other is evidence of creativity gone wrong. To make a difference in the world, we must choose to use God's inspiration to help others find their life-giving and life-fulfilling role in glorifying God. Creativity in thought mixed with outward expression brings enjoyment to God!

In short, we can take on one of two different mindsets: #1. We can use our gifts to twist God's creation to fulfill our own selfish desire or #2. We create environments, things, and ideals that people can learn to live by in the ways of Jesus Christ. I know what I am choosing.

“To create” is God's directive.

”To twist” is Satan's.

Chapter 9:

Like Father, Like Son

I was thinking about traits that had been passed on to me by my parents, looking for a connection as the transitory host to my kids. I then remembered all the homemade meals and desserts that my family made. My mom test-drove many different great-tasting recipes from other cultures, and she still does.

My dad, on the other hand, was good at making the perfect trifecta of food that could be enjoyed at any time of day. After all, who couldn't find time to eat fresh sunfish, floured, sprinkled with salt and pepper, and fried to a golden brown in a pool of butter? Who wouldn't mind a side plate of brown sugary, thick-cut smoky bacon, chased by the tangy, smooth coolness of a tall slice of lemon meringue pie? What he made, he made well. To cool down the pies, he set them to cool on the top of our Ford LTD Station wagon. One day he backed out of the driveway with a pie on top, sending it careening onto our neighbor's yard. My dog, Rocky, slept for two days after his sugar crash from slurping up the remnants.

Listen: ‘Higher Ground’ Red Hot Chili Peppers/Stevie Wonder

My kids love to be involved in baking something that they get to chow on later. Whether it is the best chocolate chip oatmeal cookies (recipe in the back of this book) or sweet, sweet apple pie, they want in on it, especially the stirring and taste-testing part of it. Of course they learned how to stir cookie dough by watching us do it, and they learned how to taste-test by watching us too. They were there copying every move and having fun, like kids do.

If I picked up a kitchen knife, I was careful to make sure that they didn't copy me. Recently I saw Ben chopping up some vegetables for a soup, Katja had showed him how and set him to work. There comes a point when the kids just want to help, and learn, and put their own touch on making something. Before Katja handed over the knife, she made sure that Ben know the dangers and the responsibility of having a sharp blade in his hands. Kids that respect our carefully placed warnings in life will live a long life.

In short, our kids will follow in our behavior.

Deuteronomy 6:2 says:

...so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life.

This passage is referring to the Ten Commandments, one of them being, “Honor your Father and Mother”, meaning Listen to your parents. A long and free life can come from following our parents advice.

But then again, sometimes kids have to learn the hard way.

I know that plastic and fire don't mix, but I had to find out for myself, and I have the scars to prove it. I had to learn the hard way. I sped along in a car, and I have the tickets to prove it. I wanted to learn how beer tasted, and ended up tasting too many...and had the regret to prove it. Some behavior comes out of nowhere, seemingly like we were elegant champagne glasses that have been built only to spill.

Both of my sons look and act like me, and my daughter, looks and acts like Katja. As their parents, we look at the behavior of our kids and just wonder what kind of music fits their personalities. As I mentioned in chapter 1, they have moments of speed metal during playground times, and classical music while sleeping. Sometimes, they're happy, sometimes they're sad. When our schedule of survival (bedtime routine) overrides their schedule of play (anything but bedtime), there is conflict. If my children had actions that embodied their lives, my sons "hang out", taking their time. My daughter, however, "Conquers". These actions came from somewhere, and each one of our kids has their own energy and joyeaux de vie about them. Kids become what they are surrounded by, that is one true, lovely, and frightening truth in life.

When I meet the children of a person that I know well, I compare their actions, mannerisms, humor, and tastes to their parents. I marvel at their vastly separated ages, yet stark similarities. Sons may cough or smile like their dads. Daughters might laugh like their mom. Basically, they are 5-year-old examples of 45 year old parents! Their tempers might look surprisingly the same! I'm nothing to write home about, yet I want my wife and kids to take pride in who we are together. I want them to have the assurance that we stand as a family, take care of each other, and are headed in the right direction in life. This is harder than I thought it would be.

Matthew 19:26b

“...but with God all things are possible."

Being a more negatively charged type of pride, arrogance can evolve into more caustic incarnations with each generation if it is left unchecked and unchallenged. Regardless, it’s an emotion that leads people to command things into unnatural existence, because they want them to be that way. From biblical history, Pharaoh arrogantly demanded that he retain the rights to hold God's children in slavery even though they were clearly not his to own. If you are a father or mother, can you imagine your kids being sold into slavery? A horrible thought, yet with our feeling of vengeance, we understand God's swift powerful actions towards Egypt. God used measured patience and restraint in dealing with Pharaoh. After looking into his determinedly evil heart, God released his merciful grasp from Pharaoh and allowed him to become as evil as he wanted. Pharaoh's character was entirely invested into arrogance, taking his predecessors' pride to an new level of hardheartedness.

As God treated Pharaoh's arrogance with great patience, he gave us the understanding that we are never to equate ourselves with having God’s status as Pharaoh did. Only because God gives us status, may we claim any status. He called us servants, and then Jesus, after teaching his disciples, calls them friends. We are given a close, loving relationship with God; even though we were blessed to be in God’s presence as servants. God wanted us to come closer to Him, removing arrogance and exclusion as being options for our relationship.

While working as youth pastors, Katja and I went to a youth convention with our group every year. The first year was the most memorable. Although we had never attended nor helped at the 3,000-person event, we were excited just to be there! On one of the breaks in between meetings, we were looking for dinner in the convention center skyway system, and hoped to find some place quiet.

Listen: ‘Learning to Remain’ Greycoats

We strolled our son through the lobby of the Marriott Hotel and stumbled into the hotel's restaurant, "The Oak Room." After ordering food to take back to our room, we rounded the corner of a high oak divider. From our peripheral vision, in plain view was a table full of people sipping from steaming mugs. Something made us do a double take, and I'm glad we did. Billy Graham, world famous speaker to millions of people, sat sipping cocoa and chatting with his friends. Katja and I couldn't believe it. With having never having met a person of his influence, this was an awesome moment! What would we do or say? Do we just walk up and say, "Um...Hey, Billy! How's that cocoa? Uh, is this seat taken? You don’t mind, do ya?"

After bantering back and forth about whether to bother them or not, we got up the courage up and placed our 5-month-old son in front of us, approaching the table. After all, who can resist a cute kid?

"Ah, excuse me Pastor Graham? We were wondering if we could just say hi?" Keep in mind that the people around the table were all watching us, and we couldn't tell if we were a bother or not. Mr. Graham said, "Hello there, nice to meet you! I'm so sorry I can't get up, I broke my foot."

Now that's humility.

Strangers crashed his relaxation time, and he apologized that he couldn’t stand up to shake our hands to greet us formally, even though we were strangers? That's the measure of a man. Chivalry is not dead. He rested in a wheelchair with a blanket over his lap and told us that he was in town for medical care of his foot. Let's back up a second.

In humility, he was gracious enough to show two young adults a warm welcome. Where he had the opportunity to call us strangers, he greeted us as friends. Thank You, Pastor Graham.

John 14:7 - If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.

Jesus emulated his Father, and Pastor Graham emulated Jesus.

God had timed this lesson in humility to perfectly coincide with my comprehension. I learned how to be welcoming and humble in all situations after meeting Billy Graham, I was 24 years old. I couldn’t have understood that situation at age 12, I would have spazzed out or just acted immaturely, maybe not even caring about who he was.

God has our best interest in mind, at times when we are able to learn in a moment custom-made by God. As parents, our teaching might take a while to sink into our children’s minds. We simply need to be patient, humble and welcoming to them. Acting like Jesus did for his disciples, and Pastor Graham did to us.

Patience and opportunity are made for each other, their union is as delicious as surprising. I don't believe that God would provide you with a great capacity to do something without providing a venue to use it. Humility and timing is the key. Someone with a great musical gift must take care to wait for the right opportunity to play. Patience fuels the spacing between these God-ordained times. Till then, keep practicing, keep daring to meet people. God will bring opportunity when you least expect it.

fermata

(to hold a note)

Chapter 10:

First Impressions

Cadence, rhythm, and tone. These are three elements in verbal communication that communicate intention. If you initially meet someone, the cadence, rhythm, and tone you use will help to create a first impression on the other person.

When listening to a song, within the first ten seconds, one can tell if it is a song to listen to. The notes, timing, and the volume all play together to create the first impressions that we will know each recording artist by. We greet, meet, and leave others with a feel for who we are. We are remembered for our cadence, rhythm and tone. These three elements make up our voice.

Listen: ‘This is a Call’ Foo Fighters

In telling stories, different voices may be more tolerable than others. Listening to a mellow storyteller like Garrison Keilor brings the relationships and landscapes of Lake Wobegon come to life, and that’s why thousands tuned in to hear the storyteller every Saturday. It was a voice that people liked to listen to.

There is no mistaking the feeling that I get when I hear my wife smiling on the phone. It makes my heart leap because I can hear her happiness. Our tone-of-voice in the words we speak can flex our sentences to take on different meanings. One could say, "Let's go to the store to buy shoes." If not smiling, it might sound like you think it’s going to be a really boring trip. When saying the same sentence with a smile, however, shoe shopping sounds suddenly wonderful. Well...for some of you. The tone of our voice, not just the words themselves, present a dynamic that others can perceive, giving them a window into our hearts.

There is a significant difference in saying words sharply to get a point across as opposed to communicating the same idea in a caring way.

I am learning a new language right now and have gone through all the stages of development: denial, anger, bargain...oh, wrong list. Yet I wonder. It’s not easy, the process is slow, with very little reward at first. Language is personality, and I had to put my english-speaking personality on hold. If we are stripped of our personality, what are we? To one extent, as we take in God's language and his words, we become more like Him. It’s a process to follow God, and it is worth it. It does not pay the monetary gift that some rogue evangelists and pastors may promise. It does supply us with joy, love and trust...rare commodities in this day and age. We become more trustworthy. More native to his culture. Psalm 119:11 says,

”I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.”

In Sweden, I began grocery shopping by pictures, and by figuring out which words were close to an English translation of a similar product. It was very difficult at first. One time, I was asking the cashier a question when trying to find something. I wanted to communicate with the same clarity and brevity as an exchange of cash and a receipt. I knew in the beginning that when I say anything, I would sound “American.” Because of that, a part of me didn't believe that I could be a part of this culture. I needed to feel local. I wanted to have faith that someday, I could communicate clearly in Swedish.

Faith can be a tough concept to put into words and explain. It definitely takes practice. We have faith to invest in a million different things in life, yet at the grocery store I had no faith that I could track down a bag of charcoal or a box of pasta. I knew what I wanted, yet I was just so unsure of the words to say, or the steps to take that my experience felt like a blur. My confidence in Swedish had begun to define my faith in my ability to speak it.

After repeat trips to the same grocery store, I began to learn the words, how to begin the conversation, talk about the weather, and ask for a receipt. Tack så mycket - Thank you very much. When my humility overcame pride, I started asking people to help to correct my sentences so that I could speak in a way that they understood.

Most of the people around me in Sweden are bilingual or as my wife and her family are, trilingual. I was learning that when Swedes spoke of "en hund", that they meant in their own minds "en hund." When I said "en hund", I mean in my mind, "a dog". Overcoming the fears of saying the wrong thing and realizing that I had better Swedish than I thought, I started speaking out more and more wherever I went. I believed increasingly in my own ability with each baby step.

With a greater command of the Swedish language, I found that there were situations where I could shout out something out loud, and there were times I could whisper a question at a staff meeting. With greater responsibility, I gained access to the dynamics of the language.

With the practice of musical instruments, time is spent, resulting in our faith that we are able to play to communicate a serene setting with long drawn out phrasing. Also, we learn to play at great volume when the music calls us to play that way. The novice player can’t grasp these dynamic differences, but they will learn in time!

When I started to enjoy the Swedish language, I had a closer and closer connection to it, I began to believe that "en hund" is "en hund" and "a dog."

Listen: ‘Everything in its Right Place’ Christopher O’Riley/Radiohead

Faith was being flexed. At the beginning of my language journey, I had very little faith, and right now, a little more at least. It's this faith that helps us to communicate things that we believe in. Not only in the new languages, but in the gut feelings we have.

