Companion

to

Guardian Angel

Book 1– The Garden

Cheryl A. Durham, Ph.D.

Donna Dozier, Editor

Copyright © 2013 Cheryl Durham

All rights reserved

Dedication

This volume is dedicated to my husband Barry who is the “best husband in the whole wide world” and without your unwavering love and support I could not do much.  I love you more than you can know.  With you, marriage is utopia, and it is the model for this work.

Table of Contents

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgments

To my fellow Travelers:

Notes for the Facilitator

Tools of Engagement

Session 1: First Things First

Session 2: Paradigm Shift

Session 3: The Genesis Paradigm

Session 4: Order and Purpose

Session 5: Alone

Session 6: The Guide

Session 7: Marriage by Design

Session 8: Failure

Session 9: Consequences

Session 10: Twisted

Session 11: Control Issues

Session 12: Family Legacy

Resource Pages

Facilitator’s Tools

Appendix I – Participants’ Guides for the Sessions

Session 1: First Things First

Session 2: Paradigm Shift

Session 3: The Genesis Paradigm

Session 4: Order and Purpose

Session 5: Alone

Session 6: The Guide

Session 7: Marriage by Design

Session 8: Failure

Session 9: Consequences

Session 10: Twisted

Session 11: Control Issues

Session 12: Family Legacy

Appendix 2 - Blank Templates

and Forms for Participants and Leaders

Participants’ Guide (Blank Form)

Dance Card Template

Appendix 3 - Resources and Websites

About the Author

Foreword

When I wrote Guardian Angel, I believed it contained significant revisions in the way the Christian world thought about the complementary roles of men and women within the Body. I tried my best to articulate those roles and to show that there is no threat to either party when we follow the patterns God designed from the beginning. But I am first and foremost a writer who explores, dissects, challenges and examines paradigm thinking and its implications. I am neither equipped nor gifted at application. I push the edges of our thought so that others might help us change our behavior. I am delighted to find that Cheryl has taken up the challenge to add what I could not – to help each reader of Guardian Angel become a practitioner of God’s design and enjoy all of the blessings God intended. She employs her gift for your benefit.

It is a great honor to know Cheryl and be involved in her passion to birth the truth of Scripture in real life relationships. She has not only been encouraging in her dedication to help us understand the Hebrew idea of the ‘ezer kenegdo in lived-out reality, but she has also personally given me incentive to continue to push the envelope of our typical cultural assumptions. Her lifetime of experiences in the trenches where men and women are struggling to put God’s design to work is an invaluable asset to those who really want change. Cheryl is a living example of the ‘ezer kenegdo. The Body is well served to listen to her wisdom.

It is my hope that this manual will become a living tool. Words on the page are simply words until they are absorbed into the daily actions of the individual and the community. Then the words come alive. And so Guardian Angel and Cheryl’s accompanying Counselor’s Companion to the Guardian Angel offer you the opportunity to discover how God’s word changes things – for the good.

Skip Moen

June 2013

Barcelona

Acknowledgments

Books are not written by individuals. They are written in collaboration. This volume, obviously, is no different. Without the assistance of many people, this book could not have been written. The common thread for my collaborators are the 2009 Ph.D. in Theology cohort at Master’s Theological Research Institute under the auspices of Master’s International School of Divinity, readers of Today’s Word and Living Truth, a network of ministries dedicated to the promotion of a Biblical Worldview.

First I have to acknowledge Skip Moen, the author of Guardian Angel, and our mentor and tutor at Master’s whose work, of course, is brilliant and deserves far more than merely worldwide attention. As the tutor of my Ph.D. cohort, colleague and mentor, he has motivated and encouraged me to write this volume and he constantly provides fodder for the writing of many more.

His teaching and dedication to his own call have been the inspiration for our cohort to leave the comfort of the pod and to go into the wilderness seeking “The Way”, while learning what it means to be “TOFYM” (Torah Observant Followers of Yeshua HaMashiach) in the 21st Century. The wilderness is aptly named, for while many are called, it has been our experience that not many of those called respond to that call.   Yet those little groups who choose to become TOFYM, find a profound sense of a living Yeshua when in community with other TOFYM, despite their global dispersion.

