Stop Feeling Guilty:

A Christian Approach

Robert E. Baines, Jr., D.Min.

Stop Feeling Guilty: A Christian Approach

Copyright @ 2013 by Robert E. Baines, Jr.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be produced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, recording, photocopying, or otherwise, without prior permission of the copyright owner.

Visit author’s websites at

http://www.RobertBaines.com

Disclaimer

Although every attempt has been made to produce the most accurate and trustworthy information possible, Dr. Robert E. Baines, Jr. does not accept liability for any actions taken as a result of reading this publication. This publication is not intended as counseling.

Your Free Gift

Before we get into “how to stop feeling guilty,” let me share with you a free booklet that I wrote - “Inspiration From Psalm 23.” The booklet contains six encouraging devotionals based on Psalm 23. All you have to do is click the link below and then supply your name and email, in exchange for the booklet, which will be emailed to you in pdf format.

RobertBaines.com

Dedication and Acknowledgments

This book is dedicated to those who are crippled by feelings of guilt. Here you will find both a refreshing and constructive word. That is, you will both feel better and do better, after you have used this book as intended.

By way of acknowledgements, I must thank God for trusting me with the ministry of writing. I am so thankful that my wife, Sis. Daphene Baines, Sis. Gerri Sanders, and Sis. Felicia Johnson provided valuable assistance in proofreading this book. And I could not close without saying “thank you” to Southern Baptist Church, in Cincinnati, Ohio, where I serve as the Senior Pastor. I am thankful for their continued support.

About the Author

Hello, my name is Robert Baines. I have served as a Senior Pastor of Baptist churches for over twenty three years. The Southern Baptist Church, in Cincinnati, Ohio, is where I currently serve. My Doctorate of Ministry Degree was earned at the United Theological Seminary, in Trotwood, Ohio. I accepted Jesus as my savior by faith over thirty-six years ago.

Over my many years of Pastoring, in my studies, and in my personal walk with God, I have come to know both the pain of feeling guilty and principles for overcoming feelings of guilt. What you will find in this book is a Bible based approach to moving from unhealthy remorse to the joy and fulfillment that God is calling His people to experience. I look forward to your reviews and hearing about how you’ve been blessed by this book.

Here are some other books that I have recently authored,

Holy Land: A Reflective Journey To Israel

(http://www.christian-living-site.com/Holy-Land-Book.html)

Back To Your Roots: A Reflective Journey To Ghana, Africa

(http://www.christian-living-site.com/Back-To-Your-Roots.html)

From Skippers, Virginia to Eternal Life: A Salute to Rev. Dr. Robert E. Baines, Sr. and Lessons for Those Still on the Journey

(http://www.christian-living-site.com/Tribute-To-Dad.html)

Inspiration From Psalm 23: Life Changing Messages, 23 Devotionals, and 6 Live Sermons

(http://www.christian-living-site.com/Inspiration-2.html)

Table of Contents

Part One

Chapter One - Introduction

Chapter Two - Seven Principles for Improving Your Life

Chapter Three - The Problem of Feeling Guilty: Definition, Sources, and Unhealthy Methods

Chapter Four - The Remedy for Feeling Guilty: Salvation, Definitions, Forgiveness, and Faith

Chapter Five - A Liar, a Murderer, and a Prostitute

Chapter Six - Recap and Next Steps

Part Two

21 Devotionals

Section One: God Loves You

Section Two: The Struggle with Sin and the devil

Section Three: From Feeling Guilty to Enjoying Your Life

Conclusion

Part One

Chapter One - Introduction

Problem and Purpose

There are too many believers who feel so guilty about what they have done wrong or failed to do right that they are missing out on the abundant life that Jesus wants His people to have and not doing the good works that God has called them to do. Some are crippled by the guilt that comes from lying, from abandoning a loved one, in the time of need, or from not being able to keep up with all of the demands of the house, family, and job. The purpose and promise of this book is to guide the readers, who I pray are believers, through a Bible based plan for moving from feeling guilty to living the life that God is calling His people to live. If you are not a believer, I urge you to become one. Make sure you read my article at

http://www.Christian-Living-Site.com/Christian-Salvation.html

Who am I to Talk?

The Lord has blessed me to have served as a Pastor for over twenty-three years and earned a doctorate of ministry degree. But more importantly, I have been saved for over thirty-six years. In my over three decades of being a Christian, I have had my share of sins and seasons of feeling guilty. I know what it feels like to be ashamed of what you have done wrong and failed to do right. I know the uneasy feeling that comes from believing that if people knew about your shortcomings that they would not respect and/or love you like they do now.

But the marvelous news of this book is that I have also discovered that people and I can be harder on myself than God. God’s word has principles to move His people from feeling guilty to living the life that He has called them to live.

Overview of this Book

Part One

In chapter two, I share with you seven principles for improving your life. In this case, they are principles for moving from feeling guilty to enjoying the life that God has planned for you.

In chapter three, we will discuss the problem of feeling guilty. We will look at a definition for feeling guilty, sources of feeling guilty, and unhealthy ways of dealing with feelings of guilt.

In chapter four, we will discuss the remedy for feeling guilty. We will talk about salvation, understanding the difference between feeling guilty and conviction, forgiveness, and faith.

In chapter five, we will discuss what a liar, a murderer, and a prostitute have to say about God’s grace. Chapters three through five feature self-examination questions to aid you in improving your life, specifically in the area of moving from feeling guilty to enjoying the life that God has planned for you.

In chapter six, I review chapters two through five and urge you to make sure you are doing the work to move from feeling guilty to enjoying your life journey. At this point, you should have a solid plan for improving your life, so that you can get the maximum benefit out of part two of this book.

Part Two

In part two of this book, I share with you 21 devotionals. The devotionals are designed for you to read one a day. Each devotional includes a scripture, some commentary about how the scripture relates to moving from feeling guilty to enjoying the life that God has planned for you, some self-examination questions focused on helping you improve your life, and finally a brief prayer.

The devotionals are subdivided into the following sections: Section One: God Loves You; Section Two: The Struggle with Sin and the devil; and Section Three: From Feeling Guilty to Enjoying Your Life

How to Get the Most Out of this Book

I would strongly recommend that you read Part One of the book to get a general familiarization with the material. Then I recommend that you read Part One again as you develop your personal self-improvement plan. After you have committed your self-improvement plan to writing then you should read one of the devotionals in Part Two each day for twenty-one days.  You should review and work on your self-improvement plan, as you read the daily devotionals.

This book would be a great resource for a study group, book club, or to share with a friend who is struggling with feelings of guilt. In a groups setting, the group participants would meet to talk about their thoughts on the content and how they are doing with carrying out their plans.

In summary, if you are tired of feeling guilty about what you have done wrong or what you failed to do right or if you know someone in this situation then you have the right book. This book promises to guide you through a Bible based plan for moving from feeling guilty to living the life that God is calling His people to live. Think about how much better the sunshine will appear, your food will taste, and refreshing your sleep will be, when you get rid of the heavy burden of feeling guilty.

Now that we have walked through the introductory material, let’s dive into the seven principles for improving your life.

Chapter Two - Seven Principles for Improving Your Life

Having dealt with the introductory material, this chapter talks about the seven principles for improving your life. There may be times when you desire to make an improvement to your life but lack a strategy to do so. For example, you may desire to stop feeling guilty and start enjoying the life that God has for you. What follows are seven principles for improving your life. These seven principles are nurtured by not only research but also by my personal life experiences. The principles are helpful for a large variety of goals, be they occupational, spiritual, relational, health, financial, or fun goals.

1. Develop a Mindset that is Committed to Improvement

There are too many people who have accepted that they are a certain way and that is all there is to it. Those who have tried and failed to make a change in the past may really feel as if they cannot do any better than they are doing now. On the contrary, with hard work, there are many things about you that can be changed and improved. If you put the work in and follow the teachings of God’s word, you can move from feeling guilty to enjoying the life that God has for you. Some changes will take more work than others, but you will be surprised at what you can do through the power that God has given you.

Student, instead of professor

You would do well to take on a student role, instead of professor role. That is to say, you don’t know it all going into it. You are learning. In fact, you are learning what you need to learn and do, in order to make improvements. So don’t be overwhelmed by a sense of having to be perfect or master the areas of improvement as quickly or as thoroughly as other areas of your life. If you are at a level two aiming for a level ten, give yourself some credit for getting to level four. And keep working.

Scriptures

Remember that you, as a believer, have the Holy Spirit in you to guide and empower you. John 14:26 says, “But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” And I John 4:4 says, “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.”

The Holy Spirit guides us to continue to grow and strive to be our best. I Peter 2:2 says, “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation.” Philippians 3:12-14 says, “12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” And then Revelation 3:14-16 says, “To the angel of the church in Laodicea write: These are the words of the Amen, the faithful and true witness, the ruler of God’s creation. 15 I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! 16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” Each of these three passages show that God is calling His people to grow from wherever they are towards where God is calling them to be.

Take a look at Luke 19:12-27 and observe how God blesses the servants who apply themselves and do well but punishes the one who makes excuses, instead of profit and progress. It is one thing to feel guilty, but it is another to waddle in feelings of guilt, when a path to victory is available.

Commitment

Make a commitment. The worse case scenario with making a commitment and failing to achieve what you committed to is that you at least had the courage to try and moved closer to your goal. I urge you to make a commitment to give your best or at least serious effort to accomplishing something and to learn from the experience. This allows a certain amount of genuine success, even if the goal is not accomplished. However, a failure to commit is a plan to fail. You can live a life that is not controlled by feelings of guilt, but it takes a commitment to working on the issues at hand.

2. Develop SMART Goals

Make some SMART goals. S stands for specific. M stands for measureable. A stands for attainable. R stands for relevant. T stands for timed.

Here are some examples of SMART goals:

- I will give serious effort to loosing 5 pounds between --date-- and --date-- and learn from the experience.

- I will give serious effort to reducing my credit card debt by at least $2,000 over the next 30 days, starting on --date--, and learn from the experience.

- I will give serious effort to decreasing my level of feeling guilty by at least 20% over the next 30 days, starting on --date--, and learn from the experience. I and two accountability partners will grade my level of feeling guilty on a scale of one to five, with five being high, on --start date--, --middle date--, and on --end date--.

It is frustrating to exhaust yourself in work and yet have no way to evaluate did you accomplish what you were aiming for. This is the risk you run, when you don’t give serious thought to what you are aiming for. It is like driving without a destination clearly in mind and wondering have you made it yet.

Trying to measure your level of feeling guilty is not as easy as measuring how much weight you have lost or how much debt you have paid off. However, an imperfect but yet significant way to measure your feelings of guilt is to do a self-assessment and to seek the assessment of two trusted accountability partners. Taking the average of the three grades before, during, and after the given period of work can give you an idea of how well you are doing.

I like a scale of one to five, with five being high. To be more specific, five means great or excellent, four means good, three means average, two means fair, and one means poor. There is nothing wrong with using a scale of one to ten, with ten being high, a scale of one to 100, or even letter grades like A, B, C, D, or F. I simply prefer a scale of one to five.

3. Decide Why You Want to Make the Improvements

Think about a bow and arrow. Think about how the more you pull the arrow back on the string, the further it will go, when released. This is a helpful picture to keep in mind when thinking about the “why” of your improvements. The stronger your “why” or reason for improving, the further you will go in pursing your goals.

There are two major categories of “why.” They are pain and pleasure. You may prefer the term “negatives” and “positives.”

If you don’t make an improvement in lowering your level of feeling guilty, you are subject to experience some pain or negatives. You are subject to become depressed, which will at least cause you to miss out on the joy that is available to you. At the extreme, depression can lead to suicide.

If you don’t lower your feelings of guilt, it can lead to you not giving your best in your significant relationships - spouse, friends, children, relatives, job, and community. The energy that should be given to loved ones is often used on battling feelings of guilt.

If you don’t lower your feelings of guilt, it can negatively impact your fellowship with God. Instead of enjoying the presence of God, you can find yourself trying to avoid it, because you think God is as upset and disappointed with you, as you are with yourself.

On the other hand, if you do lower your level of feeling guilty, you are subject to experience some pleasure or “positives.” You will be able to enjoy your life more - hobbies, loved ones, and job. You will be able to give more energy to significant relationships - spouse, friends, and church. You will be able to enjoy the presence of God more.

Take at least 20 minutes to list all of the pain that will be avoided and all of the pleasure that will be obtained by making the given improvements. For each “why,” ask how will this make me feel? For example, on the pain side, how will you feel, if you were so depressed that you lost more of your friends or spent less time in the presence of God? On the pleasure side, how will you feel, if you had more mutually energizing friendships, more zest for living, and a higher quality of fellowship with God?

The longer the list and the stronger the emotional connection with the items on the list, the further you are likely to go with your goals. It is like pulling harder and harder on the string of a bow and arrow.

4. Develop Plans

Here is where you develop the “how to” statements for accomplishing your goals with the motivation of your “why” statement and the mindset that you can do better. Your plan may well include learning about subject areas from reading material and talking to people who are familiar with the subject area.

Here is a plan to lower your level of feeling guilty.

- I will use this book to help me think through and explore why I feel guilty, methods for lowering my level of feeling guilty, and then actually do the work to lower my level of feeling guilt.

- I will seek out two trusted accountability partners to pray with me and support me as I work on this area for the next 60 days.

- I will make a daily journal entry for the first 10 days about my actions, outcomes, emotional state, and anything else I want to share. I will then make an entry every other day for 20 days similar to the initial entries. And finally I will make at least weekly entries like the others.

- Everyday I will review my plan, read a helpful scripture, say a helpful affirmation, and pray about God empowering me to keep up the good work. My affirmation may be, “I am still a child of God. I will do what I can and trust God with the rest.” This book will give you twenty-one daily devotionals to get you started.

- If I need to give effort to making amends with anyone, I will develop a plan and carry it out.

- If I need to seek additional advice, I will secure it as needed.

Feel free to add to, subtract from, or modify this plan. But I believe that this is a great plan to start with, if you are serious about lowering your feelings of guilt.

Your plan may include developing helpful habits. The more an action becomes a habit, the less energy it will take to do it well. Think about how driving comes easy, after you have been driving for a while.

Helpful self-improvement habits may include the following:

- Read a great book each month, make some summary highlights of the material, and share the highlights with people you think may appreciate them.

- Develop a calendar of your inner circle’s birthdays, send them cards, and make verbal contact with them, as a means of staying in touch on a personal level.

- Develop and recite helpful affirmations to help you stay focused on the positives, instead of the negatives, as you pursue your goals.

- Memorize helpful passages of scripture and recite them as a means of staying encouraged.

- When talking with people you don’t like, develop the habit of counting to five before responding to questions or comments that have aggravated you. Use this time to adjust your words, tone, and body language to that with which God would be pleased.

- Develop the habit of thanking God for five specific things each day, develop a written list of at least three a day, and review the growing list at least weekly.

5. Develop a Support System

Journaling, accountability partners, role models, advisors, and avoiding “nay” sayers can all help with supporting you in carrying out your plans and pursuing your goals.

Journaling

Journaling allows you to write down in a notebook or on your computer not only your goals and plans, but how you are coming with carrying out the plan, your thoughts and feelings along the way, and anything else that may seem relevant. Journals don’t interrupt you, while you are trying to communicate your thoughts. They have a perfect memory of what was said and what was not said. The only way a journal will betray your trust is that someone reads it without your permission. Ideally, the journal supports your efforts, by helping you see what is working and what is not.

Journaling is a great way of tracking your actions and emotions. Make a commitment to make at least a daily entry for seven to 10 days. The entry should at very least note what have you done and how do you feel about your actions and your plans. Sometimes you can feel great, even though you are not doing your work. And sometimes you are doing the work but don’t feel great.

It is important to do the work and monitor your emotional state. When your emotional state starts to become more negative, this is the time to refocus on positives. Notice it is a time to refocus on positives, instead of trying to figure out why you feel negative. Sometimes it doesn’t matter why you feel negative. You need to feel positive. A quick way to feel positive is to think positively and do positive actions.

Accountability Partner

An accountability partner is a person who helps you stay focused on your goals and plans and who reminds you of your “why.” Unlike an advisor, the accountability partner simply holds you accountable and often gives you encouragement to keep going. The following are some of the qualities to look for in an accountability partner: a great listener, able to maintain confidentiality, and an encourager. You may be surprised by how knowing that you will have to talk to someone about your work will help you stay focused on completing your work.

Role Model

A role model is someone who does well in an area that you want to do well in. You may not have a personal relationship with the role model. You may observe them from afar, by way of reading about them or by way of seeing them on DVDs or in movies.

Advisor

An advisor is an expert with whom you have a personal relationship. “Expert” may simply mean that the person has significantly more knowledge or skills than you have. As helpful as advisers may be, remember that what works for them may or may not work for you. Therefore, try to understand their principles, instead of simply copy their practices.

For example, you may observe your adviser’s ability to recite five verses that help them avoid feeling guilty. The principle of refocusing with scripture recitation may be adopted, even if you have problems remembering five passages of scripture. In fact, you may end up remembering a good paraphrase, instead of a word for word memorization, of only three, instead of five verses.

Nay Sayers

Avoid "nay" sayers. As you develop your “why,” goals, and plans and as you strive to carryout your plans with your support system, don’t be surprised when people come along and attempt to dissuade you. Sometimes people simply speak before they think. They assume that because you have never done something in the past then you cannot do it in the future.

And sometimes people are more comfortable with you in your unimproved state. It is sad, but some people like you better when you are moping around feeling guilty. Some find their value by saying that they are at least not as bad as you. It should be obvious that you don’t need any of this kind of negative energy and influence around you, as you strive to improve your life.

6. Track and Adjust Your Actions as Needed

As you carryout your plans, you should expect that there will be times that you need to adjust your actions. You may discover that some of your goals were too high or your plan was too ambitious. There may be times that you discover that your goals were too low or you are able to do more than you planned to do.

On one hand, focus on doing what works and avoid what does not work.  On the other hand, make sure you give the original plan enough effort to determine if it is working or not. By tracking your actions with your journal and perhaps your accountability partners, you will have solid information to make your decisions.

7. Keep Improving

Write a short paper about your experiences. Write it as if you are going to share it with others who may be interested in making improvements in the same area. Even if no one is interested in reading the paper, the writing exercise will be helpful to you. It will help you see that you can try new things. You can make progress. You can succeed. You can learn from failures.

Learn to celebrate what has been learned. You may learn that even though you did not reach your goal that certain people were helpful to you, while others were not. You may learn things that can help you with other goals. We always learn some things not to do again. And we learn things that we can help others understand.

Don’t stop. Make new goals. Develop new plans or tweak those that are working. Try new accountability partners. We tend to be happiest while we are pursuing a goal, not in simply having a goal accomplished. We should always have the goal of glorifying God with our lives. God is not glorified by our simply resting on past accomplishments. We need to constantly strive to help those who are less fortunate than ourselves, as we strive to improve ourselves in various areas.

Recap

To recap, here are seven principles to help you improve your life, specifically in the area of lowering your feelings of guilt:

1. Develop a mindset that is committed to improvement

2. Develop SMART goals

3. Decide why you want to make the improvements

4. Develop plans

5. Develop a support system

6. Track and adjust your actions as needed

7. Keep improving

If you give these principles serious effort, you will be pleasantly surprised at how much improvement you can make in your life in a reasonable amount of time. In the next chapter, I have a life changing message to share with you, based on a situation with Peter, in Mark 14:66-72.

Chapter Three - The Problem of Feeling Guilty: Definition, Sources, and Unhealthy Methods

66 While Peter was below in the courtyard, one of the servant girls of the high priest came by. 67 When she saw Peter warming himself, she looked closely at him. “You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus,” she said. 68 But he denied it. “I don’t know or understand what you’re talking about,” he said, and went out into the entryway. 69 When the servant girl saw him there, she said again to those standing around, “This fellow is one of them.” 70 Again he denied it. After a little while, those standing near said to Peter, “Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean.” 71 He began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know this man you’re talking about.” 72 Immediately the rooster crowed the second time. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows twice you will disown me three times.” And he broke down and wept. (Mark 14:66-72, NIV)

We have looked at the seven principles of improving your life, this chapter presents a message based on Peter, in the Mark 14:66-72.

Since you have made it this far in this book, I assume you know something about feeling guilty, right? Do you know that feeling guilt can lead to inactivity, depression, and at its extreme - suicide?

To help us think about this subject matter, notice how in our text one of Jesus’ inner circle disciples and Apostles is weeping. I believe that Peter is weeping over the heavy weight of feeling guilty.

In O. Sonny Acho’s book, If You Only Knew … Unmasking The Hidden Pain In Your Church (Chicago: Moody Publishers, 2003), the first of seven hidden pains that he, a Christian counselor, talks about is guilt. It is not worth our energy to argue should it be first, second, or third. I can attest to the fact that there are too many people who handle feelings of guilt in unhealthy ways. The aim of this chapter is to explain three facets of the problem of feeling guilty. We will look at a definition, sources, and unhealthy ways of dealing with feelings of guilt.

Definition

To frame our discussion, let’s define “feeling guilty.” To feel guilty is to experience significant emotional remorse over believing that you are responsible for something that is wrong. It is not strange for guilt to be related to shame and lead to fear or depression and in the extreme - suicide.

Sources of Feeling Guilty

When we look at the sources of feeling guilty, it behooves us to consider how unrealistic expectations, legalism, and past sins can all lead to our feeling guilty.

Unrealistic Expectations

Under unrealistic expectations, we could talk about how the oldest child may be expected to take care of the other siblings, whether able to do so or not. We could talk about the wife who is expected to work 40 hours a week, take care of children, be a housekeeper, a pleasant wife, and faithful to the church with only the same amount of time that everyone else has. Church workers can fall into this category. We strive to fill in the gaps of so many pew members and consumers, by over loading ourselves with all of the evangelism, edification, love, worship, and community involvement work that all of us are supposed to be involved in. I am sure you could add others examples to the list.

In our text, Peter had an unrealistic expectation of himself, in light of Jesus prophesying that he would deny the Lord (see Mk. 14:30). Whenever we expect more of ourselves than the Lord does, we have unrealistic expectations and are setting ourselves up for feeling guilty.

I remind us that I John 1:8 teaches that we all have sins. To expect to live a sinless life is an unrealistic expectation. Perfectionism is often a precursor or early step towards feeling guilty, because even at our best, none of us are perfect. Even in our attempt to live by the value of excellence, we ought to remember that excellence is the best we can do, whether it is perfect or not.

Legalism

Under legalism, we find that even the church can help people feel guilty, by promoting a theology of God’s conditional love, a theology that declares that “Calvary was necessary but not enough.” These are those who would have you to believe that if you don’t live by a prescribed list of do’s and don’ts then God’s love is withheld and Hell is your lot in life. This list may contain such serious sins as adultery, divorce, abortion, sexual offenses (e.g., child molestation, rape, etc.), murder, and so forth.

Under legalism, there is no remedy for these issues or the remedy is so difficult to obtain that one looses heart. Legalism rejects II Corinthians 12:9, which talks about God’s grace being sufficient. Legalism revises the lyrics to that marvelous hymn from “Jesus paid it all” to “Jesus paid for some.”

Past Sins

And then under past sins, there is a long list of things that tempt us to be worried about how God will deal with us at judgment. Whereas legalism is often the list that others place on us, past sins is something that we often place on our selves. In our text, it is not what the crowd says to Peter, as much as what he says to himself, that makes him weep.

For you, it may be the drunken stupor and the terrible things said there after. It may be the affair, the child that was born, and your abandonment of the child and partner. It may be a terrible act you performed in Vietnam, the Persian Gulf, or even on the streets of our cities that no one has every held you accountable for, but you remember, when you close your eyes to sleep. It may be some mean act or lie that others still don’t know that you are responsible for that is killing you with guilt. It may be how you were not available for a friend and something terrible happened.

I can imagine there are some Whites who feel great guilt regarding the sins of their slave owning and abusing fore parents. There may be dependent senior adults who feel great guilt over wasting the valuable time, money, and energy of their youth on temporary pleasures, instead of investing for retirement.

To help you feel guilty or as if you are a very bad person are passages like James 2:10-11 - “10 For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11 For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.” (NIV)

Paul said in Romans 7:24, “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death”? (NIV) Romans 3:23 says, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (NIV) Romans 3:10b says, “...There is no one righteous, not even one.” (NIV)

Isaiah 64:6 says, “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf,
and like the wind our sins sweep us away.” (NIV)

So then three sources of our emotional remorse for being responsible for something being wrong are unrealistic expectations, the legalism of others, and awareness of our past sins.

Unhealthy Methods of Dealing with Feelings of Guilt

When we consider how people deal with feeling guilty, we should at least mention silencing, shouting, and allowing manipulating.

Silencing

Under silencing, there are those who have essentially silenced their concern about feeling guilty. Some may say they repress the feeling. Some drink it away, drug it away, sex it away, or do something to keep from focusing on feeling remorsefully responsible for something being wrong.

They have a seared consciences, in the language of I Timothy 4:2. Titus 1:15 says, “15 To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.” (NIV) Notice the idea of a corrupted conscience or silenced guilt.

Hebrews 3:13 says, “13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.” (NIV) Notice the idea of being hardened by sin’s deceitfulness or the silencing of guilt. Some silence their guilt by avoiding the person or people they have mistreated.

Shouting

Some don’t silence their sense of guilt, they shout about their guilt. They talk about how even God is unable to forgive them. They read books like this one and conclude before hearing the remedy that their sins are so terrible that this book doesn’t apply.

They are private subscribers to a theology that says “Calvary was necessary but not enough” for their misdeeds or negligence. It is not strange for this crowd to always have a pity party scheduled and looking for anyone to RSVP. Pity parties often lead to depression, which is often just a few steps from suicide.

Allowing Manipulation

And then there are those who deal with their sense of guilt by allowing themselves to be manipulated by others. Think about a single mother who allows her 30 year old son to manipulate and mistreat her. He freeloads off of her by saying that if he has to go out in the streets, he will end up dead all because momma would not let him stay home a little while longer. And then he may remind her of how she ran his father away and did not supply a father figure for him, and on and on the guilt trip goes. He manipulates her into feeling guilty, instead of trying to man up and stand on his own two feet. Why does the mother allow this to happen? It may be that this is her way of dealing with feelings of guilt. This is her self-imposed penitence and price for what she believes she is responsible for.

Here is another example, an absent father allows a woman to manipulate him by taking child support, withholding child visitation, and poisoning the child against him. “Poisoning the child” includes the mother’s consistent criticism of the absent father’s lack of financial support, even though he is paying child support. It includes telling the child that the father doesn’t care about him/her, even though she is denying the father’s attempt to bond with the child. When you ask the father, why does he put up with all of this with no effort to set the record straight? The answer may be that he feels as if it is the price he has to pay for his misdeeds. He feels guilty for having the child outside of marriage, for not being a good husband to the woman, or for not being there for the child in early years.

Each of these methods are ungodly. Ignoring legitimate guilt leads to more sin and punishment. Shouting but not changing leads to self-pity and then often depression. And allowing yourself to be manipulated and mistreated gets old and heavy real quick and then depression comes. Depression can make you miss the joy of being alive and on the Lord’s side. When depression is not dealt with, suicide can become a consideration. Whereas Peter’s feelings of guilt led him to weeping, Judas’ feelings of guilt led him to suicide (see Mt. 27:3-5).

Key Points

The following are some key points made in this chapter about the problem of feeling guilty. Feeling guilty means to experience significant emotional remorse over believing that you are responsible for something that is wrong. Three sources of feeling guilty are unreasonable expectations, legalistic expectations, and your actual past sins. And three unhealthy ways of dealing with feelings of guilt are silencing, shouting, and allowing manipulation.

Review and Discussion Questions

1. What definition is given for feeling guilty? Do you agree with it? Why?

2. What are the three listed sources of feeling guilty? Do you agree that these are often sources of feeling guilty? What other sources do you think should be added?

3. What are the three unhealthy ways of dealing with feelings of guilt? Do you agree that these are unhealthy ways of dealing with guilt? What other unhealthy ways should be added?

4. What other thoughts or questions come to mind as you reflect on the material in this chapter?

5. How does the material in this chapter relate to your self-improvement plan and lowering your level of feeling guilty?

I pray that you would not stop reading at this point. The best part is in the next chapter, which deals with the remedy for the problem of feeling guilty.

Chapter Four - The Remedy for Feeling Guilty: Salvation, Definitions, Forgiveness, and Faith

Thank God, this book doesn’t stop with simply a problem description. There is a remedy. In this chapter, we will look at salvation, definitions, forgiveness, and faith.

Salvation

The first part of the remedy for feeling guilty is to make sure you are saved. I am so excited about telling you about the other parts, but you cannot enjoy the other parts, without being saved.

This book is for saved people. Salvation calls for you asking and trusting God to save you from a burning Hell because Jesus died to pay for the penalty of your (and my) sins. You can be a faithful attender of worship, have your name on the church’s roll, and even give good money to the church and still not be saved. You really ought to make sure that you have internalized the teachings of John 3:16, which says, “16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” (NIV) Read my article on Christian salvation at

www.Christian-Living-Site.com/Christian-Salvation.html

If you are not sure of your salvation, you ought to talk with your Pastor, a mature Christian friend, or someone who can help you really accept Jesus as your savior by faith. I John 5:13 supports the idea that you can be assured of your salvation. It says, “13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.” (NIV)

Definitions

Feeling Guilty

The second part of the remedy is to distinguish the difference between feeling guilty and experiencing conviction. Earlier on, we talked about how feeling guilty is to experience significant emotional remorse over believing you are responsible for something that is wrong. Shame, depression, and, in extreme cases, suicide tend to be in the vicinity of feeling guilty.

Notice very carefully, that feeling guilty is a description of one’s emotional state. Feeling guilty tends to lead to worse emotional states, perhaps because it assumes that things will always be the way things have always been.

Notice further that there is a difference between feeling guilty and being guilty. Guilt is when we are responsible for something being wrong. According to Romans 3:23, we are all guilty of sinning before God. However, some don’t feel guilty about their sins. Remember I Timothy 4:2 teaches that some people have silenced their feelings of guilt, by way of a seared conscience.

And then others feel guilty about things that are not sins according to God’s word, but they are sins according to the person. Romans 14:14 says, “I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that nothing is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for that person it is unclean.” In other words, if a person thinks something is a sin, it is a sin to him/her. So feeling guilty is a description of emotional remorse over something being wrong. Whereas guilt is actually being responsible for something being wrong.

Conviction

Conviction is where believers ought to be. Conviction is an emotional or heart felt state of remorse that fuels repentance. So, feeling guilty and feeling convicted both start with remorse about something being wrong. However, they part company on the next step. Whereas feeling guilty often leads to depression or some other unhealthy situation, conviction leads to repentance.

God wants repentance, not simply remorse. He wants us to live right, not simply cry about living wrong. When Peter began to sink in the water in Matthew 14:27-31, God did not want him to remorsefully drown. God want him to repent and learn to trust Him more than he feared the wind.

Thus, as saved people (i.e., part one), we should move past feeling guilty to feeling convicted enough to repent (i.e., part two). Repentance is about turning to God’s will, instead of continuing in sin. It is one thing to feel guilty about an affair. It is another thing to feel convicted enough to stop the affair. It is one thing to feel guilty about not being the best parent that you could have been. But it is another thing to feel convicted enough to do the best that you can from here on.

God uses conviction to help us repent, not feelings of guilt for destructive and dead end remorse. It is the devil who uses the remorse of guilt to have us simply waddle in remorse, self-pity, and then depression and perhaps suicide.

Forgiveness for Our Faults

The third part of the remedy for feeling guilty is to accept God’s forgiveness for our faults. The following issues need to be unpacked: God forgives, people may not forgive, grace is not a license, and professional help.

God Forgives

Every believer should be more than glad about these marvelous words found in I John 1:9, “ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (NIV) That text teaches that if we would confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive.

Remembering that there is a difference between actual guilt and feeling guilty, forgiveness deals with actual guilt. Guilt says, I am responsible. But forgiveness says, no payment is required. Many young adults would love to see student loans forgiven. That is, even though they are responsible for paying back the loan, forgiveness says, no payment is required.

More personal for some of us, when we have flunked the test of faithfulness, be it in our ministries, our families, or personal stewardship (i.e., health, wealth, and self-image), if we can confess to God, God is willing to stamp on our bill, “no payment required.” This means the legitimate source of feeling guilty is removed. There is no reason to feel remorse over what the creditor has marked “no payment is required.”

I was reading somewhere how Harriet Tubman could have helped more slaves escape from slavery, if only she could convince them that they could be free. And in like manner, you may have sat in the shackles of guilt so long that you cannot even fathom being free. But I am telling you that in Christ, there is freedom from the debt of our responsibility to God.

When we do people wrong, we sin against the person and against God who made the person. Proverbs 17:5 teaches to mock the poor is to show contempt for their Maker. But God is willing to tear up the debt that we owe Him, if only we would confess.

People May Not Forgive

God forgives us for our sins that come before Him, not the sin that comes before those we mistreated. In other words, God may forgive us, while the people we mistreated may never forgive us. Remember the dying thief on the cross with Jesus, Luke 23:42-43. The text reads, “42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” 43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (NIV)

When Jesus said “today you will be with me in Paradise,” we have a strong indication that the man was forgiven by God. What he owed to God was declared satisfied. But what he owed the civil government had not been satisfied, as seen in the man not being taken down from the cross, until he died (i.e., inferred by the text). So before you shout too much about the grace of God, remember that people are not as gracious as God.

Grace is Not a License

We should not reason that since all I have to do is confess my sins and God will forgive then I will do whatever I want to do and simply confess my sins at the end of the day. “No,” God forbid!

Every time we sin, we open ourselves up to divine punishment. Think about playing in your parents’ home, bumping into the entertainment center, and causing the television to fall and break. Even though such will not lead to you being kicked out of the family, it is sure to trigger punishment, especially, if you had been told several times to stop playing in the house. Confession may help you receive a less severe punishment, but it will not always keep you from all punishment (see Heb. 12:6).

And then on some level this becomes a theoretical discussion, instead of a practical one. In theory, a saved person can sin as much as he or she wants to and simply confess his or her sin and continue to enjoy being saved with just a minor chastisement from time to time.

But in practice, the longer we walk with the Lord, the more we will lean towards His will and away from the world. In practice, we learn that the Holy Spirit doesn’t stop us from doing wrong, saying wrong, and going to wrong places, but He can convict us so bad that He takes all of the fun out of it. He lets you get in the wrong bed, but then conviction takes the thrill out of the situation. You fill in that picture. He let’s you get to the club, but then conviction keeps you from partying like you used to. Conviction tells you when to stop drinking, drugging, and sexing. I have to move on. Did you hear me say that God forgives, but His forgiveness is not a license for us to continue sinning?

Professional Help

Well, there may be someone reading this book who says, “I am not using grace as a license for sin.  I am just unable to stop myself.” I know that smoking is polluting my lungs and the second hand smoke is even impacting those around me, but I cannot help myself. I know that I should stop gambling, I should stop eating so much, I should stop spending so much money on clothes, I should stop having sex outside of marriage, but I cannot help myself. To you I say, you ought to get some professional help. There are some things that take more than a sermon, song, and alter prayer. Don’t waddle in the guilt of “I cannot help myself.” Be convicted enough to go get some help. You can start with your Pastor, but you need to do whatever you need to do to get yourself together, which may mean professional counseling.

Faith for Feelings

Faith Over Feelings

We should determine to live by faith and not by feelings or the opinion of others. To say that we walk or live by faith (see II Cor. 5:7) is to say that we walk or live by the principles of God’s word. There are times when our emotions suggest to us something other than what God’s word teaches us. In such cases, we need to walk by faith in God’s word.

It is possible that you feel guilty for not being able to be home with your children, have your house as clean, or have your meals as well cooked as your mother used to. It is possible that you feel guilty about not being able to provide the level of comfort for your family that your father provided for you. It is possible that you feel guilty about not being the man or the woman that you had planned to be at this point in your life. But I am telling you that in order to deal with your guilty feelings, you need to make up in your mind to walk by faith in God and His word, instead of simply walking by how your feel.

If God says that you are forgiven and you are doing your best then your emotions are irrational and should not be allowed to control you. The devil loves to keep us waddling in self-pity and unproductive remorse, while  God is calling us beyond remorse to repentance. God is calling us from doing less than our best to simply giving our best. If you are doing your best, even if it is less than what you want, it is sufficient with God.

There is peace with God. You can choose to focus on “God said I am all right” or you can focus on unproductive remorse and commiseration. You really ought to choose to live by faith in God’s word. Proverbs 14:12 teaches there is a way that seems right, but it ends in death. I would add that there is a way that feels right, but the end is death. Luke 9:23 teaches that discipleship includes denying ourselves - including the denial of self-pity and unproductive remorse.

Faith Over the Opinions of Others

There are times when the opinions of others is contrary to God’s word. In such cases, we need to walk by faith in God’s word.

Some of us have help feeling guilty. It is possible that your parents,  elders, or other advisors keep telling you what you would have, could have, and should have done. And since you did not follow their prescription, they remind you of how you should feel guilty. This can be the case with mate selection or lack of mate selection. This can be the case with health choices. This can be the case with career choices. But I am telling you that God’s word should have more sway over your life than the opinions of others.

And in this same neighborhood of thought is the reality that some of the people you have harmed may never forgive you. The partner you harmed with your abuse, cheating, or lies may never forgive you. The child you neglected or abused may never forgive you. Society may never forgive you. There is a part of me that pities that sex offender who lives in America. Because as things stand now, no matter what you do, the label of sex offender can follow you the rest of your life.

But I say to all who are guilty of sin, of whatever nature, there is a word from the Lord. God forgives confessed sin. With your repentance comes access to God’s peace that transcends all understanding. Philippians 4:7 says, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” You have to choose to walk by faith in God’s word, instead of waddling in feelings of guilt that are fueled by the opinions of others.

Summary

In summary, here are some of the key points made in this chapter. The first part of the remedy to feeling guilty is to make sure you are saved - that you have accepted Jesus as your savior by faith. The second part is to understand the difference between conviction and feeling guilty (i.e., definitions). The third part is accepting God’s forgiveness of our faults. And part four is living by faith, instead of by our feelings.

Review and Discussion Questions

1. What does it take to be saved? Are you saved? If not, what are you waiting on? If yes, take a one minute praise break (smile).

2. What are the biggest differences between conviction and feeling guilty? Which does God use? Which does the devil use?

3. Do you really believe that God can forgive a saved person, no matter how big the sin? Explain. Discuss your understanding of how grace is not a license for sin. Discuss when professional help may need to be obtained.

4. Discuss the idea of living by faith, instead of by your feelings or the opinions of others. Can you see that this (i.e., living by faith, instead of feelings) may be easier said than done? Explain. How can you live up to this idea (e.g., trying to make amends, avoiding unnecessary contact and reminders, praying and accepting God’s forgiveness, affirmations, focusing on something positive, etc.)?

5. What other questions or comments have come to mind as you have reflected on the material in this chapter?

6. How will you use this material in your self-improvement plan to lower your level of feeling guilty?

All right, we have looked at the problem and the remedy for feeling guilty. In our next chapter, we are going to look at several people who have firsthand experience at applying the principles being highlighted in this book.

Chapter Five - A Liar, a Murderer, and a Prostitute

Having discussed the problem and remedy for feeling guilty, this chapter looks at several Bible characters who can testify about the grace of God.

Abraham - A Liar

Allow me to call Abraham to the witness stand. Bible readers, you will recall that Abraham lied about his wife simply being his sister. Genesis 12:13, says “Say you are my sister, so that I will be treated well for your sake and my life will be spared because of you.”

Someone said that a half-truth is a whole lie. Abraham lied to protect his own life. He was willing to allow his wife to have sex with another man, in order to protect himself. But by the grace of God, Abraham went on to be noted for his faith (see Heb. 11:8-19).

David - Murderer

David was the one who not only had sex with another man’s wife, but he also had the man killed (see II Sam. 11). If Absalom, the son of David, was present, he would say that his father may have been a good king and warrior, but he was a terrible father. Absalom would probably remind us of David’s failure to do anything about Tamar being raped. Tamar was a daughter of David who was raped by a son of David named Amnon. Apparently David looked the other way and tried to simply hide a terrible family secret.

As terrible as David’s behavior was, God used this same man to be the King of all twelve tribes of Israel, until he died in his old age. God used this man to pen some of the most beloved text in our Bible. Think about the comfort that Psalm 23 has given grieving hearts for the last 2,500 years.

Rahab - A Prostitute

Allow me to call Rahab. Rahab, she was the lying, Gentile, prostitute who assisted the Hebrews’ conquest of Jericho (see Joshua 2). “Yes” she was a prostitute. But “yes” she is also listed in what some call the “Hall of Faith.”  In Hebrews 11:31, right next to faith heroes like Moses, Joseph, and Jacob, we find these words, “By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.”

In your leisure, look at the unnamed sinful and forgiven woman in Luke 7:37-48. Notice that verse 47 says, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” In other words, her many sins have been forgiven.

Peter - The Denier

And then allow me to call Peter. Peter is the one found in our initial text (see Mk. 14:66-72) weeping with guilt about denying our Lord. In the calm time, Peter declared that if everyone else leaves the Lord Jesus Christ that Jesus could always count on him being right by His side. But in stormy weather, it was this same Peter who denied our Lord, not just one time or two times, but Peter denied the Lord three times. And he leaves the courtyard weeping with guilt about his failures and shortcomings.

But as grace worked on Peter’s behalf, we find this same Peter being used by God to preach and three thousand souls came over on the Lord’s side (see Acts 2:38-41). This same Peter is used by God to tell a crippled man to stand up and walk (see Acts 3:6-7).

There are many more witnesses who could have been called to testify about the power of God’s grace. All I am trying to get you to see is that no matter how terrible your deeds may have been and no matter how bad your failure to act may have been, God’s grace is sufficient. If we would confess our sins, God has enough grace to forgive to the utmost. If we would repent and give God our best, God will supply the rest. You don’t have to walk around with a hung down head. You don’t have to walk around waddling in feelings of guilt, remorse, and self-pity. You have the ability, through Christ, to get up, confess, receive, and move on with your life.

Well, it is up to you now. You have to take it from here. But if I were you … in fact I was you, I came to Jesus just as I was - weary, worn, and sad. I found in Him a sweet resting place. And He has made me glad.

Please don’t let the devil talk you out of it. Today is a good day and this place is a good place to make up your mind to leave the feelings of guilt behind and walk in the grace of God.

Grace makes your food taste better. Grace makes the sun shine brighter. Grace allows you to enjoy the merry laughter of the children. Grace allows you to see the beauty of the birds flying through the sky. Grace allows you to smile again. Grace allows you to sing the sweet songs of Zion.

If we were in church, I would ask, Can anyone testify that grace is better than guilt? Can anyone testify that if you would obey God’s word, God will take care of His own?!

You can trust God! He may not come when and how you want Him, but He comes at the right time, with the right stuff!

Review and Discussion Questions

1. What was the nature of Abraham’s sin? Did God forgive him? How does this relate to your feelings of guilt?

2. What was the nature of David’s sins? Did God forgive him? How does this relate to your feelings of guilt?

3. What was the nature of Rahab’s sins? Did God forgive her? How does this relate to your feelings of guilt?

4. What was the nature of Peter’s sins? Did God forgive him? How does this relate to your feelings of guilt?

5. What other questions or comments have come to mind as you have reflected on the material in this chapter?

6. How will you use this material in your self-improvement plan to help lower your feelings of guilt?

Well, we are coming to the end of Part One of this book. In the next chapter, I want to recap what we have discussed and give you some pointers on where to go from here.

Chapter Six - Recap and Next Steps

Congratulations! You have made it to the last chapter of Part One. To recap, after the introduction, I shared with you seven principles for improving your life. They were as follows:

1. Develop a mindset that is committed to improvement

2. Develop SMART goals

3. Decide why you want to make the improvements

4. Develop plans

5. Develop a support system

6. Track and adjust your actions as needed

7. Keep improving

We then looked at the problem of feeling guilty. We explored a definition for feeling guilty, sources of feeling guilty, and unhealthy ways of dealing with feelings of guilt.

Thankfully, we move on to talk about the remedy for feeling guilty. We discussed the need to be saved, the difference between conviction and feeling guilty (i.e., definitions), forgiveness for our faults, and faith for our feelings.

And in the last chapter we looked at several witnesses who can testify about the power of God’s grace. Abraham, David, Rahab, and Peter were mentioned. However, my name and so many other names could have been added to the list.

Now comes the most important part to helping you overcome your feelings of guilt. You have to commit to carrying out a plan. Here is a plan that I recommend, but you need to tweak it and make it something that you can own as your own.

A Plan to Lower Your Level of Feeling Guilty:

- I will use this book to help me think through and explore why I feel guilty, methods for lowering my level of feeling guilty, and then actually do the work to lower my level of feeling guilt.

- I will seek out two trusted accountability partners to pray with me and support me as I work on this area for the next 60 days.

- I will make a daily journal entry for the first 10 days about my actions, outcomes, emotional state, and anything else I want to share. I will then make an entry every other day for 20 days similar to the initial entries. And finally I will make at least a weekly entry like the others for the rest of the 60 days.

- Everyday I will review my plan, read a helpful scripture, say a helpful affirmation, and pray about God empowering me to keep up the good work. My affirmation may be, “I am still a child of God. I will do what I can and trust God with the rest.” This book gives me twenty-one daily devotionals to get me started.

- If I need to give effort to making amends with anyone, I will develop a plan and carry it out.

- If I need to seek additional advice, I will secure it as needed.

I think you would be blessed by making whatever modifications you need to make to the plan above, re-read Part One of this book, carryout your plan, and read one of the daily devotionals in Part Two of this book for the next twenty-one days. There is nothing that says that you cannot read the devotionals again starting on day number twenty-two. Do what works, but by all means do the work. All right, let’s move to Part Two.

Part Two

21 Devotionals

Congratulations. You have studied the material in Part One and come to this part of the book with a plan to improve your life in the area of lowering your feelings of guilt. What follows are twenty-one devotionals designed to nurture your focus on carrying out your plan. Each devotional features a scripture, commentary, self-examination questions, and a prayer. The devotionals are subdivided into the following sections: Section One: God Loves You; Section Two: The Struggle with Sin and the devil; and Section Three: From Feeling Guilty to Enjoying Your Life.

As I said at the end of Part One, there is nothing wrong with going through all twenty-one of the following devotionals and then starting all over again at the first devotional on day twenty-two. Do what works for you. Just make sure you do the work to improve your life.

Section One: God Loves You

God is a God of Grace

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8; NIV)

Notice that all who are saved from the penalty of sin and wrath of God are the recipients of God’s grace. I like to think of grace as heavy-duty mercy, even though many have learned that it is undeserved mercy or unmerited favor. To illustrate heavy-duty mercy, let’s say you owed me $100, paid $90 back, and still owed me $10. Mercy would say forget the $10. On the other hand, say if you owed me $100, only paid $10, and still owed me $90, grace would say, forget the $90. This is heavy-duty mercy or grace.

God saved us by grace, not mercy. He knew from the very beginning that we were not worthy of being saved because of our righteousness. He is not shocked or repulsed by the sins that are in our lives. His grace is stronger than our sins. Our greatest challenge is not God’s ability to love us after what we sinned. Our greatest challenge is to accept the grace of God and start moving in the right direction from here. I urge you to accept God’s grace and move forward, instead of waddle in feelings of guilt.

Self-Examination

1. If you are reading this book, you already know that you have some sin in your life. The question is, are you open to God’s grace for your sins? Why?

2. Can you see that there are others who don’t want you to accept God’s grace?

3. How does accepting God’s grace fit into your self improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

Great and gracious God, the One who has heavy duty mercy for my sins, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for being a God of grace, because I am surely a person of sin. I confess that I have not only sinned, but I have too often ignored or rejected Your grace. Please forgive me and help me to live better. In the name of Jesus, amen.

God Is Love

… because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (I John 4:8b-10; NIV)

Notice that God is love. His very essence is love. Therefore, we should not be surprised when He loves those who need love the most. People who supposedly have it all together may feel as if they don’t really need God. But people like you and me who are aware of our sins need a God who can love us, in spite of our wrong doing or failure to do right.

God loves us, because He “is” love. He “is” longsuffering kindness. His love is demonstrated by His sending His Son, Jesus, to die as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. For us to hold on to feelings of guilt is to suggest that Jesus’ atonement was not powerful enough for our sins or to suggest that God’s love is to weak for people like us. If we think about this a little more, we would have to agree that nothing could be further from the truth. Please resolve to accept the love that God offers you to help you to be and do better with the rest of your life.

Self-Examination

1. Do you really believe that God is love? Why?

2. How can God be love and not forgive you for the sins that He saw you were going to commit before you were even born?

3. How does accepting God’s love fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who is love, in spite of my sins, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for being so consistent with Your love of me. I confess that not only have I sinned, but too often I have ignored and sometimes been tempted to reject Your loving me. Please forgive me and help me to live according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Forgiveness is Available

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:9; NIV)

Notice how if believers would confess their sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Perhaps one of the things that makes this verse so hard to accept is that we don’t know of anyone else who treats us this way. Even mothers have been known to disown their children, when they become just too much to deal with. But this is not the case with God.

God is able through the death payment of Jesus and His own grace to forgive and purify us, no matter how bad we have messed up. Our biggest obstacles to being forgiven and overcoming our feelings of guilt are our sense of reason and the opinions of others. However, since God, with His holy and righteous self, forgives us then surely we need to learn to forgive ourselves and reject the guilty feelings that others strive to impose on us.

Self-Examination

1. Do you really believe that God forgives the sins of believers, if believers would confess their sins to Him? Why?

2. How can you believe this text and still hold on to guilty feelings?

3. How does accepting God’s forgiveness fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who forgives the confessed sins of Your people, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for Your incomprehensible forgiveness and purifying. I confess that there are times when I don’t understand and even doubt Your ability to forgive me. But I pray that You would forgive me and help me to live according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Section Two: The Struggle with Sin and the devil[1]

All Believers Have Sin

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. (I John 1:8; NIV)

Notice that when a believer claims to be without sin, he or she is deceiving his or her-self. Furthermore, the truth is not in that person. In other words, in spite of being saved, forgiven, and recipient of God’s grace and love, we still have sin in our lives. We still do wrong and fail to do right. If we say otherwise, it is not because we have grown to live above sin. It is because we are not telling the truth.

This realization should lead us to do at least three things. First, we should continue to call on and rely on God’s gracious forgiveness as we continue to struggle with our sin issues. Second, we should praise God for His continued supply of gracious forgiveness. There are people who believe in three strikes and you are out. But God keeps on forgiving us. And third, we should resolve to work on our sin problems. We should not reason that since sin is so prevalent than we should not be concerned about it. God forbid. We should work on sinning less and developing strength in our areas of weakness. Please work on praising God for His grace and work on your sin problems.

Self-Examination

1. Do you agree that you should continue to rely on God’s gracious forgiveness, praise Him for supplying such blessings, and resolve to work on your sin problems? Why?

2. Which of these three suggestions to do you find the most challenging to do? Why?

3. How does relying on God’s forgiveness, praising Him for His forgiveness, and working on your sin problems fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who knows about my sins, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for not throwing me away, in spite of the many sins that remain in my life. I confess that there are times when I want to throw myself away, but then I am reminded that You still love me. Please continue to forgive me and help me to live according to Your will for my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Good Desires and the Presence of Evil

… Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. (Romans 7:21b; NIV)

Notice that Paul is honest enough to admit that there is a struggle within him, when it comes down to doing the good that he believes God wants him to do. Paul talks about wanting or desiring to do good but evil always being present. Beyond whatever interpretive issues the scholars may discuss, there is the unignorable issue that no matter how holy we strive to be, evil is still present and pulling us in the wrong direction.

On one hand, you should not simply give into evil, since it is always present. You should not reason that it is too hard to live according to God’s will, so why even try. God forbid. But on the other hand, when things do get discouraging, you may want to give yourself a little break. After all, when we look throughout the Bible, we see people who have fallen to the sway of evil.

So, resolve to do the best you can to live according to God’s will, with the realization that it is not going to be easy. But thank God, God keeps on loving you.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that one of the reasons that it is so hard for you to continue to live in the will of God is that evil is always present? Why?

2. Since evil is always present, why should you beat yourself up when you fall short and give into the sway of evil? What is accomplished by beating yourself up? Is God more concerned with you beating yourself up or with you doing better next time?

3. How does acknowledging the presents of evil fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

Great and awesome God, the One who knows that evil is always present, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for loving me in spite of my giving in to the evil that surrounds me. I confess that there are times that I could have done better with my battle. I also confess that there have been times when I gave serious effort but still fell short and was tempted to beat myself up as if I was hopeless. Please forgive me and help me to live according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Beware of the Pharisees

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. You yourselves do not enter, nor will you let those enter who are trying to. (Matthew 23:13; NIV)

Notice that there are those who always highlight the sins and shortcomings in your life, while ignoring their own. There are those who help you to feel bad, but never help you to do better. These people are like the Pharisees.

Make up your mind to live as best you can from here forward. Do this because it is God’s will and it is best for you.

Don’t focus on trying to please Pharisees. First, you will rarely if ever satisfy them. Second, if you do satisfy them, their season of satisfaction will not last long. Third, if you do satisfy them but don’t satisfy God then what have you really accomplished?

God is your judge, not the Pharisees. Resolve to focus on God’s will for your life, instead of focusing on the condemning spirit of the Pharisees.

Self-Examination

1. Do you agree that there are some people today who are like the Pharisees - people who condemn without working on their own sins and without helping you with your issues? Why?

2. Since God’s judgment of you is more important than the Pharisees’ judgment of you, which judgment do you think you should focus on? How can you focus more on God’s expectations and less on the Pharisees’ expectations?

3. How does focusing more on God and less on the Pharisees fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

Great and awesome God, the One who is my judge, not the Pharisees, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for being a righteous and gracious judge. I confess that I am guilty of giving too much attention to what Pharisees say and think about me. Please forgive me and help me to focus on Your expectations for my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

The devil Seeks to Destroy You

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (I Peter 5:8; NIV)

Notice how the devil is not trying to simply hurt you or make you feel bad. He is out to destroy and kill you. One of the ways to destroy you is to have you focused on your sins and feeling guilty about them. If you continue on this path, you are subject to depression and perhaps suicide.

The devil doesn’t want you focused on God’s grace and moving on from here with a mind to do better. He would rather that you focus on how you should have been nicer to the person who interrupted you, instead of focused on how you should work on being nice to the next person who interrupts you.

The choice is up to you. You can yield to the devil’s agenda to kill you with feeling guilty and perhaps becoming depressed. Or you can choose to focus on God’s grace and the opportunity to do better from here. Please choose grace, instead of the devil’s guilt.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe the devil is out to simply make you feel guilty, or is his real agenda to kill you? Why?

2. Do you believe that you have a choice to cooperate with the devil’s agenda to kill you or to cooperate with God’s agenda for you to have life and that more abundantly? Which will you choose? Why?

3. How does choosing God’s agenda of life, instead of the devil’s agenda of death, fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who reminds me of the devil’s deadly agenda, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for reminding me that the devil uses his tricks, including feelings of guilt, to kill me. I confess that too often I give in and allow him to have to much control over my life. Please forgive me and help me to fully cooperate with Your agenda for me to have life and that more abundantly. In Jesus’ name, amen.

There is a Spiritual War Going On

11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against …. the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, ... 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. (Ephesians 6:11-13,16; NIV)

Notice that the reason believers are urged to put on the whole armor of God is because there is spiritual warfare going on. It is not just you against your thoughts and feelings. It is you with the indwelling of the Holy Spirit against the devil.

The devil is seeking our destruction. That is why he uses fiery or poisonous darts. But thank God, we have a shield of faith to protect us.

The question is, will you use the shield to protect yourself? Or will you allow the devil to succeed in causing you harm or at least rendering you ineffective in carrying out God’s will for your life? It is hard to praise God, to be a blessing to others, and to stand against evil deeds, when you are focused on your guilty feelings.

Use the shield of faith to protect yourself from the darts of the devil. By trusting in and obeying God’s word, you can keep moving forward in the love and will of God.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that there is really a spiritual war going on? Why?

2. Do you believe that the shield of faith is strong enough to protect you from the devil’s darts, even the dart of unhealthy feelings of guilt? Why?

3. How does choosing to use the shield of faith to protect yourself from the devil’s darts of feeling guilty fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who makes protective armor available to me, so I can stand against the devil, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for reminding me that I don’t have to be a victim. I have armor available to me. I confess that too often I ignore the armor and give the devil too much influence over my life. Please forgive me and help me to use my armor to be a better Christian for You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

The devil Wants You to Kill Yourself

3 Then Satan entered Judas, called Iscariot, one of the Twelve. 4 And Judas went to the chief priests and the officers of the temple guard and discussed with them how he might betray Jesus. 5 They were delighted and agreed to give him money. 6 He consented, and watched for an opportunity to hand Jesus over to them when no crowd was present. (Luke 22:3-6; NIV)

3 When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. 4 “I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.” “What is that to us?” they replied. “That’s your responsibility.” 5 So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself. (Matthew 27:3-5; NIV)

Notice that Judas ended up killing himself, after the devil entered into him. After Judas made a terrible mistake and committed a horrific sin, he felt so guilty and so much remorse that he hung himself. Can’t you see the devil smiling and saying to himself, “I got another one; whose next”?

No one wins from you waddling in feelings of guilt, except the devil. If you have done someone wrong then you are called to do what you can to make things right, learn from the mistake, and move on with your life. If the person you have mistreated forgives you that is great. If they don’t forgive you, life is bigger than their bitterness towards you. God forgives you.

The only agenda that benefits from continued feelings of guilt is that of the devil. He wants to kill you. If he can get you to kill yourself then you are actually acting as his assistant. Please make up your mind to live for the Lord, instead of die for the devil.

Self-Examination

1. Do you agree that it is possible that you can feel so guilty about doing something wrong that you consider suicide?

2. Do you agree that the devil would be so happy if you killed yourself? Why?

3. How does looking beyond the devil’s efforts to get you to kill yourself to God’s efforts to get you to have life and that more abundantly fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who knows that the devil is trying to get me to kill myself, while You, oh God, are offering me life and that more abundantly, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for reminding me that You have more for me than the devil does. I confess that in my lowest moments, I am tempted to give the devil too much of my attention. Please forgive me and help me to live according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Section Three: From Feeling Guilty to Enjoying Your Life

Replace Bad With Good

… When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. 45 Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first. … (Matthew 12:44b-45a; NIV)

Notice that when the evil spirit returned to the man, he reoccupied the man apparently because there was no one else occupying. In other words, it seems that the bad spirit was able to take over because there was no other spirit to offer resistance.

In like manner, you would do well to replace feelings of guilt with a high focus on obeying God’s will and enjoying the blessings and life that He makes available to you. Focus on God’s plan for you to have life and that more abundantly.

To borrow a phrase from the sports world, the best defense is an offense. How do you overcome feeling guilty about the past? Answer - focus on obedience and God’s blessings.

Self-Examination

1. Do you agree that if there is nothing to fight off the evil spirit’s efforts then evil spirits are subject to rule in your life? Why?

2. Do you agree that with work, you can focus on God’s will and blessings, instead of simply your mistakes of the past?

3. How does focusing on God’s will and blessings, instead of simply on your sins, fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who knows that if the bad is not replaced by the good then the bad is subject to come back, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for having so much good to replace the bad and evil spirits in my life with. I confess that I have on too many occasions focused on getting rid of the bad but failed to replace the bad with good. Please forgive me and help me to live according to Your blessed plan for my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Replace Feelings of Guilt With the Fruit of the Spirit

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control (Galatians 6:22-23a; NIV)

Notice that believers are called to bear the fruit of the Spirit. This is not the place for an exhaustive commentary on this text. However, think about how much more enjoyable your life would be, if you had more of the fruit of the Spirit, instead of feelings of guilt.

Love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are so much more enjoyable than remorse and feelings of guilt. A great way to experience the fruit of the Spirit is to think on these things and behave accordingly. Think about loving others and actually love others. Think about joy and rejoice in how things could have been worse and are going to get better. Think about self-control and then work on controlling yourself. A part of controlling yourself is cutting the amount of energy you give to feeling guilty and increasing the amount of energy you give to obeying God’s word from here forward. Please focus on the fruit of the Spirit, instead of waddling in unhealthy feelings of guilt.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that producing the fruit of the Spirit is better for you than waddling in feelings of guilt? Why?

2. Do you believe that you can think and behave your way towards producing the fruit of the Spirit, instead of simply waddling in feelings of guilt? Why?

3. How does focusing on producing the fruit of the Spirit, instead of feelings of guilt, fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who calls for His people to bear the fruit of the Spirit, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for giving me the capacity to bear the fruit of the Spirit, instead of simply waddling in feelings of guilt. I confess that I have spent too little time thinking and behaving in ways that produce the fruit of the Spirit. Please forgive me and help me to live a fruitful life according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Control Your Emotional State

27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” (Matthew 14:27; NIV)

12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven (Matthew 5:12a; NIV)

Notice that each of these passages urges believers to control their emotional state. Remember that a part of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control.

It is within your power to move from feeling guilty to feeling joy, courage, or some other positive emotional state. Perhaps one of the most effective techniques for moving from one state to another is to focus your thoughts and actions in a different direction. Some people like to use affirmations to refocus.

However, asking questions may be just as helpful, if not more helpful. Ask yourself, does God want me to experience joy or feelings of guilt? The answer according to the fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 6:22 is God wants you to experience joy.

What can I focus on to make feeling joyful easier? You could focus on how, as bad as things are, they could have been worse. Someone could have been hurt even worse. More people could have been hurt. You could have been hopeless, without Christ. And then you can focus on how things will get better, by thinking about how Romans 8:28 teaches that all things are working together for the good of God’s people. You can think about how people have been in worse situations in the Bible and God worked things out for them like the three Hebrew boys in the fiery furnace and Daniel in the lion’s den. And you can think about how withstanding the test leads to you having a testimony.

What can I do to make myself joyful? You can sing. You can read relevant scriptures. You can talk with accountability partners. Please work on controlling your emotional state.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that through the power of the Holy Spirit who lives in you that you can do a better job of controlling your emotional state? Why?

2. Do you believe that asking questions to get you to think about different issues and behave in certain ways will help you with controlling your emotional state? Why?

3. How does working on controlling your emotional state fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who gives me power to control my emotional state, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for giving me the power to overcome negative emotions like fear and feeling guilty. I confess that I have not always used the power that You have made available to me. Please forgive me and help me to use Your power to live the life You are calling me to live. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Work on Your Discipleship

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. (Luke 9:23; NIV)

Every believer is called to work on growing in his or her discipleship. To grow in your discipleship is to grow in your following after the teachings of Jesus.

Notice that the phrase “whoever wants to be” suggests that you must make a decision to obey or not. Notice that denial of self is called for. You cannot follow after the teachings of Jesus and your own will also. Notice that daily dedication is called for. You must be willing to suffer and even die for the cause of Christ. And then following the actual instructions and teachings of Jesus is called for. At the core of Jesus’ teachings are the issues of accepting Jesus as savior, loving God with all that you have, and loving others, as you love yourself (see Mk. 12:29-31).

The more you work on your discipleship, the less energy you will have to feel guilty. Please focus on your discipleship.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that God is calling you to decide to deny and dedicate yourself to following divine directions - to work on your discipleship? Why?

2. Do you believe the core of God’s will for your life is to make sure you have accepted Jesus as your savior, to love God with all that you have, and love others, as you love yourself? Why?

3. How does working on your discipleship fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who calls me to work on my discipleship, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for always calling me forward to Your will, instead of leaving me in the messes that I have made. I confess that I have not given as much effort as I should have given to being a stronger disciple of Christ. Please forgive me and help me to live according to your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Flee From Temptations

Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. (II Timothy 2:22; NIV)

Notice that a great way to stop sinning is to flee from those things that tempt you to sin. You must work on running away from or avoiding those things that tempt you to desire what is evil. To be clear, if you have an evil desire to have sex with an attractive person who is not your spouse then you need to work on avoiding unnecessary contact with that person. It is not wise to think you will simply pray your way through the season of temptation.

On one hand, there are times when you have to simply pray for strength. For after all, you cannot run from everything. You have to interact with people, in order to be the light of the world and salt of the Earth. But on the other hand, you should seek to avoid those temptations that you can avoid, especially, when you know that it is a weak spot for you.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that it is wise to avoid those temptations that you can avoid? Why?

2. Do you believe that there are some things that you cannot avoid - you simply have to ask God to help you withstand the test? What examples can you give?

3. How does avoiding unnecessary temptations fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who gives me the wisdom and strength to flee from many of my temptations and who gives me strength to withstand those temptations I cannot flee from, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for giving me wisdom and strength to deal with evil desires. I confess that I have not always used the available wisdom and strength according to Your will. Please forgive me and help me to live according to Your holy will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Called to Comfort Others

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. (II Corinthians 1:3-4; NIV)

Notice that the God of comfort, comforts His people, so we can comfort others with the comfort that He has comforted us with. God has been kind to us, so we can be kind to others, with the kindness He has given to us. God forgives us and help us to do better, so we can do the same with others. God helps us get through trials and tests with a testimony that can help others.

As God helps you to overcome your feelings of guilt, He is also calling you to help other people do the same. It would be a shame for you to bury your testimony and thereby keep others from benefiting from it. Please be open to blessing others with the blessings that you have received, specifically, the blessing of overcoming feelings of guilt.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that God blesses you, so you can be a blessing to others? Why?

2. How can your testimony of overcoming feelings of guilt be a blessing to others who are wrestling with feelings of guilt?

3. How does striving to be a blessing to others with your testimony of overcoming feelings of guilt fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who comforts me, so I can comfort others, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for what You have done, are doing, and will do in my life. Thank You for trusting me to bless others with the blessings You have given me. I confess that there are times when I don’t testify because I don’t think I have much to share or because I am ashamed of where I have been. Please forgive me and help me to live according to Your will for my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

God Has a Good Work for You to Do

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10; NIV)

Notice that God has created believers to do a good work. Waddling in feelings of guilt is not a good work. You may not be able to do what you thought God wanted you to do or what you wanted to do for God, but God still has a good work for you to do.

A former child molester may never be trusted to work with children. A former thief may never be trusted to work with the money. But if they are believers, God still has a good work for them to do.

Look for what you are able to do in response to a need, what you have an opportunity to do in response to a need, and what you are passionate about doing or at least willing to do in response to a need - all for the honor and glory of God. Where these three meet - ability, opportunity, and passion or willingness - is often your call to serve. Please let God use you to do a good work. There is so much that needs to be done in our churches and communities.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that every believer is called by God to do a good work? Why?

2. Do you believe that where ability, opportunity, and passion or willingness to meet a need for the honor and glory of the Lord meet is often the call to serve the Lord? Why?

3. How does letting God do a good work through you fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who has called me to do a good work, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for still wanting to use me, in spite of my sins. I confess that sometimes I spend so much time waddling in feelings of guilt or some selfish concern that I don’t focus on doing a good work for you like I should. Please forgive me and help me to live as You are calling me to live. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Worship and Serve Like You Have Been Forgiven

44 Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. 45 You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. 46 You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. 47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” … 50 Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” (Luke 7:44-47, 50; NIV)

Notice that the unnamed women who had been forgiven for so many sins was known for such humble service and worship. The exact nature of her sins is unknown, even though some have speculated that she was a prostitute. Notice the principle of how much love received ought to lead to much worship.

When you think about your many sins and how God could have and perhaps should have punished you, you should be tempted to feel guilty. However, when you think about the grace, mercy, and forgiveness extended to you by the love of God then you ought to lead the church in worship and praise. You ought to be the first to serve the Lord with whatever gifts of service He has given you. Please worship and serve in proportion to God’s grace and mercy towards you.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that the more God forgives and blesses you, the more you should worship and serve Him? Why?

2. Do you see that God has been so much better to you than you deserve? List several examples.

3. How does the idea of worshipping and serving the Lord in proportion to how He has blessed you fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who forgives and blesses me, so I can worship and serve You, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for the marvelous privilege to worship and serve You. I confess that there have been times when I did not worship nor serve You, as I should have. Please forgive me and help me to worship and serve according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Dealing with Others, as People Who Have Received Grace

12 And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. … 14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (Matthew 6:12, 14-15; NIV)

1Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2; NIV)

Notice that there is a relationship between how you forgive and treat others and how God forgives and treats you. Notice further that God expects you to demonstrate your living by the Spirit of God, not by condemning those who have sinned, but by working to restore them.

It would be terrible for you to accept the grace of God for your sins and then refuse to help others deal with their sins. God has blessed you, so you can be a blessing to others. Condemning others is far from being a blessing. Please use the grace of God to forgive and to help restore, instead of condemn.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that God is calling you to forgive and help restore others who have sinned? Why?

2. Do you believe that there is a relationship between your spiritual maturity and your forgiving and helping to restore others? Explain based on the passages above.

3. How does striving to forgive and restore others fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who is calling me to forgive and help restore others, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for forgiving and restoring me and then trusting me with the ministry of ministering to others. I confess that sometimes I have not given this area enough of my energy. Please forgive me and help me use my blessings to be a blessing to others according to Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

From Weeping to Serving

60 Peter replied, “Man, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Just as he was speaking, the rooster crowed. 61 The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: “Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.” 62 And he went outside and wept bitterly. (Luke 22:60-62; NIV)

38 Peter replied, “Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. … 41b about three thousand were added to their number that day. (Acts 2:38, 41b; NIV)

Notice that as remorseful as Peter was in the courtyard, God used him to do great work. He was used to feed God’s lambs and sheep. He was used to lead over 3,000 souls to Christ. Peter went from weeping with feelings of guilt to doing a great work for the Lord.

In like manner, God has saved and forgiven His people, so we can do a great work for Him. Sometimes He calls us to do a great work that everyone can see. And sometimes He calls us to do the great work of planting or watering seeds in the lives of others that others don’t see.

Whatever God has called you to do, do it with all of your heart. God is calling you from weeping to serving.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that just as God did great works through Peter after the courtyard experience that God wants to do some good work through your life? Why?

2. Do you believe that there is value in both the public ministries that everyone sees and value in the less public ministries like sharing your testimony with a small group or one person, helping with a small service group, or even helping to make reminder calls about ministry meetings and classes? Why?

3. How does moving from weeping to serving fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who is calling me from weeping to serving, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for not giving up on me, when I denied You. I confess that there are times that I allow feelings of guilt to get in my way. Please forgive me and help me to carryout out the good work that You have for my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Blessed and Happy, In Spite of What People Say

And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table; he was lame in both feet. (II Samuel 9:13; NIV)

By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient. (Hebrews 11:31; NIV)

Notice that in spite of people calling Mephibosheth lame, he was still at the King’s table. Notice that in spite of being known as a prostitute, Rahab is still listed in the hall of faith.

You give people too much power and influence in your life, when you allow their labels to dictate your emotional state and self-image. Even if the truth is that you are lame, you can still be blessed. Even if you have been or are a prostitute, you can still be blessed. God controls His distribution of grace, not people. You ought to control your self-image and emotional state, instead of allowing the labels that people assign to you to control them.

Self-Examination

1. Do you believe that you can be blessed and forgiven, in spite of things still being out of order in your life? Why?

2. Do you believe that with work, you can be happy in the Lord, in spite of what people may say? Explain how the passages above support your answer.

3. How does being happy in Jesus, instead of worrying about what people call you, fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who loves me, in spite of my many shortcomings, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for Your continued love. I confess that there are times when I give too much attention to what people say about me. Please forgive me and help me to live according to Your will for my life. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Blessed In Spite of Death

41 We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” 42 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” 43 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:41-43; NIV)

Notice that the dying criminal was apparently guilty of his crime and paid the price for such crime. But also notice that he died as one on his way to Paradise. Most Christians treat Paradise as Heaven. And all Christians treat it as much better than Hell.

No matter what happens to you because of what you have done or failed to do, God’s forgiveness is available to you. God has a home that has not been built by the hands of people. It is a land of no more weeping or crying. Please accept and trust the forgiveness of God, even when you still have to answer for your deeds, and even when death is imminent.

Self-Exanimation

1. Do you believe that God can forgive you, even though you may have to yet answer for your misdeeds with others? Why?

2. Do you believe that you can face the consequences of your misdeeds with the joy of knowing that things are well between God and yourself? Explain how the text above relates to your answer.

3. How does accepting the forgiveness of God, while yet facing the consequences of your misdeeds, fit into your self-improvement plan?

4. What are you going to do with the material from this devotional?

Prayer

God who forgives, even when I yet have to face the consequence of my misdeeds, it is to You that I pray. Thank You for having so much more grace than the people in my life. I confess that I have from time to time worried about what people can do to me more than focusing on my fellowship with You. Please forgive me and help me to focus on Your will. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Conclusion

Well, we have come to the end of this book. It is my sincere prayer that you have engaged the material and are better than when you started. I trust that the principles for self-improvement, the messages on overcoming feeling guilty, and the devotionals have been a blessing to you. However, it takes work to replace negative thoughts with positive ones and I pray that you have done the hard work and are committed to continuing.

I need your help …

If this book has been a blessing to you, please write a review, so others can be blessed also. And then tell a friend to purchase the book as well. There are too many believers who need this material but just don’t know that a book like this is available. Please help me get the word out, by submitting the review and telling your friends to purchase the book as well. Thank you so much.

www.RobertBaines.com

[1] Even though names should be capitalized, I don’t capitalize the name of the devil. He doesn’t deserve it.

Table of Contents

Part One

Chapter One - Introduction

Chapter Two - Seven Principles for Improving Your Life

Chapter Three - The Problem of Feeling Guilty: Definition, Sources, and Unhealthy Methods

Chapter Four - The Remedy for Feeling Guilty: Salvation, Definitions, Forgiveness, and Faith

Chapter Five - A Liar, a Murderer, and a Prostitute

Chapter Six - Recap and Next Steps

Part Two

21 Devotionals

Section One: God Loves You

Section Two: The Struggle with Sin and the devil

Section Three: From Feeling Guilty to Enjoying Your Life

Conclusion