It's that feeling that I get from walking through a quiet wooded path, wanting to yell as loud as possible, feeling the echo resonate.

It's our heart language that resonates. It causes a deeper meaning and relationship to the words that we sing. I believe it is a direct connection to God. As we acquire more languages that we are able to feel, trust and speak with from our hearts, we have many more opportunities to share the Love of Jesus with others. Somehow, music creates this bridge quite well.

When I started to be more relaxed in my speech in Sweden, people at least saw that I believed in my speech, and accepted me as being local. A local with an accent, but a local nonetheless. However, I had to believe that I was a local, first. No matter how many people told me repeatedly, "You can speak Swedish!", I wouldn’t speak a word of it if I: #1. Didn’t trust myself to say a single word, and 2. Hadn’t any need to use it.

Atrophy

This same idea rings true in the atrophy of faith within ourselves. If we’re never in situations where we will use our faith in God, it won’t grow or develop within us. If we don't want to open our mouths at all, we will not accept humility as part of the faith process in learning a language, we will leave our grocery stores empty handed. We also have the potential to open our mouths to ask questions of God about our identity, while the potential to walk through life empty hearted is present as well.

Earlier, I alluded to the fact that a part of my conversations in Swedish was talking about the weather. The Sun shines - solen skiner, It's raining now - det regnar nu.

Picture an open sky with a bright sun beaming over the land. The day passes, and night falls. For three more days, the sun shines. For the next two weeks the sky clouds up with rain falling constantly.

When I see and experience the sun, I believe the sun is there. I feel it’s heat, and see it grow plants all around.

Our perception of things is decided by what we understand. Even if the sky clouds over and it rains, we know, believe and have faith in the fact that the sun is still there. Our day to day belief adds up to our faith. Belief separated by spaces of time creates a convincing moment in which one's faith is directed. It might be directed at God, material things, or even yourself. People will find that out in conversation with you, through the voice you share your faith.

With what voice are you communicating your faith with? What are the first impressions you are leaving with others? Your tone, rhythm, cadence all add into the way you are perceived. Your first impression will tell a lot to another person about who you are and what you believe. You will be remembered for that voice.

What Jesus does when you first meet him, is listen. He understands the voice you are using, even if it is angry, self-centered, or confused. God sees us, right through to our hearts. What God does when you meet and trust him, is he gives you a new voice, a new cadence, rhythm and tone to your life. He creates faith in you as you begin to trust him.

He has given each of us the ability to love him back and to trust that he is there, even when we can't see him.

May I introduce you to him?

Chapter 11:

Forever

For almost four years I rode the clean, efficient subway train that crisscrosses Stockholm’s city and suburbs. Eventually, after many mistakes, I’ve learned the layout of the city lines the hard way. At each station of the red, green or blue lines, I had to choose a train based on the ending Terminal station.

Living in Sweden, my train home from the city ended at Ormsta Terminal station...so the train was named, "Ormsta." A few different times, I have stayed on the wrong train a little too long, missing my stop. Trying to look cool and calm I walked off the train feeling really stupid and trying not to show it. Then I waited for the train coming from the opposite direction to take me back! Again, I had many mistakes, but after a while, I learned the layout of the lines, and when to exit.

Listen: ‘The Great Gig in the Sky’ Pink Floyd

Once, I got on the wrong bus, sat down and had to decide to get back up off of the seat, and forced myself to run like a crazy person in hopes of catching the correct bus. That same day, I got on the wrong train. Twice. I felt like a fool, but there was a station right after I realized that humiliating truth once again. Then, I switched trains following the map, to backtrack to the stop I should have gotten off at. It would have saved me much frustration if I had just asked which train I should have taken. The terminal stations were the key, they gave me a reference point to see if I was going the right way. I knew the direction of the train by knowing its end station. Thankfully, I got the hang of which train to take. In the movie, What about Bob?, Bill Murray’s character had a T-shirt that explained how I felt. “Don’t Hassle Me, I’m Local.” I just wanted to be a Stockholmer. Finally, I was feeling local.

Death and Life

If you have ever listened to at least one emo song, you may have thought about the existential question, "Where do I go when I die?" It wasn't until I reached the twenty-five year mark in my life that I truly felt the full bloom of realizing my mortality and it's clarifying qualities. Maybe at age 25 I was a little immature to think that I could have the rich perspective that an 85 year-old man would have about life and death,. Yet, I had such assurance in my opinion.

Across the world, opinions on what happens after death are widespread and numerous.

Worms finding their ways into coffins, for the atheistic or agnostic seemed to end the question for those who subscribe to that opinion.

Valhalla (not Van Halen, mind you) and Nirvana (the heavenly realm, not the band) seem to be the proposed ending point for valiant vikings and serene Buddhists, respectively.

Forever. Forever. For-hours. For-minutes. Time spent in a place. To be or not to be is not the question. If we live for-ever, our observance of time becomes broader and we are not limited to observing ourselves simply in the confines of a 60-90 year old life span. We can feel less pressure from the boundaries of insurance, retirement, and all. Our whole value system must be broadened to include time beyond the shelf-life of our bodies.

If I would be an atheist, the idea of my dead body lying motionless in a coffin, wouldn’t appeal to me at all. Just an ending for ending’s sake? If dying is all there is to life, I want a refund. With all the inspiration I have given and received during my life, to have it all be for nothing, well, that’s not how I would want it to be. Yet, even though I don’t want that to be the future of the human race, my simple wishing for my own way has no bearing on what the overlying truth is that governs the afterlife. I’m sure that those plans are already in place to handle the amount of passengers traveling through life towards their respective ending stations.

Scenario:  Let's say that we spend our days telling other people about thingamabobs, and thingamabobs have been our passion. We are completely invested into thingamabobs.

Heart Attack. End.

The result of our lives would be that, hopefully, all the time and investment that we spent with, around and about the development of thingamabobs....had inspired others. We had lived so that the living can enjoy, relax and work towards a better appreciation of thingamabobs.

Everyone of those people who placed their trust into our belief in thingamabobs would end. Just like me, their entire existence would be complete with their own coffin. So it is with those who say there is no afterlife.

The agnostic/atheistic ideal just doesn't appeal to me, because I am a person who hopes that it doesn't end like that. Hope fuels a search for another train to a different terminal station.

Valhalla is noted in old Norse folk religion as a place for valiant, brave and impressively courageous warriors who were killed during battle. Yet again, not me.

When facing a bully on the school playground in my childhood, I was given the unavoidable choice to either stay put and throw down or run like Forrest Gump - far, far away. A few different times I just let myself stay there, and usually the bully backed down. One time I ran. It was the only time, and probably the smartest thing I could’ve done at the time. I ran while my friend got punched in the stomach. Some friend I was that day! Sorry, Josh!

It wasn't until I watched the Cajun assistant coach in The Waterboy that I truly understood the meaning of, "Me niv ta pie a mudda bay." (We live to fight another day.)

So by that lone response of cowardice in my childhood, there was no hope for me making Valhalla, I just wasn’t brave enough. And we call ourselves civilized. The feeling of being "yellow" instead of being a brave soldier has stripped me of hope in Viking legend. Because in my own human nature I fail, and there is no hope.

Nirvana, as Buddhism teaches, is the highest level of infilling (and emptying) oneself with knowledge in how to strip away the afflictive states of the mind and heart. Buddhism teaches of emptying oneself of all human desires to reach enlightenment. At times, I feel empty, but it’s a lonely empty. I can't quite follow this faith either.

I have taken in many precious memories and thoughts throughout my lifetime, some driven by selfish desire, and some because of my desire to follow God.

My life is made up of the accumulation of thought, care and knowledge for the sake of guiding others. We hope for our best, and we learn from the difficult and horrible mistakes we have made. As family, we still love each other at the end of the day...no matter what happens. We are surrounded by a culture that desires my interaction, my whole being. How can we relate to it with empty minds?

In Buddhism, reincarnation is a process of regenerating ones ‘lifeforce’ in another iteration of life. This idea also strips away one’s personality in claiming that one does not have a permanent soul or self. Our experiences are expendable and are forgotten. I have a past, and it makes me who I am. I would feel a dishonesty to my family in pretending that my past didn't happen, emptying myself of personality and feeling, and hoping to come back in my next life as a hippo. In that practice I would not be a human. My desires point me, with hope, elsewhere.

It's a difficult decision to live with hope to share my life with others. It also is a decision that is clarified with ease by God's Spirit. I am only one person in one culture, experiencing one perspective. So, whatever the terminal station was that I had changed from, I leave behind in the search for a train that is going somewhere. Not only to anyplace, but to somewhere that promises a future, a present life coupled together with a life to come.

1 Timothy 4:7

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wive's tales; rather, train yourselves to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all men, and especially of those who believe.

I would like an ending to my life that I can believe in and have hope invested in. Looking for a belief system with an ending that is encouraging and loving would be my primary choice. Beyond that, I wouldn’t mind a belief system that promised no end. I want the correct belief system, and the means to live my life by this system is just as important. Why do I still have hope in finding this perfect, loving system after reviewing perspectives that large quantities of people around the globe already subscribe to but I don't? Because I treasure those people that I enjoy being around, and want those feelings, and relationships to go on forever.

To exist forever, if possible. There must be a hundred songs about being “forever young.” Fitting literature and artistry, there are many Bible verses that can guide people in understanding eternity through God's eyes.

John 1:12-13 says:

“Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his (Jesus’) name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.”

Living forever, not a bad plan. While our physical bodies break down, we are taught that we are in need of healing. We need help with this problem. This is a temporal foreshadowing of what is to happen in the eternal post-mortem, as we need something or someone to heal our flawed existence. The fear and depression of standing over a loved one's death bed has caused me to view my emotions as telling directions in where to place my hope. I am to place it in whatever fixes the problem of death. It is no invention, Steve. It is a reminder of the temporal nature of our world. Death is the killer of hope, a trump card to the hand you’ve been dealt in life.

Hope is shared according to the questions posed to us as collective cultures.  When asking, "Who will be mayor of our city?", this question will be mulled over by locals within the context of a community. Larger scale hopes and questions of the future include, "Who will our new governor be?", or "Who will our next president be?" A different question that is still wondered by a number of people would be, "When will a new Star Wars movie hit theaters?" This isn't such a dire question, of course, but it reaches to a different slice of culture than the previous questions with greater meaning based on one's investment into science fiction. There's a pattern, and it is expectancy in time. Hope is a series of events that we trust to happen in anticipation of the fulfillment of a promise. It is expectancy in time.

Listen: ‘come awake’ david crowder band

Hope

A couple of worldwide questions asked by peoples around the globe may be: "When will a war end?" or "When will the economy recover?"

These questions now represent our hope to globally survive with a great quality of life for the time spent on earth before each of our lives end. Those are great questions, but perhaps the biggest question is this: "What happens when I die?"

I am someone who enjoys and needs to invest my time into something that I know will give hope to others. As I spend my days, like dollars, I want my investments to continue and to gain interest, bringing new life, long after I am gone. I have found my investment firmly placed into a trust that Jesus Christ will sustain my life, after death.

I think you may be like me. Not in the way that we each floss our teeth or make coffee, but in the way we view our ending. Hope in a life-giving possibility that we could invest our trust in and live for. The terminal station that we ride towards in life must be a philosophy that we can invite people to be a part of. It must inspire our lives now.

My opinion is that this question must inspire us to look towards an answer that is light enough to travel with, powerful enough to guide even our most human of responses and relational enough to not only be shared in belief with others but for it to perpetually inspire those who experience it. Otherwise, how else can it be shared? We are made with hands to grasp and move objects, and legs to move ourselves around the earth with. We can speak, see, hear. We are meant to do something with information. I have to look in my own heart at what propels me. Smiles fuel me. Other people’s laughter and tears are strangely contagious giving me chances to emote right along with them. I have felt a fullness in my life that is spent in loving other people the way that Jesus Christ did. Every other pathway of living grows pale in comparison to his love for life.

This sacrificial love that Jesus lived out was so inspirational that filmmakers and storytellers still use the term Jesus-figure to explain a certain character’s messianic outcome in a saving the world situation. This love that Jesus had is an involved, proactive approach to the world’s hurts, choosing not to exist as the distant vapor that some perceive Him to be today. God’s awakening embrace of a person’s heart can transform a person from stone cold to caring, within seconds of recognizing Him. With millions of people around the planet beginning their lifelong walk with Jesus Christ, they themselves would explain “I feel alive for the first time. Reborn, with hope”.

After switching stations in my lifestyle, and looking at the different pathways through life, I chose to remain to live along the line that promises an ending that fills me with hope, love and really isn’t an ending at all. Living by God’s love is simply the beginning of forever.

Chapter 12:

To An Unknown God

Communication, verbal and nonverbal, is a medium for us to paint our lives by. A friend of mine from junior high school had a cousin, Andrew, who was deaf. One summer as we went camping together, I learned the American Sign Language alphabet in an afternoon spent with Andrew. Suddenly, we were able to freely communicate about girls, school, and family. The walls between us had come down.

Eventually, I learned that he listened to music, and that didn't make much sense to me. He explained how he “listened.” He felt MC Hammer's music through the bass vibrations into the floor from the stereo. The vibrations inevitably caused him to move to “U Can't Touch This.” No matter what the communication barrier, sound gets through to all of us, and we can feel the effects of it. Experiencing life with Andrew made me see that even though there is an obstacle, you learn to get around it, and can express yourself, no matter what difficulties challenge you

Driven by this desire to relate, I started really reading the news. It sounds silly, but I began feeling for victims of disasters across the globe, both political and natural, praying along with them for their restoration to a better way of life.

Listen: ‘The Scientist’ Coldplay

I'm going to name a few trends in the world today that demand a response from us. You need to decide yourself if they either are good or bad. Let's pretend there are no gray areas, no in between. In your perspective, they must either be good or bad.

Ready?

Here we go:

Folk Music

Caring for the Earth

War

A Conversation about a subject you like

Holding a newborn baby

Caring for the elderly

Caring for your physical appearance

Hating another person

Respecting others

Freedom Rock, man.

A gift for you

Teaching our children whether the above are good or bad.

I would bet that if you are a good moralist, you probably would have answered:

Folk Music—good?

Caring for Earth—good

War—bad

Conversation—good

Newborn—good

Having good health—good

Caring for elderly-—good

Hating others—bad

Respecting others—good

Freedom Rock—good

A gift for you—good

How do you feel about these things? How you answer makes a big difference in how you act, react, and share life with other people.

Our emotions are what cause us to relate to each other. When you hear about a breakup between a guy and girl who really seemed to love each other, you can feel their heartache if you can imagine yourself in that situation, too. It's interesting to imagine other people's lives and how you would react when given their specific situation as your own. Walk a mile in someone else's shoes, and your feet will stink too.

With the shared tears from 9/11, or joy from a girl rescued from a mineshaft, we get emotionally involved in things as humans. We even get emotional at movies, cheering after the explosion of the Death Star (at least I did). Football games, soccer matches...need I continue? When the wave is going around the stadium at a football game. We anticipate, get ready, and stand to our feet. We might even let a little smile out. Unseen emotions arise that had to originate from somewhere.

People are simply searching for their source of emotion. Through their creative outlets, artists spit out lyrics, and scrawl phrases to express their reactions, their emotional reactions to life. Through their perspectives expressed through art, much of their expressions can become one-sidedly negative or fateful. Even then, their emotions came from somewhere.

When we see children crying because of malnourishment, how do we feel? Have we trained ourselves not to feel? Don't we ache for the children who have lost both parents to an illness?

I remember a news story from the 80's that every television station was covering about two humpback whales. They were discovered as trapped in a wasteland of ice, without a way back to open water. People from the United States donated water heaters and icebreaking ships to keep the couple alive. Our insides leaped for joy as the world heard of their freedom from that ice-pack in the Arctic Circle. At the same time, there was much controversy surrounding this effort. There was a study done examining how much money was spent saving the whales vs. money spent saving people's lives in third world nations. It could have been argued in retrospect that there could have possibly been a way to do both. Why not?

When one of my children was in the children's hospital during a particularly intense case of fever, I remember wandering the halls while he slept just to clear my mind. I came across a young patient being towed around the hallways in a red wagon, cozily snuggled in a fleece blanket, keeping him feeling safe between surgeries. He had on the top of his scalp a large crescent-shaped scar that was hard to ignore. In conversation with his mom, she told me of his multiple brain surgeries, including the area that was in his scalp where the brain fluid drained because of overproduction. The boy’s name, was Justice. The irony.

My question to God was and still is, “Why is this happening to that boy?”

In life, we become emotionally involved, and can convert that emotion into action. However, I really couldn’t do much in that situation. I have felt similar emotions in seeing the whales, but feeling that I didn't have any way of helping them. I felt a more intense version of compassion when I saw and heard the cries of children who didn't have anything to eat. These circumstances forced me to ask what life is all about? Money? Fame? Highs? Lows? Irony? I was shouting at God,

“WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?.

Love?

Love.

It had to be love because I had to do something. In my gut, I knew that the motivating factor for me was that I had the evidence of compassion, and needed to do something to communicate that intention. I am capable of Love. Yet I didn't know what I could do to express it.

I can't tell you how many songs I have listened to or heard about Love. These songs are about broken, hurt, sad and angry love. Sometimes the songs are about happy, solid, sappy and true love.

Puppy love.

In middle school, our group of students got to go on a trip to see a musical, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

I remember that at the 3,000 seat auditorium full of students from all over the state, there was a question and answer time with the star of the show, Donny Osmond. I had no idea who this guy was, but then came the time for our section of the theater to ask a question, and being the young exhibitionist I was, I raised my hand while my mind raced. In front of a packed room, at age 14, I was going to throw a hardball question at Donny Osmond. Oh the thrill... In the split second before I was pointed to stand and ask away, I remembered seeing him on one of those Time/Life Music Album commercials with the blue order screen at the end of it. He sang “Puppy Love” with his sister, I think. Although it wasn't my intention, I asked the question that then had taken over my mind.

"Can you sing “Puppy Love?"

And he sang. And I felt really stupid. And my friends laughed at me.

In spite of myself, love had conquered my smart-alecky question and saved my short conversation with Mr. Donny Osmond with “Puppy Love.”

No matter what kind of love it is, people from all backgrounds have decided that there is something worth dying for and living for. It is love. Love for either themselves, for some thing, or for others. If love comes from the genetic makeup of our molecules, fine. My argument then would be that those love molecules had to come from somewhere else, too.

Life points towards an author of love. There must be a writer, a sculptor, a painter, an artist, someone gave us this love.

To many, this artist is unknown. However, I know Him.

His character is this. He loves his creation, and he hates the destruction of it. He loves conversation with people, he loves little babies. He created baby seals, he cares about you, he does not hate, He loves Freedom Rock, man. He loves you so much he would let you make up your own mind to either live for Him or not to. He has a gift for us, and he wants to teach us about the differences between good and bad.

No Use For a Name

In Athens, Greece, around the time of Paul the biblical missionary, there were statues built to honor the gods. There was one built to commemorate the fertility of the farm soil and another to someone else who was the God of rain or whatever. Paul noticed on a visit of his, there was a nameless monument entitled, "To an Unknown God."

Paul then continued to tell the people all about the characteristics of God, and by that, people wanted to hear more. After all, Paul was one of the most famous murderers of his time, so that alone would pique people's interest with the words he spoke.

Even when people were labeling themselves as followers of Zeus, or of no god at all, Paul told them about the characteristics of the God that he serves.

In our world there are people who hold to a religion simply in title, yet not in real day-to-day belief. They are Christian, Muslim, Buddhist or Agnostics. We could call them: Christian Atheists, Muslim Atheists, Buddhist Atheists, etc., but I think that sounds a little harsh, don’t you? Jesus calls us all sheep metaphorically. People are sheep, some without a shepherd. I think that this is as technical as we need to get in describing people in the trust of God, and those who are not.

Listen: ‘Bold as Love’ Jimi Hendrix

Within every faith, there are people who have given up trying to live a walk of faith within the boundaries of their organized religion. There are Christians who are Christian in name, but have ceased believing in a risen Jesus Christ. Also true is that there are Muslims who don't really believe what they were taught as children, leaving the faith in the search of something more. The same instance exists for many Buddhists and Hindus. Agnostics however continue to say, "I don't know."

Many who subscribe to the idea that we all end up in the same place when we die, so it doesn't matter what you believe in. This would be universalism, and a large group of people would subscribe to this belief (or lack of belief) system. Just ask people in any culture about their beliefs. This idea has infiltrated every age bracket and faith, because it is attractive. It helps people to avoid conflict with people of other faiths.

Usually these people just don't like the idea of people being judged to be good or bad by (a) God. It could very well be a fear of intimacy that separates them from someone who loves them unconditionally; to them that concept is a little bit creepy.

Those who don't believe or have thrown a traditional belief system away in favor of the universalist approach have not experienced the Unknown God. They have not heard or experienced his characteristics. They have not truly seen how he has authored their emotions into their lives, and how he desires to be closer than anyone has ever been to them. I have come dangerously close to the idea that God does not exist, however his love is so attractive that there is nothing that promises anything better than the life he offers. life abundantly, Jesus tells us in John 10:10.

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

He knows everything about us, but not in a Big Brother/1984 kind of way. Being the powerful gentleman that God is, he knocks on the doors to our heart, wondering if we will answer. If only we would give Him the few moments to hear what he has to say to our hearts, then God, his son and his spirit, wouldn't remain so Unknown.

staccato

(separate and followed by silence)

Chapter 13:

Random

In music, notes and dynamics can be unexpected, startling at times. Our lives are no exception to this rule. So take this chapter for what it is: An addition to the music of life, albeit surprising, and not making sense at times.

In 1994, My friend Noah and I were traveling to the Twin Cities, about 100 miles of highway anticipation of the night to come: Lollapalooza. We left in the morning and visited a coffee shop where his brother worked near uptown. The air outside of Dunn Brothers smelled of swarthy ground coffee and drew in many willing customers. Charmed by the chalky, woodsy aroma of the coffee, I chose a hat from the assortment of T-shirts and mugs. This was a great mileage marker in my life. My first real coffee shop, I had to remember it.

Listen: ‘Glósóli’ Sigur Ros

I sat against the wall watching people line up to order while Noah stood near the espresso machine watching his brother (our reason for visiting) work. After a few minutes of waiting, I was joined by a woman in her 60’s who was eyeing the seat next to me. She had curly silver hair, and bohemian clothing that stylishly blended into the colors of summer.

With bags in tow, she parked her life experiences uncomfortably close to me on the two-person bench and noticed the writing on my T-shirt. It read, "The Electric Fetus,", a popular music store where I discovered new bands I was starting to listen to. Looking at my shirt, she turned her whole body completely towards me, adding to her already awkward position. Then she said, "A fetus can’t be alive, nor electric." Turning back forward, she sat.

What was that? All I knew was that I didn't know what to say and just wanted to get out of there. After we had left, I told Noah about the weird exchange, and he laughed at me. Then we went to the show and reveled in the heaviness of the concert.

But, that lady? Not a clue. I was weirded out. I wish I had the guts to stick around and ask her what she meant, engaging in conversation with her. After this meeting, I have had many a meeting with random people that after they had said some strange, cryptic phrases to me, that I have asked in return, "What do you mean?"

Numb

There are times that even though I was there, present in body, I missed opportunities to connect with someone else’s heart especially after they gave me a window to take a peek inside of who they are. After coming off of the airplane from Washington D.C. from a trip organized by our school, I arrived back at the airport to a van en route to Pink Floyd that very night. As the door slid open, the turquoise blue, plush-interiored conversion van was thick with dense smoke. I held my breath and dove into it. I remember that there were lasers at the show, pigs with red eyes and a big spinning light cube. The next morning, I remember going for a walk with another person from the concert, and we bought donuts. Man, was I hungry. That's that all I remember.

I missed out on that night's memories. Thinking about my experience, I knew no better. Recently, I watched a recording of the same Pink Floyd Tour on PBS that I was at, it was a really good production. I can't believe I missed it, even though I was sitting right there.

Many people are letting their own lives flash right before their eyes because of a stupor caused by the numbing of alcohol, drugs, books, TV, internet, etc. They let this happen to dodge their own reality and to become less alert to their surroundings. They like to keep their lives numb; To forget about what is going on around them in apathy. Like a person being pulled against their will by a riptide, they have given up having hope or trying to change the world around them.

Sometimes, we aren’t totally aware of our surroundings, and it's not necessarily our fault. A car crash can steal young lives without the driver ever seeing the other car coming. Cancer can ravage a body without giving surrounding family a chance to say goodbye. It's the obstacles that we never saw coming that throw life out of balance.

At eight years old, I played in a neighbor's yard a lot because they had a tree house. We played different seasonal games. Jailbreak was our summer game of choice until days got shorter, and autumn disappeared into the snowy winter. Then sledding at the appropriately named Camel Hill, and in the spring, playing at the treehouse. We had been moving sticks and rocks up and down the ladder, I think we moved them just to see if we could; Our own little Tower of Babel. Some of the items that we brought up the ladder were brooms, gardening tools, and splintered cinder blocks. One day a group of us neighbor kids were over at the tree house darting up and down the tree, sliding down and climbing the knotted rope. After lifting a rock off the ground, I felt a sharp jarring on my head. In first-person view, I raised my hands to my head to feel the teetering chunk of cinderblock sliding off of my head. Pulling my hands to view, I saw red. My own red blood was running through my fingers.

The stitches gripped my newly torn skin together, and I had noticed that the steel clad emergency room held nothing intricate, just simple things: some knives and sewing needles. The doctor came over to me and gave me my choice of iron-on pictures for my comfort. I chose a wise-postured Yoda and a tube of Crest toothpaste. Iron-ons rock. Star Wars and toothpaste. Though the T-shirts are long gone, to this day I still have a dent in my skull. You can’t see it, but can feel it shallowly under my scalp.

Experiences come day by day, and sometimes it’s hard to translate why and how things happen. How can reality be so UN-normal?

In youth ministry, we took our group on a paintball trip into the depths of Wisconsin where Katja proved to be a surprisingly accurate shot. The following week after the paintball trip, I attended youth camp with students from our youth ministry. During the evening service where I was praying with students, I began to shake.

Listen: ‘Crashing Down’ Mat Kearney

For some Christians, this is normal. Having never experienced it, I just went with it. The shaking did not stop, and it wasn’t a good type of shaking, either. After the evening service, I shook all night long (A horrible AC/DC reference, but forgive me). The following morning, I admitted myself to the nurse’s care, and continued to shake in their bed with still no idea what was happening. I joked about what it could be, yet was totally scared. For two nights, I shook in bed, sipping water and venturing out into the camp to encourage my teenagers. I had written it off as sun stroke, as I had been running in the days before camp during record heat waves in Minnesota. Then, all at once, the shaking stopped and I was back to normal.

The next week I had been painting the inside of our closets hoping to eradicate the previous owners cigarette smoke. Not wanting to get paint on my T-shirt, I took it off and began to paint. Katja walked in and noticed something. It wasn't the wonderful paint job that I had done in artistic apartment white that she saw, but the large red bulls-eye spot on my side! Matter-of-factly I told her it had been there for about two weeks or so, just after we went paint-balling. She made me stop everything and go to urgent care. One blood test later, I got a prescription to kick the Lyme disease out of my system.

A tick had crawled through a hole in my jeans and latched on to my side. My very own mini-lamprey. Why did I get the tick bite? I don't know.

Sometimes things just happen.

Chapter 14:

Choose Your Own Adventure

We all want to be told a story. Before bedtime, I remember my mom reading to my sister and I when I was single-digit-aged. Whether the book was five or ten minutes long, the stories stuck with us long after our eyes had closed. This started a healthy habit of reading myself to sleep through my childhood. This worked against me whenever I read my homework at night in high school. Cramming before tests in college, I fell asleep after two pages usually. After reading out of obligation during school, It was such a welcome change to get back to reading anything I wanted, just like I did in my childhood. Always hungering for more, I love to experience the written word.

Listen: ‘Seven Swans’ Sufjan Stevens

Somehow television had crept into my nighttime reading slot and dulled my senses, robbing me of my life. I feel my literary senses returning with each turn of the page as I return to reading.

While in elementary school, my favorite series of books of all time, "Choose Your Own Adventure”, lined the shelf behind my bed. It was awesome. I would get the fresh brick of books from B. Dalton Booksellers, and crack each to the first page, folding it carefully open. Reading the first few paragraphs, I was met with one of my treasured first experiences: a situation with a choice that had to be decided by me. I got to choose how the characters interacted by turning to a certain page in the book, continuing the story. Flipping past other pages, I tried not to inspect their contents, not wanting to spoil the story for the next time I went through the book.

More times than not, my character would get eaten by a crocodile or whatever large lizard was in the story then. I was a sucker for that, rarely navigating safely to the end.

Even though I was hopeful about winning, I felt powerless flipping to each new page. There was nothing to do on my part to make each pathway through the book conclusively end in a positive manner. Even when I chose the safest choice as opposed to jumping on the rocks to cross a lake of lava, I met an ending to the story that was usually way more gruesome, like a dinosaur would bite my head off or something like that.

Yet the key to each book was that I didn't exactly know what the author had in store for me. There were many possibilities, and choices that may lead to places that I wasn't prepared for.

Many a car ride have we taken where our firstborn was in the backseat armed with an arsenal of books, rifling through story after story. Always becoming more engaged in the reading than the last book, he’s grasping and learning more with each page turn.

My daughter, who is less interested in books and is more into conversation has learned the philosophy of existence on some of these car rides by asking questions like, "Why?", "What happens when we die?", "Am I gonna die?", "Is Jesus dead?", and one time, "Chuck Haavik has good bread." She says many things. my wife and I didn’t exactly know how the revelation and understanding of the way life goes should be timed. At least we could retain their innocence while introducing them to ideas that would help them to better understand life.

Following in my mom’s footsteps, I was now reading to my children . Our book of choice, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. In an age where the movie version of the book communicates in vivid, striking color, my kids are still excited to hear me tell them the same story, which thrills me to no end. Before this book we were reading the story of David and Goliath alternating with "Little Red Riding Hood", every single night.

Tell Me a Story

We all love stories. The subtle comforts of a fantastic adventure can soothe us, slow us down, and demand our attention all at the same time. Sometimes these stories have taken over my dreams. Thankfully, I have woken up from some of my dreams before they became nightmares. Throughout my life, I learned to will my horrible circumstances in the dream world to do what I wanted to have happen. I fought to separate the story from reality, sometimes spending the entire night psyching myself into dividing the two.

While I was a kid, about age 8 or 9, I was diagnosed with what doctors called Night Terrors. They were exactly as the name implies. In times of feverish sickness, these terrors were when I would sit up in bed in the middle of the night screaming at the top of my lungs. Then once my parents rushed into the room, I would ask them for a glass of water. I would wake up the next day with no knowledge of what had happened. That was what Night Terrors were.

During a string of these night terrors, I woke from my slumber and took the screen off of my window and cranking it open. I jumped out of the first story window, and at 2:30am, rang the doorbell of my own family's home. I had no idea what I did and woke up the next day in a daze. There isn't one parent that wouldn't freak out a little and wouldn’t think that their kid ringing the doorbell in the middle of the night in their jammies is a little weird. Sorry, mom. I had no idea what I was doing!

To correctly diagnose this. the doctors told my parents that I had to stay up all night and my mom was committed to stay up with me. She let me eat as many Cheez Doodles as I wanted! I got to stay up to watch “Hill Street Blues” and even “Night Court”! I got to eat all the M & M’s that I wanted! In retrospect, I realize that I understood only half of the jokes. As dawn came, we went to the hospital where I got hooked up to a machine that monitored my brain activity while I drifted to sleep. I woke up two hours later, and I didn’t even need a kick. ;-)

In most situations, we don't have the ability to control exact what is going to happen in our lives. Night terrors were no exception. Nor is a loved one dying from newly found disease, a neighbor's suicide, finding out that a friend really isn't a friend at all; life contains these unfortunate and difficult happenings.

There are things we are able to control, however. One of those things is our own will. I believe that God gives us a unique ability to take control of our hearts and minds. In some instances of being born into a fallen world, some of us don't have the luxury of self control. We might suffer from mental illness, or have been born into circumstances that just deter us from controlling our own wills. The will is the component in our lives that gives us the power to interact with things and other people. Our will gives us the ability to deny or to go ahead with doing things that make our lives far more extravagant than we imagined.

For instance, I will that I am going to get a piece of chocolate, and not just a piece of chocolate, but dark chocolate. There, I just got a piece. There it goes, and it was good. I willed my body to go and indulge.

That smoky, sweet, dark taste of goodness keeps me coming back for more. It becomes something that begins to take over my senses, and the only thing that can take care of the desire for dark chocolate is dark chocolate. Taste is relative, of course. Carnivores love Famous Dave's Ribs. Vegans may enjoy a good fried tofu dish. I have many people in my life who complain that candy is: "too sweet." They are entitled to their taste opinion. Our will forms the story that our lives are writing with every individual action, and each passing breath. What we will into being, we will be known for.

Lobbyists have willed seatbelt laws into existence to make safer highway systems. Pressuring senators and congressmen is their job. Their driving passion is to decrease fatalities; equaling safer roads. Better education has been a political springboard many times as well, in the hopes that we would have a brighter America as opposed to a duller America. Students are going to have to will themselves to study, because learning hasn’t worked by osmosis, yet. As a salesperson, one has to want to make a sale before the sale even happens. It is the implementation of our wills that makes a difference. Someone can hold the title of a teacher, being paid as a teacher, and not do any understandable teaching at all, because they don’t care. We can be parents because we have a child, yet can go through our whole lives without parenting in love.

We have the opportunities to teach, to parent and to will ourselves to live life together. Parents together with other parents can talk about how they take care of their kids, and get better at their roles because of it. Guitar players can play guitar together learning while jamming, and they are better players because of it.

Listen: ‘Rock n’ Roll’ Led Zeppelin

The movie, “It Might Get Loud” is a documentary involving three different guitar players. The Edge from U2, Jack White from the White Stripes, and Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin star in this movie where all three players get put in a room together to talk and play guitar. Without the desire and will to play, the movie would have been a disaster. If one of them had a major ego demanding a certain amount of screen time or solo time when they played together, it would have been a disaster. The reason that the film worked, was that each player willfully decided to take part in the jam session wholeheartedly.

The bond that guitar players share is over a love for the instrument. When people take time to wonder about God in a group, they are creating an atmosphere around themselves. It takes a person to will themselves to begin to trust God and see if he truly is good.

From old metaphor and idea, David wrote in his songs and poems about the character of God in his pursuit to make sense of how his own life was going.

Psalm 34:7-9

“The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing.”

This passage of poetry used the Hebrew alphabet to begin each line successively, a skeleton of an ancient acrostic. The content does not suffer for the art however, and David speaks freely of how we can will ourselves to experience God. We can taste his freedom and his love for us. We are forgiven of our name calling, secret hatreds and selfish plotting. For the first time, we can taste the understanding that he knows how it is to be human.

Tasting forgiveness begins with us being open to being taught something new. As God teaches us that we are forgiven, we in turn have the chance to pass that experience on to others. This means using our opportunities as people of guidance to love and forgive others. We’ve got to let them know that they are loved, so that they can know how to love. Yet, if nobody dares to share forgiveness with another, ignorance creates casualties, and humans instead of living in freedom, live in the chains of guilt and frustration.

In willing ourselves to "taste and see that God is good", we can know and bank on the fact that when the choose-your-own adventure of our lives goes really bad, He's there offering us relief. We have the assurance that he has given us exactly what need: A will that can be guided by Him, by the Holy Spirit. We are given, at this point of surrender, an ability to trust and love Him back.

Chapter 15:

The System is Down

Some of life's moments are easy to understand. Like eating a Twinkie, for instance. It's sponge cake filled with cream of some sort. It tastes like exactly like one would expect, overflowing with sweetness and sugary simplicity.

It’s incredibly easy to open the wrapper of a Twinkie and chow down, isn’t it? It is far more time-consuming and difficult to make a salad. Which is healthier? I guarantee you that someone who lives on Twinkies has a shorter lifespan than someone who lives on salads. However, the body of the person who ate the Twinkies will have a wonderfully preserved body for the funeral.

It's about dedication and investment into adopting a system of food preparation for our lives. Nature keeps things simple. Water falls, plants grow, animals eat plants, animals eat animals, animals die, become fertilizer for soil, rain falls....and life continues. The most complex thing on earth in my opinion is: a human! We are not so simple at all!

We have preferences, desires, annoyances, needs, comforts, difficulties, priorities, etc. To make it through this lifetime we share together, we need a way to understand how the complexities of work, family, and God are intertwined. We need systems to understand our own lives. We could sum up life as a timeline of learned pathways of living. It is these systems that we cling to so that we can interpret and get something produced in time.

Listen: ‘Hurt’ Johnny Cash/Trent Reznor

One of these systems: brushing our teeth. Toothpaste on first, water second (or vice versa), then brush. We might have learned this system from our parents or at the dentist’s office, and hopefully the idea stuck with us! We adopted it as our way of doing something because this way produced a desirable result: Clean teeth. We have a system for everything it seems:

- Brushing teeth.

- How we take our coffee (black, with cream and sugar, in latte form)

- How we open a banana

- How we tie your shoelaces

- How we learn math

- How eat with or without utensils

- How we text message (SMS)

- How we respond to email

- How we treat other people

- How we drive

All of these systems are pathways to produce a result. Sometimes these systems are "me" centered, and other times, not so much. We receive and flex different areas of self control that we have over our lives. Sometimes, we'll choose a selfish way in place of a selfless one. We'll cut off people in traffic. We can be really bad at responding to email. Each system is complex with many factors, the most important being: time.

These specially timed moments of control can become quiet rebellions. A teenager can drink six cans of Mountain Dew because they choose to. Whether they brush their teeth is a system that they will have to make a choice within. There are important emails that demand our attention that we should read, but we are the ones who choose if we should read them or throw them into the trash.

It's like hearing a person who doesn't speak your language, using swear words from your language. They don't understand the gravity nor the responsibility of the words yet they have an idea that it is a small rebellion, and they go on using them.

A Few Screws Loose

I had a toy Star Wars AT-ST Scout Walker from the early 1980s. After The Empire Strikes Back hit the movie screens, “Star Wars” toys flooded the market raking in millions. When I was 9, I loved seeing how things worked. The toy was a two-legged beast with a spring loaded button in the back that made the legs move as you pressed it and released it.

I was playing in the living room that the Scout Walker was climbing a mountain when I noticed the screws on the bottom of the toy. The screws had a cross in the top of them. I ran to my dad's tool box (we also had a junk drawer) and pulled out a Phillips Head screwdriver. I started to torque on the screws. Lefty-loosy. There were four screws as I recall. After two were out, I started to feel some tension on the toy. Like a good 9-year-old boy, I kept going. Down to the final three twists to free the final screw from it's toy chassis....and CRACK! Parts fell out as the spring flew to the other side of the room.

After about three-seconds of looking inside of the toy, I thought, "Whoops." It was time to put it back together, but I had no idea where all the little parts fit inside of it. I thought the spring went in the right spot. I didn't know how to keep the toy from erupting into plastic confetti again while I tightened down the screws.

I figured the only way to get it back together was to cram it all in, and to use as much muscle as I could muster. I cranked down on the screws one after another, and voila, it was done. Good as new.

I reached for the button to triumphantly press it down. I pressed, and one of the legs did a small kick. It was a one-legged kick like you'd see from a sleeping dog that was dreaming about steak. Cute and pathetic.

I started out with curiosity in the toy, then a driven pursuit to complete my task putting it back together successfully. Then confusion, and pride again that I actually did it! Finally, humiliation. Of course I could have put this toy back together with nitro-boosted-spring-loaded legs. Then it would have been way better! As a kid, I didn't know how to. Reconstructing my broken “Star Wars” toy the right way would have taken help from my mom or dad, but I didn’t want to ask for help. I wanted to do it all by myself. The American way.

Mentorship

The construction of our hearts, families, and church communities contain many moving systems and thoughts. To do things well, with wisdom, and with the future in mind, we need to begin to involve others to speak into our lives helping us with our broken systems. This beautiful idea is called: mentorship.

We’ve got to crush our pride and embrace the need to include people who have gone before us. We need to invite older, more experienced people to come and help with the rebuilding of our lives. Parents need to look to their older parents for advice. It's a humbling exercise, asking for help. We need to ask for advice on raising our children and dealing with finances. Potentially, they have better systems than we already have! We may need to remove ourselves from postmodern deconstructive thought itself and build up a modern component of credible mentorship. Without asking for help, our cycles of life will remain just that. Cycles that are never broken and continue until we die.

Listen: ‘SDRE’ In Circles

If we never seek mentorship, we will have lost something vital to our future. If our church communities have no mentorship, then we would end up as a group of different age groups meeting under one roof separated by pride.

The young have a pride that they are doing things right and consequently, need no advice. The older generation having a pride that they did life right, and thinking that the young will not listen. It’s relatable to a dysfunctional family. When nobody communicates with each other during the holidays, it would be really awkward to invite someone in the share your family Christmas wouldn’t it? How healthy would it be to have all of your relatives sitting in the same room, boiling with stubbornness, while introducing someone new to the equation?Absolutely embarrassing. It's a recipe for disaster. Mentoring can tear down individual walls that each person has set up against other-aged generations. One on one mentoring is the way to dispel myths and to break those cycles of pride.

We need to ask for help.

Without one-to-one mentoring, the systems in our church communities can feel mechanical. The organic growth and care for each other would grow to be frigid and redundant. It can become sterile and systematic if we never hear of the stories of people in our congregation who have experienced a changed life. New believers need to share their story with another living, breathing person about what God has done in their life. If people never hear about what happens by trusting Jesus Christ with one's heart, then how can anyone outside of Christianity decide to trust and love Christ back? Will we introduce them to our dysfunctional family or to a healthy community that thrives on God and each other? Take a timeout to help another see what has happened. There are stories of how God showed up in the middle of a tragedy and healed people's hearts. There are stories of depression and hurt being totally turned around by a God who loved them for years before they even knew about Him. These are inspirational stories that everyone, no matter the age, must hear.

In the wake of our personal lives we see our disobedience and God's gracious movements. Our struggles and his love. These stories must be heard, if possible in the intimate setting of one-on-one mentoring.

Our pride can confine us into thinking that we already have nothing else spiritually to offer for the better of God's kingdom. It's a blinding thing, pride, and it separates the best of us from possibly the best friend we may never know.

Chapter 16:

At the Airport, Waiting

As I’m writing this, I'm at the airport waiting to pick up my wife and kids. I'm here exactly three hours early, waiting at the international flight exit. Why three hours? I’m going stir-crazy just waiting at home, just needed a change of scene.

2:55pm

Occasionally a flight comes in, people filter through customs, and finally come out of the automatic sliding glass doors. Sometimes the travelers are met by the arms of loved ones. Others are greeted by no one, and they busily pass the crowd of taxi drivers holding signs.

Listen: Yellow’ Coldplay

All the people waiting here are expectant of meeting someone. Sometimes by obligation to a family member or friend, and some by desire, hoping to be surprised. Katja and the kids have been gone for three weeks, and in that time, I have struggled to remain inspired.

After I dropped them off at the airport, to visit family in Sweden, I connected with a friend from college and watched a movie. I had a roadmap of all the things that I would get to do throughout the span of my three weeks. I'd meet “this person,” go to “this place, do ”this,” hang out “there.” Before my family left, I was really excited. Once they left, though, the sweet taste of freedom had lost its flavor. I'm so used to being with my family, that I don't realize how I should be myself without them. I had to ask God to remind me of his identity for me apart from my family and realized new things about myself. I had to experience a second birth.

I had a second birth in my identity as I took care of finances and the stacks of paperwork at home in the office, without the kids coming in and wondering what I was doing. I had to be away from my family to become a stronger, more caring person for them. Now, I am ready for them to come back. In my heart, I was ready for them to come back ever since they left.

Why am I here three hours early? I ache for their return. I can't wait to spend my life with my family. If my life is currency, I want to spend it on them, my most treasured investment. Watching the reuniting of families makes me think that the Kingdom of God has the potential to be much larger than we give it credit for. People miss other people, it shows that we are human, needing others. Our emotions of expectancy are given to us so that we can anticipate and see God in us as we move.

3:20pm

I really hope their flight didn’t get delayed. Just yesterday, I was supposed to be attending a wedding, but got stuck finishing something at home, hoping that I wasn’t going to be late for the ceremony. "I still can make it", I thought. "I can still make it", I thought again. Then, after looking at the clock and how long it really took to get there, I thought, "I'm in trouble." Shortly after that, I got into my car and sped off.

I got there just in time. Right before the bride was going to come into the sanctuary. I saw the whole wedding party lining up. This was my favorite part. It was seeing my friends in the wedding without all the other guests being around. I got all the pictures I wanted in the lobby while others waited for them to stroll down the aisle. I felt like I had a special "media pass" to the event.

Some would label this as luck. I call it God's movements, maybe it’s God's luck. He helps us to realize the joy of our lives because of his arranging these events and meetings for us in succession. I happened to be late, and got to feel a part of the wedding party for a few minutes. The bride at the wedding was ready to walk down the aisle in accountability and commitment. It's a choice to walk through life together with another person in friendship or not.

We have the choice of anticipating loved ones (or not) at the airport. We have the choice of being open minded enough to think about how God loves us more than anyone else on earth ever could love us. We have the choice to deconstruct our lives and then to ask God and others to help us rebuild it. We can involve people and God into the areas of our lives that need to be rebuilt. The life that follows is the result of our relationships.

3:45pm

I bet that on the flight they had their choice of...chicken or fish. I usually take the chicken. Fish at 30,000 feet just seems odd. Katja could have called me from her seat to let me know what she was having, that would have been fun! And expensive.

When Katja and I had first started dating, she was at school away from her home in Stockholm. Her phone bills were in the hundreds of dollars. This was before Skype took off, obviously. It was always worth it to make sure that she could communicate with her family though. Like those important phone calls, we can establish a continual open line of communication to God wherever we are at. We call people and talk to them because we miss them, and want to show them that we value them. The same thing goes for God. When we take the first step to speak with Him, he sees our effort.

He’s listening and will deliver exactly what we need, when we need it. The key is the anticipation though. Cracking open the can of Coca-cola and letting the fizz bubble out for a second before slamming it down your parched throat, our bodies anticipate the cool burn down our throats. At least that’s how it is for me. A pizza box that has just gotten delivered is set down on the kitchen table. Lifting the lid, each person eyes the piece that they will devour. That is anticipation. A hunger or a thirst.

All of the sudden, the only people waiting here is me and a little boy with his parents. It’s quiet, too quiet.

4:00pm

More people are starting to show up for the next flight that’s landed. More balloons, more kids, more taxi drivers with signs. I am incredibly tired with waiting here. Maybe some more coffee? Nah. I don’t need that.

It’s an interesting feeling, but when it was just me and the family here waiting, it felt like I was less alone. Now, with being around this bigger crowd, I feel more like a number. Even in this place with so many people, how is it possible to feel so alone?

God promises us that he is with us always. That he is someone who is always in reach, no matter what the time. Who is able to love God back? Everyone. Why else would Jesus challenge us with the most important commandment: Matthew 22:37

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."

A constant threat, our love for comfort and material things has the potential to come in between us and our love for God. Things that do not honor God can compromise our hearts, minds and souls. Some believers have ignored God completely and become selfish, a stark reflection of the world around them. It comes as watered down morality for the sake of convenience. Our integrity and reputation is at stake. What also is at stake is the hearts, souls and minds of people who have never heard the message of Jesus Christ. God wants us to be real, to be mentored, and to shed unnecessary things in life that cloud the voice of God in our lives. We are to live in community with others so that God might be recognized in our systems of living.

4:30pm

It's as if a person travels to another country to attend school. Let's say that they meet a Christian who shares their life with them. The visiting student has the potential then to realize how much God loves them! They can learn this way of "loving God back." Then they go back to their home country translating their new hearts to their families. What a reach the love of God has when people realize who he truly is. The faith that God has given to us is the one thing that the TSA cannot scan us for.

Listen: ‘Mysterious Ways’ U2

We need to show and exemplify through our own actions how we are to act and react. Stories like this university student's happens all the time, we just need to open our mouths and share our lives.

5:00pm

We first must understand the Biblical restraints of what salvation looks like. Then, we must be as culturally open as possible. We must interpret God's Love and truth into all languages and into all walks of life, whether believers are in each group or not.

To be an example to others, have them do as you are doing. Hands-on. One-on-one. Our systems are rebuilt through mentorship and love towards God and others. Eventually, we have to ask, "How can this still be a system?" Good question. I don't think it can be a definitive system anymore. God moves in and through every situation for every person who is either beginning to trust, is trusting or has forgotten to trust. He still works. It is living and moving. This kingdom is growing. The kingdom is populated by hypocrites who have humbled themselves and admitted fault. When we confess, our hearts are lighter, and we feel alive, with a clear conscience. We are desperately in need of getting clean consciences, and God won't allow dirty consciences in heaven. Enter Jesus.

The disciples were the bottleneck in the Gospel of Matthew. They were the door keepers when people wanted to come and see Jesus. When the children ran to Jesus, the disciples stopped them. Why? They said because Jesus was busy. What was Jesus' reaction?

Matthew 19:36-37

"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Believe me, as a disciple of Jesus living in today's world, there is plenty that I have to remove from my life, on a daily basis no less, to live my new life in Christ. I have realized it is this living, growing, group of people called “The Church” that helps me through my day to day, to not be judgmental, but to be loving instead.

God understands where you've been at, and He's been waiting for you to let the load of burdens of your back that you've been hauling around. He uses people and mentorship to help us through situations and to help us out at all the right times. If there is one thing that God is great at, it's having great timing. That's what this group of believers is there for. Not for themselves, but for others.

5:21pm

People have their opinions, and I know you have yours. When the time comes, God will give you the words to say. Even asking Him if he exists can be scary the first time, but speak your words out loud, and see what he does with your faith directed at Him for a change.

Romans 8:38-39

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

What a promise.

5:45pm:

Gotta go, it's time to buy flowers for my wife.

fortissimo

(extremely loud)

Chapter 17:

The Way, the Truth, and the Life

In the early church, after Jesus Christ rose into the sky right in front of his disciples’ eyes, people began to express their faith in Jesus on paper. Jesus had no New Testament to refer to during his time on earth. He had no way to have a reference book with himself of his own sayings or recorded history as he went. After he said something or performed a miracle, there was no newsletter for his disciples to hand out outlining Jesus' further credentials and sayings. There was only word of mouth communication to announce and share news of Jesus Christ. Jesus' words held great power. He was the source of this message of love, with his reputation only adding to the weight of his words.

The early disciples assembled around 120 people in the beginning of Acts, and then exploded into church growth thereafter.

Listen: ‘You are Here’ Needtobreathe

In Acts chapter 2, Peter shared a message in Jerusalem about why the disciples were speaking in the exotic languages of the visiting onlookers. It wasn't a message that was written down and proofread. It was practiced.

In Acts chapter 3, Peter and John healed the beggar at the temple gate called beautiful through word of mouth communication. Sharing the same words that Jesus used, and believing that God could heal him.

In Acts 8, Philip met the Ethiopian en route to Jerusalem. He overheard the foreigner reading the Holy Jewish Scriptures and offered to explain, through spoken communication, the message that was written down before them. The instruction the Ethiopian needed was of great importance. He needed support in understanding the context, original intent, and history behind each piece of scripture.

Someone had to teach the written words through their own speech, explaining how to follow the teachings of God.

The early church, founded by the Apostles had a great need of distributing inspiring teaching throughout the myriad of people that were now a part of trusting Jesus Christ. In the first century, they met daily for teaching in Solomon's Colonnade (Acts 2), and ate together. What they were taught, they ruminated together. Time together was the agent of transmission for Jesus' ideas to be traded back and forth. For a time, it was enough. People carried the good news of Jesus’ death and resurrection wherever they went.

There grew to be a need to transfer knowledge without the presence of a person carrying the news. Scribes began to write down the teaching that the Apostles designated most important to teach the new church community. This didache, Greek for “teaching” was 16 chapters in length, split into four different sections pertaining to different areas of spiritual knowledge about God and Jesus Christ.

Note: I regard the Holy Bible as containing the inspired Word of God. I'm mentioning the didache as it steers people towards Jesus Christ and his teaching.

Considering it as an ancient work with firm motives, I feel confident in referencing it, as I feel there is much to learn from it. The Catholic church includes it as part of their library from “Apostolic Fathers.”

The didache (did-a-kay) begins with six chapters on “the two ways” containing teaching showing the contrast between the way of life and the way of death. Chapters 7-10 are dedicated to teaching the ordinances of the new church, baptism and communion. Section three concerns practical ministry towards others. The final chapter is a piece of apocalyptic literature.

I will only be referencing the first section of the didache.

There were two ways that were taught: One way towards life, one way towards death. Written in Greek, hodos was the word for 'way' or 'road'. Denoting not just a direction, but also a pathway that one is to live by. One way leading to destruction, and one way to living life "to its fullest.".

”The Two Ways” was a list of things that people were to do, and what to avoid, as well. It sounds a lot like The Ten Commandments in Exodus chapter 20, which list some basic commands that God wanted his people to live by. The Hebrew word used when referring to The Ten Commandments is Mishvot.

Mitzvah is actually a singular form of Mishvot, and contains the root word that gives The Ten Commandments a different twist. The root word tzav means ‘connection’. The Ten Commandments contained connections that God wanted us to have not only with each other, but with Him.

The Ten Connections

Connection is a much nicer word than commandment, isn't it? I mean, if someone told you to do something without a connection, what good would it do to you. If our parents tell us to do something, our hearts are connected as sons and daughters to a point where their commands have meaning. We do what they tell us to do...sometimes. If your (future) spouse tells you to do something, your connection to them helps you carry out your task.This then strengthens your bond based on your obedience, and the cycle continues as you grow and trust each other. Globally, we are connected by this list of Connections. “Do not steal”, “do not kill', “do not commit adultery” all take on more dimensions after we see that each commandment has a connection between us and God and each other. If someone truly considered the situation and consequences in taking another person's life, they would see that a selfish decision would affect another person for eternity. Even if a death feels justified, it's still a lost connection. Stealing things from each other separates us from one another by shame. The stolen item is what has broken the intended connection.

Our vertical connection to God and our horizontal connection towards others is based on our obedience to the commandments God gave humankind.

The Ten Commandments are the way towards life. The way to live that God had intended was one of peace and harmony, like the Garden of Eden was. Following each one would be a guiding light down the pathway that God wants us to live by.

”Honoring our parents” was good advice from God. Not obsessing about other people's stuff and wishing that it was ours, is another positive on the pathway towards life.

Listen: ‘My Way’ Frank Sinatra

But what would the pathway towards death look like? To find it, is it as simple as just inverting each commandment? Let's see:

#1. Love other gods before me.

#2. Make idols.

#3. Misuse the name of the Lord.

#4. Forget about the Sabbath day. No Rest for you. (‘Soup Nazi’ style)

#5. Disobey your parents.

#6. Murder. Alot.

#7. Commit Adultery.

#8. Steal. Steal this book!

#9. Lie.

#10. Obsess about your neighbor's stuff, dog, and wife.

Yup, that sounds like a good start for a path towards destruction.

If we were to choose a road that we can follow, following the Ten Commandments sounds like a much more rewarding way to live. Otherwise, one would become a God-hating-stuff-loving-workaholic who hates his parents...You get the point, it's not a pretty picture. This approach to the Ten Commandments would be the way of death.

When Jesus was asked an important question about which commandment is the best to follow in Matthew 22:36-40.

Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. “And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

It was a Cliff's Notes moment. Someone wanted to know which was the most efficient way to follow God. Jesus answered with ”love.” It seems that each of the other commandments was really based in the first two, anyway. Love leads to life. Disobedience to the first two commandments, would lead to a different consequence than life everlasting.

Jesus, in following his own clarification of which commandment was best, also practiced what he preached. He did this so much that he challenged people to live in the way that he did, while providing a way to live eternally.

On the night before Jesus was crucified, he tried to put his disciples at ease.

John 14:1-4

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.

And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

After Jesus explained where he was going, his father’s house, in spiritual terms, the disciples were still clueless. They thought in terms of tangibility. An overthrow of the Roman government would be what they had hoped for with Jesus. They were probably thinking, "Where's his father's house? I have no idea how to get there!"

Thomas asks, in John 15:5-6,

Thomas says, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

Typical type-A Literalist.

The eternal kingdom, the way of living that Jesus had been talking about was vastly different from the temporary kingdom Thomas was hoping Jesus would begin. There was such an apparent gap between what Jesus hoped to communicate and what Thomas understood. Isn’t it nice that God has patience with us and our understanding? Even today, I find different nuances of verses that I had read for years. He has such patience even with our immature mis-interpretation of Bible verses, gently correcting us through time.

Then Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

As Jesus said those words, he was speaking of spiritual destination and his own lifestyle. Following Jesus on the path towards life, one can't go wrong. As Jesus said each part of his statement, ”the way and the truth and the life,” the Hebrew translated into Greek denotes each of these as nouns and not metaphors for other hidden meanings. People search for real answers in seeking a way, a truth and a life. They desire a pure way to live or system of living in an environment. They want a measure of truth, whether their own or a static unbending truth to live by. They want a deep, true life.

The way, or hodos in Greek, is translated as 'a road.'

Nothing really more than that, a road from Point A to Point B. Jesus just said that he is a road. Weird, but at the same time, Jesus wanted to create a direct understanding that as each of us has a beginning, birth, and also a Point B, death. How we get to Point B would be best done through Him as he is the way of life. Remember the didache? Jesus is the path towards life. He is the fulfillment of the Ten Commandments. He embodies everything that God has ever wanted us to be like. To strive to be like God's only son, connects us to God on our way through life.

The Truth, or alaythia, is translated as “something unhidden.” What Jesus wanted to get straight for people is that we are to live blamelessly and openly. It is the darkness that hides so many of our wrongs. It is in the darkness that many unleash their deepest sins. Darkness hides whatever we keep in it. Don't lies just get bigger as they are kept to oneself?

Things that are stolen create scars on our souls. Withheld information is usually very dangerous the longer it is withheld. If someone sins, it is the darkness of their hearts that temporarily hides their wrongs. Jesus wants to remove our wrong doings. God wants our hearts to feel blameless and clear from guilt. When we confess to a wrong, the consequences are nothing compared to the crushing weight of hiding sin, acting as though it doesn't exist. Even though it does.

The Life, or zoe, is translated as just that, life. Jesus meant for this word to be full, tangible, blooming, beautiful and big. This is the concept that calls one to assess what their life has become so far. We’ve got to consider the way that we have lived. Was it spent in love or in hate? We also have to consider the truth that we have been living.

Did I live a life of sin hidden in darkness or a lifestyle that was unhidden and liberated? The way we live and the truth we keep leads us to realize a life that we can live to the full, and the life by which we will be remembered by.

Jesus said,

"...I have come that they may have life and have it to the full."

Chapter 18

A Different Revolution

Every human starts out as a baby (except for Adam and Eve, I guess). There is no one who is introduced to the world at the middle of his or her life. Baby bodies begin and continually grow from the point of birth, forward. From mother's milk, children can double their size in less than a year. Their minds are innocent, knowing only the most important needs must be met.

And the way they get it? Crying. Bawling, wailing to get their point across that they need something now. There are different kinds of kids: Some sleep better, some walk earlier. Development happens. Their bodies take shape, and their minds are guided in a certain direction, growing and interacting with their environment. But in the beginning, everyone starts out as a baby.

Listen: ‘Walk’ Foo Fighters

Katja and I were laid back people...then we became parents. We turned into safety freaks, becoming experts on car seats and watching our kids constantly. I think it was after our first child was born that we really grasped the amount of violence in the world. All that I wanted to do was to guard my kids as best as I could.

Overprotective? Guilty. Through the early years of my first son's life, the world did not wait for us to catch up and be prepared for every emergency that life presented.

School shootings across the United States have become an unfortunate recurrence in the last 10 to 15 years of our history. The motives that each shooter began with in their gruesome barrages vary from bullying to a flippant whim. In the thousands of man hours spent deciphering their ideas, investigating their home lives, their bedrooms, and after discovering their plans to commit their crimes, the question has still remained afterwards: Why? Why would someone allow his or her mind to justify this kind of strike against a school classroom? Where did we fail them as a society?

SUOMI (Finnish for ‘Finland’)

Finland has had two shootings in the late 2000s that were incredibly shocking to the abnormally calm country. Well, and to the rest of the world, too. After all, when was the last time you heard about Finland in the news apart from business news from Nokia and Finnish Hockey Players in the NHL?

The shootings were planned out with detailed video notes each describing what was about to happen in each school.

The Jokela School shooting took place November 7, 2007, where nine people were killed by Pekka-Eric Auvinen. That day he methodically killed six fellow students, the school nurse, the principal, and finally himself. His video messages told directly what he intended to do, while wearing a T-shirt brandishing across his chest the message, “Humanity is Overrated”. As he carried out his plan, he screamed of “starting a revolution.”

In Kauhajoki, September 23, 2008, Matti Juhani Saari shot 10 people at a local university before putting the gun to his own head. His slogans, "I hate the human race" and "The solution is Walther." made him famous posthumously. Instead of leaving an admirable legacy behind, he will be remembered for his hatred, his violence, and his way of death.

In both shootings, the assassins held their guns with a closed fist, enraged by the anger that burned in their hearts for their lost causes. Their hearts were full of frustration, full of pain, and full of violence. Sometimes, the only way people can express themselves is through that of a closed fist, doing what they think is right.

Authorities investigating the aftermaths of each incident found the shooters to be a part of similar newsgroups on the internet. Something had interested them both.

What was so disturbing is that the two shootings happened so closely in time to each other, shaking the foundation of the school and police systems.

It is a fallen world that we live in. Even the revered and intricate structures of politics have experienced fallouts with the insurgence of forced change in diplomacy's place.

‘CHE’

One of the most notable people to embody a political/military/philosophy that has spread even to the T-shirt market is that of Dr. Ernesto 'Che' Guevara. From a young age, he traveled throughout Latin America witnessing how big corporate businesses were taking advantage of the cheap labor found there. Dr. Guevara was trained as a medical doctor, but saw that simply healing and caring for the sick in his culture would not be enough. His only viewpoint against capitalism was that he take up arms along with others in carrying out his vision: One united Latin America. No longer would they be separate countries with separate governments. He killed hundreds of people under his leadership. Again, fists were grasped tightly around guns.

‘Che’ received his name from the sound that he made all the time when out in the field. A nickname to some, Che also in later years has become the symbol for massive changes in youth culture, calling teens to rebel as Che had. The fight that Che had begun and wanted to perpetuate was a forced overthrow of a government. Wouldn't you know it, that's the very definition of revolution.

Revolution is not just a forced government changeover, however. That's only one setting in which it is defined. It also comes from the Latin word volvo, meaning to turn. In French, revolare means “to revolve around something.” The other definition found in the Oxford Dictionary is: “a dramatic and wide-reaching change in the way something works or is organized.”

I would add in that to experience a revolution, one must go back to the beginning, revolving around something else to start over. It's kind of like hitting a reset button and starting over with a different set of rules in a game. Take the Latin word volvo, meaning - ‘I roll’, and place the prefix ‘re-’ in front of it. Revolve. We are to make a revolution and get back to our starting point. Our new chance to live now has a different set of rules to live by. God's revolution would begin within people's hearts, changing the way they loved other people.

The school shootings in Finland together with the military legacy of Che Guevara showed me that there are people in the world who believe that what they are doing is for the good of humankind. They believed that there was no other way to accomplish their task than to take something by force, making things happen by their own closed fists. There are people in the world who have missed the point in why we have governments and organizations that invest their time into seeking peace between each other. There are people in this world who are completely wrong about how they want to change the lives of their countrymen and their enemies.

God does not want us to perpetuate murder, no matter what the motive is. My prayer is that God grants us all the opportunity to be gentle, forgiving, and merciful.

Back to the Start

In the New Testament of the Bible, we’ll look at a famous story of mercy exemplified by Jesus. On the night when Judas came with the Jewish armed guard to take Jesus away, a scuffle broke out between the disciples and the soldiers. Peter pulled out his sword and raised it in the air, his hand gripped the hilt in a fist. Then he struck the high priest's servant, cutting off his right ear.

Listen: ‘Typical’ Mutemath

Now that's a sharp sword. Instead of choosing to be outraged at the coming soldiers who were there to deliver his death sentence, Jesus became enraged at Simon Peter.

Why was this? Simon Peter had been entrusted with teaching on how to love others, and the soldiers had not. Jesus also didn't want the inevitable to be stopped. Jesus commanded Peter, "Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father had given me?"

Even more interesting, is the account of what Jesus does and says after this.

Luke 22:51-52

But Jesus answered, "No more of this!" And he touched the man's ear and healed him.

"Am I leading a rebellion, that you have come with swords and clubs? Every day I was with you in the temple courts, and you did not lay a hand on me? But this is your hour - when darkness reigns.”

Jesus healed a soldier's ear that Simon Peter chopped off. This was a revolution of healing that he was leading.

Jesus could’ve allowed the servant to exist in a lifetime of pain. After all, he was there to arrest his quarry and drag him away to the judges for trial. Jesus could have left him aching from the side of his head, mutilated. Instead, he reached out his opened hand and touched the injury as it breathed blood. Jesus had greeted brutal military force with peace and mercy.

Jesus' ministry started after he was baptized, in Matthew 4:17.

"From that time on Jesus began to preach, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near.’"

He was trying to reconnect people into being a part of God's kingdom, where God, simply enough, would become The king of people's hearts again. When Jesus said ”Repent!” He meant, ”turn.” Jesus was asking other to turn their perspective away from their old life and towards new life with Him.

Matthew 4:18-20:

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him.

He never forced others into servanthood. He always gave them a choice to come and follow. Jesus chose to recruit others into his ministry with an opened hand, the same as he would later heal the soldier with.

After he began his ministry and called disciples to follow Him, Matthew 4:23:

Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.

Jesus was choosing a different way to influence people, he was aiming for their hearts.

Che Guevara had many chances to heal as a doctor, and he did in many cases. He also killed. Jesus never asked of which allegiance people swore to, or which government they followed. Jesus healed without prejudice.

The rebellion that is not inspired by God always comes from a string of thoughts gone awry. Somewhere in their lives, they failed to know that they have the choice to follow bad advice or not.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NLT)

We destroy every proud obstacle that keeps people from knowing God. We capture their rebellious thoughts and teach them to obey Christ.

I can't assume that Che or the two school shooters had a faith in Jesus Christ, as following Jesus doesn’t lead to the choices that they had made. Children, teenagers and young adults who grow up without ‘loving their neighbor as themselves’ have a great possibility to alter culture towards the wrong pathway. Sometimes, people grow from babies into adults that they never intended to be, doing things that they never thought that they would do.

By being born into a hurt and dying world, humankind has learned to live in a rebellion of a closed fist, raised high above their heads in frustration. The revolution they hoped to create, changed quickly to a spree of undefined violence and chaos. The revolution that Jesus wanted to give us was one of returning to the greatest commandment. The greatest connection is the greatest revolution that humankind could ever make, returning to the Love of God.

We are to love the Lord with everything we are, and to love our neighbor as ourselves. In following Jesus’ model of ministry, he invited people to be a part of what he was doing. He taught in ways that people could understand, and he completely healed others. Even as one by one the disciples deserted Jesus right before the crucifixion, he let them go without forcing them into service.

He had an open hand that reached out to others. This was his revolution. It was not one of hurt, pain or military conflict, it was one of love. Pure agape - sacrificial love, at his own expense.

Listen: ‘The Distance’ Cake

The aforementioned killers could have made a difference as Jesus had, joining in the revolution of love. Jesus’ violence was not one of physical death and struggle, but one of justice. Jesus likened his violence to water, I believe.

John 7:38:

"Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”

These streams of living water may start out as a trickle as from a faucet, but as streams grow and flow together, they create a raging river. The force of a river can erode landscapes, feed barren fields with life, wash away the dead, and plunge over steep drop-offs creating waterfalls. Jesus' heart was like a violent piece of nature; ordered, understandable and life-giving. Living water carries life to everything in its path through loving action.

While some have chosen to use a closed hand in military rebellion, Jesus calls us with an outstretched open hand to a different kind of revolution: One of love and peace.

Chapter 19:

Before Sleep

As a kid I would avoid certain areas of the zoo because of my own paralytic response when I see Any. Kind. Of. Spider. Did you know that they come in many different varieties? Listen to these names: Wolf Spider, Jumping Spider, Large Spider, I don’t care what kind of spider it is; I just want to flush them all. Even the thought of Dog Spiders, by far the ugliest creatures that either God created or the devil twisted, still make me turn around while writing this so that one can't sneak up on me.

Listen: ‘Alive’ Pearl Jam

In my youth, I wasn’t a horror movie buff. I hated the idea of being voluntarily afraid. Yet there was one movie that with its charm and wit about the qualities of a certain animal, I began to watch and wonder about. That movie: Jaws.

This movie has forever made me think twice before I jump into even the most secluded freshwater lake in the middle of Minnesota, or Sweden for that matter. If you haven’t seen Jaws,without going into the storyline in depth, it's about a shark that eats a lot of people.

Although scared about the possibility of a shark swallowing me whole in the Mississippi River, I still went further into the wonder of my fear, choosing to do my book report in seventh grade on the novel Jaws by Peter Benchley. For the record, it wasn't as good as the movie.

Naturally, you would not find me hanging out at the shark tank in the aquarium areas of zoos either. If I were in a shark movie, I probably would be the first one eaten for lack of keeping my cool.

On a trip with my school, we made a stop at the Museum of Natural History in Washington D.C. in 1994. There I was in a great hall looking around the various open air exhibits when I spotted the jaws of a Megalodon. The Megalodon had a mouth that spanned about six feet in height and in width. All that I wanted to do was to leave the room (as well as Washington D.C.).

I stood in one small corner of this amazingly huge hall simply incapacitated. I could not move. I was seventeen. Just four years before I would get married, and I wanted to see that day. Why was there such fear in me?

Fact: The shark wasn't alive and is extinct, Phil.

It wasn't there, yet I couldn't move.

There is a different kind of fear that is just as paralyzing as the Megalodon. It’s a word that is derived from two Greek words: nostos, and algea.

Nostos comes from the writing The Odyssey by Homer. It means ‘homecoming’, describing the time that Odysseus, the hero of the story, looked forward to when he would once again rejoin his wife. He actually hoped that the days would fly by faster and faster so the time spent on his quest would be over, and he would be in the arms of his love.

Algea means ‘pain’. It’s found in our modern English in words like fibromyalgia. Chronic pain is one of the symptoms of fibromyalgia.

When we smash these two words together, we end up with Nostalgia. This new word - translated - means something different from what the modern day meaning stands for. Older people are said to have nostalgia for the olden days. The better times, the golden age when everything was simpler. Better.

Nostalgia keeps us looking backwards to their past for hope, instead of looking forward for Hope.

Revelation 1:8

“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.”

God is the beginning of the Greek Alphabet , Alpha, and He’s the end of the Greek Alphabet, Omega.

Jesus talked a lot about heaven and about his kingdom. These are things to look forward to. Every time I try and freeze time, hoping that my kids won’t grow any more, or leave home someday, I get overwhelmed with a desire to preserve everything exactly the way it was/is at that moment.

That is no way to live.

We can’t live paralyzed by fear of what’s to come. Jesus dispels all fear as he talked about his ‘Father’s house with many rooms’ in John 14. ‘I will be there also‘, Jesus says, assuring us that we won’t be alone.

Let’s resolve to look forward to what God has in store for our lives!

Now that the confessional moment of the chapter is almost over, I have one more thing to fess up to.

My childhood couldn't have been better, with loving parents, many opportunities to learn and room to stretch out and be myself at home and around our town. Yet it was my interaction with things and people and at times that I am not proud of. I was not always a loving person, I was selfish. To that end, I will have people in my life who will continually see me based on a moment in time in which I frustrated or hurt them. It is this regret that I have been aware of all of my life. Confession time: I kicked out the skateboard from underneath a dear friend at age nine. Sorry again, Josh.

I have three kids now, and in the midst of their care, I have received invaluable coaching from my wife, Katja. How to talk to them, think of them, and how to pick battles, are just a few examples as walk through this continually surprising chapter of our lives. Our kids have many things that they look to us for. They look for warmth, love, hugs, understanding and a listening ear. They get opportunities to learn about the things that they are interested in. The perceptions of our hearts may be overwhelmed by the number of questions and weight of our responsibility as parents. Katja and I have a phrase that we live by: Live each day in view that it could be your last.

My fear that has replaced the spiders and sharks is the regret that I have not lived each day with the most patience, the most love or the most enjoyment possible. “Did I really live to my potential?”, I would ask myself on my deathbed. Sometimes I fall flat on my face, feeling like a total failure in one or all three of these areas, and if there is one thing I have realized that is true: We must do our best, and God takes care of the rest.

Even at age seventeen, I had a sense of regret for the words that I had said in hurtful manners to other people. This doesn't make me a fragile, touchy-feely, burn-incense-while-listening-to-the-Beatles’-White-album kind of guy. I guess it was sadness inside of myself that I couldn't express. I could only relate the sadness to other people, or to music, or to ideas or thoughts that were nowhere near uplifting. I met many going through their teenage years just like me. Maybe we were just being teenagers, collectively going through a phase. Whatever it was, it was real and wasn't letting go of its grip on my sense of regret in my life for the wrongdoings that had already stacked up.

Listen: ‘No Rain’ Blind Melon

In that same year, I was invited a few times to a church where I was totally welcomed in. There was a speech about the idea that God truly cared for me. I knew that already. For years I had heard about the idea of a loving God at the church I had grown up in, but this was different in some way. I started to have hope in God. That's made all the difference to me.

I received the opposite of regret that day, complete shamelessness. I no longer felt the need to look down, or to think in disappointment about myself. I began to be content, because I was truly valued at church.

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I was invited by my friend Jamie to come to youth group and begin playing guitar. It was that simple. In a time when I felt unneeded, I could be made useful. God bless Bobby and Jen, my youth pastors. I attended for 4 months and went to their youth camp. I was given time to consider following Jesus Christ with my mind, heart and actions. By the end of the week, I had the opportunity to clarify what God wanted to do with me in my lifetime.

God wanted to take my regret away. At a moment of submission to Him, God had internally convinced my heart that I was forgiven, and I have not experienced that anywhere else. My parents understanding and love was wonderful through my years. I was learning from them relationally how to be forgiven and to forgive others. In my heart I had missed whatever mark I was to be hitting in life, and this was different.

2 Corinthians 5:16

"So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer."

I began to trust Jesus with my pain.

2 Corinthians 5:17 says these encouraging words,

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!"

Never before had words been so true of my experience. Just like I did, in giving Jesus my regrets and shame, you can also do.

Goodnight Regret

Just before children go to sleep, dialogues between them and their parents can sound like this:

Parents: Good night, (insert kid's name here)

Kid: Good Night, Mom (or Dad)

Parent then walks almost entirely out of the room

Kid: "Mom? Dad? I'm sorry"

Parent turns around and comes back to the side of the bed

Parent: For what?'

It's at this point that kids admit to having a grumpy attitude, being upset with someone else, kicking a cat earlier that day, whatever has been bothering their conscience.

This regret has an element to it that reminisces of Ephesians 4:26:

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger...”

Maybe there is a built-in mechanism of regret that God intended to go off just before sleep. Married couples, young and old, confess their pride over simple misunderstandings that derailed their relationship for a day. Children and parents listen and understand each other before they fall asleep.

Listen: ‘Where the Streets Have No Name’ U2

Sleep signifies rest and peace. It is possible that this regret, if left to fester and stain, can continue until one's deathbed. Confessions of hurt, sibling rivalry, and anger are the usual suspects at the end of one's life.

Sometimes, people can be totally shut off to the idea of a God who loves them unconditionally. Finally, on their deathbed, begin to trust God that he does love them.

I think it was the thief who hung on the cross beside Jesus who embodies this best.

Matthew 27:44

“In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.'”

This passage goes on to say that both thieves who were hanging beside Him, mocked him. Interestingly enough in Luke 23:42 one of the thieves realizes who Jesus truly is,

'Then he said, ‘Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.’"

Jesus answered Him in verse 43 with,

"I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."

He believed.

His action, to show that he believed, was confession.

Confessing and working through each situation deserving of forgiveness, day-in and day-out, can reunite dying people with not only loved ones, but with God Himself.

God consistently loves us.

I want to give you that same opportunity right now. God has always, always loved you. What Jesus did was die for each person’s wrongdoing, including yours. This is no fairy tale, this is real.

We needed someone to step in and help out the entire human race, Jesus was that person. Whoever you are, whatever you have done in your past, makes no difference. God loves you.

In short: Love Him back.

If you would accept the life that follows living for Jesus Christ, start right now. Accept his forgiveness, and accept the fact that he won’t ever let you out of his sight. He loves you that much. Through all of your trials, He’s always been there.

In joy and sorrow, He’s always been there.

Maybe now is the first time you’ve given Him the time of day, but better late than never.

Begin living for Him right now. Forgive others, forgive yourself.

Living for Jesus Christ is the perfect beginning to the song of your life.

coda

(end)

After a full meal, there is nothing like a cup of fresh ground coffee and an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie. It is the perfect finish. In waiting and savoring each bite, you are offered another piece of heaven. Take it, enjoy the cookie. Simply exercise more later.

After a church meeting that really had an impact, people hang around and talk. It's like their “coffee and cookie time” is being together. That's how God designed us, to want to remain near one another, because we need connection.

Once we get to know others in our communities, hanging out together can be as addictive as, well, coffee and cookies.

We are meant to enjoy this life with passion. A warning: There are experiences in our lives that may rob us of this passion. Lifestyles that drive us towards depression, anger, and jealousy can dull our senses to the point where we don't care about what we are taking into our selves, whether it be food, media, or acquaintances.

Nowadays, it is very easy for people to stomp out of relationships claiming offense for what one person said or did against another. Seriously, it's so easy to get caught in this trap.

Jesus came to give us life to the fullest, bringing those who are disjointed and barren in their hearts into a truly life giving relationship.

Jesus wants us to come together and hang out. As I read in the Bible, he was about that. He dined with people who weren't a part of his group, took time speaking with people who had questions, and invited the children to come to Him even if the disciples didn't want Him to be bothered. He wanted people to be together.

There's a recipe in the back of this book for cookies. Cookies, strangely enough can be one of the best connecting points ever. Make a batch, and although it is nice to hang out with people from your church community, bring the cookies to people who are NOT a part of a church. Please? Take this as a starting point in being more like Jesus, be encouraging, drink coffee, have a cookie, be a friend.

He wants us to be together, to invite even more people to the table.

The Best Chocolate Chip Cookies Ever!

1 stick of butter, that's right, butter. Softened

1 stick of Margarine, Softened

1 cup brown sugar

½ cup white sugar

3 tsp. Mexican Vanilla (but any real vanilla will do)

3 Eggs

1 ½ Tbsp. Baking powder

1 ½ tsp. salt

2 cups whole wheat flour

1 cup shredded coconut

4 cups Old Fashioned Oats (none of that quick oat action)

One big bag of semi-sweet chips (milk chocolate is for wimps)

Melt butter, add in all ingredients down the list till the eggs. Blend baking powder, flour and salt together in its own bowl. Mix in the second bowl into the wet ingredients and add oats, coconut and chocolate chips.

Bake at 350 degrees F or 180 degrees C until starting to look brown. Take them out of the oven leaving them to cook the rest of the way through on the cookie sheet. (base recipe from Connie Lalim)

The Three-Arrow Study Method

I sat through Bible Study Methods and Church History I at North Central University, great courses, taught by great people. One of the Bible study tools that was introduced was Discourse Analysis. Between this thorough method, and simply reading the bible, I wondered if there was a way to relate scripture in a lighter, easier way.

My three-arrow method started when I was looking in the margins of my bible looking for some way of relating scripture. If there's time to kill, this is a great way to do it while learning something about how each verse in the Bible relates #1. Us to God, #2. God to Us, Us to Each Other.

In Geometry, my strongest subject in school, I learned about the x and y axis. The x axis runs horizontally. The y axis runs vertically. Simple, and understandable. This works for me, it might work to visualize directionally God’s movements in scripture.

Our first Arrow is an up arrow like . We'll write this Arrow in the margin of our Bible whenever we come across a verse that relates People towards God.

Our Second Arrow is a downward arrow like . We'll write this Arrow in the margin of our Bible whenever we come across a verse that relates God towards People.

Our Third Arrow is a horizontal arrow . We'll use this Arrow to denote a verse that relates People towards each other. Pretty simple, huh?

Up, Down, and to the Side. Let's take a section of scripture, try the letter to Philippi found in the Holy Bible (NIV).

Philippians 1:1-6.

1 Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus.

To all the saints in Christ Jesus at Philippi,

together with the overseers and deacons

Verse one is a Greeting from Paul to the saints in Philippi. As this is taking place between People we'll write a horizontal arrow like in the margin next to the verse.

2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Verse two is a Blessing directed from God towards People, so we'll draw a downward arrow like , denoting a relationship from God to People.

3 I thank my God every time I remember you.

Verse three is a thankfulness directed from People towards God,

so .

4 In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy

Verse four, although talking about Philippi, Paul is praying to God. The verb, praying, is directed towards God, so .

5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now,

Verse five is a part of a sentence directed by Paul towards the church in Philippi, so .

6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Verse six is about the “good work” that God has begun and is directing towards humankind (People), so .

I hope this helped you as it helped me to see the connections and directions between people and God. Blessings and obedience.

A Final Thought.

Matthew 7:13,14 "Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. 14 For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few.”

Jesus himself said, “I am the way.”

The love of Jesus is wide enough in forgiveness that people the world over can choose to begin living for him, following him, and trusting his guidance.

I hope you consider this choice.

It is the most important decision of your life.

In love, Phil

Song List

My Name is Jonas - Weezer

Chicago - Sufjan Stevens

Everlong - Foo Fighters

Fields of Gold - Sting

Stars - Switchfoot

Tatooine - Jeremy Messersmith

Gotta Serve Somebody - Bob Dylan

Eye of the Storm - Blindside

Airbag - Radiohead

A Skeleton of Something More - Sleeping at Last

Message in a Bottle - The Police

You’re The First, The Last, My Everything - Barry White

Time - Pink Floyd

Say It Ain’t So - Weezer

Presence of the Lord - Blind Faith

Beautiful Things - Gungor

Show Me How to Live - Audioslave

Higher Ground - Red Hot Chili Peppers/Stevie Wonder

Learning to Remain - Greycoats

This is a Call - Foo Fighters

Everything in it’s right place - Christopher O’Riley/Radiohead

The Great Gig in the Sky - Pink Floyd

Come Awake - David Crowder Band

The Scientist - Coldplay

Bold as Love - Jimi Hendrix

Glósóli - Sigur Ros

Crashing Down - Mat Kearney

Seven Swans - Sufjan Stevens

Rock and Roll - Led Zeppelin

Hurt - Johnny Cash/Trent Reznor

SDRE - In Circles

Yellow - Coldplay

Mysterious Ways - U2

You Are Here - Needtobreathe

My Way - Frank Sinatra

Walk - Foo Fighters

Typical - Mutemath

Going the Distance - Cake

Alive - Pearl Jam

No Rain - Blind Melon

Where the Streets Have No Name - U2

And if you want to cry...

Someone Like You - Adele

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6:

Chapter 7:

Chapter 8:

Chapter 9:

Chapter 10:

Chapter 11:

Chapter 12:

Chapter 13:

Chapter 14:

Chapter 15:

Chapter 16:

Chapter 17:

Chapter 18

Chapter 19: