The Other Side Of Sex

Written By Marita L. Kinney

Publishing

Copyright © 2014 by Marita Kinney.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a

retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior

written permission of the publishers, except by a reviewer who may quote

brief passages in a review to be printed in a newspaper, magazine or journal.

All Scripture quotation, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version. NIV.  Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society.  Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House.

All rights reserved.

Dedication

This book was written for anyone who has or may be struggling with sexual strongholds. For all of the broken hearted who have believed the lies about sex. May you be restored in Jesus Name, Amen

Table of Contents

Copyright© 2014 by Marita Kinney.

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

About the Author

Books by Marita:

Disclaimer

Attention reader: you are about to read a Christian book. Although some content in this book may be entertaining, I challenge you to ponder the message being revealed within the storyline. Please be advised that some topics mentioned may be sensitive and disturbing to some readers. However, with that being said, sin is ugly, nasty, and leaves people scarred while they struggle to cope with life. Although the characters are fictional, they identify with the same pain of real-life people, events, and maybe even you. The purpose of my literary work is for ministry purposes only. May God be glorified and the reader be blessed in Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Introduction

How many times have you become disappointed with yourself for believing the lies about sex? Sex is one of the hardest things to break free from, not to mention the residue that follows it. Something that God intended to be so beautiful has become so perverted by Satan. I never really understood how dangerous intimacy could be until I lived life a little bit. The truth that came from my own experience and witnessing the effects that sex has had on others became unbearable and desperately needed to be addressed.

Trying to find the perfect place to start writing will be a challenge, but I’ll start where it all begins, virginity. There are many different ways in which people share this experience, but the reality is that everyone remembers his or her first time. How wonderful was it? Was it what you had imagined it to be? Did you regret it? Was it taken from you? Do you wish that you could have it back? Losing your virginity is seldom compared to a fairy tale. The reality is that for many people, it was an unfavorable moment. This is mostly true for people who have experienced sex outside of marriage. I know that the topic of virginity may seem quite juvenile; however, it’s the root to your sexual experience.

From a young age, children are curious about their sexuality. This can lead to future confusion depending on what they’re exposed to. Some children make up games, pretending to be mommy and daddy while exploring their unknown but present desires. Yes, from the time we are born we have a desire to be connected to another human being. We are designed to be loved. That’s why God created Eve. Adam desired to have a companion.

Genesis 2:8–25 — “18 The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” 19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. 21 So the LORD God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 23 The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” 24 That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25 Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame."

I’ll go into that a little later in the book, but back to childhood experiences. Playing such games can sow a seed of confusion and torment. Some people find it to be healthy for kids to role-play; I strongly disagree. Playing house can lead to grown-up intimacy issues. The majority of problems that adults face today are due to childhood issues. Many of us are hurting children trapped in an adult’s body. This book is going to be deep and uncomfortable, so I encourage you to pray prior to proceeding.

Dear God, I ask that you touch the hearts of the readers and allow your will to be done in their life. God, I ask that you expose and deliver them from any intimacy issue that could harm them from having the life that you have called them to live. I ask right now in the Name of Jesus that you bind up any foul spirit that has attached itself to them and has hindered them from receiving a breakthrough. God, we know that you have designed sexual intimacy for marriage and for it to be pleasant in your sight, and ask that you teach us how to live beyond the hurt that came from misusing it or being misused against us. We thank you for your grace and everlasting mercy in Jesus’ name, Amen.

Chapter 1

The Cycle

It was 3:15 am and Grace sat up in her bed feeling empty once again. The man Ray, whom she had been seeing for three weeks, had just left her bed of passion and took her dignity with him. She received him three times that night and he hadn’t kissed her once. She did everything to please him sexually, including him sodomizing her. Grace's dream of ever being loved was just that, a dream and not reality. She was confused and couldn't figure out how she repeatedly ended up in the hook-up category.

Whenever Grace walked into a room, her presence demanded the attention of the crowd and her confidence was bold and loud. Although she appeared to be very strong, independent, and very charming, she was empty on the inside. She kept falling for the lines and lies of men, hoping to be loved. Grace had a great career and had achieved many accomplishments. However, when it came to her love life, she felt like a complete failure.

Grace could get any man she wanted physically, but could not win a man's heart. Disappointed yet again, Grace had laid down with another man without a ring, without a commitment, and without any standards. Grace pretended to have high standards, but she had only fooled herself. To protect herself, she began to tell herself lies, just like the men she trusted to break her heart. The men she entertained were always the same men; they all looked different but in hindsight were the same demons that sexually took possession over her body. It was almost like Satan himself knew what kind of men to send her way. He had an inventory of her weaknesses and knew that she could not resist the temptation on her own. The more she gave herself away, the more incomplete she felt.

Grace sat between her sheets in her silent three-bedroom home and could hear nothing but the cry of her heart. She was in a cycle and no matter how hard she tried to deny her loneliness, she still found herself in the arms of another man. Struggling with what had occurred, Grace knew that when she would walk into her office the next day, she'd have to confront her lover to his face and reclaim her respect. She needed him to respect her; she needed to respect herself.

Then suddenly her cell phone chirped. Who could be possibly texting me this early in the morning?

As she reached for her phone she couldn’t help but notice her nude body in the mirror. She was disgusted with her decision to sleep with Ray; of all the men she had been with, colleagues were typically not on her list of love interest.

Tim: Hey, sexy! My plane lands at 6:45. I’d like to see you while I’m in town.

Grace instantly forgot about her long night with Ray and was now looking forward to seeing Tim. Tim was her ideal man. He was very accomplished, well networked, family oriented, and someone she could see herself marrying. The thought of him coming into town lifted her spirit. She promptly replied.

Grace: Hey, love, I can’t wait to see you.

Tim: Hey, you. I didn’t expect for you to be up.

Grace: I wasn’t. You know I’m a light sleeper. I’m up now … lol.

Tim: Okay, beautiful. I didn’t mean to wake you up. I just wanted you to know that I’ll be there soon. I’ll call you after my meeting with the developer.

Grace: Sounds good.

Tim: Okay, dear. Go back to sleep; I’ll see you later.

Grace: Absolutely you will.

The cool air chilled her nude body and reality hit her in the face. She stepped on the used condom on the floor and grew angry that Ray didn’t have enough decency to throw it away. Mixed emotions overcame her. She was excited that Tim was coming to town but felt scandalous at the same time. Although they weren’t dating exclusively, it was understood that when they were in close proximity they would only entertain each other. That arrangement had worked well for them over the past six years, but Grace desired a true commitment.

Chapter 2

Grace's Blues

Grace was busy with her morning work, and crossing paths with Ray had slipped her mind. She had just finished a highly sensitive report and the stress of meeting the deadline had overcome. Suddenly, she heard a knock on the door and by its playfulness, she knew that it was Ray.

"Well, good morning, beautiful."

"I'm well, Ray, thank you."

"What's wrong with you, sexy?"

"Sexy? … Ugh, please stop. Ray, I’m going to be blunt with you. Last night was a mistake and I shouldn't have invited you over."

"Are you suggesting that you regret last night?"

"I'm suggesting that I had a “Come to Jesus moment" and that last night wasn't appropriate. I desire to be married and to one day have children. I owe it to myself to be true to my desires. I've decided that I will no longer lay down with anyone unless he is my husband." Grace pushed the hair behind her ear with confidence in her declaration.

Ray broke out in laughter and laughed until tears came from his eyes. Grace was furious and it was obvious that Ray did not take her seriously.

"I'd like to know what's so funny?"

"You're funny, Grace. You actually think that you can be a mother and a wife? You're 35 and focused on your career; where do your desires fit into your life? You need to be honest with yourself. I respect what you're sharing with me. I just don't believe you. You like to get down, Grace, and everyone knows that."

"Excuse me? What do you mean everyone knows that?”

“Look, I don’t want to embarrass you but everyone in the office knows that you give head and like to go to bed with men of power.”

“How dare you speak to me like that.”

“Grace. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to upset you, but that’s the truth. No one is going to marry you or make you the mother of their children.”

Well I've said what I needed to say," replied Grace as she sat on the corner of her desk with one foot still on the ground and picked up her lukewarm coffee.

"I hear you. Just to let you know, I'm not interested in getting married again. So, it was fun while it lasted. Good luck with all that, Grace. But if need some maintenance done on that body, you know how to reach me." Ray walked out of Grace's office with a smirk on his face. She stood up and followed behind him, slamming her door with rage and disgust. She could not believe that she'd given herself to a complete jerk.

Nearly thirty minutes had passed when it was obvious that no work was going to be completed after the awful conversation with Ray. Is that what people really think about me? Grace pondered that thought over and over again until she’d had enough. She opened the bottom drawer in her desk and grabbed her purse, not realizing the strength that she used as it snagged onto the drawer. The purse strap broke, adding more frustration to her day. She placed the broken purse back into the drawer and grabbed only her wallet.

Grace was about to enter the elevator when a beautiful bouquet of flowers was being delivered. Her face lit up. Could they be from Tim? Without making any assumptions, she gladly allowed her receptionist to receive the flowers as was normal with incoming packages.

“Oh my goodness; these are for me?” The receptionist blushed with gladness.

“Wow, those are beautiful, Rebecca. Is it your anniversary? Grace smiled and asked while trying not to express her disappointment.

“No, not at all. I guess my husband just wanted to surprise me,” Rebecca answered as she turned her attention back toward her flowers and reached for the card that was attached.

“That’s lovely, honey. Well, I’m going to lunch. Please forward all of my calls to my cell phone. I’ll be out for a while.”

“Sure thing, Ms. Grace.”

Grace couldn’t get out of the office fast enough. The elevator was filled with her thoughts and she was drained emotionally. She was smart when it came to business, but had always struggled with men.

Chapter 3

Rejection

Tim stepped out of his rental car and slowly walked toward the front door. He insisted that they eat in rather than go to a restaurant. Either way, Grace was ecstatic that Tim was there. She opened the door and greeted him with a passionate kiss.

“I missed you.”

Grace blushed and flirted with her eyes.

“I missed you too. How was your meeting today?”

“It went well, actually. I’ll need to have another meeting next month to close the deal, but overall it was well. Were you praying for me?”

“Umm, sure.”

Tim looked at Grace with suspicion and could clearly see that she was not telling the truth.

“Wow, it really smells good in here. Did you cook all of that for me?”

“Well, actually, I cooked it for us,” Grace giggled as she jumped up from the couch to make Tim’s plate.

“Everything’s ready.” Grace knew that dinner wasn’t the only thing on Tim’s mind. After all, why else would he want to stay in?

Dinner was delicious, but Grace was anxiously ready for her desert, Tim. She hoped that her Kegel exercises worked. She’d been doing them all day. The last thing she wanted was for Tim to realize that she’d recently slept with another man. Tim stood up from the dinner table and blew out the candle that Grace had lit.

“I missed you, Gracey.” She melted when he called her nicknames.

“I missed you more, Timmy.” They both laughed at her corny reply. Tim picked Grace up and carried her into the bedroom, placing her on the bed and planting kisses all over her non-stop. Grace began to remove her clothes while Tim undressed himself.

As they lay skin to skin, Grace anticipated Tim’s love as it was just inches away from her.

“Hey Grace. I need to really talk to you.”

“Right now?”

“Yes, now.” Grace was confused, but wondered if Tim had been thinking about marriage too.

“Okay, I’m listening,” she replied softly.

Tim got up off of her.

“I didn’t come here tonight to have sex with you.”

“Um, okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. Look, Grace, I came here tonight to see if I could resist you.”

“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense.”

“I know. It’s all new to me, too. But something great has happened to me. I gave my life to the Lord,” Tim announced excitedly.

Grace could not believe it. Tim’s news was the last thing she’d expected. She began to pull the covers up over her as Tim went on and on about his newly found religion.

“So, if you’re saved now, why are you here with me again?”

“That’s the thing. Grace I knew that if I could resist you, then I was really a changed man. THANK YOU GOD. I DIDN’T GIVE INTO TEMPTATION.”

Grace felt beyond belittled. Her self-esteem escaped her body while she pretended to listen to Tim’s testimony. Discreetly she cried out for help on the inside.

Hours had passed and Tim and Grace, now dressed, lay side by side. Grace pretended to be asleep but was haunted by every comment that she heard throughout the day. Her life no had meaning and she was a successful wreck. Tim would leave in a couple of hours and for the first time she was relieved to have him leave. She was broken and didn’t want anyone to see her true condition and state of mind. As she lay in the bed, the depression grew and became unbearable. Finally, she got up and dressed for work.

Grace leaned over and whispered into Tim’s ear.

“Sorry, I have to run. I forgot that I have an important meeting this morning.”

“Okay. I’ll be leaving soon, too.”

Grace forced out a smile and was still obviously embarrassed from Tim’s big revelation.

She blew Tim a kiss and left the house as quickly as she could. Anxiety filled her lungs and she could not continue with her day without getting some serious help. She looked up counseling centers on her cell phone and drove to the nearest one. She desperately needed someone to talk to, but couldn’t trust anyone whom she knew personally.

Grace was in the parking lot of the counseling center before she could even process that she decided to see someone. The business hours on the door stated that it wasn’t weren’t open for business for three more hours. With nowhere else to go, she made up her mind to wait.

Chapter 4

Counseling

A week had passed and Grace was back at her therapist’s office.

So my therapist told me to get over my past. That’s easy for her to say. I don’t know why I’m here in the first place. I’m a Christian.

“Mrs. Ellis? Hello Mrs. Ellis?” said the young therapist, Dr. Ann, who was beginning to get frustrated from being ignored.

“Yes, I hear you.” Grace replied.

“What’s wrong? You seem very irritated. Were you just daydreaming?”

Grace took a deep breath. “I’m just exhausted. I had no idea that counseling could be so draining. I have to tell you everything from the beginning, but so much has happened. To be honest with you, Dr. Ann, I feel as if I have lived several lives. I don’t know where to start.

“You’re doing great Grace. I’m here to help you and I promise not to judge you. This is a safe place for you.”

Grace sighed and was relieved that Ann was so persistent. All the pain that was built up inside was driving her crazy, and talking to someone was her last option.

“Okay. I’m ready.” Grace stated boldly as she was about to stand face to face with her past.

“I noticed that you left some fields blank on your intake sheet. Was that intentional?”

Grace looked down at the floor but said nothing.

“You were asked about your first sexual experience, Grace, did you intentionally leave that blank?”

With enough confidence, Grace slowly replied,” Yes, I did. I wasn’t sure why it was necessary for me to disclose that information on a patient intake form.” Grace folded her arms and awaited a reply that was worthy of her acceptance.

“I understand your concern. We collect that information because first sexual experiences tend to play a major part in a person’s emotional development. Are you ready to share your first experience?”

Grace pushed her hair behind her ear. “I think I was eight years old. I have never told anyone about this, but I use to have a friend who would come over and play. In fact, she was my first friend. I was always a loner and she was the first person who wanted to play with me. She would introduce all kinds of games to me. I was a church kid and was very naïve. She always wanted to play house and pretended to be a boy. I hated her games, but was never good at standing up for myself. She would make me do all kinds of nasty things to her. As an eight-year-old, I didn’t understand the perversion of the games being played. However I did know that they were deviant.”

Grace stared into the air and didn’t complete her sentence.

“So how did you feel when you would play these deviant games with her?”

Grace glanced at Ann to make sure that her body language wasn’t showing signs of judging her. “I felt helpless. I remember thinking that she was older than I or maybe had been held back or something. I don’t know. I just remember feeling like she dominated me. I use to pray and ask God to make her stop coming over. However, that was difficult because my parents were excited that I finally had a friend.” Grace grabbed her bottled water and began to sip.

“So did you ever question your sexuality growing up?” asked Ann, seeking more clarity.

“No not at all. In fact, she was the first person that I hated. Shortly after I met her, my mother told me that I wouldn’t be playing with her anymore. I was really confused and didn’t understand because my parents really liked her. My mother further explained that the girl had hanged herself. I was never given the details, but I was relieved. I cried in front of my mother, but was happy all at the same time. I think that’s why I have always felt differently about death than other people. For me, death was also viewed as a new beginning. I use to watch a TV show called Quantum Leap. I literally felt like God kept starting my life over and giving me another chance to do things differently.”

Grace closed her eyes and exhaled as if she released the pain from her childhood.

“Are you angry about that friendship now?” asked Ann as she turned the page in her notebook.

“No. I’m not angry at all. The older I became and the more I understood the pain of others, I realized that the little girl was only doing what someone had done to her. I grew to feel sorry for her. Whoever was in her life was probably molesting her.”

“Wow, that’s some epiphany. Have you healed from that experienced and what have you learned from it?”

Grace smirked and released a slow sigh. “I learned that I’d rather be alone than to be desperate for friends. That’s why I’m a loner now. I have a way of making people feel that they’re close to me, when in reality I haven’t allowed them to. The friends that I have now have been in my life for a long time, and it took years for me to really trust them. Don’t get me wrong; I’m cordial with everyone I meet. I’m just not quick to place people in the friend category.

“So tell me about your siblings. Are you close to them?” Dr. Ann readjusted herself in the seat.

“I had a sister. We had a love–hate relationship. My sister was the crazy, wild, bad girl type and I was shy, reserved, and timid.”

Dr. Ann jotted some notes in her notepad.

“Grace, you mentioned that you had a sister. What does that mean?”

“It means that she’s dead. My sister overdosed on heroin when I was 16 years old. My parents were devastated. After that, I felt like I could do no wrong.”

“That’s terrible, Grace. I’m sorry to hear that. What do you mean by that statement, when you mentioned you could do no wrong?”

“Well, my parents became extremely overprotective of me after her death. I felt a strong desire to please them and not make any mistakes. I assume that’s why I’m successful today. Well, at least I appear to be.”

“I see. So, you didn’t make any mistakes according to your parent’s standards?”

“Nope, at least none that they are aware of.” Grace giggled and sighed to keep herself from crying.

“Aware of? So mistakes were made, just not that they knew. Correct?”

“Yes, I guess you can say that,” Grace whispered and began to cry.

“I’ll give you a few minutes. Collect your thoughts and when you’re ready, release it into the atmosphere.

Grace bit her bottom lips and squeezed her eyes tightly together. She wanted to hold back the hurt that stood behind her tears but they were pleading to be released.

“My parents didn’t know about my mistakes, but God did.”

“Tell me about your mistakes. Were they mistakes or life lessons?”

Grace became timid as her frustration left. Silence filled the room as Dr. Ann waited patiently for Grace to get up enough courage to reply.

“I was pregnant once. It happened when I was sixteen.”

“Take me back to that place in your life, but this time you won’t be alone. Walk me through your hurt.”

Chapter 5

The Fight

“Grace, hurry up. You’ll be late for school.”

Irritated and yearning for five more minutes of sleep, Grace pulled the covers away from her warm body. She dreaded the ice cold floor that shocked her body every time she stepped foot on it. She had only three hours of sleep and was definitely feeling the effects of sleep deprivation. Once again, she was caught up in one of Kelly’s scandals. Kelly loved to blackmail her and, after reading her diary, there was sure to be a lot of it.

“Good morning slut.”

“Shut up Kelly, all of this is your fault. You almost got us caught.”

“I didn’t make you sneak out last night.”

“I can’t stand you. I should have stayed home.”

“Oh yeah. Well, we both know that I’ll tell mom and dad what you did.”

“I don’t care anymore; tell them. I’m tired of you always trying to blackmail me.” Grace boldly rolled her eyes at Kelly.

“Calm down. Stop getting so upset. I’m not going to tell on you. Craig begged me to bring you with me. He said that he wasn’t going to see me unless you came. He wanted someone to be there for his cousin.”

“Yea I was there alright. I was about to kick him in his crotch. He tried to have sex with me all night. The more noise you and Craig made, the more he got turned on.”

“You should have slept with him. He’s a cutie. It’s not like you’re a virgin anymore.”

“You just had to bring that up, didn’t you?” Grace’s stomach dropped every time Kelly reminded her of the secret.

“Yep. I’m just glad that you finally did something that would piss off our parents. I’m tired of always being the screw-up.”

“So you want mom and dad to know? You were going to tell on me no matter what I did for you, weren’t you?” Tears filled Grace’s eyes as disappointment and anger grew.

“You’re so naïve. You shouldn’t have been so stupid to write the details of losing your virginity in a diary. What, are you like twelve years old?”

Grace did not respond, but her crocodile tears did. The more tears streamed down her face, the more pleasure Kelly had.

“I can’t believe that you were going to tell on me regardless. That guy … that guy made me give him head while putting my finger up his butt,” Grace stated with disgust.

“You walk around here like you’re better than me. I hate you. I don’t care if you cry. You’re a slut and I’m going to tell everyone.”

Grace could no longer contain herself. Before she realized it, she had slapped Kelly across her face, leaving her handprint. Kelly was caught off guard and Grace did not wait for her response. She continued to hit and pull Kelly’s hair, not allowing her to get one hit in.

Then, suddenly, their parents were pulling them apart and were outraged.

“What has gotten into you girls?” Grace and Kelly refused to make eye contact with each other.

“Someone better answer me RIGHT NOW.”

Grace was waiting for Kelly to spill the beans. It was her opportunity to destroy her good girl image.

“I’m tired of Grace wearing my clothes. I told her to take off my shirt and she didn’t. So I hit her and pulled it off of her.”

“KELLY. WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?”

Kelly looked down at the floor in shame.

“We’ll talk about all of this later. Get downstairs, now. It’s time to leave for school.” Both girls walked towards the bedroom door, in fear of getting smacked as they walked past their mother.

Chapter 6

Sister to Sister

“Wow, Grace. So Kelly didn’t tell on you.” Dr. Ann wrote more notes and could not ignore the pain that Grace was feeling. “How did that make you feel?”

Grace looked at Dr. Ann as if she had waited to answer that question her whole life. “She never told. I couldn’t believe that she never told. She also never asked me about Craig’s cousin. In some strange way, I feel that Kelly wanted to protect me from that day on. She always knew that I had a problem standing up for myself, and the thought of what that guy made me do really upset her. While she was having sex in the next room, I was being taken advantage of. We never talked about that day ever again.”

“You and Kelly became really close after that, didn’t you?”

“Yes we did.” Grace replied in barely a whisper.

“Did she know about your pregnancy?”

“I never told her, but she knew. Sisters just know those things. We would have our menstrual cycles around the same time, and of course she probably noticed something wasn’t right. Grace laughed to herself. “I remember having morning sickness and my sister pretended to be sick, too. I knew that she wasn’t really sick and I believe that she knew that I really didn’t have the flu.”

“So, let me make sure that I understand this. Kelly was still protecting you even without speaking to you?”

“I know it was crazy. But yeah, that’s exactly how it was. Our lives went in two directions. She became a party girl and I continued to do whatever I could to please my parents.

“I see. So tell me about the pregnancy.” Dr. Ann engaged Kelly with her eyes, anticipating the emotionally journey.

“Everything was a lie.” Grace grew cold and emotionless. She forced her shoulders back as if she was back to go to war with Satan himself.

“I’m confused. What was a lie? You weren’t really pregnant?” The expression on Dr. Ann’s face indicted the complexity of her story.

“Oh yes, I was pregnant. But I lied in my journal. I didn’t lose my virginity the way I described. That was merely what I dreamed about happening.”

“Okay, so tell me what really happened? Grace, what’s your truth?” she took a deep breath to prepare for response.

“I was pregnant by Craig.”

“Your sister’s boyfriend?” said Dr. Ann.

Grace nodded her head in agreement.

“My sister was so in love with him, but she was also naïve. I can’t count how many times he raped me. My sister would have him over at our house while my parents were away at church conferences, speaking engagements, or just random church events. They would always drink. They would drink a lot. He was older and would purchase alcohol for her. Meanwhile I’d go to my room and be alone. They’d have sex on my parents’ bed, in the bathrooms, pretty much anywhere and everywhere. I think he was addicted to sex.

“Well it was common for my sister to pass out sloppy drunk. Craig would do gross things to me. Whenever she wasn’t looking, he’d pull out his penis and make obscene gestures. Being around him was very uncomfortable. The first time he came into my room, I pretended to be asleep. I wished he’d go away and was really scared of him. I always knew something was wrong with him because he was twenty-three when he started dating my sister, and she was only fourteen. So by this time, he was about twenty-six.” Grace developed an attitude while describing Craig.

“Were your parents okay with her dating him?”

“Absolutely not. Kelly used to be best friends with his little sister. Because he was a loser, he still lived at home with his parents. Kelly would stay all night over there just to have sex with him. Her best friend didn’t know about them either. No one did. Eventually, everyone found out. By then, she was so deeply in love with him she’d do almost anything to see him. Her best friend became her worse enemy. I truly believe that he molested her until she was okay with it, the same way he did me.”

“You became okay with it? Grace, tell me about your inner feelings.” Grace sighed and Dr. Ann knew that things were getting very difficult.

“Let’s stop here today. We’ll pick up where you left off at the next session.”

Grace was relieved. Emotionally drained and aggravated, she scheduled her next appointment.

Chapter 7

Sick and Tired

Several months passed and Grace was suffering from severe depression. Her counseling sessions were becoming more and more intense. With her life being exposed, the reality of her pain became more real than just a mere memory. She had no idea that she was carrying so much baggage; no wonder why men didn’t take her seriously. Grace was used to a pretend life and hadn’t exposed her true self to anyone. No one knew who Grace truly was, and she was just getting to know herself. She never trusted anyone with her secrets. Even her parents couldn’t see her many scars.

Dr. Ann opened the door and called her into the office.

“Hello, Grace.”

“Hello, Dr. Ann,” she replied sarcastically.

“I don’t want to waste any time today. I’m ready to talk about the baby.” Dr. Ann was caught off guard.

“Sure, Grace. Whenever you’re ready to begin.” The room became cold as if it was preparing for an emotional storm.

“Everything in my life always seemed to end up being a secret. I never imagined that I’d have to keep my pregnancy a secret. When I was a little girl, I thought that I knew how my life would go. I wanted to be married, have all of my children with my husband—and I could even picture all of my family attending my baby shower. That wasn’t my reality. I got pregnant because my sister’s boyfriend couldn’t keep his hands off of me. I’ve blamed myself for years. I thought that if I told my sister the truth, she’d hate me for sure.

“Craig had a way of making Kelly believe everything that he said, but in reality everything that came out of that man’s mouth was a lie. Craig was a con artist. He was good at, too. He’d do awful things to me, then he’d turn everything around as if I was to blame. He would threaten to tell Kelly about us and the very thought of her finding out frightened me. Craig took advantage of me and he knew that I hated him. I remember one time I refused to have sex with him. He got so angry that he twisted my ear extremely hard until I opened my legs. Every time he raped me, he would never use protection and I could smell the scent of Kelly on his breath.”

Dr. Ann looked up from her notepad.

“You would smell Kelly when he would have sex with?” Dr. Ann was realizing more and more how much emotional turmoil Grace endured.

“Yes, I’d smell and sometimes even taste her.” Grace dropped her head in shame and began to sob. “He would come into my room after being with her. I could tell whenever he performed oral sex on her because he’d find pleasure in making me kiss him afterwards.” The tragic thoughts ran through Grace’s mind as she begged God to make them leave.

“Once I became pregnant, I knew that things would have to change. I wanted everyone, including Kelly, to believe that I had a boyfriend. I thought Craig would leave me alone if he heard about me having a boyfriend. It worked, but soon after, I realized that I was pregnant. I couldn’t bring myself to have his child. I hated Craig and the baby that I was carrying. My whole life was a lie and I just wanted to die. Being pregnant was driving me insane. I was in a mental and emotional war that no one could see but God. I terminated that pregnancy. I felt bad for that baby but I couldn’t love it.”

Grace wiped her eyes and the tears were slowly starting to dry up. God I’m sorry, please take this pain away. The room began to warm up from the sunlight that found its way in.

Chapter 8

What’s Love Anyway?

A couple of day had gone by and Grace was still pondering her latest counseling session. The thought of that crazy love triangle disturbed her. In so many ways, she felt responsible and blamed herself. The emotional turmoil had eaten away at her conscience for years and she was desperate to become free from all guilt and shame. I just want a normal life, Grace repeated in her mind. Nothing could make the pain go away. Thinking about her past instantly ambushed her with depression and the burden was too heavy to carry. Something needed to happen, and happen fast. Hope was slipping away from her and death was becoming more and more appealing by the second.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Grace looked at her phone with anger. Who could be texting me now? She noticed it was a text message from Tim.

Tim: Hey beautiful! I know you’re probably mad at me. Did my letter offend you?

Grace was confused and was clueless about the letter Tim was referring too. Although she was indeed disappointed about his recent visit with her, she was relieved that her attention had shifted so quickly.

Grace: I respect your feelings. I just didn’t enjoy being your experiment for resisting temptation. So, to answer your question, no, I’m not mad at you. And what letter? Huh?

Grace was lying and rolled her eyes as she awaited a reply. She was angry but lacked the courage to tell Tim how low he made her feel the night he rejected her.

Tim: You didn’t get my letter?

Grace: No, what letter?

Tim: I left a letter on the nightstand. Read it.

Grace: Okay. I’ll get it now.

Blood raced warmly through Grace’s body, and her adrenaline was going at the speed of light. What could he possibly have written me? She proceeded to the nightstand that was cluttered with makeup and nail polish. To her surprise, she noticed a white envelope sticking out from underneath her vintage lamp.

Gracy was written neatly on the front. She quickly opened the letter and began to read.

Gracy,

I want to first apologize for the way that I have treated you over the years. You’re a great woman and you never deserved to be mishandled. I wasn’t a man. I preyed upon you vulnerabilities and took advantage of you, and for that I am sincerely sorry. God is changing me and He made me realize that I had to make things right with you. I have to be completely honest with you. I know that I have a lot of work to do for my personal growth, but I’m willing. I wanted to apologize to your face, but I was too cowardly. Instead, I found myself in the same situation with you. Until I get stronger spiritually, I’m afraid that I can no longer see you. I cannot continue to mislead you. I hope that you understand. You will forever be in my heart.

Tim

The words tore through Grace’s heart like a barbwire fence.

Tim: Grace?

Tim: Gracy?

Grace did not respond. Instead she turned off her phone and placed it on the nightstand on top on the letter. Once again, love wasn’t a reality for her. She walked over to the bed and lay down gently. Placing her pillow between her legs, she cried herself to sleep.

Chapter 9

There is a God

As Grace got dressed for work, all she could do was reflect on her life. The guilt from sleeping with her sister’s boyfriend all that time haunted her. Although she was hurt, the pregnancy was what caused her the most pain. Come on Grace, pull yourself together. She continued to gather her belongings to leave for work without fully dressing up to par. Without wearing any makeup or fancy accessories, Grace was barely hanging onto life as she made her way into work.

As Grace pulled into the parking lot, she noticed how everyone was smiling and going on with their daily routine. Discouraged and feeling defeated, she continued to press her way into the building. Grace did not speak to anyone once she entered the building and no one felt comfortable speaking to her. The elevator door opened and Grace was greeted with a smile from her receptionist Rachel. It didn’t take long for Rachel’s smile to fade. It was apparent that Grace was having a bad day.

Rachel jumped from the force Grace used to slam the door. Less than five minutes had passed when she heard crying coming from behind the dark solid wood door. The gold hinges magnified as Rachel stared at the door. She’d never seen Grace look so badly. Rachel didn’t want to interfere, but was conflicted listening to the crying. She couldn’t take it anymore. Grace was hurting. After working for her for almost six years, she felt that it was appropriate to check up on her. Rachel approached the door with caution.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. Several seconds passed and there was no answer. She gently turned the knob and was shocked as she witnessed Grace sitting on the opposite side of her desk gazing out of the window.

“Sorry to barge in. I just wanted to check on you.” Graced chuckled at the sound of Rachel’s soft voice.

“Ms. Grace? Is there anything that I can do for you? Should I cancel all of your meetings?” Rachel asked hesitantly.

“Rachel, how is it that you’re always so happy?”

“Well … I learned a long time ago that I could not be happy on my own. I realized that I needed a savior.

“Rachel, stop it. I know you’re a Christian, I am, too, but you seem different,” Grace replied.

“Yes, I know. The difference is in the relationship. No disrespect, but some people are dating the church: they try dating Jesus, or they’re engaged to their family’s religious traditions. I’m none of the above. I choose to give my life to Christ. I’m committed and I married Him. Well, not literally, but I’m just trying to express my level of commitment.”

“You’ve worked for me … what, almost six years now?”

“Yes, that’s correct.” Rachel blinked slowly and wondered where the conversation was going.

“Out of six years, I’ve never seen you have a bad day. You must have had a perfect life and everything great, huh? I see how your husband brings you flowers and takes you out to lunch.” Grace smiled and exhaled.

“My life has been far from perfect and I’ve had some really rough days since I’ve worked here. Yes, I have a great husband but he’s also my third. I had to learn how to welcome his love and not push him away. See, I was so used to misery that it became my expectation. I had my first son in high school and I married his father my senior year. I made the best decision with the little knowledge that I had as a teenager. I felt like I had very few options. I was just trying to make it. Five years and two kids later I was divorced.

“The more I matured, the more responsibility I took for my life as a sinner. I’d mess up things and ask God to fix them. That was the extent of my relationship with God. He was my cleanup man and I was good at making a mess. My life has been far from perfect. I’m who I am because I surrendered over everything. My only sibling was murdered and God brought me through that. My second husband died of cancer and God brought me through that. And I have lost both parents. I’m pretty convinced that God will never leave me no matter how hard life gets. He brought my husband into my life at my darkest hour. Can you believe that God allow him to fall in love with me as broken as I was?

“Ms. Grace, I don’t look like what I’ve been through. We’d be here all night if I shared all of my hurt, disappointments, trials. I don’t know what you’re going through, but I’m a witness that trials are a lot easier when you surrender it all to Christ. If I had go through everything that I went through without Christ, I’m certain that I would have committed suicide. Satan was trying to kill me or make me lose my mind. But you know what I tell him now?” Grace shrugged her shoulders.

“I tell him to go straight to hell.” Grace busted out in laughter and Rachel joined. The two of them continued to talk for hours. Grace laughed, cried, and repented. She surrendered her life to Christ. She committed.

Chapter 10

Light at the End of the Tunnel

As she waited to be called back for her counseling session, Grace flipped through a family magazine. The couple on the cover looked so happy and Grace knew that she wanted that life, too.

“Grace.” She was finally being called back. The couple leaving avoided looking at Grace as if they were embarrassed to be in counseling. It was always awkward to see Dr. Ann’s other patients. She often wondered what their issues were, because they all seemed to be well put together as well.

“Good Morning Grace. Are you ready to begin?”

“You know what? I am. I’m so ready to begin.”

“Wow, Grace. I must say you seem a lot different. What’s been going on in your life?” Dr. Ann was pleasantly surprised. Her normal sessions with Grace were extremely draining and took considerable effort.

“Nothing really. I’m just ready to be happy. I’m ready to heal. And … I’m ready to let go of the past.

“Grace, you are awesome. I’m speechless. The strength that you’ve walked into my office with is amazing. Where did this come from?”

“It came from a place of tiredness. I’m tired of allowing my past to define me. I cannot change anything. I just want to expose it, get over it, and be done with it.”

Dr. Ann sat up in her chair, trying to hold her composure.

“As I waited to be called back, I noticed a picture on the cover of that magazine in your waiting room. It’s crazy but I had an epiphany. I truly believe that I have made a choice to be depressed. I was a child when a lot hurt occurred.”

“Grace, that’s great. Yes, you were a child and your childhood hurt spilled over into your adulthood,” explained Dr. Ann. “We’re all grownups carrying a sad child within us. Can you help that little girl grow up?”

“Yes. Grace whispered.”

“Then help her. Only you can reach her, because she doesn’t trust anyone else.”

“How do I do that?”

“Talk to her. Giver her permission to forgive, to heal, and to grow up with that pain.” Grace closed her eyes and Dr. Ann grabbed her hands. “I told you that you weren’t alone. Tell Little Grace everything that she needs to hear.”

Grace took a deep breath.

“Grace. Everything that happened wasn’t your fault. You were an innocent child. People took advantage of you because you have always just wanted to please others.”

Grace paused. Tears streamed down her face uncontrollably.

“Continue on. It’s okay. I’m here Grace,” Dr. Ann reassured.

“You were never alone and your parents didn’t know the pain that you endured. You were protecting them, too. I understand that you didn’t want them to hurt. Grace, you don’t have to keep reliving it. Today is a new day and happiness is here waiting for you to accept it. Can you let go?”

Grace shook her head back and forth. The idea of talking to her younger self was overwhelming.

“Grace I want you to write a letter. Tell everyone how you feel and what their actions have done to you.” Dr. Ann placed her notepad onto Grace’s lap.

“Okay, I’ll do it.” Grace reached for Dr. Ann’s pen and began to write.

I wish that I could live a normal life but that seems impossible because of the scars that you all have left me with. Well, today I’m done. I’m evicting the pain that you have caused out of my life for good.

Craig – I forgive you for everything that you have done to me and my sister. I watched you take everything from her and how you tried to destroy me. I pray for God’s mercy on your soul.

Kelly – I miss you so much and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for you. I resented you because you brought Craig into my life and because of that, I hated you for years. I couldn’t be around you because of him. I never thought that I was better than you or looked down on you. I just had to be free from the demons that followed you. When you used to indulge in drugs and drink alcohol, we would agree about it but you never understood why. You called me judgmental, but it was because you were no longer in your right mind to protect me from Craig. I forgive you for everything. I’m sorry that I wasn’t brave enough to tell you the truth. Please rest in peace.

Dad and Mom – I have been through a lot and I robbed you of the opportunity to be there for me. I have felt so alone and I’m tired of hurting. I was angry at you for making church your priority, while Kelly and I were practically raising ourselves. We needed you two more than you’ll ever realized. I never told you, but I blamed you for Kelly’s death. I felt that if you had spent more time with her, you could have offered her more guidance. I never understood how you loved God so much but never talked about Him with us. You assumed that we knew Him. We didn’t. Kelly was searching for love and I was left searching for healing. No one saw us. You never truly saw us. I’m letting go today. Today, I forgive you for everything that you didn’t know about. Today I will be free.

Grace held the letter in her hand, feeling empowered and free.

“Now I’d like you to write a letter to yourself. I want you to list everything you have done to bring yourself dishonor. Write down the name of every person who has violated you or you’ve given yourself away to. Write down the things that haunt you the most, and be honest with yourself regarding the pain.”

Grace was exhausted but wanted to continue with the process. Without further hesitation, she began to do as instructed. Her face was irritated from the constant wiping away of her tears. Her cheeks stung with pain as her tears began to resemble acid as they trailed down her face. Dr. Ann waited patiently for Grace to finish writing. Minutes felt like hours. Grace looked up at Dr. Ann and sighed.

“I’m done.”

“Great. I’m sure that was difficult for you, but it’s important that you release that pain in order to move forward in your life.” Grace nodded. “Now I’d like you to rip up the sheets of paper. As you rip it, say it’s over.”

Grace started to shred the paper into a million small pieces. She laughed, cried, and laughed again. She was finally letting go of her past.

Chapter 11

A New Day

“Well look at you. You’re glowing this morning, Miss Grace.”

“Really? I’m not sure about that, but I feel good.”

“You also look good. In fact, I hope I don’t offend you when I say this, but I’ve never seen you look so happy.”

“That’s kind of you. However, Rachel, I have to thank you for everything.”

“Thank me for what? I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh, yes, you did. Because of you, for the first time in my life I actually wanted to get closer to God.”

“As much as I would like to take credit for that, I cannot. See, God already had our divine appointment set. It was only a matter of time before you saw Him in me.”

“You’re so wise. There aren’t many people like you in this world, that’s for sure. I can be so moody at times and you’ll continue to work hard for me anyway.”

“Well not exactly,” laughed Rachel. “I work as if I’m working for God. That’s what true believers in Christ are called to do.”

“Okay. You’ve won me over. What church do you go to and what time should you expect me there?” Grace giggled.

“You have just made my day.” Rachel grabbed a sticky note and wrote down the church’s information.

“I can’t wait to see you there.” Rachel handed Grace the sticky note and smiled with compassion. Grace smiled back and slowly took the note, in disbelief that she was actually going to go to Rachel’s church.

Chapter 12

A Step Forward

It was Sunday morning and all Grace could think about was starting her new life. The sun was shining brightly into her vanilla-scented living room. Just as she was about to leave, she was reminded to get her Bible. Her eyes quickly scanned the bookshelf. Grace never read a book twice. She had no intention of giving away or rereading any of the books that she had in her collection. Ironically, the only book that she hadn’t read was the Bible. There they were: two Bibles placed side by side. She grabbed her Bible and began to reminisce. With a smile in her eyes, she kissed the Bible and exhaled. The Bible was given to her right before Kelly went into rehab for the third time.

“Grace I just need you to hold this for me.”

“No. You keep it. Mom gave it to you.”

“It’s too late for me. I’m only going to rehab because if I don’t, mom and dad will kick me out again. I’m already dead. Can’t you see that?”

“Stop talking like that. What do you mean? Kelly you’re scaring me.

“I don’t want to get kicked out again. Craig hates that he can’t control my life when I’m home. The last time I got kicked out, he made me sleep with men for drugs.”

“He did what? He had you prostituting? Oh, no, Kelly. Why can’t you just leave him alone? He’s ruining your life.”

“I love him, I don’t know why … he just needs help. I’m not going to put all the blame on him. The drugs were for me, too.”

“He’s brainwashed you.” Grace placed her hand over her mouth in disbelief, knowing that Craig also had control over her.

“I gotta go. Mom is waiting for me.” Kelly laid the Bible down on Grace’s bed and walked out of the room. Her eyes filled up with burning tears. She was numb. The sound of Kelly closing the car door echoed. Grace could only hope that she could change things before Kelly returned home. Unfortunately, that would be the last time she saw Kelly alive.

Grace was alarmed when she received a text message from Rachel reminding her of the church’s address. Back to reality, she snapped out of it. She rapidly shook her head, trying to get rid of the image of Kelly’s Bible sitting on the shelf. Grace opened the front door frustrated and nervous. Without considering any excuses, she forced herself to continue on to church.

Chapter 13

New Discovery

It was bright and early and Grace could not get into her office quickly enough - which was not typical for a Monday morning. She enjoyed herself immensely at church and could not wait to talk to Rachel. She had hoped to speak to her prior to leaving church on Sunday, but so many people flooded the aisles and it was nearly impossible to reach her. Nevertheless, she was grateful to know Rachel personally.

The elevator door opened and Rachel greeted Grace with an innocent smile.

“Good morning, Ms. Grace.” Rachel could not help but notice how eager Grace was to reply.

“I cannot believe you,” chuckled Grace as she pointed her index finger directly at Rachel.

“What?” Rachel giggled as she pretended to sort through the incoming mail.

“You know exactly what I’m referring to. Why didn’t you tell me that your husband was the pastor?” Rachel laughed at Grace’s disbelief.

“It wasn’t important. There was no need to mention it.”

“Really? Now, I’m extremely embarrassed. Over the years he had to hear my awful potty mouth and be exposed to my rude attitude.”

“Oh, Ms. Grace. Please don’t look at it like that. My husband isn’t God and understands what most people go through.”

“Yeah, but … I just feel bad. I know he’s not God. However I wouldn’t dare want a pastor to witness my foul behavior.” Rachel smiled empathetically.

“Ms. Grace, my husband and I both have a great deal of respect for you. Believe me, so many people pretend to be someone else in front of us. I respect that you’re genuine.”

Grace chuckled and blinked slowly. Hearing that someone respected her was appreciated. “Rachel, please call me Grace for now on.”

With a confused looked on her face, Rachel paused from opening the mail and saw the tears fill Grace’s eyes. She was speechless as she watched the most powerful woman in the building become the most vulnerable.

Grace continued into her office and shut the door behind her.

A transition was occurring inside of her that became more apparent every day. She was becoming more sensitive and aware of her actions. Spiritually frustrated, she desired to hear from the wisest person she knew, her mother. While she waited for her computer to start up, she decided to call her mom before she began working. She pulled out her cell phone and smiled as she heard the phone ring.

“Hello.” Grace smiled even more hearing her mother’s voice for the first time in months.

“Hey, beautiful.”

“Gracey May! Well hello, darling. It’s a pleasure to hear from you.”

“I miss you mom.”

“Oh, Gracey, we miss you, too. Is everything alright?”

“Actually, things are great.” Can you believe that I went to church yesterday?”

“You did? That’s wonderful, Grace. God’s timing is perfect.”

“Yes, indeed. I’ve been going through a lot lately, but I’m moving forward. I wanted to sit down with you and dad to discuss some things.”

“Oh, okay?” Hesitation followed her mother mother’s reply as she mentioned her intentions.

“I think I may come home this weekend. Will you and daddy be available?”

The conversation filled with silence. “Mom? Mom, are you there?” Grace pressed the phone against her ear firmly. She leaned forward to distinguish the sound coming from the other end of the phone. “Mom, are you crying?” Anxiety grew rapidly as she awaited her mother’s response.

“Your father no longer lives here. He has divorced me.” That wasn’t the response that Grace had expected. “EXCUSE ME? Are you serious?” Grace stood up from her desk and looked out of the window.

“I didn’t want to tell you like this. I’m sorry. I was hoping that things would work out before you came back home.”

“When and how did this happen?”

“We have had problems for many years. When you and Kelly were younger we decided to stay together at least until you both graduated. Well, after Kelly died, our marriage became bittersweet. We both stayed busy at the church – and practically neglected you in the process. Kelly’s death was hard on everyone, but mostly on your father. I didn’t know until many years later that he blamed me for her death.”

“Oh, no. Mom, it was not your fault,” Grace said.

“Well your father believes differently. He said that I was too busy. Ministering to all of the young girls at the church while forgetting to be there for my own daughters.”

Grace felt her heart break into tiny pieces as she listened to her mother. The conversation continued on for nearly an hour. Grace was overwhelmed after receiving such shocking news. Her life was going great, but instantly was turned upside down.

After hanging up the phone, she no longer wanted to go home. She was not prepared to comfort her parents’ divorce. How could a marriage that seemed so perfect go so wrong? As soon as life began to make sense, something always happened to remind her that it was filled with pain and disappointment. Focus, Grace, she thought to herself as she tried to prepare her mind for work.

Delete. Delete. Delete. Grace dreaded going through her emails on Monday morning. Most of the emails were irrelevant. She was CCd on nearly all correspondence in the office. Wait! Grace unchecked an incoming message and realized that she had overlooked a travel assignment. Traveling to a conference wasn’t that bad, considering how her day was going. She typically hated networking with so many snakes, but she needed this conference to get her mind off her family and personal issues. Without hesitation, Grace replied to the email, confirming her travel.

Chapter 14

A Trip to Heartache Land

The week was full of meetings and luncheons. She laughed and played her role well. Networking was important to her company’s funding and her charm always guaranteed huge donations. The conferees are primarily men but she always fit in with the “good old boys” club. Several men looked forward to networking with Grace a couple times a year. They were all married, but flirting with her seemed to excite them. She had her limits and sleeping with married men was one of them. Because of her parents, she believed in marriage until now. The more the married men flirted with her, the more agitated she became. Miles away from home, she decided to stay an extra day to unwind.

The room was overcome with sadness. Grace could not stop thinking about her parents. Enough of the pity party. Grace slid her feet back inside her heels. She changed her mind from ordering room service to dining at the awesome hotel restaurant near the lobby.

For a Friday night, the restaurant was slow and quiet. She didn’t have a problem dining alone, but really desired some company. The hostess approached her.

“Good evening ma’am. How many people are in your party?” Grace hated when she was asked obvious questions.

“I’m dining alone …,” replied Grace as she was simultaneously cut off in mid-sentence by a masculine, seductive voice behind her.

“A table for two, please.”

Grace turned around. It was Ray. Never before had she ever been so happy to see him. The hostess escorted them to their seat.

“What a pleasant surprise,” Grace commented with her usual feisty attitude. “Really?

Why?” Ray continued to act naïve in a playful manner.

“I just assumed that your plane left earlier today. Besides, we barely spoke during the conference and now we’re having dinner together?”

“That’s why I stayed.” Grace didn’t understand what he was referring too.

“You stayed for what exactly? I’m not sure that I understand what you’re referring to.”

“I stayed behind just in case you did, too. You seemed to be really stressed this week. I was worried about you.”

Grace could not believe her ears. Ray was a jerk, but something about him was different. He was sincere.

“It was that obvious, huh?”

“You just didn’t seem to be yourself. Are you okay?”

Before she could respond, the server approached to take their order. “Good evening. May I take your drink order?”

Ray nodded his head towards Grace, suggesting that she go first.

“Yes, I’d like a Long Island ice tea and a water with lemon.” Ray raised his eyebrows in total surprise.

“And for you sir?” Ray looked at Grace and began to place his order.

“I’ll have a Long Island ice tea as well.” Ray didn’t take his eyes off Grace.

The young waitress smiled. It was obvious that she was used to serving the hotel guests as they relaxed from long meetings. She turned and walked away as quickly as possible.

“So, that’s how you’re doing?” Ray wasn’t used to seeing Grace drink, and wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to join her.

“Yep, that’s how I’m doing.” Grace replied with a stern look and with confidence in her attitude.

“Baby, why are you so stressed?”

Grace laughed out loud. “Baby? So, when did I become your baby?” Grace knew that Ray was full of crap, but she desired the attention that he was showing her.

“Grace I’ve liked you for a long time. I was a jerk in your office that day and I apologize for making those comments. I deserved everything that you told me. I believe that you can have all of those things.

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. Thank you. That really means a lot. However, I’m not so sure that I want to get married anymore. Therefore, I’ll probably never become a mother, either,” Grace replied as she grabbed her drink from the waitress. She instantly began to sip it, making an unpleasant sour face.

Ray laughed. “You don’t look right drinking. Why did you order that strong drink anyway?” he chuckled as he drank his without using his straw.

Grace laughed. “I don’t know. That’s the only drink I could think of.” They both continued.

“So, why don’t you want to be married?” asked Ray.

“Well … I’m not sure that I believe in it anymore.”

“Marriage isn’t bad. It requires a lot of work, but it’s not bad.”

“Ok, so … why did you get a divorce then?”

“Sex.”

“What do you mean sex?”

“My ex-wife never wanted to have sex. She gave our children all her attention and at the end of the day there was nothing left for me.”

“Really? Ray, I’m so sorry. I can’t stand women like that. If I was your wife, I’d give it to you every day no matter what. I love sex.” Grace started be become more seductive when she spoke and Ray was enjoying the conversation.

“Yeah, I know how much you love it. You’re good at it, too.” Ray could see where the conversation was going and so could Grace. She pretended to fix the collar on her blouse but proceeded to unbuttoned her top two buttons, exposing her cleavage. Ray’s eyes followed. He knew what Grace was insinuating as he bit his bottom lip in agreement.

Chapter 15

Sober Pain

With a hangover and smelling like liquor, Grace woke up to the sun shining directly in her face. She was completely nude and realized that her legs were glued together with Ray’s semen. There was no sign of him anywhere. As Grace’s eyes skimmed the room, she was reminded of her drunken escapade. There were wine bottles lying around. She didn’t remember ordering them, but it was apparent that she had shared them with Ray. Once again she felt like trash.

Tears rolled down her face with disappointment as she searched the room for a sign that they used a condom. She searched and searched, but found nothing. With no more time to waste, she hurried to gather her things to catch her flight. There was no time to shower, no time to worry about a condom, and definitely no time for a pity party. Trying to look presentable, she threw on her clothes and a pair of sunglasses to hide from her shame. To cover up the stench of alcohol, she sprayed the last of her perfume all over her body. Her headache intensified as she rushed to leave the hotel.

As she walked past people, it felt as though everyone was looking at her with judgment in their eyes. She was paranoid and felt terribly depressed. The thought of returning to work and seeing Rachel broke her heart. Rachel worked so closely with her, she could always tell when something wasn’t right. Guilt and failure filled Grace’s conscious. Who am I fooling? I can’t change. I’m a whore, thought grace as she boarded her flight.

Chapter 16

Reaction

Feeling nauseous, Grace phoned Rachel with the little strength she found.

After returning from the conference, she tried to avoid her. However, Rachel knew from Grace’s demeanor that something went terribly wrong.

“Yes, Ms. Grace?” Rachel braced herself. She was expecting Grace to spill the beans.

“Please hold my calls today. You can take a message or forward them straight to my voicemail.”

“Okay sure. Is everything okay? Rachel wasn’t trying to overstep boundaries, but grew concerned. Grace was her boss indeed. But she was also a member of her church and spiritual well-being was important to her.

“I’m okay. I just feel sick and may need to go home early.” She rubbed her head in agony and hung up the phone before Rachel could ask her any more questions.

Several minutes passed and the discomfort became unbearable. She had no choice. She had to go home and get some rest. Feeling like walking death, she grabbed only her key and purse and left the office. Rachel said nothing. Grace said nothing as she walked onto the elevator.

In the car on her way home, she was not alone. Misery was with her and Grace knew it. She could feel it, and it was a familiar spirit. The feeling of happiness was foreign to her. All she ever knew was pain, struggle, and loneliness. Having no one to care for her while she was sick was a sad reminder of her single, lonely, miserable life. As her stomach turned, all she could think about was Ray. Her vagina was irritated and it burned like razors cutting her whenever she urinated.

Curiosity was killing her. She and Ray hadn’t spoken since their night of drunken passion. Grace pulled up to her house. Before she got out of the car she decided to call Ray. The phone rang. She was sent to voicemail. Frustrated, she hung up the phone without leaving a message. Jerk. Just as she was about to open the car door, her phone vibrated, startling her. It was Ray.

“Hello, Ray.

“Hey, beautiful. What’s wrong?” Grace rolled her eyes not convinced that he truly cared about her.

“I don’t feel well and I just need to know something.”

“Really? I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. What do you need to know?”

“Before I go to the doctor, is there anything that you want to tell me?”

“Excuse me. Tell you something like what?” Grace remained silent. “Grace, answer me. What are you trying to ask me?” Ray became furious and obnoxious.

“Did you give me anything. I just want to be safe.”

“Safe. It’s too late for that. I should be the one worried about you giving me something. To answer your question, no. I’m good and my main man is good, too. Go get yourself checked out and don’t call me with your drama anymore.” Ray hung up the phone before Grace could further accuse him of giving her a sexually transmitted disease.

She pulled out of her driveway and decided to take herself to the doctor.

Chapter 17

Help

Several months went by and Grace never thought that she’d be so happy to be waiting in Dr. Ann’s waiting room again. Her palms were sweating. She had so much built up inside of her, but no one to talk to. The door opened. It was Dr. Ann.

“Well hello Grace, it’s good to see you. Follow me this way. Grace followed, contemplating whether she had made the right decision to schedule her appointment. She was nervous.

“Would you like something to drink? I have some ice cold water.” Dr. Ann pointed towards her mini refrigerator.

“No thank you. I’m fine.” Grace crossed her legs and seemed apprehensive.

“Please, relax. I know it’s probably awkward considering that you haven’t been here in a while. But it won’t be too painful. I promise.”

Grace did not budge. She wasn’t in a playful mood and her body language told Dr. Ann immediately.

“Ok, well, let’s get started. What brings you here today? Where would you like to begin?”

Grace looked down at her nails. Good question. Where do I start? She swallowed her fear and focused her eyes on Dr. Ann.

“I feel torn. I’m so powerful and important in my career. But when it comes to my love life, I’m so vulnerable. I’m not naïve. Men don’t respect me at all.” Grace turned red with embarrassment.

“It common for people to have contradicting struggles – being strong and weak all at the same time; confident, yet insecure. The list can go on. How can you strengthen your weakness and vulnerability with men?” Grace closed her eyes with pity.

“I’m afraid that I don’t know how. I’ve always separated the two. Until now.”

“Now? What do you mean by that?” Dr. Ann appeared to be confused.

“I began seeing someone at work. He found out my weakness and I always gave into the bait. He no longer respects my business practices thanks to our steamy encounters. I even accused him of giving me an STD. He was belligerent. That’s when things got really ugly.” Tears began to build. Grace gazed at the floor until she blinked. Her tears escaped down her cheeks and onto her lap.

“How ugly did things get for you?”

“Well the good news is that I didn’t have an STD. It was a urinary tract infection.” Grace laughed and Dr. Ann joined in.

“So then what’s the bad news?”

Grace ceased laughing. She pulled up her shirt and exposed her enlarged stomach.

“Grace? Are you expecting?” She nodded yes nonchalantly. “I’m afraid. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be married. Everywhere I go people always look at my hand to see if I’m wearing a wedding ring. It’s humiliating.”

“Although you may not have planned the conception of this child, you desired to be a mother. Please don’t excuse the beauty in that. Choosing to focus on life’s disappointments distracts us from accepting the miracles in life.”

Grace smiled as she reflected on that statement.

“The man that I was seeing at my job is the father. After I apologized to him for the STD scare, he ignored me big time. I later had to confront him about the pregnancy. He called me every belittling name that exists. My heart broke. I’ve never had someone disrespect me like that. What hurt me the most was when he told me that he was still married.”

“Oh no. Grace I’m so sorry.”

“He lied to me the whole time. He had me under the impression that he was divorced. That man was lying through his teeth. They may have been separated at some point in time. But he spilled the beans when I told him about the baby.”

“Wow. We’ve experienced a lot since our last session. So … what is your next step? How do you plan to overcome this?”

“First and foremost, I’m keeping my baby. I’m currently 16 weeks in gestation.”

Dr. Ann smiled like a proud parent.

“I’m not going to fight Ray to be in my child’s life. I’m going to trust God and, for once, I’m not going to try to fix my own pain.”

“Grace? Do you know what it sounds like to me? It sounds to me like you’ve figured out your own root issue.”

“Really? How is that?”

“Some people try to run from their pain through drugs, money, and relationships. There are several other things, but those are the most common. It seems to me like you have learned to hide your pain in the arms of men. Think about your life. You hated Craig for everything that he did to you and Kelly. You then began to hurt and try to ease the pain via different men. The pain from men was familiar to you. Now it’s time for you to experience love.”

“Love?” Grace laughed. “Love left my mom after 37 years of marriage,” she whispered in an effort to defuse the subject matter.

“Not everyone has the same experience in marriage. But that wasn’t the love that I was referring to. I was referring to loving yourself. Really loving yourself. Giving yourself permission to heal, so that you won’t hurt yourself like that again. When you lay down with men, you’re not laying down with them as a grown woman. You’re laying down with them as a hurt little girl. I’ve asked you before: will you allow that little girl to grow up? Allow her to experience love. You can find that love through Jesus Christ.”

“Wait. You’re a believer?” Grace’s eyes widened.

“Yes, and I know His love to be true. I’ve seen our growth. You have to learn how to trust Him with everything, even your pain.”

“I’ve given my life to Jesus. I go to church, and I pray often. I just don’t understand why I have to continue to be so broken. I thought my life would be different. I thought that I could actually change. But the more I try, the more I fail.”

“That’s all of the enemy’s lies. Don’t believe them for one second, Grace. Jesus died for our sins because none of us could ever be perfect. Trust God. Learn to really trust God. Don’t focus on your struggles. Whatever you put your energy toward will grow. Instead, focus on Jesus. Focus on His love, His mercy, His kindness, and His grace. That will make the difference. Don’t embrace who you were; embrace who you are becoming in Christ Jesus. You’re a new creature.”

Grace was uplifted and ready for the next part of her life. She couldn’t wait to get home to spend some quality time with God. For the first time in her life, she got it. She understood her Christian walk. She understood the blood of Jesus that covered a multitude of sins.

Chapter 18

Confrontation

The elevator door was closing and Grace dashed to stop it. Just as it was about to close shut, she put her leather tote bag between the door and the wall. Yes! Got it. It began to retreat open.

She rapidly entered the crowed elevator, then seconds later she couldn’t help but notice Ray standing near the rear. The packed elevator grew uncomfortable with tension. As people exited, the tension continued to grow thicker and thicker. Finally, Grace was stuck with two other people remaining on the elevator, a colleague who had an entry level position and Ray. She hoped that Ray would get off on another floor, but realized that he probably wished the same for her. The tension was agonizing. The elevator was moving so slowly, or so it felt. Ray eyes glanced at her stomach several times and she literally felt it like a knife. Enough was enough. Grace could no longer take the torture.

“Why don’t you just be a man and simply ask me?”

Ray wrinkled his forehead. He looked at the young colleague to evaluate her reaction.

“You’re such a coward. I saw you looking at my stomach to see if I’m showing. To answer your unasked question, no I didn’t have an abortion. I’m keeping my baby, and I don’t want anything from you.”

“Congratulation Grace. You finally got a bastard. Good luck with that.”

The blood in her body began to boil. Before she knew it, her handprint was left on the side on Ray’s face.

“You lunatic. You’re going to jail.”

The door opened and the young colleague escaped as quickly as possible. Grace could not believe what had transpired. Exposing her office sex scandal. Fire burned in Ray’s eyes with intimidation. Nevertheless, Grace stood boldly proclaiming the life of their unborn child as she placed her hand over her abdomen, not realizing that the elevator door was wide open to the whole office.

As Grace proceeded to her office, she saw the people whispering. I’m going to lose my job, she sighed, knowing that the company was strict on its code of conduct and no-dating policy. The fact that Ray was also married would not go over well with leadership, which always was concerned about the company’s morals.

The disappointment on Rachel’s face was too unbearable to look at. Grace passed her as if she didn’t see her. Everything that Grace worked so hard for was being thrown down the drain. Life didn’t make any sense and she felt that God wouldn’t cut her a break.

KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK. Grace didn’t answer.

“It’s me.” Rachel pushed the door open and closed it behind her.

“Can you lock my door, please?” Rachel turned and locked the door and began to pray silently in her head. She didn’t know the details of Grace’s pain, but knew that she needed help. She sat right next to Grace and held her hand.

“I thought things were going to get better. I’ve been praying, going to church, I even go to counseling. I just can’t seem to get my life together. I’m so broken.”

There was no reply. Rachel just sat and listened.

“I’m pregnant by Ray. We hooked up when I left for the conference. I knew it was a bad idea. I had just found out about my parents’ divorce, and how my dad had blamed my mother for my sister’s Kelly’s overdose. So I had some drinks and gave myself to Ray. It wasn’t the first time either. He knew my card. He knew my struggle.

“Men. When I told him about the baby, he then told me about his wife. Just think, I actually thought that he was divorced.” Grace laughed sarcastically. “I just want peace. That’s all that I want. I can’t live like this anymore. Every time I do things my way, I make things worse. God please help,” Grace pleaded.

“God hears you! Let it out.” Rachel leaned over and hugged her as she sobbed like a child.

“Okay, okay, I’m alright,” Grace said as she tried to convince herself to stop crying.

“I’m going to resign. I can’t continue to work here.”

Rachel looked at Grace with compassion.

“It’s time to go. I’m about to experience a new chapter in my life and I cannot work like this anymore.”

“What are you going to do?”

Grace smiled and became calm. “I don’t know. I’m going to live, I’m going to be a mom, and I’m going to learn to follow God from here on out.”

One year later

Chapter 19

New Beginnings

“Mom, I have to go. Kelly is fussing again. Her gums are still bothering her.” Grace handed Kelly her teething toy.

“Oh, I hate to hear her so upset. She’s feisty like you used to be.”

“Are you serious? There is no way that you can remember when I was a baby,” giggled Grace.

“Why, sure I can. A mother doesn’t forget. But anyway, I’m going to let you get back to baby Kelly. I just called to tell you that I’ve finished her blanket for the christening.”

“Aww. I can’t wait to see it. You’re such a great grandmother. Just don’t spoil my baby too much,” Grace instructed.

“Okay, well I’m going to go for real this time. That’s your father on the other end beeping in. We’re supposed to be going to dinner later.”

“You two are so cute. It’s good to see you guys back together. Tell him I said hello and I’ll see him soon.” Grace rocked Kelly trying to calm her down as she hung up the phone. The thought of her parents being together brought so much joy to her heart. Her life seemed perfect. For the first time in her life, she was truly happy. Happiness didn’t come through her career, a man, or material things. It came when she loved God and herself.

Kelly finally went to sleep. The sound of her snoring was like music to Grace’s ears. Her daughter was perfect and loved. As she slept, Grace began to thank God for her new life. Tears of joy fell upon her as she began to enter into worship. God’s grace and mercy was overwhelming. The presence of God filled the room.

Chapter 20

Restoration

Grace was out shopping for a satin white gown. Kelly’s baby dedication was only four days away and she couldn’t locate a christening gown anywhere. She wanted everything to be perfect. Invitations were sent to family and friends, requesting their presence. The occasion had to be perfect. Nevertheless, finding Kelly the perfect gown somehow escaped her mind. Grace was fully embracing her new season in life and was extremely excited to dedicate her baby girl back to God. She was determine to raise her in a godly home, with godly standards. Grace continued to shuffle through the clothes rack. Got it! Just as she was about to become further discouraged, she noticed a beautiful white satin gown that happened to be Kelly’s size.

Smiling from ear to ear, she was startled from the vibrating of her phone. Rachel was also looking for a gown. Grace couldn’t wait to share with her that the hunt was finally over.

Just as she was about to answer the phone, the lights from the ceiling reflected a glare on the screen. Without hesitation, she answered.

“Hello. Grace’s Promotion for You. How may I help you?”

“I’m sorry. Where did I just call?”

“You called a Promotional Product company. We specialize in customized products for small business needs. I’m the owner, Grace.”

“Wow, Gracey. I’m so proud of you.”

“Gracey? Who is this?” She began to walk slowly to the dressing room for more privacy. She was intrigued, no one called her Gracey but …Tim. The person on the other end of the phone had her undivided attention.

“Has it been that long? I’m hurt that you no longer recognize my voice.” Goose bumps covered her body. Her eyes slowly filled with tears.

“Tim?” He laughed and let out a sigh.

“Hello, my Gracey. So you left the company, huh?”

“Yes. Yes I did.” She was afraid to reveal exactly how much had changed in her life since they last spoke.

“How are you doing?” Tim could tell that she was caught off guard, but happy to hear from him.

“I’m well. Actually … I’m great. I’m a lot different now. But in a good way. I’m happier and more in tune with me.” Tim took a deep breath. He didn’t know what Grace was referring too.

“Awesome. I’m glad you’re happy now. I didn’t mean to intrude. I just wanted to check on you.”

Grace quickly interceded.               “Oh, no. You’re not intruding. I’m happy that you called. How are you?”

“I’m blessed beyond measure. Before we continue with this conversation, I just want to make sure that I’m being respectful. Are you seeing anyone? Are you married now?”

“No, not at all. I’m not married and I’m not seeing anyone but Jesus,” replied Grace as she began to laugh.

“Wait a minute. Grace, are you telling me that you’re saved now?”

Grace smiled as she stared at Kelly’s white gown. “That’s right, Tim. I’m serving God and that’s why I’m happy. His love for me changed my life. I hit rock bottom and got tired of being rejected by love. How could I be mad at my screwed-up relationships and the way that men treated me? I didn’t even love me yet.”

“Wow, Grace I’m really proud. I’m sorry that you had to go through so much. You’re a beautiful woman. Only a true man of God could love you the way that you needed to be loved. I remember you feeling as if I rejected you, too. That wasn’t the case at all. I was respecting you. You didn’t deserve how I use to treat you.

“I’ve done a lot of soul searching over these last couple of years. God has really changed me too. But no matter where God took me, I could never stop thinking about you.” Emotions filled the air waves. The distance between them began to close although they were more than six hundred miles away from each other.

“Things have changed so much for me. I appreciate you sharing that with me. But I’m not who I use to be. I’m a mother now. I have a daughter named Kelly. She’s seven months old.” Grace paused and braced herself for Tim’s response.

“Wow. So you’re a mom now. Congratulations. I’m so she’s as beautiful as you are. Wow, that’s pretty amazing. That was very honorable of you to name her after your sister.”

“You remembered my sister’s name?” She wiped her tears with the back of her hand. Grace was in total disbelief. The man she had given such a hard time actually paid attention to her and the stories of her life.

“Of course I remembered. I remember everything that we talked about. I’m sure that you’re a great mom. Her father must be very proud.” Grace closed her eyes and exhaled.

“Her father wants nothing to do with her. We used to work together and he had the whole office believing that he was divorced. We never saw her at any of the office functions. No one ever would have guessed that he was married. When I became pregnant, he told me everything. He was never divorced. He was as married as I was single and lonely. We were never in a relationship. We just …”

Tim interrupted. “It’s okay, Grace. I understand. He’s a coward. It’s his loss. Well, I can’t wait to meet this princess.”

Tears ran down her face like a stream. “You want to meet her?” Grace could not believe that Tim was still interested in her, even after finding out about Kelly.

“I’d like to. If it’s okay with you.” Tim seemed to be sincere and Grace trusted his intentions.

“I’d love that. I have a lot going on right now. Her baby dedication is in four days and I’m trying to plan for celebration after church. After that, I’ll be happy to catch up with you.”

“I miss you, Gracey.”

She lit up even more. It was clear that Tim wasn’t playing. He clearly wanted his point made. “I have to be honest with you. I really miss you too.”

“I need to see you, Gracey.” He cleared his throat, sounding vulnerable.

Grace did not know what to do. She wanted to see him too, but was not willing to put herself in any more compromising situations. She was proud of her celibacy and wanted to be extremely careful with her choices.

“Well … I know its short notice, but you’re welcome to join me at church for Kelly’s baby dedication. Don’t feel obligated in any way. I just want to extend the invite.”

“I’ll be there,” replied Tim before she could finish her sentence. “Text me all the details and I’ll make it happen.”

This was not at all what Grace was expecting. She was thrilled but still a little apprehensive.

TAP, TAP, TAP. .Someone was tapping on the dressing room door. “Is anyone in there?”

Grace unlocked the door, feeling awful. She hadn’t realized that she occupied the only dressing room. “I’m so sorry,” she said as she walked past the irritated older lady.

“Grace? Is everything okay?” She laughed and walked toward the checkout counter to purchase the gown.

“Everything is absolutely fine. I’ll text you that information now.”

“Perfect. Hey, Grace,” Tim called out before she dismissed the conversation.

“I love you!” Her mouth opened in shock. She had always desired to hear those three words from him.

Grace could hardly speak. She replied with a whisper “I love you too.”

Chapter 21

Sunday Bliss

The sun was shining bright and Grace could not wait to attend church. The parking lot attendant directed her into a close space, which she was beyond grateful for, especially because Kelly had fallen asleep. Often, going from the parking lot to the church doors posed a challenge as she carried the baby. Kelly’s car seat carrier seemed to weigh a ton, so she often decided not to carry it altogether.

As she unstrapped the car seat, she realized how much stuff she had to carry and became discouraged. Looking from side to side, no one that she invited was anywhere to be found. The satin blouse that she decided to wear caused her to sweat underneath her arm pits, leaving a noticeable wet stain. The pleasant day was turning sour.

Kelly was finally unstrapped. With no additional assistance, Grace chose to leave some items in the car for better maneuvering. She placed Kelly’s head on her shoulder and proceeded into the church. The cool air soothed her. The anxiety began to leave and the sweating ceased. As she approached the reserved seating for baby dedications, she smiled when she saw her parents sitting together, holding hands. Greeting both of them with a kiss, she took her seat beside them. Her heart filled with joy as several family and friends entered into the sanctuary. Kelly was being passed around from lap to lap. Everyone wanted to hold her during the special occasion.

The service began. As the hymns were being sung, Grace closed her eyes to savor the moment. For once, she felt like she was pleasing God with her life and her commitment.

“Amazing Grace shall always be my song of praise. For it was grace that bought my liberty. I do not know just why He came to love me so. He looked beyond my faults and saw my needs.” The congregation sang in unison.

Grace reflected on her spiritual journey while looking into Kelly’s eyes. She was extremely proud of how far she had come. With all of life’s twist and turns, she found confidence in Jesus’s love for her. The support for Kelly’s christening was overwhelming, although she hoped to see Tim there. He was nowhere to be found as she quickly skimmed the church. Disappointed and frustrated, she turned her attention back to Kelly.

The choir was singing its last selection and Grace joined in. She giggled as Kelly became very hyper from entertaining the person sitting behind her. As the song was about to end, Grace began to sit back onto the pew. That’s when she locked eyes with Tim, who had been playing with Kelly the whole time. Grace cried as he put his hand on her back. Everyone, including her parents, started to look at them. While still wondering who the mystery man was, it was obvious that Grace was delighted to have him there.

After church, everyone was laughing and enjoying food. It didn’t take long before the family knew who Tim was and how he felt about Grace. He mingled with Grace’s friends and family as if he’d known them for years. Kelly welcomed his presence and became instantly fond of him. Grace sat next to her mother and couldn’t help but notice how her father and Tim were interacting. Her life was turning into a dream. Everything seemed to be so perfect. Tim was gaining favor with her loved ones and every time she looked into his eyes, she could literally see the love that he had for her. Their past was rocky, but she believed that their new found love for each other was real.

Tim took Grace by the hand for everyone to see.

“Grace I’ve loved you for years and I don’t want to live another year without you being by my side. God has done a great work in us and I’d be honored to have you and Kelly in my life – you as my wife and Kelly as my daughter.”

She covered her mouth with her other hand as Tim knelt down onto one knee and pulled out a ring. “Grace, will you marry me?” The room was in shock.

“Go for it baby girl, you have my blessings,” announced her father as he became emotional.

“YES!” Grace replied, with assurance in her voice. Everyone clapped, even baby Kelly. Grace wasn’t naïve to the struggles that she would potentially face in their relationship. However, she was ready to embark on the next chapter of her life. She was ready to discover the other side of sex – love and marriage.

The End

About the Author

Who is Marita Kinney?

Marita L Kinney is an Amazon Best-Selling Author and a woman of many talents. A published Author, Life Coach and Motivational Speaker, Marita has inspired thousands of people to overcome adversity with triumph through faith and perseverance. While facing several life changing challenges herself, Marita had enough faith to conquer tribulations, coming out victorious. She is best known for her Christian Fiction novellas and heart felt inspirational books. Capturing the true essence of what it means to turn “lemons into lemonade”, she has taken the harsh lessons of life and developed a plan for successfully living. Marita is also wife of Comedian, Actor, and Saxophonist, Demoine Kinney. They are the proud parents of six children.

www.MaritaKinney.com

Follow me on twitter

@MaritaKinney

Books by Marita:

The Unspoken Walk

The Snow’s Meltdown

Don’t Rescue Me, God’s Molding…

Seed Of Discord

Sasha

Who Will Hold My Bags

Not Tonight, I’m Tired

Sex and a Cup of Coffee

How to Get a Man

Simply search for these titles on the Amazon website to find them.

MANY MORE….

Table of Contents

Copyright© 2014 by Marita Kinney.

Dedication

Introduction

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

About the Author

Books by Marita: