WHY?

ADAM

HAMILTON

WHY?

MAKING SENSE OF GOD’S WILL

WHY?

MAKING SENSE OF GOD’S WILL

Copyright © 2011 by Abingdon Press

All rights reserved.

No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed to Permissions, The United Methodist Publishing House, P.O. Box 801, 201 Eighth Avenue South, Nashville, TN 37202-0801, or e-mailed to permissions@umpublishing.org.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

ISBN 978-1-4267-1478-8

CIP data has been requested.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture references are taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1989, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Chgrist in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture marked NIV is taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. All rights reserved throughout the world. Used by permission of International Bible Society.

Scripture marked CEB is from the Common English Bible. Copyright © 2011 by the Common English Bible. All rights reserved. Used by permission. (www.CommonEnglishBible.com)

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20—10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

In memory of Gary Patterson and Danny Patterson

whose friendship blessed my life and whose

untimely deaths led me to search for answers

to the question, Why?

CONTENTS

1. Why Do The Innocent Suffer?

CHAPTER ONE

WHY DO THE

INNOCENT SUFFER?

God created humankind in his image,

in the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them.

God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.”

GENESIS 1: 27 - 28

Sitting in an airport, a woman looks up at the television screen to learn that a natural disaster has forced millions from their homes in a poor country. The camera crews show scenes of the devastation, and the reporter speaks of how many people lost their lives in a particular city. Speaking to no one in particular, but loud enough that those nearby can hear her, she says, “How can you still believe in God when you’ve seen something like that?”

A man who lost everything in the Great Recession of 2008 did not reject his faith, but he wanted to know, “Why is God punishing me? I prayed. I gave to the church. I volunteered to serve others. And I lost everything! I just want to know what I did that was so bad that God would do this to me?”

A young woman speaks to me, confused. Her husband had died leaving her a single mom to care for two small children. Several Christian friends suggested that she take comfort in the fact that “it must have been the will of God.” Far from comforting her, it leaves her angry with God.

Suffering, unanswered prayers, and the unfairness of life naturally lead us to question God’s goodness and sometimes to question God’s very existence. Ask atheists why they reject the idea of God, and this will be among their answers. But ask thoughtful Christians and you will find that they, too, have wrestled with these questions throughout their lives.

The question is traditionally posed in this way, “If God is loving and just, then God must not be all powerful. Or, if God is all-powerful, God must not be loving and just.” For if God were all-powerful and loving and just, then God would stop the evil, pain, and suffering in our world. Theologians have a special name for the attempt to resolve this quandary: they call it theodicy, from the Greek words for God and justice. Theodicy is the attempt to reconcile belief in a loving and powerful God with the suffering present in our world.

I have spent much of the last twenty-five years in ministry helping people wrestle with these questions. I’ve done this by inviting them to question the assumptions they have held about God and God’s work in the world, and by helping them to see how the biblical authors and the leading characters of the Bible wrestled with and ultimately answered these questions.

In this chapter I’d like to invite you into a conversation about these issues. I don’t propose that in these few pages we will completely resolve the issue, but my hope is to give you a bit of help as you seek to answer the questions for yourself. Then, in the following chapters, we’ll consider questions related to unanswered prayer, questions related to God’s will, and finally, God’s ultimate triumph over evil and suffering.

The Bible and Suffering

Our disappointment with God in the face of suffering or tragedy or injustice typically stems from our assumptions about how God is supposed to work in our world. When God does not meet our expectations, we are disappointed, disillusioned, and confused. I’d like to invite you to challenge two commonly held but misguided assumptions before we attempt to reconcile God’s goodness with suffering.

Among the assumptions I once held was that the Bible teaches that if I believe in God and try to be a good person, God will take care of me and bless me and nothing bad will happen to me. Because this is what I thought the Bible taught, every time something bad happened in my life (my parents divorced, our house burned down, two of my best friends were killed in an accident), I was left wondering if I was being punished by God because I had been bad, or if I simply did not have enough faith in God, or if, perhaps, there really was no God after all.

As I began to actually read the Bible I found that my assumptions about what the Bible taught were wrong. The sweeping message of the Bible is not a promise that those who believe and do good will not suffer. Instead the Bible is largely a book about people who refused to let go of their faith in the face of suffering.