As a result of being drawn together virtually through Today’s Word and At God’s Table, the fellowship is sweet, and the stories plentiful. It is within these disparate, yet connecting stories that we hear G-d’s voice, and learn about Him and experience His community! And Because of that ministry, in many ways, that distance is transcended.

In addition, I need to acknowledge my friends and fellow Board Members of Living Truth, the agency that supports my Biblical Counseling practice and who are also fellow students of Dr. Moen’s 2009 Ph.D. Cohort.

Donna Dozier, without whose editing and artistic genius I cannot write, and whose friendship provides affirmation, inspiration, and encouragement to be bolder.

Roderick Logan, whose Biblical Counseling insights and clarity of thought over the last three years has inspired me to write and has helped me to wrestle with the concepts in Guardian Angel in an effort to move them from theological scholarship into the practical and relational ‘Dance’ that is the Biblical Facilitator’s domain. Roderick and I have developed the techniques you see in the workbook for use in both classroom (group) and counseling room (couple, individual) settings.

Finally to my students and participants -– whose patience with me as I worked through these concepts has been amazing -– may they be blessed for their forbearance and longsuffering with me.

Living Truth

March 2013

To my fellow Travelers:

This volume is written as a resource for those who seek a biblical framework as they disciple or counsel people in relationships.  Often it is difficult to take written concepts and make them real to the participants before us who often just want answers to their problems. It is in the LIVING out of the TRUTH revealed when grappling with the questions, that the healing comes.

While Guardian Angel is written to understand the design of the woman, it is written for the man.  Consequently, it is in the openness to, and participation in, a‘ Dance’ with a not-yet-developed choreography that will determine the success or failure of the endeavor. The difficulty is that the DANCERS must perform as a unity, even though the worldview that drives the concept is often foreign, and as you will see as you read through this workbook, communicating the new view will be the hardest task for the facilitator to accomplish.  The facilitator will have to be both a cultural interpreter and a choreographer of the ‘Dance’ that is the ideal relationship.  If the facilitator is a woman, she may have to overcome the same bias that the wife may have experienced in the relationship with her husband.  There will be relational challenges between the facilitator and the opposite-sex participant.  If it is possible for you to coordinate, couples working with couples works best.

Roderick Logan, of Oasis of Hope Biblical Counseling Center, a colleague and fellow member of my Ph.D. cohort, has worked with me on several occasions to apply the constructs in Guardian Angel.  We have together hashed out a few techniques that we have used in classes that we have taught.  We have also used them in cases we have shared. I am grateful for his insight and his help.

Skip Moen, of course, is the brilliant author of Guardian Angel.  His call has been the inspiration for our cohort to leave the comfort of the pew, and to go into the wilderness seeking some way to carve out what it means to be “TOFYM” (Torah Observant Followers of Yeshua Ha Mashiach) in the 21st Century.  While many are called, it has been our experience that not many of those called respond to the call.  There are groups of us dispersed across the globe; yet when a TOFYM  meets a TOFYM, there is a profound sense that Yeshua is there as well, and that each has been transcended.  The fellowship is sweet, and the stories plentiful.  It is within the stories that we hear G-d’s voice, and learn about Him and His ways!

As a believer, you will have your own story. It will weave together all that G-d has placed before you from your own life experiences, and along with it, the integration of the stories of those whom G-d has placed in your path.  Keep in mind that you are not there to dispense information; rather you are like the CHOREOGRAPHER, there to help guide your participants in the unique way  in  which they fit together and into the greater community; to help them “see” Yeshua in a way they did not see Him before.  The biblical text, as seen through the eyes of the first audiences, will help you to see G-d and to remember Him as always faithful to his people throughout the ages.  Use the stories to give you insight and wisdom as you hear the stories of your participants.  What will emerge is the choreography between G-d and His people, an intricate ‘Dance’ with a collective Hebraic life.  When you hear the stories, you will see G-d in His people, and you will find a rhythm that works just right for your practice; and the community from whom you learn even more.

As a facilitator, you are a disciple who is following the Master to disciple others (Matthew 28:19-20).  It is only in following the pattern that you will succeed.  Your job is to hear and obey (zakar), or to be the helper against (‘ezer kenegdo), depending on which gender you are, and the gender  of  the  person  in  front  of  you.  It is helpful,  in working with couples, if you have a person of the opposite sex that you can work with to provide a good example of balance.  I am always available through email or phone to answer questions or point out a resource.  My contact information is in the Appendices where you will also find additional resources that I have found along the way.

Baruch HaShem!

Cheryl

Notes for the Facilitator

One of the difficult things in trying a new paradigm for marriage is that people are often paradigm weary.  As Dr. Moen posits, there are so many marriage books claiming to be biblical, but none of them model what is actually in the text.  The Hebraic view will feel very strange, especially to couples who have experienced counseling before.

Before jumping into an entire new Hebraic Worldview, we need to understand what paradigm(s) undergird the current functioning of the Marriage.

Understanding the current paradigm will give the facilitator the tools necessary to apply the concepts in Guardian Angel in practical ways, using their paradigm as places to start to make changes in a somewhat orderly way.

Additionally, the facilitator will have identified relational trigger points that will help to show the difference between what the participant perceives as the biblical model (if they claim that, or have been taught it and rejected it) and the true Biblical model, and it will provide points of contact where practical exercises can be used to make and confirm the new paradigm; a more realistic model.

Understanding current paradigm issues will show where the couple is alike, and where they differ. This will be helpful in the exercises within the chapters, as the facilitator attempts to steer the couple toward each other and toward God. The facilitator provides the support necessary for the couple to adjust to the new paradigm.

Reading assignments may be interrupted for a few practice sessions, where the couple can practice doing what the new paradigm teaches. This will help the couple to understand how their current paradigm is either similar, or how it differs, and what adjustments need to be made in order to progress to the next reading assignments.

There will also be times when the facilitator may want to alter the exercise to fit the couple’s level of comprehension.  This workbook was originally written for use by the facilitator – therefore, the facilitator has flexibility to alter the program to fit the participants – but it can just as easily be used by couples working with couples, or even individuals who are willing to discard their paradigms and plumb the depths of the concepts presented in Guardian Angel?

This workbook is the beginning of an ongoing project. Companion to Guardian Angel is the result of three years of working with persons trying to apply the concepts of Guardian Angel to their marriages and family relationships, as well as using the concepts when engaging in new relationships. What emerges is a conversation, both with the text and those who enter into it.

As a fellow facilitator, I would appreciate feedback from you as to how you are using the workbook. Feel free to make suggestions for future additions or suggest interactive tools you would like to see developed.

I envision a website that can act as a sounding board, forum, news outlet and body of resources to help those who are using this text in their ministries or practices. I also envision other “companion” volumes for other types of ministries who would use Guardian Angel to encourage biblical relationships.

I look forward to interacting with all of you in the hope that we, as a community, can enable many persons to apply the biblical model, as taught in Guardian Angel, to their lives and relationships.

Tools of Engagement

These are the various tools we will use to measure the progress in the marriage. This is not meant to encapsulate or define what should or should not be; it is meant to remember what has transpired and what growth has been realized.  The assignments are tools that create the ‘Dance’ or the dynamic flow of the relationship.

Debriefing is essential for progress. The facilitator should be on the lookout for a lack of commitment (covenant) and the undermining of the work both overt and covert. If the Debrief reveals that these things are going on, then the facilitator will have to move back to the place where the covenant is broken. If the facilitator finds that the covenant is broken intentionally, sessions should be discontinued with the participants or at least with the one that has broken covenant until such time as he/she recommits. Individual counseling for the support of the one who wants to keep covenant is recommended.

Discovery is the identification of new paradigm concepts encountered in the process of reading the text. This tool builds the vocabulary of the new paradigm and gives the participant confidence in his/her adaptation to the new worldview.

Discussion is the ‘teaching’ segment of the session where the concepts are explained and discussed. Questions and or concerns are addressed by the facilitator in discussion before the assignments are given, and in debrief after the assignments are completed. Discussions on devotional readings and their relevance to paradigm concepts are handled here.

Distribution is the process of giving of assignments and/or resources which are intended to help the participant apply the concepts learned in discovery.

Diaries (both relational and individual) should be kept throughout the process to record thoughts and insights between sessions.

The Relational Diary records the day-to-day personal interpretation of the marriage relationship. It is ‘the Dance’ of the relationship. Thoughts or impressions of the ongoing dynamics between the husband and wife should be recorded daily or as often as possible. The Diary will bring to light conflicts, expectations and control mechanisms that might not otherwise be revealed.

The Personal Journal records the inner world of each participant in reaction to his/her world, as well as response to ‘the Dance’.  As in the relational journal, it will reveal issues that might not be consciously held or expressly stated.

Devotionals will occasionally be assigned as a segment in the weekly assignment that will help to deepen understanding of a concept. These are handled in the Discussion segment of the lesson, and can be used as tools for ‘the Dance’.

Pas de Deux – ‘The Dance’  In this exercise, the couple actually practices what is discovered in Guardian Angel, using the new paradigm boundaries.  This must be done in a safe environment with very strict boundaries until the couple begins to develop a pattern of dynamic encounter that is uniquely theirs.  The purpose of this tool is to show relational progress or problems. By debriefing the participants on their Dance experience, the facilitator will be able to see where there are power struggles, communication issues or other problems in their living out of the new paradigm.  Problems may surface that require the facilitator to adjust his/her own presentation or make clarifications where concepts may have been misunderstood. The ideal outcome is that the facilitator sees a gradual meshing of the relationship into a unity. Power struggles should be addressed immediately so as to minimize sabotage, deception or process regression.

Session 1: First Things First

The first session begins with debriefing and will include preliminary information. If the participant has not filled in paperwork before the session, the facilitator may use this time for the participants to complete the following preliminaries:

DEBRIEF

I. Relational History

Marital History

Marital Conflicts

Previous Marriage Counseling and results

II. Personal Medical History

Indicators for Mental or Physical issues that might affect counseling

Waivers, where necessary

III. Family History

Family of Origin

Current Family Structure

Family Medical History (as needed)

IV. Counseling Covenant

To process

To relationship

To payment

To attendance

DISCOVERY

For this section we want to draw the participants out to give us insight into their relational experiences; especially their attempts to iron out various difficulties or to resolve issues related to authority, power, gender roles, and expectations.

Some Questions:

What is your perception of "normal" roles for husband and wife?

What are your expectations for your marriage?

What are the points of friction in the relationship?

What is their usual pattern of resolving conflict?

What power struggles do you experience in the marriage?

On what do they center?

What expectations do you have for the facilitator and/or counseling process?

This is where the facilitator can voice his or her own expectations as to the completion of assignments, and to the adherence to the covenants addressed above.

DISCUSSION

Discuss any questions or concerns that come up as they relate to the above topics.

DISTRIBUTION

A. Distribute materials

B Give the first  reading assignment as pages 1-36.

C. Reiterate expectations for the next session.

Session 2: Paradigm Shift

DEBRIEF

Briefly talk about last week’s reading assignment and diaries, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary. Make sure participants have done the reading assignment. If not, have them either do it there or send them home to do it. You cannot continue unless they have read the Assignment (see Covenant). It may be helpful in some cases to have one partner read it to the other to keep the sessions on track and accountable. The facilitator will be able to detect  if one partner has a reading difficulty whereby, it might be a good exercise for one to read it to the other one aloud or to record the reading. However, it is important that the participants not be able to ‘shirk’ the work because this undermines the counseling efforts.

DISCUSSION

After Reading Genesis 1-3, recount the story of the Garden. Have participants summarize what they saw in the story. What seemed important? What stood out?

Ask participants to describe their traditional understanding or purpose of the story of Adam and Eve?

Some of the following can be used as prompts:

What is the purpose of marriage?

What does it mean to be a helper?

What was the main problem in the Garden?

What does it mean to be in the "image of God"?

How does their marriage reflect the "image of God"?

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over the Chapter’s main ideas regarding the following concepts:

Image of God

Helper

Roles/Responsibilities vs. Function

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages 37-57 The Genesis Paradigm for reading, and an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card

Unless there is open hostility in the relationship, ask the couple to sit down together and try to outline the various roles and responsibilities that they observe in their marriage. If they have a negative reaction to the experience, they are to journal that in their relationship/personal diaries. This is only an exercise of observation, cooperation and communication. There should be no power struggles. If there are, journal them.

Session 3: The Genesis Paradigm

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment: devotional, diaries and Dance Card, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific  questions as prompts for discussion:

What is the difference between image and purpose?

Have you ever heard of the concept of y'etzer?

How does that differ from what you've been taught?

In your opinion, what positives or negatives to relationship with God and others changes with the y'etzer concept.

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages 58-75 Order and Purpose for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card

Have the participants practice identifying the concepts of rule, authority, responsibility and choice. Have them spend time together talking about their observations. Have them record their impressions of their time together in their Relational and Personal Diaries.

Unless there is open hostility in the relationship, give the couple a practical exercise that allows them to interact with what they have learned. There are suggestions on the Tools page for each Guardian Angel Chapter and there will be updates on the website and in the forums. If they have a negative reaction to the experience, they are to journal that in their relationship/personal diaries. This is only an exercise of observation and communication. There should be no power struggles however, if there are, have the couple record the reactions in their journals.

Session 4: Order and Purpose

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment, devotional, diaries and Dance Card noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific questions as prompts for discussion:

What is the difference between image and purpose?

Have you ever heard of the concept of Y'etzer?

How does that differ from what you've been taught?

What positives or negatives to relationship with God and others might change with the y'etzer concept.

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages 76-96, Alone for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary:

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary:

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card:

Have the participants practice identifying the concepts of rule, authority, responsibility and choice. Have them spend time together talking about their observations. Have them record their impressions of their time together in their Relational and Personal Diaries.

Session 5: Alone

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment, devotional, diaries and Dance Card noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific questions as prompts for discussion:

What is the concept of ish and ishsha?

Why is that different than two individuals?

Why was it necessary for Adam to have a helper?

What kind of ‘help’ did Adam need?

How does Adam’s helper parallel God’s help?

How is it different?

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages 97-115, The Guide for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary:

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary:

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card:

In this exercise the couple will play a game that they may be familiar with. The name of the game is “charades”. Typically, one person ‘acts out’ the description of a noun that the rest of the people try to guess. In this instance, the couple will act out the actions of various concepts from the lesson. The couple can pick their own or the facilitator can give them terms that need to be practiced. This exercise helps the couple associate the ‘actions’ of the concept with its name and allows them to better apply the Hebraic understanding of the terms.

Session 6: The Guide

"We are to bring about the restoration of that union by an exclusive relationship that reunites that single union." (Guardian Angel, 117)

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment, devotional, diaries and Dance Card noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific questions as prompts for discussion:

What is the action for the term ezer kenegdo?

How does this role ‘help’ Adam?

How does this fit with the traditional Christian view?

Discuss the Applications on pages 112-115.

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages Marriage by Design, 116-134, for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary:

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary:

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card:

Session 7: Marriage by Design

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment: devotional, diaries and Dance Card, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific  questions as prompts for discussion:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages 134-171 Failure, for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card

Have the participants practice identifying the concepts learned this week. Have them spend time together talking about their observations. Have them record their impressions of their time together in their Relational and Personal Diaries.  Add a specific activity if relevant.

Session 8: Failure

"After eating from the tree, man's innate sense of moral false to concepts of good and evil." (Guardian Angel, 135)

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment: devotional, diaries and Dance Card, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific  questions as prompts for discussion:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages 172-183, Consequences for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card

Have the participants practice identifying the concepts learned this week. Have them spend time together talking about their observations. Have them record their impressions of their time together in their Relational and Personal

Diaries.

Add a specific activity if relevant.

Session 9: Consequences

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment: devotional, diaries and Dance Card, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific  questions as prompts for discussion:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages184-193, Twisted, for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card

Have the participants practice identifying the concepts learned this week. Have them spend time together talking about their observations. Have them record their impressions of their time together in their Relational and Personal Diaries.

Add a specific activity if relevant.

Session 10: Twisted

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment: devotional, diaries and Dance Card, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific  questions as prompts for discussion:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages 194-200, Control Issues, for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card

Have the participants practice identifying the concepts learned this week. Have them spend time together talking about their observations. Have them record their impressions of their time together in their Relational and Personal Diaries.  Add a specific activity if relevant.

Session 11: Control Issues

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment: devotional, diaries and Dance Card, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific  questions as prompts for discussion:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

DISCOVERY

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

DISTRIBUTION

Assign pages 201-212, Family Legacy, for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card

Have the participants practice identifying the concepts learned this week. Have them spend time together talking about their observations. Have them record their impressions of their time together in their Relational and Personal Diaries.

Add a specific activity if relevant.

Session 12: Family Legacy

DEBRIEF

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment: devotional, diaries and Dance Card, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary.

DISCUSSION

How has Guardian Angel impacted their marriage? Encourage them to continue to Dance, practicing what they have learned. Also, you may share resources with them that will enable them to connect with others on this journey, and to help others by sharing what they’ve learned.

What happens next? Let them know that there is another series that takes the concepts they have learned and applies them to the writings of the Apostle Paul. Paul’s writings have been the source of many misunderstandings in the way biblical marriages and gender roles specifically are handled in the Church. Applying what they have learned to Paul’s letters will have life changing effects. If the couple is interested, schedule their next meeting, if they want to think it over, have them call you within a week to 10 days.

..

Resource Pages

Guide to Guardian Angel

Seminar Outline:  “Theory and Practice”

How It’s Supposed to Work

The role of the ‘ezer kenegdo

zakar  and neqevah

Blessed and Blessing

Why It Doesn’t Work

Usurping power

Failure to listen

Unrecognized assignments

Disconnected from God’s perspective

Revenge

Apathy

Replacement

Now What Do We Do - New Paradigm Boundaries

Open discussion of roles

Letting go of tradition

Listening

Forgiveness

Alignment

Intimacy – with God and my partner

New covenant – the standard

Together or not at all

Glue

No matter what

Faltering progress

Remove criticism – offering blessing

How can I bless you today?

How can I act as God’s blessing for you  today?

How does my attitude bless you?

How do my actions bless you?

How do I draw so close to God that my presence blesses you?

Notes

Facilitator’s Tools

I. Debrief:

Briefly, talk about last week’s reading assignment: devotional, diaries and Dance Card, noting any significant changes or problems. Backtrack or distribute extra resources where necessary. Make sure participants have done the reading assignment. If not, have them either do it there or send them home to do it. You cannot continue unless they have read the Assignment (see Covenant).

Discuss:

What important concepts and issues did the Reading Assignment raise? Have participants verbally summarize which ones they noticed. What seemed important? What stood out? Did they change their mind about any particular issue because of what they read? Why or why not?

Ask participant to describe their traditional understanding (if any) of the concepts raised.

Use participant-specific  questions as prompts for discussion:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

Discovery:

After the discussion, go over any misunderstood content.

Distribute:

Assign the next Chapter for reading and add an optional devotional from the Resource pages if relevant. Add additional diary emphases if you have concerns from the Debrief.

Relational Diary

Have participants keep a relational diary of their relational experiences throughout the week. Have them note their feelings, reactions, or thoughts that emerge when they interact with their spouse.

Personal Diary

Have participants keep a personal diary to record significant thoughts and feelings that emerge between sessions, noting specific expectations in regard to their world and their interactions with others.

Have participants note any points of friction that they encounter. Have them write down how they are thinking or feeling about those moments.

Dance Card

Have the participants practice identifying the concepts learned this week. Have them spend time together talking about their observations. Have them record their impressions of their time together in their Relational and Personal Diaries.  Add a specific activity if relevant.

Unless there is open hostility in the relationship, give the couple a practical exercise that allows them to interact with what they have learned. There are suggestions on the Tools page for each Guardian Angel chapter, and there will be updates on the website and in the forums. If they have a negative reaction to the experience, they are to journal that in their relationship/personal diaries. This is only an exercise of observation and communication. There should be no power struggles however, if there are, have the couple record the reactions in their journals.

Appendix I – Participants’ Guides for the Sessions

Session 1: First Things First

For this session  we want to get some  insight into your relational experiences; especially  any attempts to iron out various difficulties or to resolve issues related to authority, power, gender roles, and expectations.

Some Questions:

What is your perception of "normal" roles for husband and wife?

What are your expectations for your marriage?

What are the points of friction in the relationship?

What is your usual pattern of resolving conflict?

What power struggles do you experience in the marriage?

On what do they center?

What expectations do you have for the facilitator and/or this discovery process?

Session 2: Paradigm Shift

“After 1800 years the paradigm of the Western view of women is really broken. It's time to rethink our world...”  (Guardian Angel, 31)

Read Guardian Angel pages 1-36

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant.

I. Formulate Questions

While reading the section, try to formulate questions that you can ask your participants that will draw them out. For example:

What has been your experience with marriage counseling?

Have you tried counseling before? What was it like?

If you have tried to address marriage problems   based only on information you obtained in a group from pastors or teachers, how successful was that outcome?

II. Discussion:

For this section we want to draw the participants out to tell us about their experiences within their relationship; especially their attempts to iron out various difficulties or to resolve issues related to authority, power, gender roles, and expectations.

The Concepts that we will discuss are:

Paradigm

What is it?

Do I have one?

What is my paradigm?

‘Normal’ roles for husband and wife.

What are their stated expectations?

Are there unstated or implied ones?

What are the perceived points of friction in the relationship?

What is their normal method for resolving conflict?

What are the power struggles that they experience in their marriage?

Overt or covert?

On what do they center?

Session 3: The Genesis Paradigm

"When we examine the original text we find an ordered existence that defines the great questions of life within the Hebraic biblical paradigm.” (Guardian Angel, 43)

Read Guardian Angel pages 37-57

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant

I. Formulate Questions

While reading the section, try to formulate questions that you can ask your participants that will draw them out. Try to tailor your questions to their specific situations Be creative!

Use examples from last week’s Diaries and Dance Card to personalize their experience.

II. Discussion: Identity, purpose, choice

The difference between the Greek and the Hebrew concepts of  ‘Identity’ is a big issue.  This chapter begins to unpack the difference in the idea of ‘image’ in Greek, as a static replica of the original, versus the idea of ‘image’ in Hebrew, that is the fulfillment of purpose. In the Hebraic view, to be human is act not merely to exist as a homo sapiens, as the Greeks view it.

III. Questions to Ask:

What is the difference between image and purpose?

Have you ever heard of the concept of Y'etzer?

How does that differ from what you have been taught?

What positives or negatives to relationship with God and others might change with the y'etzer concept.

The Concepts :

radah

Y'etzer ha rah

Y'etzer ha tov

Assignments/Tools

Diaries:

Devotional:

Dance Card:

Additional Resources:

http://skipmoen.com/tag/radah/

http://skipmoen.com/2009/06/22/the-will-to-power/

http://skipmoen.com/tag/yetzer-hara/

Session 4: Order and Purpose

"Are you beginning to see why God chose Hebrew?" (Guardian Angel, 69)

Read Guardian Angel pages 58-75

I. Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

II. Discussion:

Pay close attention to the following concepts:

What is the difference between image and purpose?

Have you ever heard of the concept of Y'etzer?

How does that differ from what you've been taught?

What positives or negatives to relationship with God and others might change with the y'etzer concept.

III. Tools to Use:

Write Instructions Here:

Diaries

Dance Cards

Session 5: Alone

"It is never good for a man to be manifested by himself." (Guardian Angel, 79)

Read Guardian Angel pages 76-96

I. Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

II. Discussion:

Pay close attention to the following concepts:

Adam’s relationship to animals

Adam’s need

What kind of ‘help’ does God give?

III. Tools to Use:

Diaries

Dance Card

Session 6: The Guide

"The Christian world has almost universally misunderstood the concept of the ‘ezer." (Guardian Angel, 104)

Read Guardian Angel pages 97-115

I. Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

II. Discussion:

Pay close attention to the following concepts:

Adam’s relationship to animals

Adam’s need

What kind of ‘help’ does God give?

III. Tools to Use:

Diaries:

Devotional:

Dance Cards:

Session 7: Marriage by Design

Read pages 116-133 of Guardian Angel

Formulate Questions:

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

Discussion:

Be ready to discuss the following topics:

1.       Genesis 2:24- the concept of ‘leave and cleave’ and ‘one flesh’

2.       The concept of unity and oneness (John 17)

3.       What ‘yoked’ means

4.       Covenant imagery in marriage (Eden) and with               Abraham

5.       The gift of the ezer Kenegdo

6.       The role each individual plays in the whole (ish, and             isha)

7.       The role of responsibility in appropriating God’s           gifts.

III. Tools:

Diaries

Dance Card

Session 8: Failure

"After eating from the tree, man's innate sense of moral false to concepts of good and evil." (Guardian Angel, 135)

Read Guardian Angel pages 134-171

I. Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

II. Discussion:

Pay close attention to the following concepts:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

III. Tools to Use:

Diaries:

Devotional:

Dance Cards:

Session 9: Consequences

"Adam and his wife thought they could be superhuman, instead they just discovered they were naked."  (Page 172)

Read Guardian Angel pages 172-183

I. Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

II. Discussion:

Pay close attention to the following concepts:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

III. Tools to Use:

Diaries:

Devotional:

Dance Cards:

Session 10: Twisted

"The story of the Fall twists many words associated with a relationships with the Lord.” (Guardian Angel, 183)

Read Guardian Angel pages 184-193

I. Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

II. Discussion:

Pay close attention to the following concepts:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

III. Tools to Use:

Diaries:

Devotional:

Dance Cards:

Session 11: Control Issues

"Once we understand the strange character of this statement, we will gain insight into one of the basic conflicts affecting every human being.”  (Guardian Angel, 196)

Read Guardian Angel pages 194-200

I. Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

II. Discussion:

Pay close attention to the following concepts:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

III. Tools to Use:

Diaries:

Devotional:

Dance Cards:

Session 12: Family Legacy

"The end result of shattered relationships in a broken world is the reign of self-willed desire.” (Guardian Angel, 205)

Read Guardian Angel pages 201-212

I. Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

III. Tools to Use:

Diaries:

Devotional:

Dance Cards:

Appendix 2 - Blank Templates

and Forms for Participants and Leaders

Participants’ Guide (Blank Form)

Read Guardian Angel pages ______:

I.  Formulate Questions

Take notes on concepts or points that are confusing or significant. Write down questions that you would like to discuss in session.

II. Discussion:

Pay close attention to the following concepts:

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

______________________________________?

III. Tools to Use:

Diary:

Devotional:

Dance Card:

Dance Card Template

Each Dance Card should use a concept that is either new or one that needs more practice. The facilitator can choose from the selections found in the Seminar Notes, or one that has surfaced from the debriefing sessions.

Each exercise should have the following components:

Open discussion of boundaries for the exercise

Setting aside the traditional views or assumptions

Active Listening

Practicing the new Concepts (through reading or ‘c’ above)

Paradigm Alignment by adjusting to the new boundaries.

Record Impressions of new intimacy with God and my partner (Diaries)

Appendix 3 - Resources and Websites

Website Resources for Lessons:

Skipmoen.com – you can type any term in the search box and it will draw all of Skip’s posts for that term. This is helpful for extra work to understand a concept or use it for Devotionals in the Lessons.

Blueletterbible.org - this is a comprehensive site with all kinds of tools for understanding the text. Use it for yourself or your participants.

http://skipmoen.com/about/recommended-reading-list/ - you can find an entire library of links here for study. Do not forget to take advantage of the 30 Days to a Hebrew Worldview email list. You can also subscribe to Today’s Word, which will link you to a worldwide community of TOFYM.

Drcdurham.com-

A website being developed for more resources and upcoming volumes as well as forums, interactives and information on these topics.

About the Author

Cheryl is a wife, mother, grandmother, entrepreneur and author. She has been a Biblical Facilitator since 1996, and is currently on the Board of Trustees of Living Truth serving as Board Liaison to Ministries.  You can contact Cheryl by email: Cheryl@livingtruth.us

She has a Master’s degree in Biblical Counseling, and a Doctor of Biblical Studies  in Contemporary Apologetics and Theology and a Ph.D. in Judeo-Christian Theology under the direction of Skip Moen from the Master’s Theological Research Institute where she is also on staff.  Her website and virtual classroom can be found at www.livingtruthnetwork.com where Biblical Facilitators and distance learning students can find resources and encouragement.

Table of Contents

Copyright

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgments

To my fellow Travelers:

Notes for the Facilitator

Tools of Engagement

Session 1: First Things First

Session 2: Paradigm Shift

Session 3: The Genesis Paradigm

Session 4: Order and Purpose

Session 5: Alone

Session 6: The Guide

Session 7: Marriage by Design

Session 8: Failure

Session 9: Consequences

Session 10: Twisted

Session 11: Control Issues

Session 12: Family Legacy

Resource Pages

Facilitator’s Tools

Appendices

About the Author