Consider a few of the major stories of suffering in the Old Testament: Joseph (the son of Jacob) is sold into slavery by his brothers. The Israelites spend 400 years oppressed by the Egyptians. Moses does God’s work and yet is so miserable at times he prays for God to kill him. Saul spends years attempting to kill the young David (during which time David writes many of the Bible’s “complaint psalms”). The entire epic poem of Job is about a good man who suffers terribly yet refuses to give up his faith.

The prophets, too, include their share of complaints against God in the face of their own suffering or the suffering of Israel. The book of Lamentations is written after the destruction of Jerusalem, when the Babylonian army takes the city’s inhabitants into exile. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego are thrown into a fiery furnace, and Daniel is thrown into a den of lions. Yet through all of this the Old Testament is the story of people who, in the face of their suffering, can claim with the writer of the Seventy-third Psalm, “My flesh and my heart may fail, / but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. . . . I have made the Lord GOD my refuge” (verses 26, 28a).

At the center of the New Testament is the story of a man who is beaten and abused and finally nailed to a cross. His first disciples are nearly all put to death for their faith. Far from promising a life of bliss to those who believe, he promises that they will face persecution, hardship, and trouble, often because of their faith. And the most prolific writer of the New Testament, the Apostle Paul, is arrested, beaten, and abused on numerous occasions, and is ultimately put to death by the Romans. The Bible definitely does not teach that those who follow God will have a life of bliss. It describes the dogged faith of those who continue to trust in God despite their suffering, and the comfort, strength, and hope they find in the face of suffering.

Does Everything Happen for a Reason?

Recognizing that the Bible does not promise that if we believe in God we’ll have safety, health, and wealth in this life, let’s consider a second misguided assumption commonly held among Christians today. Usually offered as a word of encouragement by well-meaning friends to people going through suffering, Christians say, “Everything happens for a reason.” What does that mean? Usually we mean, “God has a plan. We cannot yet see that plan, but somehow the suffering you are going through now is purposeful and God has a good reason for it. Just trust God.”

That sounds pious, and it seems logical at first. But I encourage you to examine this idea carefully. If everything happens for a reason, and by that we mean it is part of God’s plan, then we have really said, “God planned for this tragedy to come to you. God willed for this thing to happen.” If God willed it, then God actually caused it to happen. God wrote this event into your life story. This leads to another well-meaning statement Christians make to comfort their friends in times of suffering: “It must have been the will of God.”

Let’s think carefully about this. When a young woman is raped and murdered, was this really the will of God? Did God write this into the woman’s life story and into her parents’ life story? If God wished for this to happen, then God must have put it into the heart of the murderer to do this terrible thing. Does that sound like a just or loving God? The person who committed this crime will be put in prison as a murdering monster, but by saying, “It must have been the will of God,” we affirm that God intended this event to happen. How can this be?

I received the following e-mail from a young woman a couple of years ago:

Our baby died this past spring when he was six weeks old. So many Christians that we have encountered since that time tell us “this was God’s plan.” . . . Before this tragic event, I guess I thought this was how life worked too. . . . But there is no way that the death of an innocent six-week-old . . . is part of some master plan. And if it is then I’m simply not interested in the God that has that plan.1

The young woman’s friends sought to comfort her with the idea that her suffering and loss were a part of God’s plan, but she rightly questioned if God really takes little babies away from their mothers.

Twenty to thirty thousand people die every day of diseases related to starvation and malnutrition. Is this God’s will? Or is God’s will that those who have resources work to help those who do not? The clear message of Scripture is the latter. Further, if one believes that everything happens according to God’s foreordained plan and that the death of 30,000 people each day in this way is God’s will, then perhaps there is no need for Christians to work and give on behalf of the poor.

Why go to the doctor when we become sick, if it was God’s will that this should happen to us? Is the doctor not fighting against God in working for our healing? And why wear seat belts or motorcycle helmets if every automobile death is the will of God and everything happens for a reason? If we are meant to die we will die, and if we are meant to live we will live.

What would we say of a human being who pushed a child over the railing of a tall building? Yet this is precisely what we say God has done if we suggest that a child’s fatal accident is the will of God. What would we do to someone who orchestrated the torture and murder of innocent people? We would lock that person away in a prison and label him or her a sociopath. Yet this is precisely what we indicate when we say we believe that these acts are the will of God.

If by “everything happens for a reason” we simply mean that we live in a world of cause and effect, then of course this is true. But if we mean that everything happens according to God’s plan, and that God wills everything that happens, this cannot be true. When we say that it is true, then I think we violate the third commandment (prohibiting the misuse of God’s name) and misrepresent the nature and character of God. When non-Christians hear Christians say things like “everything happens for a reason” and “it must have been the will of God,” they are left with an impression of God that is hardly loving and just, but instead a picture of God who wills evil and suffering in the world.

It is easy to understand why so many people have turned away from God when they have been taught that every disappointment, every tragedy, every loss, and every painful experience was the will of God.

I recently spoke with a pastor whose wife was diagnosed a few years ago with cancer. After a two-year battle she died. I asked him how he made it through her death with his faith intact. He told me how, following his wife’s death, he would go to her grave and shout at God. It struck me as he described these times that even this shouting was an act of faith. To shout at God requires that one believe in God. God is “big enough” to handle the anger that comes from our profound grief.

This pastor noted that he had never believed God gave his wife cancer, but his anger was a part of grieving. He continued to pray, and his friends surrounded him with love. Slowly the anger began to diminish, and in his loneliness he felt God’s presence once again. One night he sat on his front porch looking up at the stars in the dark western Kansas sky, and he realized how big God is, and at that moment he felt once more the confidence that his wife was with God and that he would see her again one day. He trusted once again in God and allowed God to carry him. As we spoke he quoted the first verse of Psalm 136: “O give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, / for his steadfast love endures forever.”

Conclusion

In this chapter, I have encouraged you to question a couple of the common misconceptions about the Christian faith: the idea that if we have faith in God and seek to do what is right we will be exempt from suffering, and the assumption that “everything happens for a reason.” We have looked at three foundational ideas that allow us to make sense of God and suffering: God gave human beings dominion over the planet, to be human is to be free, and human beings have a tendency to be drawn to the wrong path. Finally, we looked at how we reconcile the idea of a good and loving God with natural disasters, with suffering brought about by human decisions, and with suffering that results from illness.

One thought has often struck me when I meet people who reject God in the face of suffering. Rejecting God doesn’t change the situation that has caused our suffering; it only removes the greatest source of hope, help, comfort, and strength we have.

This leads me to one final thought that we will flesh out in more detail in chapter 4: suffering never has the final word in the Christian faith. As we have seen, Christianity does not promise that we will not suffer, but it does promise that suffering will never have the final word. The Israelites were set free from slavery. David found deliverance from his affliction. And on the third day, Jesus rose from the dead. God does not bring unjust suffering upon God’s children. But God will, however, force such things to serve God’s good purposes. God will walk with us through the fires and the floodwaters. And God promises that “the present suffering is nothing compared to the coming glory that is going to be revealed to us” (Romans 8:18 CEB).

ENOUGH

Discovering Joy Through

Simplicity and Generosity

Adam Hamilton

ENOUGH

Discovering Joy Through Simplicity and Generosity

Copyright © 2009 by Adam Hamilton

All rights reserved.

No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission should be addressed in writing to Permissions Office, 201 Eighth Avenue, South, P.O. Box 801, Nashville, Tennessee 37202-0801, faxed to 615-749-6512, or e-mailed to permissions@abingdonpress.com.

Scripture quotations in this publication, unless otherwise indicated, are from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyrighted © 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America, and are used by permission.

Scripture quotations noted (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. All rights reserved throughout the world. Used by permission of International Bible Society.

Scripture quotations noted (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

ISBN 978-1-426-70233-4

09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18—10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

Contents

Introduction: Faith in the Midst of Financial Crisis

1. When Dreams Become Nightmares

2. Wisdom and Finance

3. Cultivating Contentment

4. Defined by Generosity

Epilogue: Overcoming Fear

Financial Management Assessment Tools

Introduction

FAITH IN THE MIDST OF FINANCIAL CRISIS

Stress. Anxiety. Fear. These words capture well the state of mind of many in America today. We have witnessed dramatic market losses, the collapse of the world’s largest insurance company, the largest Savings and Loan failure in banking history, and numerous bankruptcies and mergers. Every day seems to bring another piece of economic uncertainty.

Recently, the American Psychological Association released the findings of a survey they conducted of 7,000 American households. The study notes that 80 percent of Americans are stressed about the economy and their personal finances. Half are worried about their ability to provide for their family’s basic needs. Fifty-six percent are concerned about their own job stability. Sixty percent of respondents report feeling angry and irritable, and 52 percent report laying awake at night worried about this. The report concludes that, “The declining state of the nation’s economy is taking a physical and emotional toll on people nationwide.”[1]

The causes of our national economic woes are many. Some point to deregulation of financial industries, subprime mortgages, the housing bubble, and even fraud as the principal culprits in what has been described as the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression. But beneath all of these direct causes are the deeper, indirect problems of the current crisis. These ultimate causes are not financial but spiritual. At least five of the seven deadly sins come into play both on “Wall Street” and “Main Street”: gluttony, greed, sloth, envy, and ultimately pride all came before the fall. These led to absurd economic practices that bordered on the criminal. It was not simply the CEOs and Wall Street types who danced to this tune. It was every one of us whose 401ks prospered by their efforts. More than that, it was every one of us who abandoned financial wisdom and prudence and borrowed beyond our capacity to repay in order to buy houses, cars, and whatever our hearts desired. Unwilling to delay gratification, we used tomorrow’s money to finance today’s lifestyle. We stopped saving, took the equity out of our homes, and we charged away as if there was no tomorrow. But tomorrow did come. And many Americans woke up with an economic hangover.

Command those who are rich in this present world not to . . . put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God. (1 Timothy 6:17, NIV)

As Americans watched the stock market plunge, retirement savings evaporate, home values plummet, and the economy contract beginning in the fall of 2008, there was a collective sense that it was time to say, “Enough.” When the economic house of cards began to fall, most of us knew intuitively that things had to change. We had focused too much of our energy and resources on acquiring more and newer, bigger and better. The funny thing was, all of our consuming did not increase our joy in life—if anything it tended to rob us of joy and increase our stress.

This book is an invitation for you to rediscover truths previous generations knew—wisdom that was drawn from the pages of Scripture. It is meant to be a guide and a source of encouragement and inspiration. In it, I will suggest that joy and contentment are found in simplicity and generosity, in faith and in pursuing your purpose in life. I’m not advocating that any of us live in poverty, but that we cultivate contentment and re-evaluate what constitutes the “good life.” There is no sin in having wealth. Money itself is morally neutral. It can be used for good or evil. It is the love of money that the Scripture says is a root of all kinds of evil. The problem arises when we make the acquisition of wealth and material possessions our focus in life. Here Jesus was right to warn us that we cannot serve both God and wealth—only one can be most important in our life.

The government has a role to play in times of economic uncertainty. But the primary problems that led to the economic crisis that began in 2008 are not solved by government policy. They are spiritual issues that require a change within the individual. The New Testament has a word for what is needed: metanoia—it is usually translated “repentance” and means a change of mind and heart that results in changed behavior. My hope is to invite readers of this book to experience metanoia—to see our money and our possessions with new eyes remembering, as Jesus taught, “One’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions” (Luke 12:15).

If we ignore these lessons, within a decade our nation will be right back where we are today. It is my hope that biblical truths such as these, combined with practical financial wisdom, will guide us to a different future—a future in which we’ve learned to say, “Enough.”

Contentment Prayer

Lord, help me to be grateful for

what I have, to remember that

I don’t need most of what I want,

and that joy is found in simplicity

and generosity.

Look inside the back cover to find three personal Contentment Prayer key tags. When you go to the mall, or to the grocery store, or sit down to pay your bills, allow the Contentment Prayer to be your guide. Every time you take your physical keys out, you will be reminded of the spiritual keys that will guide you to fulfill your life purpose.

[1] “Eight Out of Ten Americans Stressed Because of Economy,” by Madison Park, from CNN.com, October 7, 2008; http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/conditions/10/07/economic.stress/index.html.

3.

CULTIVATING

CONTENTMENT

Keep your lives free from the love of money, and be content with what you have; for he has said, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” So we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.

Hebrews 13:5-6

And [Jesus] said to them, “Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.”

Luke 12:15

Whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them; I kept my heart from no pleasure. . . . Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had spent in doing it, and again, all was vanity and a chasing after wind.

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

In 2007, a large area of Southern California was ravaged by wildfires, and nearly one million people were evacuated from their homes. As I watched the tragedy unfold via television news coverage, it struck me that this was a moment in which so many people were being forced to think about their relationship to material possessions. The words of Jesus echoed in my ears every time I saw another picture of the raging fires: “One’s life does not consist in the abundance of possessions” (Luke 12:15).

So many people had very little notice that the fires were coming their direction. One family was awakened in the middle of the night by the daughter in time to look out the back window and see the fire leap across the interstate and begin a rapid climb up the hillside toward their home. They and thousands of others had ten minutes to grab everything they could take from their homes and flee.

Time magazine’s online edition asked the question “What did you save from the fire?” of people staying at the emergency shelter at Qualcom Stadium.17

Andrew saved his pillow.

Shervi saved her family pictures and books.

Angel saved the saxophone he had been learning to play.

Karen saved her two cats and important documents.

Michelle saved her Bible, purse, shoes, diploma, and cell phone.

What would you save? Imagine a wildfire is headed toward your home and you have ten minutes to grab what you can and flee. What will you take with you?

Natural disasters remind us that everything in this world is temporary. If our stuff is taken away by bankruptcy or plundered by thieves or blown away by a tornado or burned in a wildfire, we must remember that material things are only temporary. When I’m gone, most of my stuff will be outdated, worn out, or simply of no value to anyone else—either hawked in a garage sale or thrown in the trash. This is why I can say with Jesus, “[My] life does not consist in the abundance of possessions.”

I believe that. I believe it, first, because Jesus said it. I also believe it because somehow I intuitively know that it’s true. But there is a problem: Everywhere I turn, the world is telling me that it’s not true. The world continually tells me that my life does consist in the abundance of my possessions. I am bombarded with messages such as, If you had a little bit more, you’d be happier. If you had this thing that you currently do not have, you’d find more satisfaction in life. If you had a bigger house or a nicer car or more fashionable clothes, you’d be happy—at least happier than you are right now.

Each of us is bombarded with messages such as these daily. While Jesus is telling us that our lives consist of more than money or things, the culture is shouting that it’s not true. The result is a wrestling in our hearts. Despite the fact that we say we believe Jesus’ words, we still find ourselves devoting a great deal of our time, talents, and resources to the acquisition of more stuff. We say that our lives do not consist in the abundance of our possessions, but we live as if they do.

Which “Tent” Will You Live In?

Which “tent” will you live in—discon-tent-ment or con-tent-ment?20 You and you alone determine which “tent” will be yours. You choose it in large part by deciding what life is about. If you decide that “life does not consist in the abundance of your possessions,” then you are choosing contentment.

Choosing contentment does not mean that we must stop buying things or move into cramped homes or apartments. That is not realistic, and I do not believe that is what God requires of us. Rather, choosing contentment means we look to God as our Source, giving thanks for what we have. It means we ask God to give us the right perspective on money and possessions and to change our hearts each day. It means we decide to live simpler lives, wasting less and conserving more. And it means we give more generously, a topic we will examine in the next chapter. When we do these things, we are reclaiming the joy of contentment and simplicity.

“Contentment makes poor men rich, but discontentment makes rich men poor.”

—Benjamin Franklin

I have a black suit that is a symbol of contentment and simplicity for me. Every pastor needs at least one nice black suit, and I bought mine sixteen years ago. It was the nicest suit I had ever purchased at the time, bought for half-price at the end of the season at a local department store. I wore it for the first time to a worship service when our church was meeting in an elementary school. I decided then that it was a bit too dressy and that I would save it for weddings, funerals, and special services. Since then, I’ve worn it to every candlelight Christmas Eve service, every Easter service, every new building dedication service, and almost every wedding and funeral I’ve conducted. Every so often I think it’s time to replace it. No doubt it is slightly out of style. But then I tell myself it is still in good shape, and I think of all the memories I have of times when I’ve worn it. I’ve actually told my wife that I want to be buried in that double-breasted black suit.

That suit represents how I hope to live in every area of my consuming—buying things that last, using them up before discarding them, recognizing the value in things that have been around for a while, and pursuing simplicity as a means to contentment. These are among the keys to finding true joy.

FORGIVENESS

Finding Peace

Through Letting Go

Adam Hamilton

FORGIVENESS

Finding Peace Through Letting Go

Copyright © 2012 by Adam Hamilton

All rights reserved.

No part of this work may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, except as may be expressly permitted by the 1976 Copyright Act or in writing from the publisher. Requests for permission can be addressed to Permissions, The United Methodist Publishing House, P.O. Box 801, 201 Eighth Avenue South, Nashville, TN 37202-0801, or e-mailed to permissions@umpublishing.org.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Hamilton, Adam, 1964–

Forgiveness : finding peace through letting go / Adam Hamilton.

p. cm.

ISBN 978-1-4267-4044-2 (alk. paper)

1. Forgiveness—Religious aspects—Christianity.   2. Forgiveness of sin.

3. Forgiveness.   I. Title.

BV4647.F55H355 2012

234’.5—dc23

2012022583

Scripture quotations unless otherwise noted are taken from the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible, copyright 1989, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permissions. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21—10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

MANUFACTURED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

To Dan Entwistle, Managing Executive Director

at the Church of the Resurrection, on his twentieth

year of ministry at the church. Dan’s grace-filled

ministry has had a profound impact upon so

many lives, including my own.

CONTENTS

Preface: Six Words

1. The Divine Answer

2. For Better, for Worse

3. Seventy Times Seven

4. The Dreamcoat

Epilogue: In God’s Image

Acknowledgments

PREFACE

SIX WORDS

Forgiveness is essential to our lives. Without it, no marriage can survive, no family can stay together, and no society can be sustained. It is a necessary part of lasting friendships and work relationships.

The reason lies in an inescapable fact of human nature: we are bound to hurt others, and others are bound to hurt us. If we are to live successfully, and if we are ever to know freedom and joy, these six words must be a regular part of our vocabulary: “I am sorry” and “I forgive you.” If we lack the ability to say, “I am sorry,” life will be immeasurably more difficult than it needs to be. If we can’t bring ourselves to say, “I forgive you,” life will be filled with bitterness and pain.

This book is not meant to be an exhaustive study on the topic of forgiveness. There are many excellent but much lengthier and more comprehensive books on the topic. Instead, this little book examines four common relationships in which we find ourselves in need of receiving or extending forgiveness: our relationship with God, with our spouses or romantic interests, with our parents and siblings, and with all others in our lives.

There are many dimensions to forgiveness, and each situation in which forgiveness is required is unique; there are circumstances that have led me to counsel individuals in ways different from what I describe in this book. But here, we will cover the big concepts surrounding forgiveness, as well as the most common relationships in which we find ourselves needing to give or receive it.

My hope is that all who read this book might find help and encouragement as they seek reconciliation and healing through the act of asking for, and extending, forgiveness.

CHAPTER ONE

THE DIVINE ANSWER

Happy are those whose transgression is forgiven,

whose sin is covered.

Happy are those to whom the LORD imputes no iniquity,

and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

While I kept silence, my body wasted away

through my groaning all day long.

For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;

my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you,

and I did not hide my iniquity;

I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,”

and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Psalm 32:1-5

To all of the customers of the local florist who got sneezing powder in their flowers last Tuesday, I apologize. You were really not the intended victims. I just wanted to make you angry at the florist, my stingy employer. I wasn’t trying to hurt you. Bill

I’m sorry. You were waiting for the car to get out of the parking place so you could back in. I slid in frontward—I had to do this because I was desperate to get into the store so I could use the men’s room, and there were no other spaces. My apologies. I hope you read this and understand. Driver of gray Honda.

To all my high school classmates, I am so sorry for those mornings when I came to school without brushing my teeth. I don’t know where I got the idea that if I didn’t eat, I didn’t need to brush. I know you tried to hint, but I didn’t “get it.”

For all the things that happened to you as a kid that I never knew about. Maybe you were told not to tell me, but I should have been there for you, and you should have been able to tell me anything. For the fact that you weren’t and I wasn’t, I am truly sorry. Mom

Recently, I discovered several websites on which people can anonymously post apologies like those above. Some who post on these sites apparently don’t know how to reach those they have wronged. In the case of others, the person wronged is deceased. Still others seem unwilling or not yet prepared to apologize directly to the individuals. Some of the postings are humorous; some are far more weighty. I think all of us can find a part of ourselves in one of them.

In a sermon called “To Whom Much is Forgiven,” twentieth-century existentialist theologian Paul Tillich offers a perspective that speaks to people such as the above, and to all of us. Tillich wrote, “Forgiveness is an answer, the divine answer, to the question implied in our existence” (The New Being [New York: Scribner’s, 1955]).

I would suggest that there are at least three questions “implied in our existence,” to which forgiveness is God’s answer. For example, in the apology of the mother, if you are the child who has been wounded, who perhaps experienced abuse when you were little, and whose mother did nothing to stop it, the question implied is How do I keep bitterness, anger, hate, or the desire for revenge from consuming me? If you are the mother who feels great guilt because you didn’t step in to stop the abuse, there are perhaps two questions implied: How can I be reconciled to the one I wronged? and How can my burden of guilt be removed?

Every one of us asks questions like these, and God’s answer to each of them is forgiveness. While abuse may not have been a part of our story, at some point we’ve been wronged, at some point we’ve failed to intervene to stop someone else from being wronged, and in one way or another we’ve all wronged others. If we are not to spend our lives stumbling in the dark as wounded, angry human beings, we must know and carry with us the answer—God’s answer: forgiveness.

The idea of guilt being a burden is a powerful metaphor, and one I find very helpful. When we don’t ask God’s forgiveness, when we don’t seek to be reconciled through repentance, we carry the guilt—the weight—of each and every sin with us. We may not even recognize it at first, since some of our sins seem fairly small to us. It was the way we made just a little insult or a tiny jab as we walked away from someone. It was how we treated the person at the cash register or the way we snapped at our spouse. Sometimes sins are more serious. They’re the intentionally hurtful things we say and do over and over again. We carry around these sins, big and small, and as long as we don’t confess and repent of them, they remain in our souls.

I sought to illustrate this idea to my congregation the last time I preached on forgiveness. I had a table on the chancel, covered in rocks of all shapes and sizes. Some rocks were small, just pebbles; others could be weighed in pounds. I had a backpack that represented the way we carry our sin and guilt with us. I took two handfuls of pebbles and named them things like Harsh Words, An Irritating Glance, Speeding, Little White Lies. When you tossed them into the backpack, you hardly felt it. But after adding handfuls of pebbles over time, the backpack became quite heavy.

The medium-sized rocks represented transgressions that were a bit more serious: the hurtful thing said to a spouse, the lie that was not so little, dishonest gain. I took those rocks and added them to the backpack. Such sins, left unaddressed, especially when repeated and eventually discovered, can bring serious pain to others. But even when they are not discovered, carrying enough of them on your back will weigh you down.

Then there were the big rocks, each stone the size of a bread loaf, some as heavy as twenty pounds. They represented very serious sins—the kind that, at work, for example, would merit our dismissal if discovered. Some might be criminal acts. Some represented such fundamental violations of trust that, if found out, would lead to divorce or a loss of friendships. I put a few of those in my backpack.

I took my backpack, now filled with nearly sixty pounds of rocks, hoisted it onto my back, and continued to preach and move around the chancel of the church. But quickly, I began to become winded. My shoulders drooped. One of my arms tingled, and my lower back hurt. The congregation winced as they watched, seeing the metaphorical effects of sin and guilt on our souls played out on my body as I sought to carry that pack while preaching. Like the psalmist, I could feel it: “My guilt has overwhelmed me, like a burden too heavy for me to carry.”

Those who don’t seek forgiveness carry a host of burdens. Every harsh word, every unclean thought, every instance in which we neglect to do the right thing or go ahead and do the wrong thing—they’re all there. Without forgiveness, they create an ever-widening gap between us and God, and between us and our fellow human beings. They sap our joy and then our strength.

Fortunately, there is an answer. God’s answer to “the question[s] implied in our existence” is that we seek God’s forgiveness and the forgiveness of those we’ve wronged. Seeking forgiveness can lighten our load. It can set us free. It can restore us to a right relationship with God and others. For, as the psalmist attests, “God is rich in mercy and abounding in steadfast love.”

Throughout the Scriptures, God says, in effect, “Let me lift the burden from you.” In the Old Testament or Hebrew Bible, we find that God provided a whole system by which people could atone for their sins, because God wanted them to be healed and to live in right relationship with him. This theme of forgiveness and atonement is also a central focus of the New Testament. It is the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ: God provided a Savior and offers us forgiveness and a new beginning.